


Beautiful Life

by LeighKelly



Series: Annie-verse [7]
Category: Glee
Genre: F/F, Family, Friendship, Mother-Daughter Relationship, Motherhood, Pregnancy, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-16
Updated: 2015-09-16
Packaged: 2018-04-21 00:19:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 57
Words: 434,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4807739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeighKelly/pseuds/LeighKelly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Three years after the emotionally tumultuous first year of their marriage (and of their unexpected daughter's life) Santana and Brittany have realized that with love, anything is possible. Watch as the two of them and their four year old daughter Annie take on their little corner of the world. Sequel to Finding the Way Back, but can be read on it's own.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Under the Rainbow

**Author's Note:**

> This story begins three years after the end of Finding the Way Back, in August, 2033, where Annalise is four years old.

Almost eight years ago, laying helpless in a hospital bed, I'd resigned myself to the idea that the rest of my life was going to be terrible. The worst had just happened to me, I felt completely alone, and the only thing I had for comfort was alcohol. Three years later, the only woman I'd ever loved came unexpectedly back into my life, her own tragedy still fresh, a baby neither of us expected on the way. Somehow, reconnected by unfortunate circumstances and bound forever by the deepest love, Brittany, my best friend, turned lover, and after her return, turned wife, myself, and the beautiful little girl she'd given birth to, the daughter I'd  _never_ expected in the darkest hours of my life, became a family. In creating that family, the family I'd long given up on having for myself, the terrible life I believed was meant for me quickly became something entirely different. With the help of my amazing wife, and the child so new to the world, I'd learned that just because horrible things happen, doesn't mean _everything_ had to be that way, and somehow, by loving deeply and  _being_ loved, even the hardest things don't have to be so hard. Once I'd figured that out was when everything changed, when the three of us, so full of love for each other, began our journey towards something amazing, this imperfect, yet beautiful life that I never, in my wildest dreams, could have imagined.

_Tap-tap, tap-tap, tap-tap, tap-tap_. The strange dream I'd been having was interrupted by a soft tapping sound. When I finally came to my senses, I realized that I was no longer in the middle of a meadow that oddly resembled the one from  _Bambi_ , I was on a mattress on the floor in the middle of our Gramercy apartment. I could feel the warm weight of my wife's hand that had somehow flung itself across my chest as we slept, I could hear the cadence of her breathing, a tell-tale sign that she'd been woken up by the tapping sound as well. The noise got closer, then stopped, then started up again, and before I could open my eyes, I heard a giggled  _oops_  and felt twenty-seven pounds of long limbs and blonde hair tumble down on top of me.

"Sorry, Mamí, I slipped." The little voice squeaked earnestly, and I opened my eyes to see tiny blue ones level with mine. I bit my lip, struggling to keep a grin from cracking across my face, knowing that the four year old who'd fallen on top of me was already sensitive about her clumsiness. Without looking, I could  _feel_ my wife fighting the laugher inside of her by the shaking of her palm against my skin, knowing that even though it embarrassed our daughter,  _we_ thought it was so adorably sweet.

"It's okay that you slipped,  _mija_ , but what's the rule about tap shoes in the morning?" I couldn't help but gather my daughter in my arms and hug her close to me, kissing her little forehead and rubbing our noses together.

"I didn't break the rule,  _promise!_ " She protested, and the woman beside me had given up pretending not to laugh, knowing how just one word from our Annalise could effect me so much, but still hadn't opened her eyes. "There  _is_ a seven on the kitchen clock,  _look!"_

I pulled myself into a sitting position, still holding the small child in my lap. Squinting so I could see the clock in the distance, I shook my head when the red numbers revealed that it was 6:12, and _probably_ had read 6:07 when my clever little girl decided to put her tap shoes on

"Remember, Annie, the seven has to be the  _first_ number. We don't want to wake up Mama when she needs to get her rest." I told her, using my fingers to comb her hair out of her face. Before the words had even left my lips, I heard a strangled snort come from the  _not-_ sleeping love of my life, knowing full well that  _I_ was the one who needed the sleep, and I grinned at Annie, an idea coming to mind. " _But,_ I think that since today is a really special day, Mama should be woken up in a  _really_ special way. Are you ready?"

Annie nodded solemnly, as if being given a very important direction, and before my beautiful wife could react, the two of us began ticking her everywhere. Riotous laugher erupted throughout the apartment from all three of us (which I  _knew_ the neighbors would complain about, one of the  _many_ reasons we were laying on a mattress on the floor,  _not_ in an actual bed, we had completely outgrown the apartment that had held the three of us for just over four years), and at some point, my eyes caught Brittany's and we turned the tickling on our four year old bundle of energy.

"Mercy Mama! Mercy Mamí!" Annie cried out, and the two of us ceased our tickling and began to pepper her with kisses.

Once we'd finished our attack, Brittany pulled off Annie's tap shoes and hugged her close, smelling the lavender smell of the baby shampoo that we still used in her shoulder length blonde hair and savoring the feeling of a blissful Sunday morning in bed. As was typical, I couldn't help but feel a swell within my heart as I looked over at the two beautiful girls, the younger one nearly a clone of the woman who'd given birth to her, both of whom I loved with everything in me. With Annie snuggled against her Mama, the two of them having already giggled out their good mornings, Brittany's eyes caught mine again, and like she had since we were twelve years old, she knew every single thought that ran through my head. She knew that I was looking at them like they'd hung the moon, and I smiled, leaning over to finally kiss my wife good morning.

"Morning, babe." I told her before pulling my forehead away from hers.

" _Early_ morning." She corrected, shaking her head with a chuckle.

"Every day." I squeezed Annie's foot, which had dug itself into my side, not actually minding being woken up by the same noises day in and day out.

"Hey, sunshine." Brittany murmured into blonde hair, but not breaking her eye contact with me. "Why don't you go put on the dress I laid out for you last night, and then bring your brush in here so Mamí can do your hair. We'll go have an early breakfast at Cosmo's Diner before everyone else gets here."

"Really, Mama?" Annie bounced up excitedly, running out of the room before either of us could say another world. I yawned and laid back down, knowing Britt's suggestion would buy us at least another ten minutes of rest.

"Still glad you bought her those tap shoes?" Brittany smirked, snuggling close to me and laying her head on my chest.

"You know Britt, even if we have to hear those things all day every day for the rest of our lives, I don't regret it. After she heard those tap dancers at your studio and said ' _that's the most wonderfulest noise in the whole wide world,'_ how could I not have bought her a pair?"

"Yeah, I know. If you hadn't stopped to pick them up,  _I_ would have on the way home. We're lucky she never asks for much, you know that, right?"

"I do. If she  _did,_ we'd probably have to move to an even  _bigger_ place." I laughed.

"I don't know, I think this one is big enough for a  _long_ time." Brittany looked up at me seriously, and then smiled. "Are you excited to move in today?"

"Really excited. It's weird too, I moved in here when I was twenty-two, it's where we rekindled our love, it's where we brought Annie home from the hospital, it's where the first four years of the rest our lives happened. But still, our new house is  _so_ awesome!"

"It is!" She leaned up to kiss me excitedly, and then furrowed her brows. "Do you think Annie is going to do okay with the move?"

The thing about Annie, amazing little girl that she is, was that she had some (despite my resistance towards labeling  _anything_ ) special needs. Born at less than thirty weeks, she'd spent nearly two months in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit upon her unexpected arrival, and Brittany and I had spent a good deal of the first two years of her life anticipating what was to come. Just before her second birthday, we'd finally had her evaluated by an early intervention specialist, and from that, we learned of her struggle with transition (despite the turmoil that had occurred during the first year of Annie's life, we  _always_ kept things as consistent as possible for her), her occasional struggle with handing intense emotions (although Brittany joked that she'dsimply telepathically inherited that from me), and some delayed motor skill development (she'd been nearly one before she crawled, and when we'd gotten her evaluated, she'd hardly began walking).  _On the bright side,_ the evaluator had said, her language skills were above age level, and her auditory processing was right where it should be.

We didn't panic (proof that I  _was_ growing out of my aversion to intense emotions), especially after preparing ourselves for the worst and hoping for the best, instead we took her to physical and occupational therapy twice a week to help her catch up, and held her back from starting preschool for a year. The latter was something that Brittany insisted on even stronger than I had, having struggled herself throughout school, and I  _completely_ understood why she'd rather her keep her back a year than have her subjected to the same teasing that she'd suffered (and I'd physically harmed people for). We knew she'd be better off spending an extra year with us and her therapists, getting the one on one attention that would help her thrive. Despite her setbacks though, our Annalise was clever, funny, and gifted with seeing the world in her own special way. Sure, she'd probably never be a dancer like her Mama ( _I_ joked that she'd inherited her Uncle Finn's two left feet, we  _had_ to have a sense of humor about things) and she might need some extra help for a while, but our confidence that she'd succeed never wavered.

"I think she'll be okay, honestly. We've been there every day for two weeks watching the renovations finish and unpacking things, and she's  _beyond_ excited for her  _Wizard of Oz_ bedroom. I mean, we've done exactly what her OT told us to, and even if it takes her time to adjust, she  _will_ , she always does."

"You're right." She nuzzled my neck and I ran my hands through her hair. "I love you, San."

"And I love you, Britt. I guess we should  _probably_ get up before  _someone_ comes back in here ready to go get her waffles and hot chocolate. But I can't  _wait_ to christen our new bedroom tonight."

* * *

Once we'd come home from breakfast and packed the last of our things, I sat with Brittany and Annie on the floor reading our latest chapter of  _Little House in the Big Woods_ out loud. It was something we'd started once Annie was old enough to understand chapter books, reading a chapter before bed each night, or whenever the three of us were together and had nothing else that needed to be done. The  _Little House_ books had been Britt's idea, since  _her_ mom read them to her and her sister Lizzie when they were kids, and she was  _shocked_ that I'd never read them, but I was  _thoroughly_ enjoying the story so far, and Annie had become completely taken by it. Just when Laura and Mary finished making snow angels (and Annie wanted to count the days from August until snow) the doorbell rang and Annie jumped up and ran to the door.

"Who is it?" She cried out, bouncing up and down on her toes.

"Guess!" The deep voice behind the door called out, and a tiny laugh from the other side punctuated it.

"It's you, Uncle Finn, with Auntia Rachel and Brice! Mamí, open up the door for them!" I walked towards Annie, smiling that she  _still_ combined the English and Spanish words for  _aunt,_ and she stood back as I swung the door open for my best friends and their two and a half year old son.

"Good morning, my favorite little lady." Finn grinned as he set Brice down and Annie launched herself full force into his arms.

Immediately, Brice toddled over towards Brittany, having been completely in love with her since the day he was born. She picked him up, kissing his pudgy toddler belly, and carried him over to me so I could steal some kisses too. I  _adored_ that little boy, and had absolutely no hesitations admitting it, even though I  _constantly_ teased Finn for allowing Rachel to name him after her  _Funny Girl_ idol, Fanny Brice. He'd been born ten months after his parents were married, eighteen months after Annie, and though I  _did_ sometimes get nervous that he was nearly as big as my daughter and had a tendency toward throwing all of his weight into her with his hugs (his mom  _was_ Rachel Berry-Hudson and he  _had_ inherited her predilection for extreme emotional outbursts) he was my godson and the first child I'd ever loved besides my own.

"S'tana." He lisped, wrapping his chubby arms around my neck from Brittany's arms. "We moving today."

"Oh  _chiquito,_ you're not moving, just me, Aunt Brittany and Annie."

"Why?" He asked, his face turning into a frown. Rachel smiled at me, remembering how hard of a time I'd had figuring out the right things to say during Annie's  _why?_ phase.

"Well, I think Mommy and Daddy want you to stay with them."

"Hmmm." He put two of his fingers in his mouth, thinking. "They come too!"

"But what about your spaceship bed, Brice, and all of your toys?" Brittany cut in, knowing I'd probably start talking myself in circles. "I don't think we have room for all of that at our new house."

"Bricey!" Annie piped up from Finn's arms, another one who was good at diffusing situations. "You can come have a sleepover in my new room soon, right, Auntia Rachel?"

"Once you're all settled in and your moms say that it's okay, I think that's a great idea."

"Sounds good to me." I told Rachel, not even needing to confirm with Brittany. She was  _always_ more than willing to take on an extra kid for the weekend and I looked back at Brice. "Soon, okay?"

"Mmkay, soon!" He shrieked excitedly with an emphatic nod of his moppy dark head.

Kurt and Blaine, fresh off of their honeymoon in Naples, chose that exact moment to walk into through the still open door of the apartment, and I expected Kurt to immediately have something to say about  _another_ baby having me wrapped around their finger. Instead, he just told Annie how  _absolutely fabulous_ she looked, causing her to blush profusely and bury her head in Finn's chest, before snatching his nephew out of Brittany's arms.

"Guys." Blaine said, looking around the room. "You have like four boxes here and the old mattresses that need to go out to the curb. You're aware that really doesn't take six adults to move, right?"

"We know." I turned to him, rolling my eyes. "We're pretty much all moved in on Sullivan, we just kind of wanted you all here one last time since there are all kinds of memories in this apartment. Shut up, Kurt."

"I didn't even-" He started, a gleam in his eyes.

"I know, but you were going to."

Annie climbed down from Finn's arms and up into mine as they all started talking over each other about memories, both good and bad (I did  _not_ remember that I'd once threatened to throw Kurt off the fire escape, although, drunk or sober, it  _does_ sound believable that the old me would have said something like that), and Britt wrapped her arms around me from behind, her head resting on my shoulder. It was the beginning of yet another chapter in our lives, and there was something so bittersweet about the goodbye. Once Finn and Blaine carried our old mattresses down to the curb and we loaded our remaining boxes into the back of the Hudson's Range Rover, we told everyone we'd meet them at the new house in half an hour. One last time, we walked around the apartment that had been the first Lopez-Pierce home, Annie walking between us with Milky Way, her prized possession, the stuffed unicorn that had once been Brittany's, in her arms.

It was a strange sort of feeling, seeing the marks we'd made on the place over time. When Annie skipped (and stumbled over the door jam) into the kitchen, tap shoes clicking each time her feet touched the floor, Brittany squeezed my hand looking at the burn mark that had never quite faded on the stove after I'd left the pasta on for an hour the night I'd found out Ryan Davis was in jail. I turned away quickly, content to leave that one buried in the past. There were the scuffs Annie's highchair had left when we'd pushed it back against the wall, the patched up hole in the living room wall from where Brittany had put her foot through trying to show me that she could still kick as high she could as in high school, red crayon lines (washable my ass, I'd definitely spent an hour on the phone with Crayola after  _that_ ) above where the couch used to be, pencil ticks in Annie's doorframe, marking her height every six months, dents our headboard had made in the window frame (I wonder  _how_ that could have happened) all signs for the next tenant of the people who'd come before. We'd lived in that apartment, all three of us nearly on top of each other, and we'd lived well. Grabbing Brittany's hand, we stood in the threshold, taking one final glance before Annie helped us to push the door closed on that past for one final time.

* * *

The three of us had taken a cab down to the Village, our car already parked in the new garage around the corner, and there was giddiness radiating off us as we stood on the sidewalk outside of the pale yellow townhouse that was  _ours._ When it had gone up for sale, Brittany and I couldn't  _believe_ how cheap it was- until we went inside and saw the  _insane_ amount of work that needed to be done. We were pretty much enamored by the potential we saw in it, but it wasn't until we called our fathers (we'd make terrible feminists!) and asked them to come help us decide, that we knew it would be feasible to make it happen. So six months and a very significant chunk of our savings later (even  _after_ our parents managed to convince us to take the money they'd saved for our respective weddings, the money that we never used because all we'd wanted was a small ceremony with those closest to us, for the down payment) we were  _finally_ moving in to the beautiful house that we never even thought to dream of.

" _Mija_." I looked down at Annie who was bouncing excitedly on her toes, tap shoes slipping against the sidewalk. "Ready to help open up the door?"

"Course, Mamí." She scampered up the stairs and stood looking down at where the three of us had pressed our hands into the cement when it been freshly poured, mine and Brittany's on either side of Annie's. "C'mon, I'm all ready!"

Brittany and I looked each other and laughed before making our way over to our daughter. While I pulled the keys out of my purse, Annie pressed her hand down into the print she made and looked up at Brittany expectantly. My wife paused for a minute, counting to ten (we'd told Annie that covering her print on the stairs was what would magically make the keys to our house work) while I snapped a few pictures of the two of them with my phone.

" _Eight, nine, ten."_ Brittany finished her counting and Annie beamed up at me. "Okay, Santana, try the keys now."

I turned the key and pushed the door open, feeling a flutter of excitement in my chest. Even though I'd walked through that door  _so_ many times while the work was being done and we were unpacking, it was different, it was now our  _home_ that we were entering! Annie ducked under my legs and ran inside while Brittany and I stood for just a moment in the threshold. Silently, I wrapped my arms around her neck and pulled her in for a deep kiss. Her hands tangled in my hair, pulling me even closer, but before I knew it, she backed away and I felt myself being lifted off the floor.

"Britt!" I cried out, laughing as her arm hooked behind my knees. "What are you doing?"

"I'm carrying you over the threshold, silly!" Her blue eyes sparkled with delight.

"Weren't we supposed to do this when we got married? And how did  _you_ decide that you got to carry  _me?_ "

"I was gigantic pregnant on our wedding day." She said simply. "And I thought of it first and picked you up before you had a shot."

I shrugged in her arms, figuring that logic was as good enough as any and grinned when still holding me, she leaned down to kiss me again once we were inside the entryway.  _I love you so much_ , I mumbled against Brittany's lips and she kept kissing me, leaving me a little dizzy when she finally unceremoniously dropped me to the floor and grabbed my hand, pulling me through the house to marvel in the fact that we  _finally_ lived there.  _Four bedrooms! An office! A playroom! A piano! A tiny square of grass that counts as a backyard in New York City!_ It was so much more than we ever could have asked for, and I was beside myself with delight.

While Brittany went upstairs to find Annie, I walked into the office that I'd so meticulously organized (although, I was fairly sure, knowing both Brittany and myself, that it wouldn't stay that way for very long). The need for an office was what had finally precipitated our hunt for a new place to live. Being cramped in our converted Gramercy one bedroom was  _one_ thing, being cramped with books, papers and  _crap_ was another. It seemed like since realizing my dream to use music simply to  _help_ people, there was just  _so much_ that had needed to get done. While I attempted to figure out how exactly my plan would work, I'd managed to complete an online social work certificate program through Hunter College (because even with so much  _life_ experience to connect with the people I wanted to work with, I felt like just a little education might help), and continued to write music for Columbia Records. It had been a whirlwind three years, combining those things with my own therapy sessions, weaning myself off of anti-anxiety medication, and coordinating Annie's schedule with Brittany, named by the  _New York freaking Times_  as the top choreographer in New York, but we both knew that we'd sooner give up  _everything_ else than send her to day care or hire a nanny.

As I looked into the office, which was filled with LLC applications, grant funding requests, and the other trappings of starting a non-profit organization (hence why I continued to write for Columbia, my dream may have been capable of changing lives, but it  _wasn't_ going to bring in a ton of money) I felt like so much was going to start in our new house. My organization, called, until I could actually come up with a real name, the  _make people sing about their feelings and shit_ project, had the primary goal of being used as an alternative method to help high risk teens- gay, bullied, homeless, abused, etc.- find a positive outlet for their pain. People like  _me,_ people who'd been through the ringer and came out alive, would share their stories, musically or otherwise, and help connect the kids with counseling services or whatever other resources they needed, while providing them a safe space to talk. It was ambitious, and I  _know_ that the old me would have completely made fun of the idea, as I'm sure a lot of the teenagers still would, but if we could get some high schools (besides Finn's, since we'd already started a monthly pilot program there, which seemed to be working fairly well) to give us a shot, I was pretty sure we could actually make a difference.

"No working today." Britt came up behind me and wrapped her arms around my waist. It had been so long since a sudden appearance like that would have terrified me, and I smiled inwardly.

"Nope, absolutely not. Is everyone here?"

"Yeah, Annie is giving them the tour. Quinn just called from Ohio, she says she's sorry she couldn't be here today."

"Well, taking baby Eden to see Grandma Judy  _definitely_  takes precedence over our silly moving ceremony." I smiled, thinking of Quinn and her husband Archie's six month old daughter, who they'd adopted from Vietnam. In perhaps the greatest irony of her life, our friend had lost her virginity and gotten pregnant at sixteen, but then had an  _extreme_  amount of difficulty conceiving as an adult. Remembering how grateful she was (after she  _stopped_ going crazy) that Shelby Corcoran had given her daughter a better life, Quinn didn't want to go through the rigamarole of spending months or years going through fertility treatments when there were so many kids out there who needed homes. After an obscene amount of paperwork and a lot of international travel, Eden Hope Chapman had _finally_ come home a month ago, and I had  _never_ seen her mother happier.

"It's not silly, it's cute." She tilted my head back and kissed me. "I like that I've turned you into a sucker for traditions. But c'mon, let's go in the living room, Annie is itching to start handing out keys."

I smiled at that, a true testament to how much I'd grown in the years since I'd first come to New York. Yes, Finn and Rachel had keys to our old apartment, but the only reason I'd given them a set was because I lived alone and Rachel  _insisted_ that someone be able to check on me (which  _was_ necessary on more than one occasion, including the night they'd forced Brittany back into my life). This time, we were giving them keys because I truly trusted them, truly knew they were the ones that I wouldn't blink an eye at if they randomly showed up in our kitchen at breakfast time (which they wouldn't, but still). They were our family, and I was no longer ashamed to admit that. Brittany walked back into the living room, checking over her shoulder that I was following, and Annie was standing there, in the middle of her aunt, uncles and Brice talking about how close her ' _biggest, amazingest_ ' house was to the ice cream store on Houston Street.

" _Ven aqui,_ Annalise." I told her. "Mama has the presents you want to give out."

"Yay!" She rushed excitedly to Brittany's side and held out her hands. In each, Brittany placed a key with a painstakingly tied yellow ribbon (we were working on shoe tying and Annie sat there for close to an hour, tying and re-tying the bows she  _insisted_ the keys have because they were gifts) and Annie solemnly placed one in Finn's hand and one in Kurt's. "These are for you, in case of a 'mergency. Even though you don't have any hand magic."

"Hand magic?" Kurt looked at Annie, biting back a laugh and quirking an eyebrow in mine and Brittany's direction.

"Yes, Uncle Kurtsy! Hand magic! Maybe you gotsta bring Auntia Rachel with you, because her hands are the same size as Mamí's."

"Are not." I whispered to Britt with a frown, and she kissed my fingers, knowing I was sensitive to my size being compared to my best friend's.

"It's not about the size, it's about what you do with them." Brittany whispered back, a smirk forming at the corners of her mouth.

"Annie." Finn, who'd heard our side conversation knelt down to Annie's height and couldn't control his chuckle. "Can you explain this magic to us?"

"You use your hands to get inside." She tried to explain, pouting a little at the fact that everyone had started to laugh, not understanding that it really wasn't at her.

"Do either of you care to enlighten us about  _what_ that means?" Rachel asked, looking between Brittany and me.

"The handprints at the door!" Brittany sputtered out and I buried my head against her chest to keep Annie from seeing how hard I was laughing at our friends' confusion and  _beyond_ inappropriate thought processes. "One of us needs to put our hand in them for the door to open, so no monsters can get inside. She's  _four,_ guys, can we  _try_  to keep it PG rated around here?"

"This, from  _Brittany._ " Kurt snickered and I gave him a dirty look.

"Sorry for laughing, Annie." Finn said, easily swinging her into his arms. "We just didn't understand your special monster protection, we don't have that at our house."

"But what if the monsters eat Brice?" She asked, wide eyed.

"No monsters!" Brice screamed, gripping Rachel's legs.

"Don't worry, _mija_ , Aunt Rachel's singing keeps them away." I promised, earning a glare from Rachel and a pinch on my arm from Brittany.

"And your claws don't?" Rachel bit back and I laughed, giving that one to her. We may never have stopped going at each other, but over the years, our words had lost their old venom and simply turned into a way of expressing our love.

* * *

Five hours and four pizzas (I swear, sometimes I really believed that Britt and Annie were having a secret  _who can eat the most pizza?_ contest, they way they both managed to inhale their slices) later, we finally started kicking everyone out of the house. Brittany and I  _both_ knew that it was going to take  _significantly_ longer than usual to get our daughter to sleep in a new environment, and coupled with the ice cream cake Kurt and Blaine had brought, we could be in for a late night if we didn't start early. Bedtime was serious business in the Lopez-Pierce house, since we'd learned when Annie was still very young that lack of sleep turned our normally pleasant and agreeable child into Snix the second, so we didn't even  _try_ to mess with that

After marking her height on the new door frame with the words ' _Move in Day, 8/9/2023'_ beside it, and tucking her tap shoes in their place under the bed, we bathed Annie in her Emerald City themed bathroom (I blame Rachel for her goddaughter's full fledged  _Wizard of Oz_ obsession), she put her own pajamas on and Brittany lifted her up into her new full sized bed. Once both her Dr. Seuss quilt and the blue and white gingham comforter were pulled up around her and Milky Way, Britt and I climbed on either side, snuggling close as Britt read the next chapter of our book. There was something so incredible about the three of us lying there (in a bed where we all actually fit, a far cry from the toddler bed where one of us had to kneel at the side), under the glittering rainbow that had been painted on the wall, and Brittany and I shared a private smile as our daughter's eyes slipped closed. We waited a few minutes before trying to get up, but of course, the minute we moved, tiny blue eyes popped back open.

"Mamí." She mumbled sleepily. "You forgot t'sing me a song."

"What song do you want tonight,  _corazóncita_?" I asked, even though I knew she asked for the same song every night.

" ** _Mi_** _cancion-"_ A yawn stifled her words as she whispered in sleepy Spanish and let her eyes close again.  _"Por favor._ "

"Okay." I kissed her forehead and began to sing in almost a whisper, Brittany mouthing the words from her other side.

_Hey child, up and go,_

_Big world is out there waiting for us_

_To live in every day_

_Outside you will find_

_There is love all around you_

_Takes you, makes you wanna say_

_That it's a beautiful life_

_And it's a beautiful world_

_And it's a beautiful time_

_To be here, to be here, to be here_

"Night Milky Way. Night Mama and Mamí." The words were barely audible as she spoke them.

" _Buenos noches. Dulces sueños. Te amo con mi todo corazon._ " I whispered, stroking Annie's wispy hair out of her face and kissing her one last time as her breathing fell into a soft, constant rhythm.

"Good night, sweet girl. I love you." Britt added with her own kiss before we got up and slipped out of the room.

* * *

Together, we walked down the hall, still feeling the giddiness that had pervaded our thoughts throughout the whole day. As we walked past the stairs, I clicked the baby gate closed (I still had some neurosis about some things, and Annie falling down a flight of stairs that she didn't remember were there in the middle of the night was one of those things) and looked into the empty room across from them. My wife and I exchanged a glance, knowing the use of the only empty room in the house was a conversation we both wanted to have, and  _soon._ But it was a discussion for another night, not the night we were celebrating the  _current_ life change, and I pulled Brittany into our bedroom. Looking at me, and then at the king sized bed (a big step up from the double bed we'd slept in for the past four years) that we truly convinced each other we needed, despite the fact that we basically slept  _on top_ of each other every night anyway, Brittany gave me the biggest grin, her eyebrows raised in a silent question.

"You're sure she's sleeping, right?" I asked.

"Yes, one-hundred percent." She swore

"Okay, because if she's  _not,_ we're going to regret this for a  _long_ time."

"I know, but she's definitely asleep, come on." Britt nipped my bare shoulder and pressed herself against me, obviously willing to use any and all methods necessary to convince me, and knowing she'd win every single time. "We've been waiting to do this since that day in the store a  _month_ ago. If you're not going to do it with me, I'll just do it myself."

"Okay, okay. Let's do it." I grinned and my wife kissed me excitedly.

Looking like a kid on Christmas, Brittany climbed up so she was standing on the bed and held out her hand to pull me up. Since the minute we picked out that bed, the two of us, so  _incredibly_ mature for twenty-eight and twenty-nine, wanted nothing more than to jump up and down on it. Of course, given the fact that Brittany had broken her collar bone doing exactly  _that_  in junior high, we had a _major 'No More Monkeys Jumping On the Bed'_ rule in our house, and couldn't rightly do it while Annie was awake. Once she was down for the night though, there was  _clearly_ no stopping our urges, and we stood across from each other, unsteadily waiting for the other to start first. Finally, I grabbed both of her hands in mine, and we started bouncing up and down in tandem, more butterflies forming in my stomach each time I went airborne and each time Brittany stole a kiss from me.

"We have a house, Santana! An actual grown up house! And a huge bed!" Britt nearly shrieked, and giggles (seriously, I'd never giggled more in my life than on our moving day) bubbled out of my mouth.

"I know Britt!" I grabbed her face with both of my hands and kept jumping up and down. "It's like none of it was real until today, when we could actually  _sleep_ here!"

"I'm so happy right now, I can't even explain it!" She cried, kicking my legs out from under me so I fell into a sitting position on the bed. Before I could open my mouth to complain about her actions, she landed on top of me, straddling my lap and connecting our lips until she earned a loud gasp.

"We so earned this." I breathed against her mouth, and she knew what I meant. The house, the happiness, the life, all of it.

"We did." She smiled into another kiss, temporarily lifting herself up so she could slide both of our shorts off. "And we'll keep working hard every day to maintain that. But tonight, we have some  _very_ important business to take care of."

"The most important." I mumbled, moving my lips down her neck and forcing her to lift her arms so I could pull off her tank top.

"Even though I could live in a cardboard box with you and  _still_ be this happy, I love that this is real." She said seriously, as my shirt, the last article of clothing between us, was nearly torn off of me.

"Me too babe." I sighed, my words becoming less coherent as Brittany's fingers touching my bare skin, and the feeling of  _her_ skin under my fingers began to distract me. "Me. Freaking. Too."

* * *

 


	2. Life Is the Bubbles

It's funny how quick we adjust to new things. Even Annie, who'd ended up shouting out for Brittany or me in the middle of almost every night of the first few weeks in the new house, and had more than one bout of devastated tears when she couldn't find something because our house was  _too big_ (luckily, it really  _wasn't_ and we'd been able to find each and every missing item with relative ease) _,_  was more or less settled in by the last week of August. We'd found a new playground (with a  _big, gigantic, super curly slide,_ which Annie had insisted on immediately calling Brittany at work to tell her about-and which I followed up with probably a dozen pictures of her sliding down) on Thompson Street. Inevitably, the new playground  _also_  came with new, uptight Manhattan moms, who (as I'd become accustomed to by the time the baby turned two) said things like  _you're so good with her_ and  _her parents are so lucky_ , before I quietly (so as not to cause a scene, since  _I_ may have been over what other people assumed, but I didn't want my daughter to hear) let them know that I was her  _mother,_ not her  _nanny._ We found a new Starbucks, where another set of baristas got to have their day made by Annie skipping through the door in her tap shoes and ordering my coffee for me. And most importantly, we mapped a new route to Brittany's studio, and, right around the corner from there, the preschool Annie would be starting in September. Much to  _all_ of our delights, both places were  _much_ closer to home than they used to be.

With the last week of August came a much needed vacation for Brittany. Sometimes I felt like it was the month of the year we saw her the  _least_ , what with preparing for the upcoming semester and training whatever new teachers they'd found. The summer after Annie's first birthday, after big things started happening for her career, my wife made it a point to have her contract revised (seriously, some times I  _still_ felt such a swell of pride at how she'd come to New York totally unsure of herself, and made herself a  _name_ , and wasn't afraid to go head to head with Rick, her boss, about the things she wanted) to allow for time off during the weeks that were important to her. Even though Annie hadn't even been out of diapers back then, Brittany had already thought ahead to her childhood, to wanting that week as a family before the craziness of back to school began. Although I'd let a lot of paperwork pile up throughout the month, and although I'd be able to work through it so much quicker with an extra set of adult hands around the house full time, I'd shut the office door to start dinner on Brittany's last day of work, and had no intention of opening it until she went back.  _Family first_ , it had been a pact we'd made over Thai food back when Brittany had been offered an interim choreographer position when Annie was only months old, and it was a pact we never planned to break.

"Are we there yet?" Annie asked from the back seat of the car, and I glanced at her in the rearview mirror playing with her car seat straps and swinging her legs excitedly.

"Soon." Brittany smiled, answering the same question for the nineteenth time in forty-five minutes.

"If I'm going t'swim in the ocean, we should sing Ariel." She said, her eyebrows rising hopefully and Brittany and I looked at each other and laughed.

Television wasn't really a  _thing_ in our house, I mean, we  _owned_ one, we weren't  _those_ New Yorkers (apparently it was some kind of badge of honor in the city if you didn't have a TV, something I'd never really understood) but Britt and I didn't watch much (she always joked that I was an old lady who loved to talk about  _back when TV didn't suck)_ , and Annie almost  _never_ did. But, the last time we'd gone to the beach, over a year earlier, our daughter was  _not_ having it, the whole situation was entirely too overwhelming for her. We were there about an hour, with Annie clinging to Brittany for dear life at how afraid she was if the ocean in front of her, while I tried every trick we knew to calm her down. Needless to say, we'd left and hadn't been back since. One of our biggest things though, was trying to teach Annie to try new things, and we thought that since she was older this summer, and had matured incredibly, it was worth another shot. When Quinn had asked us if we wanted to go to Long Island with her and Eden for the day, Britt and I had hastily agreed, knowing it was the right time. That was where the TV came into play, I'd found an old Disney sing-along video online with the music from  _The Little Mermaid_  (and  _not_ Ursula the sea witch, which probably would have caused Annie to pack her bags and move in with her grandparents in Ohio to be as far away from the ocean as possible) and the three of us watched together, and learned the songs, Britt and I convincing her that the beach was  _awesome_ because of mermaids.

" _That's where it's hotter, under the water."_ Annie sang-shouted while Britt and I tried to keep up with the speed she was singing and the fact that she rapid-fire switched from song to song until we finally pulled into the parking lot at Jones Beach. "Is Auntia Quinn here yet?"

"Not yet, but her house is much further than ours." Britt explained, unbuckling her while I started dragging our beach bag, cooler, umbrella and eighty-seven different sand toys out of the trunk.

"Can I go on your shoulders, Mamí?" Annie asked, hopping from one foot to the other in anticipation.

"Why don't Mama and I swing you instead?" I asked her, thinking she might do better with both of us flanking her for her first sight of the ocean again.

"Okay!" She shouted and grabbed Brittany's hand while I slung the beach bag over my shoulder and the cooler over my wife's.

With the umbrella and bag of toys secured in our free hands and Annie swinging between us, we made the short walk through the parking lot. Once we'd reached the boardwalk, the ocean was visible, and neither Brittany or I took our eyes off our daughter as she took it in. Honestly, I could  _completely_ understand why it was so terrifying for someone so small, considering the size and the volume. Brittany and I caught a quick glance at each other and immediately starting singing Annie's favorite verse of the song; _We've got no troubles, life is the bubbles, under the sea._ Although her eyes were wide, Annie didn't look totally horrified, she was just taking it in slowly, squeezing us both tightly.

"How are you doing, Annie girl?" I asked, keeping my voice low. Without exchanging words, Brittany and I both dropped the bags on the boardwalk and knelt down to her height.

"It's so  _big._ " She hardly even whispered, awe in her voice.

"Think of all the mermaid grottos they have to fit inside." Brittany told her simply, and I loved how she always just  _knew_ the answers without trying.

"D'you think we might see one?" Her voice was a little louder.

"You never know, baby. We're going to have to keep our eyes open extra-wide just in case there's another mermaid like Ariel who wants to be part of our world."  _I love you_ , I mouthed to Brittany after she said that and Annie opened her eyes even wider and tugging at my hand to start walking again.

We walked slowly down through the sand, Annie occasionally letting go of one of our hands to pick up a scallop or clam shell and toss it in to the beach bag. When we finally found a spot that was far enough away from the water and the other people, but close enough for Quinn to get to easily from her car with the baby, we laid out our sheet and towels, while Annie used her shovel to dig a hole for the umbrella, never straying more than three feet from one of us. By the time Annie (and Brittany) were covered in sunblock and I'd pulled my hair into a low ponytail over my right shoulder, my wife and daughter started jumping up and down waving excitedly while Quinn approached with Eden and even  _more_ stuff than we'd brought. Brittany had the sense to move to help her get situated, but I (very much my mother's daughter sometimes) immediately grabbed Eden from her arms and pressed a kiss to the smiling baby's head.

"You're getting so big, Edie, look at you." I cooed.

"Mamí, you're so silly!" Annie stood on her tiptoes so she could see the baby. "She's still just a  _baby._ "

"Come here,  _mi amor,_ sit on the sheet with me so you can see her closer." I held Eden to my chest with one hand while bracing myself to sit with the other, and Annie immediately curled up next to me, her face very close to the small girl in my arms. "When you were the same age as Eden, you were only half this size."

" _Half?_ " She looked at me incredulously and I nodded. "That's so  _tiny!"_

"Tiny you were." I kissed the top of her head and looked down at Eden who's eyes were glued on Annie. "She's watching you, Annalise, look."

Tentatively, she reached out to touch the baby's foot, and with one eye, I watched Quinn and Brittany stop putting together the sun canopy to look. Gently, as if she were touching glass, Annie moved her finger, tickling Eden and causing her to let out a tiny, squeal-like laugh. When Annie heard the laugh, she broke into a huge smile, then did it again and again until they were  _both_ laughing, and Britt, Quinn and I watched them with wonder. The two times we'd gone to Quinn's to see Eden, there had been so many strangers around and Annie was too shy around people she didn't know to go up and really see the baby. She had been too small when Brice was born to really show any interest in him, so this was the first time we'd ever seen our sweet, loving girl interact with a baby. It was so incredible to watch how she instinctively knew to be gentle with her. I looked at Brittany, silently saying as much, and the smile on her face made me smile even wider.

"I think she loves me, Auntia Quinn." Annie finally announced, as if it was the simplest thing in the world, and maybe it  _was._

"Oh, Annie." Quinn's eyes were teary and I knew exactly how she was feeling. "I think so too."

"Good." She pushed herself up off the sheet and adjusted the yellow and white polka dotted sunglasses that covered half of her face before going to pick up her bucket. "Because I  _know_ that I love her too."

We spent most of the morning playing in the sand, avoiding the big ocean except when Brittany would suddenly point out that she  _'thought she saw a mermaid'_ and Annie would look quickly and shake her head with a laugh when she didn't. We built giant sand castles that she relished in stomping on, dug a hole, then when I least expected it, was thrown into it by my wife while she and Annie quickly tossed sand over me, trying to bury me before I could resist. Quinn watched the whole thing in hysterics, looking between us and her own daughter, for the first time in a long time having faith that she'd get to experience what we loved so much. When I'd finally dug myself out from under the sand that had covered me (and then attacked Britt and Annie like I was a sand monster), the three of us collapsed back on the sheet across from Quinn's umbrella chair and I handed out sandwiches. Annie sat dipping her peanut butter sandwich in hummus, and when she held it out to me, I took a bite without even questioning.

"Mmmm, delicious." I told her as Brittany took her bite. "You got a real good dip on that one."

"Is this what I have to look forward to?" Quinn asked.

"I'm  _pretty_ sure you licked baby vomit off of your arm five minutes ago." I teased her. "You should be looking forward to peanut butter and hummus sandwiches."

"You can have some if ya want." Annie offered and Quinn shook her head.

"It's okay, you share with your moms, they look like they're really enjoying it."

"You know, guys." Britt said when our daughter went back to her dipping. "It still makes me laugh that this is what the Unholy Trinity has become. You two are nice to each other, we are sitting with our kids on the beach, it's really nice."

"It is." I admitted. "You better not raise your kid to act like you used to though, Quinn, because she messes with my kid, it's all over."

"Didn't you hear, Santana, they already love each other." Quinn smirked. "Guess they learned how to do that a lot earlier than us."

"Well, you're lucky Annie got that from Britt, I guess. But I'll tell her the same thing I've told Brice,  _hands off until you're thirty_ , this Mamí doesn't discriminate against boys or girls coming to steal her baby away."

"And this is why it's lucky this  _Mama_ knows to distract her wife so the poor kids will stand a chance." Britt pecked my lips, stopping to lick the hummus left on my bottom lip. " _But,_ I do agree, no more cross-Glee dating. It's kind of ridiculous how many of us intermarried. You're the only one in New York who didn't, Quinn."

"Yeah, and I'm glad for that." She ran her hand over her sleeping daughter's spiky black hair. "Could you imagine me married to  _Puck?"_

"God, no." I almost yelled and Brittany laughed hysterically, pulling me between her legs and gently scratching below my belly button as we looked over at Annie who had moved to lay down on the blanket, sandwich triangle still in hand. "Even when I didn't like Archie, I still was glad you didn't marry Puck."

"May I remind you that you didn't  _know_ my husband not to like him?" Quinn shook her head with a smile playing at the corners of her mouth.

"Yeah, yeah, details. I like the old guy now."

"Stop calling him old."

"He  _is_ old, that's like saying not to call Brittany blonde, or you a  _B-I-T-C-H."_ I shrugged and Britt pinched my thigh, causing me to yelp.

"You deserved it." She ran her fingers over the spot and Quinn stuck out her tongue at me.

"It's also not so insulting when you have to  _spell_ it. Plus, we've decided the correct title for both of us now is  _Recovered B-I-T-C-Hes."_

* * *

After Annie fell asleep and I gently pried her sandwich out from her hand, Quinn went to lay under the sun canopy she'd brought with Eden. I moved Annie to the center of the blanket, and Britt and I lay down on either side of her, our fingers linked above her head. It was those carefree moments that I savored so much, especially after coming out of years of  _never_ having one. Laying on the beach, with my two favorite girls, the sound of the ocean in front of us, the warmth of the sun on my skin made me forget about finding a loan company that would negotiate decent terms with me, about my nerves over Annie starting school, about the conversation I was  _so_ nervous to have with Brittany, despite her constant unspoken reminders that she was just as ready as I was, but the ball was in my court. I must have fallen asleep, because when I woke up, Annie was standing over me waiting for me to open my eyes, and Brittany was beaming from her side of the sheet.

"I'm ready to touch the water now." Annie told me, and I sat up quickly.

"Okay,  _mija._ Did Mama put more sunblock on you?" I looked at Britt and she nodded.

"Course, Mamí. We're just waiting for you."

The three of us walked hand in hand down to the water, Annie stopping every few steps, and scrunching up her face, as if she was trying to talk herself into it. When we finally were just a few four-year-old sized steps away, she curled her toes and I squeezed her hand tightly in mine, knowing Britt was doing the same on her other side, reassuring her. She closed her eyes and closed the gap between herself and the edge of the ocean, trusting that neither of her mothers would ever let her go. I felt goosebumps run up my arms, not from my own feet touching the water, but from watching Annie take such a big step without second guessing herself.

"What do you think, sweetheart?" Brittany asked.

"I think." She scrunched up her face again. "I think I'm glad I'm not a mermaid, because the water is too cold."

"It won't be so bad once we get used to it, if you want to stay in." I reassured her, giving her an option either way,

"Okay. I'll try it. Just like when I tried  _arroz con pollo_ with  _'Buela_ and now it's my favorite." She decided. Sometimes I just couldn't believe how wise she was, but then I'd look at the woman who was usually holding her other hand and remember.

We'd ended up just standing at the edge for close to an hour, the water never coming above our ankles. It didn't matter, honestly, once our daughter dipped her first toe into the ocean, it was as good as her ducking her head under. When she was finally bored with splashing with her feet, kicking water at mine and Brittany's ankles, Annie reached up her arms for me to pick her up. I cradled her close to me, feeling such overwhelming pride, such overwhelming  _hope_ that she could take on anything. Maybe that was crazy, it was just toes in the ocean, but I don't think anyone who's never witnessed something like that could even come close to understanding. Brittany wrapped her arms around both of us, and we stood there showering our daughter with so many words of praise.

* * *

It was close to six when we finally packed up, Annie giving Eden a sweet little kiss on her head and telling her that she couldn't wait until she was big so she would have a  _girl_ to play with. After we'd stopped at Friendly's and had dinner and ice cream, we were on our way back to the city, Brittany and I silent with out own thoughts as Annie sang to herself in the back seat before finally falling asleep. She was still half asleep when we got her into the house and bathed her, carefully scrubbing every last bit of sand out of her hair. It wasn't until we'd tucked her and Milky Way into bed and we watched her sleeping for a few minutes when I knew I was finally ready to talk to Brittany.

"Want to take a bath with me?" I asked her, knowing that for some strange reason, I always had such an easier time with life altering conversations in the bathroom.

"Of course." She wrapped her arms around my neck and I let myself melt into her.

While Brittany ran the bath, dumping a lot of our favorite lavender bubble bath into the tub that was so much bigger than we were used to, I went downstairs and brought up two cups of tea. Britt slipped in first, playfully patting the water between her legs. I placed the two mugs on the bathtub ledge and undressed, fitting myself between my wife's legs and letting her wrap her arms around me, her hands again resting below my belly button. Again, she was silently telling me that she was ready when I was, and I loved that she never pushed me to talk, even when we both knew it was an _exciting_ conversation.

" _Wouldn't you think I'm the girl, the girl who has everything?"_ I sang to Brittany, smiling that I still had  _The Little Mermaid_ stuck in my head.

"I think we both are." She pressed her lips against the back of my neck.

"Except one thing." I told her softly, and Brittany pulled me closer to her, anticipating my next words. "I'm ready."

"Are you sure, Santana?" She asked me, always knowing that she could coax my fears out of me.

"Yeah, I'm so positive. I've known for a while, Britt, but I think today, watching Annie with Edie, pushed me to finally be able to say it out loud."

A  _baby_ , it was the thing we hadn't spoken about in over two years, not since we'd started preparing for an IVF procedure, Brittany giving me shots every night before bed, me going as far as quitting caffeine and taking prenatal vitamins. It was hardly even a discussion about the fact that I'd be the one to carry our second baby. Watching the woman I loved almost  _die_ of the complications she'd had was only one reason, honestly. The way our kids came into the world didn't matter much to me (I'm sure that's pretty obvious, considering the circumstances of Annie's conception), but there was something I'd probably always felt, this total  _desire_ to feel a child that Britt and I had created moving underneath my heart.

When I'd brought it up a few months before Annie turned two (I'd read some internet article about two and a half years being the perfect gap between siblings), I'd made arrangements for Annie to spend the night with Quinn and cooked an elaborate dinner, wanting the conversation to be something special. Things had settled down so much in our lives, and I felt like the timing made as much sense as any. Of course, we'd made it through about three bites of spinach and walnut salad before I'd blurted out  _let's have another baby_ , and Britt jumped into my arms excitedly, kissing me all over and dragging me into the bedroom, showing me how she'd get me pregnant if she could. We'd made an appointment with Dr. Singh, the OBGYN who'd delivered Annie, the woman who I trusted with everything in me after she'd saved the lives of the two most important people in the world for the next few weeks, and I felt like I was on top of the world.

Then, after having my eggs extracted, and just about completing the first hormone cycle, my body completely prepared to carry a child and my head a swirl of crazy hormonal feelings, we'd met with the Early Intervention specialists about Annie and I'd completely  _panicked_ about the idea of having another baby. In a matter of a few moments, I'd gone from the woman who was ready to take on everything all at once, to the woman who wanted to drop everything and just spend every moment I had making things better for the daughter I already  _had_. I  _never_ lost it over finding out that Annie would need extra help, but the thought of making such a major life change at the same time sent me into a tailspin. After two sob filled nights, on both mine and Brittany's part, and her constant reassurance that we'd do whatever I felt comfortable with, we cancelled the implantation appointment, choosing to freeze the embryos and discuss it again when it seemed like a feasible option.

Once we bought the house, Brittany and I never really had a discussion about the third bedroom on the second floor, we just silently left it empty, both knowing that Annie was doing well, she was starting school, and despite the fact that I was working diligently toward getting my organization up and running, I could do  _that_ while carrying the baby that we so desperately wanted. Even if we hadn't discussed it, the thought was always there, in the glances we'd exchanged every time we saw a baby, or every time someone asked when we were going to have another, the thought about when it would finally be a  _feasible option_ to complete our family.

"Honey." I could hear the happy tears in her eyes as she buried her head in my neck from behind. "I love you so much."

"I know. I love you too." I sighed into her touch.

"Are you scared?"

"Terrified, Britt." I admitted. "But not in a bad way, I don't even know how to explain it. The thought of having  _our_ baby growing inside of me, having another kid to love so much, a brother or sister for Annie, is like the most exciting thing I can think of. But it's also scary, the trying, the waiting, you know? But I'm not going to freak out this time."

"San, you had every right to freak out last time.  _I_ was freaking out, and I was so  _relieved_ when you made the decision that you did. I think we  _thought_ we were ready last time, and we really weren't, even before everything happened with Annie. But this feels different, even this conversation, like so much more natural, more  _us._ "

"Of course." I let out a small laugh as she ran her hands over my belly, picturing, I knew, what it would be like when there was something growing inside. "It's because we're in the damn bathroom. Looks like we're keeping the tradition, even in the new house."

"Yeah, well, we've been doing it since we were sixteen, why would it be any different now?"

I rested my hands over Brittany's where they'd fallen and was just so content to lie with her. It felt like a weight was lifted off of me, like by just talking, without even  _doing_ anything, we were setting something major in motion. I closed my eyes and we didn't move for a while, didn't even say anything. We'd discuss the logistics later, make an appointment later, but we were  _doing it_ , the fact that we'd spoken the words made it official, even before the shots and the implantation, the waiting for pregnancy test results. I couldn't imagine a happier feeling, being in my wife's arms, after a day where we'd watched our daughter accomplish something so small for some people, but so big for  _her_ , and knowing that sometime soon, we were going to have  _another_ baby, which, as impossible as it felt, knowing the extent of the love we felt for Annie, we would love just as much.


	3. Wardrobe Malfunctions

Like it always did, Brittany's vacation went  _entirely_ too fast. I was glad that we'd decided not to visit our parents in Lima, only for the reason that with all we had to do to prepare Annie to start school, it just would have been too much. Instead, we took day trips to the Bronx Zoo (Annie was in  _love_ with the Butterfly Garden and the fact that they  _always_ landed on her blonde head and the brightly colored dresses we'd put her in), to picnic in Central Park, to Jane's Carousel in Brooklyn with the Hudsons (where she and Brice shrieked with joy each time they picked a new horse to ride), and to anywhere we could soak up the last bits of summer sun. In between all of that, the three of us walked past Annie's school every single morning, went shopping for new clothes (as small as she was, she  _always_ seemed to be growing out of things) and a unicorn backpack, and read every book from  _The Kissing Hand_ to  _I Am Absolutely Too Small For School_  to get her excited.

On the morning of the big day, I wasn't sure  _who_ was more nervous, but I was doing my absolute best to just keep myself together. Following the advice that Brittany and I had extensively read on the internet, I sat on our bed tucking three photos in her backpack, one of Britt and me kissing her cheeks with popsicle sticky lips in the Pierce's backyard on the Fourth of July, a copy of the first picture that had ever been taken of the three of us, back in the NICU, that was framed on the nightstand in both of our rooms, and one of Milky Way sitting on Annie's bed wearing her tap shoes, waiting for her to come home, which Brittany had taken the day before. We'd also each drawn a picture for her, with the words we'd taught her to recognize in print very young, Britt's saying  _I love you,_ and mine saying  _Te amo._ That way, if she felt scared or homesick, she could easily see reminders of us and calm herself down. Apparently it had been helpful for a lot of kids, so we were willing to give it a shot. As I finished zipping up the bag with every piece of emergency contact information that the school could ever need, including our parents addresses and phone numbers back in Ohio (despite the fact that the school  _definitely_ had all of that information on file already), Britt walked into the room with Annie clinging to her leg, wearing her tights and shoes but no dress.

"What happened to your dress,  _mija?_ " I asked, looking at the tears welling up in her little blue eyes.

"It got toothpaste on it." She covered her face with her hands and I slid off the bed to kneel down in front of her, gently pulling back her hands so she'd look at me.

" _Cálmate_ , Annalise. It's okay." I soothed, squeezing her hands to try to keep her from getting hysterical. "We can go pick out another new dress."

"But I wanted t'wear that one, Mamí." She cried, wrapping her arms around me and burying her face in my chest. I hugged her close to me and looked up at Brittany, who looked like  _she_ was going to cry and tried to think of some kind of solution. We both knew it wasn't  _really_ about the dress, but hopefully if we could fix  _one_ situation, she wouldn't be overwhelmed by the other  _bigger_ situation.

"Wait. I might have an idea." Brittany brightened, and walked over to our dresser, digging through the drawers, trying to find something. It took her a few minutes, and I rubbed Annie's back, singing softly into her ear,  _some cats and rats and elephants, but sure as you're born, the loveliest of all was the unicorn,_  until my wife came back to us holding one of her winter hats. I raised an eyebrow at her, trying to figure out  _how_ exactly that was going to help, but had full faith that she had a plan. When she started unpinning the white flower that was attached, I wanted to jump up and kiss her for thwarting disaster. Once she'd pinned it over the stain on the blue dress, she knelt down beside us and rested her hand over Annie's French braids. "Sweetheart, look."

"Mama." She sniffled, still hugging me with one arm, but reaching out to touch the flower with the other. "You  _fixed_ my beautiful dress. And now it's even  _more_ beautiful."

Once the crisis had passed and she'd wiped her face on my shirt and re-dressed, Brittany helped her slip her backpack up over our shoulders. While she climbed up on her bed to kiss Milky Way goodbye one last time, I wrapped my arm around Britt and rested my head on her shoulder. She squeezed me, trying as hard as I was to keep herself from getting emotional and leaned down to quickly catch my lips with hers. Annie got back down off the bed and smiled brightly at us, opening her arms for hugs. After a few more minutes in the house and some final words of reassurance, we walked to school, Annie swinging between us with her brave face on. She wanted  _so_ badly not to feel afraid, and she was trying to let her excitement overtake the fear.

* * *

Standing outside of the school, we watched some of the other kids walk in, before our daughter looked between us, silently saying that she was ready too. Her class, the Green Mallards, had their space in the back of the first floor and I could see Annie fighting with herself not to hide behind us among the throng of people in the small space. At the door, her teacher, Miss Callie, the woman Annie had met twice over the summer, stood with a big smile on her face. We'd done our research well, knowing that  _this_ was the best place for Annie, knowing that her  _teacher_ was the best, and I smiled as Callie got down to our daughter's level. Brittany and I had met with her on our own as well, filling her in on some of Annie's challenges, and she'd  _promised_ us that she'd experienced them before and was confident that she could help make this an easy transition for our baby.

"Good morning, Annie. I love your dress." Callie said softly, making sure to keep enough distance so as not to make her nervous. Annie hesitated a moment, a blush creeping to her cheeks, before she gave her teacher a tentative smile.

"Thank you." She said in almost a whisper. "Mamí picked it out, and Mama gave me this flower."

"That's very special. Do you want to come inside and see where your cubby is?" Annie looked up at both of us, and Britt and I were both nodding our encouragement.

"Okay." She squeezed our hands tighter and Callie stood up to lead us in.

Inside the classroom, I looked around, unconsciously rechecking that it was up to my standards. The walls of the green room were adorned with pictures of all the kids in the class, including the one we'd sent of Annie eating ice cream on Rachel's stoop, and fall leaves hung from the ceiling. There were blocks, crayons, dress up clothes, books, and even a play kitchen in one corner. It looked clean, safe and happy, and there was  _nothing_ I could nitpick about. When we reached the cubbies, Annie's teacher backed away to give us some space to say goodbye, and I couldn't  _believe_ how hard this was becoming for me. Carefully, I hung up her backpack and sweater while Brittany smoothed her dress and tickled her belly, causing her to release a nervous giggle.

"I wish  _I_ could go to school here." Brittany told Annie as I knelt down beside them.

"It's extra  _super_  colorful." She looked around the room. "Like a big rainbow."

"That it is." Britt nodded, beaming at her. "Are you ready to go sit on the rug?"

"I dunno." She chewed on her bottom lip nervously, reaching out to me with the hand that wasn't clinging to Brittany's shirt.

" _Tu vas a hacer genial."_ I promised, kissing her palm, just like in  _The Kissing Hand._  " _Te lo prometo, cariña."_

"Will you come back?" Annie held tight to my arm, eyes fearful.

"Oh, baby." Brittany spoke, seeing that I was struggling to keep the tears from welling up in my eyes. "Of course we'll come back, as soon as school is over."

"Okay." She whispered, nodding slowly. "I can go sit now."

Brittany and I both wrapped our daughter in a hug, kissing her all over her face and telling her over and over again how much we loved her and how proud we were of her. When we stood up, she slowly began to make her way over to the circle that was forming on the rug. After making it halfway there, she turned around and came back to us, needing another hug before she could do it. I picked her up, using my thumb to brush the tears from under her eyes, and holding her tightly before handing her over to Britt. Once she was set back down on the floor, she smoothed her dress on her own, and looked at us one last time. Brittany and I touched our hands to our hearts, and our daughter followed suit, the silent promise we always made,  _even when we're apart, I'm still holding you in here._

As Annie settled herself on the rug, finding the space right next to Callie, the only person in the room who was nota  _complete_  stranger, we started to back out of the classroom. Through the glass windows, next to other parents (and unfortunately, a disproportionate number of nannies, I just couldn't imagine being so busy that you couldn't take your child to the  _first day of school_ ), we watched our baby girl for a few more moments, my heart both soaring and clenching at the same time as a small smile graced her face. At that, I let a few tears slip out of my eyes before quickly wiping them away. By the time we made it out of the building and out onto the sidewalk, all I wanted to do was wrap my arms around Brittany. Before I could make the move, she did, her own tears still in her eyes, and we stood there, hugging tightly.

"She did really great." I could hear the emotion in my wife's voice as I pressed my lips against her neck, where my head was buried.

"I'm  _so_ proud of her. And so glad that  _you_ averted the potential dress disaster this morning." I mumbled into Brittany's hair, still not letting go. "I'll walk you to work."

"I'm not going in today." She told me, lifting up my chin so I was looking in her eyes. "I told Rick that I wasn't sure how it was going to go, and I figured  _someone_ might need me more."

"Well." I scrunched up my nose and then let a smile come to my lips. "I'll be honest, I probably would have spent all day  _not_ working and worrying about her, so while I'm  _always_ thrilled to spend the day with you, I'm  _extra_ thrilled today."

"Good, because I was hoping I could take my beautiful wife out on a date this morning." Her fingers brushed over my stomach before she entwined them with mine. "Spend some time just the two of us, before we have someone else to share the time with."

"Of course I'll go on a date with you." I grinned, playing with the fingers of her free hand. "And let's get the baby in here first before they're already out and spending time with us."

"I can't wait. You're going to be the hottest pregnant lady ever."

"I'm not sure about  _that,_ B. I  _do_ have some pretty stiff competition." I thought back to when  _she_ was pregnant and I didn't even want to keep my hands off of her.

"That's true, Rachel was _crazy_  hot when she was pregnant." Britt winked.

"Oh yeah, so super hot. The pregnancy acne and her nose swollen to twice it's normal size  _definitely_ gave me tingles in my lady parts." I rolled my eyes playfully and gave her a quick kiss.

"Don't worry, even if your whole  _body_ swells to twice it's size and you turn green, I'll  _still_ think you're the hottest, and I'll  _still_ get tingles in  _my_ lady parts for you."

"Well  _that_ thought is comforting, sort of, I guess. Only for our kids would I sacrifice my supreme hotness and actually be  _happy_ about it."

"One of the  _many_ reasons I love you so much more all the time."

After finally removing ourselves from our weird stakeout-esque position across from Annie's school, Brittany led me to the diner on Waverly where we'd had so many impromptu breakfast dates over the years. I smiled like a huge dork as she opened the door for me and pulled out my chair at our usual table in the back, loving that even after years of marriage, she still liked to make a big deal about even the simplest of dates. When she sat down across from me, she immediately hooked her ankle with mine and made an exaggerated kiss blowing gesture.

"You're so good to me." I told her, as both of us put our phones down on the table where we could see them, just in case. "Thank you for staying with me today. I swear, I feel like I'm just one big ball of emotions."

"Well, your mini sidekick left you for the first time, but don't forget who was your  _original_ sidekick."

"Oh trust me,  _that_ I could never forget."

"Remember our first day of high school?" She asked, and I closed my eyes, thinking back so many years.

* * *

_The rain hadn't stopped in the week leading up to my first week at McKinley. Because Sue Sylvester was insane and made the Cheerios practice four hours a day for half the month of August, outside, regardless of the weather, I felt like the wetness had soaked into my bones. But I didn't care, as I sat in my mom's car while she drove me to school, I was so_ **_excited_ ** _(which I'd never admit to anyone) to be wearing my brand new red and white uniform. I'd probably ironed it seventeen times, waiting for the day that I could finally put it on and feel like I was on top of the world. That's what had mattered to me, more than anything, during those days, turning heads, impressing people with my_ **_status._ **

_It didn't take long once I walked through the doors, covering myself with the gigantic umbrella I'd snatched out of my father's office closet, before I found Brittany. She was standing at her locker, the one she'd chosen at Freshman Orientation to be close to mine, with soaking wet hair and an even wetter uniform. Her eyes looked conflicted as they met mine, and I felt this strange sadness that I'd never felt when thinking about someone else. Immediately, I went over to her, trying to play it cool as my eyes shifted to the people around me who were looking at her and I for two completely different reasons. When I was standing across from her, she stuck out her bottom lip, and I reached out, against my best judgement, to wipe a strand of hair out of her face._

_"Hey Britt-Britt." I said quietly, shooting daggers with my eyes at anyone who looked us, letting them know that our uniforms made us_ **_untouchable._ ** _"What's wrong?"_

_"I didn't really think this through." She gestured down to her uniform. "I'm all wet."_

_"What happened to your umbrella?"_

_"I didn't bring it. I don't want them to make fun of me again, San." She looked down, her pout getting bigger, and I shifted my weight from foot to foot, feeling uncomfortable with the emotions I was feeling._

_"Come with me, B." I linked my pinky with hers and dragged her into the Cheerios locker room._

_While Brittany sat down on the bench, I dug through my backpack until I found a safety pin. I was pretty sure Britt wasn't going to like what I was about to do, but I didn't really care, I knew she'd be happy with the end result. Once I'd twisted the pin, she watched me closely as I walked over to the locked uniform closet, pulled the handle roughly towards me and stuck the pin into the lock, fiddling with it until it had loosened up. I twisted hard, pulled again and felt the lock pop open. With a satisfied smirk on my face, flipped through the uniforms that were hanging there until I found one that was the right size. When I turned around with it in my hands, Brittany was shaking her head but smiling at the same time._

_"Here, change into this. And give me the one you're wearing so I can hide it. Sue will_ **_kill_ ** _us if we get caught."_

_"She still wants to kill us from_ **_two years ago._ ** _" She let out a small laugh._

_"That one was_ **_all_ ** _you. C'mon, hurry up so we can fix your hair before Spanish class. I hear the teacher is a_ **_major_ ** _tool."_

_I wasn't sure, back then, why I felt the need to swallow thickly as Britt stripped down to her polka dotted bra and panties, the muscles in her abdomen rippling as she laughed at the jokes I was trying to make to keep from feeling uncomfortable. We'd changed in front of each other a million times, so it didn't really make sense that it suddenly felt weird. I quickly crossed my legs, trying to look away without making the entire situation awkward. When she finally was dressed (it felt like_ **_forever_ ** _), she sat back down on the bench next to me and I stood quickly, grabbing some paper towels and trying her hair. While trying to touch as little of her as possible, I quickly pulled her hair back up into a high pony. When I was finished, I silently started digging through my backpack before I pulled out a box and awkwardly handed it to Brittany._

_"I got you something." I mumbled._

_"What is it?" She asked excitedly._

_"Why don't you open it and find out?" I laughed, glad that some of the awkwardness was leaving my body as Brittany bounced up and down on the bench._

_When she finally pulled the lid off the box, I felt another weird pull in my stomach as her face lit up and she pulled out the two silver bracelets that were inside. Holding them up, she showed all of her teeth with how wide her smile was and she leaned over and pulled me into a tight hug, causing my body to heat right back up again._

_"These are so super awesome, Santana!" She beamed. "But why did you get me two of the same bracelet?"_

_"Well, I, um, thought we could both wear one, you know? Since we're like the two hottest bitches in this place."_

_"You want to match with me?" Her smile got even wider, which I didn't think was possible._

_"Yeah, of course I do, B. You're my best friend. And then you don't have to worry that_ **_anyone_ ** _will mess with you, because they'll know if they so much as_ **_try_ ** _, they'll become intimately acquainted with the razor blades in my hair."_

_"You're the best!" She jumped up and started clasping the bracelet onto her wrist. "I love you!"_

_"I love you too." I told her, but even though we'd said it to each other thousands of times before, that was the first time it felt different to me, and I couldn't quite figure out why._

_"Wait, just one thing. I don't want to, like, get arrested or anything for possessing stolen goods..." She trailed off._

_"Don't worry, I didn't steal them. Well, I used my dad's credit card, so maybe sort of, but he won't care."_

_She kissed my cheek with another laugh, and dragged me up off the bench by my pinky. With them linked together, we walked out of the locker room and back into the hallways of McKinley. I brushed aside the funny feeling in my stomach and gave a cocky smirk to anyone who looked at us, letting them know that Brittany was my girl (although I had_ **_no_ ** _idea then how the meaning of that would change) and that it may have been our first day, but we were going to_ **_own_ ** _that place._

* * *

"I guess wardrobe malfunctions on the first day of school are shaping up to be a family tradition." Britt covered her hand with mine on the table and I gave her a loving look.

"That's the first thing I thought of when I saw Annie's face about her dress this morning. It was like looking right at you that day."

"She's going to be okay, you know."

"I know. She's our little unicorn baby. Even if I worry about her, I'll never stop believing that she'll do amazing things, just like  _you._ "

"Like  _us_." She corrected with a soft smile.

"But we can still have ice cream for breakfast, right?"

" _You_ are asking  _me_  that question?" Brittany laughed. "Of course we can, it's totally allowed. As long as we eat it on waffles, it still counts as breakfast."

We sat there in relative silence, just savoring each others' company and occasionally sharing bites of our breakfast, her waffles with strawberry ice cream, and mine with vanilla. When we finished and Brittany grabbed the check off the table (which I always thought was so cute, because our money was all the same anyway), we walked out of the diner hand in hand. She led me towards Washington Square Park, and we walked around in circles, stopping occasionally just to look at each other. Finally, we picked a bench in a quiet corner and sat down together, both of our hands resting on Brittany's thigh.

"Want to call Dr. Singh?" I asked, having decided the night we'd first discussed Baby L-P number two that we would wait until after we got Annie off to her first day of school before we started worrying about doctor's appointments.

"Do you even have to ask?" Britt chirped excitedly. "Of course I do."

"Okay." I took a deep breath, calming the butterflies in my stomach before dialing the phone.

Brittany pressed her head up against mine as I held the phone in between our ears, flipping through our synced calendar on her iPhone. While the receptionist put us on hold to check appointment dates, I gripped Britt's free hand tightly, letting her pull it to rest over her heart. When the chipper woman on the other end finally came back on the line, offering us a 9:30am appointment on September 16th, the following Wednesday and Brittany nodded confirmation to me, I could hardly find my voice as I accepted the appointment. There was something so breathtaking about knowing that we were starting this again, that this time, no matter how much time it took, we'd end with another baby. When I hung up, my wife squealed a little bit and kissed me hard on the mouth, letting our excitement mingle together.

"We have like two hours." She breathed into my ear. "Want to go home?"

"Absolutely."

* * *

It took us about three minutes to get from the park to our house at the speed we ended up walking, as if it had been months without having sex instead of half a day. It was the first time that we'd been alone in the new house, and as soon as Brittany pulled me through the door, she pushed me up against the coat closet and attacked me with her kisses. I pulled back, grabbing the hem of her shirt and pulling it over her head and running my hands over her bare skin. She rested her hands on the back of my thighs and lifted me up so I'd wrap my legs around her waist and she kissed my chest over the cloth of the dress I was wearing.

"Bedroom." I told her, breathing heavily and she shook her head.

"We've christened that room a million times already." She said as she slid her hands under my dress. "Office."

While she carried me into the office, I dropped my head to kiss the top of her breasts that peeked out from her bra. Removing one of the hands that clung to the back of her neck, I flicked the front clasp open and nipped my way down before taking her right nipple in my mouth and massaging the other with my free hand. Brittany's low moan vibrated against me and she arched back. Just as I was about to pull my lips away to tell her to put me down before we fell, she dropped me down on the office desk. I could feel her fingers working the ties of my panties, quickly ripping them away from my body before hiking my dress up so I was exposed to her. Slowly, she scratched her nails up the inside of my thighs and I switched breasts, silently willing her to touch me more.

"I love you." I whispered against her skin, and she pulled back slightly, tilting my head up so she could kiss me again.

Before I could do anything else, she dropped down into the desk chair, sliding it forward so her head was between my knees. She gave me a satisfied smirk before kissing the inside of my thighs, starting just above my knees. As she moved further up, the light kisses turned harder until she was sucking and biting the skin, leaving what I knew would be a trail of bruises in her wake. At one particularly hard bite, I pulled Brittany's hairband out, wanting to lace my fingers in her long blonde hair. She looked up at me again and I smiled down at her, knowing that watching her between my legs was my favorite sight in the world.

"Fuck. Britt." I gasped out as she spread my legs further and placed the softest of kisses between my thighs.

Once her lips made the first contact, she wasted no time diving in completely, licking and sucking until I was a shuddering, shaking mess above her. I knew I was close, and my hands involuntarily pushed her further into me. My thighs clenched and Brittany lifted her head, replacing her mouth with her fingers as she dragged me down to straddle her on the chair. She knew that I loved nothing more than to be held as I came, and she pressed her lips against mine as her fingers curled inside of me.

"You look so beautiful like this." She spoke into the kiss, her voice rough, and a flick of her thumb sent me over the edge in a cloud of stars.

"Oh. God." I sighed, not breaking our kiss as I came back down.

Taking only a moment to regain my composure, I hardly lifted my body that was heaving against hers, but still managed to get her sweatpants down past her knees. Her heat, so much more intense now that nothing separated us, radiated up into me, and I felt another twinge of arousal shoot through me. My left hand snaked in between our bodies, feeling how wet she was, how ready, and I let out my own moan at the feeling. My forehead rested against hers, our eyes level as I worked her up quickly, wanting nothing more than to see my  _second_ favorite sight, her sapphire eyes as she came. With Brittany's bare chest pressed against mine that was still clothed, her heartbeat thumped in time with mine, both getting faster and faster by the moment. Her hips bucked up, forcing my fingers further inside of her and my back into the desk. My name fell from her lips, almost like a reverent prayer, and I kissed her, still not breaking our eye contact as her fingers gripped my back, her final moan escaping and her head falling back on the headrest of the chair.

"Ugh. I love this office." She sighed out, wrapping her arms back around my neck and pulling my head to rest in the crook of her neck.

"I love  _this._ " I replied to her, and she knew what I meant, that amazing, post-orgasmic haze, where I felt like our bodies just melted together.

"Yeah babe, me too."

* * *

After showering (separately, because honestly, I felt like the excitement of scheduling a baby making appointment made it impossible for me to keep my hands off of Brittany) we both got re-dressed and ready to leave to pick up Annie at school. Thinking she may need him to calm whatever residual stress she had from school, I tucked Milky Way into my purse and Brittany and I started our walk back over to the school. We waited outside until 12:45 (we  _may_ have been there a half hour early) when the doors opened, and Britt smiled and touched my arm so I didn't start pushing through the other parents to get to our daughter quicker. When we got to the classroom, Annie was standing quietly on her tiptoes, definitely the shortest in the class by several inches and when she saw our faces, she lit up like the sun. She ran toward us, not sure who to hug first, and Brittany scooped her up, bringing her close to me so she could wrap her arms around both of us.

"Hi,  _mi amor_." I said softly, breathing in her smell and she was silent, just hugging us tightly.

"How was your day, baby girl?" Britt asked as she waved goodbye to Callie and I smiled politely at some of the other parents.

"It was okay, Mama." She whispered, and I could hear her voice break slightly. "I colored pictures and played with PlayDoh."

"That's so great, sweetheart. Did you like it?"

She didn't answer, just shrugged against us. Brittany silently transferred her into my arms as she knelt down to take her backpack and sweater out from her cubby. Annie buried my head in my neck and I rocked her gently as Britt ushered us out to the street. When we reached the corner of Greenwich Avenue, Annie finally lifted her head up and looked into my eyes. I swallowed hard, hating to see her look so conflicted, and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead.

"Mamí." She sighed. "I think I want to stay home with you, 'stead of going back to school."

"Oh,  _mija,_ I know. I missed having you home with me today too. But tomorrow, we get to spend the whole day together, and then we'll try again on Wednesday."

"But why do I have to go?" She asked, her eyes glistening with the tears she was trying not to shed.

"Annie." Britt stopped walking and took her small hand between hers. "I know school feels scary at first, but I  _promise_ you, you're going to have so much fun."

"But how d'you know, Mama?"

"I know, because school was scary for me too. But do you know what? Someone very,  _very_ smart made me realize how much fun it was."

"Who?" She asked, and Britt caught my eye, giving me a soft smile.

"Your Mamí. She gave me a present once, so I'd know that she was always protecting me, even when she couldn't be near me." Britt kissed the inside of Annie's palm and reached into her bag without looking, pulling out one of the bracelets that had been safely tucked in our jewelry box. "I think it's your turn to have her special present."

Carefully, Brittany clasped the bracelet on Annie's arm, connecting it through one of the lower links, rather than the original hook so it wouldn't slip off. My own eyes filled with tears as our daughter looked down at the charm bracelet that now adorned her wrist, gently touching the unicorn horn and the lizard that hung down. A bigger smile than I'd seen all day appeared on her face as she looked between the two of us. I could feel her heartbeat start to slow down against my chest, and I squeezed Brittany's hand that rested over Annie's.

"Mamí has one just like it, and since you have mine, whenever you feel sad or scared, you can look at it and know that one of us is always thinking about you and protecting you."

"I promise you, my Annie, that you're going to love school too." I swallowed all of the overwhelming emotions I felt at Brittany giving our daughter her bracelet, at the emotions I felt over the entire idea that she'd even started school. "School is where I realized I loved Mama, where we both met your aunts and uncles. And you'll meet people who will be very special to you too."

"It's just like the ocean." Britt added. "It takes just a little time to get used to, but once you do, it will be  _so_ much fun."

"Okay." Annie said, after staring down at her new bracelet for a few minutes. "I can try again."

"That's great." I rubbed my nose against hers. "Now why don't we go have a special lunch at Max Brenner, and you can tell us all of the things you  _did_ like about school?"

Annie nodded excitedly, glad we were taking her to her  _favorite_ place in the world, and I felt Brittany's hand rest on the small of my back as we started walking up there. It was going to take her time, we knew that, but I was so grateful she was only going three days a week, and even  _more_ grateful that Brittany  _may_ have come up with her most genius idea yet. Our daughter didn't stop touching her bracelet as she snuggled close to me, and I couldn't stop looking over at my wife. My wife, the amazing woman who always made sense of things that I couldn't, the woman who I loved with my whole heart, and who I was going to have another amazing baby with.


	4. Happy Is Bigger Than Scared

Sitting in the office on Friday morning, attempting to finish the last pages of my latest grant proposal, I couldn't have been happier that the weekend was finally upon us. Brittany and I had dropped Annie off at school for the third day, each morning getting just a _little_ bit easier than the last, and I'd walked my wife to work before slowly making my way back home. The quiet in the house was the _strangest_ thing for me to get used to, especially because even when I was alone in our old apartment (which was very rare), there was the noise of our neighbors. Before I was able to sit down and actually get any work done, I'd plugged my iPod into our sound system (seriously, having music wired through our entire house was probably the  _best_ decision we could have made) so I could vacuum, clean the bathrooms and make up both the bed in the guest room and the Murphy bed in the office. While I got the house prepared for company (both of our mothers were coming from Ohio, their special treat to Annie for making it through her first week of school), I danced around and sang to a cheesy old Kelly Clarkson album, physically releasing the tension that my pesky mother's instinct had been causing me the entire week.

Once all of that was done, and I finally felt like I could remember my own  _name_ again, I had the time for two hours of solid, uninterrupted work. I knew that having that was a temporary luxury, especially since I had  _no_ idea how long it would take me to get pregnant (the reason we'd decided on IVF was that the odds were the highest on the first attempt, but still) and once I  _was,_ there was no telling how I'd feel for the duration of it. Time wasn't a luxury I could squander, not if I wanted the still unnamed project to be up and running, with other volunteers who could tell their stories, and accepted into schools before I had  _another_ more important project on my hands. It seemed like I'd hardly sat down at the computer before the doorbell was ringing and I was closing the laptop again, tucking the two remaining application pages into their file folder. My mother and Susan both threw their arms around me the moment I opened the door (it was  _still_ slightly strange to me that my mother had become a hugger, but I guess the same could be said about me), immediately marveling over finally seeing the house in it's finished form. I savored their embrace, always so glad when they made the trip, and especially glad that my daughter, who'd had such a challenging week, was beside herself with excitement over her Grammy and her  _'Buela_ coming with me to pick her up at school.

"I'm so glad you're here." I told them both when we'd finally broken apart and made it out of the foyer and into the living room.

"Sweetheart, we wouldn't miss spoiling Annie this weekend for the world. Right Mari?" Susan smiled at my mother and I shook my head as I looked down at their suitcases, sure that  _at least_ one was filled entirely with gifts for Annie.

"No use,  _mija._ " My mother laughed. " A head shake is not going to keep either of us out of the toy store. Or your fathers."

"Still worth a shot. Come on, leave everything here and we'll head over to school now. Neither Britt  _or_ Annie will forgive me if I give you the tour without them."

* * *

While the three of us walked together toward the school, I filled them in on how Annie was doing. One of the most interesting things about my daughter, at least to me, was that she literally oozed personality, but only if you really knew her. She tried, so hard, to take to strangers, but she was timid in her own way, finding it so difficult to contain the emotions that bubbled up with in her that she ended up shutting down completely. I think that she actually  _did_ like school, at least the activities there, but being around so many other kids overwhelmed her. Callie had spoken to Brittany and I on the phone for a fairly long time after the second day, letting us know that intellectually, she surpassed the others in her class, but that she'd yet to speak to any of the other children. Instead, she was content to color, flip through books (she could already sight-read several dozen words) and sing along to the songs they did during circle time. When I walked into the classroom, my mom and Susan following a few steps behind, Annie was sitting on the rug, legs folded beneath her, the bounce of her knees giving away her impatience as she waited for me to pick her up.

"Mamí!" Annie cried out, tearing off of the rug and jumping up into my arms the moment she saw me.

"Hi,  _mija._ " I hugged her tightly. "Look who's here."

"Grammy!  _'Buela_!" She reached out her little hands to grab theirs, but didn't unwrap her legs from around my waist. "You came!"

"Of course we did." Susan kissed her forehead. "You have so many new things to show us, a new house, a new school, a new park. We couldn't wait any longer."

"Annie." I whispered, gently reminding her of her manners. "Why don't you go give Grammy and  _'Buela_ their big  _thanks for coming to New York_ hugs. and show them around your classroom before we go wait for Mama at the park."

"Okay." She rested her head on my shoulder for another moment of closeness and I kissed her nose before putting her down.

With a spring in her step, Annie hugged each of her grandmothers in turn before grabbing a big hand with each of her little ones and leading them over to the vast array of books in one corner. As I moved over to take Annie's things out of the cubby, I kept my eyes on the three of them, smiling as my daughter's internal sunshine lit up her face while she pointed out her picture on the wall and spelled the name underneath it,  _A-N-N-I-E,_ and the two women who meant the world to her praised her profusely. I pulled the stack of drawings out of the bin on top of her cubby, each one marked with the same shaky letters that she'd just recited out loud, and I flipped through, glad we had an attic in the house, since I didn't think I could ever bear to throw out  _anything_ she made. There were pictures of Annie with me and Britt, hands drawn over each other, a four year old's best depiction of a hand hold, one of our yellow house, several of Dorothy in her ruby slippers, and my favorite, one of a dark haired boy and a blonde girl, so obviously Annie and her  _Bricey_ , lying in the grass. I made a mental note to take a picture of it to send to Rachel later, and turned around to see Callie standing behind me, the rest of the parents having already cleared out of the room.

"Hey, Callie. How was today?" I asked, eyebrows raised hopefully.

"A little better. She was building blocks right beside two of the boys who were making a castle together. When one of them was looking for a triangle block, she reached right out and handed one to him. Annie  _wants_ to play with the other kids, she's just not ready to take that step yet."

"Is there anything specific we should be doing to encourage that?"

"Honestly, I wouldn't push anything." Callie glanced down at the picture at the top of the pile in my hands. "That's Brice, right?"

"She told you about him?" I asked and Callie nodded. I was glad to hear that, so glad that she was at least speaking to her teacher. "He's basically her cousin, my best friends' son."

"This is what I'd suggest, let's give things some more time, see if Annie is talking about any of the other kids at home, and if she isn't, I'll tell you who she seems to be gravitating towards. Then, you should set up a time with their parents to be at the park, and I'd suggest bringing Brice along with you too, if you can. Having another child there that she's comfortable with might allow her to open up a little bit to someone else."

"Okay. I like that idea."

"And Santana?" Callie started, and I nodded. "I know you're worried, but she's going to be just fine."

"I know." I said, not really sure if what I was about to say was even appropriate to get into with my daughter's teacher, but I knew Brittany had made a similar offhand comment about herself. "I just...I didn't have a lot of friends when I was younger, I kind of kept to myself until Brittany...forget it, I don't even know why I'm telling you this. I'm sorry."

"No, it's okay. I'm glad you said it. Don't get offended by this, okay?" I resisted the urge to stiffen my spine, the instinct that I still hadn't quite shaken when I thought someone was going to say something I didn't want to hear. "As parents, we want things to be easier for our kids, and what happens as a result of that is that we let our own insecurities rise up. Brittany was teased in school, so she's afraid of Annie being teased. You didn't make friends, so you're afraid Annie being the same way. If either of those things happen, we will  _absolutely_ deal with it, but until then, remember that your daughter is her own person. Her struggles may look similar, if not amplified, but you could end up finding out that they're very different."

"Thanks." I averted my eyes sheepishly, knowing that Callie was absolutely right. "And you didn't offend me, I needed to hear that. I'll tell Britt, too. She's just our first baby, you know? We don't want to mess this up."

"You love your daughter, you'd do anything for her, and you want the best the world can offer. I think you're a long way from messing up."

I felt my skin warm at the compliment, like it always did, but before I could say anything back, Annie came dragging my mom and Susan over to her cubby. The two of them were practically glowing at watching their tiny pride and joy, and I couldn't help but feel the same way.

"Hi, I'm Maribel Lopez." My mother introduced herself before I had the chance.

"Susan Pierce."

"Grammy,  _'Buela._ " Annie looked up at them, her voice getting quieter as she reached out to hold my hand. "This is my new teacher, Miss Callie."

"Thank you for introducing me, Annie." Callie smiled warmly and Annie squeezed my hand tighter as her teacher reached out to shake hands with the two older women. "It's lovely to meet you both. I'm so lucky to have such a special girl in my class."

"Thank you, Miss Callie." She said shyly, her cheeks reddening while she fought the urge to hide her face and I fought  _my_ urge to immediately pick her up and hold her close to me.

* * *

While Mamí and Susan spoke to (or possibly grilled, they  _were_ as fiercely protective of Annie as the rest of us were) Callie, I knelt down beside Annie and let her tell me about the pictures that I was starting to tuck into her bag. She spoke so animatedly about them that the other three women actually stopped their conversation to listen. I was glad she didn't notice though, because she wouldn't have continued on, she was speaking the way she only felt comfortable doing in front of Brittany and I, all emotions bared because she was in a safe space. When we finally were able to bid Callie a good weekend, we quickly stopped for pizza and then headed over to the park. I sat down on the bench, just watching my daughter and the two women who loved her so much (so much so that my fifty-eight year old  _mother_ was actually swinging beside Annie as Susan pushed her, all three of them laughing harder than I'd ever seen). We'd been there close to two hours when Brittany appeared in front of me, grinning before dropping down on the bench beside me. I kissed her quickly, and took her hand in mine before pointing over to the swings.

"Grammy, push me  _higher!_ " Annie's shrieks rang out. " _'Buela_ is going to  _win!_ "

"Never thought you'd see the day when Maribel Lopez was having a  _swinging contest_ , did you?" I laughed, and Brittany just shook her head.

"You Lopez women are the biggest suckers for babies." Britt smirked. "It's actually the cutest thing ever."

"And the  _Pierce_ women aren't?" I countered.

"Oh, we are, we've just never tried to hide that fact."

"Okay, point taken." We sat there with silent smiles for a few minutes, just watching the happenings on the swings, none of them noticing that Brittany had arrived, before I spoke again. "Hey Britt?"

"Mmhm." She turned to look at me and squeezed my hand.

"I think...I mean...I know last time, we didn't tell anyone when we started on the IVF procedure, and it's a good thing we didn't, considering, but I don't know, I was just thinking that we could tell our moms. I just, I don't know, I'd kind of like to be able to talk to my mom and stuff, you know? Only if it's okay with you too though." I sputtered through the words and Brittany gave me one of her looks, the one that said  _you don't have to be nervous when you're trying to tell me something important to you._

"Honey, I think that's a great idea, I'm totally on board with it. We can even do it tonight, after the baby is in bed if you want." She rubbed circles with her thumb on the back of my hand and I leaned over to give her another quick kiss.

"Yeah, okay. Good. Sorry I'm being weird."

"You're not, you're just nervous about everything, I get it. Plus, I think you're extra cute when you get all sputtery and awkward.  _And_ , I love that you want to be able to talk to your mom. I think that's really important."

"It is. I mean you know how I got last time, and not just because I was petrified of those gigantic needles you had to jam into me. I'll just be glad to have someone else to talk to, since I'll probably drive you crazy with all my irrational fears."

"San, you'll never drive me crazy. I love how protective you are of our currently non-existent baby, how protective you are of our daughter. That's where your fears come from, you know that. But I agree, it's always good to have another person, and I'm sure  _my_ mom will be glad to talk to you too."

"Yeah, I'm glad we have them both."

"Mama!" Annie's shouts interrupted us as she ran, catching herself before tripping, into Brittany's arms. "I didn't know you got here!"

"Well, you were having such a good time with Grammy and  _'Buela_ that I didn't want to interrupt you." Britt hugged our daughter tightly and I knew I had my usual goofy smile on my face watching them. "I missed you, baby girl."

"I missed you too. I'm glad you're here now. Did you see how high I swinged? Even higher than  _'Buela!"_

"I did see, sweetheart." She gave Annie a butterfly kiss before shifting her onto her hip to stand up and hug our moms. "I'm so happy to see you both."

"So are we." My mother's arms were tight around Brittany, like they always were when she saw my wife, as if she couldn't thank her enough for giving me the life we had together.

"Who wants to head back to the house and give us the tour?" Susan asked, and Britt and Annie both jumped to attention, talking over each other excitedly about what they wanted to show first.

Once we'd made it back to the house, and went through the entire tour (ninety percent of which involved looked at every tiny crevice of Annie's bedroom, she was just  _so_ excited to share it with her grandmothers) Britt sprawled out on the couch with her head in my lap while my mother insisted on cooking dinner. From our place in the living room, we watched as Mamí sat Annie up on the counter beside her, the same place she always sat when I was the one cooking, just as she'd sat  _me_ when I was small, and Susan sat sipping her coffee at the table, talking to the two of them. Once Annie has stirred, tasted and approved her favorite meal, and helped Susan set the table, the five of us sat together, and I felt the same sense of warmth that always came to me when the three generations of women sat at the same table.

" _'Buela, esto es muy sabrosa."_ Annie gushed, and my mother beamed as she always did when her  _nieta_ spoke in Spanish.

" _Gracias, Annalisita, y gracias por tu ayudó."_

"It  _is_ very delicious, and you did a great job helping  _Abuela_ ,  _mija._ " I said, translating for Susan, and for Britt if she needed it, although she'd picked up so much listening to me speak to Annie over the years that she usually didn't.

"Mamí, can you play me the piano after dinner? And everyone can sing together?"

"After your bath, I'll play, and you can help me. It will be a a nice thank you to Grammy." I looked over at Susan and once again tried to express my gratitude for the early birthday gift she and Stephen had sent me. "Remember, it was a gift from her and Poppy."

"Okay! And thank you Grammy, even if it was a present for Mamí, I still think the music she makes means it's a present for  _everyone._ "

"I agree with you very much." Susan nodded solemnly to Annie. "She does make the prettiest music."

"And Mama's the prettiest dancer." Annie added, always careful to make sure everyone was included.

"Thank you baby." Brittany leaned over from Annie's right side to kiss the top of her head, and caught my eyes from her left as she pulled back up, sharing a silent moment together. "And you're just the prettiest of all."

* * *

After we finished dinner and my mother and Susan  _insisted_ on cleaning up so we could give Annie her bath (they knew it was important that even when they were visiting, we tried to keep most of our routine as constant as possible for her). Like she always did when I played the piano, my daughter sat at my side, her eyes wide as my fingers danced across the keys. Brittany leaned on the opposite side of the piano, her feet moving to the music of their own accord, and our moms joined in the singing (three times) of  _Follow the Yellow Brick Road_. As I watched Annie's eyes begin to droop, and she dropped her head to rest on my side, I switched to a down tempo version of  _Somewhere Over the Rainbow._ While I finished playing, Brittany moved to gather Annie into her arms, letting her mumble a sleepy  _good night_ and  _I love you_ to her grandmothers. When the song was finished, we took Annalise upstairs, both lying with her for a few minutes once she was tucked in. Pressing my lips against her forehead, I told my sleeping girl how much she meant to me, how proud I was of her, and how big of a deal it was that she'd done so well during her first week of school, before Britt followed suit and we turned off the lights, slipping back downstairs to our moms.

The two of them were on the couch sipping tea (I'd told them we'd get wine if they wanted it, but respectfully, everyone still refused to drink in our house, no matter how much time had passed or how okay with it I was), and Brittany and I settled into our oversized chair, my leg draped over hers and her arm around my waist. It was funny how everyone always watched us, I wasn't sure if it was in awe or disbelief, but neither of them said anything for several minutes as the two of us snuggled into each other, completely comfortable in each other's arms. Finally, it was Brittany who gently nudged my side, telling me to begin if I wanted, or that she would if that was easier for me. Our eyes met, and I silently told her that I was good to start, but I still gripped her hand tightly, not even sure why I was so  _nervous_ to tell the two women who tried to subtly (which they failed greatly at) ask us on a regular basis when they were getting more grandchildren.

"So...um." I started, and Brittany nodded to me, urging me on. "We have something to talk to you about, but we  _really_ need you not to shout and wake up Annie, okay?"

"Oh  _dios mio._ " My mother nearly cried out, looking at Susan who had the same excited expression on her face.

"No, no. Don't get ahead of yourselves. I know what you're thinking, but we aren't pregnant...yet." I couldn't help the smile that came to my lips at the word  _yet._

"But." Brittany continued, her hand somehow coming to rest on my stomach as she cut off anything the older women were going to say. "We are about to start trying, and we wanted to tell you."

"When?" My mother demanded.

"How?" Susan asked at the same time.

"My first appointment with Dr. Singh is on Wednesday." I seriously couldn't keep the grin off my face as I thought about it, even if I still couldn't tamp the butterflies in my stomach. "We are going to do it in vitro, we did a lot of research back-" I cut myself off, realizing they didn't know.

"We started going through the process two years ago." Britt said quietly, rubbing my arm as she spoke. "But we kind of stopped in the middle, after we realized we needed to focus on just Annie for a little while. We have frozen embryos that we're going to use, and yeah...I mean that's pretty much it."

"Yeah, now we just wait until I'm knocked up." I smirked, trying to hide how emotional I felt over telling our moms something so important.

"Hold on." My mother said, standing up from the couch. "I'll be right back."

"Me too." Susan said, following her out of the room leaving Brittany and I completely stunned.

"Are they just going to  _not_ saying anything?" I couldn't help but laugh at their completely unexpected reaction.

"I have  _no_ idea." Brittany pulled my feet up into her lap and snuggled closer to me. "The same women who have  _both_ made their hopeful messages at Thanksgiving for the past three years  _a bigger family_  just  _ran_ out of the room when we told them we were trying to give them what they want."

"I really have no words."

After about a minute, I started to feel nervous about the fact that they didn't come back right away, and Britt stroked my hair to soothe my anxiety. When they  _finally_ walked back in the room, my mother was wearing a self satisfied look and carrying a shopping bag, while Susan had a soft smile and a brown paper wrapped package in her hands. Britt looked over at me, and I shook my head in disbelief that they  _somehow_ already had gifts for an un-conceived child.

"Susan had to give me fifty dollars." My mother said as an explanation for their absence. "I bet her that you two were  _finally_ giving us another grandchild, and that you'd tell us on this trip."

"I'm  _still_ not sure it counts, since you  _did_ bet that Santana was pregnant." Susan rolled her eyes jokingly at Mamí. "But I'm so excited, that I don't even care, I'd give you a thousand dollars."

"Ma!" I half-shouted before remembering to keep my voice down. "Give Susan back that money right now, you cannot place bets on our kids!"

"It's okay, Santana." Susan said. "The rule on our bets is that the money has to be spent on Annie, or now, I guess, future baby Lopez-Pierce."

"Mom." It was Brittany's turn to chastise, her blue eyes sparking. "That doesn't make it any better. And what's with the packages? Do you just walk around with baby gifts in your suitcase?"

"Oh, no. They aren't baby gifts, that's bad luck." Mamí told us, and I gave her a look that said  _and betting on this isn't?_ "We have things for  _you_."

Honestly, maybe it was the fact that I'd been with Brittany for so long, or maybe it was just the sheer ridiculous of the preceding five minutes, but when my mother said they had things for us, my mind somehow shifted to the  _completely_ inappropriate. Brittany shook her head at me, immediately knowing what I was thinking, and burst out laughing. To keep me from spontaneously combusting at the thought of something like that, she reached out her hand to take the package from her mom, and set my hand down on her thigh as she started to unwrap. Luckily, it was  _not_ something weird and  _so_ creepy, had it been a gift from my mother in law, instead, it was just weird and  _hideous_ , this terrible pair of bright 1960's style baby booties.

"Um. Mom, I thought the gifts weren't for the baby. I know Santana has tiny feet, but they  _definitely_ won't fit into these."

"No!" Susan chuckled. "They're not for Santana  _or_ the baby. Please,  _no one_ should be wearing these, ever. They're horrible. But there's a legend behind them, they're supposed to help conceive babies. Your grandmother made them before she got pregnant with me, her sisters used them, their kids used them. They were even in my suitcase in France when I got pregnant with you on my honeymoon, and in my nightstand when I got pregnant with Lizzie. Now it's your turn to try."

"Wow. Thanks Susan." I looked at the ugly shoes, trying not to feel slightly disgusted that  _a lot_ of people had sex around them. "They're great."

"They've been washed." My mother-in-law said, apparently noticing the look on my face. "And no one actually had sex  _near_ them."

"Still  _kind of_ weird." Brittany laughed and kissed me softly. "But seriously, thanks. We'll put the magic booties to good use."

"Okay Mamí." I said, still kind of overwhelmed by the magic fertility shoes. "What do you have, the matching hat?"

" _Cállate, mija._ " My mother swatted my hand as I reached out to grab the bag. "You should take these things more seriously."

"Says the woman who bet on our baby." I looked at Britt and we shared a laugh. "Fine, Ma, I'm serious. What have  _you_ been carrying around with you in anticipation of this?"

My mother squeezed my hand as she handed over the bag to me, and I actually was surprised that I was  _surprised_ about what was inside. Like my mother found for just about  _everything,_ there was a statue of a saint inside, a woman holding a baby, and I resisted the urge to roll my eyes, knowing how important these things were to her. Even if I didn't fully  _get_ her religion, I  _did_ appreciate the meaning behind the things I'd grown up knowing.

"It's Saint Anne." She told me. "The Patron Saint of pregnancy and motherhood."

"Thanks, Mamí." I said softly, never sure how exactly to respond to things like this.

"I know it's not your thing, Santanita, but this statue has been up in the attic since you were born. Your father and I used to pray each night together to  _Santa Anna_ while we were trying, and then for your safe arrival while I was pregnant with you. Your father kept praying after..." I knew it was hard for my mother to speak about the circumstances of my birth, so I stood up and hugged her tightly.

" _Santa Anna._ " Brittany repeated. "Is that where Santana's name came from?"

"It is." Mamí affirmed. "Javier named her, two days after she was born.  _Mi amor,_ when you were in the NICU and I didn't come to see you, your Papí thought that calling you that would be it's own kind of prayer, like it would save both of us, and I guess it worked."

"Wow." I said, blinking back the tears that had formed in my eyes. "I didn't know that."

"I know. You know your father, he wouldn't be the one to tell you about holding his tiny baby girl and crying for help with his wife, even though he knows you've done the same thing. But yeah, that's why Saint Anne is important to us, your namesake."

"We'll keep the statue in the house." I looked at Britt for approval, and she nodded vigorously, even though  _she_ had been raised in the Methodist church and didn't have  _any_ idea about saints, except that my mom and Rosa invoked them for just about everything.

"I also brought these." She reached into the pocket of her jeans and pulled out a small jewelry box, opening it to reveal the medals inside, one in white gold and one in yellow, both of the same saint. "They're long enough that they'll hide under your clothes, if you wanted to wear them...I'm not trying to push it on you though..."

"I know, Mamí." My voice was nearly a whisper, thick with emotion. "You never have. But I  _will_ wear one, I  _do_ like the story behind it, and I know that _you_  will be praying to her for the next however many months on our behalf."

"I'd like to wear the other." Brittany smiled, wrapping her arms around my mother and I, urging Susan to join in. "That's a really cool story. How did I get my name, Mom?"

"Well. After your story Mari, this is going to sound so ridiculous and lame. But baby girl, your father and I spent most of our honeymoon in Brittany."

"Mom." Brittany groaned. "I did  _not_ want to know that."

"Really Brittany Sue?" Susan shook her head. "Consider that  _one_ sentence payback for everything I've heard."

"I can't believe you're one of those people who named their kid for where they were conceived." She complained, and I couldn't help but think that it sounded  _exactly_ like something my in-laws would do, and I kind of loved it.

"That's sweet, Britt." I told her, as we began to break up our group hug.

"Babe." My wife took the necklaces from my mom and fastened mine on behind the other I wore with Annie's initials before putting on her own and pulling me into a sweet embrace. "Just so you know, we are  _not_ naming our child  _Doctor's Office._ "

"Well that's something I can  _definitely_ agree to." I wrapped my arms around her neck and pulled her close to me for a kiss, so overwhelmingly happy at our mothers' excitement, and so filled with anticipation over putting the good luck tokens they'd given us to use.

"Girls." Susan gently interrupted our moment. "I seriously couldn't be happier that you're ready for this."

"Me either." My mom affirmed, tears welling up on her eyes, obviously at the thought of her  _own_ baby pregnant. "Another grandbaby..."

"Just do us a favor, okay?" Britt spoke softly as her hand absently caressed my stomach (I couldn't imagine what she'd be like when I was  _actually_ pregnant). "You can tell our fathers, because I know if you told me not to tell Santana something, I would anyway, but we don't want anyone else to know, not until things are official, and even then, not for a while."

* * *

When we'd finally gone to bed that night, after hours more of talking about just about everything, I'd snuggled into Brittany, silently counting the hours until we were at the doctor's office. Her fingers played with the new chain around my neck, and whether I believed in baby booties and saints of not, I  _really_ found myself hoping that they would work. So badly, so much more than I'd ever thought, the closer the appointment got, I wanted to have our baby inside of me, to bring the little life that would complete our family into the world. It felt like I'd hardly slept, the intensity of my own thoughts keeping me awake, when a tiny knock rapped against the door and I felt Britt slip away from me and let our tiny girl inside. By the time I opened my eyes, she was already settled onto the bed between us with her eyes watching me, waiting for me to be awake.

"Mamí, you look  _very_ sleepy." Annie informed me, before I sat up and pulled her on to my lap.

"I'm never too sleepy for you,  _mija._ And I'm  _definitely_ not too sleepy to go to CMA today." I promised, watching my daughter's face light up at the mention of the Children's Museum of Art,  _the absolute bestest museum ever._

"Did you  _hear_ that Mama?" She bounced in my lap excitedly and looked at Brittany. "Are Grammy and  _'Buela_ coming too?"

"Of course they are." Britt assured her. "They were the ones who asked us where we'd thought you'd like to go today."

"Oh! I can't wait to show them  _everything!_ We need to get ready!"

She started to wriggle out of my arms to go get dressed, but I stilled her motions, reminding her that it was  _still_ very early. She reminded me so much of Brittany sometimes that I couldn't help but laugh about it. While my wife had changed so much with motherhood, she'd never let that excitement she felt about the smallest things die, and I  _loved_ seeing it all over again in my daughter's eyes. Finally, calmed by the brushing motions of my hands against her arms, Annie slipped under the covers and lie there quietly for a few moments, just looking up at the ceiling.

"What are you thinking about, Little Bean?" Britt asked, calling her by her very first nickname, the one she occasionally slipped back into using when the three of us were having a quiet moment together.

"I feel very happy today." Annie said quietly, and my heart clenched.

"What about all the other days?" Brittany had her head propped on her hand and was staring down into the blue eyes that mirrored her own. "You don't feel happy then too?"

"Oh no, Mama, I  _always_ feel happy. But sometimes I feel happy  _and_ scared. Today it's just happy."

"It's okay to feel both." I told her. "Because you know what? I learned something very important on the day you were born."

"You learned lots of 'mportant things on my birthday, right?" She asked, and I couldn't help but laugh at just how true that statement was.

"I did. But the most important thing I learned that day was that happy always wins."

"It's true." Brittany confirmed. "And that's why we have to enjoy the days that are  _all_ happy the very most. It gives it a bigger place in your heart."

"I want it to have the  _biggest_ place, the  _whole_ thing."

"Oh,  _corazoncita,_  that's all I want for you too." I kissed her nose as she played with the bracelet on her wrist. "You really did a great job this week going to school, but we don't have to think about it all weekend if you don't want."

"S'okay, Mamí. I  _do_ like thinking about school. I like it there a lot. I'm just trying to make the happy bigger than the scared."

"You will, baby girl." Brittany promised. "Mamí and I both know you will."


	5. Living Happily Ever After

On the morning of our first appointment with Dr. Singh, I woke up feeling like I was gong to throw up. It was ridiculous, I was well aware of that fact, especially because it wasn't like I was going to walk out of her office all  _implanted_ or anything, it was just going to be a sonogram, a blood test (although  _that_ was enough to make me nauseous in its own right, damn needles), prescriptions (for more damn needles, seriously, the twenty-first century was nearly a quarter over, you'd think they'd have come up with a better solution by this point), and a plan. But it was in my nature to freak out over just about everything, so I guess it was only natural, at least by  _my_ standards, to be on the verge of an explosion of nerves on such an important day.

After dropping Annie off at school for day five (and I'd downed as many cups of coffee, knowing that I'd promised myself I'd give it up immediately after the appointment-better to do it early than to give myself the caffeine withdrawal stress once the procedure was actually finished), Brittany and I took a cab up to Gramercy. She held my hand tightly, frequently brushing her fingers up and down my thigh, calming me with each touch. Had it been anyone else, they probably would have mistaken my anxiety for dread, but my wife knew me better than that. She knew that I took everything seriously, so seriously that sometimes I got myself to the point where I was like a rubberband waiting to snap. No, I wasn't  _dreading_ the appointment, I was so unbelievably excited about it, but the gravity of the entire thing just made my insides turn to jelly. Over the fabric of my dress, I felt for the medal that lay between my breasts and I sent a silent message to my mother, figuring she was  _probably_ lighting candles somewhere (the only thing she loved more than praying to saints was lighting candles). We were really doing this, we were really trying to have another baby.

"I love you, San." Brittany said softly, pressing her lips to the back of the hand she held with her own.

"And I love you more." I smiled back to her as I climbed out out the cab.

"Totally not even possible."

We made our way into the elevator, and my heart thumped faster against my ribs with each floor that we passed. It was a different office than the one Brittany, in a panicked frenzy, found inside Beth Israel hospital four and a half years earlier, but I was so glad for how things had worked out for the doctor we cared so deeply about. In the time that had passed since Annie's birth, Dr. Singh had taken her talents to the new birthing center that she'd helped to create. Although I once would have scoffed at the idea of natural childbirth and what the publicity for the center claimed was a  _spiritual experience_ , I found myself strangely drawn to the idea. Brittany and I, alone in the room, laboring together until our baby was ready to come out was so vastly different than the terror that came along with Annie's traumatic birth via emergency C-Section, and I think  _one_ experience like that is enough for a lifetime. Should nothing go wrong (which I'd pray and cross all of my fingers every day for), Future Baby Lopez-Pierce (already affectionately dubbed FBLP by Brittany) would both enter and exit my body in some soft, warm hued room, with Enya playing (maybe I'm lying about that, it just seems kind of appropriate for the scene), no drugs (which, given my history, was the  _most_  important to me), and both of their mothers holding on to each other, waiting. Thinking about  _that_ managed to relax me slightly as we walked up to the reception desk and Brittany did all the talking for me.

Once we'd given the receptionist our updated insurance card (thank you, New York State for making insurance companies pay for fertility treatments for same sex couples!) and a copy of my last physical (as a doctor's daughter, I was  _really_ good about remembering to get one every six months, even if I  _was_ slightly terrified of those visits), we were immediately escorted back to one of the exam rooms. Brittany watched me with my favorite look on her face, that one of unadulterated adoration, as pulled my dress over my head and handed it to her to hang for me. Tossing my bra and panties in her direction (the least sexy strip tease ever, and I'd seen some pretty awful ones as a former stripper) I shrugged on the insanely soft cotton gown and shifted my weight from one foot to the other. Before I could say anything to her, she dropped the underwear she was folding onto the chair and came up to me, pulling me into the tightest hug. Her fingers ran gently through my hair, calming me immensely and I pressed a soft kiss on her lips. We stood there, locked in an embrace, so much passing silently between us, until there was a knock at the door and Dr. Singh walked in the room. Reluctantly disentangling myself from Brittany's arms, I lay down on the examination table and she took the seat beside me, immediately linking her fingers with mine again,

"Morning, Dr. Singh." I found my words for the first time since we walked through the doors to the building.

"Good morning ladies." She spoke in her soft sing-song voice. "It's so good to see you both again."

"It's great to see you too." Brittany chirped.

"How are you two? And how is little miss Annalise?"

"We're really good." I told her, my confidence returning at just how true that was. "Annie started school last week."

"That's wonderful." Dr. Singh said earnestly. She knew just how difficult it had been for Brittany and I when we sat in the chairs opposite her office desk, me a weepy hormonal mess from the tail end of the fertility drugs, Brittany trying to hold it together for both of us, telling her that we needed to postpone what we'd started. "So let's talk, you're ready to start this process again?"

"We are." Brittany smiled in my direction, and I nodded my affirmation.

"Excellent." She sat on the stool at the foot of the table and began to flip through my file. "So you have five fertilized embryos frozen, most likely, only two to three will have survived the preservation process."

While she talked about implanting the remaining embryos, I listened intently, glad I already knew so much about what we were about to undergo. Two years earlier, I'd nearly had a heart attack when Dr. Singh told us that it was common procedure to use up to three, to increase the odds of one taking. I  _may_ have quoted  _Friends_ and told her  _my vagina is not a gumball machine_ , before I actually calmed myself down enough to listen to what she was saying. It was moments like that, when I realized that the old  _react first, think after_ Santana still  _did_ exist deep inside of me, even if I  _had_ improved significantly. But this time, I wasn't scared hearing the doctor repeat those words, I just let myself feel Brittany's thumb rubbing my hand while I hoped so hard that we'd have one take, hoped so hard that one of my microscopic eggs that had been fertilized with the sperm of some tall, blonde, blue eyed dancer (it was kind of crazy the disproportionate number of performance artists there were in the creepy sperm catalogue, but I guess the term  _starving artist_ proves true) would grow into a baby.

"Well, Santana, let's start this off with some  _great_ news."

"Already?" I asked skeptically, since she hadn't even begun to examine me.

"Yes, already." Dr. Singh laughed. "This time, you only have to do three weeks worth of estrogen shots, and only every three days."

"Okay, that's the best news  _ever._ " Brittany nearly shouted, and squeezed my hand. The needles may have pierced my skin, but my wonderful, patient wife absolutely bore the brunt of my trypanophobia. Really thinking about it, it was actually  _hilarious_ , considering how many fears I'd overcome, that a tiny needle could still terrify me.

"I'm not that bad."

"Honey, I love you dearly, but you  _are_ that bad."

"Well, I think it's some kind of psychological torture that all of you smart doctor people use to keep the rest of us at bay." I frowned slightly, looking at a highly amused Dr. Singh. "Don't mess with the doctors, they'll jab a sharp object under your skin."

"Your father is a doctor Santana, and I know for a fact that he never threatened you with needles." Brittany gave me a playful smile, and I rolled my eyes at her.

"Anyway, ladies." The doctor interjected our banter with a smile. "Speaking of needles, we're going to start by taking some blood."

Although I knew it was coming, I still let out an exaggerated groan at the actual prospect of it. Doctor Singh prepared dozens of vials (okay, maybe closer to six) and warned me to close my eyes before she took the needle out of the package. While the band was wrapped around my arm, Brittany's mouth was up against my ear, softly whispering familiar words inside. At the teasing lilt of her voice as she spoke the words  _I would dial the numbers just to listen to your breath_ , I couldn't help the upturn of my lips and the small laugh that escaped. I was so lost in memories, the changes that had made my life turn from scary and terrible to absolutely incredible, that I didn't feel the pinch of cool metal in the crook of my elbow, didn't notice the vials filling with my blood, I was just filled with my wife's voice, the smell of her hair, the beautiful energy that flowed from her to me, the feelings of  _love, security, bliss._

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" Dr. Singh asked, and I thought of Dr. Kellen, Annie's pediatrician speaking the same words to her, and the brave face she'd put on every single time, the brave face  _I'd_ put in on front of her so she wouldn't get more scared.

"You want a lollipop?" Brittany teased, and I flicked her on the arm.

"I  _was_ brave you know, I  _should_ get one."

"I'll make it worth your while later." She breathed, and I felt the blush creeping up my neck, hoping Dr. Singh didn't overhear.

"Alright." The doctor spoke, her voice not revealing whether or not she had. "Let's do an ultrasound, make sure everything still seems to be in good working order, and then we'll discuss the next few weeks."

Slipping my bare feet into the stirrups, I dropped my head back onto the pillow behind me, bracing myself for the cold intrusion between my legs. When the inside of my uterus appeared on the screen, I stared into the picture, scrutinizing as if I had  _any_ idea what I was looking at. Mostly, it just looked like emptiness, so I gave up even trying after a minute or so and turned to look at Britt instead. She wasn't watching the screen, she was just watching  _me_. When she caught me looking up at her, she grinned, and I tapped my lips, asking for a kiss. After a quick peck and a few moments of intense eye contact, Dr. Singh was done scribbling notes into my file and she cleared her throat, breaking us from the trance we'd fallen into.

"Okay." Dr. Singh announced, flipping the switch to turn off the ultrasound machine. "Everything looks healthy, and once your blood work is finished at the lab in a few hours, I'll be able to confirm with you that we can start preparing your body immediately."

"Wow." I breathed, and I didn't have to look back at Brittany to  _feel_ the smile radiating off of her face. "So by immediately, you mean like tonight?"

"I do." She nodded. "Once we have the results, I'll call you and let you know, then we'll call everything in to the pharmacy."

"Define  _everything_." I tried to laugh, hating that I was so hypersensitive about anything medical.

"It's okay, Santana, you're not going to clear out the pharmacy. I'm just putting you on three weeks of birth control, to reset your system, the estrogen shots, and an antibiotic that I want you to take for the ten days before the embryo transfer."

"And that's in three weeks?" Brittany asked.

"Three weeks." Dr. Singh affirmed. "Do you have any other questions for me?"

"I don't think so." I pursed my lips and Brittany shook her head. "But you've dealt with us before, I'm  _sure_ I'll think of a hundred things the minute we walk out of this office and have to call."

"I know." She chuckled softly, knowing that I might not even make it to the waiting room without remembering something I needed to ask.

"San, do you think she should call me, since you're going to be with Finn all afternoon? That way I can go fill the prescriptions?" Britt asked, reminding me that I was going to be pretty unavailable for the rest of the day.

"Yeah, I didn't even think of that, actually. You can do that, right Dr. Singh?"

"Absolutely, I do remember that the first thing you insisted was that your wife have full access to all of your medical information. Brittany, I will call you this afternoon. And if all goes according to plan, I'll see you back here in a few weeks."

"Thank you." My hand reached out to grab Dr. Singh's arm, almost of it's own accord. "Seriously, thank you so much."

"Don't thank me yet, save it for the day I get to hand the two of you your new baby." From anyone else, I would have rolled my eyes at the confidence, mistaking it for cockiness, but not from Dr. Singh. She was excellent at what she did, and of all the doctors I'd met in my life, I believed in her the most. How could I not, after all she'd already done for our family?

Quickly, once Dr. Singh left us in the room, I got myself dressed. Brittany pulled me back into her for a quick moment before she carefully fixed my hair that had been messed up by lying on the table. Noticing the lollipops on the reception desk, Britt snatched two of them and smiled sweetly before unwrapping them both, handing one to me and sticking the other in her mouth. We waved a quick goodbye before linking our hands together again and starting our walk back downtown. It was the break I needed between the first emotional portion of the day, and the second that was to come. When we reached the garage where our car was parked, I sank into Brittany's arms one last time, always remembering what had given me the strength to do what I was about to do. We said our goodbyes before I got in the car and started my forty-five minute drive to Finn's school in the southwest corner of Brooklyn.

* * *

It was the third September since I'd made the decision to share my story with other people, and the third that Finn had asked me to come to talk to his classes. The annual assembly that his PFLAG chapter planned had become something of a hit (although, that was  _probably_ because they all got to skip their afternoon classes and hang out in the auditorium), but I knew on some level, the kids were impacted by the words that it had taken me years to be able to speak. On top of that, it  _did_ let them all know about the  _sing about your feelings and shit_ program that was starting in November, and I'd take any kind of opportunity to promote it that I could get. I didn't care if a hundred people came to  _my_ monthly meetings, or just one (although the more kids that came, the better chance I had of getting it started at other schools), I honest and truly just wanted to be able to help  _anyone_ I could have an easier time than I had. My mind was still buzzing with the excitement of being in Dr. Singh's office as I parked the car, signed into the building and made my way to the auditorium where Finn was waiting for me.

I was running later than I would have liked, so I only had a quick minute to hug Finn and take my seat in the front row. There were probably seventy-something kids sitting behind me, the students that _hadn't_ taken the assembly as a free afternoon (which I'm  _sure_ I would have done when I was their age). The ones that had come though were listening to Finn, for the most part, attention rapt at his words about acceptance and tolerance. He was an extremely well liked teacher, and I appreciated the way he candidly spoke to them about his own high school experience, about the earliest part of the journey that had led him to the stage, to his insistence on all of his students treating each other, and most importantly themselves, with respect. He spoke about Lima, how it wasn't exactly a town that welcomed differences with open arms, about slushies, about his own wife being borderline tortured for her dreams, about the Glee club, about struggling to accept sharing a room with his gay stepbrother, about the prejudices he'd held within himself, about how he hadn't realized how much those things hurt others, and about the terrified girl he'd outed in the hallway at school so many years earlier. He was so open in his speech that I felt the tears spring to my eyes, and he hadn't even told them about the second time our stories intersected, he was leaving that to me.

"Okay guys, now I want to introduce someone who is really important to me. This woman and I have seen each other at our worst, and have grown together into our best. I want you all to listen closely to her story, to hear what it really means to overcome. My very, very dear friend, Santana Lopez-Pierce." He smiled in my direction, and I quickly wiped my eyes before making my way up to the stage and taking the microphone from his hands.

"Hey everyone." I gave a small awkward wave, never very good at beginning these things. "One of the hardest things I've ever learned how to do was to tell my story, but three years ago, I came to the conclusion that it  _needed_ to be told, that I needed to show people who struggle like I have that there  _is_ an end somewhere out there, and to show people who are like the people I've struggled  _against_ that behind every judgement and hateful slur, there is a  _person_ who feels each of those things like a thousand tiny knives."

I took a long sip of the water bottle that was on the table beside me, and drew in a deep breath.

"I'm not going to censor myself with all of you, because I'm not your mother or your teacher, so I don't have to, and to do that would take away from the story. Like Mr. Hudson, I'm from Lima, Ohio, the land of  _it's not okay to be different._ When I was in high school, I fell in love with my best friend. The problem was, my best friend was a  _girl,_ and I  _hated_ myself every single day for the way I felt. No matter how much I tried, I couldn't push those feelings away, the only thing I could do was become more and more of a raging bitch every single day. I couldn't stop myself from sleeping with her, I was just  _drawn_ to her in a ridiculous way. I lashed out on everyone who crossed my path, and even when I  _finally_ admitted to her that I was in love with her, it didn't get easier. Instead, I was more and more afraid, I threatened to out a guy on the football team if he didn't pretend to date me, I made fun of Mr. Hudson's stepbrother every single day because he was so proud to be gay. I thought because I was different too, I had the right to say horrible things to other people like me, like someone had given me some kind of free pass to say the horrible things I thought about myself to anyone else I could take them out on. Somehow, I'm my twisted seventeen year old head, all of that made sense."

I scanned my audience for a second, taking gulps of water. Finn caught me eye and he gave me a small nod, knowing that I was struggling with the hardest parts of the story that was to come. This was the biggest reason why I was working on my music program, because it was so much easier to say the words that way. But this was something I'd insisted upon doing  _without_ it, because sometimes I just  _had_ to say the words.

"I started dating Brittany, officially, at the very beginning of my senior year of high school. She understood me better than I understood myself, and because she loved me as much as I loved her, we kept it a secret. I wasn't ready for the ignorant people of Lima to cast their judgement on me for the way I was born. Then, I got into a verbal altercation with your teacher in the hallway over something so  _ridiculous,_ over our rival singing groups. But that was the problem,  _everything_ set me off on a tirade, I had absolutely no control over my own emotions because I was so fucking  _scared_ of the best thing that ever happened to me. Anyway, the argument ended in a way I never would have imagined, with Finn Hudson outing me in front of half of the school, and, because of a ridiculous political campaign, it led to my face being plastered all over an anti-gay campaign ad."

Again, I paused for the gasps that always came when the students realized  _I_ was the girl that their teacher had outed. For a few moments, I let myself catch my breath before telling the  _worst_ part.

"I  _hated_ the boy who'd done something so unforgivable, but I wouldn't let anyone see how much it destroyed me, not after I already showed my vulnerability by jumping off a stage and slapping him across the face. I hid it really well, even after we'd graduated high school and I ended up living with his stepbrother and future wife. I was polite enough to him, but that hate hadn't died. Then, almost eight years ago, I was walking to the subway from my job in the middle of the night, when a man dragged me into an alley and slit my throat to try to  _teach me a lesson_ for being who I'd finally accepted."

I pulled my hair back into a ponytail, the scars that were still prominent illuminated by the bright lights of the stage. Again, there were gasps, and that was the reason why doing this had become so important to me. Sometimes, actually hearing a person who'd gone through the worst speak, seeing the scars that marred another body, could work in a way that nothing else could. In front of me were kids at the age where shock factor had the biggest impact, and I would use that to the advantage of the cause I was promoting.

"While I was bleeding out on the pavement, sliced open like I was completely worthless, for something I couldn't change, even if I wanted to, Mr. Hudson was searching for me, and he was the one who found me all but dead. When I woke up in the hospital, by some ridiculous miracle, I was angrier than I'd ever been, more terrified than I'd ever been, and I'd just about given up the will to fight. Instead, I made the worst possible decision for myself, I started drinking heavily. It was all I would do from the moment I woke up until I finally passed out at night, I'd drink tequila, or wine, vodka, anything it could get my hands on at any given time. The man who had tried to kill me almost succeeded in a completely different way than he'd intended, and I was allowing it to happen."

It was strange to me that my story didn't make me cry anymore, it was no longer about feeling self pity. It was  _over_ , had been over for so many years, and even if I  _did_ still feel an occasional bout of panic, it had become so rare that it hardly impacted my daily life. Instead, it was all a lesson, a lesson for me, for the people I wanted to help, and some day, for my own children. It wasn't the cliche  _it gets better_ that people always try to spew, no, it was the  _you can overcome the worst things in the world if you get the help you need._

"I wanted to die, probably more than anything, because I wanted the fear and heartache to go away. But I wouldn't kill myself, at least not directly, I just shunned the help of  _anyone_ who came to my aid, until one day, the person I could never truly shake from my veins appeared back in my life after six years apart. Brittany was probably the only person who could get through to me, and that's not to say everyone else didn't try. Mr. Hudson, his now wife, his stepbrother and his now husband, my parents, they tried everything, but I was stubborn as all hell. But Brittany didn't take my shit, she never did, and I didn't want to lose her again, so I got help. It didn't take long before I realized that I couldn't just be doing it for the woman I loved, it had to be for  _me._ I struggled, like you wouldn't believe, to overcome what I'd been through, but I learned to love  _myself_ for the first time in my life. I know, that if someone had spewed some bullshit about loving myself in high school, I probably would have told them to go to hell, so I'm sure half of you are internally rolling your eyes at me right now. Still, take it from someone who has been through hell and came back out again, someone who sat in a courtroom and heard the man who tried to kill me say that my life was never worth living. Loving another person is absolutely incredible, but until you love yourself, until you  _take care_ of yourself, you can't have any of that."

I let them mull on all of that for a moment, taking another breather and just watching. Looking again in Finn's direction, I summoned him up on the stage with me. When he reached my side, I grabbed hold of his hand and was able to start speaking again.

"So everyone always wants to hear the happily ever after, in any story. I can't stand up here and tell you the end, because honestly, I'm  _living_ my happily after every single day. That doesn't mean things won't be hard again in the future, because I just don't  _know,_ life isn't some kind of romantic comedy where it all ends in a wedding and a ride off into the sunset.  _But,_ I'll tell you all this." I stopped, kind of grinning like an idiot. "Brittany and I  _did_ get married, we have an absolutely amazing four year old daughter, we have the best friends, and a wonderful family. Had you asked me when I was sixteen how I saw my life playing out, I  _never_ would have said this, I  _never_ would have let myself even hope for this. I had to let myself stop being so goddamn scared before any of this could ever happen. When I was in high school, I felt like I had no one I could talk to, no one who understood me. I'm not saying that I know everything, but I'm saying that I do know  _some_ things. I'm happy to listen if you want to talk, I'm not a guidance counselor- and maybe that's a good thing. I'm just a person who can listen, who can hopefully help find you someone that can help if you want it. I don't care if you're gay, straight, an addict, or if you just don't feel like you fit in anywhere. Send me an e-mail, and even if it takes me a few hours to get back to you- I  _do_ have a very active daughter- I'll help you in any way I can. If you think that's weird, which I probably would have, but you still want some kind of place where you can talk, come at the beginning of November, when I'm here. You can sing, dance, draw a picture, read a poem, whatever you want, to express how you're feeling. I'm not usually great about talking, I sing about things when it feels too hard, so maybe you'll find a way that helps you deal too. Anyway, thank you all for not falling asleep or throwing shit at me, Mr. Hudson will give any of you who want it my e-mail address, and we'll chat."

"Thank you, Santana." Finn took the microphone back from me. "Guys, let's give her some applause, please."

At the sound of their applause, I always felt my heart start to race. It was so completely different than what I'd expected to feel back when my only dream was to be famous, it was so much  _better._ The sound of people responding to something  _real_ meant infinitely more than a response to a cheesy pop song, it was the sound of an impact, not the sound of blind fandom. When Finn's students settled down, he opened the floor for questions to both of us. Together, we answered them, him talking about growing out of his high school stupidity, about wanting to teach his own students not to behave the way he did so they wouldn't run the risk of turning into someone like Ryan Davis, about what had gone through his head after finding me that night, how the two of us ended up friends again, while I talked about the fate of my attacker, about therapy, medication, AA meetings, neither of us holding anything back. After they were dismissed for the day, Finn packed up his things and walked me out to my car.

"Could you imagine someone getting up on a stage and saying those things back home?" I asked him.

"No, I really can't." He chuckled. "It would have been a good thing though."

"Yeah, it would have been. You know, the only adult I was ever cool with talking to about things was Holly Holliday, and she was gone as quickly as she came."

"She was pretty cool. I mean she  _did_ convince the one and only Santana Lopez to talk about her big scary feelings."

"Yeah, if it wasn't for her, I would have been hiding a lot longer than I was. Do you think any of your kids will reach out to me?"

"If they don't reach out to you, they won't reach out to anyone. You're  _really_ good at this, Santana, and I'm not just saying that because you're my best friend. Talking to them like that, letting them know that good things can still happen even if it seems like the world is ending, I know it makes a difference."

"I really, really hope so, Finn. No one should have to go through it alone. Thank you, for letting me do this."

"Any time, seriously. Thank  _you_ for being open with them. I'm still so proud of you when I watch you speak."

"Thanks, Dad." I joked and finally gave him a real hug. "I'll see you over the weekend, okay?"

"Of course." He grinned. "Brice hasn't stopped talking about seeing  _S'tana, Brinny and MyAnnie._ "

"We can't wait either. Hey, Finn, I know I don't say it a lot, but I kind of love you or whatever."

"I love you or whatever too."

* * *

It was almost six o'clock by the time I made it home, already feeling completely exhausted from how much emotion I'd felt throughout the day. When I walked through the door, I kicked my heels off into the hall closet and dropped my sweater down on the couch. I could smell  _something_ cooking, something good, and heard Brittany and Annie laughing hysterically in the kitchen. Crossing the threshold into the room, I watched Brittany turning French Toast in a pan on the stove and Annie sitting beside her on the counter, powdered sugar streaked across her face. When she saw me, she lit up, and when Britt turned around, her face matched our daughters.

"Mamí!" Annie cried out, wriggling in place. "We're making your favorite food  _ever!_ "

"What are you making?" I played along, walking over to my daughter and kissing her forehead, carefully wiping the sugar off of her face.

"French Toast! With special apple bread!" She bounced up and down and I picked her up, not wanting her to bounce right off of the counter. "Me and Mama took the number one train to Zabar's!"

"You did? Well that sounds like a  _very_ special afternoon. I'm sad I missed it."

"S'okay, you had to go to school with Uncle Finn, and we bought you a present!"

"It's in the living room, sweetheart." Brittany told her, and Annie immediately wriggled out of my arms, running into the living room.

"Hi." Brittany smiled brightly, putting the spatula down on the stove and stealing a kiss. I licked her bottom lip, tasting the sugar that was on it and leaned into her. "How was it?"

"It was good. Tough, you know, but so good. Finn thinks I'll get some e-mails, and that I really can make a difference."

"I know you can, Santana. You've made so much of a difference in your  _own_ life, that I know just hearing you speak can change other people's."

"I really hope so. Did Dr. Singh-"

Before I could finish asking the question, Annie came tearing back in the room, a misshapen package wrapped in the comic section of the newspaper. There was a lopsided purple bow tied around it, and the excited little blonde hopped up and down, trying to shove it into my hands. I laughed, pressing another kiss to the top of her head and making a big show of carefully unwrapping the paper. When I saw what was inside, I looked back over at my grinning wife, knowing that she'd answered my question without needing to speak the words.

"Mama said this is your  _favorite_ special coffee in the world, and that's why we went  _all_ the way uptown."

"It  _is_  my favorite coffee,  _mija_. Thank you for helping her pick it out for me." Annie threw her arms around my neck and I held her closely, my eyes not leaving Brittany's as I ran my thumb over the most important word on the package,  _decaffeinated._

" _Thanks, Britt._ " I mouthed, feeling another overwhelming bout of emotion as she set the French Toast on three plates and carried them over to the table.

"What happened t'your arm?" Annie asked, noticing the bandaid in the crook of my elbow, never, ever missing a trick.

"I had to get a shot today." I told her, her fingers tracing the edges of the bandage.

"School  _and_ a shot?" Annie's eyes widened. "You were  _extra_ brave today, Mamí."

"She was, baby girl." Brittany smiled, helping her up into her chair. "That's why we brought her a present and made breakfast for dinner."

"Well I'm happy you were brave! Breakfast for dinner is my  _favorite!_ " Annie cheered, and I smiled, loving that  _so many_ things were her favorite.

* * *

Because I'd been gone for the entire afternoon, it took us much longer than usual to settle our daughter down for bed. In addition to our typical routine, Annie also added in singing the new Taxi Song she'd learned in school probably fifteen times, showing me the pictures she'd drawn, and then a bout of hyperactive energy where she went tearing through the house in just her pajama bottoms before Brittany finally caught her in her arms and settled her down between us in her bed. We ended up reading three chapters of  _Little House on the Prairie_ (we'd finished  _Little House in the Big Woods_ a few days earlier) and finally, halfway through my  _third_ time singing  _Tomorrow_ , Annie's eye's finally closed. Neither of us moved for close to a half hour, me feeling too tired, and Brittany, probably fearful that moving too soon would result in another shrieking jog around the house. Finally, after we were sure she was asleep, we gave her final good night kisses and retreated to our own bedroom.

While I went to  _finally_ take a shower (I  _hated_ that I hadn't had time to do it in between the doctor's office and going to Finn's school) Brittany went downstairs to get our first vial out of the spot in the back of the refrigerator where she'd carefully hidden them. When I came back into the bedroom, I was feeling all kinds of jittery excited about the fact that everything was in place, and all kinds of jittery _nervous_ about the size of the needle that I knew Britt was hiding from me. She had changed into her pajamas, and was sitting on the bed, bouncing anxiously up and down as she scrolled through her e-mails. After swallowing one of the pills that Britt had left on the dresser, I quickly dried my hair, and pulled on a long t-shirt, forgoing anything on the bottom.

"Can I take your picture?" Brittany asked, staring adoringly at me.

"Yeah." I smiled, not caring that my hair was all over the place and I'd washed all of my makeup off. "But then take one of the two of us together."

"Okay!" She quickly snapped the picture, and then I sat down beside her, pressing my face close to hers while she took another. "Are you ready for this?"

"For the needle? Never. To start making a baby, absolutely."

"I'll be fast, I promise."

"I know you will." I gave her a half-smile and she kissed me deeply, sighing into me.

"Lay on your stomach, don't look."

I listened to her, burying my face in her pillow as she shuffled around, humming as she ripped open the package with the needle. She sat down on the back of my knees, placing several kisses down my spine before holding them in the spot on the right side of my lower back. I reached around, placing my own hand on the other side so she could hold it. Once I felt her lift her head back up and the cool swipe of the alcohol pad in the same spot, I squeezed my eyes shut, even though my face was surrounded by the darkness of the pillow. Her left hand rested over mine and I breathed deeply, anticipating.

"One, Two."

"Fuck! Britt that wasn't three!" I cried out as she quickly jabbed into my skin and I felt the deep burn of the serum creeping into the muscle there.

"You always tense up on three." She placed the empty syringe down on the night stand, covered the spot with another bandage and kissed the burning skin around it.

"Well now I'm going to tense up on  _two._ "

"I guess I'll have to change it up then." She said simply, and I couldn't control the smile as it came to my face and I untucked my head so I could see her, still sitting on my legs, out of the corner of my eye. "I just want to kiss you all over."

"You know I'll never say no to that. But will you lay with me for a little while first?"

" _I'll_ never say no to  _that."_ Brittany crawled off of my legs and immediately to my side, pulling me into her arms and kissing everywhere on my face. "God, I love you so much."

"Britt, you know I'm never the one to get my hopes up before things are a guarantee, but I already have my hopes up, like  _so_ much about this. Is that bad?"

"No, babe, hope is a good thing. Even if it doesn't happen in three weeks, it's  _going_ to happen. We're gonna have a tiny little Santana in the world to go with our little me, and I can't  _wait._ "

"A tiny little me." I smiled a little bit, burying my face in her neck. "That's kind of a scary thing, you know."

"No, you're amazing, and FBLP is going to amazing too."

We didn't say much else, we didn't have to. My eyes hardly felt like they could stay open, between a doctor visit, needles, sharing my story with a new class of kids at Finn's school, and so much excitement about what was to come, but I wasn't ready to sleep. Instead, I kept trading kisses with my wife, letting my bare legs rub against the soft fabric of her sweatpants, feeling her heartbeat against my chest, feeling her fingers trace over the spot on my back where I knew angry bruises were already blooming, and just thinking about what I'd said to the kids in the auditorium earlier in the day. That I was still right in the middle of my happy ending, and it was the best feeling in the entire world.


	6. Hold On To the Future

In our family, both biological and the one we'd created with the ones who meant the most to us, big events never passed without a ridiculous amount of pomp and circumstance, it was just the way that we all did things. There was one day though that was an exception, one infinitely important day, that  _wasn't_ marked with any of the usual fanfare. September 19th, the day that had at one time defined my entire existence, had faded into one of silent remembrance, only commemorated with the simplest utterance of  _I love you's_  murmured by those I held dear to me. When I woke up just after dawn on that morning, the morning of another year passed, my body was in it's usual position, legs entwined with my wife's, our bodies almost completely one with each other. It was Brittany's unconscious motions that had given me such an important reminder, as her whole hand covered the softball sized bruise on my lower back and just the smallest tip of her pinky finger rested just above my left breast;  _we need to hold onto the future so much tighter than we hold onto the past_.

Carefully, so as not to wake Brittany, I slipped out of her embrace and down the hall to where our beautiful little girl slept. When I crept into the room, trying not to wake the  _other_ blonde in my life, I was immediately greeted by blue eyes that blinked slowly open and a bright, if not sleepy, smile. She was always so acutely aware of our presence, even in her sleep, and I returned her smile with my own soft one. Climbing up into her bed and under the covers with her, I wrapped my arms around Annie and she snuggled close to me. I savored those sleepy moments, the moments just after the sun came up where there were no obligations beyond taking time to think about how important the smallest things in life are.

" _Te amo, mi bebé dulce._ " I whispered into her little blonde head, feeling her warm breath against my neck.

" _Te amo también, Mamí._ " She said softly, her voice still edged with sleep and her fingers tugging at the ends of my hair. "S'it time to get up now?

"We don't have to, it's very early and Mama is still asleep."

"Mmmkay." She murmured, her eyes closing again as she lay against my chest, the same way she used to fall asleep as a tiny baby. "I'm going to sleep again too."

I hadn't realized that I'd fallen back to sleep with Annie, the soft sounds of her breathing lulling me. It wasn't until I felt the dip of the bed, and the touch of long fingers running through my hair that I woke up again. Brittany was lying beside us already dressed in jeans and a long sleeved shirt, smiling contentedly at the sight of Annie and I curled up together. She leaned over, pressing her lips against mine and I reached up to cup her cheek with the hand that wasn't resting on our daughter's back. When she pulled away, feeling the stir of a no longer soundly sleeping four year old, I looked over to the nightstand when I smelled the cup of coffee she'd placed there for me. Beside it was a paper wrapped bouquet of sterling roses and daisies, Britt's own silent way of reminding me how loved I was.

"Morning, Mama." Annie grinned, not lifting her ear from where it rested against my heart, but reaching out to hold Brittany's hand. "How come everybody wants to lay in  _my_ bed today?"

"I'm sorry, sweetheart. Did you want us to leave you be?"

"Course not." She moved off of my body and wrapped her arms around Britt while I reached for my coffee, humming happily into the first sip. "I like when we get to snuggle."

"So does Mamí." Brittany stage-whispered. "But don't tell anyone."

"S'okay, I don't think she's very good at keeping that secret anyway." Annie bounced up and down in Brittany's arms, both of them smiling in my direction.

"You're right." I laughed, ticking Annie's belly before squeezing Britt's hand. "I'm not. But that's okay, only two people in the whole world are lucky enough to get some of my  _awesome_ cuddles."

* * *

By the time we finally got up out of Annie's bed (after playing several dozen games of I Spy, reading two chapters of our book and listening to Annie talk endlessly about school-something I would _never_ ask her to stop), it was much later than I would have liked to start our morning. We seemed to be moving slowly and lazily throughout the day, but I couldn't even complain, some days were just made for slow and lazy. The three of us made the long walk over to Whole Foods, Annie standing on the end of the cart and Brittany pushing, with me quickly working through the list when we finally got there. We fought through the ridiculous crowds of people (seriously, it was like everyone in the city felt the need to grocery shop at  _exactly_ the same time), and once we were home and the groceries were put away, Annie and Brittany settled themselves on the floor of the playroom with Legos. Tearing myself away, I went into the office, using the slight twinge of anxiety I felt to fuel me towards  _finally_ finishing the one remaining page in the manilla folder.

It was over an hour before I'd signed my name, proofread everything I'd written and sealed the pages in a large envelope, ready to be sent off first thing Monday morning. There was something symbolic about it for me, finishing the grant application that could possibly make my dream a reality on the same day that I once thought all of my dreams had shriveled up and died. Feeling a slight pounding in my head (day three of withdrawal from  _anything_ was the worst- although, considering the other things I'd withdrawn from, caffeine was easy, it wasn't completely void of consequence), I pinched the bridge of my nose and leaned back in the chair with my eyes closed. Without opening them, I felt Brittany's presence in the room as she came over and sat down on my lap, softly pressing her lips between my eyes, using her touch to soothe the ache there.

"Are you okay, San?" She asked, concern thick in her voice.

"Just a little bit of a headache." I told her, still not opening my eyes as she placed soft kisses on each lid. "But I finished the application, I can send it out on Monday."

"That's awesome!" She bounced a little bit in my lap and I opened my eyes with a smile, catching her lips with mine.

"I know. Sorry I spend part of our Saturday shut up in here, I just felt like I needed today to be the day that I finished it, you know?"

"Absolutely. And now that the paperwork is out of the way, you can really work on the things that you want to."

"Yeah, I mean I'll have a ton more paperwork to do eventually, but I can't really do much else without knowing whether or not I'm going to get the money to even officially start. I mean, Finn's school has been great, and I'm so excited about my first session next month, but I'm just ready for it to be  _bigger._ I could really use the help of someone who actually knows what they're doing, you know?"

"You're going to get the money. It's such a great thing that you're trying to do, and there's really nothing else like it out there. Obviously, having objective counseling sessions doesn't work for so many kids, they need someone in the trenches with them, and  _you_ can do that."

"Let's just hope they see it like that. I think that the people that run these grant programs like to see things that are tried and true. Maybe something novel isn't what they're looking for." I sighed, my biggest fear about the entire project being that I would never get the money I needed to actually get it going somewhere, never get the accreditation so other schools just gave me a chance.

"I really believe that there are people out there who will take a chance on you. Everyone's had their own struggles, and I think there are a lot of people who have seen that the traditional ways of dealing with things just don't always work. And more than I believe in them, I believe in  _you_ , Santana, I know that you can make anything happen." She rested her forehead against mine, repeating the words that she'd said to me twice before. "And you've still got two tricks up your sleeve if you need to use them."

"I guess. I mean, I know that Rachel and Mercedes both told me they'd use their celebrity status to help, but it's just something I really,  _really_ want to do on my own."

"I know honey, but it's still you, even if you do ask for their help. But for now, let's just keep believing that those old guys who review the grants are going to send you a big, fat check." She smiled into another kiss, and I felt myself smiling back.

"Thanks, Britt. I needed to hear that. Where's Annie?"

"She fell asleep basically in a pile of Legos while we were building our zoo. I brought her up to bed, figuring I'd let her sleep, since she'll probably be up late with Brice sleeping here. Are you ready to practice having two kids overnight?"

"I am." I laughed. "But I  _think_ , if Annie's still sleeping, you and I should get some rest too."

"I love that idea. And maybe your head will feel a little better after you take a nap."

"Yeah, just a few more days and this damn caffeine withdrawal will go away."

"You know I appreciate you giving up your last vice for this, right?" Brittany stood up from my lap and took both of my hands, pulling me up with her.

"Oh no. I still have one last vice." I winked. "And  _you_  are one that I'll  _never_ give up."

* * *

After we were able to nap for over an hour and I took a hot shower to take the final edge off of my headache, Annie was bouncing around the house,  _so_ excited about her sleepover with Brice. When I came downstairs, dressed in just sweatpants and one of Brittany's long t-shirts (I loved that I felt  _no_  need to get dressed up for Finn and Rachel), I scooped her up in my arms and carried her into the kitchen with me. Just as I'd settled her up on the counter to help me start making dinner, the doorbell rang, and she nearly jumped off, itching to be the first one to get to the door. After setting her back on the floor, she ran to Brittany, who'd just finished her own shower, and hopped up and down, waiting for her Mama to open up the door. I stood in the doorway of the kitchen, smiling as Finn scooped her up in the arm he wasn't holding Brice with.

"Hi Bricey!" She shrieked, kissing his cheeks in the same way that Brittany and I did. "Hi Uncle Finn! Hi Auntia Rachel!"

"Hey there Annie. Someone's excited tonight!" Finn chuckled.

"I missed you  _so_ much!" She hugged Finn tightly as Brittany took Brice from his arms.

"Oh sweet boy, look how big you're getting." Britt carried Brice over to me and I wrapped my arms around both of them.

"Brinny, S'tana, I gets to sleepover today!"

"We're very excited to have you sleep over Brice. I hope you're ready for all kinds of crazy Lopez-Pierce fun." I blew a raspberry on his chubby hand and he laughed hysterically.

"C'mon!" Annie called, hopping down from Finn's arms and dragging him toward us. "Let's go play!"

Once Finn brought the kids into the playroom, looking like a giant sitting in one of Annie's small chairs, Brittany, Rachel and I went back into the kitchen. Before I could stop her, Rachel engulfed me in a hug, not saying anything, and I hugged her back, just as hard as she was hugging me. She knew better than to make a big deal, but I wasn't going to stop her from expressing her emotions toward me. After she finally pulled away, I awkwardly shuffled over to the refrigerator to take out the raw chicken, while Brittany pulled the breadcrumbs out of the cabinet. Rachel sat down at the counter across from us, and Britt and I worked in sync, breading the chicken for dinner.

"Thank you both so much for taking Brice for the night, it's been awhile since Finn and I have had any  _alone time._ "

"We are always glad to take him." Brittany said earnestly, but my meddling mind was trying to figure out what exactly Rachel meant when she said  _alone time_.

"Time out, what exactly do you mean by  _alone time?_ " I asked, cutting off the rambling she began about still being grossed out by raw meat, even though she'd given up her vegan status when she was pregnant with  _the carnivore baby_ and craved hamburgers all day, every day.

"You know..." She trailed off, her face reddening.

"Okay, you're not sixteen anymore, you're married with a kid, we're all aware you have S-E-X." I spelled out, teasing her. "No need for euphemisms."

"How long is a long time?" Brittany asked, before I had a chance to.

"Well, you know, Brice keeps me really busy." She sighed.

"Answer the question, Berry. Are we talking less than once a week here?" My eyes widened at the thought and Rachel covered her face with her hands.

"Oh my God, San." Brittany gasped. "She  _is._ "

"I don't really want to discuss the specifics of my intimacy with my husband with two people who I'm almost positive are all over each other  _much_ more than what is considered normal."

"Hey, we've had dry spells before." I argued, and Brittany elbowed me in the ribs with a smirk. Okay,  _true_ , four days was  _probably_ not considered a dry spell.

"What, three hours?" Rachel laughed and I rolled my eyes at her.

"No, seriously. We want to help, how long has it been?" Brittany asked again, giving her that magic Brittany look that made anyone do what she asked of them.

"It'sbeenfiveweeks." Rachel mumbled, dropping her head to the counter.

"You haven't had sex in  _five weeks?"_ Brittany shrieked, and Rachel looked like she wanted to disappear. "Man, your water bill has to be  _crazy_ high with all the time Finn must spend in the shower!"

"Rachel Barbra Berry-Hudson, take your husband and get out of our house right now!" I yelled, not even able to control my laugher, as hard as I tried.

"You can't kick me out of your house!" She protested.

"Oh yes I can." I quickly ran my chicken coated hands under the sink and moved over to the cabinet, throwing a box of Luna Bars in her direction. "You've been uninvited to dinner. Eat these in the car on the way home. I'm not going to let you sit here and eat chicken cutlets with us, when you have much more important things you should be  _doing._ "

"I can't help that I'm tired all the time, Santana. And I'm afraid Brice is going to wake up at night and need me."

"Rachel." Brittany said softly, catching my eyes and telling me that she probably didn't need us to make her feel bad about something she was clearly embarrassed about. "We're tired a lot too, and we're not saying you need to have sex every day, but there are some things in your marriage that are really important. For Brice's sake, and your own, you can't just let things get in the way of that. A happy marriage takes work, and I'm not saying you're not happy  _now,_ but sex is a  _big_ part of that. Sometimes it's hard for us too, to make time, but it's important that you do. There are some things that you can only share with Finn, and it's not fair to either of you to let that fall to the side."

"It's just hard, and it's not like I don't want to." There were tears in her eyes, and I actually felt bad about teasing her. "I'm just not great about balancing everything."

"Listen, Rach. What I'm about to tell you doesn't leave this kitchen, okay?" I looked at her expectantly and she nodded. "I had a really hard time at first, with the idea of locking our bedroom door, of not being completely at Annie's beck and call, especially when she was really small and sick, but you know Britt has always been able to get me to open up and talk about things. The first time the baby made noise over the monitor while we were having sex, I couldn't have jumped out of bed any faster, right in the middle of going-"

"Um, can you please skip  _that_ part?" Rachel asked and Brittany giggled.

"Okay, fine. Anyway, I left Brittany totally high and dry all because the baby had the hiccups in her sleep. She never even woke up, I was just that neurotic. We ended up having a really long talk about it, and Britt had already done all kinds of research because she  _knew_ how crazy I get about things. The point is, if Brice really needs you, that's  _totally_ fine, but he'll be  _three_ in January, you can't  _think_ he needs you with every single whimper, and you can't put aside your own needs and the ones you share with Finn. And I'm not kidding about you being uninvited to dinner. Your son is out of the house for the night, it's a good opportunity for the two of you to talk about this, and an even  _better_ opportunity for you to do more than talk."

"Well what am I supposed to do, go in there and drag Finn home so we can have sex?" She furrowed her brows and I raised my eyebrow in her direction.

"Why not?" Brittany grinned. "If Santana did that, I'd think it was totally hot."

"Santana  _has_ done that." Rachel laughed, the red finally fading from her cheeks. "Neither of you are ever very sneaky."

"My point, exactly." Brittany nodded sagely. "No shame necessary around here."

It took another five minutes of coaxing before Rachel worked up the courage to go tell Finn that they were leaving, and another ten of her ridiculously long (as if I had any right to say that, considering) goodbye to Brice. Once they were finally out the door and the kids were situated back in the playroom, Brittany and I went back to the kitchen to finish cooking dinner. Before I could turn on the skillet to cook the chicken, Britt pushed me up against the sink, pressing her body against mine and kissing me deeply. I stood up on my tiptoes, winding my fingers through her hair and pulling her impossibly closer to me. When we finally broke apart, she burst out laughing and I followed suit.

"Seriously." I could hardly get the words out, I was laughing so hard. "The next time Kurt makes some comment about lesbian bed death, I'm telling him that the name has been changed to _heterosexual I had a baby almost three years ago bed death._ Seriously, there's no worry of  _that_ around here."

"San." Brittany tried to scold, but she was nearly doubled over, hiccups escaping her throat. "How did  _we_ , who formerly had the biggest mess of a relationship, become everyone's advice givers?"

"I don't know, but after all we've taught Finn and Rachel, there should be a whole album's worth of songs dedicated to us at their fiftieth wedding anniversary."

"Be careful what you wish for, babe. Our's comes first, and unless you want the whole night to be the Rachel Show, you might want to keep those thoughts to yourself."

* * *

After feeding the kids dinner, neither of us could get them to calm down. Rather than continue to try, we sat back and watched the two of them whooping through the house, playing (the completely politically incorrect) Cowboys and Indians. I was pretty sure that Brice had  _no_ idea what was going on, besides trying to keep away from Annie, who was pretending to ride a horse in her efforts to capture him. But still, he  _absolutely_ adored playing with her, and when she finally caught him (seriously, I'd never seen a baby run as fast as he could) the two of them collapsed on the floor in hysterics, Annie tickling him and his laughter spurring her on. It was one of those things I loved to see,  _needed_ to see, my daughter interacting with her best friend in such an uninhibited manner. I knew that she was still struggling at school with making friends, and I'd been keeping Callie's suggestion in the back of my head. As they crawled around (having switched to playing Cats and Dogs), I was one hundred percent sure that Finn and Rachel's son  _was_ the ticket to helping her feel comfortable. Even if I wasn't supposed to be projecting my own life onto her, I thought it  _was_ relevant that I'd had Brittany to do the same thing for me. If it hadn't been for my wife, I  _never_ would have even spoken to any of the people who were now my closest friends, never would have come out of my own bitch masked form of shyness.

"Mamí!" Annie cried out, breaking me from my thought process. I looked down and saw Brittany crawling on the floor with the two kids. "Come play with us! Mama's a cat with Bricey and you can be a dog with me."

"Meow!" Brice cried out, and I dropped to my knees on the floor beside Annie.

"Okay,  _mija_ , how does the game work?"

"We gotta catch the cats!" She shouted, and then dropped her voice to a whisper. "'Cept we're not gonna eat them, we just wanna be their friends. They don't know that yet though."

"Do we have a strategy?" I asked, knowing Annie's games were usually pretty well planned out.

"Nope, not this time. We just gotta figure it out as we go along." I felt the smile tugging at the corners of my mouth, not sure if I was taking Annie's words for more than what they meant or not. "Kay?" She asked, and I nodded. "Ready! Set! Go!"

Brittany and Brice took off, and Annie and I followed them, with my daughter always looking back every time she got ahead to make sure that I was still following. We took turns with which of the other two we caught, before Brittany (who cried out that cat's are much sneakier than dogs) turned the tables and decided to pursue us instead. After nearly forty-five minutes of the game, the four of us had collapsed in a pile on the throw rug in the middle on the living room. Britt's head was on my shoulder and she had a very sleepy looking Annie tucked under her arm. On my chest, Brice was still wriggling, a never ending ball of energy, and I rubbed his back softly before he hopped up and was off and running again.

"Bath time!" Brittany called out, standing up and shifting our barely awake daughter onto her hip.

"C'mon Brice! You heard Aunt Britt, let's go get you in Annie's big bathtub!" He stopped for a moment, looked at me and shook his head.

"No bath, play!"

"Nope,  _chiquito_ , it's getting late." I moved slowly toward him, knowing if I ran, he would too. "We'll go play in the tub, and then it's bedtime."

"Why?" He whined, and I shook my head to let him know he wasn't going to fool me with that game before quickly capturing him in my arms. He probably had about ten pounds on Annie, even if he was still a good two inches shorter than her, and I struggled against his wriggling body.

"Annie's coming in with you, buddy." Brittany soothed, seeing how difficult it was for me to hold him.

"MyAnnie comes too?" He pursed his lips, trying to decide if that was a fair trade off. "Hmmm. Okay,"

We managed to get the two of them in the tub, Brice splashing everywhere and Annie getting riled up again by his excitement. When we finally pulled them out (both of them wrapped snugly in Annie's bright gold towels, Brice in Brittany's arms, Annie in mine) we had them dressed in their pajamas and settled down into bed. Immediately, Annie wrapped her arms around her friend, and he snuggled into her. Taking our usual spots on either side of the bed, Britt smiled over at me, both of us enamored by just how sweet they looked tucked in together. After reading  _One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish_ (which Annie had chosen because it was Brice's favorite), they both had fallen asleep and we both kissed them good night. Quietly, we retreated to our bedroom, but we weren't in there two minutes before Brice's little voice came over the monitor.

"You wake?" He asked in a two year old's best version of a whisper. "MyAnnie, you wake?"

"Shhh, Bricey, it's sleeping time. No poking." She answered him, her sleepy mumbles barely coherent.

"Not tired. We play?"

"Tomorrow. S'bedtime now."

"Should we go in there?" Britt asked and I nodded, both of us smiling at how sweet they sounded.

"Kid might look like Finn, but he's  _all_ Rachel, completely relentless."

Making our way back down the hall, we opened the door to see Brice still poking at Annie, who had covered her face with Milky Way and was desperately trying to sleep. When he saw the two of us walk in the room, his face lit up and he scooted over to the edge of the bed, bouncing slightly.

"G'morning!" He cried out, and I couldn't help but laugh at his enthusiasm. "Lights on!"

"Still nighttime." I told him. "You haven't gone to sleep yet."

"Mommy's here?"

"No, Mommy's home, just me and Aunt Britt."

"Oh." His face fell and I realized he was nervous about being separated from Rachel. As tears sprung to his eyes, Brittany moved over to the bed and picked him up, cradling him close to her.

"It's okay, buddy. You have all of us here with you. We'll see Mommy and Daddy in the morning." She whispered to him.

"Sing a song?" He asked, and I looked over to Annie who'd drifted back to sleep.

"Let's bring him downstairs, Britt. I'll sing him a few songs and then he'll be out."

Carefully tucking Annie back under the covers and giving her another soft kiss on her forehead, I followed Brittany out of the room and down the stairs. As it turned out, a few songs did  _not_ put Brice to sleep. His tired eyes stayed wide open except when he occasionally cried into Brittany's chest for Rachel (a far cry from the boy who wanted to move in with us just a month earlier), as Britt sat beside me on the piano bench holding him closely. When I was just about to pull my hair out, and possibly get in the car to take Brice home so he wouldn't be so upset (although I  _really_ didn't want to walk in to whatever was going on out in Brooklyn), an idea struck me. He  _was_ Rachel's son, and when all else failed to calm  _her_ hysterics down, there was always the final solution. As soon as my fingers began to play the first few notes, I saw the smile play on Brittany's face as Brice visibly relaxed.

" _Mem'ries, light the corners of my mind. Misty water colored memories of the way we were._ " I sang, and tried  _not_ to laugh at the song I was singing to get Rachel's son to sleep, tried not to laugh that it was actually probably the most depressing song of all time _._ Everyone always thought  _Don't Rain on My Parade_ was her favorite song, but after knowing her as long as I had, I'd learned that  _The Way We Were_ was her  _actual_ favorite, and it didn't surprise me in the least that she'd probably been singing it to Brice since he was in utero." _Mem'ries, may be beautiful and yet what's too painful to remember, we simply choose to forget. So it's the laughter we'll remember, whenever we remember the way we were._ "

* * *

By the time I'd finished the song, he'd finally fallen asleep, his deep breathing indicating that he was out for the night. While Brittany carried him up the stairs again, I made a quick pitstop in the kitchen for a bottle of water and a godawful vial from the refrigerator. Finally making it into our bedroom, I set the vial on the dresser and quickly swallowed a pill before collapsing on the bed, completely exhausted in spite of the mid afternoon nap I'd taken. When Brittany came into the room, I hardly lifted my head up from the pillow.

"Shit, Brittany, Rachel isn't kidding when she says Brice is exhausting! I love that kid, but I don't know  _what_ they're putting in his Cheerios in the morning."

"I know. It's almost ten o'clock and we  _just_ got him to bed. How tired are you?" She asked and I lifted my head, noticing that she was standing at the foot wearing just her tank top.

"Not too tired to notice that you aren't wearing any pants. And  _definitely_ not too tired to do something about that."

"Good." She gave me a playful smile. "That's what I was hoping. But you know what we have to do first. You can consider  _this_ your reward if you behave."

"Ugh, I'll try. But maybe you should take your shirt off too, you know, for some extra incentive."

Grinning, Brittany pulled her shirt up over her head and grabbed the syringe from the dresser, sitting completely naked on my thighs. Quickly, she swabbed the spot on my lower abdomen (I  _hated_ that we had to do it in a different spot on my midsection each time, by the end of the three weeks, I was going to look worse than I had after I thought I could take on Lauren Zizes) and held my hand over my eyes with her own while quickly jabbing the needle into the skin. As was expected, I let out a small yelp, but I didn't complain  _too much_ once she covered up the spot and made quick work of tossing my pants on top of her shirt on the floor. Without bothering to remove mine, she covered my body with hers, and before I knew it, she was pressing featherlight kisses against my throat. It had been a long time since she felt the need to pay special attention to that spot, but on the night it was, she just needed to take her own moment of silent remembrance.

There was no teasing, no long buildup, just the two of us physically pouring our love into each other's bodies. At some point, my shirt came off, and with Brittany on top of me, I could feel the trembling heat of her skin everywhere. Our eyes locked and our lips fused together as we picked up a rhythm, our bodies knowing each other's so intimately that we no longer had to even  _try_ to come at the same time. As soon as Brittany was close, my own body responded to that without my control, and I crashed over the edge with her, each of us swallowing each other's desperate cries. Falling on top of me, pinning my body beneath hers, I felt so completely covered and safe, our panting breaths mingling together as we worked to find words again. I wasn't sure how long had passed, but my arms had locked tight around Brittany's lower back and she pressed a sweet kiss to my forehead, her hair forming a curtain around us.

"I know that we don't make a big deal out of today." She whispered, cutting through the darkness of the room. "But I just want to make sure that you're okay."

"I am, I'm more than okay, actually. Eight years ago, I was in the deepest, darkest hole I could imagine, but I've been out of that hole for so long now and I feel like I'm climbing some kind of beautiful mountain, this one where you can just keep getting higher and higher forever- you know, if the idea of climbing a mountain didn't make me want to put on sweatpants and lay on the couch." I let out a small laugh and she shook her head against me, her smile lighting up her face. "Seriously though, all this day has become is a reminder that once you make it through the worst, everything else feels so,  _so_ much better."

"Good. I'm still so proud of you Santana."

"Thanks, Britt. I love you, so much. And I wouldn't want anyone else to be beside me on this climb to the top."

"And I wouldn't want to be anywhere else." She promised, and our lips met again. "I love you."


	7. Maybe Baby

They say time flies when you're having fun. Turns out, time  _also_ flies (and thankfully so) when you're having gigantic needles full of burning liquid jammed under your skin every three days. It seemed like we'd hardly blinked an eye and we were already sitting back in Dr. Singh's office, waiting (not so) patiently for her to come in with the defrosted (I'm  _sure_ that wasn't the actual word for it, since it basically sounded like I was taking a steak out of the freezer, but I wasn't sure of what the fancy scientific word for it was) embryos. I'd suffered the last week on the hormones, as I'd expected, considering my  _wonderfully_ cooperative body just  _loves_ to freak out on itself at any given opportunity, and I lay there on the table feeling slightly achy, and  _extremely_ glad that the air conditioner was still on in the room, since I'd spent eight days feeling like my body was on fire. I wasn't complaining though, honestly, and Brittany knew that as she sat beside me, one hand clasped with mine over the medal on my chest, the other holding on to her own. I knew the orange baby booties were tucked into the side pocket of my wife's purse, and she'd kissed just above my belly button (and above where the ugly bruising stopped)  _four times_  for good luck. So, so badly (especially since I'd developed the unfortunate habit of reading about other people's repeated failed IVF attempts on the internet) we wanted this to take, wanted the last member of our family to be safely growing inside of me, as soon as humanly possible.

I closed my eyes, sighing softly as I rested my free hand on my stomach, practicing the visualization techniques that I'd learned so many years earlier. It wasn't that I believed in it entirely, but I didn't really believe in praying to dead saints or magic shoes either, I was just hedging every single bet we had. Brittany and I both knew the odds were good, I appeared to be pretty fertile, I was barely twenty-nine (my birthday had passed a week earlier with a quiet dinner with our friends, beautiful pictures that Brittany had done of Annie, and the stunning rose gold solitaire diamond bracelet that adorned my wrist-my wife  _knew_ that more than I loved bling, I loved her beautifully unique taste in jewelry), and this was  _going_ to happen. As the door to the room opened, I felt Britt give me one last soft kiss, and I felt her smile, felt her own positive thoughts begin to course through my body.

"Good morning ladies." Dr. Singh announced her presence, sounding even more enthusiastic than she normally was, and I managed to open up my eyes. "Who's ready to make a baby?"

"Oh, we both  _definitely_ are." Brittany chirped, and I tapped my fingers against the back of the hand that was still holding mine, a silent agreement to her words.

"Excellent! So, here's what's going on, after your embryos were thawed, it looks like we have only one that appears to be developing properly."

"Well." I tried to laugh off my nervousness, but sounded kind of like I was choking. "I guess that means we know we won't be having twins then."

"Never say never." Dr. Singh smiled. "But since there are no identical twins in your family or the donor's, I'd say your odds are pretty low."

"Okay." I said quietly, and Brittany soothingly massaged the palm of my hand with her thumb. "I mean, we've done a lot of research, and doesn't this decrease the odds like, a lot."

"Honestly, considering your age, and that this is your first cycle, not all that much. What's more important is that your body is prepared, and that you do exactly what you're supposed to do for the next few weeks. When you leave this office, I want you to act like you're already pregnant. Get a lot of rest, eat well, no heavy lifting, minimal stress." Brittany caught my eye and she gave a slight nod, ready to ask the question we'd been debating for days.

"What about Annie? She weighs twenty-seven pounds, and we  _do_ both still pick her up. I'm concerned about that, concerned about Santana doing anything that might be dangerous for her." Britt asked the doctor, and received a soft smile in return.

"Listen, I've had women in here who have two year olds as big as your daughter is, and I tell them all the same thing. Women have been having babies for as long as humankind has existed. Carrying around your kids is an inevitability, and your body will tell you when you can't do it anymore. If you leave here today and the embryo takes, eight months from now, you'll probably feel like you can't. But until then, you're fine to continue most of your normal everyday activities." She assured us, and I smiled gratefully. We had every intention of waiting a decent amount of time before telling Annie what was happening, until the risk of miscarrying reduced significantly, and I  _really_ hadn't wanted to abruptly take something important away from her without explanation. Maybe she was getting too old to be carried around (Kurt, much to my ire, called her Suri Cruise  _all the time_ ), but physical closeness comforted her, and I was so glad it could continue.

"Perfect." The relief was evident in my voice and I could hear Brittany exhale her own.

"What other questions do you have for me?"

"Can I-" Brittany stopped, her face reddening, and it was my turn to reassure her, knowing that this was something that was really important to her, and not sure why she was so embarrassed by it. "Can I see the embryo, you know, before you do the transfer?"

"Of course you can. I mean, it's not really much to see, but it's actually a pretty common request. Let's go take a look."

Brittany squeezed my hand again and I released it, urging her to go check out the weird mass of cells that were growing in some kind of vial. Before she did anything else though, she took out her phone and snapped a picture of me, hair spread out behind me, trying to hide my grin for the camera. We were obsessive about documenting things, I was well aware of that, but this could potentially be a  _huge_ day, and she wasn't going to miss a photo opportunity for the world. Putting her phone back in her pocket, she gave me a quick kiss on the forehead before going over to join Dr. Singh. While I lay there with my legs spread, ready to just get this whole thing going, Britt stood over the doctor's shoulder, a gigantic smile on her face like she'd just seen the sun for the first time as she stared down at cells that looked like absolutely nothing, cells that could grow to be another  _everything._

"Hey there." She said, her voice almost a whisper. It didn't matter what the internet said about not getting too attached, for Britt, talking to an embryo as if it was already a live baby was something she _needed_ to do, something I'd never take away from her. I could feel the pricking behind my eyes, knowing the tears were coming at how beautiful she looked standing there so sincere and full of love for the  _idea_  of another baby. "I know you're like, not a real person yet, but to me, to  _us_ , you're already so real. I want, so badly, to be your Mama, and if I am, that means you have to listen to me, right? I promise you that your Mamí will keep you safe inside of her, I mean honestly, I wish I could be inside of her all the-"

"Brittany!" I gasped, horror showing on my face. I heard a small chuckle escape from Dr. Singh's mouth as she busied herself with washing her hands again and putting gloves on. "You can't say that to the maybe baby!"

"Oh my God! I didn't mean it like that San, I swear! I meant like my whole body curled up inside of you because you're so warm and snuggly and safe. You know what I  _mean!"_ The whine was evident in her voice as she got frustrated by her inability to say what she meant.

"Okay, I'm sorry, I  _do_ know what you mean. And it's really beautiful what you're saying, I'm sorry I interrupted."

" _A-ny-way._ " She enunciated, playfully shaking her head at me and looking back into the vial. "As I was saying, before I was  _rudely_ interrupted by the woman who's head needs to be removed from the gutter, she may be silly, but she'll keep you safe, and I promise I'll do everything to help her with that, and I also promise that if you grow, you'll get to come home to the best place in the entire world. You'll have two moms who will do anything for you, and you'll have a sister who is basically the greatest little girl ever, and she'll love you  _so_ much. Even if you're a really long way from having ears, I hope you can somehow understand what I'm saying, and I hope that convinces you to do whatever it is you have to do to become a part of our family."

When Brittany blew a kiss, I realized I was weeping openly, goddamn hormones, I swear. Looking around awkwardly, she cleared her throat and returned to her place at my side. All I wanted to do was kiss her face, thank her for saying the words that ran through my head, but that I didn't know how to say. It was true, all of it, and although part of me was so  _terrified_ by how much hope I felt, the other part knew how to do nothing else. I settled for holding the back of her hand against my lips, both in gratitude and as a balm for the intensity of my emotions, I vaguely registered Dr. Singh talking as I stared at Brittany, both of us so lost in thought that I knew  _she_ had no idea what was being said either. Luckily for us, the doctor  _knew_ that we had a tendency to get lost in our own world, and when it was  _her_ turn to clear her throat, I snapped out of the trance I'd fallen into.

"Everything else is ready, Santana. Are  _you?_ "

"I am." I nodded, the conviction in my voice covering up the sound of a million butterflies in my stomach, my chest, basically my entire body.

"I love you, honey." Britt whispered in my ear, both of her hands engulfing my folded ones as Dr. Singh inserted the catheter. Only my wife could manage to make something so clinical feel so  _intimate_.

"I love you too." I murmured back, kissing her shoulder, the closest part of her body to my face.

"Okay, you might feel a little cramping right now, but that's completely normal." Dr. Singh assured me, and I didn't try to look down to see what was happening. Instead, I focused on Britt's eyes, pretended that  _she_ was the one getting me pregnant with only the sheer power of the love she had for me, the love that was always so evident on her face, especially when she knew I was at my most vulnerable. I  _did_ feel the cramping, but I controlled my wince and waited until I felt the catheter being removed before I sighed out my relief.

"Is that it?" I asked, surprised at how quickly it was done.

"That's it." She confirmed, sliding a pillow underneath my hips. "I want you to lie here for the next half hour, and then I recommend staying off of your feet as much as possible for the rest of the day."

I listened intently while Dr. Singh continued to talk about what we needed to do. No sex for three days (although, she claimed I probably wouldn't feel like it anyway),  _six weeks_ of progesterone shots (I knew  _that_  was coming, but it didn't make it  _any_ better), and a home pregnancy test in twelve days. She then put us down for an appointment in two weeks, either way, her own belief in positive energy stopping her from discussing contingency plans if this try failed. When she finally left the room, I felt  _exhausted_ from all the information we'd been given, and so antsy at the same time.  _Twelve days_ , in twelve days we'd know if our lives were going to change forever. Silently, Britt placed another kiss on my stomach,  _more_ good luck, before coming back up to my head and working her hands through my hair, massaging my scalp each time she reached the roots.

"Are you feeling okay?" She asked.

"Yeah, I'm good." I breathed, a strange giggle escaping with it. "Just  _weird_ that it's done and now we just have to wait."

"Patience really isn't either of our strong suits, huh?"

"No, it definitely isn't. I was seriously just trying to calculate how many hours away twelve days was."

"Two hundred eighty eight." She said quickly, and I raised my eyebrow, making her laugh. "What? Multiplication is my super secret talent."

* * *

When we left the doctor's office, we took a cab back home (and Dr. Singh had to remind Brittany that she'd recommended I'd stay off my feet, not go on complete bed rest, and that there was absolutely  _no_ need to carry me out to the cab), and Britt insisted on making me lunch before going to the pharmacy and then to pick up Annie at school. I protested for about thirty seconds, claiming that I could still make lunch for myself while  _taking it easy,_ but Brittany knew (even if I  _still_ refused to admit it) that I secretly loved being fussed over. While I lay down on the couch (with the pillows Britt had brought down from our bedroom) she made grilled cheese sandwiches and then curled up beside me to eat before she had to leave. I hated that I couldn't go with her to get Annie, but I  _was_ exhausted from the previous night's anxiety filled insomnia, and I  _was_ planning on following even the slightest suggestions from the doctor. If she thought I should stay off my feet for a day, I would, and I  _knew_ Britt would make sure of that anyway.

So Brittany left me with my iPad, the TV remote, a glass of organic pear juice and a prenatal vitamin (I'd already been taking them for three weeks, another of Dr. Singh's suggestions), tucked under an afghan (because Susan Pierce  _may_ have been the only person left in the world who still crocheted seasonal afghans, and was constantly sending us new ones), and sort of feeling like the Queen of Sheba. I decided to distract myself from the obsessive baby thoughts that I knew I'd be having until we had an answer, and focused on checking my e-mail. There were two new ones from students of Finn's (which made five all together!), one from a girl named Andrea, simply letting me know that she'd be at my meeting the week after next, and one from a boy named Jacob, who was struggling with coming out to his strict Orthodox parents. I'd responded back to him that I'd be happy to set up a time to chat, to help him figure things out, and then started to feel overcome by exhaustion. I knew Britt was planning to bring Annie to the park, more so than anything because she thought I should take a nap, and I'd hardly closed my eyes before falling into a deep sleep.

Halfway through a weird dream, where I was running by myself through a field full of obscenely colored animals (and I hadn't watched  _Alice in Wonderland_ since high school), the sound of my phone ringing woke me up. After checking the caller ID, I tossed it back on the table and had almost fallen back to sleep when it rang again. After repeating that cycle thrice more, I  _finally_ answered the thing, feeling more than a little bit frustrated.

_"Dios mio, Mamí. ¿Què te pasa?"_ I groaned. "This is the fifth time you're calling me. I'm trying to take a nap over here."

_"Lo siento, mija. I just wanted to see how today went and how you're feeling."_

"We won't know how today went for two weeks, Ma, I told you that when I talked to you  _this morning._ At 6:15. The last time I was trying to sleep. Listen, if this is going to be one of those  _call Santana every hour_ situations, I'm changing my number."

_"I'm just excited, Santanita. I spoke to Susan and she hadn't heard from Brittany either so-"_

"Because we were going to call you both  _later._ After I got some rest, and got to spend some time with my daughter. I love you, Mamí, and I'm so happy that you're excited, but remember how crazy the incessant phone calls drove me when Britt was pregnant? I'm not even  _pregnant_ yet and I can tell it's going to drive me significantly  _more_ crazy."

_"Okay."_  She said, sounding dejected, and I suddenly felt bad for overreacting on her. _"I'll talk to you later then?"_

"No, Ma, I'm sorry. You know how I am when I get woken up. We can talk now, hold on." I pushed myself up into a sitting position and took a sip from the juice on the table. "Okay. Let's start over.  _Hola, Mamí,_ how are you?"

_"I'm well, Santana. How are you?"_ She laughed at my use of a Brittany  _do-over,_ something my wife insisted upon whenever we got off to a rough start on something.

"I'm exhausted, I was nervous and didn't sleep well last night. But everything went fine at the doctor's office. It's in there now, hopefully attaching in my thickened uterine wall, which all of these lovely shots are responsible for."

_"Well good, I'm very glad to hear that. I lit candles for you and Brittany this morning."_

"Thanks." I snuggled back under the blanket, returning to my lying down position after I'd finished my juice. "Listen, I do want to talk to you, Mamí, but I also want to at least get a  _little_ bit of sleep before Britt gets home with Annie. We'll call you later though, after Annie is asleep and we can talk."

_"Alright mi amor, I'm sorry I woke you from your nap, but I'm glad today want well. I love you."_

" _Te amo."_ I murmured, ending the call and tossing the phone back on the table, knowing that it was going to be a  _long_ year, but also knowing that secretly, I was  _so_ glad to have my mom calling to check on me, so glad for how close we'd grown.

* * *

Thankfully, there were no more phone calls (seriously, one of the many reasons we'd only told our moms about Operation Baby, they were bad enough) and I managed to get an hour of semi-restful sleep. When I heard the front door lock click (I  _was_ a ridiculously light sleeper), I opened my eyes slowly, and when they walked in the door, I could hear Annie crying softly and Brittany whispering to her. Alarm shot through me, like it always did at the sound of tears that were  _usually_ easily solved, and I sat up quickly. Before I could get up to meet them in the foyer, they appeared in the room, Annie's face buried against Brittany's chest.

"Is she okay?" I asked, keeping my voice calm so I wouldn't startle our daughter.

"She is." Britt nodded. "We just had a little bit of a fall. And I  _promise_ you, it looks worse than it is. You know how much my nose used to bleed."

"Mamí, I'm bleeding." Annie cried, and when she picked up her head, I was  _extremely_ glad that Brittany had semi-prepared me for the sight. Partially dried blood was mixed with tears coating her cheeks, and both her's and Britt's shirts were speckled with the remnants of it.

"Oh,  _mija_ , what happened?" I sighed, we were no strangers to small injuries, but it still sort of broke my heart every single time.

"Here baby girl, go to Mamí while I get you something for your face, okay?" Brittany kissed the top of her head before releasing Annie into my open arms. She wrapped her arms around my neck, and I held tightly to her for a few minutes before she looked up into my eyes, her small ones still glistening with tears.

"I broke a rule." She said quietly, a small pout on her lips.

"What rule did you break?" I asked, rubbing circles over her back and carefully wiping away her tears with my free hand.

"I was running on the subway grates." She hiccuped out a sob, and I held her closer to me. There wasn't even anything I could say about her breaking the rule, she'd  _obviously_ had her fair share of punishment in the injury to her face.

"Annalisita." I whispered, brushing my lips against her temple as I spoke. "That's why we have that rule, it's  _very_ dangerous to run like that, and it makes Mama and I so sad to see you get hurt."

Brittany came back into the room carrying a bag of frozen peas wrapped in a dish towel and a wet washcloth. Having been a dancer for her whole life, she knew that frozen vegetables worked _significantly_ better than those ridiculous, overpriced kiddie ice packs that stayed cold for about forty-eight seconds before being completely useless. She  _also_ knew a real injury when she saw it, so whenever she told me that Annie was okay, I believed her (and she'd saved me from embarrassing myself  _dozens_ of times when I'd wanted to go to the emergency room over small bumps). I was so, so grateful, basically all the time, that she was the level headed one while I had the natural inclination to panic first and think after. I watched adoringly as Annie kept one arm wrapped around my neck while Britt held the back of her head, wiping the blood, checking for the beginning signs of bruising, and then cradling her head in the crook of her elbow as she pressed the makeshift ice pack against her swollen face. She winced at first, the cold causing a chill to run through her body, and I tucked the afghan that had been over me around her. Gradually, sated by the soft caresses of her Mama's hand on her cheek, Annie's whimpering stopped, and she fell asleep in both of our arms.

"Hey." Brittany smiled at me, noticing that I hadn't stopped staring at her. "Enjoying the view?"

"Always. Especially when you're all calm, cool and collected and in superhero Mama mode. It's actually really sexy."

"Oh yeah, that's me, the new Superwoman. My secret weapon? Frozen peas. It's  _crazy_ sexy, blood covered shirt and all."

"Stop, you're making me sound like such a creep." I laughed, careful not to disturb Annie's nap.

"You  _are_ a creep, San. But you're  _my_ creep." She twisted her body just enough so she could kiss me. "How are you feeling? Did you get to nap?"

"I'm fine, don't worry WonderBritt-Wonder Woman is  _way_ hotter than Superwoman, and I don't even know  _anything_ about comic books. I did get some sleep, after I finally put an end to the nonstop calling of my crazy mother. You know she's probably been on the phone with  _your_ mother half the day, right? I swear, it's like they feed off of each other."

"They absolutely do. I actually spoke to both of them, my mom said to give you a hug for her, since she didn't want to call after Maribel said you threatened to change your number."

" _Five_ times, babe. She called me five times in a span of twelve minutes. And I  _was_ nice to her after I calmed down a little bit. It's just-" I bit my lip, debating whether or not to say what had been haunting my mind all day, still, despite an infinite amount of growth, uncomfortable with my own silly insecurities, but I'd  _promised_ Britt that I'd talk to her about anything that was bothering me throughout this whole process, and if I was struggling, we'd go right back to the couple's therapy that we'd  _finally_ stopped a year earlier. Brittany placed her hand over mine and nodded, urging me to continue. "I know that we told them so we'd have them to talk to, but this tiny mass of cells has been living in my body for only a few hours, and I'm already starting to freak out, like there are all these expectations on me, and I don't want to let anyone down."

"Santana." Britt ran her pointer down the side of my cheek and cocked her head to the side, considering her words. "I know that you're a control freak, and I know that more often than not, you carry the weight of the entire world on your shoulders, like you have the power to just  _will_ things your way. It's really, really cute and endearing so much of the time, but when you start beating yourself up over things you can't control, over things you don't even  _know_  the outcome of, I worry, a lot. Can I ask you something?"

"Of course." I breathed, and she looked down to check that Annie hadn't stirred.

"If it was me, would you be sitting around thinking that I was going to let everyone down if I didn't get pregnant?"

"No." I admitted quietly, seeing where she was going,

"Sometimes you hold yourself to these impossibly high standards, ones that you'd never hold anyone else to, and ones that no one else holds  _you_  to. San, honey, you're going to make your head explode one day with all the overthinking. This is the way I see it." She fully cupped my cheek and I looked deep into her eyes. "If we have a baby nine months from now, this is the baby we were meant to have. If it takes however many more shots you want to give it, then  _that_ is the one we were meant to have. And if we  _never_ have another one, then we're just meant to have Annie. The only expectation I, or our mothers, or anyone else has for you is that you take care if yourself. I know that you can't always control your anxiety, but when it starts to get to you, can you just try to remember what I just said?"

"Yeah, Britt." I dropped my head to rest on my shoulder. "I'll try, I just get really tripped up by my own mind sometimes."

"I know. But can I just tell you something else? I  _love_ that you just opened right up and told me this. I  _love_ that I don't have to pry the thoughts out of your beautiful head anymore."

"Listen, I wish I could promise that I wouldn't need your reassurance throughout all of this, but I know that I'm going to. I swear, these hormones make my mind that  _already_ fixates on things even more fixat- _ey."_

" _Fuck you,_ ** _hormones_** _."_ Brittany whispered, even though Annie was most definitely still asleep, quoting  _Knocked Up_ , and I felt some of the tension release from my chest with a genuine laugh. "Seriously though, we can reassure each other. I know that there are things that you have a total grasp on that I might freak out about. We're a  _really_ good team you know."

"I do know." I titled my head back, asking her to kiss me, and she met my request.

"Also, just so you know, Annie was  _really_ excited to tell you something, before her fall on the sidewalk. But I can't tell you what it is, because it will  _totally_ ruin it for her."

* * *

I tried, for the next hour, to get Annie's big news out of Britt, but she wouldn't budge. Honestly, if I'd thought that she  _would,_ I probably wouldn't have tried. Hearing our daughter tell us something that excited her was the  _best_ thing in the world, and the twinkle in Brittany's eyes told me it was something that I'd be really thrilled about. When my wife stood to go make us some tea, and I shifted back into a lying down position, resting Annie completely on my chest, I thought she would wake up and I'd get to hear, but instead, she only stirred slightly and then let out a tiny snore, indicating that she was still in a deep sleep. After Brittany had changed her shirt and we'd finished our tea, we were discussing the dancer she'd been working with for six months, and who she'd recommended to Mike Chang to bring on the Britney Spears Comeback Tour (for her what, twenty fifth comeback?). Mike had offered it to Britt, like he had for many tours, repeatedly over the years, but what had once been her dream held absolutely no allure to her anymore. Truth be told, as the respected choreographer that she was, being a tour dancer was a  _major_ step down, and even if it  _wasn't_ , her life was in New York, Annie and I were here (even if I  _had_ insisted, every time, that we'd make it work somehow if she wanted to tour), and she wasn't uprooting any of that for long grueling hours with a washed up celebrity (Britt's words about her former idol,  _not_ mine).

"Mama." Annie spoke against my neck where she'd buried her head, breaking our conversation. "You weren't s'pposed to let me sleep 'til after I told Mamí what happened at school today."

"I'm sorry, sweetheart." Brittany bit her lip to keep from laughing at how sweet she sounded. "But the Sandman must have been close by, because you fell asleep before I even had a chance to stop you."

"Uh oh, Annie, you better tell me quick, in case he's still close by." I warned playfully, and she lifted her head quickly.

"You're silly, Mamí. He can't be close by because I'm  _very_ awake now. But  _guess what_ happened at school today?"

"What happened?" I asked, and Annie looked to Brittany, both sets of blue eyes shining with so much excitement.

"Miss Callie, she said we were going t'learn a new song, and then she asked if anyone already knew it. And guess what song it was?" Her smile was gigantic and she didn't even wait for me to respond. "The  _Mister Sun_ song, your  _favorite_ song. And guess what  _else?_ My hand forgot how to stay down, and it raised up so Miss Callie could see that I already  _knew_ that song. And guess one more thing, really guess it Mamí!"

"I have no idea,  _mija._ " I felt like I wanted to bounce up and down with her at all the excitement. "Tell me."

"Miss Callie asked me if I wanted t'come sit next to her while she played her guitar and sang it, and I  _did._ And I even sang very, very quietly in front of  _everybody!_ "

Emotion choked the words away from me, and I wrapped Annie in a hug, rocking her back and forth to show her just how excited I was. Honestly, if I wasn't in an incredibly happy marriage, and if Callie wasn't totally straight, I would have wanted to find her and kiss her in that moment. My sweet, wonderful baby girl, the girl who was too shy to even smile at a stranger at the playground, had let her entire class watch her sing a  _song_. Part of me wanted to video tape this, to tell people that music really  _did_ work, and the other part wanted me to call her teacher at home and thank her for  _getting_ it. But the biggest part won out, the part of me that wanted to just hold her, hold Brittany and revel in what anyone else may have seen as the smallest of accomplishments, but that was really so  _huge._

"I'm sure you sounded absolutely  _beautiful,_ Annalise." I told her, once I'd finally found my words again. I didn't even  _care_ that she'd been in school for a month and hadn't spoken to anyone else, she was doing things on her own terms, and that was perfectly  _okay._

"I think maybe, just  _maybe_ we should celebrate tonight." Brittany looked at me, and I nodded vigorously, feeling like so much of my earlier anxiety had faded with our daughter's amazing news.

"How are we going to celebrate?" Annie asked, as Britt pulled her back onto her lap, wanting another hug.

"Well, since we're all already laying on the couch together, I think we should order dinner from wherever you wherever you want, and we'll put on a movie, and then make ice cream sundaes."

"Oh, Mama! That's your most genius idea  _ever!"_

"I may just have to agree with you on that." I laughed, resting my hand on my wife and daughter's that were clasped together.

After we'd ordered from Uncle Ted's (the oddly American sounding Chinese restaurant that we  _loved,_ even if I did sometimes complain that  _nothing_ beat Happy Palace where I'd ordered from for six years in our old neighborhood), we turned on  _Toy Story_ (which I always pretended not to cry during), and Brittany lay down behind me on the couch, Annie snuggled up with Milky Way in front of me. Occasionally, I felt Britt absently stroke my stomach, and I'd managed to resume my positive thoughts about what was to come. When Annie fell asleep right around the time Woody and Buzz made their great escape from Sid's house, I thumbed carefully over the light purple circles under her eyes thatv had formed from the fall, and stroked her little blonde head. I could feel Brittany watching me, and knew that we were both remembering how every single day of her life, she made  _me_  believe in miracles. Because of that, I couldn't help but hope that just be being pressed up against my stomach as she was, she'd somehow encourage  _another_ miracle to take root.


	8. The P-Word

According to Brittany (and the rest of the world); the October weather was completely unpredictable, unseasonably warm one day and unseasonably  _freezing_ the next. For my body though, pumped up on even more hormones, there was only one temperature, the face of the sun (and yet that  _didn't_ mean that I didn't sometimes experience completely unnecessary episodes of chills). I felt like if I could walk around naked all the time, I would have, but in an effort to act as normally as possible, I  _attempted_  to dress for the weather, even if it meant on the colder days that I was stripping off my jacket by the time I made it halfway down our block. I left Britt to the task of picking out Annie's clothes, after I'd dressed her on the third day after the embryo transfer in a sundress and sandals, and it was fifty-nine degrees outside. Honestly, the whole process of being on those shots was  _kind of_ a mind fuck. My boobs hurt, I had headaches, I felt a little nauseous, and for all intents and purposes, I felt completely  _pregnant._ But I knew it was the drugs,  _knew_ that I couldn't let myself believe it until the four different tests (four was Brittany's lucky number, four was how many people would be in our family when we had another baby, so we were doing everything we could in  _fours_ ) that we'd stashed in our bathroom confirmed it. It was a major waiting game, and (encouraged by my terrible mood swings), I felt like I was just about ready to climb the walls.

Just like they did every October, Rachel and Kurt planned their annual excursion out to farm country (or, what used to be farm country on Long Island, before hotels, outlet malls and tourist traps slowly began to encroach on it). If I thought it was absurd  _before_ Rachel had Brice (I did), then it had escalated into full on ridiculousness in the time since. But truth be told though, I absolutely  _loved_ it, loved that Annie (and this year, Brice, since I think he was finally old enough to get it) could run screaming through open fields, loved that they could marvel in wonder at pumpkins and apples growing right in front of them, loved that we could all partake in the silly seasonal traditions at the farm, I just loved  _all_ of it. Before we started the drive out, Britt picked out  _my_ clothes (we both knew that the neighborhood busy bodies who'd planned the thing would question even the smallest inconsistency in my dress, and I'd get flustered by that) and insisted on driving while I nearly disrobed beside her, unbuttoning my jeans, ripping off my sweater and essentially pressing my entire body up against the air conditioner vents. Occasionally, Britt would send me an adoring look, or pat my thigh lovingly, and I'd feel like I could melt, but not from the heat. Thankfully, Annie was oblivious to the whole scene, alternating between singing along to the radio and chatting happily about seeing Brice and Baby Eden.

While we pulled into the parking lot and Brittany and Annie raced to see who could spy any of the others first, I pulled the burnt orange cashmere sweater (which Brittany  _may_ have spent an obscene amount of money on, considering I'd probably only wear it one day a year, but she knew that the thought of wearing wool made my skin crawl, and it was basically in the rules of the day that we had to dress  _fall festive_ ) back over my head and slipped the shoes that I'd semi-violently kicked off somewhere around the Queens/Nassau County border back on. We'd found a spot right beside the Hummels (I'll admit, all of us were shocked when they'd chosen Kurt's name-and  _I_ was supposed to have stopped stereotyping-but it actually made complete sense, Blaine's dad kind of sucked and Burt did  _not_ , so they may as well carry on the better name, or whatever) and after I took Annie, wearing a candy corn printed dress, leggings and high top orange Converse, out of her carseat, she launched herself at her uncles, getting quickly scooped up by Blaine as she laughed at his bow tie that inadvertently matched her dress. Brittany came up behind me, smiling at the scene in front us as she wrapped an arm around my waist and I leaned into her touch.

"We're really lucky." I said, a lump forming in my throat with too much emotion. "Goddamn it, seriously Britt, I feel like I'm about to cry over Warbler and Annie matching. And  _not_  in the way that would have made me want to cry a few years ago."

"We  _are_ really lucky." She tilted my head so she could give me a kiss, knowing that it was always the best way to calm me down. "Quick, say something sarcastic and you'll feel better."

"I can't even  _think_ of anything sarcastic. I love all these weirdos way too much." I laughed, shaking away the tears that threatened to form.

"Yeah, so do I-" She started, and then noticed Rachel and Finn walking toward us with Brice dressed in a full-on pumpkin suit, and she burst out laughing. "Okay, you have anything  _now_?"

"Rachel Barbra Berry-Hudson!" I called out. "Are  _you_  trying to outdo  _me_ in the how cute your kid is dressed contest? Because I special-ordered Annie's shoes on the Internet for today!"

"So super badass, San." Brittany whispered, her teasing laugh tickling my ear as I swatted her playfully.

"Bricey!" Annie cried out, wriggling out of Blaine's arms and struggling to wrap her arms around the puffy pumpkin suit.

"I think it may possibly be a tie." Rachel smiled, and I shook my head, despite knowing that she was absolutely right. Together, they were even cuter than either one of them could ever be alone.

"Pickin' punkins today, MyAnnie." Brice giggled when Annie finally got her arms around him, attempting (without success) to lift him up, and Britt pulled her phone out of her back pocket to get some pictures of them.

"Mama, Mamí!" Annie cried out. "Look! I already got the bestest pumpkin in the whole farm!"

"Well." Britt grinned, squatting down to their level. "He  _is_ very cute, and  _very_ big for a pumpkin, but I think we  _might_ have trouble getting him to stay on our porch, and he  _probably_ wouldn't like being turned into a Jack-o-lantern, would you Brice?"

"Not Jack Lantern, Brinny. Me Brice Chris'opher Hu'son." He beamed proudly at the use of his whole name.

"Oh that's right." Brittany played along, and I put my hand on my hip, discreetly letting my fingers tap against my stomach, passing on, for the thousandth time, that silent hope. God, watching my wife with the kids never failed to make me love her a thousand times more. "Well Annie, looks like the search is still on for the perfect pumpkin. This one just won't do at all."

While Annie and Brice ran around between the six of us, we all exchanged hugs and greetings while we waited for Quinn and Archie to arrive. It was the first year they'd be joining us, and I was glad Britt was finally able to convince her best friend to come. I assumed it had been hard for her, to be around the kids in all their Halloween glory, when she was trying so desperately for one of her own, but with Eden finally filling that void inside of her, I  _knew_ my wife would be able to cajole her into our crazy family day. When they finally pulled into the parking lot, I immediately grabbed Eden, dressed in a black cat printed sleep-and-play and a matching hat (complete with ears!), from her carseat and cuddled her against my chest. I caught Brittany looking at me the same way I'd been looking at her moments earlier, and I shrugged sheepishly at her wide smile.

"Auntia Quinn!" Annie ran over to us. "Can Eden come with us to find the most perfect pumpkin?"

"That sounds like a  _very_ serious job for a girl as small as Eden." Quinn smiled, bending down to pick Annie up for a hug. "Do you think she can do it?"

"Course she can! Me and Brice can help her."

"Alright then, Miss Annie, that sounds like a plan. I'll just have to steal her back from your Mamí so we can get going."

I reluctantly released Eden back to Quinn, who buckled her into the carrier on her hip. Annie quickly grabbed my hand, dragging me toward Brittany. I was so incredibly distracted, despite how much effort I was putting into staying present, but I kept trying to shake my thoughts away, kept trying to focus on what was already right in front of me. Of course, Brittany noticed, and while Finn and Kurt led the kids toward the bouncy house that was set up right at the entrance to the pumpkin patch, she took my hand, and led me toward the bathroom beside it. Once we were locked inside the handicapped stall, she gave me a few quick pecks on the lips and immediately began digging through her purse.

"Do you want to do it right now?" She asked, resting her hand against my cheek and pressing the box in the other. "I know you said you wanted to wait until tonight, but I brought one just in case you changed your mind."

"Ugh. Britt. I don't know. I feel like my brain is all over the place, and I just want to focus on  _today._ Everyone is so excited and I just keep thinking about  _this._ " I told her, pressing her hand flat against my stomach. "Tell me what to do."

"I can't, Santana. This is totally your call. But I will tell you this, because I know you, if you take that test now and it's negative, you're not going to be able to enjoy the rest of the day  _at all_."

"Okay. Okay. You're right." I scrunched my eyes closed tight for a moment, and Brittany tightly wrapped her arms around me. "I'm done freaking out. I can't take it right now, I just need to go back out there and get my shit together. And I'm still really fucking hot."

"Oh, I know you are." She winked and I rolled my eyes as she pulled my sweater up over my head and cracked one of those disposable icepacks, that she'd miraculously procured from her purse, before running it over my shoulders and chest.

"What did you rob a pharmacy or something?" I laughed, peering into her bag and noticing two more ice packs and some anti-nausea drops. "What's next, some iodine? Condoms?"

"I don't think condoms are of any use to us, babe."

"Oh good God!" I heard from outside the door and my eyes widened. "Are you two seriously having sex in here right now?"

"Go away, Quinn." I whined, Brittany biting her lip to keep from bursting out laughing as she rubbed the ice pack over my stomach and lower back. "We're just talking."

"In a bathroom stall, right." I could hear the annoyance in her voice, and I quickly thrust the pregnancy test into Britt's bag and put my sweater back on before opening the door. "Honestly, you couldn't go a few hours without getting it on?"

"Please don't say  _getting it on_ , Marvin Gaye.  _No one_ says that."

"Regardless. The only time I ever had to sneak off into a bathroom to have sex was when I was trying to get pregnant and we got stuck one of the many  _never ending_ Judy Fabray charity benefits  _right_ when I was ovulating." Quinn sucked her teeth and I felt my cheeks turn red at the one word in the sentence that I had latched onto.  _Shit._

"Quinn,  _please_ shut up." I was shocked that the words came from Brittany and not from me, but I hadn't really been able to formulate a coherent thought since Quinn said the  _p-word._  "You know we haven't snuck off to have sex in  _years,_ not since we've had a  _child._ "

"Okay, fine." She conceded, and then looked at me with her forehead scrunched. "Are you okay, Santana? You look a little sick, and really flushed. Oh my God, are you-"

"Keep your voice  _down!_ " I yelped, before she could say the word and Brittany pulled me into her, soothingly rubbing circles up and down my arms as I buried my head in her chest. I'd thought Patti and Barbra were the ones who'd piece things together first, but Quinn had managed to do it with hardly  _anything_ to give it away. Seriously, sometimes she was better than  _me._

"We don't know yet. She could be." Brittany said quietly, knowing that there was no point in lying after my reaction. "But we weren't really planning on telling anyone that we're trying, so if you could just-"

"You guys." Quinn's face softened as she cut Britt off. "You know I've been there, and I  _know_ that the most annoying thing in the world is for everyone to keep asking you how it's going. I won't say a word, and when we walk out of here, I'll act like I don't know this until you're ready to tell everyone, either way."

"Thanks." I told her, the word muffled by Brittany's shirt. "I didn't want to have to shove you again."

"Yeah, let's maybe  _not_ relive  _that_ awesome day." Quinn shook her head. "Besides, you wouldn't dare with me holding my baby."

"Psht." I looked up at Britt and she giggled. "I  _knew_ inventing baby immunity would come back to bite me in the ass eventually."

* * *

After Quinn left us alone in the bathroom, I quickly got myself together, Brittany adjusting my sweater while I pulled my hair back into a ponytail and splashed cold water on my face. I'd resolved to push all other thoughts aside, resolved to go back outside and just act like a normal  _person_ for a few hours. We'd only been gone fifteen minutes, but the minute we walked out of the door, our hands clasped tightly, Annie bounded in our direction, her hair coming lose from one of her braids and her cheeks red from bouncing up and down.

"You're finally back!" She threw her arms around my legs, and I knelt down beside her, quickly re-braiding her hair and kissing her flushed cheeks. "Come  _on!_ Uncle Finn's gonna pull us in the wagon!"

"He's going to pull  _me_ in the wagon?" I joked and Annie looked at me very seriously.

"Well, Mamí." She considered it. "If you wanted to take a turn in the wagon with Bricey, maybe Mama could carry me 'nstead."

"I was just teasing,  _mija._ " I smiled and her eyes lit up, glad she didn't actually have to give up her spot, despite her offer. "Go jump in."

Finn pulled the wagon deep into the pumpkin patch, where Rachel  _insisted_ there were better pumpkins. While the kids shrieked with every bump they hit (and Eden echoed them) the rest of us fell into the easy rhythm of conversation. Finn was far up ahead of us with the kids, Archie and Blaine had somehow fallen behind, lost in a horribly boring conversation about stock portfolios (Blaine dabbled in day trading, and the Chapmans had a pretty serious portfolio themselves- I kind of always knew Quinn would end up being the wealthiest of all of us. Even if it meant basically trading the M.A in Psychology that she'd so wanted for the M.R.S. that her mother sent her to school for,  _I_ totally wasn't judging) and Kurt and Rachel were having a heated discussion about who should play Elphaba in the upcoming  _Wicked_ movie, the role Rachel had turned down because she was  _strictly a stage actress._

"I still say that Anna Kendrick would be absolutely stunning, not as stunning, of course, as Idina Menzel was, or I would be, but a solid choice, nonetheless"

"Absolutely  _not,_ Rachel. She was  _okay_ ten years ago, but never as good as you make her out to be." Kurt argued.

"Seriously." I interjected, usually content to stay out of their musical theater arguments. "I mean even when she went through that blonde phase, she still did  _nothing_ for me. And I have a thing for blondes, one, in particular."

"Thanks, baby." Britt stole a kiss and swung our hands between us.

"Your girl-crush on her baffles me, Rach. She looks like a weird bird lady or something."

"Wait, time out." Kurt turned around to face me, hands on his hips. "Are you now recycling old insults, old  _Sue Sylvester_ insults, and applying them to new people?"

"It's appropriate. Shut up, Hummel Doll."

"Oooh,  _that's_ an original one." He chided. "Sassy."

"It's  _kind of_ my career path to  _not_ act like a super bitch all the time, you know." I huffed. "And I can't help it that I have taken some kind of strange liking to all of you in this weird band of misfits over the years."

"Says our Sapphic Queen herself." Rachel smirked and Kurt let out a snarky laugh.

"Do you see why I feel the need to make fun of everyone?" I asked Britt, and she squeezed my hand. "It's eat or be eaten around here."

"Well personally, I'd prefer if they all left the  _eating_ to me." Brittany quipped, effectively shutting Kurt up as he gave both of us a dirty look.

"And you  _wonder_ why I think the things I think." Quinn muttered under her breath and I jokingly elbowed her in the arm, knowing she wouldn't touch me back.

"Anyway, my choice is Samantha Barks." Kurt said to Rachel, and the two of them went on listing the merits of their respective choices, and I tuned them out, catching up to Finn and high-fiving both Annie and Brice in the wagon.

When we finally reached an area that was deemed appropriate (the pumpkins literally all looked exactly the same to me, but at least there weren't swarms of other people around so far out), Finn stopped the wagon, and he and Brittany pulled the kids out. In spite of Dr. Singh's insistence that I'd be perfectly fine lifting Annie, Britt was quick to make the first move when she could, and I let her, knowing that I'd be doing the exact same thing if our roles were reversed. After piling the kids up on pumpkins (Annie grasping on to Eden for dear life, terrified to drop her, when Quinn asked if she wanted to hold her) for pictures, Finn swung Brice up on his shoulders and we all kind of split off into our own familial groups. Following Annie's lead, the three of us traipsed off in search of this elusive pumpkin that she had in her mind. With our daughter skipping through the uneven dirt, it was inevitable that she would trip, but before she could hit the ground, replacing the bruises that had just faded with new ones, Britt instinctively caught her.

"Not a day goes by where I don't think about the irony of her name." I laughed.

"Thanks Mama!" Annie threw her arms around Britt gratefully and looked down at the half-rotten gourd that she'd tripped over. "That pumpkin got in my way, and it is  _not_ my perfect pumpkin."

"We'll find it sweetheart, don't worry." She promised and set Annie back down on the ground.

"Where did she even  _get_ this idea?" I asked, and Brittany shrugged.

"Read a book about it in school, Mamí." Annie answered my question, looking back over her shoulder.

While Annie continued her search, Britt and I picked out a few small pumpkins that she stashed in the reusable bag she'd pulled out of her purse (I swear, she was like  _Mary-freaking-Poppins_  with that thing). After close to a half-hour, I sank down onto a pumpkin, and Britt stood behind me, hands resting on my shoulders, as we watched our daughter get increasingly more frustrated on her quest. Finally, after she'd kicked the ground several times irritation, we silently made the decision to put an end to the game that was  _clearly_ no longer fun for her.

" _Mi amor, ven aqui, por favor."_ I called out to her and she put her hands on her hips, shaking her head sadly.

"I can't, I  _need_ to find a pumpkin." She yelled back to me, and I stood up, Brittany walking in stride with me as we closed the gap between us.

"Maybe we can help you find it, Annie." Brittany told her, removing a hand from her hip and taking it between her own. "Can you tell us what you're looking for?"

"I don't  _know._ " Annie stomped her feet, chewed on her bottom lip and sighed. "I just know it needs to be  _perfect._  I cannot find the one that I want here!"

"Well do you have any idea what it looks like?" Britt tried again, while Annie shook her head violently and I could see the beginnings of tears in her eyes from the frustration of not being able to express what she wanted.

"Okay." I sat down on another pumpkin and pulled Annie onto my lap. "Mama, pull up a pumpkin, we're going to have a little chat about the  _p-word_."

Britt laughed a little, knowing it was not the only  _p-word_ that was pervading the thoughts of a Lopez-Pierce, and rolled another pumpkin up right beside us. She pulled Annie's feet up into her lap, not caring about the dirt from the bottom of her little shoes getting on her jeans, and rested her hand on my thigh, probably knowing  _exactly_ where I was going with this.

"Once upon a time, in New York City." I started.

"Like the song!" Annie interjected.

"Well, sort of. Anyway, once upon a time, in New York City, there lived a woman who'd spent most of her life believing that she needed to be perfect. All of the things she tried to do with her life were just so everybody  _else_ thought that she was worthy. But the woman, she was very, very far from perfect, and that scared her very much."

"Did she get a spell to become perfect?" Annie asked, and I realized that she was using the word without fully knowing the meaning.

"Do you know what perfect means,  _mija?_ "

"It means the best in the whole wide world." She said, raising her eyebrows in hopes that her answer was right.

"Not really. But that's what the girl in the story thought too. What she didn't realize, was that there's no such thing as perfect. Everybody, every _thing_ has bumps and bruises, maybe a pumpkin has a teeny, tiny hole in the top, or it's not the same shade of orange as all the rest."

"So what happened to the girl?"

"Well, after six years of living in New York City, trying to be something she could never be, the girl found another girl who she loved very much, one that she thought she'd lost forever." I said, completely skipping the entire middle of the story, the story Annie would hear when she's much older. "And it was then that she learned those magic words,  _perfect doesn't matter_ , her girl, the one she was so lucky to find again, told her that, and for the first time in her life, she really believed it. You don't love someone, or in this case, some _thing_ , because they're perfect, you just love them because they're right for you."

"But what about you, Mamí? You're perfect."

"Oh, Annalise, I am  _far_ from perfect. In fact, I'm the girl from the story, and the other girl, the one who knew the magic words, that's your Mama. And as much as we love each other, as much as we love  _you_ , we know that when we say the word perfect, we really mean  _perfect for me._  Does that make sense?"

"I think so. So, if I want to get a pumpkin that is a funny shape, or has green spots, that's okay, if I love it most?"

"Baby girl." Brittany said, her eyes shining as she looked at the two of us. "You could get any pumpkin you want, and we'd be happy with it if you are."

Annie scampered off again, her steps significantly lighter after ridding herself of the strange specifications that she had for her pumpkin. Brittany rested her hands on my hips, resting her forehead against mine with a smile, and I stood on my toes to sneak a kiss.

"You're the best shade of orange." She laughed.

"Shut up, that was the most disjointed and bizarre story I've ever told our daughter."

"No, it was really sweet, comparing yourself to a pumpkin. I love it, and I love you,  _pumpkin._ "

Within ten minutes, Annie had found the pumpkin she wanted to take home, one so big that I thought Brittany was going to pull out her back carrying it to the wagon, but with one side slightly flat and brown from the way it had grown. We'd both praised it, telling Annie how absolutely beautiful it was, and she beamed at her  _not perfect_ pumpkin. With all the pumpkins inside, there was no room for Annie and Brice anymore, so Finn kept his son on his shoulders, and our daughter walked part of the way, and took turns being carried by Britt and Rachel for the rest. Halfway through the walk, I finally pulled off my sweater, having become so overheated in the sun that I didn't even care that I was wearing a tank-top in mid-October. Before anyone noticed, Quinn unzipped her jacket as well, and I shot her a grateful look, actually kind of glad that she was in on our little secret. Rachel may have been my best friend, but sometimes Quinn just  _got_ me on a different level. I knew that she wouldn't call and ask us about the pregnancy test (and truthfully, Rachel probably wouldn't either, but I knew there'd be a silent expectation on her end) and she wouldn't harp on things. It would _definitely_ be a welcome change from my  _mother_ , who was trying  _extremely_ hard not to be pervasive, but I knew she couldn't help it.

* * *

As it turned out, we couldn't go into the apple orchard because there was a gigantic hornet's nest right in the entryway, but that didn't stop any of us from spending a ridiculous amount of money at the farmer's market just outside. Brittany and I, in particular, may have gone a little crazy, since it was our first fall owning a house, and we just wanted  _everything_ to decorate it. After Finn loaded six potted mums, two arrangements of cornstalks, a scarecrow (so  _totally_ necessary in Manhattan), a basket full of miniature pumpkins (which Annie loved more than  _any_ of the pumpkins in the patch), fresh produce, pies, and the pumpkins we'd picked into our car, we said our goodbyes and started our drive back to the city. I hadn't realized how exhausted I was until Britt was gently shaking me awake as she pulled up in front of the house. She made quick work of unloading, only letting me carry the smallest things inside, and while I got Annie ready for her bath, she went to drop the car off at the garage and then quickly jumped in the shower.

Kneeling at the tub, I bathed our overtired, overstimulated, and  _very_ oversugared (which I would be  _sure_ to repay Kurt and Blaine for when  _they_ had kids. Freaking sugar cookies, a candy apple  _and_ an apple cider donut?  _Probably_ not necessary) daughter, knowing what was coming as soon as she was down for the night. I was both anticipating and dreading it all at the same time, and I lied down on Annie's bed practicing my breathing while Britt helped her get into her pajamas. I couldn't change it, whatever it was, whether I was pregnant or not, but somehow, it felt like  _knowing_ would suddenly cause a shift in everything I'd been holding onto for three weeks. When my daughter snuggled up beside me, gripping at my tank-top, I inhaled deeply, reminding myself of how lucky I was to already have so much. My voice barely above a whisper, I began to sing the song she'd mentioned earlier in the day, the song that Brittany had taught  _me,_ and on the first line, Britt had already joined in.

_Now it's always once upon a time_

_In New York City_

_It's a big old, bad old, tough old town, it's true_

_But beginnings are contagious there_

_They're always setting stages there_

_They're always turning pages there for you_

As we sang, our daughter fought to stay awake, one arm flung over my chest, the other wrapped around Brittany's arm, Milky Way tucked in the crook of her arm. I smiled to myself, loving the reminder that in the two laying next to me, I'd really found everything in my life. It may not have been  _perfect,_ but it was damn sure as close as there was to get.

_Keep your dream alive_

_Dreaming is still how the strong survive_

_Once upon a time in New York City_

_And it's always once upon a time_

_In New York City_

"Love you, Mamí." Annie mumbled, her eyelids heavy with sleep.

"I love you too,  _corazoncita,_ more than words can ever say."

"I love you Mama, too. Thanks for teaching Mamí her 'mportant lesson so she could tell me."

"You're welcome, baby." She whispered as Annie shifted so she was hugging her tightly and closed her eyes. "There are plenty of lessons I've learned from her that you'll learn someday too. But tonight, my girl, have the sweetest of dreams."

* * *

While Brittany lied with Annie for a few more minutes, making sure she was fully asleep, I carefully slipped out of her bed. I wanted to take a shower, to just feel the water rush over my body for a few minutes before the big news came. When I finished, I took my time drying off, and slipped just a camisole over my head before piling my hair up in a messy bun, brushing my teeth, putting moisturizer on my face, and  _finally_ , peeking through the cracked door to the bedroom where Brittany was sitting on the chaise reading (or more likely, pretending to read) something on her phone. Before I could say a word, she just smiled at me, giving me the look that told me that I meant the world to her, even when I was my trembly, nervous, fresh from the shower with no makeup on, messy haired self.

"Are you ready?" I asked softly, afraid that saying it any louder would break some kind of spell. She nodded and walked towards me, grabbing both of my shaking hands in hers.

"Come here first." She whispered, apparently feeling the same thing I was feeling, about the spell, and I tucked my head into her neck, letting myself listen to her heartbeat. "Remember what we talked about, whatever happens right now, it's what's meant to be, okay? Promise me that you're not going to beat yourself up if it doesn't go the way we hope."

"I promise you." I said, looking up and into her eyes and then kissing her, really absorbing everything in her mind for an instant, before I felt that tickling  _now or never_ feeling.

Together, we moved into the center of the bathroom, slowly removing the four tests from their boxes. While I sat on the toilet, Britt handed me one after the next, cautiously placing each one down on the counter. Once they were all prepared (the  _only_ thing ever that you  _prepare_ by peeing on), Brittany set the timer on her phone, the  _longest_ four minutes of the waiting game, and I closed the lid on the toilet, sitting on there, still without pants on. Neither of us said anything, I  _couldn't_ , and she knew that there was nothing she could say that would work to calm me down. I pressed my hand against her chest as she stood over me, and I could feel her heart racing, feel how nervous she was too.  _Please, please, please_ , I begged silently, my eyes squeezed shut. It wasn't going to be the end of the world, not even close, if the results weren't what we hoped for, we already  _had_ the most amazing world, but it still didn't stop be from hoping so hard for another amazing thing. When the timer finally went off, I inhaled sharply, feeling my breath catch in my throat.

"Are you ready?" It was Brittany's turn to ask, and my turn to nod, still not opening up my eyes.

"I can't look. Can you?"

"Yeah." She breathed, and I could hear the quiver in her voice as she kissed each of my closed eyes before gently moving away from me.

When I heard Brittany start to cry, I felt the hope I'd held in my chest smolder, and I couldn't even force myself to look at her. It was okay, we were going to be okay. It was the  _first_ attempt, but I couldn't help but feel, every single time I heard my wife cry (and it had really been so, so long, something I was  _so_ grateful for) that the color drained from all the rainbows in the world. I buried my face in my hands, feeling my own tears bubbling up inside, and before I knew it, Britt was straddling my lap, trying to push my hands away from my face.

"I'm sorry, Britt." I could hardly get the words out.

"Oh no, no, no. San, honey." She pulled her hands off of my face and I could see the brightest smile she'd ever worn. "I'm not crying because I'm sad. God, I'm sorry! I'm crying because I'm so happy."

"What?" I gasped as she kissed me fiercely. "I'm-"

"They're positive, all of them are positive Santana!" She reached over to grab all four tests and held them up right in front of my face. "You're  _pregnant_. We're having another baby!"

"Pregnant!" I nearly shrieked, laughing and crying all at once, and pulling Brittany's face to mine for another deep kiss as she dropped the handful of tests on the floor and cupped my cheeks, both of us smiling so wide that we could hardly keep our lips together. "You scared the  _shit_ out of me, Brittany!"

"I know. I didn't mean to. I just, I didn't even know what to do! I saw all these plus signs and I couldn't  _not_ cry. Our  _baby_ is inside of you!" She dragged my hands down to my stomach and then dropped to her knees, kissing every inch of skin on my stomach. "I love you, so incredibly much Santana Marie."

"And I love  _you_ , Brittany Susan." I teased her for the use of my middle name, and hugged her head where it rested against my stomach. "I can't even  _believe_ this!"

"I can! I  _knew_ our baby was going to listen to me, and I  _knew_ they were going to want to snuggle up inside the world's best cuddler."

"Well, the world's best cuddler wants to get her cuddle on with her wife, because I'm  _tired._  Come lay with me."

"Anything for you, my beautiful  _pregnant_ wife." Her grin split her face and she kissed me  _again,_ her giggles vibrating against me.

Hand in hand, we nearly skipped over to the bed, and Britt quickly stuck me with the needle, and it was the first time I didn't flinch. The moment she lied down with me, she rested one hand beside mine on my stomach, the other over my heart. Our legs tangled together, and my other hand held on to the back of her neck. I didn't feel hot, I didn't feel nauseous or achy, I just felt so unbelievably _happy_. I thought back to the morning we'd gone to Dr. Singh's, and Brittany said she wanted to be inside of me, all the time, and that's how I felt in that instant. I loved her, unbelievably so, she'd already given me our incredible daughter who slept down the hall, and now here we were, another baby  _really_ on the way. Brittany,  _my_  Brittany had helped so many of my dreams come true, and if I could curl up inside her for just a few moments, I absolutely would. In the morning, we'd call our parents, eventually, we'd tell our friends, and when the time was right, we'd tell our daughter, but for a few short hours, it was the two of us, alone with each other and the beautiful, amazing, life changing news.


	9. Just In Case

Having known me for more than half of our lives, Brittany was  _well_ aware that I tended to think more often than I should about the  _just in case._ Finding out about my pregnancy was absolutely no different. Although we'd originally planned to call our parents the morning after those  _beautiful_ plus signs had sent us over the moon with happiness, when we'd woken up the next morning, Britt had noticed my brow furrowed in concern. I  _knew_ it was ridiculous, I wasn't a complete nut case, home pregnancy tests  _very_ rarely gave a false positive (although it didn't help when you actually  _knew_ someone in that rare group), especially when you take  _four_ , but I needed Dr. Singh to confirm it, needed a  _medical professional_ to tell me I wasn't going to wake up from an incredible dream, before I felt like I was capable of letting anyone else in on the secret I shared with just my wife. Luckily for me, Brittany was, about ninety-nine-and-a-half percent of the time, one step ahead of my brain, and had told our parents that we wouldn't be able to tell until the Monday  _after_ I'd taken the tests, the day we had our first  _real, I'm actually pregnant_ appointment with the doctor.

On the morning of the appointment, Brittany woke up to me standing in front of our mirror with my tank top pulled up to my chest, staring at my flat stomach. I wasn't  _exactly_ sure how pregnancy time worked (honestly, even after we'd gone through Brittany's pregnancy, and I'd researched excessively, there was so much that still didn't make sense to me), but I  _did_  know, that even though the embryo had only been implanted two weeks earlier, I was technically four weeks pregnant. It had something to do with the date of my last period, I guess, not that it actually  _mattered_ the reason. But my mind worked better when it could latch onto tangible facts, not the worries that by some extremely ironic glitch at the EPT factory, their tests had all become the furthest thing from  _error proof._ I saw Britt behind me in the mirror before I heard her (with all her dancer's grace, she could sneak up on a panther, I  _swear_ ), and she moved quickly to me, fitting her body behind mine. As I sank into her warmth (no matter how overheated I felt, I  _still_ couldn't get enough of her's), she ghosted her fingers over the deep purple patches on my lower abdomen, careful not to apply any pressure, and kissed me just behind my right ear.

"Tell me I'm being ridiculous." I requested, and I watched her smile slowly in the mirror.

"I can't tell you that, because you're  _not_ being ridiculous, you're just being  _you_ , and I understand it. Once we tell anyone else, this exists in a completely different realm that just between you and I, just in our safe space. I totally get why you want to hear Dr. Singh tell us that it's real first."

"You're not just appeasing me?"

"Santana." Brittany put her fingers under my chin and tipped it up so I was looking at her eyes in the mirror. "You  _know_  I've never been the one to tell you things just because you want to hear them. If you wanted to go get a second opinion after the appointment today, I'd tell you you were being  _insane._ But no, wanting a doctor, rather than some weird magic  _stick_ from the same drugstore where a homeless guy  _peed_ next to me while I was buying toothpaste the other week to confirm this just seems like good planning."

"Yeah, we're really not going to that Duane Reade anymore." I laughed, feeling some of the tension break up. "I know that I'm pregnant Britt, I can  _feel_  it in my heart, or something lame like that, but I need to hear it, you know-"

"Just in case." She finished for me, and I turned in her arms to plant a sweet kiss on her lips.

"I'm awake!" We heard, accompanied by the shuffle of a tap shoe, from outside the closed bedroom door. Brittany pulled down my shirt back down, brushing her lips against my forehead, before she turned to get dressed (I couldn't, with Annie in the room, lest she notice that I looked like I'd been run over by a truck) and I moved to open the door for our daughter.

"Good morning,  _mija._ " I smiled as I picked her up for a hug and carried her over to sit on the chaise in the corner with me. "How did you sleep?"

"Super awesome, I was  _very_ tired from our beautiful decorating yesterday."

The three of us had spent our Sunday making use of our purchases at the pumpkin farm (and quite a few more that we'd driven to the Target in Brooklyn for) and decorating the house both inside and out. Scary Halloween would never be something we'd get into, it was bad enough that had to cross the street so not to walk in front of the house four doors down from ours (seriously, it was  _wholly_ unnecessary to have a mannequin with a knife through the heart and motion activated  _Psycho_ music, in addition to strewn fake body parts and blood, have some  _class_ people). But, as I'd discovered when we were designing the house for the renovations, Brittany had a  _serious_  hidden flair for design (which Kurt nearly lost his shit over with sheer  _joy_ ), and she'd come up with the beautiful, could have been straight out of  _Rachel Ray Magazine_ , harvest theme. It had taken most of the day (me, mostly watching, making hot chocolate and simply enjoying how completely taken my wife and daughter were as they ran around in a flurry of excitement), but the end result was  _totally_ worth it.

"You did a  _very_ beautiful job, my  _favorite_ part is the scarecrow wearing Mama's old ballet shoes." I told Annie, and she beamed at my compliment of  _her_ idea.

"Thank you, Mamí. He looked like he might want to dance, so he  _needed_  the shoes."

"I agree." I nodded in faux seriousness, tickling her belly in the process.

"Good morning, baby girl." Brittany came over to us, her hair already pulled up and her dance clothes on, and sat down.

"Morning Mama!" She chirped and climbed over my legs to hug Britt.

"What do you say we go to your room and get dressed quickly? Maybe Mamí will take us out to breakfast before school if we hurry." She winked in my direction and I pretended to think on that.

"Hmm, I don't know. We'll have to see just how fast you can be ready." I teased, and both Annie and Britt scrambled up from beside me.

"You have to get ready too!" Annie called over her shoulder to me as she skipped back out the door. "Can't wear pajamas to breakfast!"

Still laughing, I pulled on low cut skinny jeans (actually grateful for the day I wouldn't be able to wear them anymore) and a long sleeved t-shirt. By the time I'd thrown my hair into a purposely messy ponytail and brushed my teeth, Annie had come back in the room, loving to stand beside me and watch me put on makeup. Once I'd assured her that she was ready fast enough, since she'd beat me, she ran back into her room to kiss Milky Way goodbye, and we hurried out of the house so we would have time to sit for breakfast. Each day, dropping Annie off at school became significantly less heart wrenching for me, and she hugged and kissed us each goodbye before making her way to what had become  _her_ spot on the rug beside Callie. Britt squeezed my hand as our daughter waved shyly across the circle to a dark haired boy, and I made a mental note to ask for his name, since I knew we were getting close to the point where we'd  _have_ to try this play date arrangement situation.

* * *

I was surprised that I wasn't a  _complete_  nervous wreck when Britt and I got to Dr. Singh's office. Instead, I calmly (well, calmly for me still might be frenzied for most other people) changed into my gown and lay down on the table, jiggling my leg a little impatiently, even though we'd never before waited any longer than five minutes in that office. Brittany worked her fingers through my hair, and it was seriously like some kind of spell came over me whenever she did that. In high school, she had always joked that I was like Lord Tubbington, immediately distracted from everything else in the world at the exact moment she rubbed a specific spot behind my ears while stroking my hair. When the doctor came into the room, I had my eyes closed, but immediately popped them open the instant I heard the click of the closing door.

"Good morning ladies!" She said warmly, and then looked down at my chart and smiled widely. "Four positive pregnancy tests? Well  _that_ is exciting news."

"We are  _thrilled_." Britt's eyes shone as she trailed her fingers over my stomach. "But obviously, we want you to confirm it. Our friend Rachel was one of those freak point-one, or whatever, percent of people who once had a positive home pregnancy test and wasn't actually pregnant."

"Of course, we'll take some blood and double check anyway, sorry Santana."

"Oh, I'll willingly give you my arm for  _this_." I felt a slight smirk play at the corners of my mouth.

"Great." She laughed, knowing that I'd probably  _still_ complain about the needle at some point, although Britt would attest to the fact that my fear had improved  _significantly_ after getting them every night,  _and_ working on (mostly naked) reward system. "And then we'll chat, and see if we can possibly get a glimpse of someone on the ultrasound. It's not a guarantee, this early, but a lot of the time it _is_ possible to see the egg sac."

"Whoa." Brittany breathed, and I kissed the inside of her wrist, barely daring to hope for something that cool so soon, something we hadn't even  _considered_ to be a real possibility.

As the doctor drew blood, Britt rested her hand on my upper arm and I still had to look away from the needle. She went off into the other room (thank all that is good in the world for rapid result blood tests) with a nurse to wait for results, and we talked about Brittany's job, the fact that they were kicking into high gear to prepare for their big winter showcase, and the fact that Rick, as much as he loved Brittany, was kind of a moron, and she had to argue with him  _every_ year about something or another that was related to that night (and she, as the one who could actually  _dance_ , not sit in an office doing who knows what all day,  _always_ ended up winning, so I'm not sure why he bothered to start with her). Just as we started talking about what music she was working with (although she  _still_ kept her own number a surprise, even from me, maybe  _especially_ from me, since she knew I got so affected by her dancing and basically ripped her clothes of the second we were alone together), Dr. Singh walked back in, results in hand and a big smile on her face.

"Well moms, I can officially congratulate you on the impending arrival of the newest little Lopez-Pierce. You are most definitely pregnant, Santana."

My hands immediately dropped to my stomach (I  _swore_ to myself that I wasn't going to be one of those pregnant ladies who walked around all day holding their non-existent baby bumps when they were, like, five minutes pregnant, but in private, I just  _needed_ to do it, needed to feel that someone was inside me already) and Brittany followed suit. I could really believe it now, and it felt like that weird unnecessary anxiety had been lifted from my chest. A few tears spilled from my eyes, and Britt quickly wiped them away with her soft kisses on my cheeks, a huge smile gracing her face in the process. Dr. Singh gave us a moment to mouth our  _I love you's_ and just take in how  _official_ the news was before we both looked back over at her, writing down notes in my chart, and she was ready to continue the discussion.

"So, I'm going to project your due date as June twenty-seventh, but because this is your first pregnancy, there's always a good possibility that the baby can come slightly later than that." I appreciated _two_ things about that statement. The first being that she referred to this as my first  _pregnancy_ , not my first baby, she knew that place would always belong to Annalise. The second being that she didn't mention premature birth, she knew that we knew _all_  about that possibility, and even though it would probably be somewhere in the back of our minds the entire time, we were going into this with the positive,  _lightening doesn't strike twice_ mentality.

"Another June baby." Brittany marveled, and while you'd think that the control freak in me would have already calculated my due date, I actually hadn't.

"Annie will  _love_ that." She'd be  _five_ when our new little one came, it was  _so_ hard to believe how much time had passed, how much she had grown up, how much  _we_ had grown up.

We discussed how I was feeling (not great, but not terrible) and Dr. Singh told me that there was a good possibility that I'd get a small reprieve in between the time I stopped the progesterone shots (three and a half more weeks!) and the time the pregnancy symptoms began to kick in. The thing was though, I'd bitched  _a lot_ about how shitty I felt (both to Britt and in my head) before we'd taken the test, but knowing that everything I was feeling was for an actual purpose made me feel less of an urge to complain. I silently told Brittany as much with my slight shrug, and she responded with a small peck to my right temple. We  _both_ knew that I wouldn't be held to that, but it felt good to feel that way for as long as it would last.

"Okay, let's take a look inside your uterus, check if there's anything to see yet."

"If there's not,  _don't_ panic." Brittany whispered so only I could hear her, knowing that I might need to hear it. "Our baby is like the size of a poppy seed, I'm sure that's hard to find."

"I won't," I grinned, positive that it was absolutely true. I trusted Dr. Singh so much, and once she'd said the words  _you are most definitely pregnant,_ my doubts completely dissipated.

The two of us watched the screen for a sign of the baby while Dr. Singh prodded around inside of me (I  _would_ be grateful when the time for internal sonograms was over, and she could just rub some some weird blue gel on my swollen stomach and see our baby that way). My heart raced in anticipation, and I reached over to cover Britt's with my hand, the three of us somehow connected that way. She was so excited that she'd nearly climbed onto the table with me, and I felt such a swell of love for her as she softly pressed her lips to the top of my head and an excited giggle escaped from her lips and ticked me there. When Dr. Singh pushed the screen closer to us, I knew she'd found what she was looking for, and if I didn't know better, I'd swear my heart skipped a beat.

"That, right there." She said pointing to something that looked vaguely like a cross between a tadpole and Slimer from  _Ghostbusters._ "Is your baby."

" _Dios mio._ " I whispered, switching to Spanish like I so often did when I was overcome with emotion as tears began to fall down my cheeks (again). " _Eres real, bebé"_

"This beautiful little tadpole is ours." Brittany wrapped her arms tightly around me, despite the awkward angle I was laying at, and I could feel the wetness in  _her_  eyes against my cheek. "Your Mamí is going to take such good care of you until I get my turn to hold you too baby."

"And I'm pretty sure your Mama will be taking care of  _me_ enough for the both of us until then." I smiled adoringly at Britt and she kissed my nose and then my lips, knowing that was absolutely true.

Dr. Singh let us look at the monitor for several more minutes, and I just felt it so hard to believe, so  _strange_ that this nearly microscopic cluster of cells, a cluster of cells that would become an actual _person,_ would become our  _child_ , had created a home inside my uterus where they'd live for the next eight months. I couldn't really describe the feeling, but I knew Britt understood without me saying a word, and  _I_ understood the awe  _she_ was feeling (although in a slightly different sense, considering it took me a little time to be on board with  _her_ pregnancy) about the one person you love so much suddenly becoming  _two._ It was overwhelming, to say the least, on both of our ends, but overwhelming in the absolute best possible way. When Dr. Singh turned off the monitor, she handed a picture of the tadpole-blob baby to each of us, and I fought the urge to be  _totally_ weird and hug it to my chest. Seriously, with every passing day of my life, I was turning into a bigger pile of mush, and seeing the words  _Baby Lopez-Pierce, Four Weeks_ typed above that picture, knowing I was for real growing an actual tiny human made me feel mushier than ever.

"Well, I'm  _very_ glad to have been able to find this little one on there today. Do you have questions for me?"

"I don't think so." I told her, feeling too overcome to even formulate a coherent thought. . "Britt?"

"Not that I can think of right now, but we're coming back after Santana is done with the shots, right?

"Yeah, I'd like to see you then, and you remember the drill for after that, once a month for the next few months and then closer together as we get closer to June. If anything bothers you in the slightest, call me and we'll get you right in to check things out."

* * *

We made the appointment for two weeks before Thanksgiving and took the 6 train back downtown (where I shook my head playfully at Brittany after she almost hip-checked a guy to block him from pushing in front of her to grab the seat she was trying to grab for me). When we got back to the house (with an hour and a half to kill before I had to go pick Annie up at school and Britt had to go into work for the afternoon) I curled up in the overstuffed armchair and Brittany grabbed her phone from her purse before joining me. I looked at the sonogram picture again, knowing that we  _needed_ to call our parents before Mamí and Susan exploded, and quite possibly got in the car and showed up on our doorstep demanding answers.

"Ready?" Britt asked, her legs kicked up over the armrest and her arm tucked around my waist as my head rested on her shoulder.

"Yeah, I actually am. Although honestly, we may have  _both_ sets of our parents moving in with us after they blow through their life savings spending money on  _two_ kids."

"They really are ridiculous. I guarantee our moms will be at the mall together by the end of the week, getting ready to load up our car when we go home for Thanksgiving."

"Oh, without a doubt." I laughed. "But that's fine, as long as they don't try to argue about doing things any differently than we did them while you were pregnant, no baby shower, no getting all kinds of crazy. Just because the circumstances are different, I really want nothing else to be, Britt."

"I know, and they get that." She worried her thumb over the inside of my wrist and I smiled up at her. It really wasn't something we ever talked about, wasn't something we ever  _needed_ to talk about, Annie had been mine since the moment I cried after hearing her heart beat for the first time. It was actually so incredibly  _rare_ that I thought about the moments that had led up to that day, but it  _had_ been occupying my mind, since I refused to let  _anyone_ think things were any different because this had been a  _planned_ pregnancy. From the day I watched my daughter take her first unsure breaths, I knew I couldn't have loved her any more if I'd given birth to her, and having this new, tiny life inside of me, one that I  _would_ give birth to, only served to reaffirm that.

"Okay, should I go get the earplugs?" I teased, and Britt started dialing a conference call, knowing our mothers were probably waiting with bated breaths in Ohio for our phone call.

_"Hey, sweetheart."_ Susan answered breathlessly on the first ring.

_"Hi Brittany."_  My mother came on an instant later, trying to conceal the sound of the excitement in her voice, even though she kind of knew that was would  _not_ have called if we didn't have good news.

"It's both of us." I told them, actually feeling a little bit giddy at their thinly veiled impatience.

_"Hold on."_ Susan said, and then yelled without covering up the mouthpiece of the phone.  _"Stephen, pick up the other phone! It's Brittany and Santana!"_

_"Javier! Come in the office! I'm putting the girls on speaker phone!"_

"Nice that we get a  _how are you_ or something before they start shouting into our ears." Brittany laughed, and neither of our mothers even responded. It took a few minutes before everyone was settled (and our fathers actually  _did_ ask how we were, while our mothers sounded vaguely annoyed that they had to wait fifteen more seconds before hearing the words that they probably already  _knew_ we were going to say).

"Okay." I breathed, and Britt held my palm to her lips, encouraging me to tell them. "So, I'm  _pretty_ sure you've continued to place bets on our lives, no matter  _what_ we had to say about it. So which of you is owed money for a June baby?"

There was a deafening roar from all four of them (I half believed that we could hear it in New York even without the phones) and Britt smiled so proudly, as if they could see her, before gently rolling me on top of her so she could kiss me fully. I couldn't help but laugh into her kiss while we waited for  _any_ of our parents to settle down enough for us to speak again. Not surprisingly, I could hear Papí and Stephen begin to shush their wives sometime after my mother began praising  _Santa Anna_ and Susan was speaking so fast that I had  _no_ idea what was coming out of her mouth.

"Is everyone done yelling for a minute?" Britt tried to feign seriousness, but failed miserably.

_"Yes!"_ Mamí and Susan said (or rather, shouted) at the same time.

_"Tell us everything."_ My mother demanded.  _"How are you feeling, Santanita? Are you taking vitamins? Are you getting enough rest?"_

_"Are you eating properly? Is the medication bothering you?"_ Susan added.

"They're worse than Rachel and Kurt." I told Britt, ignoring their questions until they finally stopped talking over one another. "I'm feeling okay, the hormone shots make me hot and achy and kind of irritable, but it's  _all_ worth it now. I'm taking vitamins, I'm resting, I'm eating properly, Britt is making  _sure_ of it."

"And you know we stopped eating takeout for dinner every night like  _two_ years ago." Brittany added, although we probably still  _did_ eat it more than our mothers would have liked to hear, but we were New Yorkers, it would be strange if we  _didn't._

"Girls, I'm so  _happy_ for you." Mamí gushed. "Susan, we're really having another grandbaby."

"Nice that they leave us out, Javi." Stephen quipped.

"Dad, they've basically left  _us_ out." Britt shook her head at me while saying it, and I buried my face in her neck laughing. "Do you maybe want to talk to  _each other_ and call us back later?"

"Oh, hush, Brittany, and you too Stephen." Susan scolded.

We listened to the four of them (or mainly, the two of them) go back and forth with each other for a while longer, until they offered us another set of congratulations and we finally hung up the phone. Britt and I didn't say much, I honestly felt kind of tired and just wanted to lay with her until we had to force ourselves off the couch. We were snuggled tightly together when the phone rang again, and Brittany held it up to me, showing me my mother's face on her FaceTime caller ID as I rolled my eyes. Mamí knew me so well, knew that my wife was  _so_ much more likely to answer the phone than I was. I nodded my approval for Britt to answer as I untangled myself from her embrace and leaned my back up against the opposite armrest, my feet still playing with hers.

" _Hola, habichuela."_  Mamí said to Britt, using the nickname she'd given to her years earlier.

" _Hey again baby girl!_ " Susan's voice came out of nowhere, and Brittany turned the phone so I could see them both, sitting on the couch in the Pierce's living room.

"Ma, for real?" I shook my head, and the two of them were grinning like crazy at me. "Did you just  _drive_ over to the Pierce's in the  _ten minutes_ since you hung up the phone with us?"

" _We wanted to see you, Santanita. Don't be rude._ "

"I'm not being  _rude_ , crazy women! I look exactly the same as when you saw me last month." Britt leaned back over towards me so both of our faces were in the camera and pulled one of my hands into her lap.

"Well I think you look extra beautiful, honey." Britt whispered in my ear, and I felt a blush creeping up my neck. "Should we show them the picture?"

" _You have pictures already?_ " Susan shrieked, sounding so much like Brittany when she was excited that I couldn't help but laugh.

"If we show you, can I go back to laying down with my hot pregnant wife? You know, you  _were_ just telling her that she needs to rest."

" _Can we see your stomach too?_ " Mamí asked excitedly, and I groaned, not really wanting anyone to see it. I wasn't like Brittany, totally comfortable with my body, and honesty, there was nothing to see other than the bruises that I was  _sure_ my mother would list eight-hundred different home remedies for. I tapped on the back of Britt's hand and we exchanged a glance before she spoke up on my behalf.

"There's nothing to see yet. We want to give it a little time until there's something to see before Santana starts disrobing for the camera." I moved closer to Britt, grateful for her saving me, knowing that _she_ could say things and make them sound so much nicer than if I did, and she put her arm around my waist again, tapping my stomach, knowing that she'd probably be the only one I was ever fully comfortable with touching me there.

"Okay, fair enough." My mother conceded, and Brittany reached for her purse to take out the picture.

As she held it up to the screen, I had to look again, amidst the tears that were happening on the other end of the video call. After promising to e-mail them a copy, and insisting that I really needed time to rest (although time had dwindled down to fifteen minutes, considering the chatter on both the phone and FaceTime), we were finally able to get rid of them. I knew it was useless to lay back down, so I forced myself up, making sandwiches to bring to school with me so my daughter was ready for her Mamí-Annie afternoon (which I still adored how she thought it was a special treat, even if it was mainly how  _all_ afternoons went, one of the  _greatest_ perks of being a work-from-home mom). When I was finished, Britt handed me an extra sweater for Annie (the temperature was dropping consistently lower every day, and since the sun was barely out, Brittany figured she'd need it) and a scarf for me, and we walked over to Sixth Avenue together.

* * *

We both knew it was harder if Britt came with me to pick Annie up before going to work-both because she felt like she'd been missing out on something all morning, and because she'd cry that her Mama had to leave her- so we parted ways on Tenth Street, and I kissed her goodbye, knowing she'd be home later than normal as the days started to tick away until the big night. As usual, Annie ran directly into my arms when I walked into her classroom, hugging me like I'd been gone for months instead of hours, and I squeezed my little girl tightly against my chest, hoping a day would never come where she wouldn't be so happy to see me. I held onto her hand tightly (I  _was_ trying to not carry her everywhere if she didn't need to be, as much as I would have liked to hold her like a baby until she was full grown) and we walked the eight blocks together to her Occupational Therapist's office like we did each Monday afternoon.

"Mamí?" Annie looked over at me from her tiny chair (okay, maybe I fit into the kid's chairs in the waiting room too, but I didn't admit that to  _anyone_ ) with her big blue eyes. "How come you don't live with  _'Buela_ and  _'Buelo_ in Ohio?"

"Well,  _mija."_ I started, not really sure how to even explain to a four year old about growing up and moving away, especially to a four year old who was especially attached to her mothers. "What made you think of that?"

"Just wondering." She shrugged. "They're your Mamí and Papí, and I live with my Mamí and Mama, and Bricey and Eden live with their mommies and daddies."

"Hmm." It was incredibly hard, given how bright and rational she was. "Well, what about Grammy and Poppy. What if Mama had to live them? How could we all live together?"

"That's a very good question." Annie burst out into laughter, and it wasn't long before I joined in. "Can I live with you forever and ever?"

" _Bebé_ , Mama and I want you to live with us for as long as you want. If that's forever, then yes, you can live with us forever."

"So I don't have to have a wife?" She pursed her lips, seriously considering her very, very distant future.

"No, if you don't want to, you don't have to have a wife, or a husband, or anyone. But you have a long time before you have to figure that out, and you definitely don't have to decide now. You never know, not so long ago, I didn't think I'd have a wife either."

"I'm glad you do Mamí. Can I ask you another question?"

"You can always ask me all the questions you want." I promised, unable to help myself from scooping her into my arms.

"Do you think Bricey would be sad if I wanted to have another friend? Since he's my very best friend?"

"Oh,  _mi amor,_ he wouldn't be sad at all. Look at all the friends Mama and I have, it's okay to have as many friends as you want. Is there someone else who's friend you want to be?"

"Not yet, but maybe soon, since I might not be so scared to talk anymore."

My heart caught in my throat, and I was glad that Aaron, Annie's therapist, came out to get her before I needed to speak again. This beautiful child, this amazing creature who bypassed the emotional intelligence of people ten times her age, yet struggled so hard, because sometimes I truly believed she just felt  _too much_  was trying so hard, and seemed to be wanting in more than ever. While she was in the room, I tried my hardest to work on sending out some e-mails, but I was completely distracted (the  _hardest_ part of being a work-from-home mom) by Annie's seemingly disconnected questions that actually had so much in common. She was still trying to understand how to love people beyond the ones she'd always known, and it actually made  _so_ much sense to me. Instead of working, I shot a quick message to Callie, knowing that what I'd assumed earlier in the day, about the time being close to give my daughter a small push in the right direction, was absolutely correct.

* * *

It was much later that night, after Annie and I had dinner together (grilled cheese night, whenever Brittany had to work extremely late) and I'd bathed her, after Britt came home in the middle of her getting dressed for bed, just in time for stories and bedtime (she'd missed it only twice in Annie's entire life, it was  _not_ something that my wife took lightly), that my wife and I lay in our bed together, my head resting on her stomach as she massaged my neck. I closed my eyes, still wide awake, but thinking about the entirety of my day, thinking about how totally and completely lucky I was to be laying with the woman I was. She sensed I was thinking hard, and stopped to rub the worry lines from my forehead, and to massage my temples.

"What are you thinking about, San?" She asked, her voice low and soothing.

"Us, just the you and me part of the expanding  _us._ "

"What about us?"

"Just the improbability of it all. You know how I get sometimes, all contemplative and stuff. It's just like, honestly, do you know how amazing you are, Britt?"

"I'm just  _me_ , you think I'm amazing because you love me, I'm just a regular person."

"No, you're so much more than that. Today Annie told me she was glad that I have a wife, and it just got me thinking about you. I'm  _so_ glad I have a wife, but I wouldn't have wanted one if it wasn't you. Sometimes I swear, I think you're superhuman. Just today, you helped me feel like I wasn't crazy when you were only out of bed for five minutes, I got to hold on to you while we were seeing our new baby for the first time, I got to laugh with you at our crazy moms, you knew the right thing to say when they needed to  _calm down_ , you went to work, where you  _always_ kick ass, and then you made it home for our daughter's bedtime and to just lay here in our bed with me. I am so lucky to have you."

"Well if I'm superhuman, then so are you. Today you took Annie and me to breakfast and had both of us in hysterics with the silly impressions you did of a squirrel, then I got to see you be so brave when I knew you were scared at Dr. Singh's, I found out  _for sure_ that you're carrying our baby, you were nice to our moms, even though I know you were really tired this afternoon, you did your awesome supermom thing all afternoon, you got Callie to give you information on this kid that you managed to figure out that Annie probably wants to be friends with, you made me my  _favorite_ grilled cheese and then you've been giving me some awesome sweet lady kisses for the past hour. I'm pretty lucky too, babe."

"Can you promise me something?" I asked, lifting my head so I could see her eyes. "I'm scared, Britt, that I'm gonna get all hormonal and start acting like the old scary me, but I want you to promise that you'll never forget that I love you more than anything in the world."

"I'll never forget that, Santana. And promise me, that no matter how hectic our lives get, with work, kids, and everything else in between, that we'll always find time for just me and you, talking like this, letting each other in, all of the things we've built our life on."

"Always, you're stuck with me until we're old and wrinkled and the only thing I remember is the beautiful girl with the blue eyes who stole my heart."

"Oh, God." She giggled, and I silenced her with my lips before she pulled away with a smirk. "Let's not relive your weird  _Notebook_ obsession of 2011."

"No, no reliving  _The Notebook_ obsession, our story is  _way_ better. And there's no way I'd ever forget you, not even in a million years." I crawled up so most of my body was touching Brittany's and grabbed her cheeks before pulling her in for a deep kiss. "I love you."

"And I love you, even if you go all crazy pregnant lady on me. I know who you are in here." She tapped her fingers against my heart, and I let myself melt into her body, knowing that the feeling was totally mutual.

 


	10. The Great Pumpkin

Three days before Halloween, the morning sickness I'd been waiting for kicked in. I knew Brittany was afraid I'd start freaking out if I continued to spend so much time reading  _The Bump_ , but I  _wasn't,_ actually, I was just being a control freak, just trying to be the best pregnant lady I possibly could, and I couldn't do that without completely understanding what was happening inside of my body at any given second. I'd been in Starbucks, waiting fifteen freaking minutes for an iced passion tea lemonade. As much as I'd always sort of hated people who felt the need to order something fancy instead of drinking coffee like a normal person, but those ridiculous pink drinks were my secret obsession (one that only Britt was privy to) even before I gave up caffeine. It was the smell of a godforsaken pumpkin spice latte that sent me shoving an old man out of the way to get into the bathroom before I puked all over a basket of Kind Bars. I was in there about fifteen seconds when I lost my breakfast, and probably my dinner from the night before, then  _possibly_ left Brittany a hysterical voicemail (so I was extra emotional and kind of a huge baby when I didn't feel well, it's not like I could help it) and attempted to compose myself before sprinting out of the store and away from that smell. _  
_

By the time Brittany had called me back, five minutes later and breathless from dancing, I was completely fine, drinking Watermelon juice from the bodega (I really like pink drinks, okay?), and insisting that I had just been overreacting and that she really didn't need to leave work. I'd managed to convince her of that when I was able to joke about how fitting it was that my first trigger was pumpkin, _pumpkin,_ in the fall, in a world where everyone was  _obsessed_ with it (myself, formerly included) and you literally could not walk five feet without seeing something flavored by it. I swear, I'd once seen pumpkin massage oil,  _that_ would kill the mood for me, even before it became first on the list of  _Things That Make Santana Vomit._ Things were going to get interesting,  _that_ was for sure, and I had quickly taken to cursing the person who'd named it  _morning sickness,_ not  _puke any time you damn well feel like it sickness._

When Halloween came, Britt took Annie to school before spending a few hours in the studio, and, after waking up in the middle of the night to be sick, I decided to stay in bed. We were going to get out of The Village as fast as humanly possible when they came home, planning to head to Finn and Rachel's before every drunken idiot in a two-hundred mile radius showed up for the shitfest known as the Halloween Parade, and I knew we had a long night ahead of us that I needed to prepare myself for. Rachel and Britt had decided on a 90's Television theme for costumes, and Annie, not caring about the theme, had chosen an even  _better_  costume for herself (and by extension, Brice), and I wanted to feel as good as I possibly could so I didn't take away from my daughter's excitement. Before she left, Brittany bought me my laptop and some ginger ale and crackers (which mostly just tasted like  _sick_ to me), and I attempted to get some actual work done. I had six days left until my first session of the year at Finn's school, a session I felt wholly unprepared for, and I  _needed_ to get myself ready. Unfortunately, my body apparently had other plans, and I'd fallen into a pretty deep sleep about forty-five minutes in.

"Mamí!" Annie cried out, scrambling up on the bed, poking at my face and waking me from my midday slumber. Brittany was gently shushing our daughter, and gave me an apologetic look that I shook my head at her for, she was excited, they  _both_ were excited, and I wasn't going to let a little nausea take away from that. "Why are you sleeping in the day? And on Halloween?"

"I was just getting some extra rest,  _mija."_ I tried to control my laughter at the sound of sheer horror in Annie's voice, thinking about me missing  _any_ of the holiday. I snuggled close to her, kissing her forehead, while she wriggled against me excitedly. "We have a big, long, exciting day today."

"That is true." Brittany grinned and gave me a wink from the doorway. "Are you sure you don't want to lay down and rest with Mamí for a little while, sweetheart?"

"No way!" She shouted, nearly rolling off the bed as she attempted to prove how awake she was, and I held tight to her arm to keep her from taking a tumble. "Then we'll be  _late!"_

"Well we can't have that, then Brice will have to go trick-or-treating without us." I said teasingly and Annie's eyes widened.

"I need to get dressed!" She shrieked, and Brittany lifted her up off of the bed, sitting down in her place.

"Why don't you go put on the turtleneck that's on your bed and then we'll help you get dressed after I finish waking up lazy bones?" Before Britt had even finished her sentence, Annie ran out of the room. I shuffled myself into a sitting position, and Brittany pulled me over to her, kissing my temple and scratching her nails gently at the small of my back. "How are you feeling?"

"Much better than I was a few hours ago. I didn't actually mean to fall asleep, but I guess it helped."

"Good." She smiled, and I turned my head toward her so she could kiss me properly. "Do you need anything?"

"Just you." I joked, pecking her lips again.

"You've already got me, dork." She giggled. "Annie is seriously going to explode before we get to Brooklyn. She was so upset that she couldn't wear her costume to school."

"Well, it  _is_ like that in the beginning, but wearing that damn thing every day for hundreds of days gets old pretty fast." At some point, Annie had developed a little bit of an obsession with looking at old pictures of me, Britt, and our friends in high school, and she thought our Cheerios uniforms were the coolest things ever. She'd begged to dress like us for Halloween, and as much as I'd been adamant about her  _never_ being a part of that world, I really couldn't bring myself to say no to her, and it was only for one night.

"Oh, you  _loved_ it." She pulled my hair up off my face with the hair band she took from her wrist and beamed at me, glad I'd  _finally_ approved (and spent an insane amount of money on) Annie's choice of costume.

"Not as much as I loved  _you_ in it." I raised my eyebrows suggestively. "Kind of not fair that I'm the only one of the two of us who's dressing as a cheerleader tonight."

"Well we had to go with the theme, babe." I didn't point out that she'd probably  _purposely_ picked the theme, since she was the one who'd chosen our costumes before we'd even made it home from Finn and Rachel's that day. "And it's only fitting for you to go as the bitchy brunette head cheerleader and me to go as the eccentric blonde who talks to her magical cat."

"You always seem to have some kind of logic where you get to win Halloween. I mean, c'mon, last year we totally went as Calzona just so you could see me get my Callie Torres dance on in my underwear when we came home."

"Hmm." She sucked her teeth, clearly remembering just how much she'd loved  _that_ , and how she'd definitely proven as much to me afterwards _._ "I'm pretty sure you always end up as the one who  _wins_ Halloween, if you recall properly."

That was probably true, but before I could say anything else, or more likely,  _do_ anything else, Brittany hopped up off of the bed with a smirk and went to our closet to take out the costumes. I got up slowly, not wanting to unsettle my sensitive stomach, and pulled on the pantyhose that she tossed in my direction. It was actually a geniusidea, especially considering I'd always told her, while watching reruns of  _Sabrina the Teenage Witch_ , that I found it hard to believe that there was never anything going on between ditsy Sabrina Spellman and her arch-rival Libby Chessler. While Britt pulled on a sinfully sexy electric blue dress and topped it off with a black hat (because without it, she'd reasoned, she would just be a hot girl in a tight dress), she stared shamelessly at me while I dressed in a green and white cheer uniform. It was definitely far less sexy than our old uniforms, although honestly, it was probably for the best, since there was definitely something wrong with a woman as close to thirty as I was traipsing around exposed to the world, but I was still happy with what I saw in the mirror.

"You're still a crazy hot cheerleader." Brittany grinned, tossing me my matching pompoms and I purposely dropped them, bending over to shake my ass (which, of course, she felt the need to smack) for her.

"And you're just crazy hot." I said just before Annie ran back into the room half dressed.

"Hurry! Hurry!" She cried out, bouncing up and down on her toes. "I want to wear my costume now!"

After Brittany helped her wriggle into her tiny uniform and white sneakers, I gathered her hair up into the signature Cheerios high pony, which Britt still swore I did it better than she did (her excuse for having me do hers for the majority of the four years we'd been on the team together), and slid her arms into the matching red sweater. Annie stood back proudly, showing herself off, and I was glad that you really can order  _anything_  on the internet if you look hard enough, even if Sue Sylvester was probably fumingsomewhere that someone she never approved of was wearing a real WMHS top. As I fixed my own ponytail, I caught Britt slipping my toothbrush and a bag of ginger chews (so gross, but they really helped) into her purse. I sent her a grateful smile before she grabbed her stuffed black cat prop and swung Annie up into her arms so we could make our way out to the car.

* * *

I was content to keep my eyes closed and listen to Annie's non-stop chatter from the backseat all the way over the Manhattan Bridge. She was too young to really remember the holiday from the previous years, but Britt had insisted that we all watch  _It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown_ (when it actually aired, of course, not on DVD, because that was cheating, she claimed every single year) and she couldn't wait to see what trick-or-treating meant in real life. We'd found parking right outside Finn and Rachel's brownstone, a very rare feat in that obnoxious neighborhood, Annie scampered up the stoop and started knocking on the door as hard as her little fists could, while Britt pulled me in for a quick hug and popped a candy into my mouth.

"I'm fine, I promise." I swallowed, and kissed her to prove it.

"I know you are." She told me, pressing her hand on my stomach between our bodies. "But it's still my job to take care of you."

"Do I look like Quinn right now?" I laughed, and she flicked my ear.

"That's mean, San. I'm actually really glad none of our friends know, because I'm pretty sure you wouldn't be able to keep a pregnant cheerleader joke from coming out of your mouth at some point."

"Well it's kind of an easy one, I bet even  _Rachel_ could come up with it."

"Come up with what?" Rachel asked, appearing in the doorway with Brice on her hip.

I grinned like an idiot as Annie shrieked at the sight of Brice in his red and white jersey with the number five emblazoned on the front and  _Hudson_ on the back. Rachel had loved the idea of Annie dressing as a Cheerio, and insisted that the two kids go as a pair, even if a  _pair_ in our world actually meant two cheerleaders or a football player and a musical theater nerd. She'd  _definitely_ gone even more all out than we had (although there was no surprise there), even ordering a tiny letterman jacket and helmet to complete the look. Since we always kept our costumes a secret from one another, I had no idea who Rachel was going as, in overalls, braids and a bandana, until Finn appeared at the door wearing a grey sweater vest, khakis, and his hair all dopey looking and freaking blonde. _  
_

"Why am I not at all surprised that you two are dressed as the most cliche couple of all time? Joey and Dawson,  _really?_ " I scoffed, deflecting Rachel's question and laughing against Brittany's chest.

"Not my idea." Finn shrugged. "I'm just glad this dye will wash out tonight."

"You hope." I shook my head, I wouldn't put it past Rachel to use real hair color if she thought it would look more authentic.

"Joey and Dawson had a beautiful, timeless love." Rachel argued, putting Brice down beside Annie and crossing her arms over her chest, offended. "Even if the show screwed it all up and had her pick _Pacey_ , I'm going to keep on believing that they really did end up together in the end."

"Whatever you say, Rach, whatever you say."

With Brittany pulling me behind her, we made our way up the stairs to take pictures of the kids. Of course, that proved to be a near impossibility, because they could not stop running around for a second, and theyhadn't even had any sugar yet, but still, we had to try. Honestly, it was probably one of the cutest things I'd ever seen, Annie twirling around in her skirt (because obviously, they were _made_ for twirling) and Brice throwing his tiny football up in the air and missing the catch every single time. It wasn't long before Quinn arrived with Archie and Eden, dressed as Doug Funnie, Patti Mayonnaise and the baby as Pork Chop the dog ( _obviously_ they were totally going to have the best costumes, I mean, Archie was an actual person in the nineties, not in diapers like the rest of us, who only jumped on the bandwagon with Netflix ten years later). I'd had Annie settled on my lap for all of two minutes, when they came in, but seeing the baby set her off on another four laps around the house.

"Okay!" Brittany finally called out, knowing it was time to get out of the house before something (or some _one)_ got broken. "Who's ready for some awesome trick-or-treating fun?"

"Me!" Annie cried out, running full force into her Mama, who quickly scooped her up. "Mamí, you're coming too, right?"

"Of course I am,  _mi amor._ As long as you promise to share your candy with me."

"I'll always share with you, and with Mama too." She promised.

"MyAnnie, we doing tricks!" Brice jumped up and down at Brittany's feet excitedly. "I do a tumble and you do a car-wheel."

"Come here little guy." Finn lifted his son high up in the air, causing an eruption of giggles to escape from both him and Annie. "No real tricks tonight, just lots and lots of candy!"

"Candy! Candy! Candy!" The two kids began chanting together, and I was probably laughing harder than anyone as I tossed my phone in Brittany's purse and threw it over my shoulder while she carried Annie out to the sidewalk.

* * *

Once Annie and Brice were settled into his little red wagon, covered with an old fleece McKinley blanket, that I was  _incredibly_ impressed Rachel had found among the piles of crap in her attic, we set off among the other Park Slope parents. Apparently it was ridiculously cold for Halloween, but I could have done completely without the green sweater I had on, but I was still trying to keep everyone from thinking something was up with me. We made it a point to start early, knowing that both kids (and probably still me, a little bit) would get easily spooked if we took them out in the madness that happened after dusk. They'd still get their chance to trick-or-treat, which I figured wouldn't actually be exciting for them for all that long, but then be back settled safely in the Hudson house in time for Kurt and Blaine to join us for dinner.

"I love seeing her like this." Brittany said, coming up beside me and wrapping her arm around my waist. "Just excited and so uninhibited, none of her little fears even trying to creep past all of that."

"I know." I sighed, dropping my head to rest on her shoulder as we fell behind the others. "She's just so freaking special Britt. You know, when I finally let myself think about having kids with you, I always pictured them in tiny cheerleading uniforms, confident, insanely talented, like us, I guess. But Annie, God, I swear, she's so,  _so_ much better than any of that. It's weird, when I close my eyes at night and picture our little tadpole, I can't even imagine what they'll be like, and I'm totally fine with that."

"Well, I'm pretty sure you're cooking up another good one in there." Brittany whispered into my hair. "And I'm sure they'll surprise us in a million ways too."

"Mama! Mamí!" Annie yelled, standing on the sidewalk with her hands on her hips, after Finn had taken her out of the wagon. "You're so far away! And it's  _time!_ "

We quickly closed the gap between ourselves and the others. I really tried not to look directly at Quinn, because I knew that she  _knew_ , it was fairly obvious considering she was aware it was a possibility, and was trying to pretend she didn't. Annie immediately sidled up to me and squeezed Brittany's hand tightly. The three of us trailed a few steps behind the others, and I watched my daughter's nervousness come back to her as we slowly approached the open door. She'd nearly glued herself to my side, one arm curled around my leg, and I carefully bent down to lift her up. With Annie's legs wrapped around my waist, one heel digging into a particularly sensitive bruise on my lower back, but I didn't even let myself be bothered by the ache, Britt held her from behind, supporting most of her weight.

"Are you okay, Little Bean?" Britt asked softly, running her fingers through Annie's ponytail.

"Mmhmm." She nodded into my chest, and I rested my chin on the top of her head, making sure I was holding her as tight as I could.

"We'll be right here with you, Annalise." I promised, finding her pinky to link with mine. It wasn't a surprise to me (or, I knew, to Britt) that our daughter was already having second thoughts. So often, her excitement was an unconscious cover for her nerves, but when the actual time to do something came, her mind sort of overloaded.

"MyAnnie, you coming?" Brice called from the stoop, and Annie looked up into my eyes with her wet blue ones.

"Finn, you guys go ahead and knock." I called out to him, and he nodded in understanding. " _Mija,_ we can just eat the candy that Aunt Rachel bought, we don't have to do this if you don't want to."

"No, Mamí, I  _do._ I really, really do." She said desperately, and I felt Britt's arms wrap tighter around the two of us.

"Do you want to wear my magic hat?" Brittany asked, concern filling her eyes as they met mine, both of us hoping it might do the trick.

"How's it magic?"

"Well, I'm not supposed to tell this secret." She lowered her voice to below a whisper, pretending to look around to make sure that no one was listening (which was seriously even more heartwarming because Annie couldn't even  _see_ her face). "But my hat  _only_ works on Halloween, and it makes you extra, super brave."

"But you're already the most brave." Annie said, furrowing her brow in thought.

"I know, and that's a good thing, isn't it? That means I don't need to wear this old magic hat, and I can lend it to a little girl who I love very,  _very_ much, and who might need to borrow just a little bit of the hat's bravery today."

"Okay, Mama. That's a very good idea." Annie smiled again as Britt placed the hat on her head. "Thank you."

"Take good care of it, sweetheart." Brittany lifted Annie from my arms, and hugged her completely before taking my hand in her free one and leading us slowly to the door.

It took most of the block before Annie got the hang of it, choosing to remain in Britt's arms in between houses (which led Brice to demand to stay in Rachel's) instead of getting back in the wagon. Without fail, at each door, I'd make my voice high and squeaky and say  _trick-or-treat,_ pretending to be Annie, causing her to giggle and look up from hiding against Britt. Trying to make our daughter more comfortable, since all of her knowledge of the subject  _did_ come from Charlie Brown _,_ Britt would look in the plastic pumpkin after each house and sadly say  _I got a rock._ A half-hour in, she finally was willing to walk with Brice, holding his hand for dear life, and repeatedly looking over her shoulder to make sure we hadn't moved out of her arm's length. When the sun started to sink lower, Eden was getting fussy, the older two were getting tired, and I was starting to feel sick again from how hungry I was, so we headed back to the house. When we got inside, Kurt and Blaine were already there, thankfully bearing Chinese food. I was too hungry to even really notice what they were wearing, and I took the plate Brittany had made me, impatiently waiting (I, sometimes unfortunately, had good manners) for everyone else to situate themselves around the table.

Once we'd eaten and had all taken to the living room while Brice and Annie ran between there and his bedroom, I was leaning back against the couch cushions, feeling extremely full, with my legs tucked into Brittany's lap. I'd finally taken a good luck at Kurt and Blaine's costumes, Kurt with a center part, a flannel shirt and looser jeans than he'd probably ever even  _looked_ at, and Blaine with his hair gelled curly, tight to his head and wearing one of those weird 90's stripy sweaters, and even  _I_ had to give them massive credit. Although I loved Brittany dearly, she'd most definitely given all of us a challenge, since 90's television wasn't exactly gay-friendly, and the epic bromance of Cory and Shawn from  _Boy Meets World_ was kind of a genius idea from the boy gays. While they all sipped wine (except Brittany, who, despite occasionally having a glass with our friends, decided against it because she didn't want me to have to drive home if I wasn't feeling up to it), I was relatively quiet, paying more attention to the soft stroking of Britt's fingers on my legs than to the never ending banter of our friends.

"Jeeze, Santana, what planet are you on right now?" Kurt snipped, breaking me from my thoughts.

"Excuse me?" I jerked my head up from the back of the couch and glared at him.

"I've been talking about you for a good five minutes and you didn't even respond to me."

"Oh, what, do you only say things to see my  _reaction?_ "

"Mostly." He snickered and I reached over and threw a mini Snickers bar at his face. "I was saying how seeing you in a cheerleading uniform again should bring fear into my heart, and yet somehow, it doesn't."

"Shut up, asshole. In case you've forgotten, I'm still from Lima Heights, and I'll still mess up your pretty little face if you give me reason to."

"Kurt." Finn cut in. "Why do you constantly feel the need to start with her?"

"Hey, I  _love_ her, okay. But sometimes I miss the old feisty bitch that is buried deep inside of her."

"I don't!" Rachel shouted. "Remember when she cut off half of my hair because I used her shampoo?"

"Please, it was one snip, and that shampoo was sixty-five dollars a bottle."

"Okay, one snip of my  _bangs_ , and I had an audition the next day."

"You still got the part." Blaine reminded her.

"Honestly, how did all of you even live together?" Quinn asked. "I'm glad I was far away from all of that."

"It actually was a lot of fun." Kurt admitted. "And I'm only messing with you Santana because I really do love you. If you hadn't showed up on our doorstep, demanding that we take you in, I don't think we'd all be sitting here today."

"That's because you three." Quinn pointed to me, Kurt and Rachel. "Are the biggest meddlers I've ever seen. You all have each other to thank for your relationships."

"I'll toast to that!" Brittany grinned, leaning down to kiss me before lifting up her glass of water.

We toasted (with me holding up a half of a Kit Kat, since I didn't feel like sitting up to grab my seltzer) and I made more of an effort to be actively involved in the conversation. It wasn't even like I was trying to shut them out, I really  _did_ enjoy their company, and I was having a nice time, even if I seemed uninvolved, I was just so comfortable, laying there, that I didn't feel the need to talk. While Rachel got up to start getting dessert ready (because clearly, the candy wrappers on the table proved that we  _definitely_ needed more sugar), I went to go check on the kids. Standing up quickly made me feel a little queasy again (definitely  _not_ because of everything I'd eaten), but I swallowed the feeling, and smiled contentedly when I saw Annie and Brice curled up together on the floor of his room, fast asleep. I snapped a few pictures, probably the only ones we'd have of both of them together, before kneeling down and kissing both of their foreheads, then covering them with the spaceship throw at the foot of the bed. When I came back into the living room, everyone was eating cheesecake (except Britt, again), and my wife gave me a panicked look, shaking her head quickly, just before I smelled what was in it, and almost tripped over the throw rug running into the bathroom.

"Ugh. Fuck." I moaned, dropping to my knees as Britt came into the room behind me and quickly shut the door.

"It's okay, honey. I've got you." Britt soothed, crouching behind me on the floor and locking her arm across my chest.

"Fucking Rachel and her fucking pumpkin cheesecake." I gasped out, just before I started retching, internally cursing myself for forgetting that she served that shit every single year.

Honestly, I hated people who could throw up and be quiet about it. Every single time, since (according to my mother) I was smaller than Annie, I sounded like a goddamn dying whale. Britt rubbed my back, whispering how much she loved me. As much as it sucked, I felt  _slightly_ better when I had her hanging on to me, I know, I'm seriously a clingy bitch. When I finished, not actually feeling all that much better, I collapsed back into her arms. Neither of us said anything for a few minutes, we both kind of knew that the world's shortest kept secret was pretty much officially over, but I just needed to breathefor a few minutes before we went back out there to face the music.

"Pumpkins suck." I finally said, laughing a little bit as Brittany kissed me on the top of my head.

"I'm sorry, I seriously didn't even know how to warn you."

"You have no reason to be sorry, Britt. How the hell did we both forget that? I make fun of her every year because she thinks that shit from Junior's is actually good."

"Well, I think we've been just a little preoccupied." She rubbed her hand over my belly, both to punctuate her point, and to try and help soothe the nausea that she knew was still there.

"Yeah, I guess so. How long do you think we can hide in here until someone tries to break down the door?"

"Honestly? I'm surprised no one has tried already."

"Maybe they  _are_ still scared of me." I joked, and she pressed a soft kiss on the corner of my mouth, not even caring about the fact that I'd just puked up an entire day's worth of food.

"Or more likely, Quinn."

"Yeah, I hate that bitch." I laughed, and Brittany shook her head with a smile. "She always was scarier than me without even trying. Do  _not_ tell her I admitted that."

"Like I need  _her_ ego any bigger? No thanks. Do you feel okay to stand up?" She asked, looking at me with so much love on her face.

"Just one more minute."

"Take as long as you need." With me still in her arms, she bent down so she could gently kiss my covered stomach. "Be nice to Mamí in there, tadpole. She's super cute, even when she's sick, but I don't like seeing her feel so terrible."

* * *

When I finally felt a little less shaky, Britt helped me to my feet and pointed out that she had already stashed my toothbrush in the medicine cabinet. She was so good at being super discreet, but clearly I was  _not._ Once I'd brushed my teeth (trying  _not_ to gag in the process), Britt laced her fingers with mine, pulling me in for another, much deeper kiss. In truth, there was actually a lot of excitement bubbling up inside of me. Okay, yeah, I'd wanted to wait at least a few more weeks before we told the rest of them (we  _had_ called Lizzie in Boston a week earlier, but mostly because we were both pretty sure that Susan would somehow slip while speaking to her younger daughter), but as much as I complained about our friends' ridiculously over the top reactions, I knew that it all came from their genuine joy at hearing good things come from the people who they loved.

"Okay, detectives." I announced our presence again as we entered the living room, doing a quick check to make sure the kids weren't around. "I'm sure you've all figured it out by now."

"Figured what out?" Rachel asked, and for an actress, she did a  _terrible_ job of pretending.

"Drop the act, Rach, we know you better than that."

"Aw, San." Britt wrapped her arms around my waist from behind, and I snuggled into her. "They want us to say it."

"Ugh fine. Let me begin by saying the same thing I say every year, that pumpkin cheesecake is terrible, and I usually love pumpkin. But this year, someone else apparently doesn't. Because-" I looked back at Britt, nodding for her to say it.

"We're pregnant." She beamed, trying her absolute hardest to keep from screaming it at the top of her lungs.

"Wait." Archie stopped us, and I was more than a little surprised that he was the first to speak. " _Both_ of you?"

"It's an expression, honey." Quinn teased him, she'd told us many times that for a smart guy, he had absolutely no common sense.

"Well, considering the  _bird calls_ we all heard coming from the bathroom, I'm going to go ahead and assume that you're the one carrying, Santana?" Kurt asked, bouncing up and down on his toes, much like Annie did.

"Good observation, Sherlock." I smirked.

"Oh my God!" Rachel started shrieking, but I put my finger to my lips and she lowered her voice considerably. "You're having another baby. I'm so excited. Congratulations!"

Brittany, being the genius that she is, was quick to cover my stomach entirely with her own hands, before everyone else in the room threw their arms around us excitedly, Rachel was freaking out to such an extent that I was actually afraid she was going to  _pee_ on me like a puppy, and Finn just stared at me with a huge grin on his face, the only one besides Britt in the room who knew just how badly I wanted to have another baby. When they  _finally,_ after what seemed like an eternity, let us go, I sank back down on the couch, feeling totally and completely exhausted. While my eyes started to close a little, I heard Brittany telling everyone that she'd personally hunt anyone down who so much as breathed a word about the pregnancy in front of Annie before we were ready to tell her, and I smiled inwardly at my tough Mama Bear wife.

"You ready to go, San?" Britt sank down beside me on the couch, taking one of my hands in both of hers.

"Mmhmm." I sighed blissfully, feeling so much happiness, even with the gross sick feeling and the inability to keep my eyes open.

"Okay, I'll start getting us ready."

I could feel the other's staring at me like an animal in the zoo, and I yelled at them to scatter while Brittany went to gather everything up. They all made themselves scarce, except for Quinn, who'd changed Edie into her pajamas and sat down with her beside me in Britt's place on the couch. Taking the baby from her arms, I rested her on my chest, still not opening my eyes, but loving that amazing feeling that came from holding someone so small.

"I'm really happy for you both." She said quietly. "I've been praying."

"Thanks, Quinn." I said, knowing that she was being completely genuine with me. "I'm sorry, you know, that it was tough for you."

"I'm not. I mean, I was, but if I'd gotten pregnant, I wouldn't have Eden, and I love her so much, I can't imagine her not being my daughter."

"Oh, I know what you mean." I felt a smile curl at the corners of my mouth, thinking of my own beautiful daughter who was still sound asleep in the next room.

"Yeah, better than anyone, I think."

"Isn't that the truth. People get so wrapped up in their weird idea of family I guess, that they don't even realize that it's just all about the love. I mean, look at all of us, we're a family, even if we aren't related. And then you, me, and Britt with our kids. You don't love Eden, I don't love Annie, and Britt won't love this little one any less than Finn and Rachel love Brice, you know?"

"Absolutely." She lifted her daughter back out of my arms, wanting to hold her close. "Call me, you know, if you need anything."

"I will. Thanks again, and thanks for keeping it a secret that you kind of already knew."

"Of course, please, I'd be feeding the entire Unholy Trinity to the lions if I said otherwise."

* * *

Brittany came back in for me, holding a still sleeping Annie in her arms. After an insane amount of time attempting to say goodbye (and Rachel and Kurt attempting to touch my stomach, before I had to threaten them with bodily harm, and promise that when I  _had_ a bump, they could each touch it  _one_  time), we were finally able to get in the car and make our way back to Manhattan. I was itching to get my ridiculous costume off, but we brought Annie into her room first, carefully undressing her and putting her pajamas on. When we were just about finished, she opened her eyes sleepily and looked up at the two of us.

"Thank you for trick-or-treating." She mumbled, her words barely formed. "I love you Mamí and Mama."

"Happy Halloween, sweet girl." Brittany tucked her under the covers, and Annie wrapped her arm around Milky Way in her sleep. "I love you so very much."

" _Buenos noches y dulces sueños, Annalisita. Te amo mucho."_

We shut off her lights, leaving only the stars from her Twilight Turtle reflecting on the ceiling, and went into our room. Suddenly, as I watched Brittany strip out of the dress that I had hardly had time to appreciate how incredibly sexy she looked in (I really, really don't know how she could so easily slip in between being this amazing, doting, sweet human being, into being a freaking sex goddess), the feelings of exhaustion that I didn't think I could shake kind of slipped away. Quickly undressing myself, I sat down on the edge of the bed and looked at her, letting her know as much. With a seductive smile, she raised her eyebrows and came to stand, in all her beautiful naked glory, between my legs. I shimmied back, pulling her down on top of me as she gently pushed my shoulders. It was one of those nights where there was no urgency, just slow, gentle, lovemaking, where we'd forgotten about costumes and games, where we savored every moment we had together. I didn't know how much time had passed when we were finished (I  _may_ have knocked the clock of the nightstand with my foot, slow did not always mean  _completely_ tame), but we'd ended up lying face to face on our sides, still taking turns placing soft kisses on faces and necks, when I felt myself drifting again, sated by everything about my beautiful wife.

"I'm pretty sure it's a tie this year." Brittany whispered against my neck.

"Nah, Britt. I win. You take care of me in every single way, I could never ask for better."


	11. Show Your Brave

Despite the persistent feelings of overall ickiness that pervaded my system, I absolutely refused to allow myself to become a prisoner to that, and, more importantly, to become one of those pregnant ladies who acted like they had acquired some type of crippling disability for the duration of their nine months as a tiny human incubator. As the first week of November drew to a close, more was added to the list of things that made me feel especially sick; bananas, cigarette smoke, red sauce, and, probably the worst of all, Brittany's body scrub, which she promptly tossed in the trash. But there were two bright sides, the first being that according to both my internet research and one of several calls to Dr. Singh (I know, I'm ridiculous), the intense morning sickness meant that my hormone levels were high, like they should be, and the second, that the worst of it seemed to concentrate in the mid morning and late at night, the two times where I had to be on my game the least. I could handle the general feeling of queasiness the rest of the day, as long as I wasn't racing to the bathroom every thirty seconds while I had Annie to worry about.

On the first Friday of November, the moment I'd been preparing myself for was upon me. With Brittany having left work early to pick up Annie at school, and the two of them engaged for the afternoon at the Children's Museum of Art, I was alone in the house, mentally readying myself for what I hoped would be a big day. After pulling on jeans and a sweater, which I preferred, based on my strange theory that the kids would be more likely to relate to me if I dressed down, I walked to the car and once again made the long drive out to Finn's school. I didn't get the opportunity to see him when I got there, I just grabbed my guest pass and went to a small room in the music wing, absently playing scales and waiting for people to show up. When an hour passed and I was still by myself in the room, I felt a sinking sick feeling (one not related to pregnancy) and tried to talk myself away from the feelings of failure that still sometimes crept up on me. I'd had several of Finn's students e-mail me to say they were coming, I'd even gone back and forth with Isaac the Orthodox baseball player via e-mail for weeksabout what he was gong through. It hardly seemed possible that  _no one_ would make an appearance.

For me, it wasn't about one meeting, it was about this entire idea that I'd built so many hopes and dreams upon. Of course, my mind began racing a million miles a minute on how to make it better, or maybe, how to make the entire program a little bit more concrete, instead of what could have been perceived as some weird _Kumbaya_ campfire circle. I refused to let myself start crying about it (fucking hormones), instead, I looked at the clock, reading 3:11, an hour and eleven minutes after school let out, and decided to give myself another nineteen minutes before I went home to regroup. Half-heartedly tapping out the notes to  _Constant Craving_ on the piano, I was once again thinking about how something like this would have helped me so much in high school, and how I would have absolutely refused to be a part of it. While wracking my brain trying to think about what would have convinced me to go, I heard a soft whimpering outside of the closed door, and moved quickly and quietly, not wanting to startle whoever the noise was coming from.

"Hi." I said, my voice barely above a whisper, to a girl about my height with sandy colored hair who was furiously wiping away the tears that didn't look like they were going to stop anytime soon. She jumped back slightly, pressing her body almost entirely against the lockers, still startled, despite my best efforts.

"Oh. Hi. I'm fine." She told me quickly.

"Well, you don't really look fine. But okay." I shifted my weight awkwardly from one foot too the other. Even though I had gotten significantly better, I still wasn't the best at knowing what to say to people who were crying. "If you're not fine, you could always come inside and sit for a few minutes until you get yourself together. I always hate crying where other people can see me."

"No. I can't. Come in there, I mean. I just can't."

"Okay." I gave her the warmest smile I knew how. "If you change your mind, I'm not going to lock the door for another fifteen minutes or so."

"Um, thanks." She stuttered out, her tears falling more furiously than they'd been just a few seconds earlier. "I'm just going to get home."

There wasn't really anything else I could say, so I turned away from the girl, wishing there was something I could do to comfort her. The thing was though, something I knew from both my own life experience and from social work school, was that you can't help someone who isn't ready to ask for it. Walking back into the room, I intentionally left the door open, sighing heavily as I opened my bag to dig through some of the paperwork in there and to take a long swig of water from my bottle. After several more minutes, I heard the unsure shuffle of footsteps, the crying sound moving closer, and the click of the door closing behind her. When I looked back up, the girl was watching me curiously, and I knew she had words on her tongue that she was dying to speak.

"You can sit, if you want." I told her when I met her sad eyes. "No one else is really using the chairs."

"I thought you had, um, something going on in here." She looked around cautiously, and I was pretty sure she knew exactly whatthat  _something_  was.

"Yeah." I shrugged. "You know, I guess this isn't exactly the hot place to be. Maybe next time."

The girl just nodded and took a seat about ten feet from the piano bench. Rather than try to make conversation, I put my bottle of water down on top of the piano and started playing again. I forewent the catchy pop music, and began playing the only calming, classical piece I knew, Brahm's  _Lullaby._ I'd taught it to myself when Annie was still very young, and (rather than just turn on a YouTube video) would play it, even now, whenever she was sick, cranky, or just wouldn't go to sleep. I wasn't sure if it would have the same sedative effect on a nearly grown teenager, but the whole point of me being there was to help people with music, and it was the only thing I could think of to help the poor girl stop crying.

"My mom used to put that on for me." The girl spoke softly, once I'd finished, and her voice sounded slightly less shaky.

"Mine too, when she wasn't singing me some weird Spanish song about trees by the sea." I kept my voice light, and I saw the smallest hint of a smile grace her face. "I'm Santana, by the way."

"Yeah, you're Mr. Hudson's friend. I was at the assembly you spoke at. That's pretty cool that you could just get up there and talk about your life like you did. I'm pretty sure I'd never be able to do that."

"Well, if you told me that I'd be doing that when I was your age, I'd have thought you were totally crazy, but my wife and I always like to say that time makes you bolder. You never know what you'll be up to when you're an old lady like me."

"You're hardly old." She let out a tiny laugh and wiped her face on her sleeve. "What are you, like thirty?"

"Don't push it, I'm barely twenty-nine." I argued jokingly, then took a chance that I wasn't sure if I should. "Are you feeling better?"

There was a deafening silence, and the girl (who still hadn't revealed her name) just stared at me, the tears welling back up in her light brown eyes. She looked down at her feet, crossing and uncrossing her legs while playing with the silver chain around her neck. While I contemplated whether or not I should speak again, touch the keys of the piano, or just give her a moment in silence to decide whether or not she wanted to say anything, she moved over two chairs, getting closer to where I was sitting.

"I have a boyfriend." She finally said, so softly that had I not been waiting for her to speak, I never would have heard her words. I nodded slowly, encouraging her to go on if she wanted to, and she bit her bottom lip, considering whether or not she could. "I have a boyfriend, and this was supposed to stop."

"You can talk to me about whatever is bothering you, if you want to. I mean, I don't even know your name, so your secrets are pretty much safe with me." I responded to her, my own voice hardly louder than hers.

"It's Andrea." She admitted. "I e-mailed you a few weeks ago to say I'd be here, but then I got scared and I decided that I couldn't do it. I just, I don't know, I just wish it would all go away."

"And I wish I could tell you that wishing for something like that helps. But I'd be lying if I told you it does."

"I haven't been able to bring myself to say the word yet." Andrea began furiously wiping the tears from her eyes again. "That I'm, you know, um, like you."

"The hardest, hardest part sometimes is accepting it for yourself." I told her, knowing, at least in my case, that it was true.

"How did you do it though? I mean, I know from your speech that you fell in love with your best friend, but how did you accept who you are?"

"I had a boyfriend too...sort of." I told her, closing my eyes for a moment and remembering the moment that I knew it wasn't just about Brittany, about being unable to reconcile my feelings for her, but about why I'd been the one to repeatedly initiate sex, why I was so fucking scared, all the time. Opening my eyes back up quickly, I looked at Andrea, who was looking around the room nervously, so scared to even be in there, where someone could see her and began to tell her the story,

* * *

_"What's up with you tonight, Lopez?" Puck called out to me from where he lay naked on his bed. "One second you're tearing your clothes off, the next you're shoving me away and guzzling scotch like it's fucking lemonade."_

_"Shut up, Puckerman. Just shut the fuck up." I squeezed my eyes shut, refusing to let the tears fall, something that became increasingly harder with each gulp of the amber liquid. "And put some fucking pants on. You're not getting all up on this tonight."_

_"You're the one who took my pants_ **_off._ ** _" He protested, and I finished what was in my glass before pouring another from the bottle beside me on the desk._

_This wasn't happening, this couldn't be happening. I'd been pushing it down for so long, letting myself believe that it was just what girls did when they wanted to have fun, but for some inexplicable reason, there was something else that popped up in my heart as I'd flashed Puck my usual seductive smile ten minutes earlier. Why, in that moment, had I realized that suddenly everything about the situation was so wrong? I was completely freaking out, and I figured maybe the alcohol would stop the freight train of emotions that was barreling too fast toward me. It turned out, that was the furthest thing from the case, everything became too fuzzy and too sharp all at once. It was true, the thing I'd never let even attempt to cross the outer membrane of my thoughts. I was- no, I couldn't say it, even in my head._

_"I'm out of here. You're pissing me off, douchebag. You know what, don't even talk to me anymore."_

_"What?" He looked up at me, confused. "I didn't even do anything. And just last month, at Burt and Carole's wedding, you were practically pissing all over me to stake your claim."_

_"You think I don't see you making eyes at Poppin' Fresh? I can't even look at you without getting grossed out by the visual of the two of you together." It was a weak excuse, but the only one I could come up with to justify storming out of his house before we even had sex. Sex was my_ **_thing_ ** _, I was supposed to love it. And I did, just not with someone who had a- No. I had to stop thinking that. I wasn't, I couldn't be-_

_Throwing the Cheerios sweatshirt that wasn't mine over my head and pulling on my snow boots, I didn't even bother to grab the winter coat that I'd left on the floor. My body felt so hot, and hotter still, as I breathed in her scent, and I just needed to go somewhere, anywhere that wasn't Puck's bedroom. With the hood up over my head (further surrounding me with her), I trudged out into the snow, stumbling a little bit as I vaguely registered Puck yelling something behind me. I walked for an hour and a half, my clothes becoming completely soaked from the snow, and the tears that had finally made their way out of my eyes were cold on my cheeks. At the end of every block, I'd try to say it inside of my head, but I couldn't._

_Consciously, I don't think I'd realized where my circular walk had taken me, but unconsciously, I think everything always led me back to Brittany. I stood outside of her house for another forty-five minutes, the effects of the scotch nearly gone from my system, wanting to run as far away as I possibly could, wanting to go inside. When I finally did, melting snow dripped onto the wood floor in the entryway as her mom let me in to the house, asking me a hundred questions about why I was so wet, telling me I'd catch my death if I walked outside on a cold, snowy night like that again, and then quickly sending me up to Brittany's room to change into something dry. I didn't register most of what she was saying, my mind was still playing what seemed to be on eternal loop (I'm-no. I'm-no. I'm-no.), and I trailed water all the way up the stairs until I stood in the open doorway._

_"San!" Brittany called out cheerfully, and then I watched her brow furrow with concern as she took in my disheveled appearance. She was just so cu-no, that was off limits too. "What happened to you?"_

_"I had a fight with Puck." Not a total lie. "So I went for a walk."_

_"You're soaked."_

_"Wanky." I tried to joke, but the word was half caught in my throat. Thinking about sex was not a good idea when my mind was on the verge of implosion from all the confusion that was happening inside._

_I averted my eyes, choosing to look anywhere but at her as she pulled dry clothes for me out of her drawer, and I dropped half of them on the floor when she tossed them in my direction. I nodded when she told me she was going to make me some hot chocolate, so, so glad that she wouldn't be in the room when I took off my clothes. The fight to compose myself was harder and harder with her watching me, and the moment the door closed behind her, I took deep, gulping breaths. It hurt so bad, that indisputable truth, and after I threw my wet clothes in her hamper (her mom was so used to washing my things anyway), I lay face down on her bed as sobs wracked my body. Images flashed through my mind of all the things I found beautiful in other people, and I knew that it wasn't the things I had been hoping to see._

_When Brittany came back in the room, I heard her soft sigh, knowing that it hurt her to see me crying, especially when I'd never tell her why. I'd hoped she'd assume that it was because of Puck, but I was sure that she knew me better than that, that she knew I would never cry over a stupid boy, apparently I only cried over-no, that thought was especially not okay. There was a thud from what I'd assumed was her placing the hot chocolate down on the bedside table, and the bed dipped on my right side. I didn't pick my head up from the pillow, but my entire body jumped slightly when I felt her hand press against my lower back._

_"I know you don't even want to talk, Santana, but I'm your best friend. That's what best friends are supposed to do, and I'd never, like, judge you or anything."_

_"Excuse me?" I rolled over on my side, glaring at her, but feeling slightly sick at her choice of words. Being judged, that was my biggest fear about being, you know, that thing I couldn't say. "There ain't nothing to judge me about. I had a fight with Puck and I just walked for like two fucking hours, okay? Leave it alone."_

_"Okay." She said, disappointed that I'd used that tone of voice with her again. "It's just, I love you and I don't like seeing you sad."_

_"I_ **_told_ ** _you to stop saying that, Brittany." I growled, but my heart quickened at the words. "You're going to give people the wrong idea."_

_"You're allowed to love your friends. I don't know why all of a sudden you have such a problem with it." She argued, but there was something in her voice, something that terrified me, like she knew what was happening inside of my head._

_I turned away from her, not wanting to see the blue eyes that were boring into my soul. She couldn't see the tears that started falling from my eyes again, but I was about ninety-nine-and-a-half percent sure that she knew I was crying again. It was too much too real, and I shouldn't have showed up to her house, but I couldn't make myself leave._

_"I'm...I'm sorry Britt. I shouldn't have snapped at you like that. I've just got a lot going on right now, Puck has this weird thing going on with fat ass Zises, we quit the Cheerios, it just feels like I'm on some kind of weird downward spiral, and I can't give people any more ammunition against me. I swear, I'm one wrong step away from daily slushie facials."_

_"You know, sometimes I think you care more about what the people who don't matter think of you, than the people who do."_

_There was silence again, because I had absolutely no response to that. Maybe she was right, but maybe she wasn't. My deep, dark secret would change everything, even with Brittany,_ **_especially_ ** _with Brittany, and I was so afraid to risk it. I was so furious that I was crying again, this time, louder than I had been just a few moments earlier, and I felt Britt shuffle closer to me on the bed, fitting herself behind me and wrapping her arms around my midsection. She was my best friend, she wasn't going to judge me, and even if she didn't love me in the way I secretly hoped she did (I let that thought slip out unintentionally), she wasn't going to let me go. She'd proven as much be holding me tight when she knew I was upset, even after I'd snapped at her twice. Maybe, just maybe, I could let her into my scary thoughts, maybe I'd feel better if she could just tell me that it was all going to be okay._

_"Britt?"_

_"Yeah."_

_"I'm-uh, I'm really tired." I told her, completely chickening out from saying the words out loud. But with her chin resting on the top of my head, her body flush against mine, I couldn't stop the thoughts any longer, I knew it was true, I knew I wasn't ready to deal with it out loud, but with myself, I couldn't deny it anymore. I was gay, and there was nothing I could do to change it._

_"Okay." Brittany said, and I knew she knew that wasn't what I had been planning to say. "Go to sleep, then. Maybe you'll feel better in the morning. I'm here if you need me, San. Always._

* * *

"Did it get better after that?" Andrea asked, eyebrows raised hopefully.

"Honestly? No. I think that I had just accepted it and been done, it would have, but even though it had broken the surface of my conscious thoughts, I pushed it back down as quickly as it came up. I mean, I seriously tried to get Puck back, then I started dating another guy." It was still a little weird for me to even think about ever having dated Sam, but that was all part of a story that Brittany and I had decided was best to keep between the people who were closest to us. "Things were probably worse than they'd ever been between Brittany and me, because she just wanted me to love myself for who I was, but I wasn't ready yet. I treated her like crap, because I couldn't treat myself any worse than already was."

"But now you're like, married to a girl, to her, and have a kid and stuff."

"Yeah, like I said earlier, it's all about time, and once you're okay with yourself, I really think that everything gets infinitely easier. I'm not going to sit here and tell you there aren't hard parts." I absently brushed my hand over my throat. "But when you find the good parts, most of the struggle is completely worth it."

Andrea was quiet again, deep in thought, I assumed, at what I'd just told her. When I really thought about it, with the exception of what had happened with my grandmother, the only demon I'd fought while coming out was myself. In that respect, maybe it was harder for me to offer encouragement about their initial experiences. Not everyone was going to have a rainbows and butterflies experience, and I didn't want to ever give someone false hope about that. But at the same time, my real struggle came so much later, and that was a reality that showed me the much darker side of things.

"I know that I need to break up with Mark." The young girl said eventually, and I could hear the struggle in her voice at the thought of it. "It sucks, he's such a nice guy, if I weren't into chicks, he'd be really good for me."

"Do things at your own pace." I warned gently. "Even if you break up with him right now, you don't need to tell anyone the reason until you're ready."

"Yeah. I know. I actually don't know why it's easier to talk to a complete stranger about this than anyone else in my life."

"Probably because I have no preconceived expectations of you. All I know of you was that you were upset in the hallway, I didn't watch you take your first steps, I don't go out with you on Friday nights, or take classes with you. After I'd said it out loud in my room when I was home alone a few times, Brittany and I eventually talked to our substitute teacher about the weirdness that was going on between us. I understand exactly that feeling you're having."

"I didn't think this was going to be how my life was going to turn out." She sighed, the tears rising up in her eyes again. "It's like there's not even  _someone_ in my life, it's just this horrible nagging feeling that I can't shake. I want so badly to just be normal."

"This is the thing, Andrea. It is normal, and I know it's hard to believe right now, because your whole life people have probably just expected you to like boys, but when it comes down to it, nothing really changes, a person's gender doesn't change how deeply your love might be, or the type of life you can have. And I'll tell you this, it comes back to your own head again, most people don't actually care as much as you do. Britt and I can walk into a grocery store in freaking Lima, Ohio holding hands now, and most people don't even bat an eye."

"Really?"

"Yeah, really. I have the best life I could ever imagine, one that, when I was struggling like you are now, I didn't think was possible. But it is, that I can promise you, even if I can't promise you it's going to be easy getting to that point."

"Thanks, you know, for telling me this stuff. It's good to be able to talk about it out loud, that, I'm, you know-" She paused for a moment, pursing her lips and wiping her eyes.

"Don't ever say it for someone else's sake, Andrea." I soothed, giving her an out if she wasn't ready.

"I'm not. I just, have never said it out loud before. But yeah, I guess I'm a lesbian." She exhaled heavily, like she was removing a huge weight from her body, and I smiled so widely, hardly able to believe I could feel so proud of a girl I'd just met. "Wow."

"Wow is right. That was really, really brave of you."

"I didn't even think I was capable of showing my brave like that. It like actually feels kind of good. Weird, and insanely scary, but also good."

"Good." I reached over and put my hand on her shoulder. "That's a really big step for you."

Again, Andrea was quiet, processing what she'd just done. I hoped, for her sake, that she didn't freak herself out completely and try to push the feelings back down, but she'd sent me an e-mail, she'd sort of showed up, and she had said it to another person. Those were big steps. I wasn't sure what the big part of her story was, that was hers to share with me when and if she was ever ready to, but I felt proud of her, and weirdly proud of myself for being with her for a big moment like that. Not wanting to be pervasive while she was having a moment in her own head, I tapped at the keys on the piano, not really playing a song I knew, but maybe the beginnings of one I could write in the future.

"Oh yeah." She said. "Aren't I supposed to like, sing or something? Isn't that the point?"

"Sort of." I laughed a little. "But not really. It's just about expressing your emotions in a way that's easier to handle, but you did pretty well just speaking. Did you want to sing?"

"I mean, I really only ever sing in the shower. And I don't even have a song in mind."

"Well, if you feel like singing, we could sing one you might know, one that  _I_ used to sing a lot in the shower to make myself feel better."

"Sure, I guess, why not? You already know my deepest, darkest secret, I guess you won't make fun of me for my singing voice."

"Nope, I definitely won't. And don't forget that it won't always be your deepest, darkest secret."

"Yeah, I know. It'll definitely be some kind of release when that's true." She smiled, and I began playing the piano again, singing the words I'd sang dozens of times.

_I don't wanna be left behind_

_Distance was a friend of mine_

_Catching breath in a web of lies_

_I've spent most of my life_

_Riding waves, playing acrobat_

_Shadowboxing the other half_

_Learning how to react_

_I've spent most of my time_

_Catching my breath, letting it go,_

_Turning my cheek for the sake of the show_

_Now that you know, this is my life,_

_I won't be told what's supposed to be right._

Andrea  _did_ know the song, and her voice got stronger as she continued to sing the lyrics along with me. I thought that I saw a brightness in her eyes that wasn't there when she'd first come in, but I wasn't sure if that was just wishful thinking on my part. Maybe people would think the day was a failure for me, since only one kid had shown up, but I felt myself getting super sappy, thinking that it was totally worth my time for that reason alone. I knew Brittany would agree with me on that, at least, even if no one else did, and I was so, so incredibly grateful, like I'd thought a million other times in my life, for the woman who meant everything to me.

_Catch my breath, no one can hold me back,_

_I ain't got time for that_

_Catch my breath, won't let them get me down,_

_It's all so simple now._

"Okay, that felt  _really_ good to sing. Who knew a Kelly Clarkson song could make me feel all empowered?" Andrea laughed, breathless from singing.

"I think you're more empowered by your own decision today, but hey, a little Kelly never hurt anyone."

* * *

After I'd taken my keys out to lock the door, Andrea gave me a quick hug, and then got  _extremely_ embarrassed by the fact that she had. I reassured her that it was fine, that it was totally expected to act like that after an intense display of emotion (my Pierce was showing again), and promised that we could talk whenever she needed to, and that I wanted to hear all about her progress as she came to terms with herself. Walking out to my car, I quickly called Brittany to tell her I'd be home soon, and that I couldn't wait to talk to her, before sitting down in the driver's seat, and sliding my hands under my sweater to rest over my flat stomach.

"You witnessed something pretty huge today, tadpole." I tucked my chin into my neck and looked down at where my hands were. "Even if it didn't seem like much, I think we may have helped to change that girl's life."

Walking in the door after being gone for the day was always one of my absolute favorite feelings in the entire world. Both Brittany and Annie came to greet me, Britt kissing me before I could take my shoes off (we always joked that it was like a 1950's sitcom whenever one of us came home at dinnertime), and Annie excitedly telling me about every single thing she'd done from the moment she'd kissed me goodbye for Britt to take her to school, up until the instant before she heard my keys in the door. It was the best kind of greeting, and I couldn't help but think that it was exactly the kind of normal that I'd talked about to Andrea. While Brittany went back into the kitchen to finish up the roast chicken she was making for dinner, I dropped down to rest for a few minutes with Annie, who had gathered up everything she'd made at the museum and was excited to show me.

"Look at this, Mamí!" She exclaimed excitedly, hanging a long piece of paper from a string around her neck. "This is my superhero cape! Mama helped me cut it out, and then I wrote this giant letter A and painted it all by myself!"

"I love it,  _mija!_ Maybe, after you're done playing with it, we can hang it up in your bedroom as a decoration."

"That sounds like a great idea!" She took off the cape and came to curl up on my lap as I stroked my fingers through her hair. "Mama said you were doing superhero stuff today too."

"Hmm." I smiled down at my daughter, loving how wholeheartedly both she and Brittany believed in me, even though I was just in the very beginning stages of this. "I didn't learn how to fly, or have any spiderwebs that shoot out of my hands, but I guess yeah, like a superhero, I was helping someone who needed it."

"Why'd they need help?" Annie asked, always so inquisitive.

"Well, baby, she was a girl who is a lot like I was when I was younger, and she just needed someone to talk to, and someone who could help her to show her brave."

"Like you and Mama help me to be brave?"

"Yeah, something like that  _corazóncita."_

"That's really nice of you." She wrapped her arms around me in a tight hug, and I kissed her nose. "Because you're super good at knowing how to do that."

"Why, thank you." I laughed in a fake formal accent, loving my daughter's compliments probably more than anyone else's, because they were always full of such genuine adoration.

"Come on, my two favorite girls." Brittany appeared in the doorway between the kitchen and the living room. "That's enough cuddle time without me, let's have some dinner so we can all snuggle up together."

* * *

After we'd eaten dinner, gone through Annie's bedtime routine, and all snuggled up together reading three chapters of  _Little House on the Prairie_ , our daughter was sound asleep in her bed, and I'd found my way into one of my favorite positions in the world, naked in a bubble bath with Brittany's arms around me. Even though if was so excited to share everything that had happened with Britt, we were silent for a few moments, me just wanting to relish in how far I'd come from the story I'd told earlier in the day. The one thing though that hadn't changed, because even my love for the woman holding me had changed and grown deeper over time, was how completely safe and cared for I felt while her strong arms were around me. I sighed into her touch as she worked the fingers of her right hand over the area where my shoulders met my neck, the spot she knew seemed to get tense every day, and her left hand was laced with mine just below my chest. I tilted my head up so I could have better access to her lips, and I kissed her deeply to convey all that was going through my head.

"I'm so excited to hear all about your day, San. I know it went well, because you've been bubbling since you walked through the door."

"It did, seriously, I didn't think anyone was going to come, and I kind if felt like a failure, but then I found this girl in the hallway who was too afraid to come inside." I proceeded to tell her all about Andrea while she washed my hair, and I could feel her excitement as big as mine. "It was so awesome, I mean, I know it wasn't some huge turnout, but I think it actually helped me figure a few things out."

"Like what?"

"Well, I think there's a missing piece that I hadn't considered, I mean, imagine high school me walking into a room full of complete strangers and singing about my gay." Brittany's laugh tickled my back, and she kissed me on the back of my neck. "If there were other people who'd been there today, I don't think this girl would have had the courage to come in, you know? So I obviously haven't had time to work out details, but I think there needs to be some kind of one-on-one mentorship piece or something, I don't know."

"Yeah, that actually makes a lot of sense."

"I need so much money, Britt, I feel like I wait patiently, or, I guess, really not patiently, for the mail to come every day."

"I know. I want it to come for you too, honey. But I'm so happy today went well, you're going to make so many big things happen."

"You don't know how much I'm hoping for that." I sighed. "Oh! And I think I figured out a name, after talking to Andrea and then to Annie tonight. Tell me if you think this sounds crazy lame, Show Your Brave."

"That's not lame at all, Santana. It's like, everyone has brave inside of them, but sometimes everyone just needs a little push to show it."

"Exactly!" I yelped excitedly, and Brittany hugged me tighter and then leaned down for another kiss. "I told the story today about the time I came to your house in a snowstorm."

"It was that day, wasn't it?" She asked, not needing to elaborate any further.

"Yeah."

"I figured as much, something about you changed after that night, and in a good way."

"It just made me think about things again, how you've always been so patient with me. I mean, even now, you always know when to give me space and when to hang onto me tighter. I think that there are things I would have ended up being able to figure out on my own if I hadn't had you, but every part of my journey that you've been there for has been so much better."

"Well, we're in it together for life." She said, tapping her rings against mine. "And now this new one is just beginning."

"Two new ones." I reminded her, moving our hands below my belly button.

"Two new ones." She repeated. "I love you so much, Santana Lopez-Pierce."

"And I love you, Brittany Lopez-Pierce. Forever and always."


	12. Seeing Is Believing

For the first week and a half after I'd finally named and decided to make changes to the Show Your Brave project, whenever I wasn't feeling terribly sick, taking obscenely long naps (I was surprised at just how tired I was) or going about my usual routine with Annie and Brittany, I forced myself to be in the office. My mind had been working overtime, just trying to get everything down on paper, and because I'd been so distracted with all of that and with getting ready to go to Lima for Thanksgiving, I hadn't even had time to notice that my body, in the very slightest of ways, had begun to change. It wasn't until the second Saturday of November, that it finally hit me as I stood in our bedroom and had to struggle to clasp my bra. When I looked down, I was shocked that my boobs, which I thought had been normally sized a day earlier, seemed to be spilling out of the cups. As ridiculous as it sounds, I half expected to see my stomach bulge as well, but even the minuscule amount of pudge that had developed just between my hip bones managed to completely shock me.

"Britt!" I called out, and she stepped out of the bathroom, her toothbrush still in her mouth. "I think...I think I need to get some new bras."

"Wow." She said through the toothpaste foam, her eyes widening before she turned to spit it out and then closed the gap between the two of us, grabbing both of my hands. "When did  _that_ happen?"

"I have absolutely no idea, I swear this bra fit me yesterday."

Out of nowhere, I got so incredibly nervous at just how real everything was. I guess that's where the expression  _seeing is believing_ comes from, because even though I knew it would be a while before I developed a bump that would give away my pregnancy to other people, actually seeing the beginnings of the new shape my body would take set my heart racing, both in excitement and sheer terror. Even though the baby was only the size of a freaking raspberry, my uterus was stretching to make room, my boobs were growing to make something our tadpole wouldn't even need for another seven months, and in a matter of fifteen seconds, shit seemed to get really, really real. As I started to feel completely overwhelmed, tears sprung to my eyes (at least I was getting used to the hormonal outbursts) and I struggled to keep myself together.

"Hey." Brittany said softly, as she kissed my forehead and my lips. Then, as gently as she possibly could, because she knew how much they ached, she brushed her lips over the exposed tops of my breasts, and my breath hitched watching the tears that formed in  _her_ eyes. "Don't cry, San. You're so beautiful."

"It's just..." I buried my face in the crook of her neck, breathing in the almond scent of her shampoo (I was so glad thatdidn't make me sick) as her fingers danced up and down my spine, gently soothing what she knew was going on inside of my head. "Maybe it's not even a big moment, I don't know. It's just that I didn't expect to notice anything physically so soon, and then I could hardly get my bra to close, and there's like an extra  _something_ happening on the lowest part of my abs. I mean okay, Brittany, I know there's a baby growing inside of me, but I'm kind of totally weirded out right now. I guess feeling like a sick, exhausted, emotional mess didn't make it real for me, but seeing my freaking boobs grow is apparently too much to handle."

"Well, we know how important they are to you. And you know that  _I've_  always loved them." Her lips found mine again and she laughed against them, knowing that she needed to change her tactic in calming me down, knowing that if she could sort of make light of it, it would be easier for me to deal with. "But this is like a whole new level of hotness. I can't wait until they don't hurt you anymore."

"Oh?" I raised an eyebrow, finding myself mirroring her laugh. "You're excited for the growth spurt the rambunctious twins have gone through, are you? Well trust me, babe, they miss coming out to play too."

"Maybe in the meantime, we should go buy you some sexy new bras, you know, so they don't feel unappreciated?"

"I'm sure they'd love that." Her hands gently rubbed up and down my sides, every cherishing touch that I felt calming me even more than her words, and I could tell that she'd sort of drifted off into her own thought process about what was happening to me.

"Beautiful." She breathed again, and I stepped closer, desperately needing her deep, passionate kisses, and her cheeks flushed when I pulled away. "You're okay, right?"

"Yeah, I mean I know I should have been expecting it, but I wasn't and it took me off guard for a second. I'm good now though." I told her as she opened the top drawer of our dresser and handed me a sports bra.

"For now, at least. And remember when I was pregnant, even though my chest didn't hurt like yours does, I was still more comfortable in one most of the time." She explained, even though I already knew why. I smiled at her appreciatively, stealing one last adoring kiss before the two of us  _really_ had to finish getting ready.

My standards for what I'd leave the house in had completely changed in the month and a half that I'd been pregnant, probably because I usually felt like crap, and really, really didn't care what anyone else thought of how I looked. After Britt dressed quickly, she went down the hall to tell Annie it was time to leave, and I pulled on leggings (because they're seriously the most comfortable article of clothing ever) and one of Britt's studio hoodies, which thankfully covered my ass because she was so much taller than me. Sweeping my hair up into a ponytail, and slipping into a pair of casual slouchy boots, I made my way down the stairs, feeling totally temperature appropriate, and, at the risk of sounding like I was trying to become a writer for Hallmark, or some terrible TV dramedy, kind of like I was wrapped up in a Brittany hug.

"Ready to go, Mamí?" Annie asked me, nervously hopping between feet.

"Ready I am." I smiled, bending down to kiss the top of her head. "Are  _you_?"

"Course I am, that's why I'm standing by the door. You're always the slowest getting ready-er, silly."

"She does have a point." Brittany smirked, and then softened it into a loving smile when she noticed what I was wearing.

" _Shut up_." I mouthed to her. " _Your clothes are more comfortable than mine."_

"Mmhm. I didn't say anything." She chuckled, and tugged playfully at my hood strings. "You do look super cute though."

The three of us, with Brittany and Annie bundled up significantly more than I was, wearing just a hat and gloves over my unzipped jacket, made our way up Sullivan Street to the park. Annie was nearly silent, swinging between us, and I ached to just pick her up and tell her everything would be okay. We'd been talking about it to her for a week, that Rachel and Brice would come to our park with her, and Thoreau from her class (yes, people of New York, continue naming your children like they're dogs) would be there to play with them too. When Britt and I brought it up to Annie, there was an excited sparkle in her eye, one that told us we were making the right decision, even if her fear was attempting to win out. Truth be told, I was nervous too, and I knew that despite the gigantic, reassuring smile that was plastered across her face, Brittany felt it the same, if not more than I did. It was one thing that I knew would never get easier for us, no matter how much time passed, watching Annie have difficulties, but like countless specialists had told us, we could do nothing but give her constant reassurance and be there to catch her when she fell.

"Are you excited,  _mija?_ " I asked, looking down at my small girl who was kicking an acorn with her purple sequined boot.

"Guess so." She shrugged, trying to show me her big smile, even though it was clear from her eyes that she didn't mean it.

"We're just going to the park, sweetheart." Brittany soothed, moving us out of the center of the sidewalk so we could stop. "It's the same thing as every other day, except someone you know from your school is there."

"I know, Mama. But-" Before she could get the words out, big tears started falling from her eyes, and I watched, feeling completely helpless as her body started to shake with sobs.

Without missing a beat, Brittany scooped Annie up, and our baby girl clung desperately to the collar of her Mama's coat, as if it were her greatest lifeline. I stepped in closer as Britt backed herself up against the brick building, holding herself up against the weight of her own emotions. I locked eyes with my wife as I began rubbing circles up and down Annie's back. _Te sostendré si caes. Estaré ahí contigo si me llamas_ , I sang into her ear, telling her the greatest truth I could, from both of her mothers,  _I will soothe you if you fall, I'll be right there when you call_. It was so incredibly hard, knowing that even when our girl was at her happiest, she still had struggles happening inside of her head, every day, and when she was at her saddest, it was crippling. Sometimes, I truly believed that her intelligence and emotional self-awareness was more of a curse than a blessing. While she couldn't, even with her advanced language skills, articulate exactly how she felt, she knew she was different, and different is hard for anyone, but at such a young age, it's nearly impossible.

"I just want to-" Annie's words were muffled by both her tears and the puffiness of Brittany's coat as she tried to compose herself. "I just want be like everybody else."

"Oh, baby." Brittany nuzzled her nose against Annie's head and I could hear the catch in her voice. "You're so amazing just the way you are."

" 'S too hard, Mama." She sobbed again, and sensing my wife's own emotional struggle, I opened up my arms to take her. She didn't even try to fight me on it, she just silently passed her to me and squeezed her own eyes shut to keep herself from crying.

"Annie." I whispered, leaning against the wall beside Britt. "I know how hard it is to feel different, and so does your Mama, but I promise you, it's okay."

"But Mamí." She whimpered, wrapping her fingers in my hair like she did for comfort when she was very small, and I couldn't help but think that in that moment, she looked just like the tiny, frail, absolutely beautiful newborn that I saw just moments after her birth. "You know how to have friends. And I try so, so hard but I  _can't._ "

"My sweet, sweet girl." I cradled her close to my heart, sinking down to sit on the cold pavement, not even caring how filthy the sidewalk was, or that dozens of people walking on Houston Street for freaking cronuts, or whatever the new fad was, were probably eyeing me like I was crazy, homeless, or both. "I know how hard you try, and I see you make steps that are bigger than you even know every single day. But here's another secret for you to keep locked up with all of my others, I never made any of my friends, they all made  _me._ "

"What does that mean?" Annie's eyes met mine, the tears still falling, and Brittany, who had sat down beside us, soothingly brushed every one that fell away with her thumb.

"It means that sometimes, even when it's so hard for you to make friends, there are other people who will still make it happen. Every single one of my friends that you know, and even Mama, made me their friend before I knew how to make them mine."

"It's true." Brittany nodded when our daughter looked at her for confirmation. "We all knew how worth it Mamí was to have in our lives, and even if you have trouble making words, or if you never learn how to approach people to be your friends, there are other kids who will still come to you and want you to play with them. Thoreau's daddy told me that he's very excited to go to the park with you today, so I'm pretty sure that means he already wants to be friends with you."

"But what am I supposed to do?"

"There's nothing special that you have to do, because you're already so special without even trying, Bean. You just have to be  _Annie_ , and that is enough for anyone who truly wants to be your friend." Brittany promised her, and I reached over to link my fingers with my wife's.

"And what happens if nobody likes me?" The tiny blonde asked, another small sob hiccuping out of her.

"Well Annalise, I think that's pretty impossible." I kissed each of her cheeks and looked into her searching eyes. "I happen to know that you are extremely likable. And even if you and Thoreau don't end up being good friends, the three of us, me, you and Mama, will know that you gave it your very best try, and then we'll try again with anyone else you'd like."

"Okay." She said softly, looking between Brittany and I who were both desperately trying to keep the smiles on our faces for our daughter's sake. "But if I want to go home, I'm allowed?"

"Of course you are." Brittany moved away the hair that had fallen across the baby's forehead and kissed her there. "We'll see what happens when we get there, okay? And don't forget that if you feel nervous, you can always come sneak a hug from either of us, or hold on tightly to Brice's hand."

* * *

After another few moments of reassuring words, hugs and kisses, Brittany stood back up and took a less devastated Annie from my arms before offering me her hand to help me stand. My emotions sort of crept up on me when we started walking again, and I had to quickly bite back tears and wipe my face on my scarf before I managed to start another scene in the middle of the sidewalk. Feeling Brittany's hand squeeze mine tighter, and the half-smile she sent me, telling me I was lucky I could chalk it up to hormones made me feel a little better as we opened up the gate to the park. I know it was irrational, but the dormant, ugly part of my brain that solved intense emotions with anger couldn't help but think  _so help me, this kid messes with mine and his parents might need me to be restrained._ It was terrible, I knew, and not something I would ever act upon, but also kind of natural at the same time. Someone threatens a bear's babies, they rip off their heads, right?

"Hey guys!" Rachel called out from her place over by the swings. Finn was away at a conference for the weekend, and she'd been more than excited to spend the day with us. "Aw, Santana you look so-"

"Don't you dare say cute, Rachel Berry-Hudson." I half snapped, half laughed, and gave Brice a high five when his swing came forward. "Morning  _chiquito._ "

"G'morning e'reybody!" The pudgy little boy sang out, and I was thrilled to see a real smile on Annie's face.

"Hi Bricey! Hi Auntia Rachel!" She said excitedly as Britt settled her onto the swing beside his.

"I'm gonna do a quick walk around." I told Brittany, squeezing Annie's calf as she stuck her legs straight out to swing. "See if they're here yet."

"Okay sounds good. We'll be a-swingin'" My wife told me, and our daughter laughed, like she always did when we said it the way she did up until less than a year earlier.

It was good for me to walk away for a minute, to quiet my emotional uprising (I refused to call them mood swings yet). Breathing deeply, my eyes scanned the playground, reminding myself of all the things I needed to whenever I felt upset about my daughter.  _She is healthy, she is loved, she is protected, she is going to be okay._  Just when the lump in my throat seemed small enough to handle, I spotted Thoreau playing hopscotch with an older girl and a different man, one with significantly lighter skin, than the one I saw at school each day.

"Hi Thoreau." I smiled at the wiry boy, hoping he recognized me, and he looked up from his game to wave at me.

"Hello Annie's mom!" He grinned. "Papa, look, they're here!"

"Hey. I'm Santana Lopez-Pierce." I reached out my hand to shake his, and sometimes, I swear, I was just as awkward as Annie at meeting new people, and I had twenty-five years on her.

"Morning Santana. I'm Jarrod." He took my hand in his and shook it warmly. "Wow buddy, you must be right about Annie being the prettiest in her class if this is her mom."

"Um." I wasn't sure whether to feel flattered, offended, or just more than slightly uncomfortable. "Thanks."

"Sorry, sorry." He looked away bashfully. "Christopher keeps telling me I make people uncomfortable when I say inappropriate things like that."

"Christopher?" I raised an eyebrow, but laughed a little, thinking he would get along excellently with Brittany.

"My husband." He chuckled, and the realization hit me. God, I definitely needed to take a look at the parents names on Annie's class list to save myself from future embarrassment. I  _definitely_ hadn't realized that Thoreau had two dads, I'd just assumed the man Brittany and I had been speaking to on the phone had been the same one I saw at school. "And this is our daughter Emerson, but we call her Emmy."

"Hi Emmy. How are you sweetheart?"

"Very well thank you." She answered politely, and I couldn't help but think how completely  _hilarious_ it was that the kids were named Emerson and Thoreau.

"I know what you're thinking." Jarrod shook his head with a smile. "Christopher owns O'Malley's, the book cafe in Soho, he's really into literature. But hey, Emmy had twins in her first grade class named Sherlock and Watson, so I guess we aren't the nerdiest people in New York."

"Hey, I grew up with the name Santana, I have no right to judge anyone's names. Brittany and Annie are over by the swings, do you want to come over and meet the famous Annie, and the woman who's  _actually_  responsible for her good looks?"

"Don't sell yourself short, trust me, I take credit for how handsome this guy is, even though I might have no right to." He joked, ruffling his dark skin son's hair, and I felt myself genuinely laugh. The man in front of me looked about as much like his son as Annie looked like me. Shockingly, even though we'd only exchanged a few words, I actually found myself  _liking_ this guy. "C'mon little buddy, let's go over to the swings."

Thoreau tore off towards the swings, and Jarrod made sure Emerson was okay to continue playing on her own before following me in the same direction. While Brittany and Rachel exchanged introductions with the man and his son, one of Britt's eyes never leaving our daughter, I stilled the swing she was on and watched cautiously as she took in the appearance of the boy she so desperately wanted to be friends with. Thoreau stood back a little bit, possibly shy in his own right, while Annie looked down at her shoes, occasionally stealing glances at the boy, while Brice babbled away from his own swing.

" 'S it okay if I swing next to you, Annie?" Thoreau asked, and when she nodded slowly, I felt a smile split my face. "Thanks."

"Sweetheart, why don't you three have one of your swinging contests?" Brittany asked, trying to help her along.

"Okay. DoyouwanttohaveaswingingcontestThoreau?" She squeaked out in one breath, her voice barely audible, and not even bothering to ask Brice, since she knew his answer was always yes.

"Sure!"

"Be careful Jarrod." Brittany warned, taking her place behind Annie's swing. "Rachel will try to cheat, but me and my girl always win."

"We do not cheat." Rachel argued, and Brittany lifted her eyebrows, daring her to really challenge that.

"Oh really? You hear that, Ro? Sounds like Annie and her Mama have given us a challenge. It's on, ladies and Brice!"

"I'll judge." I announced, watching Annie grip the chains of the swing tightly in preparation, and so glad that Brittany had suggested something that she loved so much.

"No funny business, short stuff." Jarrod feigned seriousness, and a crossed my arms across my chest in mock disgust at him calling me short.

"Never. Lopez-Pierces play fair, right Annie?"

"Right Mamí." Annie said, slightly louder than the last time she spoke. "No cheating."

"Okay, ready?" Brittany, Rachel and Jarrod held out their hands, and all three of the kids swung their legs beneath them. "On your mark. Get set. Go."

The three kids (pushed by their more competitive adults) set off swinging, I walked back and forth in front of them, pretending to take it completely seriously. While they got higher and higher, they all began to laugh, and as my heart lightened with the sheer volume of my daughter's beautiful laugher, I pursed my lips, blowing both her and Brittany invisible kisses. Finally, when I was pretty sure they were going high enough that someone might flip over the swings (my total paranoia), I took one last look over all of them and held my hands up for the adults to step backward.

"Would you look at this?" I did my best impression of the race commentator in the movie  _Cars._ "We have a three way tie!"

"A tie!" An elated shriek rang out, and I was in complete shock that it came out of Annie's mouth. She seemed to be just as surprised, as she covered her mouth with one hand in a fruitless effort to hold the giggles that were spilling out inside. When my eyes caught Brittany's, I saw her eyes shining, one hand resting over her heart.

"Alright guys, all this pushing has me pretty tired. I think it's time for the jungle gym." Britt suggested, lifting Annie down from her swing and stopping to accept the gigantic hug our daughter gave her. _You're doing great,_ I heard my wife whisper in her ear, and Annie's smile only grew wider.

At first, I stood extremely close to the play structure as the kids climbed up and chased each other around on the tiny wooden bridges, but after close to a half hour, once the unmistakable pitch of Annie's voice rang out more often than not, I felt Brittany's hand between my shoulder blades, reassuring me that it was okay to sit down on the bench with the other adults. As soon as I sat down, my arm curled around Britt's waist and my thumb hitched itself in her jeans pocket as she rested her head against mine and gently squeezed my thigh. Neither of us could tear our eyes away though, even as we managed to make intelligent conversation with Rachel and Jarrod, we just needed to watch to truly believe it was happening. Annie was really, really doing it, she was making another one of her gigantic leaps forward. We couldn't hear the majority of what she was, but she  _wasn't_ just talking to Brice as she called out things like  _follow me, look_ and  _wait up._ It was big, probably one of the biggest moments in her short life, and I could have sat there forever, just staring at her.

"Our big brave girl." Brittany whispered, keeping it a private moment between the two of us, and I could do nothing but nod furiously in agreement, and let my lips linger on a kiss pressed against her cheek, a totally different kind of tears than the ones that had fallen earlier threatening to break forth from behind my eyes.

We stayed at the park close to three hours, with me only having to sneak into the bathroom to be sick one time, and when we finally began packing up to leave, Annie eyed both Brittany and I, and summoned us close to her with the wave of her hand. Excusing ourselves, we made our way over to our daughter and crouched down in front of her. Immediately, she threw one arm around each of us, and we squeezed her tightly, allowing every ounce of excited emotion to pass between us. As we let go, Annie pulled her bottom lip between her teeth, and then gave us her  _I'm going to ask for something_ smile.

"What's up, buttercup?" Brittany asked, and Annie started up her giggling again.

"D'you think everybody could get some ice cream before we go home?" Her little face was flushed from all the running around, and I wouldn't have cared if it was a negative twelve degree February day in Lima, I would have bought her ice cream, or even an ice cream truck, an ice cream store, a freaking ice cream factory after the big day she had.

"Of course,  _mi amor_. You know we always love having ice cream, but we'll go check with Ro's dad and Aunt Rachel, okay?"

"Kay, Mamí."

"Did you have fun today?" Brittany pulled out Annie's disheveled ponytail, and redid it.

"The most fun. I like having two friends to play with." She told us earnestly, and neither of us could resist going in for another hug.

* * *

With the approval of Jarrod (and Rachel, but her approval doesn't really count, because I can just  _make_ her do things), the eight of us and the kids, with Emmy zipping ahead on her scooter, made our way over to Emack & Bolio's on Houston. Once the kids were settled in the high seats in front of the window with their ice cream cones, Brittany and I quickly had a silent conversation, and she turned towards  _our_ potential new friend.

"We'd really like to have you all over for dinner, after we get back from Ohio for Thanksgiving if you want. The kids really seemed to get along well, and we think that you're okay too." She winked at him, and he laughed wholeheartedly.

"Well I think you're both kind of okay too. And you're not bad yourself, Rachel. Although I may end up divorced because I met  _the_ Rachel Berry while my husband is at work. I'll have to tell him you're not as much of a pain in the ass as the tabloids say."

"Oh no, she is." I swore, and Rachel tossed her napkin at me. "But he'll meet her at dinner. As long as you're not just coming for that reason, because otherwise Rach, you're uninvited and Finn can bring Brice."

"We'll definitely be coming for the L-Ps. Chris needs to hear some of these 'Brittany says things that are more inappropriate than me' stories, and I'm pretty sure my boy found a new headliner for the list of things he won't stop talking about. I think he's pretty much enamored with your daughter."

"Uh oh." Rachel faux-gasped. "I'd be careful saying that, Santana will go over there right now and give him her famous  _don't touch my kid until she's thirty_ speech."

"Duly noted." Jarrod looked over at Annie, sitting between the two boys and then back to my direction. "Annie has some serious game though, look at her, getting two boys to share their ice cream with her. At her age, I could only wish for that."

"Well look at her moms." Britt smirked. "We've kinda got it going on. It was a sad, sad day for all the men in the world when the two of us got married and we proved that they officially had no chance."

"Not  _all_ the men." Jarrod corrected. "As beautiful as you both are, some of us were most definitely not trying to get all up on that."

When we finally parted ways, Annie gave hugs to  _both_ boys, and a shy wave to Emerson before nestling herself in Brittany's arms for the remainder of the short walk to her house. Annie put her hand in the print at the door, while Brittany put the keys in the lock and I picked up the small bag that was sitting on the doorstep. Immediately, Annie ran up to her room to tell Milky Way all about her day (I always joked that he was her Lord Tubbington) and I quickly realized where the bag was from and caught Brittany's sneaky little smile.

"You're such a sneak." I laughed, wrapping my arms around her waist and pulling her in for a kiss. "When did you even do this?"

"When you were in the bathroom earlier. Please, Agent Provocateur is basically around the corner, had I known they'd deliver bras directly to our door and not charge for shipping, I'd have been sending you sexy lingerie every day for the past three months."

"That, my dear, seems like a surefire way to bankrupt us. But you're amazing, and I love you, you know that, right?"

"Well, some hot chick with great boobs tells me it pretty often, I guess I can't really argue, can I?"

"Never argue with a hot chick with great boobs. I'm pretty sure you'll never win. Although if there are two of us, I'm not sure how that works."

"Don't over think it." She chastised playfully. "Just promise me I'll get to see you try them on later."

"As if I'd have it any other way."

* * *

Hours later, long after Annie and I had fallen asleep together on the couch while Brittany worked out a few changes on some of the dance numbers for the showcase, we'd all played multiple rounds of Yahtzee Jr., and cooked and ate dinner together, Annie was taking a very special bath in the jacuzzi tub in our bedroom. I sat up on the ledge of the tub with my tired feet soaking in the bathwater while Britt kneeled on the floor, washing the last remnants of cookie dough ice cream out of our daughter's hair. Despite our midday nap, it was obvious that she was fading fast, and I watched her sleepy eyes still flicker with so much excitement.

"T'morrow can I call Ohio and tell everybody 'bout my new friend Thoreau?" She asked hopefully, nodding her head vigorously as if she needed to physically convince us to say yes.

"Of course you can." Brittany promised, tilting Annie's head back and dumping a cup full of water over it to rinse out the shampoo. "And we can even send some pictures on my phone tonight, if you want."

"Oh Mama, yes please! And thank you for helping me be brave today. And you too Mamí."

"We're just here to hold your hands, baby girl." Britt kissed her wet nose, and I felt my millionth surge of love for them of the day. I swear, sometimes I seriously wondered if there was some kind of limit to just how many times your heart could lurch in such a beautiful way. If there was, I was positive that my quota would be just about up.

"Mama's right, that was all you Annalise."

* * *

With Annie tucked into bed and sound asleep, pictures sent to her grandparents and Liz in Boston, Britt and I lay on our bed. I'd most definitely made a show for her of trying on my new bras, and then kind of pounced on her, wanting to show her just how much I appreciated how incredibly thoughtful and loving she was to me. With our limbs still entwined under the covers, we both silently replayed the events of the day in our heads. My head rested against her chest as she ran her hand through my hair, and I played with the fingers on her free one. That, coupled with the beat of her heart against my ear, seemed to lull me, and I sighed happily.

"You know, Britt, I think inviting the O'Malley's over for dinner was such a good idea. I mean, Annie's never actually seen us make many friends. With the exception of Rosa, and sometimes, for you, Rick, when you're not pissed at him, neither of us ever really made friends in New York."

"I never really thought about that, but you're right. It's weird, when our teachable Annie moments end up turning into teachable  _us_ moments."

"And yet it always seems to work that way, doesn't it?"

"It does for sure." She pulled our entwined fingers up to her lips before lowering them down to rest over my belly button, causing me to think again about the changes there and smile. "But my mom always says that you learn more from your kids than they do from you. I guess she's right."

"Well, at least we know for afact when our two are all grown that we can tell them from our own experience that moms are  _always_ right."

"That's definitely true. Even though I do think Annie is so insanely brilliant, managing to make friends with the only other kid in her class with interracial gay parents."

"Or so we think." I laughed. "That class list is borderline impossible to read. But you know what the coolest part is?"

"What?"

"Things like that don't even matter anymore in her generation. I mean, I know she'd never really spoken to Thoreau before, but they talk about things in circle time, and she didn't even think to mention to us that he had two dads, because it didn't even phase her. I know that's how we're raising her, obviously, but I think, or at least I hope, that this is what the world is becoming. It makes me feel really good about the future."

"Yeah, San, that makes me really happy too. And it makes me feel so proud that you're still working so hard to make the world an even  _better_ place."


	13. This Is Gratitude

Just like we did every year, in the early morning hours on the day before Thanksgiving, Brittany and I loaded Annie into the car and began our long trek back to Lima, to our parents, for the long weekend. After checking, and double checking (okay, maybe quadruple checking) with Dr. Singh when we'd gone to her office a week earlier for my  _you can finally stop having needles jammed into you every night_ appointment, I'd popped an Emetrol to (hopefully) prevent me from vomiting on the long drive and curled up in the passenger seat beside Brittany. Honestly, I wasn't sure if it was because Brittany was so busy with work in the weeks surrounding the holiday and I felt like we were hardly able to spend any real time together, but from the very second we pulled out of the parking garage, every single year, when we turned off all work for the long weekend to just have exclusive family time, I was reminded time and time again of the many reasons why Thanksgiving was my absolute favorite holiday.

Although my wife  _loathed_ driving long distances, and I was typically the one who was in the driver's seat whenever we returned to Ohio, Brittany had dug her heels in about me resting on the trip, and I don't think I could have won the argument had I felt well enough to truly try. Before we'd even made it to the West Side Highway, Annie had fallen back into a deep sleep behind Brittany, wrapped in her special car blanket (an old cashmere throw that I'd actually stolen from Kurt'scar), with her head propped up by Milky Way on the side of her car seat. Looking from her, back to Brittany, who, I swear, looked even sexier than she normally did when she drove, bottom lip pulled between her teeth and an intense look of concentration on her face, I smiled contentedly. After resting my head against the window, I pulled Britt's free hand into my lap and worried my thumb over her knuckles.

"What are you thinking about?" She asked, peering at me from the corner of her eye as we arrived on the New Jersey side of the Holland Tunnel, neither of us having said anything since we first got in the car.

"Just this." I made a sweeping gesture of my hand towards her, towards Annie, towards where her own thumb had began (probably unconsciously) circling just above the waistband of my sweatpants. "How  _this_  is gratitude, like personified, or, I don't know, something I can articulate better when I don't have crazy brain. How I'm happy there's a day set out to remind us of all the things we should be thankful for every single day. I don't know, I'm probably about three seconds from busting out into song or something, so I'll stop."

"Oh San." Brittany sighed happily. "You don't have to stop. I like hearing it, and I know what you mean. All those small things that we don't even have time to think about while real life goes on around us. The way that even though I've been doing it for years, I still want to hold your hand every single time it's free, and don't think even a hundred years from now, I'd ever get tired of that. The way Annie sounds when she's sleeping, taking ridiculously big gasps of breath, and how I still think it's one of the best noises in the world, because it makes me remember that there was a time where we didn't know if she would ever breathe on her own."

"Yeah." I kissed my fingertips and pressed them to her cheek. "Or how I got lucky enough to end up with a woman who would do anything for me, and who I'd do anything for in return."

"Or how cute you look when you're secretly resting your hands over your stomach, peeking around to make sure no one is looking."

"How you glare at people who come too close to me on the street like you might channel your own inner Snix and knock them down." I countered and her cheeks tinged pink.

"You're not supposed to notice that." She grinned sheepishly. "I'm supposed to be your sneaky super secret protector."

"I won't tell anyone, don't you worry." I laughed. "Okay, here's another one, the way Annie still looks like a little potato bug all curled up on herself when she's sleeping."

"That teeny, tiny, barely even there smile line by your right dimple that I know you're so super vain about, but to me, it's become the prettiest part of your face, because I know that you having it means you've been given so many reasons to smile."

"Aw, Britt." I traced my pointer over the wrinkle she was talking about, and felt a thickness in my throat when I tried to swallow. "How about, the way I think you look the most beautiful when you first wake up in the morning and your eyes are all scrunchy and sleepy, like you're slightly confused that it's morning."

"The way my heart feels like it's going to burst every time you say the words  _my wife,_ or  _my daughter,_ or  _my family_ , because it's like we're bigger and more important than the entire universe."

"And maybe we are." I shrugged, kissing the heel of her hand.

"Yeah." She glanced in the rearview mirror at Annie, and then back to me, and down to my stomach. "I think you're absolutely right."

* * *

Sporadically, throughout our drive, we continued to spout out things we were thankful for, Annie joining in when she woke up. We didn't talk about the big things, the obvious ones that we'd tuck into thankful rolls or say the next afternoon at dinner with our parents, but the smallest of things, the things that somehow seemed even more important than the big ones, while the three of us existed in our own small bubble of space and time. After several pit stops to use the bathroom (apparently I was completely unable to sink my newly overactive bladder with Annie's) and a break for late breakfast, I felt our early start begin to creep up on me. Lulled by the motion of the car, which, thanks to the nausea medication, didn't make me feel sick, coupled with Annie's chatter and the sound of Brittany singing along to some Luke Bryan song on the one radio station we picked up in Pennsylvania (a country station, of course), I felt myself slowly fading into sleep. When I awoke with a start, my hand still hanging on to Britt's and the side of my face cold from where it had been pressed up against the window, I was shocked to see us passing Burt's tire shop and the busiest intersection in Lima.

"Hi." I mumbled sleepily, smiling at Brittany when she looked over at me.

"Mamí!" Annie cheered from the backseat. "You're finally 'wake! It's been three whole hours! We had to play two ABC games without you, and now look how close we are!"

"I see that,  _mija._ " I laughed, and turned around to squeeze her foot. "Sorry, B, I don't think I've ever slept so long in the car. You could have woken me up."

"That would have been like waking the dead, you should have heard how loud you were snoring." She teased, and I sucked my teeth at her. "And we were all good here, thankfully you and Annie decided not to fall asleep at the same time, so I wasn't ever all by myself."

"Thanks, baby girl."

"Welcome, Mamí. I got to be Mama's driving buddy and help her find the numbers on the signs and everything."

"And you did a great job sweetheart, I never would have found my way without you." Brittany told her, winking at me.

"So, I'll bet you a million dollars that my mother is already at your parent's house."

"We don't  _have_ a million dollars." Britt giggled. "And can you even wager with someone who shares the same money as you? Besides, even if it  _was_  allowed, I'd never take that bet, because I know you're absolutely right. She's probably been there since last night, and  _my_ mother was probably encouraging it."

Not surprisingly, I'd spent the better part of a week complaining about my mother's incessant phone calls, which were sometimes under the guise of simply wanting to talk to Annie, but the minute we reached the Pierce's driveway and I saw her car parked there, I suddenly got ridiculously excited about seeing her. I knew I'd gone completely soft over a lot of things in the years I'd been married to Brittany, but it seemed like Tad (I'd hated when Brittany first called the baby that, but it had kind of stuck) was taking that to a whole new level. As lame as it sounds, I really, really just wanted to hug my mom, and let her and Susan be stupidly excited over their new grape sized grandbaby. Annie was shrieking in the backseat, unable to control her elation that she was just seconds away from seeing her grandparents, and Brittany just couldn't stop smiling at both our daughter, and at the look I knew that she caught on my face. We didn't even bother to take anything out of the car, Britt just unbuckled Annie and she took off running toward the house, while we followed close behind, hand in hand.

"Poppy!" Annie cried, launching herself into Stephen's arms the instant he opened the door. She hadn't seen either of her grandfathers since just before we'd moved into our house, and in four-year old time, that's about a century too long. "I missed you so, so much!"

"Is this my number one girl? I don't think so, she's too grown up to be little Annalise."

"You're so silly." She giggled, wrapping her arms tighter around Brittany's father's neck. "Course it's me, you're nob'dy else's Poppy."

"Oh silly me, how could I forget that?" He sent a wink over in mine and Brittany's direction, and before we could make it to the doorstep, Susan, my parents and Lizzie all appeared, passing Annie between them and praising everything from the way she knocked on the door all by herself right down to the color of her shoes.

"Girls, quit standing out on the walkway and come over here!" Susan called out, and Brittany led me up the stairs.

There were so many hugs exchanged, that I absolutely felt emotionally overwhelmed. Honestly, it was an inevitability, whenever we came back to our hometown, but all of my raging hormones were clearly amplifying the effect. Even after so much time, the idea of a big, beautiful family scene on the porch, like something out of those holiday car commercials (minus the giant bow) effected me to such an extent that I never thought possible. It was nearly perfect, so incredibly normal, and  _exactly_ what I'd meant when I told Andrea that her life didn't have to be all that much different that she'd always believed. When my mother caught me up in her arms, tears glistening in her eyes, I seriously thought I was going to lose the last ounce of emotional control I had, as I melted into her hug.

"Oh, my Santanita." She sniffed, brushing my hair away from my eyes. "Let me look at you."

"Ma, don't make a huge scene." I flicked my gaze over to Annie, who was caught up in searching my father's pockets for something.

"Hush,  _mija._ " She scolded as she hugged me tighter, and I couldn't really deny her the moment of seeing her pregnant daughter in person for the first time. "You look beautiful. You're not driving Brittany crazy yet, are you?"

"Never, Mari." Brittany promised, placing her hand on the small of my back before I was passed into Susan's embrace and Mamí pulled my wife into her.

"Our girls. We are so happy to have you home." Susan brushed the tears off her face, snuck her hand down to gently pat my still relatively flat (or maybe, just looked like I had one too many burgers) stomach. As much as that normally would have driven me crazy, I secretly relished the idea that Brittany and I were once again on the verge of bringing so much happiness into our little world.

"Jeeze, am I the only one not freaking crying around here?" Lizzie rolled her eyes and Brittany flicked her on the side of the face.

"Aw Liz, are you mad no one is hugging you?" I laughed and grabbed her arm to drag her in with me and Susan. "We missed you too, squirt."

"Tana." Lizzie feigned exasperation, using the name that  _only_ she was allowed to call me, and only since she had been using it since I'd first met her when she was five. "You are aware that I've been bigger than you for at least ten years, and that I'm an actual adult, in law school and everything, right?"

"Yeah, yeah, sissy." Brittany grinned, and before I knew it, she and Mamí had joined in on our hug, my wife discreetly (and adorably) making sure that no one was hugging my belly too tightly. "But you'll always be our little squirt."

* * *

We'd ended up calling it a very early night, with Brittany exhausted from the long drive, Lizzie exhausted from her flight, me exhausted simply from the sheer act of existing, and my mother, probably the most exhausted from the completely unnecessary number of times she insisted on getting up to get me something I didn't actually need. Annie had been completely overstimulated from the absurd amount of gifts our parents bought her, the fact that we'd had chocolate cake to celebrate Lizzie's belated birthday, and simply from running around, so we brought her into bed with us, knowing she'd fall asleep faster when she wasn't nervous on the cot, alone in an unusual place. She and Britt were still sound asleep when I woke up insanely early in my usual way, running to the bathroom to be sick. After sitting on the edge of the tub for a few minutes to compose myself, and brushing my teeth, I kissed both of my girls as they slept, and slipped down the stairs into the kitchen.

"Well you're up early." Lizzie looked up from where her head was buried in a textbook. "Turkey is already in the oven."

"I figured, I'm not up  _that_ early that I beat your mom. Homework on Thanksgiving?" I raised my eyebrow to the stack of textbooks that sat in front of her on the table.

"Homework every minute of my life." She sighed, flipping a page.

"Do you regret it, going to law school?" I asked. Honestly, I was so proud of my sister-in-law, especially given the reasons that she'd even decided that she wanted to be a lawyer in the first place. Every time we talked to her though, even two months in to her first semester at Boston College, she sounded totally and completely shot.

"Not for a second." She said solemnly. "I  _do_ , however, miss spending my days on the beach reading Mary Shelley and talking about literary symbolism, and I hate the fact that I'm only three and a half hours from my beautiful niece, and yet this is the first time I've seen her since July. Coffee is in the pot, by the way, decaf, on Brittany's orders."

"Brittany's orders?" I laughed. "Wow, you must hate me right now, I'd have killed anyone who took away my caffeine. Feel free to make regular coffee tomorrow, and I'll make mine when you're done."

"I'm not even going to pretend to argue with you on that, but if my sister asks, I did and you insisted, okay? I was at the Lima Bean at 4:15 getting my fix today, that's an ungodly hour to leave the house. And your wife is a dork, you know that, right?" She pointed over to the refrigerator, which was covered with about a thousand pictures of Annie (and a few of me, Britt and Lizzie, sprinkled in for good measure), and a printed e-mail hanging from a magnet.

* * *

_Mom,_

_I'll probably call you a dozen more times between now and Thanksgiving to add to this list, but here's a start. Trust me when I tell you that things will not be pretty if you cook anything on here. Actually, maybe you should remove them from the refrigerator too, just to be safe. And wait until you see her, she's just so cute, and it's seriously the most awesome feeling in the world, knowing that our baby (who's the size of an olive, but we have to say grape, see below) is just growing away, right inside of her._

_PUMPKIN! Tell Daddy too bad, we'll have apple pie this year_

_Tomato sauce_

_Actually, anything with tomatoes_

_Bananas_

_Olives- I'm not kidding, don't even say the word, this one is extra bad!_

_Swiss cheese-San was really the only person who even liked that anyway, our baby is super smart to know better._

_Pork, except for maybe bacon, sometimes, but it's better not to risk it._

_Eggs_

_Thanks Mommy! We can't wait to see you!_

_Love you!_

_-B_

_P.S.-Maybe replace your fancy bathroom soaps with just plain Dial too, she's really sensitive about smells._

_P.P.S.- It would be_ **_really_ ** _nice if you made decaf coffee in the mornings. I know she misses caffeine pretty bad, even if she won't admit it. Tell Liz I called the Lima Bean, they open at 4am, she can go there for her fix._

* * *

"God, I love her." I laughed, grinning like an idiot at the list as I poured myself a cup of coffee. "Even if she's totally over the top with her concerns."

"I love to make fun of my sister, you know that, but she's kind of the cutest thing ever right now with how excited she is, and how worried about you she's gotten. I mean, you've still got three weeks left of your first trimester, I'm not sure I want to know what she'll be like when you look like a beached whale."

"Oh shut up, at least Britt will still think I'm hot."

"Well that's a given." She rolled her eyes. "You two are ridiculous with each other, I swear, seeing you guys has ruined me for love."

"Yeah, what happened to  _Christian?"_ I smirked, referring to her insufferable ex-boyfriend, the guy who'd once worn freaking cufflinks and a tie clip to Breadsticks, and who Liz had finally, after two years, had the sense to break up with back in July.  _"_ I thought you two were on the same page about law school?"

"Apparently not.  _He_ wanted to go to law school, and he thought trying to give me an engagement ring would change my mind about doing the same thing. I'm twenty-two years old, Santana, I want to be more than just someone's wife. I felt like taking that ring meant that I'd be spending the rest of my life pinning his socks together and existing only as the pretty girl on his arm."

"You don't know how glad I am that you said no to him. Seriously, Liz, I know you're so much bigger than that, and so much better than him. I  _love_ being Brittany's wife, but even when I wasn't really working, I always still had an identity of my own. A wedding ring isn't supposed to chain you to someone, it's just supposed to tie you to them. Your sister is my partner, our relationship is a give and take, and that's all we want for you to find. Christian Drexel would  _not_  have been your partner, and he wouldn't have respected you in the way you deserve to be respected."

"I know, trust me, I know. I loved him, and it sucks, but I'm glad I'm not marrying him."

"And I'm glad I can finally say out loud that he's a douche."

"Finally? You said it for the entire two years we were together. Seriously, may God help Annie when she starts dating, since you're going to be  _so_ much worse with her than you are with me."

"I love you Liz." I squeezed her arm. "But you have terrible taste in men, and he was the most unbearable of anyone you've ever dated. I swear, if I heard him call you Eliza one more time, I was going to slap him. Sometimes I forget that's your actual name, not even your mother calls you that."

"It wasn't  _that_ bad." Liz tried to protest, but her laugher gave away just how bad she knew it was.

" _Oh, Eliza, darling, be a dear and go fetch me another brandy._ " I feigned an upper-crust Connecticut accent, laughing through the entire thing. "I mean seriously, who even talks like that? He was like a caricature, and he just made it entirely too easy for me."

"He didn't actually talk like that and you know it. His mother, maybe, but not him."

"Ooh!" Brittany appeared in the kitchen, baby monitor in hand, and I stood up to kiss her good morning. "Are we making fun of Christian? I want to play too."

"Ugh, you guys suck." Lizzie groaned, dropping her head in her book. "Like, so bad."

"Aw, Eliza, darling." Brittany giggled, earning a glare from her sister. "You know we just want the best for you, and we  _know_ you're going to find someone who is so much better for you than Stuffy McUptight. And you know that I always give everyone a chance, but he blew it the first time he snapped his fingers to get mom's attention."

"Trust me, I know. I was mortified. But he wasn't all bad, you guys."

"They never are, and eventually he'll meet someone named Muffy, or Bitsy, or something equally ridiculous, and he'll live happily ever after in Darien. But you, Eliza Ann Pierce-" I squeezed her arm, letting her know that even though I was making fun of her former almost-fiancé, I really, truly meant it out of love for her. "Are going to meet someone who doesn't suck, and who realizes how awesome you are."

"Hey, we can go out with you, when you're in New York at Christmas!" Brittany said excitedly. "I mean, we're kind of smokin' hot, and I think we'd make awesome wing women."

"What, to a bar? C'mon guys. _You old_." Liz pointed to Britt, a sparkle in her eye. " _And you pregnant. Can't have a bunch of old pregnant bitches running around_."

"Okay, seriously, you both need to stop watching  _Knocked Up_. It's getting really bad when  _I_ can quote almost the entire movie." I clicked my tongue, and the two of them were in hysterics, continuing to go back and forth with the rest of the scene.

"This, from you,  _darling_." Britt smirked at her sister again when she said it, then kissed my lips quickly. "Who has, on more than one occasion, quoted  _Friends_ while lying with your legs spread open at the OBGYN."

"Anyway, in all seriousness, let us find someone to set you up with! It'll be fun, and then someday, this awesome guy we find you will be the one sending your mom the world's sweetest e-mails about your terrible food aversions." I kissed Britt's wrist and she blushed, seeing the piece of paper on the refrigerator.

"Man, there is no privacy around here." My wife complained, the irony of her statement, given the fact that we were totally in the midst of meddling in Lizzie's life not lost on any of us, and she gave me a shy half smile.

"C'mere, baby." I pulled her down to share my chair with me, and then buried my face in her neck, letting her wrap both arms around me. "I love you extra when you're super cute like that."

"Well, in that case..." She trailed off laughing, and Liz continued to shake her head in our direction while returning to her reading.

"Morning girls!" Susan announced, coming into the room with a bakery box. "This is a shock, definitely the first time I've seen you all awake at the same time before nine o'clock. I like having grown daughters."

"Mama! Mamí." Annie shrieked out over the baby monitor a half a second later, sounding a little more panicked than I would have liked, and Britt and I were both on our feet and on our way up the stairs without missing a beat. I knew that weird, confused feeling of waking up somewhere different, and I knew that Annie wouldn't even move from the bed until we were there. "Where are you? I'm all by myself! Come back!"

* * *

The majority of the early morning was spent in the living room, Britt and I laying together on the chaise, Lizzie moving onto the couch with one of her books, and Stephen and Annie playing hide and seek all around the first floor. We'd managed to get Liz in on  _operation cover for Santana when she's in the bathroom,_ since I knew it would be a much bigger production than it needed to be, one I didn't feel like having dominate the holiday, if our parents were privy to every time I got sick, and I laughed at both her and Brittany who took it so, so seriously. When Mamí and Papí came in just after eleven, my mother to help with the cooking, and my father to watch football with Stephen, I was feeling well enough for girl time in the kitchen, and I led Brittany in there before anyone else was ready to join us.

"I wanted to show you how thankful for you I am this morning." I hummed against her lips as I backed her into the refrigerator and wrapped my arms around her waist. "But obviously we haven't had time alone."

"Hmm." She bit my bottom lip, then for several minutes, silently trailed kisses down my neck, hitting that spot that never failed to instantly turn me on, the spot that had become even more sensitive in the previous weeks. "It's a good thing I already know, then. And maybe we'll have to find a way later, since I need to show you I'm thankful for you too."

"Yeah." I breathed out, touching my hand to her cheek to guide her lips back to mine, knowing that if Britt kept her lips on my pulse point much longer, my hormones would entirely take over, and we'd be having our most embarrassing holiday moment to date. My other hand slipped under her shirt, rubbing circles on her bare back, my own skin just calling out to touch hers, even in a completely non-sexual way. "That sounds really, really good."

" _Dios mio,_ girls." My mother clapped her hands as she walked in the kitchen, startling me like a kid with her hand in the cookie jar (and in my addled brain, that thought was hilarious, because it replaced cookie jar with something entirely different). " _Mija_ , you're already pregnant, you don't need to keep trying, as you like to call it, Brittany, especially not right where everyone can see you."

"We weren't...we were just..." I began stammering, before I realized that Mamí was quite obviously kidding. "Aye, Mamí, that's not funny, I can't make coherent thoughts."

"I remember the feeling well." She smiled, resting her hand on my shoulder, and I groaned, not wanting to hear it. "Not like that,  _niña_ ,  _deja de tener la mente tan sucia._  I mean how you just want to be close to Brittany all the time. When I was pregnant with you, I spent half of my day sometimes just driving back and forth to the hospital to see your father for five minutes, and I seem to remember someone else in this room who insisted on wearing your t-shirts all the time when  _she_ was pregnant, even when you were sleeping in the same bed."

"It's evolutionary advantage." Brittany shrugged, nuzzling my nose, and I raised an eyebrow. "It is, I'm telling you, your hormones make you want to be closer to the other parent of your child, so, like, back when there were wooly mammoths and saber-tooth tigers running around, you'd have someone else to help keep you and your baby from being eaten."

"You're so smart." I pecked her lips and finally removed my hand from under her shirt so I could put my arms around her neck as she gave me a close hug.

"And hot, don't forget hot." She giggled.

"Like Michelle Obama!" We exclaimed, at exactly the same time.

" _Chicas locas."_ Mamí shook her head with a soft smile. "I'm pretty sure no one else will ever understand whatever language it is that you two speak to each other in."

After Mamï turned the stove on, Brittany and I finally moved out of the way of the refrigerator and sat down at the table with a sack of potatoes. After peeling each one, I'd hand it to Britt, and she'd cut it in quarters and drop it in the large pot that sat between us. It wasn't often that we got the opportunity to cook together, but when we did, we moved so seamlessly, and several times, we caught each other's eyes over the pot, silently reveling in the bliss of the holidays. I was surprised that Susan and Liz hadn't made their appearance in the kitchen yet, but when they finally did, our small daughter between them, wearing a frilly apron adorned with her handprint transformed into a turkey over her pajamas, and a too-big chef's hat on her head, it was totally worth the wait.

"All the way from New York City." Susan announced, holding Annie's little hand tightly in hers. "Our special guest chef, Miss Annalise Lopez-Pierce."

"D'you like my apron?" Annie twirled around, and I caught the click of her tap shoes against the floor, making the entire scene just  _that_ much cuter. I wasn't sure who moved faster to capture our most precious thing in a hug, but almost immediately, both mine and Brittany's arms were around our daughter.

"We love it." Brittany beamed, kissing the top of Annie's head. "Did you make this all by yourself?"

"No, Mama! Grammy sewed it up before we came here, and Auntia Lizzie helped me make my hand-turkey. And guess what?" She bounced up and down in our arms.

"What?" I asked, my face mirroring her excitement.

"Look what Grammy has for you!" She pointed to Susan, who we hadn't noticed, since we'd been so caught up in how incredibly adorable Annie looked, was holding two aprons identical to our daughter's in mine and Brittany's sizes. "Now we can match while I help!"

"Oh, sweetheart." Brittany excitedly took the aprons from her mom, both of us slipping them on, me tying the back of hers before turning around so she could tie the back of mine. "This is pretty special, thank you Annalise, and Grammy."

" _Next year."_ Susan mouthed to us, gesturing to our chests where Annie's handprint was slightly off-center. " _We'll have add another little turkey."_

_"Ven aqui, mi nieta bonita."_ Mamí waved Annie over to her, and scooped her up, kissing her all over her face. "Let's teach our littlest chef how to make her Mama's favorite."

* * *

After two hours of cooking, and a quick twenty minute power nap for me while Brittany bathed Annie, washing out all of the flour she'd gotten in her hair while baking apple pie with Susan, Britt and I showered separately (for the time being), and we all dressed for dinner. There was something about putting on a dress and heels that always managed to make me feel sexy, even if my tired eyes and the nausea in the pit of my stomach threatened to challenge that. Dressed and ready for the focal point of the day (although I could have skipped the meal entirely and just had a hundred more moments of simplicity), my wife hoisted our daughter up into her arms, and the three of us made our grand entrance into the dining room. At the same time, Stephen was carrying the carved turkey from the other doorway, and he took his seat at the head of the table beside Susan.

"Can I sit next to you,  _'Buelito?"_ Annie wriggled her way out of Brittany's arms and hopped up and down next to my father's chair opposite Stephen.

"I wouldn't have it any other way, Lisita _."_ He stood and helped her into the chair, tucking the skirt of her bright blue dress underneath her and kissing her forehead. "You look exceptionally beautiful today, if I may say so."

"Course you may, thank you." Annie's face was bright as the sun, and she threw her arms around her grandfather's neck, touching the tie that he'd intentionally chosen to match her dress. "And you look very handsome too. Everybody looks their most beautiful right now."

"How?" I whispered in Brittany's ear as she sat beside Annie and I took my seat on my wife's other side. "How is she just  _everything,_ all the time?"

"I have no idea." She marveled taking my hand in hers, and looking down proudly at the little girl who'd begun swinging her legs beneath her. "But I don't even need a special day to be thankful for that."

"Happy Thanksgiving!" Stephen's laughing voice boomed once Susan appeared with the basket of rolls from the kitchen and took her own seat, breaking me from my thoughts. "I know I'm usually the one to say grace, or a toast, or whatever this combined blessing we say is, each year, but this year, my radiant daughter-in-law asked me if I'd mind if she took over that responsibility. Santana, take it away."

"Take what away?" Brittany teased, covering her emotions, since I hadn't told her I'd asked her dad if I could speak, and I leaned over to kiss her before picking up my seltzer filled wineglass and standing up.

"Okay. Wow." I looked around the table from my parents, who's hands were clasped together on the corner, to my in-laws, who were nodding happily for me to continue, to Liz, who looked mildly amused at the ridiculous tears she could see forming in my eyes, to Annie, who'd begun clapping for me the moment I stood up, and to Brittany, with tears mirroring mine, and who only held my hand tighter. "Guess I'm getting better at this whole talking out loud thing, huh? Since I'm voluntarily standing up here to offer a blessing over this meal that I was lucky enough to spend making with all of the most important women in my life. I'm weepy and nostalgic, I know, but it's a holiday, and for that reason, among others, you're not even allowed to make fun of me. I know that every year, we write the things we're most thankful for and Susan bakes them into rolls for us to share with each other, but every single year, I've found it increasingly harder to do that. As we were driving here, Britt and I started talking about all the things that brought us so much gratitude, and I realized that I really didn't think I could pick just one of the hundreds of things to write down."

"Wait, mom let you off without writing your message?" Lizzie looked at me in disbelief.

"Oh c'mon, Liz, I've been a Pierce long enough to know  _that_ was never going to happen. We can't just start breaking traditions, then before you know it we'll be eating Chinese for dinner or something."

"Santana, honey." Susan cut in. "You girls eat enough takeout in New York, even if you think your mother and I don't know about it, so that will never happen."

"Go ahead, continue,  _mija."_ My father urged.

"So basically, I wanted to just say more than one line, while I'm sitting here with the whole Lopez-Pierce combined clan, who I don't get to spend nearly enough time with. I'm so eternally grateful that you are the people I'm bound to for life, with or without shared blood. I didn't realize, until Britt said it to me, that I hold my family on this incredible pedestal, but it's true, this year, maybe even more than ever before. So I just wanted to say how grateful I am to have each of you our life. To our parents, for being there for us in every way possible, for being absolutely amazing grandparents, for coming together for every holiday, so Annie grows up with these beautiful traditions. To Liz, for never failing to find time, even if it's just a minute, to make our girl smile over Skype, and for pursuing a dream that is so close to all of our hearts. Above all else, this year, I'm so thankful that our precious girl is learning how to find her brave, and that no matter what, she's still the greatest thing I could have ever hoped for. And Brittany, my Britt, I don't think there are enough words to describe the depth of my gratitude to you for just being  _you,_ and you know, without me having to say it, exactly what I mean. I love all of you so fully, and sitting here at the table without reminds me of all that life truly means. So here's to us, and to anyone who will be joining us at this table in years to come." I sent a wink over to Liz, and chanced a discreet glance down to where Brittany had rested our hands. "And now, I'm realizing that I literally have no clue how you go about blessing the food for Thanksgiving, I guess I don't know much about blessings, except that I've been given a lot of them."

"Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub?" Liz offered, earning an elbow in her side from Susan.

"God is good, God is great, now stick a fork in your plate?" Brittany tried, through her tears that were openly falling.

"Or maybe more along the lines of  _estoy muy agradecido por todo lo que tengo."_ My father said, looking down at Annie. "Do you know that that means  _bebé?_

"I am very thankful for everything I have." Annie piped up, standing to raise up her glass of milk. "That's very true,  _'Buelo._ "

"That it is, Annie." My mother nodded from across the table.

"To the Lopezes, the Pierces, and the Lopez-Pierces!" Brittany announced, holding up her own glass. "And to a hundred more years of happy holidays."

" _To us!"_ The rest of us answered, and I sank back into my chair, heart full with all of the love in the room.

"That was so beautiful, honey." Brittany whispered, kissing the shell of my ear. "Thank you, for standing up to say all of that."

"Well, I'm an emotional roller-coaster already, figured I may as well put the good ones to proper use." I smiled, and turned to place a kiss on her temple.

* * *

Dinner was, as always, awesome, and long after, we'd all changed into more comfortable clothes, and Susan had turned on the first airing of  _Miracle on 34th Street_. Annie had fallen asleep in Stephen's arms in his chair while he talked to Papí, Liz was on the floor groaning about how full she was, our mothers were making their plans of our shopping excursion in the morning (which I was seriously debating bowing out on, and I knew no one would blame me), and once again, I lay between Brittany's legs on the chaise, our spot that no one else even tried to take whenever we were in town. Feeling relatively proud of myself that I seemed to be fully capable of keeping my dinner down, I titled my head back so I could look into Britt's eyes. She smiled, kissing me softly amidst the din of all the other chatter in the room, and I sank further into her embrace.

"Best Thanksgiving ever." She murmured, her eyes as tired as I knew mine were.

"You say that every year." I laughed softly and stole another kiss.

"Well every year, it's true. Except for maybe the year-"

"No, don't say it. Seriously, B." I covered her mouth quickly with my hand, not even wanting to  _think_ about two years earlier when Britt, Annie and I all had the stomach virus and the entirety of our Thanksgiving was spent laying on the bathroom floor.

"Sorry San." Britt giggled, realizing her mistake in mentioning it when the slightest thing could turn my stomach, and she soothingly rubbed circles over the spot. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm good." I swallowed, checking that it was true. "I love you, Britt."

"And I love you, Santana."

"Ma!" Annie cried out in her sleep, the way she often did, and we'd figured out years earlier that it was her way of quickly calling for both of us.

Before we could untangle ourselves to stand, Stephen was up, carrying our daughter to us and resting her gently on top of me. I smiled she fisted the sleeve of my shirt and curled back into a ball against my body, as Brittany shifted so she could hold us both just a little bit tighter. We'd become so caught up watching her sleep that we kind of forgot that we were sitting in the middle of the room with everyone else. Of course, it was the flash of my mother's camera that reminded us of that, and I lifted my eyes to glare at her, just as Annie stirred again from her rest.

"Did I miss it, Mamí?" Annie looked up at me, wide-eyed.

"Miss what,  _mi amor?"_

"Mmm." She closed her eyes again, and I could feel Brittany smile behind me. "Christmas song."

"Mom, you've started her young with the obsession with traditions." Britt looked over at her mother and Susan just chuckled. "You didn't miss it baby girl, do you think you can stay awake for two more minutes and we'll sing our first carol?"

"Think so." My daughter yawned, her words muffled by sleep, and I kissed her between the eyes. "Please sing."

Liz looked over to us, and I nodded, encouraging her to begin.  _Everybody knows, a turkey and some mistletoe help to make the season bright. Tiny tots, with their eyes all aglow, will find it hard to sleep tonight,_ we all sang together, and I smiled at the words to the song. Annie was most definitely not going to find it hard to sleep, although I figured that would probably change the closer and closer we got to Christmas, and I knew for sure that I didn't need turkey and mistletoe to make the season what it was. I needed  _this,_ all of the people who surrounded me, the rhythm of Annie's heartbeat against my chest, of Brittany's against my back, the feeling of love that crept into even the tiniest crevices of my heart and soul. It was that, among all of the other small and most precious things, that I would never stop being wholly thankful for.


	14. The Way She Loves Me

Immediately following Thanksgiving, most people begin counting the days until Christmas. I guess, subconsciously, I'd always done it too, since I  _do_ love the holiday season, but for the past five years, the most important December date I had counted down to was the night of Brittany's showcase. Of course, we'd still gone into full swing holiday mode, starting our shopping back in Lima, secretly packing up the trunk of our car with the Santa gifts we'd hide in the attic. We had our holiday photos taken (which were seriously the cutest things ever, even if we're total dorks), all three of us dressed in our fanciest outerwear, the photographer we'd found right after Annie was born snapping shot after shot of the three of us posing in fake snow; Annie ducking behind my legs while Britt threw snowballs, the two of them dumping a wooden bucket of snow over my head, Annie sitting by herself on a sled catching snowflakes on her tongue, Britt and I lifting our daughter up to put a top hat on a snowman, all of us lying on our backs making angels, the Lopez-Pierce Christmas cards were kind of legendary. But still, it was hard, especially with Annie, for both Britt and I during the three weeks she had to work borderline inhuman hours, racing into the house every night just moments before our daughter's bedtime, but it was a necessary evil, I knew that. Her schedule was flexible for ninety-five percent of the year in exchange for  _maybe_ a combined total of six weeks of hell, we really had no right to bitch about it it, but this year, more than ever before (even if it was mostly in my head), I did.

The biggest problem was that I  _wasn't_ just counting down to that one night, I was also counting down to the end of my first trimester (although I couldn't believe it was already on the horizon), and to the days when I could start worrying less about miscarrying, and hopefully finally see the end of the persistent nausea and vomiting. Seven days before Christmas, that's when my second trimester was supposed to begin, and every time I crouched on the bathroom floor with my head over the toilet bowl, I could only hope that it would be easier than the first. The thing was, I didn't want to complain, didn't want someone out there in the universe thinking I was anything less than eternally grateful for the tiny life (now complete with fingernails and hair) who had already claimed a part of my heart. So, on the days I felt the worst, I suffered in silence. I would put on a happy face for Annie, who was already having a hard time because she hated Brittany's busy weeks as much as I did, and I tried my best to keep myself together in front of my wife, who already felt unnecessarily guilty because she could  _tell_ I felt awful and hated that she couldn't stay home and force me to rest. When I was alone though, that's when I found myself fraying at the edges.

The first Wednesday of December, a week an a half after Thanksgiving (nine days before Britt's big night and eleven days before the big twelve week mark), was the first time in years where I'd felt like I was at a complete loss for how to take care of myself. I knew that my morning sickness was bad, had even expected it to be before I'd gotten pregnant, because my  _mother's_ had been the same way when she was pregnant with me, but for some reason, on that one day, it had become completely unbearable. Britt had left for work just after seven, and I'm not sure how I even managed to make it through getting Annie ready for school. Hardly managing to keep down the three sips of orange juice I'd drank and the half a piece of toast I'd forced down my throat, I dropped Annie off, and raced back home, dry heaving for a good fifteen minutes, trying to no avail to bring everything back up on the off chance it would make me feel better, and finally collapsing on the bed in a heap of uncontrollable sobs.

Call me crazy, but in my head, I was sure that gnawing, aching, twisting feeling in my stomach was akin to Chinese water torture, especially when I  _knew_ that I had to put something in my body for both my sake and the sake of the baby. So I lay there on my side with my knees to my chest, all wrapped up in the threadbare Cheerios sweatshirt that had once belonged to Brittany (the same one that served as a substitute for her arms during the years we were apart), no pants on, because it required too much effort to pull them down to pee, clutching the bottle of water I was forcing myself to swallow in one hand, and the phone I was trying not to dial in the other, hoping, praying,  _begging_ that the awful feeling would go away before I had to get myself out of bed and pick Annie back up. Had I been looking at myself from outside my body, I would have seen  _exactly_ what I'd hoped I'd never become, one of those women who'd been completely crippled by pregnancy. I guess that's what I got for making fun, karma is a bitch, right?

_You are pregnant. You are nauseous._ I internally chastised myself, mentally slamming my palm against my forehead.  _You're not missing limbs or dying, there's no reason for you to be laying here like a helpless mess. Pull yourself together and stop thinking about calling Brittany, because the minute you get on the phone she'll be out the door to get to you. You can do this, Santana._

Maybe that was the biggest problem with being such a control freak, there were times where I truly beat myself up over things that I had absolutely no control over. In my head, I was furious with _myself,_ not with my body chemistry, that I couldn't be one of those women who made pregnancy look so easy, and maybe a little pissed at the baby, as if someone that wasn't even the size of a lime could really bare any blame. After another hour of alternating between crying and sipping water, I knew that I really had no choice. Each morning, as she left for work, Britt would kiss my stomach, my forehead and finally my lips before looking into my eyes and making me promise that I'd call her if I needed anything. I'd been really, really good about not calling her if it wasn't a desperate situation, but this time it  _was_. I knew I couldn't even pick my head up from the pillow, let alone walk over to Annie's school, attempt to be remotely sociable with the other parents and then have any semblance of normalcy for my four year old.

_"Hi San."_ Brittany answered her phone breathlessly on the second ring, and I heard her call for whoever was in the studio with her to take five. She was doing run throughs on every number, every single day. As sweet and caring as my wife was, I knew she demanded nothing short of perfection on stage, and she would make those dancers practice a thousand times if she didn't see that. Even with how sick I was, I felt so much pride any time I even thought about how outrageously talented and dedicated she was.

"Britt." I tried not to moan, my hand shaky as I held the phone to my ear and didn't move from the fetal position I'd curled into. Tears sprung to my eyes as another crushing wave of nausea took over my body. "I know you're busy, and I'm sorry, I didn't want to interrupt you at work or anything, and I'm really trying to be okay-"

_"Hey, honey."_ Her voice was low and soothing, knowing that I was crying, and it only made me cry harder.  _"You're rambling a lot, and I can tell that you're not okay. Don't apologize to me, what's going on? What can I do to help you?"_

"Can you pick up Annie at school? I'm just a fucking mess right now. You can drop her off and go back to work, and she can come lay in bed with me and watch movies or something, I don't even know."

_"Shhh, it's okay. Let me just tell Rick that I'm leaving here now and taking the rest of the day. Can I bring you anything?"_

"Nothing. Nothing is helping me right now, I've never in my life felt sick like this B. It's like the world's worst stomach bug times a million. You don't have to stay with me all day, it'll pass eventually, right?

_"It's not up for discussion, I'm not leaving you there alone like that."_ I could hear the catch in her voice, and I knew exactly what it felt like when there was literally nothing you could do to make the woman you loved feel any better.  _"Do you want me to stay on the phone with you?"_

"No." Well,  _yes,_ but I really wasn't going to take it to that level of dramatics yet. "It's okay. I'm just going to keep laying down. Thank you."

_"I love you, and I'll be there as fast as I can."_

"Love you too." I whispered, those three words saying so much more than I was capable of getting out.

Once I hung up the phone, I curled even tighter into myself, clutching my stomach with the hand that had been holding the phone, promising the baby that their Mama would be home soon. I felt ridiculous and irrationally angry about the entire situation, always having hated more than anything when I was incapable of taking care of myself, hating that I couldn't just be stronger for five freaking seconds so I didn't have to call my wife crying because I had a stomach ache. Seriously, most women in the world had babies, and most women didn't need to act psychotic and call their partners to come home from work. It was a terrible form of self-loathing that took over me, and in the midst of trying so hard to convince myself that it was my hormones making me so much more emotional, and not some form of inner weakness, I finally managed to fall asleep, tears still streaming down my face.

* * *

I wasn't sure how long I'd been asleep when I woke up again, but I knew it couldn't have been for more than a few moments, because the house was still silent. Again, the nausea overtook me, and I knew what was finally coming. I tried to get up out of the bed, but I wasn't fast enough. By the time I got myself into a sitting position, I couldn't control it any longer. Through a choked out sob, I managed to throw up the small amount of food and water I had gotten into my body all over the sheets.

"Goddamnit!" I cried out to the empty room. "Fuck!"

Slowly, I slunk out of the bed, furiously ripping the sheets off with me in an effort to do something useful. I wasn't going to just lay back down in my own vomit and wait for my wife to take care of me like some helpless mess.  _Sheets in the wash, new sheets on the bed. Two simple tasks,_ I tried to tell myself. I'd made it as far as the bedroom door before another wave crashed over me and I sank down onto the floor, my arms still tangled in the sheets.

_"Lo siento bebé."_ I sobbed, knowing that I was in no state to stand back up and complete the task I'd started.  _"Te amo, lo prometo,_ but please stop making me feel so sick. And now I'm acting like a crazy bitch and you don't deserve that, _lo siento!_ I know. I shouldn't be blaming this on you. _Lo siento. Lo siento._ I'm so, so sorry."

"Santana." Brittany's voice and her hands running up and down my back broke me from my own head somewhere in the middle of my Spanglish apologetic rant to the baby. "It's okay. I've got you."

"It's not okay," I squeezed my eyes tightly shut as Britt pried the soiled sheets from my hands, tossing them off to the side. "I'm mad at myself, and I'm mad at the baby, and now I'm yelling at them, at _our baby_ , and I can't even make myself stop."

"It's not your fault." Brittany gathered me up into her arms, cradling my head against her chest, softly kissing my hair, and I felt small, so small, smaller than I'd felt in a really long time as she held me. "You're really sick, honey."

"This is the worst I've ever felt in my life." Even before the words left my mouth, I knew that actually wasn't true, but when you're in the moment, nothing in the past feels like it could have ever possibly felt worse. "It's like those ten seconds after you're on the tire swing and the whole world won't stop spinning, but it's not ten seconds, it's hours and hours. I feel like I don't even know who I am right now. I don't want to feel like this. I don't want to feel so sick that I can't even pick up my daughter at- oh God, where's Annie? Did she see me like this?"

"Rachel met me at school, Annie is spending the afternoon with her and Brice, and I'm going to spend the afternoon figuring out what the hell we can do to make you feel better. But can you do something for me?"

"Ugh, I want to say yes, Brittany, but I swear to God, I think if I stand up I'll die."

"No standing necessary." She kept her voice so calm, despite my melodramatic behavior, and I'm really not sure how she was able to manage that. "I just want you to stop beating yourself up for being sick, because you can't control it, and it's making everything else feel a hundred times worse. I want you to let me help you get in the bathtub, because it might help you relax, and then I want you to close your eyes and just let me take care of you, because you're not doing this alone.

"I'll try." I promised, finally feeling able to meet her eyes and trying to find some kind,  _any_  kind of humor in the situation. "I have gross, pukey hair, don't I?

"Just a little bit." She smiled at me so lovingly that I thought my heart would explode right then and there, and somehow, being reminded that Brittany would always love me, even when I was a hysterical, crazy mess with vomit in my hair made me feel just the slightest bit better. "But we'll take care of that right now."

After I nodded my consent, Brittany somehow managed to stand up while still holding me in her arms. As she settled me down in the empty tub, something in me snapped, something that I  _needed_ to snap. This wasn't like all the times in my past that I'd been dropped down in a tub to save me from myself, this was just my wife, helping me to feel better when I was physically ill, the same way I'd do for her, the same way we'd do for our daughter. I  _needed_ to stop giving myself so much shit for something I physically had no control over, I needed to remember why I was feeling the way I was, needed to remember that soon enough the awful feeling would fade, and that in half a year, something so miraculous would be placed in my arms that would make me forget every single time I felt sick, or achy, or exhausted, or unnecessarily emotional. I closed my eyes as Britt sat down on the edge of the tub and used the detachable shower head to rinse the mess out of my hair, running shampoo through it with her long fingers as she softly sang the strains of a familiar song;  _I love you, I love you, I love you like never before._

Once the shampoo was rinsed out, and Brittany clipped my hair up off my neck, she stopped up the tub and let the water run as hot as I could handle, filling up around me. The nausea was still there, aching and persistent, but the momentary panic that had flooded through my system seemed to have abated. Brittany, my beautiful, loving  _everything_  had once again managed to relieve me of that separate sickening feeling, and once again, I swore that even if I lived a thousand lifetimes, I'd never fully understand how it was possible to have someone who understood me so well, who meant so much. I knew there were just as many times where she'd been on the receiving end of  _my_  affection and caregiving, even if in my head, I felt like I was always the weak one. But still, with her thumb rubbing against my palm as she used the other hand to pour bubble bath (unscented, because she'd tracked that down for me) into the scalding water, I had to remind myself how worthy I was of her love. When the tub was nearly full, she urged me to lean back, to let my body and my mind rest, and considering the thoughts I'd had just a few moments earlier, I did.

"Are you feeling alright?" She asked softly, and I actually felt capable of giving her a small smile.

"Still nauseous, but a little better, for the time being." I answered her honestly.

"I want to call Dr. Singh, Santana. I want to see what we can do for you, because you shouldn't have to feel  _this_ sick. I don't think it's good for you, or for the baby."

"I know, Britt. You can call her. At this point, I'll do whatever she thinks I should do to stop this. I won't even make her repeat herself a hundred times to reassure me."

"Okay." She furrowed her brows and pursed her lips, knowing if I wasn't even trying to pretend I was okay, that it really was  _that_ bad. "Are you okay in here if I go throw everything in the wash, put some new sheets on the bed and call her?"

"I am. And Brittany?"

"Mmhm."

"Thank you. For this, for just everything. I'm going to close my eyes now, and just pull myself back together. I'm sorry for being all five years ago Santana."

"You're not." She looked at me with those loving eyes again and leaned in to softly kiss the side of my mouth. "I know sometimes you're scared of falling back into that hole, but you're different now, you know how to ask for help when you need it. And no apologies or thanks are necessary, baby. I know it's your body that our baby is currently wreaking havoc on, but I'm with you, as much as I possibly can through the entire thing."

"I know, I should have called you sooner, I just-"

"It's okay. Just rest now, and we'll talk about it later." She kissed the heel of my hand, and I gave her the best smile I could manage. "Yell for me if you need anything, I'll be back up soon."

"Wait. Before you go, do you think you could just-" I paused, lowering my eyes because it was the last thing I wanted to ask for, I'd been trying so hard not to take anything, with the exception of in the car, but I was a hundred percent sure that it was the only thing that would make me feel better. "Could you get me one of those nausea pills from the cabinet?"

"San, you haven't taken one today?" She asked, more alarmed by the fact that I  _hadn't_ than that I was asking for one now. I shook my head, and she sighed a little bit before filling one of those tiny bathroom cups from the tap and handing it to me with a pill. "You know they're completely safe, right?"

"I know. I just...I know." I couldn't articulate what I wanted to say the way I was trying to, so I just swallowed the one thing that would help me, and let Brittany leave the bathroom without saying another word.

My whole body felt like it was letting out a sigh as I sank down further into the bath water, so low that the bottom of my chin grazed the surface. I desperately needed to turn my mind off, to stop thinking that every single breath I took would have horrific repercussions for the tiny life inside of me. My stomach had always been so affected by my emotions, and being constantly worked up couldn't be making the situation any better. Letting my hands press against the thickening, soft area below my belly button, I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply, waiting for the medication to take effect. Occasionally, I'd turn on the tap with my foot, adding more hot water to the bath, and finally, while rubbing my stomach both to soothe it, and to remind myself again that everything was worth it for the end result, I started to talk to the baby, far nicer than I'd been a half hour earlier.

"I know we're going to be just fine, baby. A few more weeks and I'll be feeling like I'm on top of the world again, I'll get to hear your tiny heartbeat, I'll get to feel you move, and don't tell anyone, but I'll even be ridiculously excited about wearing maternity clothes and showing you off before you're even born." I whispered, feeling myself perk up, even through the icky feeling, at the thought of the world knowing that there would be another little Lopez-Pierce, at the baby physically responding to Brittany's voice the way Annie had responded to mine, at Annie pressing her little hands against my stomach to feel her baby brother or sister play with her. "I love you, little one, and I really am sorry for you having to hear me like that, because even though your ears aren't ready yet, I'm still pretty sure you know what's going on. But I promise you, I was angry and scary like that for a long time, but I'm really, really not anymore"

"Isn't that the truth?" Brittany smiled from where she was watching me in the doorway, with a teacup in her hand. "How's your bath?"

"So good. You're going to spoil me, babe."

"If my running baths for you would spoil you, you'd have turned rotten  _years_ ago." She laughed, and then her face turned serious. "I just got off the phone with Dr. Singh."

"What did she say? Does she think I have  _hyperemesis gravidarum?_ Oh God, is she going to make me go to the hospital? Am I going to have to get a feeding tube? Fuck, I am, aren't I? And then my mother is going to move in here with us and try to force feed me my great-grandmother's cure-all-ills chicken liver soup, and if she makes me eat that, then I'll  _never_ stop throwing up-"

"Whoa Dr. Internet, breathe for a second and let me talk." Britt sat down on the edge of the tub again, handing me the cup of peppermint tea. She laced her fingers through those on my free hand and kissed my knuckles. "She's just going to call in a prescription for some different anti-nausea pills, they're better than the over the counter ones, and  _no,_ she doesn't think anything is wrong with you. I swear, I think we need to bring back the no internet research rule, because you're starting to scare me with your knowledge of medical terms."

"She doesn't think there's anything wrong with me?" My heart felt like it had skipped a beat, and I kind of knew that Brittany was right about me needing to stay off the internet. Between WebMD and about four hours of reading about the Thalidomide crisis, I was becoming even more paranoid than I'd been while Britt was pregnant with Annie.

"No, especially because your mom went through the same thing. And you know that  _hyper-_ whatever, I actually  _did_  read about that too, but I'm not going to attempt to say it, only effects like point-two percent of women, right?"

"Yes." I felt a small smile play at the corner of my mouth as I thought of all the times Brittany had been able to give me a reality check without sounding patronizing. "But it would really suck to have that. I thought I was going to have to have all of my morning sickness, plus what you never had."

"I'm pretty sure it doesn't work like that." She laughed, obviously glad that I was smiling, and sort of joking about it. " _But_ , she also said that if you still can't keep anything down tonight, that she wants us to come in tomorrow morning."

"Okay." I was willing to accept that, since it was so much better than all the other scenarios that had run through my head.

"Rachel offered for Annie to stay over tonight, they're going to stop by in a little while to get her stuff. And before you start to worry, she's excited."

"I won't worry, or, I won't worry  _that_ much. They're the only people she'll stay with. But I do want to see her before she leaves."

"Of course." Britt smiled and I kissed the inside of her wrist, not even knowing how to express everything I was feeling. "Looks like it's Brittany and Santana night, it's been too long since we've had one of those."

"Yeah, except unfortunately I probably won't feel up to doing what we usually do on our alone nights."

"What?" She looked at me, mouth agape, and then winked. "No  _Sweet Valley High?_ And I was  _just_ going to go dig out the old DVDs that I know you never got rid of."

"Hey, those are important relics of our past, I saved them so our kids can see where we came from."

"Yeah, maybe our kids shouldn't know about us sneaking around at fifteen for sweet lady kisses. But if you saved them for us, then you know I'll never say no to popping in some  _Sweet Valley High_ and getting our cuddle on."

"Did you just quote me?" I laughed for real, so glad that the medicine already seemed to be doing  _something._ "I love you, dork."

"And I love you more, pukey."

After I'd finished my tea, and the tub had gotten so full that I could no longer add water to keep it warm, I got myself out (progress!), and all wrapped up in one of the thick terry cloth robes my parents had given us for Christmas years earlier, and that we rarely used, I got back into bed. Britt had found the insanely soft flannel sheets (yeah, yeah, insert lesbian flannel joke here) that I'd ordered online when I wasn't sure how cold our house would get in the winter (not very), and I snuggled into them, secretly thinking they were even better than the ridiculously expensive Egyptian cotton ones that I'd thrown up on. Settling me with some ginger ale, Britt ran out to the pharmacy, and probably to call her assistant choreographer to see how things were going over there. Finally comforted, I actually felt like I could put things in perspective, and while I would have thought I'd be embarrassed by my outburst, I wasn't. I just wanted to be able to properly explain what I'd been feeling to Britt. I'd made her a promise that I wouldn't shut her out when I was having a hard time, and it wasn't a promise I'd break.

* * *

I was surprised that I'd fallen asleep again, but I knew by the waning daylight outside the window that it had actually been for a decent amount of time. Through the cracked open bedroom door, I could hear Brittany talking to Annie in her bedroom, and I smiled at the thought of getting to hug my baby girl. Several more minutes passed before I heard her timid little knock, and I called out for her to come in, shuffling my body so I was sitting up against the headboard. When she pushed open the door, she ran up to the side of the bed with Milky Way under one arm, and the butterfly net that Liz had bought for her under the other.

"Mamí!" She cried out, bouncing up and down on her toes excitedly. "I missed you so, so much today."

"Oh,  _mija."_ I took her things from her and carefully helped her climb up onto the bed with me. "I missed you so much too. Did you have a nice day at school and with Aunt Rachel and Brice."

"Yup!" Annie snuggled up into my lap and I kissed the top of her head, breathing in everything about her. "And now we're gonna have a sleepover!"

"How lucky are you?" I squeezed her tighter to me, having already missed her in the hours she was gone, and knowing I'd miss her even more overnight. "Are you bringing you butterfly net with you?"

"Oh, no." She shrugged, looking up at me with those blue eyes. "That's for you."

"For me?"

"Course Mamí. For the bug."

"The  _bug?_ " I wasn't sure if I'd been so sick when I'd dropped her off at school that I'd missed an entire conversation, but I honestly had no recollection of anything about a bug.

"Yeah, silly. Mama said you got a bug hurting your belly, and now you can use my net to catch it and let it go out the window. But make sure you don't squash it, because that will be really sad." She looked at me expectantly, hoping for a promise that I wouldn't kill the bug, and I couldn't do anything but hold her against me and kiss her all over her little face.

" _Corazoncita,_ I'll make sure to keep the bug very safe." I smiled at the double meaning of the words that went far beyond what my daughter could understand. "Your net is a wonderful idea though, thank you so much for letting me borrow it."

"You're very welcome." She rolled off of my lap and grabbed Milky Way, pressing him against my chest. "And Milky Way says he'll stay with you to make you feel better. He's the best at that."

"My sweet girl." I could feel tears start to well in my eyes at just how incredible she was. "Thank you for that, but I think Milky Way has something a little more important to do tonight."

"What?"

"I need him to stay with  _you_ , because I won't be there to kiss you goodnight. And what does Mama say is the most magical power that unicorns have?"

"Oh! I know! It's that they can carry kisses in their horn and always make sure the right person gets them." She repeated the made up legend that Brittany had taught her the first time she was old enough to realize what it meant to sleep somewhere without us. Genius, seriously.

"That's right,  _mi amor_ , and I need to make sure that you get my goodnight kiss tonight, and I'm sure Mama wants you to get her's too, so I think he should go with you."

"Well." Annie considered that for a minute, lips pursed in intense concentration. "What about you? How will you get my goodnight-feel better kiss?"

"Don't worry, I have all of your kisses saved up inside of my heart. Now here, Milky Way, this job you have is very, very important." I lifted Milky Way up to my lips and kissed his horn while Annie giggled beside me. " _Un beso de duces sueños por mi Annalise."_

_"Y un beso porqué te amo mucho."_ Annie wrapped her arms around my neck and gave me one of her sweet little kisses before resting her head against my chest to listen to my heartbeat. "An extra one, just in case."

"I love you so very much, Annalise. I'll see you in the morning."

"Okay, Mamí. I hope you feel much better then."

* * *

After Annie scrambled down off the bed, I took a sip of the water that Britt must have left while I was sleeping. I loved that the Emetrol had made me feel so much better, and sort of hated it at the same time. Sighing, I listened to the commotion downstairs as Brittany got Annie out the door, and a few minutes later, she came into the room, a soft smile on her face as she paused for an instant in the doorway. When she sat down on the bed beside me, my body instinctively curled into hers, and she kissed the shell of my ear before silently running her fingers through my tangled hair.

"Britt." I looked up to find so much warmth in her blue eyes, and she stilled her motions. "I love you, like so much that it's scary."

"It shouldn't scare you, because I love you just as much."

"Everything feels scarier right now." I confessed in a breathy whisper.

"You can talk to me, Santana. You know that saying the words out loud sometimes helps to put things into perspective. It's just me and you right now, and helping you mark sense of what's going on in your head is just as much taking care of you as running you a bath. I remember that feeling too, you know, when suddenly everything feels so big and terrifying."

"Really? I just feel like you were so  _good_ at being pregnant."

"It was a completely different pregnancy, and yeah, physically I was lucky, but I had my freak out moments too."

"I'm sorry I didn't-"

"Oh no, we're not rehashing all of that now." She shook her head and kissed me softly on the lips. "The only reason I'm even bringing it up is so you don't feel so alone. So talk to me, tell me what's scaring you."

"Okay." I breathed, taking her arms and wrapping them around my middle so her hands were resting on my stomach, the way I felt most safe and loved. "Rationally, I know I'm being ridiculous, and kind of bordering on high school era Rachel Berry melodrama, but bare with me, okay?"

"Of course." I felt Brittany's small chuckle against me side, and I pressed back further into her.

"I'm  _freaking_ out about needing to interrupt you at work when you're so busy, I'm really, really scared that I need to take these stupid drugs, because even after everything, I still find myself associating putting something foreign in my body with weakness, with giving up the fight. I'm not even scared about the  _drugs_ hurting the baby, I trust Dr. Singh so much, but I'm scared about  _me_ hurting them, about passing down all the things I hate about myself into this helpless little life."

"San." Brittany buried her face in my hair, and I could feel her breath tickling my scalp. "I wish, so much, that just for one day you could see yourself through my eyes, that you could love youthe way  _I_ love you. You know that love doesn't make you blind, you see my flaws and I see yours, but when I think about who the person growing inside of you is going to become, do you know what I see?"

"What?"

"I see this beautifully stubborn child, once they put their mind to something, there will be no turning back. And sometimes, like I've seen with you and all the things you've beat, that stubbornness is necessary, but other times, it'll drive us, especially you, absolutely insane. They'll be the best kind of good hearted, the kind where they don't recognize it, and that makes it so much better because they're not doing good deeds for show, but because they really believe in it. They'll think they're tough, but really, they're a big ball of sweetness and mush, and the ones they love, us, their sister, the rest of our family will get to feel this intense love that comes from them. They'll be amazing, Santana, flaws and all, just like you are."

"Brittany." I looked into her eyes again, and they were as filled with tears as I knew mine were.

"I want you to know that taking something so you can feed yourself and feed our baby doesn't make you weak. I know you wanted a completely drug free pregnancy, and I'm so, so proud of you that you don't want to let anything compromise your sobriety in the slightest, but what you're taking is mostly vitamins, it's not something that even remotely threatens that."

"I know, I do, when I can think rationally. But it made me think about other things too. I need you to make me a promise, B. Obviously I get emotional and agree to anything when I'm sick, but six months from now, when we are in the delivery room, no matter what I say, or what I think is a good idea, please, just don't let them give me anything."

"That, I absolutely can promise you. Can you promise me something too, for real this time? Promise me that in the future, if you're feeling even half as bad as you did this morning, that you'll call me without hesitating?"

"Britt, you're working so hard right now." I tried to protest. "This is your big, important thing."

"No,  _this."_  She rubbed one hand on my belly and cupped my cheek with the other. "Is my big important thing. Bigger and more important than the whole universe, remember? I'm a  _choreographer_ , and yeah, my job is important to me, but I'm not a brain surgeon, or the President of the United States. And honestly, even if I was Hillary Clinton and had to leave the Prime Minister of England sitting in the Oval Office, I would."

"It's a good thing you're not." I laughed, and tilted my head up to kiss her fully. "I think foreign relations would suffer greatly."

"Oh my God, Rick said exactly the same thing when I said that to him before. I told him, by the way."

"Ugh, did he say something vaguely passive aggressive about it?"

"No, surprisingly. Although it could be because I told him I was taking maternity leave in the summer, not when things are actually busy around there, so it softened the blow. But he said to pass his congratulations on to you."

"Well, I guess we are ticking down the list of people we have to tell."

"Yeah, we still have the biggest one though."

"That we do. I want to wait though, until I feel better, Britt. I prefer her thinking it's a bug making me sick than her new sibling." I smiled, gesturing over to the butterfly net and Brittany giggled.

"She's the best, seriously. But I agree with you, and it's still too far away for her to really understand, and once you're showing, it'll be easier for her to get it."

"Absolutely."

* * *

We lay there together for a while before I decided that I needed to get out of the room, out of the house, and just breathe, even if it was only for a few minutes. After pulling on sweatpants that were just a little too tight in the waist, Brittany and I bundled up in our heaviest coats (I was so glad my body didn't feel like it was on fire anymore, at least there was  _that_ ) and walked hand in hand out of the house. The burn in the back of my throat from inhaling the ice cold air was surprisingly settling, and I closed my eyes for an instant just to savor it. When we were halfway to Washington Square Park, stopping to see how other people had decorated their houses (we were a little behind in that respect), the snow started to fall in big, thick flakes. It wasn't even the first snow of the year, but there was just something about Brittany and snowflakes that made me feel almost irrationally happy, especially given how totally miserable I'd felt for about ninety-percent of the day. Pulling her by the hand, she spun herself into my arms, and I grabbed her cheeks with my gloved hands, kissing her in front of the Capital One bank on Bleecker Street like we were in some kind of cheesy romantic Christmas in New York movie with terribly overt product placement.  _That_ right then, that feeling of elation, the stark contrast to the anguish I'd felt hours earlier, anguish not wholly related to feeling sick, may have been the very definition of a mood swing.

"Feeling better?" Brittany asked, smiling against my lips as she twirled a strand of hair that had come loose from my messy ponytail.

"A lot." I tugged one of the strings that hung from her hat and watched the flakes catch in her eyelashes. "You look so pretty right now. I mean, you look so pretty always, but the snow, and the Christmas lights, and just, all the ways you make me feel okay, you look even more beautiful."

"My Santana." Happy tears sparkled in her eyes, and she pulled me closer to her, kissing me again. "This might be the most perfect date night."

"Just standing in the street, giving a free show to all the people passing by?"

"You know it's never been about where we go, or what we do. Having even a moment of time where we just exist, with each other, that's what makes it special for me.

"Such a charmer. How about we make it a real date night, and go get some ice cream? I know it's not real food, and it's like twenty-six degrees, but I feel like maybe-definitely I could actually swallow some caramel pretzel ice cream."

"Oh, now  _you're_ the charmer. You had me at ice cream, baby."

We laughed, and even when we tried to stop, one of us would let out another giggle or a snort (totally not me) and then we'd start up again. Maybe I'd never get to the point where I'd love myself the way Brittany loved me, or the way I loved Brittany, but every single moment that something simple and magical happened, I thought maybe, just maybe, I got a little bit closer. Tucking the hand that held tightly to Brittany's in my coat pocket, we started walking again. I'd hold out hope that the few hours that the pills had helped wasn't a fluke, that I wouldn't go back to being needy and miserable, that I'd get that on top of the world, I can do anything (in between dying for sex, all the time) feeling, but either way, I knew I'd be okay, knew that I'd overcome so much more than just a rough pregnancy. And catching my wife's eyes again, seeing the adoring smile that played on her lips as she tapped my side from the inside of my coat told me that she believed in it, believed in  _me,_ just as much.

 


	15. Little Wonders

When I'd first opened the bottle of the pills that Dr. Singh prescribed for me, I was wholly freaked out by the fact that they literally had a drawing of a tiny purple pregnant lady imprinted on them. After the first few days of taking them though, once they really started to take effect, and I felt like I could function like an actual human again, I decided that I wouldn't even care if there was a woman  _being_ impregnated on them, they were as good as magic. Okay, maybe magic is going just a few steps too far, it wasn't like I was miraculously one of those glowing, peppy pregnant women in, like, fabric softener commercials or something (seriously, was having a bun in the oven some kind of requirement to pitch Downey?), I still felt a little bit nauseous, and probably more exhausted, but I wasn't throwing up, I wasn't yelling at the baby, and I wasn't calling Brittany in a panic at work. Things were  _definitely_ looking up.

Because Dr. Singh was taking a two week vacation right as my first trimester was coming to an end (I'd checked with her several dozen times just to make sure that she  _wouldn't_ be when it came close to my due date), and I didn't want to see another doctor at the birthing center, we ended up having no choice but to make the appointment for the day before Britt's showcase. Because it was usually her most stressful day of the year, even more stressful than the hours actually leading up to the performances, she'd left the house early for a meeting with Rick (he may have actually lived at the studio, I wasn't sure), and I dropped Annie off for her last day of school before break, making sure not to forget the cupcakes for her party and the spa gift certificate we'd bought as a Christmas gift to Callie. Because I  _maybe_ wanted to peek into the maternity clothes store around the block from Dr. Singh's office, even though I wasn't quite ready for them yet, I headed uptown on my own. When Brittany arrived at the office, she was flushed and breathing heavy, despite making it with ten minutes to spare.

"Oh thank God." She sank down into the chair next to me. "Remind me to never take the 6 train when I'm in a rush during the holidays again. I had to wait for  _three_ trains, they were so packed. I'm so sorry."

"Hey. " I smiled, leaning over to kiss her temple. "You're not even late, and I'm surprisingly really, really calm."

"Yeah." She laughed and grazed her hands over my stomach. "You really are, and now I'm the one freaking out."

"The timing sucks, and you've had a lot of extra stuff on your plate this year." My cheeks reddened a little, knowing that although she'd never complained, and although we had our  _family first_ rules, I definitely hadn't made things any easier with my neediness. "But thanks, you know, for understanding that I didn't want to see another doctor for this appointment."

"We're comfortable with her, I get that. Yeah, there probably couldn't be a worse day for this, but we're going to hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time. That makes for a pretty welcome hour break from the studio."

"I wonder if Dr. Singh called our mothers and they've started a pool on how long it takes me to cry in there today."

"I don't know, babe, yesterday you cried watching  _Frosty the Snowman_ , I'm actually surprised you're not  _already_ crying." She teased, kissing my knuckles. "We know how you get with baby heartbeats."

"That movie is  _sad._ " I argued. "I mean, when Karen is in that freezing cold boxcar with him, so he doesn't melt? Anyone would cry, just like with baby heartbeats, I seem to remember you being absolutely no better with Annie, shut up."

"Santana Lopez-Pierce." The receptionist called out before Britt could answer me, but she smiled sweetly at me and kissed my forehead before linking our hands and leading me back to the exam room.

Not even realizing how quick I was moving, I changed into my gown, and the nurse came in to weigh me (only three pounds gained, it seriously felt like I was swelling up like Violet in  _Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory)_. Once she left again, I scrambled up onto the exam table and relaxed my head against the pillow, breathing in deeply. Britt moved the chair at my side so it was directly between my head and the ultrasound screen, wanting, I assumed, the best possible view of both of us and we waited completely impatiently for Dr. Singh to enter the room. I had been calm, I wasn't lying about that, while sitting in the waiting room, but laying on the table waiting proved to be anxiety causing. Hearing the heartbeat was major, it meant everything was really, seriously okay, and I needed so badly to have that moment come. Anxiously, I rubbed my knuckles over my belly and closed my eyes, feeling Britt's hand close over one of mine, her fingers rubbing beside where my knuckles were.

"Good morning ladies." Dr. Singh entered the room, and I felt that instant surge of relaxation at the sound of her voice. "How are you feeling, Santana?"

"So much better, I'm no longer convinced that my eggs were inseminated with the sperm of Satan."

"Santana." Brittany tried to scold, but she knew I was completely kidding, and she knew I was making jokes because I was so nervous.

"Well, we do  _try_ to keep our babies human around here." Dr. Singh didn't miss a beat. "But if you read the paperwork you signed, we make no guarantees."

"And that's why you should always read the fine print." I laughed, and Britt shook her head with a smile, knowing I'd probably read over ever piece of paperwork we ever signed for  _anything_ far more times than is actually necessary, and it's entirely possible that I could even recite the terms of our mortgage verbatim.

"Okay." Dr. Singh finished washing her bands and snapped on gloves. "All joking aside, I'm glad the pills are helping, and hopefully by early next month you won't need them anymore. Are you ready to get started?"

"Absolutely." I nodded, holding Britt's hand tighter than I'd even thought possible.

While Dr. Singh did the exam, I kept my eyes trained on Brittany. I loved how fascinated she was by my changing body, and I definitely understood where she was coming from when she said it was so much different watching it happen to someone else than to yourself. Even with how awful I'd felt, I loved the idea of being pregnant and carrying something that meant so much inside of me, but there was also so much to be said for watching the person you love do the same. I'd been in Brittany's position, desperately waiting to see what comes next, since you can't physically feel it, so seeing her like that did the strangest things to my heart. My stomach started to flip flop when I knew the first part of the exam was finished and Dr. Singh raised up my gown, pressing her fingers against my abdomen, and finally squeezing the blue gel from a tube all over it. I shivered, not from the cold of it, but from my nerves, and I felt Britt slide her chair back so she was closer to me, and she rested the one hand that wasn't already squeezing mine on my shoulder. It really was the strangest thing, when the sound of our tiny baby's heartbeat filled the room, even after having heard Annie's dozens of times. This baby, this tiny, plum sized baby's heart was beating inside of me, and hearing that impossibly fast sound both made my heart speed up and calm right down all at once.

"The baby's really in there, and they're okay." I choked out through tears. It didn't matter that I'd known that I was pregnant for over two months, it didn't matter that I'd  _felt_ pregnant for weeks, I don't think I truly believed any of it was real until that moment.

"And the baby looks like a baby. Not a tadpole, or a bug, or a blob, but a  _baby_." Brittany squeaked out through her own tears and pointed at the screen.

"Holy shit." I breathed, and then laughed, because I vividly remembered my first words after hearing Annie's heartbeat being  _what the fuck?_ Apparently I had absolutely no ability to get through moments like that without cursing in front of the baby. "That's a beautiful baby."

"Of course it is." Brittany didn't restrain herself from kissing me softly on the lips, and her tears fell on my cheeks. "You're beautiful, I wouldn't expect any less."

"Wow. Just wow." I sighed happily, overwhelmed by the picture on the screen, the sound in my ears, and the sweet, sweet feeling of relief that rushed through me. I moved the hand that Brittany clasped in her's down to the side of my stomach, and just let them rest there, feeling even more connected to everything else.

"I'm pretty sure I already know your answer." Dr. Singh finally broke us from the trance we'd fallen into. "But did you want to know the sex of the baby?"

"No." I shook my head, and Brittany mirrored my actions. "All we wanted to know was that they're healthy."

"That's what I figured." She smiled. "And I love that you're one of the few couples who still wants to be surprised."

"Santana usually hates surprises." Britt pressed a kiss to the side of my face. "But not with this."

"In the middle of that absolutely terrifying night when Annie was born, there was this amazing moment when I looked down into that incubator and saw for the first time that I had a daughter. That moment is something I want Britt and I to get to experience together this time, hopefully minus all the terror." I inhaled deeply, feeling the tears leaking from the corners of my eyes again.

"Sounds good to me." Dr. Singh said, for lack of anything else after my weird heartfelt declaration. "And yes, this little one definitely a healthy one, nice strong heartbeat, and just about two inches long. Keep up the good work, moms."

* * *

The next morning, mostly well rested after the doctor's appointment that calmed me down significantly, I woke up to Brittany's soft goodbye kisses. When I blinked my eyes and looked over at the clock, I frowned a little bit, seeing as it was barely after six, and she'd been back and forth from the studio for most of the previous night, finally crawling into bed with me long after I'd fallen asleep. Once my sleepy brain caught up with me though, and I realized what day it was, the excitement started to buzz through me. It wasn't just the idea of Britt dancing up on stage, although that alone made me feel a  _different_ kind of excited, a kind that had been seriously lacking during my weeks of feeling like crap. No, beyond that, after my wife finished kicking some serious ass, like she always did, we'd go into full fledged Christmas mode ( _You know, Santa Claus and ho-ho-ho and presents for pretty girls?_ Of course, another holiday, another Charlie Brown special, it was scary that I now had most of them memorized). Brittany wouldn't even go near her studio for  _three weeks,_ Annie was on break from school, our parents were in town, and probably the most exciting was that for the first time in her life, Annie really seemed to understand just what the holiday season was all about.

"Love you, babe." I mumbled sleepily against Brittany's lips, before pulling her in closer to me and deepening our kiss. Even as someone who was formerly a performer, and who knew the superstition, I had always been slightly wary of the phrase  _break a leg_ , and after watching her perform countless times, and nervously saying it every single time, I'd taken to wishing my wife luck in my own silent way instead.

"I love you too." She reluctantly detached her lips from mine and quickly planted a kiss below my belly button. "Both of you. You'll come find me before the show, right?"

"You know it." I pushed myself up with my elbows into a sitting position and wrapped my arms around her neck, touching my forehead to hers. "Like I'd miss the chance to announce to everyone that the great Brittany Lopez-Pierce is my wife."

" _The great Brittany Lopez-Pierce_ , huh? Can that be my official title?" She laughed, nipping at my bottom lip.

"Totally. I'll get you a badge, organize a parade in your honor, make your birthday a national holiday. Whatever you want."

"Wow, you must have some  _pretty_ high up connections to make all of that happen. And here I thought I'd have to reveal my superhero alter-ego and save the world for that."

"No, don't do that! I think I'd be a little jealous of all the other damsels in distress you'd have to save." I teased.

"Don't worry, honey. You'll always be my number one damsel, in distress or not."

"That's very good to know." I pressed my lips softly against hers again, twirling the end of her ponytail between my fingers and knowing that she really needed to leave. "Seriously though Brittany, I hope you know how proud I am of you, how proud it makes me feel to tell people that I'm the other Mrs. Lopez-Pierce and to hear them gush about you. You are absolutely amazing in a million ways, both as the incredibly talented and extremely sexy choreographer that's going to have  _another_  epic show tonight, and as my Britt, love of my life, mother of my children, best cuddle buddy in the entire world."

"Oh, so  _that's_ why you want to give me a parade?" She joked, squeezing my hand. "For my awesome cuddling abilities."

"Well, duh." I grinned as she kissed me on the forehead and stood up, waving over her shoulder as she left the room.

* * *

Our parents and Lizzie (who was thrilled to be between semesters) had arrived in town the night before, but despite us having the guest room and the bed in the office in our house, they'd all opted to stay at the same Marriott that they always did when they were all in the city at the same time. It was an unspoken thing between us, but I appreciated their consideration nonetheless. Between Brittany's long work hours, Annie's break from school and the chaos that naturally came with the holiday season, our daughter's routine had been shaken up enough, having five extra people in the house would probably have been nothing but a recipe for disaster. While Britt was doing her last minute preparations for the evening, Annie and I  _did_ spend the morning with them, mostly watching the ice skaters at the World Financial Center while she chattered on animatedly about going to get our Christmas tree, seeing Santa Claus, and being so, so excited about getting to watch her Mama's big show. As the day progressed, I, as was typical whenever Brittany was performing, began to feel extremely restless, and the time for us to head back home and start getting ready couldn't have come soon enough.

Once I'd gotten Annie bathed and into her purple dress and tights, she settled on the floor of her room with her crayons while I went to take a shower and spend an absurdly long time getting ready. _Obviously,_ I had to look insanely hot, and given the state of my body, it took more time than usual, but that's why I'd started our process three hours before we needed to leave the house. Periodically checking on my daughter, who would pay me the sweetest compliments every time I came into her room one step closer to being finished, I curled my hair, and put on my makeup and jewelry (just my Brittany diamonds, because why did I need anything else?). Feeling pretty awesome about myself, I pulled the beautiful sequined silver gown that Kurt and I had shopped for three weeks earlier out of the closet. I guess I hadn't thought that through (and I mostly blame Kurt, since that's his damn job), because putting on a gown is definitely not the same as sitting your jeans a little lower on your hips to button them when you gain weight. After fighting with the zipper, feeling my soaring self confidence from moments earlier begin to plummet, I heard a sickening (okay, dramatic) rip in the fabric.

" _¿Me estás jodidamente bromeando?"_ I gasped a little bit, trying to twist my body so I could see how bad the tear was, not that it mattered, because I probably had less of an ability to fix clothes than a caged gorilla. Before I began to unnecessarily panic, I carefully, so as not to make the situation worse, tugged the dress off and sat down on the bed, running my palms over the pudge in my waistline and replaying the sound of the baby's heartbeat in my mind to calm myself. "Baby, Mamí is batting a thousand this month. I really need to get used to having you in there."

It was definitely a struggle for me not to get irrationally angry or upset, especially since I knew that I had nothing else in my closet that would work, but I sat surveying the damage. Just a two inch rip along the zipper seam on my lower back, you know, no big deal (insert exasperated sigh).  _First world problems,_ I couldn't help but laugh at my own ridiculousness, poor, poor upper middle class woman with her beautiful wife and daughter, her healthy fetus, her happy life, and her ripped gown, tragic, really.  _But,_ minor setback or not, I did actually need to figure something out, or else go to the show as Brittany's hot  _naked_ wife. Shaking my head, glad I didn't let myself start acting crazy, I grabbed the phone and dialed the only person who would have any clue how to rectify the situation.

"You need to get to my house, right now." I ordered the instant Kurt answered the phone.

_"Well since you asked so nicely, I'll be sure to stop everything I'm doing and get on that."_

"Please, you go ahead and keep trying to act like I don't know you Hummel. You've probably been standing in front of the mirror in your tux for the past forty-five minutes, at least, just staring at yourself. And I bet Blaine has changed his bowtie approximately twenty-nine times. Guess what, there is someone else whose hotness matters infinitely more than yours, tonight and all nights, and that one person is  _me._ I have two words for you, fashion emergency."

_"Oh dear God, what did you do now?"_  I could almost hear his eye roll on the other end of the phone, it wasn't the first time and it certainly wouldn't be the last time that I had to call Kurt for some type of wardrobe disaster.

"I'm taking about ten-percent of the blame for this, the other ninety-percent is  _all_ you. Guess what, pregnant people get fat Mr. _New York Times_ Style Editor, so pack up your sewing basket, check your snarky comments at the door and hurry your sweet ass up because I ripped my damn dress and you need to fix it."

_"I'm just going to go ahead and ignore_ **_your_ ** _snarky attitude, because I won't take it out on Brittany, or, more importantly, Naeem Khan. That dress is flawless, I'll be there in ten minutes and whatever you do Santana, do not touch it, I know you, you'll just make things worse."_

"Your faith in me is outstanding." It was my turn to roll my eyes. "Let yourself in, I'm upstairs."

Slipping back into my robe, I checked myself in the mirror again, reminding myself that I still looked damn good. My fingers traced the scars on my neck, as I thought about how little time had passed since I refused to leave the house without covering them, how the soon-to-be-fixed dress definitely did  _not_ cover them, and I was totally okay with that. Marred skin or not, pregnant or not, I'd learned a lot about being confident, and not just in the superficial, telling the world I'm hot until I believe it myself kind of way. No, the belief in my own beauty ran so much deeper than that as the years passed, as I learned to see at least the physical part of myself through Brittany's eyes, through my daughter's eyes. I was still lost in my thoughts when Kurt burst through the doorway to the bedroom carrying the glittery fuchsia toolbox that I'd been laughing at for years.

"Hey fatty." He smirked, and I resisted the urge to backhand him, even though I knew he was kidding, and even though I probably deserved what  _everyone_ would say to me after my near-constant stream of Rachel Berry pregnancy jokes three years earlier.

"Listen, Fairy Godmother. Until you magically grow a  _vagina_ , you do not get to call me a fatty,  _compredes_? Now shut up and fix my damn dress before I make it so you're one step closer to that dream." I tried to hide the playful smirk, but one look from Kurt and I knew he'd caught on.

"Ooh! The bitch is back!" Kurt clapped his hands and then grabbed me in a hug that I couldn't shake off. "How I've missed you, Satan."

"Seriously, castration, does that sound good to you? Can you just help me out here and not make this a production?"

"Yeah, yeah. I know you love me and you need me, and if I was going to wait for you to ask for my help nicely, we'd be here all night, and we don't have time for that. Put the dress back on so I can see what kind of damage I'm dealing with."

While I re-dressed, Kurt unpacked his "sewing basket," and despite having full confidence in his ability to perform wardrobe damage control, my eyes widened as he pulled out the giant scissors. He studied me, marking, pinning and finally making me take off the dress again so he could get to work. I couldn't help but laugh at him as he sat there, still in his tuxedo jacket snipping and sewing like some old timey tailor.

"You're not going to like, cut the entire back out and make me embarrass Britt when her fat,  _slutty_ wife shows up, are you?"

"Oh, would you stop? I was just messing with you when I called you fat, and Brittany's probably the only person who you'd  _never_ embarrass, God knows you've mortified the rest of us enough times, and I'm not even talking about when you actually had an excuse for it. Need I mention the great NYADA Paula Abdul scandal?"

"I  _still_ stand by that being the best performance that place has ever seen. And Rachel will love actually having something exciting to write in her memoirs some day."

In only fifteen minutes, Kurt somehow miraculously (which I will never admit) managed to not only fix the dress, but also sew in some kind of elastic situation around the zipper so I wouldn't look like I'd stuffed myself into a sausage casing. Okay, I'd only gained three pounds, but still, evening gowns were totally unforgiving, and I had only thought to choose one that made my boobs look particularly awesome (as was my typical M.O.), not hide the  _ate too many cheeseburgers_ situation going on down lower. But when I looked in the mirror, I felt sexier than I had in weeks, and when I made Kurt open his eyes (yes, he really closed his eyes as if he hadn't seen me naked dozens of times), I couldn't fight the urge to wiggle my hips a little for him.

"You're welcome." He grinned at his own handiwork, before I could say anything and I smiled genuinely at him. "You look pretty smokin' in that dress."

"Did you really just call me  _smokin'?_ No, just no."

"Mamí!" Annie bounced into the bedroom. "You look so beautiful!"

" _Gracias_ ,  _mija._ But not as beautiful as you." She lifted her arms up, and I knelt down carefully to lift her up and spin her around. "We do have to thank Uncle Kurt though, for his nice work, since he  _did_ pick out my dress for me, and then helped me out a little bit just now."

"Thank you, Uncle Kurtsy!" Annie bubbled, and Kurt shook his head at me with a smile, knowing that I'd much easier express my love and gratitude through my daughter than with my own words. "And you look very pretty too."

"Why thank you, Annalise." Kurt curtsied (and I swear, I wasn't the one who taught Annie to call him Kurtsy because he did that, or to call him pretty, that was  _all_ her) and kissed her hand. "Let's go, princesses, put your coats on, because your coachman Blaine awaits with your chariot outside. No sense taking a cab when we're already here."

* * *

After carefully pinning the medal that I'd taken off my neck for the first time since my mother had given it to me inside of my dress (and knowing Britt had done exactly the same thing in her bra), and buttoning our coats, we hurried out to the curb and scrambled into the car. I sat close to Annie, one arm holding her protectively because even if she was too old to  _need_ a carseat, I still preferred her sitting in one. When we made it to the theater, Kurt and Blaine took our coats and hurried off to find everyone else, while Annie and I took our privilege to see Brittany for just two minutes. Even though she was usually in the midst of backstage chaos, she always wanted to see us quickly before we went to take our seats in the audience. Once we made it past the security guard and into the dressing room, we were surrounded by a flurry of dancers that Britt had been working with for years, all saying their quick hellos before scurrying off to get ready. While Annie blushed profusely at the attention and clung tightly to my side, I beamed, scanning the room with my eyes to try and find my wife.

"Mama!" Annie shrieked, having spotted her first, and ran directly into her arms. "Mama! We're here!"

"My favorite girls!" Brittany nearly squealed as she squeezed Annie tightly. "I'm so glad to see you, sweetheart."

"I'm going to clap the very loudest when I get to see you dance." She promised, and a smile lit up Brittany's face.

"Don't be so sure about that." I grinned, closing the gap between the two of them and me. "I think you've got some pretty stiff competition,  _mi amor."_

" 'S okay, Mamí, together we'll make sure Mama gets the loudest claps  _ever._ " Annie nodded her head to punctuate her point, and Brittany reached out her hand to clasp it with mine.

"Sounds like a great idea, Annie." Britt set her down on the floor and let her eyes rake over my body appreciatively.

"Hi." I said, feeling almost shy as my cheeks heated under her gaze.

"You look gorgeous." She smiled, and I kissed her fully on the lips, resting my hands on her hips and instinctively tugging her closer to me. "Like, really, really gorgeous."

"Look who's talking." I laughed as our noses brushed together. "Just wanted to wish you...you know, one last time."

"Seeing you two before a performance always calms me down, so thanks for making sure you're here."

"Always." I pulled her hand to my lips and kissed the inside of her wrist. "Come on, baby girl, let's say goodbye to Mama and go find everyone else."

"Bye, Mama! I love you!" Annie climbed up her excitedly one last time and Britt kissed her forehead. "Break a leg."

" _Please don't._ " I mouthed, and Brittany shook her head at my silliness, carefully passing Annie back into my arms. "Love you babe, You're all going to kill it out there, as usual."

"Love you both, see you soon!"

* * *

Setting Annie down on the floor, she slipped her hand into mine, and we scurried to our seats in the front of the theater. As it typically happened, since we'd starting having our backstage moments with Britt the year of her second showcase, Annie and I were the last ones seated. Even though it was just our parents and our closet friends who sat with us (including Mike and Tina, because Mike refused to miss Britt's  _ass kicking,_ as he'd referred to her choreography skills since high school), I felt like some kind of peacock, strutting up to our seats with my daughter close to me, knowing how many people sat in the audience to watch what  _my wife_ had created, how many reporters would write glowing reviews, just how freaking special the entire night was. Brittany, though she preferred to remain primarily in the background and not make a gigantic spectacle of her talent was kind of a big deal, and I loved it, because she deserved every ounce of that recognition.

When the lights dimmed, my heart always quickened, though in a much different way than it used to. Annie gripped my hand tightly, and I stole glances at the awe on her face each time a new dancer took the stage, every single step they took brilliantly designed, and I really, really wasn't being partial. It was completely entrancing, even when Brittany wasn't the one dancing, but when she finally did come out for the last number, the one she'd given up arguing with Rick about performing, I felt my mother's hand on my forearm, knowing that in my semi-fragile emotional state, seeing my wife in a way that was always so intimate, despite being in a packed theater, was likely to set me weeping. It took about two chords for Mamí to be right, and it didn't even matter the song, just watching her body had the tears running down my face and my mouth covered to prevent my emotional gasps from escaping in the hushed audience. She threw her body so effortlessly on the stage, and I swear, she looked like she was made of sparkles (I know, I know, I get carried away), between her fair skin, blonde hair, and the gold dress she wore as her bare feet moved across the stage. Of course, the lyrics that she was dancing to ( _Our lives are made in these small hours, these little wonders, these twists and turns of fate)_ didn't exactly help, especially with the tiny hand clinging tightly to me, and the total and complete truth about the magic of the littlest wonders, running through my head even more so than normal after the ultrasound.

"Mama looks so beautiful." Annie breathed, knowing she wasn't supposed to talk, but not being able to contain herself. I just nodded, squeezing my daughter's hand even tighter.

For just an instant, Brittany's eyes caught mine as she danced, and I removed my hand from my mouth so she could see just how wide I was smiling. The song was over so quickly, like it always was, even though I could sit there watching her in that state forever, and I knew that I was the first to jump to my feet when the clapping began. Stephen had lifted Annie up into his arms, holding her at my level beside me, and she wasn't kidding when she told Britt that she'd be clapping the loudest, I couldn't believe that child sized hands could even make that much noise, but she was as proud of her Mama's talent as I was. We kept exchanging glances, Annie giggling a little in all her excitement, and me trying to hold my own in. When the applause began to die down, Stephen slipped her into my arms and I sat down with her, hugging her so tightly to keep all of my emotion from bursting forth again.

"That was the most beautiful dance ever." She whispered so softly with her face buried into my hair.

"And so much of it was for you and me, Annalise."

"Mama always dances for us, just like you always sing for us."

"That's the truth, my sweet, sweet girl."

"Someday, I'm going to dance or sing for you too."

"No matter which way you find to express yourself, I know it will be just as beautiful as this,  _mi corazón._ "

* * *

Finding Brittany after a performance was always a flurry of hugs, kisses, tears and profuse praising, and not just from Annie and me. There was always a dinner, all sixteen of us in some restaurant, once Britt spoke to her dancers and listened to Rick carry on about how she got better with every show (duh), and there was toast after toast in her honor. Of course, throughout it all, even with the hum of excitement, both Annie and Brittany were usually exhausted, and this year, I joined them in that feeling. Once we'd finally been served dessert, and everyone had been aptly thanked for coming (we'd be seeing them all with the holidays, they'd hear our gratitude even more later), Annie was sleeping against Britt's chest, not letting her go, and I slid an arm around my wife's waist, guiding her out to the curb to hail a cab. Within a half hour, we were home, the baby was tucked in, and Brittany had collapsed on her back on our bed, all those weeks of being everything to everyone finally catching up to her.

"Rick's usually an idiot." I said, curling up beside her after shimmying out of my dress and throwing a t-shirt over my head. "But he's right about how you always manage to outdo yourself. All of it was flawless, but you know I'm partial to your piece. And I think it was even more incredible because this will probably be the first year that Annie remembers, and you couldn't have picked a more perfect song."

"For some reason, I just couldn't get it out of my head." She rolled on her side so she was facing me and gave me a lazy smile.

"You should take your dress off, baby."

"Mmm." A smirk played at the corner of her lips. "Are you propositioning me?"

"Well, I wasn't, since I thought you might be too tired." I raised an eyebrow, suddenly feeling much more awake. "But I can be."

"I think you should."

Needing no further invitation (watching her dance  _always_ riled me up, and it had more so, since our sex life had suffered while I was so sick) I tugged the zipper down the side of her dress and slowly peeled it from her body, taking every inch of her body in with my eyes. Pressing my hands against her shoulders, I guided her to lie back again, and I watched her eyes darken as I took control in my own quiet way. Once she was fully undressed, I straddled her thighs, careful not to put too much weight on the area that I knew was sore, and tossed my shirt aside, and leaned in to kiss her with everything in me. Her hands tangled in my hair, and when I finally removed my lips from hers, I began slowly kissing her skin in the same way my eyes had savored her body moments earlier. While I placed slow, appreciative pecks on her neck and collarbone, my fingers reached beneath her body and dug into each sore muscle, starting from her shoulders and working the way down, the kind of deep, sensual massage that only someone who'd loved a dancer for so many years could give.

"I'm going to take care of you tonight, Britt." I whispered as I kissed just below her ear. "Just lie back."

"Ugh, San." She whimpered as my lips grazed the particularly sensitive spot at the base of her throat, intentionally timed with my fingers digging in to the back of her thighs, the spot where most of her tension usually collected. "Feels so...everything."

"Close you eyes. Relax."

For the better part of an hour, I did nothing but kiss, caress and massage her body, letting her satisfied words spur me further. When I felt that she'd finally let out so much of the stress that had been building for weeks, I let my lips come in contact with the small section of her body they'd been avoiding. Starting at Brittany's inner thighs, I alternated between the lightest brushing of my lips and sucking on the flesh there, feeling the clench of her strong muscles as I moved impossibly slowly up towards where she wanted me. I could feel that her eyes had opened, and I smiled into her skin, slowly raising mine to meet hers. It's impossible to describe the looks she always gives me when she watches me nestled between her thighs like that, but it's some strange combination of adoration and animalistic need. I kept teasing her, just barely letting my mouth graze where she wanted it most, and then returning to somewhere far more innocent, letting her build higher and higher. She'd worked so hard, all while taking care of me so well, and I felt like I was on a personal mission to give her the best release of her life. When a broken  _please_ escaped from her lips, and I could feel the scratch of her nails at the base of my neck, I knew how ready she was, and I couldn't deny her any longer. I kept my eyes locked on hers as my mouth worked furiously, bringing her as high as she could go, and then as she began to fall so beautifully, I slipped my fingers inside of her so I could slide up her body and hold her tightly as she fell apart in my arms.

"Santana." She breathed, pulling me in for a frenzied kiss as she slowly came down from her high, gathering her wits for several minutes before speaking again. "God, just, wow."

"Wanted to make sure you got a good night sleep tonight." I pressed another soft kiss on her collarbone.

"I might never wake up again after that. How can I not love you more when you make me feel that good?"

"I could ask you the same question, B. C'mon though." I snugged in closer to her, tucking the comforter back around us and letting my head drop against her chest, listening to the slowing beat of her heart. "Let's go to sleep, we both need it."

 


	16. Christmas Through Her Eyes

On the morning of Christmas Eve, I was the first one to wake up. Slipping quietly out of bed, so as not to wake Brittany, I tiptoed (yes, I  _actually_ freaking tiptoed) down the hall to peek through Annie's partially open door. Under the glow of the multi-colored lights that she had insisted we hang in her window, I could see the slight curl of a dreamy smile, her excitement for what was to come obvious even in her sleep. With my own grin growing wider, thinking about how excited Britt and I were to play Santa and, for the first time, have Annie really truly believe in the magic of the holiday, I made my way down the stairs. Even in our small apartment, we'd managed to put a huge amount of effort into decorating for Christmas, but nothing,  _nothing_ (okay, maybe only Macy's or, like, The White House) could compare to the level we'd taken it to with an entire house to prepare. When I reached the bottom of the stairs, I flicked the switch that would bathe the mostly open first floor in the soft glow of twinkling white lights, and sat down on the bottom step for a moment just to take it all in.

It had taken the better part of the day after Brittany's showcase (we never waited any later than that) and the help of our parents and Lizzie, but the house, both inside and out, kind of looked like something out of one of those Hallmark Channel, so cheesy they're actually cute, holiday specials. There were evergreen boughs and lights pretty much everywhere, illuminated wreaths in each window, painstakingly cut (by Annie's little hands) paper snowflakes hanging at various heights from the ceiling, three stockings hanging down from the fireplace (which we'd actually light for the first time) and in the center of it all, a massive ten foot tree. The tree, in and of itself, had taken us hours to decorate, with Annie wanting to hear the story behind each and every ornament before they could be hung. It was a tradition started by Susan Pierce long before I'd come into the picture, and we'd continued it, adorning the tree with only ornaments that meant something, not those generic glass balls, and it made the entire thing all the more special. Letting my eyes drift to the top of the tree, I looked at the crystal snowflake topper there, the gift that my parents had bought for us the year we were married, and had just given back after having the date we bought our house engraved below our wedding date and Annie's birthday. Resting one hand on my stomach, I smiled. Next year, there would be another date added, another milestone in the life we'd built, and my heart fluttered at the thought.

"It's snowing!" Annie shrieked from upstairs, and only an instant later, I heard Brittany's feet hit the wood floor and a soft laugh come from her. "And Santa is coming tonight! Everybody wake up!"

"Everybody already  _is_ up, sweetheart!" Brittany called back to her with the same excitement in her voice that I could hear both in Annie's and inside my own head. "Come on, I'm not sure where Mamí is, but I hope she didn't start baking cookies without us!"

"Mamí!" Annie cried out, her voice a mixture of panic and elation. "We're coming! We're coming! Don't start without us! Mama, quick, let's go!"

"Both of my lazy girls better hurry up!" I shouted up to them, laughing at the scamper of Annie's little feet in the hallway, and I stood up, craning my neck just in time to see her leap into Brittany's arms.

Without further hesitation, Brittany rushed down the stairs with Annie in her arms, and despite having seen them both dressed the way they were the night before, I still had one of those heart skipping, _I can't believe this is my life_ moments. The two of them (actually, the three of  _us)_ had on green candy cane button up pajamas, and I immediately moved to wrap my arms around Brittany, sandwiching our daughter in between us. Although Annie was wriggling in Britt's arms, ready to get down and start preparing for the day, I didn't let go right away, instead wanting just a tiny fraction of the forty-eight hours to come that would be set apart from all the insanity that I knew was likely too make me even  _more_ emotional. As if, after I had quite possibly burst into tears in the kitchen after realizing we didn't have any marshmallows for the hot chocolate I was making two days earlier, I needed any more of a reason. When finally, it seemed like Annie was going to explode in our arms, Brittany set her down to go get the cookie cutters out of her Play Doh box, and the two of us took another quiet moment together.

"You know what's missing?" I asked, throwing my arms around Brittany's neck.

"What?"

"Mistletoe. Why do we keep having Christmas without mistletoe?"

"Because I haven't needed mistletoe to kiss you since junior year." She brushed her nose against mine and then kissed me, smiling at my silliness. "You were so cute that year, you know, disappearing out to my parents' back porch, so that every time I'd come to look for you I'd have to kiss you."

"It was  _so_ cold out there." I laughed, thinking back on how thinly veiled my attempts to be with Brittany had actually been. "Why did your mom put it outside anyway?"

"Hmm." Britt blushed and kissed me again. "That may not have been my mom, and I don't think it was actually mistletoe either. I'm pretty sure I tied some leaves together with a string and hung them up so I'd have an excuse to kiss you."

"Brittany Susan Lopez-Pierce. You are a sneak." I feigned horror, but she just shook her head and leaned in for  _another_  kiss. Yeah, mistletoe was  _definitely_ not necessary.

"I do believe that I learned about sneaky kisses from the best. And, you know, desperate times called for desperate measures."

"Well, I guess I have absolutely no basis for argument there." It was so amazing to me how naturally it came, after everything we'd gone through, to joke about the hurdles we'd cleared in our past. "But seriously, I froze my nipples off out there trying to get my sweet lady kisses on."

"I can say, with expert authority, that statement is a total and complete lie." Britt giggled, tugging at the collar of my pajama shirt and peeking inside. She looked back up at me with a shrug and cheeky smirk. "Just wanted to check again, you know, to be safe. I was right."

"Any excuse to sneak a peek, huh?" I teased, playing with the top button on her shirt.

"Nope, that's another thing I don't need excuses for."

"Good point." I rested my head against her chest and she kissed the top of my head. "Merry Christmas Eve, babe."

"And Merry Christmas Eve to you too."

"I'm ready!" Annie yelled, coming out of the playroom with her arms full of more cookie cutters than we could ever possibly need. "Time to make cookies for Santa!"

It had become tradition, the year Rachel was nine-months pregnant with Brice, and I thought she was going to go into labor on our couch (it actually hadn't happened until two days later) for Britt and me to throw the annual Christmas Eve brunch. Never one to skimp on the smallest details, it had been Brittany's idea to always bake cookies early the same morning, so the house "smelled like Christmas," and my idea for everyone to come wearing holiday pajamas, rather than get all dressed up. By nine-o'clock, the three of us had baked enough cookies for probably all of the Village to leave for Santa (and the best was absolutely the random Christmas dolphins, hot dogs and umbrellas, since Annie had insisted upon using those cookie cutters), and our seasonal music mix was blasting throughout the house. Annie sprawled out under the Christmas tree, just looking up at the lights, while Britt ran out, her pajamas covered with her coat, to pick up the bagels, and I started setting everything else on trays.

There was absolutely no surprise for any of us when the doorbell rang for the first time twenty-minutes before we were expecting company, and probably even less of a surprise that it was the Hudson's, all clad in matching gold star pajamas (every single year, and I'd expressed my condolences to Finn on more than one occasion). Before Annie could even get up from where she lay on the floor to greet them, Brice tore over to her and landed on top of her with a heavy thud, followed by a medley of both of their giggles.

"MyAnnie, Santa gots to find me in 'hio." Brice informed Annie, rolling off of her and on to his back so he could join her in looking up at the lights,

" 'S okay Bricey, Santa's magic, he even sees you when you're sleeping, he knows where you are." She promised, grasping one of his hands in hers. "But you sent him your Christmas list, right?"

"Mmhm." He nodded proudly, although I wasn't sure he really knew what Annie was talking about,

"Good, cuz my Mama says the roads are treach'rous in the North Pole, so we mailed mine even before Thanksgiving."

"Important lesson." Brittany told Finn and Rachel, and I finally tore my eyes away from staring at the kids to see my wife beaming in their direction.

"We've been on quite the Santa kick for the past month." I laughed and finally moved to hug my friends.

"I'm not at all surprised." Finn smiled as he hugged me. "I'm pretty sure that Brice thinks Santa and Santana are the same word, so I wouldn't be surprised if he starts giving you cookies and hitting you up for gifts."

"Baby and I will greatly appreciate the cookies." I patted my stomach jokingly, although it was the truth, some sort of Christmas miracle (or, you know, the winding down of my morning sickness) brought the return of my appetite, and it  _was_ entirely possible that I'd already not so sneakily pilfered more than a few of the Christmas cookies.

"Lucky for you, you're not showing yet." Rachel rolled her eyes. "Because I would have  _loved_ to have returned the favor of making a million Santa jokes about your belly."

"As if they would even be as close to as funny as mine were? Don't think so." I looked between Brittany and Finn, and he conveniently excused himself to go unload the rest of their things from the car, and Britt just wrapped one arm around my waist, letting the two of us battle it out.

"Santana. You referred to unborn Brice as Jesus 2.0, and made constant allusions to the Second Coming. I'm not sure who should be more offended, me as a Jew or you, who was raised Catholic." Rachel huffed and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Okay, number one, you're about as Jewish as I am Catholic, Miss Christmas pajamas. Number two, I've called you Virgin Mary for years! I would have been a complete waste of awesome jokes if I let the fact that your due date was Christmas Day slide."

"These are  _holiday_ pajamas, we've had this conversation." Rachel insisted, becoming increasingly more frustrated. "And we celebrate both."

"Alright, enough." Brittany put both of her hands up. "It's Christmas, and I can see this going on all day. Do you two need to hug it out or sing a duet?"

"Oh!" Rachel clapped her hands. "Let's sing-"

"I'm not singing  _Baby It's Cold Outside_  with you, Rachel. " I smirked and rolled my eyes before pretending to give her a half hearted hug, but then letting her wrap her arms tightly around me.

After I finally managed to disengage from Rachel's hug (okay, maybe I hugged her twice more, whatever), everyone else began arriving, shaking the snow off of their coats and stomping out their boots in the entryway. Annie was all over the place, dizzying herself as she didn't know who to turn to first, any of her grandparents, Liz, or Kurt and Blaine. I watched with a smile, Brittany coming up behind me and wrapping her arms around me from behind. It was completely amazing to the two of us how much she'd come out of her shell, even in just a few months. Of course, she'd always been less inhibited around the people we considered family, but the way she was behaving was a big step with so many people around. Finn caught my eye, having come back inside, and gave me a small nod, recognizing how proud he was of his god daughter.

"Annie, baby girl, why don't you lead the way to the table and you can show everyone the place cards you made?" Brittany suggested.

"M'kay Mama!" Annie wriggled out of my father's arms and tried to decide who else's hand she should grab, before finally settling on Blaine's. "Time to eat everybody!"

Excitedly, she gestured for everyone else to follow her, and when we were all standing around the table, Annie personally pointed each person to their seat. She'd made each person a snowman from cotton balls, Brittany and I sitting with her for hours as she perfected the letters in everyone's names, wanting to make sure they were just right. Even post-pumpkin fiasco, we  _did_ have to constantly remind her that as long as she did her best, that was all that mattered, but as it turned out, our daughter seemed to hold herself to some pretty high standards (wonder who she got that from), and had an incredible amount of patience to keep practicing until she felt she really had done her best.

"These are  _awesome_." Finn grinned at her, as Rachel pointed out the letters in Brice's name to her son.

"Thank you, Uncle Finn. Your name was super easy 'cuz it has only three different letters in it." She held up three fingers and waited for Brittany to lift her into the chair between us.

"Hm, I guess it does." Finn winked at me, and I tuned out the other conversation at the table in favor of watching the two of them. "So what did you ask Santa to bring you this year?"

"A bicycle!" She cried out, and everyone else stopped what they were doing to look at her.

"Wow, Annie, I hope you were an extra good girl this year, because that's a pretty big present."

"Was I, Mamí and Mama?" She asked, for probably the thousandth time since she'd learned about Santa's naughty and nice list.

"Of course." Brittany promised, and I nodded enthusiastically.

* * *

As usual, our friends couldn't stay very long, having their flight to Ohio to catch, but I'd been thrilled to sit back and watch Brice and Annie revel in everything around them. We didn't do gifts, it was something we'd come up with after Brice had been born, when we knew gift giving was apt to get out of hand, but instead, put all the money we would have spent on each other's kids towards taking care of a family in need. It was so important to Brittany and me that Annie grew up understanding how lucky she was, and that not everyone was as fortunate as she, and it meant so much to us that the Hudson's and the Hummel's were right on board with that, even if Kurt and Blaine didn't have kids of their own yet. Before they all left, Annie squeezed each of them tightly, thanking them so much for spending the morning with her, and it made me feel extremely proud that she didn't need gifts to feel grateful for family, one of the most important parts of the season.

We'd mostly passed the rest of the day in quiet activity, Liz taking Annie to scout for reindeer prints in the park while our fathers helped take Annie's Santa gifts out of the attic, Annie "cooking" reindeer food with Susan and Liz, the same mixture of raw oatmeal and fine glitter that the Pierce girls had grown up making, and Brittany and I having a real opportunity to sit with our mother's and talk. Knowing the ways of the Lopez-Pierce household, our families had no intention of sticking around late. Just before it was time for them to go, Mamí, as always, read  _'Twas the Night Before Christmas,_ and Susan gave Annie her annual Christmas ornament, a little schoolhouse, this year, since it was her first year there, and she'd also slipped one that she'd probably had custom made, depicting a pregnant brunette with her blonde partner's hands on her belly, to Britt and me (knowing that it would have to be put away until a certain conversation was had). My father then insisted I play the piano so he could sing her  _Los Pesces en el Río_ , the song my  _abuela_ had always sung on Christmas, and Stephen had everyone join in singing  _Blue Christmas_ , since Brittany's grandparents had been gigantic Elvis fans. When we finally waved them out the door, Annie shouted her  _Merry Christmases_ the loudest, even though she'd see them early the next morning, and I couldn't help but smile at just how precious she was.

Our girl was still wired even as we bathed her and dressed her in another set of Christmas pajamas, and I felt like I could scarcely care that we were losing the fight against getting her to bed, I was just enjoying her happiness too much. Finally, after we'd scattered the reindeer food on the sidewalk, left a dish of water on the stoop (Annie was sure they would be thirsty), and set out the cookies and milk for Santa, I had her curled tightly in my arms, desperately hanging on to a final thread of wakefulness.

"Mama." She mumbled, looking over at Brittany, who had settled on the couch beside us, through heavy eyelids. "We supposed to leave another letter for Santa?"

"Why, Bean?" Britt asked her.

"I just wanted to tell him thank you very, very much for coming such a long way." Annie sighed dreamily, her head already full of of sugarplum visions, and I felt Brittany's fingers brushing under my eyelids to wipe the tears there before I'd even realized they had formed.

"My sweet girl." Brittany left the room, and came back with a piece of paper and Annie's crayons. "What do you want to say?"

"Dear Santa. You are very nice to come-" A yawn cut off her words, and she shook her head against my chest, trying to force herself awake for just a few more moments. "Very nice to come all the way to New York City. I hope you have a super safe trip, and you get lots and lots of rest before next year. Thank you very, very much for any presents you left for me. And I hope you have a good Christmas."

"How's this?" Brittany held up the letter, and Annie scrunched up her face, studying it carefully, even though she could only read a few of the words.

"I need to write my name on it too."

"That's a great idea." I smiled down at her, those damn tears still falling furiously out of my eyes. Britt handed her the crayon and she lifted her body up to slowly write the letters of her name.

"Much better." Annie yawned again, and Brittany opened her arms to take her from me.

Hardly a moment passed after we'd tucked her and Milky Way (in a tiny Santa hat that my mom had found for him in a pet store) into bed before she was sound asleep. We left the room, and went to our walk in closet. Standing there with Brittany, all the exhaustion  _I_ had felt throughout the long day seemed to have faded away, replaced the some strange energy fueled by Brittany's goofy grin, and the picture in my head of Annie's face in the morning. As evidenced by her final letter, she was such a grateful child, and she was going to be absolutely beside herself when she saw all we'd done to make Santa very, very real. In all honestly, most of that work was Brittany, who, even though she had grown up, still had this innate belief in magic that she'd passed on to our daughter, and I felt the urge to just pull her in for a deep kiss, right in the center of the stacks of gifts in our closet.

It took us several minutes to pull away from each other, both of us caught up in the simple beauty of the moment, but we knew that we had the most important of jobs to do. Donning Santa hats to truly get into the spirit, we quickly went to work, taking care to be as quiet as possible. Although Brittany only allowed me to carry the lightest boxes, I managed to prove useful in stacking, rearranging, and being the best damn stocking stuffer in the history of the world, while she carried the heavy boxes (and the bicycle! Annie was going to lose it over that). Ever the stickler for details, Brittany had yet another genius plan. Carefully dipping the boots she'd borrowed from her father in black paint (washable, although it may have been beyond me to care, as I watched my wife walk around in too big boots), she created a trail of footprints from the fireplace, to the tree, to the plate of cookies and back. I, in turn, did my share of creating authenticity, taking gigantic bites out of two of the cookies, then completely devouring a third, and using my right hand to scratch out a reply note to Annie. When we were finished, I just stood back for a moment, all the overhead lights out, and just the twinkling of the Christmas lights, and Brittany pulled me close to her, her chin resting on my right shoulder, and her left hand flat against my stomach.

"Wow." I sighed, turning my head slightly so I could look into Britt's sparkling blue eyes.

"Beautiful." She smiled, and I got the feeling she was talking about a lot more than just our living room. "Let's go up to bed, we are definitely going to have an early morning, and you look like you might fall asleep right here,"

"It wouldn't surprise me." I laughed, tugging the hat off of my head and purposely tossing it on the floor to further the illusion we were creating. "This was basically the longest day ever."

"It was, but totally worth it."

"Oh, absolutely, and tomorrow will be even better."

It was after midnight before we'd fell asleep, snuggling up together like huge dorks in a second set of matching pajamas. It was weird to me that I actually twisted and turned in my sleep, feeling surprisingly anxious about what the next day would bring. By 5:30, I was entirely awake, lifting my head to peek at the video screen on the monitor where Annie had begin to stir. Not wanting Brittany to miss a second, I kissed her eyelids and gently shook her awake, her beautiful, sleepy smile making me feel all gooey inside (I swear, it had to have something to do with her evolutionary advantage theory, because the weird feelings in my chest were becoming borderline ridiculous). We sat there, staring at the grainy screen like it was the most exciting thing in the world, and suddenly, Annie sat bolt upright, her eyes wide and a huge smile cracking her face.

"Oh, Santa! I hope you made it." She said to herself, as she swung her legs over her bed and shimmied down. Not wasting a minute, Britt and I got out of our own bed and opened the door in time to see her peering through the slats of the gate at the top of the stairs.

"Merry Christmas, Annie!" Brittany and I looked at each other and shouted at the same time.

"He came, he really, really came." She looked up at us her eyes sparkling with excited tears before she wrapped her arms around both of our legs, unsure of what she could even do to contain all the emotion that swirled inside of her head. "I can see it, there's presents under the tree!"

"There are?" Brittany feigned surprise. "I think we should downstairs and get a closer look."

"Oh yes! Yes please!"

Holding Annie's hand tightly so she didn't tumble down the stairs in an excited bounce, I opened up the gate, and Brittany grabbed tightly to her other hand, the two of us sharing a private smile as we made our way down. When we got to the bottom, Annie honestly wasn't sure which way to look first, each direction looking more appealing than the next. Finally, when her eyes settled on the bright purple bicycle, she let out a sound that was a cross between a squeak, a shriek and a squeal. I think for every parent, there's a Christmas with their child that they'll remember more than any other. In that moment, watching my daughter look happier than I'd ever seen her (and that, in and of itself, was an incredible feat), I was pretty sure that this was the year. Looking between us to make sure it was okay, she dropped our hands and ran over there, running her fingers through the streamers and just staring at the sparkly paint.

"Mama! Mamí! It's a real bicycle! Santa fit it on his sled for me and now I can learn to ride it like the big girls at the park." She cheered, trying to figure out how to climb up on it.

"Oh  _mija,_ you're so, so lucky. But before you get up there, I think we should see if Santa left you a helmet." I gently stopped her foot from climbing up on the pedals, and Britt laughed, knowing that I'd really just wanted to get a roll of bubble wrap and wrap Annie up in it before she attempted to ride.

"There are so many presents!" Annie cried out, and sat down on the floor, trying to figure out where she should start.

"I've never seen so many!" Brittany told her excitedly. "I knew you were the best girl all year."

While Annie sat opening her gifts, Brittany and I were careful to make sure she took it slowly, knowing that she'd get overwhelmed if we let the occasion turn into a flurry of wrapping paper and toys. After each gift, she'd look up at the ceiling, and I was pretty sure she was sending silent thank you's to the man in the red suit. When she'd finally finished, the helmet (and knee pads, and elbow pads, and wrist guards, so we were beyond cautious) were the first things to come out of their packages, and Annie was insistent upon putting the entire getup on over her pajamas, and tucking Milky Way into the basket. It was Britt who carefully lifted her up on the the bike, while I checked, once again, that the training wheels were still firmly attached. Once she was settled on there, I stepped back, and bit my thumbnail, nervously watching as Brittany held onto her waist, letting her get used to how the pedals worked.

"Mamí! Are you watching me on my bike?" Annie shrieked, and I fought back the tears that had sprung to my eyes at just how big she looked sitting up there.

"I am,  _corazóncita_ , you're doing great!"

"Mama, let go!"

"Are you sure you're ready for that?"

"Course. I got the special wheels so I don't fall down." She nodded to punctuate her point, gripping the handle bars tighter.

It's one of those cliche things that people talk about, or even just think about, when their kids are born, the day they learn how to ride a bike. I know that they usually mean without training wheels, and on a street, not in circles in the middle of their house, but I don't really see how it's any different. When Annie was born, I mostly thought about her being able to breathe on her own, but once she'd cleared that hurdle, I did allow myself to dream of the milestones the other kids reached. I didn't remember clearly when I first learned how to ride, I mean seriously, it was so many years ago, but I  _can_ remember the feelings I had that day, of the excitement of spending a whole day with Papí, the fear of him letting go of me, and then finally, this incredible sense of pride when I pedaled as fast as humanly possible (and then fell off, multiple times before picking myself back up and trying again). It's an entirely different sensation, being on the other side of that moment, and when Brittany let Annie go, and I stepped closer to grab my wife's hand, this immense feeling of relief washed over me as our daughter's smile burned brighter than all the tree lights combined. It was like, in watching her determination at that very moment, I felt like I was witnessing the single greatest miracle of all time.

"I'm doing it! I'm doing it! I'm riding!" She cheered, and I could think of nothing else but to wrap my arms around Brittany in celebration of her big moment.

" _Estoy mi orgullosa de ti, mi amor."_ I choked out, quickly wiping my face with the heel of my hand, not wanting her to think I was anything less than ecstatic at her efforts.

"Great job, Annie!" Brittany's own emotions came out in the form of bubbling giggles as she squeezed me tighter against her.

* * *

It was the first time I'd ever wished the snow would stop on Christmas, I'd wanted so bad for us to take her outside to ride, but for well over an hour, Annie was content to circle the living room while Brittany and I settled on the couch to watch her. When we knew our families were getting close to arriving, (and after Finn had called to say "Rachel is still recovering from Brice waking up screaming 'S'tana came! S'tana came!'"), Brittany and I finally had to make her take a break so we could all start getting ready. Once all three of us had bathed and were dressed, I settled Annie on the chaise in the living room, and not surprisingly, she fell asleep in about thirty seconds. When our families arrived together, not fifteen minutes later, Annie didn't even stir, proof that the excitement of the morning had completely knocked her out. The seven of us settled in around her, falling into the usual ease of conversation, and showing the videos we'd taken of Annie before their arrival.

"She's something else, huh?" I asked, loving to sit back in Brittany's embrace and watch everyone react to something that meant so much to us.

"It's pretty incredible." Susan stroked Annie's hair as she slept. "She's growing up so fast."

"Don't say that." I frowned, and Brittany squeezed my hand reassuringly.

" _Mija,_ that's a  _good_ thing." My mother insisted.

"I know, I know." I sighed. "But it still makes me feel really sad. Then I start thinking about her going to high school and college, and-"

"Getting married and having beautiful children of her own?" Mamí interrupted, looking between Annie, Brittany and I.

"Don't say that, Ma! I'm not ready for that!"

"Santana, sweetheart, you've got quiet a few years before you have to worry about any of that." Susan tried to reassure me. "And I know that you girls know how to savor every last moment with her."

"When are you telling her about..." Liz trailed off, gesturing towards my stomach.

"Soon-ish." Brittany smiled, kissing my temple to quell the anxiety that she knew rose up in me surrounding that subject. "We're still figuring that all out."

"Take your time." Susan looked at the two of us, catching the silent exchange. "Stephen, remember when we told Britt about Liz?"

"How could I forget?" My father-in-law laughed, reaching over to pat his older daughter's forearm. "Brittany, you sat in the window with your binoculars every single day for five months, waiting to see if the stork was coming to bring you your new sister."

"I remember." Britt blushed, and I gave her a loving little half-smile. "We're actually not going to take the stork route though, they have these great older sibling classes at the birthing center, where they kind of get the G-rated version of where babies come from, and it's really important to me and Santana that Annie gets to feel like she's a part of this."

"Yeah, and it might open things up for  _a lot_ of hard questions, but that's always been our plan, to kind of discuss these things at her pace, we've basically been preparing for that since before Annie was even born."

"I'm impressed with you girls. You've certainly never taken the easy way out of anything." Papí said proudly, and I knew that was true on oh so many levels.

"Need to show you my new bicycle." Annie mumbled out in her sleep.

"Go back to sleep, baby." Susan whispered, kissing her granddaughter on the top of her head. "We'll all still be here when you wake up."

* * *

It was over three hours later when Annie finally roused herself from sleep and quickly put on all her protective gear so she could show her grandparents (and Liz, who was quite possibly the most excited of them all) how well she could ride. As it started to get later in the day, Brittany and I excused ourselves to the kitchen, waving off our mother's insistence upon helping us get dinner ready, and the two of us worked quickly side by side, not exchanging many words, but reveling in the unadulterated joy that the entire day had brought. After we'd all eaten dinner, and Annie had presented everyone with the calendars we'd had printed (Annie had personally picked out every single picture that made it into the calendar, so proud to be a part of creating such a personal gift), she wanted to snuggle with Brittany, and I took a seat between my parents, feeling the need to accept the extra affection Mamí wanted to shower me with.

"Did you have a nice Christmas, Lisita?" Papí asked Annie, and she nodded furiously.

"The best Christmas ever, ' _Buelo_." She swore, and everyone laughed, knowing that it was really the only one she could remember.

"San, let's sing one more Christmas song." Britt suggested, and I smiled, standing to make my way over to the piano.

"Come sit with me?" I asked, and Annie wrapped her arms tighter around Brittany's neck as she carried her over to me. Once they were seated beside me on the bench, I smiled at Mamí, vividly remembering the song she used to sing along to the radio with, never really understanding why she loved it so much. My fingers grazed the piano keys, and I couldn't think of any other song more fitting to play.

_Till I had you I didn't know_

_That I was missing out_

_Had to grow up and see the world_

_Through different shades of doubt_

_Give me one more chance to dream again_

_One more chance to feel again_

_Through your young heart_

_If only for one day let me try_

Brittany leaned over and kissed my shoulder before resting her head there, shuffling even closer to me, Annie ending up halfway on her lap and halfway on mine. I could vaguely register our parents voices, but mostly, I was just so caught up in that moment with my wife and daughter. I glanced down at our little girl, her big blue eyes shining up at me, fully feeling every amazing thing that Christmas meant.

_I wanna see Christmas through your eyes_

_I want everything to be the way it used to be_

_Back to being a child again thinking the world was mine_

_I wanna see Christmas, Christmas through your eyes_

"Mamí that was a pretty song." Annie tapped her fingers against two of the piano keys when I'd finished. "But can we maybe sing Rudolph too?"

"Of course." I laughed, pretty sure I'd probably asked the same thing of my own mother at some point in my life, and kind of realizing what had gone through my mother's head earlier in the day, when she'd mentioned Annie having a spouse and kids of her own someday. I wouldn't ever want to wish the time away, I wanted to hold tight to every moment of her childhood for as long as possible, but I could see why  _this_ , why seeing her own daughter in such a state of happiness was it's own form of bliss for my mother.

* * *

It was late, far later than it had been the night before when our families left us. We still had a few more days with them, but there was still that natural let down feeling that came each year on Christmas night, the feeling that made me even more grateful that Brittany and I had long ago chosen to have our own special holiday celebration. Annie had fallen asleep in Lizzie's arms, and she came up with us to put her down for bed, and I stepped back and smiled, watching my sister-in-law kiss her little niece goodnight before Britt and I both took our turns, so incredibly happy that she'd made it through the entirety of our celebrations without feeling too emotionally overwhelmed (points for both of us!). Once we'd escorted our family out, and Brittany had made us peppermint hot chocolate (with lots of extra marshmallows in my cup), I collapsed on the couch, setting my mug on the side table and shuffling over to make room for her to lie with me.

"Hi." Brittany smiled, kissing the tip of my nose. "Today was really awesome, but I've been looking forward to this all day."

"Me too." I tucked my head into her neck. "I don't even think I got to properly wish you a Merry Christmas."

"I don't even think we got to have an actual  _conversation_." She smiled and rolled me over so I was lying on top of her. "How are you feeling?"

"Good, tired, and a little overwhelmed, but so good. Can I see what we're doing now?"

"Not yet." She pressed her lips against mine, and I ran my fingers through her hair before deepening the kiss, seriously craving her closeness. "We were pretty awesome today, weren't we?"

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure we were." I sighed happily. "I mean, not that we're not always awesome."

"I love you." Brittany laughed, shifting her body so she was leaning on the arm of the couch and I was seated in her lap. "Okay, are you ready?"

"Of course I am." I looked over to the envelope on the table, seriously excited about what was inside. We'd decided two years earlier that instead of doing gifts at Christmas, one of us would plan a surprise romantic weekend away, and this year was Brittany's year to choose.

"Awesome." She made to grab the envelope, but then smirked, grabbing my hot chocolate and bringing it to my lips instead.

"Tease." I joked, and reached over to take the envelope myself.

"Hey! That's cheating!" She snatched it back. "Now you don't get it."

"Oh, you're going to go away all by yourself?"

"Hmm, maybe. Although it wouldn't really be much fun."

"That's what I thought." I held out my hand and she finally handed it over. When I opened it up, I finally felt the cascade of emotion that I'd been trying so hard to control spill out of me for no apparent reason. "Britt, this is just..."

"We haven't been back out to Montauk since our first anniversary, and apparently it's really beautiful and peaceful out there in the winter. Plus, I wanted it to be something really extra special this year, since we're going to have our hands even more full soon enough. And it's not too far from the city, and I know you were nervous about not being close, in case-" I cut her off with my lips, needing her to know that I thought it was absolutely perfect.

"I love it, and I love you. Thank you, babe."

"Good. I'm really glad San, and I can't wait to have you all to myself for a whole weekend, maybe this year more than ever."

"Me too, Brittany. Although, I'm pretty sure we say that every year."

"Well, it's probably still true." She wrapped her arms around my back and placed soft kisses on my neck, letting me know exactly how she wanted us to end our Christmas. "Do you want to go up to bed?"

"Absolutely." I slipped off her lap and held my hand out for my beautiful wife, the only woman in the world who could possibly make something special that we did even  _more_ special. Stopping at the base of the stairs, I turned back to her, knowing that we didn't need the holiday magic to intensify our love, but still wanting to kiss her just one last time on the first Christmas in our new home, standing under the tree that encapsulated so much of our past, and held the promise of so much more of a future.


	17. Bigger Hearts

The week that falls between Christmas and the New Year is always one of those strange things to me, almost like it exists entirely outside of space and time (Brittany and I  _may_ have watched a marathon of  _The Twilight Zone_ late one night when neither of us could sleep). Three days after Christmas, our parents, much to Annie's dismay, went back to Lima, and the following day, Lizzie went back to Boston, despite (or maybe because of) our insistence that she come stay with us for a few days so we could take her out. The rest of the week was just the three of us, poor Annie patiently peeking out the window, hoping for a break in the snow so she could finally try her bicycle out on the sidewalk. Unfortunately, that break never came, and on New Year's Eve, our plans to spend the night with our friends was effectively cancelled by the blizzard that hit New York just before the sun went down.

Not letting a little snowstorm put a damper on our evening, we still put on the fancy dresses we'd planned to wear for Kurt and Blaine's annual New Year's Eve event, turned the music on, made ice cream sundaes, and had our own party in the house. Annie had hardly made it past nine o'clock, a fake countdown done a few hours early, but even with how tired I was, Brittany and I stayed up long past when 2023 became 2024. We traded stories of days past (like I said, we're kind of lame), watched Carson Daly's crappy Times Square countdown, drank the sparkling cider we'd bought for the party, and when midnight struck, I lay with my body draped over Brittany's on the couch, our lips locking immediately as the year turned, a promise for happiness in the sixth year since the two of us had found our way back to each other.

When I woke up on the first day of the year, it immediately occurred to me, despite the thick comforter wrapped around my body, that it was absolutely freezing in the bedroom. Realizing that Brittany was already awake, and that it probably meant that I'd slept extremely late,  _again_ , I reached down to the floor to grab my sweatshirt that had been haphazardly discarded in the early hours of the morning. After pulling it over my head, I half rolled out of bed, thankful for the thick socks on my feet as I padded across the bedroom floor and into the bathroom. When I sat down to pee, I felt something graze my thighs, and when I looked down and lifted up my shirt, my eyes immediately widened, and I pressed both hands against my stomach. I guess it's totally true what they say about "popping," because when I'd gone to bed however many hours earlier, I still looked like I'd just been overindulging for the holidays, and when I'd woken up, it had finally happened, I actually looked _pregnant._

"Hi, baby." I marveled, standing up to make sure the tiny bump was actual there, and when I was sure that it was, I didn't know whether to cry, laugh, or run half-naked down the stairs to show Brittany.

Opting for a fourth choice, I finished what I was doing, quickly washed my hands and brushed my teeth, and attempted to remain as calm as humanly possible as I made my way down the stairs. When I reached the first floor, I hardly noticed the fire that Brittany had already lit in the living room, but I  _did_ smell breakfast cooking. With my stomach growling at the thought of pancakes, I walked into the kitchen to see Annie sitting at the table drawing with her new markers, and Brittany at the stove with her back to me, flipping pancakes. Before I could do anything else, I needed to kiss my baby girl for the first time of the year, so I made my way to her side and grabbed her left hand in mine, squeezing it tightly.

"Morning, Mamí." Annie chirped, looking up from the drawing of a snowman in front of her. "Happy New Year."

" _Feliz año nuevo, mija._ " I smiled, kissing the top of her head and looking down at her picture. "That's a beautiful picture."

"Thank you!" She beamed, looking at it carefully before getting back to work.

Knowing that the brand new addition to my body was hidden under my loose sweatshirt, I made my way over to Brittany at the stove and wrapped my arms around her waist from behind, pressing my bump against her lower back. With a soft kiss to the back of her neck, I looked over her shoulder at what was on the stove and discreetly tugged at her free hand, sliding it up under my sweatshirt to rest just under my belly button. I could feel Britt's gasp against my body, and her hand run up the slope that had formed, before she quickly flipped the pancakes in the pan out onto a plate, and turned around to engulf me in her embrace.

"Mmhm." I mumbled in affirmation into her neck through the tears that had sprung to my eyes, my breath catching as Brittany's flat stomach pressed against the bump in mine. "Weird, right?"

"I think the weirdest part is that this happened on New Year's Day, I'm sure your mother would tell us some kind of superstition about it." Brittany whispered with a laugh, glancing over to check that Annie was distracted before slowly lifting my shirt to just below my breasts, keeping it concealed between our bodies, and looking down in amazement, continuing to run her hands over the taut skin there. "I just...wow, San, I didn't expect this today."

"I know." I whispered back, and caught her lips in a soft kiss.

"You look so, wow. I know you've been feeling kind of insecure, but you're just so, so beautiful, and I love watching your body change every single day." Brittany bit her bottom lip, and I placed my hand over where her's had come to rest. "And  _you,_ baby, I'm so glad to see you down there."

"I'm glad you talked me into buying those maternity pants the other day." I told her honestly, knowing that I'd kind of freaked out and yelled at Britt a little when she'd suggested I actually buy something when we'd gone shopping, rather than just browse like I'd done each time in the past. "I guess my jeans aren't going to fit me anymore."

"You'll definitely be more comfortable in something else." She said diplomatically, and I hugged her tightly once more before she turned back to the stove.

"We should probably, maybe do it today." I said quietly from her side, swallowing the butterflies in my stomach at the thought, and knowing that my wife knew exactly what I was talking about. "She's got a little hawk eye when it comes to pretty much everything."

"She's her Mamí's girl like that." Britt caught my eye as she poured more batter into the pan. "This was the plan though, right? And I'm still pretty sure it's better to just come out and tell her before she figures out that something is going on."

"Yeah." I sighed. "I know, it's just a big deal."

"The biggest." She nodded in agreement. "But I promise you, it's going to be fine."

"No, I know it will. You just know I don't do well with things like this."

"You do better than you think, honey." She turned her head and kissed me between my eyes, soothing the worry lines there. "Let's have breakfast, before we do anything."

"Okay. I like that idea." I gave her a small smile and felt her fingers graze once more over my midsection one last time before I turned back to the table. "Alrighty, Annie, let's put your things away, pancakes are up."

"Breakfast!" She cheered, gathering as many markers as she could in each of her little hands and dropping them back in the box. "Can we go outside today?"

"I don't think so,  _bebé_. It's still pretty blizzardy out there."

"Too much snow." Annie looked sadly over to the window, and though I'd normally agree with her, there was something about being trapped in the house (which, due to the fireplace, was much warmer downstairs than up) that was strangely appealing. "Can we play games?"

"Of course we can." Brittany promised. "We still have quite a few of your new ones from Santa to open up, and hopefully tomorrow, we'll finally be able to play out in the snow."

I hung the picture that Annie had been working on, which had turned from one snowman into two snowladies (complete with hair) and a little yellow haired snowgirl, up on the refrigerator, and set her marker box up on the counter. Brittany set our plates, mine with a double helping (so I was really hungry, whatever, I hardly ate for  _weeks_ ) on the table and cut up Annie's pancakes before pouring syrup over all three of our plates and sprinkling pomegranate seeds, one of my many superstitions, that one, to bring abundance in the coming year, over the top. We ate in relative silence, Britt and I stealing glances at our daughter, and then back at each other. Each year seemed to be bigger, better than the last, and perhaps the greatest feeling, at least for me, was that I'd grown past the point of having to go back to where I'd started the year, because each began and ended the same way, with my family, safe and sound inside the place we called home. Even as the storm raged on outside, even as the lights flickered occasionally from the force of the wind, there was no better morning to begin another.

* * *

Once the table had been cleared from breakfast, with Annie doing her part to help me load the dishwasher while Brittany made hot chocolate, I curled up under a blanket, my hands unable to stop finding their way to my stomach. Britt and Annie rifled through the pile of opened gifts that still sat under the tree (only a few days remaining before we'd have to clean it all up), until they settled on Yahtzee Junior, Chutes and Ladders, and  _Wizard of Oz_ Memory. Britt explained the rules of the games to the two of us, since I'd long forgotten, and we played for hours, still dressed in only our pajamas. I loved watching my daughter's look of intense concentration, and loved even more watching the patience with which Brittany helped her along without simply letting her win. It was mid-afternoon by the time we finished playing and had lunch, the snow still falling furiously outside, and after several tiny yawns escaped from Annie's lips, Britt carried her upstairs to nap. I spent ten minutes scrolling through my e-mails, knowing so much was still in flux with Show Your Brave, but needing some miraculous burst of inspiration that would have everything make sense. I responded to Andrea's e-mail that both wished me a happy New Year, and reiterated her plans to start dealing with things post-holiday craze, promising her that I'd be happy to meet one on one with her if she needed it. After reading several articles about mentorship programs, I looked up from the phone to see Brittany watching me with a smile.

"How long have you been there, creep?" I laughed, curling my index finger to call her over to me.

"I just love watching you work, all sexy and intense." She shrugged, ignoring my question and coming to sit beside me on the couch and setting the baby monitor on the coffee table. "Anything new and exciting?"

"Not so much, and the response on the grant is taking forever. Sometimes I feel like I bit off more than I can chew, and now adding another piece is just intensifying it. Plus, I kind of skipped an entire month of doing  _anything_ when I was so sick."

"San, I've watched you work on this for over three years, you've poured your heart and soul into doing it right, and you've done all that pretty much in between being a full time mom. But where you're at now, it's sort of the same as when I'm finishing up a dance, where there a certain parts that are choppy, and it feels like it takes more to smooth that out than to create something from scratch."

"That's exactly what it is, Britt. And I'm so glad Andrea told me what she did about thinking this needs something more, but I just can't figure out how to make that happen. It's frustrating, and I know that I've kind of been slacking because of our biggest things." I once again ran my hand over my belly and glanced over at the baby monitor. They  _were_ the most important, but given where I'd come from, it was also infinitely important to me to be able to change some tiny part of the world.

"Slacking is a strong word, and in your vocabulary, it means something entirely different than most other people's. You use so many of your spare moments to work. The other day, I watched you researching on the iPad while cooking dinner. Next week, Annie goes back to school, I go back to work, and you're feeling so much better, so you can sit in the office and actually work uninterrupted."

"If I don't fall asleep." I let out a little laugh, dropping my head to rest on Brittany's shoulder, and kissing the side of her neck. "When does the crazy amount of energy and unending desire to have sex come?"

"It'll come, I hope." She pressed her lips just below my ear, her laughter tickling me there, and I sighed. It wasn't that we weren't having sex, I hadn't turned into Rachel, it was just that my own sensitivities about my body had made me shy slightly from Brittany's touch. She recognized it almost immediately when she was, more often than not, on the receiving end, and despite her whispers against my skin of how beautiful I was, I would usually curl up into her and close my eyes before she could reciprocate. "Are you tired now?"

"Unfortunately, I probably could have taken a nap an hour ago. Will you lay with me if I rest?"

"You know it." She smiled, and stood from the couch, grabbing the warm blanket we kept in the closet. When she came back over to me, I'd already lied down, and gently lifted my shirt back up, pressing her lips against the swell, and I knew she'd been waiting all morning to do that. "Hi there, baby. You should see how pretty your Mamí looks right now."

"Britt." I felt my cheeks heat up at the way her eyes found mine at those words, knowing that she was really talking to me through the baby.

"It's okay, she doesn't realize it either, but seeing the two of you together like this is one of the most beautiful things in the entire world. It seems like every day and every week flies by so fast, soon I'll be able to feel your little kicks, and not so long after that, I'll finally get to meet you and hold you tight in my arms. I love you so much already, little one." She whispered over my stomach, and (shockingly) I felt tears spring to my eyes at how beautiful  _she_ was, kneeling over me. With one last kiss there, she slipped in behind me, one arm wrapping around my chest and the other cradling my midsection, knowing that it was the way I slept most comfortably.

* * *

I woke up to the sounds of Annie singing  _Kookaburra_ , presumably to Milky Way, over the baby monitor, and I felt Brittany attempt to slip out from behind me without waking me up. Before she could, I caught her arm, letting her know I was awake, and I turned in her arms to sneak another kiss from her before we went up to our daughter's room. It was time, I felt more confident about that than before I'd fallen asleep, and I nodded to Britt, the words not necessary for her to understand what I was thinking. Together, we made our way up the stairs, and I stood for just a brief moment in Annalise's doorway, watching her cradle her unicorn in her arms and continue singing to him while Brittany went to our bedroom to get the book we'd planned to give to our girl when we told her the news.

"Hi." Brittany smiled as she entered, folding up Annie's quilt and sitting down beside her on the bed before gesturing for me to join them. "Did you have a nice nap?"

"Sure did, Mama. But Milky Way was feeling a little bit lonely, because I forgot to play with him all day today." She held him up to Brittany, and she kissed him on the nose before I followed suit.

"I'm sure he's much happier now that he had some special Annie time, huh?" I asked, playfully tugging Milky Way's white and silver tail.

"Course he is. And I feel better too, knowing he's not so sad."

"Good." Britt said as I leaned back against the pillows of the bed and Annie snuggled into my side. "Do you think Mamí and I can borrow you from him for a little while, so we can talk to you?"

"Sure." Annie grinned, handing Milky Way to me so I could set him on her nightstand. "Whatcha wanna talk about?"

"Well." I breathed, feeling Brittany's hand squeeze mine as she settled in on Annie's other side, still concealing the book that was in her hand. "Mama's gonna read you a story first, okay?"

"Our  _Plum Creek_ book?" She asked, raising her eyebrows hopefully about starting the fourth book in our  _Little House_ series.

"We can read that later." Brittany promised, turning the new copy of  _Hello Baby_ over in her lap, the book that, upon my extensive internet research about the best book for soon-to-be older siblings ranked the best. "First, we have another brand new story for you."

"What's it about?" She asked, scrunching up her little forehead and scrutinizing the cover intently.

"Let's read it and see." I wrapped my arm tighter around her, and nodded to Britt to start reading.

As Brittany read through the book, I watched our daughter, waiting to see when the realization dawned on her about why we were reading it. I was pretty sure that it hadn't come, even as my wife reached the very end, the little boy in the story helping to soothe his new sibling. When Britt closed the book, there were a few moments of silence, with Annie's head still tucked into my side, her hand clinging tightly to my shirt, possibly still oblivious to what lie beneath there.

" _Mija,_ did you understand what the book was about?" I asked, studying her little face. I noticed that she didn't look up at me as I asked the question, and I bit my lip, not sure where to go next.

"Somebody's having a baby." Annie said finally, very, very quietly. "Is it Uncle Kurtsy and Uncle Blaine?"

"No, sweetheart." Brittany said just as quietly, her head resting against my shoulder so she was closer to our daughter. "It's not your uncles, it's me and Mamí, and you too."

"You already  _have_ a baby." Annie's eyes widened, and she looked up at me, the beginnings of tears forming in them.

It was one of those moments in motherhood where I felt like the rug was being ripped out from under me, and I was at a literal loss for words. Frantically, my daughter looked between Brittany and I, tears already starting to stream down her face, and when I attempted to squeeze her in a hug, for the first time in her life, she pulled away from me, effectively breaking my heart.

"Annalise, baby, talk to us." Brittany pleaded.

"No." She shook her head, and rolled away from me so she was face down on the bed, her tiny body shaking furiously under the weight of her emotions.

There was nothing we could say in that moment, not until she calmed down enough so we could talk to her, both Brittany and I knew that from experience. While Britt rubbed up and down her back, trying to soothe her, I refused to let go of my little girl's hand as my own tears ran hot against my cheeks. My heart raced, not even sure why Annie was so upset, and feeling like every one of my fears about this not going well had been realized. Change, that's probably what it was, the fear in her tiny heart that something she didn't quite understand would change everything she knew about the world. Laying down so my face was level with hers, still buried in the pillow, I did the only thing I knew that might help the situation, I started to sing.

_She's got eyes of the bluest skies_

_As if they thought of rain_

_I hate to look into those eyes_

_And see an ounce of pain_

Remotely, I could register the sound of Brittany's voice singing in our daughter's other ear, and scary as anything else was the heartache and uncertainty that I could hear reflected in the notes that flowed from her mouth, the same emotions I knew were mirrored in mine. I don't think either of us could let our girl go, even though she didn't believe she wanted us there, so we didn't, we held Annie still tighter, knowing how the smallest thing could set her off, and also knowing, as Brittany had said earlier, that we'd just revealed the  _biggest_  thing, something that truly  _would_ change all that the three of us, in our safe little bubble, knew. It wasn't in the scary way that my sweet beautiful daughter somehow processed with a few short words, but a change, nonetheless.

_Her hair reminds me_

_of a warm safe place_

_Where as a child I'd hide_

_And pray for the thunder_

_And the rain_

_To quietly pass me by_

_Sweet child o' mine_

_Sweet love of mine_

"We love you, so very much." Brittany brushed Annie's hair back lovingly, and tied it into a ponytail as I reached over and tucked Milky Way under her arm.

I wasn't sure how much time actually passed with the three of us laying there, the sparsest words of love and encouragement whispered into our daughter's hair from the two of us, but when the sobs that escaped from Annie's small body seemed slightly less wracking, I felt my breathing slow just the smallest amount. In that moment, it wasn't about Brittany and I, it wasn't about the other small child that rested safely inside my body, it was just about making sure that our terrified daughter was okay. When she finally rolled back over, still avoiding our gaze, after what felt like an eternity, I deferred to Britt, knowing that she had a much better idea about being a big sister than I did, and knowing that even if that wasn't the case, there were some things that she was just inherently better at.

"You already have a baby." Annie repeated, her eyes rimmed with red and her cheeks streaked with tears as she hugged Milky Way tight against her chest, her face half buried in his fur.

"Sweet girl." Brittany took one of Annie's little hands in between hers, and I was glad that she didn't yank it away. "You will always,  _always_ be our baby, forever and a day, no matter how big you get, and no matter who this new baby turns out to be. Do you understand that?"

"But how can I be your baby if you have another baby?" She asked, tears welling up again in her eyes again as she stared at Brittany's stomach. From that, I realized that knowing  _she_ had grown in there, she thought that's where the new baby was, and I silently tried to communicate as much to my wife.

"Let me tell you something, Annalise. When you were very, very small, your Mamí told me something about what you did to her. Do you remember the story of  _How the Grinch Stole Christmas?"_

"Mmhm." Annie nodded, and I resumed rubbing her back as Brittany spoke.

"Before you were born, your Mamí and I loved each other with our whole entire hearts." Britt told her, looking over at me to make sure that I wasn't breaking down. "But then you were born, and it seemed like our hearts weren't even big enough anymore to fit all the love that we felt for you inside. One night, you and Mamí and I were sitting in the hospital, and she was holding you tightly, and she told me that she felt like the Grinch, do you know why?"

"No." Annie looked over to me, and Britt smiled softly at me, giving me the go-ahead to tell the next part.

"Because you were so tiny, and somehow, just looking at you made my heart grow so, so much bigger than it ever was before, because all the love I had for you and Mama needed some place to go. And do you know what happened after that?" Annie shook her head, and I continued. "I didn't stop loving Mama with my whole heart, and then I also loved you with that same heart, except that because it was so much bigger, I got to love you both even more."

"And I feel the same way, sweetheart. And us having another baby, a tiny little brother or sister for you to teach and love and protect, that doesn't change the most important thing in the world, how much we all love each other, and how much bigger our hearts will get when we have someone else to love. It's just like how Grammy and Poppy love me and Aunt Lizzie just the same, even though she came after me."

"I don't know." Annie buried her face in Milky Way's fur again, her eyes peeking up to glance between both of her moms.

" _Mi amor_." I leaned over and kissed her top of her head, hugging her so tightly against me like I'd never let her go. "We still have a very long time to figure everything out, because the baby is still very small, and has a lot of growing to do before they can come out and be here with us."

"When does the baby get here?" Annie asked, slowly lowering Milky Way from her face.

"Probably not until after your birthday." Brittany told her, and made an oval with her hands the size of a lemon. "They're only about this big right now."

"That's really tiny." She said, putting her hand's on top of Britt's.

"It is." Brittany smiled, sensing that our daughter was starting to warm up to the idea of another little Lopez-Pierce. "But they'll be much bigger by the time they come out of Mamí's belly."

"The baby is in  _your_ belly?" Annie's eyes widened again as she eyed my stomach.

"Yes." I confirmed, glancing down nervously.

"Oh." She stared at my clothed stomach, and Brittany took over rubbing her back. "Can I see it?"

"Of course you can,  _corazoncita_." I slowly raised up my shirt, Brittany's eyes locked on mine as I did so. Tentatively, Annie reached out her right hand, and with her index finger, she gently tapped against my protruding abdomen.

"That's weird." Annie nearly whispered, and I couldn't help but laugh, thinking that it was exactly my reaction earlier in the day. "Can the baby hear me?"

"We think so." Brittany told her, and though we both knew that they probably couldn't for another few weeks, that hadn't stopped  _us_ from talking.

"Hi, small baby." Annie managed to get out, her finger spiraling over my skin. "My name is Annie Lopez-Pierce, and some day after I'm five, I'm going to meet you. You should be really nice to my Mamí, because one time, she had a bug in her that made her super sick, and I hope you don't do that."

Brittany and I watched, slightly awestruck, as Annie just looked at me, and became slightly more bold, pressing her palm flat against the little bump. When she finally stopped, pulling down my shirt like she would to one of her dolls, she curled back up into my side, tugging Britt down beside us. The three of us lay there in silence, my wife and I processing the moment, and our daughter still very deep in thought. I knew her little mind was formulating a thousand questions, and I knew she wasn't quite ready to ask them. I watched Brittany's fingers run through Annie's hair, pulling out the messy ponytail in the process, and pressed a soft kiss to her head before Brittany softly kissed my lips, making sure I knew that it was going to be okay.

"You know you'll always be our special girl, right Bean?" Brittany asked.

"I know, Mama." Annie nodded solemnly, and I reached over to brush the residual tears from under her eyes.

"You can always ask us any questions you want." Britt added. "And we're going to spend lots of special time with you, just us three. If you want, you can help us with lots of things to get ready for the baby, and come to Mamí's doctor with us, just like in the story, the same doctor who helped you and me when you were first born, in a few weeks."

"Okay." She said hesitantly. "I love you Mama, and I love you too Mamí."

"Oh, Annie girl." My breath hitched, tears filling my eyes, as I watched Brittany kiss Annie's cheeks. "You don't even know how much I love you."

* * *

Annie was, as I expected, very quiet throughout the rest of the day, even as we played more games, had dinner, and read  _five_ chapters (the most we'd ever read in one sitting) of  _On the Banks of Plum Creek_. She was okay, and would be even better as time went by, I knew that Brittany was right, but neither of us could resist being slightly concerned. We were sure to hug her a little tighter than normal, show her how much we truly loved our first child, and didn't mention the baby unless Annie brought it up. Just before bedtime, after our daughter was bathed and put in her pajamas, Brittany had gone to get her some milk from downstairs, and I sat on her bed, watching her shift her weight nervously from foot to foot.

"What's wrong,  _mija?_ " I asked, holding out my arms for her to come into. When she came to me, I gathered her up, rocking her softly and humming one of the many songs I'd written for her over the years.

"I'm sorry I made you cry, Mamí." She finally spoke, burying her head against my chest. I hadn't even realize she'd noticed my tears earlier in the day, but I hugged her still tighter.

"It's okay, Annalise." I promised, and she wrapped her arms around my neck. "You know it's okay to be scared, and I know you were a little scared today."

"I'm a little bit excited too." She whispered, as if she was afraid to speak the words any louder than that.

"Good, I'm glad to hear that, because part of the reason Mama and I wanted to have another baby, is because we thought you'd like it to always have someone here to play with you."

"I would." Annie said earnestly, and Brittany walked back into the room, setting the milk on the nightstand before sitting beside me on the bed and wrapping an arm around my waist. "I have this for you."

" _Gracias."_ I took the folded paper from her hand, and carefully opened it up, stopping the tears, as happy as they were, before they fell. It was the picture she'd drawn before breakfast, of the three of us as snowpeople, but drawn in the center circle of the brunette snowlady was what appeared to be a very tiny, very hairless little snowbaby.

"Baby girl, this is beautiful." Brittany squeezed her arm, looking at the picture in my hands.

"That's the baby inside SnowMamí's belly." Annie pointed.

"I see that." I smiled brightly, feeling more relief than I had since we'd broken the news. As horrible as it was when Annie was sad, I was eternally grateful for the fact that once we were able to talk her through things, she  _did_ bounce back relatively quickly. "I'm going to hang this up in mine and Mama's room, because it's so special."

* * *

It didn't surprise me, how quickly Annie went down to sleep, after the exhaustion of all the emotions that had poured out of her body. The two of us kissed her a few extra times before we left her to sleep, making sure Milky Way was tucked close to her, and the extra blanket from the closet was wrapped tightly around her so she wouldn't get cold as she slept. Not ready for bed yet, although I  _was_ tired again, Britt and I went back downstairs, and I went into the kitchen to get the last container of Christmas cookies before sinking down on the couch with the remote control. Britt settled next to me, pulling my feet up into her lap.

"All I want right now is to watch brain dead TV and eat chocolate." I sighed, dropping my head back on the arm rest and flipping to some  _Will & Grace _marathon on Lifetime.

"I hear you on that, Santana." Brittany snatched the cookies out of my hand and dug out a chocolate chip one. "This was definitely one of those hard mom days, huh?"

"Yeah, one of the hardest. If it hadn't ended on that really, really sweet note, I would have been seriously concerned for how our year was going to go."

"You and those superstitions." She laughed, shaking her head. "It's going to be another beautiful year, honey, I can feel it."

"Well, we've definitely got a lot to be excited for." I agreed. "I love you Britt, even more this year than last."

"Here's to that." Brittany held up her cookie and tapped it against mine, "cheers-ing" the same way Annie so often did. "And to even bigger hearts in the future."


	18. Edelweiss

Just as quickly as our tree was taken down, the decorations were stored in the attic, and the gifts found their way into closets and toy bins, Christmastime was officially over and life returned to it's previous normalcy. But even with that return, things had become significantly different than their pre-holiday state. With the physical reminder of my pregnancy prominent (and lovingly rubbed with cocoa butter every night by my beautiful wife) and stacks of maternity clothes purchased and tucked away in drawers, I was hit full force with the realization that in less than six months we would have a newborn in the house again. Considering how much I needed to have done, both in my personal and professional life, in that amount of time, the moment I dropped Annie off at her first day back at school I really reined in my wandering mind and buckled down on the tasks at hand.

Not trusting myself to be in a place chock full of beds and couches, for fear of sleeping away all of my free hours, I became one of those people who insist upon doing all of their work in a goddamn Starbucks. Luckily for me, the end of the holiday season finally meant the end of the pumpkin craze (because despite the end of my morning sickness, I was still fairly certain that I could never stand to be around that smell again), and I was able to work relatively uninterrupted, my headphones drowning out the sounds of any person within earshot, at the tiny table in the window of the coffee chain just around the corner from Annie's school. Fighting my seemingly never ending exhaustion, I worked through the first two weeks of January, some days, late into the night after Britt and I switched off parenting duties, and in that time, a more solid foundation for my program seemed to take shape.

Although the changes had yet to be put into action (there was still the not-so-small matter of finding people who would be willing to volunteer as one-on-one mentors), I went to Finn's school on the second Friday of the month with a newfound confidence. Dressed in leggings and an oversized sweater, because baby bump or not, I wasn't quite ready to basically hold up a flashing neon  _Baby On Board_  sign for all the world to see, I drove out to Brooklyn and made my way to Finn's classroom. Knocking on the partially opened door, I poked my head inside.

"Hey!" Finn called out and waved me into the room. "You're early."

"I know, for once in my life, right? I'm going to talk to Andrea for a little while before I have to do crowd control on all the kids who are just knocking down the door to hang out with me. Thanks for letting me combine with your PFLAG meeting today, I didn't really feel like hearing the sound of crickets all afternoon." I rolled my eyes with a smile, letting Finn know that I was genuinely kidding and not being self-depreciating for once. "But I wanted to pop in and say hi to you beforehand anyway, and, you know, let you see me so you could call and prepare your crazy wife."

"She's better when she doesn't have Kurt riling her up." Finn grinned, standing up from his desk to give me a hug.

"Yeah, yeah, I know. You know I love Rachel, but if I wasn't thinking obnoxious things about her in my head, I wouldn't be able to handle it. And I just really,  _really_  don't want her to make a huge deal about me tonight, especially with things being so fragile with Annie right now."

"The pitfalls of having a smart kid, huh?" He squeezed my arm. "If we told Brice we were having another baby, he'd probably be like ' _K, gimme another cookie_ ' you know?"

"My wonderfully articulate godson. Guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree." I teased.

"How's she doing though, in all seriousness?"

"She's...doing." I pulled out one of the metal desk chairs and sat down, propping my feet up on the rungs of another. "She's definitely clingier than normal, which I'm totally fine with, honestly. But the weird thing is that sometimes she'll run up to me and just wrap her little arms around my waist, and it's like I  _know_ she's not just hugging me, she's hugging the baby too. But other than that, Annie has literally not mentioned it  _once_ since the night we told her."

"Well, Santana." I looked at Finn, who had pulled up a chair across from me and had the slightest curl of a smile on his lips. "Sometimes, I swear, your genetics managed to make your way into her."

"I know!" I nearly yelped, having thought the same thing myself days earlier. "That's such a Lopez move, not talking about things. How the hell has Britt put up with me for so long?"

"Because she knows that when you finally  _do_ accept things, you take them incredibly seriously. Annie's going to be a great big sister, she just needs some more time to fully embrace it."

"Yeah. It's just hard for me to not be able to see what's happening in that little head of hers. I want to hold her forever and tell her that everything will always be okay, mother's instinct, you know?"

"Parental instinct in general." Finn corrected, and I pretended to smooth my shirt, but my friend's soft smile let me know that he caught on to exactly what I was doing. "You do look great though, honestly. It feels so good to see you like this."

"That sounds so creepy." I laughed.

"Hey, you know what I mean."

"Unfortunately I do, you know I get those  _I'm so happy for you experience something I wasn't sure you'd live to do_ looks from my mother on a regular basis. It's  _so_ fun having to lift up my shirt for her and Susan basically every day now that I'm showing."

"You know I can see your face right now, right? I've known you long enough to know when you secretly actually enjoy something you pretend not to. Like showtunes."

"That's  _still_ a secret Finn." I swatted his arm playfully. "But okay, fine, it's true. I thought I was going to be one of those women who absolutely hates being pregnant, and, like, bitches about it all day long, but even with the craptastic first trimester I had, I still kind of think it's awesome. You know me better than everyone else, except for Britt, so I feel like I can tell you all about my dorkiness. I kind of love the daily Maribel and Susan inquisition via FaceTime, I definitely love seeing Brittany so excited, and it's one of the greatest feelings in the world looking down and actually seeing signs that I'm growing a real person inside of me. But if you tell anyone I said that, I'll come haunt you in your sleep. Or worse, I'll feed your already hyperactive son lots and lots of sugar."

"You know I always keep your secrets, Santana." He told me, and I smiled genuinely, knowing how important it was for me to have someone like Finn Hudson in my life.

* * *

After a little while longer of talking to Finn about the monotony that was our everyday lives, I made my way down the hall into the empty choir room where he had arranged to have his students meet a little later. When I got to the door, I smiled, seeing Andrea waiting nervously outside the door. Not wanting to betray her secret, I unlocked the door and watched her look tentatively around before following me inside. She was taking baby steps, and although I hardly knew the girl, I felt a strange sense of pride watching her inch along, leading up to steps that I knew would grow progressively bigger as time passed,

"Hi." She smiled, taking a seat in the chair directly across from where I'd sat down at the piano. "Thanks for coming early to meet me, I don't want to be weird clingy, or whatever, but I just don't really have anyone else I can talk to about this."

"You're not being clingy at all." I assured her. "That's kind of the point here, for you to have a safe place to come, so you don't turn self destructive."

"I'm not going to." She promised. "So, I broke up with Mark."

"And how was that?"

"Good. Weird. I don't know. A relief, I guess. And I told my mom."

"You did?" I nearly gasped, trying desperately not to start flailing over the fact that I really felt like maybe, just maybe, I'd made a teeny tiny difference, and forced myself to remain focused on Andrea. "Andrea, that's  _awesome,_ like really, really awesome. How did it go?"

"Honestly? She hardly even reacted. I psyched myself up for this big deal, and she just gave me a hug and told me she loves me."

"You sound disappointed by that."

"No, God no, it just can't really be all that easy, can it?"

"I think it just depends on the kind of people you're around. I mean, it's 2024, it still sort of shocks me that the  _entire_  world hasn't moved past actually caring, but I think most people are beyond that. Telling your mom though, and having her be totally cool with it is so awesome. No matter how many other people you have to tell in your life, that will probably always be the one that was the hardest, and the one that was the most important."

"And it wasn't that bad, once it happened." She marveled, and hope sparkled in her eyes. "I don't know, I think I'm okay with being out, but the actual  _process_ of coming out to other people, and then having people talk is still weird for me. Does that make sense?"

"Yeah, you don't want to be a novelty. But, I'll tell you this, it probably won't last very long, it's high school, gossip is fleeting. You'll probably hear twenty-four hours worth if chatter, and then by the next day, some kid on the football team will have wet his pants at a party and you'll be old news."

"That happened last year." Andrea let out a giggle.

"I knew it. There's always one guy." I shook my head. "But listen, I don't want you to think I'm cheapening any of this for you, or putting pressure on you, I'm just letting you know that I felt the same way, and I couldn't even believe how quickly it all died. And that was in small town Ohio twelve years ago, where people didn't come out like they do in New York. But I also think you've already made two big steps, and I know I hardly know you, but I'm really proud of you."

"Thanks." She blushed a little bit and looked down. "I'm kind of proud of myself too."

"I brought you a little something." I said, pulling a small card with an attached pin out of my bag and handing it to her. The pin had actually been Brittany's idea, not just for Andrea, but for anyone who wanted to partake in this, at least in the future, when there was money to spend.

"Apple blossom?" Andrea asked, looking down at the pin.

"Edelweiss, actually. It's pretty ugly, but my mother-in-law is all about the meaning of flowers, and this is a good one for you to hang onto right now."

* * *

_It was the morning after_ **_it_ ** _happened. It, of course, meaning everything with Burt, Sue and Mr. Schu, the agonizing performance where it took literally everything in me not to break down on the stage, the slap, collapsing in a fit of sobs in Brittany's arms, with Mercedes having to drive us both back to her house, because she wouldn't let go of me (and I wouldn't let her) for even a seven minute drive, the dark, scary, mostly blurry night where Britt kissed every inch of my body, making sure that I felt totally and completely loved, even though the feelings of anger, fear and deep despair were threatening that. All of that had passed, once the sun began rising, signaling the end of the sleepless night, the beginning of things getting really, painfully real. Brittany's naked body was pressed against mine as we lie tangled in her sheets, and my hands gripped her wrists as if they were my last lifeline._

_"Tell me it was all a nightmare." I whispered, molten tears pricking the back of my eyes once again._

_"I wish I could, Santana. But more than that, I wish I could take away all the fear inside of you, I wish I could take away every person who might ever think to judge you, judge us." Brittany's lips were up against my ear, and the words comforted me and terrified me at the same time._

_"I have to tell my parents." I looked over at the clock that read 4:57am. I didn't know when exactly the commercial would air, the information Burt had was limited, but I_ **_did_ ** _know that sometime before the weekend ended, I'd be, to most of the world (or state, whatever) nothing more than Lima's own lesbian cheerleader, a pawn in a game I never asked to play. "Everything is going to change now."_

_"Not everything." She took my fingers and placed them over her heart, letting me feel the steady beat. "A lot of things, but not everything, not how we feel in here, no matter what."_

_"No matter what." I repeated, feeling her lips brush my fingers. There was a strange sense of calm as we lay in bed together, even with the biggest storm on the horizon, even with the day racing in, nothing would be real until I disentangled myself from her, from my Brittany, from the one person who just might make everything else worth it. "How do I tell them that I'm not the same girl I was when they saw me yesterday, Britt?"_

_"You." She kissed my lips fiercely. "You are exactly the same person you were yesterday, Santana Lopez. Don't you dare ever let anyone tell you differently, and anyone who thinks that does not deserve to know the girl I'm so hopelessly in love with."_

_"But my parents." I sighed, already projecting the worst possible reaction from them, and not feeling the ability to put it into words._

_"I know." Her voice softened from the previous intensity. "But I know that they love you, and I know that they're smart people. I don't believe that knowing the real you will change anything for them."_

_"I hope." A single tear fought it's way out of my eye and slid down my face, only to be brushed away with the softest kiss._

_"We can tell my parents first, if you want to." She said so quietly that I could barely hear her, and my heart clenched. With the cacophonous riot inside my mind, I'd all but forgotten how much this effected her too, how, as my girlfriend, she was essentially being cast into the hellfire right alongside me, and there she was, a willing sacrificial lamb, for my sake._

_"Really?" I asked, not sure how I felt about her voluntarily outing herself because of me, not sure how I felt about telling the people who had always accepted me like a daughter that I'd been basically lying to them for months. But was that scarier than telling my own parents? Absolutely not. "Britt, you don't have to-"_

_"Hey." She rolled over so she was on top of me and the intensity of her blue eyes burned into me. "I told you once that I'd be proud to be yours, and that hasn't changed. If you're out, I'm out. I'm okay with it. I'm not happy that it happened this way, no, actually, I'm furious that it did, I wanted you to be able to own it for yourself, whenever you were ready, but I'm not unhappy about the world knowing that I'm yours."_

_"I hope you know that I love you, so much." I pressed my lips firmly against hers. "And every single thing inside of me hurts worse than it ever has, except for that."_

_"I know that, because you could just as easily deny all of this, we could go on as we have been, in secret, but you're not. And I'm so proud of you for loving not only me, but_ **_yourself_ ** _enough to do that."_

_We existed like that, in Brittany's bed, for four more hours. Four more hours where we had a world that was made only for us, four more hours of both of us shedding tears, of me coming close to another breakdown (or twelve), of trying to believe that nothing but our love mattered. Of all the things in the world to break us from those moments, it was the sound of Justin Bieber blaring from just down the hall in ten-year-old Lizzie's room. Britt climbed out of bed, kissing me one last time before going into her drawers and tossing me sweatpants and a shirt that were in no way connected to the Cheerios, since I'd seriously been considering just quitting all together, after the grief that was being caused by my position as captain and fucking Sue Sylvester's sadistic ambition. Once we were both dressed, and ready as we'd ever be, we made our way downstairs to where Susan was cooking breakfast and Stephen was sitting reading the newspaper._

_"Morning, girls." Stephen looked up over the sport's section and nodded._

_"Hey, daddy." Britt smiled, and as soon as we sat down, she gripped my hand tightly under the table. "Mom, can you sit with us for a second? We need to talk to you both about something."_

_"Just give me a second." She turned back to the eggs in the pan, carefully scooping them out onto a serving dish and storming them in the warm oven._

_"Lizzie! Turn that awful music down!" Stephen shouted out. "God, I hope her taste in men someday is better than her taste in music."_

_"I prefer Alanis Morissette." I whispered to Britt, trying desperately to make light of the situation before my heart exploded right out of my chest and all over Susan's nice tablecloth._

_"I thought you liked blondes." She whispered back, a strong squeeze of my hand and a graze of her fingertips across the top of my thigh accompanying it._

_"Okay, what's up?" Susan sat down, gesturing to her husband to set the paper down. "Which of you is in trouble this time?"_

_"We're not." Brittany defended, although it definitely wasn't beyond plausible reason for her mom to think that. It had been all of two months since I'd lit the piano on fire, and less time than that since the two of us had hung all of Rory's tighty-whities on the fence surrounding the football field. "We're just...we've been hiding something for awhile, and there's kind of a deadline for us to tell you ourselves."_

_"Oh, dear God. I know you two do everything together, but please, please tell me that you didn't make a pregnancy pact, because I saw that on The View last month, and-"_

_"Ew, mom, no!" Brittany scrunched up her face in disgust. "We saw Quinn have a kid, and I can promise that won't be me for a long, long time."_

_"Yeah, me either." I swore, not yet knowing how many times people would assume I was pregnant because I had big news to share. Brittany tapped against our clasped hands under the table, and I gave her the smallest of nods, my stomach completely twisted in knots, before she slowly lifted them up to rest where they were visible._

_"Santana and I." She started, and I watched both of her parent's gazes flick to our hands, the real hand hold, not a best friends pinky link, and I felt tears start falling from my eyes like some kind of deranged idiot before quickly brushing them away. "We're together."_

_Both of her parents looked at us, obviously considering their reaction before another voice piped in from just outside the kitchen._

_"Obviously." I could hear the eye-roll in Liz's voice even without seeing her face. "I'm ten, and I would have figured that out, even if I hadn't read it in Brittany's diary."_

_"Liz!" Brittany snipped. "We're trying to have a serious conversation here."_

_"Why?" She walked into the room, hands on her hips. "Why's it even a big deal? Everybody knows you're like peanut butter and jelly, what's the difference anyway? You're gonna kiss and stuff now? Just don't do it in front of me, because kissing is gross."_

_"Lizzie, honey. This is something important to your sister and Santana. Either sit here quietly, or go back up to your room." Susan said softly, then looked back over at Britt and me. "But she is right about something, girls. It's not a big deal, at least in our house, and we're happy you felt comfortable enough to tell us."_

_"So you're not...mad?" I managed, the lump in my throat making it hard for me to swallow as I looked between the three Pierces who were watching us._

_"How could we be mad for you being who you are?" Susan asked, and I really didn't know the answer to that, and I especially didn't know how with Brittany's family, things that always felt so complicated sounded so simple._

_I didn't say anything else as Brittany told her family about the commercial (and Stephen questioned the legality of the entire situation), and sort of explained her own sexuality to them, while they sat patient and encouraging, even Liz. Wanting to give her a few moments alone with them, after the big reveal, I slowly slipped my hand from hers and made to stand up. With a kiss on my knuckles, such an intimate gesture in front of others for the first time, Britt let me go. I was glad I'd shoved my cigarettes in my sweatshirt pocket, because as ridiculous as it sounds, that first inhale of crappy nicotine filled smoke that rushed immediately through my veins made me feel like I could breathe again. I leaned back against the house, my free hand brushing against the brick, and I just let myself cry. We'd told Brittany's parents, they were fine with it, almost expected it, even, and yet everything still hurt so much. At school, I'd have to put on my tough bitch facade, but in that moment, I could just be Santana Lopez, the scared little girl who couldn't handle her own feelings. I'm not sure how long I was there, crying, smoking cigarette after cigarette, but it was Susan's presence that broke me from my own thoughts._

_"Mrs. Pierce, I, um, I-" I tried to hide the cigarette in my hand, but frowned when I looked down at the pile of butts that I'd dropped (so rudely) at my feet._

_"Santana Marie. Mrs. Pierce, really? You've never in your life called me that."_

_"Well...you just, I don't know. You've never been my_ **_girlfriend's_ ** _mom before." I avoided her eyes, never having used that term out loud._

_"All the more reason to drop the formalities. Give me those." She pointed to the cigarettes in my hand, and I reluctantly handed them over. Expecting her to confiscate them, I was shocked that she took one out and reached for my lighter before taking it to her lips and inhaling her own breath of smoke. "Honestly, you being Brittany's girlfriend doesn't bother in me in the least, you smoking,_ **_that_ ** _bothers me a lot. But I understand that right now you need one-or six, so I'll have one with you, and then I expect to never catch you out on my porch like this again."_

_"Okay." I agreed, finally looking up. "So you're really, honestly not mad?"_

_"Sweetheart, of course I'm not. I always knew that you looked at my daughter like she was something special. I didn't know the extent of it, but all that matters to me is that my girls, you included, are happy."_

_"She makes me so, so happy, Susan." I could feel the blush color my cheeks at that admission. "What about Mr.-um- Stephen? He's not going to go all Run Joey Run on me?"_

_"No, I can tell you there are three people he might try to kill right now, for putting you in a position like this, but you're not one of them." She draped an arm over my shoulder and pulled me close. "I can see how hard this is for you, all of it, and I'm sorry it has to be."_

_"My parents." I said for the dozenth time in less than twenty-four hours, still finding it difficult to complete that thought._

_"Love you." She said simply. "I know that you Lopezes don't usually talk about how you feel, but I've known your mother for longer than you've known my daughter, and she lights up when she talks about you. Your parents are good people, and I have faith that they know what's right."_

_"I hope." I repeated the same thing I'd said to Brittany earlier, and Susan dropped her cigarette, hugging me tightly against her as I let myself continue to cry. When I finally stopped and she pulled slowly away, she reached for the scissors she kept on the porch railing and clipped a large white blossom, pressing it into my hands._

_"Edelweiss."_

_"What's it mean?" I twirled the stem in my hand._

_"It's for courage. You showed a lot today, both of you girls did, but it could never hurt to have a reminder of that." I was the one that moved to hug her again, sighing in her embrace. "Just remember, Santana, you have it inside of you, and every one of us in this house believes fully in you."_

* * *

"It's for courage." I told Andrea, realizing I'd kind of zoned out for a second. "I get that it's still difficult inside, even if the world isn't totally out to get you, but you'll get to a point where it's not, just try to keep that in mind."

"I will. Thanks." She pinned the pewter flower inside her backpack and shifted awkwardly in her seat. "I was thinking, maybe I'd, like, stick around or something this afternoon. I mean, Mr. Hudson always says his PFLAG group is open to everyone, and that you don't have to be gay to come, so I was thinking I could just kind of blend in the background for now, see what it's all about."

"That's a great idea. It's nice to see the kind of community you can be a part of, Andrea. You never know who you'll meet, and what you'll learn about yourself if you stick around." I smiled warmly at her.

Andrea and I ended up talking for another twenty minutes before Finn came in, and high school kids that spanned the sexuality spectrum dribbled in after him. It was nice, sitting there with them, hearing them talk about what was going on in their lives, kind of getting a first hand perspective on what goes on in the minds of teenagers, since I  _was_ kind of far removed from that demographic. Even if it wasn't really the direction I was going in when it came to my own project, it was a good learning experience. Finn joined me in singing a little bit, grabbing the drumsticks while I played  _No Such Thing_ on the piano, and the kids all kind of came together to join in, a weird little jam session that meant more than I could even explain. Then, because my dear friend apparently loves the idea of me channeling my inner Holly Holliday, Finn told them that I once rapped in front of an audience, and once again wanting them to see me as a totally real (and much cooler than I actually am) person, I offered up a few lines of  _Fly._ All I could hope is that they'd tell their friends, maybe ones who needed by help more than they did, and I knew Finn was hoping exactly the same thing.

* * *

Before we left, Andrea gave me a small wave and smile, mouthing something that looked like  _I'll e-mail_ you, and the relaxed look on her face led me to believe that maybe being in that room had actually been beneficial to her. When we got out to my car, Finn held out his hand for my keys, and I didn't hesitate to toss them in his direction. Climbing into the passenger seat, I unzipped my boots and kicked them under the seat, pulling one foot at a time into my lap to rub at the swelling. The two of us were quiet as Finn drove back to Manhattan, I was kind of too tired to talk. Instead, I just started humming, catching my friend's half smirk when he'd realized that it was a certain song from  _The Sound of Music_ I had stuck in my head, and although I hadn't considered it, the unsung words were sort of fitting;  _may you bloom and grow forever._ Pulling up in front of the building, I sent Finn a grateful smile for not making me walk back from the garage (I seriously needed to sign up for prenatal yoga, because I was becoming one hell of a lazy bitch), and slipped on the flats I knew Brittany had stuffed in the glove compartment for me, before grabbing my boots and purse and making my way up the stairs.

"Mamí!" Annie cried as I walked in the door, running towards me and wrapping her arms around me the same way I'd described to Finn earlier. I bent at my knees, picking her up and then flopping back on the couch with her in my arms.

" _Hola mi amor._ How was your day?"

"Good! And it's gonna get even better, 'cuz my friends are coming over!"

"That they are." I kissed her nose as she curled up against me, just cuddling with her for a few minutes before saying anything else. "Where's Mama?"

"Making dinner. I was too excited to help, so I was coloring with my markers."

"Well." I sat back up from my nearly fully reclined position, knowing Britt was probably about five seconds from coming out to see me, and find out if I needed anything, but I wanted to get myself up and help her before she refused it. "I'm gonna go help her, okay? Maybe you can make some more pictures for us to hang up before Brice and Thoreau get here."

"Okay!" She bounced up off of me, giving me one more quick kiss before scrambling back into the playroom.

Kicking my shoes under the couch (which for some reason, I always forgot not to do, even though it drove Brittany absolutely insane), I stood up and walked to the kitchen. In the doorway, I paused watching Britt dance around with a wooden spoon in her hand, hips moving like she was doing some type of well choreographed number to the sound of boiling water. When she finally spun around so she was facing me, a huge grin spread across her face, and I stepped toward her, letting her take me in her arms to dance. We did that a lot, danced around the kitchen like we were some old Italian couple in a Prego commercial (only decidedly hotter and twice as female), and I absolutely loved that feeling of being held close and led wordlessly by the woman I loved and trusted more than anything in the world. Even with my growing belly between us, we still fit together perfectly, and I smiled into her kiss when we finally stopped dancing. She pressed her forehead against mine and reached down to graze her fingers over my bump, and I smiled again about how she always was quick to say hi to both of us.

"Looks like Annie's not the only one excited." I teased, standing on my tip toes to peer over Britt's shoulder and look into the pots on the stove. I wasn't surprised that she was cooking  _arroz con pollo,_ since we'd given Annie the choice, and she liked it even more when Brittany was the one to cook it (because, comically, my very white wife was so much better at cooking my mother's Mexican dishes than I was).

"I'm excited that  _she_ is excited, and I'm also glad we're finally having the O'Malley's over."

"Yeah, so am I. I feel shitty that it's taken us this long, but at least we've gotten the kids together in the park."

"I know. How are you feeling?"

"I'm good." I grabbed the brown bag of plantains before she tried to stop me, and leaned up against the counter to start slicing them. "Finn's PFLAG kids turned into a bunch of Glee Club-esque nerds the minute I touched the piano."

"I seem to remember someone else who reacted exactly the same way." She looked over from dumping the rice in the water.

"Oh, I know. I kind of forget what a closet nerd I am sometimes. Finn caught me humming  _The Sound of Music_ in the car tonight."

"You did it the other night too, when you were looking up edelweiss on the internet."

"Seriously?" I laughed, as she stuck a spoonful of beans in my mouth and I nodded my approval. "I think it's time to cut Rachel out of my life."

"Honey, Rachel didn't do this to you, she just made it okay for you to embrace it. I seem to remember you dancing on your bed in your underwear singing  _All That Jazz_ back when we were still trolling her MySpace."

" _Chicago_ is sexy,  _The Sound of Music_ is not."

"No, you're right, but it  _is_ adorable. Proving my point that somehow you're one of the few human beings who manage to be both sexy and adorable all at once."

"Eh, I try." I smirked, and sent her a look to let her know I felt exactly the same way about her.

* * *

When Finn came back from the garage, he let himself, and then Rachel, who had been dropped off with Brice by Dmitri (if I didn't stop letting everyone drive me around, I  _was_ going to turn into her) in the house. Annie and Brice were running from room to room excitedly, when the doorbell rang, and a loud shriek rang out from my daughter's mouth. Quickly scooping the rest of the rice into the serving dish and sticking it inside the oven, Brittany grabbed Annie by the hand and the three of us went together to answer the door. My heart melted as Annie tentatively moved to hug Thoreau and he wrapped his arms around her tightly.

"Hi, Annie's moms." He beamed up at us, shrugging his coat off into Jarrod's waiting hand.

"Annie, sweetheart." Britt bent down to whisper, not wanting to embarrass her. "What do you say?"

"Hi, Ro's dads." She squeaked out, blushing furiously as she looked up at lanky Jarrod and all six-foot-five of Christopher. "How come Emmy's not here?"

"She's havin' a sleepover." Thoreau told her, before the two of them ran off together to grab Brice out of Rachel's lap.

"Thanks for coming." Brittany smiled at the two men, taking the bakery box Chris handed her.

"Thanks for having us." Jarrod returned her smile and looked over to me. "So if we've heard right, it seems like congratulations are in order."

"How'd you...?" I looked over at Britt and she shook her head and shrugged, which I'd figured, since we'd decided not to make any kind of announcement beyond our inner circle, and just let people figure it out when they did.

"Ro came home from school last week and asked me if I could grow a baby in my belly like Annie's Mamí." Chris explained with a chuckle, and Brittany and I looked at each other before bursting out with laughter, and I couldn't help but feel a surge of happiness knowing that Annie was at least talking to  _someone_ about her new sibling. "I know. Sometimes I think we're doing  _too_ good of a job making sure our kids don't stereotype people."

"Normally, I'd say that wasn't a possibility, but the image of you as a gigantic pregnant man is making me consider otherwise." I grinned.

"Hey short stuff, he's not a giant." Jarrod teased, and I rolled my eyes playfully before Britt led us in to introduce Jarrod to Finn, and Chris to both of our friends.

* * *

Once we'd wrangled the kids for dinner, we all fell into easy conversation, which didn't actually surprise me, considering how well Britt and I interacted with the O'Malley's outside the house. When we were finished eating, Finn insisted on loading the dishwasher, and when the rest of us retired to the living room, where we could see the kids in the playroom through the windows. I scoffed at the chorus of  _aww's_ when Brittany brought me a cup of herbal tea and we had a silent conversation to make sure I was okay with it before she pulled my feet (clad in the Halloween black cat socks I'd snatched from her drawer) up into her lap to rub them. Normally, I would have been embarrassed at something like that when we had actual company, even though I did  _love_ my second favorite use of her fingers, but I actually didn't care in the slightest as her thumbs worked up and down the arch of my food.

"Wow Jar, maybe I  _should_ find a way to get pregnant." Chris joked. "You never rub my feet."

"Oh, don't even try to compare yourselves to Brittany and Santana." Rachel said, and I shot her a warning look. "If they weren't so cute, it would actually be sickening."

"Rachel, don't call me cute in front of company."

"In case you forgot, Santana, I'm company too."

"Oh, please. I lived with you for four years, you're about as much company as I am straight."

"Anyway." Brittany cut in, directing her own warning look at me before I squeezed her forearm in silent apology. "Christopher, tell Finn and Rachel about the book store, they've never been."

I listened intently (I was getting better at not zoning out on people) while Chris talked, and Finn was surprisingly interested in what I had to say. At some point, Brittany shifted so her arm was around my waist, and I rested my head on her shoulder, thoroughly enjoying that our daughter had made a friend with parents we actually liked.

"So Santana. Brittany said you were working today, but I realized that we've never talked about what it is you do." Jarrod wondered.

"Oh. Wow, that's weird. I guess I never think to talk about it. I'm actually in the beginning stages of developing this project where kids, I guess mostly gay kids, since I kind of have experience there, can use alternate creative outlets to work through their struggle." I told them, attempting to use some of the buzzwords I'd developed while doing my research. "Music was always really big in helping me get through my own things, and it wasn't until I was long out of high school that the so-called 'traditional' methods actually helped me."

"That's pretty awesome." Christopher said, looking sort-of impressed.

"Yeah, my wife  _is_  kind of awesome." Brittany pressed an adoring kiss to my temple.

"Thanks babe." I beamed. "But yeah, I'm sure you've Googled us, so you kind of know the deal."

"We haven't." Jarrod answered, and Brittany, Finn and Rachel all looked at him in shock.

"Really?" Finn asked, laughing a little bit. "Doesn't everyone Google everyone?"

"You've Googled  _us?_ " Chris looked equal surprised.

"Chris, Santana Googles what day of the week it is. I told her she should consider changing her middle name." Brittany smirked, and I flicked her shoulder.

"Wow. I feel kind of exposed." Jarrod told us, and I suddenly felt a little bit self-conscious, until the two of them burst out laughing. "We're  _kidding._ Yes, we checked you guys out, even though I think it's really creepy that every single one of us knows just a little bit too much, and it's kind of nice to have an actual conversation."

"I think your whole idea is pretty cool, especially considering..." Chris trailed off, not sure if what they knew about me was the kind of thing you discussed in polite company (which, there was some irony to, because it probably wasn't polite to  _Google_ people).

"Thanks." I nodded my head to let him know I understood without anyone having to go into the whole  _victim of a terrible hate crime_ scenario. "I'm actually looking for people who'd volunteer as mentors right now, since throwing a bunch of high school kids in a room and immediately expecting them to sing about their problems  _probably_ doesn't work the way I'd hoped."

"Count me in." Jarrod exclaimed, and I was so surprised to get such an immediate, enthusiastic reaction. Brittany had definitely been right when she'd told me that I just needed to start bringing it up in casual conversation, and I'd have people knocking down our door (okay, maybe a  _slight_ exaggeration, since I had exactly  _one_ volunteer).

"Seriously?"

"As a heart attack." He chuckled. "I was a gay foster kid in the South Bronx who ended up getting a scholarship to Fordham because I fought my way through a whole lot of adversity on my own. I'd love the chance to help other kids."

"Wow, that's awesome. I mean, not the foster kid part, God, sorry."

"It's okay, I get it." He grinned, but I still tucked my face into Brittany's neck for a second in embarrassment. "We'll talk more when I don't feel like we'd end up dominating the whole rest of the night, but I definitely want to be a part of it."

I was so ridiculously excited about Jarrod's offer to help, that I  _did_ find it difficult again to focus on anything else, but occasionally, I'd feel Brittany tug on my hand, reminding me to stay present, and I appreciated that so, so much from her. Eventually, the kids trickled back in, Brice rubbing his eyes tiredly, but Annie crawled up onto Brittany's lap and whispered something into her ear. Britt looked over at me with a soft smile, and I squeezed Annie's little foot.

"That's something you need to ask Mamí." Brittany whispered back to Annie, glancing around and the rest of the room, and I leaned closer to the two of them.

"Mamí." Annie looked at me very seriously. "Can I show 'Ro and Bricey where the baby lives?"

" _Mi amor."_ I was taken aback by her request, and I pulled her from Brittany's lap to squeeze her tightly. "If they want to see, then that's totally fine."

"M'kay." She slid off my body and I looked at Brittany.

"I guess if they're going to be friends with people with Pierce in their name, the O'Malley's better get used to people randomly disrobing, huh?" I asked, my eyes getting misty that Annie was actually talking about the baby, and wanted to show her friends that I was pregnant.

"Yeah, sounds like it." Brittany laughed, rubbing the heel of her hand under my belly button. "You're okay with it?"

"I mean, it's kind of weird, but when have I ever said no to Annie. But Rachel is  _not_ touching it."

"Not touching what?" Rachel asked, scrunching up her face in disgust.

"My stomach, what did you think?" I raised my eyebrows suggestively to her, and caught Jarrod laughing when he realized what I was insinuating. "Annie wants to show the boys. Sorry, O'Malley men, this is how we roll in the Lopez-Pierce house."

"Well  _this_ is something we didn't learn about you on Google." Jarrod laughed.

"And we're thankful for that." Brittany pressed her lips against my ear and whispered, causing me to blush, since I knew exactly what she was talking about.

Still feeling kind of shy about it, I let Brittany rest her hand against my wrist as I rolled up my sweater and slid down the Belly Band that was wrapped around my waist, leaving me hanging out in all my pregnant glory. Annie beamed proudly at me, and both Brittany and I were so completely surprised by that, that we gripped each other's hands tightly. Brice hardly seemed to notice, but Annie still held out her one little hand, stopping the boys from coming closer, as if she knew, in her own way, that there was something intimate about my pregnancy (even if half the world thinks pregnant bellies are public domain).

"Daddy, Papa!" Thoreau bounced up and down. "We  _really_ gotta get one of these! There's a real live baby in there, ya know!"

"Yeah, little man, there is." Jarrod grinned, stepping closer to pick up his son. "But we've got our hands full right now with you and Emmy. No more babies any time soon."

" 'S okay, 'Ro. Maybe you can visit my Mamí's baby." Annie offered, and Brittany scooped her back up onto her lap.

"Remember,  _mija."_ I said just loud enough for her and Brittany to hear me. "This is not just my baby, they're Mama's baby too, and your sister or brother."

"Sorry, I forgot." Annie looked down, and then dropped one hand to rest beside where Brittany's had fallen on my stomach. "You're all three of our baby in there."

The rest of the room seemed to fall away (seriously, such a bad habit), as Annie proudly announced that it was her baby too, and I let myself feel surrounded by my little family. In the back of my mind, I was so grateful for my oldest friends, who sat there conversing with our newest, so as not to intrude on the moment, I was grateful for new friends, who'd help me achieve the things I was working towards, but mostly, like I felt every time I'd spent a good chunk of my day talking about the past, I was so, so grateful for the present, for how far I'd come, and how far we all still had to go.


	19. Meet Me In Montauk

One of the biggest pitfalls of getting caught up in the insanity that comes with raising a family, having a wife who's extremely successful, and attempting to become some sort of superhero is actually finding time to have an entire weekend as Santana and Brittany, hence why we'd made it our Christmas tradition to plan one. Spending time alone together, beyond just the occasional date night, or lounging around the house was something that the two of us believed was vitally important to a healthy marriage, and when the final Friday of January rolled around, I don't think either of us could have been more excited about it. After dropping Annie off with the Hudson's, promising her that she could call us whenever she needed (we were still moms, after all), and giving her enough hugs and kisses to last for far longer than a weekend, Brittany and I were off.

Sitting in the passenger seat of the car (I did offer to drive, I swear), I reclined the seat back just far enough that I was comfortable, but not so far that I'd immediately pass out. Having finally resorted to wearing maternity clothes exclusively, I adjusted the elastic waist of my jeans and plugged my iPod into the radio, turning on the constantly updated version of  _Santana and Brittany's Infinite Playlist_ before settling back with Britt's right hand in my lap. I sat there, my thumb tracing over the spaces between her fingers, occasionally stopping to massage the heel of her hand, just because I knew it calmed her while she drove, and traffic getting out of the city was, as always, a major bitch. When I looked back up from her hand to her face, and caught her glancing at me from the corner of her eye, a sated smiled graced her lips. Squeezing her hand again, the two of us laughed, then proceeded to burst out singing when one of the oldest songs on our playlist started;  _they'll have theirs, and you'll have yours, and I'll have mine. And together we'll be fine._

"Did we pack any snacks, B?" I asked, after we'd been in the car for an hour, frowning slightly. By  _we._ I obviously meant Britt, since I was lucky I remembered to get  _myself_ in the car. I wasn't really hungry, but I hadn't been able to stop thinking about food since we'd passed the Arby's in Queens.

"In my bag. Have we ever been in the car for a drive longer than ten minutes without them?" She peeked over at me adoringly, stilling my frantic digging through the glove compartment. I grinned like an idiot when I opened her purse and spotted the familiar turquoise lid, and my smile grew even wider when I saw the small brown bag that was underneath the container.

"Wow. I love you." I sighed happily, unscrewing the top of the peanut butter and tearing open the bag of M&M's to dump them inside the jar.

"Are you talking to me, or Skippy the Squirrel?" Brittany teased, and I picked up her hand again to kiss the inside of her wrist.

"You, of course." I mumbled through the gigantic chocolately, peanut buttery spoonful, and then bit my lip sheepishly. "And also this, a little."

"Good to know." She laughed, as she grazed my bottom lip with her fingertip to remove the glob I left there, and then stuck it in her mouth.

"Want some?" I dipped the spoon in again, holding it out to her, but she shook her head.

"No, I'd much rather watch you enjoy it."

"You sure? It's like a freaking taste orgasm." I nearly moaned, then felt a small blush creep up my neck.

"Score! We're still in the car and I've already given you your first orgasm of the weekend? Success!" She laughed, but the tiny squint of her eyes gave away so much more.

"Like I'd ever doubt your success rate, baby?" I teased her back and kissed the palm of her hand, even with another spoonful of peanut butter in my mouth.

* * *

It was midday by the time we made it out to Montauk, and I was thoroughly surprised by the bleakness of it all. The previous two times we'd been out there were just at the start of the summer tourist season, with everything freshly painted, flowers bursting from boxes on every window and porch, and people in sunglasses and bathing suits clustered everywhere. The winter was different, the streets were empty, the lack of leaves on the trees made the snow covered beaches visible from the road, and there was something infinitely more romantic about the stillness and quiet of the entire beige and white scene. Although I felt sort of gross for eating like, half that damn jar of peanut butter (which I did eventually convince Britt to share with me), I was also still hungry for actual food. After we found a diner and had a quick lunch, we made our way to the hotel. An overeager, and probably completely bored, since there were only three other cars in the parking lot, porter insisted upon carrying our small weekend bags up to the room. Once we were left alone, Brittany flopped down on the bed, always eager to check how comfortable they were (hence the reason why we'd spent way more money than is probably normal on our mattress), and watching her throw her head back against the pillows, I felt something stir inside of me that I'd sort of began to worry had gone dormant.

"Hi." I climbed up over Brittany, straddling her thighs.

"Hey, you." She smiled, picking up her head to kiss me softly on the lips, a kiss that I felt the immediate urge to deepen. "What was that for?"

"I just love you like crazy, and you look really sexy right now." I tugged at the strings on the hood of her sweatshirt and kissed the hollow of her throat, my left hand sliding up to rest on the warm skin of her flat stomach. "Do we have anywhere we need to be? Or..."

"Nope." She popped the  _P_ and I wasn't sure how she managed to make something so cute sound so ridiculously sexy. "Just with you."

"Well, then I think we might be wearing too many clothes."

Sometimes, I became so stupidly bumbling and awkward when I was trying to be sexy (really, I had everyone fooled when they were convinced I was this sex goddess), and I continued to run my hands under Brittany's sweatshirt, just barely grazing the braless skin as my hands made their way higher. She was being too gentle, her kisses down my neck not enough for what I wanted. Britt knew that I was self-conscious, that I had been for months, and I saw the conflict in her eyes as she let her own hands roam down to the hem of my shirt, wanting to take it off, but not wanting me to curl back into myself like I had so many times in the past weeks. For some reason, my brain had this way of fucking with me, like, I was totally fine when she was looking at me shirtless to see the  _baby,_ but when we were in bed together, when I knew she was only looking at  _me,_ I got really weird, and had flat out refused to take my shirt off during sex since before Christmas.

Internally, I felt this unending sense of need, both her her to touch me, and for her to know that I  _wanted_ her to. Unlike my usual tendencies, I took the lead, pulling my shirt (or rather, her shirt) and sports bra over my head in one swift motion. My brain didn't even have a split second to concern itself with my awkwardness before I heard the hitch of Brittany's breath and watched her eyes dart across my body, completely illuminated by the daylight that seeped in through the glass doors to the balcony, and her fingers twitched at her sides, not sure exactly where to go. Taking her hands in my own, I kissed each fingertip before bringing them to my breasts, silently granting her permission to touch me in a way that somehow felt more intimate than ever before.

"You're so beautiful." She breathed, against my lips, and it was like no matter how many thousands of times she'd seen me naked, how many times she's said those exact words, they never failed to have this melting effect of me.

Her strong arm wrapped around my lower back, and she flipped me back onto the pillows, never breaking our kiss. We just lay there for a while, half of her body draped over mine, and the other half on the bed, exchanging kisses and soft touches, Brittany's eyes occasionally roaming back over my naked torso. I hadn't realized how much I'd been missing the feeling of her skin against mine, how much I craved it in that very moment. I worked my hands out from under her sweatshirt and quickly removed it, tossing it on top of my own shirt. When her nipples grazed mine, my entire body, so much more sensitive than normal, shivered, and I watched Brittany's eyes turn darker than the sapphires in her wedding ring.

"Touch me, Britt." My voice was hoarse with want as I whispered in her ear. "I want to, no, I  _need_ to feel you right now."

With a searing kiss and a final check of my eyes, Brittany lifted my hips from the bed and slid my pants down my legs before kicking off her own. I was giving myself to her completely, insecurities and all, and I loved her all the more for the way her hands caressed every inch of my skin. Slowly, she planted tender kisses over different areas of my body, and my hands moved up and down from the top of her thighs to the base of her neck. She laved extra attention everywhere I'd complained about (real or imaginary) swelling, and I gasped about a breath, a mixture of arousal and love washing over me. Tugging more roughly than I'd intended at her hair, I called Brittany's mouth back up to mine, and I found  _that_ kiss leaving me breathless.

"Need you now." I hummed, my left hand retreating from her hair and slowly, teasingly making it's way down between her legs.

Needing no further encouragement, I moaned deeply into my wife's mouth as her fingers entered me. It didn't take long before we worked up a steady rhythm, and our kisses turned sloppier, until our lips were barely brushing each other's, and Britt's forehead had fallen to rest on mine, our eye contact never breaking. I could hear how close Brittany was, and even in the state I was in, I watched her hold back as the coil inside of me wound tighter and tighter, possibly more so than ever, before it finally snapped. As I shuddered beneath her, I felt Brittany lose her own control, her face burying itself in my neck, my skin muffling her squeal of pleasure, and her hair muffling mine. I tried to regain my breath, but Britt's lips found mine again, and her kiss stole it away.

"I love you, babe." My breath hitched as she dropped herself on her side next to me, both of her arms cradling me possessively.

"More than the peanut butter?" She asked teasingly, and I pressed a kiss to her forehead, a wide smile growing on my face. Only Brittany was capable of giving me some kind of mind blowing orgasm, and then teasing me only moments later.

"So much more."

"I love you too, honey." She kissed my drooping eyelids, and I pressed myself impossibly closer to her, scratching gently up and down her lower back.

* * *

I hadn't really meant to fallen asleep, I'd just planned to rest my eyes for a moment (isn't  _that_ the oldest excuse in the book), but when I woke up, the sun was low in the sky. Apparently, my sleep had been deep, since Brittany had managed to slip from our embrace, having somehow managed to tuck me under the covers. I looked out the sliding door and saw her, bathed in the late afternoon light, bundled all up in her winter clothes and sitting in an Adirondack chair, staring out at the ocean. Rousing from bed, I wrapped my naked body in the fleece blanket we'd brought from home (we'd been known to have weird spontaneous winter picnics) and padded over to the mini-fridge and tea kettle, smiling when I saw packets of hot chocolate, and the  _fancy_ kind at that. While the water boiled in the kettle, I pulled on sweats and my own winter clothes. Once it was ready, I tucked the blanket under my arm and opened the balcony door with my foot. The instant she heard the door open, Brittany jumped from her seat, helping me with the mugs before the two of us squeezed into the chair together and covered our legs with the blanket.

"How long until sunset?" I asked, knowing how much she loved to watch them and that she'd absolutely checked the time.

"Twenty-five minutes. I'm glad you're up, you looked so peaceful in bed, but I was torn, because I kind of wanted to wake you up to watch with me."

"Always wake me up." I requested, kissing her cheeks and nose where the wind had turned them bright red. "I don't want to sleep our whole weekend away, this might be the last one we get until next year."

"As long as you're feeling okay at the beginning of June, we'll make some kind of weekend happen." She promised. "Even if we have to go stay at the Holiday Inn in Chinatown."

"Oooh, take my breath away with that one Brittany." I laughed, fanning myself in faux excitement. " _This_ , however, was an excellent choice."

"Why thank you. Do you know why I really wanted to come here again so much?"

"No, I thought it was just because it's where we went on our honeymoon."

"Well yeah, of course there's that." She took a sip of her hot chocolate before continuing. "But also, I think this is really where the two of us really started dreaming together again. It's where you told me you'd never count out singing completely, and then only a year later, sang to me and told me what you wanted to do with the rest of your life. It's where we talked about Bean like she was a person for the first time, even before she was born. We talked about buying a house and growing old together here, I don't know, I just feel like weird nostalgic about it, now that so many of our dreams have come true."

"They have. You know, I wasn't a dreamer before you."

"Oh, really?" She giggled, cutting me off with a quick kiss. "I didn't know that about you at all."

"Shh. I'm being serious. Anyway, now I'm watching good things happen for us all around, and I wonder why I didn't believe all along. Where do you think we'll be in twenty years?"

"I think that you and I will still be our same old goofy selves, like we'll never get too old to start jumping on the bed, or having a water fight in the kitchen while we're doing the dishes. We'll still be as in love as we've always been, because I think we've already figured out that what we have is so, so special. If the kids have moved out-which I know you probably hope they haven't." She ran her hand over the underside of my bump. "They'll come see us on the weekends, hopefully, since even I agree that they really can't live any farther than New Jersey, and they will be doing something that makes them so happy, whether they went to college or not."

"Because just like our parents, we won't force them into a different life than the one they really dream about."

"Exactly. And Annie, I just picture her even shorter than you, flying through our doors with her hair everywhere, wet from the rain with her boyfriend or girlfriend, who we're meeting for the first time. You'll get your cute frowny scrunchy face on."

"Because she will  _not_ be thirty in twenty years." I frowned, knowing I was making exactly the face Britt was talking about.

"And I'll kiss those lines on your forehead and say-"

" _Honey, c'mon, be nice._ " I laughed mimicking exactly the way she'd been saying it to me since high school, feeling warm inside at the contrast of that girl, in her Cheerios uniform back then, naked beside me at that very moment, and older, those cute little crow's feet at the corners of her eyes like her mom has, still able to calm me in the same exact ways. "And I'll try, because I know it'll make you and Annie happy, but I still won't be thrilled about the whole thing."

"This one." She tapped her fingers where her hand had fallen. "We don't even know what they're like yet, I mean, they could be the next President, or a doctor like your Papí, or they could be a part of some artist collective in Williamsburg, living in an apartment with like twelve other people."

"Oh God, don't say that."

"You'd the the first one at every art show." She nodded to punctuate her words, and she was absolutely right, President Lopez-Pierce, Dr. Lopez-Pierce, making art of of shit they find on the street Lopez-Pierce, whatever, I already loved this baby so damn much that anything they grew up to be would feel amazing to me. "And us. I'll probably have taken over for Rick by then, since I obviously can't dance forever, and I'll sit in an office trying not to tell other people how to do their job, while thinking about what I'm going to wear to the award ceremony where my beautiful wife is being honored for changing all kinds of lives."

"I like that vision, all of it." I rested my head on her shoulder, tucking the blanket further around us.

"It's a good one. But honestly, whatever happens, I'll be happens, I'm pretty sure it will be awesome."

Once sun had set in a deep pink blaze into the ocean, the temperature probably dropped about fifteen degrees, and Brittany and I hurried inside. Rather than get dressed in regular people clothes to go out to dinner, Britt had the genius idea of ordering the fanciest thing possible from room service and eating it on the floor in our pajamas, completely ignoring the fact that we  _did_ actually have a table. After we'd finished eating and FaceTimed with Annie, we ended up back in bed, for some reason watching  _Steel Magnolias_ , even though it managed to make both of us sob uncontrollably every single time. I didn't even make it halfway through before I'd fallen asleep, but it was probably better that way, not seeing a terrible ending like that after I'd just finished talking to my wife about all of our dreams.

* * *

For most of the next day, Brittany had us out and about, constantly checking to make sure that I wasn't too tired. Honestly, I wasn't, I was enjoying myself too much. We went to antique shops, searching, I guess, for some kind of buried treasure, but instead, ending up with an awesome vintage  _My Little Pony_ lunchbox for Annie, and some old seltzer bottles that I though would look cool in our kitchen. I  _did_ sneak a small nap in, passing out on the pregnant lady table during our couples massage at some cute little spa that overlooked the ocean, the touch of the woman doing it relieving so much tension in my lower back that I hadn't even realized was there. After we'd gone out to dinner, and relieved a different kid of tension, multiple times, I jumped out of bed excitedly, urging Brittany to put on clothes because I had a surprise for her.

"Where are we going?" She laughed as I dragged her out to our car, both of us bundled up tightly for the excursion that had actually been something Kurt had suggested to me when I told him I wanted to do something special for Brittany.

"It's a surprise." I singsonged, chivalrously opening the passenger door for her and shooing her inside,

"I have  _no_ idea what kind of surprise you have for me in the middle of an eleven degree night in the middle of nowhere."

"It's not the middle of the night." I protested, letting the car warm up before I started driving, knowing that the  _last_ thing I wanted was to end up stuck in the middle of nowhere on said eleven degree night.

"Okay, fair enough. But it's still freezing cold." She leaned over the console and kissed the corner of my mouth before turning my head to face her and kissing me fully. "And I can't even imagine where you could possibly be taking me."

"I know, and that makes it so much better. Kurt told me about this, and all I could think was how much you would love it. Even though it was your weekend to plan, I had to sneak this in somehow."

Following Kurt's directions, if you could really call them that, I drove toward the flashing light coming from the top of the lighthouse. I couldn't actually believe how completely dark the road was, like Brittany and I were the only two people remaining in civilization, and it was an eerily cool feeling. Of course, I couldn't help but think of how much proof it was about how far I'd come in just a few short years, driving around late at night like it was no big deal. As we pulled into a parking slip just outside the lighthouse, I let my eyes scan the beach during one flash of light. Seeing what was there, I felt a rush of excitement that Kurt hadn't been messing me with (not the he would, when it came to the formerly scared of the dark pregnant lady going out late at night, but still), I grabbed the flashlight and blanket out of the backseat before scrambling out of the car to get to Britt.

"Did you see?" I asked, hoping that she didn't.

"See what? It's basically pitch black except for when the light flashes." She wrapped her arm around my waist in the same tight way she always did at night, and even though we both knew she hadn't needed to do it in years, my body still automatically shifted closer to her.

"That's why I brought a flashlight, c'mon." I clicked the lock on the keypad and trained the flashlight ahead of us, leading her down the rocky slope to the desolate beach.

Careful not to direct the beam towards where I was taking her, I grinned every time the bright light flashed and I caught her blue eyes searching the beach. It wasn't until we got closer, and we were able to hear the deep, low barking that the realization hit her, and I swear, she used every ounce of control to stop herself from jumping up into my arms excitedly.

"How did you-" She cut her own words off with a hard kiss to my lips, and my own giddy laughter escaped into it. "Seals? Like real seals, in the wild? How did you even find this?"

"I keep Kurt around for something. He told me about them, and I just knew that it was such a  _you_ thing." I shrugged, and she didn't take her eyes off of me. "You know, you can look at me any time you want, this is kind of a once in a lifetime thing. And by once in a lifetime, I mean that I love you to death, but this is the only time in  _my_ life that you'll find me on a beach close to midnight in January. Turn around."

"Oh my God." She gasped as I turned her around and trained the flashlight on the jetty that was less than fifty feet ahead of us, standing on my tip toes to look over her shoulder with my arms around her waist. "There are dozens of them. And there are babies."

"Yeah, the babies are probably like three months old." I told her, unable to stop smiling at the way she was bouncing up and down on her toes, my chin brushing her shoulder on each bounce. "I did some research about it, because I'd figured you'd want to know."

"Seals  _and_ you doing research that doesn't involve what the odds of our baby being born with two heads are? What a night."

"You like it?" I asked, though I really didn't need to.

"No, I love it. I absolutely love it. This is definitely one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. Thank you, for bringing me here, and just for being my awesome wife." She turned her head quickly to sneak another kiss, but then couldn't keep her eyes off the seals. "Look, San, look at those two cute baby ones, flapping all over the place."

Eventually, I spread the blanket out on the ground, and Brittany sat, pulling me between her legs so we could help to keep each other warm. We just sat there, Britt occasionally nuzzling my neck in excitement, and me just squeezing both of her hands so tightly, so glad that I could still make her happy with a gesture that was so small. My eyes started to close, surrounded by her warmth as we were bathed in the light coming from above us, but then I felt it, and at first, I mistook it for that strange falling feeling in the pit of your stomach that jars you from sleep, but then I realized that it wasn't quite that, it was more like butterflies, but still different somehow.

"Britt." I whispered feeling like speaking any louder would taint that moment, and she hummed an acknowledgement in my ear. "Brittany. I think...I think I just felt the baby move."

"What?" She gasped. "Seriously?"

"I don't know. It was this weird, flutter feeling, right here." I pressed her palm flat against the right side of my stomach, even though I knew that I'd felt it so deep inside that she wouldn't be able to feel it yet. "Like a kernel of popcorn bursting open, or something."

"San." She choked out, her voice full of emotion. "You did. Our baby is moving around in there, and you can  _feel it."_

"I think they just did it again." The tears started running down my cheeks, and if my entire body didn't feel so warm from all the emotion, they probably would have burned from the cold. "Oh, God. I really wish you could feel this right now."

"I will, soon." Her fingers drew patterns across my clothed stomach, and I shuffled even further back into her. She pressed a lingering kiss behind my ear before tilting my head back so she could see my face, and I saw that the same tears were running down hers. "But I get to see you like this, and that's good enough for now."

"Now we've got another reason this place is magical for us, huh?" I pressed her hands further into my abdomen, just wanting the baby to know that she was there too.

"I guess so. Not that we needed another."


	20. Anxieties

It was definitely not something I got used to quickly, feeling our little bug, since that was the nickname we'd finally settled on, move inside of me. Every single time for the first week, I'd feel a flutter in my heart that matched the one in my uterus, and if Brittany was close by, I'd have to grab her hand and press it against wherever I'd felt it, just in case. Since we were nearing the halfway point, we started making plans, discussing bringing down Annie's old crib from the attic, considering nursery themes and figuring out what we'd have to buy in the coming weeks, but none of those plans had been set in stone yet. We wanted our daughter to be a part of it all, and though she was gradually warming to the idea, talking more about what was happening inside of me, tapping occasionally against the bump, and still giving me those sweet baby hugs, both Britt and I knew that we weren't quite at the point where she could think of the baby as an actual  _person_.

In addition to the burst of joy I felt with each little pop, I also felt an uncontrollable sense of anxiety course through me. Even though Dr. Singh had warned me that the hormones would probably cause that to happen, especially given my history of battling that dark force, it still didn't make it all that much easier to control. Like I usually did, I resorted to making lists, lists of everything from baby name ideas to relaxation techniques, which I kept tucked inside a small notebook that was in my purse. Mostly, I tried to clue Brittany in on what I was feeling, since I'd promised her multiple times, both before and after I'd gotten pregnant that I wouldn't shut her out of big things. Still though, it seemed, even with her innate ability to know exactly when I needed a hug and when I needed to be left alone, I was still spending far too many sleepless nights slipping from our bed, padding the floor, doing things on the computer in the office, drinking crappy Sleepytime Tea, and inevitably having to pee the second I lay back down, thus starting the cycle all over again. I was really trying not to act out, I was a grown woman and the way I'd dealt with my emotions in the past was clearly not acceptable anymore, but I'd be lying if I said I hadn't felt that old itch to slap someone for simply looking at me the wrong way on the subway.

On the morning of the first of my doctor's appointments that Annie would be accompanying us to, I'd spent an unnecessary amount of time digging through the closet and tossing out clothes before deciding on a long black shirt and leggings. I knew that Brittany was going to be taking a lot of pictures, it was a pretty big moment, and being able to channel my anxiety into something (even something as superficial as deciding what to wear) seemed to be helping. Britt had left work early I'd met her with the car outside of Annie's school, since we were headed to Brooklyn immediately after. The ride uptown was mostly silent, our daughter not really capable of speaking about how she felt, but when I reached behind me and she squeezed my hand, Brittany and I exchanged a smile. When we got to the office, Brittany talked softly to her, explaining what each of the various tools and machines in the room were, as I changed into my gown, and hefted myself up on to the exam table. Annie watched me curiously, but didn't do much besides throw me a tiny wave from Britt's lap, too caught up in trying to figure out the lay of the land in the room.

"Annie?" Brittany asked, trying to settle her nerves (and maybe ours as well). "Did you know that Dr. Singh was the first person in the whole world to ever see you?"

"Really?" Annie's eyes widened as she looked over to me and I nodded my affirmation.

"Yup, even before us. Remember how we told you that she helped us when you were first born?" Brittany asked, and Annie nodded."Well, she was the one who got you out of my belly. That's why she's Mamí's special doctor now, and she's going to get the new baby out of her belly too."

"Today?" Annie gasped, fisting Britt's shirt, her panic evident.

"No, no  _mija._ Remember, not until after your birthday, and after school is over."  _We hope_ , I added silently, a shiver running down my spine, and a pinch of anxiety hitting me at the mere thought of the baby coming early. I rubbed the underside of the swell in my midsection as I felt a small burst of movement, like the baby was trying to say  _relax, Ma._

"Okay." She said warily, and scooting up so I was in a sitting position, I gestured for Brittany to give her to me. Once she was settled on my lap, a position I'd yet to fully figure out how to make comfortable for both of us, I pressed a soft kiss to her hairline. Britt placed her hand between my shoulder blades, and I leaned back into her touch. "All that's going to happen today is that the doctor will give me a check up, I  _might_ have to be super brave for a needle, and then you'll get to see the baby on that little TV over there."

"Good afternoon, ladies." Dr. Singh opened the door and stepped inside before Annie could ask any more questions. "And who's this pretty little girl you've brought with you? That can't be little Miss Annalise, can it?"

Annie nodded shyly against my chest, and I hugged her against me, softly reassuring her that it was okay to say hello. With a kiss to the top of her head, I shifted my daughter back into Brittany's arms, and lay back down on the table. Shyly, Annie held tight to Britt, but gave a little wave and a smile to Dr. Singh.

"Can you believe that's our girl?" I beamed.

"She's certainly much bigger now." Dr. Singh smiled, and stepped over so she was in front of Britt and Annie. "Hi, Annalise. It's so very nice to see you again. I'm Dr. Singh."

"Hi." Annie squeaked, trying to meet the doctor's eyes. "Thanks for getting me out of Mama's belly."

"Not a problem." She laughed airily, extending her hand for Annie to shake. Tentatively, my daughter slipped her hand into Dr. Singh's, and Brittany and I both offered her reassuring smiles. "If you want, I think there are a few things you can help me with in just a little while. What do you say?"

"Doctor stuff?"

"Very important doctor stuff." Dr. Singh promised.

"My  _'Buelo_ is a doctor, but now he's 'tired."

"I think your mom may have told me that once or twice." She sent a look in my direction, and Brittany let out a low chuckle.  _Once or twice_ was definitely an understatement, and while it may have originally been a thinly veiled threat, back before I'd trusted the woman who'd saved my wife and daughter, it had now become something of a joke between us. "And that's why I trust you enough to help me with something like this."

"Okay." Annie said hesitantly, but it was impossible to miss the sense of pride that was shining in her eyes.

"Excellent." Dr. Singh released Annie's hand and settled herself on a stool at the end of the table. "Alright, Santana, hop up on the scale for me and let's get started."

With a groan, I got back up on the scale, expecting the numbers to shoot through the roof with how fat I'd been feeling. Apparently though, I hadn't gained enough weight, only eight pounds up from my pre-pregnancy number, and Dr. Singh gently scolded me about making sure I was eating enough, especially because I'd had so much trouble doing that in the first trimester. As usual, I kind of felt like a lab rat when I had to go pee in a damn cup, and then put on my bravest face for Annie as the doctor drew blood, but it was absolutely a comfort to me to see my daughter watch the entire thing with a look of pure fascination, and to see my wife smile adoringly at the two of us. I asked my usual thousand questions, this time, about fetal movement and other ways to shut my mind off, and she told me to keep going to yoga, and to keep myself conscious of my breathing. If I hadn't specifically chosen to have a natural experience, I totally would have rolled my eyes at that, but since I  _had,_ that was the best I was going to get.

"Okay, Annalise, I'm ready for your help now." Dr. Singh announced, as I unbuttoned the belly of the gown, and I felt myself choke up with both gratitude to the doctor for making Annie a part of the entire thing, and overwhelming pride in my daughter as she slowly peeled herself away from Brittany and took hesitant steps toward where Dr. Singh was sitting.

"What am I s'pposed to do?"

"Step up here." She pulled up a stool to the side of the table, and when Annie climbed up, her chin was peeking just over my belly.

"Hi, Mamí." She giggled, and I saw the camera flash before I realized that Britt was taking a picture.

"Hi,  _mi amor._ " I waved at her, my own responsive laugh thick with emotion.

"Your father would be so proud right now." Britt spoke close to my ear, and I caught her hand in mine. "Maybe  _she_ will be our doctor baby."

"It wouldn't surprise me in the least, Britt." I snuck a quick kiss while Dr. Singh handed Annie a bottle of what I presumed to be the blue ultrasound gel.

"How are we gonna see inside Mamí's skin?" Annie asked.

"This stuff." Dr. Singh gestured to the bottle. "It helps my machine send special waves inside her tummy that will let us see your new sister or brother. Are you ready to squeeze some for me?"

"Course." She nodded, and squeezed with both of her hands until I felt the gel touch my stomach and shivered a little from the coolness. "Does it hurt?"

"Nope, just a little chilly. You're doing great." I promised.

"Okay." Dr. Singh smiled, taking the gel back from Annie's hands. "Let's check out the baby, shall we?"

Brittany lifted Annie up from the stool and brought her over to sit on the edge of the exam table beside me. Our daughter stated intently (and completely skeptically) at the screen while we waited for the Doppler to pick up the heartbeat, and for the image of the baby to appear. The heartbeat came first, and Annie scrunched up her face, having never heard the sound before, and when the image appeared on the screen, her mouth fell open. She stared at the screen, still in some kind of disbelief, with her eyes wide.

"No way." She finally spoke, shaking her head. "That's not real, it looks like a real life baby. Mamí, you can't fit a real baby inside of you."

"What did you think it was going to look like, Annie?" Brittany asked, laughing a little bit.

"I don't know, but not like  _that!_ I thought it was a full baby after it was born. How's it even going to get out of there?"

"That's why we have Dr. Singh. She did a pretty great job with you." I reminded her, and met the doctor's eyes, knowing even that was an understatement.

"Guess so, but I'm not sure I was really a whole baby inside of Mama like that."

"You definitely were, sweetheart." Britt grinned. "Do you want to see?"

"How?" Annie looked at Brittany strangely. "I've been out of your belly for a very long time."

"Of course you have, but I brought a picture of you when you were just as old as the new baby."

I wrapped my arm around Annie's waist to keep her from slipping off the bed while Brittany went into her bag and pulled out the long ago sonogram picture. My eyes darted back and forth between Britt, Annie, the picture in her hands and the picture on the screen. I remembered the exact visit where the sonogram was taken, back when she hardly seemed real to  _me,_ so I kind of understood exactly the way my daughter felt. It was different this time, and not just because I was the one carrying the baby, but because I really realized, after we'd almost lost our girl, just how deep love runs, even before birth. I'd loved the little girl who was holding the fetal image of herself up next to the image of her new sibling so much more than I'd even been able to comprehend five years ago, and the fact that I actually  _could_ comprehend it during this pregnancy made everything so much more real, and so much more terrifying.

"This is still very weird." Annie said, and Brittany and I shared a laugh about it.

"It's still pretty weird for me too,  _mija._ Do you have any questions for us or for Dr. Singh?"

"I'm not sure yet." She said, curling into Britt as she continued to look at the screen.

"Well, if you think of anything, you can ask me any time." Dr. Singh smiled and after flicking off the monitor, she wiped the gel from my stomach. "But for now, I made an extra picture of the new baby for you, Annalise."

"Thank you Dr. Singh." She said, her voice nearly a whisper as another photo was pressed into her hands. "I gotta show this to Uncle Finn and Bricey and Thoreau."

Once the exam was finished, and Brittany had taken Annie out of the room to use the bathroom, I pulled my gown over my head and stared down for a minute at my naked belly, rubbing it lovingly. I had thought seeing the baby wriggling and whole on the screen again, hearing their strong, even heartbeat, having Dr. Singh tell me how well everything was going (minus the issue with my weight, which I'd do everything I could to fix), and watching my daughter come another step closer to understand what was going on would help to ease some of my growing anxiety. Instead though, it seemed it seemed to have the opposite effect. I felt weird and panicky, not nightmare panic attack worthy, like I'd been during Britt's pregnancy, but still, enough so that it was bothering me. With a long sigh, I got dressed, trying to push the unnecessary nagging feeling down, but I knew myself, it would take more than just thirty seconds of an internal pep talk.

* * *

Because it was still early in the day, the drive to Brooklyn was quick. Before I knew it (and before I could really get out of my head), Brittany was parking the car down the block from Rosa's, and unstrapping Annie from her carseat as I pulled the pie we'd brought out of the other side. Considering how much snow we'd had earlier in the winter, the thirty five degree February day felt pretty close to balmy, and I left my coat open, since it was a struggle to zip all the way anyway. Brittany hoisted Annie up on her hip and threaded her fingers through mine as we made our way down the block, towards my dear friend who we hadn't seen in entirely too long.

" _Dios mio,_ girls!" Rosa cried as soon as she opened up her door. "I was afraid there would be four of you by the time we managed to get together again."

"Oh,  _cállate_. Not out fault you've been half-snowbirding in Arizona with Benny." I teased, setting the pie in my hands down on the ledge of the stoop, and wrapping my arms tightly around her as Britt joined with Annie in a group hug. "At least you still come back to the city every once in awhile. I'm afraid he's going to want to move there and you'll leave us for good.

"Yeah, yeah, like I've been telling you for years, Brooklyn is my true love, nobody will get me to move anywhere else. Now come inside, it's freezing out here, and Santana, you don't zip up your coat and keep that baby warm?" She closed the door behind us and I rolled my eyes at her.

"Guilt trip over not visiting enough, yelling at me about zipping my coat, what's next Rosa? Or should I call you  _Abuela?_ " I joked.

"You wanted another grandmother, San." Brittany laughed. "And as far as they go, I'm pretty sure Rosa is the best kind to have."

" _Gracias_ , Brittany." Rosa kissed both of her cheeks and picked Annie up from the ground. "How's my favorite girl?"

" _Muy bien."_ Annie beamed, always glad when there was someone besides me around who she could speak Spanish to. " _Estoy emocionada porqué tengo una foto de nuestro bebé._ "

"That  _is_ exciting!" Rosa chirped, smiling down at the picture that Annie still clutched in her hands. She reached over to touch the swell of my stomach, and I knew she was one of very few people that I'd actually allow to do that.

Rosa insisted on Brittany and I sitting down at the table while she finished making our early dinner. Annie was completely wrapped up in the new sticker book she'd been given, and I laughed wholeheartedly when Rosa swatted my wife with her spoon as she stood up for the dozenth time to try and help her. Of course, when dinner was ready, I prepared myself for the gigantic (nearly double) helping that was piled on my plate, and Britt looked over at it approvingly.

"Are you trying to fatten me up for slaughter?" I laughed, but thought that even if she  _was_ , I'd happily do it on Rosa's  _pastelón._

"No, I'm just making sure that baby of yours knows they're never going to leave my house hungry. Right Annalise?"

" _Sí_ ,  _Tía._ " She nodded quickly, before shoveling a forkful into her mouth. "You should teach Mama to make this."

"I love that she wants you to learn, Brittany." Rosa chuckled, setting a pitcher of water down on the table. "That's pretty great."

_"¿Qué puedo decir?"_ Britt put on her best version of my mother's accent, and Annie burst out in giggles like she always did when her Mama said anything in Spanish. "I take the Lopez in my name seriously."

"And apparently now you'll be using that to best me at both Mexican and Puerto Rican cooking?" I teased. "Just what my mother needs to hear."

" _'Buela_ says it's 'cuz Mama listens to her and you don't, Mamí." Annie announced, then covered her mouth quickly like she'd revealed a huge secret. "Oops."

"It's okay,  _mija. Abuela_ is probably right, even if she shouldn't be telling you those things about me."

"Look at you three." Rosa smiled, finally sitting down in her chair. "Sometimes it's hard for me to believe you're even the same girls I met five years ago, who I prayed so hard for."

"Rosa-" I groaned, but she cut me off.

"Quiet, Santana." She reprimanded with a playful swat on my wrist as I raised my hand to silence her. "I know you were never into chips, or all that much sharing, but don't you think that I forgot that today is your five year mark. The first time I met you, you were terrified and angry, but even through your walls, I saw that you were all kinds of special. When you came to tell us you were getting married, I thought that you were probably too young and too fragile, but after five minutes of talking to Brittany, I knew you were both going to be okay. And now, I see that you're so much  _more_  than okay. You have a beautiful family, another baby on the way, and big things ahead of you. You've gone from scared girl to incredible woman extremely quickly. I'm proud of you,  _mi amiga._ "

"We all are, honey." Britt said softly, looking at me in that way that made my skin flush.

"Me too, Mamí." Annie lifted up her plastic cup of milk to start a toast. Even though she didn't really understand what Rosa was talking about, she was always quick to jump in with words of praise, especially when raising her glass was involved.

"I really appreciate it." I said sincerely, sighing in gratitude. "Both that you remembered what today means for me, and just that you're in our lives. You've helped me so much, and it means a lot to all of us."

"More than you know, Rosa." Brittany added, reaching over to pat her arm gratefully. "Even if we don't get to see you as much as we'd like, you're a really important part of our family."

* * *

After we'd finished dinner, had dessert, and promised Rosa that we wouldn't let nearly another two months pass before we saw her again, she kissed Britt and Annie goodbye, and then took her turn with me, hugging me tightly and pressing her warm hand against the top of my stomach again. When we got back to the house, I went upstairs to lie down for awhile, trying to make up for the lost sleep at night. I didn't actually fall asleep, I just listened to the sounds that my wife and daughter made, playing Candyland, spinning around the living room, and finally settling Annie into the bathtub. When I heard her get out, I finally pulled myself up out of bed, feeling no less exhausted than I had two hours earlier, but I hoping that I'd miraculously get some sleep when I went down for the night.

"Hi pretty girls." I said softly, not wanting to rile Annie up as I walked into her and Brittany curled up on the bed with Milky Way. "Is it okay if I join you?"

"Course Mamí." Annie grinned, sliding closer to Brittany to make room for me on her other side. "I thought I wasn't going to see you before I went to sleep."

"Like I'd miss bedtime for the best little doctor in the world?" I got into bed and under the covers with them, brushing Annie's hair away from her face. "Thank you for helping today, baby girl."

"Welcome. That was super fun. Did you see I got my pictures by my bed?" She asked, and I turned slightly to see both the sonogram Dr. Singh had printed, and the one Brittany had taken out of the baby album propped up against the lamp.

"We're going to get a frame for them, too." Brittany pressed a kiss to my forehead and I dropped my head back on Annie's pillow.

"That sounds awesome." I smiled. "How are you feeling about today, Annalise? I know it was a pretty big day, huh?"

"I'm just very sleepy." She yawned and tucked her head into my neck, the same way she'd done since she was just a few months old and wanted to soak up all the love I had to offer. It wasn't long before she'd fallen asleep in my arms like that, and I looked over at Britt who was tickling her fingers up and down Annie's back.

"How was she tonight?" I whispered.

"Good, she's just amazed that Dr. Singh can get an entire baby out of a person. I'm pretty sure she thought they came in parts, or something." Brittany laughed softly, and I stifled my own. "Her mind works in some kind of amazing way."

"Like Mama, like daughter."

"I think it was really good for her to go today. I mean, it seems like the entire thing is more relatable to her, now that she feels like she met the baby."

"And, because you're basically a genius and thought to bring a picture of her at the same age."

"Yeah, I can't really take credit for that one. I remember my mom doing it when she was pregnant with Liz."

"Well still, I'm glad you remembered it. And I'm glad for now, she's more concerned with how babies get out than how they get in."

"You and me both, San." She smiled, and I moved carefully to kiss her, careful not to jostle Annie. That day would come eventually, probably sooner rather than later, but I was glad we still had a little more time before we had to enlighten our emotionally fragile four-and-a-half year old about the miracle of life.

Brittany and I fell into silence for a while, both of us lost in thought. Eventually, I gently rolled Annie away from me and I tucked her in tightly before we both kissed her and slipped out of the room. Britt went downstairs to call her mom and to get me some ice cream (I ate so damn healthy all day long and I needed to gain weight, adding more ice cream seemed fair), and I got back up on our bed. Sitting cross legged with my hands on my knees, the meditative position I'd learned long before I started taking yoga classes, I closed my eyes and tried to push away all the anxiousness that had been creeping further up on me all day. In my head, I played the sound of the baby's heartbeat, the sound of Annie's giggles as she stood over me squeezing the bottle of ultrasound gel, and Rosa's words about Brittany and I;  _you're so much more than okay._ My mind was driving my absolutely insane, with it's weird nagging in spite of how absolutely well everything was going. Without moving my body, I repositioned my hands over my belly, dropped my head like I was praying, and went back to my old positive visualization techniques. I'd gotten so deep in my own head that I hadn't even realized Britt had come back into the room until she was sitting across from me on the bed, her position mirroring mine.

"Hi." I said quietly, meeting her lips with a soft kiss.

"Hey. Are you alright? I haven't seen you meditate in a while."

"Yeah, I guess. You know how my brain gets sometimes, I just thought I might feel less anxious after today, but apparently not."

"What are you thinking about when you feel like that?" She asked, leaning her forehead so it rested on mine.

"That's the thing, Brittany. It's so weird, it's like, okay, you're going to think I'm ridiculous."

"We've been married almost five years Santana, and we've known each other since we were twelve, I doubt this will be the most ridiculous thing you've ever said to me."

"Okay, fair. But this might be up there." I laughed a little bit. "So obviously I'm always on the internet researching worst case scenarios, and I  _know_ that's a bad habit, but that's not even what's stressing me out. Every time I feel my heart start to race, it's because something  _good_ happens. How does that even make sense?"

"It actually makes  _a lot_ of sense. You know I'm a total expert at Santanalyzing, so let me tell you what I think, and then I'll tell you how I'm feeling too, okay?"

"Yeah." I breathed, taking her hands in mine and resting all four of them on my stomach. "That sounds good."

"Perfect. So this goes beyond just how you're feeling right now, but I think that every time something good happens, and we've had so much good happen for us in the past few years, you're afraid something bad is going to happen to take that away. I totally get it San, especially in this situation. You know, my mom always says something about  _waiting for the other shoe to drop_ , and I'm not even sure I'm using the expression right, but that's kind of what it feels like. You're holding your breath. I saw your face when Annie thought the baby was coming today, and I know that your heart dropped the same way mine did."

"I just...I can't handle not being prepared for something terrible."

"I'm scared too, more than I ever thought I'd be." She confessed. "Not because I expect something bad to happen, but because I  _didn't_ when I was pregnant with Annie. We were so, so lucky that both of us were okay, but I do think about how bad it could have been sometimes. And I'm sorry, I'm not telling you this to scare you more, honey. I just think that it's probably what's going through your head somewhere deep inside too."

"Britt." I raised a hand to her cheek, surprised we were talking about the thing we never really talked about, because it brought up too many emotions. But we needed to, we needed to lay it all out there, because maybe talking about what had happened in the past would remove some of our fears for the future.

"I don't remember most of that night, but I do remember the fear, both in my own head and in your eyes. When that's our only experience with pregnancy, you know, minus sitting in the waiting room for Rachel's thirty-seven hour labor, I'm pretty sure it's normal for us to be so nervous about you."

"Oh, God. Please don't even say thirty-seven hour labor." I tried to laugh a little, to lighten the mood, but tears were pricking the back of my eyes as I looked into Brittany's. "You're right though. It's just like, I don't know, maybe it  _would_ be easier if babies came out in pieces, or if there was a stork. It's really scary loving someone so much who you're wholly responsible for keeping safe."

"Tell me about it. Listen, I know there's nothing we can do to make any of this less nerve wracking, but I was thinking." She gripped the medal that had slipped out from under my shirt in one hand and brought it to her lips. "I know that we don't really pray, we've always kind of left that to your parents, and to Rosa, and even to my parents, but maybe there is something we could do too."

"You want to pray with me?" I asked, surprised. After Annie was born, and I'd begged the God I wasn't sure I'd believed in to help them, I'd gradually accepted the existence of some higher power, but really sitting and praying wasn't something I was ever going to be totally comfortable with.

"Not pray, really. Just, I don't know, surround ourselves and the baby with positive energy, to help calm us down when we get anxious. Like meditating, but together."

"Okay, I could be down with that." I nodded, and a reminiscent smile curled up the corners of her mouth.

"You've said that to me before, when we were sitting in a position pretty similar to this."

"I did." I laughed softly, having forgotten that until she brought it up. "How do you want to do this?"

"Just close your eyes, hold my hands and do exactly what you were doing before I came in here."

Both of her hands squeezed mine tightly, and she rested them on either side of my belly. With our foreheads still pressed together, I could feel her breaths against my lips. My heart was pounding, much harder than I'd realized, as I tried to picture a strong, healthy baby in my arms and push down the fears that kept fighting their way to the surface. The smell of the NICU, Annie's wheezing, Brittany's crying, it was so much to force out of my mind. I could feel the baby stirring a little inside me, and I latched onto how amazing that was, rather than how scary. At some point, one set of our conjoined hands was pressed up against my heart my Brittany, and I released a deep, shuddering breath.

"Are you okay, Santana?" She whispered.

"Yeah, we're all gonna be okay." I said just as quietly.

"But it's still okay for us to be afraid." My wife promised me.

"I know. But let's keep doing this. I think it's good for both of us, and for the little bug too. Whenever one of us feels like we need it, we'll get our meditation on. And Britt?"

"Yeah?"

"I feel a little less crazy knowing that you've got these twisty feelings too."

"You may be the pregnant one, but we're in this together. And even though I'm  _not_ , I definitely think you should share your ice cream with me before it's completely melted." She pointed over to the nightstand where the pint of peanut butter fudge ice cream she'd brought up with her sat.

"I'm pretty sure that can be arranged." I laughed, noticing the two spoons that were there. "If you have to share the hormonal anguish with me, you should be able to reap the rewards too."

* * *

 


	21. Baby Valentine

In spite of both mine and Brittany's efforts to quell our rising anxieties, I still did find myself tossing and turning throughout more nights than not. In addition to the uncontrollable thoughts that plagued me, I also found it borderline impossible to actually get myself comfortable. Gone were the days when I could sleep on my stomach, Brittany's arm draped over my back and our legs entwined. Instead, I'd usually fall asleep for an hour or so in my requisite little spoon position, Britt's arm curled protectively around my stomach, and then wake up far too soon, with a cramp, the need to pee, or just a general feeling of discomfort, and every twinge in my brain would be intensified by the darkness and the quiet. I'd then flop on my back, tuck a pillow under my knees and squeeze my eyes shut, hoping that at some point, the unending feeling of exhaustion would overtake the  _thump, thump, thump_  of my heartbeat in my ears. Sometimes I'd watch Brittany, see that she wasn't exactly the most restful in her sleep either, and sometimes I'd just run my hands over my ever growing abdomen, realizing that the baby seemed to be up all night too. It was on one of those nights, one of the Mamí and baby solidarity in our wakefulness nights, that as the little bug wriggled around and my hands followed their motions, I felt, for the first time, a tap against my palm instead of solely on the inside.

"B!" I cried out, tugging my t-shirt up and grasping for her hand to hold against me, hoping our little one would repeat what had just happened. "Britt! Brittany! Wake up!"

"Santana!" She rasped out, sitting bolt upright and her eyes blinking open with a fear I knew all too well. "What's wrong? What can I do? Are you okay?"

"I'm okay, I'm okay." I promised.

"Jesus, Santana. You scared me! What do you need?" There was a hitch in her voice as relief seemed to hit her, and when her eyes began to mist, I dragged myself into a sitting position, brushed my lips over her cheekbones and pulled her toward me so I could hug her fiercely.

"I'm so sorry, baby." I choked, feeling a little sick at how terrified she looked. "I just, I felt the baby move on the outside and I wanted you to feel it. I didn't think. God, I'm so sorry I scared you."

"It's okay, it's just, you know..." She trailed off, but then I watched her eyes brighten at the realization of what I'd just said, even in the darkness of the bedroom, and her left hand flew to the other side of my belly from where I was still holding the one I'd drawn to me. "You really felt it? Oh man, I can't believe I missed it, San."

"They're really, really active tonight, Britt. Just keep your hands on me, and I know you're gonna feel it too."

"Alright." I saw the slight hint of a pout on her lips, and I softly kissed it away, before she lay down and pressed her cheek against my bare stomach and started to sing. " _Ooh baby, baby. Ooh baby, baby._ "

"Brittany!" I laughed, cradling her head against me. "Are you really singing Salt 'N Pepa right now?"

"Just giving them a preview for when I sing the rest to you in the delivery room. You know,  _push it, push it real good_." She sang again, through her giggles, and my whole body vibrated from it.

"So appropriate." I rolled my eyes playfully and leaned down to kiss her temple. "It's been like thirteen years, and I still haven't shaken the image of the Glee Club, before we graced them with our awesomeness, attempting to be cool at that ridiculous assembly."

"Hey, if it wasn't for that song, Sue and Quinn might never have forced us to infiltrate the merry band of misfits, and then who knows..."

"Okay, fair enough." I grinned. "But still, I don't think it's the greatest song for our baby to come in the world to."

"I seem to recall someone singing  _it's getting hot in here, so take off all your clothe_ s to Annie last summer."

"What?" I shrugged. "It was hot, and she needed to take a bath. Not the same."

"You're right, worse. You were singing to our daughter who could and did repeat it." She chastised, but the sparkle in her eye let knew knew that she thought it was just as funny as I thought her singing  _Push It_ to our unborn baby was. "Your mother almost died when her granddaughter came running through her living room during a book club meeting in just her pajama pants singing that."

"Well it definitely livened things up, that's for sure. And we both know where she got her streaking habits from."

Britt just kept laughing and started drawing spirals with her fingertips. Silently, I tried to will the baby to move again for her. As beautiful as it was for me to feel the baby moving around inside (when it wasn't totally terrifying me), it was something that I so desperately wanted to be able to share with Brittany, especially because I knew how amazing it felt to be on her end. Softly, she murmured against my skin and I ran the fingers of my free hand through her hair. Feeling lulled by her whispers and gentle touch, I leaned my head against the headboard of the bed and considered closing my eyes for a second, but I just couldn't tear them away from my wife. Just as my exhaustion started to win out, and my eyes began slipping shut, I felt the stir again and I quickly tugged Brittany's hand and pressed it hard under my belly button. Her eyes lifted to meet mine, and they welled up with tears when she was able to feel the tiniest of taps against her fingers.

"Hello there, baby." She breathed, lips still pressed against my stomach, but her eyes never leaving mine. "Thanks for coming out to play, even though you aren't even born yet, and you're already keeping me and Mamí up way past bedtime. I'm so glad that I finally get to feel you like this, and I love you so, so very much, my little Bug."

I sort of held my breath, just listening to Brittany talk as the tiny ripples moved further up and I could actually  _see_  the motion on my skin. Something about it made my throat feel thick, and still looking in my eyes, Britt noticed it. With a quick  _kiss, kiss, kiss_  to where the baby was, she kept her hand there, but moved up my body and placed a soft kiss on my lips. I sighed into it and rested my hand over hers again, just quietly sharing it with her.

"Oh, San." She whispered against my mouth and the happiest of tears dropped from her eyes onto my cheeks. She didn't need to say anything else, I totally got how overwhelmed she was, I was overwhelmed myself.

"Baby loves you too, Mama. And so do I." Without letting go of Britt, I managed to shuffle our bodies back into a lying down position so our bellies were pressed together, her hand sandwiched in between and still making short motions. "I'm gonna try to sleep again, okay?"

"Of course." She kissed my eyelids closed. "I'm going to stay up a little while longer. Do you want me to stop rubbing you like this?"

"No, never. It feels good, and even though the baby is still moving, they're calmer now. Night again, babe."

"Good night, honey." Britt said softly, and it wasn't long before I drifted back to sleep.

The next morning, I tried, to the best of my ability to sneak out of bed early without being detected by Brittany. Of course, since the papaya sized baby had pushed out my stomach to the point where there was a definite shift in my center of gravity, and I'd developed a weird sort of waddle to accommodate it, stealth proved exceedingly difficult. I had just about made it to the bedroom door, when I stumbled over one of the sneakers I'd kicked off the night before, proving that Britt  _was_  sort of right about how annoying my habit of leaving shoes everywhere was, and I muttered a  _shit_  under my breath when I heard my wife stir in bed. Whether she'd actually woken up or not, I couldn't be sure, since I scurried (or, whatever the equivalent of that, when you could hardly walk properly, let alone run) out of the room as quickly as possible. Quietly, I opened the door to Annie's bedroom and stood above the bed, just watching her at the tail end of her slumber, still clutching Milky Way as tight as she had been at bedtime, before I pressed a soft kiss to her forehead and her eyes fluttered open.

"Mornin' Mamí." She mumbled dreamily, reaching her arms up and touching the swell of my belly with the tips of her fingers. "Hi baby."

"Good morning,  _mija. Feliz día de los Enamorados._ "

"Oh!" Annie quickly sat up, and I pulled her in for a hug. "I forgot! You didn't do Mama's special surprise without me, did you?"

"Of course not." I promised, laughing softly at her excitement. "But we have to hurry before she wakes up."

"Okay! Let's go!"

I guided Annie, clad in her pink and white heart pajamas, down the stairs and into the kitchen. With her standing beside me on a chair, I lit the stove while she carefully stirred chocolate chips into pancake batter, and then I shaped the mix into hearts in a skillet. Okay, so maybe making your wife heart shaped pancakes for Valentine's Day is the epitome of cheesy and cliche, but I actually didn't really care. It had been awhile since Britt had let me make breakfast for her, and I wasn't going to have another morning of sitting on my lazy pregnant ass while she served me food, especially after I knew she'd stayed awake long after I'd fallen back to sleep the night before. Besides, we'd never been one of those couples who exchanged elaborate gifts on the sort-of holiday. Instead, we'd do little thoughtful things for each other, and when it came to Brittany, heart shaped pancakes and fancy hot chocolate was basically the pinnacle of thoughtfulness. Once breakfast was just about done, I carefully lifted Annie down from the chair, and she placed both of our cards for Brittany on the table beside her plate.

"Do you want to go wake up Mama for me?" I asked, and she nodded enthusiastically.

"Time to wake up, Mama!" Annie cried out, scrambling up the stairs.

I could hear the two of them giggling as I went back into the kitchen, pouring deliciously thick hot chocolate into mugs and topping it with both whipped cream and the pink marshmallows I'd found at the Swedish candy store on Christopher Street. Looking at the sugar overload on the table, I laughed a little to myself, realizing it probably would have been less like dessert and more like breakfast if we'd made a freaking triple chocolate cake, but it was kind of worth it. I had my back turned to the kitchen doorway when Britt and Annie walked back in, but while my wife wrapped her arms around me from behind, my daughter scampered up in front of me, her arms full with flowers.

"Who are all those beautiful flowers for?" I teased, and Annie thrust them into my arms.

"For you. They're from me and from Mama, see?" She pointed to the lilacs first, and then to the sterling roses and daisies and nodded to herself. Setting the arrangement on the table, I leaned down to kiss her nose, and she let out a giggle, then pointed to the container that I hadn't noticed Britt had set down on the table. " _And_  we made you peanut butter fudge, 'cuz Mama wanted me to help her make you breakfast, but I couldn't do that!"

"Thank you,  _mi amor._ " I grinned. "And thanks for keeping both of our secrets!"

"Welcome, Mamí. Be right back! I gotta get something else!" She announced, and ran to her playroom before either of us could question what she was doing.

"And thank you, babe." I turned in Britt's arms and twisted my fingers in the ends of her messy morning hair. "Happy Valentine's Day."

"You too." She kissed me good morning, then ran her hands over the rest of the bump, just in case the baby decided to kick again. "And you, Bug. I guess you were as excited as your sister, staying up all night, huh?"

"I'm pretty sure they're sleeping now. Apparently our baby enjoys day sleeping like I used to." I rubbed my hand in slow circular motions beside Britt's. "And I think my bladder must make some kind of awesome pillow, because I've peed like, four times already this morning."

"I can think of a  _much_  better pillow than your bladder." She glanced at the doorway, making sure Annie wasn't coming back in, then, raising an eyebrow, slipped her hand under my shirt and cupped my right boob (her favorite, she always swore). "Or rather, two. Especially when you're not wearing a bra."

"Britt." I whined a little bit as her thumb circled over my nipple, and I shuddered at the touch before sliding my hands down to her ass to drag her closer me. "Don't tease. You know how sensitive I am."

"I know, I know. Sorry." She stuck out her bottom lip and I pressed my lips to her's, nipping at it before I deepened the kiss.

"You don't even know how glad I am that you don't have to go into work today." I smirked, separating myself from her slowly and chivalrously pulling out her chair as she tried to discreetly tuck two cards under my plate. "Annie,  _bebé! ¿Estás bien? Ven aqui, es hora para desayunar_!"

" _Ya voy!_ " Annie called back, and bounded into the room, carrying rolled up piece of paper tied with a red ribbon in her hands. "I made a present at school for you!"

"Oh, sweetheart, thank you." Brittany beamed at her, taking the paper from her hands as I helped Annie up into her chair.

"You gotta open it together, because you're both my Valentines."

I sat down, moving my chair close to Britt's as she untied the ribbon and I unrolled the paper. Standing out from the words written there in perfect teacher print were Annie's handprints shaped into a heart and her footprints in the same shape beneath it, making the page read  _From the bottom of my heart to the tips of my toes_ , and then scrawled beneath, in red crayon, were carefully practiced letters,  _I love you (Te amo)_. My left hand immediately found my heart, while Britt's left grasped for my right one. Annie looked at us expectantly, pride radiating from her features.

" _Mija_ , it's beautiful." I gasped out, trying not to start my crazy blubbering again over one of Annie's art projects, and the fact that she'd not only gone double agent, helping both me and Britt with our Valentine's day surprises, but  _triple_  agent, surprising the two of us with her own.

"We love it, our baby Valentine. And we have a special present for you too."

"Really?" She asked, bouncing in her seat excitedly as I gently set the gift from her away from the food, and started placing pancakes on each plate.

"Of course, Bean!" Brittany pulled the tiny wrapped box out of her robe pocket and pressed it into Annie's hands. Quickly, she opened it, and then looked at the two of us with her face screwed up, not quite sure what we'd given her.

"It's a charm for the bracelet Mama gave you, Annalise. We wanted you to have something on their that represented you, because the other charms were ours. It's a little Lima bean, because you're our Bean, and the story of all of us started way back in Lima."

"Thank you, Mamí. Thank you, Mama." Annie lifted the tiny charm from the box and carefully turned it over in her hands, examining it with her eyes full of awe. "I gotta get my bracelet!"

"After breakfast, baby girl." Brittany told her softly, and Annie placed it back in the box before digging into her pancakes faster than I'd ever seen.

Once we'd finished breakfast and Britt and I opened our cards, the two of us laughing hysterically because we'd bought each other the same exact card, Brittany insisted on cleaning up the mess in the kitchen, and I took Annie up to her room to get ready for school. She was pretty much bouncing off the walls, which I blame myself for, after that breakfast, as she wriggled into tights with hearts on them, a red tutu and the shirt Kurt bought for her, aptly reading  _My Heart Belongs to My Moms_  (we totally love dressing her up for every holiday, it was actually kind of a miracle that she didn't have a shirt for like, Martin Luther King Day or something). Together, Britt and I took Annie to school, and the two of us stood back smiling as she ran up to Thoreau and showed off the new addition to her bracelet. Our girl was blossoming, even if she still hardly spoke to anyone beyond him, and we couldn't have been happier about the fact that she was still trying.

Chris, of course, came over to talk to us once the kids were settled in the classroom, and I caught the sly look that Brittany gave me when she caught me getting a little fidgety and tugging on her hand. She knew, that even though I'd defied both of our expectations and wasn't one of those pregnant women who craved sex all the time, when I did need it, I needed it  _now_. Just her slight teasing and our quick, heated kisses in the kitchen were enough to wind me up, and leave me feeling hot and bothered, and my body was still aching for her to touch me almost an hour later. The human part of me attempted to maintain the polite conversation, but the animalistic need nearly won over, until Brittany told Chris that we had to get going, but promised that we'd all get together soon.

* * *

I probably moved faster than I had in over a month, trying to get us home before I exploded with want. Even though I was behaving a little bit like a horny teenager, Brittany indulged me and quickened her own step, especially eager to give me what I needed after the months where I didn't feel sexy enough to really want anything. When we finally made it into the house, I pressed Brittany up against the back of the front door and attacked her lips hungrily. Still completely dressed in our winter clothes, Brittany slipped her thigh between my legs, and I groaned at even the minimal contact.

"Ugh. Britt. I just need-" I started, and she cut me off with her lips.

"I know." She murmured, dipping her hand under the waistband of my pants.

I didn't even try to bite back the moan that rose up in my throat as Brittany started kissing down my neck, stopping to suck at the hollow of my throat. It was seriously like nothing I'd ever experienced, the nearly painful sensitivity to every touch of her fingers or her lips on my body that came with being pregnant and horny. Without much more preamble, I worked quickly, shrugging off my coat before working the buttons on Brittany's and shoving it off her shoulders. Drawing her lips back up to mine, I managed to drop both my sweatpants and panties to the floor while pushing my wife into a sitting position on the chaise. As I kneeled over her, each of my bare legs brushing the rough denim of her tight jeans, I pulled Brittany's shirt over her head, taking in the view of the half clothed love of my life. The combined feeling of that deep love and unbridled want was proving to be too much for me, and I kissed Britt fiercely before stopping Brittany's hand that was trying to remove my shirt and dragging it down between my legs. It wasn't about not wanting to be seen by her anymore, it was that I literally did not think I could wait a second longer to feel her.

"Inside." I demanded, and Britt let out a sexy, breathy laugh at my unusual display of forcefulness.

"Patience, baby, patience."

Placing her free hand on the small of my back so I wouldn't fall backwards off of her lap, she urged me down onto her fingers and I sighed, feeling the slightest bit of relief. I wrapped my arms tightly around her neck, fighting for breath as I refused to remove my lips from her, needing to feel completely surrounded by Brittany (another part of her evolutionary advantage theory, I swear), even though we were both mostly clothed. Although she tried to urge me to go slow, my amazing wife mostly let me work myself against her hand, pulling back occasionally from my mouth to stare at me with her eyes dark.

The combination of the feeling of fullness and the brush of the hard fabric of her jeans with each downward thrust of my hips pushed me closer and closer to the edge faster than I thought possible. It was almost to the point where it was embarrassing, but my mind was so cloudy with desire that I could hardly think about that. When my body began to feel too weak to move any longer, Brittany took control back, and when I came hard, I dropped my head to her shoulder, biting down on the bare skin there in an attempt to keep a handle on all the sensations I felt. As I shook in her arms, aftershocks coursing through my system, her held me tight to her, placing soft kisses on my jawline and the crown of my head. Slowly, she lied me down on the chaise, and gently kissed down my torso until she was settled between my legs.

"Fuck, Brittany." I panted, lifting my head so I could look down at her. "I don't think I can take anything else right now."

"Trust me, San. I've got you."

Because Britt understood my body as well as her own, she knew that I needed her to go slow. I lied back, closing my eyes at every sensation as she worked me up again, drawing another orgasm out of me, one that washed over me with so much less force than the first. I felt like I was barely conscious when I felt her lips against mine again, my body still humming at each touch. Although part of me wanted to pass out right then and there, the other, stronger part felt the same desire to touch Brittany that I'd felt for her to touch me for the better part of the morning. Somehow managing to prop myself up on an elbow, I faced Brittany, who'd settled in beside me. I gave her a cheeky (if not tired) grin, and reached with my other hand to pop the button of her jeans and silently urge her to take them off. Spurred by some miraculous second wind, I fit myself as close to her as was possible and set about working her up slowly, letting both of us savor every single touch, every curl of my fingers, every feverish kiss. It wasn't until after she came, and I softly held my lips against the red, marked skin on her shoulder, that I finally felt fully sated.

"Feel better?" She asked, her head resting in the crook of my neck.

"So much better." I sighed happily, my fingers playing with hers. "Sorry that I kind of attacked you. I just really needed that."

"I could tell." Britt clicked her tongue. "I thought you were going to get all old school Santana on me and go Lima Heights on Chris because he kept talking about us coming out to their house on Fire Island this summer."

"Well God, that's like a million years away, we're going to have a newborn and I can't even think that far ahead. Plus, when I needs to get my Brittz on, I needs to get my Brittz on." I slipped into my old fake ghetto accent and she laughed against me.

"I'm not complaining about that, that's for sure."

"You know what would be really good right now?" I raised my eyebrows hopefully.

"A burger?" She rolled her eyes with a lazy smile and I nodded. "Some people crave cigarettes after great sex, my wife craves bacon cheeseburgers with mayonnaise."

"And you love that about me."

"Of all the things I love about you, I can say for sure that your weird burger fetish doesn't top my list." Britt teased, and I attempted to roll of the couch without falling flat on my ass.

"Whatever. I'm taking a shower and going to the diner. If you care to join me, I'd be happy to have you." I smirked over my shoulder as I stood up, finally pulling my shirt over my head and tossing it at Brittany.

 


	22. The Kids Are Alright

It was kind of insane how quickly time seemed to be passing by. Knowing that I was really starting to make some progress in developing a truly clear vision of what was going to happen with Show Your Brave, I had gone full force with my work. Although Annie only went to school three days a week, and the uninterrupted blocks of time were short, I'd lock myself in the office the moment she and Brittany left, not even bothering to change out of my pajamas. I'd email Jarrod back and forth, compulsively check the Federal Grant website (and see my application status still listed as  _pending_ ), exchange e-mails with kids from Finn's school, a bigger bunch after he and I had our joint meeting, and reach out to some of the organizations I'd worked with while I was taking classes at Hunter to try and find more people willing to volunteer as mentors. In all honestly, I was feeling pretty proud of myself, even if my vision had evolved significantly from what I'd originally pictured.

On the last Monday of February, I was in my usual position in the office, with my forehead furrowed in deep concentration as I read over an e-mail. Wearing the bottom half of my flannel Christmas pajamas and one of Brittany's sweatshirts that was stretched tight against me, I slouched in the desk chair, constantly shifting to try and find a position that was actually comfortable to sit in. While one hand worked the keyboard, my bottom lip pulled between my teeth the other absently followed the motions of the very awake baby who was totally working on their circus act inside of my uterus. Breaking me from my thought process, my phone vibrated against the desk, and my heart jumped when  _Village Preschool_ flashed on the screen.

"Hello?" I answered immediately.

" _Hi, Mrs. Lopez-Pierce?"_ The unrecognizable voice on the other end asked.

"Yes, that's me."

" _This is Leanne Zigler, the director at VPC. I'm calling about your daughter Annie."_ At those words, even though  _obviously_ the woman would be calling about Annie, I jumped to my feet, feeling a rush of dizziness at the abrupt movement of my body.  _"I don't want to alarm you, but I'm calling because I'm sitting in the nurse's office with her and she-"_

"She's hurt?" I bristled, probably sounding much harsher than I should have.

" _Her chin is banged up pretty badly, I need either you or your wife to come down here."_ The woman said calmly, and in the background, I could hear the distinct sound of my daughter crying. My mind couldn't even register anything that Leanne was telling me about what had happened, it was all garbled by the heartbreaking sound of Annie's sobs, and the panic that gripped me because she was hurt and neither Britt or I were there to make it immediately better.

"Let me talk to Annie." I demanded, and although I couldn't hear any intelligible words, I knew that the phone was pressed to Annalise's ear, and I dropped my voice into the most soothing tone I could muster. "Hi  _mi amor,_ it's Mamí. I'm so sorry you're hurt, but we're going to make it all better  _mi bebé preciosa._  I promise you, I'm coming as fast as I can, and I'm going to call Mama right now, and she'll get there even before me. _Te amo mucho, Annalisita."_

I talked to her for a few more moments, trying to calm her down as much as I could, but it didn't seem to be working. As much as I wanted to stay on the phone until someone was there, I knew it was better if I hung up and called Brittany, because she'd make it there so much faster than I would be able to. I could hardly focus on the logistics of getting out of the house, because I was moving so quickly. If it hadn't been for the pinch in my big toes as I shoved my feet into Brittany's sneakers, the first that I could get my hands on, I honestly wouldn't even have recognized that they weren't mine, and when I did, I didn't stop to change into a pair that actually fit me. I didn't even remember that I was still wearing my pajamas, and I'm pretty sure that even if I had, I probably wouldn't have cared. I was just in a blind frenzy to get to my daughter, and when I finally managed to disconnect from her, I was wrapping a coat around me and dialing Brittany's number.

"Britt." I said breathlessly, before she even spoke, and without any effort to cover my panic. "I just got off the phone with the school, Annie got hurt and she won't stop crying, and you can get there faster than me."

" _I'm on my way_." She promised, like me, never even needing to hear more before she moved quickly, and I could hear her saying something to whoever else was in the room with her before she turned her attention back to me, her emotions evident. Maybe we were both overreacting, but when it came to Annie, even the most minor of injuries, the most minor of setbacks could prove catastrophic. " _I'm getting in the elevator. What happened, Santana?"_

"I don't know. I just know that she hurt her chin." I felt a lump at the back of my throat and tears begin to prick behind my eyes. "I tried to listen, I swear. It's just I couldn't focus with Annie crying. I spoke to her on the phone, and she couldn't even stop sobbing enough to answer me. I just...ugh, Britt she's hurt and I'm basically running down the street right now. She's never been hurt when we weren't with her."

" _I know._ " I could hear the sounds of the cars on her end of the call and knew she was outside. " _How close are you?_ "

"I'm almost near the park." I panted a little bit, my breathing labored from my attempted run, and I put my hand on my lower back, rubbing the cramp that was there.

" _Okay. I'm about to walk in the door. San, honey, I know you want to get here as fast as you can, but the sidewalks are icy so please, please take it easy. I don't want you to slip and get hurt."_

"I'll be careful." I swore, scratching my side through the pocket of my coat and knowing our other baby was the only thing that was keeping me from running in front of cars and shoving people out of the way. "Just please, make sure she knows I'm coming too."

" _Of course. I'll see you in a few minutes. I love you._ "

Returning the words to Brittany, I dropped the phone in my pocket and shifted between feet impatiently as I waited for the light to change so I could cross Sixth Avenue. I didn't care that people were probably looking at me like I was insane in my weird outfit and coat that was probably buttoned wrong, waddle-running in shoes that were too small for me, I just needed to get there. Part of me recognized that I was being irrational, that Leanne would have made sure I knew if Annie had been  _severely_ hurt, but even with knowing that Brittany was there, probably already holding Annie tightly in her arms, my heart wouldn't stop racing until I saw my baby girl for myself. When I finally reached the building, breathless and sweaty, I burst through the doors and one of the receptionists immediately jumped up from her desk, apparently expecting Annie's other mother to come charging in, and she immediately led me to the nurse's office.

Walking in the room, my heart broke as Annie's sobs were still harsh in the silence, even with her face buried in Brittany's chest, and my wife rocking her gently and whispering soft words into her hair. Our eyes met, and I moved quickly to her side, placing my hand on our daughter's lower back, rubbing small circles above where Brittany's hand rested. Sensing my presence, she lifted her head, her motions carefully followed by Britt who was holding an icepack and a cloth against her. Annie just stared at me, her eyes full of hurt, and when I saw that blood ran down her neck and on to her shirt, I felt sick to my stomach.

"Oh,  _corazoncita_ , we are both here with you now, you're going to be okay." I said softly, leaning to press a kiss to the top of her head. "How bad, Brittany?"

"It's pretty bad." She whispered, not wanting to alarm Annie, and I knew that she was always the more rational one, and if she was saying it was bad, it most definitely was. "I think...I think we should take her to the emergency room."

"Jesus Christ." I hissed, and unable to control myself, I stood up and walked over to where Leanne was standing. The woman had at least six inches on me, and though it was a futile effort, considering my small pregnant frame and the fact that I was wearing fucking candy cane pajama pants, I rolled up onto the balls of my feet in an effort to look more intimidating. "Do you want to tell me what the hell happened? Because when my daughter went to school this morning, a place I've repeatedly  _promised_ her that she'd be safe, I didn't think my wife and I would be picking her up to take her to the  _emergency room._ "

"Mrs. Lopez-Pierce, I'm sorry-"

"I don't want to hear that you're  _sorry._ " My voice had nearly turned into a growl, as I tried to keep it low enough so I wouldn't scare my daughter who was already clearly terrified. "I want to know what happened."

"Two of the boys in her class started shoving, and Annalise got knocked over and fell into the corner of one of the shelves."

"Oh. Oh." I laughed bitterly, balling my fists at my sides, anger replacing the panic that had filled me before I walked in the room. "Is that all? My beautiful, innocent girl is collateral damage from some shoving match? Well that's just great, I feel  _so_ much better now."

"Santana, please." Brittany begged.

"No, Britt. This is ridiculous. We have foam guards on every sharp corner in our house, but in a  _school_ , apparently that's not important. She is supposed to be safe here, and it's pretty obvious that she's not."

"I know this isn't what you want to hear, but accidents do happen, and although we do everything to ensure the safety of our kids here, there's no possible way we can control everything. Please, believe me when I tell you that I'm deeply sorry Annalise was hurt."

"All of the sorries in the world aren't going to make this any better." I spit. "Do you know the kind of things we go through trying to make things easier for her? Do you really think that this is okay?"

"San _tana_." Brittany's tone was sharp, and I had my hands on my hips glaring at Leanne. "Please. Just stop. Don't do this right now, you're going to scare the baby."

"Right. It's me that's scaring her." I snapped unintentionally at Brittany, then looked back at the director. "My wife is right, this isn't a conversation I'm going to have in front of my daughter, and we have more important things to worry about right now. But I want Callie to call me, and I want to know every single thing that happened in that classroom and what you're both going to do to make sure _my daughter_ doesn't get hurt again."

"Of course." Leanne nodded.

Turning around and walking back over to Brittany, I ignored the look on her face and reached out my arms to take Annie from her. Knowing me as well as she did, Britt knew that the best thing to calm me down was to hand me the still sobbing little girl, and as I held her as close as I possibly could, ignoring the pull that was still present in my back and making sure to keep a firm hold on the cloth over her chin, I felt some of the fight leave my body. Brittany was saying something to Leanne, and when she walked out the door, I followed silently.

* * *

When Brittany hailed a cab and I climbed in after her, still holding Annie tight, I didn't say anything beyond a few words of love and encouragement to our daughter. Britt stayed close, making sure our girl knew she was right beside us, but she said nothing to me. I knew that I shouldn't have been yelling at the goddamn director of Annalise's preschool, but I really couldn't bring myself to care. There was nothing,  _nothing_ in my life worse than knowing something bad happened to one of the two people who meant the most to me, and knowing that I'd given up control of the situation to someone else. I was mad at myself, mostly, I knew that, because I always beat myself up, but apparently I'd reverted back to my old patterns and lashed out on other people. Looking over at Brittany, I knew she was pissed that I was yelling in front of Annie, and that I'd snapped at her in front of Leanne, but with Annie still injured and shaking in my arms, it was absolutely not the time or place to discuss that. When we reached Lower Manhattan Hospital, Brittany paid the driver and stepped out on the street side, racing around to take Annie from my arms, and I followed her sullenly through the doors to the emergency room.

"Do you have the insurance cards?" I asked her quietly, once she'd taken a seat and I took a minute to realize that I was still in my pajamas and had nothing in the pockets of my coat beyond my cellphone, some loose change and the keys to our house.

"In my bag." She answered simply, still attempting to keep Annie calm.

Taking Brittany's wallet out, I walked over to the desk and filled out the paperwork, pressing so hard on the pen that it's a miracle that I didn't rip straight through the paper. Once I'd thrust it back over the the woman sitting there, I started pacing back and forth, not even knowing what to do with myself until a doctor took a look at the injury on my baby girl's face that I hadn't even seen yet. When I stopped in front of Brittany, she'd somehow managed to quiet Annie's tears a little bit, and I sank down into an awkward crouch so my face was level with hers.

"How are you doing,  _mija?"_

"Hurts, Mamí." She whimpered. "It hurts lots."

"I'm so, so sorry that you got hurt, but I promise you that the doctor is going to make it all better soon."

* * *

After over an hour of sitting in the waiting room, me walking up to the receptionist every five minutes to find out what the  _hell_ was taking so long, and attempting, fairly unsuccessfully not to raise my voice, I was on the verge of a fit. Annie had managed to cry herself to sleep, they refused to give us anything for her until a doctor had seen the injury, and if it wasn't for the looks that Brittany kept sending in my direction, I probably would have physically hurt someone.

"Sit, please sit." Brittany said softly. "Your back is obviously bothering you, and you're making me really nervous with all the pacing."

"My back is fine." I lied, quickly removing my hand from where it was pressed against the pain.

"Don't lie to me. I can see you wince every time you turn around, and I know it's been bothering you all week. Can you please not argue with me about this?"

"I'm not arguing, Brittany. I'm just trying to get someone to pay attention to us around here. What do I need to do to get some help for my kid around here?" I raised my voice again, looking pointedly at the reception desk. "Pretend to go into labor?"

"Do  _not_ joke about that." A pained look crossed Brittany's face. "Do you think I'm not upset about the fact that we're still waiting too? But you stomping around the room isn't doing anything to help, it's just making things worse."

"Oh right, I'm making things worse trying to get someone to  _treat our daughter._ Because obviously sitting here calmly and hoping they get to us is working  _so_ well." I bit my tongue, immediately regretting my words. "Britt, I-"

"Don't, Santana." She shook her head. "You need to take a walk and get yourself together, because I could really use the  _human_ version of my wife with me when we finally get to see a doctor."

Not really sure what else to do, I bent down to kiss Annie's head before turning on my heels and walking away. Digging some change out from my coat, I stuck it into the vending machine, retrieving a bottle of water before retreating to the bathroom and locking the door to the stall behind me. Once I pulled the knot in my pants loose and sat down on the toilet seat, I buried my face in my hands and started crying uncontrollably. The whole situation was beyond ridiculous, Annie was in pain, she probably was going to need stitches, if Brittany's assessment was right (and usually, it was), and I couldn't even stop being angry and stomping around the waiting room long enough to truly comfort her. Every time Brittany spoke to me, I snapped at her, every time I saw someone called in to see a doctor, I wanted to start throwing punches, every time I even  _thought_ about Annie being pushed, even accidentally, I wanted to commit murder. This wasn't the person I was anymore, and yet I couldn't even remember how I was supposed to stop behaving like a beast. More than any other thing that I was in life, I was first and foremost a  _mom_ , and the fucking hormones that rushed through me made me feel like I was capable of doing horrible, horrible things because I was watching my kid in pain.

"Oh baby. I'm acting like a real ass right now." I sighed, reaching up under my sweatshirt to cradle my belly and try and compose myself. The baby moved under my hand and I couldn't even help but choke out a laugh. "I guess you agree too, and I know your Mama definitely does. I really hope that you're better at controlling yourself than I am because I seriously still suck at this hard emotional shit, even after years of trying to act like a normal person. I just, love your sister, and your Mama and  _you_ so much that it scares me beyond belief that something could ever happen to any of you. It would be the end of me, Bug, and that's not even me resorting to your Aunt Rachel's dramatics."

My phone vibrated in my pocket, and I quickly reached in to retrieve it, inhaling sharply at Britt's name on the screen.

**_In exam room 6. Waiting for the doctor._ **

I didn't bother to respond to her, I just hurriedly pulled up my pants and stepped out to wash my hands. After splashing some water on my face, which did absolutely nothing to mask the fact that I'd been crying, I exited the bathroom and walked with my tail between my legs to ask the receptionist that I'd been  _more than_ rude to where exactly exam room six was. With a tight smile, she pointed me in the right direction, and I walked into the room to find Britt with Annie, who'd woken up, still in her lap. Hoisting myself up to sit beside them, Britt silently slipped our daughter into my arms, and I gave her the most grateful and apologetic look that I could muster. With a small nod that told me  _we'll talk later_ , I encouraged Annie to drink some of my water and pressed more soft kisses against her head, giving more silent apologies for not being better at just sitting down calmly and holding her while she was scared. Her tiny, limp arms hugged my middle as best as she could, and I knew she felt the baby move against her body. When the older female doctor walked in the room, I felt myself breathe the first sigh of relief that I'd felt in hours.

"Good afternoon, I'm Dr. Toni MacLellan. Is this Annalise?" She asked, and Annie didn't look up from her place against my chest.

"She is." Brittany answered. "She had a little bit of a fall today at school, and we wanted to get her checked out."

"Alrighty." The woman smiled, obviously trying to ease the obvious apprehension in the room, probably radiating off of me even more so than Annie. Even if she was rightfully mad at me, Brittany gave my hand a quick squeeze, knowing that I'd need it. "Let's have a look, shall we?"

"Annie." I whispered. "We need to let the doctor take a look at your face, okay? Mama and I are right here with you."

"Kay." She sniffled, loud enough that only I could hear her, and I gently helped to lift her face up from my chest.

When Dr. MacLellan removed the cloth we'd been holding against her and I fought the urge to pinch my eyes shut seeing the nasty gash on the underside of Annie's chin, and the blood that still trickled out. Gently, the woman tilted Annie's face up to get a better look, and my daughter let out another whimper, squeezing me as hard as she possibly could. Obviously, it wasn't a life threatening injury, but it wasn't pretty either, and seeing even the smallest mark on my daughter's body never failed to send chills down my spine.

"I'll bet that hurts pretty bad, huh?" She asked, and Annie only nodded. "Well, it looks like we're going to have to fix that up a little bit, and then I'll have to get you some sparkly bandaids and a lollipop. How does that sound?"

Annie didn't answer, she just closed her eyes and tried not to cry anymore. While the doctor explained to Brittany and I that she was going to need four stitches, I started fighting the anger inside of me again. Rather than let it spill out, I simply ran my hands through tangled blonde hair and put on my own bravest face for Annie. No matter how much time passed, I was still barely any better at hospitals and blood, but I bit my lip hard and pushed the fear down. At Brittany's suggestion, knowing that our daughter would never remain calm enough for Dr. MacLellan to do anything if we weren't holding her, I slid so my back was pressed against the wall. Carefully, Britt was the one who rearranged Annie's body so her head rested on the lower part of my thighs, and her body was sprawled across the table. Brittany climbed up on her knees beside me, using her calves to brace Annie's legs and her hands to hold Annie's, keeping her from flailing and hurting either herself or one of us. With a last gentle kiss to our daughter's forehead, Brittany leaned back, giving the doctor space to work, but still holding tightly. My hands tilted Annie's chin up and held her head firmly in place, and when she let out a miserable wail as a shot of lidocaine was injected right into the wound, my throat was too thick with unshed tears at my daughter's pain to even use my usual method of calming her by singing. Instead, I just hummed, using my thumb to stroke her cheek as I held her face steady and the doctor worked on the stitches.

"Mama." Annie sobbed, looking up at Brittany. "I don't like this."

"Almost over, sweetheart, it's almost over." Britt promised, and I watched her press her eyes closed to keep the tears that I saw form from falling. The lidocaine had kept Annie from feeling the pain of the stitches, but just knowing it was happening was enough to set her back into hysterics. "I love you so much baby girl."

It felt like an eternity, waiting for the doctor to finish, as Annie screamed and attempted to thrash out of our grasp, but once she was finally finished, we couldn't have made it out of that hospital any faster. The cab ride was a blur, with Annie still crying, Brittany just rocking her silently again, and me reading through the paperwork from the hospital. When we got back to the house, Brittany took Annie upstairs to carefully bathe her and get her into pajamas, even though it was still barely evening. I stayed downstairs, making her a grilled cheese sandwich, hoping we could get her to eat something, before I followed them upstairs and stood in the doorway of Annie's room, watching the two people I loved more than anything else in the world sit on the edge of the bed together, Annie with her head tucked down carefully, murmuring to Milky Way, and Britt gently towel drying her hair.

"How are you feeling,  _mi amor?"_ I asked as I walked into the room and dropped down on the bed beside her with the plate balanced on my knees.

"So sleepy." She yawned, then shuddered as the action pulled against the stitches. "Mamí, I don't wanna go back to school."

"I know, and for the rest of this week, you're going to stay home with me. But what about all the fun things you do at school? And what about Thoreau?"

"But it's dangerous there. You said."

"No, baby, it's still safe there. I said some things I shouldn't have said because I was upset that you were hurt." I mumbled, avoiding Brittany's eyes. "I promise you, Mama and I would never send you somewhere that isn't safe."

"I still don't want to go back. I was just trying to play blocks with 'Ro, and then I didn't even see that somebody pushed me 'til I was bleeding."

"Bean." Brittany cut in, dropping the towel and squeezing close on Annie's other side. "I know how scary that was for you, and I know that we don't believe in any kind of violence, and those boys shouldn't have been pushing, but you know that they didn't mean to hurt you, right?"

Annie didn't answer, she just let the tears roll down her cheeks. Brittany gathered her up, cradling her fully in her arms, like she was a baby, and I just held one of her hands between mine, trying to figure out if there was anything I could even say to make things better. It was bad enough she'd heard me tell Leanne than the school was dangerous, and even though I was masking it for my daughter's sake, I was  _still_  furious that this had happened. Rather than risk saying anything else that I was going to regret, I just sat silently, letting Brittany do the talking.

"Baby girl, we can talk about this more tomorrow, I promise you. But I think you should try to have some dinner so you can take your medicine and get some rest. Looks like Mamí made you some grilled cheese."

"I did. And there are even pickles on there, just how you like it."

* * *

After we'd managed to coax Annie into eating her dinner and we gave her some Tylenol, we tucked her into bed, surrounded by extra pillows and Milky Way hugged tight against her chest, his horn nuzzling her cheek. Even after Brittany had dragged herself away, I stood over her bed, still staring at her looking so small there with two sparkly purple bandaids taped over her chin and eyes puffy from crying. My entire heart just felt sick about everything that had happened, and I didn't want to leave her there alone. Needing to kiss her once more, I dropped my hand gently to feel her heartbeat and brushed my lips over her forehead.

" _Te amo con todo mi corazon, mi bebé dulce."_ I whispered, my tears falling down in her hair. " _Lo siento."_

"Love you." She slurred out in her sleep, her eyes fluttering slightly.

Brushing away the strands of hair that had fallen over her face, I finally turned around and walked out of the room and down the stairs. Wanting to give Britt a few minutes to herself, I quickly stripped out of the day old pajamas, jumped in the shower, and once I felt like the stress of the day had washed off of me, I dried off, put on sweats and went to find my wife who was much in need of an apology. When I got to the kitchen, Brittany was sitting at the table with her head in her hands, the baby monitor sitting in front of her and her body finally shaking with tears after how strong she'd managed to be throughout the entire day. Dropping down into the chair beside her, I tentatively put my hand on her shoulder.

"Britt." I sighed, biting my lip. "I'm sorry."

"I know you are, Santana. But that doesn't mean it didn't hurt me. I just...I was upset that you yelled at Leanne at school, but that kind of pales in comparison to the things you said in the waiting room."

"I know. I swear I didn't mean to Brittany. Seeing Annie in pain like that made me act out in ways I haven't in a long time, and I really shouldn't have taken it out on you."

"No. You shouldn't have. I know that you get emotional, and I'm so glad that it's been a long time since you've lashed out like that, but do you understand that while you were basically walking around throwing temper tantrum after temper tantrum, I was doing my part too? Or that I could have used your help instead of worrying that you were either going to slap someone or collapse on the floor because the stress was taking so much out of you?" She didn't even sound angry or upset with me, just defeated after a long, stressful day, and that made me feel even worse.

"I do." I answered sheepishly, not really meeting her eyes. "And I'm sorry that I said what I said about faking early labor."

"Yeah." She exhaled sharply. "I know you didn't think when you said it, but it's  _exactly_  what both of us live every day in fear of, and then you just...you kind of threw it out there like it was nothing."

"I know we don't use the word, but that was a really, really stupid thing to say."

"Beyond stupid." She agreed, and then dropped her head to the table and let sobs take over her body. I didn't really know what I could even do besides wrap my arms around her back and pull her close to me.

"I'm sorry baby, I'm so, so sorry."

Neither of us said anything for a long time, Brittany just kept crying and I swallowed my own tears to be the strong one after she'd been for the entire day. At some point, she lifted her head up from the table and buried it in my chest. After that, I held her as tightly as I could, giving her all the time she needed to let it all out, her frustration at me, all the emotions over Annie getting hurt, everything. It was probably close to a half hour before she stopped, and pulled away so she could look me in the eyes. Tentatively, I reached out to wipe her face on the sleeve of my sweatshirt, and I grazed my fingers down her cheek.

"God, San. I feel like I'm being dramatic, because it was four stitches, and she probably won't even remember this in a year or so, but that was one of the hardest moments as a mom for me. Waiting with her crying like that, and then watching her scream and not even be able to do anything to help her while the doctor stitched her up."

"It was awful, and it's not dramatic. Thank you, Britt, for keeping yourself together and being so strong for her. I really fucked up, and now she thinks school is dangerous now because I couldn't keep my mouth shut."

"We'll deal with it." She sighed. "And I do understand why you yelled at Leanne, you know. I didn't like it, especially because Annie was in the room, and she's the director of the school, but I do understand. Even though I know there's really nothing that could have prevented her getting hurt, I can't help but feel angry at the situation."

"But we can't take her out of school." It was more of a statement than a question.

"No." She shook her head sadly. "Not after all the progress she's made there. She's going to have enough of an adjustment going back there after this."

"Our girl, Britt. She's so much like you, so strong, and so brave. I know that she's going to be okay in a few days, but it sucks that she's hurting physically and emotionally right now."

"Yeah, it really does. I just don't know how to handle it.

* * *

After sitting there for a few more minutes, me just rubbing Brittany's back and neither of us really talking, I managed to convince her to go upstairs and shower while I made dinner. Digging through the cabinets, I realized that we basically had  _nothing_ in the house to cook, so I settled for peanut butter and jelly sandwiches (not that I wouldn't have preferred that anyway) and potato chips. While I was putting all of that together, I finally looked at my phone, seeing that Jarrod had sent me a text, having heard from Thoreau that Annie got hurt, and Callie had left a voicemail. I quickly texted Jarrod back, letting him know that Annie was okay, and listened to Callie's apologetic message. I knew either Britt or I would have to call her back, and I knew I'd have to call Leanne and apologize so she didn't think I was a complete psychopath, but for the time being, I shut off the phone, just needing a night to process. When I finally brought the plates into the living room, Britt, fresh from her quick shower, was already settled with her feet up on the couch. Handing her a plate, I couldn't help but wince a little as my back pulled again when I went to sit down beside her.

"Is it still bothering you?" She asked, her voice flooded with concern.

"It's not that bad." I told her, setting my plate down on the coffee table and digging my fingertips into the spot.

"Come here, stubborn, let me help you."

"Britt." I sighed. "You don't need to give me a massage. Especially not after what an ass I was all day."

"Well you  _did_ act like an ass. But lucky for you, I know that you're actually  _not_ one, and you just go into scary bear mode and don't think. Plus, you're kind of the love of my life, you're carrying our baby, who is mostly to blame for your back pains, so shut up and let me work the tension out."

Setting her plate down beside mine, Brittany's hands landed on my hips, and she slid my body towards her. Leaning forward, I allowed her strong fingers to work on my back, causing me to whimper in both pain and relief. When she finished, she guided my legs up unto the couch, and I lay on my side, my back pressed securely against her front. Softly, she kissed my shoulder, and I turned my head to peck her on the lips.

"As much as I want to stay mad at you Santana, I don't actually think I have the strength to after today. Mostly, I just want to curl up in your arms and fall asleep."

"I wish I could be your big spoon tonight, B."

"Me too." She sighed, and I turned to face her, letting her tuck her face in my neck. "But at least we can still hold each other like this."

I softly kissed the top of her head and squeezed her tightly. When she started to shake in my arms, her tears hot against my skin, I felt the residual anger dissipate from my body. My chin pressed hard against her head and my own tears fell from my eyes.

"Oh Brittany." I breathed against her hair. "It's okay, I promise you, it's okay. Annie's alright, she's alright. I love you, baby, and I've got you."

"I know." She sniffled, lifting up her head and looking at me with watery eyes. "I'm just being weepy and ridiculous."

"Well, at least it's not me for once. Although I much prefer weepy and ridiculous to Snixy."

"Everyone does, honey." She kissed me softly and I pressed her hand under my rib cage where the baby was kicking hard.

"Our kids are alright, B. But if you want, we can eat our sandwiches and go sleep in Annie's bed with her tonight."

"Okay." She leaned her head on my shoulder. "I like that idea a lot."


	23. When You Let Them

During the first week after Annie got hurt, I'd basically dropped just about everything to dote on her. She didn't really need any physical care, since really, it was a small cut and after a few weeks of healing, she'd probably only have a barely noticeable scar, but emotionally, I knew she needed (or maybe I was projecting, and  _I_ needed) extra cuddles, extra reassurances and just overall extra love. It was another one of those times that I was truly grateful that I worked at my own pace, and grateful that Brittany's schedule was so flexible, because it seemed that more often than not, she was popping in to see us in the middle of the day, and coming home early so we'd have extra hours of family time at night. Carefully, we both watched our daughter behave even more cautiously than usual, her eyes turning fearful if she moved too quickly, tears spilling over when the tug of medical thread against broken skin surprised her (Brittany and I both knew that feeling all too well), and we'd capture her in our arms with tighter hugs, longer kisses and bigger praises.

Because I was spending so much time in the house, or maybe because I really was becoming gigantic pregnant and didn't have the energy to do much else (I'd  _finally_ reached a normal weight, and with a cantaloupe sized baby inside of me, I felt huge), I'd fallen into some strange sort of nesting phase. The nursery was still empty and unplanned, except for the grey glider that I'd stumbled upon and fell in love with when I'd needed to sit down for a minute while buying Annie new sheets at Pottery Barn Kids a few weeks earlier. I'd called Brittany close to a dozen times, sitting in that chair in the middle of the store and not really wanting to get up, feeling bad about buying baby things without her, not even really ready to buy baby things  _at all,_ before she'd insisted that if I didn't just order it, they were probably going to carry me out of the store in it  _anyway_. Once they'd delivered the chair a few days later, it had kind of become my sanctuary. Whenever Annie was napping. I'd sit there and rock, cradling my belly and singing, or I'd sort through some of the baby clothes Brittany had dragged down from the attic (which took an obscene amount of time, because I'd get nostalgic even over clothes Annie had never fit properly into), pulling out gender neutral things for the time being and tossing them into a hamper to be washed, folded and tucked away when the room was painted and the rest of the furniture came down from the attic.

On the first Friday after the emergency room trip, I tucked Annie in for her nap, and stood over the bed for a while, watching her curled up like a potato bug, her fist pressed up against her cheek, and the covers tucked under her bandaged chin, snuffling softly. The baby kicked hard under my ribs and I winced a little bit before kissing my sleeping daughter once more, and partially closing the door behind me. Instead of returning to the clothes sorting, I carefully lifted a purple box from the bottom of our bookshelf and carried it with me into the nursery. After settling into my spot, with my swollen feet up on the ottoman, I lifted up the lid and peered inside at the hoarder-esque collection of our baby Annie things. I couldn't even blame the pregnancy hormones for my emotional reaction to what was inside. Even nearly five years later, my heart still quickened when I thought of that tiny, incredible baby I'd first set eyes on. Swallowing away the tears, I took out the album that contained pictures of pregnant Brittany, and Annie on the ultrasound and set the box beside me on the floor as I slowly flipped through the pages. Apparently, I really got lost in my own head, because just as I reached my favorite picture that had ever been taken of Britt and me, standing outside Gramercy Park, me on my tiptoes behind Brittany with my chin resting on her shoulder, her head tilted back to look in my eyes, wedding dresses on, big goofy grins on our faces and two sets of hands with shiny new rings entwined over the swell of her belly, I heard tiny footsteps move into the nursery.

"Hi, Mamí." Annie said, her voice still rough with sleep. "Whatcha doing?"

"I'm just looking at some old pictures, baby girl. How was your nap?"

"It was good. Can I look with you?"

"Sure, c'mon up." I slid over in the chair to make room and she scrambled up beside me, resting the side of her face on the top of my bump and looking down at the album spread open on my thighs. "The day Mama and I got married, you never stopped moving. I think you were just as excited as we were. And you were just a little bit bigger than this baby is right now."

"Mama looks so silly with a big belly." Annie giggled, her pointer finger tracing over the picture.

"Look at this one." I flipped the to the last page where there was one of Britt sleeping on the beach in her sunglasses and bright yellow bikini on our honeymoon, the protrusion of one of Annie's tiny elbows just above her belly button obvious. I'd taken the picture, then pressed my lips against her sunkissed skin before covering my new wife with a towel to protect her from the sun. Unbeknownst to either of us at the time, it was the last picture there'd be before Annie's unexpected arrival. "Pretty cool, right?"

"Uh huh." My daughter nodded and pressed her hands flat against my belly, looking up at me as she waited for the baby to move. "What are they doing in there right now?"

"Sleeping. The baby didn't wake up early from their nap like you." I winked at her and she snuggled closer to my side. "They'll be up to play with you soon, don't worry."

"What's our baby going to be like when it gets born?" She asked, scrunching her forehead in deep thought.

"That's something we won't know for a while." I told her, then closed the pregnancy album and switched it for the other, the one that contained all the pictures taken during Annie's stay in the NICU. "Just like we didn't know with you,  _mija._ But once they're here, we'll know a lot about them, even if you don't think so right away."

"How do you know?"

"Here, check this out." I flipped open the other album to the picture I'd taken on my phone just seconds after Annie had opened her little eyes, tubes and machines already surrounding her little body. "Do you know what I knew about you when I took this picture?"

"I dunno. I look like an alien."

"No, you were the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. When you opened your eyes for the first time, you looked right at me, and even though you were so, so small, I knew that just like your Mama, and just like me, you were a fighter."

"But I was just a baby."

"Annalise, you were always more than just a baby. Even when you were still in Mama's belly, you were some kind of special unicorn. I know that you do a lot of fighting for yourself every single day, and it makes us so proud of you, but the biggest fight you ever had happened as soon as you were born."

"Because I was sick?"

"Yes. You see these machines here? They had to help you breathe and help you eat and keep you warm." I felt the tears prick my eyes again, and I squeezed my daughter even tighter. "But you didn't give up. You had to teach yourself how to do things that most babies are  _born_ knowing how to. That makes you all the more magical."

"Mamí's right about that." Annie and I both looked up to see Brittany leaning against the door frame, smiling with damp eyes.

"Mama!" Annie cried out, and almost moved to jump up quickly before she stopped herself. "We're looking at pictures, come see!"

Moving into the room, Brittany kissed the top of Annie's head, then moved her lips down to brush against my bump, mumbling a few soft words to the baby, then pressed her ear to the same spot, grinning at our daughter in the process. I sat back in the chair, watching Annie follow her Mama's lead until Britt lifted her head to my level and tucked a piece of hair that had fallen loose from my ponytail behind my ear before kissing me softly on the lips. Gently, she lifted Annie up and squeezed into the chair with me, letting the wiggly little girl drape herself across both of our bodies, her head once again using my belly as a pillow.

"See how tiny I was, Mama?"

"I do, baby girl." Britt said quietly, almost reverently and I snaked one of my arms behind her back, holding her closely. I hadn't really intended for  _everyone_ to have to be a part of the emotional rollercoaster I'd decided to get on, but it wasn't like I could have said no to Annie when she'd wanted to see.

"Why didn't you get me a smaller hat?" She asked, pointing at the first pictures taken in the NICU. "This one's way too big."

"Oh God San, the hat." Brittany laughed. "We didn't like that hat, Annie, because it used to fall and cover your eyes when we wanted you to be able to see your little world. Mamí complained so much about it to all of our friends that Uncle Kurt came one day with a whole big box of smaller ones for you, because he wanted you to see as much as we did."

" _And_ to be the most fashionable baby in the hospital." I added, thinking that Annalise was probably the  _only_ baby with hats custom made by designers of the caliber Kurt knew, and that we didn't care in the slightest where they'd come from, just that we could see our baby's eyes.

"That sounds like Uncle Kurtsy." Annie giggled, and Brittany reached down into the box where the original hat that would barely fit a grapefruit was tucked away, letting Annie see how small she truly had been.

We sat there flipping through the pages, watching Annie grow bigger and stronger before our eyes, but still barely looking like a doll in our arms. and she was completely enraptured. She'd seen pictures of herself as a baby before, obviously, but never where she could witness the progression in such a way. When we reached the last page of the album, there was a picture of me with a gigantic smile on my face, only the top of Annie's head visible, wrapped tight against my body as we stood outside the hospital on the day she finally came home with us. My daughter was quiet as she stared down at the image, one hand slipped into Brittany's and the other absently tracing over the skin of my stomach where my shirt had risen.

"How long is this baby going to live in the hospital?" Annie asked finally, little lips pursed as she picked up her head.

"Well sweetheart, this baby is going to be born in the same building where we go to see Dr. Singh, instead of the hospital, and then once Mamí rests up in a day or so, they'll hopefully come home together."

"So not like me." It was the mix between a question and a statement, and Brittany and I exchanged a glance before I opened my mouth to speak again.

"No,  _mi amor,_ not like you." I told her softly and she lay her head back down on me, thinking. "So many thoughts in your little head today, huh?"

"My head is bigger now." She said defensively and Brittany rubbed her arms soothingly.

"It is, Bean. This hat definitely wouldn't fit you now. Do you want to tell us what you're thinking about?" Britt asked.

"I'm not really so sure. This new baby isn't going to need so much help as me, 'cuz I always needed lots of help."

"Oh, Annie." I sighed, brushing away the tears that had formed under her eyes as a sick feeling rose in my stomach, the thing I'd dreaded for days coming to the surface. She was so smart, our girl, and I  _knew_ she'd heard the words I'd spoken in the nurse's office, the angry words that sounded like exasperation, but which meant so much more. "Every person in the world needs help, and every person is able to help others in some way. When the baby comes, Mama and I will need lots of help from  _you_ , because even when they come home, they're going to be way too small to do anything themselves."

"And when they grow big?"

"They'll need help in other ways, and maybe they'll help you with things too.  _Bebé,_ I was twenty-four years old when you were born, and you, this tiny little girl in these pictures, somehow knew how to help me more than anyone else."

"And me too, baby girl. I didn't matter that you were small, or sick, or had to live at the hospital for longer than we'd wanted to leave you there for. What mattered was that there was already more love inside of you than some people have in bodies much bigger."

"I...I think you heard something the other day that I didn't say the way that I meant to." I nearly whispered, closing my eyes as Brittany squeezed my fingers tightly.

"You were very mad at my school Mamí. And at the hospital too." She confirmed my suspicions.

"I was." I nodded. "But not at you,  _never_ at you. Annie, the scariest days for me are always when you have a hard time, and if I could, I'd change the whole world to make it easier for you, that's what I was trying to say to Miss Leanne. I don't want you ever to think that it's not okay to need help, okay? This baby isn't going to be like you, but it has nothing to do with being sick when you were born, or maybe needing some extra hugs before you do big scary things. It's just because there is only ever going to be one Annie Lopez-Pierce in the world, and that makes you so special."

"Remember the book  _Oh, the Places You'll Go_?" Brittany asked, and she nodded. " _There's no one alive who is youer than you._ If you were any different, you wouldn't be the same girl that we love more than anything."

"It's true. We didn't know what you'd be like before you were born, I already told you that, but you're even better than we ever expected." I took her hand and held it against where the baby had woke up and started to move. "Bug, you couldn't have a more amazing big sister."

"And a very good Mama and Mamí too. They're the very best at helping, even if they gotta put burny stuff on you when you get hurt." Annie added, wrinkling her nose at the thought of us cleaning out her stitches each night, and neither Britt or I could hold back our laughter.

Annie wanted to look at the pictures again, to talk about them to the baby once they'd woken up. It was actually really amazing hearing her relay the story of the first months of her life as we'd just told it, but as usual, it came as no surprise to me how quickly she'd absorbed it all. She was so different from other kids her age, that was for sure, but it wasn't in the way people expected. For everything she struggled with, there were ten other things that she so far surpassed her peers in. Maybe it's because both Brittany and I had both spoken to her like she was an adult from the time she was born, sharing our deepest thoughts, because we knew no other way to be with her, or maybe it's because she possessed that Pierce emotional intelligence that I could only hope would somehow be osmotically passed into the fetus inside of me, but so often, I'd watch her with disbelief about how she understood so much. I guess, as her mother it was one of those catch-22 situations,  _especially_ as someone who could never really articulate my emotions properly (hence the foot that had been in my mouth for days, even after I'd called Leanne to apologize and explain to her what I meant when I'd sounded like I believed myself some kind of martyr), but we'd just keep talking to her, just keep answering her questions for as long as she had them to ask.

* * *

When we finally put the books away, knowing that we'd have to start getting ready to go to Eden's birthday party (because apparently it was a thing in Westchester to have parties for children on Friday nights), Annie seemed more content than she had when we'd started. I, of course, was in my perpetual state of exhaustion, and while our daughter went to play quietly in the playroom, I pulled Brittany down on the couch with me so I could get my evolutionary advantage on and snuggle with the other mother of my children. We were quiet for a while as we lay there, my head on Britt's chest, one of her hands running through the hair she'd tugged out of my ponytail and the other drumming over my belly. Through the glass panes that separated us from the playroom, we watched Annie at work at her little blue stove, cooking for Milky Way and occasionally looking over her shoulder to make sure we were still close by.

"Sometimes, Britt, I wonder how I'm even going to love another child the way that I love her." I confessed quietly, my hands covering where I imagined the baby's ears would be. "That's so awful, right?"

"No, it's like how we didn't even imagine how strong the love we feel for Annie would be until she was here. It's the same with this one, we already love them, but once they're born, we'll love them so much that we won't even going to remember how we existed before."

"Do you think Annie is really okay? God, I could seriously smack myself for her having any more doubt about herself than she already does."

"She is." Brittany promised, bringing my wrist to her lips and placing a firm, reassuring kiss there. "And you didn't. Santana, honey, you believe in our daughter like you've always believed in me, more than anyone else in the world. You've been beating yourself up for days over something that I fully understood what you meant. It's okay."

"I hope so. It was weird looking at those pictures."

"I know, but I'm glad you took them out. It took us so long to have them printed, and even then, we never looked at them much. But it was good for her to see."

"Even if she did get upset when I said she had a little head."

"Hmmm, and there's  _no one_  else around here who's sensitive about their size."

"Only if I get called cute, or compared to Rachel." I stuck my lower lip out and Brittany ran her thumb over it.

"The pout isn't helping you look any less cute, baby." She laughed, causing me to laugh at how true that was. "Or your beautiful dimples. But just because you're cute doesn't mean you're not also incredibly sexy and super strong. Besides, you've always been the perfect size so we fit together like this."

"Yeah, yeah, my wife the sweet talker. Well you're cute too."

"Not an insult, Santana." Brittany giggled, kissing me hard and wrapping her arms around my shoulders, holding me tight. "I love you, you tiny snugglebear."

"You're such a jerk, don't let anyone hear you call me names like that." I couldn't stop laughing as I dropped my head back against her chest.

"You're ridiculous, you know that, right? What's the worst thing your wife ever called you?  _Totally_ snugglebear."

" _Tiny_ snugglebear." I corrected and I could feel the playful shake of Brittany's head as I burrowed my face into her neck, doing very little to disprove her nickname.

"Why are you laughing so much?" Annie popped her head out of the playroom door. "Sounds like you're having a lot of fun."

"Mama was just reminding me that it's kind of awesome to be little." I told her. "Want to come cuddle with us for a few more minutes before we have to get ready to go to the party?"

"Course." She scrambled carefully up onto the couch, wedging herself into the crook of Brittany's arm.

"And now I have  _both_ of my tiny snugglebears." Brittany laughed, kissing the top of Annie's head.

"Guess that's not so bad, huh  _mija?"_

"Nope, not at all Mamí! If we were giant like Uncle Finn or Poppy, we totally couldn't all snuggle with Mama and your big belly."

* * *

Of course, like it usually did, our cuddle session turned into me falling asleep and Brittany easing Annie off of me so the two of them could go get ready. By the time I was woken up and managed to make myself presentable for the party, we were running  _extremely_ late, and the traffic getting out of the city did little to make up time (a Friday at 5:30, totally not the best move when you have friends in the city Quinn, especially when the wife of your best friend is pregnant and usually running late  _anyway_ ). By the time we made it to the country club where the party was, it was close to six, and I couldn't help but snicker when Britt handed the keys to our Civic to the valet, glancing over at the lot that could have been a prop for a Benz commercial.

Brittany's hands were full with Eden's birthday gift, and I squatted down on the pavement in front of Annie, smoothing her silver party dress and adjusting the big bow in her hair. She squeezed my hand tightly when I took hers in mine, and I reciprocated, knowing that any type of event at the Chapman's ritzy country club typically overwhelmed me just as much as it overwhelmed Annie. At Eden's Christening, I  _may_ have taken her to hide in the bathroom with me, playing Go Fish after I got tired of rich white people asking me if I'd be bringing around another round of hors d'oeuvres, but I'd made a commitment to myself (and intentionally worn my Brittany diamonds and a certain red soled pair of shoes to combat the image some of Quinn's friends had of the dark skinned girl as the help) to not disappear for half of the party. Eden's first birthday party was a big deal, and Brittany and I probably understood that better than anyone. For Quinn, it had been a different long road that brought her to that day than the long road my wife and I had taken, but a difficult one nonetheless, and after a day of reflecting on our journey, I felt an even deeper happiness for her than I would have felt before.

"There are lots of people here." Annie looked between Brittany and me with her eyes wide as I opened up one of the French doors.

"Always with Aunt Quinn, baby girl." Brittany laughed. "Like I dance, and Mamí does superhero stuff, her job is mostly to entertain people, and now they're all here for Edie's big day."

"I don't think I'd like that job very much."

"Yeah, me either Annie, but lucky for us, we don't have to, right?" I lifted her up as best as I could onto my right hip, my back hardly protesting her slight weight. "And I'm sure Uncle Finn found us a place to sit that's not right in the middle of all the busyness."

Brittany laced her fingers with mine, tugging me further into the room full of women in pearls and most of the men chatting business while their kids ran around between their legs. It had never surprised me all that much that Quinn ended up in a world so much like the one she was raised in, except even richer, but I was eternally grateful that Archie, though it took me a while to give him a chance, was so unlike her father and was actually a likable guy. Spotting Quinn with Eden in her arms and a glass of champagne in one hand, Brittany dropped the gift down on the table and led Annie and I over to our friend.

"Happy Birthday, Baby Eden!" Annie said immediately, reaching out to take one of her little hands. Eden just smiled and let out a string of unintelligible syllables.

"Congratulations, Quinn." Brittany hugged her tightly, stopping only to kiss Eden's cheeks. "She's getting so big."

"You are, aren't you Chickadee?" Quinn beamed at her little girl. "Tell Aunt Brittany and Aunt Santana that you're standing up all by yourself now."

"Are you?" I grinned excitedly, sneaking her out of Quinn's arms. Brittany gave me one of her softest looks at the sight of me holding both of the girls before shaking her head and putting her arm around my back, trying to subtly take some of the weight from my arms. "Soon you're going to be running around with Annie and Brice, and your mom will be the one snatching a baby out of my arms."

"I don't know Santana." Quinn teased. "Number one, I seem to recall you being  _pretty_ protective over any of us even  _looking_ at Annie, and number two, I don't think anyone else enjoys snatching babies as much as you do. I mean, look at you, you're pregnant in heels with two little girls in your arms. That's a lot of baby right there."

"Although honey, if you want to hold all the kids in the room, we should get you a seat." Brittany finally managed to ease Annie out of my arms and onto the ground between us.

"It's okay, I'll give the birthday girl back. Annie and I will go find Finchel and the gays, I'm sure they've saved us seats. Britt, you should have a drink with Quinn." I told her, kissing Eden and handing her back to her mother. Quinn set her down in front of Annie, and my daughter clapped excitedly as she watched her standing up.

"No it's okay, I'll come with you guys." She said softly, and Quinn busied herself with the kids, not wanting to intrude on our conversation.

"Babe, it's Quinn's daughter's first birthday, and she's your best friend." I took both of her hands in mine, kind of swinging them between us. "You know how much I appreciate the fact that you  _rarely_ drink because of me, and that you haven't had anything since I've been pregnant, but I'm good, don't worry so much."

"You won't go hide in the bathroom?" She joked.

"Nope, I'm going to go sit and then I'll have a grand old time speaking really loudly about scissoring, Ellen DeGeneres, softball and flannel, in between making the most stereotypical Spanish exclamations I possibly can to make these stuck up people feel uncomfortable.  _Ay, dios mio, pobrecita! Arriba, arriba._ "

"You know, your mother actually says  _dios mio_  all the time."

"And we like scissoring." I raised an eyebrow and gave her a half smirk. "I didn't say that all stereotypes weren't true."

"Okay, fair enough." She squeezed my hands and leaned in to peck my lips. "I won't be gone long."

"Take your time, I'm serious. If I need anything, I'll tell Rachel and Kurt that you said they have to do whatever I say." I laughed, and Britt rolled her eyes at me.

Taking Annie's hand back in mine, we made our way over to the table in the corner where the rest of my friends were. When Brice saw Annie, he made to run over to her, but at the same time that I scoped my daughter back up into my arms, Finn caught his son by the collar and started whispering to him, probably letting him know that he needed to be gentle with Annie because she was hurt. Grinning, Finn lifted his coat off the seat beside him and I placed Annie down beside Brice before sinking into my own chair.

"How are you feeling, Annie?" Finn asked immediately as Brice eyed the bandaids on his friend's chin.

"Not so bad 'nymore, Uncle Finn. But I can't play rough, 'cuz I can't get bumped."

"That's a pretty smart idea. But look, we packed some crayons so you and Brice can color."

"Yeah MyAnnie. We c'n make pi'tures." Brice cheered from Finn's lap.

"We can make them for Edie's birthday, Bricey."

"Mmkay!" He shouted excitedly, grabbing with his pudgy hands for the red crayon.

Finn and I sat watching them for a while, both of us perfectly content to stick to our little corner. Of course, he repeatedly asked me if I was sure there wasn't anything I needed, but I just waved him off with a laugh. Kurt and Blaine had, as was typical at any kind of fancy function (and any function hosted by the Chapmans was  _always_ fancy) had disappeared off into the fray, finding people who they meshed with so seamlessly, and I watched Rachel, who always did her share of schmoozing, looking flustered as she spoke to an older couple who obviously knew who she was. Finn made to stand up to check on her, but I gestured for him to stay seated, and stood up myself.

"I'll go act like a social person and check on her." I promised. "If she needs saving, I can totally play the  _pregnant lady needs help in the bathroom_ card."

"Is that even a card you can play? Classy."

"Says the man coloring with crayons. I'll be back, keep an eye on Annie, and if I get stuck, just call for a refill on your drink." I laughed over my shoulder and made my way over to Rachel. "Hi Rachel."

"Oh, Santana, hi." She turned to me and I totally gave her one of those obnoxious cheek brushes. "This is Calvin and Alyssa Miller. Calvin, Alyssa, Santana Lopez-Pierce."

"Nice to meet you, dear." Alyssa reached out her hand, and I shook it, then followed suit with her husband.

Feigning all the sweetness in the world, I smiled in an effort to avoid rolling my eyes, being reminded of my sister-in-law and her oh-so-lovely ex-boyfriend's penchant for the word  _dear_. Luckily, I knew that I was naturally charming, and as I talked to them about how I knew Quinn, what I did for a living, when my baby was due, and, you know, just a few comments about how insanely talented my wife was (because I could never resist), I twisted the rings on my finger that had grown just a little bit too tight with the swelling of my extremities. Alyssa managed to be vaguely judgmental without really saying anything truly awful, but I ignored it and kept the fake smile plastered on my face.

"So, before you joined us, we were just speaking to Rachel about how she's been filling her time since her departure from the stage. We do miss your presence there terribly." Alyssa nearly sighed, and I flicked my eyes over to Brice and once again resisted rolling my eyes at how  _obvious_ it was that my friend had been spending her time as a mother, God forbid.

"Well, my son does keep me pretty busy." Rachel laughed nervously. "You know, preschool applications, play groups, his various musical theater classes."

"Of course, of course." Alyssa waved her off. "I just assumed you'd have a nanny to handle things like that."

"I think it's great that Rachel and Finn are raising their son without outside help. That's what my wife and I are doing, and I'll tell you right now that it's the most rewarding job in the world."

"Yes, of course. But this is Rachel Berry we're speaking of here."  _And you aren't_ , I heard the unspoken implications of her words, and I inhaled sharply. I honestly didn't care what this woman thought of me (okay, maybe I did a little), but I watched Rachel bristle. She loved her career, and she'd always spoke of going back to the stage when Brice was in school, but the idea that people thought what she was doing with her time was worthless clearly jarred her.

"Rachel Berry is an amazing performer, but Rachel  _Hudson_ is an even more amazing mom." I told her, not even veiling my contempt. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched Finn stand up, having heard my voice raise. I probably should have stopped there, but for some reason I couldn't resist the urge to say something further. "And besides being  _just a mom_ , since apparently that isn't enough, Rachel also happens to be very involved with preparing a big benefit concert at the moment, right Rach?"

"Yes, of course." Rachel looked at me, her jaw attempting not to drop to the floor because I  _totally_ made that up, and she had no time to even process it. "But the news hasn't gone public yet, since this will be my return to the stage, even if it's only a one night performance."

"That's lovely." Alyssa cooed, and her husband just nodded along. "What is the benefit for?"

"Well, I'm not exactly at the liberty to say." Rachel stuttered through the lie, and I squeezed her arm, jumping in.

"It's for my organization, Show Your Brave." The words tumbled out of my mouth, and I knew that both Rachel and Finn were looking at me in utter shock after the dozens of times I'd refused to use Rachel's celebrity status to get things moving quicker. "But I think we've said too much. Rach, I could actually use your help with something, would you mind coming with me to the ladies room?"

With Rachel following blindly behind me, I grabbed Kurt, who was talking to Judy Fabray, by the shoulder and dragged him with us to the bathroom. Obviously, we were in need of a serious conference, after I'd decided to run my mouth, and when I locked the door behind me, I sunk down into the wing chair beside the entrance.

"Why are we in the women's bathroom?" Kurt asked. "Is Santana trying to hide again?"

"Maybe I should have." I mumbled into my hands, the reality of what I'd said kind of setting in.

"Apparently, she's finally letting me help her raise money, and we're having a benefit concert." There was a tone of disbelief in Rachel's voice, and I couldn't help but laugh.

"What?" Kurt nearly shrieked. "You planned an event without telling me?"

"We didn't  _plan_ anything." I corrected him. "I lied to this rich bitch, and Rachel went along with it. She was making it out like being Brice's mom wasn't a good enough thing for her to be doing, and that _obviously_ it was good enough for someone like me, so I just got pissed."

"And we all know what happens when you get pissed." He rolled his eyes and I laughed again.

"Santana, while I appreciate you defending me, you are aware that Alyssa Miller's maiden name is Astor, and that she's one of the most prominent members of New York City society, right?"

"Rachel, I don't even know what that  _means._ "

"And this is why we don't let Santana talk to people alone at parties." Kurt chuckled to himself and I sat up and flicked him. "What it means is that she knows people, and even idle chatter at a party is relevant. So you kind of can't back out of letting Rachel do this concert."

"I wasn't going to  _back out_." I defended, placing my hands on my bump and feeling the baby kick under my hands. I didn't really care about society, or benefit concerts, or stupid country club parties, all I really cared about was my wife, my daughter, my unborn baby, and helping other people get to the point where I was at in my life. If doing that meant Rachel needed to raise money for me (I thought back to the perpetual  _pending_ status of my grant application), then so be it. "I mean, I don't have to do anything, right?"

"You'll need to be present, obviously." Kurt again rolled his eyes at my ignorance to how things work. "And definitely give a speech, but Rachel's people will handle the rest. You know they've been itching to get her to do some kind of performance."

"I hate my life." I sighed, and there was a knock at the door.

"Santana, are you in there? Are you okay?" Brittany's voice called out, and Kurt unlocked the door to let her in.

Once Brittany was settled into the chair with me, my entire body curling into hers as she stroked my arm and rubbed my belly, we filled her in on what had happened and what I'd gotten myself into. Smiling softly at me, she sent Kurt and Rachel from the room, asking Rachel to tell Annie that we'd be back with her soon.

"San, honey, you look upset. Talk to me."

"I just whored out three years worth of work at Quinn's daughter's birthday party, because your best friend knows the most insufferable people of all time." I sighed, and I felt the tiny laugh ripple from Brittany's belly. "It's not funny babe."

"I'm not laughing at you." She swore. "I'm laughing that it's completely true about the people here. It was really nice of you to defend Rachel though, even though she usually sets herself up by being completely unprepared to talk to people like this."

"I know, but it did upset me, and I felt all this weird solidarity with her or something, because that woman was such a classist bitch." I rested my head on Britt's shoulder, letting her hold me even closer. "But now I'm releasing everything I worked for to the wolves, and it's like using Rachel makes me feel like people only care about what I've worked so hard on because of her, you know?"

"I do. But I also know that people will care because you're brilliant, and even though it's growing slowly, this is growing, and maybe with the little push that being in the public eye will give it, you'll be one step closer to getting the recognition you deserve."

"But I don't even want recognition, Britt. I just want kids like me to know that they can have  _this_. That someday it gets easier to be who they are, and they can be cuddled in their wife's arms in the bathroom at a terrible, terrible party with judgmental assholes, and still feel totally okay."

"And those judgmental assholes have lots and lots of money that they're just looking to throw at some new cause."

"I guess. I'm just a little bit afraid to put Show Your Brave out there like that, I've kept it so close to my heart, and there's so much more to do before it's even ready like that."

"My beautiful, perfectionist wife." Britt smiled, pressing her lips to mine. "I know how ready it really is, and I also know that it won't thrive until you let it. Look at Annie, we couldn't keep her in the incubator forever, and look at our Bug, they'll have to come out of you eventually. You know as well as I do that big things happen when you let them. But if you're not ready, Alyssa Astor Miller can shove it, and Rachel will get over it eventually, because at the end of the day, what you do with something that means so much to you is your call. And it's more than a call you made in the heat of the moment."

"I love you Britt, and I love that you care about as little as I do about the likes of the people who are supposedly  _someone._ "

" _Being someone_ is so relative." She laughed again. "Who even decides that, anyway? Like, oh, this woman is pretty rude and talks like the mother of someone Lizzie would date, but she's definitely important. The Lopez-Pierces? Nah, they drive a Honda Civic and hide in the bathroom at fancy parties, they're  _so_ off the list."

"I'm pretty sure we were never on the list to get kicked off."

"Who cares? Not being on the list means we can have rap music and play musical chairs at our kids' birthday parties, rather than pass around nicoise crostini on tiny spoons. I love Quinn, but I definitely prefer our kind of parties."

"Me too." I grinned, kissing her again and then finally standing up. "But you're right, Rachel has been dying to do this for me forever, and it's one night that can actually make a difference for me, and for a lot of other people."

"Just make sure she's not counting on someone's Twitter followers or something." Brittany teased, linking her fingers with mine and unlocking the door. "Because we all know how well that goes."

"I'll definitely let her know that." I shook my head and playfully rolled my eyes. "Let's go find Annie and make the most of this party, then you can help me process this again in the morning."

Tugging Brittany out of the bathroom with me, Quinn quirked an eyebrow at us, once again suspecting that we were up to our old antics in there, but I shook my head and continued to lead my wife back towards our table. Of course, our friends were buzzing about what had transpired, but I chose not to get involved, instead, sharing a look with Finn, then pulling Annie up onto my lap to look at the series of pictures she'd drawn. Beneath the ones she'd drawn for Eden, there was one of a tiny baby with a silly hat on her head, and beside it, one of a yellow haired girl with a bow that was slightly too big. Folding it up, I tucked it into my purse, smiling at the thought of my girl growing so big and strong, and at Brittany's words in the bathroom about big things happening when you let them. Maybe it wasn't what I thought I'd wanted, but all my work was about to be thrust into the limelight, and all I could hope was that I was ready for whatever was to come.


	24. Practice What You Preach

By the time I was over the initial shock about what my inability to keep my mouth shut had caused, an entirely new type of anxiety set in. With the realization that I would be teaming up with Rachel (and, by default, Kurt) on what would potentially be a gigantic turning point in what I'd invested years of my life in, I set my mind to making sure that it would be better than I ever possibly could have imagined. For the better part of the first week, I retreated to the office, completely engrossing myself in the damn computer screen. I knew, from hours upon hours of research, that people with far less developed start ups than I had never hesitated to ask people to financially contribute, but I was Santana Lopez-Pierce, and it was no secret to anyone that I was a control freak and a perfectionist, and as a result, one thing I wouldn't do was jump into something I cared so deeply about half-assed. With Annie still out of school, I'd imagined that it would be difficult to commit the amount of time I needed, but never a day went by that I didn't remember how truly lucky I was to have such a incredible child. Rather than serve as a distraction from what needed to be finished, Annie was a godsend, reminding me of the most important of reasons that it mattered so much to me. Music was our life, in so many ways, and using it to help not only others, but ourselves, would always be how we existed. As I sat at the desk working diligently she sat on the floor in my view, coloring, playing with her toys, and occasionally piping up with a _Mamí, how's your 'mportant work going?_  to keep me on track.

Fighting my inevitable exhaustion (which, no matter how much better I'd felt than at the beginning of the pregnancy, was still a reality), more nights than not, I'd end up either on the phone with Rachel, who was really taking my input seriously when she talked to the people who were making it all happen in four fucking weeks, reading statistics on the internet, or actually being involved in the real purpose of the whole project, e-mailing a new crop of kids who were seeking mentorship. On the night before Annie was set to return to school, her stitches removed days earlier by Dr. Kellen (who, obviously, Britt and I trusted more than any emergency room doctor when he told us she was ready), I was looking over Rachel's prospective set list, which she wanted my opinion on. Despite my perpetual trust issues, I actually  _did_  trust her on this. Mostly I just wanted to show up in whatever dress Kurt chose to stuff me in, give my speech, hold Brittany's hand and smile at rich people at the after party, then go home to deposit lots of money into a yet-to-be-opened bank account, and go back to real life. But even so, I'd sworn to be an active part of this, and was doing just that. At some point, I must have nodded off with my head on the desk, the reading glasses that I only wore when I was as tired as I was still perched on my nose, and my hand cradled protectively under my belly. It wasn't until I felt strong hands pressing into my lower back and lips grazing behind my right ear that I snapped back to consciousness.

"Shit, Brittany, what time is it?" I slurred groggily, as her fingers danced over the sides of my belly, before making their way up to my shoulders and digging into the tension there.

"It's just after midnight. And here I was, thinking you working yourself to the bone, but you were sleeping in a very uncomfortable position, while I was all alone in our big bed." She teased, as my back arched into her touch, letting her massage away the tension. "I know you've got a lot to do, and not a lot of time to do it, but you should probably pencil some sleep in too. You look exhausted."

"I should have come up to bed an hour ago. I know that I'm totally unproductive when I'm this tired. It's just crazy to me that this is shaping up to be the most anticipated event of the spring, and it was literally announced like, thirty seconds ago."

"Well, the fact that the first public event that  _the_  Rachel Berry is doing since announcing her pregnancy on the red carpet at the Tony's is  _kind of_  a gigantic deal. I'm so proud of you for being a part of this, baby." Britt hugged me tightly from behind, and I twisted my head back to smile at her. "I know you're nervous, but I also know how awesome you are, and you're going to charm the pants off of these rich people."

"I'd rather they keep their pants on. Especially the men." I laughed. "But hey, I'll totally use my pants charming abilities on you any time you'd like."

"Noted." She grinned, and I took my glasses off, setting them down beside the computer before curling my fingers that were stiff from typing all night, and wincing visibly at the tightness in my left ring ringer.

"Are you okay, San?"

"Yeah, just my poor sausage fingers." I cracked my knuckles, cringing to myself at the sound, and knowing that I was finally going to have to do the inevitable, which I'd been fighting for weeks. "My rings are getting way too tight, but I really don't want to take them off. I mean, I can pretty much count how many times I haven't had them on in five years."

"Jesus, honey." She took my hand in hers and furrowed her brow as she inspected it, gently twisting the rings, inciting a harder wince, before sliding them off and into her palm. "You're lucky you still have circulation in your fingers, they were so tight. How have you even been using this hand?"

"What can I say? I'm very resourceful when it comes to using my fingers."

"That." She rolled her eyes, kissing from the inside of my palm all the way up to my fingertips, then rubbing her thumb over it. "Was the lamest sexual innuendo you've ever come up with."

"Shut up, it's like the middle of the night." I laughed, then turned to kiss her lips before becoming serious. "I just feel naked without my rings, and the thing is, I know that it doesn't matter what other people think of me, God, it's like what I'm building my entire organization around, but part of me will always have it in the back of my mind. I mean look, it doesn't matter how I'm dressed, or the fact that if people paid attention for more than ten seconds it's pretty damn obvious that Annie is my kid, do you know how many moms give me their elitist glances, like I'm the help? Just imagine me without a wedding ring on, I'll look like a damn walking stereotype; unwed, pregnant, Mexican nanny. And I feel like an idiot for even saying it. Good job walking the  _you're stronger than what other people think walk_ , and practicing what I preach, right?"

"Oh, Santana." Brittany grabbed my by the hand and pulled me up from the chair, engulfing me fully in a hug, my rings still pressed into her palm. "You're not an idiot. Just because you don't let other people's judgements rule your life anymore doesn't mean they can't still bother you. I know there's an insane double standard. I mean, Edie looks nothing like Quinn, but people just assume she adopted her. I love that you don't usually let people get to you, but I get it, it bugs me that people don't see what's so totally obvious too, and I totally understand that you feel more vulnerable without your rings on."

"Yeah, I know it's ridiculous babe, but being married to you has help me get through a lot of shit, and sometimes I just like, look down at my hand when you're not around and I feel safe. God, I really need to chill out with these hormonal things I say."

"Hey." She tilted my chin up with her fingers so I was looking her in the eyes, then pressed a firm kiss to my forehead. "No you don't, because if you did, we couldn't fix this really simply."

Reaching behind her head, Brittany unclasped the Santa Anna medal at the back of her neck and carefully slipped my engagement ring down the chain so it rested safely in between her breasts. Attempting to figure out just what her purpose for doing that was, I raised an eyebrow, and she gave me a soft smile and then brushed my lips with hers. When she pulled away, she repeated the motion with the chain around my neck, sliding my wedding band down so it rested in the same place. Bringing her left hand up over my heart, she twisted her own engagement ring off, sliding the diamond slowly down my naked finger. The ring was warm from her hand, and she whispered you can wear the bling, winking playfully at me. At the gesture, I melted a little bit, because God, it was impossible to love her any more than I did.

"Britt." I breathed, not even knowing what else to say whenever she came up with the most simple, yet completely genius solutions to things.

"Now we each have one on our fingers and one on our necks, that seems fair. Lucky I have bigger fingers than you, right?" She put her hands on my lower back and she tugged me closer to her as I wrapped my arms tightly around her neck, tucking my head in the crook

"In so many ways." I smirked against her skin, and she laughed.

"Double lame finger joke in one night, really Santana?"

"Whatever." I laughed. "Thank you, babe. You didn't have to do that for me, but I do kind of love wearing your ring."

"Well don't get too used to it. Some hot chick gave it to me, and I'd kind of like to get it back when you're done using it."

"You're lucky that hot chick loves you so much and will ignore the fact that you just said that you only kind of want it back."

"Shut up." She threaded her fingers through my messy hair and smiled as she kissed me again. "Let's go to bed, you know, the place where people are actually supposed to sleep, or else neither of us will be happy when our tiny human alarm clock wakes us up in the morning."

* * *

After a surprisingly restful night of sleep, I was roused awake by the feeling of an elbow to the forehead and the tiny squeak of  _I'm sorry, Mamí_. Opening my eyes, I smiled to find my daughter curling herself into my side, pressing one of her little hands where my shirt had risen up as I slept, seeking comfort in whatever way possible. It took me a moment, in my sleepy state, to feel the anxiety that was radiating off of her, but once I did, I sat up, pulling her immediately into my lap and holding her close to me. My eyes caught Brittany's, where she stood at the dresser wrapped in a towel with her hair still dripping from the shower, and she gave me a nervous smile. In some ways, the morning felt worse than the first day of school, for all of us, and I silently rocked Annie, knowing that as much as none of us were looking forward to it, as much as Brittany and I had been avoiding this for as long as possible, it was past time for her to go back go school.

"Please Mamí." Annie sighed desperately, her face buried in my neck and her hands gripping the collar of my shirt. "Please let me stay here with you and help you with your work. I don't want to go to to school 'nymore.  _No quiero volver_."

"I know you're nervous,  _mija_ , but it's time to go back. Dr. Kellen says your chin is all better now, and you'll be able to run around and play again." I tried to soothe her, and she shook her head furiously, as the inevitable tears began to fall.

"No. Please no. Please, please, please." She begged, tearing herself violently out of my arms, and flat onto her stomach, her little legs kicking fiercely against the sheets.

It was hard for me, in moments like that, when every fiber of my being twitched to snatch her back into my arms and hold her until she stopped crying, to promise her that she never had to leave my side. But physically, I couldn't pick her up when she was throwing her body around like that, and as her mother, I couldn't give in to the things I knew that she needed to do, as much as it pained me. Still though, the rationality of it didn't make my heart break any less. Without missing a beat, Brittany shrugged into her robe and quickly climbed back up into bed, lifting our daughter into her arms and stilling her frantic legs in the crook of her arm, resuming the same rocking I'd been doing moments earlier.

"Baby girl, it's going to be okay." She promised, her words barely a whisper against her head.

"No, Mama. I don't even like school 't all."

"I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but what about Thoreau? And all the songs you sing, and the art projects, and the stories that you love?"

"Mamí sings me songs, and you read me stories, and I can do art all by myself. Thoreau can come play with me here, in my own room, with nob'dy else around." Annie said defiantly, and for an instant, I let myself think that she had a valid point before snapping back to reality.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart, but you have to go back to school." Brittany told her. "I promise you, you're going to be safe."

"Let me take her for a second, Britt?" Our eyes met, and she nodded.

"Annie, Mamí wants to hug you too, but you cannot kick your feet." She told her seriously, but gently. "Remember that we have to be careful around her belly."

"Mmkay." Annie nodded, looking at me with a tear stained face as Britt shifted her back into my arms, wrapping her arm around my lower back so our girl was almost encased in a protective cocoon. " _Te amo._ "

"We love you too, brave girl, so much." I nuzzled my nose against the top of her head as she hugged me tightly again. "It's okay to be afraid, we know that when big scary things happen, it's hard to remember that you can still have fun. But I know that you really do love school, and that once you felt used to it again, you'll be very glad you went back."

"It won't even be as scary as it was on your first day ever, because you already know what it's like." Brittany added. "And when Mamí talked to Thoreau's Papa, he said they would wait for us outside, so we can all go in together."

"And I'm not even going to come home today, mi amor. I'm going to get some work done right around the corner, so if you need me, I can be there as fast as possible."

Looking between Brittany and me, Annie was silent, considering that. Inside of me, the baby had decided that it was time to start doing all kinds of flips, and with a small, hesitant giggle, Annie looked down at where her unborn sibling moved. Neither Britt or I said anything, we kind of just let them have a moment, while I slid my hand down from Annie's back so I could squeeze my wife's thigh. We'd been doing this for years, we knew that she always made it over each bump, but I also knew that as much I struggled to accept that big things were exceptionally difficult for the tiny girl who's fingers tapped at the top of my bump, Brittany often struggled harder so much with it than I did, and often in silence.

"You're also pretty lucky that you're going to have a special date night with Mama tonight." I finally spoke, reminding her of the one part of the day she was excited about.

"I don't have to stay at school if I need you?" Annie asked, so many thoughts flickering behind blue eyes.

"Annalise, if you really need me, I will be there." I told her, because it was the truth, and the small child didn't have a manipulative bone in her body, and both Britt and I were so completely sure that once we could get her back in that classroom, she would be okay. "All we're asking is that you try. That you sit in your spot next to Miss Callie, and you remember all of the things that you've told us that make you happy about school, and you remember that one thing that made you sad and scared shouldn't take that away."

"I'm gonna miss you lots." She said, her own way of acquiescing.

"Never as much as I'll miss you." I smiled, my eyes prickling unnecessarily as I placed a careful kiss on the fresh scar. "But we'll spend the whole afternoon together before I have to go have my boring meeting with Aunt Rachel and Uncle Kurt."

"Too bad she's going to miss out on our super fun night, huh Annie girl?" Britt asked, winking at me.

"It's okay though Mamí." Annie smiled up at me, and I hugged her closer again, so glad to see that smile. "We can bring you home a peanut butter waffle, 'cuz you like to eat peanut butter so much."

"Thank you,  _bebé_." I kissed the top of her head. "Let's start getting you ready to have a great day, okay?"

"Okay." She nodded, climbing off of me so she could throw her arms around Brittany for a few seconds, leaning up to give her a kiss, and then sliding down off the bed.

* * *

Getting ready actually went smoother than we'd expected, and once Annie was dressed, and hugging Milky Way tightly to her little body, whispering all of her secrets to him, I jumped in the shower. Once I threw on jeans and a navy striped long sleeve shirt (seriously, what was even up with like, ninety percent of maternity clothes having stripes?), I went downstairs to find Brittany and Annie dancing around the kitchen together,  _shaking it out_ , as we liked to say, whenever we danced out our feelings. After buttoning coats and putting on hats and gloves, we started our walk towards school. Although we probably all looked like we were heading towards out own execution, Britt and I feigning happiness far better than Annie, we managed to make it there in one piece, and in a semi-reasonable amount of time.

"Annie!" Thoreau shrieked out before we even managed to see him and Jarrod, standing by the bare tree outside the school. "Annie, you're here!"

"Hey guys!" Britt greeted, Annie still nestled safely in her arms. "Thanks for waiting for us."

"Hi 'Ro." Annie squeaked, looking from him to his Papa. "Hi Jarrod."

"It's so, so good to see our favorite ladies." Jarrod grinned. "You all look fabulous, as always. Especially you, Annie."

"Why thank you." I winked, nudging Annie's cheek as Brittany slowly lowered her to the ground.

"I'm gonna protect you." Thoreau promised her, immediately moving to my daughter's side and reaching out his hand for her to take. She paused for only a brief instant before taking her friend's extended hand and holding it tightly.

"Protect her with your love, buddy, not your fists." Jarrod said sternly and Thoreau nodded vigorously.

"You can hold my hand all day, if you want. Papa and Daddy said you might be scared, and I'm awesome at hand holding."

My heart melted (if it wasn't already a puddle of mush) watching the interaction between Annie and Thoreau, her scared face softening slightly at the idea that she wouldn't be by herself all day. Even though we'd all known that she'd have that sweet little boy by her side, actually hearing him say the words eased so much of the tension that we all felt. As my hand found Brittany's at her side, I felt Jarrod's hand on my shoulder, giving a light squeeze. Although it was rare for us to let anyone in on our concerns about Annie, those O'Malleys were slowly working their way further into our inner circle. In talking to Jarrod nearly every day about Show Your Brave, I'd let some of our concerns about Annie returning to school slip, and from the way Thoreau was quietly speaking to Annie, it was apparent that he'd had some kind of conversation with his son. Words couldn't really express my appreciation for that, so I just gave him a small smile and a nod.

"Sweetheart." Brittany knelt down, temporarily dropping my hand again. "We're going to go inside now, alright?"

"Okay." Annie's eyes widened for a brief second, and she reached for Britt's hand with the one that wasn't tightly squeezing Thoreau's. She looked up at me, not sure what to do, since she only had two hands, and I pressed mine against my heart and smiled at her.

We made our way into the building, my hand on the small of Brittany's back. When we got to the kids' cubbies, Annie had to let go of Thoreau, and I slowly lowered myself into one of the tiny chairs across from where Britt was hanging up Annie's coat and backpack. Once they were situated, my beautiful little girl turned to face me, placing her hands on my knees and looking up at me, her eyes still swimming with all kinds of emotion. Careful not to release a sharp breath, I leaned down and kissed the top of her head, each of her cheeks, and finally the tip of her nose.

"Mamí. You're still gonna be close, right?"

"I am. But look, you're already in here, and you're doing great."

"I know. I just wanted to make sure though. In case."

"Making sure is always good,  _mi amor._  Give me a hug."

Annie complied, and Brittany knelt down behind her, engulfing her from the other side, another little cocoon of safety. Both of us whispered more reassurances, gave her more kisses, and finally walked her into the classroom, Jarrod and Thoreau following closely behind us. Callie came up, offering us a smile, before Annie took a few tentative steps away from Britt and me, her hands balled in little fists until Thoreau put his hand around one of them and it loosened up. My arm was tight around my wife's waist as our daughter took a seat, and slowly, checking, double checking, triple checking that she was settled in, we backed out of the room. When we made it out of the building, our roles were reversed from the first day of school, Brittany being the one who needed me to be her anchor, and I wrapped my arms tightly around her. Jarrod waved goodbye over his shoulder, knowing that my wife and I needed our own moment, and I just held her close.

"You okay, baby?" I whispered in her ear, and she nodded against my shoulder.

"I'm good, sorry." She lifted her head. "I'm glad she's got her own little Santana."

"Hey, watch it." I teased, kissing her temple. "I like the O'Malleys, I don't want to have to forcibly remove that boy from our daughter."

"You know that I didn't mean a Santana like the love of her life, right? I meant a Santana like this awesome, awesome kid who will protect her. But anyway, I'm surprised you let him hold her hand." She laughed, cupping my cheek with her hand. "Doesn't she have to be like, twenty-four before that's allowed?"

"I'll make an exception, since his dad said the gayest statement of all time,  _protect her with your love_."

"If I didn't know that you meant that as the highest compliment, I'd totally be telling you not to be mean right now."

"Oh, trust me, I know you would." I grinned at her. "I wish we had time for a breakfast date this morning."

"Me too, but I was thinking, if you wanted to, you could come up and work in my closet office instead of Starbucks. I've got a lot to do in the studio, so I won't really be in there, but it's probably more comfortable for you."

"I like that idea." I kissed her lips, lacing our fingers together. "You know I'm a clingy bitch this week."

"This week?" She raised an eyebrow playfully and I scoffed at her.

"Hey, totally not my fault. The baby wants to be close to you."

"Mmhm. Blame the baby." Brittany trailed the fingers of her free hand over my belly and giggled. "Well  _I'll_  own that I'd like to be close to you today, especially since we haven't really had much us time with everything else going on."

"Yeah, I know we haven't. And now I have to go to dinner with Kurt and Rachel, and can't even hang out with you tonight."

"But think of the reward you'll get when you make it home."

"Oh, there's a reward?" I smirked. "And what would that be?"

"Me. Naked, waiting for you."

"This day just got  _so_  much better." I tugged at her hand, pulling her to walk with me towards the studio.

* * *

Although I worked in Britt's office, we both knew that we wouldn't really see each other. I was thrilled to see that my phone, which was in full view and on maximum volume, didn't ring, and when it was just about time to go get Annie from school, I snuck into the the studio where Brittany was with three male dancers, watching them work on a routine (or really, I was just staring at my wife). After letting her introduce me and show off the fact that our baby was growing inside of me, I stole one last quick kiss before heading back to Village Preschool. Even with Annie's extra tight hug, I could see in her eyes that her day had been completely fine, and I thanked all that was good for that.

Our afternoon together was quiet. After calling Brittany, so Annie could tell her that her day was okay, we went did our favorite things together, singing at the piano, sitting in the playroom coloring, and falling asleep (okay, that was probably  _my_  favorite) snuggled on the couch watching  _The Wizard of Oz_. When four o'clock rolled around, and I knew Brittany would on her way home, Annie chose a dress to wear to her dinner. Once I was in my requisite pregnant lady black dinner dress, the two of us sat in front of the mirror in my bedroom with me twisting my hair up into a knot. Beside me, Annie had her little lips pursed and was watching our reflections in front of her, her fingers gingerly running over the fresh scar below her chin. In the four days since the stitches had been removed, it had become something of a fascination for her, and out of the corner of my eye, I curiously observed as her eyes flicked back and forth between her own face and mine.

"What are you thinking about, Annie?" I turned my attention fully to her.

"Did you fall down too?" She asked quietly, my breath catching when I realized what she meant by her words and my fingers involuntarily found their way to my throat. It was one of those moments that you kind of always expect to happen, but you don't really ever see coming. I'd always known that someday Annie would ask, someday she'd realize that although she'd never known me any other way, those scars were caused by something unnatural. But at four years old, I didn't really consider the possibility of her linking her own freshly marred skin to mine.

"Something like that." I nearly whispered, thinking that metaphorically, that was basically the truth. "But it was a very long time ago, long before you were even born Annie girl. I don't think about it so much anymore."

"Okay." Annie looked down, slowly looked back up at the scars on my skin. "I'm sorry, Mamí."

"Why are you sorry,  _corazóncita_?"

"'Cuz I made you think about it."

"You never have to be sorry if you have questions for me. Never, ever." I promised her, taking her hands in mine. "You know how you went to school today, and after you came home, you knew that it wasn't going to be so scary to go again?"

"Mmhm." She nodded slowly.

"It's the same thing. Sometimes things happen, and then we're scared, but then we forget mostly, because so many other, better things happen. In your big long life, you're going to get hurt lots of times, both on the inside and the outside. Sometimes, the hurt will leave a mark, but it just shows that you're super tough, you know who told me that?"

"I bet Mama." Annie grinned. "She always knows the smartest stuff."

"That she does." I laughed. "I'm so proud of you, my Annalise. I know we've had a lot of big talks recently, but the biggest thing for you to ever remember, that little marks like this on your skin will always feel better when you've got love."

"I've got lots of love."

"You do." I softly kissed the small scar, and then her forehead. "More than you'll ever know."

"And now I match you, Mamí. 'Cuz we're both super tough." She leaned up and placed the quickest kiss right in the center of my scars, and I felt my eyes water.

"That's true,  _mija_ , we are. And how about this? Since you're all dressed up to go out with Mama, as a special treat, we'll do your hair up like mine and we can match in a much more fun way."

"Okay!" She cheered, and as I stood to move behind her and pin up her soft blonde hair, I breathed out a sigh at how easy that conversation actually was.

* * *

By the time Brittany made it home and had taken her second shower of the day, I was definitely running late getting out of the house. After having my cab driver drop Britt and Annie off in Union Square, I headed uptown to meet Rachel and Kurt for Thai. It actually made absolutely no sense to me why they  _constantly_  wanted to go to dinner uptown, considering Kurt and I both lived downtown and Rachel lived in Brooklyn, but mostly I just blamed the honing signal that Broadway sent out to them and went with it. When both of their eyes snapped over to me as I walked inside fifteen minutes late, I immediately exaggerated my little waddle and put a hand under my belly. Kurt, of course was the first to roll his eyes as I took of my jacket and sat down, immediately grabbing one of those papery crisps that no one's really sure the name of and dipping it in peanut sauce.

"Nice act you put on there, Santana." He chided. "Trying to act like you wouldn't have been late even if you weren't carrying an extra fifteen pounds."

"Seventeen, thank you very much." I rolled my eyes. "And again, I reiterate, no vagina, no comments."

"Well, I happen to have a vagina, and let me just say-"

"Choose your words carefully, Rachel." I warned, shooting her a glare as I discreetly rubbed my belly under the table.

"I was actually going to say you look fantastic, not that you deserve my compliments after the way you treated me when I was pregnant."

"Insults mean  _I love you_  in Lopez. And besides, when Finn went out of town for a conference, I let you stay with us on the pullout couch for a week."

"That was Brittany." Kurt interjected.

"And as Brittany's wife, I had an equal say in the matter.  _And_  I was the one who went to the store for you three times in one night because first, you cried because the owl on the potato chips Britt bought for you was looking at you funny, then, the bag I bought you tasted funny, and then, after the third bag, you wanted coconut custard pie instead.

"I'm pretty sure you were amply rewarded for that." It was Rachel's turn to roll her eyes. "Actually, I'm one hundred percent sure, because I heard it."

"I'd bet two things, one, that she's getting some kind of kinky sexual reward for coming here tonight, and two, that she cries to Brittany that we figured it out." Kurt snickered, and I reached across the table and backhanded the side of his head, though I was not even surprised that he knew both of those things.

"How about  _these_  two things? One, Britt and I aren't kinky, we don't need to be, because we are just naturally awesome at sex and can't get enough of each other, which, for some reason, Kurt, you really enjoy talking about. And two did we really come here to talk about my weight gain and my sex life? Or are we actually going to discuss the benefit?" I asked, getting a waiter's attention for more peanut sauce, since I was basically just using the crisps as a spoon so I could devour it.

Once we'd ordered our meals, Rachel filled us in on her meeting with Heather, her publicist and the event planners early in the day. While my purpose was basically just to link in the cause with all the glitz and glamour of the night, Kurt had, for years, been Rachel's unofficial advisor. In that capacity, he sat reading through Rachel's contract, which handed all of her share of the profits over to me, clicking his pen and nodding to himself. I couldn't even deny how much I loved those two, because they were really, really making this happen for me, and they even put up with my bitching and complaining, even though this had been my choice to begin with.

"Okay, so here's the thing, Santana." Rachel started, once I was basically elbow deep in my red curry (which I'd probably suffer for in the middle of the night). "Obviously, you're going to sell this, because hearing you speak about it is absolutely incredible, but I've been thinking. I mean, obviously your project has evolved a lot, and you've got thus important mentorship piece, but at the core, it's really about coming together and using music and other creative outlets as a coping mechanism. So pretty much-"

"You're totally rambling. Spit it out." I sighed, knowing exactly what she was going to say.

"I think you should sing something you're written."

"So, like your opening act?" I teased her.

"No, no, not at all."

"I'm kidding. I don't know Rachel. Honestly, I sing at home, at Finn's school, or when you drag us to crappy karaoke bars and Britt wants to get on stage with me, but that's really, really different than getting on stage at the freaking New Amsterdam Theater and singing on front of a thousand people who are there to hear you."

"If I didn't think you were good enough, I wouldn't have asked." She said sincerely, and I resisted the urge to say something that was insincere and reminiscent of high school me.

"It's not about that. It's just, that's kind of a big deal, and I'm not sure I'm comfortable with it. Can I have some time to think about it?"

"Absolutely." Rachel nodded. "I didn't expect an answer from you tonight. But even if you choose not to sing, I'd really like to perform something you've written. Or, as a third option, you and I could always sing something together."

"I do have something I've been working on that could definitely work, no matter how it's performed. But I'll give you an answer on whether or not I want to sing in a day or two, okay?"

"That's totally fine. I told Heather that I'd let her know about how to word things in the programs by next week. I don't want to you to feel any pressure at all, but the option is totally on the table."

"Thanks, I appreciate it." I smiled in gratitude, then turned to Kurt. "Now, let's talk about how you're going to remember  _not_  to find me a dress that's going to be too small by the night of the show. I'll be in my third trimester then, I'm going to get bigger basically every second."

"I know, I'm already on it. I want to put you in a Marchesa, it worked for Heidi Klum, it worked for Rachel-"

"Whatever." I cut him off. "I know that with the exception of Brittany's showcase, which you fixed anyway, you've never done me wrong Hummel."

"I'll measure you next week, then estimate from there. I need new measurements for Annie too. I've got Brittany's down."

"Something that will never stop being slightly disturbing to me." I snickered.

"Oh get over it, you know I take care of you ladies. And Finn, since he needs more help than everyone else combined."

"Says the man married to the president of the bow tie brigade."

After we'd fleshed out the details that actually concerned me, we fell back into our normal banter. It was rare than the three of us ever got together sans spouses and kids, and though I was loathe to admit it to them, especially Kurt, I actually really enjoyed our nights out. Feeling surprisingly sentimental, I even allowed them each a  _brief_  touch of my bump when the baby had their elbow sticking out somewhat painfully. I couldn't believe that it was after nine by the time we left the restaurant (with me having slipped out to call Annie and say goodnight to her, since even on the rare occasion that I missed her bedtime, I never failed to call), and after Dmitri picked up Rachel, Kurt and I shared a cab back downtown, with him making the driver wait until I was safely inside the house before he continued on to TriBeCa.

* * *

Slipping off my heels, which pretty much killed my feet, I tiptoed up the stairs and snuck into Annie's room to give her a goodnight kiss before heading to find Brittany. When she wasn't in bed, I knew exactly where she'd be, and I smiled as I walked into the bathroom. She'd turned the lights off, lit candles, and was lying back in the tub, eyes closed and covered in a mountain of bubbles. Shucking off my clothes as quickly as possible (which, due to maternity pantyhose, took longer than I would have liked), and tugging my hair loose of its confines, I slipped in between her legs and sighed as her submerged skin made contact with mine.

"How'd you know I'd want a bath tonight?" I leaned back and kissed her lips, my fingers playing with a damp strand of her hair.

"Because it's been a crazy long day, and I figured that a little naked relaxation would be nice." She smiled, rubbing her nose against mine. "And besides, when do either of us  _not_  want a bath?"

"That's very true." I laughed as her hands found purchase on my stomach, saying hello to the baby with her finger taps that I sometimes swore were some kind of secret Morse Code. "How was your night?"

"Awesome, as always. You know how much my special nights with her mean, and I don't know, this was like even more so."

"I get that. She's got a lot going on in her head right now, huh?"

"Sometimes I swear, that child is more emotionally intelligent than any adult I've ever met." Britt shook her head. "It kind of amazes me. She told me about your talk today."

"Yeah, it's weird, like I guess she never really noticed something that shaped my whole existence before. But it was good to hear our daughter tell me that we're  _super tough_. It just gives a whole new meaning to everything I'm doing."

"Well you  _are_  super tough, Santana. And she was so, so proud of looking like you with her hair up like that tonight."

"You know it makes me happy too. Like, we don't have to have physical features in common to look alike in ways like that, you know?"

"I do, and I'll understand it on a whole new level when Bug is here." She tapped against my belly and brought my left hand to her lips, kissing the inside of the ring finger again. "Rich bitches be damned, she's your girl."

"Oh, I know." And I did, even with my occasional outburst of insecurities about how other people saw the world, I knew through and through about what it meant to be that beautiful child's mother. We sat in silence for a minute, my fingers digging into Britt's thighs, and hers into my lower back, our favorite way to give simultaneous massages. "Rachel asked me if I wanted to sing at the benefit."

"She did?" Brittany asked, but didn't sound surprised in the slightest.

"Yeah, I didn't give her an answer tonight, but I think I want to do it. I mean, I know I don't suck-"

"Far from it."

"And I'm telling them to open their wallets and give me money because I can change lives with music. I should give them kind of a preview of how music changed  _my_  life, I guess. Show them that mostly I  _do_  practice what I preach."

"Second time you're said that in twenty four hours." Brittany's light laughter tickled my back. "But it's fitting, and you do."

"With a little support from the ones I love. But like I told Annie today, everything gets better with love."

"Are you and Jarrod having a contest today?" Britt teased.

"Shut up, I'd totally win anyway.  _Everything gets better with love_  is way better than  _protect her with your love_."

"I like them both, but you know, I'm pretty partial to the hot Latina who came up with the first one. Especially since she's naked."

"Naked  _and_  pretty horny tonight. I've been pretty much resisting dragging you out of the tub for the past twenty minutes."

It didn't take much more than that before Brittany was standing up in the tub, offering me a hand before flicking the drain and wrapping the two of us up in an oversized towel. With our skin still damp, we retreated to our bed. As needy as I felt, it wasn't that same urgent desire to get off that I'd felt of late, instead, it was more about wanting to savor it all, to burn every kiss, every touch, just _everything_  into my body. It was one of those nights I had every once in a while where I just felt an increased need to think about how the woman naked above me was so much of the reason why I'd ever reached the place I was in, why I could talk about scars without breaking into terror fueled memories, why I was okay with singing at all, let alone in front of an audience, why I felt the desire and had the confidence to set about making a difference. I knew that I'd done so much myself, but it was the support that helped to build my dreams. As we kissed each other, touched each other, built each other up, the body of the love of my life hovering over mine, and her blue eyes locked with my brown ones, I felt all of that and so much more. When we both came, me only seconds before her, and only because I was so damn sensitive everywhere, she draped herself halfway over me, and I drew her in for another deep kiss, just needing that before I completely passed out.


	25. Pre-Baby Jitters

While considering Rachel's big offer, I didn't need much more than a good night's sleep and another brief conversation with Brittany before calling Rachel to let her know that I'd do it, that I'd sing onstage and let people truly hear the voice behind Show Your Brave. Although I was definitely more than anxious about it, I was also kind of exorbitantly excited. It wasn't that I even wanted to ever sing professionally on stage, the unexpected change in my life path was far more fulfilling for me than that would have ever been, but there was definitely something to be said for the quick high than performing in front of an audience used to give me. Of course, knowing that I'd be singing something that I hadn't even performed for my wife until the morning I agreed to do it meant that even more work piled on top of what I was already doing, and for the next two weeks, my time spent at the piano nearly equaled that spent at the laptop. I tweaked notes, I worked on my pitch, and I nearly reduced myself to tears on multiple occasions at how much of myself I was pouring into every single word that I sang.

On the second Friday of April, I got up, as usual, to check my email, and while Brittany took Annie to school, I found myself back at the piano bench running through the song for probably the thousandth time. Given that we had a busy weekend ahead, it was probably one of the last opportunities I'd have before I had to go give a preview to Rachel and her people, so I just  _needed_  it to finally sound the way I was hoping. We were two weeks out from the big night, and I knew that the time was running out for final adjustments. Considering how fitting the new song was, especially since I had sort of started playing with it on the day I finally named the project, I didn't want to swap it out for something else I'd written, and I didn't want to perform a watered down version of what I knew it could be. Closing my eyes with my fingers dancing over the piano keys, I let the music course through me, sharpening a few notes, and when I sang the final verse, belting it out like my life depended on it, for the first time, I knew that it was as close to perfect as it was ever going to get.

"That was it." I opened my eyes at the sound of Brittany's clapping as she entered the room. "By far the best version I've heard."

"Yeah?" I turned around, smiling lazily. Even though I'd felt pretty damn good about it, it was always so nice to hear what Britt had to say. She was always honest with me about my music, and her nod of approval was definitely valuable.

"Totally. Rachel might regret asking you to sing, because not only are the words incredible, but your singing had basically always the most awesome in the entire world."

"You have to say that." I laughed as she sat down on the bench beside me and pecked at the keys. "You're my wife, it's the law or something."

"Maybe, but it's still true. I don't even think you understand how excited I am to see you up there."

"Oh, I do. You know how much I love watching you perform." I rested my head on her shoulder and she wrapped my arm around my waist, letting her hand fall to rest on my stomach.

"You've gotta go upstairs and get ready, if we're going to make it to class on time."

"I know. Are you nervous?"

"A little." Brittany confessed, giving me a soft smile. "I know I've got nothing really to worry about, but it feels like a big step, actually doing baby stuff."

"Yeah. I'm sorry that I've had us wait so long and now it feels like a bigger deal than it needs to be. I just wasn't ready."

"Honestly, I'm glad we did." She leaned down and placed soft kisses over the fabric of my shirt, despite already having said multiple  _good mornings_  to the baby. I loved it, I absolutely loved it more than anything, and I pressed two fingers to Brittany's cheek, silently telling her as much. "I feel better and better the bigger you get, and now the next twelve weeks are going to fly by. I can't even believe that we're in the third trimester now."

"Crazy, right? When I was so sick, I thought this pregnancy was never going to end, and now, I don't know, I'm like a little sad about how close it is. Who would have thought that me, of all people, would kind of secretly love being pregnant?"

"Me." She lifted her head, kissing my lips and placing her palms flat against my sides. "I knew you'd love being able to do this for our family, and you look more beautiful than you ever have while doing it. I know what you mean about feeling a little sad though, and it's normal, but man, when we get to hold this baby...I mean, I love holding you both like this, but I seriously am so excited about having a baby in my arms again."

"Yeah, I'm anxious for you to be able to hold them too. Seeing you hold our baby is one of my favorite sights in the world." I set my hands over hers, curling my fingers around them. "And obviously, I'm also excited for it to not feel like a gigantic task just to change my clothes."

"Don't try to convince me that you should go to birthing class in your pajamas. You're starting to sound like Annie." Britt joked, standing up and taking both of my hands, helping me off the bench. "C'mon, I'll help you."

"Well, then we'll  _definitely_  be late." I smirked, letting her lead me up the stairs.

* * *

Of course, I did manage to dress myself without Brittany's help, I wasn't actually invalid, just kind of lazy. Because the weather was beginning to warm up, and I desperately needed both the exercise and the fresh air, we'd decided to walk up to Gramercy, soaking up the first rays of springtime. I was actually really nervous about going to class, since even though we'd gone to a different type of birthing class before Annie was born, it was completely different thinking about a giant head coming out of  _my_  vagina, instead of worrying about how Brittany would feel while undergoing the same thing. Natural childbirth was going to be a bitch, there was no denying that, and as we walked, Britt squeezed my hand tightly sensing my apprehension, and causing me to relax slightly.

When we walked into the room at the birthing center where the class was being held, I was pretty impressed with how relaxing it was. Because Dr. Singh had been affiliated with Beth Israel back when Annie was born, we'd gone to that class in a room that looked like it could have been a high school classroom, stark white walls, linoleum floors with tiny area rugs to sit on, a vaguely antiseptic scent. But this place, it was different, and similar to what we'd seen of the delivery rooms, lavender grey walls, low lighting and plush carpets. Brittany grabbed us a stack of literature (even though we probably already had it all, it couldn't hurt to double up), and a cup of maternity tea for me before she sat down on the floor where two other couples had started to form a circle, placing the pillow she'd brought from home against her body and patting the floor between her legs. I smiled goofily at her before settling myself in that spot and leaning back into her body, sipping the the hot tea as I let her fingers work at the persistent knot in my lower back.

"Ugh, thank you." I moaned a little bit, arching slightly at the pressure, and I laid my head on her shoulder, looking up at her face. "That feels so good babe."

"Your muscles are so tight." She frowned, and I set my free hand on her thigh, sort of bracing myself . "I wish I knew how to make you relax."

"I'm trying, I really am. It's just been like, jitters, for months. Pre-pregnancy jitters, something is going to go wrong jitters, you know."

"I do, and you know I feel them too, but I just want to put you in a room full of marshmallows and soft music and let you clear your mind?"

"Marshmallows? Why marshmallows?"

"Why not? They're like better tasting clouds, how could you not be relaxed in a room full of marshmallows?"

"Okay, fair enough." I giggled, kissing her chin, since it was the only thing I could reach in my position. "Find me a room full of marshmallows, and I'll gladly go rest there for a while."

"Don't tempt me, you may come home one day and find our bathtub full."

"Which wouldn't surprise me in the slightest."

Breaking free of my Brittany bubble and looking around, I actually smiled at the five other couples that had gathered and settled. Dr. Singh led the small classes of her patients herself (and expected the other doctors in her practice to do the same), something I appreciated as both a patient and someone who was building a concept from the ground up. She hadn't created the center to make a ton of money and then detached herself, she'd built it because she actually believed in her methods and was a damn good doctor (not that I was at all biased because she'd saved my wife and daughter or anything). It wasn't long before she came into the room, sitting cross legged on the floor between Britt and me and an extremely peppy redhead and her khaki clad husband, dressed more casually than I'd ever seen her, in just jeans and a nice blouse. Nervous energy coursed through my body, and a hand immediately clasped mine without question, Brittany's thumb working circles on the inside of my wrist.

"Good morning everybody!" Dr. Singh announced. "I know that you all know me, and I know each of you, but why don't you all go around and introduce yourselves."

"Hey." I spoke first when the doctor looked at us to start. "I'm Santana Lopez-Pierce."

"And I'm her wife, Brittany." Britt chimed in, giving a small wave before returning her hand to circle where the baby was moving with a grin. It was one of those things neither of us had ever tired of, introducing ourselves as each other's wives, especially when it had anything to do with our kids. "Dr. Singh delivered our daughter almost five years ago, so this is baby number two for us, but Santana's first time carrying, and also our first time dealing with this method of childbirth."

"Lucky you." The tall brunette across from me laughed and gave what I hoped was a teasing glare at the man knelt down behind her, who kept sneaking glimpses at his Blackberry. "You've got a partner who's actually been through it, and gets on a different kind of level why you're acting like a complete psycho."

"Britt's the best." I shrugged, kind of wanting to brag, but knowing I would totally be the most annoying one in the class if I did. I'd leave things like that up to Rachel.

"So were you, babe." She grinned, and I blushed a little bit.

"You know, this is a big part of our method here." Dr. Singh interrupted our little gush-fest. "It has nothing to do with the gender of your partner, or whether or not they've given birth themselves, it's about connecting with one another. Obviously, the woman giving birth is actively involved in what's going on, but there's no reason her partner can't take an active role as well. In fact, childbirth can also be a really intimate experience in your relationship as a couple."

"We are so going to ace this class." I whispered to Britt, and she laughed softly.

"My beautiful perfectionist. I'm pretty sure we don't get a grade." She whispered back, quickly kissing behind my ear. "But if we did, we totally would. No one knows about connection the way we do."

The others went around and introduced themselves, and Brittany gave me a well timed kiss to the shoulder and dug her fingers just a little bit harder into my lower beck each time she knew I was going to roll my eyes at something that was said (because she was totally internally rolling hers too). Kyra, the redhead who was sitting on the Dr. Singh's other side was just having the  _perfect_ pregnancy, with absolutely no complaints whatsoever, or at least in her words. Her husband's face told a completely different story, and I bit back a laugh. I was happy to be pregnant, there was no denying that, I loved growing our Bug inside if me, but still, pregnancy in general is no picnic. Even if I hadn't been sick for weeks, even if my hands and feet weren't swollen and my back didn't ache, I was still carrying around another person, that takes a toll on you physically and emotionally. I wasn't the only one who resisted scoffing at perfect Kyra, Brittany pressed her chin against my back, because even her great pregnancy had it's pitfalls, and Deanna, the woman across from us who's husband had finally put away his Blackberry, caught my eye, her own dancing with the same  _shut up_ expression that I was all too used to giving.

Once Dr. Singh went through her spiel on preterm labor (during which, Brittany's arms tightened around me and the doctor was obviously avoiding looking at the two of us), and how to tell Braxton Hicks contractions from true labor, I was eternally grateful that we didn't have to watch that damn video of a woman giving birth that we'd seen in our first birthing class. Instead, she had us face our partners much in the way Britt and I did when we meditated at home, an exercise that the me of five years ago totally would have made fun of in public, rather than thinking it was kind of a nice way to start the class, expressing our love for each other and for our unborn child. Following Dr. Singh's instructions, Britt rested her hands above mine where the baby was moving, and let just our pinkies graze, occasionally hooking them together.

"Okay." Dr. Singh looked around the room, once we'd all kind of shuffled into the position we'd been asked to. "You may think this has nothing to do with childbirth, but we do things differently around here, and before we can go any further, I want each of you to share something that you appreciate about your partner. For most couples, things get stressful and hectic at the end of a pregnancy, during childbirth, and with a newborn in the house, so this is an important foundation for the next few months of your lives. "

"I'll go first." Britt said softly, her forehead close to mine, but not quite touching it. "Thank you, Santana, for carrying our new baby, for keeping them safe, for being an amazing mother to our Annie, for being an incredible wife to me. And most importantly, for sticking to your convictions about doing things this way, because I'm so proud of you for that."

"Thank  _you_ , Brittany, for helping me get to a point were I could sit in a room like this and not make fun of the weird hippy love stuff." I started, and the corner of Britt's mouth turned up. "And to the point where I actually  _like_  this hippy love stuff, because I really love the idea of this experience being about the two of us. And thank you for making me feel like I was capable of carrying our baby, because I never would have felt that way without you."

Quickly touching my lips to hers, I let Brittany brush a stray strand of hair from my face and settled back in between her legs for the next part of the class. Again, I glanced around the room at the other pairs, waiting for them to finish their own declarations to each other. Dr. Singh was right, I absolutely knew firsthand the stress that came with having a baby, and she, along with the counselors in the NICU had encouraged Brittany and I to do little things for each other during the difficult times after Annie's birth, something I truly believe benefitted us so much more than we realized at the time. Glancing over my shoulder, I smiled at her again, and she laced her fingers with mine over my naval, as Dr. Singh smiled and nodded as the others finished up.

"Alright. Now that we're all on the same page with remembering how important your partner is to you, let's talk about what I'm sure none of you are really looking forward to, the actual act of giving birth naturally."

"I bet Kyra is." I whispered to Brittany. "It's sure to be beautiful and magical, and not at all painful."

"She's probably imagining her vagina opening like a flower as we speak." Britt stifled her laugh against my shoulder.

"I love you for quoting  _Friends_  right now."

"Well, I figured in case you were nervous talking about this, it might help."

"It does." I smiled. "Thanks."

"Now, ladies, I'd be lying to all of you if I told you that the pain wasn't going to be that bad, or that there's any one method that will help you get through it. It's different for every single person, but the biggest, most important thing is that you remember to breathe, and you focus on the end result. After the pushing, the pain and the possible screaming is over, the baby you've waited nine months, or probably even longer for will be in your arms. That's the most important thing you can set your mind on."

"Yeah, remind me of that when I feel like I'm being torn from the inside out." I mumbled into Britt's neck.

"I will, but please stop reading firsthand accounts of childbirth on the Internet."

"Just trying to be prepared."

"And that's why we're here, with a licensed medical professional."

"Aren't loud noises in the delivery room detrimental to the baby?" I couldn't even resist sucking my teeth when Kyra said that, and Britt let out a tiny giggle in my ear. I mean, seriously, this woman was beyond ridiculous. Go ahead, Katie Holmes, have a silent birth, and maybe you should make sure your baby isn't born at the same time mine is, because I was pretty sure I'd be screaming Spanish obscenities loud enough for her baby to hear in utero, in a different hospital, maybe in a different country.

"There are different theories on that." Dr. Singh said diplomatically. "But in the research I've done on the subject, mothers who hold in their intense emotions during delivery actually bring on an increase in their stress levels, which is detrimental in it's own right."

"Well, there will be no worries about that from me." I told Britt, chuckling a little. "I'll scream enough for both of us."

"Babe, look at her." Britt breathed into my hair. "You are way tougher than her. There's actually no possible way that you're going to act like more of a diva in there than she will."

"Okay, fair. I mean she does have a ring on that's gotta be at least ten karats. Is she a rapper's wife? Or trying to cut a bitch? Because even then, it's kind of unnecessary." I didn't even hold back my eye roll, and Britt snorted loudly, causing everyone to turn and look at us.

"Sorry." She muttered, and I could feel her skin heating up in embarrassment.

"It's my fault." I told everyone. "I'm just nervous and Britt was helping calm me down. We'll stop and focus."

We did manage to behave for the rest of the class, mostly because I had too much respect for Dr. Singh to be rude. The thing was though, all the things that I thought would help me feel calmer about the actual act of giving birth, considering that I'd been so distracted by the thought of something terrible happening while pregnant I'd barely had time to consider, actually made my anxieties rise. As Britt guided me through the breathing exercises (more meditative and focused than Lamaze), and the doctor talked about why the rooms had double beds, so Britt could climb up and hold me during the early stages if labor, I tried to picture our baby, tried not to picture my insides twisting in agony, and mostly, tried not to think about the fact that I didn't do well with physical pain, and how much I didn't want my wife to have to get all tough love on me if I started begging and pleading for some kind of relief. Somehow, I managed to be polite and say goodbye to everyone when the class ended, but I felt like I was in some kind of a daze when we made it outside.

* * *

When Brittany asked if I was alright, I brushed off her concerns. Really, I just needed a little time to process my emotions before I could talk about them, as was typical of me, and she understood that, concern briefly flickering in her blue eyes before she pressed a lingering kiss to my temple and wrapped an arm protectively around my ever expanding waist for our walk home. It was calming to breathe in the spring air, and I was grateful that would really have time to stew in my emotions with the afternoon we had ahead of us. Opening the door, Liz was sprawled out on our couch with a textbook, having let herself in after her bus ride from Boston. Barely missing a beat, she basically rolled off the couch and launched herself at me, placing her hands on each of my sides, looking very much like Susan was she surveyed my body, before engulfing my fully in a hug.

"Tana, you look so good!" She gushed. "You're huge, in the best kind of way! How are you feeling? How's the baby? Do you need anything?"

"I'm fine, Lizzie." I laughed, kissing her cheeks like the good big sister-in-law I was. "I'm so glad you're here."

"So am I! I really needed a weekend away, and I needed to see Annie, and see for myself how you were doing, since it's basically all Mom talks about."

"Nice that I'm chopped liver." Brittany teased, but the lopsided grin on her face gave away how thrilled she was that no one could stop talking about the new baby Lopez-Pierce.

"Shut up, Britt." Lizzie moved toward her sister, and Britt squeezed her tightly. "When you're lugging around my godson, I'll hug you first."

"It's your goddaughter." Britt corrected, and Liz looked at me.

"I still say it's a boy." I shrugged. "But Britt's convinced otherwise."

"You know Mom and Mari have a bet, right?"

"Of course they do." Brittany laughed, and I rolled my eyes.

"They're probably betting on how many times I've used the bathroom today. With all the money they bet, they're going to end up buying these kids a damn Toys R Us."

"What's the latest tally of who thinks what?"

"It's me, Maribel and Rachel who say girl. You, Santana and Mommy say boy. Quinn refuses to answer, which means she thinks boy, because she won't give San the satisfaction of being on her side."

"So we're winning!" Lizzie clapped her hands. "Can't we do the wedding ring test to get a real result?"

"No." I said firmly, shaking my head as I reached into my sweatshirt to wrap my hand around the band. "Absolutely not."

"She's superstitious Liz, you know this. And besides, if we really wanted to know, we'd just ask Dr. Singh."

"I know, I know. I'm just excited to find out."

"Only three more months." I rubbed my belly, pressing my sister-in-law's hand against it as the baby gave a hard kick. Her eyes widened and she broke into a grin. "Besides, this kid  _lives in my body_ , I should know, which means we are totally right."

"Sure, just ask my mom. She was convinced Liz was a boy, and unless there's something no one is telling me, she was wr-ong." Britt sing-songed, wiggling her butt in a sort of pre-victory dance. "Trust me, me and our baby chat, I'm sure it's a girl."

"Oh really?" I raised my eyebrow, challenging her. "Care to wager?"

"We share money, we've already established that we can't make bets with each other."

"Who said anything about money?" I smirked. "I can think of something way better to bet."

"Eww, gross." Lizzie feigned gagging. "If this is some sort of weird sexual currency thing, please save it for your own time."

"Why does everyone always think we are talking about sex?" I whined, dropping down onto the couch.

"Because you usually are?"

"Not even true." I huffed. "And also, we don't use sex as a pawn. That's like rule number one in our marriage. I'm talking about the one household chose we both hate more than anything."

"Dishes!"

"Exactly, babe. Loser does all the dishes for two months. And that starts after I recover, because if you choose not to let me do things, that so doesn't count."

"Deal." She laughed, dropping down beside me and pressing a kiss on my lips to seal it. "That's how sure I am."

"Oh my God." Liz groaned. "You two are seriously worse than our moms, betting dishes on the sex of your unborn child. You should be ashamed."

"We should be." Britt nodded. "But we're totally not."

* * *

After Liz had showered and changed into clothes other than the ones she'd worn on the bus, the three of us went to get Annie at school. She was totally bouncing off the walls as she showed her aunt the classroom, introduced her to Callie, and finally, excitedly dragged her over to meet Thoreau and Chris. As we got into a cab, to go over to go uptown, her excitement was still bubbling forth from her, and I smiled, content to listen to her stream of chatter even as we walked into Pottery Barn Kids. Lizzie was kind of the cutest thing as she wandered around the store, her little niece just about attached to her hip. At my sister-in-law's age, and even at three years older, when we'd first gone shopping for things for Annie, I never would have been such a good sport, let alone have been the one who  _suggested_  the shopping had it not been for my own kid. She was so excited, so honored to be the baby's godmother, of rather, one of her godmothers, since we'd picked the two most important people in my life to be Annie's, I'd wanted Liz and Quinn, the two most important in Brittany's, to be the godparents of our new baby. Our kids had two  _mothers_ , we both figured two godmothers was perfectly acceptable.

"Mama! Mamí!" Annie cried out excitedly, running toward us with Liz hot on her heels and her hands full. "Look what we found! Unicorn towels with horns! And they got them in my size and baby size! Can we get them? Please?"

"Well, bebé." I took the pink towels out of her hands and smiled to myself at how adorable they actually were. "What if the baby is a boy baby?"

"Boys can like unicorns, Mamí." Annie looked at me like I was absolutely insane for thinking otherwise. "And boys are 'llowed to wear pink, just like I got a blue dress on and I'm a girl."

"She's right, you know." Britt laughed in my ear. "And it's a towel. Even if you're right and it's a boy, which you're not, we don't have to bring our son out in a unicorn dress or anything."

"They're great, Annalise." I kissed the tip of her nose, and then she moved so her face was close to my stomach. Obviously, we were raising Annie without being hetereonormative and gendernormative, so if she wanted to put her possible baby brother in pink, it meant that we were actually doing what we'd set out to do. "It'll be so awesome for you two to match."

"You hear that, baby?" She giggled, kissing twice below my belly button. "We get to match, and we get unicorn towels. That's the best thing ever!"

"If that's not proof you're doing an awesome job, I don't know what is." Lizzie beamed, lifting Annie onto her hip as I tossed the towels into the cart Britt was pushing.

"Thank you," I said quietly to Liz. My own prejudices were difficult to quell, Britt was so much better about it than I was, but a compliment like that, knowing other people, even if it was just Brittany's sister, seeing how hard we tried, meant so much to me. " _Mija_ , ready to go pick out what we're going to do in the baby's room?"

"Course, Mamí. That's the best part. 'Cause they're not big and can't get a  _Wizard of Oz_  room like me."

"No." Britt laughed, kissing Annie in her sister's arms. "That's something special for you, but we can still pick them our something super special, and just as exciting."

"Okay, let's go!" Annie clapped her hands, and I held the side of the cart as Britt pushed us in the right direction.

It was over an hour and approximately sixteen million choices before we'd finally settled on a sea animal theme for the nursery. Not only would the colors go great with Annie's old furniture and the new glider, but also, I liked the idea of a sea theme, since I'd sang The Little Mermaid to Britt on the night we'd decided to make Bug a reality, and also, Britt loved gay sharks, obviously. I had totally forgotten how much stuff was actually needed (and we hadn't even made a trip to Home Depot for paint, or Buy Buy Baby for other necessities), but our cart was filled with sheets, bumpers, blankets, freaking lamps, like our baby was going to switch on the light and read  _Crime and Punishment_ , and all kinds of decorative accessories. When we finally made it to the register, my feet aching from a long day, and Britt rubbing my back as Annie rode in the cart getting irritable because she was hungry, Liz whipped out her credit card to pay.

"Put it away, Liz." Brittany ordered, slapping her hand away as she dug into her purse for one of ours.

"Britt, I'm buying this stuff. You guys don't want a shower, it's the least I can do."

"Not happening." I shook my head. "You go to school all the time, you work part time bartending to pay for what your loans won't cover. You're not buying our over the top expensive baby crap."

"Over the top baby crap for my nephew...or niece." She added when I shot her a look. We wanted Annie far removed from the great gender debate, although the smug look on my wife's face both when our daughter came with the pink towels and when she asked if we could get ladybug bedding seemed proof that Annie was, either subconsciously or not, on her Mama's side of the issue. "Please?"

"Nope." Britt popped her p and elbowed her sister as she slid her American Express card into the cashier's hand. "When you're the youngest, hottest District Attorney that Boston has ever seen, you can buy us whatever you want. Until then, it's really important to us that you don't waste your money. The more you spend, the more you have to work, and the less time you have to study. You know we are personally vested in your career choice."

"Ugh, I swear, it's like having two extra moms with you guys. Fine, but I'm buying Annie the biggest ice cream cone I can find."

"Yay!" Annie perked up from where her head leaned against the handlebar of the cart. "Thank you, Auntia Lizzie!"

"Well, no one said you couldn't buy the baby  _ice cream_." I groaned teasingly, making a dramatic show of rubbing my belly.

"Okay ice cream Annie and for Santana." Liz laughed.

* * *

By the time we got ice cream, and made it home, we quickly stacked the new baby things in the nursery (and by we, I totally mean Brittany and Liz, with a little help from Annie) before leaving the house again for dinner. I was exhausted and would have been totally happy with peanut butter and jelly in my pajamas, and sneaking in maybe a half hour of work, but Liz never had time to come see us when there wasn't some kind of event, so I powered through. When we made it to La Mela, the only restaurant that I actually thought was good in Little Italy, I sat down, taking Annie onto my lap for a little while, feeling like I hadn't really gotten my snuggle time with her for the day. She hugged me tight, resting her already sleepy head against my chest, and I just listened for a few minutes to the conversation between Brittany and Lizzie. When we ordered the food, I finally put Annie down in her own seat before buttering bread for the two of us, and out of the corner of my eye, catching the looks that the waiter was sending in Liz's direction.

"Liz." I kicked her leg under the table and cocked my head in his direction. "He's totally checking you out."

"No, he's not." Liz shook her head. "Stop."

"Britt, back me up on this one." I requested, and Brittany gave a subtle glance to the waiter and broke into a grin.

"He totally is!" She said just a little too loudly, and her sister buried her face in her hands. "Ooh, let's get his number for you."

"Oh my God, you two have just gone from mom status to grandma status, trying to set me up with the freaking waiter. Not happening."

"I take offense to you calling us grandmas." I reached across the table and cheekily pinched Lizzie's cheek. "C'mon, he's cute for you, and it's about time you move on after Christian."

"I live in Boston." She weakly defended.

"We're not asking you to marry him, Lizzie. But you're kind of uptight sometimes and you could really use some...you know." I raised my eyebrows suggestively, casting a quick glance to my daughter who was engaged with her crayons.

"Clearly that works so well for you." Liz shot back. "A long distance relationship with a waiter really isn't my thing."

"New York to Boston is  _hardly_  long distance, maybe he's the unknown love of your life, and he could be in medical school for all you know, waiting tables like you tend bar."

"Man, you really are a grandma, Santana.  _Look at that handsome potential doctor there, Eliza. You ought to snap him up right quick and get to baby making_."

"Oh, please. I don't sound like that. We just have your best interests at heart, and know that you have terrible taste in men."

"And what if I told you I was dating someone that I'm pretty sure the two of you would actually like?" She nearly mumbled, and Britt's eyebrows shot up.

"What?" My wife shrieked, causing Annie to look up from her drawing and about five waiters to look strangely in our direction. "Why don't we know about this?"

"Hmmm. I wonder." Lizzie rolled her eyes for probably the dozenth time of the day. "You two always react so well to anyone I'm dating. Especially Santana."

"Tell. Us. Everything." Brittany ordered, leaning closer to Liz for the big reveal.

"Ugh. Fine." She feigned complaint, but I could see her nervous excitement. Clearly, things were more serious than she seemed to be letting on, and had  _definitely_  been going on for a decent amount of time. "His name is Max, we met in class at the beginning of the semester. He's from Pittsburg, and he wants to be a human rights lawyer."

"Ooh!" Britt clasped her hands together to resist clapping them. "Step up from Mr. Corporate Lawyer. Someone who actually cares about others."

"And what's his deal?" I narrowed my eyes, not convinced.

"Oh, here we go." Liz sighed and Britt giggled. "I've already warned him that my sister-in-law will try and threaten him, but really, he should be afraid of my sister if he messes with me."

"Hey, I would totally take anyone who tried to hurt you." I pouted, and Britt leaned over to give me a quick kiss.

"Right, you're six months pregnant, still only weigh like a hundred-thirty pounds and waddle when you walk. Scary." Liz did some kind of jazz hands and Brittany gave her a stern look before flicking her. "Anyway, he's a really nice guy, he treats me well, and respects that I have my own career ahead of me. As much as I may regret this, I'm ready for him to meet everyone, and was hoping I could bring him with me to the benefit."

"You so chose that because Santana will be distracted and won't embarrass you."

"I'm not embarrassing." I gathered Annie's crayons up as the forgotten about waiter set down our plates. "Right,  _mi amor_?"

"No way, Mamí. You're the best!" Annie said loyally, and I kissed the top of her head.

"Wait a few years, Annalise. You'll see."

"Liz, don't." Brittany warned, then blew Annie a kiss. "Your Mamí will always be the best, baby girl."

"And my Mama too!"

"Thank you sweetheart."

"I'll get you a ticket for him." I promised Liz. "But don't think I'll ever be too distracted to give your boyfriends the eye. You know how much you mean to me, Lizzie. I just don't like seeing you get hurt."

"I know, Tana. And I appreciate that, so much. But I really do think you'll like Max, and if know he's going to love you three."

"Psht, who doesn't?" Brittany scoffed, and while she cut Annie's meatballs, I totally took the opportunity to steal some of her eggplant and put it on my own plate.

* * *

After dinner, we ended up calling it an early night, with Annie falling asleep in Brittany's arms on the cab ride home, and Liz immediately retiring to the guest room with her textbooks and her cell phone ("To call your  _boyfriend_." Brittany had teased). Britt and I laid in bed for a while, me on my side with her fingers working into my back again, just reconvening on baby class, shopping, Liz's love life, and the fact that the garlic from dinner was giving me wicked heartburn. Once Brittany fell asleep, I watched her for a while before turning on my back and setting my attention to my own thoughts. As tired as I was, I couldn't fall asleep, and after over an hour of spiraling further and further into anxiety about giving birth, I started gently placing kisses on Brittany's neck. I wasn't one of those women who'd wake my wife up because I needed a snack, that I could handle on my own, so Britt knew that when I woke her from sleep, it was usually for one if two things; sex (which was happening more and more frequently) or the urgent need to have a conversation. It probably, no, definitely could have waited until the morning, but I wasn't going to sleep until I got it out, and I knew that she'd want me to wake her up rather than stew in it.

"Britt." I whispered in her ear. "Britt, are you awake."

"Mmhm, give me a second." She rasped, knowing that since we'd come up with the code of me kissing her neck to wake her, it wasn't a life or death situation. Waiting, I rested my head against her chest and sighed as she started slowly running her fingers through my hair. "What do you need?"

"Just can't sleep." I shrugged against her, trying to twist my body so I could look at her face.

"You're thinking about June, aren't you." She asked, and I nodded slowly.

"I'm just...I'm so scared Brittany."

"Tell me what you're scared of honey."

"Everything." I confessed shakily, fisting her long t-shirt. "What if I can't do it?"

"You can." She said simply, and I shook my head.

"No, no. I know I can do it, obviously. I mean, I have the right parts to deliver a baby. I mean, what if I can't do it right? What if I feel too vulnerable and say horrible things to you when you won't let them give me the drugs? What if I ruin what's supposed to be some kind of beautiful, intimate experience?"

"Hey." She cupped my cheek and kissed me softly, letting our noses rub together. "I know that you have all these expectations for how things are going to go in there, but if we've learned anything, it's that things never go the way they're expected. Do you know what the only two things I care about are when you give birth?"

"What?"

"You making it to full term, and you acting however it is you need to act to get through it. I don't actually believe that you're going to say anything horrible to me, but if you do, I know it's only because you're scared and hurting and don't know how to handle all those intense feelings. No matter what, you and me are in this together, and that's intimate enough for us. San, baby, I don't think being in the delivery room is going to be like we're on a date, and you're going to rub my leg under the table or whisper your undying devotion to me." She laughed softly and I felt a smile grace my lips. "You're going to yell and scream and cry, and that's okay, because I'll hold your hand, and I'll kiss you and  _I_  will whisper my undying devotion to  _you_ , since I know that will help you feel more secure and less vulnerable. And you're going to look in my eyes, and you're going to feel that I'm your anchor. I know things are going to be different this time around, but when I was terrified, that's what got me through, seeing your eyes and hearing you tell me that you love me. There's really nothing in the world more intimate than that."

"It's really gonna fucking hurt, Britt."

"Yeah, I know. I'm not trying to minimize it at all Santana, but after the things you've been through, you're so strong, and I know that you're going to do so well. I know that you're afraid of demanding drugs, but I've made you a promise once, and I'll promise it again. No matter what you say, no matter what you do, I'll never break a promise I've made to you, especially one as important as this."

"I really meant what I said today, that I appreciate how glad I am that this is about both of us. The idea of you doing your magic Brittany thing makes me feel a lot better. I swear, if you wanted a ridiculous ten karat ring, I'd totally buy you one, I love you so damn much."

"Maybe you should scrap your awesome song and rap at the benefit them, because you know I find your rapping skills crazy hot, then after you yell at me in the delivery room you can buy me some ice to make it up to me, you weirdo." She teased, twisting her ring on my finger.

"Shut up." I laughed, her teasing making calming me down.

"I love you, no matter what, Santana, and I know that you love me no matter what. That alone means that were going to be awesome together in there."

"God do I hope so."

"We always are, San, always." She held me tight in her arms, kissing my face, my eyelids, and the top of my head until I managed to finally fall asleep.


	26. Changing Lives

When I thought about the benefit, it seemed to be another one of those moments in my life where a cartoon calendar appeared in my mind with a red circle around the date. It was excited, I was jittery, and I was so completely over the top anxious that I hardly slept in the days preceding it. My song had been overwhelmingly accepted by Rachel and her people (I was told I couldn't call them the Rachettes, as much as I really wanted to), and I swear, I hadn't spent as much time practicing anything since  _Valerie._ My gown had given us some issue, mostly because I slapped Kurt upside the head when he'd suggested a slimming black one, and I didn't want to look like a weirdo who was trying to hide a seven month baby bump. In all honesty, I kind of  _loved_ the idea of being pregnant up on stage, a true testament to all my life progress, and when Kurt finally found me a sage green gown that was cut perfectly to make me look adorably with child, rather than like a woman wearing a tent, I totally forgave him for his earlier mishap. On the morning of the event, everything was in place. Well, almost everything, minus the  _tiny_ detail of me not having a speech prepared.

Feeling more than frenzied as I showered, threw on yoga pants and the last of Brittany's sweatshirts that I could still squeeze myself into, I took just a second to try and compose myself before leaving the house for a full day of being bossed around by Rachel. Even Britt's kisses and soft words of encouragement did little to quell my anxiety, but I hugged both she and Annie more tightly than ever as I headed up to the theater. Rachel wasn't there yet when I arrived (which was completely shocking), so I took it upon myself to wander around, to acclimate to my surroundings, even though I'd already had several rehearsals in the space. Finding myself a corner of the stage that was mostly hidden from the view of the staff that was running around already getting things ready at 8:17 in the morning, I sat down on the edge and swung my legs, seriously trying to figure out what I was going to get up there and say in less than ten hours. It wasn't like talking to the kids, that was for sure, I wasn't fully comfortable going into all the gritty details, but I needed a way to make this audience understand how much music was capable of impacting lives.

"I don't know, Bug." I whispered down to my belly, slipping my hand up under my sweatshirt and running it over the naked skin there. "I'm pretty sure you're going to be crazy smart, since I feel like you're usually sucking out all of my brain energy. But I need to borrow some of it back today, because I swore to Aunt Rachel that I finished my speech two weeks ago. I'm not very good with words, and I need my full head to be able to come up with something. I'm so nervous about getting up there tonight, so I need all the help I can get from you to keep me calm. Sound good,  _bebé?_ "

I sat for a while on that stage by myself, just looking out at the empty seats and trying not to let the thought of them  _filled_ completely freak me out. It had been eleven freaking years since I'd sung on a stage that didn't have a pole or wasn't in a karaoke bar, and somehow, the thought of singing wasn't as daunting as I'd expected. Instead, it was  _speaking_ that was getting to me, and I probably shouldn't have been all that surprised by that, it was the whole damn point, how much easier it was to embrace things with music, how much easier it was to get my point across that way. But a song alone wasn't going to make an audience of potential investors understand why this was so important, why something so different could really change lives. I needed to go back to the beginning, needed to think about something I was so ashamed of, something I hardly ever let myself remember, but something that really would let me explore my own thoughts on a different level. Closing my eyes, I thought back to the big event that changed everything, months before Glee Club told me that it was normal to handle things with music, but how, in the aftermath, it was the only thing I could think that worked to help me pull myself together.

* * *

_"We're gonna be in so much trouble if we get caught!" Brittany nearly shouted, drunkenly dancing in between two trees, her shirt having been lost somewhere back closer to camp._

_"Shhhh." I slurred, taking another swig from the bottle of Bacardi that I held in my hands. "If you keep yelling, we are_ definitely  _going to get caught."_

_"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." She tried to whisper, but the giggles that kept bubbling out of her made far too much noise. "I'm tryin' really hard San! But I just feel so good! Come and dance with me!"_

_"But there's no music, Britts." I stumbled over a branch and she caught me by my right arm._

_"We don't need music!"_

_Before I could protest, her hands were on my waist, pulling me close to her, and unsure of where to put my arms, especially since Britt was barely wearing clothes, I threw them loosely around her neck, hardly holding on to the mostly empty bottle, It was probably weird, that we were insanely drunk and dancing in the woods two hundred feet from where the rest of the Cheerios were sleeping in tents (there were cabins at the camp, but Sue wouldn't let us sleep in them, she said we needed to toughen up), but my inhibitions were lowered from all the rum, and it felt really, really good to dance (or really, just sway) like that with my best friend. At some point, we'd begun trading the bottle back and forth, bringing it to each other's lips without second thought. It had only been a week since I'd lost my virginity to Puck in some old lady's pool house, only five days since I'd seen him making out with Nicole D'Amico at Matt Rutherford's party, and inside, I was kind of a mess, something I didn't even admit to Brittany._

_"This was a really good idea." I nodded repeatedly, my vision starting to blur. "You always have the best ideas B."_

_"Well, you do tell me that I'm a genius all the time." She gave me an exaggerated wink, and I giggled uninhibitedly. "But we should really go to bed. You know how early we're going to get woken up in the morning."_

_"If_ I  _were the new captain, instead of Fabitch, this early morning shit would not be happening. I really needs to get my sleep on."_

_"C'mon." She laughed, hooking her pinky with mine and dragging me back in the direction of our tent._

_After I fell down twice, cursing at the tree roots that tripped me up, we finally made it back to our tent. Brittany immediately stripped out of her jean shorts, threw a long t-shirt over her underwear and curled into her sleeping bag, falling asleep with hardly a moment passing. That was drunk Brittany, it had been since the first time we'd snuck peach schnapps out of her mom's liquor cabinet almost a year earlier; strip, dance, sleep. I wished that I could be like that when I was drinking, but it never really worked that way. I'd drink to forget all of the things that made my mind move too quickly, like how sex was underwhelming at best, how I felt cheap, how seeing Puck with Nicole made me feel what it always feared, that I just wasn't good enough, like no one would really ever want me, but of course, I_ wouldn't  _forget, and the tears would come. When I knew they were going to start, I'd sneak away somewhere, because I was Santana Lopez, and no one could hear me cry, not even my best friend, who was the_ only  _person in the world that I really trusted._

_"Don't you cry, Lopez." I hissed under my breath, knowing I wouldn't be able to sneak out into the woods alone if it started, and that a crappy pillow or a dirt floor wouldn't muffle that horrific sounds that came out of my body. "Don't you dare start this bullshit."_

_Yeah, the best laid plans of mice and men, or Murphy's Law, or something like that was always working against me. I felt the tears on my cheeks first, then the squeaking in my throat, the hammering in my chest, and the wheezing, the wheezing was the absolutely worst. I rolled onto my stomach, burying my face, but I couldn't make it stop, and my foggy mind couldn't even really make sense of why I was crying._

_"Santana!" Brittany cried out. "Did you hear that sound?"_

_"No. I didn't hear anything." I mumbled out between sobs, hoping, praying that she would just go back to sleep._

_"I definitely heard it." I could hear her shuffle in her sleeping bag, and I covered more of my face, hoping she wouldn't look at me. "What if it's like, an alien, or something?"_

_"What? It's not an alien."_

_"I'm not taking any chances. Move over." Before I could protest, Brittany was climbing into my sleeping bag beside me, and I tried to make myself as small as possible. In retrospect, I'd realized that Brittany knew damn well that there were no extra-terrestrials. Probably though, at that point, she thought that the sound of my crying was the most alien thing she'd ever heard, and since she really did know me so well, knew I wouldn't have let her in if she told me as much._

_"Watch your knobby knees." I told her, still muffled by the pillow, and unwilling to admit, even to myself, that I sort of felt a lot better once Brittany wrapped her arms around me, claiming 'there's safety in numbers.'_

_"Sorry." Her breath was hot against the side of my face, and I chanced a look at her. For some reason though, looking at Brittany made me cry harder, and she narrowed her eyes in concern. "What's wrong, San?"_

_"You're just, you're so pretty." I gasped out, you know, drunk words are sober thoughts and all that. "I wish I was as pretty as you."_

_"Don't say that." She reprimanded gently. "You're so beautiful."_

_"No I'm not." I shook my head furiously, forgetting that I hadn't wanted Britt to see me crying. "I'm not at all. If I were, Puck wouldn't have been making out with Nicole like, five minutes after he had sex with me. Maybe I just wasn't good at it, I mean, I tried really hard to like, do stuff that I Googled, but I don't even know. It didn't feel good at all, and I bet he felt the same way. Why can't I ever do anything right?"_

_"Stop talking down about yourself. You're good at lots of things, and I've kissed you like, a million times, and I know you're good at that, so I bet you're super good at sex."_

_"I don't believe you." I sniffled, sounding like an indignant child._

_Brittany didn't say anything else, instead she grabbed my cheeks and pulled me towards her, crashing her lips into mine, like she needed to prove her point. She wasn't lying when she'd said we'd kissed a million times, we'd been doing it for the better part of a year, for boys, for practice, we claimed, but in that moment, for the first time, there were no pretenses. There was something actually intimate about it as she brushed away my tears with the heel of her hand and made me feel so_ wanted.  _It was something I'd been craving forever, but more so since I'd been left with that sinking, empty feeling wrapped in cheap fake satin sheets and wishing I would just disappear, or that I'd never existed at all. I reciprocated fiercely, our teeth clacking together with harsh urgency, and my mind was swimming from so much more than just the alcohol. I felt surrounded by Brittany, but still so needy as I clung to the back of her shirt._

_"I wish-" Brittany started, and then stopped, her breathing labored and her eyes darker than I'd ever seen them._

_"What?" I panted against her neck._

_"I wish it would have been with someone you trusted not to hurt you."_

_"I-" I wanted to tell her that it didn't matter, that it was just sex, that I wasn't in a lame Vanessa Carlton song about houses, that I wasn't Quinn, or that weird singing hobbit girl who thought virginity was some sacred thing, but I couldn't. Deep down, I_ was  _that girl, and the reason I'd even done it to begin with was my own insecurity. Surprising myself, words of pure honesty passed through my lips. "I wish that too."_

_Our lips connected again, and somehow, I ended up with Brittany lying on top of me. Our covered breasts pressed together and the heat from our bodies was trapped inside the sleeping bag. When Brittany's mouth wandered from my lips down to my neck, the first time_ that  _had ever happened, my body stiffened briefly before I let out an involuntary gasp. Something was about to happen, I could feel it in the pit of my stomach, and though all sense of reason told me to stop immediately, I couldn't do it. Apparently feeling bold, Brittany's hands didn't stay at her sides, and when her fingers tentatively brushed the skin of my stomach where my shirt had risen up, I shuddered, and not in a bad way._

_"You deserve to feel special." She whispered in my ear, grazing the shell with her lips._

_"You're the only one who thinks that." I breathed heavy, both from our actions, and from hearing her speak the words I always wanted to hear._

_"Because I'm the only one you let see it. Let me show you."_

_Although I was normally so uptight, my guard was down, and not just from the alcohol, but from the way she was making me feel, and I found myself nodding as Brittany lifted my shirt up over my head, kissing my shoulder before leaning back to take in the sight. As she gazed at me, I shied away, but she knew me, knew if I didn't feel alone, it would be okay, so she arched her back and tugged her own off too. It wasn't strange to me, her straddling my thighs, both of us topless, it felt right, and somehow beautiful. She moved slowly, maybe afraid she'd startle me, or more likely, because she knew we were crossing an invisible threshold, we were at the point of no return. Kissing was one thing but this, this level of intimacy, both physically, and, as it seemed, emotionally, was something else entirely. Silently, she asked my permission to take off my shorts, and I granted it. Once they were tossed to the side, and she began pulling down her panties, I started to get scared, started to recognize the gravity of the situation, and I turned my head away slightly._

_"It's just me, it's just us." She reassured me. "But we can stop, if you want to."_

_"Britt." I closed me eyes, then opened them again to see her blue ones, so dark, so beautiful, watching me cautiously. "You've never..."_

_"I know." She blinked, and although it should have been_ me  _telling_ her _that it was okay, it wasn't. "But I trust you not to hurt me. And I...I want that."_

_I heard what she didn't say, what she was cautious_ not  _to say;_ I want you.  _Trusted, special, wanted, it was the trifecta that I strove for but always found myself incapable of achieving, because only Brittany Pierce found the weak point in my impenetrable walls, only Brittany Pierce sought that weak point out. Taking unexpected initiative, I let my hand trail from where it rested on her neck down her body and to the inside of her thigh. The heat there surprised me, and slowly, glacially, really, I brought it up higher until I made contact with her for the first time. There was a low moan in her throat as I moved my fingers awkwardly and I had to look away from her face, my eyes catching the first moments of sunrise outside of our tent, the rays illuminating her blonde hair. I was caught by surprise when Brittany touched me back, and I couldn't help but squeeze my eyes tightly shut as our movements began to mirror one another's. Neither of us said anything as we worked each other up, but as clumsy as it all was, even I couldn't deny that tumbling into some unknown abyss with my best friend following only moments behind me was some strange kind of beautiful._

_It wasn't until Brittany fell asleep, most of her body still draped over mine that the unbridled panic struck me. Rolling her off of me, cautious not to wake her and have to be held accountable for what had happened, I couldn't help but press the softest of kisses to her forehead before I threw on my previously discarded clothes, grabbed something clean to change into, and made my way out of our tent, running full speed toward the showers. I couldn't breathe as the water, turned as hot as possible, rushed over me, and the sobs started up again, not caused by drunkenness that time. I'd fucked up, I'd fucked up_ big time _, and I knew it. I'd had sex (was it even sex? I knew nothing about it, and I couldn't even get a signal on my stupid phone to Google it. I was a kid from small town Ohio, no one talked about sex between two women) with my best friend, my best friend who was a girl, my best friend who was the only person who actually gave a shit about me, my best friend who had been (or still was? I really didn't understand) a virgin._

_"Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!" I cried, slamming my hands against the cement walks of that shitty camp shower, as I sank to the floor._

_The two sides of my brain were at war with each other;_ calm down, it's just Brittany, it's going to be okay  _and_ it's Brittany, your person, the only one who matters to you, and now everything is going to change because you're so, so desperate for affection, you're so needy, you're so horrible.  _I slammed my hand against my head, wanting it all to stop, and I got out of the shower, dried myself off and tossed the pajamas and panties I'd been wearing in the trash. I needed to run, I needed to feel the burn of my muscles and let everything else disappear. With my headphones in my ears, I took off on the intense trail that Sue forced upon us, at least I could do_ that  _without screwing up, and pounded my feet harder against the ground then I ever had. It was working, my mind was sort of clear, until that stupid song came on my iPod and I nearly crumbled, the words hitting all too close to home for me._

**_I've been afraid of changing, 'cause I built my life around you._ **

_"Who the fuck put this shit on here?" I cried out to no one, ripping the headphones out of my ears and throwing the entire device into the dirt, not caring in the slightest as I took off running again._

_I didn't even know how long it had been or how many laps I'd done, like they were penance for my actions, but sweaty, out of breath, and completely exhausted from running, my hangover, and lack of sleep, I collapsed down onto a tree stump, burying my face in my hands. The rest of the Cheerios were awake and doing their morning drills, I knew that from Sue's shrill voice threatening them over the megaphone, but I didn't have the strength to get up and find them. I'd be in trouble, not that it would be new, but I couldn't bring myself to care._

_"Hi." I heard softly beside me, and I felt the sudden urge to vomit. "I found your iPod."_

_"Oh, thanks." I didn't look at Brittany, who's bare thigh was touching mine, and didn't reach out to take it. I was going to hurt her, like I knew I would, like Puck had hurt me, but any hurt I did to anyone else, even her, was a grain of sand compared to how much hurt I had brought onto myself. "Listen, I..."_

_"Santana." She waited until I looked at her, letting my gaze fall on her cheeks instead of on her eyes, knowing that behind the understanding that would be there, there would also be hurt, and I just_ couldn't  _see that, and couldn't let her see all of the conflict that was in_ my  _eyes. "I'm not going to make you talk about it right now, okay?"_

_"Okay." I whispered, her words making me feel even worse, if that was possible. She was comforting_ me,  _when it probably should have been the other way around. But what do you do when your best friend loses her virginity (she did, right?) to a complete asshole who sneaks away, and that asshole happens to be you?_

* * *

Even fourteen years, a wedding, a kid and a half, and everything in between later, my cheeks still flamed thinking about that night and the aftermath. As much as I'd panicked, Brittany was like a drug to me, and sleeping together became a regular thing. I'd told myself that if it wasn't intimate like the first time, if it was just sex, just a way to get off, and if we both slept with boys, that it was totally okay. But obviously, it had always been more than that, and it was those feelings, those scary, deep in the closet, no one to turn to because I couldn't turn to my best friend feelings that I'd needed to channel. I mean, for God's sake, I had to  _Google_ if what we were doing was sex, that's how fucked up the situation was. Like it did often when I thought about how I'd made it through, my thoughts turned to Holly Holliday, and how even though I was in the freaking Glee Club, and everyone sang about their pathetic high school dramas on a daily basis, I'd never even thought to use music to help me process what I was going through, never even thought that sitting alone in my room listening to  _Landslide_ may have actually been pushing me in the right direction. That's what I wanted to make potential donors understand, that the happily married pregnant woman standing in front of them was actually living proof of the power of music.

"Oh,  _mi amorcito_." I ticked the little foot that was sticking out with my pointer finger. "We are so incredibly lucky. With all of the things your Mama and I have been through, it's a miracle that you're even growing inside of me. That's why I'm doing this, you know. Because this life we have, this life you'll be born into, everyone deserves a shot at it. Holly understood it, and I want to be like her, but for more people. I mean imagine, in ten years, Andrea, or someone else asking me to officiate her wedding because I had some kind of lasting impact on her. It still boggles my mind, that I could be that person to other people, when for a long time, I couldn't even help myself."

"Santana?" Rachel called out, and I couldn't help but roll my eyes at her totally ruining my little moment.

"I'm over here!" I announced my presence, pushing myself up with the heels of my hands and standing off to stage right.

"You made it here before me, I'm shocked!"

"Yeah, yeah. It doesn't need to be a big event every time I'm early." I rubbed at my lower back. "Who would have thought we'd be sharing a stage again? Afraid you're going to be upstaged by me?"

"As lovely as your voice is, and as absolutely thrilled as I am for you to sing, you forget that I'm actually a legend on this stage." She laughed, knowing I was just teasing her.

"Listen, I know this doesn't happen often, but can we have a quick serious moment?" I asked her, and she nodded. "I hope that you know how much I appreciate all of this. I know that you've been trying to help me for years, and I've brushed you off, but even then, I was really grateful that you knew how much this means to me."

"It means a lot to me too." She shuffled her weight back and forth between her feet. "There's a lot of things that we don't ever talk about, since it's pointless to rehash all of it, but where you are now is even better than where, in your darkest times, I hoped that you'd someday get to."

"Thank you." I blinked rapidly, feeling like I might cry. "You never gave up on me, Rach, and I think a lot of other people would have. I know that I couldn't turn things around until Britt came back, but it wasn't for your lack of trying. I mean, besides Brittany, I never had a real friend until you, so thanks for that, or whatever."

"You always have to end something sweet with 'or whatever,' don't you?"

"Come on, I can't have everyone thinking I've gone soft, can I?"

"Santana, I've listened to you and Brittany have many of your ridiculous  _I love you more_  conversations, watched you sprinkle unicorn dust on Annie's broccoli and heard you talk to your belly in sickly sweet Spanish, you're totally soft, and it's a good thing."

"Fine, fair enough." I sucked my teeth. "Let's go get all of this rehearsal stuff over with, the longer I sit here, the more nervous I get."

* * *

After what felt like a thousand hours of singing, listening to Rachel sing, and having Kurt drill into me how I was supposed to talk to people (I wasn't completely socially inept, I knew how to do it when I _had_ to), I was really exhausted, still hungry, despite having a big lunch, and as the hours ticked closer to curtain up, more nervous than ever. Finally managing a break, which I was pretty sure Brittany had called Rachel to make sure I had, I escaped into my awesome dressing room and flopped down on the couch, kicking off my sneakers. I had less than an hour until my hair and makeup people were supposed to come, and not wanting to waste a second I took out my phone and dialed Brittany's number.

_"Mamí!"_ Annie cried out on the other end of the line. _"Hi!"_

"Hi,  _mi amor_." I smiled at the excitement in her voice. "How's your day going?"

_"It's going super great! Everybody's here 'cept you, and we had pizza for lunch, and Auntia Lizzie's new friend Max brought me Legos that are unicorns!"_

"Oh he did, did he?" I raised an eyebrow involuntarily, even though no one could see me. "Well that does sound like a pretty great day. "Did you help Poppy and  _Abuelo_  out today?"

_"'Course I did! 'Buelo let me help him do painting, and I held the screwdriver for Poppy when he made my crib again for the baby."_

"Wow, that's some pretty big helping Annalise. The baby will be really happy that you did all that. Thank you."

_"Welcome, Mamí. I'm very excited to see you sing soon on the big stage."_

"I'm pretty excited too, I've been working extra hard with Aunt Rachel all day today, and I can't wait to see you tonight."

_"I'll be clapping extra loud in my pretty dress, just like we do for Mama."_

"You're the best  _mija,_ I'll be listening for you _._ Is Mama there now?"

_"Yup! Bye, I love you."_

" _Te amo mucho._ See you soon." I made a kiss blowing noise, and I listened as Annie chattered to Britt before handing over the phone.

" _Hey, honey."_ I could hear the smile in Britt's voice even through the phone.

"Hi, baby." I returned it, even though she couldn't see. "How's your day going? I heard someone's trying to buy my kid with unicorn Legos."

_"San."_  Britt chuckled.  _"I actually think you're going to like him, surprising as that is from my sister."_

"Psht. We'll see about that. Are our moms driving you crazy yet?"

_"Only slightly. They're just chomping at the bit to get their hands on you."_

"And by me, you mean my belly." I giggled, drawing spirals over it as I shifted my position to get more comfortable.

" _Well, it is them, you know how they are. But how are_ you  _doing? Have you had time to sit down and eat something today?"_

"I made Kurt go to the Thai place for me, I drank like, half a bottle of Pepto, and now I'm laying on the couch in my dressing room."

" _And how are you feeling?"_ She asked, noticing that I hadn't answered that question.

"I'm okay. I mean, I'm really, really freaking scared about all of it, not even just the singing, but I'll be okay, I hope. If I throw up on stage, do you promise to buy every single piece of news in the city that talks about what a train wreck and a joke Rachel's best friend is? And then change my phone number and lock me away in our house forever?"

_"You know that means you'll have to give birth in the bathtub, right?"_  She teased, trying to diffuse my anxiety.  _"Babe, going to be so great. Just do what I always do with you when I'm on stage, find my eyes. You know where I'm sitting, and it's so much easier just to focus on one person than everyone else. And maybe don't eat anything else before you go up there."_

"I'm going to be starving later, with that tiny chicken I'm sure they'll be serving at the dinner. Five hundred dollars a plate, and they give you a tiny chicken wing."

_"Wouldn't you rather more of that five hundred dollars goes toward you, instead of giant chickens?"_ She laughed, and I found myself smiling.  _"I'll pack you a peanut butter and jelly sandwich."_

"Kurt will  _love_ how how classy I am, when I'm sneaking off to the coat closet and dripping jelly down my dress."

_"Blame it on the baby, no one can fault you then."_

"Very true. Do you want to talk to them?"

" _Always."_

It was totally one of our dorky things, me pressing the phone against my belly and Britt talking, singing, whatever, when she was at the studio, or when I was out doing work stuff. I dropped my head back and gave her a few minutes, hearing only that she was speaking in sweet, soothing tones, but not making out any of the words. I knew that if I continued to lay there like that, I'd absolutely fall asleep, and if I was woken up after only a forty-five minute nap, I'd totally be bitchy and cranky to the stylists, to Kurt, who undoubtedly would come into check on me, and to anyone else who crossed my path, never a good thing when I really had to be on my game.

" _And take care of Mamí for me. It helps calm her down when she feels you wiggling around."_ Brittany was saying as I lifted the phone back to my ear.

"It's me again." I breathed, feeling a swell in my chest. "I've gotta go Britt, but I love you."

" _I love you too_."

Feeling slightly less jittery (key word,  _slightly_ ) after talking to Brittany and Annie, I took my time using the bathroom and stripping out of my clothes, shrugging on the dressing robe that was hanging beside my dress on the rack and sitting in front of the mirror, flipping through the text messages I'd missed throughout the day. Of course, there were pictures of Annie helping my dad and Stephen, because  _obviously_ Britt knew I'd be excited to see that, and I smiled to see that both Puck and Mr. Schu, who couldn't be there, had sent me messages of luck. It was actually really, really awesome that I only had those two messages, because it meant that almost all of the people that I really cared about would be there, both for me, and for Rachel. Mercedes, of course, had Tweeted where she would be, wanting to give me even more exposure, and the Changs were pretty awesome about making it to performances. I sort of made a mental note about that, since it may have been of value for my speech, which I'd come to the conclusion that I was just speaking from the heart, instead of writing something down, ad the two women who were going to make me suitable for the stage entered the dressing room.

* * *

Almost two hours, a lot of vaguely bitchy chatter, and enough hairspray that I was sure the  _baby_ would be born with perfectly coiffed hair, given the amount I inhaled, later, I was done. The stylists, Bitsy and Mindy or something, I'm not sure they ever really introduced themselves to me, were standing off to the side as Kurt inspected me like he was buying a damn piece of art at an auction. I scowled at him as he tugged on one of the loose curls that fell over my shoulders, and he rolled his eyes.

"What do  _you_ think, Santana?" He asked.

"Is this some kind of trick question?" I looked at him, and Mindy, or maybe Bitsy snickered, earning a dirty look from Kurt that shut them right up. I mean he  _was_ the style editor for the  _Times_ , if he wanted to ask the woman who mostly, of late, lived in her wife's sweatshirts, what she thought, that was his business.

"No, I'm serious. You need to be comfortable up there." Our eyes met in the mirror and he caught the beginning of a smirk on my mouth. " _Within reason._ As endearing as it is that you want to wear Britt's clothes because of your weird pregnancy rationale, unless Britt has gently used evening wear that will fit you, it won't work."

"Too bad. But no, it's good, I'm comfortable, I tried the gown on again this morning, and unless I gained a freakish amount of weight in a few hours, we'll be good when I put it on. And you know I still prefer my hair down like this..." I trailed off, and he nodded in understanding. "And the makeup is natural, so I won't feel ridiculous. It's good, all of it."

"Better than good, you look way hot." I heard Brittany's voice and looked up to see her leaning against the doorframe in her black sequined gown, her hair twisted up in an elaborate knot and a soft smile on her lips.

"You heard the ladies." Kurt looked at the stylists. "Good work. You can go hang out in the lounge, I'll call for you if we need any touch ups."

"Thank you." I told them sincerely as they gathered their things and left the room.

"I'll leave you two." Kurt grabbed his bag and looked sternly between the two of us. "But no sex, and no kissing on the lips."

"Yes, sir." I mock saluted him, and he almost rolled his eyes before he broke into a smile.

"Wow Santana, you didn't call me ma'am. That's growth."

"Shut up, I haven't called you that in  _at least_ three years."

"Goodbye, Kurt." Brittany shooed him towards the door, and I laughed at how he listened to her. "My turn with my wife, thank you very much."

When Kurt left the room, I stood up from my chair and wrapped my arms around Brittany's neck, careful not to mess up either of our hair or makeup and just sort of melted into her. I hadn't thought that I'd see her before the show, but I should have known better, since it was my tradition with  _her_ when she performed, so why not the other way around? Stepping back after our extended hug, I grabbed both of her hands and stared unabashedly at how elegantly beautiful she looked. She bit her lip, watching me back, and I felt giddiness bubble up inside of me.

"I'm so glad you're here." I sighed, rubbing the inside of her wrist.

"I just wanted to check on you before you performed, and I kind of brought a surprise for you."

"What kind of surprise?" I raised my eyebrow suggestively, and she shook her head.

"Only if I had a death wish for both of us. Put on your dress and I'll bring your surprise in. And don't start getting anxious about it." She said softly, knowing that was  _exactly_ what I was going to do. "I think you'll enjoy this."

"Is it a sandwich?"

"Also kind of a death wish if I gave you the one I packed now. I can't even kiss you on the mouth, you think I'm allowed to feed you peanut butter and jelly? Kurt would probably explode."

"Okay. True."

I gave Brittany a lopsided smile as I shrugged off the robe and she took my dress off the hanger. It was nice to have her helping me, rather than Kurt, who usually yelled at me about not stepping on the fabric, even though I never actually  _did_ , and when I was zipped up, it was her turn to step back and admire me as I twirled in a circle before coming to a stop and letting my hands fall to their usual position over my belly. When she was done, she closer the gap between us again, and without a single word, let her lips barely brush the exposed skin of my neck.

"You look gorgeous." She breathed, bringing her eyes up to meet mine.

"So do you." I told her, taking her hand and giving it a soft squeeze. "Can I have my surprise now?"

"Yes." Brittany giggled and stepped away from me, walking back towards the door and stepping out for a minute. When she came back in, I let out a shocked gasp as I saw who trailed behind her.

"Hey there, sweet cheeks!" Holly Holliday grinned, moving towards me and engulfing me in a hug that would probably-definitely wrinkle my dress, but I didn't even care. "A little blonde birdie told me that tonight was a pretty big night for you, and that I shouldn't miss it for the world."

"Britt." My breath caught in my throat, and I swallowed hard to keep the tears at bay.

"Moon at your wife later." Holly joked. "She already knocked you up, I didn't fly all the way from Belize to watch you two make eyes at each other all night."

"You came from  _Belize?"_ I asked, shocked that someone would do that. "Why?"

"I made a choice, when I decided to spend my life hopping all over the place, just kind of going wherever I was needed to not have the opportunity to make connections with people. I've never really had the opportunity to see anyone come full circle. I thought that officiating your wedding was seeing that happen, but it turns out you had other things to do, so here I am." She shrugged. "And I got to see that pretty little girl that makes me smile when I get your Christmas card every year, plus you, all pregnant and stuff. Once in a lifetime opportunity, and totally worth it."

"I don't even know what to say Holly, thank you." I had to swallow again, and she knew that I meant for everything, because really, even so long after, I still couldn't express how grateful I was for all she'd done. "I know you didn't set out to change my life, but you really did, and whenever I'm working at this, I think of how I hope I can do for other people what you did for me."

"Anytime girlfriend, ask and I'll be here." Holly hugged me again. "I want to hear all about everything later, but I know you're on a tight time frame, and I've been warned by Kurt not to keep you too long. For a little guy, he is sca-ry!"

"Okay, sounds good." I smiled, and she gave me a wave before walking out of the room. "Britt, I'm gonna kiss you right now, and I don't even care."

"I take it you liked your surprise?" She asked, pressing her lips gently against mine, taking care not to smudge my lipstick.

" _Like_ is a serious understatement, baby. You know how much that means to me,"

"I do." She carefully tucked back a strand of hair that had fallen in my face. "I wasn't sure if she'd be able to make it, so I didn't want to say anything, but I'm so glad she did."

"God, so am I." I kissed her again, and heard the door swing open again before slamming shut.

"Of  _course_ you broke the only rule I gave you." Kurt huffed, his hands resting on his hips.

"Actually." Brittany gave him a cheeky smirk. "You gave us two rules, and we only broke one."

"Probably because I came in when I did." He muttered, gently pushing Brittany towards the door. "Fifteen minutes to curtain, time's up, bye."

"I love you! You're going to kill it out there!" She called over her shoulder, using the words I always said to her, because of my hatred for the phrase  _break a leg._

"Love you more." I called back, and then allowed Kurt to do his final once over on me, letting him unnecessarily reapply my lipstick, even though I totally didn't smudge it.

* * *

Although seeing Brittany and Holly had totally calmed me down, my anxiety reached a fever pitch as I stood off in the wing of the stage. But somehow, the minute I watched the lights lower and the hush fall over the audience, I felt better, felt my old ability to perform re-enter my body. It would be just the way we practiced a thousand times, unlike how things like this usually went, Rachel would go out first, she'd give a speech thanking her fans, kind of giving herself a welcome back into show-business (I knew better than anyone that leopards could never totally change their spots, and Rachel would always have a flair for the dramatic) and then give her little introduction on me, and on why this was important to her. I'd give my speech, I'd sing and try not to be sick, and then I'd sneak my way into the audience and watch the Rachel Berry show. It was simple, really, and I closed my eyes for a minute, reminding myself that I was completely capable of handling it.

"Good evening, ladies and gentleman." Rachel's voice broke me from my trance, and I opened my eyes to see her standing in the center of the stage, dressed in a salmon colored gown, looking as at home as she'd always looked, even after over four years since she'd last done a live performance. "I am so incredibly grateful to each and every one of you who have come out tonight to support both me, and a cause that I hold so dear to my heart. Before we begin, I'll just go ahead and answer the question that I've been getting since only a few months after my son Brice was born. I  _am_ returning to the Broadway stage, I'm in talks for a project that is expected to open in previews by the end of this year."

Rachel paused for a moment, giving the audience a chance to clap politely, since it wasn't a rock concert where people would cheer and whoop over her. Once she felt the applause was sufficient, she smiled in my direction and began again.

"Now, I know that a lot of you are here tonight because it's been a long time to perform, but the truth is, this event wouldn't be happening if it wasn't for the cause I'm trying to promote. I'm sure that you're all at least relatively aware of what Show Your Brave is, since there was a lot of information on it when you bought your tickets, but I'm asking you all to listen to what Santana Lopez-Pierce, the creator and founder of the program has to say. First and foremost, Santana is my best friend, and she, even more than I am, is a true testament to how impactful music is in changing lives. I've seen this program in action, since her pilot had been happening at my husband's school, and I know that if she can get more funding, this can be something so far reaching and leave a lasting impression on the lives of countless teenagers. After she speaks to you, I've asked her to sing tonight, because like she'll tell you, her point will hit you so much harder when she makes it with music. So now, I'm asking you all to welcome Santana to the stage."

As Rachel walked off the stage, intentionally from the same side I was entering from, I took a deep breath, listening to the applause of the audience. Having already determined exactly where Brittany was sitting, I waited for the squeeze of Rachel's hand on mine before stepping out under the spotlights. I scanned the theater briefly before letting my eyes fall to where Brittany was sitting, with Annie as still as a statue in her lap. Our eyes locked and a wide smile broke across my face.

"Hi, everyone." I began, my voice cracking only slightly. "Thank you, all of you, Rachel included, for giving me the opportunity to speak tonight. My work on developing Show Your Brave began in 2020, after I realized that I had a story to tell, a story that could help other people who were struggling in their lives feel like they had someone who could truly understand them. For most of my life, and even to a decent extent today, spoken words weren't really my forte, and if someone had told me when I was in my deeply closeted early days of high school that someday I'd be standing in front of an audience like this, speaking about struggle, sexuality and even feelings, I would have had more than my share of not so nice things to say to them."

I stopped while the audience gave a collective laugh, and caught Brittany's tiny, barely perceptible nod that encouraged me on.

"Originally, I'd planned to get up here and tell you all about this terrible thing that happened to me when I was twenty-one, but this morning I was sitting here in this exact spot, thinking about something different, something that's probably a lot more relatable to all of you in the audience, and all of the kids I work with, the level of shame I felt when the first tiny roots of the feeling that I might be different began to grow inside of me. It was one of those things that I thought I could push away if I tried hard enough, and trust me, I definitely tried. Growing up in small town Ohio, sexuality was never something that was discussed, and I can count on my fingers the number of people who were openly queer by the time I graduated high school. I know that in a big city like this, things are different, but I've seen from my own experience that external acceptance doesn't necessarily change one's ability to accept themselves. For that reason, it is the goal of this program to give people a safe space where they can work through what they struggle hardest with in a way that is different than traditional counseling services."

I stopped for a minute, took a breath, and refocused my thoughts that were starting to feel a little bit scattered before starting up again.

"The creative arts, and for me, music specifically, allowed me to touch on emotions within myself that I never would have accessed otherwise. When I thought I was alone, I came to realize that other people, including Rachel Berry were doing the same thing in their own way. While we had our Glee Club, that worked for a lot of my friends, it was missing a piece for me, a degree of anonymity. That piece came for me in the form if a substitute teacher who talked things through will me, and explained just how normal the feelings that made me feel alienated were. That's why Show Your Brave has a mentorship piece, because while I'd love to say singing about something completely solves the problem, I know first hand that it isn't true. If I hadn't had that push that someone in a mentorship role had given me, I'd probably still be singing Fleetwood Mac alone in my bedroom, or worse, still hiding me true self, married to a man for all the wrong reasons. But instead, I'm married to an incredible woman, have a beautiful daughter, and if you haven't noticed, have another little one on the way. While I can't say working out my feelings in an alternative way was the complete cause of that, it helped,  _a lot._ I'm not going to stand up here and read the facts and figures and thousands of pages worth of research, but for any of you who might be interested in donating, in helping me to make a difference, I'm happy to share whatever information you'd like. Thank you all, and thank you, Rachel. Just being here tonight, and being able to share this dream, it means so, so much to me."

My knuckles were white where I gripped the microphone, and I waited, like we'd practiced, for the respectable applause to die down and for the pianist to begin playing my music. I shivered as the first notes began to play, and my eyes remained on Brittany. Who was nodding harder than before, and mouthing the words  _you can do this_  to me. Taking one last breath and swallowing, I forced myself to forget about everyone else, and I finally opened my mouth to sing.

_You can be amazing_

_You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug_

_You can be the outcast_

_Or be the backlash of somebody's lack of love_

_Or you can start speaking up_

_Nothing's gonna hurt you the way that words do_

_And they settle 'neath your skin_

_Kept on the inside and no sunlight_

_Sometimes a shadow wins_

Once I started singing, all the time that I'd been off the stage disappeared, and I felt like I was in my element again. I knew that I was sweating a little bit from the heat of the lights, and that I might have been crying, but Rachel did it all the time, so it wasn't like it would be something these people weren't used to. The baby was doing their usual flips inside of me, doing what both Britt and I had asked, helping keep me calm, and that, combined with the piercing love of Brittany's stare was the only thing I felt.

_Everybody's been there, everybody's been stared down_

_By the enemy_

_Fallen for the fear and done some disappearing_

_Bow down to the mighty_

_Don't run, stop holding your tongue_

_Maybe there's a way out of the cage where you live_

_Maybe one of these days you can let the light in_

_Show me how big your brave is_

Amped on adrenaline and the strongest of emotions, I finished my song, and managed some sort of bow before the lights dimmed. I didn't even hear the audience as I made my way off the stage, but I knew that they were clapping for me, I knew that Brittany had been right, and I'd definitely killed it. Making it through the wings and to the side entry of the orchestra, I wasn't at all surprised to see Britt waiting there for me, her arms spread wide for me to fall into. She held tightly onto me as I buried my face in her neck and just sobbed. Not from sadness, not even from happiness, just from the intensity of  _feeling._ I'd done it, I'd actually done it. I'd got up on stage and sang, and I'd done it for all the right reasons that I'd never before understood.


	27. The Roles We Play

It took me longer than I would have thought to pull myself together when I got off the stage, and I was so grateful to Rachel that she'd had the forethought to insist on a fifteen minute mini-intermission in between my performance and hers.  _To let your impact set in,_ she'd claimed, but I knew she'd probably figured that I'd need at least that much time to compose myself and get to my seat without making scary noises during her show. I was glad that no one else was around while I needed my wife to hold me, to rub my back and my arms, to kiss my hair and whisper to me. She understood me in the way I really needed to be understood when I was overcome with emotion, she understood that maybe, even though I hated admitting it, I felt emotions on either end of the spectrum harder than other people did. She knew that sometimes tears were a form of blood letting for me, something I needed to do after experiencing emotions of that intensity before I felt like I could function normally again. I gave myself over completely to those feelings, and by default, Brittany, who was the only one who truly saw me when my shell was cracked open, after a day of facing years long fears, of remembering old wounds, of feeling an incredible sense of accomplishment even before the end results showed. When I was finally able to lift my head from the crook of her neck, she was watching me carefully, in all my sniveling, messed up make up glory.

"Hey Britt." I couldn't help but laugh at myself, and Brittany shook her head with a smile.

"Hey, how you doing?"

"Eh, you know. Just poured my heart out in front of a bunch of people and then couldn't really hold myself up because this baby makes me weepy."

"Oh, the  _baby_  makes you weepy?" She teased gently, wiping the mascara (yeah, waterproof, right) from under my eyes and kissing each of my cheeks and finally my lips.

"Totally. God, Bug, pull yourself together in there." I looked down, patting the top of my bump and I letting out a sharp breath. "Okay, I think they're doing a little better now."

"You were beautiful, San, seriously, it was amazing to watch you really get into your element, showing all the passion you have for this to succeed. You were so genuine, and confident, and seriously you sounded better than ever.  _And,_ bonus, you didn't throw up."

"That's true." I rubbed away the makeup that I'd managed to smear all over her neck, and I pressed my lips there, holding them for a moment before looking back in her eyes. "I'm kind of proud of myself."

"You should be. I'm way more than  _kind of_ proud of you."

We both knew that we needed to go back inside, our time was ticking away, and I wanted just a second with Annie before we had to be quiet again. Because Brittany had her magic bag of tricks, she pulled out some eyeliner and a tube of mascara, reapplying my makeup for me (since she was that rare kind of women who could do her own without looking in a mirror, and didn't carry one), saving me from the horror of Kurt's scandalized face, and having to deal with Mindy and Bitsy again. When she was finished, she adjusted my hair, and then kissed me hard before handing me my lipstick and nodding that I was once again presentable. Slipping an arm around her waist, Brittany did the same to me, then grabbed my free hand with her's and led me to our seats where our families were waiting. Both of our mothers, Stephen and Liz jumped up to hug me (and I shot a glance at  _the boyfriend_ , who probably figured he ought to wait to be formally introduced to me until later), and when my father stood up from where he was sitting with Annie, he draped one arm over my shoulder before slipping my daughter into my arms.

"Mamí! Oh, Mamí, did you hear how much clapping you got? Everybody knows you're the very best singer in the whole wide world!" She cried out, and I somehow managed to stave off more tears.

"My Annalise." I pressed a firm kiss to the top of her head. "Did you like it?"

"Course I did! It was  _amazing!_  I never got to see you sing like that in real life. Only in the movies on Auntia Rachel's computer, and Poppy made me a movie of you on his phone, but it's even better 'cuz I was here!" She rambled on excitedly. " _'Buela_ wanted to take me to go pee, 'cuz I was so excited, and she didn't want me to have an accident, but I don't even have to go, I just wanted to wait for you! And your dress is super beautiful, and I'm so, so happy that you're here now to sit with us!"

"So am I,  _mi amor,_ so am I." I chuckled at her stream of consciousness, then went into Mamî mode, because even when I was dressed to the nines trying to change lives and stuff, that was still my default role, and my most important. "But you're sure you don't want to use the bathroom quickly before Aunt Rachel performs? I'll take you, if you need to."

"Yup, extra sure. Mama made sure I didn't drink too much today, and we went pee when we got here."

"Okay then." I kissed her again, and it was Brittany's turn to laugh at the fact that I may have just sang in front of all of these people for the first time in a lifetime, and my primary concern was whether or not I should take my daughter to the bathroom. "Do you want to sit on my lap or in your own chair?"

"I want to sit with you so I can hug you more." Annie said matter-of-factly, hanging onto my neck like a little koala. "I didn't get to cuddle with you at  _all_  today."

"Trust me, once this is over, I'm taking a big rest before the baby comes. We'll have  _lots_ of cuddle time."

Sitting down with Annie still in my arms, I leaned back on the chair, grimacing just slightly at the ache in my back, and knowing that Kurt might have something to say about it, but I  _needed_ to change out of my heels before dinner. Annie rested the back of her head against my chest, and I felt Britt's hand on my thigh as the lights began to lower again, and Rachel took the stage. Because I'd been so wrapped up in my own head about how much the night had meant for me, I'd hardly processed what a big deal it was for my friend. But as I watched her start to sing, I realized how much she'd missed performing, and how being up there was so much more like coming home for her than it would ever be for me. Since becoming Broadway's  _Big Thing,_ it was rare that she sang as just Rachel, rather than playing a role, but it was all kinds of awesome watching her sing up there as  _herself_ , and I found myself all wrapped up in my feelings about it (I mean, the  _baby_  was wrapped up in the feelings).

When Rachel finally closed with the song that we'd all expected, even if she'd never explicitly said what her encore was going to be, the words  _no, nobody is ever gonna rain on my parade_  were still resonating in my ears as I got up on my feet. I shifted Annie over to Brittany, so she could hold her high up to clap for her godmother, and I was beaming like a freaking fool at the whole of it. When the audience began to shuffle out of the theater, my eyes met Finn's, and we rushed toward each other, him wrapping his arms around me, and clearly resisting the urge to pick me up and spin me around.

"You were so awesomeup there, Santana." He told me, and I giggled my giddiness into his embrace. "I'm so glad to be a part of this, and so is Rachel."

"I told her earlier about how instrumental she was in getting me to this point, and you, well, you know..." I scrunched up my face and shook my head a little, the way I always did when trying to clear my head of old memories.

"I do." He nodded, and pulling away, I straightened his bow tie and smoothed the jacket of his tux.

"Ready to go shake down these people for me tonight?"

"The things I do for the ladies I love." Finn laughed. "I'll turn on my  _husband of Rachel Berry_  charm for you tonight."

"You have no charm, Hudson. What's your backup plan?" I teased him.

"I have plenty of charm. You're just immune to anyone's who isn't female, or actually, who isn't Brittany. I guess we're going to behave differently than we usually do at these kinds of parties, huh?"

"Guess so. It probably would be totally inappropriate if we found a table in the back and took out Annie's crayons, right?"

"I've definitely been instructed by Rachel not to behave like we're at a Ground Round."

"She says that every time. Obviously she has no faith in us. Also, my wife is so much cooler than yours. The crayons are totally in Britt's bag with my peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Obviously, I'm four years old." I laughed, rolling my eyes at myself, and knowing that we'd never really given Rachel any reason to have faith in our behavior, then turned back to serious for a minute. "Thank you though, Finn, for helping me tonight, and you know, giving me the opportunity to get this off the ground in the first place.."

"I believe in the concept, and I believe in you leading it even more."

"I appreciate that. I'm still a little in shock that it's happening. Go see Rachel, I'll see you at dinner." I shooed him off, then turned back to my family.

* * *

After getting into the cars that had been arranged, I changed my shoes, stopping to rub at my feet while I felt Brittany's knuckles dig into my lower back. I'd probably sleep for days when it was all over, but as it was, I still had another few hours to go before I could even think about that. When we were dropped off at the Metropolitan, Britt and I settled Annie (who was fighting her own tiredness) into the seat beside my mother, and stepped back to take it all in. With my wife's arms wrapped around my waist from behind, I let my eyes wander around the room. Kurt had absolutely outdone himself in his instructions to the event coordinators, and with deep red tablecloths and edelweiss accenting the center pieces, the whole room really subtly reflected my vision. The dinner was a pretty exclusive part of the evening, which, although I wasn't crazy about the idea, I knew was important that the tickets to that portion had been so expensive, so there would be a greater likelihood of getting serious donors. These were the people that Rachel would charm, and introduce me to, and I took a deep breath to prepare myself.

"Just be you, honey." Britt's whisper tickled my ear, and I turned my head to give her a chaste kiss on the lips. "I'll be right there with you."

"Well, we are pretty endearing together. And smokin' hot." I winked.

"You've got that down in your own right." She laughed.

"Satan!" I heard Mercedes voice, and I whipped my head around to see her standing there with her hands on her hips and nodding towards my belly. "I never thought I'd see the day."

"You lie!" I smirked, as Brittany threw her arms around her. "You know you spent half of high school thinking I'd end up knocked up.  _And_ , it's not like this is a surprise, you've known for months."

"And requested pictures, because you said you didn't believe us on the phone." Britt added as I took my turn to hug Mercedes.

"Still, you're glowing. I'd have come all the way here just to see that."

"Why does everyone keep saying that?" I asked. "Holly said pretty much the same thing."

"Holly Holliday's here?" Mercedes eyes widened. "I have a serious bone to pick with her about why I haven't been able to bring myself to eat cucumbers since Junior year."

"Gross." Brittany wrinkled her nose and I inelegantly snorted, then looked around to make sure Kurt hadn't picked it up on his  _Santana's Class-dar._

"Anyway, what I mean is that it's awesome seeing you pregnant, and seeing you so happy I could puke. Can I?" She reached out her hand and I rolled my eyes with a groan.

"I swear, Britt, by the time tonight is over, I'll be packing our things to move to Pennsylvania in the morning. Fine, touch, although I don't understand why everyone feels the need."

"Why Pennsylvania?" Mercedes asked, ignoring most of what I'd said, as the baby kicked where her hand fell and she smiled.

"It's illegal to touch a pregnant woman's belly there." Brittany told her. "My wife spends entirely too much time reading unnecessary information on the internet."

"Oh, get over it." Mercedes sucked her teeth at me. "You do remember that not only was I basically the first person who knew you two were sleeping together, but also the first one who you officially told you were dating. I have all kinds of rights when it comes to this."

"Whatever, you know you're important to us, even if you travel all over the world and still only manage to make it to New York twice a year." I teased her.

"You are aware that airplanes fly both ways, right?"

"We have a kid."

"Oh right, I forgot, kids aren't allowed on planes. Speaking of, where  _is_ my homegirl? I need to go spoil her rotten."

"With our parents." I pointed over to the table where Susan was teaching Annie  _Miss Mary Mack_ , and my mother was probably trying to get one of the waiters to bring her an ice cream sundae. "Give her anything with sugar in it right now, and you get to come home with us and be the one who stays up with her all night. Tell my mother the same thing."

"But she's at a party." Mercedes protested, and looked at Britt.

"Don't look at me." Brittany shook her head. "You would have had a better shot with Santana on that one."

"Fine." She huffed. "I'll be back later with my checkbook."

"Nope, don't even think about it. I'm not taking checks from anyone from Lima. But you  _better_ bring your date over to meet us. I read all about you two  _canoodling_ in St. Thomas."

"Okay, don't ever say canoodling again. And also, stop reading the tabloids about your friends. It's creepy." She turned away from us, and Brittany giggled.

"She didn't deny it, told you it was true." I shrugged, and Britt flicked my ear.

Brittany and I made our rounds, smiling politely and engaging the people who wanted to hear more about the program. With each conversation, I found myself growing more an more confident. Kurt, who'd definitely been overindulging in the champagne, finally stopped watching me like a hawk (thank God, that managed to make me  _more_ uncomfortable than anything else) when he saw me smiling, laughing, actually acting like a belonged among these people. By the time dinner was served, we'd made it half way through the room, and I'd become increasingly certain that the night would be a success. My exhausted girl sat on my lap again, and I kissed her little nose when she insisted on sharing her chicken fingers with me.

"So." I said, shooting a look across the table at the dark haired man who offered a forkful of his steak to Liz. "Lizzie, who's your friend."

"Oh, c'mon. Really?" She huffed, and Stephen covered his mouth to hide his laughter.

"Hi, Santana." Max immediately stood up and extended his hand. I hesitated for a second until Brittany kicked my foot under the table and I took it. "Max Tompkins, and seriously, I'm so thrilled to meet you. Eliza has told me so much about you."

"Oh my God, seriously?" I narrowed my eyes at the use of her full name, and both Liz and Max burst out laughing.

"I'm kidding." He grinned. "Liz told me to say that to see your reaction."

"Lizzie, why do you insist on riling Santana up?" Susan tried to sound serious, but she was laughing too.

"Mamí." Annie leaned up to whisper in my ear. "He's super nice."

"Yeah, San." Britt whispered in the other, having heard what Annie said. "He  _is_ super nice."

"I thought it was  _my_ job to ask what Max's intentions are with my daughter." Stephen's eyes sparkled, doing that annoying Pierce thing they do that completely disarms me. "But it seems like your about one second away from doing that for me."

"You never asked me what  _my_ intentions were." I raised an eyebrow jokingly.

"Oh, sweetheart." Susan cut in. "Our walls were not made of stone, your intentions were clear."

"Ugh." I squeezed my eyes shut and Brittany rubbed my back, laughing right along with the rest of them. "None of you are helping me be intimidating right now."

" _Mija._ You're beautiful, you're talented, you're passionate, among many, many other things, but intimidating you're not. Leave your sister-in-law alone, we like this boy, he didn't introduce himself to your Papí and I by slowly saying  _hola, it's bueno to meet you,_ like the other one did."

"Betrayed by my own parents." I sighed. "Well Maximilian, I'm outnumbered, I guess. You're not from Connecticut, you brought my daughter gifts, and Brittany likes you, so I  _guess_ I'll put up with you. But you hurt Lizzie, and I swear-"

"We know, Tana." Liz scoffed, cutting me off.

"I won't, I promise. I really care about her." He said sincerely, and I felt myself softening a little bit at how genuine he sounded. "And I do really love that she has a family as protective as she does."

"We already read him the riot act this morning, baby." Britt squeezed my shoulder. "You didn't think we wouldn't, did you?"

"I guess not." I pressed my lips against Brittany's ear, and spoke so only she could hear me. "Is it possible she's broken the curse and can date someone not horrible? I might be able to like this one."

"Yeah, I think so. She's got a good role model in you. You know, you did marry the most awesome person ever."

"Psht, I think you mean she has a role model in  _you."_ I shot back, and she kissed me quickly before I gave Max a semi-warm smile and extended my hand to him again. "Just remember, I'm way more intimidating than any of these people give me credit for."

"I'll keep that in mind. And thanks for letting me come tonight. Liz has told me all about how much you've worked toward this, and how you're her inspiration for going to law school, so it's such an honor to be here to witness it."

Once I'd realized that if Liz was really letting this guy into the personal details of her life that she never shared with  _anyone_ , it meant that she was really serious about him, I loosened up a little. Brittany rubbed my back a little more, knowing it was getting more painful as the night progressed, and I shot her a grateful look. It was nice to be able to just spend a half hour with our families, sitting down, even if my mother and Susan  _both_ checked about eighty-three-thousand times if I was alright, and Britt joked about having the night off from that being her role. When we were done, Annie had wrapped her arms around my neck, and was fighting how tired she was.

" _Corazóncita,_ do you want to go see Holly with us one more time before Poppy takes you for a walk?" I asked her. In our deliberations about what to do with Annie, since every single person we trusted with our daughter was at the party, it was Britt who figured that once she'd hit the threshold of exhaustion, one of our parents could take her outside for awhile, and once she fell asleep, she'd stay that way for the rest of the night.

"Mmkay." She mumbled against me, and Brittany lifted her out of my arms, knowing that  _I_ was too exhausted and achy to walk around carrying her.

We found Holly just as she'd finished flirting with a very old and presumably very wealthy man. Setting her wine glass down on the table, she opened her arms for Annie, and my daughter's eyes popped open when she realized who she'd been given to. According to Brittany, she'd taken an immediate liking to the women, and considering Rachel was the only person  _ever_ who didn't respond to her that way, I was not at all surprised.

" _Hola chica_ , you look like you could use yourself a nice cup of coffee."

"No way!" Annie pursed her lips, thinking on that. "Only Mamí drinks coffee. 'S for grownups, Holly Holly-day."

"Oh right, that slipped my mind little blondie." Holly winked, and Annie giggled. "It was really nice finally meeting you, you know."

"It was very nice to meet you too." Annie said solemnly, her eyes big. "You're extra super 'mportant to Mamí and Mama."

"So I've heard, they're pretty important to me too."

"Are you going to come back soon? Can you come to my birthday party? I'm going to be five on June seventeenth and I'm having a carousel party with pizza and cake. And that's right before they take the new baby out of Mamí. Please?"

"Annie, sweetheart." Brittany said carefully, not wanting her little heart to be broken over her newfound friend. "Holly lives really far away, it's pretty tough for her to be in New York City."

"Hey, I've gotten on a plane for things way less important that a fifth birthday party. If I'm invited, I'll be there, as long as I can ride the carousel. It'll give me a chance to really talk to your Mamí too, since tonight is already getting too  _crazy_ for that."

"Yay!" Annie clapped her hands, then threw her arms around Holly's neck. "Holly Holly-day is coming to my party! Auntia Rachel! Did you hear?"

"I did." Rachel smiled, walking up to us from her table. "That's pretty exciting news."

"I know! Oh, and you did very good singing tonight. Bricey would've liked it lots. It was almost as beautiful as Mamí's.

"Oh my God." Holly nearly spit out her wine from laughing. "I love this kid."

" _Mija!"_ I covered my mouth, trying my hardest to stifle my laugher, and I could tell Britt was doing the same.

"Sorry!" She told her godmother quickly, her cheeks turning pink. "I just love when Mamí sings so much!"

"It's okay." Rachel promised, blowing Annie a kiss. "She's your mom, you're supposed to like her singing most of all."

"Damn, you are so much less of a drag than you were in high school."

"Um, thanks, I guess, Ms. Holliday."

"You're like thirty, hot stuff, you're allowed to call me Holly, you know."

As entertaining as it was to watch Rachel attempt to keep up with Holly's banter, it was obvious by the way Annie was fidgeting that if we waited much longer to get her to sleep, it wasn't going to be pretty. As Britt lifted her out of Holly's arms, she mumbled a  _see ya, Holly Holly-day_  and gave her a big grin. While Brittany wrapped Annie in her light spring coat, I retrieved Milky Way from her bag, and we both gave her kisses and hugs before Stephen scooped her up. Waving as they walked out the door, I pretty much wished that  _I_ was the one being put to sleep, but instead, I stood from where I was sitting, ran my thumb over the top of my bump, telling my  _other_ child that it was long past their bedtime, and grabbed Britt's hand for  _another_ round of  _you have more money than God, please give me some._

After a brief argument with Quinn about how I didn't care that  _she_ had more money than God, and a wave to Chris and Jarrod, who were being introduced to the Hummels, Brittany and I stood off to the side. I don't know why I thought that being the founder of the beneficiary organization of an event like this meant that people would be slipping checks to me (Brittany said it's because I watch too much  _Friends,_ and that sounds like something that would happen on there), but it wasn't really like that. I mean, they  _could_ give me a check, if they wanted as evidenced by Mercedes and Quinn's attempts, but really, people tended to donate for tax purposes, and it would need to involve accountants and receipts, and all of that financial stuff that I paid someone (out of pocket, for now) to handle. Shrugging off the logistics, since it was kind of way too much for my tired pregnancy brain to handle, I smiled and squeezed Brittany's hand as the person I was probably  _most_ excited to see approached us.

"Hi, Santana." The girl said shyly, shifting her weight between feet and smoothing her dress. "I hope I'm not interrupting you, I just wanted to say  _hi,_ and introduce you to my mom, if you had a minute."

"You're not interrupting at all. I was just telling Britt that we've hit that stage of the party where everyone is sort of looking at each other and wondering if it's acceptable to leave. I was volunteering us to be first." I joked, eliciting a smile from her. "Andrea, this is my wife, Brittany. Britt, this is Andrea."

"It's so, so nice to meet you, Andrea." Brittany extended her hand. "Santana has told me so much about you."

"She's helped me a lot." Andrea shrugged, her natural shyness evident. "I told the people sitting at our table that, I hope it's okay that I did."

"Of course it is." I beamed, it was  _more_ than okay, honestly, both from the business perspective that hearing it straight from someone effected would make a person more likely to donate, and from the personal perspective that not only was Andrea slowly coming to terms in her own head, but now she was talking about her struggles out loud, something that it took me so much longer to do. Still smiling, I looked to the woman standing beside the first person I'd truly felt like I'd been able to help. Andrea had said that her mom was young, but it still surprised me that the she couldn't have even been five years older than me. "And you must be Ms. Wilkes, thank you so much for coming tonight."

"Kristina, please." She reached out her hand and I took it, nodding. "I really appreciate you inviting us tonight, Drea can't stop talking about you."

"Mom!" Andrea blushed and shook her head quickly.

"It's okay. We still talk about the one who helped us figure things out too." Brittany grinned. "You don't have to be embarrassed about it, Holly came back to marry us, and she's here tonight too."

"Really?"

"Totally. I'm sure Santana would come around for big things in your life, if you ever wanted, and she'd definitely marry you." Brittany paused, wrinkled her nose, and then corrected herself. "I mean, not _marry you_ , marry you, obviously."

"Got it." Andrea laughed, looking slightly less uncomfortable, and a tapped my fingers against the back of Brittany's hand in appreciation. "We're going to head home soon, but I didn't want to leave without seeing you, and without telling you that I thought you were really awesome tonight."

"Thanks. I'm glad you enjoyed yourself. Let's hope everyone else did too, right?"

"Oh yeah, I hope they give you tons of money."

Both Brittany and I hugged Andrea goodbye, and Kristina looked at me like she had something to say, but she didn't. As people began getting coats and packing themselves up, we wandered out into the entry room. Arching my back a little bit, and cradling my belly to try and remove some of the weight that was causing it to ache, I dropped down onto one of the classy-type velvet sofas. I crossed my legs, set my hands on my thigh, and pressed my body into the back of it, trying my hardest not to look like I'd collapsed there. Sitting down beside me, Britt dropped a quick kiss on my shoulder, and I smiled tiredly at her.

"Do you need anything, San?"

"A giant cup of espresso, or, really, a bed." I sighed. "But since those aren't options at the moment, do you mind getting me a ginger ale? I'm pretty sure they put enough garlic in that chicken to ward off every vampire in creation. My stomach is killing me, and I've consumed a lifetime supply of mints tonight. I wish I could say the same for some of the other people here."

"I know. If I wasn't almost positive that the Reddings were going to make a huge contribution, I would have been offering them some mouthwash."

"My thoughts  _exactly."_ I smirked. "God, I love that I have you to make fun of people with at parties."

"Which is totally why you married me."

"Also because you look hot in a gown." I kissed her lips. "Still minty fresh."

"I'll be back." She twirled the ends of my hair between her fingers and stood up.

Spotting Stephen across the room with Annie sound asleep in his arms, I gestured for him to bring her over to me. Even in her unconscious state, she immediately curled her body into mine and tucked her little face into the crook of my neck the instant she was placed in my arms, never letting Milky Way fall from where he was tucked under her arm. After assuring my father-in-law that I'd keep her with me, and that he was fine to go find Susan, I hummed softly into Annie's hair.

"My sleepy, sleepy girl. You fought so hard to stay awake for the party tonight, but I'm glad you're off in dreamland now." I breathed, and looked up when I felt a presence above me.

"I'm sorry. I don't want to interrupt your time with your daughter." Kristina Wilkes said quietly, taking care not to wake Annie. "I just, I wanted to tell you that you have a beautiful family."

"Thank you." I gave a soft smile to my sleeping girl. "Here, sit, don't worry, Annie could sleep through the apocalypse. With Brittany being a choreographer, and Rachel being her godmother, we've been taking her to things like this since she was a few months old. With all the running around I've done tonight, it's nice to just have her in my arms."

"Drea was definitely not like that." She shook her head, lowering herself onto the sofa. "Everything woke her up, lights, the cars outside the apartment, my breathing. When she was born, I went from a sixteen year old All Country lacrosse player to a single mom. I was a  _kid_ , and I thought that her crying would drive me insane, but God, I definitely get that feeling of peace once they're in your arms. I loved that baby, I still love that baby."

"You're having a hard time." I told her, a statement, not a question.

"It's not my hard time to have."

"You know, five years ago, I would have agreed with you on that, but then this one was born." I brushed my lips over the top of Annie's head. "You're allowed to have emotions about it."

"All I want, all I've ever wanted-" Kristina started tucking a strand of dark hair behind her ear. "Is for my daughter to be happy. I know it's cliche, and maybe it sounds disingenuous, but it's true."

"I can't tell you that Andrea is going to always be happy, but I couldn't tell you that if she was straight, either."

"No. It's not about that." She stopped me. "I'm not saying I want to change her, I love my daughter too much to wish for something like that."

Kristina stopped, considering her words, probably, and I cast my eyes back down to Annie. It seemed like the girl in my arms was always relevant to everything in my life, but maybe it was just because my thoughts always went back to her, my thoughts always went back to doing whatever it took to make sure the world that she and her unborn sibling grew up in was a better place. She didn't stir as I gathered her loose hair and tied it with the hairband I removed from her wrist, kissing her warm cheek in the process.

"Things weren't easy for me. Everyone told me when I was pregnant in 2008 that there wasn't the same stigma attached to teen moms that there used to be, and maybe there wasn't, but it was still _hard._ I still had people look at me like I was some kind of lesser being, and they didn't even know me. People keep telling me that it's 2024, that Andrea will be fine, but I still worry, still worry about people pretending that they know her when they have no idea, because I've been through it."

"You'd change the whole world for her if you could." Realization and understanding coursing through me as I echoed my thoughts after Annie had been hurt. "Rather than change her."

"In a second."

"Kristina, I don't talk about my daughter often in this capacity, because it's not usually relevant, but you're a mom, so it's different. Annie was born at less than thirty weeks, she spent months in a NICU, and she fought, and we fought with her, for every single step she took. Even now, at nearly five, she has her struggles, and people don't understand what it's like for her. Like you, I'd rather change people's understanding of things than change my own child, because every part of her is special and amazing in it's own way. People are going to say what they want up say, people are going to do what they want to do." My fingers involuntarily found my neck and brushed the scars there. "And we can keep working towards a world where people stop seeing things so damn black and white. But until then, the best thing we can do is just love our kids harder, and know that's the best we can do."

"God, no wonder Drea likes you so much. You really know what you're talking about."

"I'm just mostly going on my own experience. And you know, all those dreams you probably had for her, they can still happen."

"Yeah, I see that. You're a good role model for her, you're so normal and...I'm sorry, that came out wrong, I'm not trying to stereotype at all."

"It's new for you, I get it. Andrea is going to be who she is, regardless of who she loves. When I was her age, I thought I was going to have to quit cheerleading, join the golf team and get a flat top, talk about ridiculous stereotypes. The normalcy of my life isn't what I expected when I was young. My wife and I have a pretty traditional home life, we have a beautiful daughter, I'm pregnant, we spend Sundays in our pajamas playing board games, and even the IRS finally stopped making us check a separate box for  _in a same sex marriage._ I laugh when I hear people talking about homosexuality, and I wonder what it is they think that we  _do._ Seriously, we're painfully boring and I love every second if it."

"Thank you, for telling me that, and for listening to me. Would you, um-"

"I'm not going to tell Andrea what we spoke about." I promised her. "Sometimes we all need a little mom to mom talk, I get that. Take your time to process your own stuff, but as long as you're supportive to her, it's okay."

"I really appreciate it."

"You're welcome to call or email me, if you ever need to. But just keep in mind that I don't know your daughter all that well, but I can already see that she's making progress in accepting herself much faster than I ever did."

* * *

Waving towards Andrea, who had apparently gone to get their coats, Kristina squeezed my shoulder, since she couldn't hug me with Annie in my arms, and made her way back over to her daughter. While I waited for Brittany, I started saying goodbyes to those who'd managed to find me, the O'Malleys, Mercedes and the Changs included. I was just about ready to join my daughter in dreamland when Brittany came back over with my ginger ale and the Hudsons in tow. The room had all but emptied, and I was hoping we were being given permission to go home (even though I was sort of sure that had to come from Kurt, not Rachel). Finn was quick to fall onto the sofa across from mine, and I had to laugh when Rachel did the same, nearly landing on top of him.

"So what's the consensus?" I asked, chewing the Tums that Britt had brought me before washing away the chalky taste with a sip of ginger ale. "Are we calling this a success?"

"We're looking at proceeds of close to twenty-five-thousand from the ticket sales and dinner plates alone." Rachel looked at her phone, which apparently had some kind of estimate from the Rachettes on it. "I'd say that's a good start."

"Considering Show Your Brave currently has negative six-hundred-eighty-four dollars, I'd say that's more than _a start_." My heart raced at those figures, and Brittany grabbed my hand, kissing the inside of my palm. "Are you serious about that?"

"I mean, it's not the final number, but yeah, that's what it looks like."

"Holy. Shit." I exhaled. "That's insane."

"Well Santana-"

"Rach, if you say  _I_ am  _Rachel Berry_ , I'm going to use some of that money to pay someone to slap you for me, because I'm entirely too tired to do it myself." I lay the back of my hand on my forehead, only partially feigning the dramatic motion.

"I was  _actually_ going to say that  _you_ made an impression, and that I'm offering you the services of one of my people to take care of the calls on that, since I know you want to take it easy after tonight."

"You will get no argument from me on that right now. Can we go home yet? Or are we supposed to sleep here tonight?"

"We told the sitter we'd be home by midnight." Finn reminded Rachel, and I was forever grateful to him having my back. "I'll go find my brother."

"I'm here!" Kurt announced, taking his coat from Blaine, who followed behind him. "Ladies! You were fantastic tonight!"

"How much champagne do you think he's had?" Brittany leaned into me and asked.

"All of it, maybe?" I snickered. "Hummel, as much as I find your boozy ramblings entertaining, can we please save it for another day? Pregnant lady needs a bed, approximately three hours ago."

"You're no fun, Santana!" He nearly shouted, and Blaine put a hand on his arm.

"Time to get you home." Blaine tried to whisper, but clearly failed at that. "Good night everyone."

* * *

No one had to tell me twice that we could leave, even in my waddling, tired state, I was the first one up off the sofa once Brittany lifted Annie into her own arms. Finding our families outside of the restaurant, we said our goodbyes to them, which took my mom and Susan entirely too long, even though we'd see them in the morning before they left to go back to Lima. I answered the text message from Quinn telling me she hadn't been able to find us before she left, as Max hailed two cabs, one for us, and one for him and Liz. He helped both Brittany and I inside (and not in a smarmy, kiss ass way, in a  _genuinely concerned you get home safe_ way) before getting Liz into theirs, and once we were settled in, I rested my head on Britt's shoulder, falling asleep for maybe ten minutes before I was being shaken awake outside of our house.

Brittany put Annie down in her bed while I quickly shucked off my dress, and tossed it over a chair, having needed to pee for the better part of an hour. When I left the bathroom, wearing just a robe that I was barely able to tie over my swollen belly, Brittany was standing at the mirror in her gown, taking her earrings out. Coming up behind her, I wrapped my arms around her waist and rested my chin on her shoulder, humming contentedly against her.

"Hey gorgeous." I let my hands play over her clothed hips as I dropped kiss after kiss on her collarbone.

"Hi." She turned around and captured my lips with hers. "I thought you were tired."

"Too tired to sit around waiting for drunk stragglers at a party. Not too tired for you, never too tired for you."

"Sweet talker."

"Maybe." I let my left hand wander from it's spot, coming to rest just under my wife's breast. "Is it working?"

"Mmhm." She affirmed reaching behind her to blindly tug at the sash of my robe, letting it fall completely open, my skin pressing against what her low backed dress left exposed of hers.

"I love you. I love you so much." I murmured into the skin of her neck, wanting to brand the words forever into her body. "For always."

"I know." She turned in my arms, knowing that I was in one of my sappy emotional love moods, and cupped my right cheek in her hand before kissing me fully, like she was drinking all of me in, for the first time all day. "And I love you."

"Lucky. We are so lucky." I began blindly pulling the pins out of her up do, letting her blonde hair tumble down past her shoulders and the pins fall to the floor. "Remembering the past, it reminds me of all the times I could have lost you, and how sometimes I'm sure it was a miracle that got us to this point."

"Fate. It's always been fate." She pushed the open robe down over my shoulders and let it fall to the floor, leaving me standing before her, completely bare. "My beautiful girl."

It was the kind of night where I needed Brittany, craved the feeling of her skin on mine, not just for the sexual gratification of it, but because I was on feelings overload. It was a side effect of working towards something that required me to look deep into myself, deep into my past, some nights, I just needed to express it physically, and seriously, it did nothing but improve our already awesome sex life. My wife's hards roamed my naked body, but I stilled them quickly, letting them rest of my hips as I unzipped the side of her dress before letting it join my robe and the hairpins in a pool on the floor. We stood there, me completely naked, and her in just her panties, since she'd gone bra-less in her gown, with the low light from above the mirror bathing us, and we kissed until we were both left gasping for breath.

Slowly, I backed Brittany up to the edge of the bed, my hands on her shoulders urging her to sit down. Of late, it had become increasingly difficult for me to find a comfortable position during sex, but we'd gotten there, mostly though trial and error, and Brittany easing me out of tears whenever that old self consciousness began to flare up. With Britt perched on the edge of the bed, I gave myself a moment to let my eyes wander over her creamy pale skin. Tugging at my hands, she drew me down into another kiss, and when my lips left hers, I felt a strong urge to map her body with them, show her affection the way only I was able to. I wandered from her chin, down her neck, and to her chest, stopping to pay special attention to the dark freckle on her left breast,  _the reminder that you're actually human, and not some kind of goddess_  I silently spoke into her skin. My lips lingered there, before continuing further down, grazing the slight discoloration at her lowest rib that had never fully faded after they'd healed from their break,  _the twists and turns of fate brought you back to me._ Moving to the barely noticeable stretch marks on each side of her abdomen, and stopping again at the scar between her hips, I kissed it from one end to the other,  _you gave me my greatest gift_. When I'd fully lowered myself to my knees, I slid her panties off and spread her legs apart, easing her knees down onto the bed, Brittany and my eyes met again, and one of her hands had woven itself into my hair.

"San-" She started, and I stopped her before she could ask if I was okay.

"Lie back, baby." I directed her, and she shook her head, her free hand grabbing hold of mine again.

"I'd rather see you." She rasped out, her voice thick with arousal.

Not hesitating any further, I kissed the inside of each thigh, then used my free hand to draw her into me, to let myself be fully surrounded by my Brittany. Her chin dropped down against her chest, and her eye lids grew heavy, but she didn't break eye contact with me. The feeling of being in between her legs, tasting her, bringing her closer and closer to release, combined with the intensity of the gaze of her blue eyes was exactly what I'd been itching for since I'd sat on the stage early in the morning. At some point, Brittany released my hair and that arm moved up to drape across her sweaty forehead. Our pair of clasped hands had fallen to rest just above her naval, and sensing how close she was, I squeezed it, urging her to let go. As her orgasm hit, and she shattered, my name slipping repeatedly from her lips, her thighs tensing and her body arching further into me, I could almost feel it washing over me as well. Her body collapsed back against the bed, and I managed to maneuver myself up off the floor and crawl over her body, brushing kisses again on my way up, until I found her lips. I lay over her, not really kissing, just resting my lips on hers until she recovered, and I felt her wide smile against me.

She mumbled something barely coherent into my mouth before rolling both of us onto our sides, with her holding me tight from behind. Her fingers grazed over my throat, moving slowly, carefully down, and it took me a moment to realize that she was doing exactly with her fingers that I had done with my lips, tracing history. She turned my head to kiss me, slow, tired, and sloppy, understanding why it was one of those nights that I needed our lovemaking to be so reverent, and honestly, probably knowing the exact memories that had gone through my head in preparing the words I spoke. The tips of her fingers reached the lower end of the scar, and I heard her perfectly clear, _I'm so glad you're still here._ Her palm help the weight of my breast, heavy from pregnancy, and her pinky grazed the top of my bump,  _your body is creating a miracle_ , before I felt her thumb slowly and deliberately run over the underside of each one. I sucked in a breath at that, fluttering my eyes shut as I imagined the oldest of scars there, ones that were hardly visible, but that Brittany had seen them when they were fresh,  _I've always thought you were beautiful as you are._ By the time she'd subtly laved affection over the expanse of my skin, and she brought her hand between my legs, I was once again overwhelmed with emotion, and knew it wouldn't be long until I cracked.

"I've got you." Brittany breathed hard into my ear as her fingers slid in and out of me and desperate tears rolled down my cheeks. Her other arm came up to lock across my chest, pulling me impossibly closer to her body, my own senses once again engulfed in her.

"Brittany." I whimpered, my mind going hazy.

"I love you too, Santana." She answered the thought that I'd been unable to complete.

Brittany knew that sometimes, especially when I was in the mood for the most  _it's better with feelings_ type sex, murmuring those words into my skin was a sure fire way to set me reeling. She wasn't wrong, and my body shook, overwhelmed by the intensity with which my orgasm dragged me under. I was pretty sure that I blacked out, because once I was coherent again, I was turned around and facing Brittany, my forehead resting against her bare shoulder, and her hand kneading into my lower back. Her eyes were closed, but I could tell by her breathing that she hadn't yet fallen asleep. Slowly, so as not to shift completely from the position that was obscenely comfortable, I lifted my head up and left the night's final kiss on her forehead, completing all that had been said without words, _you're the one that made me believe that I was worthy of good things, you're the one that made me believe I could do everything that today stood for._


	28. Hiccups

With the benefit over and feeling that I'd definitely progressed more towards legitimizing Show Your Brave than I'd ever hoped to before the baby came, I kept true to the promise I made both to myself and to Brittany and Annie, I rested. Of course, I couldn't  _totally_ check out, not with handing the deposit of just shy of twenty-nine-thousand dollars (seriously!) into a high interest account, and attempting to figured out exactly  _what_ I would use those funds for, but I did most of that either snuggled on the couch with one or both of my girls, or from a park bench where I'd situate myself, not wanting Annie to miss a moment of the beautiful spring weather. As April rolled into May, and we were ticking down the  _weeks_  until we went from a family of three to a family of four, I found myself meditating and offering up my own sort of prayers more than ever before. Of course, when I'd reached the thirty week point two days after the benefit, I'd woke Brittany up excitedly to celebrate, upon remembering what day it was, but still I worried, possibly worried even  _more_ than I had been. It didn't need to be forty weeks, as much as I'd love that, especially considering I knew that our bug was weighing in small according to Dr. Singh's calculations, but just thirty-eight, all I was asking for was to get to thirty-eight freaking weeks. Brittany and I would catch each other on a regular basis sitting off alone with eyes closed, a hand clasped over one of the Santa Anna medals that proved to mean so much more than we'd ever expected, and we'd curl into one another, sharing the biggest of our hopes and fears.

Of course, I'd  _always_ loved my sleep, and nothing, even what I thought had been total exhaustion earlier in my pregnancy, had prepared me for what I'd be feeling in the final weeks. I was sleeping later than I had in years, and nine times out of ten, if I had somewhere to be, Brittany was ripping the blankets off of me when she was home, or calling me on repeat if she wasn't. On the second Saturday of May, six weeks before my due date, and the day of the big family picnic at Annie's school, I'd felt Britt get up and heard her in the shower, I'd felt Annie get up into bed and give me a snuggle and a kiss on my belly, but as the two of them went downstairs, I managed to doze back off, even with the baby wiggling away under my ribs. I wasn't sure how much time had passed since I'd fallen back to sleep, but at some point after I'd woken up, with my head under the comforter, unwilling to get out of bed, I heard Brittany come back into the bedroom.

"Santana." She said gently. "Are you awake?"

"Nuh-uh." I mumbled into the sheet that covered my mouth.

"Oh really?" The light hit my eyes when she lifted up the blanket, but instead of pulling it off of me, she climbed up on the bed and crawled under it. "I didn't know you were a sleep talker."

"This is the baby talking." I shifted my body blindly so my head rested against her chest. "Come lay with us, Mama."

"I  _am_ laying with you, dorks." Brittany laughed, wrapping her arms around me so our bellies were pressed together and she could feel the movement against her. "Bug, your voice sounds just like Mamí's. That's so strange."

"Shut up." My voice was muffled by her t-shirt, and her body shook as she teased me. "Five more minutes."

"You told me not to let you sleep past nine-thirty today. It's already a quarter to ten."

"Ugh." I groaned. "Why is it so late? I just went to bed. I really want a damn cup of coffee, or really, like, a truck full of coffee. Or espresso. Mmm, I miss espresso."

"Dr. Singh said that you could have a cup of coffee and it would be totally okay."

"I know." I sighed, lifting my head and finally opening my eyes fully. "Trust me, I've considered it all week, but I've made it this far..."

"You have. And this from the woman who could hardly go an hour without her fix." Britt loosened her arms and slid down so her chin was resting on my stomach. "Your Mamí takes such good care of you baby, you're so, so lucky."

I smiled, listening to Brittany talk to the baby, and I ran my fingers through her hair. Every single time I watched her (which was, of course, several times a day), all I could picture was her holding our baby, kissing our baby, actually getting to feel them close to her heart like I already did. I knew that she was anxious for that, something that sort of was brushed to the side in the fray of hoping for a full term pregnancy, since it was hard to say  _I can't wait until you're here_ and  _don't come out any time soon_ in the same breath, but I remembered the feeling well. I sighed happily, thinking how close we really were to both ends becoming a reality, before letting my eyes slip closed again.

"Oh no you don't." Brittany giggled. "Sneaky though."

"Fine, fine, I'm getting up." I pressed my palms against the bed and sat up, and I was met with a rewarding kiss from my wife. When I tasted the sugar on them, my eyes went wide, and I licked her bottom lip to confirm. "Did you have a cinnamon crunch bagel?"

"Maybe."

"Did you get me one?"

"Nope." She smirked, pulling me in for another kiss. "Annie and I totally had the number three item on your current list of favorite foods, and we decided not to get you one."

"That would be  _so_ mean." I scrunched up my face.

"Get in the shower, lazy bones. We've got less than an hour before we need to leave. I'll go get your bagel ready."

"Can you-"

"Burn it in the toaster and put peanut butter on it? Got it." She grinned, offering me a hand to help me out of bed.

"We love you, Mama." I set both hands on the top of my bump, and Brittany gave me another goofy smile.

"Right back at you both." She winked, turning and walking back out of the room.

* * *

Kind of ridiculously excited about a burnt bagel, I hurried through my shower, totally glad that I'd washed my hair the night before, and slipped into a navy wrap dress. After actually putting on some makeup, since I was pretty sure most of the other parents in Annie's class were convinced that I was incapable of that after the last few months of pickup, where I looked like I'd just gotten out of bed ninety-percent of the time, I checked myself out in the mirror, and sort of smiled, content with what I saw. The pregnancy glow had, at long last, kicked in, my hair was thicker than ever, and kind of fabulous, and I was really growing comfortable with the size of my belly that housed the jicama sized baby (I thought that was kind of hilarious that it was jicama, of course). Nodding to myself one last time like a gigantic weirdo, I went downstairs, inhaled my breakfast, and turned around to see Annie standing behind me at the counter, with her helmet on, fully padded to ride her bike.

"Morning, Mamí." She bounced excitedly, wrapping her arms around my legs. "Ready for my picnic?"

"I am,  _mija._ Are you excited?"

"Super excited. We're gonna play games and do water balloons and everything! And Mama's gonna be my racing partner!"

"Is she?" I winked at Brittany, who had come to the other end of the counter and was packing up the cupcakes we'd baked the night before. "Well she is definitely the best racing partner to have."

"I wish you could take turns and be my racing partner too." Annie stuck out her bottom lip slightly, and I braced myself against the counter so I could sort of squat down and pick her up.

"I know,  _bebé._ I know that I've been super tired, and my belly is getting really big so it's hard for me to do some of the fun things we used to do together, but I promise you, very, very soon we'll be able to again."

"But not today." She whimpered a little bit, resting her head in the crook of my neck and twirling my hair.

"No, not today." I sighed. " _But_ , I'm going to be watching you both every minute, and you  _know_ that nobody's better at cheering than I am."

"That is true." Brittany affirmed, offering me a bite of the one cupcake that didn't fit in the tray, then letting Annie finish it, even though it was still before eleven in the morning.

"Well, you do yell very, very loud." Annie licked pink frosting off her lips and offered me a small smile.

"I'll be  _extra_  loud today.  _And_ , when we get home later, we'll play a fun inside game, or watch a movie, because I can definitely still do that." I promised, kissing the top of her head. "Sound like a deal?"

"Mmkay." She nodded. "But after the baby gets born you can run 'round with me again, right?"

"Absolutely, as soon as Dr. Singh says it's okay, we can run around wherever you want."

"Yay!" She clapped her hands, having finished the cupcake, then looked at Brittany. "Sorry, Mama. I love running 'round with you too!"

"I know you do, sweetheart. I know you just miss Mamí being able to play too." Brittany tapped Annie's nose, then took her out of my arms, noticing that I had arched to crack my back, and was starting to get uncomfortable. "And thank you for being my best helper this week and taking care of her when I was busy at work."

"Helping is super easy when it means snuggling in your big bed and watching  _Oliver and Company._ But don't worry, I'm still gonna be the best helper for our baby too."

"Oh, Annie girl, don't we know it." Brittany told her, her voice a little scratchy from emotion. "Now c'mon, lets head over to the park before we're late."

* * *

With Annie on her bike, Brittany walking about six inches behind her, and me damn near having a heart attack like I did every single time she rode, even with training wheels and pads, we made our way to the northwest corner of the park. There were balloons everywhere, and I was even  _more_ nervous seeing that, hoping Annie didn't fall off her bike with all the excitement. Brittany looked at me and shook her head with a smile, assuring me that she was on it, and that Annie was completely fine. As we entered where the picnic was set up, Annie dismounted her bike and I took the cupcakes out of Britt's hands so she could help her de-pad. I looked around, kind of self-conscious, hoping no one had heard about the crazy mother who'd yelled at Leanne a few months prior. Realizing it was completely ridiculous, and that the director had basically brushed it off like it never happened (except, which I was grateful for, making sure corner guards were put on all the furniture in the classrooms), I turned my attentions toward looking for the O'Malley's, grinning when Thoreau came running up to us.

"Annie! You're here!" He shrieked. "Me and Papa were lookin' all over for you! Daddy and Emmy are savin' us seats."

"I'm so excited, 'Ro! This is gonna be the best day ever!"

"We saved two seats for you, Santana." Jarrod teased as I watched Annie hug Thoreau tightly, like it had been years since they'd seem each other, rather than half a day.

"Why does every gay man in creation insist on making fat comments?" I huffed, and rolled my eyes as he smiled and gave me a hug.

"I'm kidding. You're far from fat, honestly, I'd totally feed you a cheeseburger right now."

"Good, you've just volunteered yourself to be my personal food servant today. Britt, you've got the day off."

"You say it like I consider taking care of you a chore." She said sweetly, and I pulled away from Jarrod to give her a quick kiss on the lips.

"I should have listened to Rachel when she told me that all your lovey doveyness got old quickly."

"You totally wish Chris was pregnant so you could take care of him." Brittany laughed, taking her turn to hug him.

"Not as much as Little Man. I swear,  _all_ I hear about is how we should have a baby like Annie. Thanks for that, ladies."

"Sorry we didn't plan our baby conception around your needs, you know, before we even knew you." I snickered.

"Maybe think about that next time."

"Oh no, this is it." Brittany rubbed my belly. "Two is our magic number, and that'll be expensive enough in New York."

"Tell me about it. I'm just glad we're zoned for PS 41, then we don't have to talk about the billion dollars in private school tuition that we'd spend if we didn't have a good public school."

Slipping my hand into Brittany's, we dropped the cupcakes off where the food was, and followed Jarrod over to the table where Chris and Emmy had set themselves up. We continued to talk about schools, kindergarten screenings, which I preferred not to discuss, because I didn't want to think about my baby girl going to kindergarten in just a few short months, and the ever impending birth of Baby Lopez-Pierce  _número dos_ (fucking Jarrod, he was as bad as Hummelberry with the use of gratuitous Spanish). Sitting on the crappy plastic folding chairs basically sucked, and my stomach was feeling sort of weird, so excusing myself, I stood up and walked over to where Annie and Thoreau had joined some of the other kids, her mostly staying hidden behind her friend, and just watched them.

"You okay, honey?" Britt asked, coming up behind me after I'd been away from the table for awhile.

"Yeah, I'm good. My stomach is just a little off today, but it feels better when I walk around."

"San." Brittany frowned. "If you're not feeling right, you should go home and relax."

"All I  _do_ is relax, Britt. I'm seriously fine, it doesn't hurt, it's just like, uncomfortable and I feel sort of antsy. I'm not missing Annie's picnic for that. She's already upset that I'm basically the most boring human being ever these days, and I told her that I'd be cheering for you guys."

"I know, but-"

"Brittany." I turned away from the kids and looked her right in the eyes, taking both of her hands in mine. "I know that you get concerned when I feel even the slightest bit weird, and I love that you're so protective, but it's probably just that damn bagel repeating on me. If it gets any worse, I  _will_ go home, I promise. But trust me, okay?"

"Okay." She conceded, giving me a half smile. "Sorry I worry so much."

"Don't be, it's cute." I squeezed her hands tightly. "But I know my body, and we're all good."

"Okay." Brittany repeated, sounding slightly more convinced, then removed one of her hands from mine and rested it at the very top of my bump, just under my ribs. "I'd be pretty unsettled too, Bug, if Mamí fed me burnt bagels."

"Jerk, we love those bagels."

Although Brittany sort of kept one eye on me, the two of us focused our attention primarily on both Annie and on being social with the other parents in her class. We had gotten better (and by  _we,_ I mean  _me_ , since Brittany hadn't needed to improve) at talking to people at drop off and pickup, so falling into a rhythm on mindless chatter about nothing really remotely important was easy. It was probably the reason that I had a limited number of friends, because small talk with strangers irritated me to no end, but I did it,  _and_ I put a smile on my face, progress, for sure. When Callie, who was apparently in charge of the games portion of the day, announced that it was time to start, Annie ran up to me, wrapping her arms around my legs and then kissing the underside of my belly before smiling up at me with eyes wide.

"You ready, baby girl?" Britt asked, pulling her hair up into a ponytail.

"Yup! Just wanted to give Mamí a big hug first."

"Thank you,  _mija._ Now I'm extra ready to cheer the loudest for you."

"Oh, here we go again, Shorty Lopez-Pierce is getting her game face on." I heard Jarrod from behind me, and I whipped my head around.

"You think you can out-cheer me?" I smirked, putting a hand on my hip.

"Is this a relay race competition or a cheerleading competition?" Chris asked, standing up from tying Thoreau's shoes.

"The games with the kids are all in good fun." Brittany started to explain. "But get my wife started on cheerleading, and you're in for it."

"Two time national cheerleading champion, thank you very much, and  _captain,_ for the second."

"Would have been three, but we quit for a while after our coach tried to shoot me out of a cannon." Britt added, laughing as I beamed a little bit, like it wasn't ridiculous that we were bragging about something that happened more than a decade earlier.

"Seriously?" Jarrod snorted. "Did you people go to high school in some kind of weird alternate reality where that would have even been an option?"

"Sue Sylvester made hardcore look weak." I shrugged, ignoring the annoying twinge below my belly button, then blew a kiss to Annie. "Have fun,  _mi amor."_

"Okay!" She chirped, blowing a kiss back and grabbing tightly to Brittany's hand. "C'mon, Mama, let's hurry so Mamí's got someb'dy to cheer for! That would be super silly if she didn't."

Taking the chair that Brittany had insisted on dragging over for me, I took the camera out of Britt's bag, snapping pictures of Annie being swung around by her Mama, of her jumping up and down and hugging Thoreau as they waited, and I finally turned on the video recorder as the kids and their respective parents were all in position at the starting live. Seriously, I hadn't realized it until that moment, but there's probably nothing in the world more adorable than watching four-year-olds participate in picnic races, especially four-year-olds as endearingly uncoordinated as mine. I love every single second, and  _definitely_ cheered louder than I ever have (because  _duh,_ making my daughter happy was a  _way_ better prize than a lame trophy) watching she and Britt at the games together. You would have thought they wereOlympic athletes the way I screamed as Brittany guided Annie with her hard boiled egg on a spoon, which she dropped with every step, and the thing looked like Humpty Dumpty after making it less than a yard, or when they attempted a three-legged-race and ended up tangled up on the floor before even crossing the starting line. The best part of it all was that they both just laughed and laughed, which I'll admit, made me a little jealous that I was stuck on the sidelines for, a sentiment that completely faded the instant the two of them came running back toward me sweaty and covered in dirt and grass.

"Hands down, best competitors ever!" I threw my arms around Britt, who had scooped Annie up in her's, and kissed them both all over their faces.

"Did you see me do a hula hoop?" Annie asked excitedly, squirming to get back down.

"I did! And I got it all on video." I told her, smiling at the fact that her doing the hula hoop was actually just her holding the hoop and wiggling her butt. "You totally got your awesome skills from me, even if right now I would probably get  _stuck_ in a hula hoop."

"No Mamí, that's silly!" She shook her head. "They make them bigger too!"

"Oh, right." I chuckled. "I'm going to run over to Starbucks to use the bathroom, I'll be right back, okay? "

"Kay, but hurry up! We're gonna have lunch soon!"

"I will,  _corazóncita_." I promised, kissing her nose. "I'm so proud of how well you did out there today, you made it really easy for me to be your best cheerleader."

* * *

Mumbling another  _I'm fine_ into Brittany's ear, I started walking across the park to the obnoxious NYU Starbucks that was  _always_ packed. About four minutes into my waddle walk over there (a walk which, in it's entirety, would have taken me less time than that in my non-waddley state), I felt another weird pull below my belly button, and panic hit me hard and fast. Me, who had done more research than probably the rest of the pregnant world combined had been having sporadic contractions through out the day, and I'd been so wrapped up in being  _fine_ because I didn't want to disappoint Annie that I hadn't even realized it. Torn between turning around to get Brittany and immediately calling Dr. Singh, I grabbed hold of the back of one of the park benches, forcing myself to breathe and clear my head. Attempting to remain calm and rational, I managed to calm myself down, and run through the checklist that I'd long memorized. They'd come at no regular interval, they weren't painful, they were exclusively in the pelvic area, not the lower back or legs, there was no fluid, and walking seemed to ease them. My breath rushed out of me and I gripped the medal through the fabric of my dress. Braxton-Hicks. I wasn't in labor, they were just regular old, your uterus is getting gigantic contractions, and yet I'd nearly just given myself a heart attack.

Considering the situation, and all the anxiety in our house surrounding the possibility of premature labor, I didn't want to take any chances, I wanted one-hundred-percent confirmation from Dr. Singh that I was okay before I ran back and worried Brittany. If I told her without speaking to the doctor first, we'd be in the car on the way to the hospital in ten seconds flat, and I didn't want that. It was rare that I handled things, especially pregnancy related things, on my own, but this one, for the sake of keeping my wife from getting unnecessarily upset, especially after we'd called Dr. Singh four times in the past week alone, I was going to take care of. In all honesty, even after running down my mental list,  _I_ was still excessively anxious as I dialed Dr. Singh's answering service and left an urgent message with them. The anxiety did absolutely nothing to ease my increasing desperate need to pee, so I continued my walk towards the bathroom, rubbing my belly, reassuring both myself and the baby that we were all good. When I made it into Starbucks, I completely bypassed the line, walking straight up to the counter to ask for the key to the bathroom. I didn't  _feel_ any type of fluid leaking, the last item on the list that set what I was feeling apart from labor, but I really just needed to see, because obviously, who wouldn't in my situation? Of  _course_ that particular coffee shop was the  _only_ one I'd ever been in that required you to  _ask_ to use the bathroom, and I shifted my weight from one foot to the other impatiently (and also because I was sort of doing a pee-pee dance), waiting for someone to actually ask the big pregnant lady if she needed any help.

"Excuse me?" I finally took matters into my own hands after waiting for a good four minutes.

"Yes." A surly college-aged kid answered, looking like he was about to roll his eyes at me for interrupting his conversation about season twenty-million of  _The Big Bang Theory._

"Can I get the key to the bathroom?"

"I need your ID."

"Seriously? I didn't grab my ID to come over here and use the bathroom. Do you think you could make an exception for me?" I batted my eyelashes and flipped my hair, forgetting that it had really stopped working for me with men sometime around the point it had become obvious that I was growing a tiny human in my body.

"Sorry, no can do. Security, you know, it's an NYU building."

"Okay, listen  _Keith."_ I read his name tag, feeling my anxiety about the contractions start to come out as anger. "I come here on a regular basis, my name's Santana, I order a grande decaf black, at _least_ four times a week, I have the cutest little blonde daughter, that anyone who's worked here longer than thirty seconds would recognize, and so help me God, if I have to call my  _wife_ to come over here and bring me my wallet, it's  _probably_ not going to be a pretty sight."

"I'm sorry, it's company policy." He stammered a little bit, and I slammed the hand that wasn't holding tightly to my phone down on the counter, moving close to him. In my frazzled mind, I envisioned grabbing him by the collar, and I quickly blinked my eyes, clearing that thought, since really, the last thing I wanted was someone to call the police on me for assault. All I wanted was to use the bathroom, talk to my doctor, and get back to the damn picnic.

"Is it  _company policy_  to make a pregnant woman wet her pants?" I nearly growled, getting so angry that I wasn't even embarrassed about the fact that I was basically yelling that in a room full of college kids. "Because I'm pretty sure if I called  _corporate,_ they wouldn't think so."

"Oh, look." I held up the phone as it vibrated in my hand. "It's my obstetrician, would you like  _her_ to tell you to give me they key to the goddamn bathroom?"

"No, I-"

"Hi, Dr. Singh." I answered breathlessly, ignoring the rest of what Keith was saying as his manager, who'd obviously heard my yelling and threatening to call corporate, came over, quickly handed me keys and whispered an apology and something about free food. "Thank you for calling me back."

" _Not a problem at all, Santana. You sound a little out of breath, is everything okay?"_

The minute I unlocked the bathroom door and closed myself behind it, I started crying all of the tears that I hadn't realized I was holding in. Trying to keep it together, I pulled down my underwear, and then started crying even harder, because my water obviously hadn't broke, and mostly, I was crying for no reason.

"I-I kind of just lost it on a minimum wage employee." I sniffled, thinking maybe it was weird that I was peeing while I was on the phone with the doctor. "And I'm freaking out because I need you to tell me that I'm not in labor."

" _Why do you think you're in labor?"_ She asked, and I always,  _always_ appreciated how Dr. Singh never sounded like she was going to start panicking.

"I don't, really, I went down the list, and I think I'm just having Braxton-Hicks contractions, but I need you to tell me I'm right. I feel like a lunatic, because I thought I was calm, and now I'm obviously not. But I really, really need this pregnancy to last at least another month."

" _I know."_ Dr. Singh said gently. " _And you're doing everything you can, but putting all of this pressure on yourself does nothing but bring your blood pressure up, it's not going to change when your baby is going to come. Breathe for me for a minute, okay? Is Brittany with you?"_

"No, we're at Annie's school picnic, I was walking to use the bathroom when I realized what was going on, and I haven't been back yet.

" _Okay. Talk me through your day, let's get to the bottom of this."_

Slowly, I filled her in on every mundane detail of how I'd felt throughout the day, attempting to keep my breathing even. Really, I wanted to be with Brittany, and I knew it wasn't even a needy type thought (although I had  _those_ all the damn time), it was just that things always felt easier with her, and I knew that she'd rather be around for this, even if it was scary, then for me to be doing it alone. After washing my hands while I was still filling the doctor in, I tossed the keys down on the counter, attempting not to give Keith a death glare, and began walking back to the park.

" _You're not in labor."_ Dr. Singh confirmed, and I let out yet another whooshing breath.

"You're sure?"

" _You're having none of the symptoms of labor. You're welcome to come up here and I'll meet you in my office, because I know this is really a major concern of yours and Brittany's, but I don't think it's necessary."_

"Okay." I rubbed my forehead firmly. "I want to talk to Britt, if that's okay. I don't think we'll come, but I want her opinion too."

" _Absolutely. If you decide not to, just try to take it easy for the rest of the day. Enjoy the picnic, have something to eat, and when you get home, take a bath and lie down for a while. You'll probably feel these now for the remainder of your pregnancy, but remember that it's perfectly normal."_

"Okay, I will. Thank you so, so much.'

" _Anytime, Santana. That's what I'm here for. You're almost there, just keep remembering that."_

* * *

Getting back to the picnic, I walked up behind Brittany, who had a plate piled up with food for me beside her place, and set both of my hands on her shoulders, squeezing them to announce my presence to her. Annie was alternating between forking through her macaroni salad and inhaling her hotdog, but she took a break to wave brightly at me and mumble that she was glad I was back through a mouthful of food. I sat down, taking a few bites of the chicken on my plate before realizing that I really, really needed to talk to my wife, since I was having (possibly unfounded) feelings that I was sort of breaking our  _in this together_ agreement by keeping something big like the fact that I'd had a  _tiny_ breakdown and thought I was in labor from her. Not wanting to make a scene and have to answer questions (because really, even though we counted Chris and Jarrod among our friends, we were still pretty private people), I caught Brittany's eye before opening up my mouth to speak an excuse.

"I'm going to go get some salad real quick." I announced, knowing that Britt would know I was using some kind of code, as I'd refused to eat any kind if salad in  _months_ , after one too many incidents of throwing up lettuce completely turned me off to it.

"I'll come with you." She stood up immediately, and offered a hand to help me follow suit, looking to Chris and Jarrod, who both nodded that it was fine to leave Annie with them. "Baby girl, are you okay here? Do you need anything else?"

"Course, Mama, and I got let's of food. I don't need anything."

Neither of us said anything until we'd walked a safe distance from the table, and found a space where we were out of earshot from other parents (and that's  _never_ easy in New York). Brittany's eyes were swimming with concern when we finally came to rest beside the unused stone building, where Annie was still in our line of sight, and I dropped my hand to her hip, letting my touch calm her down.

"There's nothing wrong." I told her immediately, feeling the need to preface the conversation with that.

"You're freaking me out right now, Santana."

"I'm sorry, Britt. I promise you, I'm fine, and I don't want you to panic when I tell you this, okay? I just got off the phone with Dr. Singh, and it turns out the weird feelings I've been having in my stomach all morning were Braxton-Hicks contractions."

"Jesus." Brittany whispered, all of her breath hissing out through her teeth. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't realize until I was halfway to Starbucks, and I just didn't know what to do, so I went down the list in my head, and I called the doctor right away. I just…I didn't want to turn around and come back here and get you upset for no reason."

"Santana." She shook her head, not breaking eye contact with me. "It wouldn't be for no reason. I don't care if you stubbed your toe and thought  _that_ was labor, I don't want you to have to go through things that are scary by yourself. I know I've been really emotional and maybe overbearing with my concerns, but I love you, and this is my baby too. I don't want you to ever feel like you need to keep something from me because it'll worry me."

"I know, Brittany, I do. I'm just so sick of us feeling like this all the damn time, it  _sucks_ constantly worrying about the worst fucking thing happening. I mean, we went all the way up to Dr. Singh's the other day because the baby had  _hiccups_ and we didn't know what they were. We're becoming  _those_ people, and I don't know how to make it stop, but we can't do this for another month."

Taking a second to just do what we did best, handle each other with physical affection, Britt threw her arms around my neck and buried her face in my hair. It took me a second to realize that she was crying, but when I did, I pulled her in closer to me, rubbing her back. She knew that I was right, it was the same conversation we had  _all the time,_ and yet still hadn't found a way to really make it a reality, but I totally understood (maybe even better than she did) why it all made her so emotional.

"Baby." I whispered into her hair as I felt her hands begin running up and down my sides. "It's okay, I promise you, I'm okay."

"I know, I know you are." Brittany broke the hug and wiped her face with the back of her hand. "God, you're right, we've really gotta stop this. I'm sorry that I'm crying."

"Don't be." I kissed her forehead and gave her a reassuring smile. "I just cried in the bathroom. And I attempted to make the idiot barista at Starbucks cry when he gave me a hard time about giving me the key."

"San." She laughed through her tears, chastising me a little as she used her eyes to survey my body. "Did it work?"

"No, but I told him if my wife had to come and make him give me the keys, he'd be sorry."

"Wow, since when are you using  _me_ to threaten people?"

"Since apparently everyone thinks that you're the scarier one."

"I mean, I kind of am." She teased, giving me a quick peck on the lips, and pulling me in for another hug. "Do you want to go home? Do you want to go see Dr. Singh?"

"No, it's okay. She told me we could come if we wanted to, but that it wasn't necessary, and we should enjoy the picnic. I told her I wanted your opinion before I made a decision."

"I trust you on this, honey. If you don't think we need to go, then we won't. But please, make the decision for you and what you need, not because you're worried about upsetting Annie."

"I am. I mean, I'd be heartbroken to upset her, especially after this morning, but if I wasn't really okay, I wouldn't put myself at risk by staying. When we get home, I'll take a bath and lay down like she told me to, but for now, I'm good."

"Okay, I like that idea." She kissed me on the temple, and I relaxed into her touch. "But San, speaking of Annie, I think it's time we start to prepare her for what's going to happen when you  _do_ go into labor. I know you and I have talked about the plan, but we need to help her to understand. It's going to be emotional enough without adding in a scared and confused five year old."

"Yeah, I know. I've been thinking about it too. Maybe tonight we should order takeout, snuggle in our bed and have a conversation with her."

"That works. And I love how you added in the ordering takeout, like that actually had something to do with the rest of it."

"Oh, it totally does. I've been thinking about a mushroom burger from Cozy Soup 'n Burger since breakfast."

"You  _do_ know that we're actually in the middle of a meal right now, right?" She laughed, bringing my hand to her lips and kissing the palm of it affectionately.

"Yeah, dry chicken and super mayonnaise-y potato salad, yum." I rolled my eyes, entwining my fingers with Brittany's as I watched the last traces of concern fade from her face.

* * *

The rest of the picnic went off without a hitch, and it was after three o'clock when we finally headed home. Brittany was carrying an overtired, overstimulated and extremely crabby Annie, while I wheeled her bike beside me, sort of feeling the same way my daughter felt. Even though it was only a few blocks to the house, Annie was completely passed out against Brittany's shoulder before we walked in the door, and she hardly stirred as we took off her shoes and changed her into clothes that weren't filthy before settling her into bed for a nap. Ready to relax myself, I ran myself a bath and climbed inside, dropping my head back against the edge of the tub, closing my eyes, and relaxing fully with the water around me. Of course, as had happened on more than one occasion, I nodded off, and it wasn't until the water turned cold and a chill ran through my body that I woke up again. Forgoing my robe, because there was really no point if it didn't close anyway, I dried myself off and pulled on sweatpants and a tank top before heading down the hall to peek in Annie's room.

She was, as usual, curled up around Milky Way, and trying my best not to wake her, I lay down on the bed beside her. Sometimes it actually scared me how concerned I was about how the adjustment would go once the baby was born, and like pretty much everything other feeling I had, it seemed to exponentially amplify as the time remaining dwindled. The beautiful little angel of a girl who lay beside me, her soft breaths blowing her unicorn baby's mane, was the center of my entire world, and would  _always_ be in that center, but her tiny wishes earlier in the day and the guilt they unwittingly brought upon me sort of smacked me with a new type of reality. I really sucked at change, that much was obvious, but I knew that in order to make things as smooth as possible for Annie, I needed to put my own trepidations aside to make this major transition easier for her. Brushing aside the hair that had fallen into her face, I pressed the smallest kiss to her forehead, and sensing my presence in her sleep, Annie rolled over and curled herself into my body. Resting my hand on her back and knowing that the best thing I could do to prepare both her and myself for the first of scary conversations to come was to sleep, I closed my eyes, breathing in the scent of baby shampoo, fresh grass and cotton candy.

_"Te amo, mi bebé dulce, para siempre."_

"Lub you, Mamí." She lisped mostly in her sleep, and I pressed one final kiss to her head before joining her.

I woke up to the feeling of Brittany lying behind me, her fingers tickling up and down the side of my belly, and her lips brushing behind my ear. Blinking my eyes open, I smiled to myself without turning around, and raised my eyes up to Annie's window where the sun had sunk low in the sky, and then lowered them back to my daughter, who was still in a deep sleep against me. I didn't say anything to Britt, just reached up blindly for her hand and captured it with me. I felt the curl of her smile against my skin.

"Why don't you two just try and be a little cuter, all rolled up in a ball napping together." Britt whispered, as she stroked Annie's hair, obviously attempting to wake her up gently.

"You've always had a weakness for Annie and I napping together. I've seen the camera roll on your phone, anyone who looks at your pictures probably thinks you're married to a narcoleptic."

"Well it's sweet. Wait until this one is born, I'll probably come home to you all squished up like a pile of puppies."

"And this is why no one thinks I'm tough." I faux-pouted, and she leaned over me to kiss the corner of my mouth. "How long have you been in here, anyway?"

"Half hour, I did some laundry and ran to the store, but then I got bored." She shrugged against me, then traced one of her fingers over Annie's cheek. "Baby girl, time to get up."

"Nuh-uh." Annie protested, her eyes fluttering before she squeezed them shut. "Too sleepy, Mama."

"Too sleepy for chicken nuggets?" Britt asked, and Annie peeked one of her eyes open, causing me to burst out laughing, because it was basically the exact way she'd gotten  _me_ out of bed in the morning. "Guess Mamí and I will have to eat them then."

"Maybe I'm 'wake now." She wiggled in her spot, then sat upright. "My tummy  _is_ a little bit hungry."

"Are you sure it's hungry and not just wanting to be tickled?" Brittany raised her eyebrow, and Annie squirmed off the bed, making it halfway to the door before she was caught up in her Mama's arms, laughing hysterically as Britt held her upside down and tickled her under the ribs. Watching them,  _I_ laughed just as hard, leaning my head back on the pillow until Brittany gave me her playful grin. "C'mon, Mamí, the tickle monster is bringing this little girl downstairs to her lair to order some dinner."

* * *

After dinner came, and I'd all but moaned into my burger, Annie had her bath, Brittany took a shower, and the three of us dressed in our pajamas. Deciding that it was  _definitely_ a movie worthy night, Britt and Annie picked out  _Mary Poppins_  while I made popcorn and grabbed a pint of ice cream (which I'd totally share) from the freezer. When I got back upstairs, Annie was on our bed, laying on her belly with Milky Way under the quilt she'd dragged from her room, with pillows piled up all around her. Britt had apparently taken every pillow we had in the house out, piling them up on the bed as a sort of makeshift, roofless fort. I loved that she I thought  _I_ was adorable taking a nap with our daughter, while she was the one who could transform our bedroom from all grown up and serious to _awesome_ in under eight minutes. Finding the spot that had obviously been designated for me, I climbed up and lay back against the pillows, catching the throw that Britt tossed to me, and draping it over my legs as she sat herself next to me.

"Yay!" Annie cheered. "Now we're all in my big fort, and we can watch the movie!"

"Sweetheart. Can you come sit with us for a minute, before Mamí gets too excited singing  _Spoonful of Sugar_ for us to have a talk with you?"

"Oh, no!" Her eyes grew wide as she pushed herself up on her hands and crawled into Brittany's lap. "Do you have a baby in you too?"

" _Mija."_ I bit my lip, trying not laugh, because it was actually  _really_ funny that she'd assumed that just because we wanted to talk to her meant that there was  _another_ baby involved. "Don't worry, there's just our one baby."

"Good." She breathed, snuggling into Brittany's chest as she reached her hand out to pat my belly. "'Cuz that would be way too many babies."

"Mama and agree with you on that." I let out a small chuckle and wrapped my arm around Britt's lower back, dropping my head to her shoulder. "But we do want to talk to you a little bit more about this baby, okay?"

"Do you know what kind it is now?" Annie clapped her hands excitedly. "Is it a girl baby?"

"We still don't know that one, but we want to explain some things to you about when it's time for Dr. Singh to help get the baby out of Mamí."

"It's very weird that it's not gonna live in you forever." She wrinkled her nose, and Brittany pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

"Well Bean, it would be even weirder if you still lived inside of me."

"Mama! That's so silly! I'm too big now!" Annie giggled hard, and then wriggled herself so her legs were still in Brittany's lap but her cheek was resting on my stomach. Combing my fingers through Annie's hair, I exchanged a glance with Brittany, and she nodded.

"The thing is,  _mi amor,_ we just want you to be ready for the day that I need Mama to take me to the doctor's. I know that we like to plan most things we do, and write the day of the calendar so we remember, but it doesn't work like that when babies come."

"But then how will you  _know_ that it's time to get the baby _?"_ She looked up at me confused.

"It's going to be like a big surprise. Your brother or sister has special ways of telling me that they're ready to come out and meet us."

"And then we go see Dr. Singh?"

"That's another thing we wanted to make sure you understood, baby girl." Brittany told her gently. "When we have to go there, either Uncle Finn or Aunt Rachel are going to come get you, and you're going to get to have a sleepover at their house with Brice while Mamí and I go to one of the special rooms in Dr. Singh's building."

"I'm not 'llowed to come?" She frowned, and Brittany shook her head.

"There's going to be a lot going on there, it's not like when we see Dr. Singh and you help her take pictures inside my belly. But while we are there, Grammy, Poppy,  _Abuela, Abuelo_ and Aunt Liz will talk to you on the phone, and maybe even come to see you." I promised, and her frown softened.

"How long's it gonna take?"

"It all depends. You came out of Mama in just a few minutes, but it took Brice more than a whole day before he came out."

"Guess that's why I'm super fast at races and Brice is too slow s'metimes."

"I guess so." Brittany smiled, cradling Annie back in her arms. "But guess what?"

"What?"

"You are going to be the very first person after us who gets to meet our new baby, okay? Someone's going to bring you, once Mamí and the baby have had a little chance to rest, and I'm going to come out and get you and bring you in their room." Brittany told her, filling her in on the big decision we made, one even my mother and Susan, the ones who we knew would be chomping hardest at the bit to get in to meet their new grandbaby, couldn't begrudge us for. "Because you're their big sister, and that's very, very important."

"Okay." Annie nodded slowly. "'S too bad we can't write it on the calendar though. That would be much easier."

"Oh, don't I know it." I agreed with her, taking her hand and pressing it where the baby was moving again. "They're very excited to meet you, you know."

"I'm very excited to meet them too." She smiled, showing all her teeth, and leaned back over to kiss the spot where the baby was wiggling. "But baby, make sure you wait til after my birthday party to get born!"

"Yeah, baby." Brittany's eyes met mine and tipped her head down near Annie's. "I have to agree, you should definitely listen to your sister on that one."


	29. The Best Birthday Ever

Keeping the promise that she'd made to me months earlier to find a way to celebrate our anniversary, even though I was at the point where I'd lost the ability to tie my own sneakers or remain on my feet for more much longer than twenty minute intervals, I'd known that Brittany had been planning something special, especially after she refused to let me try and make any plans for our night. On June sixth, five years after we'd first said our  _I do's,_ Annie hugged me tighter than usual when she was leaving for Brittany to drop her off at school and before leaving the room, she slipped an envelope into my hands and held Milky Way out for me to kiss as well. Knowing what that was a signal for, I smiled as my beautiful wife threw a wink over her shoulder, and blew me a kiss, reminding me for the trillionth time in five years just how lucky I was. Of course, sneaky Britt had placed a key card to a room at The Plaza in the envelope Annie had handed me (something we wouldn't ordinarily splurge on, but if we were going to stay in the city, apparently we were going to do it in style, rather than at the Chinatown hotel she'd joked about when we were out in Montauk), and hurrying to get ready and pack a few things, I met her there less than an hour later.

All in all, even with a room at The Plaza, the celebration of five years together was very low key, an accurate reflection of our marriage as a whole. After dinner at a tiny Italian restaurant, we'd walked hand in hand around the southern most corner of Central Park eating ice cream, stealing kisses and licks of each other's cones, stopping to watch tourists take cheesy pictures in the most cliche of poses, and just talking about the past, the present, and the future of our lives together. Although I'd been tired, and still not the most comfortable, we'd gone back to our hotel room, taken a bath together in the huge tub, washing each other's hair and soaping up each other's bodies, somehow winding each other up without meaning to, and ended up in bed, making love for hours and hours, until I was absolutely positive my body could not take another instant of it. Late in the night, when we were sweaty and tangled together in silk sheets, lazily kissing each other and drawing patterns on bare skin, eyes fighting to stay open, I couldn't help but feel vaguely reminiscent of our first days as a married couple, a pregnant belly between us, hope and anticipation sizzling in the air. Each year of our marriage had proven to be a new adventure, each  _day_ had proven as much with Brittany by my side, and I knew that the sixth year we were about to embark on would be absolutely no different.

A week and a half later, I was miraculously still pregnant, and had crossed the threshold into the safe territory. I wanted to hang in there until my due date, but after seeing our absolutely beautiful, fully formed baby on the latest sonogram at Dr. Singh's, and hearing that they were close to six pounds, I knew it would be totally fine whenever they were ready to come. As I rolled over in bed in the early morning hours of the  _second_ big event of June (apparently that was the month our life would mostly center around), I smiled, seeing Brittany was already awake too, even before our alarm that had been set for two o'clock went off.

"Happy Annie's birthday, Britt." I shuffled closer to my wife, and turned to press a kiss on her lips.

"Not officially, we have twenty-six minutes until it's 2:17." She smiled. "But happy Annie's birthday to you too, honey. I can't believe it's been-"

"No, no, please don't." I shook my head quickly, trying to keep tears from forming in my eyes. I couldn't even blame how emotional I had been getting about Annie turning five on the baby, that was  _all_ me (even if it  _was_ amplified by the hormones), and it was sort of a thing that I did every year, get all weepy on my daughter's birthday. "It's way too early for me to start crying about her being-ugh, I can't even say that number."

"C'mere, silly." Brittany pulled me close to her, and I rested my head on her chest. She held herself together much better about it than I ever did, but she knew that  _I_ knew that she felt exactly the same way about our daughter growing up, oh so bittersweet, and that  _her_ tears fell just as much as mine did every year when we wrote in our incredibly lame ( _and_ very cute, if I do say so myself) birthday journal. "Do you need anything before we get up?"

"Just some snuggles with my baby Mama."

"As opposed to all the  _non-_ snuggling we've been doing all night?" She teased, and I stuck my tongue out at her. "I'm kidding, you know I love how extra cuddly you are these days."

"I just want you to  _extra_ know how much I love you, before..." I trailed off, and when I started chewing on my lower lip, Brittany kissed me to stop it.

"I wish you'd stop worrying about that. San, baby, I've seen you at your worst, you've seen me at my worst, a few hours of yelling and screaming, even if it's directed at me, doesn't change years of knowing how much you love me."

"Yeah, I know that, but still, can't hurt to show you a little more." I shrugged.

"Well, I won't ever complain about that. Ready to go see our girl, and wake her up as she turns the age we don't speak of?"

"Absolutely."

Getting out of bed first, Brittany tossed me the sweatshirt she'd brought home from the studio and intentionally worn around the house for a few weeks, even though it was obviously too big for her, and even more obvious that she was only doing it so I'd stop complaining about how her sweatshirts didn't fit me anymore. I pulled it over my head, since my body was back to zigzagging between hot and cold, and I was only in a tank top, before holding out my hands for Brittany to pull me up. Laughing as she did it, because she knew I was still one hundred percent capable of getting out of a bed on my own, she tugged me up and into her arms, scratching my belly and kind of having a silent moment with me about we'd be doing the same exact thing soon enough for our second child. When we finally broke apart, it was 2:14, and grabbing Britt's hands in mine, we made our way down the hallway and into the doorway of Annie's room.

Much like we did every year, the two of us stood over Annie and watched her sleep, something that was seriously only not the creepiest thing in the world because we were her mothers. Her tiny little life had been so unexpected, for both Brittany and I, but every single thing about our beautiful child had completely shaped the entirety of our existence. Making our way over to the bed, we lay down, resting our heads close to hers, and I looked at Brittany, counting silently on my fingers before we began to sing.

" _Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday dear our Annalise. Happy birthday to you."_

"'S my birthday now!" Annie's eyes popped wide open. "Mama! Mamí! I'm five years old!"

"That you are, my sweet, sweet baby girl." Brittany beamed at her, and I didn't even try to control my sniffles.

"Are you crying, Mamí?" Annie rubbed her eyes sleepily and looked over at me.

"I'm just really happy,  _mija."_ I told her, and it was the truth. As emotional as I got every year on her birthday, and how strange it was to think about our baby girl growing up, knowing that she was thriving was the greatest feeling in the world. "You're our big, special girl, and you amaze us every single day."

"We love you more than the universe, sweetheart. Happy big fifth birthday."

"Thanks." Annie mumbled, her tiredness winning out over the excitement of the day ahead, and her eyes slipped closed again, one hand fisting my shirt, and the other wrapped around Brittany's wrist. "Still gonna be my birthday in the morning, right?"

"Of course it will be,  _sueños dulces corazóncita."_

"I guess this is mostly for us, not her, huh?" Brittany asked in a hushed tone, kissing the top of Annie's head.

"Oh, totally." I stifled a laugh. "Maybe that's why most people don't wake up their kids in the middle of the night just to wish them a happy birthday at the exact moment they were born."

"Good thing we're not most people then."

"Yeah." I reached up over Annie's head and entwined my fingers with those on Brittany's free hand. "This is my favorite of our birthday traditions."

"Mine too." Britt brought our hands to her lips and kissed the inside of my wrist. "You're comfortable to go back to sleep like this?"

"I am. We're just lucky she's out of her toddler bed this year, I'd probably break it otherwise."

"Stop. You're still teeny tiny." She rolled her eyes, and I could see it even in the dark of the room. "Goodnight again, honey. I love you."

"I love you too. And Britt?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you…you know I have to say it every year, but it's just really important to me. Thank you for her." I swallowed hard, my eyes tearing up again.

"You're welcome, Santana." Our eyes met, and she smiled. "And like I tell  _you_ every year, I can thank you just as much for being her mom as you can thank me for giving birth to her."

* * *

Of course, our middle of the night wakeup did little to keep Annie in bed later than usual. By a little after seven, she was wiggling around excitedly between us, and fighting my inclination to sleep a little longer, I forced myself up with her and Brittany. When we made it downstairs, Annie shrieked with delight at the balloons and streamers we'd put up after she'd gone to sleep (and by  _we,_ I mostly mean Britt, since even if she  _had_  let me, I wouldn't have been all that much help, unless the project had been to sit on the balloons and pop them) and her eyes went wide at the small pile of presents wrapped in sparkly purple paper that rested on the coffee table. After my insistence that I cook breakfast, Britt and Annie sat at the table drinking hot chocolate while I made Annie's birthday special, waffles with sprinkles cooked inside. It was hard to get her to sit still, even through her favorite breakfast, but Brittany and I just laughed, so incredibly happy about our little ball of energy.

After breakfast, and before we gave  _our_ gifts to Annie, we had to do something that was extremely important on her birthday every year, we FaceTimed Penny and John Evans. Although it still hadn't gotten much easier for them, the physical reminder that their son was no longer in their lives, especially on Penny's end, even five years later, they did put in the effort to be present in Annie's life. I was pretty sure that we had the strangest of strange situations with them, the ex-girlfriend of their dead son and her wife, the child that was wholly mine and Brittany's, and yet biologically connected to them, but we made it work. We saw them a few times a year, we spoke to them on the phone, and they loved their beautiful granddaughter in their own quiet way. It was one of those things that was simply a non-issue in our lives, maybe people who didn't fully understand our situation would think it all needed to be some tremendous deal, but really, it wasn't. Annie never really questioned it, though we knew she would someday, maybe sooner rather than later, and we'd answer her questions about why she had three sets of grandparents in the most honest way we could. But until then, she just knew that there were more people who loved her, more people who sent her gifts on her birthday, and more people whose lives she was able to make brighter. Sitting back with Brittany's arm draped over my shoulder, the two of us shared a special look between us and smiled, watching Annie open the box they'd sent for her, watching her wriggle herself into the new tutu and tiara that was inside, listened to them sing to get and promise that they'd see her soon, and we were just silently grateful for the acceptance of our life into theirs.

"Do you want to open your presents from us now or later?" Brittany asked with a wink, after Annie had said her goodbyes and we closed the laptop.

"That's so silly, Mama! Course I want to open them now, b'fore my party!"

"Well I'm just checking." She laughed, scooping Annie, who hadn't taken off her tutu and tiara, up into a big bear hug. "I wanted to make sure you weren't too grown up for our special birthday traditions."

"No way! I'll never, ever be too grown up for presents."

"Me either,  _mi amor._ " I kissed the tip of her nose as Brittany set her down on my lap and lifted the gifts from the table, resting the large flat package against the arm of the couch, and the others at her feet.

"Biggest or smallest first, baby girl?"

"Make it a surprise! 'S way more magical that way!"

"Never, ever stop believing in magic, Annalise, no matter how big you grow.  _You_ are the biggest proof I've ever had that magic is indeed absolutely real." I told her, hugging her tightly as Brittany squeezed my forearm.

"'S 'cuz I'm your super special unicorn baby, even if I don't have a horn, right?"

"More than you even know." Brittany answered for me, because I'd just basically given up my attempts not to be an emotional trainwreck, and was sort of just opening and closing my mouth in effort to speak. "Now let's get this show on the road, I want to see what's inside these boxes."

"You already know!" Annie giggled as Britt passed her a medium sized box.

"Maybe I forgot." She shrugged, and our daughter started shrieking as she tore into the paper.

"New tap shoes! Now I don't have to be so sad that mine got too small and pinchy! And the baby can have them and we can match more!"

At the image of Annie and the baby wearing only their unicorn towels and tap shoes (if I was right in the gender battle, the name Kurt might be up for consideration, and I was totally okay with having a son like him, pain in my ass or not), I started laughing uncontrollably, to the point where tears were running down my cheeks and Britt and Annie were both looking at me like I'd completely lost my mind. Obviously, the last few weeks of my pregnancy were going to be even more of a roller coaster than the rest. Shaking my head, because really, it wasn't  _that_ funny, I composed myself and reached to hand my daughter her next gift. Each one, from the glitter paint, to the new Legos, and finally, the big box that had a real easel inside were met with the same bubbling, excited reaction, and when she was done, and that paper littered the floor at our feet, she bounced up and down on the couch before giving both Brittany and me dozens of kisses.

* * *

The nice thing about having a group of friends and family who had flexible jobs was that every year, we could easily throw Annie's party on whatever day of the week her birthday fell on, something I was totally partial to. Britt had helped Annie dress in her purple party dress and I'd carefully done her hair into two French braids with matching bows on the ends, and the tiara pinned back on to keep it from falling off in her excitement, then sprayed the whole thing with the glitter hairspray I'd found in the party store. Excited, she spun around and around in front of the mirror, her only lament that she couldn't wear her new shoes to the party. Once I'd managed to get myself into my white tent of a dress and pin up my hair, because as thick and gorgeous as it was, it was also like a curtain that trapped all kinds of heat on my neck, I packed up the cake that Brittany and I had stayed up late baking (and maybe throwing flour at each other) while she went to get the car.

As we drove to Brooklyn, Annie chattered away to us from her car seat (which we knew we'd really have to switch out for a booster seat soon, but she was just so  _small)_  for the entire ride. When Britt finally found parking, Annie launched herself out of the car, and you'd have thought we were having the party on the moon for how excited our daughter was. The best part of having a party at two o'clock on a Wednesday afternoon is that you actually don't have to worry about booking something as awesome as Jane's Carousel a hundred years in advance, or rent out the entire space. Obviously we weren't filthy rich, and even if we were, is it really necessary to have some kind of over the top shitshow for a kid's party when they appreciate the little things most anyway? Nope, pizza, cake and letting kids run wild was absolutely more our speed. We'd hardly started settling up, letting Annie run around on the park lawn when our ever early family began to arrive.

"Annalisita!" My mother cried out, as my father walked a few steps behind her, carrying the wrapped box that I knew contained even more art supplies for Annie's rapidly growing collection.  _"¡Feliz cumpleaño, mi nieta!"_

_"Gracias, 'Buela. ¡Ahora, tengo cinco años!"_

"I'm not sure I believe that." Papí grinned at her and captured the little love of his life up with his free arm. "Because that means I'm much older than I thought I was if I have a five year old granddaughter."

" _'Buelo,_ you have grey hair!" Annie giggled, brushing her hand over the grey streak in my father's hair, and I'm pretty sure no one laughed harder at that than Mamí.

"She has a point, Papí." I grinned, then rolled my eyes as my mother finished kissing Brittany hello and began the weird petting thing she insisted upon doing to me, stroking my belly, rubbing my hair, all but trying to stick her face in my belly button to get closer to her unborn grandchild. Susan was exactly zero percent better, and I knew when she arrived, I'd be fighting off  _both_  of them, despite my absolute insistence that they give it a rest for  _one_ day that I wanted to be all about Annie.

" _Que basta, Mamí."_ I whispered more harshly than I'd intended, and she immediately backed off. " _Te lo estoy diciendo, por enésima vez."_

"I'm sorry." She whispered back to me, turning again to Annie. "So  _habichuelita,_ how about you show  _Abuelo_ and me what you've told us is the greatest carousel in the whole world, since we've never been here before?"

"Can we go on one ride now? Even though nobody else is here yet?" She raised her eyebrows hopefully, squirming in my father's arms. My parents looked over to us, and I nodded furiously, already glad for a reprieve, even after being in my mother's presence for less than five minutes. I was just easily irritated by everything, I couldn't help it.

"Go ahead." Brittany waved them on, and Annie cheered. "We're just going to finish getting everything ready here."

"I'm going to kill her, I swear, Britt." I complained, the moment my parents and Annie were out of ear shot. "I mean, is it really necessary for her to be touching my body every second that she's near me.  _You_ don't even touch me as much, and it's  _your_ baby."

"And you're  _her_  baby." She chuckled lightly, digging her thumbs just above my shoulder blades to relax me. "You know that one day, you and I will be just as bad."

"Oh good, I've finally accepted that Annie is five, now we're going to start talking about grandkids?" I teased, turning around to plant a kiss on her lips.

"Not for a long, long time." She handed me an end of the tablecloth in her hands, and we spread it over one of the picnic tables. "I'm just saying that's why both of our moms are all over you, because they love you, and they already love our baby."

"I know." I sighed. "I'm just not sure I'm going to survive however much time between now and when I give birth with them in New York, hanging around our house all day."

"We can still change the plan, you know." Britt reminded me.

"No, no. I really want you to keep working so all the time you have off is after."

"Okay." She nodded, opening up the second table cloth. "But I'll try talking to them  _again_ , not that it seemed to help much the first dozen times."

Brittany and I had just finished setting up the tables when her parents arrived with Lizzie and Max in tow carrying the balloons we'd asked them to pick up. I smirked a little at Liz, because seriously, bringing your boyfriend to a fancy benefit was one thing, bringing him all the way from Boston for your little niece's carousel party was something else  _entirely._ She just rolled her eyes and chucked a Cheez Doodle at me, as she and Max began tying balloons to chairs (damn that guy, making me like him by being all helpful).

"Hey sweetheart." Susan wrapped her arms around me. "How are you feeling? You should sit down, you know."

"I'm fine, Susan, don't worry." I gave a tight-lipped smile, doing my very best not to be rude to my mother-in-law.

"Of course I'm going to worry." She placed both of her hands on the side of my belly, and I tried to shoot Brittany a look. "That's my new grand baby you're carrying in there. Grammy can't wait to meet you, little one."

"Mom." Brittany put her hand on Susan's shoulder. "I know that you're trying to help, with all your worrying, but please give my wife a little space today. I remember a little bit about the end of your pregnancy with Liz, you know, and I'm pretty sure she's trying really hard not to make you cry, like you did to the lady in the grocery store."

"You made a lady cry?" I shot my eyebrows up as Susan rubbed my bump one last time before stepping away.

"I didn't make anyone cry, Brittany Sue. I think your memory is mistaken. The woman  _may_ have stubbed her toe right after touching me, that wasn't my fault."

"Mom totally stepped on her foot, and hard." Brittany snickered, and I couldn't help but laugh, picturing a very pregnant Susan totally losing it, and a horror-struck seven-year-old Britt watching the whole thing.

"I wasn't there, but I'll totally confirm that she was a nightmare for three-quarters of her pregnancy." Stephen put an arm around his wife, and ignored her trying to shrug him off. "The only one that never drove her nuts was Brittany."

"None of this surprises me in the slightest, knowing Lizzie. That was all your temperament coming out, wasn't it?" I looked to my sister-in-law.

"Like you're one to talk." Liz shot back from across the table. "And watch it, or I'll follow you around with a water bottle and a chair all day like the rest of them."

"You wouldn't dare, squirt. There's a whole box of pictures in our closet at home from when you were a kid. I'm  _sure_ I could dig out the most embarrassing ones and show them to Max."

"Well  _that_ sounds like fun! Especially after  _my_ family showed you nine videos of me pretending to be a pioneer." Max chuckled.

"You pretended to be a pioneer when you were a kid?" Brittany asked, and he nodded. "Wow. You two may have been made for each other. You know mom named Liz after Laura Ingalls Wilder's sister-in-law, right?"

"Ugh, Britt. Good job joining Santana on embarrassing me."

"See this?" Brittany held up her left hand and flashed her wedding band. "That means we're eternally teamed up to embarrass you."

"That's not what a wedding ring symbolizes!" Liz tried to protest, but Max started speaking at the same time.

"How is your name  _more_ embarrassing than videos of me sitting on a kitchen chair in suspenders and a straw hat, using one of my dad's ties as a horse whip? I like it, and it's cool that it has a story."

"Well I thought your pioneer videos really cute." Liz shrugged, and kissed her boyfriend lightly on the lips.

"Hey! This is a kid's party!" I smirked, and she grabbed yet another Cheez Doodle and threw it at me.

"Remember that later when you're all  _Britty, can you rub my feet? Britty, the baby wants you to make out with me on the picnic bench."_

"I do  _not_ call her  _Britty,_ and we would  _not_ make out at Annie's birthday party, thank you very much."

"And I won't tell her if you want me to rub your feet." Brittany whispered in my ear, and I resisted turning around to kiss her, so as not to completely disprove my point, even though my goofy smile _totally_ betrayed me.

Of course, when planning the party, we'd asked Annie she'd wanted to invite any of the kids from school, but she just shook her head quickly, and Britt and I had gone back to our default  _Annie's Birthday Party_ guest list, only changing it by adding the O'Malley's, and of course, Holly Holliday. We were pretty big fans of small parties, it worked better for Annie's needs anyway, and with our new additions, plus our family and core group of New York friends, it was more than enough. As the gifts began to pile up on the table, Annie hardly even noticed, she was so over the top excited about running around with Brice and Thoreau, Emmy sort of watching curiously, and Eden, followed closely by Quinn toddling along after them. With our mom's sufficiently distracted by each other and Rosa, who I'm  _sure_ was happily listening to them go on for ages about how completely wonderful their granddaughter was, I took the opportunity to sit and rest for a minute without worrying about either of them coming to see if I needed a pillow, or to send one of our fathers to steal a bed from someone's apartment for me.

"She's something else, isn't she?" Holly asked, sitting down next to me and nodding over to where Annie was rolling on the grass, her hair a mess and laughing louder than I'd ever heard her as Britt snapped picture after picture.

"I mean, I'm totally and completely biased, but I'm pretty sure there's no other kid in the world as awesome as her." I smiled dopily at my girl. "Thank you for coming back from Belize for this. I mean, there's like twenty people here and I know it doesn't seem like a huge thing, but Annie has been so excited about you coming all week."

"I'm kind of over Belize anyway." She shrugged. "Besides, no kid has ever invited me to their birthday party before, that's pretty cool."

"She doesn't usually take easily to people, but I guess she couldn't resist the Holly Holliday charm."

"Like mothers, like daughter."

"Yeah, well, I'm not sure what it is about you, but you definitely have some kind of way with people who don't easily open up."

"Sweet cheeks, with you, my  _way_ was probably mostly the fact that I'm hot and blonde. I'm pretty sure you had already known  _all_ about opening up to another hot blonde, in a totally different way."

"Holly!" I gasped, covering my mouth to keep my embarrassed laughter in. "That's not the reason, you just…were the only one at McKinley who seemed to give a damn about any of the hard stuff."

"I'm kidding! Jeeze, this is obviously why I fail at job interviews on a regular basis."

"You say things like that at  _job interviews?_ How did you even get hired at McKinley anyway? That place was so uptight, I couldn't even kiss Britt on the lips."

"Some secrets, a girl never tells." Holly winked. "But yeah, I did give a damn, because we all go through a lot of hard stuff, and that school was good for  _nothing_ at teaching you guys to deal with it."

"Yeah, well, I hate to say it, but a lot of schools still aren't much better." I sighed. "So where are you off to next?"

"I'm thinking about maybe sticking around here for a while. I haven't kicked it full-time in New York since the late eighties, and I hear it's safer now, or whatever us grown-up type people are supposed to care about when we choose a place to live."

"Really? You're staying here? Well, you know, if you ever wanted to volunteer your time, or something, go back to showing kids that someone gives a damn, you totally could." I started awkwardly, feeling like such a big damn dork over how excited I was about Holly being in my city. Sure, I was twenty-nine, about to be a mother of two, and on my way to having a seriously successful non-profit organization, but my inner sixteen year old was  _totally_ flailing over the woman who'd inspired so much for me. "I mean, I'm sure you'll be busy, but you wouldn't have to commit long term-"

"Hey Santana?" Holly cut off my rambling. "I thought you'd never ask."

After excitedly telling Brittany about Holly and slipping off to the side to order the pizzas, Annie came running back up to me, one of her braids having come completely loose, her tiara long discarded into her Mama's purse, and her dress covered in grass stains. Rather than attempt to pick her up, because at eight-and-a-half months in, I'd  _finally_ reached the point where it was too hard for me, I squatted down and let her run into my arms.

"This is the best birthday party  _ever_." She squealed, throwing her arms around my neck. "Will you come on the carousel with me? 'S okay that you can't ride on the horses, they got benches, remember?"

"Of course I'll come with you, can't say no to the birthday girl, right?" I stood up and took my daughter's hand, letting her lead me over to the entrance.

"Mama! C'mon! Come sit on the bench with us!" Annie called out, and laughing, Britt came running over.

"I love my birthday." Annie sighed happily, wriggling her body so her legs were draped over Brittany's and her chin was sort of resting on my belly.

"Are you having a good time with your friends, baby girl?"

"Course. 'S okay if I don't have lots of friends, I got 'Ro and Bricey, and my big girl friend Emmy, and some day Edie and our baby will be big enough to be my friends too."

"That they will." I beamed down at her, taking out her other braid and letting her hair fall free and wavy.

"Now that I'm five, maybe I'll be more brave." She said quietly, the sound of the carousel music nearly drowning out her timid little voice.

"You're already very brave." Britt told her, combing her fingers through the soft baby fine hair.

"Four was a very big year for you,  _mi amor._ You started school, you made new friends, I'd say you're just as brave as you need to be."

"I still get super scared sometimes though."

"Bean, everybody gets scared, even grown ups." Brittany leaned down towards her, then lowered her voice to a whisper. "You want to know something I used to be scared of, and now I'm not?"

"Uh-huh!" Annie nodded vigorously.

"Carousels."

"Carousels? Nuh-uh!" She looked at me in disbelief, and I confirmed Brittany's secret with a nod. It was totally unexpected, because she was  _Brittany,_ and that seemed like something she would  _love._ But halfway to Brooklyn the first time we'd taken Annie, Britt told me she'd fallen off a carousel horse when she was six (and that I'd seen the tiny scar on her elbow from the stitches dozens of times, but just assumed it was one of those kid scars people don't remember how they got) and was totally freaked out by the idea of going back on. "How come? They're not scary 't all!"

"That's just the thing, Annalise. Different things are scary to different people, and that's totally okay.  _But_ turns out I have a little girl who  _loves_ riding on them, so I learned not to be so scared, even on the horses."

"You were scared of it when you were a  _grownup?_ "

"Yup, until you were two years old and we took you right here, on that horse." Brittany pointed over to a big white horse with a blue and purple saddle. "Mamí took you on a bunch of times, and I stood over on the other side of the fence taking pictures, but when you got off, you walked on your little unsteady feet and pulled my hand to come back with you."

"I think Mama forgot she was even afraid, because you were so excited. Once you were up on the horse with her, I stood next to the horse and held pretty tightly onto both of you. I'm not sure which of us had a better time."

"I like that story." Annie giggled, hugging Brittany tightly, probably just in case she was still a little afraid.

"So do I." I leaned into Britt and kissed her cheek. "But Mama's point was that sometimes you stop being scared of things because something else makes you forget, not just because you're five, or even a grownup."

"Okay." Annie hopped up off the bench when the carousel stopped, and looked like she was considering our words before she gave a little shrug. "Maybe I'll forget some more things this year too then."

* * *

When only us, our families, the Hudsons and the Chapmans remained, I was sitting on the grass with my legs splayed out on front of me, glad that I'd put sunscreen on my face, since I seemed to burn so easily while pregnant, with Rachel sitting on a blanket a few feet away, Brice curled up sleeping in her lap and Eden asleep on the blanket beside her. Quinn and Brittany sat on the picnic table deep in a conversation that I could only hear snippets of, and Annie was laying underneath, protected from the sun, with her eyes closed. Our moms had gone to load gifts into the trunk of our car, while Finn and Archie helped our dads pack up the trash and break down the extra folding chairs we'd brought, all of them waving off Max when Lizzie gave him a playful smile and asked him to take a walk down by the water with her. I smiled in spite of myself, watching the two of them chase each other like only people newly in love, or people like Britt and I, who constantly remembered to renew our love, were likely to do.

"You're quiet today." Rachel said softly, careful not to started either of the kids with her. "I know there's a universal ban on asking if you're alright…"

"No, you're good, you're not touching my stomach so it's relatively less annoying. I'm good, just tired, and weirded out thinking that it's really any day now that this one will be here." I smiled inwardly, pressing my hand against a tiny elbow. "Be real with me, Rach, how bad is it?"

"It's pretty awful, and I had an epidural." I cringed a little at her words. "But I'll tell you this, you hear women say it all the time, and you kind of think it's just something that they say so women don't decide it's not worth the pain, and then the world population dies off, but once it was over, and Finn handed me our son, and looked at me, all sweaty and exhausted, like I'd just done the most amazing thing in the history of creation, everything else didn't matter anymore. Hang onto Brittany, I know how you guys are, and she'll be feeling every one of your contractions like it's happening in her body, so being close together will help. You're so tough, Santana, I'm pretty sure labor has nothing on you."

"Keep your windows closed though." I gave her a half smile. "I don't need my girl hearing me scream all the way in Brooklyn."

"We'll take good care of her for you guys."

"I know you will. Trust me, Brittany and I had a ton of long discussions about what would be best, and even if you  _do_ have a pretty serious flair for the dramatic, I know that when it comes to the kids, you keep it together. I'm not sure I'd be able to say the same for those two when I'm in labor." I gestured over to where my mom and Susan were walking back across the park lawn. "I just don't want her to be scared and think something bad is happening if people start getting panicky around her."

"I totally get it. Trust me, I'll feel the same if we decide to have a second one. Brice will come stay with you, because can you imagine my dads and Kurt? And even Carole."

"I don't have to imagine." I laughed. "I was  _there_ when Brice was born. They were tripping all over each other whenever someone came out the doors into the waiting room. Blaine had to stop Kurt from tackling a  _janitor."_

"You definitely have the right idea with this birthing center thing, have the baby  _then_ let people in."

"I know the limitations of the people I love. How do you think you and I have managed to stay friends all these years?"

"Because keeping me around is easier than finding new people who will put up with your unique brand of insanity?" Rachel teased.

Touché, Berry." I laughed, giving her some serious credit. "Also, after Britt, you rank highest on my  _women I actually like_  as human beings scale."

"The highest of compliments from you, I'm sure."

We hung out for another hour or so, everyone coming to join Rachel and me on the grass, and Annie eventually falling into a deep sleep, exhausted from all the running around and sugar, with her head on my thighs, as Britt and I shared a second piece of cake. When I was finally about five seconds from joining the kids in sleeping on the ground, Stephen lifted Annie up from my lap, and Brittany offered me a hand up, immediately curling an arm around my waist as I stood. Managing not to roll my eyes, I accepted the tight hugs from every single person (including Moms one and two, who would surely be over at the crack of dawn to drive me crazy), because I knew there was a strong possibility I wouldn't see most of them until after the baby was born.

* * *

Annie was awake again when we got back to the house, and although I still felt like I could collapse in a puddle of exhaustion right on our living room floor, I made the decision to power through. For the next however many hours that remained in the day, the three of us hung out together in the playroom, all of our clothes sort of grass stained, and then later, covered in paint. It was kind of ridiculous how much fun we had getting messy like that, but I sort of thought watching Brittany with green paint on her nose and Annie with yellow streaked down her cheek may very well have been the cutest thing I've ever seen. Once we had peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for dinner (Annie's choice for once, not mine, I swear!) and had all managed to bathe and change into pajamas, we found ourselves sitting at the piano bench, me in the middle, awkwardly making my belly fit, and one of my girls on each side of me.

"What do you want to sing tonight, Annie girl?" I asked, stroking my fingers over the keys as she decided.

" _Wizard of Oz,_ Mamí. 'S been a very long time since we sang it."

"Sounds good to me. You ready, Mama?"

"I'm always ready for some singing." Brittany tucked a stray hair behind her ear and looked over me to see Annie bouncing impatiently. "Hit it."

Forty five minutes and multiple renditions of Annie's favorites,  _The Munchkinland Song_ (I was  _still_ amused every time she asked Rachel to sing it, totally without any prompting) and  _We're Off To See The Wizard,_ it was fast approaching her bedtime, and she still wanted to read a chapter in the seventh book of our  _Little House_ series. Tapping the keys gently, I switched to a slow, down tempo version of  _Happy Birthday,_ and Britt and I sang it one last time to our daughter as she sighed dreamily, her head already filling with the sweet thoughts of her day that would follow her to bed. When we were finished, she stumbled sleepily up the stairs, and once we'd finished another chapter of the book and had tucked her securely into bed, Brittany and I stood over our daughter as she hugged Milky Way close to her chest.

"Night Mama, night Mamí, night baby." She mumbled out, her words barely even coherent as she struggled to stay awake for one last minute and she reached up blindly to graze my belly with her fingers. "You're 'llowed to get born now that my best birthday party ever is finished."

"Good night, sweet girl." I could hear the happy tears in Brittany's voice at just how incredible our little girl was, and I pressed my hand against the small of her back as I dropped my head against her shoulder. "May you have many, many more of the best birthdays ever."

* * *

 


	30. Little Love

For all the worrying we'd done for nine months about the baby coming early, my due date came and went, and I was still very much pregnant. I'd gone through nearly two weeks of excessive nesting, washing and re-washing baby clothes, repeatedly checking our baby-go bag, making sure everything was in place for Annie, and then it was done, all I had to do was wait. Two days after my due date, when I was lying in bed feeling like I'd eaten a whale, who'd eaten an elephant, who'd eaten a hippopotamus (and sang Brittany my own rendition of  _there was a pregnant lady who swallowed a whale, I don't know why she swallowed a whale_ ) Britt decided that baby or not, it was going to be her last day going to work. We both knew it was for the best, especially because I  _really_ didn't want to give birth in a jail cell after murdering my mother and mother-in-law for their incessant pestering. When my wife kissed me goodbye, I smiled into it, happy that she'd be home with me soon. Even though I was hot, uncomfortable, and silently begging my unborn child to stop using my bladder as a trampoline, because actually getting up to pee every eight minutes took far more energy than I had left in my body, that seemed to make it feel much better.

Once Britt was gone, I heard Annie running around downstairs, and my mother calling her for breakfast as Susan chased her around, and I figured I should go downstairs and spend time with my daughter, even if it meant the beginning of the day's Mexican and Dutch inquisition. I pushed myself up on my hands, heaving myself out of bed and struggling into the sleep shorts and tanktop I'd discarded in favor of sleeping naked sometime during the night. With one hand on my lower back and the other cradling the watermelon sized baby under my skin, I made my way down the stairs, all my efforts completely worth it when I saw Annie grin from her place at the table when she saw me.

"Mamí! You're 'wake!"

"I am,  _mi amor._ " I smiled back at her, leaning my weight against the wall. " _Abuela_ made breakfast, I see."

"Yup! She made  _chilaquiles,_ and that's the best, 'cuz I get to eat chips for in the morning!"

"That  _is_ a good reason to like them best." I laughed, exactly the same reason that Brittany liked having breakfast at my house when we were teenagers and my mom had actually been home.

" _Mija, siéntate, come._ " My mother ordered, setting a ridiculously large plate down in front of my usual chair.

"Ma, I think I just want some yogurt, I'm really not that hungry." I sat down at the table, squeezing Annie's hand.

" _Dios mio,_ Santanita. You're always hungry these days, and I made this because it's your favorite. Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, Mamí." I looked to Annie, then glared at my mother. "I'll eat a little, okay?"

"Good girl." She kissed the top of my head, and I stifled a groan.

"How did you sleep, sweetheart?" Susan asked as I took two bites of my breakfast and pushed the plate back. "Let me get you some orange juice."

It went on like that for a good hour, until I'd really reached the point where I'd had enough and decided to go out for a walk. Of course, needing someone to tie your sneakers for you  _totally_ negates the _I'm fine and can handle everything on my own_ image that I was trying to portray, but whatever, at least I could get twenty minutes of peace and quiet. I would have happily taken Annie with me, but the hushed concerns of both older women halted that idea before it ever really took root. I didn't really make it very far on my walk, just to Washington Square Park and back, the late June heat and the physical exertion proving to be just too much for me to handle, but at least by the time I came home, I felt a little less likely to snap.

After taking a shower and reprimanding my mother for turning up the temperature on the air conditioner for the hundredth time ( _we're not concerned about the damn electric bill right now, Mamí, and if you're cold, put a sweater on, I can't take my skin off,_ I'd snipped _),_ I sank down on the couch, for the first time, feeling so completely over being pregnant. It was Annie, of course, who managed to make me feel better, creeping out of the playroom with a picture in hand, and placing it beside me on the couch before pressing her hands against my belly, and kissing me repeatedly there. Ruffling her hair, I lifted up the picture that she'd drawn, and smiled softly at her little self portrait.

"'S for the baby. That way they know what I look like before I get to see them."

"It's beautiful,  _bebé._ And I'm sure they're going to love it as much as I do. Sorry I'm so grumpy today." I held out my hand to help her climb up next to me, and she did, immediately giving me a big hug and kiss.

"Grammy and  _'Buela_ are driving you crazy, right?"

"Annie!" I laughed, tickling her belly. "Where'd you hear that?"

" _'Buela_ was on the phone with Mama, and she said that she's your Mamí and she's 'llowed to drive you crazy. But you don't drive  _me_ crazy, Mamí, and neither does Mama."

"Well I'm very glad for that, Annalise. But you know how I feel about  _Abuela_ talking about those things in front of you." I shook my head.

"I think you could use some cuddles."

"That sounds like the best idea I've heard all day."

Glad for the physical comfort of my daughter, and the dynamic duo off washing my underwear or something equally invasive, I lay down on my side with Annie snuggled close to me. It wasn't long before I fell asleep, and I felt Annie slip down off the couch at some point before Susan gently shook me awake.

"Why don't you go up to bed, Santana, sweetheart? You'll be more comfortable there."

"Ugh." I let out a frustrated groan, because seriously, did she just wake me up to go back to sleep somewhere else? "Fine."

Without another word, I slowly made my way up the stairs and dropped down on the bed. Even with my eyes closed, I was wide awake, the same thing that always happened to me whenever I was abruptly woken up. Rather than go back downstairs, I chose the complete peace that my bedroom had to offer. I lay there without opening my eyes, my fingers drawing shapes over the fabric of the shirt that covered my belly. Miraculously, close to an hour went by before anyone decided to interrupt me, and when I heard the door open and adult sized footsteps, I really tried my best not to snap at whoever had entered.

"I'm fine." I said, keeping my voice even. "I don't need water, or juice, or to be spoon fed  _salsa verde_  because it might make me go into labor, or to move to another location to sleep that might by more comfortable. I don't need anything but to lay here quietly right now."

"Well, I was going to offer you a kiss, but of you don't need  _anything..."_ I was so relieved to hear Brittany's teasing voice, and I immediately opened my eyes, all of my frustration melting away at the sight of her face.

" _That_ may be the only thing on the world that I actually  _do_ need right now. God, I'm so glad you're home early." I reached up my arms for her and she settled on the bed, kissing my lips and the moving down my neck, and finally pressing them just above my gross protruding belly button, which for some reason she found adorable. "Mama's home now, Bug, maybe your insane grandmothers will leave me alone for five minutes."

"I sent them to the park, I figured they'd be of more use to Annie than to you."

"You don't even know." I rolled my eyes. "Your mother woke me up from my nap to tell me to go upstairs and  _take a nap_. And don't even get me started on Mamí. My  _abuela_ taught me a lot of offensive Spanish slang, and it took a lot for me not to use it on my mother today."

"And this is why I'm done working." The corners of her mouth curled up a little bit, and she kissed me again, allowing me to deepen it, because  _God,_ I loved her so much, and I was seriously happier than I'd ever been in my life to have her home in bed with me. "Dare I ask if you need anything?"

"You can always ask, baby. You don't make me want to yell angry Spanish. But no, I don't need anything but for you to be here. And maybe to rub my back a little bit."

"I'm pretty sure I can manage that." She kissed my temple and moved into her big spoon position, immediately finding my achy spot with her finger tips, causing me to moan out my relief a little bit.

"Ugh, thanks Britt. Eighty thousand times I've been asked what I need today, and you're home five minutes and manage to give me the  _only_ thing I really wanted."

"That's my job, honey." She tucked my hair behind my ear with her free hand, and I felt myself fading fast into another nap, completely relaxed by her presence.

* * *

When night came, after Brittany assured our mothers that no, they did not need to stay and cook dinner, as much as we greatly appreciated their offer, we'd ordered Thai food and went for another walk, just the three of us. Once Annie had been put to bed, I asked Brittany to take a bath with me, having a feeling that it would be our last one for a while, and we did, laying together until the water was uncomfortably cold. After pulling on pajamas, we got into bed, and I thrashed around for awhile, finding it absolutely impossible to get comfortable. Brittany had retrieved just about every pillow in the house, tucking them under my butt, behind my knees, and around my belly, but I'd ended up tossing most of them to the floor, sighing heavily before turning back so I was facing Brittany, her frown at my discomfort evident. Trying her best to soothe me, she rubbed my back again, rubbed my belly that was between us, and kept kissing me to try and make me forget. I closed my eyes tightly, my forehead pressed against hers, our noses and lips brushing every once in a while, figuring if I couldn't feel comfortable, at least I could feel loved.

After a while of attempting to stay awake until I had passed out, I could tell by Brittany's breathing that she'd lost that battle and had fallen asleep. It was sometime after that when I'd felt a strange feeling in my lower belly, followed shortly after by a wetness between my legs. Immediately, my eyes popped open, and I sat upright quickly (well, as quickly as someone nine months pregnant can), and tore off the thin sheet that covered me, completely confirming that my water had indeed broke. Inhaling deeply, I tried not to get crazy, reminding myself that there was plenty of time, that I'd yet to have any contractions, and that just because I was in the early stages of labor, there was absolutely no need to panic.

"Brittany." I shook her gently, not wanting to freak  _her_ out, but also not feeling like it was an appropriate time for our kiss method of waking up. "Britt."

"Hmmm. What's wrong, San?" She asked, blinking rapidly as she tried to wake herself up.

"My...my water just broke."

"Oh. Oh my God." She untangled herself from her half of the sheet and sat up beside me, grabbing in the dark for my hands, obviously trying as hard as I was to remain calm. "Okay. Alright. We need to get ready to go."

"We do." I confirmed, pressing my hands against her cheeks and pulling her in for a deep kiss. It was happening, it was actually happening. We were having a  _baby._

"Are you alright?" Britt asked, torn between holding me close and getting up to start preparing to

leave the house. Finally, she stroked my belly and kissed me one last time before standing up and walking over to our dresser, pulling out clothes and tossing them over onto the bed. "Are you having contractions?"

"Not yet. It's early still. Let's just go slow, okay? Dr. Singh said it was okay to labor at home for a little while."

"I know. I know." She started pulling sweatpants on over her sleep shorts, and then started laughing hysterically when she realized what she was doing. "Look at me, I'm freaking out right now. I'm sorry, I'm supposed to be the calm one. Give me a second, I'll pull myself together, I swear."

"Britt, it's okay." Her nervous laughter made  _me_ laugh, and then  _my_ laughter made her start to tear up, making  _me_ start to tear up. "Let's just take a minute, we are in no shape to handle this."

"I'm good. I am." She promised, then stumbled back down on the bed beside me again, wearing just her panties and one leg in her pants. "It's time, Santana. I just can't believe that after nine months, or really, years of waiting for this, you're in labor, and we're having another baby. God, I love you so much."

"I love you too Brittany. Are we ready to do this?"

"I don't think we have a choice." She let out another small giggle, and leaned over me to drop soft kisses on my belly, laugh-crying the entire time. "But yeah, we're definitely ready."

Through a ridiculous amount of laughter and tears, we actually managed to put clothes on. Actually, Brittany managed to put clothes on, and then helped  _me_ put clothes on, because I'd sort of gone into shock looking down at the wet spot on the bed again and my legs sort of turned into jelly (yes, I fought my mother on pouring me a glass of water, but I let Brittany put my pants on for me, whatever). After dialing Dr. Singh's pager number, and calling Finn, who seemed to be the most collected of anyone, even when woken up at 4:45 in the morning, Britt did a final check of our bag for the hospital, and with her arm securely around my waist, we went together into Annie's room to tell our baby girl what was about to happen.

"Annie, sweetheart." Brittany whispered softly against her ear, as I perched myself on the edge of her bed. "Wake up."

"Still nighttime." She mumbled, her eyes hardly opened more than the smallest of slits. "I'm sleepin', Mama."

"I know you are, baby girl." Britt ran her fingers through Annie's hair, gently trying to coax her awake. "And you can go back to bed in just a little while, but we've gotta get up for a few minutes. The baby is ready to come soon."

"The baby's coming?" Her eyes immediately popped open, and Brittany and I started our absurd laughter again. "The baby's coming right now?"

"Not  _right_ now,  _mija."_  I smiled, taking her hand as she scrambled to sit up. "But very soon, and Uncle Finn is on his way over here to get you. Come here, give me a big hug, and then Mama's going to help you get some shoes on."

"What 'bout my clothes."

"It's okay." Brittany told her. "Uncle Finn will carry you right to the car, and then you'll go back to sleep. You can stay in your pajamas."

"Okay." She crawled carefully over to me, being even more gentle than usual as she wrapped her arms around me, burying her face in the crook of my neck. "I love you, Mamí."

" _Te amo para siempre, mi bebé primer."_ I kissed her all over her little face, squeezing her tightly once more, my eyes obviously full of tears as Brittany lifted her up from my lap.

While Brittany helped Annie slip on her shoes, I stood up slowly and began folding the Dr. Seuss quilt to send along with the bag we packed, and tucked the last of the notes Brittany and I had written inside, in case she was missing us too badly. When I'd just finished the task, I felt the first cramping sensation in my pelvis, spreading upwards into my abdomen and lower back. Surprised by the intensity of it, even though it wasn't really  _painful_ yet, I dropped back down on the bed, holding my stomach and breathing through it. Brittany shot me a concerned look from where she was crouched down on the floor tying Annie's shoes, and I mouthed  _I'm okay,_ before she looked down at the watch she'd bought specifically to check the distance between my contractions (because seriously, she's adorable) and scrunched up her face, making a mental note of the time.

We probably looked like a bunch of weirdos trying to get down the stairs, Brittany carrying our bag and Annie's bag, me holding tight to the railing with one hand and to a pajama clad Annie, who was clutching Milky Way, with the other. But we made it down in one piece, and when we heard the telltale sign of a car outside the house, Brittany peeked out the window and then opened the door to Finn, who was running like his life depended on it, up the four steps.

"Hey." He smoothed his t-shirt nervously, obviously out of breath and totally trying not to look like he'd just driven like a lunatic, which I knew he did, despite Brittany's clear instructions that it was  _not_ a rush. "Ready to come with me, Annie? Aunt Rachel has a lot of special plans for us tomorrow."

"Mmkay Uncle Finn, but I gotta be ready to go meet the baby when Mama calls." She told him matter of factly, and Brittany and I immediately started giggling again, me burying my face in the shoulder of her shirt, much to the amusement of Finn.

"Don't worry, that'll be our first priority, okay?"

"Okay!"

The laughter turned back into tears as we gave Annie (and Milky Way) more hugs and kisses goodbye, reminding her to be good for Finn and Rachel, telling her over and over again how much we loved her, and how we couldn't wait for her to meet our new baby. Maybe it was over the top, how emotional I got when it was time to release her into Finn's arms, but I'd  _been_ in the room with Brittany when she'd come close to dying in childbirth, and even though I had absolutely no expectation of dying, I just needed to hold my daughter close for a few extra seconds. Once she was strapped into the carseat in the back of Finn's truck, and I'd accepted  _his_ hugs and well wishes, waving off his offers to drive us to the hospital, I sank into Brittany's arms for a long, tight hug.

"Okay." She pulled away slowly, wiping the weird tears from both of our faces and giving me another soft kiss on the lips. "Let's go have a baby."

* * *

In all the movies and television shows I'd seen where a character goes into labor, there always seems to be some kind of panicked rush to get to the hospital. Maybe it was just because it was obvious that  _my_ labor was going to progress slowly, but we weren't racing, something that so wasn't like us, especially me. Getting in the car that we'd purposely street parked across from the house, rather than have to get it from the garage, Brittany put the pillow she'd grabbed from our bed behind my back, and settling herself in the driver's seat, she gripped my hand tightly over the center console and began our short drive up to Gramercy in the early morning light. My second contraction came when we were crossing Fourteenth Street, twenty-three minutes after the first, according to Brittany's watch, and slightly harder, but still absolutely bearable, something I was pretty sure would be short lived.

Brittany let go of my hand for about point-three seconds while she handed the car keys to the valet, then nearly lifted me up into her arms as I opened my own door and got out. I swear, we were a freaking mess walking through that door, Brittany holding me so close to her side that I could barely move my legs, and me, who felt even  _more_ needy than I had for the duration of my pregnancy, trying to get even closer, stopping every few steps to press her hand further into my abdomen, where the baby (soon to be an actual person!) was moving like crazy. When we finally managed to make it through the door, still a mixture of giggles and tears after my third contraction, a nurse immediately came to escort us to a room, sans wheelchair, sans drama, just the way we'd hoped it would be.

"Okay, ladies." The nurse, Helena, gave us a warm smile. "Make yourselves comfortable. You're still in very early labor, Santana. Dr. Singh will be here shortly, and she'll discuss your plan for the next few hours, but for now, you should get changed and relax. If you need anything, feel free to use the intercom."

"Is she okay to walk around, or take a nap?" Brittany asked, knowing that I probably had a thousand questions in my head that I couldn't formulate.

"I'd wait on the sleeping until the doctor gets here, mostly just so she doesn't have to be woken up for an exam, but walking is totally fine."

"Thank you." I said, my voice near a whisper, and I was once again sitting on the edge of a bed, trying to figure out what exactly to do with myself as Helena left Britt and I alone, closing the door behind her. "This is weird, Britt."

"What's weird, honey?"

"I don't know, like, not being told what to do, or whatever."

"That's part of the reason we liked this method." She brushed kisses across my forehead, and I could feel her smiling into them, her calming presence seeping into me as I felt myself start to get a little riled up. The tips of her fingers still grazed mine as she unzipped our bag, taking out the knee length button up sleep shirt I'd bought to wear, and pressed it into my hands. "Let's just take things one step at a time."

Slowly, I began undressing, for the first time in a long time feeling absolutely no self consciousness under the intensity of Brittany's blue eyes. They traveled over every inch of my skin as she absently unpacked our baby bag, propping up Annie's self portrait on the bedside table, setting our clothes and toiletry items in the partially opened drawer across from the bed. Everything that my body had undergone from the moment my wife had injected that first hormone shot under my skin had been leading up to this. My breasts were heavy and sore from the weight of the milk that had come in for our baby, and my stomach was stretched tight and fell low, the "dropping" having occurred just after Annie's birthday, but honestly, naked and sort of primal, for lack of a better word, I had never felt more beautiful. Brittany's eyes met mine, and she dropped the nursing bra in her hands, stepping toward me and cupping my cheeks, giving me another deep kiss before dropping her hands to my hips, and running them up and down my sides.

"You, Santana Lopez-Pierce, are the most gorgeous woman in creation." She whispered in my ear, all giggles and nervousness gone as the sense of intimacy we'd talked about in birthing class washed over the two of us, and I was hit with another contraction.

Easing me through, Brittany laced her fingers with mine and encouraging me to squeeze her hands, placing another kiss on my bare collarbone. When it passed, she urged my arms upward and into the sleeves as she pulled the soft jersey knit shirt over my head. It was weird, that I'd be walking around a place where other people were, wearing just a long shirt, but I guess it really was no less strange than a hospital gown, and infinitely more comfortable, so I went with it.

"Okay, first step done." Britt grinned, as I tugged the back of the shirt to completely cover my lady parts, and not give any other patients a free show. "How do you feel? Do you want to walk, or lay down?"

"I'm good, a little wobbly, but good. Let's walk for a few minutes."

We walked up and down one hallway (I was nervous to be too far from my room, and if possible, Brittany was more nervous) with Britt holding me tightly, like I was the most precious and fragile thing in the world. When we saw Dr. Singh outside the door, we completed a lap, and went back inside so she could examine me. Once she'd determined that I was only three centimeters dilated, and still had  _quite a ways to go_ (Dr. Singh speak for  _you're in for a long fucking day_ ), she urged us to get some rest, and promised she'd be back to check on things soon. Laying down on the bed, I shuffled over to one side to make room for Brittany to lay with me. Although she was hesitant at first, knowing I hadn't slept at all back at home, and knowing how hard it was for me to get comfortable, she eventually caved, getting on the bed and scratching up and down my back, soothing me before she took her big spoon position.

I did manage to fall asleep for a little while, even though every time I felt a contraction, I would get completely freaked out, but Brittany didn't. She held on to me, because she knew it was what I needed, but I'm pretty sure that she never closed her eyes, not even for a second. Basically, for several hours, absolutely nothing changed, my contractions were still close to twenty-minutes apart, my dilation had barely increased, and I was starting to get pretty antsy. After one of the nurses brought me toast and juice (another movie myth busted, they  _did_ let me eat), we'd called our parents to let them know what was going on, then Annie to tell her that there was still no baby, we went for another walk, and I laid down again, trying to gather up as much strength as I'd need later on.

By noon, I was starting to get frustrated, because God, I could have sat around doing nothing at  _home._ Of course, there is a reason that they say  _be careful what you wish for_ , because after a good hour and a half of complaining that I was bored (yes, everyone who's ever been in labor is welcome to say horrible things to me after that), things started picking up, and I  _wished_ I was bored. Brittany can say whatever it is she believes about me being better at dealing with things than I think, but seriously, when I'm in pain, it completely consumes my mind, and I forget how normal human beings are supposed to function. The minute my contractions started to get harder, I seriously felt like the world was crumbling around me, and I couldn't even be bothered with any attempts to  _not_ sound like the most dramatic person ever (Rachel Berry excluded).

"You're at six centimeters." Dr. Singh chirped, upon completing what felt like the hundredth exam of the day. "Getting closer, Santana."

"Six? That's it? That's barely more than halfway there." I threw my sweaty head back against the pillow and let out a deep, irritated grunt, the pain in my lower back more intense than I could handle. "I've been in labor for  _days."_

"Things are moving a bit faster now, we'll get there." She promised, choosing not to point out that I had  _not,_ in fact been in labor for days, but rather nine hours. Of course, when Dr. Singh said  _we,_ I nearly snapped something rude back at her, because there was no  _we_ when it came to vaginas that were being massacred, but the massaging touch of Brittany's hands on my shoulders shut me up for the time being.

* * *

At eleven and a half hours and seven centimeters in, that's when the sobbing started. It had been too long, too painful, too everything. My body had slipped into some sort of sensory overload, and I knew that I was getting to a point where my thoughts were becoming dangerous. Even with Brittany alternating between kneeling behind me on the bed and allowing me to press all my weight into her body for comfort, or something, and coming around to my side, kissing me, letting me wrap my arms around her neck and wiping my sweat and tears, I wasn't okay.

"Britt." I choked out, clinging desperately to her shirt and looking into her tired eyes. "Make it stop, please make it stop."

"You're almost there, honey." She soothed, as another horrific contraction jarred me, and I sputtered out another sob. "You're so strong."

"I'm not strong. Ugh. Too much." My face contorted in a grimace, and I couldn't keep my eyes open. " _Me duele. Me duele tanto. Necesito drogas."_

"I know it hurts you, baby. Lean into me." She climbed back up behind me, one arm across my chest, bracing my body with hers as she dropped kiss after kiss on the top of my head.

"Fuck." I sobbed. "It hurts even in between. I can't do it anymore. Brittany, forget everything I ever said, I need you to get me the drugs, and I need you to get me them  _now."_

"Santana." Brittany kissed behind my ear, somehow dropping her voice into a tone even more soothing than she'd been speaking in. "I can't do that."

"Please, my body can't handle this. I feel like I'm going to die!" I wailed, and then the feeling of Brittany's tears dropping down onto my forehead suddenly blocked everything else out.

Quickly, her body slipped out from the position she was in, and she kneeled beside me on the bed, pressing her forehead against mine before I could say another word. Her lips brushed over my cheeks, and our tears mixed together, before she gave me a firm kiss on the mouth.

"I love you, I love you more than anything in the world Santana. I promise you, you are strong enough for this. Just a little bit longer, and you're going to be bringing our baby into the world. Tell me what I can do for you, anything in the world besides giving you what I know that you don't really want, and I'll do it." She kissed the words into my lips, and brought my hand up to her heart. "I would take away the pain for you in a second if I could, honey."

"I don't think I was cut out for this." I sniffled, and Brittany let out the smallest laugh.

"You were, God, you were. You made it all the way here, through needles, morning sickness, insecurities, and fears. And now it's so close that I can almost hear our baby crying. You're beautiful, you're strong, you are more than capable, and you can do this. Before this day is over, we're going to be holding a baby in our arms, and all the pain will be over."

"Why the  _hell_ does it have to hurt so much?"

"I have absolutely no idea." She kissed my lips over and over again, trying to remind me of something else, anything else. "You should drink some water, baby. Do you want me to go get you some?"

"No!" I nearly pleaded, grasping for her arm. "Don't let go of me, Britt."

"Shh, it's okay, I won't." She stroked my hair softly. "I'm just going to hit the intercom for the nurse."

The nurse came in with water for me, and Brittany, who was clearly always several steps ahead of me, asked if she wouldn't mind passing over her phone that she'd left on the other side of the room. My ridiculous pain driven panic immediately thought that she was going to call someone else to come up to us and give her a break, but obviously, that was a delusional thought. Swiping through her phone for a few seconds, she set it down on the table beside the bed, and Stevie Nicks' voice filled the room almost immediately after. Shuffling so she was laying beside me again, touching as much of my body as she could to prevent me from panicking again, Britt pulled my head against her chest, scratching her fingers against my scalp, murmuring the words of the songs into my ear and letting my own methods work to my benefit in a time where I  _definitely_ needed it.

* * *

Another hour passed, another hour in excruciating pain, full of me sobbing and yelling, speaking in hysterical Spanish that my wife tried to decipher the best that she could, another hour of Brittany holding me tight and trying not to cry herself, another hour of kisses exchanged in an attempt on both of our parts to keep me from completely losing it. I didn't ask for pain medication again, as much as my body was aching for it,  _begging_ for it, but seeing Britt's eyes after I'd asked the first time reminded me of the demons I'd overcome, and the demons I needed to keep overcoming for my wife, for Annie, and for the child who  _needed to get out of my goddamn uterus already._ Dr. Singh came in again (I was pretty sure we were at exam number one-hundred-forty-three), and Brittany sat up, shooting a hopeful look to the doctor that anyone would have to be blind not to miss.

"Please, Dr. Singh. Please tell me that it's time to start pushing." I begged, feeling the urge at the pit of my stomach as the doctor checked me out.

"It's time. You're at ten centimeters." She smiled, and I looked at her in disbelief.

"Please don't be kidding."

"Santana, I'd never joke like that with a woman who's been in labor for twelve and a half hours. Are you ready to meet the newest Lopez-Pierce?"

"Oh God." I sobbed, not sure if it was a happy cry or a sad one, and Brittany wiped the tears away with her thumb, sweeping the hair out of my eyes so she was sure I'd get a good first view of our baby. "I'm ready."

"This is it, honey." Brittany lowered herself so her face was close to mine, lifting my shoulders up with her arm beneath them, knowing I'd need all the encouragement in the world for the final moments. "I'm so proud of you."

Warm tingles coursed through my body at the sincerity of her words, and although my eyes started to slip shut as I prepared to bear down and begin the final moments of pushing out our second child, I caught a glimpse of blue, and instead decided to hold eye contact as we did this together. With a final kiss on the corner of my mouth, Brittany held tight to my hands, letting me grip her as needed, and even though she was whispering words of reassurance, I could hardly hear the sound of them over the intensity of everything else. It's impossible to even begin to describe the pressure and pain that I felt washing over me, consuming every fiber of my being, but I held fast to Brittany's hands, and she held fast to my entire  _being_ as I followed her non-verbal cues for each push and each breath.

Instinctively, my body knew when the end was coming, knew that it was time to collect every ounce of my own strength and the strength that I was drawing from my wife, and just push like my life depended on it. It was the most painful part of the entire thirteen hour ordeal, but I knew that it was over with the terrifying rush of pressure, and then silence, silence that was only broken by a loud, healthy wail. Although part of my body was ready to collapse back on the bed, to sleep like Rip Van Winkle for twenty years, some otherworldly force pulled me to lift my head, aided by my wife who had the biggest smile on her face, and yet was openly weeping, to see the child that I'd grown inside of my body for nine months.

"You two have got yourselves another beautiful baby girl." Dr. Singh announced, and my body began making these obscene sobbing sounds that I'd never heard it make before.

"Santana." Brittany kissed all over my face quickly, then turned back to our baby, our  _daughter_. "Look at her."

"She's beautiful." I cried. "Oh my God, she's so beautiful."

"Just like her Mamí." She kissed my hands that were still holding tightly to hers, and I loosened them, knowing she was desperate to cut the cord, and desperate to get that precious child into her arms.

I leaned back just a little into the pillows, unable to support my own weight as I had to push again for the placenta, but I didn't feel any of it. All I felt was bliss, bliss from deep inside me, and an even greater bliss at watching the faces of my wife and newborn daughter. The joy that radiated off of Brittany was one of the greatest feelings I'd ever experienced, and it was amplified tenfold in that situation. She smiled broadly, all of her teeth showing, and her hands shook as she took hold of the clamp that Helena handed her, delicately severing the umbilical cord of our wailing, red faced, and completely  _bald_ little girl. I watched as Brittany's fingers danced anxiously, waiting for a different nurse to clean and wrap that gorgeous baby, and our watery, sparkling eyes met, sharing a moment that was for no one but the two of us. I'd done it, I'd delivered her in exactly the way I'd wanted, but more importantly, the two of us, and the love that was palpable in every moment of life in our family had created another amazing baby girl.

"Ready for her, Mama?" Dr. Singh asked Brittany, breaking the two of us from our trance as she held out the baby.

"You don't even know how ready. Hi, little love, I'm your Mama." Brittany swallowed thickly, as she lifted the blanket wrapped bundle into her into strong, capable arms, stopping to marvel at her little features and kiss a tiny forehead before carrying her over to me and sitting down beside me on the bed.

"Oh, God. I can't breathe." I managed, fruitlessly trying to stave off more tears. "She's here. She's really here."

"You did it, honey. Thank you. Oh, Santana, thank you. She's amazing."

"It was so worth it." I hummed into Brittany's shoulder, where I'd managed to pull myself up to rest my head, staring down at alert, light brown eyes, skin several shades lighter than my own and a tiny little sweet bow of a mouth. "Hi  _amorcita,_ I'm your Mamí, and you don't know how glad I am to finally see your face."

My eyes were completely unable to stop leaking tears as we sat there together, my brain vaguely registering that I was being cleaned up, and that a blanket was being draped over me. I was shaking so hard from both overwhelming sensation and sheer exhaustion, but Brittany took her free hand and squeezed both of my trembling ones before wordlessly transferring the wide eyed newborn into my arms and sliding close to me, loosely wrapping an arm around my waist, letting my head drop to her shoulder, and her's drop against mine. It could have been minutes, it could have been hours, I really wasn't sure how much time had passed in our little blissful bubble, until Brittany spoke.

"How you doing?" She whispered in my ear, her worry after the hours and hours of physical exertion evident.

"I…I don't know." I stuttered. "It's a lot."

"Yeah. It is."

"She's just incredible, and I'm a little in shock that she's actually in my arms." Two of my tears dropped on my brand new daughter's face, as I leaned down to kiss her head, and she scrunched up her nose, and pursed her lips, confused by the sensation.

"Wow." Brittany exhaled sharply. "She looks just like you when she does that."

"You think?" I asked, my breath hitching, and she nodded, lightly kissing my temple. " _Te amo mucho, nuestro bebé linda._

"That is true, Ladybug, we love you so much."

" _Ladybug._ " I sighed happily at Brittany's nickname. "It suits her."

"Yeah, I think it does." We both paused, watching her small breaths, her eyes blinking, everything in our world so new to her. "Any ideas about a real name for her?"

"Maybe." I looked from the baby to Brittany, who was staring down with the beautiful look of adoration that only graced her face when looking at our children.  _Children. Wow._

"What are you thinking?"

"I-I was thinking about my mom, and how her  _abuela's_ name was Maria. My  _abuela,_ the one I never met-" I started, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw Brittany's hand ghost over the chain around her neck where my engagement ring, my grandmother's engagement ring lay, and I nodded slowly. "Both of her sisters had daughter's named Maria, but she wanted my mom to have her own name, but to still honor her mother."

"Maribel." She said quietly, understanding, and brushed her fingers over my hand that cradled the baby's head, urging me to continue.

"Even though our moms made me really, really crazy for the past few weeks, I love them so much. They've just really been so…just…" My tears started falling again as the baby continued to stare up at me.

"Good to us." Brittany finished for me, gently capturing the tiny hand that had worked it's way out of the blanket, causing me to freeze and watch for another moment.

"And we both have their names as our middle names, so I thought it might be nice to continue the tradition, but, like, in the way my  _abuela_ did, so she's still her own little person."

"I love that idea." I felt her smile, and she gave me that special look that was only mine _._ "Did you have any names that you liked?"

"Well, Susan, it means Lily, and you know, your mom and her flowers." I felt like I could begin to ramble, my exhaustion really starting to hit me full force. "And Marisa, it's close to my mother's name, but it also means  _wished for._ I feel like we did a lot of wishing and hoping for the past year…"

"Marisa Lily Lopez-Pierce." Brittany put her whole name together, and although I'd originally thought of them in the reverse order, hearing them that way just seemed absolutely perfect for the girl in my arms. "What do you think of that, Marisa?"

She just continued to stare up at us with those watchful eyes, then turned her face to snuggle against my covered chest. My eyes went wide, because I knew what that meant, and I was so, so nervous. Although I'd watched Brittany nurse thousands of times, and I'd read so much about breastfeeding, because I was terrified that it wouldn't work because of my implants, the prospect of actually doing it, actually using my own body to feed the tiny little person I'd given birth to not thirty minutes earlier caused my hands to start shaking again. Brittany, sensing immediately what was going through my mind, gave me the smallest of squeezes.

"It's okay, San. You remember how scared I was the first time I did it, too. Just do what feels right, and the two of you will learn together."

"Okay." My voice was scratchy from nerves, and more unshed tears as I tried to figure out how exactly I could get the buttons on my shirt undone while still cradling Marisa against me. "Can you…can you help me with these buttons?"

"Of course." Brittany moved slowly, so as not to jostle the bed too much when she knew soon enough, I'd start to feel every ounce of soreness in my body, and then tenderly tucked the loose wisps of my hair behind my ears before unbuttoning me and placing two featherlight kisses at the very top of my chest.

"Alright, Marisa." I breathed. "Let's try this."

It took some hesitant coaxing on my part, and a whole lot of encouragement from Brittany before Marisa was able to latch on, but the moment she did, I felt a whole new sense of relief flood my system. It was the strangest feeling, but also one of the most amazing things I'd ever felt, feeding my newborn child for the first time. Amazed by it all, I breathed out a heavy, sighing  _wow_ , as Brittany gently set her hand on the back of Marisa'a head, staring just as transfixed as I was at the beauty of it. As she suckled, I needed to look at Britt again, and I nudged her so she brought her face level with mine, needing to capture her lips in the sweetest, most gentle kiss. I'd remembered what I'd asked of her hours earlier, and knew that because she'd kept her promise to me, she'd not only given us this moment, one that couldn't have happened with drugs running through my system, but also, kept the entirety of our new daughter's birth from becoming tinged with regret for me.

"Brittany, thank you for-"

"You don't have to thank me for that, Santana." She cut me off gently, knowing how hard I struggled over words like that. "I could see the pain in your eyes, and see how much it would have helped you, but you fought, and you did it."

" _We_  did it." I corrected, knowing that even though I'd carried our daughter, even though I'd given birth, it was something I never could have done without Brittany there every single step of the way. Feeling my lids growing heavy, feeling the achy soreness and utter exhaustion take over, even as Marisa kept feeding, I struggled to keep my eyes open, to have just a few more moments of bliss. "I love you, so much, babe."

"Oh, honey. Trust me, I love you just as much and more."


	31. Could Not Ask For More

When the dim light began streaming through the big windows that overlooked the East River, I stretched my arms out over my head and couldn't help but let out the smallest of groans. Marisa had been up just about every two hours to nurse (which was totally normal, I'd asked Brittany to Google it sometime in the three o'clock hour when neither of us could remember), and not that I was complaining, because I  _really_ couldn't get enough of seeing her little face, but it didn't do much to help my exhaustion. Lifting my head from Brittany's shoulder, I did a quick check of the bassinet, and then breathed the sigh of relief that I hadn't realized I needed when I saw that she was there, safe and still sound asleep. Moving my eyes to Brittany, I saw her smiling with her eyes closed, and I pressed a kiss on her jaw, the most accessible part of her face to my lips.

"Morning." She smiled, flickering her eyes open. "How are you feeling?"

"Pretty freaking shot, and, you know, a little like I pushed a baby out of my vagina twelve hours ago, but somehow still so, so, good." I sighed happily. "How long has it been since we fell back to sleep?"

"Only about an hour." Britt looked down at her watch, making me grin a little, because it was cute that she was still wearing it, and I totally appreciated not having to figure that out myself, at least for the time being. "It's 6:30 now."

"Do you think you could help me get in the shower then, since we probably have some time before she wakes up? I'm pretty sure I smell like death right now."

"Well..." Brittany wrinkled her nose, and I flicked her cheek.

"You're not supposed to agree with me."

"I'm totally kidding. Even if you did smell like a zombified corpse, you totally just gave birth to my baby, so I wouldn't hold it against you."

"Such a romantic." I teased, and she kissed my lips.

Brittany wheeled the bassinet close to the bathroom door, just in case, and then held my hand as I shuffled my way over there. As sore as I was, I'd expected it to be more of a task, but walking on my own actually felt kind of good, and totally necessary if I wanted to go home the next day. She turned the water on for me, as hot as I could stand it, because she knew that's the only way I'd ever really feel clean, and I stripped my clothes off and grabbed onto the bar inside the shower. I didn't really need much help, but knowing Britt was right outside the curtain, in case I fell or something, made me feel  _so_ much better. She talked to me as I washed my hair, and then nervously, without ever opening my eyes, I began washing my body. The truth was, I was totally freaked out about looking at myself, especially at whatever the situation was between my legs (I hadn't even felt Dr. Singh giving me the two stitches there because I'd been so enamored with Marisa), and as worth it as everything was, evidenced by my new beautiful girl, I just wasn't quite ready to see myself.

Stepping out of the shower and into the towel Brittany held out for me, I couldn't help but blush at how affectionately she looked at my naked and wrecked body, and I stopped to give her a lingering kiss before she wrapped my hair up for me in another towel. I knew it was still early, but as Britt left me in the bathroom (checking a dozen and a half times to make sure that I'd be okay), and I slowly dried my hair, braided it, pulling on the button up coffee mug pajamas that Annie had given me as a  _having a baby_ gift a week earlier, I was starting to get unbelievably excited about our two daughters meeting for the first time. By the time we'd been situated the night before, it had been past Annie's bedtime, and rather than have her woken up and make things more difficult over at the Hudson's, we decided to wait, and both Finn and Rachel promised that they'd have her downstairs waiting for Brittany before the start of visiting hours at 10:00. At some point, I couldn't remember when, because most of the night felt like a blur, we  _did_ call our parents and the rest of our closest friends, telling them about our healthy baby girl, but we didn't give them the name, we were waiting for Annie to hear it first, and truth be told, we kind of wanted to see our mom's faces and tell them in person.

"Well good morning, Miss Marisa." I heard Brittany coo from outside the bathroom door, picking the baby up before she had a chance to cry. "You're so wide awake already, aren't you? What do you say we get your diaper changed, and get you all dressed for your breakfast?"

I peeked my head out, and Brittany's back was turned to me, leaning over the bassinet. It's crazy what seeing her with our babies does to my heart, but I was beaming like a fool, watching her. Like she'd always loved to do with Annie, she sang the diaper changing song she'd made up, and though I couldn't see Marisa's face, I was sure she was staring up at her Mama with those big eyes of hers, just learning what goes on in her new world. Slowly, I made my way across the room, and when I got to where they stood, I sat my chin on Brittany's shoulder, watching as her speedy fingers finished fastening the diaper, rubbed ointment on Marisa's umbilical cord, and then held up two sleepers to the baby, one with whales and one with frogs.

"Which do you think, Ladybug?" She asked, and Marisa just blinked up at her. "Frogs? I think so too. Plus, your sister thinks frogs are cooler, so she'll be glad to see you in this when she gets here in just a little while."

"You're so cute." I murmured into Britt's shoulder. "Both of you."

"Well, you're pretty cute yourself." Brittany eased the baby into the sleeper, stopping to kiss her tiny belly before doing the snaps. When she was finished, she lifted Marisa back up, easily cradling her slight body upright and facing me. "And look who's here now, it's Mamí, and she totally doesn't smell anymore."

"Mama's one to talk, you know,  _mija,_ she could use a shower herself. What do you say you and I take care of your breakfast while she deals with that?" I rolled my eyes playfully, knowing full well that Brittany could see me in the reflection of the window, then sat myself down in the glider there, letting my wife place our daughter in my arms. With a kiss for each of us, she turned away, getting her things and heading into the bathroom.

Once the door was closed, I realized that it was the first time Marisa and I had been alone together, and I got slightly panicky. Taking a minute to calm myself, because I knew I  _needed_ to be calm, or I'd immediately upset the baby, I leaned back and started rocking the chair a little bit, just holding her close as I heard the patter of raindrops against the window. Back when Annie was a newborn, I'd done all kinds of reading about bonding, and one of the things I'd read and passed on to Brittany was that it was so important for nursing moms to have special time with their babies that  _didn't_ involve feeding, so I figured I'd get that started right away. I couldn't believe how swollen my heart felt, looking down at her and trying to memorize every single thing about her tiny scrunched up face, like the organ still hadn't grown in size to hold all of my love, and was going to overflow in the waiting period (yes, I know I'm the daughter of a cardio-thoracic surgeon and I still believe ridiculous things about hearts). Marisa looked up at me expectantly, waiting to see what I'd do next, and it came as no surprise to me when I swallowed more tears that tickled my throat, and ended up opening my mouth to sing.

_Lying here with you_

_Listening to the rain_

_Smiling just to see the smile upon your face_

_These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive_

_These are the moments I'll remember all my life_

_I found all I've waited for_

_And I could not ask for more_

The words tumbled out of me, looking at my newborn girl, feeling this sense of completeness. It was so similar to the way I felt in the days and weeks after Annalise had been born, like I'd been given the exact thing I'd always been waiting for, but never really knew how to pinpoint that feeling of something missing in my life. Marisa's little face was scrunched up, and I let my fingers play up and down her arms, stopping at her left hand, marveling at how small it was, and then feeling another clench of my heart as she grasped my fingers. It wasn't the first time she'd done it, obviously, we'd been up and down together all throughout the night, but feeling her squeeze me like that, even if it was an involuntary reflex, just felt so  _incredible._ She nuzzled at my chest, and although I felt another twinge of nervousness, feeding her all by myself for the first time, I knew we'd be okay. Checking my wrists for the hairband I'd been switching to tell me which side she needed to be on, I unbuttoned myself, and once she was situated, lowered my voice a little so as not to startle her, but continued to sing.

_I could not ask for more than this time together_

_I could not ask for more than this time with you_

_Every prayer has been answered_

_Every dream I have's come true_

_And right here in this moment is right where I'm meant to be_

_Here with you here with me_

After she got out of the shower, Brittany had sat down on the bed to towel dry her hair, and she just watched us, eyes filled with love. Leaving us alone together again, she went down to the diner and came back with breakfast, knowing that it had been almost a full day since I'd eaten anything, and since I was so particular about food, knowing there was a better shot I'd eat diner French toast than whatever they would feed us in the center. In comfortable silence, we ate, trading glances over aluminum takeout containers, and when we were finished, I figured I should rest a little more before Annie came and began the parade of visitors that was sure to be non-stop for the remainder of the day.

* * *

Brittany had slipped out at some point while I was in and out of sleep, probably to make some more excited phone calls to the people who weren't on our A-list, and then came back in a few minutes before ten, to make sure that I was awake for our littlest and most important visitor. Shuffling myself up into a sitting position, my body buzzed with excitement, and I also realized how much it ached to hold my older daughter, the way it always did when we were apart for longer than just a little while. We knew things were going to be a major adjustment in our house, neither Britt nor I were kidding ourselves about that, we had completely realistic expectations about what adding a newborn to our mix would mean, but given Annie's growing enthusiasm in recent weeks for meeting her new sibling, I found myself absolutely unable to sit still as Brittany slipped back out and downstairs.

With Marisa still asleep, I flipped through my phone, looking at the pictures we'd taken, pausing at one of Brittany leaning over the baby during a middle of the night change, and I just grinned like an idiot, way too full of love and gratitude and entirely too many hormones. When Britt appeared back at the door empty handed, I gave her a strange look, until I saw a tiny glimpse of blonde hair peeking out from the side of the doorframe. Slowly, a forehead came into view, followed by eyes and a nose, and those little blue eyes looked at me, careful and uncertain. Brittany knelt down, and I didn't take my eyes off of either of them as Annie accepted both of her Mama's hands, and looked so very serious as Brittany spoke softly to her. Her eyes kept darting back over to me, and I kept my warmest, most patient mom-smile on my face, even though I wanted nothing more than to jump up out of bed and gather her up in the biggest hug of her life.

" _Mija._ " I said, soft and encouraging. "It's alright, you can come in. I know it feels kind of like a hospital out in the hallway, but it's much better inside, and I'd really like to snuggle with you."

"You're 'llowed to snuggle?" Annie asked timidly, looking to Britt for confirmation.

"Of  _course_ I'm allowed to snuggle, and I've been waiting for my best snuggle buddy all day."

"Okay." She gripped Brittany's hand tightly, still glancing around cautiously.

It's a miracle that I didn't immediately burst into tears the moment Annie stepped through the door, but somehow my instinct not to totally freak out my daughter won out over the hormones. She was dressed in a purple and turquoise tutu, her cat rain boots, and a white t-shirt that read  _I'm the Big Sister_ in lettering that matched the rest of the getup. With her hair clipped back and her unicorn backpack over her shoulders, it was kind of a lot of sweetness to take, especially after I hadn't seen her in almost a day and a half. Fucking Rachel Berry and Kurt Hummel, I knew it had to be them, because their lifelong goal is to make Annie look even more adorable than usual in some kind of sick effort to make me cry. Quickly wiping the tears that formed at the corners of my eyes, I held out my arms and let Brittany lift Annalise from the floor and up into them, expertly removing her boots in the process. No one said anything for a good while, I just hugged her like my life depended on it, murmuring unintelligible things into her hair while Britt sat beside us, her own eyes misty.

"I miss you lots and lots." Annie finally spoke, and I had to wipe my eyes again.

"Oh,  _mi amor,_ I missed you so much too. Are you having a nice time with Uncle Finn and Aunt Rachel?"

"Yup." She nodded. "But you're coming home t'morrow, right?"

"We are." I promised.

"Mama said that my new sister is still sleeping. 'S very late to be asleep."

"She's going to sleep pretty often, she needs it so she can grow big." Britt told her. "But don't worry, she'll be up very soon, and she is so,  _so_ excited to meet you."

"I'm so excited to meet her too, Mama." Annie looked over at the bassinet, squinting her eyes and craning her neck so she could see a little bit better. "What's her name?"

"Marisa Lily." I smiled, the new words feeling so good on the tip of my tongue. "Marisa Lily Lopez-Pierce."

"'S a very nice name." Annie nodded her approval. "I hope she wakes up soon, 'cuz I brought her some presents."

"You did?" I asked, not even sure why it came as a surprise every time she did something so special.

"Course. It was her zero birthday, right? June thirtieth?"

"That's right." Brittany pressed a kiss to Annie's forehead as she helped lift her off my lap and settled her beside me so she could take her backpack off. "Do you want to show me and Mamí before she gets up?"

"Okay." She unzipped her backpack, looking so grown up and so small all at once that I really had to cough to hide the sob in my throat. The first thing she pulled out was a very Hispanic looking baby doll, and Brittany and I exchanged a look, both of us thinking the other bought it. "Oh, that's just my new baby doll. Uncle Finn bought it for me. I was gonna get a baby that looked like me, but then he told me that the new baby might look like you, Mamí, and I forgot 'bout that, so I got this one instead."

"That was very nice of Uncle Finn." I managed, because I really couldn't think of anything else to say. Of  _course_ we'd made the best decision in the world leaving her with Finn, who she connected with so effortlessly, and who just  _got_ how to communicate with her on a different level than most adults who weren't us.

"Don't worry, I said lots of thank you's." She told us proudly, then started digging through her bag again, pulling out a bunch of pictures she'd drawn, mostly brand new family portraits, the three of us holding hands, and then a baby in my free arm. While we praised her art, she pulled out a tiny white onesie and slowly unfolded it, revealing the words  _I'm the Little Sister._ I sort of lost my battle with trying not to cry at that point, and Brittany gave my hand a tight squeeze. "This is from Uncle Kurtsy, her gave me two, but one said brother, so that's wrong. He said _I_ can give it to my sister, 'cuz it matches mine, see?"

"I love it, sweetheart." Brittany smiled, glancing at me as we shared a private smile. "If you want, you can help us get her dressed in it when she wakes up. She should be wearing hers if you're wearing yours."

"That's a very big 'sponsibility."

"Who's been telling you about responsibilities?" I couldn't help but laugh.

"Grammy and  _'Buela._ They said I'm gonna be a special helper, if I want to be."

"That is true,  _corazóncita_. We'd love you to be our special helper." I kissed the top of her head and she nodded solemnly, taking that very, very seriously.

"And  _this."_ Annie lifted a small stuffed grey unicorn with a pink horn and mane, about half the size of Milky Way out her backpack. "I picked out all by myself today at the toy store with Auntia Rachel. She called them up and asked her if we could come b'fore they opened 'cuz it's a very special day. His name is Skittles and he's so my sister can have her very own unicorn. Oh, and here's Milky Way, he wanted to come and meet her too. He likes babies, you know."

It was Brittany who lifted Annie up first and placed kisses all over her face, feeling as overwhelmed as I did, even without the hormone haywire. Neither of us felt the need to mention that Marisa already  _had_ her own unicorn in her big sister, but it silently passed from Britt's eyes to mine. While Annie resettled herself, stopping to give us more hugs and kisses, a tiny cry cut through the room, and big blue eyes went wide, her hand clasping tightly to mine. Annalise curled a little bit closer to me, legs sticking straight out in front of her, as Brittany stood to lift Marisa from her bed, whispering soft words of affection to the baby. Annie's cautious eyes were back, and she didn't tear them away from her Mama as she cradled the baby for a few minutes before slowly transferring her into my arms, making sure she was facing her sister.

"Annie." I started, waiting as she tilted her chin up to peer at the swaddled infant who I held very close to her, making sure Annie was in her sister's short line of sight. "This is your baby sister, Marisa."

It was the strangest feeling I've ever known, watching my two daughters stare at each other, Annie's blue eyes barely blinking, and Marisa's brown ones, squinting back at her. I'm pretty sure I didn't breathe, or  _couldn't_ breathe, more likely. Annie's hands twitched in her lap, so like Brittany's often did, and recognizing her nervous anticipation, I curled my free hand around her fingers encouragingly, easing them toward Marisa, until they came to rest on the front of the blanket that covered her chest.

"Wow." My little blonde breathed, rubbing the soft fabric of the blanket between her thumb and forefinger. "She's looking at me. You see that?"

"Yeah." Brittany exhaled sharply, the spell kind of transfixing all of us. "She loves you sweet girl."

"How do you know, Mama?" Annie turned her head slightly toward where Britt had sat back down, but didn't break her eye contact with Marisa.

"Look at how she watches you. She knows you're her big sister."

"She's so, so little." Annie tentatively reached out to take the little hand that had escaped from under the blanket, and I nodded, urging her to continue. "It's very amazing."

"What is,  _bebé?_ "

"Everything. Uncle Finn was right, she looks kinda like you, Mamí, but mostly she looks like  _'Buela._ " Annie sighed happily, as the very tip of her pointer touched the back of Marisa's hand, squeezing her eyes shut, obviously needing a moment to handle the intensity of all the emotion, and Brittany soothingly ran a hand up and down her back. When she blinked her eyes open again, they immediately went back to Marisa, and a look between Brittany and I had her pulling our older daughter in between her legs and shuffling both of their bodies closer to mine.

"Annalise, would you like to try holding her?" I asked, watching as she screwed up her little face in deep thought.

"I'm 'llowed to?" She raised an eyebrow, not really sure if I was kidding or not.

"As long as one of us is with you, of course you can. I think she'll like getting to cuddle with you very, very much."

"You don't have to if you're not ready yet." Brittany reminded her.

"I do want to hold my sister  _a lot_. But I'm very scared because she's too tiny, and I'm still very small too. Will you help me, Mama?"

"Of course I will, Bean."

Resting my head against the headboard of the bed with Marisa still close to my heart, I took in the sight of my wife showing our five year old how to hold her arms, telling her how important it was to cradle her head, and offering words of praise as they practiced first with her new baby doll. Annie's hands were still a little shaky when she told Brittany that she was ready, but I had absolutely no fear, not with how cautious my sweet girl was, and not with knowing that Brittany's arms would be securely around both of our daughters. Pressing a kiss to Marisa's head as she blinked up at me, I gently laid her across Annie's arms, smiling as her little hand curled to support her the baby's head, most of her body still rigid and nervous. I saw the surge of pride and the sigh of relief in her features as she realized she was holding something so special mostly on her own.

"Hi, Marisa." Her lips moved, but hardly a sound came out, scared she'd startle the newborn and then herself. "You're very pretty and very soft."

"You're doing great baby girl." Brittany whispered against her hair, looking down on the two of them. "You can talk to her, she already knows your voice from when you talked to her before she was born."

"What am I s'pposed to say?"

"Anything you want,  _mija._ She likes hearing our voices because it makes her feel safe."

"Hmm. Okay. My name is Annie Lopez-Pierce, and I'm really super happy to meet you." It took everything in me to hold in a delighted giggle at how sweet Annie's formality was, and the fact that it was the exact same way she'd introduced herself to my belly six months earlier. "'S very weird that you're alive and that you grew in my Mamí's belly, 'cept now she's not just my Mamí, she's your Mamí too, and we got a Mama too, and I grew in  _her_ belly a very long time ago. When I got born, I had to live in the hospital, but you don't have to go to the hospital at  _all_ , and you get to come home to our big yellow house t'morrow. I got you some presents, but I don't want to give you them right now, 'cuz I just want to look at you and hold you. 'S that okay, Mamí?"

"Uh huh." I had to wait for my brain to remember how to make words, and when it finally did, I know they were sputtery and shaky, but I couldn't help it. "She's going to love your presents, but she loves this even more."

"Can I sing her our favorite song? Auntia Rachel helped me practice, 'cuz she says babies love songs, and she says our baby will prob'ly love songs extra, just like me."

"Aunt Rachel is probably right." I couldn't help but laugh at the truth in that, and then also couldn't help but shoot Britt a  _don't you dare tell her I said she was right about something_ look. "Marisa would love to hear you sing for her _._ "

"Will you sing with me too?" Annie looked between us, and it was obviously no question that we would. With our silent confirmation, she leaned down closer to the baby in her arms, and once again afraid she'd scare her, she began to sing as quiet as I imagined she had the first time she sang at school.

_Mister Sun, sun, Mister Golden Sun_

_Please shine down on me_

_Oh Mister Sun, sun, Mister Golden Sun_

_Hiding behind the tree_

_These little children are asking you_

_To please come out so we can play with you_

_Oh Mister Sun, sun, Mister Golden Sun_

_Please shine down on me_

"Mamí is going to teach you how to sing someday too, little love." Brittany looked down at the two girls in her lap. "Didn't your sister sound beautiful?"

Annie glowed with satisfaction, and leaned her head back against Brittany's chest, always getting just the slightest bit shy when she sang, even if it was with us. Britt ran her fingers through our daughter's hair, and I patted my hand on her calf, letting her know that I agreed with her Mama, and she'd done beautifully.

"Does she have another name?" Annie asked after a while of silence, her fingers tapping gently against Marisa's arm as they continued their sweet little stare-off.

"What do you mean,  _mi amor?"_

"Like how my name is Annalise 'cept mostly it's just Annie."

"Oh, like a nickname. You know, we always just knew you were Annie, but we haven't thought of one for Marisa yet. Maybe she's waiting for you to come up with one for her, would you like to help us give her one?"

"Hmm. Ma-ri-sa." Annie enunciated as she pursed her lips and wriggled her nose, thinking very seriously on the matter. "It can't be Mari, 'cuz that's  _'Buela's_ short name. I think maybe I got it, but I gotta ask her first, okay?"

Pressing her little mouth close to Marisa's ear, Annie whispered to her, her words completely unintelligible to Brittany or me. I rested my chin on my hand, just completely loving everything that was happening in front of me, and blinking away  _more_ tears that came to my eyes. Brittany's hand found mine on Annie's calf, and she laced our fingers together, giving me an affectionate squeeze. There really was something about the four of us sitting together, a completed family, that just felt so settling. Annie looked back up, with a grin on her face, tilting her head up again to see Brittany, and then turning back to me.

"She likes it too!" Annie started to shout, then quickly sucked her lips inside her mouth and looked down nervously. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay, sweetheart." Brittany soothed, rubbing her arms. "I know you're very excited, and we all have to practice not yelling until Marisa is a little bigger. So tell us, what did she like?"

"She likes the name Reese."

"Reese." Britt repeated. "I think that's a great nickname for her. What do you think, San?"

"I love it."

"Yay." Annie whisper-shouted, her hands once again tapping on the baby's arms like she wanted to clap. Slowly and cautiously, a little unsure of her motions, she dropped her head down and placed the sweetest kiss on Marisa's head. "I love you, baby Reese. I'm gonna be a super great big sister and help Mamí and Mama lots."

"Britt, baby." I looked over at my wife, and she hummed a response as I leaned over to kiss her mouth, feeling like I just  _needed_ one at that very instant. "I know that we don't say perfect, but I swear to God, this is as close to perfect as it gets."

"Yeah, honey. I agree with you one-hundred-percent."

When the baby started to cry, Annie was terrified that she'd done something wrong, and tears sprung to her eyes before either of us could stop it. Quickly, while Brittany wiped away Annie's tears, I took Reese into my own arms and rocked her back and forth, lulling her a bit before I let my fingers work the buttons of my top. Annie looked extremely confused as she watched me curiously, and I realized it was because the only baby she remembered seeing eat was Eden, who, for obvious reasons, had been bottle fed. I gave Annie a warm, reassuring smile, then refocused on the very hungry newborn in my arms, settling her in and humming lowly to her.

"What's she doing?"

"That's how she eats, Bean." Brittany told her. "Mamí's body makes special milk for her."

"That's silly, Mama. Babies eat from bottles." Annie shook her head, looking incredulously at both of us.

"Some babies do eat from bottles, and even Reese will, sometimes. But this is the way she'll eat mostly, just like you did when you were small."

"I ate like that too?"

"You did, I'm sure we have some pictures of you and me at home that I could show you. You were such a hungry little baby that I'm sure Mamí took a few,"

"This is very weird. I've got so much new stuff I'm learning."

"And you'll learn lots more, baby girl. But guess what? You're going to be teaching your sister even  _more_ than she's teaching you."

With the same wide eyed wonderment, Annie watched Marisa burp, and then, when Britt took the baby from me and laid her down on the bed for her diaper change, we explained why her belly button _looks like it's pooping_ (which, I will never again see a newborn's umbilical cord stump without thinking). Annie held tightly to the box of wipes as Brittany alternated between her diaper change song and a running commentary on what she was doing, before changing her into her new onesie, which she smelled to make sure it had been washed first, and a pair of soft cotton pants from the collection of baby clothes we'd brought. Once she was all taken care of, Brittany and I both knew that it was really past time to allow our family to come up, and it was barely four minutes from the time I sent them a text until the time the five of them were standing in the doorway.

Stephen and my father had obscene armfuls of flowers, looking like they'd robbed all of the lilacs, lilies (which I'd totally forgotten were one of the motherhood flowers) and white roses from every florist on the east side, and I lowered my eyes to hide my laughter. Of course, our mothers and Lizzie, who'd probably raced down from Boston in the middle of the night, looked like they were ready to start shoving each other out of the way like crazy shoppers on Black Friday, but were also trying to wait to be invited into the room, stood gaping at us through the doorway.

"Come on you weirdos, come inside." I waved them in with my free hand. "Someone's been waiting to meet you."

My mother, Susan and Liz basically tripped over each other in their haste, and I shook my head at their ridiculousness. Brittany stood up quickly, helping the men put the flowers down, and then came back to my side, resting a hand on my shoulder as the others gathered around the bed, a variation of squeaks, utterances of  _dios mio,_  and sounds of awe coming from the five of them. My mother was the first to move, engulfing Brittany in a bone crushing hug, whispering things I couldn't fully hear, but could only assume what they were about. Susan moved closer to me, placing a hand on the side of my face and tearing up immediately as she got a closer look at Marisa for the first time.

"Oh, sweetheart _."_ Susan gasped. "Look at her, look at you. My God,you girls and your beautiful babies."

"She  _is_  pretty gorgeous, isn't she?" I brushed a kiss over Marisa's sleepy eyes, knowing that she'd probably fall asleep in the first person's arms who took her. " _Amorcita,_ you have some more very important visitors. Are you ready to meet them?"

"Everybody." Britt broke away from my mother's embrace and held out her hand like she was making a royal proclamation. I tittered a little bit to myself, picturing my wife holding our daughter over her head like Simba.  _Obviously,_ I was still pretty exhausted if my brain insisted upon reenacting scenes from  _The Lion King,_ and Liz gave me a strange look before Brittany started speaking again. "We'd like you to meet the newest Lopez-Pierce, Miss Marisa Lily."

"Marisa." Mamí repeated, her eyes misting as she began choking on her words. "Santanita, Brittany, is she…?"

"For both of you." I confirmed. "Susan means-"

"Lily." My mother-in-law finished, brushing under her eyes with her sleeve. "Thank you."

"Thank you both. Thank you  _all."_ Britt spoke for both of us as I eased Marisa back into her arms and then pulled Annie back into my lap for another squeeze. "Liz, we promised you first dibs on holding her, so here she is."

"'S okay if she cries Auntia Liz." Annie informed her. "Doesn't mean she doesn't like you. Just means she's hungry and you gotta give her to Mamí. And you're 'llowed to call her Reese, 'cuz she likes that name."

"Perfect." Lizzie winked affectionately at Annie, and Mamí and Susan clamored to look over her shoulders at Reese. "Well hello there, sweet baby girl. Don't mind your grandmas, I know it probably looks like they're trying to eat you, but they're just so happy that you're finally here. They're crazy and have been waiting for you since your sister was born, and now that you're here, looks like I'm next in line for the harassment from Grammy. I'm your Aunt Lizzie, and trust me when I tell you that besides Annie, I'm totally the coolest one in your whole family, and  _definitely_ the cooler godmother. But I'll tell you this, I am just as thrilled as they are to finally meet you."

"Oh, hush, you."

"Shh, mom, don't interrupt my baby time. You'll get your turn."

Lizzie quickly got aggravated with the two older women breathing down her neck, and kissed Marisa before passing her to my mom, who just about dropped dead the moment that baby was placed in her arms. Sensing my panic, and having a moment of her own, Brittany put her hand between my mother's shoulder blades and guided her over to the chair at my bedside. Once she was seated, her eyes couldn't stay focused on just the baby, they darted to me, to Annie, to Brittany, like it was all too much for her to take in. She started speaking in low Spanish, rocking back and forth with her, and it was Papí who settled his wife a little, giving her a kiss on top of her head and then finally taking his turn to wrap his arms around me and Brittany, murmuring Spanglish words of pride, before lifting the light of his life from my lap.

"How does it feel to be a big sister, Lisita?"

"Very good _._ I got to hold her and kiss her."

"You're lucky you did before  _Abuela_ and Grammy got here. Do you know that when you were a baby, they almost never let me and Poppy hold you? Your moms used to have to sneak you to us when they weren't looking."

"No. That's so silly,  _'Buelo_. How come they wanted to hold me so much?"

"Because from the very minute your Mamí called us to tell us you were here, we loved our sweet baby granddaughter so much. And you were pretty as a picture too."

"Did you see how pretty my sister is? She has very big eyes and no hair at all."

"I guess I'm one of the luckiest guys in the world then, huh?" Papí looked over at Stephen, who was making sure none of us needed anything, and my father-in-law winked at Annie. "We've got the two most beautiful grandbabies there ever were."

"That is a fact." Stephen confirmed, leaning in to rub Annie's nose with his. "No surprise there though, Javi. Look at our  _daughters._ "

"Mama and Mamí  _are_ the most beautiful." Annie nodded to punctuate her point, reaching out her little arms for Brittany, who gathered her in a huge hug.

When Susan finally snatched Marisa away from my mother, she burst completely into tears. I swear, it was absolutely no shock that I was an emotional wreck, considering the people I was around. Sometimes it really still shocked me, what had become of the once reserved and all too guarded Lopezes, but five years of being connected by marriage to the Pierces had done us in, and I couldn't even complain. It had not only done wonders for my relationship with my parents, but also for myself, helping me become the mother I wanted to be. I really couldn't stop smiling, just observing our combined family, with my beautiful, amazing wife who'd helped to make it all possible sitting at my side drawing shapes up and down my forearms and grinning goofily right with me.

"Knock, knock." Rachel stood at the door with Finn and Quinn, holding  _more_ flowers for the collection. "Can we come in?"

"Mama." Annie sprung from Stephen's lap immediately upon seeing her aunts and uncle, and back over to us on the bed, burying her face in Britt's stomach. "I'm not ready to go yet."

"Hey, sweetheart, Uncle Finn and Aunt Rachel will visit for a bit before you have to leave."

"Can't I stay here with you tonight? I promise I'll be super quiet."

"I know you would be, but we talked about how only grown ups can sleep over here. Weren't you having so much fun with Brice?"

"I love Bricey lots, Mama, but I love you and Mamí and my new sister the most, and I just miss you too much."

" _Corazóncita,_ look at me." I gently lifted her chin up from Britt's stomach as she waved our friends inside. "You  _know_ how much we miss you when you're not with us, and tomorrow we'll all be back home together again, but I need you to be my big brave girl and spend one more night in Brooklyn."

"Mamí-" Her little chin quivered and she shook her head quickly, trying not to cry,

"You're not going right now,  _mija._ If you want, before you leave, we can have some more special time with just me, you, Mama and Reese, and your sister also brought you a very special present that she wants to give you."

"How'd she do that?"

"I think she had a little bit of help." I looked over to Brittany, who raised an eyebrow and shrugged at Annie, the right side of her mouth curling up in just the slightest way. "Do you think you can help introduce Marisa to Uncle Finn, Aunt Rachel and Aunt Quinn now? I think they'd like to hear it from you."

"Mmkay." She nodded, slowly climbing down and dragging her feet a little, figuring that if she could draw out their visit, she could draw out her time with us. It was still so hard for us to say  _no_ to our daughter, especially when she rarely asked for things, and when what she wanted was just to be close to us, so I dropped my head back and exhaled sharply, an action luckily caught only by Britt.

"I know, San." She whispered in my ear, pressing a kiss just below it. "It sucks, but she'll be okay."

"No, I know. I think I'm just tired and getting over emotional."

"We can kick them out whenever you want, it's important you rest when you can, and Marisa has been sleeping on my mom for close to a half hour."

"Our friends just got here, it's okay."

"Do you want me to send my dad to get you a cup of coffee?"

"Thanks baby." I rested my head on her shoulder and she put an arm around my waist. "I know it's fine to have a little, and really, I thought it would be the first thing I wanted after she was born, but I don't know now. I just...I want to wait a few days and see how she's doing with nursing first."

"Have I told you today how much I love you?"

"Hmm, only like two dozen times."

"Well-" She titled her head down to peck my lips a few times. "Let me tell you again that I love you so much, and I think you're the most amazing mother in the entire world."

"I'm not sure about that, babe. You're pretty stiff competition."

Our sweet moment (among the dozens we'd had in less than twenty-four hours, because seriously, if childbirth doesn't make you love your wife even more, nothing will) was totally interrupted by Quinn clearing her throat, and I immediately rolled my eyes at her and resisted the urge to toss one of the breast pads from the stack beside me at her.

"You know this woman just had my baby, right Quinn? We're totally allowed to be in love with each other."

"Sorry that I wanted to officially congratulate you two." She huffed playfully, standing over Susan and looking down at Marisa. "You know, I'd say I didn't think you had it in you to make something so beautiful, Santana, but I can't even."

"She's stunning." Rachel added, gently trying to coax my mother-in-law into giving her up as her eyes glazed over with that ridiculous baby-infatuation face I knew all too well from her.

"Don't try to steal her, Rachel." Brittany laughed, but also kept a watchful eye on our friend. "I know where you live."

"Oh, stop." She dropped her voice to a whisper. "I never stole  _Annie,_ and you know she's like my little best friend."

"Not for lack of trying." I teased.

The sheer number of people in the room began to become overwhelming for me, and I closed my eyes on Brittany's shoulder as they continued to chatter on around me. Rachel was talking about singing, and I managed to mutter something about being on four hours of sleep and not wanting to hear her change the name in any showtunes about Maria for the time being, causing Britt to tenderly kiss my head in agreement. I didn't realize that I'd actually fallen asleep until I felt myself being lowered back onto the bed. The noise surrounding me had shifted into hushed tones, and slowly, I peeked open my eyes, watching Britt take the baby back from Quinn, and lay her back down, then looking over at Liz with Annie in her lap. Finn stood off in the corner, watching too, and when our eyes met, my wink asking him to keep quiet that I was awake again was met with his doofy grin and a small nod. I had so many things I wanted to say to him, so many things to thank him for, but our silent exchange was enough, he understood the depth of my gratitude for him, and he didn't need a spectacle to tell him as much.

" _Congratulations."_ He mouthed to me.  _"I'm so happy for you. She's going to be something really special, just like you."_

A blush colored my cheeks at Finn's words, and out of the corner of her eye, Brittany caught that I was awake. Gently, she began letting everyone know that I could stand to get some more rest, and that once we were settled in at home the next day, of course we wouldn't keep them away. Wanting the chance to say goodbye, I sat up and accepted more hugs and more words of congratulations from the people who meant the most to us. My mother, understandably, was seriously emotionally effected, hugging me tightly and crying against my shoulder. I started crying in response, especially when she mumbled something about  _wait until the day one of these girls gives birth, I'm glad you and Brittany are done, because it's a lot to take._ When they finally life just the four of us again, I wiped my eyes and smiled at Britt and Annie. I was pretty sure that Kurt, Blaine and Rosa would show up sometime later, but sinking back against the pillow, I was _very_ glad for some quiet.

"'S almost time for me to go now?" Annie pouted, climbing up into Britt's arms.

"It is, sweetheart." Brittany affirmed. "Aunt Lizzie wants to have a special girls afternoon with you, and then she'll take you back to Uncle Finn's after."

"Okay, Mama."

"You know that Mamí and I love you so, so much, right? And that we can't wait to be home with you tomorrow?"

"Course I know. Reese is sleeping now..." Annie trailed off, and I chuckled a little to myself, knowing what she was getting at.

"That's okay, she left you present with me. Here, go give Mamí some more snuggles and I'll get it."

As soon as Brittany set Anne back on the bed, she immediately snuggled into my side. Needless to say, she also bounced up and down a little anxiously, waiting to see what this mysterious present her newborn sister had brought for her was. Brittany dug through the drawer where she'd set our things, and came back over to us, holding a small box wrapped in pink paper in her hands. The gift inside, I had actually picked out, painstakingly searching the internet for the perfect thing, and then winding up having it custom made for Annie. When I was past my due date and starting to think the baby wouldn't come until July, I definitely had a momentary panic, but with our little girl born on the lady day of June, she'd squeaked in just in the nick of time.

"Go ahead. Open it up." Brittany encouraged. Carefully, like she always did (I swear, she'd picked up on Susan's  _don't tear the paper_ mentality at a very young age), Annie unwrapped the gift and the lifted the lid of the box, revealing the necklace inside. Her tiny fingers traced the letters on the small heart, a cursive  _A_ on the front, and  _Love, Mama, Mamí and Bug_ on the back, before finding the small stones on each side. On one side was a sapphire and a pearl, and on the other was a ruby and a pearl, the amazing thing about having two daughters born in the same month, we didn't have to decide which of their birthstones went where.

"Wow." Annie breathed. "This really for me?"

"It is, baby girl. Since you're a big sister now, we thought it would be nice for you to have some grown up jewelry that reminds you to always keep your family close to your heart. Marisa agreed with us."

"She's already a very smart baby." She buried her face in my chest, and I wrapped my arms around her, all three of us feeling the impact of Brittany's words. "'S very beautiful. Can you help me put it on?"

"Of course." I took the chain out of the box and lifted Annie's hair, clasping it around her neck. Her hand immediately rested on the cool medal, and she tilted her chin down, trying to see it.

"C'mere, Bean. I'll take you in the bathroom to look in the mirror."

Once Annie looked at herself for close to ten minutes in the bathroom mirror, and came back to lay with me just a little longer, I knew that we had to start getting her ready to go. In her attempts to be big and brave, our little girl stiffened her back and tried not to cry as Brittany put her boots back on and I slipped her backpack over her shoulders. I stood up to watch as Britt lifted Annie over the bassinet to give her sister a kiss goodbye, and she murmured soft  _thank you's_ and  _I love you's_ over her sleeping form. I stood in the doorway, watching my wife and daughter walk down the hallway, and Annie turned back one last time to give me a tiny wave. Feeling completely exhausted, I shuffled back over to the bed, and although I knew I probably had less than a half hour to sleep, immediately gave in the instant my head hit the pillow.

It was Brittany's singing that woke me up, sitting in the chair and once again rocking Marisa as she fussed a bit. I watched them, figuring I'd never not be content in that, just like five years later, watching my wife with Annie never failed to lower my natural inclination toward anxiety significantly. It was the most mundane things that always made me the happiest, Brittany rocking a baby, or changing a diaper, talking about finances and balancing the checkbook, or walking in the door with a gallon of milk. The most mundane of things, not the biggest gestures that were just hallmarks of married life. Though her head was turned away from me, it didn't take long before Britt felt my eyes burning into her, and turned to smile at me. In seeing that, I thought about counting smiles, and realized that I wasn't sure if I even knew the numbers high enough to reach the number we are at, the previous twenty-four hours adding  _at least_ another thousand to that count. As Marisa started to fuss more, she was placed in my arms, and the same smile never faded from Brittany's face as she watched her nurse.

"I got you something." Britt reached into her bag and pulled out a small square box. "I didn't have time to wrap it, but, you know, I've been a little busy."

"Britt." I melted under her loving gaze, because seriously, she was so damn thoughtful, and when did she even have  _time_  to go shopping in between working, listening to me bitch about our mothers and you know, holding my hand through labor? "You didn't have to get me anything."

"I know I didn't, but I went for a walk this morning and ended up at the jewelry store, and my wife likes her bling, so I couldn't help myself."

"Well, that is true, I  _do_ like my bling, but still. You've given me enough." I cast my eyes down to Marisa and stroked my thumb over the top of her head.

"No more than you've given me. Do you want me to open it for you?" She asked, and I nodded. When she opened the box, I sucked in a breath at seeing the necklace she'd bought me for my birthday the year Annie was born. Beside the bars that dangled down to form the  _AS,_ there were new ones, shaping out Marisa's initials, and for the five billionth time that day (counting happy tears was becoming harder than counting smiles) I started to cry.

"Jesus, Brittany. You're going to kill me with stuff like this."

"Well I hope not, I really am not really ready to be a widow and be outnumbered by tiny children."

"Shut up and kiss me, you goof. I can't exactly move right now." I giggled softly, and Britt rose up on her knees, careful to avoid Marisa as she pressed her lips to mine. "I love you more every single day, Brittany Lopez-Pierce. Thank you. For the new letters, for the baby, for just being you."

"You're welcome, Santana." She pulled away and looked at me with eyes brimming with sincerity and love. "You're so welcome."

"You know that every time something big happens in our lives, I just think of ridiculous, scared sixteen year old me who was so scared to sing Melissa Ethridge songs. Today, when it was just the four of us in here, and you were holding the girls, I kept thinking about how sometimes I'd lay in my bed and think about what it would be like if I stopped being so afraid and just let myself love you. Very rarely, I'd consider the future, and this was always the outcome, you as my wife, two kids, one that looked like each of us, a pretty little house that's all filled up with love. I swear, it's like I can't even ask for anything more."

"Honey, we've got another seventy years, at least, and a whole lot of living left to do, now that we got the  _everything,_ it's time for the  _and so much more."_


	32. Adjusting

On the second of July, less than thirty-six hours after Marisa came into our world, it was time to bring her home. As I'd started to approach the end of my pregnancy, so many people, my mother-in-law included, had begun telling me how different it is with the second child, how much more laid back you become about the things that set you reeling with the first. I didn't believe them in the slightest, but in such a short amount of time since my second daughter's birth, I could already see that it would be the truth, and honestly, it sort of freaked me out. The morning we were set to go home, after the on-staff pediatrician had checked out the baby, and Dr. Singh had reassured me about a half a dozen times that the pervasive soreness and kind of excessive bleeding was totally normal, there was nothing holding us back from leaving, and we set about getting ready to go. Once most of our things were packed, and the very hungry newborn had her breakfast, Brittany and I sat on the bed together, dressing Marisa in the sleeper that Lizzie had fittingly brought us the day before, an adorable navy and white striped snap-up with little ladybug feet. I smiled down at her as Britt slipped Reese's tiny legs into the outfit, before pursing my lips, thinking very seriously. When Brittany looked up, she caught my eye and saw the intense look on my face, and her eyes widened in concern.

"What are you thinking?" She asked, crinkling her nose.

"I don't know." I shrugged. "Just, is it weird that I'm not at all nervous for us to bring her home?"

"No, I don't think so. I mean, I'm not either. We kind of acted unnecessarily crazy the day we brought Annie home, you know?"

"I do." I smiled a little as Brittany kissed Reese's belly and finished fastening the snaps to cover it. "But I was thinking, do you think  _not_ making a big deal is going to emotionally scar her? I mean, what if that's something really important? I don't want us to be all  _oh, it's just her first birthday, whatevs,_ or  _oh, preschool, been there done that._ Big things are really important and-"

"Hey." Brittany leaned over the baby and cut me off with a kiss. "Trust me when I tell you that big things are  _always_ going to be important to us, that's how we are. Just because we aren't in a frenzy, and you haven't checked the weather fifty-seven times this morning doesn't mean we think today is any less important, right?"

"I guess." I nodded, big tears forming in my eyes, hormones and lack of sleep making me feel more crazy than I normally did. "I just don't want to screw up. We've done so well with Annie, and now we have  _two_ kids. That's kind of just hitting me right now."

"Honey." She stood up and set Marisa down in the bassinet before standing in front of me and taking my hands, stopping to kiss me on the forehead. "While you're worried about the fact that we're not freaking out, you actually  _are_ freaking out. We're not terrified, but we  _are_ excited. And you did know when you got pregnant that the expected outcome was for us to have two kids, right?"

"Shut up." I scrunched up my face, but couldn't help letting out a small laugh. "Don't tease me, I'm hormonal and emotional."

"I know you are, but I made you laugh, right?" She asked, kissing me again. "How much do you love Marisa?"

"Oh God, so much Britt. I totally forgot about how fast and hard it hits you when they're born."

"Exactly. We love her like crazy, and while Annie got the benefit of us being all wide eyed and new at everything, Marisa will get the benefit of our experience. We're good moms, San, I've read like half a billion parenting books, and you've read double that  _and_  every website ever made, but honestly, most of what we do just comes from  _us._ Our daughter is going to come home to our little house full of love and happiness, and it's not going to matter if we checked the Weather Plus app on the phone, or if we remember to get the organic prune packets at Whole Foods as opposed to the regular ones. We know those weren't the things that really mattered the first time around."

"You're right." I sighed exhaustedly. "I think I'm just still really tired and it's making me feel kind of nuts."

"Are you sure you want to have everyone over today? I mean, you know you can just say the word and I'll tell everyone not to come, our parents included. You getting sleep is really important."

"No, it's okay, babe. I have absolutely no problem being rude and going up to bed if it's too much. Quinn already left for their weekend in Nantucket, so it's just our families, Finchel and the gays. Liz is leaving for Boston tomorrow, and our parents have to go back to Lima soon, so it'll be nice to have everyone there. And it's not like we have to  _do_ anything. Your mother will cook, my mother will clean, and one of the men can fix our leaky shower that's been driving me nuts. Sounds like a pretty good deal."

"Okay." Brittany's forehead was still furrowed in concern, and I rocked up a little to rub out the lines there, like she always did to me. "But you know I will have no problem kicking them out if you need me to."

"I know, and I love you even more for that." I stood up, kissing Brittany on the lips, and felt the corners of her mouth turn up, one of my favorite feelings in the world, the fact that just a kiss from me  _still_ could bring a smile to her face. Pulling away slowly, I leaned into the bassinet, lifting Marisa into my arms. "What do you think,  _mija,_ are you ready to go home?"

"We'll be so happy to get you there, Ladybug, and Annie is probably waiting at the door to give you the grand tour."

When Brittany asked one of the nurses for a wheelchair for me, I didn't even protest, though I'd originally expected I would. I know that I'm a terrible patient, and I'm pretty excessive in my dramatics about pain, but seriously,  _someone_ should have told me how completely wrecked I'd feel after giving birth. Even the internet, and the forty-six different blogs I'd read about natural childbirth, insisted that because there were no drugs of surgery involved, I'd be basically glowing, and, like, ready to hit the gym or something by the end of the week. Yeah, given the bleeding, bruising and godawful feeling of my uterus shrinking, I'd be lucky if I could walk up the stairs at home, let alone all of that other ridiculousness. Once I got myself into the chair, with Marisa sound asleep against my chest, Brittany pushed me toward the elevator, stopping so we could say goodbye to and thank the nurses, orderlies, the very sweet lactation consultant (I'd just wanted the final verification that I was doing it right, even though Britt assured me multiple times that I was), and basically anyone else who'd even breathed in the vicinity of our room. We were grateful, that was for sure, to the people who'd helped me through labor, and who'd shaped the first hours of our daughter's life, and even though Rachel, at my request, had sent lunches and muffin baskets to them, I knew that just saying the words was most important.

By the time we made it down to the front of the building, the valet had pulled around our car, and I smiled to see that the car seat was most definitely there and had been installed by my father, because it was the  _one_ thing we'd forgotten to do before Marisa's birth. Something about seeing the two seats in the back made my heart flutter, and once again made the fact that we had two kids seem like it was really real. It took about twenty minutes of Brittany checking to make sure the car seat was installed properly, since we hadn't done it ourselves, and then both of us checking to make sure that the baby was buckled in correctly, since it was a different brand than we'd used with Annie, and she just felt so  _small_ in there (okay, maybe we  _were_ slightly more nervous than I'd thought, but as born-again New Yorkers, cars sort of made us jumpy anyway), but once we were done and buckled in ourselves, Britt began the drive home and set her hand over mine on the center console, checking every block in her rearview mirror, and just grinning at our brand new baby in the back.

* * *

Pulling up in front of the house, glad that there was a spot right outside, and we could leave the car there until we asked someone to bring it over to the garage later, Brittany and I looked at each other and broke into giggles at the sight in front of us. Tied to the stoop railings were the biggest pink balloons I'd ever seen, and hung above the door was a gigantic painted sign that read  _Welcome Home Baby Reese,_ with a drawing of our family, quite obviously done by Annie, underneath. After unbuckling Marisa and lifting her from the seat, Britt opened my door and slipped an arm around my waist, helping me up the steps to the door. Before we even opened it, Annie's head peered through the window, and I smiled, watching her try to keep from totally losing it over us being home. When I managed to get the door open, she was standing directly in front of it, hands over her mouth to keep the excitement from bubbling out.

"Hi, Mamí. Hi, Mama. Hi, baby Reese." She spoke hardly above a whisper, bouncing on the balls of her feet. "I'm so super happy you're home."

"Oh,  _mi amor._ So are we." I took Marisa from Britt's arms, letting her scoop up Annie to hug us.

"We loved your sign, sweetheart." Britt praised, kissing all over Annie's face. "It was a beautiful way to welcome your sister home."

"Thank you, Mama. I made it with Uncle Finn and Brice. They're gonna come back later, but Auntia Rachel said we need time to settle first. I helped  _'Buela_ and Grammy get you all ready to be settled, see?" Annie pointed over to the chaise, where pillows from my bed were stacked, and the Moses basket sat beside it on the floor. "That way you can get some more rest, Mamí, case you don't want to go upstairs."

"Annie, thank you. I will definitely be sitting down there very soon."

"I'll be right back, I'm gonna go tell Milky Way that everybody's home now." Annie wriggled out of Britt's arms. "Then we'll get to be with you all day."

" _Mija,_ Brittany, you're here!" My mother nearly shouted, causing me to roll my eyes as she walked in from the kitchen with a laundry basket on her hip. "Sit down, sit down. This is why Susan and I are here, so you don't have to do anything."

"I thought you were here to see your granddaughters."

"Well that's a given, Santana. We sent your fathers to the store, and Liz to keep them on a time schedule." Mamí walked over to us, gazing lovingly down at the child in my arms. " _Estoy feliz que estás en casa, niña bonita._ "

"You're home,  _amorcita._ " I whispered to my sleeping baby, and Brittany leaned over to press the softest kiss to her little head, and then another to my lips.

"Where's my little helper?" Susan walked in the room next, apron on and a wooden spoon in her hand. I swear, our mothers were trying to  _out-grandmother_ each other sometimes. "Oh, girls, you're here!"

"Shh, the baby is sleeping, Mom." Brittany put a finger to her lips. "You both are very loud today."

"Welcome to the world of being a Lopez-Pierce." She walked over to us and beamed down at Marisa.

"Let her ears adjust to not being surrounded by Santana's uterus first, please. She has her whole life to hear everyone being really loud, I mean we are friends with Rachel, she's as loud as the rest of us combined."

"Honey, you two are a pretty close second." Susan laughed, and I gave a playful scoff. "I had Lizzie at your father's aunt's Thanksgiving dinner when she was four days old, and look at her now, your sister could sleep through an apocalypse. Some noise is good for her."

"Noise is fine, Susan, when she's awake. But if we're talking about body parts that need to adjust, my nipples are one of them, so can we please just keep it moderately quiet while she's asleep."

"Oh good, I  _love_ that I got to walk in on a conversation about Santana's nipples." Liz announced from the doorway where she'd entered. "Never can get enough of hearing about your boobs, Tana."

"Shut up, Liz, or I'll get your mom going on when  _you're_ going to have babies." I smirked, and looked at Susan.

"I'm just here to get your keys for Daddy, he's going to move the car." Liz held out her hand, and Brittany handed her the car keys that she'd shoved in her back pocket. "And also, Mom, Mari, no offense, but give them a little space. It's their first second home with Reese, and you're already on top of them, and Britt looks like she wants to kill you both right about now."

After both Brittany and I shot grateful looks to Liz, our mothers did scatter, and Annie came back with Milky Way tucked under her arm. It didn't take long before I nearly collapsed on the chaise, and then winced a little at the sudden jolt to my body as I hit the cushion. Brittany lifted Marisa out of my arms and settled her into the basket, humming softly to her as she fluttered her eyes, and I breathed a small sigh of relief when they closed completely again. Quickly, Annie curled up into my side, while Brittany went to the kitchen (where I could hear my mother and Susan telling her we could have called for us if we'd needed anything) and came back carrying a tray loaded with tea, hot chocolate, bottles of water and bagels. Both of us rolled our eyes, because those women were completely ridiculous, but honestly, I  _did_ appreciate that I could have my wife with me, instead of running around worried about the things that had to get done in the house, brand new baby or not.

"Here, take these." Britt set the tray down on the coffee table and slipped two Tylenol into my hand, the strongest thing I'd take. "It helped you a little with the soreness last night, right?"

"Better than nothing." I shrugged, accepting the bottle of water she handed me and hastily swallowing the pills. "Can you come sit behind me though? You're my natural painkiller."

"And you are a dork." She laughed, grabbing the cashmere blanket from the couch, because she knew I'd sort of had the chills even though it was July, and repositioning Annie before sliding in behind me, tucking a pillow underneath my butt in the process and laying the blanket over my legs.

"Can we stay here all day?" Annie asked hopefully, her little arms trying to hold onto both of us as much as possible.

"I'm pretty sure Grammy and  _Abuela_ won't let us do anything else." Brittany winked. "But maybe when Marisa wakes up, she'll want you to show her our house."

"Oh, Mama, I've been so excited about that. Auntia Liz even helped me-" Annie quickly covered her mouth. "Oops, it's a surprise."

"Good catch,  _mija._ " I chuckled, kissing her temple. "And we can't wait to see your surprise."

* * *

We got about forty-five minutes together before our fathers had finished moving the car, our mothers put the groceries away, and then no one really felt the need to leave us in our bubble anymore. I definitely wasn't being ungrateful, I really  _did_ want them there, but like anything else, new things always took me some time to settle into, and even though Marisa hadn't woken up from her slumber, just having her in the house was something new to us. Regardless, our family began surrounding us in the living room, each of them checking if we needed anything, and shortly after, the Hudson's and Hummel's were walking through the door as well (thankfully, Finn and Rachel knew the  _let yourselves in and don't ring the doorbell when the baby might be sleeping_ rule all too well).

Of course, our friends came with a pile of gifts for both Reese  _and_ Annie, to add to the stack their grandparents had given them, and the ones that were slowly trickling in from around the country through the mail. Annie, of course, smiled gratefully to her aunt and uncles, but even as Finn ushered Brice to the playroom so he wouldn't wake the baby, she remained magnetically attached to our sides, sort of drifting in and out of a contented nap. I was sure she hadn't slept well in Brooklyn, she typically didn't without our usual bedtime routine, and if she wanted to catch up on sleep curled up on the chaise with us, that was fine.

"So, Kurt, Blaine, when are we expecting you two to add to this beautiful bunch of kids that's growing around here?" Susan asked, and Liz spit her water right out of her mouth, sputtering loudly.

"You okay, Auntia Liz? Did you choke?" Annie blinked her eyes open slowly.

"I'm good, Annie." She shook her head, getting down on the floor to wipe up the water while Kurt and Blaine eyed each other nervously.

"Mmkay."

"We-um-well, we've talked about it, definitely, we're just not quite ready to take that leap yet. You know, we both are at the pinnacle of our careers, Blaine had to travel a lot..." Kurt sputtered, looking at Britt and me desperately for help.

"Well if this doesn't sound like Rachel five years ago." My mom interjected, pointing her chin toward the playroom windows where Brice was attacking the tower of blocks that Finn had helped him build. "And now look at that sweet boy of hers."

"Thank you, Maribel." Rachel blushed a little, because seriously, she was  _still_ weird and uncomfortable around my mom, despite the fact that my mother  _adored_ her for all she'd done for me.

"When are we going to see another little Hudson around here anyway?" Kurt asked, trying to defect the attention from he and Blaine.

"Oh no, don't think you'll get off that easy." Susan teased. "We know Rachel is going back to work soon and won't be having another one before that."

"Thank God they're being nosy about someone else but me." Liz stage whispered to us. "Now that you've reignited the baby fever, I'm afraid to bring Max around mom for fear she tries to bring him ring shopping."

"She better not, you've only been together like six months." I narrowed my eyes and shifted in Britt's arms to get more comfortable.

"From one half of the duo who got married like a day after getting back together."

"Or five months." Brittany reached over and flicked her sister. "And totally different, it's  _us_ , you can't really compare to us."

"Gee, thanks Britt, way to give me confidence on my romantic future with your  _no one will be as perfect as me and Tana_ spiel. If I didn't know you, and see that you're almost  _thirty_ and still sit on each other's laps, I wouldn't even believe it. I also would be jealous if it wasn't so cute."

"If you're saying cute to get a rise out of me, I totally don't care. I just had a baby, and if I wants to get my cuddle on, I will."

"Wait, can we rewind to you not getting upset about us talking about marriage?" Britt interrupted what would probably have been the beginning of a long banter between me and Lizzie.

"Relax, I'm not saying I'm going to marry him  _today_ , but you can't deny that Max is the most marriageable of anyone I've ever dated, and I love him, so that makes it much better."

"Um, can you guys maybe talk about Liz's love life later." Kurt interrupted, red in the face. "Do you hear your mothers talking about surrogates and which countries allow gay adoption? Can we get a little help here?"

"How do they even  _know_ this stuff? You have two uteruses, uteri, whatever, between you." Blaine shifted awkwardly and I scrunched up my face in disgust.

"Welcome to our world. They were talking about our next baby when Annie was still in the NICU. If they didn't know we were  _done,_ they'd probably be talking about a third right now." I sucked my teeth and shot a glare over to where my mom and Susan sat, probably plotting who's life to meddle in next. They were absolutely  _ridiculous_ together. "Also, Blaine, please never talk about uteruses again."

"And Mari, Suzy, leave the boys be." Stephen reprimanded.

"We're just being helpful." Susan smiled sweetly, and I looked down into the basket where Marisa had started to stir, her eyes blinking rapidly in an effort to wake up.

"Look who's awake." I cooed down to her, as I continued to run my fingers through a sleeping Annie's hair, and felt Britt's chin press into my shoulder and her skin pull up in a smile. "Saved by the baby, Hummel's."

_Saved by the baby_ was an absolute truth, both women were up off of the couch in a matter of seconds, my mother lifting Marisa and holding her close as Susan stood at her side. They murmured sweet words down to her, and I definitely didn't miss the longing look in Kurt's eyes as he pretended to keep busy with his phone. I smirked a little to myself, and then looked at Brittany out of the corner of my eye. It was a proven fact that Lopez-Pierce babies were basically miraculous in making people settle down, which Brice was totally indicative of, and I wondered how long it would take before Mr. and Mr. Gay (my nicknaming was obviously lacking, but I'd just had a baby, I wasn't worried that I'd bounce back) decided that they'd be the last of our inner circle to catch the baby itch. It didn't take all that long before Marisa began her soft whimpering, and it still took me by surprise how I physically reacted to that sound, the tenderness in my boobs almost immediately turning into an ache. Brittany grabbed the white nursing blanket that Susan had crocheted from behind her, and I looked sort of awkwardly around the room at the men present while I opened my arms for the baby.

"You okay?" Britt whispered in my ear, pressing a soft kiss to the back of my neck. "I know it's weird at first, being around other people."

"Do you want us to leave you for a bit, Santanita?" My father asked, looking at me softly. I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth, debating. In all honestly, it seemed a bit excessive, asking everyone else to go, when it would probably be easier for  _me_ to just get up and go sit with her in the office. At the same time, I also considered the fact that eventually, I'd probably have to get used to feeding Marisa in front of other people anyway, and  _these_ were the ones I felt most comfortable with anyway (and. not to mention, almost all of them had seen me topless in some way or another).

"No, it's alright." I told them sort of shyly, covering Marisa and my chest with the loosely woven blanket so only Britt and I could see her, as her cries started to get a little louder. "Shh,  _mija,_ Mamí's got you. I know you're a hungry girl, aren't you?"

Brittany's fingers danced softly over my shoulders, soothing me, as I unhooked the strap of my nursing bra and helped Marisa to latch on. It was funny how everything else immediately seemed to fade away, my insecurities about it included, as she settled down, her tiny hand grasping at the fabric of my shirt and her face screwed up intently. I really couldn't help but watch her as I hummed softly, something I knew eventually wouldn't be a novelty anymore, but I'd savor it for as long as it was. Maybe it felt like I was in a fishbowl, with all of them sitting there talking to each other in an effort to make me  _not_ feel uncomfortable, even Finn, who'd carried a half asleep Brice back to Rachel, but with one of Britt's hands on my shoulder, the other on my thigh, and Annie still curled up beside us, it was kind of a ridiculously cute fishbowl.

"So beautiful." Britt hummed into my hair, and I just smiled, knowing that she could see my dimples pop from her angle. "Are you alright?"

"I am." I nodded. "Although my mom is sort of freaking me out, I can feel her eyes on me."

"She likes seeing you so relaxed, honey, especially when she knows it's while doing something that would normally be way outside of your comfort zone. Like how we stare at Annie when she does something new and special."

"I guess." I let out a small laugh, and Marisa turned her curious eyes up to my face.

"Sorry, little love." Brittany murmured down to her. "Are we interrupting your lunch?"

"I think she likes it, hearing us talk to each other."

"Well we _are_  pretty awesome."

"More awesome than food and my boobs, apparently." I ran my fingers over the soft barely there hair on Marisa's head, glad we'd forgone the hat that matched her outfit. "You'll hear us talking your whole life,  _bebé_ , we'll leave you be for now, since I'm pretty sure everyone else in this room is still itching to hold you."

"They're in their own world even more so than usual, huh?" I heard Kurt ask, and looked up to see my mother smile at him knowingly.

"Wouldn't you be, if you had everything you'd ever wanted all curled up with you in one little chair?"

* * *

It took Marisa a while to eat, that seemed to be her way, which sort of made me laugh, since  _I_ was always so hasty about  _everything_ I did. Annie woke up about halfway through, and shifted excitedly at my side, glad that her sister was up, and glad that she'd finally be able to introduce her to Brice, who'd also woken up and was climbing over Rachel on their couch. Once I'd covered myself back up, Annie pressed a sweet kiss to Reese's head and stood up slowly so not to jostle her, before walking over to her friend and holding out her hand for him to tug him off the couch.

"Bricey, my sister came out of Mamí's belly now and you need to meet her, 'cuz you're my best friend and you don't have a baby."

"Kay, MyAnnie." He nodded vigorously and let her lead him over. I held the baby so she was visible to Brice, who peeked at her with a toothy grin.

"Reese, this is our Brice. You already met Auntia Rachel and Uncle Finn, and he's  _their_  baby, even though he's super big, bigger than us."

"S'tana, she's pretty. Can she play with us now?"

"Not yet,  _chiquito_. Right now, you can't do much but just look at her."

"Oh." He pursed his lips. "That's not fun."

"She's fun." Annie defended, crossing her arms over her chest. "'S a different kind of fun. And I'm 'llowed to hold her because she's part mine."

"Hey, sweetheart." Britt leaned over me and gently uncrossed our daughter's arms. "Don't be fresh, Brice is just saying that she can't do the fun things get that you can. You don't remember when he was a baby, but you didn't even pay much attention to him at all."

"Really, Mama?"

"Really, but because you're a big girl now, you know about different kinds of fun, and you know that Marisa is very special to you because she's your sister. You don't need to get mad at Brice."

"I'm big too, Brinny." Brice furrowed his brow. "I'm not a baby."

"No, buddy, you're not." Finn came over and ruffled his son's hair. "But look, see how Marisa makes everyone smile? She's very special, and before you know it, she'll be knocking over blocks and running after you."

"Let's not rush into that, Finn." I said quietly, nuzzling the baby's head and breathing in her smell. "You're gonna stay our little baby for a long, long time."

"I think maybe we should go to the park, what do you guys think?" Finn asked the kids, after mouthing me a quick  _sorry._

"Yay! Park!" Brice clapped, and Annie quickly put a finger to her lips.

"I don't think I want to go." Annie looked conflicted, glancing between the baby, the front window and Brice. Brittany slipped out from behind me, gathering our girl into her arms and kissing her cheeks.

"My protective girl, sometimes you're so much like your Mamí." Brittany told her quietly, soothing the little scrunches in her forehead with her thumb. "You can go play outside with Uncle Finn and Brice for a little while. Reese is probably going to go back to sleep, and Mamí will probably take some time to rest with her. We'll have all night, just the four of us."

"Okay, Mama." She conceded. "Uncle Finn, can we come back if I want to?"

"Of course we can. We'll even go to Washington Square, since it's closer." Finn promised, and Brittany set Annie down again, letting her stand on her tiptoes to kiss me, and then kissing Marisa as well.

"'S okay." She spoke almost inaudibly to her sister. "I promise I don't think you're no fun, and I love you lots. But Bricey's my best friend, so I'm gonna play with him while you take more naps. I'll be back soon."

* * *

With Finn and the kids gone, Brittany ignored the pleading looks of my mom and Susan and passed the baby to my father, who'd had about forty-five uninterrupted seconds with her the day before without one of the women stealing him away. Figuring it would probably regret laying down all day and not getting the blood flowing throughout my body, I pushed myself up on my hands and stood. Waving Brittany off so she could continue her conversation with Lizzie, I shuffled around the first floor of the house, kind of just taking a breather from all the intensity of emotion that the prior days had held. It was strange, how different it felt to be home again, like giving birth had sort of changed my perception on things, but it was good different, the  _best_ kind of different. Grabbing another water bottle from the refrigerator, I nearly jumped out of my skin when I saw that Rachel had come into the kitchen without my hearing her.

"Jesus Christ, Rach, way to scare the shit out of me, sneaking in here like that."

"I wasn't sneaking! You should really get your hearing checked, Santana. Every time anyone walks in a room, you think they're intentionally trying to terrify you."

"You know I'm jumpy, that's why Brittany always  _announces_ when she enters an empty room with me."

"Sorry, you're right. I just wanted to talk to you not in front of everyone."

"Why? Oh my God, are you pregnant?"

" _No!"_ She gasped, eyes widening comically. "Everyone around here has some serious baby fever, and mine is pretty sated with my son, thank you."

"Well good, because he thinks babies are boring anyway." I teased.

"Yeah, sorry about him upsetting Annie like that."

"Oh it's fine, I mean,  _I_ think my babies are the most entertaining thing on the entire planet, but I could see why your three year old wouldn't agree."

"Yeah, I'm not sure what he thought it was going to be like when we told him that you and Britt had a baby. Although she did say she was pretty."

"Well obviously she's pretty, have you seen this?" I gestured to my own body jokingly. Maybe I didn't really  _feel_ like it, since I still looked like I was several months pregnant, and I still hadn't opened my eyes in the shower, but it was a fact that I'd given birth to a beautiful baby, and that instilled in me a small confidence.

"True." She rolled her eyes. "That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about."

"My supreme hotness?" I quirked an eyebrow.

"Well, no." Rachel gave me a serious look. "I just wanted to let you know that I'm aware that most of the time you bottle things up inside, and you don't usually voice your concerns about things to anyone but Brittany, but I wanted to make sure you knew that I'm here, you know, if you wanted to talk about anything."

"Um, Rachel, you're my best friend, I usually  _do_ come to you when I need to talk."

"No, no, I know. I meant like, I've been where you are before, after I had Brice, and even though Brittany had a baby, a c-section is kind of different, so…"

"Oh." Realization dawned on me. "You mean like if I want to talk to you about how I'm sort of freaked out about what my body looks like now?"

"Yeah. Did you look yet?" Rachel asked, blushing furiously.

"No." I admitted.

"It took me almost a week."

"Okay, answer me this, since I'm probably going to cry when I do." I lowered my voice, thinking how right Rachel was about how hard it was for me to talk about anything that made me feel this way. "But please, please spare me the gross heterosexual details.  _It_ goes back to normal, right?"

"Yeah." She laughed, breaking the tension. "And my kid was like twice the size of yours."

"Good." I breathed a sigh of relief. "You know that's a very important body part of mine."

"So I've heard, about a million times." She shook her head.

"Also, when did we become the kind of friends that talk about vaginas?"

"I'm not really sure."

"Thank you though." I grabbed her hand and gave her a grateful smile. "Seriously, I really appreciate knowing I have you to talk to if I'm at the edge of a body image induced cliff. Britt and I may both be women, but there are  _some_ things I'd rather not have to cry to her about, you know, keep some sort of mystery in the bedroom?"

"And, we're done." Rachel put her hand up. "The way you feel about  _gross heterosexual details,_ same thing, in reverse."

"Fair enough. Want to go wrangle my pretty baby back from whichever mother managed to steal her from anyone else who wanted to hold her?"

"Absolutely."

We walked back out into the living room, and Britt flashed me a grin from where she hovered over Kurt, who was holding Marisa. I laughed a little to myself, thinking about how she'd said Annie was like me, since she was so fiercely protective, but really, Brittany was just as protective of us, if not more. I sat down next to my mom, letting her stroke my hair and fawn over me a little bit.

" _Has de estar cansado."_ She whispered to me, and I was grateful that she didn't make an announcement that everyone could understand about how exhausted I looked. " _Como usted durmio anoche?"_

"Not so bad, I just have to get used to making myself fall right back to sleep after she eats."

"You never were so good falling back to sleep, even when you were young, I knew if you were up at three am, you were up for the day. _"_

"It's so worth it though, Mamí." I told her, then immediately felt a little sad for her as I said it, knowing she  _hadn't_ woken up with me during the night when I was an infant, and that it was a regret.

"Don't." She reprimanded gently, reaching down to squeeze my hand. "Don't be sorry for sharing your feelings about this with me. Seeing you have the chances I didn't let myself have is enough for me,  _mi amor._ I'm so proud of you, for both of your daughters."

"Thank you." I rested my head on her shoulder, figuring maybe I should close my eyes while everyone else was occupied.

"Ugh, gross!" I heard Kurt yelp, and then a small cry forced my eyes back open.

"Don't yell like that, Kurt. You scared her." Brittany reprimanded, scooping Marisa up quickly from his arms. I shot daggers in his direction for making our daughter cry, and then choked back a laugh when I saw the white liquid all over his shirt. "It's okay, sweet girl, don't cry. I guess Grammy is right about you having to get used to noise, no one keeps their voices down around here, even with you and your cute little ears."

"I'm sorry, Brittany. I just didn't expect her to puke milk from Santana's boobs all over my Paul Smith shirt. Spawn of-"

"Don't you dare finish that sentence. I don't care if you're joking. You know the rules about making any kind of rude comments in front of our kids,  _especially_ if it involves them." Britt glared at him, then returned to cooing at the baby as she sidled up to me on the couch. "Uncle Kurt is ridiculous, don't you listen to him, little Ladybug. Serves him right for spending four-hundred dollars on a shirt."

"Next time, aim for Uncle Warbler's bow tie though,  _amorcita."_  I kissed her as she settled down.

"Sorry." Kurt said again, obviously feeling bad about his reaction. "Is she alright?"

"She's fine, she's got her moms now." I told him. "But let's put it this way, if you guys  _do_ decide you want a baby, get used to buying your shirts for three-ninety-nine on clearance at Old Navy, because I love my girls to death, but kids are messy, and clothing basically becomes disposable."

"She is kind of the sweetest, even if she did throw up on you, Kurt." Blaine smiled at his husband, and Kurt matched his face.

* * *

After a little while longer, I did take Reese upstairs to lie down for a bit in my bed. I didn't sleep, I basically just let her lay beside me on the bed while I watched her yawn, snuffle, and stretch out her arms before she took another nap. When Finn came back with Annie and Brice, I brought her back downstairs, and I appreciated the fact that Susan had planned for dinner to be early. By five o'clock, everyone was out the door, and Annie was insistent upon showing Marisa her room, which I'd purposely avoided, not wanting to ruin the surprise that she and Liz had orchestrated. Annie tugged at Brittany's hand as she led us up the stairs, me just a few steps behind with the baby, taking it as easy as possible.

"Reese, this is your own room." Annie told her, flicking on the lights. "And me and Auntia Liz got you pictures at Duane Reade."

"Oh Annie." Brittany teared up a little, seeing the framed black and white pictures that had been taken of the four of us in various combinations the day before. "This is beautiful."

"I got lots of pictures in my room, so I wanted my sister to have some too. And this one-" Annie pointed to one of her gazing down lovingly at the baby who she held in her arms. "Is in my room now too."

"That's a beautiful picture,  _mija._ I think we need to make a copy for our room too, Britt."

"Here, we got an env'lope for you, so you can pick your own." She handed Brittany the photo envelope, and I slowly crouched down to hug her with one arm, holding the baby at an angle where Annie could see her fully.

"Your sister is full of surprises for you, isn't she, Marisa?"

"What do you think, baby girl, are you ready to help us give her a bath so we can have some special time for the three of us?"

"Okay, Mama." Annie hopped excitedly.

It took us kind of a crazy amount of time to get ready for the bath. Annie picked out a turquoise goldfish sleeper from the drawer and made sure to grab the unicorn towel, while Britt added a few inches of water to our bathroom sink. I'll admit I kind of just stood back and watched, rocking Marisa and singing  _Rubber Duckie_ and  _Splish Splash, I Was Taking a Bath_ softly to her as I rolled up the towel and sleeper and put them inside the towel warmer (yes, we owned a towel warmer, we'd had a preemie, it felt like something really important to spend a bunch of money on, and I was glad we did). Once everything was situated, and Brittany and I both checked the water temperature several times, she began undressing the baby.

" _Corazòncita._ " I waved Annie over to where I'd perched on the edge of the closed toilet seat. "I just wanted to tell you that your sister might cry when we put her in the sink. She's never had a bath before, and you know how new things can be scary. I don't want you to get scared, okay?"

"Okay, Mamí. She's got to 'just to it, right?"

"That's right, and it could take a few times before she does." I told her, and she nodded seriously. "Thank you for helping us."

"Course. Mama said I can hold the rubber ducks and show them to her."

"That's perfect."

"Who's ready?" Brittany smiled, holding a very naked baby close to her chest to keep her warm.

Like we'd expected, Marisa started screaming the moment her little body made contact with the water, and Annie bit her lip, trying not to get upset as we all took turns speaking quietly to the baby. It was funny how quickly Britt and I fell back into our old baby bathing routine, her holding Reese and me sponging water over her body. It was weird, with the umbilical cord, since we'd never bathed Annie when she had one, but I mostly just carefully avoided it as I squeezed the soothing lavender wash onto the froggy washcloth. I felt terrible that she didn't calm down throughout the entire ordeal, but I was glad that we were used to moving quickly, and it was over as quickly as it possibly could be. Once she was cleaned, out, and wrapped in a towel, I felt my heart settle, even though I hadn't realized how much it had quickened.

"'S all done now, baby Reese." Annie whispered, peeking inside to towel. "Soon you'll get used to baths and then they're super fun."

After Marisa was in her pajamas, I took her into the nursery with the lights off, while Britt and Annie went downstairs to bring up the Moses basket and put it in our bedroom. I remembered how Brittany loved that last feeding before bedtime, how it had been her special time with Annie, before we'd switch off and I'd sing or read to her, and even though it was only the first night, I felt like I could already understand that. I sang quietly as I stared down at her, feeling her tiny heartbeat flutter against my chest. Her eyelids were heavy as she finished eating, and Brittany stood at the doorway as we finished, smiling at me. When I nodded, she came into the room and I silently transferred the baby to her after kissing her soft forehead.

_"Buenos noches, mi amorcita. Bienvenido a casa."_ I murmured, and turned to go find Annie.

* * *

Annie was sprawled out on her bed when I went into her room, Milky Way lying on her chest, and  _These Happy Golden Years_  sitting on the comforter beside her. I stood in the doorway for several minutes, just listening to her talk to her unicorn about how very excited she was to have Reese home, and how she wanted to be the best helper there was, even if she was a little scared. I heard the floorboards creak behind me, and knew that Marisa had fallen asleep, and Brittany had carried her into our room for bed. Her nose nuzzled into the back of my hair and her arms wrapped around my waist as she came up behind me, and I leaned back into her embrace.

"Mama, Mamí." Annie looked up from her one-sided conversation. "I didn't even see you there."

"Sorry, sweetheart. We were just watching you for a bit."

"Why?" She wrinkled her nose and rolled off the bed.

"Because we love you so much, and we're glad to see how happy you are that your sister is here with us."

"I  _am_  super happy, even if we got to 'just to stuff, and sometimes it's scary when Reese cries."

"I'm happy that you're happy,  _mija."_ I lifted the book and lay down beside her on the bed, with Britt immediately taking the other side. "Ready for some Annie and moms time?"

"Course I am!" She bubbled out. "Can we read my book a little before bath time?"

"Absolutely." Britt held out her hand for the book and I passed it to her, pressing a kiss to my wife's wrist in the process.

* * *

We spent the next hour and a half with Annie, reading to her, bathing her, and settling her into bed. Her poor little eyes were so exhausted by the time she was tucked in and I'd sang to her, that we'd hardly kissed her and left the room before she was snoring softly. While Brittany went to turn off the lights downstairs and check the locks, I went in the shower (which my father-in-law  _had_ fixed) for the second time of the day, still avoiding what I wasn't ready for, but definitely feeling better about it after I'd talked to Rachel. While I brushed my teeth, Brittany joined me at the sink, and when I was finished with mine, I swallowed two more Tylenol to hopefully held me feel more comfortable throughout the night. After Britt finished washing her face, the two of us crawled into bed in our dark room together, both stopping to peer into the basket where Marisa still slept soundly, Skittles resting below her feet. I'd fallen onto my back and Britt lay beside my with her body propped up on her elbows, brushing soft kisses on my face, neck and shoulders.

"Hi." She giggled softly into my skin.

"Hi." I caught her lips with mine. "What are you doing?"

"Just kissing you, because you're beautiful, and I didn't get to do that enough today."

"Britt-"

"No, I just wanted to make sure that you knew."

"I do, thank you." I tugged her down so she was laying on her stomach beside me, her head resting on my shoulder. "I'm so happy to be home."

"God, me too. And I can't believe  _I'm_ this tired and it's barely dark."

"That's having a newborn in the house again." I caught her lips with mine and smiled against them. "Here's to another year of total exhaustion."

"Guess we better get some rest then." She leaned her forehead against mine, looking into my eyes. "I love you, San."

"I love you too, Britt. See you in a little bit."


	33. Three-Zero

It definitely took us a decent amount of time to settle into our new routine, especially with me feeling a crippling, bone deep exhaustion that I just couldn't shake, and my eyes basically existing as two leaky faucets. I wasn't  _depressed,_ although that had been one of my major fears while pregnant, given my history, I was just  _me_ , always needing a little more time than most to adapt and heal. Annie was taking all of it in the best possible stride, though I knew it was hard for her to see me start crying over milk running out halfway through pouring cereal, and hard to hear her sister crying, even if thankfully, Marisa really didn't cry all that much. Honestly though, if I hadn't been lucky enough to have a wife like Brittany, both because she had been able to take so much time off of work, and because she had grown accustomed over the years to dealing with my mood swings, be they postpartum related or otherwise, I probably wouldn't have been able to make it through at my own pace. Late in the first week after we'd come home, Brittany had gently requested that our moms go back to Lima, since she understood that having two other women in the house was overwhelming, and was detrimental to the routine we were trying to create. Although I had silently protested the idea, because it  _was_  nice having them around to help us out, once they were gone, I knew my wife had made the best call for our family.

By midway through the second week of being the  _new and improved Lopez-Pierces,_ as Britt liked to call us, once my body was making significant progress in physically healing itself, I'd also made a decent amount of emotional headway. Yes, I'd called Dr. Singh a few  _dozen_  times with concerns (I'd swallowed the fear and looked), and even had an hour long phone session with Dr. Collins, my old therapist, just to reassure myself that I wouldn't slip into old patterns, but mostly, it was my own fight that pulled me through quickly. Every time Brittany kissed my lips, told me I was beautiful, or dug her thumbs into my shoulders to break up stress knots, every time Annie smiled at me, or told me that she loved me, every time Marisa grasped at my fingers or snuggled into my chest, even if it was just because she was hungry, those were the things I'd banked away and thought of whenever I started to feel like I was slipping. I was lucky, I knew that, I'd read enough about postpartum depression on the internet (yes, I was aware that my google addiction was one step away from getting me into a program-not like I was a stranger to those) to know that I hadn't truly been gripped by it, I was going to be just fine, and for that, I was wholly grateful.

On the morning of July seventeenth, even with a slightly whimpering baby attached to me, I managed to kiss Brittany back to sleep and sneak out of the room, knowing that in her semi-sleep deprived state (she insisted on doing diapers and burping, even in the middle of the night, and I understood that desire to get the extra bonding time, I'd been the same way with Annie) she wouldn't remember what day it was. After one-handedly pulling on some combination of clothes that normal people wore to leave the house, and brushing my teeth in the downstairs bathroom, I secured Marisa in her sling and slipped on the flip flops that I'd kicked off by the front door the last time I'd walked through it. Even though it was only five-forty-five, I felt a bubbling excitement as I made my way up to the Korean deli on Bleecker Street to pick up the flowers I'd called and requested in a whisper from the bathroom the day before. It wasn't as if Britt and I hadn't been getting each other the same flowers on every occasion, small, or insanely big, like the current one, for years, but still. It was the love of my life's thirtieth birthday, it was a pretty damn big deal, and new baby or not, adjusting or not, I was going to make sure it was properly celebrated.

"Mamí!" Annie whisper-shouted as Marisa as I peeked into her bedroom after setting the flowers on the table downstairs, and found her sitting on the floor with glitter glue, apparently adding more to her nearly human sized birthday card. "I wanted to put more glitter on my big rainbow, and I forgot that the glue has to dry, and now my special card for Mama is all wet. I need some help."

" _Mija._ " I laughed, knowing my eyes were crinkling adoringly at my daughter, who was sitting cross-legged in the green striped Yoda pajamas Mike and Tina had sent her, despite none of us ever having seen  _Star Wars_ , pursing her lips at the very wet, very excessive glitter explosion on the folded poster board. "It's alright, we'll just have Mama come in here and look at it, then nobody has to carry it until it's dry."

"Hmm. Okay." She nodded seriously, then switched into a soft whisper. "'Everybody still coming over tonight?"

"They are, just one more day of keeping our big secret. You know how much Mama loves surprises."

"The most. 'S going to be the best party ever."

"I hope so, Uncle Kurt and Aunt Rachel have done a lot of work helping me with this."

_A lot_ of work was an understatement, for sure. In the seventh month of my pregnancy, I'd had this ridiculous realization that I'd done absolutely nothing to prepare for such a gigantic event that would come only three weeks after my due date. Somehow, in between preparing for the Show Your Brave benefit and the impending arrival of a child, I'd managed to squeeze in calling caterers, sending out invitations, and filtering through the deluge of photos that had been sent to me by my mother-in-law. It wasn't like either of us had big families, or a particularly large circle of friends, but a party was still a ton of work, and Rachel and Kurt immediately volunteered to do all of the things I knew that I'd never be able to manage. I was pretty sure that Britt had absolutely  _no_ idea what was in the works, especially since we'd been  _sort of_ distracted, and when she'd suggested having a quiet day, just the four of us, I was glad I was in the clear in figuring out how to get us out of the house while everything was set up.

"What's everybody doing in here?" Britt appeared in the doorway a few minutes after Anne and I had finished discussing the party, and were engrossed in cleaning up her art supplies while Marisa lay in the center of her sister's bed.

"Mama! Happy birthday!" Annie got to her feet quickly and ran to her, nearly climbing up her legs when Britt didn't pick her up fast enough. "Look, I made you a card, 'cept it's still wet since it needed more glitter."

"It's beautiful, sweetheart." Brittany carried her over to look at the card, and the two of us smiled at each other over the pictures she'd drawn of rainbows, unicorns, her family, cupcakes, and for some reason, fire-breathing dragons (or, her best depiction of them). "This is definitely the most glittery card I've ever seen, and the biggest too."

"Look, see, I even made a three and a zero. Mamí said this is a big special birthday, and it's extra important,  _plus_ I wrote Reese's name on here too, 'cuz she can't make you a card yet." Annie rambled, sliding back down Britt's body and partially opening her creation while trying to avoid the glitter. "L-O-V-E-A-N-N-I-E-A-N-D-R-E-E-S-E. Now I know how to spell Marisa  _and_ Reese."

"I love that, baby girl. And I love so much that it's from both of you." Britt beamed, and crouched down beside me, planting a firm kiss on my lips. "And hey, you."

"Hey yourself. Happy birthday, baby." I trailed light kisses from her lips to her ear, barely breathing the words into it. "Thirty, and you get more and more beautiful every single day. You are stunning, and I love you, birthday girl."

"San." Brittany blushed a little, biting her bottom lip and placing one hand on the back of my neck as our foreheads pressed together. "I'm thirty and only you can  _still_ make me feel like a teenager with a few words."

"And in a few weeks, with more than words." I winked, pulling away from her and changing back into mom-tone as I stood to lift Marisa up from the bed. "And someone else wants to wish their Mama a happy birthday, isn't that right Miss Marisa?"

"Good morning, sweet baby." Britt cooed, taking Marisa from me, and kissing her as she blinked up at her Mama. "This  _is_ an extra special birthday, but mostly just because this year I have all three of my girls with me to celebrate."

"We got you presents, Mama!" Annie chirped excitedly. "Mamí, can we get them now?"

"Of course we can, close your eyes, Britt."

Needless to say, Brittany closed her eyes with a chuckle, sitting down on Annie's bed with Marisa and talking softly to her as Annie and I tunneled into the back of her closet to bring out the gifts from the girls. My gifts, I'd give to her later and alone, since that was one of our birthday traditions, but Annie was beside herself with excitement, and had even helped me to wrap them (and honestly, she probably did a better job than I did on the task). Carrying the two small boxes in her hands, she set them down on the bed, scrambling up beside Britt and patting the comforter on her other side for me to sit down there.

" _Two_ presents? How will I decide which to open first?"

"You should open this one first." Annie help up the smaller of the boxes, the one that wasn't  _technically_ a birthday gift, but I knew that Annie would enjoy giving it to her Mama. "It already was yours, but now it's different."

"Do you mind unwrapping the paper for me? I can't wait to see it."

"Course not, Mama. Mamí, I got to wrap it  _and_ unwrap it!"

"That you did." I let out a small laugh at her excitement as she unwrapped the jewelry box and lifted the lid to reveal the duck's nest necklace I'd bought Britt on the first of many birthdays that we'd celebrate as moms, a month after Annie was born (and that she wore all the time, so I was  _sure_ she'd already figured out why it had been missing).

"Look, 's got two eggs in it now." Annie pointed to the second pearl inside, then flipped the pendant over to reveal the new engraving on the back. "And now it says Reese's name and  _her_ birthday like mine. A-N-N-A-L-I-S-E-S-A-M-A-N-T-H-A, six-one-seven-twp-zero-one-nine, M-A-R-I-S-A-L-I-L-Y, six-three-zero-two-zero-two-four. I helped Mamí bring it to the jewelry store when we had our special breakfast the other day."

"That was so awesome of you, Annie, thank you. And I love how much you're practicing your spelling." Britt beamed, then looked to me and mouthed  _I love you for doing that_ , and whether she meant having Annie help me drop it off, since our  _special time_  with each of the girlswas already something we were making happen, or just doing it in general, I wasn't sure. "This is very special."

"Super special." She agreed, then held the box out to me, silently asking me to put the necklace on Britt, since her hands were otherwise occupied with the baby. Tickling Annie a little bit, I slid back and twisted my wife's hair back with the clip I removed from the bottom of my tanktop, before clasping the necklace on and watching as she and our daughter both nodded approvingly (the satisfied faces they made almost identical).

"Perfect." I admired, letting my fingers ghost over my own necklace. "Check it out,  _mija."_

"You look beautiful." Annie gushed, and leaned up to kiss Brittany. "Now can we open this one?"

"Go right ahead." Britt affirmed, and Annie tore the paper on the second gift, revealing the new iPod inside.

"'S 'cuz I dropped yours in the puddle, and we have to use your phone for dance parties, and then when it rings we have to get int'rrupted. I told Mamí we should get you a new one." Annie explained, and I knew Britt was enjoying our daughter's long winded explanations even more than the gifts themselves.

"Something pretty, and something practical." Brittany looked over at me with twinkling eyes. "Looks like we've taught our girl well, San. You did a great job, Annalise. And I can't wait to put this to use for a spontaneous dance party."

"Now let's all go get ready." I pushed myself off the bed and held out my arms for Marisa, knowing she'd need to eat again before  _I_ could, and not wanting Britt to suggest a dance party any time  _that_ day, because Annie would probably get nervous about our big plans, and I had  _no_ desire for her to actually have to lie. "We've got a big day ahead of us."

It was definitely a big day for more than just the fact that it was Brittany's birthday. Although we'd taken Marisa out to the park, or to lunch, or for long walks on the few days we'd had that hadn't been unbearably stifling, we'd always been within a short walk of the house, and had hardly been out longer than an hour at any point. Leaving for the whole day, that was kind of scary, both because she was still so new, and because I felt like it had been so long since we'd worried about what to pack for a day out with a newborn, and as I sat in the nursery rocking with the baby and feeding her, I worked to swallow as much of my anxiety about it as possible.

"We're going to have a nice day at the zoo,  _beb_ _é_ _._ You probably won't even realize you're anywhere different, all snuggled up close to me or Mama in your sling. Don't be nervous, alright?"

"You okay, honey?" Britt poked her head in the room and gave me my favorite smile.

"Yeah." I breathed as she walked over to me and perched on the armrest of the glider. "Just a little...you know."

"We don't have to go to the Bronx, Santana, if you think it's too much, too soon."

"No, no." I handed Marisa to Britt so she could burp her, as I re-clipped my bra and switched the sparkly plastic bracelet of Annie's that she'd given me to my other wrist. "If it's not this, it'll be something else that makes me a nervous wreck. Remember with Annie?"

"How could I forget?" She grinned. "It took forever for us to even go to the grocery store."

"And then we had to rip the bandaid off and go to Ohio." I remembered, shaking my head a little so as not to think of  _why_ we'd bit the bullet. Going to the zoo for my wife's birthday was a  _much_ better catalyst than my estranged grandmother dying. "Did you pack the diaper bag?"

"I did."

"Did you-"

"Throw in an extra bra for you? Yes." She answered my unfinished question while kissing my forehead and I sighed happily at the contact. "You know we pack for a day trip like some people pack for vacation."

"Never can be too prepared, the day of the diaper explosion at the Museum of Natural History taught us that much."

"God, we changed Annie's clothes like four times in the span of an hour that day." Brittany laughed. "And then the next time we left the house  _both_ of us had a diaper bag."

"I'm okay with us being a little insane."

"So am I, it makes both of us feel better to over-prepare." She stood up and reached out her free hand to pull me up. "Now go take a shower, I'm starving and ready to get to the diner for some pancakes."

"As you wish, birthday girl." I bowed dramatically.

"You're going to do that all day, aren't you, goof?"

"Well, considering this is the only day  _ever_ that my sexy wife will turn  _thirty,_ I'd say so."

After an hour and fifteen minutes, multiple diaper bag checks, and Annie changing her shoes six times, we'd taken the short walk over to our diner. Of course, the waitresses there were used to our shenanigans, and were not shocked in the slightest when Annie and I slipped them a jar of rainbow sprinkles and asked them to see if they could be cooked into Brittany's pancakes. They'd just laughed, let Annie pick out a giant cookie from behind the counter, and came out with pancakes piled high with whipped cream and a candle, singing like they were in one of those weird midtown restaurants where wannabe Broadway stars had day jobs. Britt buried her head in her hands, hiding her blush, and she shook away my concerned glance, but I couldn't help but find it strange, considering she usually relished all forms of birthday celebration.

Driving up to the zoo, I fidgeted in the passenger seat, since Britt insisted that she continue to do all of the driving until Dr. Singh confirmed that I was totally healed, looking constantly behind me at Annie and Marisa, who had Milky Way, Skittles and baby doll Candita strapped between them (and yes, I'm aware that my daughter's doll sounded like she was named after a yeast infection, but no amount of trying to change the name made Annie want to call the doll anything other than  _little Candy)_. Marisa stayed fast asleep for the entire car ride,and even when Brittany took her out and secured her in the sling while I got Annie out on my side, the baby didn't even stir. With me pushing our cheesy ten dollar umbrella stroller from Target (the Bronx Zoo was probably the  _only_ place we ever used it, since it was gigantic and sometimes Annie's tiny legs needed a rest), Annie skipped a few paces ahead of us, and Britt set her hand over mine on one of the handles, making sure I could peek into the sling to see for myself that Marisa was still okay.

"Can we see the butterflies first?" Annie hopped up and down excitedly once Britt had flashed our membership card at the gate. "I wore my yellow sandals 'cuz they like yellow best and tickle my feet!"

"So  _that's_ why you had to test all your shoes?" I teased her.

"'S very important." She shrugged, and Brittany let out a small snort.

"Your silly Mamí and sister, Ladybug." Britt murmured to Marisa. "Mamí thinks I didn't see her change  _her_ shoes three times herself.

"In my defense, my hands and feet are still swollen." I laughed.

"Right, that's why you couldn't wear the ones you had on yesterday."

"Shut up." I rolled my eyes, causing her to laugh harder.

"And when Mamí says  _shut up_ , it means she knows I'm right." Brittany resumed talking to the baby, and I parked the stroller outside the butterfly garden, reaching for Annie's hand as I pretended to ignore my wife, but forgetting my game the instant she winked at me and extended her hand.

Like we usually did, we spent over an hour with the butterflies. Annie held in so much for her natural desire to bubble up and bounce around, keeping as quiet and still as possible so they'd land on her. I stood back with the camera, taking pictures of her and Britt with colorful bugs in their hair (and  _hoping_ they wouldn't land on me, because their creepy legs seriously freaked me out, and I'd always worn black in an attempt to deter them). Marisa woke up while we were in there, but being up against her Mama's heart, she felt secure, and stayed quiet and oblivious, even through Annie's uncontrollable shriek of joy, and my split second of panic, when a butterfly landed on Britt's shoulder, so close to the baby's head.

All in all, it was a pretty typical day for us at the zoo, Annie running from exhibit to exhibit, and Britt and me just smiling at her, sneaking a few kisses from each other here and there. My nervousness about the baby had been unwarranted, we'd found benches that were relatively private, and covered with a blanket, I managed to feed her without feeling like  _I_ was an exhibit, and the bathrooms were clean, so I didn't worry about diaper changes. After lunch, Annie was exhausted, and about five seconds after sitting down in the stroller, she fell asleep with her head slumped against her chest. Britt and I walked quietly for awhile with both kids asleep, until I was feeling pretty exhausted myself, and I sank down onto a bench near the lemurs, dropping my head on Britt's shoulder and twisting the ends of her ponytail between my fingers. We sat there for a good half hour, neither of us saying anything. Something was up with her, it was pretty obvious, but every single time I asked her, she insisted she was okay.

"Okay, so now that the girls are asleep and it's just us, do you want to tell me what's going on?" I asked her gently.

"I'm okay." She said quietly, chewing on her bottom lip.

"Brittany, you're usually beside yourself with excitement on your birthday, I know something is wrong. You've been really quiet all day, and it's not like you."

"It's kind of ridiculous, San. I  _feel_ ridiculous even bringing it up."

"Have you met me? I'm Santana Marie Lopez-Pierce, and I'm kind of the Queen of Ridiculousness, I'm sure whatever you're thinking about is more rational than about ninety percent of the things I say."

"You're not ridiculous. Yeah, you're overly cautious, sort of obsessive compulsive, and definitely a control freak, but I think it's endearing."

"Because you love me." I lifted her hand and kissed the inside of her wrist. "But don't deflect, talk to me."

"Okay." She sighed, lowering her eyes. "Santana, I'm  _thirty._ "

"I know, baby." I gave her a small smile. "Wait, was there something we said we'd do today that I forgot about, because it's still early, and-"

"Oh God, no." She cut me off with a quick, chaste kiss. "You never forget anything, and I feel like such a jerk for not being overly enthusiastic about anything you've already done. It's just, I'm  _thirty._ I'm thirty, and I'm a dancer, that terrifies me. I mean, I know I'm not  _old,_ by any means, but I don't know, hearing that damn number over and over again is sort of reminding me that I'm getting old _er._ "

"Oh, Britt." The realization hit me, and I immediately felt bad for not thinking of it sooner. "You're worried about the future."

"Ugh, I don't want to be. That's why I feel ridiculous, I have the most amazing wife in the entire world, we have two beautiful, healthy girls, we've got our house, and our life, and it's everything I've always wanted. But dancing is such a part of who I am, the idea of aging and losing that ability…I don't, ugh." She wiped at her eyes furiously. "It's not even about my job, I know I'll have Rick's soon enough, it's just I don't know. I'm being stupid."

"Hey." I spoke softly, cupping her cheek in my hand and making her look at me. "You're not, at all. You know I know what it's like to lose a part of who you are, and it sucks, like a lot. But it's in your bones to dance. C'mon, you'll probably be popping and locking with your walker at a bridge game some day."

"San." Brittany snorted. "I'm pretty sure that's not even possible. And also, I'm pretty sure we're never going to play bridge. Do we even know what bridge is?"

"No, probably not. Made you laugh though, didn't it?" I tapped her nose and she pursed her lips, trying to hold it in at the image. "You, Brittany Susan, would find a way to dance even if you didn't have legs, even if you were just wiggling your cute butt in a chair. Besides, you're still young and hot, the number is freaking you out more than anything, I think. But look at you, B. I couldn't believe that you could do one-handed cartwheels when we were kids, but the fact that you  _still_ can leads me to believe that your body might never actually age."

"You'd love that, wouldn't you?" She teased, threading her fingers with mine.

"What, so I get old and grey by myself and parade my young hot wife around like I'm Archie Chapman?"

"Archie is not that old." Brittany shook her head and rolled her eyes, and I was glad that she was smiling. "And I'm totally hotter than Quinn."

"Obviously." I laughed. "But seriously, Britt, my mother, vain as she is sometimes, has always embraced aging, because she says that the only alternative is death. I'd prefer we stick to our original plan and grow old together, and dance together at our daughters' weddings, dance making dinner in the kitchen. I think about you picking up our grandbabies and spinning around the house with them when they come for sleepovers with us, and since the girls can't date until  _they_ are thirty, we'll be pretty old by the time they have kids. Anyway, my point is, even if you won't always be able to dance like you do now, it's always going to be such a big part of your life in some way."

"I love you, Santana. I love that you think about things like me dancing with our grandchildren. And I love that you can make me feel better."

"Of course I do, because I know you will. I mean, look, Annie wanted to get you a new iPod because of your dance parties. It'll be awesome to see  _another_ generation dancing to  _Born This Way_ with you, in little white onesies that say  _Likes Boobs,_ or  _Poops in My Pants_." I brought my free hand up and wiped away the last residual tears from under her eyes while her shoulders shook with laughter, picturing that. "You really feel better?"

"I do. I mean, I'm still a little  _blah,_ but you're right."

"We can skip the rest of the day, if you want." I told her sincerely, debating whether or not to just tell her about the party so she'd be prepared, or calling Rachel to just cancel the whole thing, even if our friends were pissed at me, but deciding against it, because unless she told me otherwise, I really  _did_ want to make sure she had something special happening.

"No, no, it's okay." She slid closer to me, wrapping her arm around my waist. "I'll be less mopey, I promise."

"You're allowed to be if you want.  _It_ _'_ _s your birthday and you_ _'_ _ll cry if you want to._ _"_ I sang.

"You, love of my life, are a gigantic dork, especially because that's not even the song. But thank you." She kissed me on my bare shoulder. "Your sweet, goofy, dorkiness was very helpful babe."

"At your service, birthday girl." I winked and snuggled into her, accepting her kiss on the top of my head. "And I meant what I said this morning, you're more and more beautiful with age, pretty lady."

I was actually surprised how long the girls both slept, and wholly grateful for the time they gave Britt and I to be sort of alone, even though they were close to us. It seemed like we'd scarcely had more than a few waking moments with just the two of us in the weeks since Marisa's birth, and we'd been attempting to get together a date night once we were a little more settled, and once I got more comfortable with the breast pump, but I'd happily settle for moments like that for the time being. After I fed Marisa for the second time, and Annie woke back up, we went for our third visit to the snow leopards, since Britt had a real soft spot for them. Sneakily, while she and Annie were watching them intently, I'd sent Rachel a text begging her to remove any decorations with the number thirty on them, and to tell people that three weeks after having a baby or not, I'd kick the asses of anyone who made old jokes at my wife's expense (and I knew that Rachel would tell them in a way that didn't give away Britt's emotional state), figuring I'd rather be safe than sorry.

After loading the car back up and triple checking carseats (because really, Annie was five, and we still hadn't stopped checking for  _her,_ let alone a newborn), we started our drive home. The entire time, I drummed my fingers nervously on the window, and had difficult keeping still. Rachel had sent me six poorly coded text messages telling me that just about everyone had arrived, and when we made it to the garage to park the car, I whispered to Annie, making sure that she was ready for the big surprise. Wanting Annie to be able to hold her Mama's hand too, I was the one who quickly grabbed Reese's carseat, and took Britt's hand with my free one as we made our way over to the house. Annie could hardly control her skipping, and urgently, she pressed her hand into her print on the stairs and I shoved my key into the lock, swinging it open before Brittany had a chance. The house was dark, since Kurt and Rachel had apparently pulled all of the shades down, and it took about ten seconds before everyone hidden reacted to our presence.

"Surprise!" Everyone shouted, and someone flicked the lights, revealing my parents, my in-laws, our New York friends, Rick and a few dancers from Britt's studio, the Changs, Mercedes and her boyfriend, and even Puck and his house had been decorated in the exact classy, subdued, dinner party style that I'd planned, with thirty years worth of pictures displayed. Stunned, Brittany gasped, and I quickly set the carseat down on the floor, opening my arms so she could steady herself.

"You…" She threw her arms around my neck and buried her head in my chest, mumbling against my skin. "When did you…? How did you…?"

"Elves…or hobbits, whatever you want to call them." I joked, trying to gauge if she was okay with it all.

"God, Santana." She looked up and mouthed, her eyes teary, but not in a bad way, pressing her lips against mine. "You're something else, you know that?"

"Not just me." I gestured down to Annie, who was bouncing up and down excitedly. "I couldn't have done it without my number one helper."

"Baby girl." Brittany gave me a few more quick pecks on the lips before bending down and lifting Annie up into her arms. "You  _knew_  about this?"

"Yup, I did." Annie grinned. "'Cuz you love surprises the most, and Mamí said you never ever had a surprise party before so we needed to make you the most special one."

"It is so very special sweetheart, thank you." Brittany choked out, then turned her attention to everyone who was kind of just watching us, and released a throaty laugh. "Hi."

"Hey Britt, miss me yet?" Liz was the first one to approach us, throwing her arms around Britt and Annie. "Happy birthday. I love you, big sis."

"Brittany, my baby girl." Susan pulled Brittany to her chest and started sobbing immediately. "When did this happen? When did thirty years of your life pass? You're all grown up now."

"Ma." Lizzie rolled her eyes and grabbed Susan by the arm, pulling her away from Brittany, who was actually laughing, not crying at her mom. "You saw her two weeks ago, you know, when her wife gave birth to their second kid. You're well aware that she's grown up now."

"Hush up, Eliza." Susan reprimanded. "After you have your babies, and they grow up on you, you can tell me whether or not to cry."

"Everyone, mom is  _not_ invited to any birthday party you ever throw for me."

"I tried, Santana." Rachel came up beside me and whispered into my ear, while Susan and Liz bickered. "But she basically told me the same thing she just told Liz."

"It's okay, there's a difference between Susan being proud and nostalgic than people making jokes at her expense. Britt's good." I looked at my wife and her eyes gave me the silent confirmation I needed.

"We're proud of you, Brittany." Stephen gave his daughter a tight hug, and she smiled gratefully at her dad.

"I'm going to get you a drink, baby." I offered, checking quickly that Susan and Stephen were good on wine.

At Brittany's grateful nod, I squeezed her arm quickly, before going to set Marisa's carseat on top of the piano, wanting to be able to see when she woke up. Tina and Mercedes immediately flocked in that direction, after offering hugs to my wife, and I let them be, with a finger to my lips, and went to the kitchen where the caterers had set up a bar. Of course, Rachel and I had spent a good deal of time arguing back and forth about having alcohol at the party, since we  _never_ had it in the house, before I finally won, since seriously, I'd been sober for five-and-a-half years, and I thought it was kind of lame to have a fancy dinner party without offering wine. Pouring a glass of chardonnay for Britt and a seltzer for myself, I made my way back over to where she was speaking to Quinn and Puck. Annie was in my father's arms, where she always seemed to find herself, across the room, and Quinn and Puck were each holding their respective daughters.

"Thank you, honey." She smiled, as I let the tips of my fingers linger against the back of her hand.

"You're welcome." I nodded, then shifted my gaze over to Puck, and the two year old who clung to him. "And look who finally made it out from the West Coast, Puckerman and Baby Puckerman."

"How could I miss it, Lopez?" He grinned, intentionally using my non-hyphenated last name. "Brittany's big birthday, and you two and Quinn both with daughters that Lex hasn't met yet, seemed like the time was right. We've just got to make sure Brice Hudson doesn't think he's got the pick of the ladies with all of these girls though."

"And that," Quinn laughed. "Is why we are all very glad that you have an Alexand _ra,_ not an Alexand _er._ "

"Ain't that the truth." Britt nodded vigorously, her beautiful eyes sparkling. "Santana would already have a restraining order for our girls on a Puckerman boy, just so it's in place when they're grown, and I'd be seconding it."

"And I'd be thirding." Quinn kissed Eden on top of her head, hugging her protectively to her chest.

"I'll have you know that I've grown into a very respectable man." Puck shifted Lexi on his hip, and ran his hand through his hair.

It was true, none of us could even deny that fact. Puck was screenwriting for some weird musical series, and the writing was actually  _good,_ and had bought a pretty awesome house in Santa Monica, if the pictures Britt showed me on his Facebook were any indication. When he'd fallen in love fast with the wrong type of girl, gotten engaged, and then had his heart broken when Carlee, or Kinlee, or Kaylee (something that ended with a double-E, I really was bad with names) took off, leaving him alone with their newborn daughter, he'd really stepped up and became the family man we kind of all knew he'd always secretly wanted to be.

"Fair enough, I'll give you that." I conceded, ruffling the red hair of the shy, quiet girl who had her face buried in her father's shoulder. "I'll admit on behalf of the no-longer-so-Unholy-Trinity that we are proud of you,  _Noah._ The three of us were talking about growing up last summer, and it seems like we've all done even more so in a year."

"Well I  _am_ sad that I missed the entire Santana pregnancy, how was  _that,_ Brittany?"

"Everyone asks me that, but she didn't have the easiest pregnancy, and she was still awesome about it." Britt looked at me adoringly, and I kissed her nose. "And look at our beautiful girl sleeping over there. She did good."

"Thank you, baby. Now let's see how long it takes 'Cedes and the Changs to get their acts together and add some more kids to the rapidly growing bunch."

"You sound like your mother." Britt teased, taking a long sip of her drink and tugging on my hand. "Come on, lets go say hi to Max and Finn, they seem to be getting along well."

"Damn guy knows the right ones to get in with." I muttered, and Brittany just rolled her eyes, knowing there was no venom behind my words.

After playing nice with both Max, and a little later, Rick, letting my mother hug me for like twenty-five minutes (and that's only a  _slight_ exaggeration), thanking Kurt and Rachel profusely, eating dinner, and slipping away to feed Marisa, we'd all sort of fallen into a relaxed state as the caterers cleaned up and Brittany's work friends left, probably to get ready to go out to some wild party, not hang around with people with kids and our high school friends. Britt and I were in our requisite spot on the chaise, me sitting between her legs as my fingers played up and down her arms, Rosa, my mom and Susan seemed to be surrounded with all of the kids, even shy Lexi, who was snuggled up asleep on Rosa's lap, and Tina and Mike were murmuring things to Marisa, who was in Mike's arms. Jarrod and Chris were talking animatedly to Puck and Mercedes about their future possibility of buying a place out in LA, and what neighborhoods were best. Kurt had gone into the kitchen to give some final orders, with Rachel trailing behind, muttering something about leftover cake, and the remaining men discussed football, while Quinn insisted on hearing every detail about law school from Liz. It was just  _so_ good to see how well everyone got along, and to feel how much love for our family that was in the room.

"Mamí, 's it time?" Annie called from across the room, wriggling out from where Brice had sat down on top of her.

"Do you want it to be,  _mija?_ "

"Course I do, been waiting  _all_ day."

"Okay, then it's time."

"Time for what?" Britt asked, and I tilted my head back and kissed the underside of her chin.

"First gift from me." I whispered.

"Santana, you threw me my first surprise party, you didn't have to get me anything."

"Oh stop." I huffed playfully. "Remember the birthday gift rules? We're allowed to do whatever we want for each other, and the other one can't complain. You didn't hear me telling you it was two much when you bought me a diamond bracelet last year."

"Not in so many words, but I do remember you saying  _I love me some bling, but this is way too much, baby._ _"_

"And yet I wear it every day." I twisted the band on my wrist. " _This_ gift you can't wear, but we'll see what else I have for you later."

"Santana Marie, I hope you remember who's birthday is next."

"Are their arguments always this ridiculous?" I heard Mike ask Blaine, and I had sort of forgotten that we were right in the middle of everyone as we had our discussion.

"They have this thing where the only time they buy each other gifts is on their birthdays, and twice a year we get to hear  _well Brittany bought me this, and I love it, but I told her she was absolutely ridiculous_ or  _Santana needs to stop going so over the top, but isn_ _'_ _t it beautiful and special and magical?_ _"_

"We do  _not_ sound like that." I argued.

"Yes, you do." Blaine, Liz, Finn, Quinn, two sets of parents, Kurt and Rachel, who'd come back in the room, and even Archie, who didn't even always make our birthday dinners all said at exactly the same time, and my cheeks flamed at how obvious Britt and I were to everyone who spent time with us.

"Whatever, you can all leave if you don't like it, this is our house and we'll do what we want. And now, I'm going to sing a love song to my wife, because it's her birthday, and she likes when I write her songs." I shrugged, getting up and lifting Annie from my mom's lap. "Let's rock and roll, Annie."

Sitting down Annie down at the piano bench, I took my spot beside her, and looked over my shoulder at Britt, who'd already began making her way over to us. It was rare that I sung the songs I wrote for her in front of other people, but Annie had been practicing with me so hard, every time we'd had a moment without Brittany in the house, and she was eager to present the small bits she'd learned on the piano. Once she'd stolen Marisa back from Mike and perched herself on the low stool beside where I sat, our eyes met briefly, so much love passing between us, that I would have been embarrassed if we hadn't already been called out on our ridiculousness, before I smiled over to Annie, signaling that we could start.

_Find me here,_

_And speak to me._

_I want to feel you,_

_I need to hear you._

_You are the light,_

_That's leading me,_

_To the place,_

_Where I find peace again._

_You are the strength,_

_That keeps me walking._

_You are the hope,_

_That keeps me trusting._

_You are the light,_

_To my soul._

_You are my purpose,_

_You're everything._

While I sang, never taking my eyes off Britt as my fingers moved across the keys, Annie sat beside me, carefully plucking her same five notes over and over again. I didn't have to look at my daughter to see how well she was doing, and how much it was effecting Brittany to have her be a part of the song, or really, to have her begin to learn the play the piano at all. I knew that I  _couldn_ _'_ _t_ look down beside me, I  _couldn_ _'_ _t_ watch her playing, because my voice would crack with with overflow of emotion, and just  _hearing_ her was already getting me close to that point.

_How can I stand here with you,_

_And not be moved by you?_

_Would you tell me,_

_How could it be,_

_Any better than this?_

_You calm the storms,_

_And you give me rest._

_You hold me in your hands,_

_You won't let me fall._

_You steal my heart,_

_And you take my breath away._

_Would you take me in,_

_Take me deeper now._

Brittany was openly weeping, one hand covering her mouth, and the other rubbing Marisa's small back. Maybe it's ridiculous, and maybe people wouldn't believe hearing me say it, but I swear, watching her there, I fell even more in love with her than I already was. I was sort of reminded of the first time I'd ever sang to her, feeling so scared, so inadequate, but her teary eyes and that same love filled look on her face was exactly the same as it had been so long ago in the choir room. She was so beautiful that it actually hurt sometimes, and I had to shift just a little watching her, the good ache in my chest prevalent.

_Cause you're all I want,_

_You're all I need,_

_You're everything, everything._

I'd barely blinked before Brittany stood up, closer the distance between us, and was threading her fingers through my hair to pull me in for a tear filled kiss.

"You're teaching our daughter to play piano." She marveled softly against my lips. "And your songs, I swear you're going to kill me one day."

"And the feelings will kill me, Britt." I bit her lip playfully before she pulled away and tried to compose herself, shifting Marisa into my arms so she could gather up Annie in hers.

"I played, Mama! I practiced so hard because I wanted to help Mamí with her song for you. Wasn't it so beautiful?"

"It's my favorite one yet, my sweet girl, and I love it even more because you were apart of it."

"That's 'cuz Mamí says that every time she sees me and Reese, she loves you even more,  _so_  having me help her with a special love song makes it even more, more, um, I can't remember the word."

"Meaningful,  _mi amor._ _"_ I laughed, wrapping my arm around the two of them so Marisa and I could be part of the hug.

"It was." Brittany promised. "It was meaningful, and beautiful, thank you guys."

After we'd managed to break up our public love fest, Quinn had snatched Marisa from me, and Annie hugged Britt a few more times before running off with Brice and Thoreau. Brittany had sunk back down on the piano bench, and was just sort of looking at me in a way that caused me face to feel warm, and when someone plugged their iPod into our sound system, I extended my hand to my wife, and when she stood, wrapped my arms around her neck.

" _Don_ _'_ _t you wanna dance with me, baby?_ _"_ I singsonged, and she put her hands on my hips, pulling me in closer. I didn't care that no one else was dancing, or that it wasn't even  _dance_ music playing, I just wanted to be close to my wife. "Are you having a good time?"

"I am." She smiled softly, swaying a little bit with me. "Really, Santana, you just had my baby, you didn't have to do this."

"I know, Britt, but I wanted to do something special just for  _you_. Thirty years ago today, the woman that I've loved for more than half of my life, and who I'll love for the whole rest of it, was born. That's a really big deal to me."

"It means so much that you did. Having everyone together like this was awesome, and  _this_ kind of dancing, just holding you in my arms, is exactly what I needed today."

"Because it's exactly like we danced on our wedding day, nothing fancy, hardly even moving our feet."

"Exactly. The kind of thing we will  _always_ be able to do together. Thank you so much though for everything, honey. You know me so well, and you know that even though I kind of got weird earlier today, that I really would appreciate that you and Annie planned me so many surprises today."

"How about one more surprise, just from me?" I smiled, reaching to take out the chain bracelet with two interconnected hoops that I'd stuck into my pocket when I'd gone upstairs to change the baby and fastening it on her wrist before she even saw what I was doing. "Couldn't let the girls have all the fun of giving you jewelry today."

"Santana." She lowered her eyes to look at her wrist, and then let them flick back up to me.

"Before you say anything-"

"I'm not." Brittany's lips were on mine instantly, kissing me deep and passionately, forgoing all the caution she'd used in the weeks since Marisa's birth. Smiling into it, I breathed small sigh of relief that she didn't need me to explain why I'd gone to Cartier and probably remembering what my father had always said about how he'd buy my mom jewelry all of the time, but save that little red box for only the most important of occasions. "It's perfect, it will always remind me of how special you make me feel."

"Because you are. Even if you weren't my wife, my love, the other mother of my children, and my very best friend, I'd still think that. But because you are, you get this reminder of how absolutely incredible you are in my eyes, and that I'll cherish you for the next thirty years, the next sixty years, and even beyond our lives. Happy birthday, Brittany."

"Thank you." Her eyes filled with tears, and she pulled a hand up to wipe them away before I took that hand to my lips and kissed it firmly. "You made a day that I was secretly dreading into the best birthday I ever could have asked for."


	34. One Day At a Time

It was the hottest summer I ever remember having, and even the late afternoon storms that seemed to come every single afternoon at four o'clock were little reprieve from the misery that was outside. As some kind of escape from being cooped up inside, we'd leave the house each morning at six-thirty, since we were awake anyway, and Annie would run around the park, getting her energy out. When the sun came out fully though, it was absolutely brutal, and we'd retreat back into the house, existing on air conditioning and cherry popsicles. When the O'Malley's had first invited us to their house on Fire Island, I was hesitant to say yes, and even as hot as it was, I was still relatively reluctant to pack up with girls, with Marisa barely six weeks old, fearful of breaking the carefully crafted routine we'd created, and concerned about how Annie would handle spending a weekend in a strange house, even it  _was_ Thoreau's.

More than that though, I think it was my own head that had me resisting leaving the house. I felt like I'd been withdrawing from the world a little bit after Brittany's birthday, with not having to see anyone and living in a protective sphere. Given the fact that it was a billion degrees outside, I couldn't keep my post-pregnancy body completely under wraps, and as the weeks ticked by, I hardly wanted my wife to see me, let alone anyone else. The lack of sleep wasn't helping, I knew that, and I kept trying to push my insecurities back down, to bury them under baby kisses and Annie snuggles, but I felt like I was fighting a losing battle. The hardest part that I felt myself pulling away from Brittany, because I knew she'd see right through me, and that scared me more than anything. I wanted so badly to fix myself, but I just couldn't figure out how.

It was Annie's wistful gazes outside the window the solidified the decision Britt and I had been trying to make, after a text message from Jarrod reminded us that the offer to visit still stood, and that there was plenty of space for the four of us. Even if I was going to wind up a nervous wreck for four days, we were getting the hell out of the oven formerly known as the island of Manhattan, and as it got closer, I was actually surprised to find myself excited about the idea of it. I'd be forced to interact with other people, forced to behave the way I wanted to feel,  _normally,_ and I figured it would be as good for me as it was for Annie. So, on the second Friday of August, after I had my six week post-baby visit with Dr. Singh (who'd promised I was totally physically healed, and told me to call her if I needed  _anything_ , her concern for my emotional well being clear), we piled our suitcases, the baby basket, and enough diapers to last us a month into the trunk of the car, and joined mass exodus of people with similar ideas on the Long Island Expressway for our long weekend.

Marisa, of course, slept for the majority of the trip, and even Annie took a decently long nap, but by the time we reached the quaint little Main Street in Bay Shore, where the ferry terminal was located, our older daughter was wide awake and bouncing in her seat. Juggling kids and luggage in our arms, we got in line for the boat, and once we'd settled in a seat on the open top deck (and slathered Annie in sunscreen), I felt myself relax a little for the first time since we'd left the city. Annie was situated between Britt and me, her legs swinging beneath her, and I rested my head on Brittany's shoulder as Reese nursed under the muslin blanket that covered the two of us. Because Brittany could read my emotions like a book, she knew that I was sort of nervous about having the girls on a boat with just a thin railing separating us from the water (don't blame me, blame  _Grey's Anatomy)_ , and she slipped her arm behind me, soothingly running her thumb up and down my bare arm.

"Look at the ocean!" Annie hopped up from her seat excitedly, and I found myself laughing as Brittany grabbed her by the back of her short-alls (of course one of my kids had a thing for overalls) and pulled her quickly back into her seat before she could get too close to the railing.

"This is actually the bay, sweetheart." Britt explained. "But Thoreau's dads said that we can see the ocean from their house."

"'S it the same ocean as last year?"

"It is, just a different beach."

"Mmkay." She pursed her lips, considering that. "Reese can't swim in the ocean, right?"

"No, not yet. Maybe next year, but Mama and I can still go in with you."

"Hmm, I'm not sure though. She might want us all to keep her company instead."

"You can take your time to decide, baby girl, there will probably be no going in the ocean today, anyway, since it's getting close to dinner time." Brittany reassured her. "Of course, Reese is always happy to have your company, but if you decide you do want to leave her for a little while, that's okay too."

"'Ro's gonna be very excited to see my sister again, and Emmy too. I think Reese likes them too, 'cuz they're all of our friends, right?"

"Yes, they definitely are." I dropped my head a few inches to kiss her hair, breathing in lavender shampoo and sunscreen, then peeked under the blanket to see Reese's eyes wide open while she ate. "We're very lucky, girls."

It was a short ride, and I breathed a sigh of relief when our feet were on the dock in Saltaire, where the O'Malley's were standing with a red wagon, waving like idiots. Annie tugged Britt's hand, pulling her forward, and suddenly we were engulfed in hugs, and the men grabbed our things from us and piled them up in the wagon. As much time as we'd spent in the presence of these people since we'd had our first play date back in October, something about the ease with which we interacted never failed to surprise me. I continued to let my guard down further, and I knew it was healthy for me to do that, healthy for me to be another model of that for my kids. Giving me a knowing smile, Britt intertwined our fingers and we followed Chris and Jarrod on the wooden walkway their house, the three kids running a few feet in front of us,

I was actually taken aback as we walked, since I'd never actually been to Fire Island, and, on more than one occasion, had made jokes about it being like a never ending gay brothel. I mean, it wasn't like I'd expected Jarrod and Chris to invite my children to a drag show, but I honestly wasn't sure  _what_ I'd thought when we'd agreed to come. In actuality, the area we were in had this weird, wholesome, nostalgic type feel, a throwback to a time before I even existed, like one of those old-timey movies with couples walking hand in hand, kids riding bikes, freaking golden retrievers eating ice cream (okay, I made that last one up, but seriously that's what it felt like), except it was  _better_ , because unlike the white-washed heteronormative scenes in those movies, there were all kinds of families. It meant something to me, because obviously in the city things were different, and Britt and I kissed on street corners and held hands at school functions, but I liked to feel comfortable with that in the wider world, liked for Annie to see that her family was just like everyone else's. Squeezing Britt's hand just a little bit tighter as an older lady couple swung who I presumed to be their grandson between them, I silently told her that I was happy we'd come, and she met my eyes with a smile.

* * *

Apparently, we never realized how  _rich_ the O'Malley's were, until we walked into their house. It was actually kind of ridiculous that they were so normal, considering the  _guest suite_ they'd led us to had two bedrooms in and of itself, and the larger of the two had a balcony overlooking the beach, and a jacuzzi tub in the bathroom. When no one else was looking, Britt made exaggerated shocked faces, and I had to cover my mouth to hide a snort, knowing that the shock at how nice their house was wasn't actually all that much of an exaggeration. While the men went down to start dinner, and Annie whispered to us that she'd be okay playing with the kids on her own, Britt and I stayed up in the room with the baby to get ourselves situated. She took Marisa to change her diaper, and I began hanging things in the closet. When I was just about done, Brittany came up behind me and wrapped her arms around my waist, brushing her lips against the back of my neck.

"What was that for?" I asked, turning in her arms and playfully rubbing her nose with mine.

"Just because I'm happy we're here, that we're having our first little family vacation."

"I'm glad too. You know I love our strict routine, but it's nice for us to take a little break from that."

"You, especially, can use it San." She ran her thumbs over the darkened skin just below my eyes before kissing the tip of my nose. "You're sure you don't want to try pumping for nighttime feedings this weekend? I know you're dying for a good night's sleep."

"It's okay, I'm okay. I'm just, I'm not ready for that yet. I know that it was different with Annie, and for a while you couldn't nurse her exclusively, but every time you could, you  _did._ I feel like wanting some sleep isn't an excuse."

"I think you're beyond the  _wanting_ to sleep stage, honey. You look exhausted, and it makes me worry. Remember that I got six weeks of sleeping through the night after Annie was born, my body had some more time to adjust than yours did. It's totally up to you, but I want to make sure you know that I think that you actually sleeping might be better for both you  _and_ Marisa. And I'm going back to work soon, and you've already started spending some time in the office, you'll function better with a little rest."

"I'll think about it." I conceded, melting into her embrace, my physical and emotional exhaustion weighing heavy on me, despite how much I tried to protest it. Honestly, I probably could have gone to bed right then and there, if I didn't feel like it was totally rude to walk into someone's house and pass out at 4:30. "Thanks, Britt."

"For what?"

"I don't know, just because. I know I've been kind of a mess again for the past few weeks, and I know I've been sort of distant with you, so thanks for being really great, and just for being you. I'm trying, I promise you."

"I love you, Santana, and I know that adjusting isn't easy for you, but I'm really proud of you for how hard you're trying. I know that sometimes you need to work things out in your head on your own, I understand how you operate. But I'm always here, when you're ready to let me in."

"I know." I leaned up to kiss the corner of her mouth. "I want some time alone with you while we're here, after the kids go to bed, or whatever. That's not rude, right?"

"No, I don't think Chris and Jarrod expect us to spend  _all_ of our time with them. That would be weird, wouldn't it?"

"It would be, for sure." I gave her a second kiss, then reluctantly pulled away from her to pick Marisa back up from her basket. "Come on, baby bug, let's go back downstairs to be sociable, and let's see what your sister is up to."

* * *

Jarrod was standing at the grill when we walked out on the back deck, and the three kids were sprawled out on their stomachs coloring giant clamshells with markers. Annie looked up from her work and smiled brightly at us as our offers to help were waved off, and Britt and I settled into cushioned lounge chairs. With the baby snuggled into Brittany's chest, I carefully adjusted my tanktop, self conscious about it riding up and exposing my stretched skin, before dropping my head back on the chair and closing my eyes for a few moments to take in the sound of the ocean, the smell of the salt air, and the feel of the warm late afternoon sun on my face. I felt really content, and listening to the kids chatter with each other, the O'Malley men bicker playfully over what temperature to cook the meat, and Brittany switch between conversing with them and whispering soft words to Marisa lulled me more than I'd expected. It had apparently become a thing with me, falling asleep in the middle of rooms full of people, and it wasn't until Annie climbed up on top of me and snuggled into me that I snapped back awake.

"Hi sleepy Mamí." Annie chirped, squeezing me with her little arms. "'S time for dinner and then we're gonna go get ice cream! So you gotta wake up now."

"Thanks for waking me,  _mija._ I wouldn't have wanted to miss ice cream."

"Glad you could join us, short stuff." Jarrod teased, as I rose with Annie in my arms and smiled over to where Brittany sat with Chris, who was holding Reese with his two kids peering up at her.

"This from the man who insisted he had to sleep every time ours kids did when they were babies." Chris rolled his eyes adoringly at his husband.

"It's what the books  _said_ to do. And Santana knows I'm only messing with her, right  _mamacita?_ "

"I'm slightly disturbed that you just called me that, Jar." I sucked my teeth and settled Annie in a chair, before taking the seat on Brittany's left.

"Can _I_ call you that?" Britt whispered in my ear, and I smiled to myself at how cute it was when Britt spoke Spanish, nodding my response.

"But yes, I know you're kidding. I completely blame your lack of conversational skills for my inability to stay awake anyway."

"Or this porch. It's so relaxing." Brittany chimed in. "Seriously, can we just sleep out here tonight?"

"Not knowing that Santana had a doctor's appointment today. I've seen enough movies to know what that means." Jarrod made a gagging noise, and his husband's eyes went wide.

"Jarrod Michael O'Malley!" Chris snapped, leaning across the table to smack Jarrod's arm, and checking to see that the kids were engrossed with eating their hotdogs down at the other end and didn't seem to have heard.

"It's fine, Chris. I mean, it's weird that both Jarrod and Kurt like to make comments like that and then  _gag_ about it, but it doesn't  _offend_ us."

"I know you don't get to hang with the lovely ladies as much as I do, but they're like us. Brittany's mildly inappropriate like me, and Santana is uptight until you get to know her, like you. No offense, Santana."

"And  _that_ he says  _no offense_ to." Chris laughed a little, then raised his glass of wine with the hand that wasn't holding Marisa. "Well we are very glad to have you four lovely ladies with us this weekend, and I'm glad to have the time off of work so I can get to know you even better."

"Cheers to that!" Brittany raised her lemonade, and Jarrod and I followed suit with our own glasses. "We're so glad to be here."

"'S not so hot." Annie chimed in, raising her milk cup, and Thoreau adorably followed suit. "We're 'llowed to be outside, and the sun's not all the way gone. Can we live at the beach instead in summer too?"

"I think maybe that'll have to wait a few years, sweetheart." Brittany grinned at our daughter. "Our yellow house still needs some more love before we can leave it for the summer."

"That's okay, Annie. You can come live with us whenever you want, right Daddy and Papa?"

"Oh no." Annie's eyes widened, looking nervously at me and Britt. "I need to live with my Mama and my Mamí and my baby Reese."

"It's okay,  _beb_ _é_ _._ Thoreau was just making you a nice offer. Sorry buddy, Brittany and I would be very sad without our girl too. But we're happy to come visit whenever you'll have us." I leaned over so I could stretch my arm to reach Annie's hand, and gave it a small squeeze, making sure she knew that she didn't have to get upset, and if she  _was_ upset, she didn't have to be embarrassed about it.

"Can they come all the time then? 'Cuz I love playing with Annie,  _and_ we still didn't get a new baby, and I really,  _really_ like hers."

"Why don't we enjoy  _this_ weekend, before we start worrying about the next?" Chris chuckled, handing a sleeping Marisa to Brittany so she could lie her down in the basket while we ate, and standing up to help his husband serve dinner.

* * *

After dinner was finished and we'd walked down to the tiny general store for ice cream, the sun was beginning to set, and Brittany and I excused ourselves to finally set our feet in the sand. Annie eagerly accepted our offer for her to join us, and with Marisa secured to Brittany and Annie skipping ahead of us, my wife took my hand again and we walked a short ways up the beach. Because Annie wanted to keep every shell she found (and there were a vast array), her little pockets filled quickly, and my hands and pockets soon followed suit. When I was sure we'd reached our legal limit on shells for the day, the sun was just about to dip into the ocean and I dropped myself down into the sand to watch, pulling Annie onto my lap as Britt followed suit. It was always funny to me, how there was this sort of romance about having our kids between us, and for the second time that day, I snugged closer to my wife, trying to let myself relax more.

When we headed back to the house, Chris and Jarrod were starting to get their kids ready for bed, so once Annie said her good nights, we took ours upstairs to do the same. Once they were bathed and settled into bed, we went downstairs for a while longer before we felt it was appropriate to excuse ourselves again. It wasn't until we were by ourselves again that I felt myself get nervous, thinking about Jarrod's words earlier, thinking about my visit with Dr. Singh, and thinking about how terribly insecure I really was. While Brittany was in the shower, I found myself pacing out on the balcony, trying to wrap my head around the fifteen-thousand thoughts that were coursing through my head. I  _missed_ so much being intimate with my wife, missed being pressed skin to skin with her, missed the feeling of letting myself go in her arms. But I was also at the point where I was so, so scared about what my body would feel like now that it had changed so much, and even more scared than I'd been about wholly baring it than when I'd first gotten pregnant. Sagging skin, tired eyes and leaky, chafed nipples. after all, weren't exactly the picture of sexiness.

"Hey." Brittany walked out on the balcony in pajama shorts and a tank top, causing me to jump a little as my thoughts were broken. "Are you alright?"

"Mmhm." I nodded, my lips sucked between my teeth, knowing that it didn't sound all that convincing.

Brittany looked at me, not closing the gap between us, just watching, deliberating her next move. The whole situation was ridiculous on my end, she was my  _wife_ for godssake, everything I was thinking was completely fabricated in my mind, but my hands were shaking, and before I knew it, I sucked in a breath and let out a shuddering sob. Not hesitating, her arms wrapped immediately around me, pulling me flush to her body and stroking up and down my back. She didn't ask me again what was wrong, she just let me cry, just held the weight of my body so I wouldn't collapse. In some strange way, I think I needed to break like that, to release all of the emotions I was bottling up so that I would actually deal with them instead of pretending that they didn't exist.

"I hate my noisy mind." I whimpered, feeling so terribly helpless. "And I'm just so tired."

"I know you are, my beautiful girl. Come lay with me, you're going to be alright."

Still crying, I moved with Brittany as she wrapped her arm around my waist and led me to the queen sized lounge chair, and gently lay me down, kissing my hairline, my forehead, my cheekbones. When she lay down beside me, I curled up into her, clinging to her shoulders and tucking my face into her neck. I continued to let myself cry, until I was pretty sure there were no tears left, and then I just lay there, breathing raggedly and letting myself relax under the touch of her fingers massaging my scalp.

"I'm sorry, Britt. I'm sorry I'm upset, and I'm sorry we can't just have a nice night."

"Honey, it's alright, that doesn't matter right now. You know that I won't force you to talk, if you're not ready, but I think you should."

"I really wanted it to continue. Today I felt a lot better than I've been feeling, and then I just…I just panicked." A few more tears slipped from my eyes, apparently  _not_ cried out.

"Okay." She said carefully, tilting my chin up so she could look into my eyes, reading me the way she always did. "Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah." I breathed out, letting her bring my fingers up to her lips and kiss them reassuringly.

"Do you think that I'm expecting to have sex tonight?" She asked quietly, and I just stared at her, not trusting myself to say anything, and she sighed softly. "Oh, Santana, I had absolutely no expectations of us doing anything. Just because Dr. Singh says that your body is ready doesn't mean that  _you_ are."

"But I  _want_ to be, Brittany. I love you so, so much, and I just don't want to feel like this. When Marisa was born, and I saw this beautify girl that came from  _me,_ I felt like my body had done this amazing thing, and that I would never see it as anything but positive again. Now it's only been six weeks, and I don't even want to look in the mirror. I want to start running again, but I'm just so damn tired that even thinking about it makes me cringe. And I  _know_ that you love me, I know that you think I'm beautiful, but I just can't help these things that happen in my brain."

"I know, sweetheart. Trust me, I know." She spoke in barely a whisper into my hair. "But I need you to listen to me, okay? You and I are going to take this slowly, one day at a time, and together. Sex is the last thing I'm concerned about, and it's the last thing you need to worry about right now. I don't like when your head gets full and you feel like you're drowning in there all by yourself. I want you to reach out for me and let me pull you out."

"Okay." I didn't let myself avert my eyes from her, because I really  _did_ want her to help me, and I needed to lose myself in the blue. "I don't want to pull away from you."

"I won't let you." She turned onto her side so we were lying face to face, and brought her hand to the side of my face, brushing her thumb along my jawline. "Is it okay if I kiss you right now?"

I was slightly taken aback by her question, because she never asked, never needed to ask, but the tenderness in her voice, the way she cradled my face like I was fragile was something I wasn't aware that I craved. Instead of answering her, I moved just the smallest centimeter closer to her, telling her with my eyes that it was exactly what I wanted. Even after five and a half years of marriage, and thousands upon thousands of kisses in our lifetimes, there were still kisses that we shared that took my breath away. The fact that it wasn't the type of kiss that was leading somewhere else, that it was just Brittany showing me that she loved me in the simplest way, reminding me that I was always safe with my own crazy while she was around, made it all the more intimate. I drank her all in, and returned the kiss with the love and gratitude I needed her to feel.

"Let me run you a bath." She said finally, a long time after we'd broken our kiss and just lay there in each others' embrace, her hand still on my cheek. "There is some  _awesome_ smelling grapefruit and jasmine bubble bath in there, and I know you love your expensive bath products."

"I  _do_ love them. But I think tonight I just want to take a quick shower and turn the lights off and just snuggle with you. I'm really shot, and I think you're right, Britt. I really hate having to do it, but I think I do want you to do the feedings tonight, if you really don't mind."

"Good. I'm really glad for that honey, and of course I don't mind." She kissed my forehead softly. "There are earplugs in the bathroom too, if you want them."

"Oh my God, Brittany." I laughed a little bit. "You seriously have been married to me for too long, snooping through other people's medicine cabinets."

"I didn't snoop." She shook her head and giggled, offering me a hand as she stood up. "It's seriously like a hotel here, there is actually stuff laid out for us, and a guestbook on the dresser."

"So weird. Should we check if there are chocolates on the pillows too?" I asked, enjoying that I really did feel a lot lighter after letting so much out.

"C'mon, we don't need chocolates on the pillows, you know there are still like twelve packs of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups in my bag. Go take your shower and we'll have a midnight snack."

"At nine o'clock?"

"Close enough." She shrugged.

* * *

After I showered and peeked into the attached bedroom where Annie was sound asleep, I got into bed and set myself up to pump. Brittany sat with me, almost reluctant to let me go, I think, after my meltdown, and combed her fingers through my hair soothingly, knowing how much it relaxed me, before twisting it into a braid and ticking the short hairs on the back of my neck. My eyes were still puffy, and slipped closed easily when I was finished. I didn't put the earplugs in, I  _couldn_ _'_ _t_ just tune Marisa out if she was crying, but I actually did manage to sleep mostly through the night, only awakening briefly each time my daughter woke up and my wife's hushed songs calmed her down each time she ate. When I woke in the morning, I was surprised to find both girls in bed with us, Annie's blonde hair splayed across my stomach, her breathing still sleep heavy, and Brittany laying beside us, wide awake with the baby knocked out on her chest.

"Hi." I turned my head and smiled softly at Britt. "Rough night?"

"Not at all, Annie just got scared and I brought her into bed with us. I figured we could all use some extra snuggling. How did you sleep?"

"Good, really good." I lifted my head a little bit and reached out for Marisa, surprised how much I missed her after only a few hours. She stirred just the slightest bit and then fell back to rest with her face tucked into the crook of my neck almost immediately. "She was good with the bottle?"

"She adjusted." Britt told me honestly, and I appreciated that she didn't exaggerate how well it went. "I know you don't want us to do it all the time, but it's good to know that we  _can_ when need be, right?"

"Yeah." I nodded, breathing in the smell of the baby and ticking up and down Annie's back. "And I might need it again soon, because I feel a little more like myself today."

"I'm so glad for that, San."

* * *

We actually stayed in bed far later than we normally would, before getting dressed and making our way downstairs. After bagels and fruit salad, the eight of us headed down to the beach, and I lay Marisa on her blanket under the canopy we'd brought for her, making sure that she was totally protected from the sun. Pulling my coverup dress down so it covered more of my thighs, I sat down in a beach chair close to the baby and watched as Brittany and Jarrod played with the Annie, Emmy and Thoreau in the sand.

"So I know you've been busy, Santana, but how are things going with the organization?" Chris asked me.

"Good, I think." Although I hadn't had time to sit and make plans for the upcoming school year, I  _had_ actually spent a little bit of time thinking about it. "I still haven't heard back about my federal grant, and it's coming up on a year next month, but the benefit raised enough money to actually consider the next step,  _and_ Britt and I are having dinner with a potential donor next week."

"That's pretty incredible. You're such an inspirational story." He said earnestly, and I smiled a little, glad for a reminder of how many bigger things I'd over come than crying over my body.

"I am lucky enough to have good people in my life, I definitely can't take all the credit on my own. You know, at the end of the year when Jarrod came with me to my last session, there were kids who had obviously developed a bond with each other, and it was something that I'd really forgotten about, the importance of making friends who get you. It still sort of surprises me that some of the closest people in my life are people I  _never_ thought I'd even be friends with in high school, let alone more than a decade after."

"Can't let people go after they're around during a struggle, right? I think that's why my husband is really enjoying being apart of this. I know he teases me for being uptight, but when we first met, he was so shy, he didn't really talk to anyone. It was hard for him to open up and talk about anything."

"Jarrod?" I raised an eyebrow, looking at the man who was belly laughing and rolling around in the sand while Britt tried to tackle him into a hole so they kids could bury him. "I can't imagine  _shy_ being in the same book as him, let alone the same sentence."

"I know. I gasp at his oversharing now, but it does make me really, really happy that he's comfortable. The first time I asked him out, he ran away from me. Like actually  _ran_ , because he couldn't find it in himself to answer me."

"I get that. Brittany asked me to sing a duet with her, and I gave her the full on bitch treatment before locking myself in my bedroom and crying about why I couldn't just talk about things like a regular person. It's funny, I've been working with him for a while now, and I guess I didn't feel comfortable asking what he tells the kids when he mentors them. I just assumed it was about him being totally awesome and embracing himself in a situation where it wasn't easy."

"Yeah, you'd think, right? But his triumph didn't come until years later, weeks after I'd asked him out, when we ran into each other in the Starbucks just off campus and he grabbed me and kissed me because he couldn't find the words. It was cool for me, watching him grow every day into himself, and now he's so happy to help other people do that."

"That's pretty awesome. I'm glad he's a part of this, I'm glad you  _both_ are."

"Trust me, if you'd take our money, we'd be giving you tons of it. But I love that our kids get to hear their father talk about something like this."

"Yeah, Annie calls it my  _superhero stuff,_ and I never saw myself as a superhero before."

"We all are, in our own ways. I went to a Manhattan all boys prep school, so I didn't exactly have the struggle that the rest of you had, but I like to think that I'm doing my part to make the world better in whatever ways I can. And I always have the big event space at the store if you wanted to partner up for a fundraiser."

"Thank you. I can't think about fundraisers right now, with the school year starting, and a newborn, but it's definitely something I'd like to do in the future."

"Good. It's a really good thing our kids decided to be friends."

"Oh, trust me, Chris, I know. Look at my girl over there." I couldn't help but grin at where Annie was laughing hysterically with her head thrown back as a very sandy Thoreau hugged her tightly. "I'm a natural worrier, but last year when she started school, I used to cry after dropping her off, because I knew she'd be sitting quietly by herself. I was so afraid that she'd build up walls like I had when I wasn't all that much older than her, because I was scared. But now, she made her first friend all on her own, and I see that she's getting better at making eye contact with other people, and she has this confidence that I didn't expect."

"She's a great kid."

"So are yours."

"Well look at their parents." He teased, and Brittany chose that moment to run over to me and plop herself down on my lap. Wrapping my arms around her waist, I breathed in the smell of sunscreen, salt and  _summer._ The skin left bare by her blue bikini was warm against my skin, even through the two layers of fabric on my body, and I pulled her closer, feeling oddly comforted by it.

"You two look entirely too serious for the beach." She smirked, kissing my bare shoulder. "What are you talking about?"

"At the moment, how awesome we all are." I smiled, and she nuzzled my neck in agreement.

"Well obviously." She poked her tongue between her lips, and Annie ran up, adding herself to our small pile of bodies.

"Hi, Mamí. Can you play with me now?" She asked hopefully, wriggling around.

"Of course I will,  _mi amor._ What do you want to do?"

"I do  _not_ want to go in the water right now, 'cept for my feet. Can you be my race partner?"

"Absolutely." I melted at the excitement on her face, knowing she'd been waiting months for me to be back in any position for me to run around and play, and just act like myself. I shot a look over in Reese's direction, and back at Britt.

"Go." She nodded, kissing my lips. "I'll just be here watching how pretty you look in that dress, and hoping Marisa wakes up so we can see our two favorite girls playing together."

"Alright, Annie girl, lets go beat some O'Malley butt." I beamed at her, as Britt let me up before settling back down into my chair. Annie clamored up into my arms, and I hugged her tightly against my body.

"I'm so, so happy you can run round again, Mamí." She whispered into my ear, like it was a big secret. "This is super exciting."

"It is,  _corazoncita._ Trust me, it's just as much of a big deal for me."

* * *

 


	35. Working Moms

After our long weekend on Fire Island, I returned with a solidified goal to start readjusting to my real life, and to slowly allow myself to crawl out of self-imposed exile from the world. Each day, I forced myself to sit at the desk in the office for at least an hour, emailing Jarrod, Holly, and some of the kids about mentoring sessions when the school year started, and I'd talk on the phone with more people who may or may not be interested in donating (the people Britt and I had gone to dinner with were still  _considering_ , so I wasn't counting chickens there _)._ Each afternoon, depending on the outside temperature, Brittany and I took the girls to the park, to the museum, to lunch, to shop for new school clothes for Annie, wherever we could so I wouldn't retreat into the house, and in turn, my head. In addition, I  _had_ conceded the night feedings to Britt at least twice a week, which she loved, both because I was actually resting, and because she loved being able to bond with our daughter like that, and with more sleep, the constant muddle of my mind seemed to be clearing slightly.

Although Brittany had always taken the last week of August off, the fact that she'd been home for the entire summer meant that she actually  _needed_ to go into the studio, at least for part of the week, to get a feel for the new instructors and jump start her choreography for the fall. It had really come up on us so much faster than I'd expected, and I had to calm myself before I started panicking about the head first dive back into actual life. It was just my first day with both Annie and Marisa by myself, it wasn't a major deal, I was  _totally_ capable of handling it, you know, as long as I kept my thoughts from running away with themselves. Wanting some time to sort herself out before anyone else came in, Britt was out the door long before I could even _think_ about having the girls ready to walk over there with her. Kissing me goodbye in the kitchen, she checked with me multiple times that I'd be okay, before picking up each of our daughters in turn and giving them their own kisses. Once she was out the door and I'd set a bowl of Rice Krispies down in front of Annie, and rocked Marisa as I sipped the one cup of caffeinated coffee I allowed myself each day, all was quiet for about three-and-a-half minutes, until Annie burst into tears.

" _Mija!"_ I jumped up quickly, alarmed by her sudden outburst. "What's the matter?"

"I don't  _want_ Mama to go to work today. I want her to stay home still." She hiccuped, big tears rolling out of her eyes and splashing against the table, one of her total zero to sixty moments.

"We talked about this  _beb_ _é_ _._ She got to stay home with us almost the whole summer."

"But not the  _whole_ whole summer. I wanted summer to never ever end so Mama and you and me and baby Reese could be together all day forever. Now Mama has to work and I gotta go to school soon, and sometimes you have to be a superhero, or go out to dinner with  _inventors_ without me, and I just miss you so much then, and I miss Mama right  _now_." Annie cried, dropping her head against the table. Taking a deep breath, and rubbing my temple (Brittany had barely been gone enough time to go to the  _bathroom,_ it was going to be a long day) I fought my natural instinct to immediately comfort her. Instead, a smiled down at Reese, and kissed her little head, setting her down in her basket while I gave Annie a minute to process.

"Annie, those are a lot of different things to be upset about." I said slowly, sitting back down beside her and placing my hand on top of her small one. "Which are you most upset about right now?"

"Mama." She sniffled, the creases in her forehead deepening.

"I'll miss her today too." I confessed quietly, squeezing Annie's hand. "But Mama's been going to work since you were very small, and you've never been this upset before."

"'S 'cuz it used to be me and you and now there's  _two_ babies and only one you, and I love my sister  _so_ much, but…"

"Hey, sweet girl, come here." I opened my arms and let her climb up onto me, her arms clinging desperately to my neck as I held her close and rocked her. I realized that just like I'd been living in an isolated bubble, so had my daughter, and now that the bubble had burst, I wasn't exactly prepared for  _her_ reality. "I don't want you to cry. I know that we're still trying to get used to this, and now it's more of an adjustment with all the things that are going to happen in the next few weeks, and it's scary for me too. But our special time isn't going to change completely just because we've got another sidekick for all of our fun, right?"

"Dunno, Mamí." She mumbled into my shirt. "I don't like so much when stuff changes."

"I know." I told her simply, swallowing the lump in my throat about how she was just  _so much_ my daughter. "Trust me,  _mi amor,_ I totally understand that. And you have been such a brave girl for so many things this year."

"So hard sometimes." She frowned, looking up into my eyes with her watery blue ones. "And I gotta go to that big school next week.

"You do, but you know Thoreau will be there too, and now that making friends is a little bit easier for you, it's going to be really exciting. But we don't have to think about that today you know. How about we do something special?"

"Like what?"

"Why don't we see if Aunt Rachel and Brice want to hang out with us? Then we won't have to stay in the house and think about missing Mama, or about you going to school, or me doing my work. Uncle Finn had to go back to work this week too, so I bet they might be a little sad missing

him like we are about Mama."

"Really?" Annie rubbed furiously at her eyes, trying to clear away the tears. "I haven't seen Bricey in  _forever._ "

"Yeah." I gave her a small smile, glad to see that she seemed to relax a little bit. "It's been a busy summer for all of us, and I'll be happy to see them too."

Part of me believed that Rachel was probably expecting me to call her, since she and Brice were already down in SoHo having breakfast at Balthazar (she really would never get sick of that place). She excitedly agreed to meet up with us at the park in an hour, and I breathed a sigh of relief at that. Annie definitely pepped up at the news, and finished her breakfast quickly, running up the stairs to put on her bathing suit and the orange shorts and white tunic that Britt had left out on the bed for her. It took longer for me to get Marisa and myself ready, but probably mostly because I was a little nervous to leave the house with both girls on my own. My sweet Annie sat patiently on my bed, swinging her legs and waiting for me to put sunscreen on her as I pulled on a loose cotton dress and got Marisa into the outfit that coordinated with her big sister (one of the dozen courtesy of the latest package from Maribel Lopez and Susan Pierce), kissing her nose before slipping a matching headband onto her bald head.

* * *

Checking the diaper bag even more than I did when I was with Brittany, I threw a few bottles of water and some snacks inside and maneuvered a sleeping Marisa into her sling. Annie skipped, never letting go of my hand, all the way to the park, and the second I unlatched the gate and she saw Brice running through the sprinkler in his swim shorts, she tore off her shirt and shorts, kicked off her sandals, and raced to join him. Laughing softly to myself, I picked up her clothes from the ground and found Rachel sitting on a bench just out of the splash zone. With a little head shake about how cute the kids were, I sank down beside her, quickly peeking to make sure the baby was still settled.

"Hey stranger." Rachel smiled, tilting her head up so  _she_ could catch a glimpse of Marisa. "Long time no see."

"I know. Dare I say that I actually  _miss_ you?"

"It's quite possible that the world may actually end if you speak the words out loud." She teased, and I just rolled my eyes until hers turned serious. "How are you doing, Santana?"

"I'm g-" I started to give my blanket answer, the one that I was kind of giving to everyone but Britt and my mother, but it was Rachel. She'd been around long enough to know when I was completely full of shit. "I'm getting there, honestly."

"Well you look fantastic."

"Really, Rach? I don't know if I'd use the word  _fantastic._ _"_

"Well, comparatively. You remember that I gained forty-six pounds while I was pregnant with Brice, right? What did you gain, seven?"

"It's not so much about the weight gain." I confessed quietly. "My body, it just feels really different, you know? Even if I don't look like a Weeble."

"Oh my God. Did you actually just call me a Weeble?"

"Not any _more_. Six months after Brice was born, you had like, Brittany abs. You were in the best shape of your life. I was jealous, actually."

"I also saw my personal trainer more than I saw my  _husband_. It was like baby, body, Finn, in that order, and it wasn't a good thing for me."

"I didn't realize-"

"I know." She nodded, some far off look in her eyes. "I didn't want anyone to know. You were dealing with being back in school, and all of the Early Intervention for Annie. And Kurt, well, I love him, but he's Kurt, and it wasn't the kind of thing I'd go to him for."

"I wish I could have been there for you, I'm sorry."

"It was something I had to go through my myself…and in therapy. I'm just telling you now, because even though I've been expressly instructed  _not_ to, I do worry about you still, and I don't want you to go back to the dark place."

"Honestly, I don't think I will." I told her, my confidence in that only growing as the weeks passed by. Even though Britt and I still hadn't had sex, and  _did_ spend more time than I'd care to admit in a tumultuous relationship with mirrors, I knew I was making bigger steps. "I'm trying not to be a prisoner of my head and my body. But I actually would really like to start working out again, once we get Annie settled into kindergarten. And not even just because it'll get me into shape, although  _obviously_ that's the goal, but also because my brain is better at functioning when I get my endorphins up, or whatever."

"I'll work out with you."

" _You?_ _"_ I eyed her skeptically. "You know I don't do gyms, because the thought of men  _leering_ at me while I sweat my ass off on the treadmill makes my stomach turn, and after the one and  _only_ time we ever went jogging together you got your panties all in a twist about the city air destroying your vocal chords if you breathed it in too deeply."

"Oh come on, that was ten years ago. Maybe breathing in the smog will add some new smolder to my voice." Rachel laughed, obviously kidding. "I'd do the East River Promenade with you. It'll be a way for us to hang out again, like we did when Annie was a baby, and I'll get some bonding time with Marisa in between your insane schedule and my rehearsals."

"Fine. I could use someone relentless to motivate me anyway." I conceded, not bothering to hide my smile. "How  _are_  rehearsals going anyway? Do you even need them? Because I still have nightmares of you hanging on our fire escape singing  _now that my feet are on the ground again, now that my senses have been found again, what did I ever see in him?"_

"I seem to remember  _someone_ sticking her head through the window and responding with  _do we need them? No we don_ _'_ _t! Do we want them, no we don_ _'_ _t!"_ Rachel sang back to me.

"Perfect line for me, I still say Rosie Alvarez would have been way more interesting if she left Albert for a chick."

"Of course you do, you think everything is more interesting with lesbians."

"Everything  _is_ more interesting with lesbians." I rolled my eyes. " _Bye Bye Birdie_ is  _boring._ It's set in  _Ohio,_ we both know nothing exciting happens there,"

"Part of the reason it holds a special place in my heart." She scoffed, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "But rehearsals are good, it's just tough for me to leave my boy though, even if he's right next door."

"Yeah." I glanced over at Annalise, who was hopping over the jets of the sprinkler, giggling as the water hit her legs, and then down again to Marisa, who's eyes were slowly blinking open as her little fist pressed against my sternum. "I can imagine."

"We're lucky though, you know? A lot of women don't have the options that we do, you being able to work from home, me having a daycare right in the theater, Brittany with her flexible schedule."

"As much as this is beginning to sound like one of your  _new feminism_ speeches, I do agree with you. Isn't that right  _amorcita?_ _"_ I lowered the shoulder of the sling and lifted Marisa out, carefully shading her face from the sun. " _Buenos dias, dormilona._ Look where we are,  _beb_ _é_ _,_ and look who's here to see you."

"She looks so  _big_ Santana, wow."

"Yeah, well, my ravaged nipples would definitely agree that she's a good eater." I winced a little, just thinking about it. "But she's gained almost a pound and a half since birth, so it's worth the suffering."

"Bricey, look!" Annie shouted, pointing excitedly over to me. "My sister is awake now! We need to go see her, 'cept you can't be too loud 'cuz her ears are super tiny. And we can't touch her, 'cuz we're wet and she's too small and will get too cold."

"Kay, MyAnnie." Brice nodded solemnly. "We can look at her?"

"Course we can, c'mon." Annie grabbed him by the hand, and both Rachel and I beamed as our kids approached.

"Aunt S'tana, Baby Risa's still small."

"She is,  _chiquito,_ but she's getting bigger every day."

"Isn't she so pretty?" Annie sighed happily, moving as close as she could to me without dripping water on the baby, and her little teeth chattered before Rachel stood to wrap both kids in their towels. "Mamí, show Bricey  _Fuzzy Wuzzy._ My sister loves that, Auntia Rachel."

"Oh does she? Well I think it's the perfect rhyme for her."

"How's it go?" Brice asked, looking at the baby interestedly.

"Ready,  _mijas?_ _"_ I looked between the girls, and Annie's chin bobbed up and down before I started rubbing the barely there fuzz on Reese's head, which had hardly changed since the day she was born. " _Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear._ _"_

" _Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair._ _"_

" _So Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn_ _'_ _t really fuzzy._ _"_

" _Was he?_ _"_ Annie clapped excitedly, finishing the verse, and Marisa continued to stare up at me with her wide, watchful eyes. My older daughter was finally beginning to understand that just because she didn't yet smile didn't mean she wasn't happy, but was inevitably still on a mission to make it happen. "Not yet?"

"Nope, not yet. Soon though, I think."

"You don't have to be shy though, Reese, 's only Bricey and Auntia Rachel." Annie leaned in close to her sister, flicking her eyes over to Rachel and Brice to make sure neither could hear her private whispers. "But 's okay, Mama and Mamí say we only have to do stuff when we're ready."

Brice's interest in watching the baby waned quickly, and Annie hung back only a few minutes more, torn a little about leaving her sister, but realizing with my encouragement that she got  _a lot_ more time with Marisa than she did with Brice. With the two of them happily engaged in a game of catch with Brice's ball (and Rachel marveling that I actually seemed  _more_ relaxed at the park than I normally did), I fed Marisa while we resumed our conversation, attempting to plan a workout schedule, talking about Brice starting preschool, Annie starting kindergarten, our respective spouses, work, our friends. It was the kind of thing I hadn't realized I'd been missing during my exile from the world, having my best friend to just  _bullshit_ with. We let the kids play for hours, fed them pizza for lunch, and just as we started packing up so Rachel could head up to the theater and I could head home, I got a text from Britt, asking me to stop by the studio with the girls if I felt like it.

* * *

After hugging Brice goodbye and bravely telling him that school would be  _super fun,_ Annie skipped the entire way to Brittany's studio. Since Annie was inexplicably afraid of the elevator (and only that one, not elevators in general), we took the three flights of stairs, which, of course proved more of a challenge than normal. Embarrassingly out of breath, I made it with the two girls into the front room. Nicole, the sweet middle-aged receptionist with a South Carolina twang, looked up from her computer screen and grinned widely at my daughter.

"Well look at this, we don't just get one Lopez-Pierce back today, we get all of you. Hello Annalise."

"Hi." Annie mumbled shyly, pressing most of her face into my side. "'S nice to see you."

"You too, sunshine. Everyone's been pestering your Mama all day about pictures of you and this new baby I've yet to meet." Nicole winked at me, and I ran my thumb over the crown of Marisa's tucked away little head.

"Mama's got lots of pictures in her phone." Annie whispered, not quite meeting Nicole's eyes. "I got to take some of them of my sister."

"I may have heard a thing or two about that." Nicole reached into her desk and pulled out a small package of Skittles (which I swore she only kept in there for Annie's visits, since she and Britt were the _only_ two people in the entire studio with kids, and Nicole's were grown), waiting for my small nod before she offered them to Annie. Tentatively, my daughter stepped forward and accepted the gift, murmuring a soft  _thank you_  before sitting down with a face splitting grin in one of the chairs in the waiting area.

"How are you, Nicole?" I asked, once Annie was settled.

"I'm just fine, thanks. And how are you, Mrs. Lopez-Pierce?"

"For the thousandth time, Santana is fine. I'm not Rick's boyfriend, friend, lover,  _whatever_ their situation of the week is,who insists on being called  _Mr. Rockwell._ "

"And whom I call  _Marcus_ every single time he steps foot in this place." The corner of her mouth lifted up into a half-grin, and I laughed.

"Which is exactly why you are my  _favorite_ person around here. Only you have as much distain for Rick and Marcus as I do." I laughed quietly, making sure that no one else was around to hear me. "But I'm good, thanks for asking. Just figuring out a new routine now that Britt's back at work."

"Well thanks for taking time out of that to come in and see us. In between Rick talking to Brittany for hours in his office this morning, she's had to spend most of her day bragging about her beautiful girls." Nicole's eyes drifted down to the green fabric of the sling before looking back of. "Speaking of, am I going to have to beg you to hold the baby?"

"Oh. No. Of course not." I tried to sound more confident than I felt, since even though I was less weird about people holding Marisa than I had been about Annie, it still made my heart thump a little faster. Slowly, I removed the drowsy girl from where she was snuggled against me, and pressed a few soft kisses to the top of her head before passing her to Nicole. "Is Brittany busy? I mean, I know she asked us to come, but..."

"She'll be finished with the two new instructors soon." Nicole nearly whispered between coos to Marisa. "She told me to tell you there's decaf coffee on the shelf in her office if you want it."

"My wife's the best, isn't she?" I grinned dopily.

"You know she's everyone here's favorite. And speak of the devil." Nicole tilted her head over to where Britt was coming down the hallway, and Annie shot up out of her chair, spilling Skittles all over the floor, jumping up into her Mama's arms.

"Hi sweetheart!" Brittany kissed all over her face, squeezing her tightly to her chest with a big grin on her face. "You brought Mamí and Reese here to see me?"

"No, Mama." Annie giggled, then frowned as she noticed the spilled candy. " _Mam_ _í_ brought  _us_ here, course."

"Well either way, I'm glad you came." Britt set Annie back down on the floor. "Can you clean up your mess for me and then we'll go back to see the new stuff in my office?"

"Mmkay!" She nodded enthusiastically and dropped down to her hands and knees, searching for the brightly colored balls.

"Hey honey." Britt whispered into my ear as she wrapped her arms around my waist and softly kissed the side of my face from behind. "Nicki, you've already got your hands on Marisa, huh? Everyone else around here will be  _jealous._ "

"She's even more perfect in person. Let them be jealous all they want, I'm not giving up this girl for anyone."

"Oh really?" Brittany stepped forward, holding out her arms. "Because I think my sweet girl wants to see her Mama. Come here, little love."

Brittany's whole body sighed with joy when she held Reese close, stopping to nuzzle her nose, and to carefully observe her features like she'd missed something important in the few hours she'd been at work. With Britt promising Nicole that we'd be back, and that she could  _definitely_ hold the baby again, I helped Annie throw the Skittles away with a wistful little pout, and then lifted her into my arms. I followed my wife through the maze of hallways, surprised that she barely spared a second for anyone who stopped us, since I figured the reason she'd asked us to come was so she could show off Marisa for the first time. Once we got into her tiny private space, I looked around, smiling that Brittany had put the picture of the four of us in the hospital on her desk. Catching the look in my eye, Brittany winked at me and handed Annie a new box of sparkle crayons (which she immediately sat in the big chair with and became engrossed in drawing) and lay Marisa on a blanket on the floor before hopping over to me, looking like she was about to explode.

"What's going on, babe?" I couldn't hold in my grin just from the bubbling excitement on her face.

"Rick's retiring." She whisper-shouted breathily. "At the end of the year. And Michelle from the national office came in today and they officially offered me the job. And I'm not allowed to say anything to anyone here, but I couldn't tell you on the phone and I just  _needed_ you to know that it isn't just some far off dream anymore. I'm going to train a new lead choreographer, and I'm still going to do a little on my own, even if I'm going to be the one running things behind the scenes. Santana..."

"Britt." I choked on her name, so, so incredibly proud of her, and caught her up in a deep kiss, not even sure I knew the words to express as much.

"When Rick called me into the office this morning and Michelle was there, I thought they were going to fire me. I mean...I started thinking how we need to call a lawyer, since they totally can't do that right after I came back from maternity leave, and I swear, I almost started to cry before they even said a word. San, I know we've talked about this coming some day like it was a guarantee, but part of me never thought they'd  _really_  trust me with running the whole show." She was laughing, but tears were running down her face, so I kissed her again, knowing I was on the verge of tears too.

"Baby, you  _have_ been running the whole show, Rick is  _always_ away, and you've been so awesome at it. God, I'm so proud of you."

"Thank you." She gushed. "Remember when Rick offered me the choreographer job so I'd come back to work after Annie? And now the day I come back after Marisa, they offer me  _this._ Our kids are _magic,_ I swear."

"Maybe so, but so are  _you._ Magic, and talented, and you deserve this." I let the tears spill out from my eyes and hugged Brittany tightly.

"Why are you crying?" Annie looked up from her coloring, alarmed at the sound of our sniffles.

"It's good crying, baby girl."

"The best kind." I nodded my reassurance. "The kind where Mama needs a really fancy dinner and a million kisses."

"Can I come to your fancy dinner, Mama?"

"Do I get a million kisses?" Britt wiped her eyes and slowly pulled out of my embrace, catching Annie up to accept said kisses. "Thank you Bean."

"Welcome! Did you do something super special? 'Cuz it's not your birthday anymore."

"She did." I answered. "And tonight we'll tell you all about it."

"Okay! But Mamí, you have to make 'servations when it's fancy dinner, right?"

"I do." I laughed, shaking my head in amusement and making a mental note not to let Annie remind her grandmothers that she knew about making reservations, lest we hear  _more_ about how often we go out to dinner. "Don't worry, I know just the place."

Stealing a few more kisses, and mumbling  _I'm so proud of you_ against Britt's lips a few more times, I fixed my lipstick and we emerged from her office, Annie in Brittany's arms and Marisa in mine. I found it so hard to control myself from shouting my wife's accomplishments to every person who she introduced the baby to, so I mostly kept my mouth shut, letting Brittany do the majority of the talking as the other dancers fawned over my girls. Stopping to say a quick hello to Rick before I left, I surprised both him  _and_ Britt when I threw my arms around him. I didn't actually care that he was a mildly pretentious pain in Brittany's ass anymore, he had  _always_ given her the opportunities that  _I_ knew she deserved, and that both of us worried that other people wouldn't see, and for that, I respected the guy. Finally kissing Britt goodbye, I packed up the girls again (Annie very reluctantly) and left her to work so she could get home in time for dinner, and I basically floated out the door, delirious with admiration for her. On the way home, we picked up flowers, which Annie insisted on carrying, her arms full with the amount we'd picked out, and while both girls took a much needed nap, I sat at the kitchen table, writing basically a short novel in the card I'd grabbed while we were buying milk in Duane Reade.

* * *

When Brittany got home, a folder with a new contract cradled against her chest, both girls were dressed and on our bed, and I stood doing my hair at the mirror while she took a shower. Although it would end up being a late night for the kids, we wouldn't have celebrated such a big night without them, and by the time we got uptown to Trattoria Dell'Arte, Marisa was sound asleep in her carseat, and Annie was chattering away about spaghetti and Rick getting 'tired. After raising glasses of Pellegrino, and toasting, I hooked my ankle with Britt's and rested my right hand on her bare knee, squeezing occasionally to convey how much more I wanted to say to her. We ate our dinner in best kind of comfortable quiet, mostly engaging Annie's excited questions and shooting each other dopey glances over risotto and veal Marsala. In the midst of dessert, Annie passed out with her head in Brittany's lap, slightly clingy with her after the day apart, and I hurriedly got the check so we could get both of our daughters home and into bed.

While Britt called our parents to tell them her big news, I nursed a mostly still asleep baby and ran a bath for the two of us. We hadn't bathed together since the night before Reese was born, and since it was always one of those special things Brittany and I shared, I figured it would be the best way too finish off our night. After pouring the lavender bubble bath in the tub, I lowered the lights and lit candles, sitting on the edge of the tub and waiting for my wife to join me. Her eyes were soft when she entered the bathroom, and I untied my robe, slipping into the water and beckoning her to join me. Once she'd settled behind me, her fingers interlacing with mine and our hands resting on the sides of the tub, she hummed contentedly as I leaned further into her.

"This is nice." She murmured into my hair. "I missed this."

"Me too." I admitted shyly, feeling part of the strangeness inside of me caused by lack of physical intimacy with my wife begin to evaporate at just the feeling of bare wet skin against bare wet skin. "You looked really pretty tonight."

"So did you." Brittany twisted the rings that finally fit on my finger again. "Thank you for dinner, and the flowers, and the card. You always make me feel really special San."

"You are." I breathed, tilting my chin up to capture her lips. "So special. Tell me everything about that big gigantic contract."

"We're always conducting important life business in the bathtub." She giggled. "It's a lot to read, and I obviously want you to look over it too, but I think it's going to be really good for us. It's a different kind of flexible than choreographing, I had Michelle put a provision in there about working remotely, or having the girls in the office with me, if need be. This is long term, and with things really blossoming with Show Your Brave, I don't want me adjusting to a new job to stunt the growth."

"Britt." I brought her wrist to my lips and kissed her there, feeling her excited pulse. I hadn't even  _thought_ about how all of the changes were going to effect the dynamic of things in our house, and yet _Brittany_ had already taken care of making sure her contract accommodated for that. "I love you. You're sure that's okay though? I mean, I don't want anything to mess up this opportunity for you."

"Honey." She pressed a firm kiss to my temple. "Michelle signed it already, they're just waiting for me to formally accept which I wouldn't do until you and I really talked it over together. It's more than okay. You were so quick to offer to stay home with Annie when I went back to work, and I know you're still going to be home a lot, but I also want you to feel like you have the same flexibility you always gave me."

"Thank you." I felt really emotional about the whole thing, and I swallowed hard before tucking my face into Britt's neck and placing the lightest of kisses on the underside of her jaw.

"I could thank you just as much."

"And this is what you want, right?" I asked quietly, wanting her to really know that she didn't have to make this move if she wasn't ready, that I'd support her decision no matter what. "I know that this is what you planned to do eventually, and I'm  _thrilled_ , trust me. But you didn't think Rick would retire so soon, and I don't want you to feel like you're pressured into sort of changing your career  _now_."

"You know, I really thought when the time came, I'd feel like I was giving something up. But after what we talked about on my birthday, you helped me realize a lot. And trust me, I'm still going to have my hands-and my feet- in the studio. I'm not Rick, you know? Locking myself in an office and being disconnected would  _never_ work."

"That's why they all love you there. You're the best, and yet you act like an equal."

"Because I am, and I still will be. I love to dance, and I'm still going to do it every day, hopefully until long after  _I_ retire as director, like you believe, but I also love the idea of being able to create my own vision for the studio, and I  _love_ that they really believe I'm cut out for it."

"You are." I affirmed, giving her another squeeze. "It's going to be  _so_ much better with you in change."

"Well obviously." She laughed deeply, the tightening muscles of her stomach rippling against my lower back. "I'm really excited about it."

"Good. So am I. I just wanted to make sure."

"I know. And I so appreciate that."

Her grip on my fingers loosened after awhile, and her hands trailed up and down my arms before I caught them again. Dropping both sets below the water, I squeezed her left tightly and let it rest on the still loose skin of my stomach, while our others fell to the top of her thigh, my thumb stroking there. We lay together like that for awhile, a sense of contentment coursing through my body. There was a shift, I could physically feel it, and when we wrapped ourselves in towels and went back into the bedroom, I forwent the search for clothes and sat down almost shyly on the edge of our bed. From my perch, I watched Brittany carefully in the low candle light as she finished towel drying the wet ends of her hair, standing completely naked in front of our dresser.

"Brittany." I beckoned softly, letting the towel that had been wrapped around me pool beside my hips.

It was a different kind of exposed than I'd been in the bathtub, or changing, or while nursing the baby, and I sucked in a sharp breath, forcing my brain to avoid shutting down on itself. Slowly, Brittany turned around and took her own gasp for air as she walked over to the bed, her eyes taking in my naked form. I couldn't help but squirm slightly at the intensity of her gaze, but all of that stopped when she reached the edge of the bed and moved to stand between my thighs. Tenderly, she set her palms on my shoulders, giving them a quick, affectionate squeeze, before running them down my arms (leaving goosebumps in their wake), and eventually folding my unconsciously clenched fists in her soft, warm hands.

"Hi." She hummed, and I rocked my body upwards to meet her lips with mine.

"Hi." I repeated, the word vibrating against her mouth as I wrapped my arms around her back, and lowered myself down, pulling her with me as I held the kiss.

"San, baby." Her blue eyes flooded with concern when she found herself lying completely on top of me, our legs dangling off the edge of the bed, and I kept my vision trained on her face.

"It's okay." I promised her. "Just…lay with me, kiss me. We'll go slow, but I...I feel like I'm ready."

"Promise me you'll tell me if you feel uncomfortable." Britt brought up a hand to stroke the side of my face, her lips barely straying from mine.

"I will. I know that I'm safe with you. I love you, so much."

"And I love you. You're absolutely beautiful, more beautiful then you've ever been. It makes my heart flip that you're letting me see your body again." Her kisses killed the protests to her compliments that threatened to spill forth, and I ran my hands up and down her lower back.

She shifted us so we were both laying on our sides, one of her arms curled protectively around my waist. Running my hands through her damp hair, I blinked my eyes closed for a brief instant, the influx of emotions overwhelming me. God, Brittany was just so  _everything,_ and having our naked fronts pressed together after so long awakened something powerful inside of me. I wanted to touch the entire smooth expanse of her skin, but I held back, letting our contact build slowly. It was always strange to me that we'd had sex thousands of times in our lives, but there were still times that it all felt so new. Consciously, I made an effort to keep myself from shying away from Brittany, because as much as her caresses jolted me with anxiety, they also hit me with a much stronger shock of excitement, and I kept my focus on the absolute love and affection that brimmed in her eyes.

Slow was good, so good, and after a long time just spent mostly innocently (minus the naked) making out, I felt the buzz of anticipation and need blossom within me. My hands, which had mostly remained in either in Brittany's hair, or cradling her face began to wander, exploring her chest, her muscular stomach, her ass, like it was all uncharted territory for me. I could  _feel_ the caution in Brittany's motions she moved to cover me again, her forehead pressing firmly against mine and her lips whispering gentle assurances. My body arched up into her and a low moan escaped my throat as she sucked the skin just below my earlobe and one hand cupped my breast, careful to avoid the painfully sensitive nipple. My legs wrapped around her waist, drawing her closer to me, and the aching need at the pit of my stomach caused my whole being to tremble.

"Are you okay?" She asked, her breaths coming out quickly. I nodded, hardly able to formulate words as her touches drowned out the ever-present sound of my insecurities. Carefully, Britt reached between our bodies, tenderly stroking the flesh just below my naval, silently deliberating going further down. "Can I...?"

"Yes." I breathed, the final veil of doubt falling away as I felt the care with which she touched my stretched out skin. "Please."

I didn't tense up, or cry, or completely freak out when Brittany's fingers dipped inside of me, agonizingly slowly, even though I found myself shocked at how good it felt (I worried, on top of all the other concerns, that sex would change for me). It took me a few seconds to adjust to the sensation, my eyes never leaving her's, and Britt scratched at the base of my neck with her free hand lovingly to reassure me. I took a deep breath and kissed her hard, needy, hungry, telling her how good it was, before she picked up the pace. I tried to hold back my fast building orgasm, but the physical and emotional connection was just too much for me, and I knew it wouldn't take me long. When it pulled me under, I was shaking, sweating and completely overcome, but Brittany held me flush against her, making sure I still felt safe as the aftershocks coursed through me. With my face tucked into my wife's neck, I breathed in salty sweat, raspberry body scrub, lavender bubble bath, and  _Brittany,_ feeling like I'd really come home after a long time away,

My eyes closed momentarily before my hands remembered how to work again, and with all the reverence and awe in the world for my beautiful wife (and in spite of her whispers that she was okay if I was too tired), I slowly worked her up, hitting every spot that I knew would make her shatter. When she collapsed, even more of a mess than I was, on top of me, it was a long time before either of us caught our breath. Hazy and exhausted, I barely felt Brittany gather the strength to move, until her skin wasn't warm against mine, and I reached out to pull her back to me. Smiling lazily, she kissed the top of my head and grabbed our comforter to wrap around us. When she flopped down on her back, I rolled onto my side and let my head fall to rest against her chest. My heart was still pounding in my ears, and I listened to the  _thump-thump_ of hers, our feet tangling together and her deep breaths blowing my hair. Silently, I traced my pointer over her collarbone, and soon after, her's began making a path up and down my side, lulling me to sleep.

"Love you, B." I murmured into her skin, pressing a kiss above her heart. "Like so, so much."

"I know." She let out a small tickle of a laugh. "I love you too. And I love how extra soft and sweet you feel in my arms right now."

"And I love how you were so gentle with me tonight."

"I love how you are when you're proud of me."

"I really am." I told her earnestly. "More proud of you than anyone has ever been of another person in all of history."

"You're a goof, you know." Brittany caught my lips one last time, and I smiled into the kiss. "But I don't doubt that it's true, even if you do exaggerate a lot of things."

"Do not." I argued, but laughed even as I said it. "Okay. Some things, but not when it comes to you and the girls. You're  _far_ too awesome to even attempt to embellish."

"As are you, my incredible wife."

"Thanks, Britt, for helping me feel it...and for tonight."

"I'm just glad you're slowly getting back to yourself. You know that matters to me more than anything else in the world."

"I know." I nodded against her chest, before snuggling back into her neck, the heaviness of my eyelids starting to force them closed. "Goodnight, Britt, future ruler of the world."

"Or a dance studio, same thing. Goodnight, Santana, dork extraordinaire."

"Only for you, babe."

 


	36. Butterfly

On the night before Annie's first day of kindergarten, we had absolutely no expectation of getting a good night's sleep, since we were probably just as nervous as she was. It was an hour later than her usual bedtime when we'd settled Annie into bed, and since Marisa's nursing schedule was also changing, she'd woken up not long after that to eat. After laying out clothes for the morning, and doing a final once over on the things we'd packed in Annie's backpack, Brittany and I figured we should take the opportunity to get as much sleep as possible, and tangled up in our usual manner, we passed out with the baby monitor between us, keeping it extra close just in case. It was barely past midnight, when the two of us were awoken from sleep, and it took a minute of hazy disorientation to figure out that the source of the crying wasn't from the Moses basket on the floor beside me, it was coming from Annie's room.

"Ma!" Her desperate sobs for us were loud and clear, even over the slight static of the monitor. "Please!"

Brittany managed to get herself up before I did, nearly bolting out the door, while I followed a few steps behind. When we made it into her room, she'd thrown all the blankets from her bed onto the floor, and was sitting in the center of her bed with her head in her hands. When Britt reached her, she immediately gathered Annie in her arms, and then gasped almost inaudibly before looking up at me and frowning.

"I'm sorry, Mama!" Annie cried harder. "'S an accident."

"Shh, shh." Brittany soothed, hugging her closer as I sat down on the bed and took Annie's little hand in mine, noticing her wet pajamas. "It's okay, it's okay. Calm down, sweetheart, we'll get you all cleaned up."

"B-but my bed. 'S all wet with pee!"

" _Mija, no te preocupes._ " I leaned over and kissed the top of her head, meeting Brittany's worried eyes in the process. I couldn't even  _remember_ the last time Annie wet the bed, but it had definitely been years, and I'm sure  _she_ couldn't remember either, hence why she was so upset. "You can come sleep with us tonight,  _beb_ _é_ _,_ what's more important is that you don't get yourself sick crying."

"I was having bad dreams, but I don't r'member them. And then I woke up and-" She hiccuped, hiding her face in Brittany's t-shirt. "I promise I don't need t'wear a diaper like baby Reese. I'm still five years old."

"Bean, we know that." Britt ran her fingers through Annie's tangled hair. "Accidents happen sometimes, but let's get you into the tub. It will help you get relaxed and comfortable again."

Annie clung tight to Brittany as I ran the bath, and we both eased her out of her pajamas. Once she was settled in the warm water and her crying stopped, I left them in the bathroom, promising I'd be back once I threw everything into the washing machine. My heart broke, seeing Annie get hysterical like that again, especially because I  _knew_ how hard she was trying to be brave about school, and I _also_ knew how sometimes in the middle of the night, everything became amplified and beyond your control. Once the load of laundry was on, I peeked in our bedroom to make sure the baby was still sleeping, and went back into Annie's bathroom just as Britt was wrapping her up in a warm towel. Wordlessly, she transferred our daughter into my arms, and I nodded to her to go ahead and jump in the shower while I got Annie into pajamas for the second time that night.

"Are you feeling a little better now,  _mi amor._ _"_  I asked as she wriggled into her flamingo pajamas.

"I dunno, Mamí." She shrugged, her lower lip sticking out. "I'm gonna be super brave and not cry in the morning, promise. But tonight I felt scared."

"You know it's okay when you feel scared, but I'm so proud of you for focusing on being brave. Are you ready to go snuggle with me and Mama?"

"Mmhm. I promise I won't pee in your bed."

"Oh,  _mi amor,_ I'm not at all worried that you will." I opened my arms for a hug, and she fell into them, clinging to my neck, much like she'd done to Brittany earlier. "I love you,  _corazoncita._ "

"Love you too." Annie sniffled a little against my shoulder. "Lots and lots."

I carried Annie back to our room, her pillow and Milky Way tucked under my arm, and even though she was still whimpering against me, her breathing told me that she'd be asleep before she even hit the bed. Having taken the world's fastest shower, Brittany was pulling on her pajama shorts when I walked through the door. She gave me a tentative smile before I tucked Annie, who settled on her belly, under our comforter and sat down beside her, stroking her hair and humming softly until she was in a deep sleep. Britt was first to lay down, coming over to the bed and kissing Annalise, before lying close to her and letting out a shaky breath. I peered over at Marisa, making sure that she was sound asleep, and when I heard my wife sniffling, I lay down on my back and took her hand in mine, squeezing it tightly.

"Come here." I whispered, shifting Annie so Britt could get closer. Without missing a beat, Brittany curled her body so she could rest her head on my shoulder, and I tilted my chin, kissing her hair. "She's okay."

"I know she is." Brittany sighed, looking down to where the tiny blonde was cradled in a cocoon between us. "It's just…I forget sometimes, Santana, how hard it is for her, and I forget that it might  _never_ be easy for her to do big things, because most days, she seems so happy and carefree. But when her mind starts racing, and her heart gets too full, I look at her and it hurts, it hurts probably more than it should."

"I don't think there's any limit on how much you can hurt for your kids. You're right, it might never be easy, but I think we've seen that it will get  _easier,_ and that's something, right?"

"It's  _everything._ " She tucked her face into my neck, and I held her as well as I could while she released silent sobs. Brittany never talked about it, but I knew that as much as it was agonizing for me to watch our girl struggle, there was something different in it for her. The smallest ounce of guilt, the guilt that she'd struggled to push down for years, the guilt that sometimes pushed its way to the surface when she needed to be the strongest. "I'm sorry. We swore we weren't going to get weepy this year."

"Baby." I bit back my own tears at seeing my wife like that, and I scratched soothingly between her shoulder blades. "If you need to cry, cry. I'm here."

"Do you know what she said to me in the bathtub? She's afraid of kindergarten because she was already smaller than all the kids in preschool, and in kindergarten they're even bigger, and she will  _not_ cry at school, because then they'll all think she's a baby. And wetting the bed got her even more upset…"

"And we both understand exactly what she's going through." I finished for Brittany. "Fighting to fit in, and then feeling like things keep happening that have the opposite effect, even if no one else even _knows_ those things."

"Yeah." She brought her hand up to wipe the tears from under her eyes.

"She's lucky though, Brittany, and so are we. If  _we_ didn't understand what it as like to be different, it would be so much harder for us to understand her, and so much harder for her to and someone to relate to."

"No, I know that San, I do. I just wish one of us could hold her forever and keep her safe."

"It's easier when they're infants." My gaze shifted over to where Marisa was sound asleep, her own head probably full of sweet dreams. "Even when your nipples are cracked, you're so tired you can hardly see straight, and you're up to your elbows in diapers, the worries are easier."

"My mom warned us though, remember?" Brittany smiled a little at her mother and her pieces of wisdom. "Small kids, small problems, big kids, big problems. She's like a little butterfly, you know? Even when she spreads her wings, she's still so delicate."

"She is.  _Nuestra peque_ _ñ_ _a mariposa._ " I murmured to Annie as I lay our joined hands to rest on Annie's lower back, and she stirred slightly before settling back into a deep sleep. "But that's why she's got us, even when she's out there on her own, we're the safe place she can always run. I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better, Britt. I hate seeing you cry."

"You are making me feel better, just laying with me. We're going to be exhausted in the morning."

"Yeah." I cracked a smile. "That's kind of a given. It's going to be one of those days where you drink out of my coffee cup and pretend I can't see you, rather than pour your own."

"It would be weird, if I suddenly started drinking coffee after all these years. Tastes better out of your cup anyway."

"I'm not even going to  _touch_ that one." I shook my head, and a silent chuckle shook Brittany's body as the tight muscles of her shoulders relaxed.

"Your cup?"

"Stop, you're going to make me laugh, and then the girls will wake up, and we'll  _never_ go to sleep." I rolled my eyes, and she snuggled closer to me, kissing me softly on the lips.

"You're right. Tomorrow is going to be a long day, we need to sleep."

"Yeah, remind me  _why_ we both packed our schedules for the morning?"

"So I don't cry and you don't empty all of the drawers in the house and wash all of the clean clothes because it's something to do while Reese is sleeping. Goodnight, honey."

"Night, baby."

* * *

Annie didn't wake up again for the remainder of the night, and when Marisa woke up twice more to eat, I urged Brittany back to sleep as I cradled our rapidly growing infant to my chest and relished the simplicity of our routine that would be gone in the blink of an eye. When morning came, Annie was quiet and clingy, but she didn't cry as we got dressed for the day (careful to avoid any wardrobe malfunctions), had our breakfast, managed to take a few pictures of her, and slid on shoes to walk out the door. With Reese asleep in the sling, Annie walked between Britt and me, holding tightly to both of our hands, as we traveled the short distance to her new school. Quietly, we stood out front of the big green and yellow building, while Annie looked wide eyed at the kids (all of them so, so much bigger than her, since it was a K-5 school, and for my daughter, who barely looked big enough for preschool, gigantic ten year olds were  _very_ imposing). Finding a spot off to the side, where we'd have a few minutes of privacy, Brittany led us away from the crowd, and lifted Annie up into her arms one last time.

"Mamí and I are so proud of you, our big brave kindergartner." Brittany beamed, holding Annie so she could peer into the sling and see her sister. "And so is Reese."

"I'm gonna come home soon Reese." Annie's little chin quivered as she spoke. "You can't miss me too much, okay? But if you do, Mamí will give you a super big hug, and..."

"It's okay, baby girl." Brittany spoke into her hair as Annie swallowed a sob. "Marisa is going to want to hear  _all_ about your day when you get home. She's going to miss you very much, just like Mamí and I will, but she knows how important school is."

"And she knows how much you love it." I added.

"I know I love reading books and making pictures, and I liked my old school lots, after I got used to it, but this school is very,  _very_ big. I'm not gonna cry inside though, but I'm maybe I'm gonna cry now."

"Alright, sweetheart. You know it's always safe to cry with me and Mamí, and your sister too, whenever you need to."

"Do you think we can have a family hug,  _mija?_ Maybe that will make you feel a little better."

"I'd like that lots." Annie nodded, a few stray tears falling from her eyes, and I moved closer to them wrapping my arms around Britt, so the girls were sandwiched in the middle of us. Finding the spot behind Brittany's ear with my thumb, I rubbed soothingly there as she buried her face in my neck for a brief instant, giving me a soft kiss there, silent comforts for each other when we needed to keep on our bravest faces for our daughter. "I want to have after school with only us."

"That's fine, Annalise. We'll go to the park, just the four of us, we'll practice your soccer, if you want, so you're ready when we go to your first practice next week." Brittany promised, and Annie's eyes lit up thinking about the  _one_ organized activity she'd ever asked to do, something that was sort of genius, since she could run around, kick the ball, and not really have to worry about talking to anyone. "And we'll send Aunt Liz a video of it too."

"Okay, Mama." Annie gave us a small smile. "And will you play the piano with me later, Mamí?"

"Of course,  _mi amor._ Mama and Marisa love when we play the piano for them, right Britt?"

"Our favorite thing ever." Brittany nodded. "Besides snuggles, of course. But I think we'll have lots of snuggling time tonight too. Who's ready to go inside?"

"I'm ready." Annie swallowed hard, wiping under her eyes with the heel of her hand. When we broke our hug and Brittany set her down, Annie adjusted the straps of her spiky pink dinosaur backpack and tilted her chin up, clenching her little jaw. "Thoreau's gonna be there, right?"

"He is." I confirmed. "They were bringing Emmy to her classroom upstairs, and then Thoreau and his dads will all be waiting so we can take some pictures of you both on your big first day."

"Okay. We can go inside now."

It was such a different thing, walking in to that big building, than it was a year earlier when school started. As hard as it had been seeing our daughter in distress the night before, we knew that she wasn't going to be alone. Thoreau would be by her side, encouraging her in his sweet, quiet way, and it was crazy how much I entrusted a five year old with one of my most precious things. When we reached Annie's classroom, Britt and I watched as she resisted the urge to flee from the large group, and let her eyes immediately find her friend.

"Annie!" Thoreau cried out, running over to her in his brand new sneakers and his preppy little school outfit. When he threw his arms around her, she almost melted into his embrace, and I felt the squeeze of Brittany's fingers between mine. "Hi! Hi Santana! Hi Brittany! Hi little baby Marisa!"

"Someone's excited about school." Brittany smiled at him, and he nodded emphatically.

"Yup! And more excited 'cuz Annie's in my class and she can still sing with me. She's the best singer, even though she's very quiet. Papa says it's 'cuz her Mamí has an angel voice."

"This kid is such a smooth talker." I laughed. "We know he didn't get that from you, Jarrod."

"Nice, I compliment you, you insult me."

"It's basically the same." Brittany told him. "Insults are compliments in Lopez, sometimes her Pierce will show and you'll get a real one."

"Don't hold your breath though.  _Mija,_ can we take some pictures of you and Thoreau?"

"Course Mamí." Annie nodded, her little hand grasping tightly to Thoreau's forearm, her face looking strong, but her body still giving away how scared she was.

Five minutes and dozens of pictures later, the once empty classroom was beginning to fill up, and we knew it was time to send the kids inside. Brittany and I exchanged a few words with Norah Flynn, Annie's new teacher, even though we'd already met with her and had more than one phone conversation about our daughter's IEP, but we really had no qualms about being too involved with her education. Annie and Thoreau broke apart briefly as he went to his fathers and Brittany helped Annie put her backpack and lunchbox into her small locker just outside the door. Marisa began stirring, and I was so glad she'd be awake to see her sister off to school. Adjusting the hem of her dress, Annie held Brittany's hand, and I squat down on the tile floor and lowered the shoulder of the sling so Marisa was in full view for Annie.

" _Te amo, mi hermana."_ Annie whispered to the baby, placing sweet kisses on her forehead. "Gotta go to see my new teacher Mrs. Flynn now. Don't forget you can't be too noisy when Mamí's got a meeting, even though it's just 'Ro's papa and Holly Holly-day."

"Thank you, Annie." I choked up at her sharing her role as my sidekick with her little sister, and kissed her nose. "You're going to have a great day."

"We'll see you soon, okay baby girl?"

"Mmhm." Annie sucked her lips into her mouth, and we watched as she did the same upward eye flick that I did to clear the impending tears before pressing her fingers against her heart. "Love you."

"Love you too." Britt and I said at the same time, and Thoreau came back to Annie's side, taking her hand in his.

I snaked my arm around Brittany's waist as we watched Thoreau slow his steps to match Annie's cautious ones, and when she was fully inside and seated beside him at the small table, I lifted Marisa from her sling and placed her in Brittany's arms. Britt nuzzled the baby before turning her around to let her see her sister, and both of us relaxed at Annie's tiny smile and wave in our direction. Not wanting to linger too long, I heard Brittany take a deep, centering breath, and reach out for my hand with the one that wasn't cradling Reese protectively against her. Once we turned away from the door, we didn't look back,  _couldn_ _'_ _t_ see if Annie's smile faltered, and it wasn't until we were outside of the building that either of us dared to speak.

"That went better than I expected." Brittany sank back against the brick wall of the building beside the school and kissed the top of Marisa's head.

"God, the build up is always so much worse than the actual thing. She didn't turn back though, that's a really big deal."

"I know, I was steeling myself for her to come running back to us. I'm not sure I would have kept it together."

"You were great, Britt. We're getting kind of good at this parenting thing, I guess." I joked, even though we'd both known we were good moms for a long time. Twisting her ponytail between my fingers, Marisa gurgled in her arms and I beamed down at her. "You agree, don't you  _amorcita?_ We've already learned a whole lot from your sister, but I'm sure you'll teach us your share too. How about we walk Mama over to work so she gets some extra Ladybug cuddles this morning?"

"You sure you have time?"

"Please, Jarrod disappeared, you know he's off making out with Chris somewhere, or coming up with pickup lines to teach his kids, and hell would freeze over if Holly showed up on time."

"This from you, love of my life, who is  _only_ on time if it involves me or one of the girls, and mostly because you convince yourself things for us are in hour earlier than they actually are."

"Shh." I laughed, kissing her lips and entwining our fingers together. "Don't tell anyone."

"Don't have to. I'm pretty sure  _everyone_ already knows. Let's go,  _I_ don't want to be late, that's your thing."

"Mama's not being very nice,  _beb_ _é_ _._ " I faux-pouted.

"Oh, don't you use the baby. Mama's just teasing, right little love? We love Mamí, lateness and all."

Brittany and I lingered for a little while outside the studio before she hugged Marisa tightly and kissed both of us goodbye, promising to meet outside Annie's school at 2:15 (God, that full day thing felt like  _forever_ ). Slipping the baby back into the sling, I hummed to her as we walked back to the diner, so glad that like preschool, PS 41 was so close to both Brittany's job and the places I preferred to get work done. Checking the time on my phone, I was pretty proud of myself for actually being on time, and I grabbed a table in the back, covering Marisa and myself so she could nurse while we waited for Jarrod and Holly.

"Hey there sweet cheeks. Baby sweet cheeks, don't worry about talking with your mouth full, we'll say hi later." Holly slid into the bench across from me and grinned. "How'd the big day go?"

"Good." My hand twitched toward the phone I'd set down on the table, because  _yes,_ I was one of those moms. "Want to see pictures?"

"Always." I handed her the phone and she started swiping through. "I won't swipe too far and see anything I shouldn't, right?"

"No! Do you think we're trying to scar our daughter for life? She uses the camera more than I do. But remind me  _never_ to look through  _your_ phone."

" _That_ is a pretty good idea."

"Oh good, we're talking about naked women, I've arrived just in time." Jarrod sat down beside Holly and I sucked my teeth at him.

"How did I end up with the two of you on my team? I'm sure there had to be better options out there somewhere."

"I think you just need to look at that baby in your arms and you'll know why  _I_ _'_ _m_ here, I don't know about this guy."

"Hey, rude." Jarrod feigned offense, and I opened my menu, smiling behind it as the two of them bickered back and forth.

"Welcome to our year, Marisa." I whispered down to the baby as she turned her eyes up at me, not taking a break from eating. "Better get used to the sound of these two, we'll be spending all kinds of time with them while we get this together. Annie used to sit on my lap while I studied, researched, and the roots began to take for this, and now all I can hope is that you'll be in the same place to watch the branches grow."

"They will." Jarrod said sincerely, and my cheeks burned a little, like they still tended to do when I revealed a part of myself. "So tell us, tiny boss lady, what's on the agenda this morning?"

"Boring scheduling stuff mostly." I started, then lowered my menu and looked at Jarrod and Holly, a big grin breaking across my face. " _And_ maybe a big reveal. One of the women I talked to at the benefit, her brother is a principal at Eleanor Roosevelt, on the Upper East Side. She told him about this, and he and I had a two hour phone conversation last week. He wants to give Show Your Brave a trial run this year, see if it could work in his school."

"That's huge! Are you ready for two schools?" Holly asked.

"Yeah, I talked a lot to Britt about it. The fall is going to be rough, because she's transitioning and basically doing two jobs, but the studio knows that her being able to work around the big stuff for this is a non-negotiable. Roosevelt doesn't have a GSA or a PFLAG, so this would be it, showing that my method can work at a school where there's no other option could be huge. And it's also not like Fort Hamilton, where I had an in, you know? You're both aware that I don't like to jinx things, but proving myself there could really open up the rest of the  _future._ "

"So what do you need from us?" Jarrod tapped the calendar on his iPhone, and I watched Holly do the same. How I came across two people so willing to help for nothing but self-satisfaction in return was still surreal to me, but I was eternally grateful.

"There's going to be an assembly on October ninth, kind of like I do at Finn's school. Ben Foss, the principal, was with me one hundred percent about letting the kids hear me speak in a setting like that before they seek out the help they need. I'd love if you guys could be there so I can introduce you, and then maybe set up some preliminary mentoring sessions if we have any takers."

I felt so serious, clicking my pen against the table, giving off directions, and coming up with a fall schedule. I'd be out at least once a week, either mentoring or doing a music session, and it seemed like such an exponential jump from once a month (not counting the work I put in daily from the office at home), and the best kind of jump possible. It was still so far from where I saw it going in the future, but in seeing kids like Andrea, who held a dear place in my heart, because she was the first I'd felt like I made a difference for, and just being given new opportunities and having donors involved gave me so much hope for what it would someday be. It took close to three and a half hours, hashing things out with Holly and Jarrod, but when we were done, my vision was clearer, and the enthusiasm I'd felt pre-childbirth, pre-summer chaos, and pre-adjusting was back in full force. Still having a lot of time to kill before pickup, I took advantage of Marisa's nap, laying her down with me on the bed and sleeping myself.

I didn't sleep long, but it definitely pepped me up, and after making up Annie's bed, throwing on a load of laundry (the necessary kind, not just the kind that served to distract me) and running the vacuum, Marisa woke up, and the two of us spent the remainder of the early afternoon reading, singing, and lying on the floor with her shaking the toy in her hand excitedly. Of course, because it was an Annie thing, I was outside of the school early, and Brittany met me there, obviously fresh off working on a routine. She took the baby from me and made silly faces at her, played peek-a-boo, continuing our quest to see her first smile, and when the doors to the school finally opened, we were quick to make our way back to Annie's classroom. Much to the surprise of both of us, when we got to the classroom, she wasn't standing on tiptoes waiting for us at the door, she was in her seat, calmly tracing out her letters, while the other kids milled about.

"Annalise, your moms are here." Norah waved her over, and Annie quickly bounced up onto her toes and ran to us.

"Hi." The single word came out like a breath of relief, and I crouched down so she could wrap her arms around me, careful not to scoop her up and draw attention to the fact that I still  _could_ , and she still loved for us to, since I wasn't sure the same could be said for the others in her class. I felt Britt at my side, and when Annie pulled away from me, she moved to hug her Mama and sister carefully. "Hi baby Reese, I missed you  _so_ much, and Mama and Mamí too."

"We all missed you too sweetheart. Look how excited Marisa is." The baby shook her little fists in Brittany's arms, and when Annie pressed soft kisses to her cheeks, all three of us  _immediately_ saw what happened.

"Marisa!" Annie shrieked, then quickly covered her mouth, looking first to see if she'd startled the baby, and second to see if anyone was upset that she'd yelled inside. Brittany and I were both entirely too enraptured to care that she'd been loud, because it was sort of a miracle that neither of  _us_ were. "I went to school and you learned how to smile! Did you see? She finally did it! She's so happy I'm back!"

"She is,  _mija._ She's been waiting for you all day."

"'S okay, I'm always gonna come back for you, just like Mamí and Mama always come back." Annie whispered, sharing a moment with her sister. "And I think maybe I'm gonna like my new school, 'cuz I get to practice making words, and we have super big easels  _and_ there's Spanish time, even if we just did super easy stuff like  _escuela_ and  _me llamo._ 'Ro told everybody that I know how to speak Spanish already, and I was still super quiet, but I'm the only one in the whole big class that knows about Spanish. We are  _so_ special 'cuz Mamí and  _'Buela_ and  _'Buelo_ know it, and when  _you_ come to kindergarten you'll get to be the only one that knows it too."

"Looks like you had a great day, huh?" Brittany met my eyes and then smirked broadly at Annie.

"I did, even though I still missed you. And I'm gonna learn to read better, Mama, then I can read other stories to my sister. And I talked to Thoreau and Mrs. Flynn a little bit, even though there were lots of people around and I didn't want to talk to anybody else."

"We are so,  _so_ proud of you." I squeezed her hand tightly, as she bounced up and down. "Ready to get your stuff?"

"Yup! 'Cuz we're gonna have family afternoon, right?"

"Of course, baby girl, and you can tell me and Mamí and Reese even more about your day at school."

Annie said her soft goodbyes to her teacher and Thoreau, and I helped her pack up her backpack to leave. While we kicked her soccer ball in Washington Square Park (my sweet, sweet girl so hopelessly lacked coordination, but she was desperate to kick it properly, and tried with her whole heart), she told us about school, and I felt so warm inside seeing that she would definitely be able to find her little niche there, even if that didn't involve being surrounded by all of the other kids.

* * *

After sitting down for an early dinner at  _Dos Caminos,_ where Annie swore, like every time, that my mother's enchiladas were better, we did bath time for both girls and got them settled into pajamas. Keeping my promise to Annie, the four of us went downstairs, and I sat down at the piano bench, patting the seat beside me. While Britt got herself situated with Marisa on the chaise, I helped Annie work on how to position her hands, and she beamed up at me like I was showing her the greatest thing in the world.

"What song do you want to do,  _mi amor?_ "

"I want to sing  _Kookaburra._ "

"Wow, I haven't heard that one in a while. You used to sing that to Milky Way a lot."

"I know! I forgot about it, 'cuz I like to sing  _Mister Sun_ with you the best, but today we sang  _Kookaburra_ at school and now I want to sing it for Reese. She never heard it before, and maybe it will make her smile more."

"That sounds like a great plan." I grinned and looked over at Britt. "Are you singing with us, Mama?"

"Of course I am, it's one of my favorites. Ready Marisa? We are going to clap your little hands while Annie and Mamí play the piano for us."

I showed Annie the notes she needed to play, and once we was sure she was ready, we played and sang the same song eleven different times, my tiny blonde pianist improving with each run through of it. We  _were_ graced with another smile from the baby, and Annie bounced up and down, just so happy that her sister was becoming a little person. When we'd finished our last try, Annie sat pensive at my side, and I nudged her a little.

"What are you thinking about?"

"I don't even know what a kookaburra is." Annie giggled, covering her mouth like it was the world's biggest secret.

"It's a- um, like a koala? Right Britt?" I deferred to my wife, since she was definitely the source for animal questions in our family.

"No." She shook her head with a little laugh. "Guess you're not alone in not knowing, baby girl. Right country, wrong animal. A kookaburra is a bird, next time we go to the zoo, I'll show you one?"

"Seriously?" I raised my eyebrows, realizing I'd spent as long as I could remember thinking that song was about a cute, fuzzy koala eating gumdrops, not a freaky  _bird._ "That's so weird."

"So kookaburra birds like boys?" Annie asked, screwing up her face, trying to piece something together in her mind.

"What do you mean?" Brittany's face matched our daughter's, trying to make sense of her question.

"'Ro told me that kookaburras like boys, 'cuz that's what  _gay_  means, and the kookaburra sits in the gum tree and gay his life must be. His dads are gay, you know, and that means Uncle Kurtsy, and Uncle Blaine, and Auntia Rachel, and Auntia Quinn, and Grammy and  _'Buela_ are gay too, right? 'Cuz they're married to boys?"

Had I not been completely shocked by Annie's question, I would have laughed so hard at her thinking Quinn, Rachel and her grandmothers were gay, but needless to say, I  _was_ shocked, and judging by Brittany's face, she was equally so. It wasn't like we hadn't been preparing ourselves to talk about sexuality with our daughter since basically before she was born, we just didn't think it would happen so soon. Looking at Britt, we had a brief silent conversation about how we were going to talk about it, before I turned back to Annie.

"Let's go sit with Mama, and we'll explain it to you, okay?"

"Is it a bad word, Mamí?" Annie's eyes widened. "'Cuz I didn't know it, and 'Ro told me it's not."

"No, no, it's not a bad word  _at all._ We just want to make sure you know what it means. In the song, actually, it means happy, but it has another meaning too, which is what Thoreau was talking about." I lifted Annie from the bench, and Brittany slid over on the chaise, laying Reese between her legs, to make room for the two of us. Taking Britt's hand in mine to prepare for what would probably be a conversation full of questions, I swallowed quickly before continuing. "Okay, so Thoreau is  _sort of_  right about what he told you. His dads are gay, and Uncle Kurt and Uncle Blaine are also gay, because they are boys who only like boys."

"Oh! So Auntia Quinn and Auntia Rachel and Grammy and  _'Buela_ aren't gay 'cuz they are girls?"

"Well, they aren't gay because they are girls who only like  _boys_." Brittany clarified. "Girls can also be gay if they only like other girls."

"Oh." Annie rested her chin on her hand and thought about that for a minute, then her eyes lit up as she looked back at me and Brittany. "So  _you_ _'_ _re_ gay too? Just like 'Ro's dads?"

"I am gay _._ " I held back a laugh at her face, because seriously, the entire situation,  _coming out_ , for lack of a better phrase, to my daughter, was pretty funny.

"And I like both boys  _and_  girls." Brittany told her, making sure we took the opportunity to make sure Annalise knew that people did  _not_ fit into two little boxes, gay and not gay.

"That's 'llowed too?" Annie asked.

"It is. This is the thing,  _beb_ _é_ _,_ it doesn't really matter who you  _like-_ _"_ I started, trying to use a simplified version of what Holly had told Britt and me in her sacred sexy sharing circle so many years earlier. "It's who you fall in love with, and who you want to live happily ever after with. Mama and I are happily ever after for each other."

"Hmm. This is very confusing, how am I s'pposed to know who I want to live happily ever after with?"

"Annie, baby, you've got lots of time to figure that out, don't worry. You don't have to worry about falling in love until you're at least in high school."

"But whether you love boys, or girls, or both, or  _nobody,_ that's okay." I pressed a kiss to her temple and hugged her tightly. "Do you have any more questions for us?"

"Nope." Annie shook her head, shrugging that she was kind of over the conversation, because sexuality, though she didn't fully understand it at her age, obviously, wasn't, and would probably never really be a big deal for her. "Silly that 'Ro didn't know 'bout girls though."

"Bean, trust me, there is a  _lot_ that boys don't know about girls."

"Good thing we got all girls in our house then, right Mama?"

"It definitely works for us."

Resuming her chatter about school, Annie basically forgot about the gay discussion as quickly as she started. After I fed Marisa and settled her into bed, kissing her head and murmuring my  _I love you_ _'_ _s_ into her soft hair, I got into Annie's bed with her and Brittany, and listened to Britt read the beginning of  _The First Four Years_ (almost a year after we'd begun our  _Little House_ books, we were finally on the last one) and then we left our daughter, still bubbling with excitement, even at the edge of sleep, from how  _good_ her first day of school was. Letting Brittany shower first, I checked my email, and then after I took one myself, went back downstairs in my pajamas to find Brittany sitting on the couch, feet up on the coffee table reading  _It_ _'_ _s Your Turn,_ one of the many books she'd ordered on Amazon to prepare herself to take over for Rick. Smiling at her concentrated look, I dropped down on the couch beside her, leaning my back against the opposite arm rest and letting her pull my feet into her lap.

"How are you even reading words right now? I took a  _nap_ today and I still feel like I'm still shot."

"I've actually just read the same page like four times." She laughed, scratching up and down my right calf. "I am exhausted, this was a really long day, but long in a good way."

"Yeah, I mean, I know this year won't be without struggles for her, but the fact that Annie had such an awesome first day gives me so many high hopes that maybe she  _will_ branch out from Thoreau and make some other friends. And God, I seriously can't handle the way her mind works sometimes, it's really amazing."

"I seriously can't believe that we came out to her daughter tonight." Brittany giggled, and I felt my embarrassed smile come across my face. "You were the cutest thing ever."

"Shut up, I can't believe I actually had to say the words  _I_ _'_ _m gay_ to our five year old, which, by the way, was the  _easiest_ coming out I've ever done. I mean, we knew we'd eventually explain sexuality to her, but I didn't actually think about  _us_ having to tell her ours. I mean, we're married."

"But that's the thing, I guess. For her,  _gay_ is just a word, not a box that you put people in, and we're just her moms. And she thought basically everyone she knows  _but_ us was gay, so…"

"My favorite part was when she thought Quinn and Rachel were gay. Maybe I've passed my impeccable gaydar down to her."

"Honey, I  _love_ you, but you know you actually have _terrible_  gaydar, right?"

"No I don't." I argued, and Brittany rolled her eyes, knowing that I knew as well as she did that with the exception of a few good guesses, I really couldn't spot another lesbian if my life depended on it. "Well whatever, I don't need it anyway."

"You're right, you don't. Anyway, the best part was that she was so worried about how she'd know who she likes. I mean  _that_ was her biggest concern, will she like boys, girls, or both. Not if not liking just boys would be some kind of problem. I just…I know that eventually we're going to have to tell her about you, but…" She trailed off, flickering her eyes down to my throat as I pressed a palm against it.

"But it'll be okay, because it's the past, and she'll be old enough that she'll understand that now we're in a world where people having hate like  _that-_ " I shivered a little, even though it was something I mainly blocked out of consciousness. "Isn't common, and she'll have known nothing else as normal but  _this_ world we have, where gay, bi, straight, it's all the same."

"And we've done our most important job as parents." Brittany pressed a kiss to the inside of the hand that she'd captured from me.

"Well, like I said this morning, we're getting kind of good at this parenting thing." I opened up my arms, wanting Britt to come lay with me. "Now stop cuddling my legs and come cuddle  _me._ "

"If we lay on this couch right now, we're going to fall asleep in thirty seconds."

"It's okay." I pointed to the baby monitors on the coffee table. "If we do, hungry girl will wake us up in a few hours."

" _Smiley_ hungry girl." She amended, tossing her book down on the table and settling herself into my arms, covering my body completely with hers. "I'm so glad her first smile was for Annie."

"So am I. God, I would never believe that babies could love people the way that it's so obvious Marisa loves Annie."

"Even when she's hysterical, her sister walks into a room, and it's like this  _calm._ "

"I know the feeling." I kissed where Brittany's ear met her jaw, my own body softening underneath hers as I let my eyes slip closed, exhaustion weighing heavy on them. It probably would have made more sense to just go up to bed, but I was so comfortable, and I could tell by Britt's breathing that she was too, so we both drifted off to sleep, for however long our girls would allow it.


	37. The New Twenty

The majority of September passed in the blink of an eye as Annie adjusted readily (with only a few minor setbacks) to school, Brittany got accustomed to dealing with the responsibilities of choreographing  _and_ doing Rick's job, since he was apparently just phoning in the rest of his time as director, and I worked diligently toward setting up for the big things that were to come. Luckily for me, it didn't seem like Marisa had inherited some of my more unfortunate habits, except for  _maybe_ her occasional bouts of screeching when Britt left for work (but it's totally acceptable for her to get sad when her Mama leaves), and at such a young age, she was mostly agreeable, and allowed me to get a ton of work done. When she wasn't napping or eating, she was mostly content to lay on her play mat on the floor, batting at the toys that hung above her, or to curl up against my shoulder, tugging at my hair or grasping tightly to Skittles' thin legs with her small hands. Of course, I didn't want to spend all of my time working when I was with my daughter, so the two of us perfected our routine, making sure to break from all I needed to get done and take time for singing, dancing around the house, cuddling, and going for long exploratory walks together, or runs with Rachel.

When the last week of the month came, we were getting set for Annie's four day weekend from school for Rosh Hashanah (and I made  _sure_ to call Rachel and wish her  _l_ _'_ _shana tova,_ which never seemed to annoy her the way her  _feliz navidads_ did me), and I think all of us were actually ready for a nice break from our carefully orchestrated routine. As I picked Annie up at school on Wednesday afternoon, she was already buzzing with excitement, changing quickly into her Super Soccer Stars t-shirt and tiny sneakers so we could get her downtown for her practice. Because Britt had the following two days off, she was going to be late to practice, so for the first time, I managed to get both girls on the subway myself, and Annie chattered away happily at my side, while Marisa, who'd been inexplicably clingy and fussy throughout the day slept restlessly, wrapped to my body with her little face buried in my neck.

"Why's my sister so sad today, Mamí?" Annie scrunched up her face in concern while I helped her step over the gap as we got off the train at Chambers Street.

"I'm not sure,  _mija._ She's probably just tired, and she'll feel better after she wakes up from this little nap."

"I hope so. I like when she watches me do soccer and she smiles when I hug her after.  _Plus,_ she can't be sad tomorrow, when it's your birthday and we have dinner for you and for Uncle Finn. Right?"

"Right." I affirmed to my smiling girl, who seriously enjoyed how close my birthday was to Finn's, for some reason, and had been talking  _all_ week about the small dinner Britt and Rachel planned (since, even though I was totally fine with turning thirty, I just didn't enjoy big events, and luckily, Finn felt the same way I did).

"Mama's still coming to soccer too, right?"

"She is, she's just going to be a few minutes late because she wants to have  _all_ weekend with us."

"Okay good. I'm not gonna fall down today, 'cuz I've been practicing so much at the park." Annie told me, and I couldn't help but smile. Watching her play soccer was  _probably_ the most nerve wracking thing I'd ever witnessed, and half the time I had my eyes squeezed shut while Brittany cheered her on and soothingly stroked my shoulders.

"You _-_ " I tapped her nose when we reached the top of the stairs, and she crossed her eyes, giggling. "Are doing fantastic. That's why Aunt Liz is coming to your first game next week, and she's going to teach you her tricks too."

"She's super good at soccer, even though she doesn't have a shirt for it anymore." Annie looked proudly down at her own shirt, and I squeezed her hand affectionately.

"Grammy said she'll search through the attic and see if she can find some of her old jerseys for you though, remember?"

"There's lots of stuff in Grammy and Poppy's attic. That might take a  _very_ long time, even  _forever._ "

"That is true." I laughed at her complete inability to ever miss a trick. "But it's also true that Grammy will tear that whole attic apart if it means making you happy. It's up there somewhere, probably with Mama's Cheerios uniform."

"Did you do cheerleading for Auntia Liz?"

"Not when I was a cheerleader, no, but when she started playing soccer, she wasn't that much older than you, and Mama and I used to go to her games and watch."

"Just like me!" Annie clapped excitedly, and I beamed down at her.

When we got to the rec center, and Annie was out on the turf field, standing on her tiptoes and listening intently to the two college aged boys who "coached" the team (it wasn't really coaching, so much as teaching them the basic skills of the game, since even their "games" were meant to be more about running around and chasing the ball, not really scoring or winning), I sat down on the bleachers and waited for Brittany. The sound of a whistle from one of the adjoining fields woke Marisa up, and her soft whimpers slowly escalated into full fledged shrieking. As I tried to settle her down, I was glad for the noise in the room, not wanting Annie to hear the baby and get distracted from what she was doing. When nothing seemed to calm her, I grabbed a blanket from the diaper bag and covered the both of us, letting her breastfeed, even though I was pretty sure that she was in no way hungry. The comfort of nursing seemed to settle her slightly, but I frowned down, wondering why she hadn't been herself for most of the day.

"Hey baby." Britt sat down beside me, still dressed in her dance clothes, and put her arm around my waist, her eyebrows furrowing when she saw me looking down at a squirming Marisa with concern. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Marisa's just been really fussy today. It's not like her." I sighed, stroking the baby's back as Brittany rubbed circles on mine.

"Is she eating, or doing that thing where she pretends to eat?" Britt lifted a corner of the blanket to look at the baby, and she stopped suckling to peer up at her Mama. "Hi, my sweet baby girl."

"She's not eating much. But she's calm like this, so it's fine, maybe she's just gassy."

"Should we call Dr. Kellen?" She asked, but I knew she meant  _I know you probably want to call, and I'm totally on board if you do._

"We can wait until tomorrow. I'm not even sure what we'd say if we did right now. Our baby is fussy and clingy, and we're so lucky that she usually  _isn_ _'_ _t_ that we're freaking out? I'm better at reigning in the crazy than I was with Annie."

"I know you are." Britt gave me a quick kiss on the lips. "But you've been with her all day, and I  _do_ trust you if you think something's wrong."

"I know." I nodded. "And I appreciate that. But let's just wait and see."

Marisa remained latched onto me while we watched Annie work on dribbling and passing drills, our older daughter occasionally looking over to us with a bright smile or a wave whenever she noticed Brittany stand up to cheer, or me clap my hands enthusiastically. Like she'd told me, she  _didn't_ trip over the ball (most likely because both Britt and I had worked with her on  _not_ stepping on it and pulling it back toward her body, a recipe for disaster for our clumsy girl), and I did manage to keep my eyes open the whole time, really just wanting to see how adorable she looked chasing after that black and white ball. When practice was over, she was flushed and sweaty, and ran immediately into Brittany's arms, squeezing her tightly.

"Great job, sweetheart!" Brittany praised, rubbing noses with Annie. "You were so great."

"Did you see when I kicked it, Mama? My foot touched it for  _real!"_

"I did!" Brittany laughed. "And Mamí got it on video on her phone, so we can watch it later tonight."

"Or maybe tomorrow, 'cuz I'm very super tired, and my belly feels funny from so much running." Annie rested her head against Britt's shoulder, and was given a kiss on the temple.

"Okay, baby girl, we'll have dinner and then an early bath and bedtime. Come take your bottle and drink some water, we have to make sure you drink lots after you run around like that."

"Mmkay."

While Brittany pulled Annie's water bottle out of the diaper bag and reminded her to drink it slowly, I attempted to detach Marisa from my breast so we could leave. Even the softest coos, the stroking of her head and the kisses on her face didn't stop her from completely losing it. Swallowing the anxiety in my chest that came every time I didn't know what to do, I rocked her slowly, trying to calm her as her fists clenched and her cheeks turned red.

"Shh, shh,  _amorcita. Te tengo, beb_ _é_ _, no llores, esta bien._ " I cradled her against me, too concerned about the frantic infant clinging to me to even worry about fixing my top.

"Come here, Marisa, baby." Britt held out her arms, and I quickly passed Marisa to her, hoping that being in her Mama's arms would settle her like it usually did. "What's going on, Ladybug? We don't like to see you so sad."

"Hi,  _mija._ " I knelt in front of Annie, who's lower lip was quivering and pulled her into my embrace. "I know it's hard to see Reese cry, but she's alright. And you did such a good job today, we will definitely show her the video when she's feeling less upset, so you can get your big hug and your smile from her."

"San, let's get a cab and get her home." Brittany held Marisa so her back was against her chest, and her head rested on her shoulder, rubbing her belly firmly to break up any bubbles if it  _was_ gas.

"Yeah, and let's revisit what we were talking about earlier when we get there." I was getting concerned, but didn't want to worry Annie by saying out loud that we were calling the doctor. Agreeing with me, Brittany gave a quick nod and resumed singing quietly to the baby.

Slinging the diaper bag over my shoulder, I held tight to Annie's hand and the four of us walked out of the building. Because it was prime time to get a taxi, it took close to ten minutes to actually find one, with Marisa getting more and more frantic, Annie getting upset, and Brittany and I both feeling like we might tear our hair out because we had no idea what to do to make any of it better. The instant we got into the cab, I forgot all about modesty, and yanked down my nursing bra, regretting that I'd had to remove the baby in the first place. Taking her back from Brittany, Marisa refused at first, and I glared at the driver in the rearview mirror wanting him to both stop huffing at the noise in the backseat (because  _really?_ Did he want to try? General rule of life- if my  _boobs_ don't solve a problem, nothing will), and to stop with his borderline lecherous glares.

"Eyes on the road." Brittany snapped at him, immediately sensing my irritation.

"Mama. My belly hurts me." Annie looked up at Brittany, and immediately, the two of us made eye contact over her head.

"Okay baby girl, we'll be home soon." Britt promised, reaching across both of our laps to grab what was left of the water bottle out of the bag.

"I feel like I'm gonna throw up."

"Drink a little water for me, okay Bean? It will help."

"Kay." Annie nodded, scrunching her face as she sipped from the bottle, and crawling up onto Britt's lap.

We made it another four blocks before Annie was doubled over and crying, and Marisa had finally reduced her screaming back to whimpers, basically shredding my nipple in the process. As Britt rubbed Annie's back and I'd begun singing  _My Favorite Things,_ to keep myself, my wife,  _and_ our kids from completely losing it, Annie began gagging, and before either of us could get to one of the plastic bags in the diaper bag, she was throwing up all over the floor of the taxi. I didn't even bother to look up at the driver, who I'm sure was shooting us some kind of daggers, I just dropped the hand that wasn't holding Marisa to my body and ran my fingers through her ponytail, attempting to soothe her as Britt tried to find out if she was going to be sick again.

"I want to go home!" She wailed, and the baby began hiccuping against me.

"I know,  _mi amor._ We're almost there." I soothed. "Just a few more blocks."

"I throwed up on my new shoes!"

"It's okay, sweetheart, it's okay."

When the cab pulled up in front of the house, I threw a bunch of money at the driver, completely unwilling to have an argument with him about the cost of cleaning his car while my shirt was halfway removed from my body, and my wife had our sick five year old cradled in her arms. Britt didn't hesitate to get Annie right into the tub, grabbing a bucket from under the sink in case she got sick again in there, and I sat on the lid of the toilet seat with Marisa in my arms and the phone cradled between my neck and my ear.

"Gramercy Pediatrics, this is Erica speaking."

"Hey, Erica." I breathed a sigh of relief, hearing the one receptionist who'd been there since Annie was a baby, and knew all of us well. "It's Santana Lopez-Pierce, one of Annalise and Marisa's moms."

"Hi, Mrs. Lopez-Pierce. How are you? How are the girls doing?"

"We've been better." I forced out a strained laugh, watching closely as Annie clung to Brittany's shirt, effectively soaking her as she tried to wash her hair. "Marisa has been kind of a mess all day. She won't let me put her down, she just wants to nurse, but I'm not even sure that she's eating, and Annie just threw up in the backseat of a taxi. Is Dr. K. available to talk to me?"

"I think he's still here, give me a second and I'll check, okay? If not, I'll page him for you."

I waited on the phone while Erica went off the find the doctor, and when I looked down at the baby, she was sound asleep again. As much as my back ached from holding her in the nursing position for most of the day, I was nervous to put her down, nervous for her to wake up again and start to cry. When Annie's quick bath was over, Britt wrapped her up in a towel and pulled her hair into a high pony, wanting it was far off her face as possible, before getting her into her comfiest pajamas and taking her temperature (which we both breathed a sigh of relief when the thermometer only reached 99.9 degrees). Before Britt could manage to tuck her into bed, she was vomiting in a bucket, and sobbing at how much it hurt her, while  _I_  tried not to cry seeing her like that.

"Hello, Santana." Dr. Kellen's deep voice boomed through the phone, and I switched him to speaker so Britt could hear him as she wiped Annie's face with a warm washcloth and nudged Milky Way into her arms, sitting her partially up under her quilt.

"Thanks for taking the call, Dr. K., I've got you on speaker with Britt and the girls here."

"Hi ladies. I hear my friend Annie isn't feeling so hot. What's going on?"

"It basically came out of nowhere, she was totally fine playing soccer one minute, and the next, she was complaining that her stomach hurt."

I quickly filled the doctor in on the girls, giving Annie my best comforting smiles as she curled her body into Brittany, scrunching her eyes closed and letting her Mama rub her belly to help her feel better. Like he always did, Dr. Kellen let me talk, and didn't interrupt me when it was obvious that I was getting upset and needed a few seconds to collect myself before continuing. The thing was, with the exception of the first few months of Annie's life, she was  _rarely_ sick, and because of that, any time she actually  _was,_ it felt like more of a big deal than it probably needed to be.

"Alright. There's a stomach bug going around, and you know there's nothing that can be done to stop it." Dr. Kellen confirmed what I expected, and Brittany hugged Annie tighter to her. "From the sound of things, Marisa probably is trying to fight it off too. Keep both of the girls hydrated, lots of Pedialyte for Annie, and let the baby nurse as much as she can."

"Okay." I took a deep breath, bracing myself for what would probably be a long night.

"After Marisa starts vomiting, or has diarrhea-" Dr. Kellen started, and my heart lurched, unable to handle the image of the a barely ten-pound baby getting sick like that.

"Oh, God." I choked, and Brittany tilted her head back, pinching the bridge of her nose in an attempt to stave off anxiety.

"It's okay, Santana." He soothed, and I clenched my hands into fists. "It's going to be tough for all of you, but you've been through much worse, and the good news is, it lasts about twelve to twenty-four hours max. When the baby gets sick, you need to watch to make sure she's urinating. If she's not, I want you to give her the Pedialyte in a bottle between nursings. If you need anything, have the answering service page me, okay?"

"Alright." I nodded, even though he couldn't see me. "Thank you."

Sinking back into the chair I'd settled myself into, I released a shuddering breath, stopping to press my lips against Marisa's forehead to see if she felt warm, like my mother had always done with me. I relaxed a little that she wasn't-  _yet_ \- and pulled myself together before moving over to Annie's bed to help comfort her quiet cries.

"Did I make my sister get the bugs too?" She wiped her face furiously with the heels of her hands, and twisted with the discomfort of her stomach.

"Oh, no, no, no,  _corzoncita._ Not at all, we all get sick, it's no one's fault. You need to just worry about getting yourself better, okay? Mama and I will worry about Marisa."

"Can you get my bug net? Please, Mamí. I need to be ready for when the bugs 'scape."

"Of course I will." I couldn't help but smile in spite of the situation at the bug net coming back out. "But I need to talk to Mama for a few minutes first, okay? Close your eyes for me and rest."

"What if I throw up when I'm sleepin'?"

"You won't, Bean. We're right here watching to make sure of that." Brittany promised her, continuing to rub her belly as she slowly closed her eyes. Giving me a small half smile, Britt looked down at the baby and reached out to take my hand. "How's she doing?"

"I'm so scared to move her. I don't want her to wake up and be in pain." I confessed softly. "She's so small, I don't think I can handle watching her throw up. I can hardly handle watching Annie, Britt."

"I know." Brittany kissed my temple, and I leaned into it for a second. "One of us has to run to Duane Reade and pick up Pedialyte, and some other sick stuff. Why don't you go? You've had Marisa hanging on you all day, and we're going to have a long night. You could use twenty minutes to breathe."

"I-" I wanted to tell her that I was good, that we should just call Kurt and ask him if he could drop stuff off so neither of us would have to go, but I couldn't. I knew she was right, my anxieties about the girls being sick would strangle me if I didn't pull my head together, and even without pregnancy hormones, I was afraid to have a repeat of what happened in the emergency room with Annie. "Yeah, I'll go. Do you need anything?"

"Nope." She continued stroking Annie's hair with one hand, and helped me carefully shift Marisa into her other arm, both of us barely breathing in fear of waking her up. Softly, she brushed her lips against mine, and I twisted her hair back so it was off if her face. "We'll be okay, don't worry."

"I've got my phone if you need me. I'll get some soup and ginger ale too, maybe we can get Annie to eat a little something when she wakes up."

"Hopefully. You're going to be alright, sweet girl." Brittany soothed Annie's sleepy whimpers, and I kissed both of my daughters before slipping my sneakers back on and making my way out of the house.

* * *

Knowing that the best way to relax was to raise my endorphins, I jogged the ten blocks over to the drugstore, figuring a quick mile was better than nothing. Like the typical over the top mother that I was, I grabbed enough supplies to last  _probably_ through any time the girls were sick, right up until college, and because I couldn't help myself, tossed a new box of techno-brite markers into the basket for when Annie felt a little better. It actually didn't surprise me that shopping, having something I  _could_ control made me feel infinitely more confident about my ability to handle things. After checking out, I lugged the bags back to the house and found Britt with the baby monitor laying on our bed beside where she sat with Marisa in just a diaper, running her fingers up and down her bare chest and stomach.

"Mamí's home, little love." Britt cooed down to the baby, and I couldn't help but lift her into my arms, immediately feeling her damp peach fuzz, and smelling fresh baby wash. "We took a quick bath after a small diaper incident."

"Small?" I asked, sighing at what her euphemism meant, as Marisa nuzzled against my neck, whimpering just slightly.

"Yeah, trust me, it's not the worst we've seen." She reassured me, and I was glad at least that our poor daughter wasn't screaming in pain for the moment.

"Has Annie woken up at all?"

"Nope. I didn't want to leave her alone for too long, but I also didn't want her to be woken up by this little one's tough time." Britt stroked Marisa's back, and the baby just released a small gurgling noise. "I do think maybe we should wake her up to rehydrate her and give her some Tylenol though."

"I'll go, I'm just going to get some ice for the Pedialyte though, because it is even more  _nasty_ warm." I gagged a little, and Britt looked at me strangely. "I used to drink it for hangovers, gross, I know."

"I'm glad that's not a concern for either of us anymore." She wrinkled her nose in disgust, making basically the world's biggest understatement, especially where I was concerned, and I handed Marisa back over to her.

"Yeah, me too. I'll make a bottle of it for the baby too, and then we'll come up with our game plan for the night."

Grabbing the medicine from the cabinet in our bathroom and the ice from downstairs, I filled a glass and a bottle with the clear liquid, adding some apple juice from the refrigerator to mix with Annie's. After dropping the bottle with Britt, I tiptoed into Annie's room and sat down beside where she'd thrown the covers off herself, and was curled in a tiny ball in the center of her bed, Milky Way tucked between her stomach and her knees. Tenderly, I brushed away the strands of hair that had come loose from her ponytail, and kissed her flushed cheeks, whispering wakeup words against her skin.

"Mamí, don' wake me'yup." Annie whined sleepily. "My belly still hurts lots."

"I know bebé, but I brought you some medicine and a special drink that will help to make you feel better. Come here, let's sit up for a minute." I slipped my arm under hers and slowly pulled her up so she was leaning against the pillows. "You can go right back to bed, I promise."

With Annie's head leaning lazily against my chest, I brought the medicine cup to her lips and tilted her head back, knowing how much she hated the taste, and how quickly I needed to get it down her throat before it made her gag. Squeezing her eyes shut, she swallowed quickly, and then I encouraged her to drink slowly from the glass I lifted from the nightstand. Coughing only a little at the taste, she got it all down, and I wrapped both of my arms around her, rocking her in my arms to comfort her.

"Please sleep in my bed with me, Mamí, please." She begged, holding fast to my shirt. "I need t'have snuggling, and I need you t'catch the bug for me right  _now_."

"We'll catch it,  _mija,_ don't worry. Mama is with Reese in our room right now, I'm going to pick you up and bring you there instead, alright?"

"Mmhmm." She nodded against me, and I re-gathered her hair up before cradling her like an infant and bringing her back into the other room. "We've got some more company, Mama."

"Alright." Brittany gave Annie a soft smile and took the empty bottle from Marisa's mouth. "Looks like a big slumber party then."

* * *

It was probably one of the longest nights of motherhood for both me and Brittany alike. Between the diaper changes, the carrying of a barely awake Annie to the bathroom on several occasions, and seeing both girls violently ill took a lot out of both of us. Strong as we were in front of the kids, the two of us  _did_ have our moments of both heartache and frustration, comforting each other with gentle touches, brushing kisses and quick words whenever we could. At some point late in the night (or really, the early daylight hours) Britt and I managed to fall asleep with the girls. When I woke up, I had absolutely no idea what time it was, all I knew was that my body was exhausted, Marisa lay against the bare skin of my chest, where I hadn't even bothered to re-cover myself, Brittany's head lay against my stomach with Annie sprawled on top of her, and  _someone_ was ringing the doorbell repeatedly. Groaning louder than I'd planned, I carefully moved my wife's head off of me and adjusted my pajamas before fighting my way out of bed and beginning the impossible task of getting down the stairs to  _kill_ whoever had woken me up.

Dressed only in sleep shorts and a barely there tank top, with a slightly squirming (even in sleep) Marisa still only in her diaper held against me with one arm, I swung open the door with a scowl. Standing there with big smiles on their face, flowers in their arms, and a box of what I could only assume were croissants from Ceci-Cela were my parents. The instant they took in my disheveled appearance, their expressions changed to ones of concern, and I let out a shuddering sigh, feeling like I was about to have one of those moments where I just wanted to throw myself into my mother's arms and have her hug me tightly.

" _Mija,_ are you alright?" Mamí asked, as Marisa's eyes fluttered open and she scrunched her face, staring up at me.

"Rough night, Ma." I urged them inside and leaned against the door frame. "Word of warning, the plague has hit our house, so you might not want to breathe in the air. Britt and I seem to have escaped it, so far."

"My  _nietas_ are sick?" Papí looked at the baby with alarm, and immediately tossed his armload down on the entry table, holding out his arms for the baby. "Let me see you Marisita,"

"What time is it?" I rubbed my eyes, once my hands were free and let my mother pull me in for a tight hug.

"Just before eight." She told me.

"Seriously? Then it's been like two hours since Marisa last got sick, and even longer for Annie." I let my breath release in relief against Mamí's shoulder as I buried my face there. "Mamí, Papí, I'm  _so_ glad to see you right now, but why are you here?"

"We wanted to surprise you, Santanita." My father spoke as he continued his impromptu exam on Reese. "Brittany said you didn't want a big thing, but we couldn't miss a huge birthday like this for our only child."

"Oh God." I couldn't help but laugh, understanding why they'd come bearing gifts. "With the whole mess of a night, I forgot what day it was."

"Welcome to your thirties,  _mi amor._ " My mother smirked, and I rolled my eyes at her.

"San, honey?" Brittany called from the top of the stairs. "Who was at the door?"

" _Hola, habichuela!_ It's just us!"

"Hi, Mari, hi Javier, just give me a-" Brittany cut herself off and ran down the stairs faster than I'd ever seen her do, immediately wrapping her arms around my neck and pressing her lips to mine. "Oh my God, happy birthday, babe. I'm  _so_ sorry that I forgot for like ten seconds."

"Britt, I think we've been a  _little_ distracted, and neither of us has had more than two hours of sleep." I rested my hands on her lower back and pulled her closer to me. "And hey, I woke up in a pile with my three favorite people, that can't be the worst birthday morning, right?"

"I love you. And trust me, I'll make sure that you have the  _best_ birthday night ever." She breathed into my ear, and I felt my skin flush as I side-eyed my parents.

"I'm...guessing Annie is still okay?" I managed, and Britt nodded. "Papí, you'll take a look at her when you're done with Marisa?"

"Already done." He handed off the baby to my mother, who was clearly chomping at the bit. "Those viruses are nasty, but the good thing is, they're quick."

"You're a tough one,  _bebita._ " Mamí cooed, kissing the baby all over her face and belly. "Hopefully you'll be feeling well enough today to give one of those smiles of yours to your  _abuelita?_ "

"If she does, you better be prepared to go into hiding from my mother." Britt teased, leaning against me with obvious exhaustion. "She's been just about standing on her head over FaceTime to try and get one. Your best bet is to keep her near her sister, she gets more smiles than  _anyone._ "

"Where'd everybody go?" Annie cried out from upstairs. "'S Mamí's birthday and I can't find her!"

"Well she  _sounds_ better." I shook my head, smiling. "We'll be right up,  _mija!_ We have a really big surprise for you!"

When we traipsed up the stairs with my parents in tow, Annie just about launched herself off our bed and into my father's arms, expressing how much she missed him, and how she didn't need him to be a doctor because she felt all better. I closed my eyes for a second, resting my head against Britt's shoulder, and I knew her eyes were closed as her ear pressed against my hair. I had no idea how it was possible that my daughter could have so much energy after basically vomiting the life force out of herself, like the past fourteen hours hadn't happened, but I was reminded of Brittany, who, back in high school, had managed to choreograph our entire Troubletones Sectionals number with a  _six day flu._ Even Marisa, though subdued, was gurgling happily to my mother, and I'm pretty sure Brittany and I could have lied back down on our bed and slept for the remainder of the day.

"Mama, is it time to give Mamí presents now?" I heard Annie clapping her hands excitedly, and I opened my eyes to smile at her.

"I have an idea, Lisita." My mother started, glancing at Britt and me to tell her to stop if it wasn't what we wanted. " _Abuelo_ really needs some help picking out  _his_ present for Mamí. Do you think maybe you want to go and help him, then we can all give our presents together?"

"'S that okay?" Annie asked me, and I nodded, shooting my mother a grateful look, mostly okay with it  _only_ because Papí was a doctor.

"If you're feeling better, you can definitely go with  _Abuelo_ to the store. Otherwise, he might buy me socks."

" _'Buelo!"_ She looked at my father with a face of sheer horror. "Socks are  _not_ a birthday present! My belly doesn't hurt at all anymore! I can help you lots!"

"Thank you,  _preciosa._ We better get going."

My parents went downstairs while Brittany gave Annie another bath, and I nursed Marisa, holding her closer to me than I normally did after watching her struggle through the night. Mamí  _insisted_ that the two of us go take a nap in the guest room while she did stripped ours and Annie's beds, did laundry, and cleaned up a little bit. On a normal occasion, I would have protested the help, but honestly, all I wanted, and all I knew Brittany wanted was a few uninterrupted hours of sleep. Making Mamí and Papí  _swear_ that they'd wake us up the instant one of the girls had so much as a hiccup, we pulled down the blackout shades and curled up together under the comforter, Brittany causing me to smile with her  _happy birthday_ whispers.

* * *

When I woke back up, feeling significantly less like a walking corpse, my face was buried in Brittany's chest, and I could feel her fingers running through my hair from scalp to root. Not really ready for her to stop one of my favorite things, I pretended to be asleep, until Brittany's chest shook with laughter, and I peeked my eyes up to look at the grin on her face.

"What?" I rolled my eyes, because I knew she was teasing me.

"Nothing, I just love you. And I love that you still think you can pretend to be asleep and I won't notice."

"You know I love when you play with my hair." I shrugged against her, and she didn't still her fingers. "I figured if I was awake, we were going to have to get out of bed. Why is the house so quiet?"

"Because apparently your parents are angels sent from Ohio." Brittany lifted her phone from the nightstand and showed me the text Mamí had sent the two of us, saying that they were taking the girls out to the park, since the fresh air would help sap the rest of the bug from their bodies (and I'm pretty sure that was my mother's medical opinion, not my father's).

"I have never been more glad that they've completely ignored something I asked of them. Best gift ever, my mother cleaning our house and doing our laundry for us. I feel  _so_ grown up." I chuckled, then felt, for the first time, a new weight on my right ring finger. My eyes widened when I looked down and saw three twisted bands that fit snugly against my skin. "Okay…I completely take back everything I just said. Britt. How did you even…?

"You were sleeping like the dead, for once." She brought my hand up to her lips and kissed just below the new addition there. "I actually had a really hard time figuring out what to get you. I just felt like you gave me Marisa this year, it needed to be even more special than ever. The three colors mean love, fidelity and friendship, and as soon as the salesman told me that, I knew I had to have it for you."

"It's perfect, so perfect." I leaned up to kiss her, tugging at her bottom lip with my teeth. "Thank you, baby, I love it."

"Good, I'm so, so glad." She beamed.

"As if you could ever get me anything that I  _wouldn_ _'_ _t._ " I scoffed. "Now, we're alone, what do you say we go take a shower together?"

"Oh, suddenly you want to get out of bed?"

"Well, it may still be daytime, but after we wash the night off of us, you can totally still make good on that promise to make it the best birthday ever."

"As you wish, birthday girl."

Holding hands, we made our way down the hallway and through our bedroom (where my mother had already remade the bed and probably freaking dusted the furniture) into the bathroom. Before our clothes were even fully shed, Brittany pulled me too her by the straps of my tanktop and kissed me deeply, stroking my tongue with hers and letting me melt slowly into her body. Reciprocating her kiss, I pulled away for only an instant to lift her shirt from her head, and after a moment of appreciating the beauty of her bare chest, I kissed the milky white skin there before returning to her lips. Slowly, we undressed each other, giggling for no apparent reason, because  _why not?_ Britt turned the shower on as hot as it would go, and when she stepped inside, she held out a hand for me, stroking the back of mine with her thumb. I didn't climb right in, I just stared at her for a moment, the water soaking her hair and cascading down her shoulders. She shook her head smiling, and tugged at my hand, pulling me in with her so our naked, wet bodies were pressed together.

"Took you long enough." She held my cheeks with her hands before letting them roam down, working any knots she could find out of my back, before cupping my breasts, one at a time, and then moving lower to my stomach, checking my eyes for a reaction before tracing every inch with her fingertips. "I forgot to thank your mom today for creating the most beautiful human being, both inside and out, that I've been lucky enough to know for so many birthdays."

"She appreciates it a lot when you do that." I closed my eyes as she brought her hands back up up my shoulders, and let her thumbs work the muscles there.

"I know, and I'm glad to. Without her, I wouldn't have you, and I just like to remind her of how grateful I am sometimes."

"God, I love you."

"Love me even more if I wash your hair?" She grabbed the bottle of my shampoo from the shelf, and I immediately kissed her."

"Forever and always. I mean, it's  _basically_ the reason I married you. You wash my hair, and I'm not sure if I'm going to spontaneously combust, or fall asleep." Brittany just laughed, flicking my shoulder before lathering up my hair, bringing her fingers through it in much the same was as she'd been doing in bed. "Hey, Britt?"

"Mmhm?"

"I'm really glad my twenties are over. I mean…" I squeezed my eyes shut, both to keep the trail of shampoo that dripped down my face from getting in them, and to gather my thoughts, taking a deep breath as Britt's thumb brushed over my cheekbones, knowing what was coming. "I know it's like really ridiculous, because  _so_ many of the  _best_ things happened to me then. But, I just, I don't know, I really am happy for the idea of starting a different decade."

"You can talk about it, you know." Brittany whispered.

"You know, I don't think about it as much as I thought I would, even when I'm working on Show Your Brave stuff. When I originally conceived the idea, it was a way for me to deal with the aftermath of the trial, the  _thing_ as a whole, and all the emotions I had surrounding it. But now, it's like, I don't know, that night was obviously one that shaped my life in a thousand different ways, but it's not the core of my being anymore, it hasn't been for a long time. I feel like being in a new decade just puts it entirely in the past, does that make sense?"

"Yeah." She nodded, slowly rinsing out my hair as she spoke. "You get to carry over all the  _amazing_ things that happened in the second half, without being at all connected to the mostly awful, blacked out parts of the first."

"I wasn't even fully through the first year before…Ryan Davis." His name came out in a strangled whisper, and Brittany tenderly brushed her lips over mine, like she was wiping away the name that caused me pain. "And you know I'm weird superstitious, so even though it's been over for a long time, today feels like another fresh start. Sorry, I know, it's crazy."

"Santana, let's make your goal for your thirties to  _not_ think everything you say is crazy. Because I've known you forever, and I don't think your symbolic restarts are crazy at all."

"Because you love me."

"Well of course I love you, goof, but it's also because you make a lot of sense. We ended that decade with a much  _different_ kind of vomit and crying than you dealt with in the beginning, so I'm very glad for us to start it off with  _all_ kinds of positive things." She wrapped her arms tight around me, and when I pressed my forehead to hers and looked into her eyes, I gave her a tiny little seductive smirk, proving that I was done with little moment.

When Brittany ran conditioner through my hair, her fingers twisted in my long locks, and she tugged me insistently toward her for a heated kiss. Somewhere in the midst of washing each other's bodies, we sort of lost all pretense, and I ended up my knees with my face buried between her thighs, her moans echoing off the tiled walls. Some time before the water went cold, I wound up with my back pressed up against the wall of the shower and my legs around Brittany's waist, pleading with her as she worked me up. Giggling, Britt managed to support my weight as she carried me out of the shower and dropped me down on our bed, still completely soaking wet. The water from her hair dripped down onto my face, and rather than make any effort to dry us off, she just removed each droplet with a kiss. As she moved slowly, torturously down my body, her wet hair tickled my skin, causing a whole host of new sensations, and I shivered, not at all from being cold. When Brittany finally reached the very bottom of my stomach, just between my hipbones, she looked up at me, silently seeking permission to continue. Reaching down to stroke her cheek, my throat filled up with the love I had for her, for the way she  _still,_ after nearly a month since we'd resumed having sex post-baby, checked to see if I was alright. Tangling my fingers with her's, I squeezed her hand, and watched her smile just before she brought her mouth down.

Taking full advantage of our empty house, Brittany and I thoroughly (and noisily) enjoyed ourselves and each other in a way that wasn't usually possible when we had to worry about one of our daughters waking up in the middle of it. After both of us were spent, and we were laughing in bed together about how thirty  _totally_ was the new twenty, my stomach growled, and Brittany poked it playfully, making, of course, a joke about how she thought I'd already had  _plenty_ to eat, but if  _food_ was what I needed, we ought to get on that. Once we'd gone in the shower for the second time, we threw on comfortable clothes and made our way downstairs, stopping in the kitchen to grab croissants out of the box, since I refused Brittany's offer to cook in favor of snuggling on the couch. I was actually surprised that it was barely past noon, and even  _more_ surprised to see flowers that were obviously from Brittany set on our coffee table waiting.

"You're just full of surprises today, aren't you babe?"

"I have my ways, Mrs. Lopez-Pierce." Brittany grinned, leaning back on the chaise so I could fit myself between her legs.

"As if I ever doubted that for a second. Do you mind if we call Rachel and reschedule dinner? I know the girls are out now, but I'd rather get them in bed early tonight, and just have a low key night at home."

"Whatever you want to do. We can order take out, I can cook-"

"Or, you can relax and  _Mam_ _í_ can cook."

"Oh, I can, can I?" My mom walked in the room, Marisa tucked in the Ergo (which Brittany swore she was big enough for, even though I still preferred her in the sling) and a hand on her hip.

"You would if I asked you to, right Mamí? I mean, it  _is_ your only daughter's birthday."

" _Dios mio,_ Santanita, are you sure you're thirty and not twelve today?" Mamí's eyes sparkled as she teased me, because we  _all_ knew that she was thrilled about taking care of us.

"Mamí!" Annie tore through the front door with my father hot on her heels, rambling before she even stopped moving. "Mama! Everybody's awake again! And  _'_ _Buela_ is going to make your birthday French toast for  _lunch,_ 'cuz  _'_ _Buelo_ said I had to eat apple sauce or breakfast 'cuz of my belly, and you were sleeping for that. Oh!  _And_ I got  _brand new_ sneakers, 'cuz I told  _'_ _Buelo_ 'bout the throw up on mine. Is it time for presents yet?  _'_ _Buelo_ couldn't find you one, but 's okay, 'cuz I told him he's 'llowed to share  _'_ _Buela_ _'_ _s_ 'cuz that's his wife, just like you and Mama do."

"I didn't know that rule." Papí winked, knowing that we all knew he never actually needed to get me a birthday gift anyway, just a ruse to give us a little rest after our long night.

" _Tranquilo, mija._ " I couldn't help but laugh as she bounced up and down excitedly. "Come give us a hug first."

"You got a new ring!" She yelled, as soon as she was up on my lap and gave both Britt and me hugs. "'S it a birthday present?"

"She's your daughter, San, spotting bling from a mile away." Britt marveled. "I gave Mamí her gift when she woke up, sweet girl, we can go upstairs and get yours now, don't worry."

"Be right back!" Annie jumped up off of me, and I slid forward so Brittany could follow her, taking the baby from my mother in the process.

"Oh, how I missed you,  _beb_ _é_ _._ So is Grammy going to be jealous, or what?"

"Not yet." My father shook his head, and my mother tickled Marisa's little foot before settling in the chair across from me.

"She will. By the end of this weekend, I'll be sending Susan a picture message of our granddaughter smiling away."

"How much did you bet, Ma?" I looked at my father, and he shook his head, refusing to get involved. "You guys seriously  _have_ to stop doing that. What are you teaching Annie?"

"Oh,  _c_ _á_ _llate, no seas descarado._ You know we don't do it in front of her. Did you have a nice  _nap?_ _"_ She asked with a wink, and I resisted the urge to faux-gag as I pulled down my top for the baby.

"Seriously? I miss the days when the Lopezes didn't talk." I groaned. "Papí is  _right_ there, do we really need to talk about what Britt and I did while you were gone?"

"I don't hear anything,  _mi amor._ I'd rather pretend this isn't happening." My father busied himself with moving around some books on shelf, and I could see the tips of his ears go red.

"Please, Santanita, you act like I want details. I was just hoping we gave you enough time, I know you've both had hectic schedules."

" _Not_ talking about this."

"Not talking about what?" Brittany re-emerged from the staircase.

"That my mother is no longer allowed to hang out with your mother." I frowned, and Brittany kissed both of my cheeks, and then my lips.

"Aww, honey. You're so cute when she embarrasses you though. Thank you both, by the way, for this morning. We really needed it."

"Brittany!"

"I meant the nap, Santana. I mean the-"

"Okay! I'm all ready!" Annie's excitement thankfully cut Brittany off as she reached the bottom of the stairs, a wrapped package in each hand. She squeezed herself as close as possible to me on the chaise, giving Marisa a tiny wave. "Baby Reese, you almost done eating? 'S time for Mamí's presents."

"It's okay, sweetheart." Britt pulled Annie up onto her lap, and wedged all four of us into the tight space. "Remember, just like A _buelo_ told you that you need to drink lots of water today, your sister needs lots of milk. She can watch you from there."

"Can you unwrap for me?"

"Course I can." She carefully removed the paper from the flat rectangular package, and I felt tears prick the back of my eyes when I saw the glossy, hardcover book that lay inside. "I made this for you! I wrote all the words and drew  _all_ the pictures, 'cept the ones that are real, and Mama sent it to the Internet, and they sent it back to us. And I can read it to you all by myself!"

Gingerly opening the cover of the book, which had a picture of me, drawn by Annie, and the words  _Why My Mam_ _í_ _Is Super Awesome By Annie Lopez-Pierce_ (the  _By Annie Lopez-Pierce_ was apparently part of the title, which made me lean over to kiss her little face, because ugh, that child) carefully printed across it, she turned very serious as she began to read.  _I have one Mam_ _í_ _and one Mama. Mam_ _í_ _and Mama are both super awesome, but this book is about my Mam_ _í_ _because it_ _'_ _s for her 3-0 birthday (I_ _'_ _ll write you a book too, Mama, even though I didn_ _'_ _t know about making books for your 3-0 birthday, don_ _'_ _t worry!) Mam_ _í_ _is super awesome because she plays the piano and writes music. She teaches me how to play the piano and sings me songs so I feel happy. She can sing prettier than everybody else in the world. She can talk Spanish and not everybody knows about Spanish. She goes to work and does superhero stuff to make people feel brave like she is, and like I_ _'_ _m gonna be when I_ _'_ _m big. She grew a whole baby in her belly and I love my sister Reese lots and lots. Mam_ _í_ _gives me hugs and kisses and snuggles. She is super beautiful and has black hair. My Mam_ _í_ _is the most awesome Mam_ _í_ _because I love her so much, and she loves me and my Mama and my sister the most of all._ When she closed the book on her perfect little words, her perfect drawings, the photographs that fit so well on the pages, I was basically sobbing, and Brittany wrapped her arm tighter around me.

"Ma. Stop your crying, would you?" I looked over to my mother, managing a laugh and trying to deflect. "Annie,  _corazoncita, es perfecto, gracias mi beb_ _é_ _dulce._ This really is my most special gift ever."

"Mama helped me spell all the words, but I made them up in my brain! 'Cuz you are super awesome, you know."

"So are you." I shook my head, just so  _emotional._

"We got you this too!" Annie opened the second gift and pulled out a lopsided silver heart on a key ring. "Look, 's a new picture of me and Reese  _and_ see, 's mine and it's our thumbs on the back! Mine's the bigger one!"

"You're trying to kill me today, aren't you?" I whispered into Brittany's ear, and she just released a small laugh.

"Not even my idea." She murmured back. "She saw the keychain when we were shopping and thought it would be a good idea, because you always have your keys, so you could always see them, even when you're not home."

"I can't with her, Britt."

"Yeah, I know. Trust me, I know. When I had to spell all the words in the book, I basically cried the whole time she was writing it."

" _Mijas._ _"_  I took a deep breath, blinking away the last remnants of my tears before lifting Marisa from my chest, kissing her face and handing her to Brittany. I then pulled Annie up onto my lap and hugged her tightly to me, smiling as she giggled against my neck.

"Too tight! You're gonna squash me!"

"You just make me so, so incredibly happy, my Annalise. Your writing was beautiful, your pictures were beautiful, and you picking out another gift so I can always have you and your sister with me was perfect. I love you, so much."

"I love you so much too, Mamí." She threw her arms around my neck, and it was  _her_ turn to try and  _squash_ me with a hug.

* * *

Although I knew Annie had been looking forward to dinner with everyone, and so had I, I think that spending the day relaxing at home with just my parents ended up being so much better. After lunch (and every one of us reminding Annie to eat slowly), we'd ended up watching  _The Sound of Music,_ sprawled out around the living room, as the bright sunny day turned dark and stormy outside, trapping us in a nice bubble together. Later while Papí let Marisa sleep on him, I sat at the kitchen table, just thoroughly enjoying watching my mother teach Brittany and Annie how to make  _sopes_ (I could probably make them in my sleep, since my  _abuela_ used to make me help her every Sunday). Once the girls were bathed and put to bed, Brittany and I rejoined my parents in the living room, and we fit ourselves into our usual spot, limbs all tangled up and my head resting on Britt's shoulder as I played with the ends of her hair.

"Did you have a nice day, Santanita?" Papí asked me, and I just smiled and nodded. "Mari, should we give her the gift that you let me sign my name to?"

"Smart one, our girl, giving you that idea, isn't she, Javi?" Britt poked her tongue between her teeth.

"Very financially savvy, that's for sure. Maybe we'll hire her to do our taxes next year. Hiram Berry will be out of a job pretty quickly." Mamí joked.

"Or she can be a writer." I grabbed my book off the side table and couldn't fight the urge to flip through it for probably the hundredth time. "Because I'm pretty sure this is the greatest book ever written."

"Even if we are a little biased." Britt kissed the top of my head, and my mother rifled through her purse until she pulled out a green envelope and handed it over to me. Opening the envelope, I gasped at what was inside, and Brittany squeezed the my forearm as I looked up into her eyes.

" _Feliz cumplea_ _ñ_ _os, mi corazon._ _"_

"Mamí, Papí, how did you even…? Is this like the time Rachel got us tickets for  _Cats?_ Because I didn't even know they were touring. They're like…eighty years old."

"All the more reason you should see them now,  _mija_ , before it's too late _._ " My father chuckled. "They're doing a few small venues, as kind of a last hurrah thing, I suppose, and they just so  _happened_ to have one out on Long Island the weekend I'm giving a lecture at Columbia."

"And you two  _need_ a weekend away." Mamí chimed in. "Have you even been out alone together since Marisa was born? And no, dinner with investors doesn't count."

"You don't have to sell us on this." Britt was nodding furiously in agreement as I spoke. "Number one, it's  _Fleetwood Mac,_ even if they're as old as dirt, they're still going to be  _awesome._ Number two, trust me, I  _know_ that we need a weekend just for us, desperately. So thank you, thank you  _so_ much."

"Seriously. Thank you from me too." Brittany grinned wide, because if the past twenty-four hours were any indication, we really  _did_ need some time to be Santana and Brittany, not Mamí and Mama, not the head of a non-profit and the choreographer. Just us, on Long Island, seeing my  _favorite_ band of all time (hopefully with none of them dying before the show), who would sing songs that would put me even  _more_ in the mood to have lots and lots of glorious, loud sex in a hotel room with my wife.

"I really appreciate you coming today." I said quietly, reaching to grab my mom's hand from where it lay on the arm rest of the couch, squeezing her fingers. "It's good to have you here."

"We wouldn't be anywhere else." She kissed the back of my hand. "Although I'm still not sure how I ended up with a thirty-year old daughter."

"Does that make you sad?"

"No." She shook her head, and her eyes glazed over with years worth of memories, the look on her face so similar to the one I got every year on Annalise's birthday. "Santana Marie, trust me when I tell you  _ni_ _ñ_ _a,_ that nothing in the world makes me happier than the passing of each year of your life, and watching you grow more and more into this beautiful, amazing woman."

"Ma, don't you think I've cried enough for one day?"

"You can never have too many happy tears, now come here and give me a hug." She tugged at my hand, and I pretended to my exasperated before sliding out from Brittany's embrace and up into my mother's. "You too, Brittany, I want both of my girls."

"Happy Santana's Birthday, Mari." Britt murmured as she wrapped her arms around both of us, and I felt my mother smile. "Thanks for giving birth to my awesome wife."

"Thank  _you_ for keeping her happy and safe,  _corazoncita._ _"_


	38. Role Models

The night before my big event at Eleanor Roosevelt, I didn't sleep well. I wasnervous about going to a school where no one knew me, nervous about going to a school where there were  _no_ programs in place, and  _beyond_  nervous about being more than just a supplement, but being the real deal, the one who could single handedly (or really, I guess,  _tri-handedly,_ with Holly and Jarrod's help, but still, it was my program, so the final responsibility lied with me) blaze a trail for the future there. Rather than toss and turn in bed, and keep  _Brittany_ from sleeping as well, I paced the house, trying to tire myself out, checking on Annie, staring at Marisa in her basket, rifling through papers in the office, even going as far as making up the guest bedroom for Liz's impending arrival the next day, because it was  _something_ to busy myself with. I knew that everything having to do with Show Your Brave was a big responsibility, but this seemed  _bigger_ somehow, because every move I made in my few short hours there would be carefully watched, every breath I breathed counted toward determining whether or not I had something the school considered worth continuing.

Finally, at 3:17, after feeding Marisa and sitting with her on the floor of my room, rocking her in her sleep for close to an hour, I crawled back into bed, hoping  _maybe_ I'd get a few hours of rest before it was time to wake up. Instinctively, Brittany snuggled into me in her sleep, head resting on my shoulder, leg draped almost entirely over both of mine (it really wasn't an exaggeration that we left very little space between us while we slept), and I let myself relax against her body. I had hardly blinked my eyes closed when Marisa started whimpering and the alarm on Britt's side of the bed went off at exactly the same time, and I sat up with a groan, knowing it was  _definitely_ a two cup of coffee kind of morning.

"I'm guessing you didn't sleep, since you weren't in bed for half of the night." Brittany frowned a little, managing to get up before I did to pick up Marisa. "Good morning, sweet baby girl. What's with your grumpy face?"

"That kind of day, I think." I complained, and Britt tried to wipe off  _my_ grumpy face with a kiss, as she pressed Marisa into my arms.

"Won't be for long." She promised, watching as I kissed the baby and let her start to nurse. "I'm going to make you super strong coffee, you're going to go kick some ass with Holly and Jarrod, and then just  _maybe_ I'll take you out on a date tonight, since I got my sister to agree to watch the girls for us."

" _Really?_ _"_ I couldn't hide my excited smile. "I thought she was coming to do cheesy  _romantic_ things with Max, and was just using our house as a free place to stay."

"No such thing as a free place to stay." Brittany laughed. "And even though Max is coming, she's still here for Annie, and that means I'm finally cashing in on all of her offers to babysit."

"I love you."

"I know, I'm awesome." She grinned cheekily. "Totally turned your mood around in three seconds,  _and_ when I come back up here with your coffee and Annie, you'll be even  _happier._ _"_

"Coffee, snuggling with my girls, and a date with my hot wife tonight? Yeah, that's probably as happy as I can get."

"Good." She kissed my lips again, and squeezed my hand. "Don't stress yourself, okay? You're going to be as amazing as you always are today."

* * *

I  _did_ try not to let myself get stressed, but even Brittany, who'd massaged my shoulders and whispered encouraging words all throughout the morning knew that it was a complete impossibility, I just had to  _deal_ with the anxiety, and not let it eat my alive. Leaving Brittany with Marisa, I brought Annie to school, and shared a cab uptown with Jarrod, not even speaking to him as I spent the entire ride skimming through paperwork in my bag. It was daunting, pulling in in front of the school, and I sucked in a deep breath before pulling my hair back and stepping out onto the sidewalk.

"Are you okay, Santana?" Jarrod asked, putting his hand on my shoulder.

"Yeah, I'm good. I just always get nervous before stuff like this, it's like my third kid, you know?"

"Well, I've seen you in action with both of your  _human_ children, and also with this. You've got no reason to be nervous.  _Plus,_ you've got me and-"

" _Hola_ homies! What's up?" Holly flounced up beside us. "Ready to knock the socks off these kids? Show circle time?"

"Who are you?" I laughed. "Did you really just suggest a show circle?"

"Yeah true, that's so  _lame._ I always forget you were kind of a dork in high school, but you had a crush on the coolest girl in school and you mostly reined it in. Show circle is toeing the line even for _you_."

"Hey, I was cool too. I mean, not like Britt, but she's  _always_ just been so effortlessly awesome, so it's not really fair to compare." I scrunched my nose up, and flicked Jarrod when he snorted. "And besides, I was captain of the Cheerios, you just weren't around for that!"

"Okay fair enough, but still. I'm not saying your dorkiness- then  _and_ now, because I've seen your iPod, and the only person who has more musical theater on there is your friend Rachel- is a  _bad_ thing, boss lady. I was a  _major_ dork in high school, had the frizzy hair and glasses and everything, and I  _know_ this guy was one too."

"Hey!"

"Don't try and deny it, white Urkle. And Santana, it's actually one of the top five things you've got going on. You work your inner nerd like no one else, and the kids don't see you as some kind of unattainable cool."

"Whatever." I huffed, but the upturn of my mouth gave away that I totally wasn't pissed, and her teasing had actually sort of helped to calm me down. "And stop calling me boss lady, both of you."

"Probably because that's what she calls Brittany." Jarrod stage whispered to Holly, and I elbowed him in the stomach.

"You're disgusting. And don't forget-" I smirked at him, cocking an eyebrow. "I know your husband. Now can we stop acting like a merry band of misfits and go inside and behave like adults?"

"Whatever you say,  _boss lady._ "

With a final eye roll, I opened one of the double doors to the school, and like every time I walked into a high school, I had to shake off that strange feeling of déjà vu that accompanied my entrance. We went through the security rigamarole, pulling out driver's licenses, being photographed at the front desk, and finally being escorted down to the auditorium. Unlike Finn's school, which was  _gigantic,_ this one was small, not all that much bigger than McKinley, and somehow, that was all the more intimidating to me. Setting my bag down behind the podium, I scanned the empty seats, and did my usual visualization attempts, picturing kids who's lives we would change, picturing making a difference. We had over an hour to get ready, and the three of us set up tables in front of the stage, preparing to sit there and give anyone the opportunity to find out more about us, sign up for the potential  _sing about your feelings and shit_ part,  _and,_ if they were so inclined, exchange information and start developing a mentorship relationship.

After excusing myself to the bathroom to make sure I still looked presentable after sweating like an animal and repeatedly taking my hair in and out of a ponytail, Ben came into greet us, and though we'd spoken several times over the phone, it was the first time we'd actually met. He reminded me a little bit of Mr. Schu, if he'd worn a jacket and tie instead of vests, over eager, well meaning, and _possibly_ a little misguided. But he smiled warmly, really seeming like he wanted this to work as much as I did, and I returned it as I introduced him to Holly and Jarrod. When the bell between classes rang, he wished us luck and headed to the back of the auditorium to start herding students inside (having the  _entire_ school at an assembly like this was definitely different for me, but I was going with it), and I took a long sip of my water bottle and nodded my gratitude to Holly, who'd given me one last reassuring forearm squeeze.

"Alright everyone, settle down." Ben stood up at the podium and the audience shockingly snapped to attention immediately. "You've all been informed by your teachers of the purpose of today's assembly. I trust that you'll all be respectful and take this with the seriousness it deserves. Now, without further ado, let me introduce you all to Mrs. Lopez-Pierce."

"Good morning everyone. It's just Santana, please." I shrugged off the weirdly formal introduction and tried to discretely wipe my sweaty palms on my dark jeans, looking out at the kids in front of me. I was taken aback by how they all looked the  _same,_ and it wasn't a school with uniforms. They all seemed to have similar haircuts, similar designer clothes, similar disinterested looks on their faces, and it was  _extremely_ daunting. "Mr. Foss asked me to come here today and talk a little bit about what I do, what  _we_ do, and why we do it."

There was something about looking out on all that sameness, all of what I had to assume was by some (or many, I couldn't be sure) as effort to hide in plain sight that made my heart ache, having been there myself, on so many levels. I went into my usual speech, telling my sob story about being deeply closeted in high school, introducing Holly as the one who'd been able to get through to be and gave me an opportunity to talk about it, and all the way up through my attack and my happily ever after, all the while thinking more than ever about the struggle to fit in. As I spoke and looked out on that sea of conformity, I couldn't help but think back to the moment I was willing to do  _anything_ to feel the acceptance I craved (acceptance that was probably mostly in my head), and I knew that thick emotion weighed down on my words as I got caught up in the thoughts of a moment in time that I wasn't even  _speaking_  about.

* * *

_Waking up, I was groggy, confused and felt like my entire chest had caught fire, and the flames were spreading up into my raw throat. It took me a few minutes, after I finally opened my eyes, to figure out where I was, and when the white curtains and beeping machines gave it away, I felt my chest burn with something different; that sickening_ what have I done _type of regret. My heart pounded against my ribs, and under the fading influence of anesthesia, everything was too blurry for me to make sense of._

" _Hi sweetheart." A familiar voice that I couldn't quite place echoed in my ears. "The nurses say you're going to be a little disoriented, and probably in quite a bit of pain."_

" _How are you…? Why are you…?" I tried, upon realizing who it was, my voice far raspier than normal from where the breathing tube had chafed the inside of my throat. "Don't yell. Please."_

" _I'm not going to yell at you. I'm not sure I can say the same for your parents, and I_ know _I can't say the same for my daughter, but I'd rather talk to you then yell at you." Susan Pierce said softly, and my eyes darted around the recovery room, trying to follow her voice to the folding chair she sat in. "When the hospital realized that there was no one here to take you home, and the person you listed as your emergency contact was only seventeen, they asked me to come and get you."_

" _I'm sorry. So sorry." Tears started falling from my eyes, and the shame burned hotter than the stitched up wounds on my chest, the wounds I'd_ willingly _subjected myself to._

" _Please don't cry." I heard her move closer to me, and both of her hands encapsulated one of mine._

" _I shouldn'a done it. My mom's gonna flip, and Britt'ny, and Coach…and it_ hurts _."_

" _Push this button here for more morphine." Susan guided my hand, and I cried harder, both because she was being too nice to me, and because she didn't understand what I was saying._

" _Not that, everything." I confessed, because the drugs lowered my walls, and words I never would have spoken otherwise passed through my lips. "I just want to be pretty, and normal, and for someb'dy to love me. I'm not even askin' for a lot, I don't think."_

" _Oh, Santana-"_

" _Please don't be nice to me 'cuz I'm pathetic and got my Abuelita to sign the papers so I could get my tits done, okay?" Anger flared up in my voice, and I hit the morphine button repeatedly, hoping maybe it was broken, and it would fire enough into my system to knock me into oblivion forever. "I shoulda gone to St. Croix with my parents instead of coming up with this plan. So_ stupid _."_

" _Alright, listen to me, Santana Lopez." I heard Susan swallow hard, and I knew she was biting her tongue in aggravation with me and my pity party, with the situation, with all of it. "You're not going to believe me if I sit here and tell you what a beautiful girl you are, and how you may not recognize it now, but you are loved, and you will be loved in the way you're wishing for. You didn't need bigger boobs for any of that, and-"_

" _You jus' don't understand. You don't." I sobbed harder, cutting her off and choking on the mucus in my throat. "My gra'ma even gave me the money, said now I can finally stop bein' a_ slut _, because some boy will make me his stupid trophy girl."_

" _I'm going to just try and keep my mouth shut about your_ grandmother  _encouraging_   _this, because it's not my place to say the things I want to say, and knowing your mother, you'll hear enough of that when she gets back." Susan failed to mask her fury, and I could feel her hands grip mine tighter. "But this is what's going to happen now. We're going to get you dressed, we're going to get you in the car, and I'm going to drive you back to my house. When we get there, you're going to get in Brittany's bed, and I'm going to call Alma and tell her that since she abused the medical power of attorney your parents_ trusted _her with while they're out of the country, and dropped her_ sixteen year old granddaughter _off at a hospital in Columbus, without bothering to stay and bring her home, you'll be staying with us until your parents get back. Since you've made an adult decision, I'm going to leave telling them tonight on the phone about this or waiting until they get home up to you."_

" _They're going to be so mad."_

" _Yeah honey, if it were my daughter, mad wouldn't even begin to describe it."_

" _No! She would never! She's perfect just how she is." I yelped, my chest aching harder with whatever the feeling was that flared up behind it._

" _She thinks the same thing about you." Susan told me quietly, knowingly, and I squeezed my eyes tightly shut, not wanting to hear anymore, wishing I was still a child who believed that closing my eyes made me invisible to whoever was looking at me._

_It was close to two hours later by the time the doctor came in to make sure I wasn't choking to death on blood, or my lungs had collapsed from the anesthesia, or whatever it is they're checking for during the post-op exam, and signed the discharge papers for my release. I basically cried my eyes out while Susan helped me put on the loose t-shirt and sweatpants of Brittany's that she'd brought for me (probably proof that I definitely_ wasn't _adult enough to have made the decision to have that surgery, since I'd basically assumed I'd be fine to walk out in the tight jeans and tank top I'd come in wearing), and the intensity of my emotions didn't die out for the entire hour and forty-five minute car ride back to Lima. Shocking me with her kindness, because kindness always shocked me, Susan handed me a half of a peanut butter sandwich and a ginger ale, encouraging me to eat so the painkillers wouldn't bother me, then pulled the car over on the side of Route 33 to hold back my hair as I brought it all back up, repeating soft, soothing words into my ear as I puked on my shoes._

_When we pulled into the driveway, Brittany was sitting on porch steps with her knees pressed together, waiting. She didn't jump up from her spot as Susan opened my door, she just stayed there, watching me, and even from a distance, I could see sadness in her eyes. I didn't know what to say to her, because I_ knew  _she wasn't going to understand, that was the_ exact  _reason I hadn't told her my plans in the first place. She got mad, no, more than mad, devastated almost, when I made self-deprecating jokes about myself, or 'forgot' to eat for a day or two, so how could I ever make her understand the reason I'd willingly put myself under the knife in a misguided effort to be more lovable? Moving slowly, because_ God,  _every single motion felt like daggers stabbing into my flesh, I swung my legs and placed my feet on the ground, and was grateful that Brittany's mother had taken her Prius, instead of Stephen Pierce's giant pickup truck, otherwise, I probably would have needed to be carried out, adding further embarrassment to an already unbearable situation._

" _Hi." Brittany said quietly, slipping a strong arm around my waist and helping me stand, before I'd even noticed that she'd left the porch and come to my side._

" _Hey." I looked at the front door, the ground, the mailbox, anywhere but in her eyes. "You don't have to help me. I'm fine."_

" _Right." The sound of Brittany's eye roll was in her voice without me having to look at her face, and even at my request, she didn't let go of me._

_It was an absolute nightmare, getting into the house and getting up what felt like the longest flight of stairs ever created, in order to make it to Brittany's bedroom. I was as stubborn as I could possibly be, fighting with myself to keep from crying out in pain, finally shrugging off Brittany in favor of holding both hands on the banister, and then eventually succumbing to Stephen's arms as he lifted my small frame like an infant and carried me the rest of the way. I have no idea how I'd actually thought I'd be able to take a cab home and take care of myself because_ clearly  _that would never have happened, and as mortified as I was that I was relying on the Pierces for help, I was so unbelievably grateful that they were the kind of people who would_ do that  _for me without asking a thousand questions._

_Once I was on the bed, I stopped fighting it all, and just lay back, completely defeated, as Britt fussed over me, tucking me under a soft sheet, turning up the air conditioner to cool my flushed skin, offering me painkillers and the water from a bottle on her nightstand, and finally sitting down beside me, tucking a stray hair behind her ear and just watching me, eyes darting from my face to the bandage wrapped chest under my shirt. Before either of us could say anything, I succumbed sedative effects of Percocet, and passed out, surrounded by the smell of my best friend in her bed. When I woke up, I felt the chill of something on my chest, and looked down to see two bags of frozen blueberries, obviously placed there by Brittany, because she (and her mother) swore that frozen fruit and vegetables far surpassed ice packs to help reduce swelling. Blinking my eyes clear, I found Brittany sitting at her computer, and I watched her type furiously, before clearing my throat. When she turned around, there was a softness in her eyes, and something about that made me burn again with shame._

" _How long have I been asleep?" I croaked out, crinkling my nose at the sound of my own voice._

" _Few hours." She shrugged, standing from her chair and carefully sitting down beside me on the bed. "How are you feeling?"_

" _Like shit." I tried to laugh it off, but the effort hurt too much. "Britt, I-"_

" _You don't have to explain yourself, Santana." Brittany cut me off with a long sigh that betrayed a whole mess of emotions. "I was mad a few hours ago, but now I'm not anymore, now I'm just confused. I don't get it, okay? I don't get why I had to find out that my_ best friend  _was in the hospital getting a_ boob job,  _because she was all by herself and needed someone to pick her up. I don't get why you didn't trust me enough to tell me that before you_ did it.  _And mostly, I don't get why you felt like you needed to do it at all. But it's your body, and you made a choice, so I'm not going to make you feel bad about it."_

" _You're right you_ don't  _get it." I snarled, because as was obvious from my conversation with Susan in the recovery room,_ no one  _got it. Though anyone else would have moved immediately away at the sound of my anger, Brittany only shifted closer, adjusting the makeshift ice packs on my chest and carefully gathering my hair up off of my face. "I put out for Puck_ all the fucking time,  _he goes and knocks up the Virgin Mary, and then he goes after Mercedes, and_ Berry!  _Rachel the_ fucking hobbit  _Berry_   _was a better choice then me._   _I sleep with Finn, and he tells me it was a mistake. A mistake, Brittany. His dirty little secret. That's all I am to anyone, a fuck, a whore, a bitch, a_ nothing _. I don't know what the fuck it's going to take for everyone to see me as something worthy, because the_ second  _I woke up in that recovery room, I already_ knew  _it wasn't this. Now the slut of McKinley has plastic tits, how fitting, right? God, I'm such a fucking idiot."_

_Brittany didn't say anything, she knew there really was nothing she_ could  _say when I got like that, but when I lost it in that snot dripping down my face, choking, ugly cry kind of way, she grabbed a fist full of tissues from her nightstand and got up on her knees, tenderly wiping my face, all while avoiding my hands that tried to push her away. When I opened my eyes again, she was hovering over me, her face so close to mine, and the pain in her eyes cut me deeper than any scalpel ever could. She watched me calm under her gaze, and though I thought she was going to press her soft lips against mine, she settled for my forehead, before lying on her side beside me._

" _You're not an idiot." Brittany danced her fingers up and down my arm, trying to soothe my ever growing self-hatred. "You are so much better than any of them. You don't see how they're the ones who are missing out on someone so,_ so  _awesome. None of those other girls could_ ever  _compare to you."_

" _They've obviously got something I don't." I muttered, and her hand motions stilled as she propped herself up on her elbow so she could really look at my face again._

" _No, they don't." She told me firmly. "You're the hottest, most beautiful person I've ever met, and the guys in this town are all too dumb to see that. And anyway, you're_ way  _too good for them. You're_ Santana Lopez,  _you are worth way more than living in somebody's pool house with Puck, or tagging along for…whatever lame thing it is that_ Finn _is going to do with himself."_

_I couldn't help but smile, because somehow, Brittany was like sunshine, and she_ always  _made things feel brighter, even when I was at my darkest. My hand wiggled on the bed between us, until it found hers, and I took it in mine, squeezing it tightly, a silent_ thank you  _for just being there for me, for not making me feel like crap, even though she'd been mad at me (or maybe was_ still  _mad at me, even if she wasn't admitting it) for not confiding in her, and for putting myself through surgery without so much as a word. Briefly, I wondered if I'd have reconsidered if I'd spoken to Brittany first, but I shook the thought away, knowing that even though her words made me feel a lot better, they wouldn't have changed anything if she'd spoken them twelve hours earlier._

" _Someday, Santana, you're going to be with the person who loves you more than anyone else, who treats you the way you deserve to be treated. Like you're special and wonderful, and the greatest woman they've ever known."_

" _We'll see, Britt." I placated her, but I wasn't sure that was ever going to happen, wasn't sure there would ever be anyone else who made me feel like_ she  _did, and though at that point, we'd been sleeping together for the better part of a year, I'd yet to realize (or really, come to accept) that she could actually_ be  _that one._

" _Brittany, sweetheart?" Susan knocked softly at the door. "Can I come in?"_

" _Yeah." Brittany called out, and I fought the urge to bury my head under the sheet to avoid looking her mom in the eyes. "Santana's awake."_

" _Hi girls." Susan opened the door with her elbow, a big bowl in one hand, and a pharmacy bag in the other. "I brought some dinner up for you both, and it's time for a bandage change now."_

" _Okay." I looked down at my newly enhanced chest, biting my lip, because I really wasn't sure I was ready to look at it, and I_ definitely  _wasn't ready for Britt and her mom to see._

" _Santana." Susan raised an eyebrow at me, and my cheeks flushed, because once again, she'd caught me in my thoughts. "You know the Pierce house is a judgement free zone, and if it makes you feel any better, I'll show Brittany right now exactly what needs to be done, so she can do it in the future."_

" _Yeah." I met Brittany's eyes and sucked in a sharp breath. It wasn't like Brittany wasn't going to ever see them again (God, I'd have died if I thought Susan knew that), and as much as it caused panic to flare up within me, I knew it was the best solution. "That would be good. Thanks."_

_While Brittany went to wash her hands, Susan busied herself preparing the host of medical supplies she'd brought in (how I'd repay her kindness, I had no idea), and I watched, eyes wide as she arranged them on the bed. When Britt came back in and slowly pushed my shirt up so I was fully exposed, I was sure I'd stopped breathing, and didn't start again for the full five minutes that it took for the old bandages to be removed and the new ones to be pressed to the underside of my breasts. I didn't feel the pain, though I'm sure there was_ plenty,  _I just felt Brittany's eyes, alternating between watching her mom, and watching my reactions. When it was over, and I'd sucked in a gasping breath, Susan left us with the bowl of macaroni and cheese, and I didn't protest as Britt fed me bites. It was a silent meal, there was too much to be said between us to even attempt a start, and when we were though, I was grateful for another pull towards sleep from the latest dose of pain pills I'd taken. Closing my eyes, sleep didn't take me right away, though I'd expected it to, and as the bed shifted, I knew that Brittany was convinced I'd drifted off, and her lips brushed mine, ever so softly. It took everything in me not to snap my eyes open, but I knew that if I did, it would break the illusion that I'd spun that somehow, my best friend (my best friend who I had_ no  _romantic feelings for, obviously), could heal the deep rooted pain and insecurity in my heart._

" _You're going to be okay, San." She barely breathed as she pulled away. "You're going to be okay, because I love you, and someday, I'll convince you how beautiful you really are."_

* * *

People say being booed off the stage is the worst thing that can ever happen when you're up there, and I always thought I would agree (since I  _had_ been booed off the stage as part of the Merry Band of Misfits in high school), but being met with total and complete  _silence_ is infinitely worse. That's exactly what happened as I finished, total and complete silence, so quiet you could hear a pin drop in that room, and I looked desperately to Holly and Jarrod, having absolutely  _no_ contingency plan for  _that._ Part of my considered going on, considered elaborating further, beyond confused sexual orientation, begging everyone to just  _be themselves,_ no matter who that self was, to not hide behind clothes, or haircuts, or  _plastic surgery,_ or whatever it took to make them feel  _normal,_ but I didn't, because I knew it wouldn't have worked if it had been me, I knew the process of becoming one's  _self_ was something that couldn't be forced, only gently encouraged, and an auditorium full of people definitely wasn't the forum for gentle encouragement. Instead, I did the only other thing I could think of, as a last ditch effort.

"Okay, so, we're going to go ahead and do a little number for you." I announced, every single panic alarm going off in my brain as I stood up there flailing and just  _praying_ my friends would go along with the impromptu performance.

Catching their nods as they stepped center stage, I sat at the piano and mentally ran down every single song I knew by heart, closing my eyes and hoping for the best as I started playing  _Who Says?_ Selena Gomez, in my moment of panic, I  _actually_ started playing Selena Gomez. Luckily,  _I guess,_ my friends were enthusiastic, and really got into it, sensing that we all really had to sing like our lives depended on it. When we were done, we were still met with the same blank looks, and slow, golf-type claps. On the verge of a panic attack, I was totally grateful when Ben dismissed the group, and told them that anyone interested in hearing more was welcome to stay and speak to us. Shocking to absolutely  _no one,_ none of the two-hundred-fifty-something kids in the room stayed, and my heart felt so heavy as none of us said a word to each other during our cleanup.

Ben said something about calling me about returning, once he'd read the student's evaluations of the presentation, and it took everything in me to look optimistic and incredibly gracious for the opportunity. Declining to share a cab, because I felt so defeated that I just wanted to get home to my wife and my kids, I told Holly I'd call her and Jarrod that I'd see him at school on Monday and got in my own cab, breaking down in tears the instant the driver pulled away from the curb. I let myself cry for whatever temporary setback that afternoon was only until we hit Union Square, and then I blew my nose and wiped the makeup off my face, giving myself a  _buck up camper_ pat on the back and putting my chin up. Of course, walking into Annie's excited chatter, baby babbling, and Britt talking excitedly to Lizzie and Max made keeping that chin up so much easier. Kicking off my heels, I said my hellos to my sister-in-law and her boyfriend, and sunk immediately down onto the chaise where Brittany sat with Marisa, nuzzling my wife's neck (and silently indicating  _not_ to ask) as Annie scrambled up to hug me.

"We got home at almost the same time today, Mamí!" She announced, squeezing me tightly as she shimmied up my body so I could kiss her little face. "Auntia Liz picked me up and we raced home super fast so I could see you before Mama takes you on your date."

"I think we've got a few hours before that,  _mija._ I want to hang out with you, Reese, Aunt Lizzie and Max for a while before I have to go get ready."

"Okay, good!" She clapped excitedly. "But you don't have to miss me too much when you leave, okay? I told Mama too, because we are going to get pizza and milkshakes and build a great big fort right in the living room. Did you know Max even knows how to make forts too?"

"I didn't know that. Obviously I didn't do a very good job interviewing you, did I, Max?"

"I have two little brothers." He shrugged, grinning impishly. "I've had a lot of practice, and when Annie told me she wanted to build a fort, I figured I'd offer my services."

"Well thanks." I smiled at him, not feeling at all like I wanted to try and fake tough. Knowing that I obviously wasn't myself, Britt squeezed between my shoulder blades, trying to ease the tightly strung tension there. "And thanks for coming down this weekend to help babysit, and to see the big game."

"I wouldn't miss it. It's important to Liz, so it's important to me, and I do like seeing all of the ladies who live here."

"Even Santana?" Liz teases, poking him in the ribs, but it was obvious that the actual sincerity in his words effected her.

"Leave her be, Lizzie." Britt shot her a look, and I just laughed it off. Yeah, I was obviously in a sensitive place, but the banter actually helped to take my mind off the stress in my chest.

"It's fine Britt." I promised, kissing her lips. "This guy is growing on me."

"Good. You're a little late to the party, babe, but I'm glad you've finally joined the rest of us."

* * *

I managed to avoid talking about my train wreck of a day all through the late afternoon trip to the park, through getting ready for dinner, and even through the cab ride up to Swing 46, our favorite date spot, because there was dinner, live jazz and dancing, the perfect combination for us. Brittany was waiting for me to bring it up, obviously, and I was hesitant, because we hadn't been on a date since out anniversary,  _four months_ earlier, and I hated the idea for bringing down the mood with my frustrations. We continued talking about Brittany's day, how Marisa did at the studio with her in the morning, about our plans for the weekend, easy things, up until we were seated beside each other at our tiny table just off the dance floor. While the insanely young (and insanely  _good_ , I was actually really jealous) performer belted out Etta Jones on the stage, Brittany finally looked at me encouragingly, but not expectantly and took my hand in hers.

"I'm going to go ahead and assume it wasn't what you expected." She wrinkled her nose, and I smiled a little bit at the understatement.

"Britt, I'm pretty sure I heard crickets in the audience. It was the  _weirdest_ thing. I swear, I've seen people more enthusiastic at Duane Reade when a second register opens. I didn't even know what to do, I asked for questions, and not a single kid raised their hand. Then I just started playing the piano, and fifty-year old Holly, dorky glasses Jarrod, and baby weight me started singing Selena Gomez on the stage in front of the entire school. I think I'm probably more humiliated than Mr. Schu was after he sang  _Toxic_ with us at that assembly." I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose.

"Oh San." She brought my wrist up to her lips and kissed it in that soothing way she always did. "I'm  _sure_ you couldn't have been near as bad as Mr. Schu was. What do you think happened?"

"Honestly? I think the whole place was kind of weird and Stepford-y. Like, it was public school but they all seemed to be in this unspoken creepy dress code. And I don't know, I think it's why I'm really frustrated, not just because it went awful, but because I think in a school like that, they really  _need_ something like this. I don't know what to do."

"What can you do? And I don't mean that in a rhetorical,  _maybe you should just let it go_ , kind of way." She quickly clarified when she watched my face fall. "I mean is there actually anything you think you can do?"

"Maybe, I don't know. Ben's going to call me about the evaluations he has the kids do, so maybe there's still a shot that he'll get some kind of feedback that no one wanted to voice on there. God, high school sucks, every time I walk into one, I'm glad I never have to be a student in one again. Sometimes I really think that once the girls hit puberty, we should just homeschool them."

"I know high school was…weird for us. You were hiding for most of it, I failed the first time, but it was important too."

"Ugh, I know. And I know I can't take every school and every kid to heart."

"I think it's sweet that you do though, honey. This means so much to you, and obviously is already starting to mean something to other people. I also think that you need another opportunity at that school, one that's more like what you do with Finn's kids."

"Yeah, I know, I was thinking that too. I'm just hoping I can convince Ben to let me back after that epic disaster, to do something private, so they don't have to be ashamed to come forward and talk to us. I also need to call Holly and Jarrod, since I basically ran away from them so I could cry my face off in a cab." I frowned, and she quickly moved in to kiss it away. "Anyway, I don't want to think about this anymore until Monday. I want to order dinner, I want to dance, and I want to enjoy this much needed date with my beautiful wife."

"Cheers to that." Brittany lifted her water glass, and we toasted.

"Thanks for taking me out tonight, Britt." I smiled at her as she shrugged one shoulder and scooted closer to me. "Can we never go this long without a date again?"

"You will get no argument on that here." She laughed. "I love our girls to death, but a night without spilled milk, spit up and reading  _Jamberry_ sixteen times is always appreciated."

"I don't even know how a three-month old knows she loves a book."

"I have no idea, but she definitely does love that one.  _Hatberry, shoeberry, in my canoeberry._ I should change my career to writing silly children's books, we would be loaded!"

"And probably never stop speaking in rhymes that aren't actually rhymes again."

"One berry, two berry, I love  _you_  berry."

"Three berry, four berry, that's creepy because  _Rachel_ Berry." I shook my head. "Also, Holly says  _I'm_ the dork, but you're totally a dork too."

As soon as the waitress came over to take our order, I could feel Brittany's feet twitching under the table, aching to get out on the dance floor. Standing from her seat, she offered me a hand, and as soon as I stood, I spun into her arms, laughing as we made our way out onto the dance floor. The music had switched to swing, and Britt scanned the people around us and sent me a wink before taking the lead, and, like we always did when we went out dancing, setting out to show everyone a thing or two about how it's done. Wordlessly, we switched off leading, spinning each other, dipping each other, and just having the best time dancing, until we were sweaty and out of breath, and I couldn't help but dip Brittany and kiss her in the middle of the dance floor. I hadn't realized that anyone was really watching us, until I heard the applause, and we headed back to our table with goofy grins on our faces.

"You two are  _awesome._ " Our waitress gushed, setting our entrees down in front of us. "You put everyone else in this place to shame, it's like watching professionals."

"Well  _she_ is one, a choreographer." I beamed, and I kissed Britt's cheek as she blushed, because even after all her years of dancing, she  _still_ blushed when someone praised her. "I've just learned to keep up with her."

"Lies. She's incredible in her own right." She grinned, and I rolled my eyes playfully, waving off her compliments. "But dancing together is always more fun."

"Ain't that the truth?" The waitress grinned. "Well I'll leave you two to your dinner, I just wanted to tell you how impressed I was, and what a cute couple you are."

"The cutest, obviously." I whispered to Brittany as she walked away, and it was  _her_ turn for a playful eye roll as I immediately stole a bite of her food before touching my own.

We ate our dinner in mostly quiet, enjoying each other, enjoying the music, and just enjoying the break from everything else. When we finished, it was my turn to pull Brittany out into the dance floor. The music had slowed again, and as the girl on stage sang Billie Holliday, I wrapped my arms around my wife's neck and she secured hers around my lower back, pulling my body flush with hers. As much as we loved to  _really_  dance together, there was something to be said for swaying together, trading soft kisses, murmuring lyrics ( _There is no greater thrill than what you bring to me, No sweeter song than that you sing to me_ ) into each other's skin. It was late when we finally made the decision to head home, and I was sleepy, but still reeling from the excitement all at once. Britt's head rested on my shoulder on the ride home, and I played with her fingers in my lap, occasionally tilting my head so I could kiss her hair.

* * *

Our living room light was on when the cab pulled up in front of our house, and when we walked in the door, we were met with probably one of the sweetest sights I've ever seen. Lizzie was passed out against Max, Marisa curled up on her chest and Annie beside her, Milky Way clutched in her arms, and her feet in her aunt's lap. The remnants of their fort were folded neatly in a pile on the floor, and Max's arm was draped over Liz's shoulders, something I would have snarked at if it were any of her other boyfriends. Brittany held a finger to her lips, and took out her phone to snap a few pictures before we disturbed them. When she was finished, I lifted Annie into my arms, and Max was the first to stir from sleep.

"Hey." He mumbled sleepily. "Sorry, Annie was having trouble sleeping, so Liz brought her back down here and she passed out in five minutes. I guess the rest of us were just as tired out as she was."

"No need to apologize." Britt smiled softly, prying the baby out of her sister's arms.

"We'll get these babies into bed, you get the biggest one."

"Mmm, shut up, Tana. I'm awake. D'ya have fun?" Lizzie yawned through her words, and stretched her arms above her head.

"We did, thanks for holding down the fort tonight. We'll see you guys in the morning."

Brittany and I carried the girls upstairs and settled them in their respective beds, and I went in the bathroom to scrub off my makeup and brush my teeth. While Britt took her turn, I yanked my dress over my head and pulled on sweatpants. Sitting on the bed topless, I massaged my chest that was sore from not feeding the baby for hours and looked down at the baby, who was deep in sleep, clearly not to be woken for a while, before setting up the breast pump that I sort of hated with a fiery passion. When Brittany came back into the room, she smiled before sitting cross legged beside me and running her fingers through the pieces of my hair that had come loose after a long night of dancing.

"So pretty." She murmured into my shoulder before kissing me collarbone, and my breaths turned shaky, remembering my thoughts from earlier.

"You promised me once that I'd be with someone who made me feel special and wonderful." I spoke suddenly after a long silence. "Did you know it was going to be you?"

"I hoped. I'm surprised you remember that. You were so high that day, I got away with saying things I  _never_ could have said to you otherwise."

"I know." I dropped my head to rest against her chest. "It was the first time you ever told me that you loved me like  _this,_ when you thought I was sleeping."

"Yeah. That day was really confusing for me. When the hospital called, I was so pissed, that's why I didn't go to Columbus with my mom. I thought if I did, I'd shake you awake from your anesthesia and scream at you until my voice was gone. I had to stay home and get myself together, and then the second you got out of the car, I realized I wasn't even mad at you, I was mad at myself and I couldn't figure out why. Then it hit me, I was in love with you, and I felt like I should have been the one to make you see how beautiful you were."

"That's when you realized?" I asked, surprised I had never actually known that.

"Yup. I mean, I knew I had feelings for you basically since I met you, you know it never mattered to me that you were a girl. But seeing you look so broken made me want to wrap you up and keep you safe forever, and I knew it was more than just feelings, and that it had been for a long time."

"I thought it was later than that."

"I figured it wasn't the time to spring it on you. You weren't in a good place after the surgery, and then you were grounded basically forever."

"I'm pretty sure I  _just_ got off punishment for that, the words  _you're grounded until you're thirty_ ring a bell."

"That wouldn't surprise me." She chuckled a little. "But yeah, then the Cheerios captain disaster happened, and it wasn't until-"

"The duet competition."

"Yeah, and then the rest is history."

"You know, Britt, I'd really like you to come some day with me to a Show Your Brave event. You always have a really good perspective on things, and I bet it would be beneficial. I mean, I know you have a billion and one things going on at the studio, and  _one of us_ has to work a job that pays money, since I haven't taken a record in over a year, but one day, if you wanted..."

"I'd love to, San."

"Really?"

"Of course really, honey. I believe in this just as strongly as you do, and I also loves that it brings up conversations about our relationship that we've never had before. It's good."

"Yeah, it is. And Brittany, you really have done what you promised, about making me feel beautiful."

"Good." She kissed from my shoulder, up my scarred neck, and across my jaw until she reached my lips. "Then my plan has been successful."

* * *

The next morning, I was glad that we'd gotten a somewhat decent night of sleep, after we'd properly finished date night, before the flurry of excitement for Annie's big game began. She was outside our door at just after six and after Brittany quickly grabbed her pajamas off the floor (while I was still kind of too jelly legged to bother with more than the robe she tossed to me), she let her into the bedroom, and she basically hopped all around the room, wanting to put on her uniform and have her hair braided before Liz got up. Unable to say no other excitement, Britt helped her get into her clothes, and I did her hair, before we alternated hanging out with the girls so we could shower and get ready ourselves.

By nine-forty-five, we were down at the soccer fields, the baby in her sling wearing a bright yellow onesie and navy leggings that matched Annie's uniform, and Britt and I dressed a like in  _Super Soccer Stars Mom_ sweatshirts (yes, we were  _officially_ soccer moms, and I basically loved every second of it). Even Lizzie and Max had their colors on, and when Finn, Rachel and Brice found us in the first row of the bleachers, they were similarly clad, and I almost fell over laughing at how excited we all were for a game that wasn't even scored. Britt and I, of course, were completely on the edge of our seats, nervous that she'd trip and fall, nervous that someone would bump her small frame. Luckily though, our fears were completely unfounded, and when she actually got a few kicks of the ball, we (our parents included, since they'd insisted we FaceTime them) erupted into cheers louder probably than Mia Hamm herself ever received.

"That's our kid!" I pulled Brittany close to me, and we were both laughing and crying at the same time, because  _very_ few people could actually understand what a big deal it was, but it was the biggest to us.

"Go Annie!" Brittany shouted, and when Annie totally lost focus on the ball to stop and wave to us, I almost melted into a puddle of lovey mush. "We love you, baby girl!"

"Did you see her, guys?" I tapped the other four adults on the shoulders excitedly, and I couldn't help but hug Rachel when she turned around with the same (not even dramatic) tears on her face. "She's really doing it!"

After celebratory pizza and ice cream with everyone, the Hudson's headed back to Brooklyn, and Liz asked us if she could take Annie on a special excursion to the toy store to buy her something. Of course, even though we hated Liz spending her money on the kids, at least until she finished law school, we agreed, and Max headed back to the house with us and the baby as the other two went off on their adventure. After bringing Marisa upstairs to feed her and put her down for a nap, I came down to Brittany flipping through the TV channels and Max shifting nervously in his seat,

"What's up with you?" I quirked an eyebrow in Max's direction, and half-sat on Britt's lap.

"I, um, actually wanted to talk to you guys about something, while Lizzie isn't around, if that's okay." He clasped his hands together, and I looked sideways at Brittany, trying to gauge her reaction.

"You better not be breaking up with her, Maxwell, because I  _just_ started liking you."

"No, no! That's not it at all, not even close. It's just, I didn't feel right about doing this without talking to you both, even though I've already talked to your parents, Brittany, and swore them to secrecy."

"Oh my God." Brittany squeaked, wrapping her arms tight around my waist in an attempt to hold in her excitement. "I  _knew_ my mom was hiding something! She's the worst secret keeper ever!"

"Yeah." Max laughed nervously. "I don't know if Liz has even spoken to you about this, since it's still a ways off, but her plan after graduation is to move down here. She hates being away from you both, and missing all kinds of things in her nieces' lives."

"I kind of figured as much, when she asked me for Kate Goldman's number over the summer, but I didn't want to jinx anything." I said quietly, a weird excitement about my sister-in-law in New York bubbling in my stomach, even it it  _was_ over a year away.

"I love Liz, guys, and I know that we've been together less than a year, and maybe it's nuts, but I know she's the one for me. I've never met anyone else who I want to spend time with their family, and who wants to spend time with mine. I know that her ex proposed to her, and you all were against it, but I'm really, really hoping that I have your support in this, because I want to marry her." I went to speak, and Max held out a pleading hand, and Brittany squeezed mine before I nodded for him to continue. "I don't expect her to give up her dreams, and if I thought she  _would,_ I'd never ask her to be with me. I got offered an internship at the UN when I graduate in June, and Liz knows I'm going to take it while she finishes up her last semester in Boston. But I guess, my point is, I want us to have a _spot_ here in New York that's ours, since if she says yes, we're going to spend our life together in this city."

"Wait. Max, you're going to propose to my sister this weekend?" Brittany's eyes widened comically, and it was my turn to squeeze her hand.

"Tonight, I was hoping. But the thing is, if you're not on board, I'm going to forget that plan and wait until we are back in Boston, because I'm not going to ruin the weekend that you have planned with animosity."

"Oh my God." Brittany said again. "What did my  _parents_ say?"

"Your mom started talking about babies-"

"I'm so shocked about that." I cut him off, laughing. "Sorry, go ahead."

"And your dad yelled at her and told her that she just had another grandbaby, and to relax at least until Liz finishes law school, and preferably after she becomes the youngest District Attorney New York has ever seen. But they gave me their blessing and said they think I make her really happy. Now I'm just really hoping I can get the same from you both, because you mean more to Lizzie than anyone else, and it's really important to me that you'd be happy about it if she says yes."

"I'm actually surprised that I'm not at all surprised about this." Brittany started, and I nodded to her, silently telling her that as much as I had talked a big game, I liked the guy, it was clear that he loved Liz, and Liz loved him, and that she and I were in  _no_ real position to talk about marrying too quickly. "You're different than anyone she's ever dated, you take a real interest in her, her dreams, and just the little things. I like you, even  _Santana_ likes you, our daughter  _adores_ you, and I know that my sister is smart enough that she wouldn't even consider marriage if you weren't the right guy for her."

"We support it. But all of my previous threats still stand if you make me regret saying that." I gave Max the side eye and he visibly relaxed on the couch across from us.

"Thank God." He breathed. "I was more nervous talking to you guys than the Pierces."

"Can we write this down for the next time people say I'm not scary, babe?"

"I'll sign anything you want, Santana." Max nodded his head vigorously, and I had to admit it was really sweet how he was acting. "But can I ask you guys something else? I want to get this right, and I feel like I need some help. Who proposed to who?"

"Britt proposed to me." I grinned, glancing down at my engagement ring.

"How did you do it?"

"In the lamest way  _ever._ _"_ She scrunched her nose and shook her head.

"Stop, it was the most romantic thing ever. Remember how I couldn't stop crying?"

"Honey, you think me making you  _toast_ is the most romantic thing ever." Brittany teased, and I swatted her hand in return.

"I just love you a lot. Are you telling the story, or am I?"

"I'll tell the short version of it. I was like six months pregnant, and I'd told Santana's mom that I wanted to marry her while we were visiting. Maribel gave me Santana's ring, and when we got back to New York, we had this dinner that ended up absolutely ridiculous. After it was over, I was sitting by myself in the nursery, and Santana came in, and I just asked her to marry me."

"Six days later!" I closed my eyes, remembering how insane everyone thought we were. "I would have married her right then and there though. You know us, we like to keep things really simple, and that's what Brittany's proposal was. Simple, and beautiful. It's not about some grand gesture, it's just about telling her you love her and meaning it."

"Then you're good." Brittany assured him. Just take her on your date tonight and go from there. And don't go for something lame-"

"Like hiding it in the cheesecake!" We both said at the same time, cracking ourselves up.

"Thank you. Thank you so, so much." Max stood and walked over to us, engulfing both of us in a hug that took me completely by surprise. "I'm so glad you're being so cool about this."

"We love my sister, all we want is for her to be happy."

* * *

It took a lot for the two of us to keep ourselves in check when Lizzie and Annie came back to the house, and even more for us to avoid tears as Liz asked Brittany to do her hair for her date, and all five of us girls sat in our bedroom while she did. When they were finally out the door, and we'd managed to discretely wish Max luck, Britt and I sort of jumped up and down excitedly. I was so glad we were actually  _happy_ that Max was proposing, and not sick to our stomachs like we were the day Liz had told us that he-who-shall-no-longer-be-named had asked her, and it took her a whole two minutes before she'd confessed that she'd turned him down. It also felt insanely grown up for us, being asked for our blessing on Brittany's baby sister's (hopefully) impending marriage, and we were basically buzzing all through putting the girls to bed and getting into our own pajamas. Finally, around midnight, when we still hadn't heard from Liz, and Marisa had already woken up for her first feeding of the night, we reluctantly got into bed, figuring we'd have to wait to hear the news in the morning. I wasn't sure how long we'd been asleep when there was a banging at our bedroom door, and Brittany sat up with a start.

"Britt! Tana! Are you guys awake? Are you wearing clothes? Can I come in?" She opened the door before we answered, and crawled up onto the bed with us, still wearing her dress and hiding her left hand behind her back. "Eww, you guys didn't just have sex or anything right?"

"Yeah, you actually interrupted it." I snarked, rubbing my eyes as I pushed myself into a sitting position.

"So…" Britt bounced up and down anxiously, and Lizzie revealed her diamond clad hand.

"Max asked me to marry him!" She shouted, and Brittany and I tried our best to look absolutely surprised as we threw our arms around her. "He told you didn't he?"

"Maybe a little." I confessed, finally letting myself cry at little Lizzie Pierce getting engaged. "But you said yes!"

"I said yes!" She yelled again, and the three of us sort of erupted into squeals like we were twelve years old.

"Why's everyb'dy yelling right in the middle of the night?" Annie appeared in the doorway, hair all wild, Milky Way in one hand, her blanket in the other, and a big pout on her face. "I got woke up."

"Aunt Lizzie's getting married, sweetheart!" Brittany held Liz's hand out to Annie, forgetting that it really  _was_ the middle of the night, and we probably shouldn't be riling our daughter up.

"Right now?" Annie's jaw dropped, and she dragged her feet to the edge of the bed.

"No  _mija._ _"_ I reached down and pulled her up onto the bed with us. "Definitely not right now, but Max just asked her to."

"Oh." Annie looked at the ring, then rubbed her eyes. "So we can't we yell 'bout it in the morning? I'm super sleepy, and it's very loud."

"Sorry, Annie girl." Liz was glowing as she looked at her niece. "I'm just really, really excited and wanted to wake up your moms and tell them the news."

"I'm very excited for you too, Auntia Liz. But I gotta go to sleep now, okay? Can we still be excited t'morrow?"

"Of course we can. We can be excited for a  _really_ long time." Liz kissed Annie's nose, and we all couldn't help but laugh as Annie burrowed her way between Brittany and I and tucked her head under one of the pillows, effectively blocking out our noise. "Sorry guys, I just…I couldn't go to sleep until I told you."

"We're so glad you woke us, we were basically pacing the floors waiting for you to get home until about an hour ago." Brittany hugged her sister again, and I grabbed her hand to take another look at the ring. "Where  _is_ Max? Lizzie, you're supposed to be celebrating with  _him._ "

"I am, I am, don't worry! He's changing out of his suit. I just…Britt, Tana." Tears welled up in Liz's eyes. "I sucked at picking guys for a long time, and then I found this one, and he's just  _everything_ I've ever wanted, and I feel like with him, I'm going to get my fairy tale ending, the one I got to see you both get. So I just wanted to tell you before anyone else, because you've been my role models for love and happiness."

"We are really, really happy for you, squirt." I gave her a ridiculously obnoxious cheek kiss, but then pulled her in for another tight, genuine hug. "You deserve it."

When we finally ushered Lizzie out of the room, we lay back down, leaving Annie to sleep between us as our legs tangled under the comforter. Britt leaned over to kiss me goodnight one last time, and I smiled against her mouth, feeling so overwhelmed at my sister-in-law's happiness, and the fact that she'd considered us her role models to get there. Before I closed my eyes, I turned my head on the pillow, and caught Brittany looking at me, and I knew the same thoughts were going through my head. It was a grown up feeling, a  _wonderful_ feeling, and with my wife and daughter beside me, my other daughter sleeping close at hand, and Liz's words ringing in my ears, I fell into a deep, contented sleep.


	39. Little Boxes

After sending Lizzie and Max back to Boston with a thousand well wishes and demands that we see them again before Thanksgiving in Lima, I was back to stressing about what had happened at Eleanor Roosevelt, back to attempting to figure out what exactly I could say to convince Ben otherwise if he didn't want me to come back. When he called me on the Tuesday after, asking me to come meet with him the following Monday, since he was too busy with the school's placement tests that current week ( _just_ what adolescents need, something else to trap them in little boxes), I figured that I'd probably be beside myself all week trying to prepare. Luckily I  _did_ manage a distraction with my first session at Finn's school, which, of course, went fantastically, and seeing Andrea and the others served to reinforce my belief that I was really making a difference.

When the morning of my meeting finally came, I spent a good hour in the bedroom, changing my outfit multiple times (and muttering under my breath about how my clothes still didn't fit me right), before settling on a loose fitting blue dress and knee high boots. I knew it didn't really matter what I wore, since the surveys would mostly do all of the talking for me, but standing in front of a mirror and dealing with my appearance was something I knew how to handle, the type of stress I was more than familiar with, and again, a distraction from the other anxieties in my mind. After Britt came in the room and stood hugging me and rubbing my back for several minutes, knowing I needed that, I kissed her and the girls goodbye and got on the subway uptown. By the time I made it to the school and into Ben Foss' office, I was a huge mess of nerves. While I sat in the waiting area looking at the pictures of Britt was sending me (another effort to calm me down) of Marisa in her little closet office, I fidgeted in my seat, repeatedly crossing and uncrossing my legs until the secretary finally led me back into my meeting.

"Santana!" Ben stood up to shake my hand, and I smiled warmly, trying to hide the fact that I felt like I was about to spontaneously combust, before taking a seat across from him and waiting as he shuffled through the pile of papers before him. "Thanks for taking the time to come back up here and see me about our assembly the other day."

"I'm glad to Ben, there are a few things I'd like to speak with you about anyway."

"Good, good. If you wouldn't mind though, I'd really like to go over with you some of the feedback I got from my kids. Can I get you some coffee first?"

"No, thank you." I swallowed, my throat dry at the thought of seeing what had been written, and knowing that drinking any more coffee at that point would do nothing but give me the shakes. "I'm good. "

"Okay, excellent. So, it seems like you've made quite an impression."

"What?"

"Yeah, that was sort of my reaction too. It didn't seem like anyone was really interested in what you were saying while it was going on, and I was feeling pretty bad to have to tell you that you wouldn't be a fit for my school. But why don't you take a look at these."

Accepting the stack of printed surveys Ben offered me, I thumbed through them, ignoring the ones with disinterested remarks, and instead zeroing in on those that actually expressed emotion toward the speech I'd given.  _It's about time we had something diverse at this school. I was embarrassed to go up to the front with everybody watching but I'd love to see them come back. I've always been afraid to talk to anyone about these feelings I have. Please make this happen Mr. Foss._ There were so many, that I couldn't help but feel really touched, and also really, really  _sad_ all at once, because something should have been done there  _years_ ago. I'd expected to have to go in and fight to be able to help these kids, but they were  _already_ willing to fight for themselves, something that was so,  _so_ crucial for Show Your Brave to even work. When I was through, I handed the stack back across the desk and couldn't help the grin that spread across my face at the thought of actually being able to help.

"Wow." I breathed, smoothing my dress and trying not to let my emotions get the best of me. "I'm not going to lie and tell you that I expected that reaction."

"They definitely enjoyed your presentation." He nodded. "But I think it helps a lot that you look approachable, that you look enough like  _them_  that they feel like they can relate to you."

"And by that you mean?" I felt my eyes narrow slightly of their own accord, knowing where he was going with this, having heard it on  _way_ more than one occasion in the past.

"Well, I hope you don't take offense to this, because I don't mean it in that way at all, but you don't  _look_ like a lesbian, you know..." He made some strange gesture to his hair and his clothes, and I couldn't help but let my jaw drop at how ignorant he sounded. "Seeing someone like you sort of serves as a reminder that they don't have to change the way they look or the way they behave, just because they might be hiding their sexuality."

"Ben." I bit the inside of my lip hard, and took a deep breath, reminding myself that I needed to check myself before I let my aggravation show. The fact that he  _genuinely_ didn't mean what he said offensively was part of the problem, and I needed to choose my next words  _extremely_ carefully. "I'm going to try really hard to say this respectfully, but that is actually  _really_ offensive, and  _so_ problematic in a lot of ways.  _Lesbian_ isn't actually a  _look, gay_ isn't a  _look._ Appearance has absolutely nothing to do with sexual orientation.I know without a doubt that you pass people on the street every single day whose sexuality you'd never guess, be they gay people who don't fit this fabricated stereotype, or straight people who don't fit another. Sticking people into boxes is one of the biggest things I'm trying to combat, and one of the biggest problems I've dealt with in my  _own_ head for a big part of my life, so hearing that, in a place where you're trying to make big changes really concerns me."

"I'm sorry."

"It's not something to be sorry for." I exhaled sharply. "It's something that I hope you, as an educator, will change. I know that you want to help your kids, but the more stereotypes that exist, the harder it is for them. And the second thing is, the way these kids dress right now, the way they behave, may not actually be the way they  _want_ to, but the way they think they're  _expected_ to. Maybe they want to dress like me, maybe they want to dress like whatever the stereotypical idea you have in your head is, and maybe they want to dress like something totally different from  _either_ of those things, it doesn't actually matter if they're gay, straight, whatever, they should feel comfortable expressing themselves however they see fit. It's not your place, or my place to assume  _anything_. I really want to work with you, Ben, but I need to know that you can work with me too."

"I can." He nodded solemnly, a blush covering his cheeks. "I've only been the principal here for two years, and I really want to do whatever it takes to make big changes. Tell me what I can do, and I'll do it."

"Listen, teacher sensitivity isn't my thing. I'll talk to Holly, she was a substitute for years, and she might feel comfortable doing it, or know someone who is, but the most important thing is that you educate yourself and your staff on making this a more inclusive place. I'm not here to preach to you, I just really want to create a safe space for your students to go."

"I appreciate that. I want that too. I know it's not going to change overnight, but I'd like to see steps made."

"That's always my goal. So we're going to do this?"

"Yeah, if you're willing, I'm all for it."

"I am. It's something that's really needed."

After going through some logistics, I left the school extremely happy that I was going to be given a chance to help, but also extremely agitated that even highly educated people like Ben Foss (he had his goddamn doctorate from NYU, for godssake, it was really embarrassing) still held the ridiculous and unnecessary stereotypes that I'd believed when I was a scared teenager in rural Ohio. I really was still annoyed with him, I felt kind of the same way I had the time Mr. Schu dressed up as a bullfighter and sang that horrible song, mostly because it was so close to the same thing. Ben didn't know because no one told him, he didn't know because until hearing about me from his sister, he hadn't bother to seek out the information. Putting my headphones in, I reminded myself that this was exactly  _why_ I did the work I did, and I drowned out the irritation that had pervaded my very being as I headed back to see two of my girls at the studio.

* * *

Since Brittany had gotten her big promotion, she'd been eager to take Marisa to work with her (which I knew would be fewer and farther between, the closer her final showcase got, and the more time she actually had to spend dancing) to give me time to get work done on my own, and it seemed like I was spending more time there than ever, either dropping off the baby, picking her up, or swinging by so we could have lunch together. When I walked through the door, Nicole waved me immediately back, not even breaking the conversation she was involved in on the phone, and I smiled as I walked into the tiny office, watching Brittany type with one hand and rub a sleeping Marisa's back with the other as the baby lay contentedly against her Mama's chest.

"Hey!" She grinned as I sank down onto the old couch across from her. "Just give me two minutes so I can finish this, then I want to hear all about what happened."

"Take your time, do you want me to take the baby?"

"Nah, we're good. I'm getting used to working with her and her snugglebugging." Britt pressed a kiss to Marisa's still bald head and bit her lip, concentrating hard on what she was working on.

Before Brittany was able to finish, her phone rang, and she spent a good half hour working on some type of apparel order. Watching her work so diligently, I smiled to my self, so unbelievably proud of how awesome she was, and I couldn't help but snap a few pictures of her, phone cradled to her ear, baby cradled on the other side, and one hand flipping quickly through a stack of papers. It was obvious that she loved it, even if it wasn't the job she'd ever expected to have, and it was even  _more_ obvious that a big part of the reason for that was being able to spend more time with our kids while doing it. When Britt was finally finished and closed the screen of her laptop, she came to sit beside me, and I quickly kissed her lips, brushing her cheek with my thumb in total adoration of her.

"What?" She asked, the corners of her eyes crinkling with her thoughts.

"Nothing. I just never get tired of watching you be awesome."

"Yeah, well, I can say the same for you, goof. You look really happy, I'm guessing it went well today?"

"The kids at Roosevelt actually liked me." I felt the corners of my mouth turn up. "And yeah, I guess it went well, Ben is going to give me a shot. I totally controlled myself in keeping from going off on him and blowing it when really, I was about a fraction of a second from getting Snixy."

"What happened?" Brittany wrinkled her nose, concerned.

"I don't understand how smart people can be so fucking ignorant." I glanced over at the baby, and then looked at Britt apologetically. "Sorry, I'm just really annoyed. Ben told me that I don't  _look like a lesbian_. I swear to God, Brittany, you know I get really sarcastic when I'm pissed, and I was about three seconds from telling him that he should have seen me last night with my head between your legs, and then think about reconsidering that."

"Santana!" Brittany gasped, but there was no mistaking the giggle behind it.

"I didn't! I would have totally blew my extremely mature and professional demeanor, even though I sort of wanted to smack him upside the head. The worst part though was that he really didn't even know it was offensive. This school is going to kill me."

"I'm sorry, honey. I know how much that sucks, but at least it might be a big break for you, right?"

"That's the only thing that kept me from walking straight out of that office.  _You don't look like a lesbian._ I mean seriously, I want to buy that a cable subscription so he can see that actually, we don't all look the same, it's only the kids in that freaky school that do, and I would put money on the fact that most of them probably don't want to." I sighed, shaking my head. "Sorry, I'm really happy the kids want me back, and that Ben agreed to have Holly or someone she knows come talk to his staff, but you  _know_ how crazy the stereotypes make me. I mean, remember me at sixteen? The last thing they need to hear is that there's some prescribed definition for how to dress and behave."

"I know. I totally get it, San, I do. I think people are just so quick to shove things into molds because it's easier for them."

"They do it to you too." I frowned a little, and she nodded. "And I was one of those people."

"Yeah, but we were young, we didn't know better. I did it to  _myself_ sometimes too, you know? It was easier for me to agree when people called me a lesbian, rather than try to explain, but now we're older, and we understand a lot more, and you, in turn, are educating other people that lesbians aren't all flat tops and playing golf, and sexuality isn't determined by who you're in a relationship with."

"Sometimes it's just so frustrating. I mean I know better than  _anyone_ that this is far from the biggest issue out there, but I can't help but get really pissed off by it." I sighed and dropped my head to Brittany's shoulder, kissing my sleeping daughter in the process and whispering to her. "Someday,  _amorcita,_ we won't hear ridiculous things like this. Anyway, how was your morning, Britt?"

"Good, busy, Bug and I sat in on two of the new instructors' classes, and she thought they were as good as I did. Then we hung out in here for a while, but I think we'll both like it better when I have an _actual_ office, instead of the closet, and we can set up a whole play space."

"Well I think Annie is the most excited that it's going to be a big family project."

"And Kurt's the most devastated that I didn't want him to design it for me." She laughed and shook her head. "But I don't know, I just want it to be  _my_ space. This is a big deal for our family, and I want you guys to be a part of it, rather than handing Kurt my credit card."

"I get that, baby. And I think we'll all be thrilled when Rick moves his old man leather chairs out of there and we get you a couch that, unlike this one, isn't leftover from the grunge era."

"Yeah, I'm not even sure  _why_ we're sitting on here. One day a spring is going to pop out and kill us. Want to go grab some lunch before it's time to get Annie?"

"Absolutely. You're good to go?"

"I'll do some work at home tonight after the eye doctor, but yeah, I told Rick I was leaving when you got here, and that was already forty-five minutes ago, so let's go."

* * *

After we'd finished lunch and took our very smiley baby for a walk around the park, it was time to pick up Annie. Though she was as excited as always to see us, presenting her usual array of schoolwork that she was so proud of, it was obvious that she was nervous about going to the Opthamologist, and she fidgeted between us as Britt and I each held one of her hands on our walk down to TriBeCa. In all honesty,  _I_ hated her appointments with specialists as much as she did, and judging by the way Brittany was always so upset afterwards, whether they be good or bad,  _she_ probably hated them most of all.

"My eyes aren't broke, Mamí." Annie told me as she sat swinging her legs in the waiting room. "I can see you, you got black hair and brown eyes and a blue dress, and Mama, you got yellow hair and blue eyes and a purple shirt, and my sister's shirt has glasses and says  _Girl G-E-N-I-U-S_." She spelled out the word she couldn't read, and I smiled adoringly at her. "I can see super good, see? We can just go home now and play piano 'nstead."

"I know that would be way more fun,  _mi amor_ , but Dr. Kellen told us that it's time for you to go see this special big girl doctor for your eyes."

"I think you're trickin' me." She frowned. "Dr. K said I saw a eye doctor even when I was small like my sister. How come she doesn't have to go too?"

"Because at  _this_ doctor, you have to be able to use words." Brittany told her matter-of-factly. " _But,_ she's going to check my eyes and Mamí's eyes too, while we're here, how does that sound?"

"Can I sit on someb'dy's lap when my eyes get checked?"

"I'm pretty sure we can make that happen, sweetheart, if that'll make you feel less afraid."

"Okay, Mama." Annie nodded. "I think 's much better then."

"Annalise Lopez-Pierce, Dr. Marguiles is ready for you, sweetie." The receptionist called out, and I had to cover my mouth to keep from laughing out loud at Annie's scowl over a stranger using the term of endearment for her.

It took about three seconds of silent conversation before I passed Marisa to Brittany and took Annie's little hand in mine, slowly leading her into the exam room as my wife followed close behind, snuggling the baby close to her, because she needed it. Having already spoken to us at length over the phone (because Britt and I  _always_ did, with any new doctor, before we went in for an appointment) Dr. Marguiles didn't even question when I sat down in the intimidating exam chair, securing both of my arms around my daughter, who had Milky Way in  _her_ lap, and letting her snuggle as much of her body as she could into mine. Britt remained only an arm's length away, ready to jump if Annie needed her too, and I did my best to give them both a reassuring smile.

"Hi Annalise, I'm Dr. Chloe." The doctor told her, bending down so she was at eye level with my sweet girl. Although she wasn't specifically a pediatric Opthamologist, Dr. Kellen had highly recommended her, and  _promised_ that she was good with kids. "I'm very glad to meet you."

"I thought her name was Dr. Marguiles." Annie whispered to me, narrowing her eyes again and looking cautiously at the woman in the white coat.

"You can call me either, whatever you'd like." She spoke directly to Annie, but she didn't soften at that. "Do you know all your letters?"

"Annie,  _beb_ _é_ _,_ you need to answer when the doctor speaks to you."

" _No quiero, Mam_ _í_ _. No la conozco."_ She turned her face into my neck, and I could almost feel her scared pout against my skin.

"Baby girl." Brittany stood up, shifting Marisa's weight in her arms and sighing softly. "We are both here with you, okay. There are no shots here, nothing but looking in your eyes with special machines and you showing Dr. Chloe how good you are at your letters and words."

"And we know that you don't know her yet, but you've gotten so good at making friends, and this is one of Dr. K's good friends. Dr. Marguiles, Annie had known Dr. Kellen since the day she was born."

"Oh really? Well that's pretty special, I've only known him since medical school."

"My  _'Buelo_ went to medical school." Annie murmured against me, Brittany choked a small laugh at the fact that Annie was always as quick as me to let medical professionals know that my father was a doctor. "Someday I'm 'llowed to go too if I want. 'Cept not in Ohio, 'cuz that's too far from my home."

"What kind of doctor is your grandpa?" Chloe asked Annie as she carefully readied her instruments.

"He's a 'tired doctor now." Annie peeked one eye up and watched curiously. "But he used t' be a heart doctor. And that's super important 'cuz hearts make blood and make you love people."

"You're right, that  _is_  very important. Do you know what we use our eyes for?"

"Course I do." Annie sat straight up and looked at the women like she was crazy for asking. "So we can see stuff. But I see super good, I already told my Mamí that before we came in this room."

"Well that's  _excellent._ I actually really needed someone who was an extra good seer, and who knew all of their letters to help me with something, because my eyes aren't all that great." The doctor adjusted her glasses, and Annie looked over to me for my approving nod.

"Okay, maybe I can help, but my Mamí and Mama can see super good too,  _and_ they know all he abcs,  _and_ they even know about how to read musical notes,  _and_ my Mamí knows about Spanish words with squiggles, so they can help too, if you want." She nodded emphatically, and Brittany and I were both as surprised as Annie (who then looked away again shyly) about how much she'd said.

"That's perfect, do you think you want to go first?"

"I think Mamí wants to go first, okay Mamí?"

"Of course,  _mija._ That's fine with me if it's okay with Dr. Chloe."

After reading the eye chart, which, admittedly, I  _did_ struggle a little bit with, but not enough to actually warrant me wearing my glasses regularly, the doctor used her eye magnifying glass (or whatever that thing was called) to check out the insides, and even let Annie and Britt peek in as well. Much more comfortable, after seeing I'd done it, Annalise settled back down on my lap, and squeezed my hands with all of her might as she looked into the machine and read her own version of the chart, carefully emphasizing each letter that she spoke. I caught Brittany trying to read what was being written in our daughter's chart, but a nearly imperceptible head shake told me that Dr. Marguiles' handwriting was probably as close to unreadable as my father's, and she couldn't make out what it said. Once Britt's mock exam was done, we were asked to come speak to the doctor in her office, and after settling Annie on the floor with Brittany's headphones in her ears, and crayons and paper before her (our usual routine, when we spoke to doctors about her), we sat down across the desk, Marisa snuggled in the sling against Brittany.

"So what's going on?" I asked, a little impatiently, holding Britt's hand in mine and rubbing her wrist with my thumb. "Does Annie need glasses?"

"She will, nothing too powerful, but Annalise had a decent amount of difficulty with some of the smaller letters, and glasses will keep her from putting a strain on her eyes." The doctor told us calmly. "But Í actually wanted to talk to you about the muscles in her left eye. There's some definitely weakening in there, and I'm not sure if you've noticed a tendency for it to wander inward a little bit."

"Only when she's tired." Brittany quickly defended, a slight harshness in her tone that sort of shocked me, but that I was sure the doctor didn't notice.

"Yes, it definitely would be more noticeable when she's tired, but uncorrected, it'll become more prominent over time, and will actually worsen her vision."

"Well of course we want to correct it." I squeezed Brittany's hand a little tighter. "And glasses will do that?"

"Unfortunately, no, we won't actually put her in glasses for a few months." Dr. Marguiles shook her head slightly, and I felt Brittany's nails dig into the back of my hand. "What we'll have to do is patch her good eye, for about three months, and that should help strengthen the muscles there, and then we'll do a simple surgical repair."

"Simple surgical repair." Brittany repeated, looking over at me with panic in her eyes.

"Dr. Marguiles, she's  _five_ , and getting her here today was a struggle. There won't be anything  _simple_  about surgery." I swallowed the hard lump in my throat, trying to keep myself together as I already felt Brittany coming undone beside me.

"My apologies for using that word." She nodded. "I only meant that it's routine, it's very safe, and you'll have her home in a matter of hours."

"Listen." I let my eyes wander flicker over to Britt, whose fingers pressed into one temple, shaking her head slightly, and silently telling me that she trusted me to say whatever it was that I was going to say. "You've come highly recommended from Dr. Kellen, and my wife and I trust him with our two most important things, but this...it's just really sudden, and we need a little time to process and discuss, and maybe get a second opinion. I'm sorry, it's not a personal thing, it's just..."

"She's your child." The doctor finished knowingly. "I understand completely. Let me give you some more information, and we'll talk further about it after you've done some of your own discussing."

Brittany was silent, taking notes in the Annie-book she kept in her bag as Dr. Marguiles spoke further, advising us to begin the patch treatment, regardless of what our decision on the surgery was. My wife simply nodded and took down the information as I asked forty-seven thousand mostly unnecessary questions about everything from skin rashes from the patch adhesive, to swimming, even though it was already early fall, and Annie would only have to wear her little patch for six hours a day  _anyway,_ even if it wasn't. When we were finally finished speaking, the baby had woken up, and I took her into the waiting room to feed her, tilting my head over my shoulder to see Brittany follow close behind, taking one of the earbuds Annie offered and holding her in her arms, forcing her most realistic smile as our daughter chattered on and on about her excitement towards taking Marisa pumpkin picking for the first time over the next weekend.

I was concerned about Brittany as she was quick to hail a cab, rather than walk home, and I felt like I could do nothing but give her a quick one armed hug, a kiss on the temple, and a hard squeeze of the hand. We needed to have dinner and family time, to talk to Annie about the  _super awesome_ eye patch that she'd  _get_ to wear and then get the girls into bed, before we could sit and talk, and it sort of killed me a little, especially seeing my wife's slightly watery eyes, her monosyllabic answers to me (like she was afraid if she spoke more, she would totally break down), and the way she held Annie so tight, like she could squeeze all of her strength into the little creature that came out of her body, and fix everything that would ever ail her by that silent strength. I understood, I did, after years of this. For Brittany, it was about more than being a frantic mother, like I was when there was a medical emergency, it was about her latent guilt (as unwarranted as it was) that every struggle our daughter went through was still somehow her fault.

* * *

After macaroni and cheese and chocolate pudding, Annie's choice, like it always was after a doctor's appointment, Brittany promised one last game of CandyLand. While they played, I took the baby upstairs and bathed her, nursed her, and then brought her back down for goodnight kisses from Britt and Annie, before settling her into her basket beside my bed and kissing her a few extra times. When I was finally finished, my two blondes were in Annie's bathroom, and I leaned up against the sink, just watching Britt wash the baby shampoo out of her hair, watched Annie wrinkle up her nose as the bubbles slid down over her closed eyes. Holding out the big unicorn towel for my girl, she wriggled into it and I picked her up like a baby, blowing raspberries into her skin. She giggled uncontrollably as I carried her into the bedroom and dropped her down on the bed, making her bounce up and down on her butt.

"I was super brave today!" Annie announced, wriggling into the eagle printed Boston College pajamas that Liz had brought for both of the girls. "I didn't even cry one bit."

"You didn't, my sweet baby girl." Brittany was the first to speak. "We're really proud of you."

"I  _knew_ I could see very good! See, there is a  _B_ and a  _C_ on my pants, right?"

"That's absolutely right,  _mija._ " I sat down on the bed and pulled her into my lap, taking her brush from the nightstand and working through the knots. "We actually wanted to talk to you about something very special that Dr. Chloe wants us to do so we make sure you can always see and read so well."

"Is it a shot?" She asked, pursing her lips.

"No, no, sweetheart." Britt promised her, tickling the bottom of her foot. "It's  _way_ cooler than that. She wants you to wear something very special over this eye, because it's super strong, and we want to make sure the other one gets just as strong."

"What am I s'pposed to wear over my eye? How 'm I gonna see?"

"Out of this eye." Britt tapped the lid of the left one. "The great thing about eyes is that they learn how to work and see all the way, even when one is closed. Here watch, let's cover it and look at Mamí."

"Hi, Mamí!" Annie turned around and waved with the hand that wasn't covering her eye, and I leaned down to kiss her little nose.

"Hey,  _beb_ _é_ _._ Can you see me still?"

"Yup! I can! But I have to hold my hand over my eye always?"

"Oh no, definitely not!" I promised, laughing a little. "The doctor gave us some special eye patches to stick on,  _and_ I think we can buy some really cool colorful ones on the computer."

"Eye patches?" She pulled back her hand and both of her eyes widened. "But that's for pirates, and I am  _not_ a pirate. I don't have a parrot, or a sword, or a crocodile, or even a  _boat!"_

"It's okay, not only pirates wear eye patches. Lots of kids do too."

"Not any kids at my school! They have two eyes!"

"Come here, baby girl." Britt opened her arms and Annie crawled into them. "You're still going up have two eyes, trust me, I'd  _never_ give up my favorite little blue eyes to anyone. We just have to do this until right after it's the new year, and then we'll see what happens. We can even get some for Milky Way too, if you want."

"You're going to look  _very_ cool,  _mi amor._ I wish  _I_ could wear something so cool."

"You got glasses sometimes, Mamí. When you go on your computer in the nighttime. Those are cool."

"Hmm. And I don't have either." Brittany faux-pouted, and Annie scrunched up her face.

"I'm sorry, Mama. Maybe we're 'llowed to share. Can you call Dr. Chloe on the phone?"

"I think it might be a little past her bedtime, Little Bean, but I'll definitely call her tomorrow and find out. And tomorrow you can also show off how cool  _you_ are for the first time at school. I bet Thoreau will be really excited to see it."

"I hope he's not too sad though. Now I got a baby  _and_ a pirate eye. I need to make him a picture in the morning, okay? 'Cuz if he is sad, my pictures always make him feel happy."

"My good, sweet girl." I pressed a kiss to the top of her head, and pulled down the comforter so she could crawl underneath. "C'mon, get under the covers and I bet Mama will read us a story before bedtime."

We sat with Annie for a long time, even after she fell asleep, just watching her. It was hard, impossibly hard, hearing about even the smallest difficulties for her, and the word  _surgery_ was terrifying, even if it was simple, or routine, or whatever the doctor wanted to call it. The thing that sucked the most was that we could say what we wanted to say about second opinions, or discussing it, but at the end of the day, my gut was telling me that it was going to happen, and my gut was telling me that  _nothing_ about it was really going to be easy. Once we'd kissed Annie goodnight for the dozenth time, I turned on the monitor and left the room, letting Brittany linger for one last moment before she closed the door behind her. As soon as our daughter wasn't present, Britt fell immediately into my arms in the hallway, burying her face in my neck and hugging me like her life depended on it.

"It's okay baby, it's okay." I whispered, kissing the side of her face and rubbing her back. I felt her finally start to really cry, and her chest heaved with heartbreaking sobs.

"I'm going to go take a shower." She told me, pulling away after several minutes of clinging to me. "I'm sorry, I just need..."

"I know, Brittany, I understand." I rubbed my hands up and down her arms, soothing her as best as I could. I really  _did_ get the need to process things on her own. "I'm here when you're ready, okay?"

"Thank you." She blinked away some more tears and pressed her forehead to mine quickly before turning away. "Thank you for understanding."

While Britt showered, I changed out of my dress and went down to the office. After plugging Brittany's work Blackberry into the charger there, because I knew she wasn't going to be in the right headspace to get to the work she'd planned on doing, I grabbed my laptop and brought it up into the bedroom. I'd figured  _maybe_ I could send emails to Jarrod and Holly about what had transpired in the morning, something that had obviously been so far from the forefront of my mind. Of course, the moment I was alone and in possession of a device with search engine capabilities, my fingers started to twitch with the desire to learn more about the procedure Dr. Marguiles had spoken about, and it took everything in my power  _not_ to. Instead, I sat on the bed looking at eye patches on the internet, and by the time Brittany was done in the bathroom forty-five minutes later, I'd ordered four different boxes of glittery ones. While Brittany stood at the dresser brushing her hair, I frowned at the reflection of red puffy eyes in the mirror and shut the computer screen, tucking it under the bed.

"You know." She spun around from where she stood. "We expected this when she was a baby. Not now."

"I know." I nodded.

"And I know that maybe I'm overreacting because it's just a stupid  _simple surgery,_ but it would have been  _easier_ when she was a baby and we just took her to have it done without having to explain that they're going to  _cut her eye open._ God, she thought she was losing an eye because she has to wear a patch, I can't even begin to wrap my brain around this." I opened my mouth to speak, but Brittany just continued. "I'm just so angry, and I don't even know  _who_ I'm angry at, or why this is getting me in such a rage. It's never not going to hurt me when something happens that's a result of the way she was born."

"Brittany."

"No, Santana. I know you're going to tell me that it's not my fault, and maybe it's not, but I sure as hell still feel like it sometimes. And it  _sucks."_ Britt just about shouted, and then her voice broke again as she dropped down on the bed, cradling her face in her hands and shaking her head back and forth for several minutes. When she looked up at me again, she had a different look of guilt in her eyes, and she let out a shuddering breath before crawling up so she was basically sitting over me. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for being mad and yelling. I know it's not easy for you either, and I'm just losing it right now, so I'm sorry."

"Shh, you don't have to apologize Britt. I understand, and I know that sometimes things like this are harder for you than for me, because of those feelings you can't shake. But we don't even know that this was caused by her being born premature. Lots of kids who  _weren't_ have this same problem, it's a kid thing, like the chicken pox, or skinned knees, except it's not as easy to fix."

"It's  _our_  baby though. Our beautiful baby girl, and I hate that I  _know_ that any other doctor is going to tell us the same thing. I don't want to drag her all over the place just to get the same crappy answer. What are we even supposed to  _do?"_ Her head slumped to my chest, crying hard against me, and I felt tears slipping from my own eyes.

"I don't think we should make any kind of decision tonight, baby. We're both too emotional, and I think we should talk to my father, just because it makes me feel a lot better that even if he's a totally different kind of doctor, he went to medical school, and that's more than us..."

"Yeah. That's a good idea. But I'm just not ready for our moms to start getting crazy, I  _can't_ handle that yet."

"Papí will keep it between us if I ask him to, don't worry about that."

"I'm just worried about everything tonight." Brittany confessed, such a rare role for her.

"Lay down babe. Let me go make you some tea."

"I'd rather you just lay with me, please." She requested, looking at me with her cloudy eyes, and I shifted both of our bodies so we were lying down and she was on top of me, using my body as a pillow.

"We're alright, she's alright." I whispered, continuing to rub her back and humming into her hair. "I love you, Brittany, I love you so much."

"I love you too." She choked into my chest, her lips kissing me through my shirt, like she just needed to feel me so she could ground herself, a feeling I knew all too well. "I'm sorry that I can't be strong about this."

"Please stop apologizing, some days you need to be strong and some days I do. And no matter what we decide to do, we are  _both_  going to be strong for Annalise when the time comes." I promised her, tilting her head up from my chest so I could kiss her on the mouth, no surprise coming when she deepened the kiss, tears still falling as she did. "Tell me what you need, anything."

"Hold me as tight as you can, please."

"Of course." I wrapped one arm tightly around her lower back, and let my other hand comb soothingly through her wet heir.

Instinctively, Britt's body seemed to burrow into mine, her ear falling to rest against my heart and her hand grabbing the one that rested on her hip, interlacing the fingers. When we finally settled into a comfortable position, I kissed the top of her head, and gave her what I knew she needed, the same thing that calmed everyone in our little family. Softly, I began to sing the song I'd written for her so long ago, one that seemed perfectly appropriate on that night;  _Even if you don't want to speak tonight that's alright, alright with me._ _'_ _Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside your door and listen to you breathing, is where I want to be._ When I felt her breathing slow, and I knew she was asleep, I let out a heavy sigh, dropping my head back against the pillow, but never letting go of the woman whose grip on my hand never loosened, even in sleep. I knew it would be a long time before I fell asleep, my mind was racing too fast, my chest felt too heavy. The things that had bothered me twelve hours earlier seemed so insignificant, as important as the things I wanted to accomplish professionally really were, because all that could  _really_ matter to me in that moment, the quiet moment after a hard day were my pained wife, my special little girl who had a whole new world of adjustments ahead of her, and my sweet sleeping baby. The world would still be there to save in the morning, but in our bedroom, colored by the dim glow of the city lights, I just needed to take care of my family and leave the rest for later.

"My Britt." I murmured, brushing my lips over the shell of her ear. "All the time, you tell me the things you see in me, when I can't see them. I hope these words find you in your sleep, because all I want you to know, is that the  _only_ thing you should claim responsibility for in our daughter is passing down to her all of the things I love so much about you. The rest of it, it happens, and we'll take it as it comes, the same way we always have, together. Sleep well, baby."

 


	40. Even More

The first few days of Annie wearing her eye patch were rough, rougher than I'd expected even, especially because Brittany was really not doing well with all of it, and in her struggle to keep herself together for our daughter, she seemed to be breaking further apart on the inside. Despite Brittany's original hesitance toward having to deal with our mothers, when I walked in on her crying in the office on the third night (after Britt had done her first school pickup, and saw with her own eyes that Annie was more shy than usual) with the phone cradled to her ear, and the repeated chorus of  _I know, mommy, I do, but-_ , I knew she'd given into that natural inclination to want her mom's support when things were hard, and soon after, I'd called my own and cried to her as well. By the time the weekend came, we still hadn't made a concrete decision one way or the other about the surgery, or even getting a second opinion, but after a long discussion with my father and hours upon hours of research into esotropia, I knew which way we were leaning, and I knew it wasn't going to be an easy move.

Glad to put it all on the back burner, even if it was only for a few hours, we were eager to head out on our big pumpkin picking excursion, and I was relieved that I'd filled Rachel in about what was going on during our run the day before (or really, unloaded all my anxieties to her, and basically forced her to sprint as I pounded the pavement hard, with Marisa sound asleep in the jogging stroller) so there'd be fewer questions asked and less of a big deal made about it in front of Annalise. After soccer practice, where Annie did  _not_ have to wear her patch, something I was  _extremely_ glad about, because I really wasn't sure my nerves could handle her out there using only one eye, we began the nearly two hour drive out east. With the girls dressed in matching black and orange polka dotted dresses in the back seat, Marisa slept in her car seat, and for the entire drive, Annie hardly came up for air, talking to herself, to us, to Milky Way, to sleeping Marisa, who she was worried wouldn't wake up for the pumpkins. From her place in the passenger seat, Brittany breathed a welcome sigh of relief, glad that Annie's retreat back into her little shell wasn't extended to the people we considered our family, and that she'd be able to enjoy the day that she'd been so looking forward to for the better part of a month.

"My sister's awake!" Annie announced, when we were about fifteen minutes from our destination. "Hi baby Reese, you were asleep a  _very_ long time and I was super worried you were going to miss all the picking pumpkins. Mamí and Mama said I can pick out a pumpkin for you too, but I know when you like stuff or not 'cuz you know how to smile, so you can help me. And  _look,_ we got matching dresses on today! Mamí got them from the internet just like my sparkly pirate eyes. See the colors? Black and orange because those colors are the rules for Halloween."

"She's in some mood today, huh?" I softly asked Britt, who had partially turned her head to see the smile on the baby's face that I was watching in the mirror. With Annie suitably distracted with Marisa, I felt like we could talk just a little to each other.

"Yeah, she really is. I've never been so glad for the longest period of time without silence in the history of the world." She laughed a little, and I was so glad for the genuine smile that I caught on my wife's face out of the corner of my eye.

"How are you doing, babe?"

"Getting there, San. Thank you for this week, I really appreciate that you were so extra incredible and just let me be really needy. Now that she's adjusting pretty well, at least to this eye patch routine, I can start to process the next step."

"Whenever you're ready, Britt, we'll finish figuring it out."

"Look Reese! Look Mama! Look Mamí! There's the big, huge, giant duck! Remember it? 'S still here and I can see it!" Annie took Marisa's tiny hand and pointed it out the window, shrieking with delight when the baby turned her head. "Someday, maybe if I'm very, very grown up and get my own house, I'm gonna get one like this, 'cept maybe a unicorn not a duck. You can come live with me if you want, baby Reese."

"That's so sweet, Bean." Brittany praised, reaching behind her and squeezing Annie's leg. "Including your sister like that."

"Course, Mama. I don't know if I'm gonna have a wife or a husband, but I already know I got a sister, so she's 'llowed to live with me if you say it's okay. You and Mamí can come too, if you want."

"Thank you,  _mija."_ I chuckled to myself, as always, glad the day that our girls would be off on their own, in a unicorn house or otherwise, was still a long way off. "Living in a house like that would definitely be pretty awesome."

"Milky Way would like it most of all." Annie brought him up to her lips and kissed his green patch. "And Skittles too, 'cuz me and Reese can't leave them behind. And when we're big, we can eat ice cream, and  _arroz con pollo_ and waffles every single day."

"The  _best_ part of being a grown up, obviously." Brittany affirmed.

"Totally offended by that, B." I teased, and she leaned over the center console to kiss my cheek.

"Fine, fine, fourth best, I love you and our girls  _much_ more than the ice cream."

"Even more than with whipped cream, Mama?" Annie giggled in the back seat, reminded of the  _Do You Love Me More Than_ _…_ _?_ game we used to play when she was younger.

"Even with whipped cream  _and_ sprinkles."

"What about with chocolate chips?"

For the remainder of the ride, the  _even mores_ got sillier and sillier, until Annie was in absolute hysterics in the backseat, Brittany had tears in her eyes from laughing so hard, and even the baby was squealing at all of the excitement. Unlike we usually tended to be, we were the first ones to arrive, and while Britt took Annie over to the bathroom (the same one where I'd had my mini-meltdown over whether or not I was pregnant a year earlier, a thought that made me feel even more excited to have our sweet baby girl with us), I unbuckled Marisa from her carseat and brought her up into the front seat with me, pulling down my sweater and letting her eagerly latch on. It was funny how much I still relished the quiet times we had together, her nursing, me singing or talking softly to her, and during the tough week it had been, I seemed to crave it even more. It was like when I felt helpless with my wife and older daughter, it was good for me to feel like there was something I  _wasn_ _'_ _t_ helpless over, and I couldn't help but cradle the baby just a little bit tighter to my chest.

" _Mi amorcita linda,_ this is a big exciting day for you." I cooed down to her, rubbing my thumb over her  _slowly_ growing hair and just watching her reactions, feeling like I could sit and watch her nurse, watch her curl her fist around my hair, watch her stop and glance at her surroundings forever. "You've got all of your first big holidays coming up, and even though this isn't a holiday, it's really important, because it's one of our  _favorite_ days of the year, and it feels really good to see your Mama smile so big, doesn't it? I can't believe that last year, we didn't even know you existed, and now here you are, growing up so fast that your sister is already talking about buying you a house. I'm so happy you're here, Marisa, I'm so happy that you filled that last open space in my heart. Thank you for all of your help this week,  _beb_ _é_ _,_ we all needed you to make us smile, and I love you more than words."

When the door on the other side of the car opened, I expected to see Brittany, but instead Quinn slid into the seat, smiling at her tiny goddaughter and reaching out to squeeze my shoulder. Rather than roll my eyes at her, I couldn't help but smile back, glad for all the support she'd always offered to my family, especially my wife.

"Where's my Edie?" I asked, looking up from the baby and out across the dirt parking lot.

"She's having some much needed Daddy time right now over at the farm stand. Much needed for  _all_ of us. Now that she runs everywhere and the most common used phrase from her mouth is _why, Monny?_ I'm not even sure she knows what she's asking  _why_ about yet, but I'm more exhausted than I've ever been."

"I remember that age well. Just wait until she speaks full sentences." I laughed. " _Whysa sky blue? Whysa you goin_ _'_ _to work? Whysa park so much walkin_ _'_ _to? Whysa Mama sleepin_ _'_ _?_ I do miss it though, Annie was a riot with the questions she asked  _other_ people. But I know what you mean about it being exhausting. It's so crazy to watch when they turn into little people. Right  _mija?_ Now you laugh at us and try to push yourself up when you're on your belly? Did Mama tell Aunt Quinn about that?"

"She did." Quinn nodded. "How are you guys doing?"

"We're okay." I told her honestly. "The first two days at school were rough for Annie, because she didn't like feeling like she couldn't see all the way, and then she ended up hiding both of her eyes with her hands, because she didn't want the other kids to try to ask her about it, but she's moving past it."

"Brittany seemed much better on the phone last night than she did on Tuesday."

"Yeah, I think she is, I  _hope_ she is. I know you and I don't usually get all emotional with each other, but I don't know... It's like even before Marisa was born, I'd worry that something wouldn't be right with her, that she'd be messed up because of me. Honestly, even now I watch her get hysterical about something, and I wonder if it's some precursor to crippling anxiety, or I sit down and hope, no, actually  _pray_ that she'll never touch a drink, because I just don't want her to end up  _needing_ it like I did. So I understand why Brittany blames herself every time there's some hiccup with Annie, I understand it so much more than I did five years ago, but at the same time, it just makes every part of my insides ache to know that she feels it. I just hate seeing her

suffer. You were  _there_ after Annie was born, you remember what a nightmare it was, and I just...I don't want her to slip back into the way she felt then."

"She won't. Both of you are so much more equipped to handle things now, and your daughter needing eye surgery is  _a lot_ different than the possibility of her...you know."

"Yeah." I shivered a little, glad that Quinn didn't say the word  _dying,_ since even after years, thinking of the first days of Annie's life, where she'd gasp and wheeze, where Britt would beg to see her in case she never got chance, still really emotionally effected me. "Thanks, Quinn. For being there for her. I know it's really good for both of us to have someone removed from the situation, and I know you and Rachel have really been our sounding boards."

"Just like you always are for us. I'm always here for Brittany, and for you too. You should know that by now."

"I do, it's just, I appreciate it, or whatever."

"Yeah, I know, or whatever." She mocked me, and when Marisa lifted her face from my chest, Quinn held out her arms, eager to take her goddaughter.

With Quinn ignoring my efforts to get my daughter back from her, I grabbed the baby bag out of the backseat and locked the car, following her over to where everyone had started to congregate. Annie and Brittany were both sitting on a picnic table, Annie's legs swinging under her and Britt whispering something that made her giggle. Archie ran around the trampled grass, chasing after his daughter, which I always found pretty amusing to watch, like you'd never expect this typically stoic man to genuinely belly laugh at the antics of a tiny little girl. When Brittany caught me watching them, she gave me a smile that let me know she was thinking the same thing, before crooking her finger to call me over to her. As I sat beside her, curling my arm around her waist and dropping my head to her shoulder, Brice tore toward us, Kurt hot on his heels with Finn and Rachel milliseconds behind.

"Brice Christopher Hudson!" Rachel called out, sounding all kinds of frantic and frazzled. "You don't run away from us in a parking lot!"

"Need to see MyAnnie!" He yelled back, and I held out my hand for Annie to stay where she was while I jumped down from the table and scooped him in my arms. "Aunt S'tana! Save me from the mons'ers!"

"Sorry,  _chiquito,_ I'm handing you back over to Mom before you can play with Annie." I shook my head and set him down at Rachel's feet, having long ago come to the agreement with each other that we'd avoid undermining each other's rules at all costs.

"But I want to see her!" He shrieked, and Finn picked him right up, carrying him away from the rest of us to discipline him.

"And everyone told me the twos were terrible." Rachel mumbled sort of to herself and sort of to me. "I'd take them any day over the threes."

"Seems like the theme is mommy stress this week, huh?" I asked, and she sighed.

"I love my son to death, I love Finn to death, but I just need a night out."

"Me too." Quinn seconded with a small laugh.

"Me three." Kurt added, and I quirked an eyebrow at him. "What? Just because I don't have kids doesn't mean I don't need a break sometimes, and besides, Blaine is out of town  _again_  and I don't feel like sitting home by myself. What do you say we have an impromptu night on the town?"

"Kurt, there's no such thing is impromptu when you have children."

"You and Quinn have husbands. Wasn't it you, Rachel, who said there is no such thing as fathers  _babysitting,_ it's just called parenting? Let them parent tonight, and Santana, ask Rosa to watch your kids or something, so you and Brittany can come out with us. I know it's going over your one date a year quota, but come on."

"We don't have a one date a year quota." I rolled my eyes and looked over at Britt, who was helping Annie down to play with Eden and heading over to us. "We're going away for the weekend in a few weeks- and don't even say it's because my parents forced it on us."

"Santana." Rachel said softly, avoiding the teasing tone that Kurt had been using. "You did tell me last year how important it is in a marriage to do things together. Just come out with us, you've had a crazy week, and we'd really like you to."

"Really like you to what?" Britt slipped one hand into the back pocket of my jeans and took Marisa from Quinn with the other.

"Stop being such old married ladies and come out with us tonight. Before you know it, you'll end up falling victim to-"

"Kurt, so help me God, you say  _lesbian bed death_ and you can expect an influx of lesbian porn in your inbox as payback for the next three years. The kind that auto plays the second you open it."

"And besides." Brittany sidled closer to me. "I'm not really sure how us staying home together would cause this bed death you're so obsessed with to actually happen. Trust me Kurt, our sex life is the _last_ thing you need to worry about."

"Don't you forget it." I laughed, kissing Brittany on the lips after we managed to silence Kurt. "We'll think about it, alright? Let's just see how today goes before we give you any kind of answer."

Once Finn came back over with Brice holding tightly to his hand, he released his son to where Annie and Eden sat on the ground, and Brice nearly tackled my daughter, wrapping his arms around her neck and then stopping to assess the glittery orange eyepatch on her face (which Britt and I both held our breath for). Archie and Finn, in the meantime, went to grab two wagons, since our number of children was steadily growing, and when they returned, we all headed out into the field, scattering, as usual, into our separate families when we got out deep enough. In a true show of how much our daughter had grown since the  _perfect pumpkin_ fiasco only a year earlier, she spent far less time even worrying about finding one at all, and more time narrating everything we passed to Marisa.

"And you're going to be a lobster for Halloween." Annie told her. "And I'm gonna wear a super fancy dress and a grown up bib, and carry a fork, and Mama and Mamí are going to dress like chefs, because they cooked you right up,  _and_ you get to sit in a real pot! It's super fun and silly, and we get to decorate our house and even eat candy,"

"Well maybe no candy this year for Reese." I laughed, swinging Annie's hand as she held on to mine. "But she'll definitely like the dressing up part."

"Hope so, Mamí, 'cuz that's my favorite."

"It's Mama's too."

"Look! Look at the gigantic pumpkin! I gotta see it!" Annie dropped my hand and took off, leaving Marisa watching curiously after her.

"Next year, little love." Brittany murmured as she kissed the baby's head. "Next year you'll be running around after your sister, and Mamí and I will be chasing after two of you."

"Then we'll be more ready for a night out than everyone else."

"I kind of want to go tonight, San, if you feel like it."

"Yeah? I wasn't sure if you'd be up for leaving them, I know we've been a little smothery with both kids this week."

"Exactly why I think it's a really good idea to go. I mean, we've had Annie in our bed four out of the last five nights. I know I'm having a rough time, and have been the first one to let her in, but I think that more than anything, I just need time with  _you_ , Santana. I want to sing and dance with you, and then come home and get naked with you."

"Well how could I ever disagree with dancing and nakedness?"

"It's impossible, totally impossible, obviously." She smirked, and I brought her wrist to my lips.

"God, I love you. Even if our night  _does_ include the probability of multiple Judy Garland numbers. I swear, I'm not sure why people even pay to see Rachel's shows when they could just hang out at Maria's Crisis and wait for the far more interesting  _drunk_ version of her performing."

"Tell me about it, I very much enjoy you completely sober and outshining her every single time. Watching you get your sexy smoky voice up there and hearing you sing like that to me never fails to turn me on like nothing else." She kissed the reddening shell of my ear, and suddenly I couldn't  _wait_ to be in that piano bar.

"Look! 'S as big as a whole couch!" Annie cried out, sitting down on the pumpkin she'd found with plenty of room to spare, her arms spread out trying to convey just how big it actually was in her mind. "Can my sister sit here with me too?"

"What do you say, Ladybug? Want to go sit on the pumpkin couch with silly Annie?" Britt grinned, holding Marisa so she could see her sister, and we walked over to her, moving slowly as Annie held out her arms and cradled the baby so very closely and carefully to her body. Once she was settled in and Annie pressed her usual soft kiss to a tiny head, the camera was out, dozens upon dozens of pictures being taken of our first born proudly displaying both her exciting find, and her even more exciting baby sister.

"Are we taking it home? Please Mama? Please Mamí?" She begged, and I lifted the baby from her arms, both Britt and I assessing the size while her eyes scanned out in the distance to find Brice. "Bricey! Look!"

"Whatcha find?" He ran over, looking cautiously back at Finn to make sure he wouldn't be in trouble for running again.

"This pumpkin! Isn't it super cool? Come sit on it with me! Everything is so big, big, big today! Big ducks and big pumpkins and even big  _you_ Uncle Finn! You're the biggest of all!"

"I'm big, but I'm not  _that_  big." Finn grinned at her. "This looks like a State Fair winner pumpkin right here, I'm pretty sure it's bigger than the one my cousin Dylan entered back when we were kids."

"Can I win a State Fair with it?" Annie's eyes were wide, and she hopped up and down excitedly, taking both of Brice's hands in hers. "I found it here! What's a State Fair anyway?"

"We don't have them here, sweetheart. But maybe we'll have to plan a trip to Ohio around the State Fair next year, because I think you'd like it a lot, Mamí and I used to  _love_ going." Brittany winked at me, and I heard Finn control his snicker, since it was common knowledge  _why_ we'd loved the State Fair so much. "They have contests and carnival rides and all kinds of exciting things."

"Wow! I want to go! Bricey doesn't that sound fun?"

"Yeah!" He agreed, always loyal to Annie. "C'n we go too, Daddy?"

"We'll talk about it when the time gets closer, buddy. C'mon, Mom and Uncle Kurt need our big strong arms to pick up the pumpkins." Finn reached out a hand for his son, and Brice paused to show us his muscles before scampering off again.

"So can we keep it?" Annie raised both eyebrows hopefully. "Me and my sister both like it  _very_ much."

"I hope we can fit it in the car." I shook my head with a laugh. "Great find,  _mi amor._ Now let's see if we can get a smaller one for Marisa and one to make a jack o' lantern out of and then we'll go check out the flowers."

* * *

We ended up spending another two hours at the farm, between making our purchases, riding the hayride, and taking about a thousand pictures of the kids together. Once we'd all parted ways to our separate cars, I'd called Rosa, who eagerly agreed to come over and take care of the kids for us, and we began the long drive back home. After sitting in obscene amounts of traffic on the Expressway, we spent the late afternoon involved in our decorating, and since Britt and I managed to convince our friends to wait until  _after_ the kids were in bed to go out (I mean seriously, it didn't matter if I was thirty, it seemed absolutely _insane_ to go out before eight-thirty anyway), we bathed the girls and got them down for the night before getting ready ourselves. While Britt was still upstairs finishing her hair, I went down to let Rosa in, and was immediately engulfed in one of her grandmotherly hugs.

"You are the  _best_ for coming over tonight, thanks a lot, Rosa."

" _No pasa nada._ You know you can always call me to come here, I'm happy to give you and Brittany a break, and I'll be even happier to see Marisa when she wakes up to eat."

"I wouldn't be surprised if you hear from Annie too, she was so upset that she won't get to show you her pumpkins." I laughed, and Rosa's eyes lit up at the prospect of seeing Annie. "If she wakes up and wants to hang out with you for a little while, it's fine with us. Here, come in the kitchen with me and I'll show you how to get Marisa's bottle ready."

"Santana." Rosa raised an eyebrow as if to say  _are you kidding me?_ "I had my own kids, and now I have grandkids, and I watched Annie dozens of times when  _she_ was a little one. I know you've got those bottles all defrosted and measured out in the refrigerator and you're going to remind me how to heat the milk up, right?"

"Well you can't-"

"Microwave breast milk.  _Querida,_ I know. Under the faucet, test it on my wrist, give her time to adjust because she doesn't eat as well from the bottle. We're going to be fine, don't get yourself all stressed out."

"You know it's not you, right?" Brittany came down the stairs with her hair all pinned up, the way I loved it most, and smiled softly at me before kissing Rosa hello. "We're not great at leaving them."

"I know." She nodded, squeezing Britt's shoulder. "But we'll be great. You two go have a good time, I'm going to put on some reruns of  _How I Met Your Mother,_ and make myself a cup of tea. Yes, Brittany, I'll call if I need anything, no, Santana, I don't have any questions."

"You know us so well." I hugged her again. "We'll be home by midnight, and if you change your mind about staying, feel free to use the guest room."

"If you keep talking to me, you won't even make it  _out_ by midnight. Go, enjoy yourselves, you deserve it."

After another five minutes of thanks, Rosa finally shooed us out the door and we walked over to Grove Street. As soon as we walked into the bar, I could hear Kurt singing some song that was depressing as hell, and we scanned the room, finally finding Rachel and Quinn at a table up in front. When Kurt finished and sat back down at the table, he pretty much pounded down his gin and tonic in one gulp, and Britt and I exchanged a concerned look (since I knew first hand what a dangerous combination alcohol and depressing music was) before ordering sodas and absorbing ourselves into the conversation Quinn and Rachel were having. By the time we'd been there an hour, I'd decided it was the best decision we could have made, to go out, both Britt and I getting up and singing ridiculous songs to each other (our favorite was  _always_ the world's cheesiest rendition of  _I've Got You, Babe)_ and dancing close, my lips totally unable to avoid Brittany's exposed neck at any given moment.

After Kurt and Rachel got down from singing their four-billionth  _For Good_ duet, they came back to me standing between Britt's legs as she sat on her high stool talking to Quinn. It was so natural to us, falling into a position like that, me tracing my fingers over her thighs, her hands tickling up and down my sides, and I was shocked by the annoyed suck of Kurt's teeth when he took his own seat across from us. When I turned around to give him a dirty look, it was obvious that he was pretty drunk, and Rachel was thrusting a glass of water in his direction while he muttered something about _ridiculous_ under his breath. Not really wanting to engage in whatever kind of nonsense that he was dealing with, I turned back toward Quinn and listened as she talked about the Rotary luncheon she was planning.

"It's pretty cool that you enjoy doing that. I'm really not sure I could get all that excited about like, finger sandwiches, or whatever it is you serve." Brittany told her, and Quinn laughed a little, knowing that Britt wasn't meaning that offensively.

"We're definitely not Rotary type people, babe." I smiled. "But you guys do a lot of good, I'll give you that. I got some pretty big donations from a few of the women on your committee."

"I'm so glad they're contributing. I've made it a point to let them know how near and dear the cause is to my heart, and we are all about supporting one another."

"I don't get them." Kurt attempted to whisper to Rachel, but he clearly wasn't good at it. "Everyone else wants to escape from their spouses once in a while, but not these two, they're still obnoxiously glued together like when we were sixteen."

"Kurt." Rachel warned, shaking her head. "You know that it isn't like that."

"It's not even possible they can be that happy. Nobody's actually that happy together all the time." He continued, and my grip on Britt's thigh tightened, desperately trying to avoid tuning into his rant about ourrelationship. "Are you that happy, Rach? Really?"

"I'm very happy in my marriage."

"But you don't need to be touching Finn at all times, you don't feel the need to shove it in everyone else's faces when they're just trying to have a night out and not think about their own shit."

"They're not, actually-"

"I'll be back, I need a break from this. I'm going to the bathroom and to get another drink, since our waitress disappeared." He pushed himself up out of the chair and was stalking off toward the bathroom before Rachel could say anything else.

"I'll go." I told her as she made to stand up.

"Honey, don't let him ruin our time." Britt frowned, agitated as I was about Kurt's words.

"I'm not, Britt, don't worry. I get how he operates, sometimes he just needs a little bitchiness to knock some sense into him."

"I'm sorry, I guess he's fighting with Blaine again." Rachel pursed her lips, and I shook my head.

"You don't need to apologize for him, he's not your husband or your son, and he's lucky I know by now that he doesn't mean the idiot things he says when he's upset."

Kissing Britt softly on the lips and squeezing her hand ( _not_ in an attempt to shove our love in anyone's face, because  _really?_ ), I pulled my hair back into a ponytail and went off in the direction of the bathroom, weaving my way through the people standing and talking beside the bar. When I found Kurt, he was leaning against the wall with his phone clasped tightly in his hand and an angry scowl on his face.

"So hows about you tell me how you really feel, Hummel?" I raised a challenging eyebrow at him, knowing exactly how to get him to open up to me. "Because really, I think you know me well enough to know that after  _everything,_ me being publicly affectionate with my wife is  _not_ for the benefit of anyone else."

"I'm not having this conversation with you. No one asked you to come search for me, Santana." He crossed his arms over his chest and gave me an exaggerated eye roll.

"Well, maybe you should have thought about that before you started bitching about me and Britt right in front of us. We've all got shit in our lives, but it doesn't mean you have the right to act like an ass and be pretty damn disrespectful of your friends."

"It's nauseating watching you so in love all the time, and watching you love your cute little perfect kids like it's the way everyone in the world is. It's not you know." He slurred drunkenly.

"Really, Kurt? This is the talk we're going to have right now? You're  _pissed_  at me because I have a good life? Because if you remember correctly, while the rest of you were playing house, I was sharing a bed with Jose Cuervo and anger. I'm not going to apologize for being happy now, I think you know damn well that I deserve this."

"And I'm not going to apologize for being jealous of that." He confessed, and I immediately felt really, really bad for him as I saw tears form in his eyes, something I hadn't witnessed for a long time. "Ugh, I didn't want to admit that to you out loud."

"Okay, clearly you and I need to have a little chat."

"I'm not one of the kids you think you can save. I'm a grown man and I don't need your help."

"It's funny, you know, I said almost the same thing to Finn a long time ago. Maybe you don't need my help, but I'm your  _friend,_ Kurt, I care about you, and this is what we all do for each other. Do I have to go into Auntie Tana mode right now?"

"I don't-" Kurt started, and then choked out a sob. Glaring at the people who were around us, I put my hand on Kurt's back and pushed him toward the coat room, hoping we could get a little privacy.

"So, I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume that the reason you're halfway through a bottle of Tanquerey tonight and crying starts with a B and rhymes with  _plane._ "

"Can you just  _not_ with the jokes and the judging? I know that you've never been his biggest fan, but he's my husband, Santana."

"I'm actually  _not_ judging you Kurt. This is me giving a shit, something you're well aware I'm capable of. I'm happy to sit here and talk about myself, or to go back out and dance some more with my wife, but I think you actually need a friend right now to listen to you."

"I just don't get it." He huffed angrily. "I don't get how it's so easy for you. You just have this effortless marriage, and you give everyone else these false expectations."

"Is that really what you think? That Britt and I put no effort into our marriage? Because we work our  _asses_ off." I sucked in a sharp breath, trying not to yell at the crying man in front of me. "Do you not remember that we went to almost two years of couple's therapy? And you all joke about how the only things we ever disagree about are me leaving my shoes everywhere and Britt's inability to take a shower without creating the sixth Great Lake in our bathroom, but we've had our share of serious arguments, and we'll have our share in the future. We don't wake up in the morning and think a healthy marriage just  _happens._ Yeah, we've been married five and a half years, and we still tell each other we love each other every day, we still send each other flowers just because, and we know that even if we have the biggest blowout in the world, we love each other, and we are willing to fight like hell  _for_ each other. If it takes no work, it's not worth it, so please, don't insult me by telling me it's effortless."

"I-" Kurt paused, obviously not sure what to say after my outburst. "Remember when we were obsessed with  _Scandal?_ "

"Um, yeah?" I narrowed my eyes, trying to figure out where he was going, because  _that_ was a bizarre subject change.

"I want a baby, and I don't want it to be like Cyrus and James."

"Oh my God,  _that's_ an awfulcomparison."

"I don't mean the fake carjacking and the dying part, I mean, I don't want Blaine to placate me with a baby while he continues his life the way it was before. I thought we were making some sort of progress toward it. Santana, we've been seriously discussing it since you had Marisa, and Blaine made an offhand comment, but then I watch him get on a plane five or six times a month, and I just don't know. We start arguing, because I tell him that if he's really serious about this, he has to start considering jobs closer to home. Then he just takes off, and when he comes back, he thinks it's all going to be forgotten. It's really, really hard for me, because I want to have a baby with the man I love, but I don't want it like this."

"Kurt, I'm not a marriage counselor, alright? But I'm going to give you some advice.  _Everything_ gets harder when you have kids. Literally, every single thing. Rachel will tell you exactly the same thing too. I get it, I  _totally_ get that you want a baby, because even if it's hard, it really is the  _best_ thing that will ever happen to you. You need to lay it all out for Blaine though, he loves you, and even though I think he's kind of a moron sometimes, I think that if you can sit down and talk when he's  _not_ running out the door, if you really lay your heart earnestly on the table, you'll be able to work it out. But before you adopt a baby, or get a surrogate, or whatever it is you plan on doing, you  _need_ to be on the same page, because if you're not, you're  _so_  screwed later on, and you'll resent each other. I'd really prefer if you  _weren't_ James Novak."

"You remember his last name?"

"You  _compared_ yourself to him. that was our favorite show forever, I'm not apologizing."

"Thanks, Santana, for listening to me."

"Yeah, well, that's what friends are for. But Hummel?"

"What?"

"I swear to God, you pull another little stunt like that again, talking about me and Britt, and I'm not going to be so nice to you. You're the one that begged us to come out tonight, and we really needed to be able to just relax and not deal with high school passive-aggressive dramatics. We've had a pretty rough week our own."

"I know. I'm sorry, I'm just so envious of what you two have sometimes, it's different than anyone else."

"Well we're two hot women in love, we have the most beautiful kids on the damn planet, I'd be jealous of us too." I teased him a little. "But it took us a long time to get to the point where we communicate the way we do now. Comparing you and Blaine to us though is a waste of time, time that would be  _much_ better spent figuring out how you two can communicate better."

After giving Kurt a totally awkward hug, because honestly, he and I were never really good at the physical affection thing with any of our friends, especially not each other, I told him to go put some concealer under his eyes and I'd sing any song he wanted with him. Finding my way back to the table, I told Quinn and Rachel that it was handled, before whispering in Britt's ear that I'd fill her in on what happened later. Letting Kurt tug me up to the stage, Brittany gave me the world's sexiest adoring wink while Hummel and I sang  _Tango: Maureen_ (yes, it took me feeling bad for him for me to _finally_ get up there and sing it with him after years of begging). There was still a sadness in his eyes, one I really hoped that a talk with Blaine would eliminate, but he slowed down his drinking, and he made the best effort to enjoy the rest of the night laughing and dancing with the four of us.

* * *

By twenty after eleven, Quinn, having the longest distance to home, had called a car service, and saying goodbye to our friends, Britt and I began our walk back to the house. Whenever we walked the city streets late at night, I couldn't help by notice the way that Brittany held me just a little bit tighter, her arm wrapped around my waist and very little distance between our bodies, and though it had been years since I'd had difficulty being in the dark, I still felt even more secure when she held me so close. We walked in silence for a few blocks, taking in the first real chilly night of the year, and I couldn't help but feel just so grateful for the woman by my side.

"So what happened tonight?" She asked me. "I didn't realize we made anyone so mad with the way we are."

"Kurt wasn't really mad, he's just having issues with Blaine traveling all the time, and he really wants a baby and a partner that's home more often."

"Really?" Brittany scrunched up her face. "I'm actually surprised he does. I mean, I know he loves Brice and our girls, but he's never really mentioned it before."

"I know, I think it's that until they get themselves together, he doesn't want to talk about it and gets his hopes up. He didn't  _say_ that, but that's kind of what I got out of it."

"Makes me feel even more lucky that I have you, San. We've always just been on the same page with parenting, I can't imagine an issue around just  _deciding_ to have a baby."

"Yeah. I was really pissed at him at first, because him questioning if our happiness was genuine or just an act sort of made me want to punch him in he face, but then I felt really bad for him. That sucks to be in that position, and I hope they figure it out. Maybe I sound like my mom, but it would be fun to have another kid around that's closer to Marisa's age." I tilted my head up and kissed her on the lips. "I hope you still had a good time tonight."

"I really did, and it's not over yet." She waggled her eyebrows, and I laughed against her mouth. "This really was exactly what we needed, and Monday, I think we should call Dr. Marguiles."

"Britt, you know we still don't have to rush. You know what I think is best, but I don't want you to feel like we need to rush the decision, or not discuss it, if you feel differently."

"No, I've pretty much known since day one that we were going to need to do this. It's what's best for her, and you and I will sit down and figure out all the logistics of it together. I know we're in it together, and that makes me feel like it's going to be okay. I just really needed time to accept it. You know how I am, sometimes I just need to  _not_ think about things for my mind to figure them out."

"I know, and I love your genius mind."

"You love me for more than my genius mind, honey." Brittany teased, signaling that we were ending our serious conversation, and enjoying the rest of our night.

"And what would that be?"

"Hmmm, looks like you'll have to wait until we get home to find out." She sing-songed, kissing my fingers.

"Guess we better hurry then. It's getting  _freezing_ out here anyway."

Because it was, for some reason, impossible to find Rosa a cab, and despite all the bottle instructions, Marisa hadn't woken up to eat until just after we'd walked in the door. Brittany was the one who ended up driving her home, and I sat for a while nursing the baby, glad I could feed her myself rather than spend forever pumping. After changing the baby into a warmer sleep sack and rocking her back to sleep, I went into Annie's room and pulled another blanket down from the closet to tuck around her. It wasn't all  _that_ cold, but knowing the girls were warm and cozy made me believe that they'd sleep better, and after kissing a tiny blonde head, I washed up and undressed before sitting on our bed. Wrapping the comforter around my body so only my head and hands were exposed, I figured I'd check my emails while I waited for Britt to get home, and was so absorbed that I didn't realize she'd come in until I heard a little giggle escape from her lips as she walked out of the bathroom.

"You are the cutest thing in the entire world." She climbed up on the bed and kissed me all over my face.

"It's cold in here." I grinned, tossing my phone over on the nightstand.

"Not as cold as outside." Britt pressed her cool hands on my cheeks and I released a squeal. "Are you going to keep hogging that big, warm blanket all for yourself, or are you going to let me in?"

"Nope, there is a very strict no clothing policy under here. You're way too overdressed to get in here with me."

"Oh really? I guess we'll have to change that then." She pulled at where I was holding the blanket closed and peeked inside, smirking before she shucked off her shirt and bra. My eyes raked appreciatively over her body as she rubbed her palms together to warm them and then popped the button on her jeans before doing the cutest little shimmy out of them. " _Now_ am I allowed to come in?"

"Maybe." I dragged out the word and her eyes danced at my playfulness. "Kiss first."

Buying into the game I was playing, she pecked my lips before pulling away quickly, and I frowned at her before needing to open up my blanket robe to wrap my arms around her waist and pull her into my lap for a  _real_ kiss. The temperature contrast of our bodies sent chills down my spine as our naked skin pressed together, and I wrapped her inside the blanket with me before running my hands up and down her sides to warm her up. She silently teased me for my silliness, because we both knew she was just a little chilled, not freezing, but continued to allow my ministrations, not breaking from kissing me and stroking a hand through my static charged hair.

"Glad you let me into your cocoon?" She whispered in my ear, stopping to nip at the lobe in the way she knew drove me absolutely insane.

"I  _guess_ so." I tried to roll my eyes, but the gasp that escaped my lips as she brushed a thumb over my right nipple basically gave away that the game was over.

With each journey of my hands over the sides of her body, I ventured either a little lower, sometimes letting my fingers wander toward the inside of her thighs, sometimes trailing my blunt nails over the swell of her ass. Eventually, Brittany pressed me down against the bed, and almost before I realized what she was doing, I felt her push my knees apart, opening me up fully to her. Somehow, the comforter was kicked off the bed, and yet, with Britt's body over mine and our increasingly heated kisses on skin, I felt even warmer than when we were tangled up beneath it together. When she arranged her limbs so our centers were pressed together, and I felt her arousal slip against my own, one of my favorite feelings in the entire world, I let out a heavy moan, arching my back up so I could wrap my lips around the thumping pulse in her neck, still entirely exposed by her pulled up hair, and brought my hands up to her breasts, massaging them, savoring the weight in my hands, the way her nipples seemed to get impossibly harder as every second passed. With each grind down of her hips, I lifted mine, feeling sparks over and over again at the most intimate contact, until my head was hazy and my body was buzzing.

"Ugh, Brittany." I choked out, pulling my mouth from her skin and bringing my arms up to wrap around her neck, holding her close to me. "I...I'm..."

"Me too." She panted, her mouth finding mine and further stealing away my breath.

It didn't take much longer before Brittany collapsed sweaty on top of me, her face burying in my neck and her breath quick against my skin. With my limited strength and my jellied limbs, I brought one leg around her waist, just wanting to hold her as close to me as possible, and she burrowed herself in deeper before finally lifting her head and giving me her lazy, post-orgasmic smile that I loved  _so_ much, and that I knew I was the only one in the world lucky enough to  _ever_  see. My hand somehow managed to pull up our blanket, arranging it haphazardly over the two of us, knowing that once we fell asleep, we'd get cold, even in each other's embrace.

"I still think the other way is the best way to keep warm." She murmured, and I could hear sleep sneaking into the edges of her words as her heart thumped on top of mine. "Love you, San. B'cause you're you, and you take care of me, and you make me so, so happy."

"You too, baby." I smiled at her tired words as her eyes fluttered closed, and I wasn't far behind in joining her in sleep.

 


	41. What Really Matters

It was insane to me how quickly the remainder of October passed, how  _busy_ both Brittany and I had been, how really, everything was just a blur. While I dealt with scheduling another round of dinners with investors, and more consistent contact with the kids I mentored, she was in the thick of showcase preparation and a greatly increased workload as Rick spent less and less time in the studio and more and more time doing what retired people do. On top of that, we  _both_ were handling the realization that the holidays were going to come, leaving us, if we waited,  _no_ time to plan for Annie's surgery that would immediately follow, and were trying to get as much done on that front as possible. Halloween, which  _was_ a big deal, because it was Marisa's first, sadly seemed to be over before it really started. Of course, we'd dressed in the chef costumes that Annie'd picked out on the internet with me, and the pictures of our oldest in her fine dining costume holding the baby lobster  _were_ the absolute cutest things in existence (no, I'm not at all biased), but I wished it would have lasted longer, wished that come November first, we weren't immediately sucked back into the abyss of insanity.

On the first Friday of the month, I was finally getting my second chance up at Eleanor Roosevelt, and needless to say, I was an absolute wreck all morning as I worked on the last of my preparations. Mostly, I paced around the house, rocking Marisa in my arms, talking everything through to her, who just happily gurgled and stared up at me, already very serious about being one of my three biggest cheerleaders, even at a young age. When Brittany came home from her morning in the studio to switch off with me, I got  _her_ exceptional positivity, promising me that I'd be fantastic, that I was more well prepared than anyone in the history of the world, that I was going to change lives, before kissing me over and over again for good luck and redoing the buttons on my heavy wool coat that my nervous fingers apparently were incapable of doing properly. Getting in the cab uptown, I made a conscious effort to check myself, knowing that I'd be no good to anyone in an anxious state, rolling down the window and deeply breathing in the crisp fall air.

I was glad that Holly had done her teacher assembly a week earlier, and I'd been back and forth with Ben numerous times about setting up a safe space that the kids would feel comfortable coming to. I'd hardly had time, when I'd arrived, to speak with Holly and Jarrod before the three of us split into separate classrooms in a rarely used corner of the school, but I was glad for  _their_ enthusiasm, glad that they were well prepared too. I couldn't wait, honestly, to be at a point where we could be in a group setting, with kids who weren't afraid to be themselves, but even as I stood on tiptoes to cover the window on the door with black construction paper, I was glad that we were offering  _so_ much more than they'd had before. While I waited, I sat down at the desk and swiped through pictures on my iPad, smiling at the selfies Britt and Annie always took on there to surprise me, the ones of Marisa with her little frustrated face when she was learning to roll over, the ones Annie loved to take of me and Britt dancing together, just the little things that calmed me down. When the first hard knock on the door came, I stood to answer it, adjusting my top and smiling warmly as I opened it up.

"Um, hey." A dark haired boy (or really, man) nearly twice my size moved quickly inside the door, never meeting my eyes. "I hope...it's okay that I came to you. I don't know if you just, like, talk to girls, or whatever."

"No, no, not at all." I assured him, flipping the sign I'd placed on the door to indicate that I was busy. "I'm here for anyone who wants to talk."

"Cool." He didn't speak for a while, just picked at his cuticles and cast occasional glances in my direction. It was funny how I was typically fearful of people, with good reason, but the moment I stepped into the classroom, I had no qualms about being alone in a room with a guy who was close to twice my size. "That guy you brought seemed cool too, but I felt like maybe you'd get me more, or something. I'm Vin, by the way."

"It's nice to meet you, Vin." I nodded, never asking him what he wanted me to  _get,_ and just letting him open up on his open terms.

"I play lacrosse, and my family is  _crazy_ religious.  _Not_ exactly the best place to be a gay kid who's spent so long in denial that I'm actually  _still_ not entirely convinced that checking out other guy's asses isn't totally straight behavior," He said quietly, and I understood at once why he'd come to me, the high school cheerleader who wasn't supposed to be gay, the girl once shunned by a woman who chose faith over family. "I really just wanted someone who could listen to me, and I was afraid to talk to the counselors and stuff. I swear, I think they're bullshitting when they say they won't tell your parents."

"Oh, I get that, trust me."

"Yeah, that's kind of what it sounded like when you came to talk to us." He nodded, biting his lip a little like he was considering what exactly he should say. "I can't really do this anymore. I feel like I'm living this double life, I go out on dates with guys that I meet on a dating site, and I feel like I'm looking over my shoulder, afraid my mom's gonna be sitting at the booth behind me, watching me try to awkwardly flirt with another dude. I'm in the locker room trying to keep my eyes closed because I'm afraid the whole team is suddenly going to know I'm a raging homo if I accidentally give one weird look. I think I'm going to lose my mind if I keep this up."

"That makes sense." I told him, trying to just let him speak and not to impose my opinions just yet.

"But at the same time, what happens if I come out and my parents throw me out on the street, and coach throws me off the team and I lose my chance of a scholarship? What am I supposed to do then?"

I listened to him as he listed the pros and cons of his coming out for me, really  _not_ wanting me to answer what he should do, just wanting someone who could listen to him talk it out loud for himself. As I watched him start pacing back and forth in front of me, I was reminded so much of myself when I was struggling, about the way felt like I was constantly pacing and wringing my hands, agonizing over whether or not my parents would cut ties with me, and I empathized so strongly with his struggle. Even as I listened, I couldn't help but think about  _that_ day, couldn't help but think about the time I'd been struck with the cold fear (luckily, so unwarranted) that I'd be walking through my parents' door for the last time.

* * *

_I had spent the better part of the morning, after Brittany, and then Susan's reassurances, trying to convince myself that it was all going to be okay, that my parents weren't going to forget they ever loved me just because I loved girls, just because I loved_ Brittany,  _but I honestly hadn't made much progress. Susan had made English muffin pizzas for lunch and offered for us to come see_ The Muppets  _with her, Stephen and Liz, but Britt and I declined, knowing that as much as the distraction may have helped, I really just needed_ her,  _just needed the security of the arms of the one person capable of soothing me for as long as they could be before the inevitable struck. So that's what we did, we stripped down to tanktops and underwear and got back into Brittany's bed, not taking advantage of the empty house like we usually would, instead just lying in each other's arms, her holding me like both of our lives depended on it, me burying my face in her neck and crying a little more,_ trying,  _trying so hard, to be stronger for us._

_It was late in the day when I finally felt like_ maybe  _I'd worked up the courage to go home, worked up the courage to potentially have my entire world ripped out from under me (not like I wasn't_ already _feeling like that was the case). Because my car was still in the parking lot at McKinley from the night before, and because I really thought that even if I_ did _have a car to drive myself, I'd lose my will halfway through the six minute drive from the Pierces' house to mine, I climbed into Brittany's passenger seat and held her hand with a vice grip as she drove. When we all too quickly reached the end of my block, I felt like the coiled spring in my stomach had reached it's limit, and it was going to devastatingly snap, destroying everything around me._

_"Brittany." I squeaked out, my voice tear laden and desperate. "I need five more minutes. Please. Can we just go somewhere?"_

_"Yeah, of course." She nodded, and I watched a single tear slip down her cheek, the heartache of seeing me in emotional pain proving_ so  _difficult for her._

_Brittany turned the car around, driving away from my doom and to a place where she knew I'd feel safer, the edge of the woods where we'd spent countless hours together, as best friends, as friends with benefits, as secret girlfriends. When we got there, the air was already turning cold, since it was past sunset on a November night, and Brittany pulled two pairs of gloves from her center console, handing one to me and slipping one on her own hands. She moved quickly out of the car, coming around to open my door, and as soon as I stood, I felt the quiver in my legs, the physical manifestation of my anxiety. Immediately, Brittany pulled me close to her, setting my hands on her hips so I could steady myself and pressing one hand to each of my cheeks. Breathing in the same air as her, feeling her fingers scratching behind my ears, and her nose rubbing against mine, my ragged breathing slowed just a little bit, and I closed my eyes, imagining it was any other day. For the better part of a half hour, we just held each other there, just let time stop, just pretended that I didn't feel like I was in the midst of my life crumbling around me._

_"I love you, honey. I love you always. I promise you." She spoke nearly against my mouth, and I could hear a desperation there that I'd never heard before, a desperation that nearly shattered my heart. "Forever and ever, Santana. Don't forget that, okay?"_

_"I won't, you know I won't." I let my lips brush against hers, and I felt my tears start up again. "You're scared, aren't you?"_

_"I'm not, I'm okay." She told me, pretty unconvincingly._

_"Brittany, nothing that happens to me in there effects you and I and what we are, okay? I love you, I love you more than anything."_

_"I know you do." She nodded furiously, blinking away her tears before kissing me deeply, letting me feel every ounce of_ her  _love, her faith, her promises. "They love you too. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-"_

_"It's okay for you to have feelings too. You've been so solid for me, but this is tough on you too, I know that. I've gotta do this now, I can't keep putting either of us through the waiting, but I swear to you, no matter what happens, I'm coming back to you."_

_"I'll be waiting for you." She planted a firm kiss on my forehead. "You're sure you don't want me to go with you?"_

_"I_ do  _want you to, more than anything in the world, trust me. But I_ need  _to do it myself, if they're assholes about it, I just don't want them to say something to_ you."

_"They love you. I don't even know why I'm scared, you're their daughter and they love you, it's all going to be fine."_

_"I really hope so, Britt. I'm just...it hurts so much, and nothing's even happened yet."_

_"I know." She dropped her hands down from my face and ran them up and down my back, bending her head so she could kiss my pounding chest, and I couldn't help but let out one last shuddering sob. "I'll keep fixing all the hurt though, forever, San."_

_"God, I love you." I sighed, grabbing one of her wrists and bringing her hand to my lips. "Let me just get this nightmare over with."_

_I was still shaky as we got back in the car, but I held it together as best as I could. My house, already sort of imposing in it's own right, looked more so than ever when Brittany pulled in the driveway, and my heart lurched, trying_ so  _hard to be ready. I took a few deep breaths, still grasping Brittany's hand like a lifeline, and finally leaned over and gave her the softest kiss on the corner of her mouth, murmuring more words of love, and hearing more in return from her. Tucking my hair behind my ears and smoothing my shirt,_ so  _glad that I had Brittany's tanktop underneath it, a security blanket of sorts, I made my way up the stone walkway to the door, turning back one last time to see Brittany with one hand over her own heart, and the other giving me a reassuring wave. When I walked in the door, my heart dropped a little, hearing the television on in the living room, fearing the absolute_ worst,  _that they'd seen it before I could tell them, and I quickly shrugged out of my coat and kicked my shoes into the closet._

_"Santanita!" My mother's voice called from the other room. "Is that you?"_

"Si, Mamí."  _I called back to her, making my way into the room._ "Estoy en casa."

_I walked into the living room like I was walking into my own execution, and it was one of those very rare occasions where both of my parents were home, sitting on the couch with the television on, dressed in casual clothing. There was something slightly less intimidating about seeing them like that, not in suits and dresses, even with the crucifix that hung above the fireplace bearing down upon me. After kissing them both hello, I stood in front of them, wringing my hands, shifting my weight between feet, and picturing with every ounce of my being, the loving look that Brittany had given me when I stepped out of her car._

"Mija,  _is everything alright?" My father asked, clicking the_ mute  _button on the remote._

_"Yes. No. Yes. I don't..._ No lo sė. Necesito hablar con vosotros. Es mas importante, pero, por favor, no se enojará conmigo."  _I pleaded in Spanish, my mind almost entirely unable to form English words._

"Siéntate, mi amor."  _Mam_ _í_ _suggested, patting the seat beside her. "Tell us what's wrong before you assume we're going to be mad at you."_

"No, gracias.  _I need to stand." I paced a little bit before them, having difficulty meeting their eyes. "I tried, I tried so hard for this to not be real, I swear it Mam_ _í_ _, Pap_ _í_ _. I thought I could make it all stop, but I_ can't,  _and I had to give up trying, because if I didn't, I would have lost_ everything.  _I just...I love her, I love her so much, and now they're airing a commercial on TV, and I'm going to be the shame of our whole family, this whole town even."_

_"Santana, slow down. I can't understand you when you ramble and speak so quickly. Who do you love? And who's making a commercial?"_

_"Brittany, Pap_ _í_ _. I love Brittany!" I was on the verge of hysterics, tears streaming down my face, my confession clearly not really following my well planned speech, and instead coming out as a jumble of words. "I'm in love with her, and stupid Finn Hudson yelled it in front of the whole school, and now the pizza guy is making a commercial so he can beat Coach because she...she lets..._ lesbians  _on her cheer squad. Because I_ am. Lo siento _, I swear, I thought it was wrong, and I tried so hard to be like everyone else, but it can't be. And now, now that I know what it feels like to love someone, I just don't see how it_ can _be wrong." There was a long silence, painfully long, and I could hear my heart pounding in my ears as the minutes ticked by. "Please, please don't hate me. I know that we go to church, and-"_

_"Enough." Pap_ _í_ _held up his hand, and I felt myself shatter into a billion pieces as my knees buckled and I choked out a pained sob, bracing myself for him to drag me out of the house. Immediately, he was up on his feet, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me into his chest, and I was stunned. "Enough apologies,_ mi corazón.  _You must never apologize for being who you are."_

_"What?" I sniffled against his shirt, hugging him so tightly for fear it would be the last time I ever would._

_"Your mother and I did not raise you to be ashamed of yourself, or to blindly follow anyone or anything. If this is who you are...if you're a..." He struggled a moment with the word, and I felt him lift his chin to look at my mother. "A lesbian, that doesn't change that you're my only daughter, our precious miracle, and we love you."_

_"You don't_ hate  _me?"_

_"Oh Santana." My mother pulled me from my father's chest and took me into her own arms, stroking my hair. "You are more important to us than anything in the world._ Por favor, bebé,  _sit and talk to us. You've obviously been holding all of this inside you for a long time."_

_"I've been so scared for so long, Mam_ _í_ _." I let her guide me down onto the couch, and I felt like a small child again as she cradled my head against her chest, breathing a heavy sigh. "I didn't think there was anyone I could talk to, not even Brittany for a long time."_

_"And she...?"_

_"She loves me back." I admitted, feeling just the slightest creep of a smile on my face, being able to, for the first time, actually say out loud to someone that my incredible girlfriend_ loved  _me (and something I needed to say, that_ Brittany  _needed to say even more while the words_  'she might not love you back'  _still rang fresh in my ears). "She's my...my girlfriend."_

_"Good." Pap_ _í_ _said quietly, unsure, quite obviously, how to react to any of it. "She's always made you happy,_ mija,  _I guess we just didn't see how much."_

_"Me either, but now, it's good. Is it okay I tell you these things? I'm sorry if I'm being disrespectful in your house." I nearly whispered, feeling so small and so scared._

_"Santanita, all I've wanted for a long time is for you to let me into your life. I understand now why you didn't, but I'm your mother, I want to hear all about your love."_

_"Maribel, first we should hear about this commercial." My father stopped her as she started gushing, still startled by the information, but being_ far  _more supportive and accepting that I've ever dreamed, that big cross feeling so much less imposing once I knew they wouldn't use it to shun me._

_It sort of felt like a dream, the way they just sat and listened to me, let me cry when I recounted what had happened with Finn, and accepted how distraught I became when I thought about how the commercial was_ still  _going to set me apart as a target, exactly what I'd feared about coming out in the first place. My father was angry,_ more  _than angry that they'd use the likeness of a minor without parental consent, but he promised me that he wasn't angry with me, that he was_ so  _proud of me for being brave enough to tell them the truth, and I felt like I could relax for the first time in_ years  _as I sat with them on the couch. They were more affectionate with me than they'd been in a long time, than I'd_ let  _them be in a long time, and when Pap_ _í_ _finally excused himself to call a lawyer friend of his, I asked Mam_ _í_ _if it was okay if I called Brittany quickly, to let her know that I was okay. Almost instantly, she was on her feet, talking about cooking dinner and inviting my_ girlfriend  _to eat with us, and I actually pinched myself on the soft spot under my arm to make sure that it was all real, all okay._

_"Are you alright?" Brittany answered the phone immediately, voice thick with concern._

_"Britt." My voice cracked with such a new kind of happiness. "They still love me, and they're not mad at me, and they want you to come have dinner with us."_

_"Oh, honey." Britt started crying. "I love you, I love you so much, and I'm_ so  _happy. I'm sitting in the car at the end of the block, I'll be there in two minutes."_

_"You know you're the best, right? Waiting for me there, waiting for me_ always,  _I just...you're amazing, Brittany Pierce."_

_"So are you, so are you. You're so brave, Santana, and I'm really, really proud of you today."_

_I didn't have much time to be nervous as I waited for Brittany to ring the doorbell, I just went to sheepishly tell my mom (who was already getting a chicken in a pot, because she knew Brittany loved her_ arroz con pollo _) that Britt was on her way over. Dinner was strange, but surprisingly painless, as Brittany sort of did what I'd done with her parents earlier in the day, showing that she was a good, respectful girlfriend, even though she'd eaten dinner with my parents countless times. Nervous to show too much affection, to push my luck, I just sent her the occasional loving glance, and she'd smiled brightly in return, not doing anything that would go outside of my comfort zone. When we were finished eating, Britt and I did the dishes, standing at the sink in a strange sort of comfortable silence, this weird domestic feeling sinking into my bones, before we went into the living room and sat down on the love seat, keeping nearly a body's space between us, while my parents sat comfortably together on the couch._

_We were about halfway through an episode of_ Royal Pains,  _when I heard the opening tones that were burned in my brain, even after only seeing it once, and I felt like I was going to vomit all over my parents' expensive carpet. My father had tried, he really had, but there was nothing anyone could do, it was already too late to stop it from happening._ **Sue Sylvester wants to represent Ohio. She says she shares your values**.  _I couldn't look at my parents, I couldn't look at Brittany, I just wanted to curl in upon myself and die, or_ really,  _if I was being honest with myself, I want to curl upon_ Brittany  _and die, but I was too embarrassed to seek physical comfort from her. I couldn't watch the screen, but I could hear it all, and I watched Brittany's hands twitch in her lap as she saw it for the first time, heard the words_ **why did you promote a lesbian student to be your head cheerleader?**   _She knew that I needed her, and she was obviously conflicted as she slid one hand toward me so it rested just on the outside of my thigh._ Breathe, honey, please. Please don't cry, I love you.  _Brittany mouthed, although she was crying too, and I couldn't even really register that I was full-on sobbing._

"Hijo de puta."  _My father roared, angrier than I'd ever seen him in my life, as he jumped to his feet._ "Lo voy a matar. ¿Cómo se atrevía?"

_"Javier,_ su hija es triste."  _Mamí stood to calm him, looking over at where I was struggling not to bury my face in Brittany's chest, where Brittany was struggling not to wrap me in her arms and shield me from the world._ "Calmate, amor."

_"Of course she's upset, that fucker is on TV saying she goes against the values of the state of Ohio. I'm going to kill him and they'll never find his body."_

"Papí, esta bien."

_"No, it's not okay,_ mija _. Don't ever say it's okay for anyone to make you feel like this. I see you, sitting there afraid to hold your girlfriend's hand, and_ that  _is not okay. You'll never feel shame in my house, either of you." He assured us. "That excuse for a man better hope he never ends up on my operating table, I swear to you, Maribel, I'll be in prison. I'll be in prison and he'll be six feet underground, and I'll feel no remorse for it. That ignorant, sadistic son of a bitch."_

_"Is it okay if I hold your hand?" Brittany whispered, nervous about Papí's tirade, something neither of us had ever seen from him, and blushing furiously. For the first time, I felt brave enough to reach over and take hers, brave enough to slide closer and rest my head on her shoulder as her_ girlfriend,  _letting her slip her other arm around my waist, holding me close, comforting me, ghosting the quickest kiss over my temple. "It's going to be alright, isn't it?"_

_"Yeah, Britt. It sucks, it sucks so bad, that now I'm always going to be that girl in the commercial, but I really do think that when it all blows over, it's going to be alright because they still love me."_

* * *

"This school really, really sucks." Vin lamented. "There's no one here like me, I mean seriously, Santana, I have to come out to my friends, my family,  _everyone_ , and I can end up left with  _no one."_

"There are more people like you than you think. Trust me, if there weren't, I wouldn't be here today, it's people like you, writing to your principal and asking for me to come that made this a possibility. Listen, I'm not minimizing it, because it's not easy, coming out, but you're not alone." I promised him, because as much as I wished I could, I  _couldn't,_ in good conscience, promise him that there would be no repercussions (I knew too well that even as well as it had gone with my parents, I  _hadn't_ made it through without losing my grandmother, without being subject to harsh remarks at school, without  _everything_ that had come later). "I'm here so you always have someone to talk to, and who's willing to help if things get difficult. As far as this school goes, your coach, and the rest of your teachers too, are learning sensitivity, and in terms of lacrosse, you're safe there, this is New York, you have a lot of protections here."

"I hope so. I just don't know what to do. I'm done hiding, but I'm not sure I'm ready to put on a rainbow cape and fly around waving it."

"Then don't. Coming out is different for everyone. I was forced out, so I lost all my autonomy, but you still can do this on your own terms. I know there are people who think you  _need_ to be fully out, in order to embrace yourself and your sexuality, but screw what people think, okay? There are a lot of assholes out there who have  _no_ idea."

"I've never had an adult talk to me like this." He chuckled a little.

"Eh, I'm just being honest with you. When I came out to my parents, my father told me me that I should never let anyone make me feel shame, and  _he's_ the one that I thought would make me feel the _most,_ so I was really lucky. But he's right, he's been right all these years, people have tried to make me think that everything I am is wrong, and I struggled for a long time to remember not to feel that shame."

"And you don't anymore?" He asked, taking me by surprise. "I'm sorry, that's really personal. I just wanted to know if I'm always going to feel like maybe this is just a little bit wrong."

"I can't answer if for you, but personally,  _I_ don't. I mean, to be honest with you, I'm going to an alumni dinner at my old high school in a few weeks, and yeah, I'm a little nervous about it, but at the end of the day, I stopped letting other people define me. I've got a beautiful wife and two beautiful girls, and I finally realized not so long after our oldest was born that thinking my life was wrong in any way kind of took away from our family. I think that no matter who it is, be it your parents, or your best friend, or a stranger in the grocery store,  _no one_ _'_ _s_ opinion matters more than what you think of yourself."

"Okay."

"It's okay to take your time getting there though. It's all a process, for most people. My friend Kurt is one of the proudest gay people I've ever met, and he dated my wife once, after he wore a unitard and she taught him the  _Single Ladies_ dance."

"That's pretty great." Vin let out a wholehearted laugh. "I guess we all do weird things in high school. Wait, it was high school, right?"

"Yeah, it was high school. And yeah, we definitely all do." I shook my own memories out of my head, since I'd done more than everyone's share of insane hiding. "But think about what I said, okay? You don't have to charge out of the closet if you don't want to, and the fact that you're already open with yourself and  _dating_ is a pretty big deal."

"I will. Thanks for talking to me, and stuff. It felt really good having someone to listen."

"I'm glad, here." I handed him a card with the number to my new organization specific cell phone printed on it. "Feel free to call or email me any time you need to talk. Don't be shy about it."

"I won't be, I'm going to need all the support I can get."

I watched as Vin peeked carefully out the door to make sure no one was around before exiting, waving one last time as he squared his shoulders and walked out it the hallway. I could tell, even after one meeting, that he would be one of those kids, much like Andrea, who would make a big impact on me. In the next hour, I had three more students come in, one girl who was unsure how to even _know_ if she was gay (I was pretty sure she was, and I think  _she_ was too, she just wasn't ready to say it) and surprisingly, a  _couple,_ mostly closeted at school, but who were more concerned with resources on safe sex than worrying about dealing with their peers (which was  _still_ a little awkward for me to discuss, and I sort of wished they'd chosen Holly, but I managed okay). It ended up being later than I'd expected when I left, and Holly and Jarrod had already left, but they'd both sent me texts to let me know that their afternoons had gone well, and we'd talk after I got back from my trip.

* * *

Even in Friday afternoon traffic, my cab ride home was quick, and when I walked inside, I was surprised how quiet it was. Shedding my coat in the entryway, I peered around, expecting the usual riotous noise that accompanied Annie seeing her grandmothers, but I found nothing, not until I walked upstairs and heard Brittany singing. Peeking into Marisa's nursery, I smiled as I saw my wife's back to the door and a freshly bathed Reese sitting up in her Boppy pillow wearing nothing but her little diaper, with Britt blowing raspberries on her belly, and then manipulating her little hands for her. I didn't say anything, didn't want to interrupt them together, I just wanted to stand there for a few minutes and watch undetected as Brittany did one of her favorite things in the world.

_"Open shut them, open shut them. Give a little clap, clap, clap."_ Britt tapped the baby's nose and then clapped her hands together, causing one of her sweet baby giggles to burst forth. " _Open shut them, open shut them. Put them in your lap. Creep them, creep them, slowly creep them, right up to your chin, chin, chin. Open up your little mouth, but do not let them in."_

Brittany laughed as Marisa did, and then pressed kisses all over her little face and head, repeating the word  _kiss_ as she kissed the baby's pursed lips, trying to teach her how to do it. Reese just laughed harder, grabbing her Mama's hand and pulling it into her mouth, her new  _favorite_ thing to do, leading us both to believe that we weren't all that far away from teething.

"Oh, you'd rather eat Mama's fingers than give kisses? Well what if I eat  _your_ fingers?" Brittany brought Reese's hand to her mouth and kissed the palm before making yummy noises as she pretended to bite it. "Delicious baby fingers, my  _favorite._ Yummy! These little fingers are getting bigger, I think. My sweet baby girl is growing so big and so strong, and so, so beautiful, just like Mamí, right?"

I watched more kisses, more of Brittany's  _I love you's_ to our daughter, until Marisa caught my eye and turned her head to look at me, smiling at my presence in her little world.

"What are you looking at, Ladybug?" Brittany asked, then turned around and grinned when she saw me. "Mamí's home! Look at you, spotting her like that, great job! Do you think we should invite her to play with us?" She leaned over, pretending she was letting Marisa whisper in her ear. "Only if she gives us kisses? Okay, I think I agree with you on that one."

"That's all? Just kisses and I can play? I think I can manage that." I kneeled down on the floor and kissed Marisa, and then Brittany. "Hi, naked baby. Looks like you're having some serious fun in here with Mama. Where's Annie?"

"She ditched us for Grammy and  _Abuela,_ you know our moms, they're here ten minutes and need to go to the grocery store. But that's okay, someone took their bath, and we've been playing for the last half hour, waiting for everyone to come home. How did it go?"

"Good, really good." I grinned, feeling so giddy about it, but knowing I had all the time in the world to tell Britt. "So are you all ready to do this? Are we sure we want to leave them for the entire weekend?"

"I've been a nervous wreck about it all afternoon, but it's our moms, and your dad will be around when he's not at his conference, so there's a medical professional. I'm going to miss the girls like crazy, but I'm also really excited for an  _us_  weekend."

"Our first in a  _really_ long time." I smiled, thinking how our anniversary felt like a lifetime ago, and considering we hadn't even left the city that night, it hardly counted. "It's kind of a big deal."

"A huge one." Britt agreed. "But now that you, little love, aren't up all night to eat, we feel a little more comfortable leaving you, and you're going to be a good girl this weekend, right? You'll have your Annie, and she's going to help take the best care of you."

"Mama! Baby Reese! We are home!" Annie shouted from downstairs, and I could hear Mamí trying to get her to lower her voice, just in case the baby was sleeping. "'S Mamí home yet?"

"I am,  _mi amor._ " I called back to her. "We're in your sister's room, do you want to come up and play with us?"

"Course I do!" Her little feet pounded against the stairs, and Britt and I shared a laugh at her enthusiasm. "Grammy,  _'Buela,_ I'll be back later! I gotta play with my moms before they go on the trip."

"Of course, Annalisita, go play, and Grammy and I will start dinner."

"Okay! But don't put saffron in 'til I come back, 'cuz my favorite part's makin' the rice turns yellow!"

I could hear my mother laughing, and then her and Susan banging pots in the kitchen, and as much as I knew I should go down and greet them, I wasn't ready to give up a few minutes with my girls before Britt and I really needed to start getting ready to go. Annie immediately bounded up into my arms when she got to the baby's room, and I hugged her tightly, my whole chest warming like it always did when she started going on and on about  _superhero stuff._ When Annie propped herself up on her elbows on the soft, coral colored carpet, Britt lay the baby down on her bare belly so they were nose to nose. We sat back and watched them play, watched as Marisa rolled onto her back, and then back to her belly, before laying her cheek on the floor like she was completely exhausted, always causing Annie to erupt in uncontrollable giggles. When they were finished, Britt got Marisa dressed, and I took Annie into her bathroom to remove her eye patch and wash away the sticky residue, before switching off with my wife and nursing the baby for the last time before we left. Bringing Reese downstairs to where Britt and Annie were sitting together on the couch, I was immediately engulfed in hugs from Mamí and Susan. Passing the baby to Brittany, I embraced them fully, and felt myself getting a little emotional again when I thought about the reason they were at our house.

"Are we going to have to talk you down from the ledge too?" Susan asked, and I glanced over at Brittany, who just shrugged shyly. "We're all going to be fine here, right Annie?"

"Right, Grammy! Mamí, 's okay that you and Mama are going to the concert and to stay at a hotel. I already told  _'_ _Buela_ how to change Reese's diaper right, and the special cream to use,  _and_ showed Grammy the secret drawer in the freezer that has lots of milk you know how to make for my sister,  _and_ Mama explained how to put on my pirate eyes, and take them off so my skin doesn't pull."

"Looks like you've got it all under control here then, huh  _mija?_ _"_

"I'm trying super hard to be a big helper, but I am going to miss you and Mama lots."

"We're going to miss you too, come here." I pulled out of my mother's embrace and lifted up my own daughter. "We'll FaceTime you tomorrow though, okay?"

"And you know you can call us, any time you want to." Brittany added, standing up and inserting herself and Marisa into our hug. "But I'm pretty sure you'll be having so much fun that you won't even think about it."

"I always think about you, Mama, 'cuz you and Mamí are my favorites in the whole world." Annie sniffed back tears, and kissed Marisa's cheeks for comfort. "Come home fast, please."

"Sunday by lunchtime, sweetheart, we promise."

It took another half hour to get out of the house, between going over everything one last time with our mothers (and they didn't even try to stop us as we told them for the twentieth time that Marisa wouldn't sleep anymore unless she was in her fleece sleep sack and had her Sleep Sheep set on the rain noise) and kissing the girls, plus Milky Way and Skittles, a few dozen times. When we finally got to the car, Britt and I had an argument over who was driving, which lasted about thirty seconds, until Brittany yawned and I snatched the keys out of her hand, both of us knowing I'd won. She slept a little on the drive, and I leaned over to brush some hair out of her face, thinking how much we really  _needed_ a mini-vacation, needed a break from the intensity of Britt's workload, from my hours on the phone with the insurance company, trying to make sure Annie's surgery was approved before the holiday insanity set in, just a break from  _responsibility,_ a break from worrying and talking about the things that were causing us stress, and I was grateful that our parents had given us the opportunity.

* * *

Although we'd planned to have a nice dinner once we'd made it out to Westhampton, we ended up grabbing sandwiches from a deli and barely showering before we'd passed out naked on the bed, both of us completely  _exhausted_ from the long weeks that we'd had. Waking up the next morning, I could tell by the light coming in through the shades that it was already later than we usually slept, and I smiled to myself, combing my fingers through Brittany's tangled hair as she breathed heavily against my chest. It was nice, not having to worry about getting up and throwing clothes on, just to be able to lay naked in bed with my wife, and I  _definitely_ planned on taking full advantage of that. Reaching over, careful not to disturb Brittany's slumber, since I knew her body really needed the rest, after the way she always put it through the ringer during showcase time, I quickly checked both of our phones on the nightstand. Glad that there were no messages from our moms, I closed my eyes again, breathing in the smell of Britt's shampoo and just letting myself relax. When I heard the tiny little snort she always makes right when her body is waking up, I opened my eyes again, and I watched her as she wrinkled her nose and snuggled further into me, humming happily as she realized we were both naked and alone.

"Morning, babe." She murmured into my chest.

"Hey, baby. How'd you sleep?"

"Mmm, so good. You?"

"The best, I'm glad we're here." I planted a kiss on the top of her head, and she opened her eyes fully, looking up into mine.

"Me too, and I'm glad we're naked." She giggled a little, kissing the top of my chest with an opened mouth. "It's been  _way_ too long since we've been able to have morning sex."

"I know it's your favorite." I grinned, although I couldn't help but agree with her, couldn't help but agree that being in a still sleepy state never failed to heighten my arousal and increase the intensity of my orgasms to a ridiculous degree.

"Obviously. You  _know_ I think you're extra hot when you're totally  _you,_ no makeup on, your hair all bed-heady, and your little sleep wrinkles on your face."

" _Oooh,_ you make me sound  _stunning_." I rolled my eyes and she flicked my shoulder. "And also, you're really cheesy."

"Just trying to get into your pants." She lifted the blanket that covered us and looked down my bare body. "Or, lack thereof, I guess."

"You know you don't need lines for that, Britt." I laughed, and then she started laughing, and then somehow our laughing turned into naked making out, with me on top of her and the sheets and blankets strewn on the floor.

It didn't take long before I ended up between my wife's legs, her fingertips digging into my right shoulder as I worked my mouth against her. Like I always did, I watched her, watched as her teeth lost their grip on the lip she'd pulled between them while she rasped out my name, watched as her free hand gripped the bed sheets, watched as her eyes flickered open to see me, and then roll back before they closed again. The mere sight of her in such a desperate state shot arousal straight through me, and I couldn't help but moan against Brittany, the vibrations adding to her pleasure and causing her to writhe and buck her hips up. After she came the first time, her whole body shuddering as her short nails raked down my back, I wasn't surprised at the speed of her recovery (my shock at her stamina had  _long_ faded). She'd barely stopped trembling when I found myself on my back, her lips attacking my mouth and neck, and two fingers pressing inside of me. I was uninhibited, taking full advantage of the opportunity to show my vocal appreciation for what Brittany was capable of doing to my body, and by the time we'd both collapsed back on the bed, sweaty and out of breath, I'd basically lost count of the number of times either of us had come.

"We're still pretty damn amazing." I mumbled into blonde hair, my arms clinging tightly to her neck and her lips resting on my jaw. "God, forget the concert,  _that_ was the highlight of my weekend."

"You're so cute." Brittany stretched, trying to avoid her inevitable yawn, since we  _really_ couldn't spend the whole day in bed, as much as I was so comfortable doing just that. "But I do think you'll regret missing it, and I'm  _positive_ your parents will be pissed if we don't use the tickets they spent all of that money on."

"Mmm, five more minutes though." I snuggled further into her, and Britt shook her head, shifting into a sitting position and pulling me with her.

"No way, honey. Sorry, but we both  _know_ that five minutes will turn into five hours with us, and it's already after ten." She kissed my lips and right then, my stomach growled. "Looks like your stomach's talking for you anyway."

"Be quiet, stomach." I pinched it between my fingers and scrunched up my nose. "You blew our chance to get Britt to let us go back to sleep."

"You and your stomach can't outsmart me, Santana. We both know you're dying for some French toast right now, since it's too early for a burger."

"She's on to us." I sighed, and before I looked back up, Britt lifted me up in her arms, making me shriek with laughter as she set me down on the floor. "So unfair that you're bigger than me and crazy strong."

"Oh, you love it." She sucked her teeth and smirked. "Do you need me to carry you into the shower, or will you come willingly?"

"Well, you  _will_  be naked and wet, I  _guess_ I won't argue with you on that."

* * *

After showering and pulling on our sweaters, jeans and boots, I had to sit on the bed I'd haphazardly made to pump, and we figured we should probably talk to the girls. Britt took out the iPad and we waited until Annie's little face appeared on the screen, bouncing up and down when she saw us. She was all dressed up in a bright green dress and a crown (because our mothers were unable to go five minutes without buying her anything), and had a ridiculous number of books stacked up beside her.

"Hi Mama! Hi Mamí! You remembered to video me!"

"Of course we did, Bean. Mamí and I couldn't go out for the day without talking to our favorite girls first. We miss you so much."

"You didn't even go out yet? But it's so late!" Annie's eyes widened. "We already went to Ro's daddy's store for books  _and_ to Clementine to get me this new dress. Do you like it?"

"It's beautiful,  _mija._ " Britt and I shared a smile as Annie stood and twirled around for us. "Did you thank Grammy and  _Abuela?"_

"Of course she did, Santana." My mother's face appeared on the screen. "And so did Marisa."

"She's got a matching dress!  _'Buela,_ let's show them!"

"Marisita _, Mam_ _í_ _y Mama est_ _á_ _n en el tel_ _é_ _fono!"_ Mamí carried the computer over to where Marisa and Susan sat on the floor, and my chest lurched a little at how big she looked in her green dress.

"Say hi, sweet girl." Susan coaxed, showing the baby the screen. "Look who's there. Hi, girls!"

"Hi, Mom, hi, little love." Brittany waved, blowing a kiss to the screen.

"See how she matches me! Do you like it?"

"It's perfect, Annie!" I promised, and she beamed, smoothing her dress and trying to get Marisa to look at us. "Hi, Marisa,  _beb_ _é_ _."_ It took her a few minutes to register that we were there, but when she finally looked up at us, realizing that we were on the screen, and not in the room with her, she burst into inconsolable tears.

"Oh no, no, no, Ladybug, it's okay. Don't be scared, we just wanted to see your sweet face. Mom, pick her up!" Brittany commanded desperately, clinging to my hand as Susan lifted the baby up and cradled her to her chest.

" _Amorcita,_ shhh, look who's with you. You've got your sister right there, see."

"'S alright, baby Reese." Annie stood up on her tiptoes and pressed kisses to Marisa's hands. "I'll make you feel better, and it's  _happy_ that we get to see Mamí and Mama in the computer. Please don't cry."

It was actually physically painful, the sound of Marisa's tears while I was trying to pump milk, and I squeezed my eyes shut for a second, trying to keep my composure so Annie wouldn't see me cry. Britt's hand was immediately on my back, understanding that sensation all too well, and I leaned back into her touch, smiling a little as I heard her begin to hum.

" _Come, stop your crying, it will be alright. Just take my hand and hold it tight. I will protect you from all around you, I will be here, don't you cry."_ Brittany started singing, her favorite song to sing to the girls, and she nodded to me, inviting me to join in.

" _For one so small, you seem so strong. My arms will hold you, keep you safe and warm. This bond between us can't be broken. I will be here, don't you cry."_

"They're singing for you." Annie whispered to the baby and kissed her head. "'S time to take a nap now, and stop crying like the song says."

Before we'd even finished the song, Marisa had calmed down, her head resting against Susan's chest as she sniffled a little and her eyes repeatedly drifted closed before snapping back open and looking over to the screen. Annie held onto her hand, not letting her go, and I smiled at my daughters, thinking it was the sweetest thing how loving and protective a five year old was of her baby sister. Before we hung up, Susan had taken the baby to put her down for a nap, and Annie talked to us a little more, telling us how they were going to go to the Central Park Zoo after Marisa woke up, and our mothers filled us in on how the night and morning went. Feeling satisfied with how things were going over there, Britt and I hung up, and once I put the breast pump away, we made our way out to the car. After having brunch in a cute little bakery on Main Street, we spent the majority of our day walking around town, doing some shopping, and eventually walking hand in hand on the nearly deserted beach.

* * *

By the time we'd gone back to the hotel and changed for dinner, I was actually starting to get  _really_ dorky excited, I mean, I was the only kid (at least that I knew) who'd had Fleetwood Mac's entire discography on their iPod at fifteen, and even if they  _were_ kind of crazy old, they'd always meant a lot to me. As lame as it sounds, I'd always really felt like they played the soundtrack to my life, or really, my relationship with Brittany, like some kind of score to the story of our love. Beyond the iPod throwing  _Landslide_ incident and the Glee assignments, it was a miserably failed attempt to play _Songbird_ for Britt on my own, without having to ask Brad, that made me take the piano seriously, we'd danced around the house with baby Annie, singing  _Don't Stop,_ trying to do  _something_ that could make me smile, when I felt like my whole world was falling apart, and it was  _Hold Me_ that played behind my wife's soothing words when I felt Marisa crown and thought my insides we're actually being violently ripped out. Brittany understood, and when she wrapped her arms around me as we waited in line to get inside the small venue (consisting mostly of people more than twice our age), I could feel the excitement vibrating off of her as well.

"I can't believe you still have this shirt." Britt marveled, pulling me toward her by the front of the  _awesome_ thrift shop vintage Stevie Nicks concert t-shirt she'd given me for Christmas in high school, that my open jacket left exposed. "You know that the first time you let me wear it was when I  _really_ knew that you were going to love me forever."

"Shut up, that's not true." I laughed, turning my head to dodge her incoming kiss.

"Okay, maybe not, but you  _did_ have a strong attachment to it, still do, I guess, if you have it a lifetime later."

"It came out of the  _Sweet Valley High,_ yearbook, Glee Club awards that Mr. Schu printed in Comic Sans on his computer, box from the attic, so obviously, the treasure box."

"I love you, you big sentimental dork."

"Obviously." I rolled my eyes at her, but let her catch my lips when she went in for a kiss the second time. "And I  _did_ win the  _Most Likely To Reveal Her Feelings Through Singing Without Being Passive Aggressive_ award, in case you forgot."

"I didn't. I  _still_ love that Mr. Schu had to add the  _without being passive aggressive_ part."

"Please, Rachel would have won  _all_  of the awards if he hadn't, or cried if she didn't. Didn't you win the  _Best Dancer Without Being Passive Aggressive_ one?"

"Obviously that hasn't changed."

"Well I hope you'll non-passive aggressively dance with me inside."

"If you promise to sing to me."

"Like anyone could stop me from doing that." I smiled, tugging her with me as we moved up in line.

"I'm pretty sure you two are the youngest people reliving their youth here." The grey haired woman behind us chuckled. "What are you, twenty five?"

"Thirty." Brittany beamed like she always did when people thought she was younger than she was. "I'm Brittany, this is my wife, Santana, and she used to sing me Fleetwood Mac songs before she knew how to tell me that she was in love with me."

"Well that's so sweet. I'm Bobbie, and this is Henry, he proposed to me in Hartford during the  _Rumours_ tour." She pointed to the bald man talking to the people behind him, and he grinned and waved at us before resuming his conversation. "Although that definitely ages me, not to mention the fact that we have grandchildren who are just about your age."

"I think that's so awesome, isn't it, San? If we weren't already married, I'd totally propose to you tonight." She teased.

"Not if I beat you to it, Britt."

"So are you newlyweds?" Bobbie asked.

"We've been married five and a half years, we've got two girls home with our moms." I shook my head, and I knew that Britt was already itching to get her phone out to show pictures. "It's the first weekend away we've had since our youngest was born in June, my parents bought the tickets because they knew it was maybe the only thing that would force us out of the city."

"Smart parents you have. I'll tell you something, as an old married lady, take every opportunity you can to keep your relationship young, even if you  _do_  listen to old farty music. But, you probably don't need that advice right now." She winked, nodding towards my neck, and my hands immediately flew to cover it, realizing that apparently the evidence of our morning in bed was beginning to show.

" _Sorry._ " Britt whispered in my ear, blushing almost as much as I was, while pulling her scarf off her neck and wrapping it around mine, before realizing that  _hers_ wasn't all that much better, apparently we'd really gotten carried away.

"Anyway, let's see some pictures of your daughters, if they're as beautiful as you two are, I'd say you're in for a whole world of trouble in a few years." Bobbie changed the subject, and had I  _not_ been on the verge of bursting into flames from embarrassment that we were two grown women with obviously bruised necks, I  _probably_ would have burst into tears at the thought of my daughters as teenagers.

We showed Bobbie pictures of Annie and Marisa on Britt's phone, and in return, saw pictures of her great-grandchildren, and when we finally parted ways inside, she sent us on our way with words of advice for a happy marriage (and there was  _nothing_ uncomfortable about a seventy-something year old woman telling us about remembering to spice things up sometimes,  _especially_ after she'd seen the evidence of our active sex life). When we got to our seats, I was bouncing up and down on my toes, and I wrapped my arms around Brittany's neck, pulling her close to me. There was no opening act, and I  _maybe_ cried just a little bit when the show started, big dork that I am, and Britt just pulled me closer, both of us glad that no one else felt the need to sit down either. It was impossible to miss the radiance of Brittany's smile when Christine McVie was front and center, and when she put her hands on my hips, silently offering the dance she owed me, I murmured the words in her ear, the fluttery feeling in my heart still  _exactly_ the same, even after a decade and a half.

"She's good, but you're better." She breathed, her eyes sparkling with unshed tears, and I  _knew_ she felt the magnitude in the same way I did.

"Only because you love me."

" _Especially_ because I love you. You'd totally sell out a million venues, if you wanted to." She nodded like it was fact, rather than her  _greatly_ biased opinion. "But I'm glad you don't, I'm glad you've found something to do with your life that makes you  _truly_ happy, not  _stage_ happy."

"Yeah, me too, baby. I like that we both do what we love without having to be famous. Honestly, at the school yesterday I was talking about not caring what other people think, and just loving yourself. I really think that being famous, being like, scrutinized by the public at any given second would have  _destroyed_ me. I couldn't have learned to love myself if I was so damn worried about making other people love me, you know?"

"I do. And you make me so proud, Santana, more than I think you even know. Not just because you're making a difference in all these other lives, but because of how much you've overcome. You can be around  _this-"_ She gestured to the faint smell of pot smoke and the people with drinks in their hands. "And you're fine, I know you're not even  _thinking_ about running to the bar, and you're starting to believe that you're as beautiful as I think you are, as our  _daughters_ think you are. That's kind of the biggest deal of all, and every time I hear this song, I think of it as so much more than just a beautiful love song that you opened up your heart and sang to me, it's like a reminder, or something, of how far you've come, and  _we've_ come since the first time you sang it."

"Britt." I used the heels of my hands to wipe the tears on my cheeks, and then hers, trying to laugh off all the emotion. "You're making us cry. Don't you know the song?  _There'll be no more crying."_

"Sorry. I don't think she means good crying, though, I think that's still allowed." She sniffed. "But I'll still kiss you and make you feel better."

"I'm pretty sure if we kiss right now, it's going to make it  _worse,_ but do it anyway."

Not hesitating, Britt tilted her head and kissed me hard, making my knees weak. She held on to me, expressing a whole mess of emotion in her kiss that  _definitely_ made me cry even more (like we hadn't heard the song a billion times before, suddenly in front of hundreds of other people, we had to start blubbering like lunatics). When she pulled away, it was her turn to wipe our faces, and I'd never been more grateful for a switch to uptempo music, never been more grateful that Brittany flipped a switch for both of us, grabbing my hand and twirling me around, making me laugh as she crossed her eyes and grabbed my ass for good measure. It was awesome, it was so  _us,_ going from intense emotion to goofing around, and when she winked at me, her eyes still a little misty, I couldn't help but lean in and kiss her one more time.

 


	42. Progress and Setbacks

When we'd returned from our weekend away, relaxed and all sorts of goofy enamored with one another, Brittany and I had sort of forgotten that we were headed back into the rat race full force. We were both thankful that my father's conference had two days remaining, and that our mother's were able to stick around and help us, but by that Wednesday morning, when they headed back to Lima, we were on our own again. With Brittany tied up almost constantly with preparations for the showcase, and Rick doing little to help her run the day to day operations of the studio (despite his insistence that he  _would,_ since Brittany's main responsibility until the showcase was over was still choreographing,  _not_ fielding Rick's phone calls), it was rough on all four of us. Each night, not long before bedtime, she'd come home, exhaustedly read to Annie, rock Marisa after I'd fed her, then put her down for bed, and have  _maybe_ an hour to shower with me and lay down together before her body was overtaken by sleep.

It was a difficult three weeks, and by the time Thanksgiving week rolled around, I was grumpy and short tempered, missing normalcy with my wife, and feeling more than a little overwhelmed with my own workload, plus the added stress of the house. Like every year, I was itching to get out of the city, itching to get to Ohio, itching to have  _four_ uninterrupted days with my family, before the final three weeks of insanity (coupled with Christmas preparations) were upon us. On the day before the holiday, Brittany left at six in the morning, having already sent her dancers off for the weekend, and figuring she could make sense of the mess that was her half-packed office before  _we_ were off. After dropping Annie off at school, dressed in her little pilgrim costume for her class' Thanksgiving feast, I put Marisa down in the crib for her morning nap and finished the last of the packing, before sending out e-mails and then preparing a cooler of snacks and emergency breast milk for the nine hour drive. Once the car was taken out of the garage and loaded, I picked Annie up from her half-day, made her change out of her costume and into comfortable clothes for the car, and sat outside the studio, waiting for Britt to come down.

"Mama's very late." Annie announced after twenty minutes, and I pinched the bridge of my nose, attempting to stave off my impending headache.

"She'll be here soon,  _mija,_ you know how busy she is right now."

"But we've got to get to Ohio." She whined a little bit, her own grumpiness at Britt's busy schedule coming out. "What if Grammy makes the pie without me? I'm s'pposed to be her biggest helper."

"She's not going to make the pie until tomorrow, don't worry. When we wake up in the morning we'll go right over there, and Grammy will be waiting for you."

"You're sure she won't have Max's brothers help her instead?" Annie asked, her voice more tinged with worry over new people being at Thanksgiving than  _jealousy_ over her Grammy asking them for help.

"I promise you,  _mi amor._ You know it wouldn't taste the same without your help, and Grammy wouldn't want to risk that." I turned around and squeezed her hand. "I know it's a little weird that Max's family is coming over tomorrow, since is usually just us, but now that he's marrying Aunt Liz, he's our family, and  _his_ family is going to be our family too. We're going to have a really nice time with them."

"Well I'm very happy we're staying at  _'Buela's_ today anyway, 's less crazy with only her and  _'_ _Buelo_ , and we're gonna be super tired from driving in four whole states. I really wish Mama would hurry up."

Almost on cue, Brittany opened the studio door, and quickly turned around to check all three locks on it. I was  _almost_  annoyed by her lateness, more because I just wanted our weekend away to start than anything, until I saw the genuine regret on her face as she opened the car door, and instead, I smiled reassuringly. She quickly kissed me on the cheek and tossed her bag at her feet, leaning against the headrest in sheer exhaustion.

"I'm so, so sorry, guys!" She clicked her seatbelt into place as looked back at Annie. "I didn't get any of what I planned done, I spent the entire morning on the phone with guy who does our stage lighting, and I couldn't get him to hang up."

"Mama." Annie huffed indignantly, a little pout forming on her face. "Doesn't he know it's Thanksgiving and we need to get to Ohio  _right now?_ He's supposed to have Thanksgiving with his  _family."_

"I know, baby girl, and I'm  _so_ excited that I get to be with  _mine._ Look, I'm turning my work phone off right now, okay?" Britt held up her BlackBerry so Annie could see that it was powered down. "This whole weekend, it's just us, no studio business, I promise."

"Okay! Hear that, baby Reese? We get Mama all to ourselves!" Annie announced, and my heart clenched a little when I looked at Brittany's face and saw the split second of heartbreak there. As grumpy and frustrated as I got, I realized  _Brittany_ was feeling it tenfold, spending so much time away from us. "And remember, we got twenty-three more days 'til the showcase, like Mamí wrote on the calendar in my room!"

Annie chattered away, all through the traffic getting out of the city, telling Britt and me about eating turkey and M&M's at her feast, about Thoreau's big black pilgrim hat (which had totally come from a competition between me and Jarrod over who could pull together the better costume, which I was  _still_ sure I'd won), and then almost immediately after we were on the turnpike, she passed out, her little blonde head resting against the cool window. Britt was quiet for a long while, and once I'd flicked on the cruise control and settled in the middle lane, I turned my head to catch a glimpse of her, and she was sucking hard on her bottom lip, with her brow was deeply furrowed.

"Are you alright, B?"

"Yeah, I guess so." She sighed. "Just sucks when your kid gets super excited that you're going to turn off your phone for the weekend. You  _know_ I don't want to be that kind of mom."

"And you're  _not._ You know you're not, I know you're not, and  _Annie_ knows you're not. It's just always a tough few months, especially for her dealing with the routine change, and this year with you doing double duty, it's harder."

"Yeah, well." Brittany scoffed. "I left Rick a nasty message this morning, which I really didn't think I was going to do, but he's being pretty damn unfair to me. He's still getting paid to do his job, and I'm _not_ until January first, and honestly, you  _know_ it's not even about the money for me, it's the fact that I worked seventy-three hours last week, and I miss you guys."

"Good for you, Britt. You've been doing more than your share of his work for  _years,_ and now he's full on taking advantage of you, because he knows if you leave the work on done, you're the one who gets screwed come the new year. He's damn lucky you haven't called Michelle on his lazy ass."

"I know, but it's not even worth it. Even calling  _him_  probably won't do anything, but I'm pissed off that I'm missing more time than I need to with my family, and I wanted him to know." She screwed up her face, and I pulled her hand to my mouth, kissing the inside of her wrist. "It sucks with the baby too, she's growing so fast and I'm afraid I'm going to miss something big."

"You know if you do, we'll be running down the street and bursting into your studio to show you, no matter what's going on." I promised, and she laughed a little.

"Thank you, Santana. If you weren't there keeping everything together, I'd feel so much worse."

"We're just lucky." I shrugged it off. "We're lucky that you make enough money for me to not  _have_ to work a full time job outside of the house, and we're lucky that things are progressing with Show Your Brave enough that I haven't had to give it up, and I can do a lot of what I need to do for that right from the office at home."

"Yeah, we are lucky." Brittany looked behind her at our sleeping daughters and then back over to me. "But still, I hope you know how much I appreciate you, and especially how much I appreciate you taking on my share at home."

"I do, you're not exactly keeping it hidden." I teased, thinking of the sweet texts she sent whenever she got a break, the frenzied kisses she'd press to my lips before falling asleep at night, the flowers she'd sent just days earlier. If there was  _one_ thing in the world I knew, it was how much Brittany Susan Lopez-Pierce loved and appreciated me. "Trust me, Britt, I'm well aware."

The drive through New Jersey and Pennsylvania was mostly uneventful, other than the most ridiculous traffic I'd ever seen in my life, and when Annie woke up, Brittany passed her the iPad and let her watch  _A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving_ (even if we didn't usually let her watch movies in the car, the traffic made it a particularly long trip, and she was being so well behaved). When it started to get late, we stopped at a Cracker Barrel just outside of Ohio for dinner and changed our daughters in their pajamas. Annie fought  _so_ hard to stay awake to see my parents, but despite the hour and a half nap she'd taken, by the time we were an ninety-minutes outside of Lima, she was sound asleep, Milky Way tucked into the crook of her neck, and one of her little hands holding fast to Marisa's pajama clad calf. It was well after eleven when we pulled into the driveway, and though the living room light was on, the stillness in the house gave away the fact that my parents had already gone to bed. Carefully and quietly, we situated ourselves in my old room, glad that Annie's little cot and the pack and play were already set up for us, before Britt and I showered and essentially passed out the instant our heads hit the bed.

* * *

The next morning, Annie was up in our bed at six o'clock, waking even before Marisa in her excitement to get over to the Pierce's house. She was still genuinely concerned about sharing the holiday with the Tompkins-Alcott family (Max's mom had remarried, thus explaining his much younger brothers), but at the same time, she was adamant about being on time to help cook, and about being there for breakfast like she always was, my little stickler for tradition. Just as eager as our daughter, Brittany was quick to get out of bed, and though we'd shower and change again before dinner, we threw on jeans and sweatshirts (and put Marisa in the  _almost_ too small turkey butt sleeper that Annie had been swimming in five years earlier), put on Annie's eyepatch, and made our way to the other side of town.

"Grammy! Poppy! Auntia Liz! Open up! We are here!" Annie cried out, banging on the door despite the fact that Brittany was standing behind her with keys in her hand.

"Patience, my sweet  _nieta._ " Mamí, who'd followed us in her car to help with the preparations smiled. "You'll wake the whole neighborhood."

"Or at least the whole house." Lizzie opened the door with a grin, and immediately swung Annie up into her arms. "Morning, my little sunshine."

"Morning, Auntia Liz!" Annie hugged her tightly, and peered over her shoulder. "Where's all the other people?"

"Max's mom is inside with Grammy, all the boys are still sleeping, since it's not even seven o'clock!"

" _'Buelo's_ sleeping too! We woke up  _so_ long ago. 'S a little bit lazy of them to stay sleeping."

"Annalise!" Brittany tried to scold, but ended up laughing instead. "That's not very nice, sweetheart."

"Sorry, Mama. Sorry, Auntia Liz, for saying Max is lazy."

"It's okay, Annie girl, it's kind of true." Liz faux-whispered, and Britt gave her a chastising look. "But I'd really like to introduce my favorite girls to Carla before it gets really crazy in here.  _Plus_ I heard that Grammy was waiting for you to make apple pie, so we'd better hurry up."

Liz shifted Annie to her hip, knowing that her niece was nervous and would be hesitant to approach Max's mother alone, and led the way into the house. Marisa yawned and stretched in my arms, _clearly_ still tired after a fitful night of sleep, and Britt leaned down to kiss her wrinkled forehead before grabbing the bag of food that my mother was carrying and following her sister into the kitchen. It came as no surprise to us that Susan was bustling around the kitchen, moving bags of vegetables, pulling out knives and pots, and chattering away to the heavyset blonde who sat sipping coffee and peeling potatoes.

"Guess who I found at the door!" Lizzie announced, and Annie buried her face in Liz's shoulder, laughing at her silliness.

"Our chef has arrived!" Susan snatched Annie away and hugged her tightly, kissing her and whispering into her hair. "And where's my future helper?"

"Always nice that  _we_ exist, Mom." Brittany laughed as I passed Marisa into Susan's free arm and she quickly kissed my cheeks.

"Of course you exist, my grandbabies didn't fall out of the sky,  _someone_  had to give birth to them."

"Don't mind Mom, Carla." Liz shook her head. "This is my sister, Brittany, her wife, Santana, and Santana's mom, Maribel."

"Oh." Carla looked us over, then broke into a grin. "So  _you're_ the ladies my son is terrified of."

" _Yes."_ I whispered into Brittany's ear, mentally fist-pumping, and she flicked my arm.

"It's  _very_ nice to meet you." Britt brushed off Carla's hand and pulled her into a hug. "Contrary to what my wife may lead Max to believe, we really like your son a lot, and we're so glad to have him as part of our family."

"Thank you, Brittany. I can say the same about your sister." Carla told her, then moved to hug me. "So let me meet these girls that everyone around here can't stop talking about."

"Come here, Annie,  _beb_ _é_ _._ " I took my older daughter back from Susan, and she wrapped her arms tightly around my neck. "Say hi to Carla."

" _Can Marisa say hi first?"_ She breathed into my ear, and hearing Annie, Brittany lifted the baby from her mom's arms and held her so she was looking at Carla.

"Little love, this is Max's mama, say hello, baby girl." Britt cooed, pressing Marisa's hand into Carla's and tickling under her chin so she'd smile. "This is our Marisa."

"Well look at you, you pretty little thing. You look a lot like your grandma, don't you?" Carla looked between my mother and the baby.

"We call her  _'Buela._ " Annie said softly, tentatively, knowing that people said the baby looked like my mother almost as frequently as people said Annie looked like Brittany, and struggled to look up from my neck. "'S like Spanish, except when I was little, I didn't know how up say the whole word  _abuela._ "

"I think  _'Buela_ is really nice, sweetpea." Carla smiled, her demeanor leading me to believe that someone, probably Liz or Susan, had filled her in on Annie's difficulty meeting new people, and my daughter blushed furiously, digging her fingers into my upper back. "I'm Carla, and it's very nice to meet you."

"'S very nice to meet you too. My name's Annalise Samantha Lopez-Pierce, but you're 'llowed to call me Annie, 'cuz you're Max's mom, and my Mamí says you're our new family 'cuz we're having a wedding someday where I get to wear a flower girl dress and my sister too." She spoke quickly, then looked away again shyly, her skin burning, like speaking so much to a stranger was actually painful for her, and my fingers ran reassuringly through her loose locks. "I like Max lots."

"I'm pretty sure he likes you lots too. He's told me all about you."

"Better watch out, Liz." Brittany teased, elbowing her sister in the side while Mamí introduced herself to Carla. "Looks like you've got some competition from our little charmer."

"Yeah, maybe  _don't_ say that in front of your wife." Max walked into the kitchen in flannel pants and a t-shirt, hair all rumpled from sleep, and wrapped his arm around Liz's waist. "I'd like to live through Christmas."

"You're growing on me, Maxwell.  _I_ would prefer to keep you around, rather than have to scare a new Lizzie Pierce boyfriend." I teased, squeezing my future brother-in-law's shoulder in greeting.

"She's going soft, Britt." Lizzie smirked, twisting her engagement ring on her finger. "Next thing you know, she'll be crying at my wedding."

"Let's not push it, Pierce."

"Welcome, Carla, to exactly how every holiday goes with these girls." Mamí chuckled, snatching Annie away from me and taking her over to the big boxes of donuts on the counter. "Here, Lisita, let's get you some breakfast while your moms and Liz act silly, and then we'll get our aprons on and get to work."

* * *

Of course, as it always happened when we were around our parents, our daughters were totally hogged by our moms. Even when my father-in-law came down to try and take Annie outside to see the new fire pit he'd built in the backyard, he was met with grief by my mother before he could sneak her away with him for a few minutes. Britt and I immediately fell into the cooking fray, chopping onions, peeling potatoes, shredding bread for stuffing, and just laughing and talking with the other women as we did so. When Max's stepfather Daniel (the man whom he called  _Pop,_ and who'd been raising him since he was eight, since we'd learned from Carla that his biological father walked out when he was only three) came downstairs with twelve year old Dean and nine year old Caleb, the volume sort of reached a fever pitch. As a result, Annie was quick to wriggle herself between Britt and me on the bench we worked at, helping with the stuffing and avoiding all the chaos as best as she could, until Max caught my eye and immediately suggested that his brothers come out and play some football with him, a game that eventually grew to include Stephen, Daniel, Liz, and my father, when he came a little after eleven.

"I like that we have a big family now." Brittany, with flour streaked across her right cheek, her apron strings untied, and her hair falling loose from the messy bun at the nape of her neck (looking all the more beautiful, I swear), came to find me in the living room a while later, as I sat in the armchair nursing the baby, Annie beside me, drawing pictures of pilgrims in the new sketchbook Susan had given her. Britt lifted her up into her lap and squeezed in beside me, stroking the back of the baby's head. "What do you think, Bean?"

"'S pretty noisy, Mama, even noisier than Auntia Rachel's singing parties, even if Max's Pop doesn't talk too much. And I'm not too sure about those wild boys, they make me feel a little bit, or maybe a lot of bit, scared that I'm gonna get hurt on my chin like at school, and I can't hear my thinking too much, 'cuz they like to yell and scream when they're happy. But it was super nice that Carla told them about no rough-housing near me and my sister 'cuz we're small, or even inside the house at all, just in case. She's nice like Max is. Do we have all the holidays with them now?"

"Nope, but we're going to have to share Aunt Liz sometimes. She's going to have Christmas Eve in Pennsylvania, before her and Max come to spend the next day with us." Britt told Annie, sounding pretty sad about it herself.

"That's what happens when you get a fiancé?" Annie pouted, her little forehead scrunching up in concern. "I think hearing lots of noise is better than Auntia Liz not coming over our house until after Santa comes. If we tell Carla they're 'llowed to come over, is that better?"

"That's very sweet, and very brave of you,  _mi amor._ " I refastened my bra and handed Marisa to Britt so she could burp her, kissing Annie's nose in the process. "But just like we have traditions for our holidays, so do Max and his family, and because Aunt Liz loves him, she wants to be a part of those traditions too."

"Hmm. I still don't think I know if I wanna get in love or be 'ngaged. I like getting to be with you always." She snuggled into my side, hugging my waist with one arm, as she squeezed Britt's hand tightly. "And baby Reese too, I want her to stay with us always too."

"You  _still_ have plenty of time to think about that, sweetheart." Britt promised, wiping the drool from under Marisa's chin after she burped (she may have been the world's slowest eater, but she was definitely the fastest burper). "And sometimes you get lucky, like me and Mamí, who have Grammy and  _Abuela_ who are very good friends, and then you can do holidays together."

"That's silly, Mama, then I have to marry Brice or Eden and I don't think I want to marry them."

"Fair enough." Brittany giggled when I sucked my teeth at  _that_ idea. "Anyway, I was thinking maybe, Annie, you wanted to talk about what you're thankful for when it's just us, that way you don't have to talk at the big table if you're feeling scared."

"That's a great idea, Britt, what do you say,  _mija?_ "

"Will you say it too? So me and Reese can know very first?"

"Of course. I'll even go before you, if you want." Brittany suggested, and Annie clapped her hands together. "Okay, this year, I'm thankful for more than ever, because my heart's even bigger than it was last year. I'm thankful that we have Marisa with us for the very first time. I'm thankful for you, my Annie, for growing bigger, braver, and stronger every single day, and for showing so much love to us, and to your sister all the time. I'm thankful for you, my Santana, for all the reasons you already know." She leaned over and kissed my lips. "Oh, and I'm thankful for my new job, because I do love it, and once that's the only job I'm worried about, I'll have even  _more_ time than I used to with the three people I love the most."

"That was very good, Mama." Annie praised, very serious about it. "I'm gonna go now. I'm super thankful that I got a new sister who I love lots and lots, and who makes me extra happy. I'm thankful that my Mama and my Mamí take care of me and love me forever and ever, and I'm 'specially thankful that we get to spend lots of time doing fun stuff and snuggling. And I'm thankful that my new big school's not too scary, and I know how to have friends sometimes.  _And_ I'm thankful that I don't ever have to be married if I don't want!"

"I hope you're not  _very_ disappointed in twenty or thirty years, San." Britt breathed into my ear. "Because I know you love this kick she's been on."

"Shut up." I rolled my eyes at her, then turned my attention back to Annie. "Okay, it's my turn, right?"

"Course, Mamí, my sister can't talk to say stuff she's thankful for, so it's only you left!"

"Okay, well you and Mama are  _really_ had to follow, because you said some great things. But, I'm thankful that my two baby girls are happy and healthy, and I'm thankful that I get to love them both more and more every day. And I'm thankful that I  _do_ have a wife." I nudged Annie's side, causing her to giggle. "Because I love her very much, and it's because of her that I have this really beautiful and amazing life. I'm also thankful that I get to help kids like me find  _their_ happy endings."

"See, Reese, now you know why Thanksgiving's most important. It's  _all_ of our favorite holiday 'cuz we say what makes us happy. Grammy says 's always most important to be thankful for family."

"And she's right, Bean." Brittany murmured. "And  _you,_ my little love,are very, very lucky to have a big sister who will help you learn all of these things."

"Girls!" Mamí called, walking into the room, and then freezing with a sentimental smile as she saw us all curled up together in a chair (as if it were a new thing, rather than a constant tendency). "Sorry, I was just looking for Annie to help Susan put the leaves on the apple pie crust."

"Okay,  _'Buela!"_ Annie hopped excitedly off Brittany's lap. "We were just talking 'bout being thankful, but I'll go right now!"

"Good girl,  _nieta."_ She watched after Annie as she ran into the kitchen, stopping only to peer through the doorway and make sure it wasn't full of people. "She's doing really well today, I know she likes her routine, but she's warmed up to Carla a lot, and the boys didn't even totally freak her out."

"Yeah, she's getting there. It's still really overwhelming for her, but it's easier here than if we were in at their house. It's  _her_ territory, and she knows how to find quiet spots to escape when it gets to be too much." I explained, taking Britt's hand between both of mine.

"You girls really amaze me. I love to watch how far she's come, I hope you both know how much of that is thanks to the way you are with her and how hard you work."

"Thanks, Maribel. You know it isn't anything specific, we just do what feels right." Brittany nodded. "And now we're just hoping the surgery doesn't set her back. I know it's just a day surgery, but you know..."

"Brittany,  _querida, no pasa nada."_ Mamí told her, her tone conveying that secret language that only the two of them understood. "You're doing the right thing, even if it's the hard thing. Sometimes it takes a small setback to get ahead."

"She's right, baby. God knows she had  _more_ than her share of setbacks with me, and I think I turned out alright in the end."

"You're better than alright, honey." Britt kissed my lips and I hugged her closer to my side, side-eying my mother to ask her to change the subject.

"Why don't you give me my grandbaby and go upstairs and get ready? With the exception of the pie, we're pretty much done in the kitchen." Mamí held out her arms, and Brittany kissed the baby's head before passing her over.

"Thanks, Ma." I stood up, grabbing Britt's hand to pull her with me. "Can you just bring Annie up, if she needs us?"

"Of course,  _mija,_ but I think she'll be fine with Susan. She's been talking about baking pie all day."

"All week, actually. I'm just glad that we're still sticking with apple this year." I looked at Marisa, who was grabbing at my mother's necklace with one hand, and gumming the fingers of the other. " _Someone_ really did make it so I'll never eat pumpkin again."

For Britt and I to have someone else watching our kids while we got ready was a rarity, so we took full advantage of the extra time we had, showering together, even if we  _didn't_ have sex (a real miracle, considering it had been over a week, with both of us  _way_ too tired at night to even think about it). By the time we were done, we both turned to each other and laughed, realizing we looked more like we were headed out for dinner at the Four Seasons than in the Pierce's dining room, but we didn't even care. When Brittany went to grab the girls, Annie wriggled into her green dress before letting me braid her hair and Marisa kicked her legs happily as Britt slipped her into a navy floral jumper, I knew that our mothers would be  _all_ over snapping pictures of the four Lopez-Pierces, celebrating Thanksgiving together for the very first time.

Annie glued herself to my side as we made our way down into the living room, where Max was fixing Caleb's tie and smoothing out his hair. I couldn't help but smile in spite of myself, thinking what a good father he was going to be to whatever nieces and nephews he and Liz gave Britt and I, a thought that I did  _not_ choose to share, considering my strongly vested interest in my sister-in-law's chosen career path. Dinner was definitely a boisterous affair, something I hadn't ever really experienced at a family holiday, considering my wife and I both came from really small families. Even Annie thoroughly enjoyed it, though her contributions to the conversation were mainly in soft words to us or to Papí, who would  _always_ ignore an entire room full of people for the little girl who'd completely changed his life. I mostly sat back and listened, probably more like Annie than a lot of people realized, listened to Danny Alcott tell Brittany how glad he was that his boy would have people who cared about him close by in big bad New York, listened to Dean tell my mother how he was going to be a lawyer just like Lizzie and Max when he grew up, listened to Susan, who held the baby, tell Carla about how proud she was of her girls, her Brittany, running one of the most renowned dance studios in the country, her Liz, who was set to graduate in the top of her class, and her Santana (which  _still_ never failed to make me smile, being referred to as one of her daughters), who was changing more lives than she knew- even if it was a pretty big exaggeration.

* * *

It was late when Stephen went out to help Danny load their car, he and Carla both refusing Susan's offers for them to spend another night, and after hugs and kisses goodbye (with Carla telling Annie in a whisper that she was welcome to visit Pennsylvania and play with the dogs they had any time she'd like, a gesture I thought was very sweet), it was just us, our parents, and Liz and Max left in the house. Annie's eyes drooped as she sat on the floor, making her way through the gigantic bowl of ice cream that Stephen had given her (because apparently the pie she'd inhaled earlier wasn't desert enough), and Marisa fussed in Brittany's arms, in and out of sleep after nursing for the last time before we'd put her down for the night. No one really said much, Liz lay with her head in Max's lap, my father and Stephen watched the last few minutes of the football game, and my mom and Susan watched  _us._ Brittany's head rested on my shoulders, her eyelids heavy from the lack of sleep she'd yet to catch up on, and when I looked up again from staring at Britt, I saw Annie's chin nodded into her own chest, spoon still in hand, and ice cream running down her arm. My laugh startled Britt, and when she saw why I was laughing, she just shook her head with a soft smile. It was Susan who was the first to get up, and we watched as she gently attempted to pry the spoon out of Annie's hand, and our daughter just tightened her grip and scowled.

"Not done." She murmured, but didn't open her eyes.

"Sweetheart, you're falling asleep in your bowl. I'm sure we'll have plenty more ice cream for you tomorrow."

"'S not bedtime yet, Grammy. E'erybody's still up."

"I'm not so sure about that, my love. Your Mama and your sister are fighting just as hard as you are to keep their eyes open, so I think you should help pick out our Christmas song so we can all say goodnight. Tomorrow is another busy day."

" _Beb_ _é_ _,_ let's wipe up your hands and face. You're very sticky, and you don't want to get stuck to the bed." Mamí suggested, grabbing the container of baby wipes that I'd left on the coffee table.

" _'Buela,_ that's silly, I can't get stuck to my bed."

"I don't know, baby girl." Britt told her seriously. "If I were you, I wouldn't risk it. We don't want to have to leave you home tomorrow when we go to the big party at McKinley. I know how much you want to see our old school."

"No! No! I can't get stuck to the bed! I need to come!" Annie jumped up, knocking the half melted bowl of ice cream all over herself. "Oh no! Now I'm so messy!"

"Okay,  _mija,_ dress off, come on. It needs to go in the wash anyway." I soothed. joining Mamí and Susan on the floor with Annie. The tone of her whine and reaction to the spill gave way just how beyond tired she was, and after such an overwhelming day, it was obvious that keeping her up much longer was a recipe for disaster. "Let's get you in the tub."

"But Thanksgiving's not over yet! I don't want it to be!" She burst into tears, furiously wiping the ice cream from her dress with her hands. "And baby Reese isn't even sleeping yet!"

"Annalise." Brittany said sternly, pressing the mostly sleeping baby into Liz's arms. "You know that we don't scream like that, even when we're upset. Let's take some deep breaths, and then I want you to apologize."

"But you're going to make me go to sleep! I don't want to!" She continued to cry, her arms crossing over her chest in frustration, and her face all screwed up. "Please, Mama! Please let me stay awake! I just want to snuggle with you and Mamí and listen to everybody talk!"

"I understand that, sweetheart." Brittany gently uncrossed Annie's arms, calming her with the gentle touch of her hands. "But your sister us already sleeping there with Aunt Lizzie, and Mami and I are just about ready for bed too, we want to get a good night's sleep so we can enjoy the rest of the weekend. Grammy asked you to help pick the Christmas song out, and you didn't even answer her."

"I don't want to sing it though. Then we really,  _really_ have to sleep right away."

"Annie. Whether or not we sing, it's bedtime, and I know you don't want to skip that, right?" I asked, maintaining our hard line, even though it was  _especially_ hard to discipline our daughter when we knew she'd spent a long time outside of her comfort zone.

"No." She whispered, looking at the floor and still whimpering. "'S not allowed to be skipped."

"Okay." I took the wipes from my mother, and pulled Annie's hands away from her face so I could at least get the sticky mess off her skin. "So you need to do what Mama said and apologize, then tell us what song you want."

"I'm sorry for screaming." She mumbled almost inaudibly, and then I nudged her side, making her look up and say it again a little louder.

"My old ears are sensitive, Annalisita." My father teased a little, not wanting to go against our reprimanding, but also not wanting to see his granddaughter cry. "Try not to forget that next time."

"Okay,  _'Buelo._  I want to sing  _Rudolph_ now, Grammy, please." Annie sniffled, holding Brittany's hand tightly and resting her head on her chest. "'S it still allowed?"

"I think so, does that sound good to everyone else?"

After a chorus of affirmations from the adults in the room, Annie looked to me to start off singing, and gradually, the rest of my family joined in. When we were through, Annie was still pouty, but she didn't yell again, she just dragged her feet as she gave her goodnight kisses, and continued to drag them all the way up the stairs Britt's old bedroom. I was glad we'd had the forethought to switch houses, considering it was hard  _enough_ getting the two girls up a flight of stairs, let alone into the car and back to my parents house. When Brittany came out of the bathroom holding a towel-wrapped and sleeping Annie, I pressed a kiss to her tiny damp forehead and murmured a final  _a Happy Thanksgiving_ to the child who loved it  _so_ much, before handing Britt her new snowflake pajamas.

"She fell asleep right in the middle of me washing her hair. She hasn't done that in a  _long_ time." Britt whispered, setting Annie down on the mattress on the floor, and then leaning into the pack and play to kiss Marisa goodnight. "I can't believe she managed to fight it as long as she did."

"Yeah." I yawned, stretching out where I lay on Britt's bed in my pajamas. "I've got about five minutes left in me before I'm just as passed out as she is."

"Then I better hurry, or  _I_ won't get to snuggle with you." She joked, quickly pulling on sweatpants and a t-shirt and crawling into bed so her head rested in the crook of my neck. Once she was settled, I didn't hesitate to pull the comforter up over us and flick out he bedside light, leaving us in the total darkness. " _This_ is my favorite thing."

"What? Snuggling?"

"Well,  _obviously_ I love snuggling with you, San, but no, that end of the holiday, everything is quiet and it's just  _us_ feeling. I appreciate it even more this year, I think. Add that to my list, I'm thankful for being able to sleep in your arms."

"I thought that one was a given." I kissed the top of her head, holding her tighter to me. "But you can put it on mine too."

* * *

The next day, the Pierces and Max were up and out of the house early for their annual Black Friday shopping trip, but Brittany had long ago given up going with them (as if she needed to go anyway, ninety-five percent of her mother's purchases ended up coming home with us). Instead, we all slept late, and the four of us spent the day together, going to breakfast, to Annie's  _most favorite_ playground in the world, which gave me severe anxiety because the slide was so big, and watching  _Frosty the Snowman_ on TV. When Annie fell asleep on the couch just as the movie ended, Britt and I took the opportunity to do some sneaky online Christmas shopping, and then began the process of getting everyone ready for the evening.

Because McKinley was such a small school, and the graduating classes rarely even came close to having fifty students in them, there was really no tradition of having class reunions. Instead, there were alumni dinners, arbitrarily planned by the school board every few years, and because the last one had occurred the summer that Annie was born, and the one before that during my dark days, it was the first time I'd be going back to my high school in nearly twelve years. In all honesty, there was  _no one_ I'd gone to school with that I actually  _wanted_ to see (the people I  _did_ see disregarded), but in growing up, and especially, in my field of work, I knew there had to be some sort of value in going back, and since it was a family event, and Annie constantly asked if she could see our school, we'd made the decision to go. Our friends were going, Liz was going, I figured it couldn't be  _all_ bad.

"Wow!" Annie gasped, her face awestruck as we walked into the gym, decorated not unlike it had been at senior prom (minus the dinosaurs, which, in my opinion, made it wholly inferior). She held tightly to Brittany's hand, eyes darting everywhere, and pointing out things to Marisa, who sat against my hip. "Amazing!"

"She may be the first person in the world who's ever said that about this place." I breathed into Brittany's ear, causing her to release a small laugh.

"I don't know, I really loved it here...for the first four years. But it's weird to be back."

"It's even weirder that we're going to hang out with the same people we hang out with  _anyway._ " I searched the room for our friends, and grinned when I saw Finn waving me over to what looked like Rachel was reserving as a Glee Club table.

"Yeah, but Mercedes, and Puck, and the Changs will be here, and we haven't seen them since my birthday. That'll be fun."

"You're right, Britt." I conceded, resolving to  _not_ be a grump about being there. "Let's go grab some seats and wait for everyone else."

"I'm so excited!" Annie squealed. "'S just like in the pictures where you wore the red dress and Mama wore the tiny hat and you rode on a  _dinosaur!_ I wish the dinosaur was still here so I could ride on it too!"

When we made it over to the table, Annie threw her arms around Brice, going on and on about being at her moms' school, and Brice was more excited about all of the balloons than anything else. Slowly, the rest of our friends began shuffling in, Puck with Lexi on his shoulders, Quinn and Archie with Eden sleeping in a stroller that was probably worth more than our car, Mercedes and Brian (the guy from the tabloids, who, according to my last conversation with 'Cedes- and not US Weekly- she was crazy serious about), Tina and Mike, who were strangely glowing, Dave and his long-term boyfriend Connor, who Britt and I made a point to have dinner with every time they came to New York, pulled up chairs, and finally Kurt, who was alone and sulky, because according to Rachel, Cooper Anderson was in town, and Blaine was using that as a reason to blow off the dinner. Unfortunately for my friend, his mood only got  _worse_ when the Changs announced to the table that Tina was three months pregnant, and he struggled  _so_ hard to look happy for them, and not increasingly despondent about his own babyless state.

Seeing some of the second generation of Glee-clubbers, Marley, Puck's brother, and the rest, the names of whom, I'd never actually bothered to learn, Brittany excused herself to talk to them, leaving Annie coloring with Brice, not wanting to force her to interact with more strangers, and I promised to meet her over with Marisa once I found a place where little miss fussy pants could have something to eat in peace. It was sort of weird for me, walking the hallways that had shaped so much of my life, and I smiled a little to myself when I jiggled the handle of the choir room door and found it still open. Looking around, it was almost exactly the same as the last time I'd seen it, Mr. Schu's handwriting on the whiteboard, the same old piano (that I almost sat down to play, but figured Brad might somehow telepathically sense that someone had touched his instrument and then hunt me down), but there were more trophies, more evidence of a room full of winners, and that made me feel all weird warm and fuzzy inside. Sitting down in my old spot in the back row, I shrugged the strap of my dress down my shoulder and undid my bra for the baby.

I talked to her for a while, even after she was done eating, animating the epic love story that had begun in that very room, the story that was cause for her entire existence, and I hadn't really realized how much time had passed before I made my way back into the gym. Glancing over at where Britt was speaking animatedly to the transgendered woman, who's name I actually  _wished_ I'd remembered, because she was the only one of the kids that had come on after I'd graduated that I'd ever found tolerable, I gestured to the makeshift bar, and she grinned and nodded, holding up her empty glass. With Marisa still balanced on my hip, I ordered two iced teas, throwing a ten in the tip cup, and just as I moved to balance the glasses in my free hand, I felt smarmy, leering eyes on me.

"Well, well, well, Lopez." The guy, who's face I remembered, but couldn't place, looked smug, glancing from the rings on my finger to my infant daughter, making me shudder a little and hug her closer to me. "Long time no see. Looks like I was right then, wasn't I?"

"Excuse me?" I cocked an eyebrow, hating the scrutinizing eyes on me, eyes that were the reason I'd escaped an ignorant, small town in the first place, eyes that I really couldn't handle after escaping _hadn't_ protected me, and I swallowed hard, feeling bile rise up from my stomach.

"That it was a phase." He rolled his eyes, like it was obvious, and it hit me suddenly exactly who he was. His eyes bored into me, and though I was pretty sure he was just a non-threatening Lima loser who had nothing better to do than try to make people feel like crap, I couldn't stop the slight burn in the imperfect skin of my throat. The fact that  _he_ had remembered me, remembered his one stupid comment among  _so_ many I'd heard in a short period of time made me shift Marisa uncomfortably, wanting to shield her from someone like that. "That you'd find the right kind of man to straighten you right out. I'd like to meet your husband, give him a pat on the back, for fixing you, even though I'm pissed I didn't get to tap that when I had the chance."

"You are disgusting." I spit, wishing Marisa wasn't anywhere near him, wishing  _I_ wasn't anywhere near him. I didn't want to show him weakness, so I forced myself not to squeeze my eyes shut, forced myself not to think of someone  _else_ who'd spoke of my body, of my  _brokenness._ Still though, I felt my hands begin to tremble, and my body felt stiff."And you're wrong, like you were then. I guess you don't have television in the cave you were raised in, but let me break it down for you. Gay marriage is legal in thirty-nine states, including  _this_  one, and the one my  _wife_ and I live in, so there was no _man_ who gave me this ring, no  _man_  who got me pregnant."

"So you're still on this kick, huh? You're getting old, you know. It was hot when you and Pierce used to make out at parties,  _no one_ is going to think your little game is sexy when you're a wrinkly old hag, acting like what you're doing is normal."

"It's actually  _Lopez-_ Pierce now." Brittany appeared, seemingly out of nowhere, like she'd sensed my rising anxiety, and placed a soothing hand on the small of my back as I hugged Marisa still tighter. She wore that unaffected mask, the one she wore in high school, the one I hadn't seen her wear in a  _long_ time, but I could read the irritation and concern behind it at the harassment I was receiving. "And it's cute that you think we care if you think we're sexy,  _John._ "

"It's actually  _Josh._ "

"And I actually don't care." Brittany replied with a bitter smile, turning away from him and toward me. "Are you alright, honey?"

"Uh huh." I looked in her eyes, silently thanking her for showing up when she did, thanking her for anchoring me when my knees felt like they were growing weak. "Reminiscing with this asshole has been great, it's  _awesome_ to see how much he's grown up."

"I shoulda known." Josh Coleman shook his head, a gleam of  _something_ in his eyes, and I shifted closer to Brittany. "Saw you with that one-eyed kid, Pierce. Not surprising that the retard and the dyke had themselves a deformed baby."

Before I could even process that he was talking about my daughter, my  _Annie,_ I heard the unmistakeable sound of skin against skin, and the gasp that escaped my wife's lips as she realized she'd just hauled off and slapped a guy for the first time in her life.

"You bitch." He hissed, holding his cheek with his palm, apparent that Brittany had put all of her strength behind that slap, and I had trouble making sense of everything that was going on, had trouble even getting through the fact that he'd called my daughter  _deformed._

"Walk away." I growled lowly, finally finding myself able to do something, trying to keep my voice strong, even though I felt like I was on the verge of shattering. "Walk away. Right now, just walk away, or so help me God, I will do the world a favor and make it so  _you_ never have children. You talk shit about me, that's one thing, Coleman, but my  _wife?_ My  _five year old daughter_? You're a coward, you're the same coward you were twelve years ago when you thought you could take advantage of me when I was emotionally vulnerable and get me to sleep with you. Fuck off."

Remotely, I could register Finn approaching, joined by Puck and Dave Karofsky. Had I been in the mental state to really comprehend what was going on, I might have appreciated the irony of the situation, how I spent my life trying to  _change_ high school mentalities, and yet there I was, thirty years old and feeling more like I was in high school than I had in a  _long_ time. Finn was asking me if I was okay, and Dave, towering over Josh Coleman, was telling him that he'd better listen to me, because if  _Brittany_ slapped him, he was certain he deserved it, but all I was really concerned about was my wife, my wife with a burning fire in her eyes and a quiver in her lower lip, torn between unbridled rage and utter devastation. Carefully, Finn eased the baby out of my shaking arms, holding her protectively, and I embraced Brittany, needing to feel her against me.

"Real tough guy, picking on two women and a kid." Dave seethed, after the presence of the three large men scared Josh Coleman straight out the door. "I didn't see him calling me a fag, probably because he knows I could still kick the crap out of him if I wanted to. Jeeze, Santana weighs like a hundred pounds, real impressive, trying to intimidate her. Every single time I come back to this town, it's like stepping into the Twilight Zone. Shit that's normal everywhere else is  _still_ treated like a freak show in Lima, it's like this town is totally isolated from the real world."

"He's a fucking loser." Puck shook his head angrily. "He's a grown ass man who still thinks it's cool to make other people feel like crap. He's lucky I've got my kid here, or I'd have ended up being like my high school self and throwing him in the damn dumpster where he belongs."

"Stop." Brittany ordered, looking up from where her face rested in my hair. "Just stop. None of that makes it any better. We just wanted to have a good time and see some of our old friends, but apparently that was too much to ask. There's already enough of a scene over here, let's just drop it right now, okay?"

They nodded in obedience, and we took a quick moment of silent eye contact before walking away, me clutching my wife's hand tightly, and her remaining silent and serious at my side, Quiet Brittany always scared me more than anything else in the world, and my heart really couldn't stop racing as we  _attempted_ to act like nothing was wrong, not wanting to draw more attention to all the words that hung heavy in the air. We didn't stay much longer, the festive mood has been killed, and I knew that Britt wanted to get out of there (and never return, probably) as much as I did. We were probably bristly as we packed up our daughters and kissed our friends goodbye, but I couldn't really bring myself to care about anything more than dealing with myself and my family. Brittany took the keys from me when we got into the parking lot, noting my still trembling hands, my mind unable to differentiate ignorance from threats, causing me to physiologically react like it was the latter. The silence between us on the way home was only punctuated occasionally by Annie's continued awe over finally getting to see McKinley for the first time, and Britt somehow managed to respond to our daughter while I was incapable. When we made it into the Pierce's driveway, Brittany took Annie out of the back seat, and she hugged her tightly for a long time, trying to wipe the tears that fell from her eyes before anyone noticed them.

"Mama, why're you crying?" Ever observant Annie asked her. "Didn't you have so much fun?"

"I'm just tired, sweet girl, like you felt last night, where everything makes you want to cry a little bit." Britt sniffed, trying to smile through her tears. "I'm okay, Bean, and I love you, I love you a whole lot."

"Course you do." Annie kissed her Mama. "'Cuz you and Mamí love me and Reese most of all, and me and Reese love  _you_ most of all."

"That makes me really, really happy, sweetheart. Why don't we go inside and see if Grammy can get some ice cream for you, so I can talk to Mamí for a bit."

"Okay! But maybe you should eat some too! It will make you feel better, even if you're tired!"

"That a great idea,  _mi_ amor." I answered for Britt, glad  _my_ tears hadn't come yet. "Come here, can I get a big hug too?"

* * *

After snuggling Annie with one arm and watching her nuzzle Marisa's nose, we went into the house. Susan understood our dynamic enough not to ask questions about why we looked absolutely miserable, and started dishing out bowls of ice cream. Realizing how much later it was than we thought, we all got into pajamas and got Marisa into bed, promising Annie a movie with her Poppy, and once she was settled on the couch with ice cream and a blanket, we took our bowls outside to the front porch swing, long ago dubbed  _our_ spot by my in-laws, and we sat and swung for a long time, a big fleece throw wrapped around us to keep out the biting cold that even body heat couldn't combat, and our ice cream sat forgotten on the table. Neither of us spoke, we just remained deep in thought. My heart was still hammering in my chest, and my hands shaky, but the proximity to Britt, and the security I felt with her arm around my waist had sort of calmed me to some extent.

"Are you okay?" Brittany finally broke the silence. "I'm sorry I freaked out and shut down like that, what he said to you...and after...I just can't imagine how scary it feels for you...we haven't talked about _it_ in a long time...we haven't had to, and I don't even know if you want to, but I need to know you're okay."

"Baby." I sighed, the lump in my throat growing bigger as she breathed quickly, trying to keep herself from crying, and her fingers ghosted over the scars on my throat. "It's hard, sometimes, for me, to separate hateful comments from threats, and I had the  _baby_ with me. I mean, even when I  _know_ I'm not in danger, part of me still doesn't trust my own instincts, and I didn't know what to do."

"I hate that." She kissed the top of my head and held me tightly. "I hate that no matter how long it's been, you're  _always_ going to have to feel this inside of you. I hate that I can't just take it all away."

"So do I. I hate that my heart still feels like it's going to to jump out of my chest when I get looked at a certain way, and I hate that sometimes when I close my eyes after stupid comments, I can still picture Ryan Davis' smug face in that awful courtroom, and his face  _before_." I shuddered involuntarily, thinking of grey eyes and prison bars, of heels against cold tile floor, of the shock of cold water on bare skin, of bitter bile and unrelenting fear. "And I hate that I already know I'm going to have trouble sleeping tonight, even though my anxiety doesn't cripple me like it used to, and I can actually sit with you and talk it out, rather than crawling back inside my iron shell."

"Progress. Even with setbacks." Britt scrunched up her nose, trying to find  _something_ positive. "I'm really, really proud of you, Santana, that you kept yourself together even when you felt that way."

"Yeah, I guess. I wish there didn't have to be setbacks, or  _really,_ I wish there weren't ignorant assholes in the world though." We were quiet again for a long while, and I played with the ends of Brittany's hair (and it hadn't escaped me that  _both_ of my daughters had picked up that habit, Annie when she was scared about something, and Marisa when she was on the verge of sleep) before finally speaking again. "We should probably talk about what else he said, Britt."

"I know." She nearly whispered. "I'm still sort of in shock that I slapped him."

"I'm shocked you slapped him before  _me."_ I tried to kid, but it just came out sounding really depressing that we even had to have a conversation about slapping someone for saying something so horrible about our kid. I brought her hand to my lips and held it there for a minute, knowing that the lingering sting was something Brittany had never experienced before, and given how hard she'd hit him, it probably hurt like hell. "But I don't know, I felt paralyzed."

"I was already so on edge, trying to get to you without making a scene, because I could  _tell_ that he was making you nervous and uncomfortable, and then I got there, and he continued, and I couldn't control myself."

"Britt, baby, you don't have to explain yourself to me. I  _know_ that feeling so well."

"He makes me feel physically sick. You're right. Dave's right. He's a coward. Like, calling me a retard, even though it's been a really long time since anyone's said that to me, I'm still kind of immune after hearing it for years, but to say something about  _Annie?_ I just...I  _can't._ He doesn't know her, he has  _no right._ "

"Britt." I felt my tears hot on my face, and I brought one hand to Brittany's cheek, cupping it, looking into her stormy eyes. "I don't even know what to say, because I feel sick about it too."

"I just want to protect her from ever hearing things like that, and we've always been lucky that she hasn't been exposed to hurtful things, but that word,  _deformed, that_  was like a slap in the face, way worse than the one he got. Like, people make up things because they don't  _know,_ and it's wrong."

"I know, and you know if I could, I'd lock her away from anything that could ever make her feel bad or hurt her, I'd lock  _both_ of our girls away, because I  _know_ how bad it feels,  _you_ know how bad it feels, but we can't."

"I know. I know that the only thing we can do is teach her how to be strong and brave, and to love herself no matter what, but it still sucks."

"Yeah, it really does." I wiped my face, then Brittany's, kissing her in hopes that I could take her sadness away, my  _own_ sadness away. "But she's a tough one, our girl, just like us."

"San." A smile played on Brittany's lips as she sniffed away her tears. "That's the first time I've ever heard you legitimately acknowledge your own strength."

"I'm getting there." I smiled back at her, hooking our ankles together. "I'm so ready to make some tea and snuggle in-"

"Brittany!" I was cut off by Lizzie tearing up the driveway, dragging Max, who was trying to lock up Susan's car, behind her. "What happened? After you left, I started hearing that-"

"Shh! Liz! I really don't need mom and dad and the whole town hearing what happened tonight!" Britt snapped, shocking Liz and I both with a tone she never took.

"So it  _did_ happen? Bri, are you alright?" Liz stood over us at the swing as Max tried to gently coax her into giving us space.

"We're okay, Lizzie." I answered. "Can we just not do the lawyer interrogation thing tonight? I love you, but it's been a really long day."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. What the hell though? For Brittany to slap someone..."

"Babe, come on. I know you're inquisitive, and I love that about you, but let's go inside and give your sister and Santana some space."

"You don't have to go inside." Brittany told them, gesturing to the cushioned bench across from us. "Yes, I slapped Josh Coleman. He really laid it on Santana in high school after she came out, and he started again with her tonight, and said some things that I'm not getting into. People are still ignorant assholes, that's all. "

"Whoa-" Liz opened her mouth, poised to ask another question, but Max's hand on her forearm stopped her. "Um, does anyone want tea or something?"

"That would be really good, actually, thank you, Liz." I gave her an appreciative smile.

"The bedtime tea Mom keeps in the cabinet above the stove, please." Brittany specified, knowing that it's what I drank at home when my anxiety was getting the better of me, and hoping that it would help soothe my shot nerves. "Do you mind telling them we'll be in soon too? I'm sure Annie passed out in Dad's lap five minutes into the movie."

"Of course." Liz nodded, pausing just for a second to squeeze Britt's hand, and let her fingertips graze mine before turning and walking into the house.

"Thank you, Maxwell. Hope we didn't ruin your night."

"It was nice to see Liz's school." He said diplomatically. "But going back to high school,  _anyone's_ high school, is always  _exactly_ the same. Even if you were the top of the top, you're basically reliving a time where  _no one_ is at their best, and some of us have gotten better since, and some of us  _haven't._ It's bound to be a weird situation."

"Isn't that the truth?" Brittany nodded in affirmation, her fingers still dancing soothingly up and down my arms. "Well, here's to being the ones who've gotten a little better since, right?"

"I'd say more than a little better, baby." I softly kissed the corner of her mouth. "And I'm more than happy to  _never_ go back to that school again."

"And we really have no need to. None of those years really matter anymore, they're just the beginning of a story that got so,  _so_ much better long after that place was left behind. I love you, Santana, and I love that our unexpected love story started in an unlikely place, but I love even more the life we have  _now,_ away from the ridiculous obstacles."

"Yeah, Britt, I couldn't agree more. Best thing about coming back here is that we can always physically leave it behind when we need to."


	43. Awe Inspiring

Returning to New York after the Alumni Dinner fiasco was like a strange breath of fresh air for us, even if the typical early December dark clouds loomed over the city, even if Brittany was back to working her billion hours a week, and even if we had  _so_ much to get done before Christmas came that I felt like it was entirely impossible. Even with all of the insanity, we managed to squeeze the important things in between Annie's soccer practices, Brittany's late nights and my long phone mentoring sessions. We went for our Christmas pictures, of course, doing the requisite diapered baby wrapped in lights (and Annie holding the ends with a big grin on her face), and my personal favorite, which we ended up framing and hanging over the fireplace, the girls both on their bellies rubbing noses and Britt and me propped up on our elbows behind them, giving each other a chase kiss. We made homemade ornaments with handprints and footprints and ordered pewter ones for our parents, Quinn and Liz of Reese's foot, like we had done on Annie's first Christmas, we opened windows of the chocolate Advent wreath my mom had bought for Annie, crossed off days until Brittany's showcase on the calendar in her room, and the Sunday before Brittany's big day, she and I even managed to drop the girls with Quinn for a few hours and head up to Central Valley to get some of our Christmas shopping done.

When showcase day came, I was actually shocked that the first half of December had flown by as quickly as it had. I was giddy inside at the thought that once the weekend was over, once we'd made it through Brittany's final night as a choreographer, and then dealt with Rick's retirement party (at least he'd decided to be  _slightly_ less of a jerk after Brittany told him off), my  _wife,_ my amazing and incredibly talented wife was going to be the director of the most renowned dance studio in Manhattan, and we'd have no better way to celebrate it than to spend two weeks reveling in holiday bliss. Unlike the days leading up, when Brittany was up and out of bed at five-thirty in the morning, she'd resolved to slept late, lest she collapse on stage from exhaustion, and at six-o'clock, when Marisa whimpered over the monitor, I quickly turned it off and urged Britt back to sleep with soft hairline kisses before going into the nursery to get our daughter.

"Good morning,  _mija._ " I lifted the sleepy-eyed baby from her crib and covered her face in kisses. "You only woke up  _once_ the entire night. Looks like you're starting to get ready to sleep all the way through the night, my big girl. Ready for some breakfast, then we'll go surprise Mama with some too?"

Marisa gurgled out a string of unintelligible syllables and smiled up at me, fisting the front of my pajamas. That first slow tooth had finally popped through (hello, nipples,  _that_ was a fun few days of adjustment), and each morning, I ran my finger over her gums to see if any more were coming in. Satisfied that there was nothing new, I unbuttoned the top of my pajamas and stroked the side of her face before letting her eat. Hungrily, she latched on, and I rubbed her small back, still believing that the early morning feedings were my favorite, and what I'd miss the most when the time came to wean her. At nearly fourteen pounds, and growing every day, it was hard to believe that just a year earlier, the only way she'd made herself known to the world was through the pudge that had ripped my gown. But now, as Annie was quick to point out, she'd get the chance to see the last show that was fully created by her Mama, get the chance to be there to witness the wonderful praises that the dance community showered upon the woman I loved so much. Even as she grew, Marisa's nursing speed hadn't changed much, and for a good half hour, we sat there rocking back and forth, her stopping occasionally to look up at my face as I sang to her, her little left hand always pressing into my cheek as she filled her belly. Just after we'd finished and I changed her diaper, snapping up one of the many pairs of ladybug pajamas she had, Annie burst into the room, all smiles and a ball of excited energy.

"It's the day! It's the day! December thirteenth!" She cried, bouncing up and down on her toes.

"Yes it is,  _mi amor._ " I brought my finger to my lips, urging her to keep her voice down  _just_ a little bit so Brittany could continue to sleep. "Mama's sleeping still, she doesn't want to have to sleep-dance on the big stage tonight."

"That's so silly, Mamí," Annie giggled, then stood on her tip toes to kiss her sister good morning. "Wait 'til you see it, baby Reese! It's super sparkly and shiny, and Mama is the most beautifulest dancer in the whole wide world. Even though it's super sad when she has to go to her work so, so much, it's my  _favorite_ day ever when she dances on the stage."

"She's right,  _amorcita,_ you definitely have a very,  _very_ beautiful Mama." I smiled down at both of my girls. "And I'm going to make her a really special breakfast, you wouldn't want to help you with that, would you Annie?"

"Course I do! Are we making pancakes? With whipped cream and chocolate chips?"

"Hmmm, that sounds like it might be special enough," I winked and kissed the tip of Annie's nose. "Lets get downstairs and get started."

It took a few reminders to keep Annie from tramping down the stairs as loud as humanly possible (she was so excited, I really couldn't blame her- it was a shock we  _both_ weren't making obscene amounts of noise), but we managed to make it into the kitchen and out of ear shot of Britt relatively quickly. Once I got Marisa seated in her highchair, since we'd started letting her sit in there for practice right after Thanksgiving, as slump as she still was, I lifted Annie up onto the counter and started pulling things out of the cabinets. With her most serious face on, Annie measured out the flour, and I stepped back a little bit, letting her do it herself. Once she'd cracked the eggs in a separate bowl and I'd fished out the shards of shell, we turned on the mixer, and the baby squealed with delight as I lifted Annie up and danced around with her as it worked it's magic. I'd barely gotten the first batch in the pan, when Annie let out a small giggle, and before I could turn around, a pair of strong arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me close.

" _But just maybe, hala ka ukelele, mama made a baby. Really don_ _'_ _t mind the practice,_ _'_ _cuz you_ _'_ _re my little lady._ _"_ She nuzzled behind my ear and sang into it, making me laugh out loud and turn around to kiss her lips.

" _We got everything we need right here, and everything we need is enough. Just so easy, when the whole world fits inside of your arms."_ I sang back to her, cupping her cheek with my hand that wasn't holding the spatula. "They're not banana though, sorry, baby."

"Hmm." Brittany dipped a finger in the batter and brought it to her lips. "Chocolate chip, even better."

"Mama, pancake batter does  _not_ taste very good." Annie scrunched up her nose, and Brittany just shrugged and kissed it.

"I like anything you and Mamí make for me."

"Guess what! I cracked all the eggs, and I checked to make sure there were no baby chickens, don't worry."

"Awesome, good thinking sweetheart! We  _definitely_ don't want baby chickens in our pancakes."

"Yuck!" She giggled and held out her arms for Britt to lift her up and spin her in circles. "Guess what else though! Today is December thirteenth!"

"Oh, is it? Well how could I forget that?"

"You didn't really though, right?"

"No, I definitely didn't. Hey, look, baby girl! It's snowing outside." Britt pointed to the window and Annie's eyes lit up.

"Snow! Snow! Mamí! 'S snowing for the first time in a  _very_ long time!"

"Well look at that!" I quickly flipped the pancakes onto a plate and turned off the gas to the stove so I could lift Marisa from her highchair and follow Brittany and Annie to look out at the big, thick flakes that were falling onto the street outside. "It's your very first snow,  _mija,_ look."

"Can we go play in it? Please, please,  _please?"_

"There's not very much to play in yet." I told her, and she pouted. "But how about this? After breakfast, we'll walk Mama over to the studio so you can at least catch sone snowflakes on your tongue."

"Yay! Mama we're gonna walk up your work!" Annie cheered, as if Brittany hadn't been there to hear it, and my wife turned around to give me another quick kiss as I pressed Marisa's tiny hand against the glass pane of the window. "I finally get to wear my new snowveralls!"

"Only your daughter." Brittany laughed at Annie's name for her new floral snowpants. "Seriously"

"You love it." I clicked my tongue and her eyes crinkled at me lovingly.

"Oh, you know I do."

In the five years since we'd dressed a baby Annie for the snow, I'd forgotten just what a chore it was. After we'd eaten breakfast and Annie raced into her room to pull on thermals, an oversized sweater and her snowpants (a far cry from her usual begrudging response to her Mama leaving for work), Britt and I pulled out the new teddy bear snowsuit, so much like the one Annie had worn as an infant, and bundled up our baby girl to see her first snow. Marisa, used to unrestricted movement, shrieked and batted against the outfit, and I was pretty sure nothing in the world would calm her down, until get big sister appeared at the foot of our bed in her knit frog hat and an unzipped jacket. After she sang  _Frosty the Snowman_ and helped us relax Reese, we headed out the door and made our way over to the studio. When I kissed Brittany goodbye, I could feel the buzzing excitement on her lips, and I whispered against them, like I always did on the morning of a performance, just how proud I was of her.

* * *

Although our family was in town, we'd decided that that best thing to do, with Marisa so young, was for me to have a quiet day at home with the girls, and to meet them all at the theater later on. After hours of playing pretend, of coloring, and even of a midday nap, all three of us in Britt's and my big bed, we began the long process of getting ready for such an important occasion. It was still grey and snowy out there as I stood with hot rollers in my hair, putting on makeup and then helping Annie into her dress (I'd figured it was best to wait until the very last minute to feed Marisa and get  _her_ dressed, on the assumption that with a full belly, she'd be more content at the show), and I knew I wanted to leave extra time to make it uptown with the chaos that always ensued during the first snowfall of the winter. When the time finally came to leave, Annie was nothing but a ball of chattery excitement on the entire slow-moving cab ride uptown (I may have directed the cab driver to drive as slow as humanly possible, for the safety of my daughters).

"Look! Look baby Reese!" Annie cried out as I caught her arm to keep her from slipping on the icy sidewalk and helped her get under the awning. "B-R-I-T-T-A-N-Y-L-O-P-E-Z-P-I-E-R-C-E! That's Mama's name! And it says  _choreographered by_ above it, right Mamí? 'Cuz I know it has a  _ch_ in it, and that's her job!"

"Very close,  _beb_ _é_ _,_ except we have to say  _choreographed_ instead of  _choreographered."_

"Hmm, okay." Annie thought on that for a second and then nodded. "But it still says Mama's name, so that's super awesome! Can we go in now and find her? I want to give her the card I colored from me and Reese."

"Of course, let's do it! I'm sure she'll want to hang it up in her new office too."

"Yeah, then everybody will see my picture and know that she's a super amazing dancer!" She beamed. "'Cept they probably already know that."

"Can't hurt to have a reminder, Annalise, that's for sure."

Taking Annie's hand and leading her through the already crowded lobby, we made it past security and into the backstage area where Brittany was running around giving orders and looking like she was damn near close to completely snapping. Even as she spotted us, she didn't visibly relax, but tried to give us a smile, holding up a finger, promising she'd be over in just a minute. Giving her a reassuring look, I gestured for her to take her time, and knelt down with Reese on my hip to point out some of the dancers Annie knew, who were already in costume. All the while, I watched Britt out of the corner of my eye, realizing that in all the six years she'd been doing this, I'd never once seen her in such a distraught state.

"Hi guys, sorry about that!" Brittany quickly kissed the baby, then me, and pulled Annie in for a hug. "Look how beautiful my girls all look tonight."

"I read your name on the sign for Reese, Mama, and we made you a card!"

"Thank you so much, baby girl."

"Everything alright back here, Britt?" I asked, as she read over the card and kissed the top of Annie's head.

"Not so much." She sighed, resting her head on my shoulder for just a quick second of relief from the obvious chaos. "I've got a dancer in the emergency room because she slipped on the ice, there's an hour until showtime and it's  _way_ too late to change the choreography for the  _four_ numbers she's in."

"Oh God, I'm sorry." I rubbed the small of her back, feeling the tension in it despite her usually cool, calm and collected persona. "What are you going to do?"

"I'm the only one who can dance in her place, so it looks like I'm on stage for half the night. It just means  _no one_ is running the show back here, and I'm not really sure how comfortable I am with that."

"Mama, you're dancing  _more than one time?"_ Annie piped in excitedly.

"I am, sweetheart, pretty cool, right?" Britt put on her happiest face for our daughter, and I squeezed her shoulders, trying to relieve some pressure.

"Yes! Wait 'til I tell Poppy he's gotta video so much! He'll be so happy!"

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

"I wish." She shook her head. "I just need to get my head back in the game right now and stop stressing. I know there's nothing I can do for her, but Aubrey is only nineteen, and  _incredibly_ talented...I can't even think about how she'll feel if this means she can't dance again."

"I know." I nodded, because I  _did._ I'd seen the fear flash through Brittany's eyes any time she so much as stubbed a toe over the years, and I knew just how lucky she'd been to never get seriously injured.

"Thank you, San." Brittany hugged me tightly, and I knew as someone who cared about each and every dancer in that studio, the thought of one of them with a career ending injury was devastating to her. "I need to go find Rick and the costume designer right now, she needs to do some adjustments for me. But I love you guys."

"We love you too!" Annie's chirped. "You're gonna be so super awesome doing all those dances!"

Once we'd found our way to our front row seats, I kissed our family and friends (the Chapman's the Hudson's, the Hummel's, the Chang's and Mercedes and her boyfriend, of course) quickly before getting the girls settled. Annie was quick to announce to them about Britt's surprise performances, and although neither my wife of I had thought about it, Mike Chang, being affiliated with Britt's sister studio in Chicago was quick to run backstage and see if there was anything he could do to help behind the scenes. When Tina passed me her phone to show me the text that Brittany was going to keep him back there, I breathed a little bit of a sigh of relief for her, knowing that having someone like Mike would ease a little bit of the stress she was feeling about having to spend so much time on stage. It always sort of amazed me, the way we all really  _were_ a family, the way Mike would still jump to help his old dance buddy, much in the same way Rachel and I always jumped to help each other. It was a good feeling, and in a sort of sentimental mood, I reached behind me and squeezed Tina's hand.

"'S starting." Annie whispered to my father as the lights began to dim, and then turned to say the same thing to Reese, who sat wide eyed on my lap, gumming at my fingers. "We gotta be quiet now."

"Give me your hand,  _coraz_ _ó_ _ncita,_ you know I like to hold it while we watch." I held out mine and she nestled hers inside, letting me close my fingers around hers.

I could feel Annie wiggling with excitement in her seat as Rick gave his final show introduction (and  _I_ may have been wiggling a little when I thought of how that would be Brittany's place the following year), but the moment the music began to play, she immediately stilled, sedated, like she always was, by the sound of music. Marisa, having never been to a live performance before, sat shockingly wide eyed in my lap, not even crying as it went dark, mesmerized by the costumes and the steps. Each time Brittany look the stage (always looking so relaxed in her element, even when I knew she was beyond overwhelmed inside) Annie pointed her out, and I leaned to whisper in Marisa's ear that it was her Mama, just in different costumes. Of course, even though I  _loved_ every second of the show in it's entirety, my favorite moment always came in the last number, when Brittany was totally emotionally bared for the world to see.

When the opening notes to her solo performance began, and Brittany stepped out on the stage in a midnight blue satin slip with her hair loose, my breath caught in my throat and my hands got a little shaky. I wrapped my arm tighter around the baby, and squeezed Annie's hand just a little bit harder as she whispered to me  _Mam_ _í_ _, 's the song we made for Mama's birthday._ When Brittany had asked me for the instrumental version of the song Annie and I had played at her birthday party, the song I'd written to fully capture everything that I felt when I looked at the woman who so effortlessly threw her body on the stage, I never, not in a million years, thought this was the reason she'd asked. The tears spilled freely from my eyes, and I was sure no one else recognized the song, or knew just how much it meant to me that my wife had chosen that for her last stage performance. It was almost haunting, in the best way possible, hearing the notes fill the theater, watching Brittany be owned by the music, and bringing it to life in the way only she could.

" _Oh Britt."_ I whispered to myself as I stood up to applaud her, the baby tucked against my hip, and Annie jumping up and down clapping with everything she had in her. " _You don't even know how you take my breath away._ "

"We need to go see her! We need to go see Mama  _right now!"_ Annie demanded excitedly as the audience began exiting. "We need to tell her that it was the best show she ever did,  _ever!"_

"Come here." I hoisted Annie up on my other hip, knowing we could navigate more easily if a tiny child wasn't trying to dodge grown people, and I turned to my mother-in-law. "Let everyone know we'll be back with Britt."

"You act as if this is our first show, sweetheart." Susan teased. "Go."

When we made it back stage, Brittany was still in that blue dress that I basically wanted to rip off of her body (I managed control myself, my children and fifty dancers were present), and she was praising each and every dancer personally on a job well done. She looked at me, almost hesitantly, before breaking into a gigantic smile as Annie wriggled her way down my body and up into her arms. I let them have their own moment, but as soon as Brittany set our oldest in her chair in front of a mirror, I felt my words catch in my throat, and I couldn't really do anything except kiss her.

"You..."

"Was it okay that I...? I wasn't sure if I should ask you first, but I also wanted to surprise you. And I've never danced to anything you've written, and I figured this was my last-"

"Shh. You're rambling." I mumbled against her lips, cutting her off with another kiss. "Of course it was okay,  _more than_ okay. I wrote it for  _you,_ and I  _loved_ seeing you dance to it like that. God, Britt, it was perfect."

"Thank you." She smiled, taking Marisa from my arms and hugging her tightly. "And thank you for sending Mike back to me."

"All his idea."

"Still." She kissed me again, just because, then focused on Annie and the baby. "What did you think, little love?"

"Reese loved it as much as me and Mamí!" Annie piped in. "She got her super big eyes and she didn't even make any noise!"

"Is that true, Ladybug?" Brittany asked the sleepy baby in her arms, and she just grinned up at her, those dark eyes still wide. "Well good, I'm really, really happy you all enjoyed it."

"Excuse me, Mrs. Lopez-Pierce." A dark haired kid (you know you're getting old when you start referring to people in their early twenties as kids) with glasses tapped Brittany on the shoulder, looking extremely over eager. "I'm really sorry to bother you, but I'm here from the  _Times,_ and I know even when we did that story on your career last year, you declined an interview, and we mostly just spoke to other people at the studio, but I'm here doing a piece on the show tonight, and-" He finally paused to take a breath, and I thought for just a second that  _maybe_ he was Brice from the future, because I'd never met anyone but Rachel who could craft a run on sentence like that. "It's just my first time getting a real story and- crap, I'm not supposed to say that, I'm so sorry- I was hoping maybe up could just talk to me for five minutes, or even two minutes, just, something, please, if it's not to much trouble."

"What's your name?" Brittany asked, trying to stifle her charmingly amused laugh at his ramblings.

"Connor, Connor Frost, ma'am."

"Well it's really nice to meet you Connor, and please, call me Brittany. This is my wife, Santana, and our daughters." We took turns shaking Connor's hands, and Annie waved shyly from her chair. "Do you mind, San, if I talk to him for five minutes?"

"Definitely not, babe." I smiled and squeezed her hand, knowing that a big part of the reason that she didn't take interviews, the few times she'd been asked, was because she was so nervous that she'd say something wrong, so I was impressed that she was saying yes. "Do you want me to stay, or-"

"Stay, please?" She raised her eyebrows, and I nodded as she turned back to the young reporter. "Okay, so this is a first for me, tell me what you need me to do."

"Well, you're pretty elusive, Brittany." Connor seemed to relax a little bit, just like most people did when they encountered Britt, and he took out a small recorder to tape what she was saying. "Your work, obviously speaks for itself, but I want to touch a little on you, personally. Six years ago, no one ever heard of you, then suddenly, you were a huge name in the dance world, and now you're about to become the youngest director your studio has ever seen. Tell me, how did you go from small town Ohio girl to one of the biggest names in the business?"

"That's really, really flattering." Brittany released an airy, nervous laugh. "But I'm pretty sure you're about to hear the most boring story you've ever heard. I just love to dance, and the rest just sort of happened."

"Britt, don't be so modest, you know it's more than that." I encouraged her. "Give the guy something to work with."

It took a few minutes for her to accept that she really was so incredible and shouldn't be ashamed to share that with the world, but once she did, she slowly wove the story of what big dreams, hard work and the love of dance had created. I could practically see Connor drooling as Brittany spoke, and with good reason. Even though professional dancers weren't typically famous like singers or actors, there was a large enough community of people who were genuinely interested, and who followed the careers of the greats. For an up and coming journalist, the chance to interview someone who'd remained so private was a  _huge_ opportunity, and knowing my Britt,  _that_ was the primary reason why she'd done the interview. Of course, once Brittany began, we both knew it would be longed than five minutes, and I'd ended up sitting down in Annie's spot, covering myself up to feed Marisa so she could fall asleep on my chest. While she spoke, Britt picked up Annie, knowing she was tired, and knowing she wanted to be close to her Mama, and by the time she was through, close to a half hour later, we were all pretty drowsy. Britt, of course, pepped up the minute she was showered with the praises of our friends and family, and I basically just beamed, proud of her for  _everything._

* * *

For the first time in a long time the next morning, both of our girls slept late, but since my body clock was permanently set to  _early_ , I threw a coat on over my pajamas and headed outside. Trudging through the snow that had accumulated overnight, I went down the block to pick up sandwiches for breakfast and  _maybe_ ten copies of  _The New York Times._ I was beyond anxious as I waited for Britt to wake up, and it basically took everything in me not to flip to the arts section to read the black and white proof of how amazing my wife was without her. Instead, I slowly sipped my coffee, I put fruit in a bowl to have with our breakfast, and I went through my emails, sending out a few more before the holiday crazy set in, and my kids knew that if there was an emergency, they should call me on the phone, not wait for me to check my email.

"How are we awake, and neither of our children are?" Brittany yawned, sitting down on my lap, and wrapping her arms around my neck to give me a good morning kiss. "Better question, how long have  _you_ been awake that you already have breakfast and newspapers?"

"The longest forty minutes ever." I laughed and kissed her again. "I was really excited."

"I can tell, are there papers left for the other people?"

"Shut up, my wife is fantastic."

"So mine tells me." She ran her fingers over the fold of one paper and bit her lip. "I'm nervous to read it."

"Don't be, Britt, the show last night was the best one you've ever done, and you were so charming when you talked to Connor. It's going to be an awesome article, and we're so going to frame it and put it in your new office."

"I love you, so much."

"Love you more. Do you want me to read it first?"

"Can you?"

"Of course."

Brittany closed her eyes and buried her face in my neck and I opened the paper and flipped frantically through the pages. Right in the front of the arts section were pictures from the show, including an absolutely stunning one (though I'm partial) of Brittany rising up from the floor during her solo, and beneath, a long review of the evening, plus, beside it, a separate short piece exclusively written about Britt. I was shocked that it had only been a few hours earlier that she spoke to him, shocked that he'd managed to weave their conversation so quickly into a story, and I held Brittany tight around the waist as I tried to focus on reading the black and white words.

" _When you speak to choreographer Brittany Lopez-Pierce, the first thing you'll notice is how untainted she is by the acclaim she's received throughout her short career. She speaks to me like an old friend, introducing me to her wife Santana, and their two little girls, five year old Annalise (five-and-a-half, the little girl corrects her mom), and five month old Marisa, and it's hard to believe that this down to earth woman is the powerhouse who has entirely transformed her home studio, as well as train countless performers who have gone on to be a part of over a dozen Broadway shows, and more world tours than can be counted. The first thing Brittany tells me is that she's pretty boring, that all there really is to tell is that she loves to dance. But a few moments later, as she slowly opens up, I learn that there's so much more to the story than has ever been told."_ I read out loud, and Brittany, still sitting in my lap, rested her elbow against the table and propped her head up on it.  _"Like many of the greatest stories, the one of how Brittany ended up where she is today began with love. When I ask her how she left a small dance studio in Lima, Ohio, and only six years later, is set to become the youngest studio director in recallable history, she looks over at her wife- her high school sweetheart, against all odds, she'll tell you- and says that while she came here as an escape, she stayed for the love of the woman she calls her soulmate. As for dance, Brittany has been doing it since she was three years old, and says that her mother still has her first pair of ballet shoes up in the attic, alongside the videos her father has taken of every performance she's done for the last twenty-seven years. In high school- at William McKinley, a school prided on both their award winning cheerleaders_ and  _nationally ranked showchoir- she was the one who choreographed the dance portions for both teams, and truly honed her skills. Six years later, it was Richard Zara, whom Brittany is replacing when he retires next month, that took a risk on an unknown, and hired her, wide eyed, and new to the city, as a teacher. In addition to dancing at her audition, Brittany showed him videos of her choreography, and Zara hired her on the spot. As fate would have it, three months before the winter showcase, less than a year after Brittany began, Zara's lead choreographer quit, and again, recalling the videos he'd watched, he took an unprecedented chance on Brittany Lopez-Pierce. As Zara tells it, he's never seen a dancer with such natural talent, and even though Brittany prides herself of putting her family before all else, it is also clear how well disciplined and dedicated to her craft she is. While you'll read my glowing praise of the show in it's entirety, it's of note to speak about one performance in particular. In the very last number of the evening, Brittany takes the stage on her own, a single spotlight illuminating her motions as she dances in the darkness. Instantly, I'm captivated by the fluidity of her motions, the way she seems almost possessed by the music, like she's communicating solely through her craft. Later, when I ask her about the song she chose, something instrumental that I've never heard before, Brittany looks to her wife again and smiles. As it turns out, the song itself was a birthday gift from Santana, a songwriter and head of a revolutionary organization for youth, and the only thing Brittany says she could imagine dancing to for her last performance on that stage. It's personal, and it shows, in the best way possible. For Brittany Lopez-Pierce, her story_ is  _truly a love story, one with her wife, who's hand she squeezes when she gets nervous about my invasive questions, with her daughters, the oldest, whom she lifts into her arms and hugs close, and the younger, who's sleepy eyes she kisses, and with dance. This talented women has taken what she loves and created something truly awe inspiring. Though I believe many will be saddened to lose her presence on the stage, it is apparent from the way she speaks of her colleagues, of the dancers she works with, of her studio as a whole, that in her new position, Brittany will shine in an entirely new ways, and the performing arts community will witness something truly powerful."_

"Oh my God." Brittany breathed, furiously wiping tears from her face. "I didn't know he was writing a whole article about me."

"It's really,  _really_ good, Britt." I managed, feeling extremely choked up at reading the beautiful things Connor Frost had written about my wife. "I love that he turned it into a story, rather then just spitting back out the facts, you know?"

"Mmhm." She nodded, burying her face back in my neck for a minute and taking a breath. "He made me a person, not just a piece of a show...and he talked about you and the girls. I'm really glad I did it."

"I'm glad you did too. And in case I haven't told you enough, last night was seriously just, the greatest."

"Hmm. I think you've told me close to a hundred times, but it doesn't get old. Your opinion always means the most to me."

"Even when you've got your own story in the  _New York Times,_ well if  _that's_ not love, I don't know what is."

"Well haven't you heard?" She teased, kissing my forehead. "My story  _is_ a love story. Thank you, Santana. I mean it, you've been here with me from the beginning, encouraging me, supporting me, shifting your own schedule because you wanted me to live this dream, and I couldn't have done it without you. If there were awards shows for dancers, I'd totally be kissing my statue and holding it up to you."

"You're such a dork, Britt." I laughed, shaking my head. "I'd totally be the one in the audience screaming  _that's my wife_ though, and grabbing people to make sure they were looking at how awesome you are. Do you think that Triple B is open right now? I kind of want to get on this whole framing thing."

"And  _I'm_ the dork? You can calling Bed, Bath and Beyond  _Triple B._ _"_ She rolled her eyes with a wide grin. "You're not going frame shopping at eight o'clock in the morning,  _especially_ when I've hardly been home for almost a month. We'll get one when we go out later, I'm sure they're not going to sell out."

"Who knows? Maybe there's a mad rush from the BSLP fans to frame this awesome piece of journalism!"

"I love you, so, so, so much." She giggled. "You don't even know."

* * *

After Brittany had gone up to get Reese out of her crib, and Annie tramped down the stairs, grumpy and wild haired a few minutes later, we had our breakfast and re-read the article out loud over and over again. I was glad I'd gotten so many copies, because Annie was basically making plans to wallpaper our house with them, bouncing up and down excited about all of our names being in  _Uncle Kurt's Newspaper,_ as she called it, and especially about how  _magical_ they made Brittany's show sound. Our parents called from the hotel, Liz called from her train back to Boston, Kurt called shrieking that he loved the spin Connor had taken on Brittany's story and would give him articles for the style section if he wanted them, Mike and Tina called from the airport, and our entire breakfast just seemed to be a never ending flurry of activity. Of course, because it was full fledged Christmas mode time, we didn't have much time to rest after we'd finished eating, and with showers and baths for everyone, we got dressed and ready to head back out the door to meet the Chapman's and the Hudson's up in Westchester for our Annual Santa Photo and Christmas Tree Shopping Extravaganza (one guess who came up with that name).

I was beyond cautious on the windy roads up by Bear Mountain, probably driving fifteen miles below the speed limit, but with the new snow on the ground and Brittany and the kids in the car, I couldn't be too cautious to get us there all in one piece. When we arrived, only  _slightly_ late, Brittany slid Marisa, back in her little snow suit (which hid the little jeans and green sweater that matched what Brittany was wearing) into the sling against her chest, and I slung the diaper bag over my shoulder and held fast to Annie's hand as we made our way up to the same little winter wonderland we'd been coming to since Annie's second Christmas.

"Aunt S'tana! Aunt Brinny! My An-nie! Baby Reeeese!" Brice called out, tripping over his boots as he ran toward us and nearly tackled Annie to the ground. "Guess what! Santa is here!"

"Did you see him yet Bricey?" Annie cried, looking around frantically. "Did you see him without us?"

"No, Daddy says we gots to wait for you!" He pouted. "But Mommy gived me a reinbeer cookie 'n Eden's got apple juice that's hot."

"We'll get some later, sweetheart." Brittany promised Annie with a wink, knowing that she'd rather have hot apple cider than any other treat in the world. "Let's go say hi to everyone first."

" _Powerhouse_ Brittany Lopez-Pierce is here!" I cried out, gaining a laughing eye roll from my wife as Quinn jumped up from her seat on the bench and threw her arms around Brittany.

"Brittany, you're pretty amazing." Quinn said quietly to her best friend, always fairly reserved in her emotions. "After I got your text this morning, I made Archie go out and buy three copies. I'm not really sure why, but I just felt like we couldn't only buy one."

"'S okay, Auntia Quinn, Mamí bought  _ten!_ Did you see my name in it too?"

"I did, sweetie, you're pretty proud of your Mama, aren't you?"

"Course I am! You saw how super amazing it was! Did you buy newspapers too Auntia Rachel?"

"You know it, love." Rachel embraced me, giving me an extra squeeze just because she knew it was probably an extra emotional morning and she'd be able to get away with it.

"Good! Now do we get to see Santa? My sister has never ever seen him before, but I told her  _all_ about him in the car, and me and Mama wrote a letter for her, so 's okay, he'll know she wants to get blocks and lots of books for Christmas."

"Brice and I wrote him a letter too, thanks for calling to remind us to send it early, Annie." Finn beamed down at his favorite little girl, and scooped her up quickly in a big bear hug. "Are you going to cut down your Christmas tree this year?"

"No way! I'm not 'llowed to hold an axe!  _But_ I've been practicing yelling  _timber_ super,  _super_ loud so you know when to cut it!"

"I heard  _you_ learned a song about that, Brice." I looked to my godson, who was nearly bursting with excitement to tell me, and Rachel flicked my arm, because apparently she'd  _finally_ gotten him to stop singing what Finn had insisted on teaching him.

" _It's going down! We're yelling TIMBER! You better move! You better dance!"_ Brice screamed, entirely out of key, and as much as Rachel was  _so_ over the song that  _everyone else_ was over in 2014, except for apparently Finn, she couldn't help but smile widely at her son.

"Ke$ha? Nice Brice!" Britt high-fived him. "Maybe we'll have to teach Annie, Edie and Reese on the way up the hill."

"Some people sing Christmas carols, we sing decade old pop hits." I chuckled.

"Be thankful, Santana." Quinn looked to me and helped Eden up. "At least it's not Journey."

All laughing and merry, the whole group of us sauntered over to Santa's workshop, not even caring that the line was obscenely long, because we'd all have a much needed opportunity to chat. Between the tail end of Rachel's rehearsals, Quinn's increased volunteer load around the holidays, and the insanity of Brittany and my life, we'd hardly had an opportunity to exchange text messages, let alone get together, and even the night before, at Britt's show, it had all been such a whirlwind that I'd hardly even kissed them all hello. So we waited, we chatted, I snuggled Marisa, who was getting  _really_ close to nap time ( _that_ maybe we hadn't planned so intelligently), and the kids bubbled with excitement about Santa.

"Go ahead, go first." Finn urged us when we got to the front of the line. "You've gotta get the baby to sleep."

"You're sure?" I asked, looking at Brice, who looked like he was going to explode, a great contrast to Eden, who stood in her miniature designer jeans and waited patiently (she was Quinn Fabray's daughter, her extreme maturity and poise did  _not_ surprise me in the least).

"Yup, we'll be patient, right buddy? Marisa's pretty small and doesn't know about having to wait, and she's really tired."

"Ummmm." Brice looked to Finn, then to me, then to the baby. "Kay, Daddy. But Santa won't leave?"

"He won't, I promise."

It was funny how Annalise had always been mostly okay with Santa, the magic of the whole thing, I guess, excluding him from her usual wariness toward people, and I led her toward the man in the red suit. After the young elf discretely slipped the paper with the girl's names into Santa's hand (my  _favorite_ part of the Santa experience there), I gently declined her help as I lifted Annie, smiling at him shyly, into his lap. Brittany stood back just a moment, letting Marisa watch her sister, and she stopped her unintelligible babbling just to see what it was that Annie was doing.

"Hi, Santa." Annie whispered, her eyes wide as she looked up at the man.

"Well hello there, Annie. Thanks for coming to see me here today."

"He knows my name." She looked to us, and I gave her a double thumbs up. "Do you know my sister? Because she never had Christmas before."

"I do." Santa nodded, giving her a big belly laugh. "I saw Marisa on my nice list for the first time this year, and I was  _very_ glad to see that you and your moms helped her get there."

"Wow. Reese, Santa  _knows_ you! You're 'llowed to come sit with us too."

"C'mon, little love, let's go see your Annie, she's very excited to help you meet Santa."

Slowly approaching with Marisa, Brittany kissed our infant daughter before passing him into the man's free arm and finding her place beside me, tangling our hands together without even looking. Marisa, completely unsure of  _who_ this person was holding her, went rigid, her eyes wide and quickly filling with tears, but instead of letting out scary wails, she let out even more painful low cries, causing  _Annie's_ little eyes to well up with tears. Unsure what to do, and completely tired of waiting, a crying  _Brice_ broke free of Finn's grasp and tore straight toward Santa, shrieking his name and tugging on his pant leg and begging to be allowed up with the girls. Honestly, one of us  _probably_ should have stepped in to help, but I seriously couldn't help but laugh a little behind my hand, appreciating just how indicative of each of their personalities the whole scene was; Marisa's big, confused crocodile tears, Annie crying because someone else was crying, Brice crying because he was impatient, and Eden, standing with her hands folded in front of her, just watching, in a detached way, the entirety of the scene.

"Okay, okay  _amorcita,_ shhh. _"_ I finally snapped to it and picked up Marisa, rubbing her back and soothing her while Brittany went for Annie and Rachel hoisted her son into her arms. "You're alright, _beb_ _é_ _,_ Mamí's got you now."

"Oh no, oh no!" Annie continued to cry, clinging to Brittany. "Now we're all gonna get on the naughty list because we cried with Santa!"

"No, no sweetheart, it doesn't work like that. Your sister's just a baby, and you were sad for her, and Brice just had a hard time waiting, the naughty list doesn't work like that, you've all been so very good all year."

"But we're supposed to be happy to see him!"

"Hey, how about this,  _mi amor?_ " I moved closer to Brittany, rocking Marisa back and forth in my arms and looking to Annie. "What if we try again, after we get our Christmas tree? I'm going to let Marisa eat a little, and hopefully she'll sleep while we're walking around. You know she's much happier after naps, and you're not going to cry if she's not, right?"

"No, Mamí." Annie shook her head, wiping her face on the sleeves of her red sweater. "But we're 'llowed to see Santa  _two times?"_

"Of course we are." Brittany chimed in with her expertise, winking at me. "Santa knows that Mamí and I have a picture of both of our girls with him on our Christmas lists, he  _has_ to let us come back."

"Okay." Annie was wary, but always believed her Mama when it came to the rules about Santa Claus. "Baby Reese, are you done being sad now?"

"She is,  _coraz_ _ó_ _ncita._ " I lifted the blanket that I'd already managed to cover myself with, becoming quite a pro at urgent nursing, and let Annie peek at her contented sister. "See, look at her eyes, she's almost asleep without even trying."

"How about we get some cider, and then we'll find our great big Christmas tree?" Brittany asked, and Annie nodded emphatically, getting the very last of her sniffles out while she watched Brice calm down as well.

Brittany brought Annie over to the concession stand run by a woman dressed like Mrs. Claus, and I sat down briefly with Marisa, shifting her slightly so I could get her wrapped to my body, tuck her thick blanket around her, and zip her in my own coat so I didn't have to startle her to get her back into her snowsuit. Once I was content that she'd be warm enough outside, I kissed her sleepy little head and stood back up, smiling as my other two girls appeared again beside me, both wearing a bright smiles on their faces again as Britt pressed a cup of cider and a big peanut butter cookie into my hands. They bundled themselves back up, and we rejoined our friends, ready to trek through the snow to get our Christmas trees.

Marisa slept the entire time, hardly even moving as she snuggled up against me, and Annie and Brice whooped through the open air, thoroughly enjoying their ability to run free, and Eden struggled to keep up with them. It wasn't until after we'd gotten the tree tied to the roof and the wreaths and garland piled into the trunk that the baby finally woke up, well rested and giggly. Annie, of course, was a little bit nervous about her sister and hung back a bit as we approached Santa, but when I put the baby carefully in  _her_ arms, instead of a stranger's, we were good to go. Our big girl apologized on behalf of her and Marisa, and the man playing Santa was  _definitely_ charmed by her sweetness, grinning wide as he posed for pictures with them, and then another set with all four of the kids together.

* * *

Getting home later than we'd expected, I was glad our parents had shown up just in time to help us drag everything into the house. Because we had Rick's retirement party (our  _last_ obligation before we could truly relax for the holiday season) and we were, as usual, running late, Brittany jumped in the guest shower and I used ours, trying to hurry to get into gowns and hair and makeup for the second night in a row. My father, noting that the weather had turned back to miserable, offered to drive us over to the Crosby Street Hotel, and after giving the girls their requisite dozen goodbye kisses, we took him up on it, glad we didn't have to hunt for a cab in heels in the snow.

"Look who showed up!" Rick, already a little bit tipsy when we walked in the door, put his arm around Brittany's shoulders, and nodded to me. "I wasn't sure you were going to make it tonight."

"It's your retirement party, Rick, I'm finally getting rid of you, of course I'm here." Brittany mostly joked. "You're lucky I was enjoying the day with my wife and girls too much to stop by today and toss the rest of your stuff out of my new office."

"You think I don't know you better than that by now?" He chuckled. "I've got time, you won't set foot in that studio until after Christmas."

"That is true, I've spent enough time away from my family this month. Are you sad that it's over?"

"Bittersweet, I suppose." He sipped his champagne, and Brittany slipped her hand back into mine. "I'm leaving a good legacy here though."

"Yeah, after all you've done, I've got big shoes to step into. I mean, obviously, your feet are bigger than mine, but you also have been here or twenty-five years, and you just redid the entire studio, and-"

"She's always clueless when someone singing her praises, isn't she?" Rick cut off Brittany's nervous rambling and turned to me.

"That's my wife." I shrugged, tugging her closer to me and kissing her blushing cheek. having known exactly what Rick was talking about the moment he said  _legacy._

"I'm talking about  _you,_ LP. I knew from the first day you walked in that studio, dropped your bag at the door gave Beyoncé a run for her money with the way you worked your body, that you were going to be my best discovery. Then I watched you at six months pregnant putting every dancer in your class to shame, and it was solidified for me that you had what it took to be the showrunner, and the rest is history."

"Well thanks, Rick. And I wish you the best of luck in your European travels, and with Marcus, whatever you two decide to do."

"I'll definitely need that with the second one. I'd wish you the same, but Brittany, I'm pretty sure you don't need it."

Rick's was called away by someone else looking to congratulate him, and when we were alone again in the entryway, I gave Brittany a soft kiss, humming a little against her lips. I never really liked parties (and maybe especially more so after the debacle back in Lima), but I  _was_ enjoying the fact that even though that particular one was for Rick, Brittany had just pulled off a show of epic proportions, Brittany had been featured in the  _New York Times_ , and Brittany was about to take over the chief role, so she was bound to be on the receiving end of countless compliments. Knowing that definitely made it more than tolerable, and I felt the ripple of her laugh against me as I held her tight for one more second, her knowing exactly what I was thinking.

"Feels good, doesn't it?" I asked.

"What?" Brittany played a little coy, because for twenty-four hours, I had hardly stopped gushing over her.

"That this is it, it's all you after tonight, and hearing that Rick had faith in that from the beginning."

"It feels...weird." She crinkled her nose, and I couldn't help but kiss her between the eyes. "I still sort of don't believe it, San. Reading that paper, sometimes I still feel like that wide eyed girl from Ohio. Like, we're here, at this big event, for a guy who's job I'm taking over, and it's kind of  _whoa."_

"Good whoa?"

"Oh, totally good whoa. But it's intense. You know, I know we talk about how Rick is an idiot, like, ninety-nine percent of the time, but if it weren't for him, I wouldn't be here today, so I really do appreciate him."

"I know. I mean, you are pure awesome, obviously, but New York is big and bad."

"Even Annie's song says it." Britt cut in laughing, and I wrapped my arms around her neck and rested my forehead on hers. "But yeah, you don't always get somewhere on pure awesome alone, so I got lucky walking into the studio that day."

"The week that changed everything." I thought back nearly seven years, and knowing where my mind was, Brittany pressed her lips to mine. "I mean, we can't thank Rick for all of it, but we can thank him for your career, and we can thank him for giving you a reason to stay in New York."

"Santana Lopez-Pierce,  _you_  were  _always_ my reason for staying in New York. Job or no job, I wouldn't have left when we were in the middle of things being a mess. But let's stop, I hate talking about those rough times." She blinked back some tears. "We're at a party that no one is going to ruin, and I get a night with my wife after so many that I hardly even saw you, let's go dance."

"That sounds like the best idea ever, Britt."

Letting Britt lead me through the double doors, we stopped at the bar, and Britt ordered the glass of champagne I urged her not to feel guilty to have, and I got ginger ale in a flute. Raising to her as we both took sips, we greeted the dancers that stopped my wife to talk to her (and Brittany, my sweet, sweet Brittany, praised each and everyone one of them on their performance the night before) and filled them in on what she'd learned about the state of Aubrey's ankle before we made our way out onto the dance floor. It was actually one of my  _favorite_ things about the occasional parties we went to with Britt's work people, the energy out on the floor was  _intense,_ and even if I came nowhere near to keeping up with them,  _my_ partner was the best one there, and since we were always so perfectly in sync, I was actually pretty awesome.

* * *

We didn't stay all that late at the party, Brittany was still exhausted, I wasn't in much better shape, and with the weather as it was, neither of us were totally thrilled about being all the way across town from Annie and Marisa. Rather than get a cab (which I would have been a yelling, nervous wreck in anyway, I really didn't do so well in cars in the snow) or ask my father to come back out, Britt and I decided that since we no longer needed to worry about our hair and makeup, we'd just walk home. We were cold and wet, but laughing as we walked in the door, finding our parents still watching _Mickey_ _'_ _s Christmas Carol,_ despite the fact that Annie was sprawled out across the couch, completely passed out, a bag of Skittles still clutched tightly in her little hand.

"Girls!" My mother stood up quickly, trying to hide the candy that we'd explicitly asked them  _not_ to give Annie (not that we really thought they wouldn't, but we had to try). "Did you just walk home? It's coming down almost an inch an hour out there. One day you'll catch your deaths!"

"It was actually a really nice walk." Brittany shrugged, taking my coat from me and hanging both over the heater so they could dry.

"And safer to take our chances with something that does  _not_ actually cause illness than death cabs." I rolled my eyes. "Anyway, how were the girls?"

"Good." Susan stood up ad gestured to the upright, naked Christmas tree that I hadn't even noticed. "Annie was all about helping Poppy and  _Abuelo_ get the tree in the stand, and she even put the water in the stand for it."

"My good girl." I lifted her sleeping form into my arms, and Brittany kissed the top of her head. "Let's get you in your bed,  _mi amor._ _"_

" _Chocolate pot roast with smishmashio._ _"_ Annie mumbled out in sleep, and when Brittany raised a questioning eyebrow, my father pointed to the television screen, a twinkle in his eye.

"Her favorite part, we rewinded in four times." He told us. "She's really into the Ghost of Christmas Past."

"Hmm, wonder where she got that?" Brittany looked pointedly at her mom.

"Go ahead, get her up to bed, we'll clean up everything down here before we go." Stephen suggested.

"Don't." I shook my head. "I don't want you trying to get back to the hotel, just, stay here tonight, okay?"

"Says the girl who just walked from SoHo."

"Ma, stop. I don't need one of you breaking a hip or something."

"We're in our fifties, not our eighties,  _mija, callate._ _"_

"Don't argue with her, Mari." Brittany smiled. "There are extra blankets in the closet in the office for the Murphy bed, and we already made up the guest room for winter. We'll see you in the morning."

Kissing them all goodnight and not giving anyone a chance to argue further, Britt and I went upstairs, tucking Annie into her bed and going into Marisa's room to see her lying below the stars of her Twilight Turtle, one hand curled around the crib rail and her tiny face contented in sleep. Brittany went into the bathroom first, and I shed my dress, tossing it over the back of a chair to be dry-cleaned. After I'd gone in to scrub the makeup off my face and brush my teeth, I came back out into the bedroom to find Britt flopped back on the bed, only wearing the bottom half of her pajamas, naked from the waist up.

"Allergic to shirts?" I teased, flicking off the overhead light and crawling up into bed beside her.

"It was a serious internal struggle, pajamas, no pajamas, I settled for half pajamas."

"The biggest dilemma I've ever heard."

"Shut up. I mostly meant sex or no sex, because  _hello,_ have you seen my hot wife, who I've been seriously neglecting?"

"Your hot wife who'd rather wait until tomorrow so we don't fall asleep on each other anyway?"

"Oh my God, we're totally getting old." Brittany laughed, rolling so she was on top of me and kissing my lips. "Exhaustion never used to stop us."

"I'm pretty sure we never  _knew_ exhaustion like we know now, and we didn't break any hips, so we're still good." I ran my fingers up and down her bare sides, tracing over her ribs and feeling the lull in her breathing as she got even sleepier from my actions. "And we'll have plenty of time now that you're on vacation, and we're kind of starting another new chapter of our lives."

"I love you, honey."

"I know." I kissed her one last time and closed my eyes. "I love you too, my insanely beautiful wife."


	44. Questions

Early Christmas morning, after Brittany and I had been up late wrapping the final gifts and preparing the house for the girls to see that Santa had visited, I lie awake in the stillness of the morning, playing with Britt's hair that tickled the top of my chest. We'd made it through Annie's holiday concert at school, where she'd lip-synched like the characters in  _Charlie Brown_ (intentionally, she'd told me, because she was too scared to sing in front of everyone, and she thought that looking up and shaping her mouth like an  _O_ would convince everyone she was really singing), we'd made it through shopping and wrapping, through Christmas Eve brunch, where the kids ran wild and Kurt and Blaine did a terrible job of pretending they weren't fighting, and through getting the excited girls to bed. I was tired, but I couldn't sleep, because  _I_ was excited, excited for Marisa's first Christmas, excited for more of Annie's narration of everything for her, just  _so_ excited for the day in it's entirety. Although we'd told Annie that we needed to stay in bed until six o'clock, I heard the unmistakable patter of her feet just after five-thirty, heading into Marisa's room. When I moved to get up to get her and bring her into our room, I felt Brittany move against me, and she looked up with eyes sparkling.

"Leave her." She whispered. "She won't wake the baby up if she's sleeping, and Liz and I used to sleep together every Christmas Eve so we could wake up early and talk about Santa."

"I love that." I smiled, kissing my wife to wish her a merry Christmas. "And I love the idea of them being really close and sharing the bond like you and your sister have."

"Me too. Let's close our eyes for a few more minutes, then maybe we'll go downstairs  _just_ a little early."

"You being the pushover, this is new." I teased.

"Christmas morning. You know it's my favorite."

_"Oh, hi baby Reese!"_ Annie chirped over the monitor, then lowered her voice to a whisper.  _"I didn't think you'd already be 'wake. We've gotta be_ super  _quiet, because we're not s'pposed to wake up 'til six o'clock, and it's only five-three-six, but I'm just so_ excited  _and I wanted to tell you that Santa came! I know it! I can see our stockings from the stairs!"_

"Oh my God, I can't with her." I covered my mouth to stifle the elated giggle that threatened to escape. "I could listen to her talk to the baby forever."

"She just loves her so much. I hope that she can always be her little confidante."

"I think she will be. I mean, the way Marisa's eyes light up when she's even in the room, they're ridiculous with each other, in the best way."

_"We first gotta take our stockings down, and then Mama's gonna light is a fire, 'cuz we don't have to worry about hurting Santa, now that he's gone. Then we take_ all  _the stuff out, and_ then _we eat French toast casserole that Mam_ _í_ _made before we went to bed, well, you have to eat milk, but Mam_ _í_ _made that too, so 's 'llowed, and_ then  _we open up the presents under the big tree. 'S okay if you forget, I'll remind you, okay?"_ Marisa released a string of sleepy syllables, and Annie giggled in response.  _"Maybe I should read a book to you, that will make all the time go super faster."_

When we heard Annie shuffle a little, obviously searching for the right book, I kind of wished that we had turned on the rarely used camera (I basically despised it, because it always looked to me on the tiny black and white screen that the baby wasn't breathing, and it would send me into unnecessary panic). Having chosen the book, humming  _Wonderful Christmastime_ as she did it, we could hear as Annie climbed up into the glider and Britt and I both waited for her to begin.

_"Okay, I wanted to read you a Christmas book, but they're all in my room, so I'm gonna read_ Goodnight Moon  _instead, since there's no words that are too hard,_ and _you like it a lot."_ I could just about hear the self-affirming nod in Annie's voice, and Brittany kissed my chin, just because _. "_ In the great green room there was a telephone, and a red balloon, and a picture of a cow jumping over the moon. And there were three little bears, sitting on chairs, and a little toy house, and a young mouse. And a comb, and a brush, and a bowl full of mush _\- we are very lucky we eat pancakes and French toast and not mush, because Mamì told me that that is, and that sounds very gross."_ Annie laughed at herself, and read through the whole book, making me feel  _extremely_ proud over how good her reading was getting."Goodnight stars, goodnight air, goodnight noises everywhere.  _Do you think it's time to get up yet, Reese? You don't have any clocks in your room. I think when you get hungry, that means Mamí will get you, and then it will be time to go downstairs. Does your belly feel hungry now?"_

"Okay, let's go in there. It's 5:51, close enough." I rolled over, buttoning up the top of my Christmas cookie pajamas that were still undone from my heavy makeout session with Britt the night before.

"Mama! Mamí!" Annie cried out when we walked into the room. "It's Christmas!"

"It is,  _mija!"_  I scooped her up in my arms while Brittany lifted the baby from the crib to quickly change her diaper. "Thanks for reading to your sister until it was time for us to get up, getting an early start on next year's nice list, right?"

"Course I am! Hi Mama!"

"Hi, baby girl!" Brittany wrapped the two of us in a hug with her and the baby, and Marisa squealed at being pressed between us. "Merry Christmas!"

"I think it's already gonna be the very best Christmas ever!"

Tramping down the stairs, it was Annie's turn to squeal as she saw the piles of gifts and the note written from Santa, thanking her again for being such a good big sister, and telling her that he was very proud of her for being so very brave at school. Marisa was still entranced by the twinkling tree lights, and when Brittany brought her stocking over to where we'd curled up on the rug, and lit the fire, her tiny little hands shook with excitement, absolutely loving the new sight. While Marisa nursed, Brittany took a seat beside us, and Annie slowly removed things from her own stocking, bouncing up and down over a toothbrush, a new bottle of special bubble bath, and Mexican candies, like they were the greatest things she'd ever seen in her life. It was actually shocking to me how patient she was, waiting for the baby to finish eating so she could help open  _her_ stocking, and finally, I told her that she could go ahead and start taking things out to show her sister.

While we ate breakfast, Marisa sat up in her highchair, holding on with both hands to Skittles and gurgling to herself (or to him, Annie thought), not really knowing what was going on, but sensing all of the excitement around her. Annie could hardly hold her fork, she was so distracted by the anticipation of what was in those packages, and even though French toast casserole was one of her favorite breakfasts, by the time she'd finished five bites, she was too full to finish eating. Laughing, I took another forkful, and we got up from the table, settling back down on the floor so Annie could choose the first gifts for her and Marisa to open. As excited as she was, it never failed to make me smile, the way she opened each gift so slowly and carefully, actually taking the time to appreciate what was inside before moving on to another. Although Marisa couldn't really do much, Brittany set her between her legs, helping her small hands to rip through the paper, and watching her shriek with delight at the wrapping itself.

By the time we'd finished the Santa gifts, Annie marveling at her new art supplies, her piano book, the scooter that was just like Thoreau's, and her array of other toys and games, it was actually a reasonable hour of the morning. Knowing that Liz and Max would be arriving from Pennsylvania soon, and that our parents would be over before that, I kissed Annie on the forehead, calming her down a little bit while Brittany went to get the iPad and the two gifts that were under our bed upstairs. Although it had been a while since we'd seen Penny and John, they still never forgot about their Annalise, and, although completely unnecessary, they'd sent a second gift for Marisa with hers as well.

"Are you ready to call Grandma Penny and Grandpa John?" Brittany asked, propping the iPad up on the coffee table.

"Okay, Mama." She nodded, curling into me a little bit as she got shy about it. "'S not going to be a lot of people at their house, right?"

"I don't think so, sweetheart, that's why we like to call them early, before it gets crazy there, and here too."

"'S a very good idea. Mamí, I want to sit with you still."

"Of course,  _mi amor."_ I ruffled her hair, thankful that my old hesitation toward being involved in the FaceTime conversations (even after Britt and my long conversation with the Evans) was long gone, especially because sometimes Annie needed a little extra encouragement.

" _Hi Annalise."_ Penny waved from the screen. "Hello Santana, merry Christmas!"

"Thanks Penny, you too." I nudged Annie's cheek, making her smile.

"Merry Christmas, Grandma Penny. Where's Grandpa John?"

" _He's coming, sunshine. He went to go get the nice gifts you sent us. Did you get ours'"_

"We did." Brittany came around the the front of the table, Marisa situated on her hip, and gave Penny a wave.

" _Your sister's getting so big, isn't she?"_

"On almost-New Year's, she's gonna be six whole months old. Baby Reese, you gotta say hi to Grandma Penny."

" _Is that our Little New York?"_ John walked back in the room with the gifts wrapped in the paper Annie had made herself, calling her by the nickname he'd given her when she was still a baby. " _Hi there!"_

"Hi, Grandpa John." Annie squeezed tightly to my hand, and I could almost  _feel_ her cheeks color. "'S very nice to see you on FaceTime."

" _It's always very nice to see you too. Santa was good to you, I hope?"_

"He was the  _best."_ She smiled at her pile of presents. "Guess what? He even got me my  _very own_ music to play on the piano. Even though my Mamí writes very beautiful music, mostly 's too hard to play without lots of help."

" _Well we'd definitely like to hear you play when you learn your new music."_ Penny beamed. " _We're very glad to hear that you're going to be another little musical one. Do you want to go ahead and open your gift with us now?"_

"Okay." She nodded, slowly tearing off the paper from the gift Britt had set on the floor in front of her, and revealing the small doll cradle that they'd sent. " _Wow._ This is a very good present."

"Annie." Brittany tried not to laugh, but when Penny and John did, she couldn't help it. "Say thank you, Bean."

"Thank you very,  _very_ much." Annie nodded, expressing her great approval. "Candita will like this  _a lot._ She doesn't like too much sharing a bed with me and Milky Way,"

" _Good, we're very glad to hear that we got you something you can use."_ Penny smiled, glad that Annie liked their gift. " _What are you doing for the rest of the day?"_

"Grammy and Poppy, and  _'Buela_ and  _'Buelo_ are coming over from their hotel. Plus, Auntia Liz and Max are coming in the car from Pennsylvania very soon, and we're going to eat ham and cake and maybe play my new games."

_"Well we hope you have a very good Christmas, sweetness."_ Penny told her, sensing that she was getting restless on the call.  _"We will talk to you soon, okay?"_

"Okay, Grandma Penny. Bye, Grandpa John."

Brittany and I talked to the Evans for a few minutes, once Annie wriggled off my lap to go climb up onto the window bench and create a scene with her brand new window markers. They sounded good, which I was  _so_ glad to hear, since December and the holidays were especially tough on them. They told us about Stevie and Stacey, about their plans for Christmas Day with Penny's sister, and about how they really hoped they'd get a chance to see us in New York in the near future. When we hung up the call, Brittany snuggled closer to me, resting my head against my shoulder as Reese lay across her chest. I kissed her temple and squeezed her hip from where my arm held around her waist, and we were quiet for a long while, not really needing to talk about it as we watched Annie sing to herself as she worked, watched Marisa continue to stare at the bright lights in front of her, and just enjoyed the quiet peace of Christmas morning.

Of course, the peace was short lived, as the Lopezes and the Pierces arrived in a flurry of activity, scooping Annie out of her window spot to shower her with kisses and  _more_ gifts, and Marisa, almost asleep in Brittany's arms, was woken up by the commotion and quickly snatched up by my mother. Just when things began to settle  _again,_ Lizzie and Max walked in, starting the whole process over, and although it was pretty overwhelming, Britt and I just laughed, recognizing that it was one day a year, and even if the baby was a little cranky from not sleeping, it wouldn't  _hurt_ her, and that was okay. Once things had  _sort of_ calmed, Annie had managed to cajole Stephen, my father and Max into playing Hi Ho! Cherry-O on the floor under the Christmas tree with her, and Brittany came up behind me, pressing herself into my back and wrapping her arms around my waist.

"Be super careful,  _'_ _Buelo_! These are very tiny fruits and my sister can choke on tiny stuff if she eats it." Annie informed my father, reiterating my own words from earlier, as we'd begun really enforcing the rules about small pieces on the ground as Marisa got closer to crawling. Susan covered her mouth to hide her laughter, appreciating the fact that it was my father, the  _doctor,_ whom Annie felt the need to tell that to.

"That's a great rule to remember,  _Lisita_. Maybe we should count them all first, that way we're sure we have them all when we clean up later."

"That's always Mamí's idea too when we play games! She likes to make sure we don't lose any pieces,  _even_ big ones that are safe for my sister, because then the game's not so fun!"

"I taught you that well,  _mija._ _"_ Papí turned to smile and me, and I nodded.

"Here, Poppy, you can put the spinner together, and I will count the cherries. Max, you can count the apples, and  _'_ _Buelo_ can count the blueberries." She directed them, and all three men immediately followed.

"I love how this tiny girl that I can lift with one hand is the boss of all these men." Lizzie laughed, giving reindeer pajama clad Marisa back to her anxious Grammy and joining us where we stood.

"She knows how to exert her power." Britt told her sister. "We should probably start getting dinner ready. Liz, are you helping us?"

"Yeah, totally."

Liz looked to Max to let him know, and I waved off our mothers' offers to help, letting them actually spend a holiday relaxing, as we went into the kitchen. While I pulled the ham out of the refrigerator, Britt handed over the sack of potatoes to her sister, and the three of us worked at a leisurely pace, knowing we had lots of time, and enjoying the fact that after the commotion around us all the last few times we'd been together, we finally had a chance to hang out, just the three of us.

"How are things going with packing at Max's?" Brittany asked, beginning her thin slicing of the potatoes while I stood at the stove stirring the milk and cheese mixture for them.

"Depressing. I hate that he's moving here in two weeks, and I'm stuck in Boston until May."

"It's sort of funny that when we tried to hook you up with the waiter that time, I told you that Boston to New York was  _hardly_ long distance."

"Oh yeah,  _hilarious,_ Santana." She pouted. "Even though it's not  _that_ far, it still sucks that I won't be able to go over there and just get into bed with him late at night after work."

" _Just_ what I want to hear about my baby sister." Britt teased.

"Please, I know  _far_ more about my big sister and her wife than I  _ever_ want to know, thank you very much."

"Fair enough." She laughed. "You'll be done soon though, Lizzie."

"I know. I mean, a year ago, all I wanted was to be a DA, and I was totally focused on myself. Now though, I totally still want that, but I also really want to be Mrs. Maxwell Tompkins. Unofficially, obviously. I'm keeping Pierce when we're married."

"Imagine you said that to he-who-shall-not-be-named?"

"No, I can't. I can't imagine a lot of things with him. Like, with Max, I think about having all these little kids that look just like him, I didn't even know I  _wanted_ kids."

"Don't let your mother hear you say that you're thinking about kids. She'll probably get the ugly orange booties out for you."

"And Daddy will be so pissed, because they  _obviously_ worked pretty well for us, getting Marisa on the first shot."

"I don't want them  _now._ But I want to speed up time, or something, take the Bar, graduate, be settled in that little apartment in SoHo that Max is moving into. I don't know."

"Sorry, Lizzie, I worked long and hard on a time machine, and it never worked out. But look at us, we're kind of proof that the best things are worth waiting for." Brittany leaned over the counter and gave me a lingering kiss, the kind that made me feel all tingly inside.

"Yeah, yeah, I know."

"Have you heard at all from Kate Goldman?" I asked, still loving the idea that my sister-in-law could possibly end up working for a woman that had really helped to change the course of my life.

"Yeah, a few times. It's good to know that she'll be looking to pull my paperwork when it comes in. I mean, she can't officially offer me anything, but I'm set to graduate at the top of my class, and as long as I score well on the Bar, then I'm a great candidate for the job."

"We are proud of you, Squirt. You went from ankle biter, to sort of ditzy, boy crazy undergrad, to  _this._ It's impressive." I praised, and she turned bright red.

"It's not what I ever thought I wanted, but I love it, and I just...I don't know, I hope that I can do for other people what Kate did for you, and really, for our whole family."

"I have no doubt you will, Liz." Brittany said seriously, and Liz dropped the carrot she was peeling to embrace both of us.

"Thank you, for always supporting me, guys. It means so, so much."

At some point, Max came to join us in the kitchen, and our fathers ended up bringing Annie over to Washington Square Park to try out her new scooter. I was glad when she came back sleeping in my father's arms, at least getting a small break from the day as Stephen lay her on Marisa's quilt on the floor (where the baby was already sleeping in her little frog position, limbs tucked under her body and her diaper clad butt sticking up in the air). After we ate, and Susan and my mom insisted on cleaning up, Annie gave out her homemade gifts,  _we_ gave out Marisa's footprint ornaments, and Britt and I graciously accepted the things that our parents had unnecessarily bought for us. After hot chocolate, cake, an hour of practicing  _On Top Of Spaghetti_ on the piano in front of everyone, and a  _long_ game of Scrabble Junior, it was obvious that it was time for everyone to go, with Annie starting to act out like she did when she was too tired, and Marisa getting whiny and extra clingy on Brittany. We said our final goodnights, and changed into pajamas. While Britt helped Annie get into bed, I put the already sleeping baby down in her crib, and then joined my other girls up on Annie's big bed for story time. Our daughter snuggled into my side as Britt read  _The Day the Crayons Quit_ , and just when I thought she was falling asleep, her little eyes popped right back open.

"I have a question." Annie furrowed her little brow, and I soothed away the wrinkles with my thumb, urging her to ask it. "How come I got Grammy and Poppy and  _'Buelo_ and  _'Buela, and_ Grandma Penny and Grandpa John? Grammy and Poppy are your Mama and Daddy, Mama, and  _'_ _Buela_ and  _'_ _Buelo_ are Mamí's Mamí and Papí, but Grandma Penny and Grandpa John are nobody's. I don't know if I understand how grandmas and grandpas work."

It was one of those moments where time sort of froze, and my breath caught in my throat. I heard Brittany's sharp intake of breath from Annie's other side, and we exchanged a glance. It had been years since we'd come up with the plan, years since we'd decided that when Annie asked, we'd tell her the truth, but neither of us were expecting it so soon, and it felt like my brain was scrambling, trying to piece together all that we'd talked about in the past. We'd hoped we'd have a few more years, have time until maybe she had even the most rudimentary grasp of sex and relationships, but we didn't, and I felt myself start to panic a little.

"Annalise, we're going to have a really big grown up conversation, okay?" Brittany asked, always cautious to make sure Annie knew when things might be hard or scary for her. "But you can ask us any questions you want as we talk, and we'll try to help you understand as best as possible, okay?"

"Okay, Mama." Annie nodded tentatively, biting at her thumbnail.

"Come here, my sweet girl." Brittany pulled Annie in for a big hug, possibly more terrified than  _I_ was about having this conversation, and then settling her down cross legged across from us. "You know how we've talked about how all families are different, but what matters most of all is love? Like how you have two moms, Thoreau has two dads, Brice has a mom  _and_ a dad, Aunt Quinn and Uncle Archie went on a plane to get Edie and became her parents  _after_ she was born, and Lexi just has a daddy?"

"Course I do."

"Okay." Brittany swallowed hard, and I reached out and took one of her hands between both of mine, needing her to know I was there, needing her to know that as hard as things were when they'd first happened, this wasn't then, and we were in this together, for  _our_ daughter. "Do you also remember how we talked to you about how Mamí likes girls, and I like girls  _and_ boys?" Annie simply nodded, trying to piece together what was being said, but not having enough information. "Okay, good. I promise sweetheart, it'll make sense when I'm finished. So before I married Mamí, I had a boyfriend, Sam. You've seen him in pictures-"

"He was your friend! He is in the pictures from when you won the trophy!" Annie interrupted, and Brittany nodded. "And he's in pictures at Grandma Penny and Grandpa John's house. But...he's not alive anymore." She finished quietly.

"That's right, baby girl." Brittany nodded. "Sam, he- he was in an accident, right before I came to New York to find Mamí."

"So that's why I have lots of grandmas and grandpas? 'Cuz Grandma Penny and Grandpa John are sad 'bout Sam, and he cant have grandbabies for them?"

_You're doing fine._ I breathed into Brittany's ear, seeing the tears in her eyes, and knowing that even though she wanted to be the one that told this story, I'd step in for her in an instant if she needed me to.  _I'm here._

"Sort of. This is the thing, when grown up girls want to have babies, they need either a boy, or a doctor to help plant a baby inside of them.  _Sometimes,_ boys don't even  _know_ that they've planted a baby in their girlfriend, and the girl gets a very, very big surprise. You, Annalise, were my greatest surprise."

"Okay." Annie sat quiet for a few minutes, and we let her, knowing that she was making sense of it all in the best way she could. "So Sam helped you have a surprise baby me?"

"Yes. That's exactly what happened. I didn't even know that you were inside of me until after he wasn't my boyfriend anymore, and after he…after his accident. That's why Grandma Penny and Grandpa John are also your grandma and grandpa though, because Sam helped to give me you, even if he never got to meet you, and we wanted his mom and dad to get a chance to know the Annie we love so much."

"Oh. But what about  _you,_ Mamí?" Annie was clearly concerned, and I lifted her up onto my lap, hugging her against my chest tighter than I ever had. "I don't…I don't understand. I thought people in love get babies together, like you and Mama went to Dr. Singh to put my sister in your belly. How'd you get to be my Mamí if you didn't help Mama get me inside?"

" _Mi amor_." I tried to keep my voice from wavering, knowing there would never be a conversation with my daughter that was as difficult as that one, and sort of side stepping the  _people in love get babies together_ thing, because eventually, we'd have to explain how that  _wasn_ _'_ _t_ always the case. "You know when you love someone, like your sister, or Mama and me, or Brice, you want to share the things that are most important to you with them?"

"Course, Mamí. That's why I sometimes let you snuggle with Milky Way, and I  _always_ let my sister hold him, if she wants to."

"Exactly. So when Mama found out about baby you growing in her belly, she wanted to share how happy she was about you with me, because she was my girlfriend then, not my wife yet, but we loved each other very much. Because of that, she asked me if I'd be your Mamí, and then she asked me if I'd be her wife." I told her, simplifying it as best as I could. "This is the thing, my Annalise, from the very first time I heard your little heart beat, long before you were even born, I knew you were meant to be my daughter, and I knew that I was going to love you stronger than any love I ever felt before for the rest of my life."

"Okay. So you're still my Mamí forever, right? And Mama's still my Mama?" She asked, sounding panicky, like everything she'd ever known could be taken away from her in a second because she'd asked a question.

" _Annalisita, tú eres mi mundo entero,_ you and your sister. Just like with Marisa, it doesn't matter who's belly you grew in, or how you got in there, me, you, Mama and Marisa are the realest of real families, okay? Families are all about love, just like Aunt Rachel and Uncle Finn, Aunt Quinn, Eden, and Brice are all your family because we love them. I love you, my beautiful little girl, and Mama loves you, and that's what being your moms means."

"Okay. Okay. I love you too, lots and lots." She kept nodding to herself, trying to blink away her tears, before burying her face in Brittany's chest and making sure she'd hugged her too. "And I love you Mama."

"I love you too, sweetheart, for always. I know this is a really grown up conversation for you, but you have nothing to worry about, I promise you. Everything is still just the same, but we wanted you to understand why Grandma Penny and Grandpa John are very important in your life." Brittany told her, and she sat quiet and contemplative for several minutes.

"What are you thinking about, Annie?"

"When people die, they never come back, right? And you can never see them again?"

"No, Annie girl, they don't." Brittany sighed, gripping my hand so tight, I swore she'd break my fingers.

"B-but…" Annie got hysterical so quickly, fisting Brittany's shirt with both eyes, and looking up at me with sheer terror on her face. "What if  _you_ die? I don't want to never see you again!"

" _Mija, mija, estas bien, calmate._ _"_ I rubbed her lower back, speaking into her ear as she maintained her tight hold on Brittany and sort of feeling like I was going to throw up. Brittany and I shared our own panicked look, not even  _thinking_ that we should have prepared to talk to her about death, and I tried to stave off my tears.

"Annalise, look at me." Brittany pressed her fingers under Annie's chin and tilted her head so she was looking up into her Mama's eyes. "I don't want you to worry about Mamí or me dying, sweet girl. Mostly when people die, they are very old, or very sick, and not the kind of sick like when we get belly aches or colds, but the kind of sick like no one we know has ever been. Sometimes, there are terrible accidents and things-" She was unable to avoid looking at me, and I unconsciously brought my hand to my throat, thinking how I had been pretty damn lucky at avoiding death. "But we're not going to think about that, okay? Mamí and me, we're going to try and stick around here for a very, very long time."

" _Please_ try really,  _really_ hard,  _please._ _"_ She begged.

" _Corazoncita,_ we'll try harder than we've ever tried anything else, I promise you that."

"Okay." She nodded shakily, and Brittany lay her back down on the bed, tucking her underneath her Dr. Seuss quilt and letting her curl Milky Way up under her arm. "Mama?"

"Yes, baby girl."

"I-I'm very sorry you never get to see Sam again." She squeezed her eyes tightly shut. "But I  _am_ very happy that you wanted to share your happy about your surprise baby me with Mamí, 'cuz I don't _ever_ want to not have my Mamí."

"I don't ever not want to have my Annie,  _te amo por siempre y para siempre, mi bebé preciosa."_

" _Te amo mucho mucho por vida."_ She pursed her lips for a kiss as I leaned down over her, and after I gave her one, I tucked her hair behind her ear and gave her another on the forehead.

"Do you have any more questions for us, Bean?"

"No, Mama, 's okay. I don't wanna think about sad stuff anymore, I want to think about how it's still Christmas, and how we still have lots of time before you have to go to work again, and how Santa was very, very nice to me and my sister. 'S that still 'llowed? Even though I was just feeling sad?"

"Oh, my Annie." Brittany pressed her hand over her own heart and then kissed our daughter in the same way I just had. "Of course it is. This all happened a very long time ago, and we  _all_ want you to feel as happy as you can, as often as you can. And Mamí and I want to feel happy with you tonight, we had a really, really nice day today."

"Can you both sing to me? Just one more Christmas song?" She asked, her eyes getting heavy, and the burdens lifting as she got closer to sleep.

"You don't even have to ask." I smiled, so, so glad for the innocence that she still possessed, and glad that although I was pretty sure she probably didn't understand most of what we'd explained about how she'd come to exist, she got what mattered the most, that she was loved, and that more importantly than anything else, that's what family was all about.

Instead of singing a traditional Christmas song, I chose  _My Favorite Things,_ since they  _did_ play it on the radio at Christmastime, and obviously, I always found  _The Sound of Music_ comforting. Britt sang along with me, running her fingers through Annie's hair when she flipped over on her stomach, and by the time we'd reached the last verse,  _I simply remember my favorite things, and then I don't feel so bad,_ our daughter, with her arm draped over Milky Way, was fast asleep. Turning off the lights, we went downstairs, leaving our girls to sleep, and leaving ourselves some time alone together. While I sat immediately down, Brittany paced a little bit, stoked the fire, and checked that the doors were locked, until I opened my arms for her and she fell into them.

"I love you. I love you so much." She murmured into my neck, kissing my pulse point. "God, she was supposed to be older before she asked us. Are you okay?"

"If this were a few years ago, I wouldn't be. I would have felt really insecure, and been upset about it for days." I told her honestly. "But she's my girl, and we knew the day would come when she'd ask questions, and I've always been prepared for us to be honest with her. Like you said to her, nothing changes because of it. You and I are her parents, but she deserves to know about the unique circumstances that gave her to us."

"You know, Santana, you're an incredible woman." Britt told me, and I shrugged it off. "You're an incredible mother, an incredible wife, and I just feel  _so_ lucky sometimes that I have you."

"We're all lucky, Britt. Our family is pretty special, and I just don't really care how it was created, I guess. Even if you and I could have made a baby that was genetically both of ours, I know I wouldn't love them any more than I love our daughters. They're kind of perfect."

"Yeah." She smiled, wrapping her arms around my neck and looking into my eyes. "The most perfect. Annie's so much like you sometimes that I swear, if I didn't know better, I'd think  _you_ gave birth to her."

"Oh, why? Because she constantly stews in her own thoughts all the time? Or because she's a grump when she's tired?" I couldn't help but laugh a little, and she pressed a kiss to the corner of my mouth.

"And because she's tough, and she loves so fiercely that sometimes it looks like her tiny body can't even handle it all, and she worries about things that will probably never happen because she feels every emotion so strong, and she speaks Spanish when she gets upset. It just makes me really happy that she's so much like you."

"Baby." I scrunched up my face a little bit. "It's kind of what I'm looking forward to seeing in Marisa too, what Brittanyisms she gets."

"I'm totally banking on the ability to pop and lock."

"Of all your awesome qualities, that's the one you pick?"

"Well you and Annie totally can't, so I'd like  _someone_ around here who can."

"You're a gigantic dork." I shook my head, then had to turn a little serious again. "But you're okay too, B?"

"I am. I hate that she was afraid of one of us dying, especially because we've both been a little too close to death for  _anyone's_ liking, but like with everything else, we'll answer the questions she has when they come."

"I'll do some research on it in the morning, make sure we're being age appropriate."

"I don't doubt you will, honey." She teased a little, and I clicked my tongue. "I just...I know we were going to explain about her surgery tomorrow, once Christmas was over, but after this, I'd like to wait a few more days. That's a lot for her little mind to process in such a short period of time."

"You're right. We'll wait." I kissed her temple and pulled her in even closer to me, sitting in silence for a long time, just being together, until finally Britt broke it with a sort of awkward laugh.

"Maybe this is totally inappropriate timing right now, but dinner was like four hours ago, and I'm kind of starving again."

"If you're getting up to make a leftover ham sandwich, I totally want one." I raised my eyebrows hopefully and she smiled adoringly.

"Lazy." She kissed me again on the mouth and pushed herself up into a standing position. "I'm getting more cake too."

"You better share with me then."

"Obviously. I'm pretty sure you had to restrain yourself from writing cake sharing into our wedding vows." Brittany rolled her eyes playfully and I just laughed. "Only with you, love of my life, do I even _consider_ sharing chocolate cake."

"I'm well aware of that, and I appreciate it."

While Britt went to the kitchen, I went upstairs to get an envelope from the top drawer of my dresser, and even though it hadn't been long since we'd put them to bed, since I was up there, I just couldn't help taking another peek at my daughters in their rooms. Marisa was suckling in her sleep, the way she often did, a habit from when she used to sleep-nurse, and I reached down into the crib to touch her open palm. She didn't stir, and I held my hand there for a few moments, whispering down to her.

_"Que sueñes con los angelitos, amorcita._ I love you, my little one, and I hope you had the first of many amazing Christmases."

Closing the door behind me, I went into Annie's room to find her furled up into a little ball, Milky Way tucked between her knees and her stomach. I couldn't help but think that she slept the way I did on the rare occasion I was alone, and I sat down beside her, gently loosening her tightened muscles and brushing a soft kiss across her forehead. She was such a part of me, my precious little miracle, like somehow, when she'd physically grown inside of Brittany, she'd grown to fill my heart as well. I knew when she was older, when she understood more of what was meant by the things we'd told her, she'd ask more questions, but I also knew that the answers to those questions wouldn't change the bond between us, that special bond that could never be replicated. I'd loved her as her mother since before she was born, I'd love her as her mother until the day I died, and I smiled, thinking how different I was from the girl who'd walked to Brooklyn and smoked a pack of cigarettes in an hour because she found out Britt was pregnant, how much stronger I'd become thanks to a tiny blonde ball of everything I never new I wanted, an incredible gift who made me life better every day.

_"Sueños dulces, mi bebé preciosa. Feliz navidad, mi amor."_ I whispered into her hair, and felt her small hand grip my shirt for just a second before releasing it. " _Te amo más de lo que te imaginas."_

When I made it back downstairs (stopping halfway down because I'd actually  _forgotten_ the reason I'd gone up there in the first place), Britt was back on the couch, an array of leftovers strewn across the coffee table, and I quickly found my seat again, folding my legs up on the couch and leaning into her. Neither of us spoke while we ate, just the occasional moan of appreciation (okay, from me, I really enjoyed leftover sandwiches), and when we were finished, I lay back with my head on Brittany's lap and pat my full stomach. Smiling in that way she always did when she thought my slightly dramatic mannerisms were adorable, she massaged my scalp and combed her fingers through the full length of my hair, making me hum out loud.

"Everything always looks prettier under Christmas tree lights, even you, and it's hardly even possible."

"Well, me and Christmas are two of your favorite things, so it sort of makes sense." I half attempted to sit up again, but her hands in my hair just felt entirely too good. "So even after a weird day like today, should we do Santana and Brittany Christmas?"

"I think  _especially_ after a weird day like today we should."

"Good. I'm kind of excited about this." I handed her the envelope I'd brought down with me, and she struggled to open it while still keeping one of her hands moving through my hair.

"Here, you can open it, I'm a little busy with my wife, who's kind of purring like a giant cat."

"Still probably weigh less than Lord Tubbington, may he rest in peace." I teased, and she flicked my ear playfully. "Ow. Maybe I'll go on this year's trip by myself."

"Oh, you wouldn't." Brittany laughed, and learned down to kiss my not-so-wounded ear.

"You're right, I love you too much to leave you behind." I affirmed. "Anyway, we totally owe your sister for her help with this. I know that we always go somewhere close to home, because we're just not into being far away from the girls.  _But,_ Liz had the  _great_ idea of us bringing them up to her for the weekend, and I found this awesome little bed and breakfast in Plymouth, and I want to take you there."

"Plymouth like Plymouth Rock?" She asked excitedly, and I giggled a little.

"Yeah, Plymouth like Plymouth Rock. I know we never really see historical stuff like that, like we used to with your parents, and I know you love it."

"Says the girl who bathed herself in the Fountain of Youth in Florida when we were in high school."

"Whatever, I didn't say I  _didn't_ like them." I shrugged. "I pushed it later than usual this year though. I know the recovery time is quick for Annie's surgery, but I don't know...I thought that Valentine's Day was far enough after that we wouldn't be worried about it, and-"

"Thank you." Brittany pulled me up so I was straddling her lap, and she kissed me deeply, sliding her tongue over my lower lip before pulling it between her teeth. "Thank you, Santana. For this, and for always thinking of the important things, and just because. I love you so much."

"I love you too, Britt."

I wrapped my arms around her neck before my open mouth came up to meet her's, feeling this  _need_ to be close to her, this pulsing desire to press my body as close to hers as possible, and I could tell the feeling was reciprocal. Her hand came up to cup my cheek, and as her thumb rubbed the most sensitive spot beneath my ear, I slipped my hand up under her shirt, tracing my fingers over her abs, feeling the heat radiating from the smooth skin, before traveling up to squeeze her breast. She moaned into my mouth at my touch, and I smirked a little, loving the effect I had on her, before she took over our kiss, curling her tongue around mine and making me gasp for air. We kissed like that for a long time, making out like teenagers on the couch, until Brittany hooked her arm under my thighs and stood us up, pulling me to wrap my leg around her waist and let her carry me to bed. It was a struggle to be quiet as we made it up the stairs, but once we made it into our room and behind the closed door, I let out a squeal at my wife's strength when she lay me down on the bed and covered my body with her own, sucking at the hollow of my throat in the way that never failed to make me release a deep, vibrating moan.

"So sexy." She murmured, pushing my black t-shirt up above my breasts, and eventually off of me, revealing my midsection to her. "So beautiful."

I could scarcely keep myself together as she tossed her own shirt off and lowered her head to my chest, trailing her tongue around the outside of my nipple (I was looking forward to the day I didn't get embarrassed by leakage if she actually  _touched_ them) and down the valley between my breasts. I could see it in her eyes as she left sucking kisses on my stomach, the  _need_ to make me feel her love, a need I understood all too well, and as she slid out of her own pants and moved at an agonizingly slow pace to remove mine, I gave her a soft adoring smile, and squeezed her hand tightly as she lie flat on her stomach and settled herself between my parted thighs.

My hips jerked up off the bed as her tongue first touched me, making the rest of my body shiver as the heat all went to one place. While she worked her mouth against me, building me up slowly, her blonde hair fell to curtain her face, and needing to see her, needing to feel her eyes on mine, I reached a shaky hand down to brush it back. When those sharp blue eyes met mine, piercing into me in this way that combined sex, eternal love and this desperate sense of gratitude (a gratitude she never needed to show me, a gratitude that was so mutual), I felt my heart leap up into my throat, felt tears spring to my eyes as I approached the precipice, felt my body shake and writhe, because Brittany, my strong, beautiful Brittany was still, after five and a half years of marriage, able to to things to my body and soul that no one else could, able to make me feel so completely besotted by her.

When I was close, so close that I ached and burned inside, I felt Brittany's mouth still, and two fingers press inside of me. My hand that was still loosely gripping her hair tightened, and it took every ounce of waning willpower that remained not to pull in my urgency to have her lips on mine again, to have her stomach and breasts and  _everything_ against my body as I came undone. Reading my needs the way she always did, she continued to move inside of me, but came back up to me, and I lifted my head, meeting her lips and panting, gasping, whimpering into her mouth. My nails dug into her shoulder, fusing her body with mine, and even as I started losing all sense of coherent thought, I knew that I wanted to feel her too, wanted  _her_ to feel the way that I loved her in the same way she was branding it into my body.

"B-Britt." I buried my face in her neck at the same time I slipped my fingers into her wetness, and she bit down hard on my lower lip, not expecting my touch when it came.

I came quickly after that, shameless with my vocal expressiveness, and Brittany kissed me hard as I rubbed against her, relishing in the squeaks and groans that escaped from her mouth to mine. When I felt her shake above me, I redoubled my efforts, even as my fingers shook, my body taking even longer than usual to recover from the second orgasm that wracked through me as she kept herself inside of me. I'm pretty sure I passed out in bliss after she collapsed, spent, on top of me, and when I felt her kissing my eyelids, heard her whispering words I couldn't process, I opened my eyes again, scratching at her lower back, caressing her sides, wanting to stay awake for that beautiful post-sex intimacy.

"Hi." I murmured against her lips, her forehead resting on mine, and our eyelashes touching if one of us blinked. Her laughter tickled through my body as she wordlessly teased me for the way I sometimes felt the need to greet her when I felt particularly snuggly and affectionate in the afterglow, and I nudged her nose with mine.

"Hi there." She tucked a few hairs behind my ear, and brushed her thumbs over the flushed apples of my cheeks before making herself comfortable against my chest. "It's after midnight."

"Another Christmas passed."

"And another new year almost here."

"This was my favorite yet." I told her seriously, and she nodded against me. "The year, I mean. We had Marisa, you got your amazing new job, I've made so much professional progress, and we are just  _happy."_

"I'm looking forward to what the next one means. Seems like each one is better than the last."

"Yeah Britt, I think you're right about that."


	45. Tough Cookie

After Christmas, the time moved incredibly quickly through Brittany's vacation from work, Annie's vacation from school, and the remainder of the year 2024. We spent those days relaxing in the house, where Marisa would push herself up on her hands and just rock back and forth, before she'd inevitably fall flat on her belly and yelp, and Annie would lay in front of her, trying to show her the proper way to crawl. We worked on decorating Brittany's new office, where, on one particular day, we  _probably_ looked like the cutest family there ever was, me and Annie in overalls, Brittany in cargo pants and a sports bra, and Marisa in ripped baby jeans and a shirt with a unicorn doing construction. We had a tiny half-birthday party for Marisa, at Annie's request, where the three of us ate cupcakes, and we fed the baby her first bites of milky rice cereal (which she  _really_ wasn't crazy about, and Dr. Kellen said that as long as she was still nursing well, we didn't need to be worried). We opened more Christmas gifts that came late, and we spent New Year's Eve at an extremely uncomfortable party at Kurt and Blaine's. Before Annie went back to school, Britt and I  _did_ manage to sit down and have a talk with her about the upcoming surgery, about going to sleep in the hospital for  _just_ a little while, and waking up and no longer needing her eye patch, about both Britt and I being there as soon as she was finished. She cried a little bit, unsure how she felt about it,  _Brittany_ cried a little bit, feeling powerless to make the situation sound any less scary than it was, and I blinked furiously, trying to keep  _myself_ from crying as well. But when all was said and done, Britt and I were confident that she was as prepared as she could be, and by the time the first Friday of January rolled around, we were all up early and ready to get things over with.

"'S it gonna hurt my eyes very bad?" Annie asked, her little brow furrowed as she sat cross-legged on the floor in Marisa's room, watching as I nursed the baby, and Brittany packed her things up to spend the day at Kurt's.

"They might burn a little, Bean." Britt told her, looking to me for moral support. "But they're going to give you special medicine to make it feel better."

"And you're gonna be at the hospital  _all_ the time, right? And you're going to be there when I get to wake up?"

"We wouldn't be anywhere else,  _mi amor._ _"_

"Okay." She nodded slowly. "Mamí, I need to give my sister lots of extra hugs before we leave, okay?"

"Do you want to come up here with us?" I lifted my arm up, and Annie scrambled to her feet and climbed into the chair, peeking over at her sister having breakfast.

"You're very lucky you can have breakfast today." Annie told her sister forlornly, and Marisa stopped suckling to turn her head and look over at her. "My belly feels extra, super hungry, but I'm not 'llowed to eat  _at all._ _"_

"Soon, baby girl." Brittany promised, tucking a second change of clothes into the diaper bag and perching on the armrest of the chair. "I heard that there might be some cookie dough ice cream for you when you wake up."

"Even though I didn't have breakfast?" Her little eyes widened, and she broke into a grin. "Wow, that's so lucky!"

"Marisa, do you want to do sit on your sister's lap for a bit?" I kissed the baby's forehead, and she babbled away as Annie held out her arms and hugged her close.

"I'll be home soon, baby Reese." She whispered. "I don't even have t'sleep in the hospital, so we can have snuggles in Mama and Mamí's big bed when I get back. And don't be very scared at Uncle Kurtsy's, he's super nice, even though he doesn't have any babies, and he'll let you try on fancy dress up clothes and everything. I wish I could go with you."

* * *

Annie snuggled close to the baby for a long time, until we absolutely had to leave to drop the her off and make it to the hospital on time. It was the first time we'd ever left Marisa alone without Annie by her side, and my chest ached a little as I handed her to Kurt, and saw her wide eyes as I kissed her tiny nose. The drive afterwards, up to Langone Medical Center, was mostly silent, Brittany biting her lip and holding my hand tightly on the center console to keep herself together, Annie whispering to Milky Way in the back seat, and me just concentrating on the road, still icy from the overnight snow, attempting to get us there safely.

With all of the pre-op testing done, the young receptionist led us back to a room where we could help Annie change into her gown, and I watched as her eyes changed from a look of of reluctance, to one of silent terror, once the magnitude of what was about to happen hit her. Slowly, tenderly, Brittany eased Annie out of her clothes and into the ice cream cone patterned gown and purple slipper socks, and when she was finished, held her in her lap on a chair, rocking her back and forth, kissing her, whispering soft words of encouragement as I slipped my arms through my own gown.

It hadn't been a long discussion, when Dr. Marguiles had told us that only one parent could remain with Annie until the anesthesia took over. Britt had quietly confessed to me that she didn't think she could do it, didn't think she could physically stand to see Annie lying helpless on an operating table, and I immediately agreed to be the one who brought her in there. I was glad, watching my wife, that I knew her sister was sitting in the waiting room (as much as we loved our parents, we'd asked them not to come, knowing the frenetic energy would just be too much for all of us), and when the nurse knocked on the door and entered, I softly kissed her lips before she passed our daughter into my arms.

"I love you, my sweet, sweet baby girl." Brittany managed to tell her without letting the tears fall. "You're so, so brave, and I'll see you in just a little while."

"I don't want you to go, Mama." Annie all but begged, clinging to my neck. "Please. I don't want to be here anymore."

"I know, sweetheart. I know you don't, but Mamí's got you, and you've got Milky Way, and I'll be back before you even wake up."

"But I love you  _too!_ Why aren't you 'llowed to stay too?" She cried.

"It's okay. It's okay." I murmured in Brittany's ear as she wrapped her arms around both of us, giving Annalise one last hug. "She'll be alright."

"I love you, Annalise. I love you so much." Brittany kissed her forehead and quickly turned away, hiding the tears I knew were running down her face.

Annie cried like I'd never seen her cry before when the nurse led Brittany out of the room, and I couldn't help but feel that same sickening twist in my stomach that I hadn't felt since the early days of my daughter's life. That feeling of being torn in two, like I needed to be with Brittany, because I knew she was breaking inside, and I needed to be with Annie simultaneously. I'd read that it was perfectly normal for a child to panic just before surgery, so I knew it wasn't the end of the world, but as she gripped on to my shirt for dear life, and wailed to the high heavens, I couldn't even help the few tears that escaped from my eyes. When we were led into the next room, I sat down in a chair, wrapping Annie up in the warm blanket the nurse gave me as sobs wracked her tiny body, and I rocked her like I did when she was an infant.

"Please, Mamí, please! No! Please! No!" She screamed.

"Annalise, honeypie." The nurse approached, making Annie cling even tighter, and cry even harder. "I'm going to give you some special juice to drink now."

"No. No! I don't want juice! I want Mama too! I want to go home! Mamí, please, please don't make me.  _Por favor. No quiero._ _¡_ _No me gusta! Tengo miedo._ _"_

" _Mi beb_ _é_ _preciosa, te amo mucho mucho._ I'm right here with you,  _corazoncita,_ and I promise I'll never let anything bad happen to you. I would never,  _ever_ make you do something that would hurt you." I reached out my hand for the juice, and the nurse gave it to me, smiling empathetically. "Come on, my brave little girl, this will make your belly less hungry, and it will make you feel less scared."

"I don't-I don't like it here." She hiccuped, and I ran my hands through her hair before slowly bringing the cup to her lips.

"I know, hospitals are a little scary, but you'll be asleep soon,  _mija,_ and then it's all over."

With Milky Way held tightly to her chest, Annie slowly drank the juice, slowly let the drowsiness that it caused take over her body, and I just continued to rock her back and forth, letting my motions calm her down. When I stood up again, ready to take her into the operating room, I felt her body go stiff, even with the calming medicine, and she started whimpering against me as I walked slowly in.

"I'll sing to you, Annie, I'll sing to you until you fall asleep."

She cried as I put her down on the table, cried as she put the plastic mask over her face, and I don't think there is any mother in the world who can say  _they_ haven't cried watching their child be prepped for surgery. My hands never left hers, and I leaned over, kissing her eyelids softly as the anesthesiologist turned on the gas, and I began to sing.

_There's a little girl in this little town_

_With a little too much heart to go around_

_Live forever, never say never_

_You could do better, that's what she says_

_Mama named her lucky on a starlit night_

_A rabbit foot in her pocket, she dances in spite_

_Of the fact that she's different_

_And yet she's the same_

"Good night, my girl. I love you." I whispered to her sleeping form, stepping back from the table with Milky Way clutched to my chest and tears falling.

I lingered in the room just a moment, looking at my daughter, thinking how helpless she looked, a tube coming out of her throat, and her little fists still clenched at her sides, and couldn't help but think of the very first time I'd laid eyes on her, the way I'd wanted to pick her up and hold her to my chest, keep her safe from everything that could hurt her. I was glad Brittany wasn't there, glad she didn't have to see it, because I knew it would cause her a different type of pain than it caused me, a pain that would shake her entire being. When I was finally led back out, I knew I needed a minute to compose myself, and as I shed the gown I wore over my jeans and t-shirt, I splashed water on my face to no avail. Quickly, I walked into the waiting room, wanting to get to my wife, and I found her there, pacing the floor as Liz and Rachel watched helplessly.

"Hi." I murmured against her mouth, needing to kiss her, needing to feel her close to me, and she wrapped her arms around my waist, drawing me further in to her.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah." I nodded, trying to punctuate that point. "She's asleep."

"Thank you for going in with her. It broke my heart enough when she didn't want me to go, I wouldn't have been strong enough in there."

"You would have, baby, but I'm glad you could be strong out here instead. It…it was hard to see her like that, helpless."

"Like when she was a baby." Brittany said softly, choking back tears.

"Yeah." I sighed, kissing her lips again. "But she's okay. She's going to wake up, and she's going to be able to see straight, and it's okay."

"I know. I really do know it is, and I know that this surgery isn't even a major deal, it's just, I'll be happy when it's over."

"I know. So will I. Do you want anything?"

"No, I just want to hold you while we wait."

"Good." I took a deep breath and wiped the tears from Brittany's face. "That's what I want too."

* * *

The hour and fifteen minutes that Annie was in surgery seemed like a lifetime, as Brittany and I isolated ourselves in the waiting room, graciously accepting the tea that Rachel had brought us, and trying to laugh at the jokes Liz tried to make to distract us, but mostly just needing each other, in silent solidarity, Milky Way in Brittany's arms. When Dr. Marguiles came out to tell us that Annie was done, both of us jumped immediately out of our seats, and Brittany gripped my hand tight as we followed her back to where our daughter was curled up on her side, sleeping soundly in recovery.

"It all went well." The doctor told us, smiling down at the sleeping blonde. "We've got her on a little bit of morphine right now, so she'll be a little disoriented when she wakes up, but she shouldn't be in any pain."

"And later?" I asked, as Brittany sat down beside Annie on the bed and rested her hand on the small of her back.

"When we discharge her, we'll get you the prescriptions she needs, just some ibuprofen really, and then some antibiotics and eye drops, and then next week, I'll see her in my office for a follow-up."

"Okay. Thank you, Dr. Marguiles."

"Of course. I'll leave you with her, and the nurse should be in here shortly. But I'll be back in a bit to check on her eyes."

"You did great, sweetheart." Brittany breathed into Annie's ear as I tucked Milky Way into the crook of her neck, where she always kept him. "You did so great, and Mamí and I are so, so proud of you."

It was a pealing giggle from Annie's lips that startled us as she came to, and she nuzzled her face into her stuffed unicorn for just a moment before she opened her eyes. Even though Brittany and I had looked at post-op pictures online, had braced ourselves for what Annie would look like when she came to, I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel a pang of terror when she peeked her eyes open, and the whites were a deep, angry red. Quickly, I sucked in a breath, and cleared the terrified thoughts in my head before Annalise was fully conscious.

"You look funny, Mama." She giggled again, on a morphine high, and reached out for Brittany. Britt, with a full body sigh of relief, lifted Annie into her arms, holding and rocking her in much the same way I'd done while she'd drank her juice. "You're all swiggly and shiny and my belly still feels  _so, so, so_ hungry, and my legs feel like spaghetti!"

"Okay, my baby girl." Brittany laughed through her tears, so glad she was awake, so glad she was no longer scared. "When the nurse comes, we'll see what we can do about being hungry."

"Mamí, you smell very good, you smell like your Mamí smell, and I  _love_ that smell lots. When I'm big, I'm gonna wear perfume so I smell yummy and super snuggly too."

" _Mija,_ when you're big, I'll help you pick out your own special smell." I promised her, wrapping my arms around both her and Brittany.

"It can be like cupcakes and pizza and grilled cheese. I'm  _so_ hungry." She repeated, a little pout forming on her lips. "I want to eat all the food, and I want to snuggle, and I want to give everyone so many hugs and kisses."

"We can work on the second two requests right now." Brittany promised, lying her and Annie down on the bed together, and moving over so I could cuddle too. "How's that, Bean?"

"'S very nice and happy." She sighed dreamily, taking my left hand and playing with the rings there. "I love you so, so,  _so_ super much, Mamí and Mama. The most ever in the  _whole_ wide world."

"We love you that much too,  _amor._ " I softly kissed the top of her head, and smiled to Britt, who seemed to have relaxed exponentially from the weight of our daughter in her arms.

"Hey!" She yelled suddenly, causing me to startle a little, and Brittany stifled a laugh when I almost fell off the bed. "You forgot to tell me, did my eyes get all fixed now?"

"They did. You're all fixed up, and soon we're going to go home."

"We have to get my sister though! Don't forget my sister, Mama! She probably misses me so,  _so_ much, and she's s'possed to cuddle with us too."

"Don't worry,  _beb_ _é_ _._ As soon as we're done, we're going to get you home, and then I'm going to get your sister from Uncle Kurt's house, and I  _think,_ maybe Aunt Liz and Aunt Rachel have some presents for you out in the waiting room,"

"Do they have any ice cream? I really,  _really_ need to get ice cream."

"Oh my God, do you think they gave her too much?" I asked Brittany quietly, my face scrunching up in concern as Annie burrowed herself into Brittany's chest. Even if it was cute, or funny, or whatever, I  _really_ didn't like seeing my daughter doped up on drugs, especially considering my past, and if they had given her too much, and something had gone wrong, the wrath of the Lopez-Pierce women would be thunderous.

"No, it effects Lizzie like this too, don't worry. When I took her to the hospital after she broke her ankle on that nightmare Easter at my parents', she was  _exactly_ like this. She begged me for an hour to go find her some cheesecake."

"Okay." I rubbed Annie's back, feeling her calm down a little as she listened to Brittany's heart beat, and played the rhythm with her fingers on the back of my hand. "She's just so small."

"Good afternoon, ladies." The sweet nurse from pre-op came up to the bed carrying Annie's chart, and Annie peeked her little red eyes up.

"No, Mamí, I don't want juice again!" Annie looked at me when she recognized the voice, then hid her face again.

"It's alright, Miss Annalise, I'm not going to give you any juice if you don't want it. I can get you some water, or some ginger ale instead."

"But I'm not  _thirsty."_ She whined into Brittany's shoulder. "I'm so, so hungry, Mama."

"How about this, honeypie, if you drink a whole cup of something, and you use the potty for me, maybe I can get you some ice cream, and then maybe get you home."

"'S this a trick?" She asked Brittany, and my wife held in her laugh, promising Annie that it wasn't. "I'm 'llowed to have ginger ale? That's soda."

"Just for today, sweetheart, you can have whatever you want."

"'S a very nice lady. I think I like nurses a lot."

After Annie drank the ginger ale that Connie (I'd actually learned a person's name for once in my life) brought and  _didn't_ like it very much, Brittany helped her use the bathroom, while I began reading some of the discharge papers. When they came back out, Annie's ice cream had arrived, and even though she'd taken the slow, small bites we'd given to her, the instant she clutched her stomach, I knew that the morphine was turning her stomach like it used to do to me, and I quickly grabbed a bed pan. Britt held Annie's hair off of her face, and I hummed in her ear, trying to calm her as she cried from the intensity with which she vomited, and when she was through, she immediately curled back into Milky Way and fell asleep. Vomit aside, once we woke her again for Dr. Marguiles to check her, discharge was easy, and Annie slept again while Brittany carried her to the car, and I tucked a blanket around her in the back seat.

She never woke up, as we brought her inside and changed her into pajamas before settling her in our bed, tucking her under the covers. I kissed Brittany, cupping her cheek as I walked out the door, taking with me the list of things to pick up from Duane Reade (though Liz and Rachel had both offered, I was a control freak, especially when it came to the care of my sick kids) and hailed a cab, rather than dealing with the car again. Feeling a deep desire to get to Marisa, to see my baby daughter, since it had been such a gut-wrenching day with my older one, I headed over to Kurt's first, texting him that I was on my way. When I knocked on his door twice and got no answer, I felt panic grip my chest hard and fast, especially because he hadn't answered my text. Using the key that he'd given me years ago (and having horrific visions of him bloodied and passed out on the floor, and my daughter crying from the pack and play, or  _worse_ ), I heard yelling coming from the kitchen, and it wasn't an intruder, it was just an all too familiar tenor.

"Kurt, I didn't do anything. I just-"

"You're right, you  _didn't_ do anything, and that's the problem,  _Blaine._ We've been married for less than two years, and you've given up on trying to make this marriage work."

Uncomfortable at hearing them fight, unsure of whether or not to intrude, and  _hoping_ that my daughter was asleep in the guest room, and  _not_ right in the middle of it, I crept down the hallway and cracked the door open, breathing a sigh of relief as I heard the unmistakeable hum of Baa Baa the Sleep Sheep's (named by a two-year old Annie when he was hers) ocean sounds. Quietly, while I left her to sleep, I packed up her things, wanting to get back to Annie, wanting to get away from the arguing, and kind of feeling sick to my stomach that Kurt was still not in a good place, even though it had been  _so_ painfully obvious that things weren't good with them all through the holidays, and at heir relatively awkward New Year's Eve party. Marisa hardly stirred as I lifted her up from where she slept, and secured her tightly to my body, murmuring soft words of affection to her in Spanish.

"I want to be a  _father,_ and I want  _you_ to be one with me. I don't want to raise a baby on my own, while you go off gallivanting who-knows-where with who-knows-who."

"It's my  _job_ to travel, why can't you understand that?"

"It's the contracts you  _choose_. You're repeatedly offered work in New York, and you repeatedly turn it down." Kurt hissed. "What I want to know is  _why?"_

"Because you're smothering me!" Blaine shouted, and Kurt gasped, while I stood in the hallway with Marisa, knowing I needed to go into that kitchen and tell Kurt that I was taking her home.

"I'm smothering you? I'm  _smothering_ you, because I'd like to see you once in a while? I'd like to  _not_ go to ninety-percent of the functions I have  _by myself?_ Because I  _thought_ that the man I love would want to have a  _family_ with me?" I could hear shuffling in the kitchen, and Blaine didn't answer him. "You know what, if I smother you so much, then you should just  _go."_

"Are you kicking me out? You can't kick me out of our apartment."

"Why not? Isn't that what you want, your freedom? It's not like you're ever here  _anyway,_ and I can't sit here and fight with you right now, I've got the baby."

"Right, playing house all by yourself with Santana and Brittany's baby. Which you didn't  _tell_ me you were doing, even though I told you I'd be home."

"It's a pretty accurate depiction of what  _house_ means around here right now. And what you  _say,_ and what actually happens are two different things, so I didn't think I needed to clear helping my friends out with their daughter, while their  _other_ daughter is in the hospital. I'm not the villain here. Just go. I can't...it hurts me too much to be near you when you have no regard for my feelings."

"Kurt, baby." Blaine softened a little bit, realizing that Kurt meant business. "Please don't do this. Let's make some of that imported tea you like, let's talk it through."

"Don't. You don't get to  _baby_ me, and you don't get to butter me up with  _tea._ I've wanted to talk since October, and you keep avoiding me. Now that I blow up, you suddenly make it a priority? No, it doesn't work like that, I need space, I need you to go."

There were no more words, and as the front door slammed shut, Marisa let out a pealing wail, awoken from her slumber by the loud noise. When Kurt heard her cry, he was quick to move from the kitchen to get to her, but my gentle rocking and whispers had already lulled her back into slumber by the time he ran into me in the hallway. Startled by my presence, he gasped, and my heart ached to see his tear stained face, and I looked at my toes, feeling sheepish that I'd heard it all.

"When did you get here?" He turned bright red, mortified.

"A little while ago." I shrugged. "I knocked, but I guess you didn't hear me. Kurt, I'm really sorry."

"So am I." He slumped against the wall and let out a deep sigh. "I just kicked my husband out of the house, and I don't even know what to do."

"Maybe the space will save your marriage." I offered, trying to be supportive, even though I sort of wanted to follow Blaine out the the street and kick his bow-tied ass.

"I'm not even sure there's anything left to save. Fifteen years I've been with him, and sometimes I still feel like if don't even know him at all. We've hardly been speaking, except in public, for months, and he came in here today all bubbling and excited that he got a new European contract, the  _exact_ opposite of what we'd been trying to work out." He lamented, and then broke into sobs. "Sorry. I'm so sorry, Santana, that I was fighting with him with your daughter in the other room. I'm sorry I'm a mess when Annie just got surgery, and  _you_ should be the one who gets to be a mess. My heart, it just hurts right now."

"I understand." I took his hand in mine, and squeezed it hard. "You don't have to be sorry."

"You should go. I'm fine, I promise, I'm fine."

"Hummel, you're crying, I'm not going to leave you."

"I'd rather cry alone, into a pint of passion fruit sorbet while watching  _The Way We Were."_ He tried to crack a smile, because he knew I was well aware of his and Rachel's old routine, and though I'd made fun of it a thousand times, I'd be lying if I said I'd never joined them. "I'll be okay."

"I'm here, if you need me. You can call me, or come over later, if you want. Annie's pretty zonked from the surgery, and we can get takeout, and you can bring some wine if you want, get Britt to have a glass with you."

"Thanks for the offer, Santana, I really appreciate it. I'm not angry and jealous like I was the last time, but I just, I don't think I can hang out with you, or Rachel even today, I need to figure it out on my own, away from the things I wish I had. You're just lucky, you're really lucky that you found someone who wants what you want, and who you don't, apparently,  _smother."_

"He's an idiot, you know." I pat his arm affectionately. "Anyone would be lucky to start a family with you, you're a good guy, and you're going to be a good dad. But I also know that you love him, so if you think there's even the most  _remote_ possibility that you can make it work,  _without_ compromising yourself, then you should try."

"Yeah. Thanks. I just don't even know." He shuffled his feet on the expensive carpet, and I could tell that he really wasn't kidding about wanting to be alone, like he needed the space to process his feelings without me staring at him. "Give Annie a hug for me, okay?"

"Of course. And us Lopez-Pierces, we all love you, Uncle Kutsy."

"I love you guys too."

Even after he filled me in on Marisa's morning, even knowing it's what I wanted, I still felt funny about having to leave Kurt, felt awful that he'd just had to do what he did, but I also knew that I needed to get home to Annie and Britt, so with a final hug, I left. While Marisa and I waited for the prescriptions to be ready in the drug store, I walked around, humming softly to the sleeping infant, and picking up a few other things that we needed for the house (and  _maybe_ a few treats for Annie, because I was powerless to resist). The house was quiet when we walked back in, and after throwing the bags on the coffee table and laying Marisa down in her crib, I peeked in on a sleeping Annie, and gave her a soft kiss before going to look for my wife.

Brittany was in the office, baby monitor beside her computer, trying to get some work done. I didn't say anything as I came up behind her, rested my chin on her shoulder, and grabbed one of her hands to bring it to my lips. I knew that I  _was_ lucky Britt and I were usually on the same page about things, but I also knew that given how much I loved her, how much I knew she loved  _me,_ we would both fight for each other, no matter what. As much as I really was never a huge fan of Blaine, I sincerely hoped that he'd fight for Kurt, sincerely hoped that I wouldn't see my friend so devastatingly heartbroken.

"I love you." I whispered into her neck, and I felt the goosebumps that rose on her flesh. "You okay?"

"Yeah. It's all over, she's home, she's  _fine._ I feel so much better than before." I could hear her trying to convince herself, and she tilted her head back and kissed me, catching my bottom lip between hers, and just holding me like that. "You look frazzled, what's wrong."

"I just watched Kurt throw Blaine out of their apartment, and I feel  _so_ bad for him, but I also just wanted to get home, kiss you, and tell you that I love you."

"Oh, honey." Britt turned the chair around slowly and pulled me onto her lap, squeezing me tight around the waist, knowing that no matter what facade I ever tried to put on, at the end of the day, things like that  _really_ emotionally effected me. "I love you too, and you're stuck with me for life."

"Good. Britt, because there's nowhere else I ever want to be." I rested my head on her shoulder. "It's just weird to think that people our age, people we are  _friends_ with could end up divorced, you know?"

"I do. I'm sorry you were there for that too, I know things like that really effect you." She ran her hands through my hair and kissed my temple. "Where's my baby girl?"

"Up sleeping in her crib, not for much longer though. How was Annie?"

"She hasn't woken up."

_"Oh, hi Milky Way."_ Annie's groggy little voice came over the monitor, and I laughed at her impeccable timing.  _"I'm all done doin' the surgery now, 's why we're sleepin' in Mama and Mamí's bed, 'cuz it's a special 'ccasion. 'S a little bit hard to blink my eyes."_

_"_ We should go ice them and try to get some food in her before we give her the antibiotics." I stood up from Britt's lap, and offered her a hand up, stealing another kiss before we made our way to our daughter.

While we held the frozen peas over her eyes, Annie squirmed and cried a little bit, not liking the dull aching sensation that the cold caused, and as soon as it was over, she curled into me, hiding her tears in my t-shirt. She was exhausted, and not just physically. Even with all the sleep she had, her body and mind didn't do well with the emotional over-stimulation that she'd been through, and Britt and I knew that she'd probably be more clingy than normal for a few days. She took a few bites of the alphabet soup we'd brought up for her, but she was really afraid that she'd throw up again, so we couldn't get her to eat much more than that. When Marisa woke up, Brittany went to get her and bring her in the bedroom, and Annie's red eyes lit up the instant she saw her sister's face.

"Hi, baby Reese!" She squealed, scrambling to sit up, but still keeping her grip on me as she did.

"Do you think your big sister needs lots of kisses, little love?" Brittany cooed, tickling under Marisa's chin and sitting cross-legged on the bed as the baby babbled away, not taking her eyes off of Annie.

The baby wasn't scared by the red eyes, Annie was still her Annie, and she smiled, wiggling in Brittany's lap when her sister took her hand and leaned over to kiss her. When Marisa brought her tiny baby hands up to Annie's face, and pat her cheeks, laughing, I thought it  _may_ have been the sweetest thing I'd ever seen, the two of them laughing at each other, until right in the middle of her string of babbles, Reese froze in her motions, and said, clear as a bell-

"Nee! Nee! Nee!"

"Did she just-?" I gasped, covering my mouth in an attempt to hold all the emotions in that were threatening to bubble out.

"My sister knows how to talk!" Annie announced, shouting loud enough that I'm pretty sure the neighbors knew. "She said my  _name!"_

"That's right, Marisa, baby." Brittany managed, tears falling freely down her face. "That's Annie."

"How do you know how to say that? What other words do you know?" Annie asked her, wide eyed and giggly, and the baby just laughed and resumed patting her sister's cheeks and giggling. "'S _amazing!"_

"It's  _very_ amazing." I choked out, and leaned to kiss the baby's temple, squeezing both of the girls and Brittany into a hug as I did so. Both of our girls said their first words so young, and though I knew it would probably be a while before Marisa said anything else, I couldn't help but feel that pang in my chest at her growing up. "Marisa,  _mija,_ you're so smart, saying your sister's name like that."

"What else can you say, Reese? Can you say Mama and Mamí's names too, so they don't get left out?"

"It's okay, sweetheart." Brittany laughed, pressing a kiss to Annie's forehead. "We don't feel left out  _at all._ We're so, so  _happy_ that she said your name. It's very,  _very_ special that it was her  _very_ first word."

"What did I say first? 'Cuz I didn't have a sister then." Annie beamed at the baby as she spoke.

"You said Mama first, you called us both Mama for a few months." I told her, and she wrinkled her nose.

"'S very silly,  _you're_ not Mama, Mamí!"

"Oh,  _mi amor,_ you knew that, some sounds are just easier than others for babies to say. But when you  _did_ say my name for the first time, it felt like the most special thing in my whole life."

"You were always good like that, Bean, saying things at just the right time we needed to hear them, and it looks like Little Miss Ladybug is following right in your footsteps." Britt lifted Marisa up in the air and blew a raspberry on her clothed belly. "Isn't that right, my smart baby girl?"

"I can't  _wait_ 'til you can say lots more stuff, and then we can talk 'bout stuff like Mama and Auntia Liz do, but right now, I'm very, very,  _very_ happy that you can say my name, even if it's a little bit silly like a  _knee."_ Annie tapped Marisa's tiny knee to accentuate her point, and the baby gurgled happily, then turned to snuggle into Brittany, almost hugging her Mama like she was shy. "'S a very happy day, even if my eyes feel burny, and I'm very tired, even after lots of naps."

* * *

Later, much later, after we'd dealt with Annie's eye drops, after we'd talked to our parents on FaceTime so they could see Marisa's new development, and that Annie was doing just fine after the surgery, after the girls had their dinner, and were tucked in with kisses and stories and songs for the night, Britt and I were sprawled out on the couch, eating sushi out of takeout containers. Looking over at my wife, her mouth full of salmon skin roll and a shock of hair falling across her face, she looked absolutely exhausted, like she'd been trying, trying so hard to keep her emotions in check all day (though I'd promised her I'd take care of her if she fell apart), and it had sapped all of her energy. Dropping my chopsticks on the coffee table, I gave her a meaningful look, then leaned over, pushed the hair out of her face and kissed her forehead, holding my lips there as I felt her shudder against me.

"It's okay to cry, baby." I breathed into her skin. "I know you said you were fine, but I can tell you've been holding a lot in."

"I'm just..." She tossed her empty container aside and buried her face in my chest, clinging to my shoulders. "I don't even know  _why_ I'm crying. It's just been a  _really_ long day, and I felt kind of like you, last night. When I was sitting in the office after dinner, trying to work, I was really reading about perioperative mortality, and kids who don't wake up from anesthesia. I don't even know what was  _wrong_ with me, doing that, but I saw it on those papers we signed... It's over now, but it was eating me up, and I didn't want to  _scare_ you, so I didn't say anything before. But when you were in there with her, after she begged me not to go, I was thinking that if something  _happened,_ it would be the last thing I saw, and...ugh, this is so morbid, why am I thinking about it? It's over. It's over and nothing happened."

"Britt. My Britt, I get it. You  _know_ I get it." I soothed, rubbing her back, holding her tight and kissing her hair. "You could have talked to me before, even if it scared me, you didn't have to do it alone."

"I know. I know I could have, but you were going to have to look at her on that table, and you were the one who watched them intubate her when she was like  _five minutes_ old. And then I started feeling guilty again, thinking about that, you know? San, do you think I'm ever going to get over these feelings?"

"I think-" I took a minute to catch my breath, and tilted her chin up so she was looking at me. "Honestly, Brittany, I know how  _I_ am about things, and I think it stays inside, and it comes out at the worst times. But babe, you know that you did what you had to do today, when Annie was begging for you, right? We  _couldn't_ both be in there, and you were  _so_ strong, walking out of the room. I don't think I could have done it."

"You held her while they put her under, I think we're about even on impossible things today." She tried to joke, and wiped her tears away before kissing my lips. "Can we just please hope that neither of them need their tonsils, or appendix, or any other useless organs removed?"

"Yeah, I think that's a good thing to hope for." I smiled a her, and shifted so we could lay together and I could be her big spoon. "She's a tough cookie though, she gets it from you. Remember when you fell off the swing freshman year and you tried to convince me that you were fine to play laser tag?"

"My mom was  _so_ mad." She grinned in memory, and I pulled her elbow to my lips to kiss the barely-there scar on the inside of her elbow. "When you brought me home and my arm was basically hanging limp at my side like it was no big deal."

"Like I said, tough cookie." I smiled into her skin, and thought it might be better for her to talk about something else. "On a brighter note, our baby said her first word today."

"She did. She said her Annie's name. I think that was the proudest moment of our girl's life."

"I would have bet our entire life savings that it would have been her first word."

"Really?"

"Yeah." I shrugged. "They love each other so much, like more than I ever could have hoped for. Crazy to think that a year ago, Annie was so scared about me being pregnant, and now, it's like everything she didn't know she wanted."

"Funny how babies are like that, isn't it?" She asked, and I hummed my affirmation. " _Nee._ That's the cutest thing I've ever heard."

"She's pretty cute." I agreed. "What do you think, do you want to stay here, or go upstairs?"

"Here." She wiggled closer to me, resting our joined hands on her chest, and I brushed my lips below her ear, breathing in her Brittany-ness. "We'll go up in a little bit, but we've got a tiny patient sleeping between us tonight, and I'd really just like my wife to hold me for a little while longer."

"That sounds perfect."

* * *

 


	46. Not Alone

For the first week following Annie's surgery, we kept her home from school, even though it wasn't completely necessary, but Brittany and I were both more comfortable with it, both more comfortable not worrying about anyone saying anything about the color of her eyes, though Annie was actually really fascinated by them, staring at the redness in the mirror, and drawing pictures of herself looking sort of unintentionally demonic, or her accidentally getting bumped and something happening because of it. In addition to our worries, we also wanted to give her a little extra time and attention during her healing, wanted to make sure that she wasn't worried, though she seemed to be coping well. So in the cold, damp days of January, it was actually really nice to curl up on the couch and read stories and watch movies, and even to work on Annie's homework with her, whenever Brittany didn't have to be in the studio (with the start of a new semester, and her new position she really did need to be there), and I didn't need to spend time in the office preparing for my new year.

When Annie went back to school again, her eyes all healed and cleared by Dr. Marguiles, things went back to normal, for the first time, probably, since before Thanksgiving, and I went to check in with my schools, mentoring my kids, while Marisa hung out with her Mama, enjoying the new little sunny alcove that Brittany had set aside in her office specifically for the girls. We'd had Kurt over for dinner a few times, as he was trying to adjust to the fact that he and Blaine were really not living together (although with Blaine working in Salzburg, he said it didn't feel much different), and he promised that being around out daughters made him happy, rather than wistful, and he'd hoped that with the support of his friends, he'd actually figure out what was the best decision for him, once he felt ready to hash everything out with his husband. In all, my little family was busy, but we were happy, and on a frigid Saturday evening after dinner, we were spending a rare quiet evening in the house, just the four of us.

"You can do it, little love, come crawl to Mama." Brittany coaxed the baby as they both lay flat on the floor. Marisa rolled over on her back to stare up into blue eyes and giggle, instead, and Britt kissed her nose. "Or maybe not, Grammy says I just rolled everywhere, until one day I decided I wanted to get up and walk."

"That's the cutest thing ever." I grinned, looking up from (not so great) picture of a lobster that I was drawing beside Annie at the coffee table. "You can do that like Mama, if you want, mija."

"I hope you crawl, baby Reese." Annie looked over her picture and to the baby. "But 's okay, if you don't think you want to, I guess, since at least you know about saying my name."

"Let's just see what happens, mi amor, remember, we all do things differently." I reminded her, pressing a kiss to her temple. "She's getting pretty good at getting around by rolling, anyway."

"'S silly, like yesterday when she tried to roll all the way underneath the couch."

"Maybe she was trying to get to that secret, magical world there." Brittany shrugged, eyes twinkling. "Good thing we told her it's closed for now, we don't want her getting stuck!"

"Nope we don't! You gotta be careful!"

After a while, the baby was over her rolling, and Brittany brought her up to the couch, lying flat on her back and letting Marisa rest against her chest, snuggled into her. Annie and I had a stack of pictures, some that were definite keepers to hang in Brittany's office, and some that we'd put on the bin to use as wrapping paper throughout the year, and we started cleaning the crayons up so we could turn on a movie. We were just about finished when my work phone rang, surprising me on a Saturday night, and afraid it was an emergency, I moved quickly to pick up the unknown number, leaving the girls with Britt and stepping into the office.

"Hello?" I answered, still undetermined about what was the best way to answer my calls.

"Hi. Is this Santana?" A scratchy male voice asked on the other end.

"It is, who's this?"

"It's Vincent Crocetti...um...Vin. From Eleanor Roosevelt." He seemed frazzled in his thoughts, and sounded a little like he'd been crying, so I sank into the desk chair, figuring it might be a long call. "I'm sorry to call you on a weekend, I know you've got a family, and stuff, but I didn't...I didn't have anyone else to call."

"That's what I'm here for, don't worry." I assured him. "What's going on?"

"My-my dad." He sputtered, and then dissolved into sobs, trying to force himself to talk over them. "He-kicked…he kicked me out."

"Okay." I had to remind myself that I needed to be the calm one, even though I felt my heart begin to race at having to handle my first truly serious situation, and I ran through the things I was supposed to do in my head. "Are you in a safe place?"

"Yeah…I think so. I'm in a diner."

"Do you think you can talk to me while you're in there?"

"Yeah-I-" He took a deep breath, centering himself and sniffling back more tears before he began speaking in whispers. "He saw me…on a date with this guy…and he didn't say anything. B-but when I got home, he asked me where I was, and I told him I was out with friends. Then I noticed that there was a suitcase by the door, and he said I was a liar and a-a- fag, and that I wasn't welcome in his house anymore. I don't know where to go."

"Oh, Vin." I frowned, immediately opening a folder on my computer with information on housing for displaced teenagers, and formulating a plan for him, if he didn't have one, all the while wondering if people actually knew what year it was, what city we were in, what reality actually was. "What about your mom?"

"She- she. My dad's the one who makes the rules." He broke down into inconsolable sobs, and I hummed softly, trying to help calm him in the best way I knew how. "I have nowhere to go."

"Okay, okay. It's going to be alright, I'm going to help you figure it all out." I soothed, feeling his heartache, wishing I could tell him without a doubt that it was temporary, that his parents would come around, that they would welcome him back with loving arms as soon as they processed what had happened. But I knew that I couldn't, knew the statistics on homelessness in the gay community, knew that even if it wasn't my parents, sometimes when people turn their back on you for who you are, they never change their minds. "Tell me exactly where you are, I'm going to make a few calls, and then I'll come buy you some dinner, and find you somewhere that you can stay."

"You don't have to do that. There's a-a men's shelter, and-"

"Vin, this is exactly what my purpose is, to help you when you need it most. You might be big, but you're still just seventeen, you're still a boy, and those places can be really rough. We'll find you someplace better."

"Thank you." He sniffed. "Thank you so much."

When I hung up with him, I rested my head on my hand and called the numbers I had, getting increasingly frustrated as each told me there were no more beds, that there was no way they could squeeze another kid in for the night, but that they'd call me when something opened up, and then I called Jarrod, to see if he knew of anything that I didn't. I was frustrated, powerless, and when I felt like I was about to rip my hair out and scream, Brittany appeared in the doorway with Marisa on her hip.

"Just wanted to check on you. I turned on Monsters Inc. for Annie in case you needed to talk. Is everything alright?"

"Not really." I sighed, closing the laptop. "One of my kids got kicked out of his house because his father found out about him, and apparently, every goddamn emergency teen shelter in this city is filled to capacity, and I don't even know what to do, or who else to call. Jarrod's doing what he can on his end, Holly is away for the weekend, and I'm sort of freaking out. Jar and I have kids, it's not like we can take in teenagers, no matter how good they seem. Annie already has a tough time adjusting to anything new, and Marisa's just a baby, and it's just not feasible."

"Honey, you don't have to rationalize the decision to me." She heard what I wasn't saying, that I felt guilty about it, even though I had no reason to. "You have the greatest heart, but you also know the limit to what you can do."

"I just- I'm so mad right now that I can't think straight. Why even have emergency shelters if you can't use them in an emergency?"

"I'm not sure." She came up behind me and squeezed the back of my neck with one hand, trying to loosen the tightly strung muscles.

"Is there something I'm not thinking of? I mean there has to be a solution to this, right?" I asked her, and we were both quiet for several minutes, contemplating. It was such a source of comfort to me, having a wife who was willing to brainstorm with me, and the massaging touch of her hand relaxed me enough so I felt like my brain wasn't going to explode. "And I really need to go, because this kid is sitting in a diner, all by himself, heartbroken."

"Maybe this is a little far fetched..." Britt started, and I nodded, urging her to continue. "But what about Kurt? Do you think he'd take him in until a bed opens up somewhere?"

"I don't know." I scrunched up my nose, thinking about it. "He's always pretty set in his ways, and he's still recovering from the upheaval of Blaine leaving."

"It might actually be good for him though, having a distraction, having someone else in his house for a little bit. I don't know, maybe not, just a thought."

"It can't hurt to ask him, thank you, B." I smiled at her, grateful for a fresh answer, even though I was worried to even ask Kurt, and jumped up out of my seat. "I've gotta go, I'll call him on the way and hope he says yes."

"Good luck." She pecked my lips, and I lingered for just a second. "I love you, call me if you need anything. "

After saying goodbye to the girls, and promising Annie that I'd never forget to kiss her goodnight, even if I came home after she'd gone to sleep (wow, Mamí, 's like a you're a real superhero, with a cape and everything, going out even after bedtime, she'd told me, beaming with pride), I bundled myself up, walked over to Bleecker to hail a cab, and gave the driver my destination before calling Kurt. I'd figured I'd have to beg, have to promise him eight-thousand favors if he did this for me, but he was actually quick to agree, saying that he'd been so lucky with his dad, and he'd been raised to help those who didn't have the same luck as him, I realized that I never really gave people enough credit, and thanked him more than I've ever thanked another person (Brittany excluded) in my life. When he hung up the phone, talking about putting new sheets on the guest bed, and saying something about Sunday morning quiche, I sent Jarrod a quick text message, letting him know what was going on, and leaned my head back and sucked in a breath, trying to keep my mind from going to something so painful for me (although definitely not as painful as what Vin was dealing with), but finding all of my efforts to no avail.

It was like a shock to my system, the words my abuela spoke, so much so that I actually felt my body physically jar, and my head snap up. She wasn't supposed to be this way, she was supposed to be the one who was easy, the one who accepted it, the one who never cared what others thought. Even though she'd been hard on me for my whole life, even though she'd paid to get my boobs done, even though she called me garbage face and hit me with a chair on more than one occasion, I didn't expect that to be something that bothered her. Even though maybe she didn't deserve it, I loved her, I loved her so much, and I just wanted her to be a part of something so big and important to me. My mouth opened and closed, and my heart raced in my chest as I struggled for words, struggled to say anything that would make her take back what she'd said.

"Don't make me repeat myself. Do I need to say it again in Spanish for you to get it through your thick skull? Ve. Fuera de mi casa. Put your fork down, and never come here again."

"Por favor, Abuela. Te lo suplico. No echarme. Soy su nieta."

"No. You are not. No granddaughter of mine would speak of this sin.You are nothing to me." She spat, and stood up from her seat, all five feet of her looming threateningly over where I sat frozen. "If you don't leave this house now, I will drag you out by your hair. You disgust me. You are an abomination, a shame on this family. I've heard things about you being as good as a common whore, and I try to do the right thing, to make you worthy of some nice boy's love, to put an end to your behavior, and then, just when I think you're beginning to shape up, you waste my time and money with this?You are going to hell for your depravity, and I will not have you take me with you."

Boiling tears pricked behind my eyes, and I sputtered a few more Spanish pleas as I pushed myself back from the table, feeling as if I might bring back up the few bites of rice that I had swallowed all over it. I tried to look at her, tried to make her see that I was still me, like Brittany had said (I'd even curled my hair the way she liked, had even dressed in the clothes she'd bought me for my birthday), but it was almost as if there was no recognition in her eyes, they were cold, threatening, and it physically pained me to look at her. Just as I reached the door, I stopped once more, and I held fast to the knob, trying to prevent myself from sinking to my knees. I tried to burn it all into my memory, the place I loved, the place I had grown up, but before I could, I felt a rough hand curl around my forearm and tug fiercely, removing it from the doorknob so she could open it.

"Abuelita-"

"You stain my house with your wickedness. Remember this, the day you meet your maker."

"Te amo." I whispered, as she pushed me out onto the cement stairs, and two rivers of tears rolled down my cheeks as I stumbled down her driveway and doubled over to vomit when I reached the edge of the street.

When I made it to my car, I sat there in the driver's seat, the door partially opened, because even in the cold, I felt so hot as my body wracked with sobs, and my face was covered with mucus, and tears, and anguish. I prayed to God, the same God that my grandmother said had condemned me, that she'd come out that door and realize the error of what she'd done. I couldn't get it together, as much as I tried, I couldn't make myself go home and give up, and I couldn't make myself stop crying. I wanted her to love me, I wanted her to know me, I wanted her to watch me walk down the aisle someday, when I married that beautiful girl of my dreams, but the door never opened. As the sun sank lower, lower, in the sky, so did my hopes, and when the phone rang, I lifted it to my ear and answered it with a choked sob.

"Where are you? Tell me where you are." Brittany spoke soft, low, soothing me as I did nothing but whimper.

"Ou-outside her...I need you. Please, Brittany, I need you."

"I'm on my way, honey. Stay on the phone with me. I'm coming."

Brittany must have sprinted the whole mile there, because she was sweaty, even in the November chill as she opened the door to my car and wrapped an arm around my waist to help me out and to pull me flush against her body. I went slack in her arms as I sobbed, letting her hold me up, letting her tell me that I was worth something, worth everything as our bodies swayed like she was rocking me, and she kissed the top of my head.

"Why? How could she- why?" I couldn't even form sentences. "It hurts. It hurts too much. I feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest and I can't breathe."

"I know. I know. Feel my heart beat, feel me breathe. Breathe with me, please breathe with me." She begged, holding one of my hands tightly and keeping the other on my lower back, encouraging me to follow her lead. I tried so hard, tried because I couldn't die and give up on that angel of a girl who wouldn't let me get lost. When I felt like it was under control, she brushed the softest of kisses to my lips and rubbed my nose with hers. "You're alright, Santana, I promise, I've got you. I want to take you home now, okay?"

"But if she-"

"It's really cold, and it's getting late, honey. I'll come back with you tomorrow, I'll come back with you every day until she understands, if that's what you want. But right now, you're freezing, I know you don't feel it, but your skin is icy, and right now, you need a warm bath and some blankets."

"It's not a sin. It can't be a sin, Brittany. Loving you is the most good, most pure thing that there is. She needs to know."

"I know. I know she needs to."

I needed to cling to her just a bit longer, before I gave her the keys to my car and let her help me into the passenger side. As we were pulling away, I saw it, the unmistakable shadow behind the yellowing drapes, and my heart lurched, feeling something shatter inside me as I learned that my own grandmother could watch me in such agony and stand there, unmoving, unwilling to make it better.

I cried the entire way to my house, trying to latch onto Brittany's caring words, trying not to hurt, but it was the hardest thing I had ever done, harder than watching the video, harder than telling my parents about me, harder even than telling Brittany for the first time that I loved her, that day in the hallway at school. When we got inside the door, I heard my mother in the office on the phone, but I couldn't face her, couldn't face anything but my bed, so Britt walked me up the stairs, running me a bath, urging me to soak the cold out from under my skin, to let the agony leech out of my body, while she went downstairs to handle the rest for me.

When I came out, towel wrapped and still teary eyed, Brittany was sitting on the edge on my bed, wearing my sweatpants and worrying her lip between her teeth. Slowly, wordlessly, I changed into my pajamas, and when I was finished, I couldn't help but sink down onto her lap, to bury my face in her chest, to just love her and feel her love in return, since it was the only thing I felt truly capable of.

"Your mom is going to come up and talk to you soon, but I told her you were taking a bath."

"Mmkay." I mumbled into her skin. "Please don't ever leave me, I need you so much, you make me feel like I can function, you make me feel like I'm not the person everyone else tells me I am. Please. Stay with me forever."

"I'm not going anywhere, honey. I already talked to my mom, and your's, and I'm staying with you tonight. I can't...I won't leave you. But I need you to remember, you're strong on your own too. You're strong, and you're beautiful, and you're the best person I've ever known."

"Why isn't it over yet? Why did my grandma have to disown me? Why does everyone need to keep singing about me in Glee Club? Why can't I just be left alone?"

"I don't know. I wish I did." She combed her fingers through my hair, then reached over to my nightstand to grab my hairbrush, knowing how much it would soothe me as she pulled it through.

We were silent for a while as she brushed through my hair, rubbing behind my left ear with her thumb, and whispering in the other how much she loved me. I felt myself go limp in her arms, my chest aching, and my whole body spent from how hard I cried. I could barely see out of my swollen eyes, and I closed them, letting myself succumb completely to Brittany's touch. I didn't fall asleep, but my body fell into a state of much needed rest, and I just let Britt care for me the way that only she could.

"You've taken care of me every night this week." I murmured as she lay me down on the bed, and immediately came to wrap her arms back around me, holding her lips against my forehead.

"And there will be times that I'll need you to take care of me. It's okay to let me do this, I love you, and I want to make sure you feel safe."

"I do. I never feel as safe as I do when you've got me like this. I love you so much. More than I'd ever imagined I could love someone."

A knock on the door startled me, and my eyes snapped open, even if I didn't really have the physical capacity to move from where I lay. If I wasn't so exhausted, I probably would have been mortified at my mother walking in and seeing me lying in such an intimate position with Brittany, but as it was, I couldn't even consider moving.

"Hi, mija." She sat down on the bed right beside me, and set her hand on Brittany's shoulder when she tried to move a little, knowing how I would feel on a ordinary day. "It's okay, habicheula, stay where you are. You're nearly grown women, and I see how your touch helps to calm my daughter."

"Did she call you, Mamí?" I asked, my voice sounding so small, even to my own ears.

"No, but your father called her, after Brittany told me what was going on, so he could tell her the things she deserved to hear. Mi amor, you know that your father and I will always be on your side."

"So she didn't change her mind." I tried to fight the sob that bubbled out of my throat, but I couldn't, and I ended up choking on it and sputtering into Brittany's neck.

"Mi bebé preciosa, lo siento mucho. She's a stubborn old crow. That woman told your father that she wouldn't be at his wedding if he married me, and she still came. With time she may come around with you too."

"It just hurts, it hurts so much because it's what I was so scared of." I confessed, and Brittany kept rubbing her thumb behind my ear to calm the crying that started up again. "She said I was an abomination, a sinner, a whore. Mamí, she told me that she had no granddaughter."

"Honey." Brittany let out a shaky breath, and I felt her tears, hearing what she'd called me for the first time. "You aren't those things."

"Brittany is right. You aren't. You're a girl in love, a beautiful girl who deserves good things. That woman." I could feel my mother's muscles tighten in frustration. "She's poisonous. She's proven that in the past, with the things she's believed you should do, and she's proving it again now. Corazóncita, please don't let her infect you. Please don't let her untrue words hurt you."

"I'm trying, I'm trying so hard, Mamí."

"Remember that you are loved, by me, by your father, by your girlfriend, by your friends. You will experience this in your life, this ignorance, and I wish I could protect you, but I need you to always, always know that love wins."

"I love you." I told my mother, and she kissed the top of my head, letting it linger there for a moment, as if she could telepathically pass her love into me. "And thank you, for saying that, for letting Britt stay with me..."

"Your father and I, and your parents too, Brittany, have discussed it. As long as you continue to be respectful in our homes, we don't mind the sleepovers. We understand, you're going through a lot, and it's important you have each other."

"Thank you." Brittany whispered, and Mamí leaned over to kiss her cheek.

"Take care of my girl for me, I trust you with her."

When Mamí left us, I let the hysteria come out in full force again. Not knowing what else to do, Brittany pulled me gently up from the bed and tugged at the comforter so she could wrap it around us, covering our heads and isolating us from the rest of the world. Her fingers danced all over me, working their calming magic, and softly, so very softly, she began to sing a song I had never heard before.

It may not be the way I would have chosen

When you lead me through a world that's not my home

But you never said it would be easy

You only said I'd never go alone

So when the whole world turns against me and I'm all by myself

And I can't hear you answer my cries for help

I'll remember the suffering your love put you through

And I will go through the darkness if you want me to

"I love when y' sing, Britt." I mumbled drowsily against her chest. "So pretty."

"It's what I'd sing to you in Glee, if I thought it's what you wanted, but I'd rather sing my song to you like this. I heard it, the other day, in the mall with my Mom, and it made me cry, because it made me think of you."

"Thank you." I let a few more tears escape, and I lifted my heavy head up to kiss her lips. "You...you're something so beautiful, every time I can't believe beauty even exists anymore, and I hope you understand how much you mean to me."

"I do. And I hope you understand what you mean not only to me, but to the world. I'll be strong for you, when you can't be, but please, please know that no matter what anyone says, you're worth it."

"I'm trying, Britt, I'm trying so much, but it's so hard. I just...I want her to know it. I've always wanted her to know it."

"I know, honey. Trust me, I know. But I'm here, I'll always be here, and we'll get through this, together."

When I saw that we were pulling up in front of the Tick Tock Diner on Eighth Avenue, I quickly wiped away the dampness around my eyes, and stiffened my spine, putting aside my personal conflicts and focusing solely on the task at hand. Quickly swiping my card to pay the driver, I walked in the door and looked around until I saw Vin hunched over a cup of coffee, looking like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. Sliding in across from him, I tapped the back of his hand, and he looked up, eyes red ringed and puffy, cheeks swollen, and his cellphone clutched in his hand, looking like he was willing it to ring.

"I just needed six months. Six more months and I would have been getting ready to leave for Penn State, and at least when my family decided they didn't love me anymore, I wouldn't have been homeless."

"You're not going to be homeless." I said softly, soothingly. "I couldn't find anywhere with open beds tonight, but my friend Kurt has an extra room, and you're going to stay with him until we find a more permanent solution."

"I've got a job, and I've got money saved, and I can do chores and stuff..."

"Hey, Vin." I heard his mind beginning to calculate he cost of his expenses, and that was the last thing he needed to worry about. "Don't worry about any of that. Kurt doesn't need any money, and he's got a housekeeper that comes every other day. He's not doing this for any kind of compensation."

"I knew this was going to happen, I just...I kept hoping that when I told my family about me, they'd forget about those backwards teachings of their church, and listen to the part where it says to love people. Now I didn't even get to tell them, and it's the worst timing ever." He groaned, pressing the heels of his hands under his eyes. "How did you do this? How did you even handle getting outed on TV, when everyone knew?"

"At the end of the day, it's still the same people that it actually matters to. Okay, yeah, it sucked being your age and getting dirty looks in the grocery store, but you start to realize that what strangers think doesn't actually mean shit, and my family was still the hardest part."

"But your parents were fine with it, right?"

"My parents were, I was lucky." I nodded. "My grandmother, not so much. She had a whole list of names she called me. It's not the same, I still had my home, but on some level, I can understand that wrenching feeling you've got in your chest right now."

"I just wish I could turn back time. My date sucked anyway, it was the most awkward kiss to have ever happened, and now they know, and it's like Pandora's Box, or whatever, I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention in English this week."

"I know that feeling, we've all been there. I wish I could help you with that, but my wife likes to joke that she tried and failed at building a time machine." He cracked a small smile when I said that, and I offered him one in return. "But I promise I can help you with everything that comes next. Did you eat?"

"Not really hungry." He shrugged. "I had a big sandwich for lunch."

"Okay. The mother in me is screaming that you should have some dinner first, but how about this? We have a slice of peanut butter pie, because I really do believe that it has some kind of magical feel better powers, and then we go down to Kurt's and get you settled for the night."

"I think to feel better I'm going to need a lot of pie." Vin joked. "But okay. And it's really not weird for this guy that I'm gonna just sleep at his house? Does he do this kind of thing a lot? I just don't want to be an inconvenience."

"It's not weird, Kurt's a natural born host, it doesn't matter who you are to him, he always makes you feel at home. When we lived together when I first came to New York, he used to stay here for Thanksgiving and cook, just so people who couldn't go home would have a place to be." I reassured him. "You'll like him a lot, and trust me, he'll enjoy having company that doesn't come with an entourage of small children."

"And he's…not going to care about why my parents kicked me out?"

"Vin, I know you don't know me that well, but do you think I'd be friends with someone who would care?" I arched a brow, and his cheeks flushed a little before he shook his head. "Besides, that would be pretty hypocritical of him anyway."

After we ordered the pie (with ice cream), and I had a cup of decaf coffee, we talked for a while as Vin tried to piece together what he was going to do next. I tried to encourage him to take it one step at a time, to get through the night, and then we would talk again in the morning, but I saw a lot of me in him, a lot of that mind racing panic, that even age could only soften, not remove entirely. In the cab on the way to Kurt's, with all of Vin's life split between a suitcase in the trunk, and the small bag he's convinced his father to let him grab after the fact on his lap, I called Brittany, apologizing that I'd be home after the girls' bedtimes, and saying quick I love you's and more promises to kiss them goodnight after I got home, to both of them, and hanging up. At Kurt's building, the doorman sent us right up, and Vin shifted awkwardly between feet while I rang the bell.

"There you are." Kurt smiled warmly as he opened the door, and I ushered Vin in before me. "Hi, Vin, it's a pleasure to meet you, I'm Kurt Hummel, Santana's most charming friend."

"The competition's not stiff, Hummel." I bantered back at him, figuring it was the best for Vin to see how low key it would be. "But your charm doesn't work on my kind anyway."

"Thank you, Mr. Hummel, for letting me stay here tonight." Vin looked him in the eye and shook his hand. "I really appreciate it, like so much."

"Please, it's Kurt, and it's my pleasure to have you. It's been a long time since I've put my fancy guest room to good use." Kurt smiled warmly at him, and I could see in his eyes how genuine he was, see in his eyes how Britt was probably right about this being good for him too. "Let me show you where to put your things, and then unto the tour of my humble abode."

Of course, Kurt gave the most thorough tour of a twelve-hundred square foot apartment that I'd ever seen in my life, including where the extra blankets and towels were, though Kurt had already laid quite the array out on the guest bed, and where all of the food in the house was kept, in case one was so inclined to cook with truffles in the middle of the night, and when we were finished, we headed into the living room. Vin sat tentatively on the edge of the couch, while Kurt presented a baked Brie, and I put my feet up on the coffee table, just wanting to make sure they were both comfortable before I left. Kurt asked questions about school, about lacrosse (time with Finn and Burt had semi-educated him on sports, I was impressed, since I was clueless), and Vin answered politely, seemingly relived that he wasn't being asked about the major events of his day.

"I think I'm okay here, Santana." Vin said softly, when Kurt went to get himself some more sparkling water. "It's like a really fancy hotel, but I don't feel weird sitting on the furniture, so that's cool."

"Good. I'm really glad. Listen, Vin, you need to remember, you're tough, and you're honest, and you have all of these goals and dreams that you want to make happen. You have your scholarship to Penn State, you've got opportunities ahead of you, and no matter what happens, I'm here to support you, okay?"

"Thank you." He choked out, and I watched him swallow hard. Standing up, I engulfed his large frame in a motherly hug, knowing that's what he needed most of all. "Thank you so much."

"We'll figure it all out, and you're going to be alright." I squeezed his shoulder, and he gave me a small, almost hopeful smile.

Once I spoke to Kurt in the hallway outside of the apartment, telling him again how grateful I was, and making him promise that he'd call me if there were any problems, I got in yet another cab, completely emotionally exhausted. I knew it wasn't my battle, the upheaval of my life, but I still felt the weight of watching a young kid that I'd come to care about be completely wrecked. Walking in the door, only the small entry light was on downstairs, and I quickly kicked my shoes in the closet, really wanting, more than ever, to kiss my daughters and tell him how much I loved them. Annie's door was partially open when I got up the stairs, and her nightlight was still on, like she was waiting for me to come in and shut it off, and I sat down beside her on the bed, brushing her hair out of her face and pressing a lingering kiss to her temple.

"You're home, Mamí." She mumbled, only half awake, and I rubbed small circles on her back to ease her back into slumber. "I missed you lots, 'specially when my movie got a little scary."

"I missed you too, my bebé dulce, and you can tell me all about the movie tomorrow. I promised to come kiss you goodnight when I was home, and you know I always keep my promises." I whispered, kissing her again, before pulling her quilt back up over her shoulders, and making sure Milky Way was tucked under her arm. "I love you, forever and ever, my Annalise. I love you no matter what."

With another soft kiss, I turned off the rainbow light that spilled over her sleeping form, and retreated from the room. Tip-toeing down the hallway, I peered into Marisa's room, and although it may have been against my better judgment on a normal night, seeing that she was restless in the crib, I lifted her into my arms and hugged her tight to my chest, wanting just to hold her for a little while. When I sat down, I tried to let myself feel calm, but somehow, the ache in my chest that had been there since the phone call, and only increased as I watched Annie sleep had burst, and I felt the hot tears on my cheeks. Marisa's eyes didn't open, but she nuzzled my covered breast, and though I knew she'd obviously had a bottle before bed, I pulled down my shirt and unhooked the strap of my nursing bra, unsurprised when she immediately latched on.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here for you to eat at bedtime, mi amorcita. I know I disrupted your routine, and you're probably still a little hungry after your bottle, since I know eating like that isn't your favorite." I murmured, staring down at the scrunched up little face she made while she nursed, running a finger over her tiny chipmunk cheeks, just savoring the weight of my younger daughter in my arms. "I'll always be here for you, my little girl, I'll always be here for you and your sister. I promise you, you never have to worry about coming to me or with anything. Even if you think it will make me angry, or upset me, there is nothing, nothing that could ever change the way that I love you both, your Mama too, we love you so very much."

After Marisa finished nursing, taking her time, like she always did, and listening to me sing to her (I just couldn't help the song that came to me, and nothing you confess, could make me love you less slipped easily from my lips), she seemed to be a little more settled, and I kissed her baby soft hair, before placing her back in the crib. Closing the door behind me, I'd finally made it to the last of my three greatest loves, and when I found Brittany, she was in our bathroom, the tub just about full for a bubble bath.

"I figured you might need one tonight." She moved toward me, running her hands up and down my arms, and kissing me on the lips. "I heard you talking to the girls."

"Thank you." I wrapped my arms around her neck, and pressed my forehead to hers, feeling like my eyes were still sort of leaky. "I do."

We undressed each other slowly, and I felt the care and caution in Brittany's motions as she lifted my long sleeved t-shirt over my head, and let my bra drop to the floor. She knew exactly what I needed (a lot hadn't really changed in thirteen years), and when she climbed in the tub, opening her knees to make space for me between them, I felt my whole body breathe a sigh of relief. She pushed my hair over one shoulder and tenderly kissed the back of my neck, inviting me to lie my head on her chest, to metaphorically lie the weight of my evening upon her.

"I just don't get it." I told her, finally, after close to a half hour of lying in silence in the darkened bathroom. "I didn't get it years ago when my grandmother did it to me, and I still don't get it now. How do you just turn your back on someone you've loved for their whole life?"

"I don't know, Santana. I don't understand it either, you have a child, you're in it for life, not just when who they are is convenient for you."

"Exactly. Sometimes, when I think about stuff like this, even though I really hate that it happens, I think of his parents." I felt the muscles in Brittany's stomach tighten against my lower back, because with the intonation I gave, there could only be one person I was speaking of. "They hated what he did, you could see it on their faces, for all of those weeks, she apologized to my mother, Britt, for what he did to me, for how what he did effected all of us. But they were still there, because it was their son. That a thing, parents not entirely turning their backs on their child after a sick, twisted choice they made, a choice that almost-" I choked out a sob at just all of it, because it hurt to talk about, and Brittany pressed her hand over my heart. "But Vin's dad caught him on a date with a guy, and that's all it took for him to throw his own son out on the streets of New York. I can't even imagine how bad he's hurting, because I know how bad it hurt with my abuela, but I still had my parents. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I just want to relax with you, but I'm so upset, and I'm furious."

"You don't need to apologize, honey, I understand that you need to vent. The reason you do this is because you take it personally, and obviously the hard ones are going to hit you hard."

"It's just, like, I don't know, some things you never fully get over."

"Some things, I don't think you're supposed to. I think you move past them, but they'll always be a part of you, especially things that cut deep."

"She wasn't a nice person." I sucked my teeth, and Britt didn't need clarification as to whom I was talking about. "But I loved her, I still love her, even though she couldn't accept me for who I am, and she's gone now, but I just, I can't ever have our daughters go through that. I don't know, everything feels different as a mother, I think."

"Yeah, it does." Britt affirmed, drawing patterns on my stomach with her fingertips, calming me immensely. "I can't imagine there ever being anything that would make either of us turn our backs on our girls. It's like, I don't know, the things they struggle with, you're supposed to love them even harder for, right?"

"That's how I feel. I mean, Vin pushed down his feelings for so long, like I did, and them to have the people who raised you just validate that, I don't know, it's just so messed up." I felt my throat tighten, and I had to squeeze my eyes shut. "It's like Annie, she wants so, so bad to be brave enough to be just like all of the other kids, and she might never, but we don't love her in spite of that, we love her because that's who she is, because she's amazing, and wonderful, and so special. And Marisa, who knows who she'll be, when she's old enough to have her own struggles, beyond not loving to take a bottle, she might be like I was in high school, and every so often even now, look in the mirror and feel disgusted with the way she looks, or maybe she'll have some other source of shame, but we'll just love her harder, because she's our daughter. You're not supposed to be selective as a parent. I'd love to go knock on their door and have a word with them, but I know that I can't, and it sucks."

"You also know firsthand that no one can change their minds, whatever their final decision is." She reminded me, bringing her hand up to brush beneath my eyes, when she knew I'd let a few tears fall.

"I know. I just wish there was more I could do. This kid is staying in the apartment of a total stranger tonight, and I just feel awful that there was no one close enough to him that he could trust enough to call. If it would have been me, I'd have had you, I did have you, every time I was scared and needed someone to hold me tight and promise me it would be okay."

"I know, and I know it's not the same kind of thing, he doesn't have someone who can wrap his arms around him and kiss away his tears, to promise to love him forever, but he does have you, and that's a lot. You're fierce, and protective, you're devoted, and I know you'll do whatever it takes to make sure that his life doesn't get entirely derailed because his parents suck."

"I guess. I just feel like I haven't done much, I gave him a lame pep talk and dropped him at Kurt's."

"Leave it to you, my incredible wife, to downplay every amazing thing you do." She tilted my head up and kissed my mouth, before pulling back and looking into my eyes. "Remember what you said, after you sang that song, the one that wasn't the one you actually wanted to sing, during the worst Glee Club lesson that ever was?"

"I love that you still call it that." I couldn't help but laugh, because it was so very true. "But no, I blocked so much of that week out of my mind. What did I say?"

"You said the struggle continues, but at least I know I'm not alone." She smiled, and I did vaguely remember that. "Maybe you're not made out of magic, although I tend to believe you are, and you can't miraculously fix what happened with his family, but you've made it known that you're on his side, and he's not alone against the world. That's a lot."

"I hope." I sighed, clasping both of her hands in mine. "Thanks Britt, I needed to hear that."

"I figured, and I'm always glad to tell you, because I believe it, more than I believe almost anything in the world." She smiled down at me, and I closed my eyes, resting in silence for several minutes in the mostly lukewarm water, until I felt like speaking again.

"God, I'm totally wiped out right now, and I really should make a few more phone calls tonight, but I can't even bring myself to walk down the stairs."

"Nothing will change between now and the morning, San. He's fine at Kurt's, and you know he can stay there as long as he needs. Let's sneak in one last kiss for each of the girls, and then snuggle in bed and rest, I know you'll be up early in the morning."

"You know me so well, babe." I pushed myself to stand, and offered Britt a hand up, handing her a towel and then wrapping my arms around her tightly, resting my cheek on her damp shoulder. "I love you a lot."

"I love you a lot too. Come on, let's go say goodnight to two other girls we love a lot, before you fall asleep on the bathroom floor."

"One time." I laughed, shaking my head. "One time, when I was forty weeks pregnant, it was a million degrees outside, and we walked all over lower Manhattan, then you went down on me forever-and gave me more orgasms than I could count- to try to induce my labor, and you'll never let me live it down."

"Well it was cute, why would I want to?" She quirked an eyebrow, and I just rolled my eyes, glad for her ability to make me laugh, when I still kind of wanted to cry over something I had no control over, and glad that she supported me one-hundred percent, as I did the best I could anyway.


	47. Frustrations

In the first few weeks of Vin's relocation into Kurt's apartment, I felt like I was going to absolutely lose my mind, and not just about him, but about the system as a whole, the system that was too small to help the kids who needed it the most, the kids that I wanted to help more than almost anything else in the world. In those weeks, not a single bed opened up in any of the centers that I'd called, and the fact that I, a hard-headed adult  _in the field_ couldn't get someone a permanent place to stay spoke  _volumes,_ and made me feel physically ill about those who  _didn't_ have someone advocating for them, those who, more likely than not, would end up on the streets, or worse, end up in some way  _victimized_ because they didn't have the resources they needed. It wasn't about Vin, entirely, he was okay with Kurt, or, as okay as he could be, considering his parents were still refusing to talk to him, and had slammed the door in his face the one time he'd tried again in person, but it was about the other nameless, faceless teenagers like him, about the fact that I was completely incapable of doing anything for them.

I wasn't proud of it, but I'd sort of fallen into a funk, feeling powerless and defeated, and sort of withdrawing into myself, and getting more frustrated with everyone and everything around me than I had in a long time. I knew it went against everything I'd learned in my training, I  _knew_ that my emotional attachment to the situation was making me struggle more, but there was no way I  _couldn't_ be that way, the organization and the cause as a whole, not even considering each individual kid, were too close to my heart. The thing was, I wasn't sure  _that_ was even the whole cause of my funk, it felt like there must be some other factor, yet I couldn't truly pinpoint what that was, just that I felt incredibly anxious, and sort of  _sad,_ feelings that tended to pour out of me in a snappy way, even, on several occasions, with Brittany, who I seemed to be bickering regularly with over the most ridiculous of things.

It was midway through the third week of Vin's estrangement from his parents that he'd asked me to go speak to Ben Foss with him, to vouch for him when get asked for an exception to needing his parents to sign off on things related to his final months of school and his future, and the two of us sat across the desk from the man, silently pleading for his help. I wasn't sure how much I was able to do, my disconnection from the school both a blessing and a curse, but I'd promised Vin I would be there, so I sat beside him, nodding my encouragement. Slowly, timidly, Vin revealed to his principal that he'd been forced out of his house, and rubbing his hands together to try and keep calm, the fearful boy waited, hoping for some kind of direction for what he was to do next.

"Vincent, I'm sorry." Ben looked genuinely sympathetic. "You know I'm here for my students, but my hands are tied in this. You're legally a minor child, and all school records need to be sent to your parents."

"But Mr. Foss, I'm not even allowed to go  _over_ there. They're pretending they don't even  _have_ a son, and I'm going to be eighteen in  _seven_ weeks. All the paperwork that needs to be signed for graduation, to release my transcripts to Penn State,  _everything_ is going to go there for  _them_ , and they're going to throw it out. If I don't graduate, I can't go to college. I can't, I just  _can't_ lose my whole future.  _Please._ " Vin begged, his voice cracking at the thought of the  _one_ hope that still remained being ripped away from him. "Santana said I could have stuff sent to her address, until we know where I'm gonna live, and she'd give it to me. She said she'll sign them for me, if I need an adult. Why can't we just do that?"

"If it were that easy, I'd allow it, of course, but she's not your guardian."

"She cares about me, that's saying a lot more than the people who  _are_ my guardians." Vin spit, his hands balled up at his sides and his teeth grinding in his mouth. "It's not  _fair."_

"Hey Vin." I gave him a soft, reassuring smile, a silent promise that I  _wouldn't_ let him lose everything he'd pinned his dreams on, that I would do whatever it took for him to graduate, that I'd drive up to State College, Pennsylvania myself and deal with the university, if for some reason I failed on this level. "Do you mind stepping out in the hall for a few minutes?"

"Yeah, fine." He grabbed his backpack from the floor, and didn't try to control the glare he directed at Ben, before leaving the room and folding the door behind him.

"Ben-"

"Santana." He cut me off before I could speak. "There's nothing I can do."

"There is  _always_ something you can do." I seethed, replaying his earlier words  _my hands are tied,_ replaying the same words in an thicker accent, thinking of the time  _I'd_ felt like everything was being ripped away from me, and  _then_ facing punishment on top of it for my reaction. "I'm going to be straight with you, Ben, I think this red tape is a lot of bull. A kid risks not graduating because his parents kicked him out of his house? Tell me how  _that_ makes any sense."

"I'm not saying it makes any sense, I didn't make the rules. Think about it though, you're a mother, would you really feel comfortable if someone could just walk in and start changing one of your children's addresses, or signing papers."

"No." I held my hand up and tightened my jaw. "No, you don't get to appeal to me as a  _parent_ right now, not in  _this_ situation. I get it, rules are rules to protect the kids, but  _this_ is not to protect him, this is going to  _destroy_ him. No, I wouldn't want a person to sign this for my kids, because  _my wife and I would be the ones signing for them._ You can't honestly compare normal parenting to what Vin's parents did. If you let a person who wasn't me or Brittany take over for my kids, I'd come in here and raise all hell, but they  _won't._ They won't even answer the door for him, like he said, they're pretending they don't have a son.  _You_ asked me to come in here and help your kids, and this kid needs help, and I can't if you don't work with me."

"Santana-"

"Ben-"

"No, let me say something." He ordered, and I clamped my mouth shut, fearful that he'd throw me out of his office, out of his school as a whole, and then I'd completely fail. "Vincent is not emancipated, and even if you tried to go that route, it'll take longer than the time he has left until his birthday. It's a legal issue of guardianship that I truly have no power over-"

"But-"

" _But,_ if you're willing- and I'm sure you are- to go to the DOE with me, we'll appeal for an extension on his paperwork, we'll try to get the deadlines pushed back until  _after_ he's eighteen. I know that this isn't the first time you've taken issue with me, Santana, but I promise you that I'm really not a bad guy, and that I really  _do_ care. The red tape is real, and  _trust me,_ I didn't go into this field to be trapped by it, it's just the reality, but I'll try to work around it with you,"

"I don't...I don't think you're a bad guy." I choked on the heavy emotion in my chest. "I'm just frustrated, Ben. I'm frustrated because kids that don't have anyone to advocate for them get royally _screwed_ by the system. It's all so black and white, and  _they_ need a little grey area, you know?"

"I do know, and I also know what it's like to feel like you're fighting a losing battle. We're on the same side here, alright? Even if it sounds like I'm upholding what  _they_ want, I want what's best for the kids too."

"The problem is, you and I aren't the only ones in this game." I sighed, then shook my head, clearing it away. I had to fight for what was right in front of me, in that moment, and then  _maybe_ when that was done, I'd find some way to start challenging the bigger issues. "Just let me know when I need to go with you to the board. I'll be there."

Standing up and accepting Ben's extended hand, I shook it, accepting a truce, even though I wished he would have just said this in the beginning, rather than get the already fragile Vin even more worked up and disheartened. But I needed him on my side, and if I was going to be successful in giving this kid a shot, I  _needed_ to bite my tongue and walk out of the room, accepting Ben for who he was. When I exited the office, Vin was sitting in a chair, head in his hands, crying silently, and I pressed a comforting hand into his shoulder, urging him to lift it up.

"Everything  _sucks._ " He seethed, immediately balling his fists and scowling, trying to rid himself of the tears so no one would see them.

"I know." I validated him. "I know, but Mr. Foss and I are going to work on getting the deadline for all of your paperwork extended until after you turn eighteen. I know that it's not going to fix everything, but it's a start, right?"

"Yeah, I guess so." He shrugged, and I opened my arms for him, trying, like I had in the previous weeks, to offer him as much motherly comfort as I could give, and he stood, accepting my embrace.

"We're going to get you to college, Vin. I know that I can't promise much else right now, but this one thing, this one  _really important_ thing, we will make happen."

"Thanks Santana, I'd really be screwed of it weren't for you and Kurt."

"How are things going over there?" I asked, shrugging off his gratitude to me. "I know it must me hard living in flux like this, but you're alright there?"

"Yeah, I am. I wish there was something I could do to thank him, he's so nice, and generous, and I just don't want to push it and overstay my welcome."

"You aren't, that's the last thing you need to be worried about. He likes having you there. But you should get back to class, I'm leaving in the morning, but if there's some kind of emergency, call me right away, okay? Otherwise, we'll talk Monday."

"Okay, yeah, cool. Thanks. Have fun on your trip." He wiped his face with his hand, and hugged me one last time.

Watching him walk out of the office door, I felt another tug at my heart, just wanting so badly to make it all okay for him. Reaching into my bag, I pulled out my phone, checking the time and sighing that the day was already slipping away too fast, before making my outside. The sky was dark, and the air felt heavy, like snow was close by again, and I shivered, pulling my jacket tighter around my chest as I stuck headphones in my ears to drown out the world, and headed to the subway.

* * *

By the time I got home, I knew that Britt had already taken Marisa and gone to get Annie at school, so I made myself a cup of tea and sat down on the couch, curling my legs beneath me, and grabbing the iPad off of the coffee table in an attempt to check my e-mail for the  _thousandth_ time that day. When the door swung open, and Britt came in, the baby bundled tightly in her bear suit, and secured in the wrap to her Mama's side, with Annie kicking the ground sullenly behind her, I tossed the device to the side, and stood up to greet my family.

"Mamí's here." Brittany smiled brightly for the girls, and Marisa reached out her little arms for me, flapping her hands when I got closer.

"Hey Britt." I placed a quick kiss on her top lip, and slipped the baby up out of her bindings. "Hi,  _amorcita,_ I missed you a lot this morning. Did you guys forget Annie at school?"

"No, I'm here." Annie had her arms across her chest and a pout on her face. "I'm just very grumpy and I do not like this day."

"Why are you so grumpy,  _mi amor?"_ I crouched down, settling Reese on my hip, and opened up an arm for Annie to come into.

"Because I got in trouble at school, and, and-" Annie dissolved into tears, burying her face in my sweater and clinging to me. I looked up at Britt, and she had her bottom lip between her teeth, shaking her head.

"Tell me what happened, my Annie, take your time."

"I had...I had to put my head down on my desk for a very,  _very_ long time because I was yelling." She hiccuped into my chest, and I was shocked by that, since I knew from our parent teacher conferences that she barely ever opened her mouth at school, and yelling seemed so out of character for her.

"Okay come on, let's sit down and figure it out,  _mija."_ Brittany lifted Marisa from me before I could even ask, and Annie wrapped her arms around my waist and let me lift her up, never unhiding her face.

"We haven't gotten much further than this." Brittany murmured as I sat down on the couch, rubbing Annie's back, and letting her cry it out.

"Did Norah say anything to you at pickup?"

"She did, it was gym pickup, but she came down to see me." She sat down and reminded me in a whisper, causing me to rub my temple, feeling like the days were blurring together. "I'll tell you what she told me when we're alone, but it wasn't as big of a deal as it looks. It's mostly just that Annie's never been reprimanded by anyone other than us, so I think she's really embarrassed." Brittany sighed and stopped whispering, addressing our daughter directly. "Annie, sweetheart, can you tell us what happened?"

"I got mad at 'Ro, because he was being  _so_ bossy, and he told me he didn't want to play with me  _at all_  if we didn't play blocks. B-but I wanted to play Candyland, and he wasn't  _listening to me_ or even saying we could take turns!So then I got very, very mad and I yelled that he  _had to be fair,_ and I broke the rules. You can't play Candyland  _all by yourself."_ She sobbed, and I immediately understood how she'd gotten to the point where she'd actually yell where other people could hear her, driven by that fear that if she couldn't express herself, she'd be left alone. "Wh-what if he doesn't want to be my friend anymore, and what if Mrs. Flynn is very mad at me?"

"Hey, hey,  _coraz_ _ó_ _ncita,_ friends don't always get along all of the time, sometimes people argue, but it doesn't mean they don't love each other." I soothed, wiping away her tears. "Thoreau isn't going to stop being your friend just because of one argument over what game to play. And did you listen to Mrs. Flynn when she told you to stop shouting? "

"Mmhmm. But I didn't like having to get quiet time at my table. 'S only for kids who are being bad, and I-I don't want to be bad."

"Sweetheart, it's not about being bad, we know you're a good girl, and that you get frustrated sometimes trying to make people understand what it is you want to say. But having to put your head down was a consequence for breaking a rule, and the consequences aren't always fun. That one is also supposed to make you feel calmer." Brittany tried to explain.

"It did not make me feel calm! I cried so much, but super quiet because I didn't want everyone to look at me, and I really don't want 'Ro to not be my friend anymore! Then I have  _no_ friends in my whole class and I have to play by myself  _always."_

"My sweet girl, I know that you haven't made any more friends yet, but I promise you, Thoreau is still your friend. After we relax for a little bit, you and I can sit in the office and call him together. I bet he's feeling pretty sad that he said something not so nice to you too, and you can apologize to each other." I offered, and she nodded, her chin quivering.

"And maybe, if you want, Bean, we can work on seeing if there's anyone in your class  _this_ year that you might want to be friends with. I know it's tough, but you did  _so_ great the last time, and now look at you and Thoreau."

"I don't think so." She shook her head. "Not right now, 's okay as long as 'Ro's still my friend, maybe I'll get more friends a different day."

"Okay, but I do want you to think about it for me. Mamí and I will always be here to help you if it's something you decide that you want to do."

"Mmhm, I know, and baby Reese too." Annie leaned in to kiss her sister's forehead.

"Nee nee!" Marisa poked at Annie's cheeks and grinned.

"Maybe I feel a little bit less grumpy now, but I really,  _really_ don't like getting in trouble  _at all."_

"I know, Annie." I sighed softly, understanding that feeling of burning shame, that feeling that had come, even when I was a teenager and tried to play like I was big and tough. "I know it makes your chest feel funny, because you're a little embarrassed, but on Monday, you'll go to school and you'll say that you're sorry to Mrs. Flynn for screaming in the classroom."

"I already  _did_ say sorry."

"Good job, baby girl." Brittany praised, neither of us feeling that she needed to be fully reprimanded, because she'd already faced consequences, and was genuinely regretful of breaking just a simple rule. "And after the weekend, I think you'll feel a lot better about it."

* * *

After sitting on my lap and talking to Thoreau, both of them apologizing sweetly, and kind of being a little too much for me to take, Annie was significantly better, and I went upstairs to finish some of my packing for the weekend, having put it off until the very last minute. Brittany had actually offered to postpone the trip, with everything going on, on top of my forgetting when I'd booked it that it was Rachel's opening night, and we'd be out late before having to leave early the next morning, but I waved it off. Honestly, I felt like I needed some time alone with Brittany, felt like we were at a disconnect, only really talking to about work, about the kids, and I just wanted to be  _us,_ and to escape from everything else, if only for a few days. Once I was finished with the packing and had given Marisa some mashed bananas and nursed her, getting her ready for Holly to come stay with her for a few hours (which I felt pretty terrible about, considering she and Annie would be with Liz all weekend), I went upstairs and began the long process of getting ready for the night out, standing in front of the mirror, pinching my hips, adjusting my boobs, and trying to get my gown to sit the way I wanted it to.

"Hey." Brittany poked her head in, having finished getting ready ten minutes earlier, and going into Annie's room with the baby up help her. "Holly's here, are you ready to go?"

"Yeah, can you just zip me?" I asked, tearing myself away from the mirror and looking at Brittany, hair gathered up, and her low cut, periwinkle dress making her eyes appear even bluer than usual. I'd been in the bathroom when she'd dressed, and seeing her for the first time, I smiled softly. "You look great, Britt."

"So do you." She tugged up the zipper, and smoothed the back of my dress before dropping a quick kiss on my bare shoulder, making me shiver at the unexpected contact. "It's been a long time since there's been an opening night."

"It has." I nodded, realizing that it was close to six years to the day since the night we'd first seen Rachel in  _Rent._ "And it's Annie and Brice's first, she's beside herself."

"Singing about eating tacos and enchiladas all day, I think she's got a new favorite song."

"One in which she'll understand when she's older is sort of an accurate depiction of my life.  _Right off the boat from the tropics far, far away. Which is kind of funny because where I come from is Allentown, PA._ " I sang, and half rolled my eyes, grabbing my bag from the bed. "Okay, let's go."

It was sort of a long goodbye with Marisa, and I couldn't help but hold the phone in my hand on the way uptown and when we exited the cab, I tucked it into my bra, wanting to be able to feel if it vibrated, just in case Holly needed us. When we finally found our way into the theater, Brice, in the little tuxedo that matched his father's, climbed up on his seat and waved us over, beaming with pride that he was going to get to watch his Mommy perform, and after kissing he, Finn, and the rest of the assembled members of Rachel's biggest fan club hello, Brittany settled Annie in her seat beside him. While the two little ones clasped hands and whispered excitedly back and forth, Brittany kept a hand on the small of my back and chatted animatedly with Quinn and Archie, while I watched out of the corner of my eye the intense conversation that Kurt seemed to be having with his father and Carol. I was mostly quiet, buried deep within my own head, offering only small smiles and the occasional quick comment, and when I finally sat down, sandwiched between Brittany and Annie, and the lights lowered, I unconsciously gripped tightly to my wife's hand, holding it in my lap and trying to focus my attention on Rachel's flawless performance.

When it was all over, after we'd gone backstage and seen Rachel, after everyone raised a glass to celebrate her opening night, Brittany and Finn were sitting on a couch, sleeping children in their laps (a far cry from the old celebrations afterwards), I was ready to go home. Silently signaling to Britt that I was beyond exhausted, we started saying our  _good nights,_ and when we were through, went to get our coats. We were about halfway through the lobby, mostly empty, with all of the general theater goers long gone, when we came across Kurt, the one person we hadn't said goodbye to, leaning back on the couch, a glass of red wine in his hand and simply staring into space.

"Hey, you." Brittany smiled at him, snapping him from his trance. "Are you over the party too?"

"I'm over..." He waved his hand in the air and closed his eyes, more than a little tipsy. "Everything. Did you know I filed for divorce three days ago? Nope, you didn't, because I didn't tell anyone. I thought if I didn't tell anyone, it wouldn't be real. Guess what? It's  _still_ real. Guess what else? Wine? Doesn't make it feel better."

"Preaching to the choir on that second one, Hummel." I held out my hand for his glass and took it to set down, then looked at Britt, who was already preparing to sit beside him as Annie remained asleep in her arms.

"Carole thought maybe it was happening too fast, that maybe I should give it more time before making things official, but when he got on that plane, he told me without words that he wasn't willing to stay and work on this with me. He hasn't even tried, in the six weeks since I told him to go. Then today, he calls me from…whatever country he's in right now, begging me to reconsider, but I he  _really_ wanted me to, that conversation wouldn't have happened on the phone. He would have  _come home."_ Kurt put his head in his hands, and Brittany set her hand on his shoulder, squeezing there to comfort him. "I'm done. I'm done. I'm just done."

"It's okay to be done when someone hurts you." Brittany soothed, and I sort of stood frozen in my spot, because I didn't know what to say, and I couldn't believe that Kurt, my friend, someone I'd grown with over the years, someone who's wedding I'd given a speech at, wishing him all of the happiness in the world, had actually signed divorce papers. "We're here for you, Kurt. We're always going to be here for you."

"Yeah, thanks Brittany, but I don't believe in the word always anymore." He spit bitterly, and she looked up at me, unsure what else to say (like  _I_ was any better in the words department). "Marriage doesn't last forever, love doesn't last forever,  _nothing._ It's all a big joke, happy Valentine's Day to me. I'm going home."

"Kurt-." I spoke after a long silence, and he lifted himself out of his seat, sort of pushing past me as he did.

"I don't want to talk about it anymore tonight, I had to spend an hour talking to my parents about it. I just want to go home, check on Vin and go to bed."

Brittany and I both followed him to the curb, and as he hailed a cab, I realized that he wasn't actually that drunk, he was just in agony, and it gripped me with some kind of strange fear, even as my wife stood three feet from me, cradling our tiny five year old to her chest. It was what had been bothering me, what I hadn't been able to pinpoint, a flare up of my (sometimes irrational) fear of abandonment, a fear that watching Kurt separate from Blaine, and watching Vin be thrown out of his parents' house seemed to be perpetuating. With that realization, I sort of felt like I'd been given a hard blow to the chest, and I brought my hand up, trying to soothe the ache there.

I was quiet for the entire trip home, listening to Brittany hum softly to Annie, watching the bright lights of midtown pass by as I stared out the window of the taxi. When we walked in the door, Holly was sitting with an awake baby, and while Brittany went to bring Annie up to bed, I thanked my friend and took my daughter from her, bringing her back to her bedroom and just sitting for a long while, letting her nurse, and then rocking her long after she'd fallen back to sleep. I heard Brittany come in at some point, heard her watching me, before realizing that I just needed a little bit of space, and leaving the room. By the time I'd gone downstairs for some water, then ended up in the office, checking my emails, Brittany was asleep, and when I crawled into bed beside her, I lay there, watching her breaths, watching that peaceful expression on her face, and realizing that I was entirely unable to imagine what my life would be like, if suddenly,  _our_ love wasn't forever.

* * *

The next morning, my lack of sleep, combined with the nonsense that my mind just  _loved_ to conjure up made me feel miserable. I bitched about needing a bigger car as I shoved the pack and play in the trunk, I bitched about the traffic leaving the city, I bitched about basically  _everything,_ until I decided that I just wanted to stop talking all together. Obviously, considering the fact that it was Valentine's Day, and I was about to leave for a romantic weekend with my wife, I didn't  _want_ to feel the way I felt, but beating myself up for my emotions did nothing but make it  _worse,_ and for the entire drive to drop the kids off with Liz, I remained focused on the road, and focused on the music on the radio. Brittany knew I wasn't right, and she reached over to set a hand on my thigh, a reassurance that she was there when I was ready to talk. The thing was though, I just  _wasn't_ ready, I needed to make sense of my own head first, needed to gain some sort of control over my emotions before I hit a boiling point in a bad way.

When we got to Lizzie's apartment, I walked around with Annie, knowing that she'd need to explore fully to feel comfortable, even though it was Liz, and even though she'd been there before, and Britt talked her sister through the list of solid food the baby was allowed to eat, and the fairly strict feeding schedule we had her on. It was well over an hour before both of the girls were truly settled, before Annie was sitting at the table coloring, and Marisa was on her belly, her watchful eyes on her sister, and with a last series of hugs and kisses for our girls, Brittany and I were out the door. The drive was only about forty-five minutes to our hotel from Lizzie's house, and I was silent, trying to concern myself only with getting to Plymouth before dinner.

"San, you're sure you still want to do this this weekend? I know we're up here already, but it's still fine, we can spend the night at Lizzie's and drive back to the city in the morning if you're not up for it."

"I told you that I want to. I'm not driving all the way back home, just to turn around and do this again in a few weeks. I'm fine, there's no reason I'm not fine." I told her, sounding harsher than I'd intended,  _feeling_ harsher than I wanted to. "Do  _you_ not want to go? Because you're the one who keeps offering to cancel."

"Of course I want to go. I never don't want to go away with you." She said quietly, but I heard the strain in her voice. "I just don't want you to feel like we're doing this because we  _have_ to."

"We're not. We're doing it because you want to, and because I want to. That's it."

"Great. Perfect."

When we got to the hotel to check in, I knew for a fact that we didn't look like we usually did at the start of our weekends. I stood still the counter, offering up a credit card, while Britt dealt with our bags, and we walked in complete silence to our room, a silence that didn't break as we both separately unpacked our bags.

"What do you want to do for dinner?" Brittany asked. "Because I'm going to shower and change, and I need to figure out what to wear."

"Whatever you feel like." I muttered absently, refolding my underwear and setting them in a drawer. "And no, I'm  _not_ saying that because I don't want to be here."

"Want to do me a favor and  _not_ snap at me for everything I say then? I'm not forcing you to talk about what's  _obviously_ bothering you, Santana, but I'm not going to be snapped at for two days every single time I ask you a question."

"I'm not  _snapping_ at you,  _Brittany._ I said I didn't know what I wanted for dinner. Jeeze, alert the authorities, why don't you?"

"And then you assumed that I was immediately going to accuse you of not wanting to be here. Just because I'm  _concerned_ about you, and wanted to make sure that you still wanted to go with all you have going on doesn't mean I'm  _attacking_ you." She raised her voice back at me, throwing her cosmetic bag down on the bed and putting a hand on her hip. "And your sarcasm is mean. Stop."

"Whatever. Take a shower, I'm going for a walk, and then  _you_ can decide what you want to do for dinner, if you decide I'm not being  _snappy_ and  _mean_ to you by then." I threw the rest of my clothes in the drawer without bothering to refold them, and grabbed my coat off of the bed, shoving my phone into the pocket.

" _Gee,_ thanks, sounds like we are going to have a great time."

"Seriously?" I turned around from the door and looked at her, my aggravation increasing, even though we were arguing about literally  _nothing,_ and there was nothing to be annoyed by. "I'm not even doing anything to you."

"Just, walk if you're going to walk, or  _I'm_ going to, because you don't even see the way you're talking to me, and I really don't feel like sitting in this room and arguing with you  _again_ right now."

"Well obviously  _you_ don't see how you're talking to me either." I shook my head and opened the door. "I'll be back."

Slamming the door behind me, I felt angry tears prick behind my eyes, and I blinked quickly, clearing them from my vision. After waiting an absurd amount of time for the elevator, I made my way outside and looked around, unsure  _where_ I was even going to walk, but knowing that I needed to go  _somewhere._ Although the damp February air was frigid, stinging my cheeks when a few errant tears fell from my eyes, my instinct was to walk toward the ocean. Once I hit the snowy sand of the beach, I continued walking, parallel to the water, just trying to clear my head, just trying to stop feeling angry at Brittany, angry at myself, and so, so torn up over things that weren't truly mine to be torn up about. As I walked, I picked up a few pieces of glass, tumbled smooth by the ocean, which for some reason that I couldn't figure out, served as a strange sort of comfort to me, and dropped them into my pocket, saving them maybe for Annie, and maybe just for myself. When I came across a plank of wood, about a half a mile down the beach from where I'd first come down, I sank onto it, splaying my legs out on front of me, staring out into the dark water and the grey sky before me, and just let myself cry. Let myself cry over the nothing fight with Brittany, let myself cry over the things that shouldn't make me cry, but did.

It was a for while that I sat there, with the sky simply darkening, because there was no sun out there to set, feeling bad for myself, hating that I'd stormed out of our hotel room, but also feeling like I wasn't quite ready to go back yet. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a glimpse of green, and I knew who's coat it was, and I felt that hard thumping in my chest calm just slightly that she'd come to look for me. Rather than sit beside me, I watched, still not looking directly at her, as my wife sat down in the cold sand about twenty feet from me, giving me the space that we probably both needed, and I waited, waited, until finally, I decided to close the gap between us and I walked over, sinking down beside her.

"Hi." I murmured, still looking out in front of me, not meeting her eyes.

"Hey. Sorry, I know were taking some space, it's just...it was starting to get late, and I figured you'd go to the beach, but I didn't like the idea of you down here alone." She shrugged, drawing swirls in the sand with her gloved fingers.

"I love you." I whispered, knowing it was always the first thing I needed to say after an argument, even an absurd one.

"I know, I love you too." She told me, and we were quiet beside each other for a long time, not touching, not looking at each other, just sitting there.

"Always though." I barely spoke the words, my voice cracking, before I felt the tears pour out of my eyes again, and heard the soft sigh escape my wife's throat as she moved closer to me, wrapping her arm around my waist and pulling me tight against her body.

"I should have figured it out, why you've been so withdrawn, and half of the reason we've been bickering so much. I've just been kind of in my own head too, I guess and really busy at work, the  _other_ half."

"I didn't really figure it out until last night. I've been bothered so much by the Vin thing, and I didn't realize Kurt's marital problems were having an effect on me. That's  _insane,_ Britt."

"Santana." She took my hand in hers, and I could feel the warmth even through both of our gloves. "People say that when someone your own age dies, it's normal to have a mortality crisis, why is someone our age getting divorced, someone we've been  _friends with_ for fifteen years, insane? It's freaking me out a little too."

"I don't know." I shrugged. "I just...I just don't know."

"Do you know that last night, when Kurt said that he doesn't believe in the word  _always_ anymore, what I thought of?"

" _I love you, every single part of you, for always?"_ I repeated her wedding vows back to her, and I looked into her eyes, watching the corners crinkle as she shook her head.

" _You are mine, and I am yours, for always."_ She spoke mine, and I heard the hitch in her voice. "Honey, tell me why you're scared."

"You know what I'm scared of, Brittany, you know  _everything_  I'm scared of."

"I know, but tell me why. Tell me why, after almost six years of marriage, after two kids and a house, somewhere in the back of you're head, you're  _still_  afraid I'm going to leave you." Tears from her eyes dropped into the swirled sand, and I had to look away, had to look back at the ocean. "We're not  _them._ _"_

"It's not that I'm afraid that you're going to leave me. I swear, baby, it's not. It's not  _you,_ it's nothing you've ever done. I just, I just love you  _so_  much, and I love our life together, and I don't want  _anything_ to ever change that. I  _know_ it makes no sense, I do, it's just...watching people be abandoned is really hard for me, because for  _years,_ it's all I feared from everyone around me. I feared my parents wouldn't love me, I feared my friends would leave, so I pushed them away, I feared that I would never be good enough for  _you._ I know all of that has changed now, I do, I really, really do, but seeing a double whammy of people I care about fall victim to  _my_ fears just set me off."

"Okay." Brittany took a sharp breath, and then didn't speak, choosing her words carefully. "It breaks my heart San, it breaks me heart that sometimes you still get those unworthy feelings, because  _you_ are the most good, the most  _incredible,_ the most worthy person I've ever known. You're an amazing wife, an amazing mother, just an all around amazing  _person._ And you know what else? The rest of the world could get divorced, society could ban marriage entirely, and nothing would change for us. Of all the things I'm sure of in the world, the one that I'm  _most_ certain of is that you and I, we are forever."

"I know that we are, Britt,  _rationally,_ I know a lot of things. But you know what happens to me when these huge, terrifying monsters decide to take over my brain."

"Oh, Santana, my beautifully fragile Santana. Look at me." Slowly I tilted my chin in her direction, and she rested a sandy glove on my jawline, staring at me, studying me. "You've fought so hard against yourself for so long, please, I don't want  _this_  to be what makes you crazy. I know that you handle your insecurities so much better than you ever have, and we talked about it a few weeks ago, that there are some things that will never go away. But with  _me,_ honey, being abandoned is something you never need to fear. You're stuck with me, Santana Lopez-Pierce, I love you too damn much to ever lose you."

"Brittany." I breathed, blinking furiously, trying, to no avail, to keep myself from crying. "I'm such a fucking idiot. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry we've been fighting, I'm sorry you thought that I was saying I was afraid you'd leave me...I'm just, ugh."

"Hey, stop, you're not an idiot, and I don't want you to apologize, honey, but if you feel like you need to, than I need to also. The way we've been lately, it's not who we are, or how we act to each other. I don't want to fight over things like dinner, or leaving the clothes in the dryer over night, or any of the ridiculous things we've snapped at each other about in these past few weeks, I don't want one of us to get in bed every night after the other has fallen asleep, I don't want us to only talk about kids and work and our friends."

"I don't want that either. I hate fighting with you." I admitted, trying to wipe the tears off of my face. "Thank you, B. Thank you for being you, and thank you for loving me."

"Never have to thank me for that, silly. Loving you is my favorite."

"Mine too." I managed to crack a smile, and she pressed her lips to my temple and brushed away my tears. "I'm sorry I'm ruining our weekend."

"Babe, it's 5:15 on Friday, we have two whole days left, and you definitely didn't ruin them. This was going to happen sooner or later, and I shouldn't have pushed back at you, knowing you were in a vulnerable place." She drew a heart in the sand in front of us, writing the letters  _S &B _inside, the same way she did sometimes on the Post-its that she'd leave on my computer screen for me. "Kurt is probably going to have a lot of not-so-nice things to say about love in the coming weeks."

"I know." I released a shaky breath. "It's going to be hard for me to hear, and it makes me feel like a really sucky friend."

"It's going to be hard for all of us, but for no one more than him. The last thing you are is a sucky friend, trust me on that. Just please don't take what he says to heart,  _ever,_ Santana, even though we both know he's turned his attacks on our relationship in the past."

"I'll try my hardest, Britt, and I'll try even harder not to shove you away when I  _do."_

"That's all I'm asking for." I tilted my head and caught her lips with mine, giving her a soft, sweet kiss. "So, this might be a loaded question, but are you hungry?"

"Shut up." I laughed, nuzzling my face into the scarf around her neck. "I passed a little lobster shack on my way here. Looks like the kind of place that they'll let me in all windblownand smudgy, so I don't have to go back and shower. That is, if you have your wallet, because all I have in my pocket is beach glass and my phone, neither of which will pay for dinner."

"Ooh." She reached into my pocket and pulled out three pieces of blue glass and a piece of clear. "If you share with me, I'll totally buy our dinner."

"I have more in this pocket." I dug in and extracted a small handful. "What will you trade me for these?"

"Guess you'll just have to wait and see." She winked, and stood up first, offering me a hand and pulling me up beside her and dusting the sand off the back of my jeans. Her arm snaked around my waist, and I slipped my hand into her back pocket before resting my head on her shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"I think so." I shrugged a little, wishing I could tell her I was perfectly fine, but hating that scary, nagging little twinge at the pit of my stomach, that twinge that might never cease to flare up occasionally, no matter how hard Britt and I both tried to extinguish it entirely. "Much better anyway. How about you?"

"Better now that I understand."

We walked together back the way we'd come from, and by the time we'd made it off of the beach, the sky was almost entirely dark. The street lights illuminated our path as we made our way over to the small restaurant, and even when we were seated in a little corner table, I noticed how Brittany clung to me just a little tighter than she typically did when we were out for a meal. I knew I scared her sometimes, when I became really self-loathing and began doubting everything that we held so dear, and I was glad I was seated to her left, glad that I could clasp her hand tightly in my lap while we ate, tracing the familiar lines of her palm. When dinner wan done, I teased Brittany about me wanting my sugar mamma to buy me desert, and finding a bakery on our way back to the hotel, we grabbed slices of Boston cream pie (we were in Massachusetts, after all) and ate them from their boxes as we walked around, exploring a bit more of the quaint little town.

It was late by the time we got back to our room, but even after a long day, neither of us were really ready for bed. While I sat and pumped, feeling pretty sore, since I'd pushed it far later than I should have, Brittany hopped up beside me on the bed, flipping through the channels in a fruitless effort to find something for us to watch (a joke between us, that about ninety-percent of the television we watched together was in hotels). Finally settling on reruns of  _Grey's Anatomy,_ Britt rested her head on my thighs, and I stroked my thumb over her collarbone, hearing her hum contentedly at my touch. When I'd finished, and leaned over to store the milk in the cooler that I felt like I brought  _everywhere_ I was for long periods of time without a baby, I leaned back against the headboard, and without discussion, Brittany shifted her body so she sat between my legs, head against my chest. Laying like that, I realized it was the first time in what seemed like forever that we were awake in bed at the same time, and I relished that feeling, not needing anything more than to just hold her, just occasionally kiss her lips when she tilted her head back to silently request one.

* * *

When we woke up the next morning, the television was still on, playing some early morning Lifetime Movie Special, and we were still in the same position we'd been in the night before. Trying not to wake Brittany, I shifted just slightly, needing to arch my back a little to alleviate the pull there from falling asleep halfway sitting up, but I was unsuccessful, and she stirred from sleep, blinking open her blue eyes and smiling softly. There was a strange sort of tentativeness around each other as we showered separately and got ready for the day, but it wasn't necessarily a bad thing, it was just both of us giving each other a little breathing room in the light of a new morning after the night we'd had.

That day, I'd actually made plans for us, and once we'd left the hotel room, that air we'd been under faded away. We were back to ourselves, acting like gigantic dorks and taking goofy pictures of each other on Plimoth Plantation, in the museum, by the famed rock that was  _way_ tinier than either of us expected, and sending said pictures to Britt's parents (reminding them of the time they'd taken us to Williamsburg, and we'd gotten kicked out for trying to lock Lizzie in the stocks). It was a nice day, the kind of day we  _both_  needed, and by the time we got back to our room after a romantic dinner overlooking the grey ocean, I knew there was something else that we both wanted too.

"Are you alright, Britt?" I asked as she sat down on the bed to take off her shoes, a contemplative look on her face, feeling, as I asked, all blushy and weird, the way I sometimes did when I wanted to be physically intimate with my wife after a gap in our sex life.

"Yeah." She breathed, fluttering her eyelashes a little bit, making my heart beat rapidly in my chest. "Just, like, thinking and stuff."

"Mmkay." I hummed, moving to stand between her legs, and taking her hands in mine, squeezing them as I leaned down to kiss her mouth, letting the soft gesture linger there and pressing my body into her. "Hey there."

"Hi, you." She released a nervous, airy laugh, and we just stayed in that position, faces close together, eyelashes nearly touching for a long time. "You want to...?"

"I do." I nodded slowly. "Do you?"

"I'd like that a lot. We're being weird."

"We are being weird." I agreed, bringing a hand to the side of her face and stroking the sensitive skin below her ear. "Sorry, I'm just...I just want to touch you."

"Now you're being weirder." She shook her head with a smile. "Why are you apologizing for touching me?"

"No, I'm apologizing for being weird about it. Okay, let's just stop with the weird, and the saying weird, it's all too..."

"Weird?" She asked, her deep belly laugh finally breaking the spell of tension that came over us.

"God, I love you, Brittany." I kissed her again, serious, deep, needy, and she slipped her hand up under my dress palming my breasts through my bra and making my knees feel a little shaky and my back to arch into her touch.

As her hands bunched fabric, I lifted up my arms, inviting her to take off the dress, and she did, following that by unhooking my bra so fast that I'd hardly felt her do it. When I was entirely topless and bared before her, she stood up, tickling her fingers up and down the warm skin of my bare back, and slowly, almost painfully so, I removed her clothing and stepped out of my panties, standing completely naked in the center of the room. I was the one to sit back down on the bed first, further back, creating a space for Brittany to kneel between my parted thighs and bring her face level with mine, an invitation she readily accepted. She tilted her head back, offering her neck to me, and I kissed and sucked her creamy skin greedily, knowing that I'd leave marks in my wake, until I reached the perfect peaks before me, laving them with the same attention. Her nails dug into my back, but I ignored the sting, savoring the hisses and moans that escaped Britt's lips. When I was satisfied with my work, I leaned back, head on the pillows, but when Brittany moved to lie on top of me, I slowly shook my head, bringing the heels of my hands to press against my flaming cheeks as I bit my bottom lip.

"I want...I just...can you?" I stuttered, trying to articulate what I was asking of my wife, but finding, as I always did in that situation, that I was incapable of it. I was never sure why it embarrassed me so much, she was my wife, and it wasn't like I was being  _weird,_ but my request just made me blush profusely. I pursed my lips and scrunched up my face, apparently speaking in some kind of weirdo silent code, a code that only Britt could actually decipher (although in all honesty, it was a code that  _no one_ else would never ever bear witness to), and she smiled, understanding what I wanted from her.

"Are you sure?" She asked, with her face so full of careful love and affection that it nearly shattered my heart.

"Mmhm. Please. I need...I need to just feel you, I need to feel  _surrounded_ by you."

"Okay, okay honey." Her breaths were labored with arousal, and I knew that she felt the love and trust pour from my eyes into hers, knew that she was so careful with my heart and my body, and I'd do anything in the world to take the same care of hers. Before she moved herself upwards, she leaned down to press soft, tender kisses all over my face, and I sighed happily before capturing her mouth in a slow, heated kiss. "I love you, I love you more than I think you'll ever fully understand."

Blinking away the tears in my eyes at the tone in which she spoke those words to me, I set my hands on either side of her waist, guiding her body upwards, nosing at her naval, kissing her thighs, until her knees bracketed my head and her naked center hovered inches from my mouth. Inhaling deeply I pressed my thumbs into her hipbones and encouraged her to sit, nearly sighing into her the moment she ceased her hesitation (she was so gentle with me, especially then) and lowered herself. There was something about that feeling, that feeling of nothing but Brittany, in the most intimate way possible, that made me feel both entirely comforted, and impossibly aroused. As my tongue teased along the very outside of her, she squirmed a little, trying not to buck her hips into my face, but to let me fully control her pleasure, and I worked my mouth against her, my own stomach twisting tighter and tighter with each muffled squeak and groan, each reverent utterance of my name.

" _Ugh, God, fuck, Santana_." She cried out, gripping the headboard with one hand, to hold herself up as the faint beginnings of tremors coursed though her, and finding my hand on her hip with the other, tangling her fingers with it, squeezing with all of her strength. Knowing she was getting close, I redoubled my efforts, feeling like  _I_ was pretty damn close to coming undone myself, even without Britt touching me, simply from feeling her writhe, hearing her (maybe not so) little sounds. My free hand continued to support her hips, keeping her steady, and as I alternated between dipping my tongue deep inside of her and sucking her sensitive bundle of nerves, and soon after, she dissolved into a mess of high pitched whines and intense shakes. I didn't stop even then, and when she came a second time, managed to push herself up, murmuring  _too sensitive, please,_ before sliding herself down, lying mostly on top of me, and pressing more kisses to my face and mouth. "You."

"No, you." I smiled lazily, then gasped when her fingers unexpectedly thrust inside of me, hard, fast, possessive almost.

I couldn't even manage to keep my eyes open as she moved in and out of me, keeping her initial pace, and I wound up scraping my teeth against the side of her neck, unable to control myself. Already so wound up from having Brittany on my face like she'd been, it wasn't long before I was coming violently around her fingers, sputtering for air, and raking my nails down her back, unsure if I was asking her to stop, or begging her to  _never_. Words seemed to escape me, and I'm pretty sure I came twice more (it all sort of blended together for me once I wrapped my legs around her lower back, pulling her deeper in, my body apparently making the decision for me that my mind couldn't) before I felt her slowly remove her fingers from inside of me, push damp hair from my face, cradling it with both of her hands.

" _Siempre te amare. Te adoro. Tu eres mi alma gemela._ _"_ I murmured against her lips, not often slipping into Spanish with Brittany, but feeling sort of overcome and finding it difficult to express myself in English.

"You are so beautiful. And so special. And you are everything to me." Brittany spoke between pecks. "And also this-" She took my bottom lip between her teeth before tracing her tongue over it, and slipping inside of my mouth, making me groan at the sensation of her tasting herself there. " _Amazing._ _"_

"Yeah,  _that,_ about your  _everything_." My limbs felt all jellied, and noting by blooming bruises on Brittany's skin, and the tingling on my own, we were both kind of a wreck. "I think that may have been-"

"The best sex we've ever had." She finished for me, her breathing still ragged and her voice still just a little huskier than normal. "Mmhm. This is even better though."

"What?"

"Your arms and legs around me, and your super sweet, tired little voice, knowing that I'm going to sleep naked with you and feel your skin pressed against my skin all night."

"Well good, because Britt, I'm pretty sure I couldn't move right now, even if I wanted to." I smiled tiredly, and she shifted our bodies a little so we were lying on our sides, but letting my limbs remain entirely wrapped around her, like I was a koala or something. Her fingers trailed up and down my back, and I sighed happily at her touch, knowing I was spent, and could fall asleep at any moment. "Feels nice. I missed this."

"I did too." She kissed my shoulder and rested the side of her face in the crook of my neck. "But it's okay, we both needed a little space in the past few weeks, and now we're back."

"I wish we could stay away like this forever. Have Lizzie bring the girls up, maybe we could all be those people who dress up like the pilgrims at the plantation, churn butter and make soap all day. Annie could play in the vegetable garden, Marisa would sleep in one of the drawers."

"You know they're not  _actually_ pilgrims, right?" The corners of Britt's mouth turned up in one of her soft, adoring smiles, and a small laugh rumbled in my throat. "Also, if they  _were,_ I think our best bet would be to run from here as fast as we can, because I'm  _pretty_ positive they're not really welcoming of our kind."

"Okay, fair enough, but I don't know, I just like it here…I don't want to go back home to work and stress and everything else tomorrow." I swallowed hard. "I know I'm not supposed to get  _this_ effected by what I do. I mean, I put on a total optimistic, take no shit face when I'm actually doing it, but then I come home and feel crushed."

"Hey, honey." She soothed, somehow pulling me even closer to her. "It's new to you, okay? Your other kids have been easy, and since I know how much this means to you, I know you'll be doing it for a long time, and in the future, there'll probably be kids that are harder. Please stop beating yourself up for having emotions about it, just take them as they come. I know you're the one taking care of Vin, and in some ways, taking care of Kurt, emotionally, but let  _me_ take care of  _you_  and  _your_  feelings. And if you want another break in a few weeks, we'll take the girls away for the weekend, just get in the car and drive somewhere for a night or two. Maybe knowing that, knowing we can both get a break from work if we need it will help keep the tension down at home. But I promise, whatever you want, whatever you need, I'm here."

"I know you are, thank you, Britt. I love you."

"I love you too, my Santana. I love you  _always._ _"_


	48. If You Could Stay Like That

After our weekend away, and our much needed heart to heart conversation, Brittany and I returned to the chaos of our life in New York far better than we'd left. With music sessions at both Eleanor Roosevelt and Fort Hamilton (where again, Finn snuck in to join me), I was able to release some further tension, singing with the kids, watching as the ones who joined me further came out of their shell, and even getting an opportunity to sit down with Andrea and hear about the girl she'd been "kind of seeing, or whatever." Feeling far more relaxed during the next week at home, I  _did_ work in my office every day, wanting to make sure I was ready for my appearance in front of the school board, and by Friday morning, I was trying, fairly unsuccessfully, to maintain my zen state as I got dressed and ready to go.

"Britt!" I called down from the bedroom, throwing clothes out of the closet and onto the bed, searching frantically for the blue blouse I'd planned on wearing. "Brittany!"

"In the laundry room!" I heard her call out faintly, and not really wanting to scream through the house, I huffed down the stairs in my skirt and bra,  _hoping_ that she'd seen what I was looking for.

"Hey sexy." She grinned, looking up from the ironing board as Marisa sat at her feet, chewing on her much loved copy of  _Fifteen Animals._

"Have you seen my-" I noticed what she was working on, and I breathed a heavy sigh of relief, glad I didn't have to find something else to put on. "How did you know I wanted to wear that top?"

"You, my dear, are a creature of habit." Britt leaned over the ironing board and kissed my nose. "You always wear this with your grey suit, and you always wear that suit when you have to speak in front of people you've never met before."

"Really?" I scrunched my forehead, trying to think of the last time I'd worn it. "Hmm, I never noticed that."

"It's my favorite on you. Although  _this_ look is an improvement even on the usual."

"I'm pretty sure getting up in front of the New York City Board of Education in my bra is frowned upon." I laughed, rolling my eyes at her.

"Well I would totally vote for _anything_ you asked me to."

"Good to know." I winked, and she held out the freshly ironed shirt for me, inviting me to slip my arms into the sleeves. "Thank you, baby."

"You're very welcome." Brittany smiled, bending down to pick Marisa up as I fastened the buttons. "Mamí looks really pretty, doesn't she?"

"Eat." Marisa giggled, using the second word she'd learned only a few days before.

" _Just_ because I make I make half of your food in my body does  _not_ mean you get to call me  _Eat, que tonta._ _"_

"And you're not even hungry, you  _just_ had plenty of milk  _and_ oatmeal." Brittany rubbed noses with the baby. "How about you say  _Ma-M_ _í_ _?"_

"Eat." She said again, and I swear, she was joking, even though she was just a baby. "Eat. Eat. Eat."

"We'll go sit in your high chair again when Mamí leaves, but I know you're playing around, little ladybug. And guess what? Soon we'll get Annie from her half day at school, and then you're gonna go play with Aunt Rachel and Brice."

"Nee Nee! Nee Nee!"

"Annie's no joke, is she,  _amorcita?"_ I pressed a kiss to my daughter's forehead. "Britt, I'll meet you at school at two, if I'm running late, can you just try to push it back? I don't want to miss it."

"Already e-mailed Norah." She followed me to the front closet, grabbing my heavy coat for me as I slipped on my heels and suit jacket. "She got back to me while you were in the shower, she's scheduled an hour for us, so even if you're a little late, it'll be fine."

"An hour?" I frowned, thinking that was a long time for a parent-teacher conference.

"I know. I'm trying not to freak out about it though." She pursed her lips in thought, and naturally, I leaned over and kissed them. "Maybe that's how long everyone gets."

"Do you want me to call Jarrod and ask?"

"No." She shook her head. "It's fine, if he says no, I'll be obsessing over it all day, and  _you'll_ be stressed about it when you're  _already_ overwhelmed with this meeting. We'll just be prepared for whatever it is she has to tell us, and then we'll go from there."

"Okay." I sighed. "I'm sorry I have to run out. I'll have my phone on right until I go in though, if you need me."

"We're good, don't worry." She used her thumb to fix my smudged lipstick, and I smiled in gratitude, "Good luck this morning, honey. It's all going to work out the way you need it to."

"I hope so, seriously, if it doesn't, I might not be able to control the things that come out of my mouth to them." I sucked my teeth. "Okay, power of positive thinking and all that. I've got this. I love you guys."

"We love you too." Brittany smiled, waving Marisa's tiny hand after I kissed them both goodbye once more. "Bye Mamí."

"Eat!" Marisa's little laugh rung in my ears as I closed the door behind me, and I just shook my head, grinning, even through the stress, at my baby girl.

* * *

For the entirety of my cab ride up to the office of the board of education, I closed my eyes and sort of meditated, especially anxious because I hadn't gotten much sleep the night before. I was extremely early getting there, and accepting the cup of tea the receptionist offered me (I knew coffee would make me entirely too jittery), I sat down and waited for both Ben and Vin to get there, once Vin finished his Economics exam. When I heard the door open twenty minutes later, I looked up from the copy of Rachael Ray Magazine that I'd been reading intently, as if I was going to go home and whip up a goat cheese tart, and was surprised to see who had walked in.

"Kurt?" I questioned. "What are you doing here?"

"I called you  _six_ times this morning, and you didn't answer."

"What's wrong?" I jumped to my feet, suddenly alarmed, having figured I'd just call him back later when I'd noticed the missed calls. "Did something happen with Vin? Is he alright? Are you alright?"

"Jeeze, nothing is wrong, sit back down, you're making a scene." He rolled his eyes and took a seat, immediately crossing his legs. "I called because Vincent told me this was going on today, and it wasn't sure if my being here would be at all beneficial."

"Um." I wrinkled my nose, because I  _actually_ had  _no_ idea, Ben had orchestrated the whole thing, and I was essentially just following his instructions. "I'm so out of my league here, Kurt, I have absolutely no idea."

"Are you alright?" He grabbed my hand and squeezed, a gesture I reciprocated.

"Yeah, I just  _really_ want this best for this kid. I feel like I'm failing." I confessed for the first time to someone other than my wife. "He was working with me to be ready to come out to his parents, he ended up getting found out before he was. He called me to help him when he got kicked out, I  _still_ haven't found him a permanent home. Now he calls me for this..."

"Santana Lopez-Pierce, do you  _really_ think you're failing at this?" He cocked an eyebrow challengingly, and I leaned back in my seat, releasing a shuddering breath. "You are something else. Vincent thinks the  _world_ of you, you couldn't control what happened with his coming out any more than you could control what happened with  _yours,_ and you  _have_ found him a home. Have you even been listening to me when I've told you to stop obsessing about it? He's been with me over a month now, and I want him to stay."

"Kurt, your life is-"

"My life is  _fine._ I made a choice, I threw my husband out, I sent him divorce papers, that's it. Unlike him, I'm not drinking around Europe, calling from bars in the middle of the night, sleeping with who _knows_ what. Most of my life is still in tact, and yeah, I feel like my heart was ripped out and shredded, but I actually  _enjoy_ having Vincent around. He's a good kid, and having gotten to know him, I think staying with me for the next few months is his best bet. Do you think I'm wrong on that?"

"No...no, not at all." I was surprised, I had just assumed his reassurances were simply because he thought I was a ticking time bomb, ready to explode, not because he actually saw his home as a permanent solution. "I just underestimate you sometimes, I think."

"You do." He shrugged it off.

"I do have some concerns though, about you, not Vin."

"Me?"

"Yeah. Kurt, the catalyst for your divorce had to do with you wanting a baby. I know you're in nurturer mode right now, but Vin's a soon-to-be eighteen year old kid, who's leaving for college in a few months. He's come into your life at a time where you just lost someone who has been a part of your life since you were sixteen, in August, I don't want all the loss to hit you all at once."

"I forget that you're a trained social worker sometimes." He laughed a little. "Then you say things like that."

"Social worker or  _not,_ I'm your friend, and I worry."

"I know, and I appreciate that, but I'm actually handling this pretty well."

"I don't know how you are." I looked at him, and he gave me a look as if to say  _really?_ "Sorry, I know, I'm supposed to like, call up Mercedes and have her come here so her, Britt and I can re-do our _Survivor/I Will Survive_ mashup for you, and tell you that it's all going to be fine. I'm just impressed, because I wouldn't be."

"Your pep talks are  _fantastic."_ Kurt rolled his eyes. "Your marriage isn't toxic, that's why you wouldn't be okay if you and Brittany were going through a divorce. I  _love_ Blaine, that hasn't changed, but you know who else loves Blaine?  _Blaine._ He's selfish, he's arrogant, and he's sort of manipulative. This is a good move for me. I know I've had my share of things to say about you and Brittany, but at least from what I see, you have a healthy, happy marriage."

"We do." I nodded, glancing down at the picture she'd just sent of Marisa, grinning with her two little teeth, and spoon in hand.

"And that's why it's different." He tilted his head back and closed his eyes. "Maybe when the dust has settled from this, I'll meet someone new, or I'll have a baby on my own, I don't really know yet. I do know though that right now, helping Vincent is good for me, even though I'm not his  _parent,_ I think I could be a really good parental figure for him right now. I just hope you'll support me on this."

"I will. As long as  _you_ think this is a good idea, I'm all for it,  _trust me._ If only I could find all of the displaced kids in the city and send them to live with you."

"Let's not get carried away. One's enough." The door opened as he spoke, and Ben, followed by Vin, dressed in full suit and tie, clearly the work of his new  _parental figure,_ came through.

"Kurt, what are you doing here?" Vin looked puzzled, and Kurt just smiled.

"I figured you could use someone else on your side today, just in case."

"Wow,  _thank you."_ He couldn't hide the elation that spread across his face, and I stood and placed my hand on his arm, another reassurance that more people cared for him than he thought.

After introducing Kurt and Ben to each other, we all sat back down, and I wasn't sure who fidgeted more in their seat, me or Vin. Of course,  _he_ definitely had more right to be nervous than I was, both because the decision could have a massive impact on the rest of his life,  _and_ because he actually had to talk, while I just needed to sit there, in case there were questions the board had that Ben or Vin couldn't answer, but still. It was twenty-five minutes after the time of our scheduled appointment when they finally called us in, and I quickly pushed aside my anxiety about whether or not I'd be running late to Annie's school, and tilted my chin up, playing the role of responsible, put-together adult advocate. Shaking the hands of several middle aged men, and one women, I sat on the far end of the table with Kurt, gripping tightly to the edge of the table, and simply watching helplessly.

I was actually  _shocked_ over what a big deal it was, getting an extension of only a few weeks, but I wasn't wrong when I'd complained to Ben about how the entire system was full of red tape. Surprisingly, Ben impressed me (I know, I know, he really  _wasn't_ a bad guy, he just tended to rub me the wrong way), pulling out Vin's academic records, his athletic achievements, and his scholarship packet for the board members to see, and  _really_ going to bat for him. It irked me to no end, that they actually needed to see proof that he was a responsible kid, when he was  _doing the responsible thing,_ appearing there so he could graduate (clearly, people not graduating remained a sore subject with me, something I hadn't even realized still resonated), and I bit my tongue, kind of wanting to yell out that his  _parents_ should face some kind of punishment for  _everything_ they'd done.

"Mr. Foss, Mrs. Lopez-Pierce." Chuck Schilt, the senior-most member of the board addressed us, and my attention snapped immediately to him. "You are aware that  _technically,_ Mr. and Mrs. Crocetti have illegally abandoned their minor child, correct."

"It's a grey area, Mr. Schilt." I looked over at Ben, and he nodded for me to continue. "I'm not a lawyer, but I did a lot of research on this, and I met with a lawyer to make sure I wasn't getting myself into a legal mess." I was more glad than ever that I'd met Max for coffee the week before, since even though he was a human rights lawyer, he  _did_ had a decent background in family law, glad that I was not in danger of getting arrested, or something, for aiding a runaway. " _Because_ Vin was given the option to stay, if he agreed to his parents terms of what I can really only call  _conversion therapy, a_ s far as the law is concerned, Vin moved out with his parents permission."

"And he's living with you, Mr. Hummel?"

"He is. I went last week and got fingerprinted, had a background check, all of that, just in case you need some kind of proof that he's in good hands." Kurt stood up, pulling a folder from his bag, and I was seriously impressed that he'd gone and done all of that.

"That's not necessary. This isn't a courtroom, we just need all of the information to make a decision about making an exception. Can you all give us a few minutes to discuss this?"

Ben stood first, and the rest of us followed him back out of the room, with me muttering  _sure feels like a fucking courtroom_ into Kurt's ear, once we were through the threshold. Vin sat down, playing with his cellphone, and I knew the mode he was in, the mode  _I_ was likely to go into when things were tough, and though he was trying to be polite to Ben, it was apparent that he just wanted to be left alone. To me, the entire process seemed wholly unnecessary, and more than a little ridiculous, but Ben seemed confident, and I tried to let that confident ooze into me, while I'd taken to messing with _my_ phone as well.

"Mr. Crocetti, we'd like to speak with you." Chuck peered out of the conference room, and when he left the room, I turned to Ben.

"Please tell me that you think this is as out of control as I do. Don't they have better things to do than  _this?"_ I snapped, seriously on edge.

"Santana, I  _wish_ this was the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen. They're going to give him the extension, just relax."

"Ben." I bit my tongue, wanting to tell him not to  _tell me to relax,_ but knowing it wasn't  _him_ I was mad at. "I really hope so."

Ten minutes later, Vin came out of the room, grinning wider than I'd ever seen him, and announcing that they'd said it was okay, that he got the extension, and he threw his arms around me, pulling me into a heartfelt hug, before throwing all reservations away, and hugging Kurt and Ben as well. I was absolutely elated, forgetting all my aggravation with the board, and just letting myself feel like we'd really achieved something huge for Vin. He and Ben had to race back to school, and Kurt back to work, but having a few minutes before I needed to head downtown, I took my time getting myself situated, texting Brittany, and grabbing a cup of coffee to go. Just as I was about to head out, Chuck appeared in the room again, and I extended my hand to him in thanks.

"He's a good kid." I said quietly. "He's a  _really_ good kid in a bad situation."

"I know. And I'm aware that to an outsider, this whole process seems a little archaic, but I promise you, it's all in the best interests of the students."

"I understand that you need to protect them, I do, it was just really hard for me to see him think he was going to have his future taken away."

"No one on this board would ever allow that, and I'm glad we gave Ben permission to bring you into Eleanor Roosevelt. From what he has told is in the progress reports he's shared with us, you're gaining quite a bit of respect from this student body. Though I wish the circumstances were a little different, it's a real pleasure to meet the woman behind such an organization."

"Thank you, Chuck, it's pretty near and dear to my heart, and I'm glad it's taking root."

"That I can certainly tell, you're passionate about it, I could tell by the way you spoke on behalf of a kid that you've only known a few months. It's such a different approach, using music to get them in the door, then somehow helping to change their lives. I know you have something out at at Fort Hamilton as well, but if you're interested, I'd really like to see, firsthand, a presentation of what it is that you have to offer, then maybe we'll see what else we can do."

"Of course." My heart leapt, a giddiness at realizing what it could possibly mean if the  _head of the school board_ liked what I was offering, and I had to check the goofy grin that threatened to appear on my face. "I'd be happy to set something up."

"Excellent, call my secretary on Monday, once I speak with her, and she'll set something up for us."

"Okay, great,  _thank you."_ I reached for his hand again and smiled warmly. "I'm sorry I have to run now, I've got a parent-teacher conference down at PS 41, and I'm attempting  _not_ to be late."

"I didn't realize you had kids in our schools, Santana."

"Just one right now, my little one has a few years to go." I knew I had that dopey look on my face, the one I only got when I talked about my girls. "Thank you again, for Vin, and for giving me an opportunity to show you what it is I do."

''My pleasure, good luck with your conference, and I'll see you soon."

* * *

Racing down to the subway, I felt like I was on cloud nine. A meeting with the head of the school board was a  _huge_ deal, even if nothing came of it. It meant that Show Your Brave was becoming more visible, it meant that  _maybe_ I had a little credibility beyond just two high school principals and Finn. For the entire ride downtown, listening to some old Britney Spears music (Annie had  _just_ discovered her, and since we'd been listening to the  _Oops_ _…_ _I Did It Again_ album constantly at home, it was the first thing that came on), I did my usual seven steps ahead run through in my mind. I was ten minutes early when I made it to the school, and quickly making sure that I didn't look like a wrinkled mess from my morning, I signed in and went upstairs to find Brittany. When I got there, she was seated outside of the classroom in one of those tiny little kindergarten chairs, fidgeting a little, and as soon as she saw me, she stood up quickly and I opened my arms to embrace her.

"Hey." I kissed her quickly on the lips. "I made it on time."

"You did. I'm seriously impressed." She laughed. "And I can't wait to hear  _all_ about what happened after."

"I'm totally trying not to get my hopes up right now, but they kind of are." I grinned. "Britt, the school board  _president._ The freaking school board president wants to have a meeting with me. There are more than  _four-hundred_ high schools in New York City, that's like five-hundred-thousand kids. It's just hard not to imagine how many people I could have the opportunity to help. I mean, obviously not on my own, because contrary to the beliefs of one Annie Lopez-Pierce, I'm not an  _actual_ superhero, but  _still._ Okay, okay. I'm getting carried away, I need to calm myself down."

"No, honey, you have earned the right to be as excited as you want. You've nursed this idea from a tiny little seed, and you  _should_ celebrate each time it has a chance to get bigger. I'm taking you and the girls out tonight, we don't celebrate your awesomeness enough  _at all._ _"_

"Britt-"

"Santana. Even if you don't want to jinx anything with the future, you've helped Vin so much, you guys were successful today, and I'm so proud of you."

"Okay, okay." I smiled softly at her, and she pumped her first triumphantly, making me dissolve into laughter. "But how about tonight we celebrate with takeout and laying on the couch, since I'm _exhausted,_ and this weekend, you can take me anywhere you want."

"That sounds really good, actually."

"Ladies?" Norah Flynn poked her head out of the classroom, breaking our moment. "Come on in."

Brittany's hand sought out mine, and I tangled my fingers with hers, using my thumb to rub her pulse point, soothing what I knew was a rapidly increasing heart rate as we walked into Annie's classroom. Side by side, we sat in the folding chairs in front of Norah's desk, and I looked over at Britt, giving her a tiny, reassuring smile.

"You're not here to get detention or anything." Annie's teacher tried to joke, noting the tension on our faces, and I attempted to laugh a little bit.

"Sorry, we're just…we're a little nervous." I wrinkled my nose. It didn't matter that  _everyone_ had to go to conferences, it didn't matter that after Annie and Thoreau's little argument, everything seemed to be fine, it was  _still_ hard, five and a half years after sitting in front of Dr. Kellen, talking about Annie's progress before she came home from the hospital, to do this.

"Don't be, we're just here to talk. We're on the same team, right? Here, let's start with this." She slid a copy of Annie's report card across the desk (yes, a report card, for our kindergartner).

"Wow." Brittany breathed, looking at the marks, extremely impressed.  _We_ knew that Annie was smart, but seeing that she was showing it in the classroom too was important. "She's doing  _really_ well."

"Our smart girl." I beamed.

"She's  _very_ intelligent, and very focused, beyond the ordinary." Norah handed us more pages, some of Annie's drawings, words in her carefully practiced lettering. "In terms of academics, there's nothing you need to work on. Socially, as you know, is a different situation, and I have some new concerns that I want you to be aware of."

"Okay." I nodded slowly, feeling Brittany's nails digging into the back of my hand.

"I'm concerned, more than I was a few weeks ago, about Annie's social interaction. We've talked about before how she wants to be able to play with the other kids, but needs to be ready to make that leap of her own accord. Now, it seems like she's pretending she doesn't want anything to do with them at all. She's taken to saying that she doesn't like any of them."

"Annie?  _Our_ Annie?" Britt gaped at Norah, and I felt a little sick.

"It's a common coping mechanism." She started, and I looked at Britt out of the corner of my eye, knowing that we  _both_ knew that. "She's getting older now, and the older she gets, the more she's going to  _want_ to fit in."

"What are we supposed to do?" Brittany worried her bottom lip between her teeth. "How do we help her?"

"Brittany, my biggest worry is that something happened that made her start doing this. Coupled with her argument in class with Thoreau last week, her behavior seems out of character."

"But if something happened, she would have told us." I tried to keep my voice steady, but I could hear the waver in it.

"She may not have. Listen, ordinarily, I would talk to the student myself and get to the bottom of the situation, but Annie is a special case. I think we'll have more success if she were to talk to you."

"Yeah, yeah, of course." I nodded vigorously. "We'll absolutely talk to her."

Norah talked for awhile longer, mostly, I think, trying to calm us down by talking about all of the amazing things that Annie was doing in school, but my mind was in a tailspin. I couldn't focus, I was too busy attempting to figure out where we'd gone wrong, where  _I'd_ gone wrong, since it was  _my_ bad habits that Annalise seemed to have picked up. Brittany had ceased the digging of her nails into my skin, and had, instead, taken to tracing the lines on the inside of my palm with her thumb. The conference couldn't have ended any sooner, honestly, since I felt like I was going to explode. Once our daughter's teacher escorted us to the door and closed it behind us, with plans to reconvene on the issue the following week, I felt like my knees were going to buckle.

"Well, I fucked up our kid." I felt like I was going to burst into tears. "That's awesome. Something happened to her and she didn't tell us about it. Great."

"Santana."

"All the cutesy little Lopez things she managed to somehow get from me, those were great. This? This terrible way of dealing with things that upset her. Not great. She's saying she doesn't like them, that she doesn't want to be friends with them,  _classic_ Santana Lopez move."

"Right, because the  _say something stupid_ method is better. Let's face it, Santana, we were  _both_ avoidant when we were younger, just in totally different ways."

"She's saying she  _doesn't like them,_ Britt.  _That_ is not our Annie." I felt myself starting to crumble, and I reached out for my wife, gripping her wrists for support. "I just...I just want it to be easy for her, I don't want her to go through crap."

"But it's not. It's never going to be easy for her, and you're the one who's constantly telling me that I can't blame myself for that. That means  _you_ can't either. We are  _always_ modeling good behavior for her, and you  _know_ that."

"I know, I do, I know. But  _God,_ she's still just a baby."

"She's not though. She's growing up, San. I'm terrified of it, but she is. We'll deal with this, just like we've always dealt with things." She flipped her arms so she could take hold of my hands. "I want to go, I really don't want to be in this school anymore. Come with me to grab some stuff from the studio, and then we'll take the car to Brooklyn?"

"Yeah, okay." I wrapped my arm around her waist, and she did the same to me, resting her head against me as we walked out together.

* * *

It took  _a lot_ for me not to snap at Rachel for talking so much. I loved her, obviously, she was my best friend, she was incredible to me, and to my family, but seriously, she was the absolute  _worst_ person to be around when I was aggravated with life. It was a good hour before we were actually able to get out of her house, with Brittany feigning cramps to expedite the process. Annie was really excited to tell us about her day with Brice, and it broke my heart a little, that it couldn't be the same for her with everyone else. Our celebratory Chinese takeout when we got home was really subdued, and when we were finished, and I'd nursed Marisa, Britt went to put her down for the night, and I sat on my bed flipping through my calendar, reminding myself that I  _needed_ to call Chuck's secretary, while I waited for my two blondes to come in.

"Hi, Mamí." Annie walked in the door, all pajama clad, and holding Milky Way under one arm, and a stack of picture books in her hands. "Why are we having books in your bed tonight?"

"Just changing things up a little,  _mi amor,_ and Mama and I want to talk to you about the conference we had with Mrs. Flynn today."

"Oh." She slumped her shoulders and leaned against the bed. "Am I in trouble?"

"No, no. Of course not _,_ come up here and give me a hug." I smiled softly, and she scrambled up onto the bed, curling into my lap and wrapping her arms around my neck. "I love you, my  _beb_ _é_ _dulce._ _"_

"I love you too, Mamí. A lot, a lot."

"I know you do." I held her tightly and rocked her, knowing that the more comfortable she felt beforehand, the more likely she was to tell Britt and me what the  _hell_ was going on. When Brittany walked back in the room, we were still in the same position, and she breathed an inaudible sigh, before coming to sit down beside me on the bed.

"Hi, Mama." Annie looked up, and crawled out of my arms and into Britt's. "Me and Mamí were just snuggling a lot."

"I saw that, baby girl." Britt held her as she tucked her face into her neck, and looked warily over it me. "Mamí told you that we're going to talk about our meeting with your teacher today?"

"Yup. And she told me that I'm definitely not in trouble."

"Sweetheart, why would you think you were in trouble?"

"Because the other Thursday I was screaming, and now today you had to go to see my teacher."

"Oh, Annie, no, that's not why we had to go to your school today." I assured her. "Everyone's parents had to go talk to Mrs. Flynn this week, that's why you had two half days of school. We needed to get your report card too."

"A  _very_ good report card too, Mrs. Flynn told us that you're doing very well with your reading and writing, and we're  _super_ proud of you, Bean."

"I like reading and writing and drawing  _a lot._ _"_

"We know you do. My favorite part of the day is getting your words to hang up somewhere." I told her, and then nodded to Britt that I'd continue. "Annie, come sit cross-legged like we are, we want to do something  _very_ grown up, and have a sharing circle with you."

"What's a sharing circle?" She wrinkled her nose, and I kissed it, before helping her settle across from us.

"It's something that Holly taught Mama and me a very long time ago, when we wanted to talk about something big and important. It's something we still do sometimes, when we want to make sure that we feel safe and loved when we have hard things to share."

"Like what kind of hard things?"

"Well, today we want to talk about something Mrs. Flynn told us." Brittany squeezed Annie's tiny hand tightly, and took mine with her other. "She told us that you don't like any of the other kids in your class."

"I don't." She said simply, contorting her face, and I felt my heart squeeze. "I don't like any of them at all."

"Okay." I nodded, chewing on my bottom lip. "Why not?"

"I just  _don_ _'_ _t,_ Mamí." She took her hand back from Britt and crossed her little arms across her chest. "And I don't think I like a sharing circle very much either."

"Neither did I at first, Annalise. But then I realized it was very important for me to know that I had a place I could come, where I could say  _anything_ that I wanted without having to worry." I leaned over and kissed her furrowed brow. "If there's a reason why you don't like anyone in you class, maybe Mama and I can help you fix it."

"I don't want to fix it!" Annie shouted, surprising both of us. "I don't like them because they're mean, and I  _never ever_ want to be friends with them. I only want to be friends with 'Ro and Brice and Edie and my sister!"

" _Corazoncita-_ _"_ I started, but before I could even make words, my daughter was crying and had flung herself back into Brittany's arms.

"Shh, shh, baby girl." Brittany cradled her tight to her chest, and gave me a look that told me that she felt like she was going to throw up just about as much as I did. "It's okay, my love."

"I have ears, you know! Just because I'm little and I don't want to talk a lot doesn't mean that I don't know how to hear stuff!"

"Okay." I sucked in all the air I possibly could, but my chest was so tight, I wasn't sure how much actually made it into my lungs. " _Lisita, mija, dinos._ _"_

"I don't even like them at all, Mamí." She repeated. "They said I'm a baby and that I'm dumb, when I just wanted to sit near them and use the pastel crayons, so me and 'Ro had to go away and use the colored pencils  _only_. And I forgot that I didn't want to tell you, 'cuz then I'm a tattletale."

"Who,  _mi amor?_ _"_ I clenched my teeth, wanting to  _kill_ someone for hurting one of my most precious things. "Who is saying these untrue things to you? It is  _never_ tattling if someone is bullying you."

"'S not bullying, 'cuz they don't even push me, they just aren't nice."

"Annie, look at me." Britt titled Annie's chin up, swallowing what I knew was a mass quantity of tears choking her throat. "Bullying is not just with fists, sweetheart. Someone making you feel like this, that  _is_ bullying, and you know that Mamí and I have  _zero tolerance_ for that."

"I don't want to tell you though." Annie sniffled, and I had to get up off the bed, feeling rage consume me, and not wanting it to happen in such close proximity to my daughter. "I don't think anybody knows 'bout being 'llowed to tattletale when it's bullying."

I paced back and forth, trying to keep my muttering about pulling Annie out of school and homeschooling her, about wanting to call Norah Flynn immediately, about wanting to call every single parent, about  _seriously_ wanting to hit something, to a minimum. I clenched my fists at my sides, needing to pull it together, needing to swallow the rage and comfort my daughter, and my wife, who looked about three seconds away from completely breaking down. Looking up at the sky, to God, or whoever was out there, I suppressed the anger, and I climbed back up on the bed, just wrapping both Britt and Annie in my arms, just holding them for several minutes, just letting the love consume the three of us.

"'S Hallie." Annie whispered, almost if she didn't say it in a strong voice, it didn't happen. "And Corinne. And they're everyb'dy's favorites so everyb'dy listens to them. Everyb'dy but 'Ro, 'cuz he likes me best, and he told them they better leave me alone or  _he's_ gonna tell on them."

"Oh, my girl." Brittany finally let the tears fall from her eyes, hiding her face in Annie's hair so she wouldn't see. "No matter what anyone ever says about you, I need you to remember that you are so special and amazing, and that  _nothing_ will ever change that."

"And  _beb_ _é_ _,_ I know from experience that sometimes it feels easier just to not like  _anybody,_ because there are people in the world who will hurt you, but please, please, I don't want you thinking that you don't like everyone. Mama and I, we're going to help you figure this all out, alright?"

"Mamí, I'm very tired and I don't want to talk about school anymore." Annie wiped her swollen eyes on Brittany's shirt.

"Okay, but this weekend, we have to talk more about what we're going to do." Brittany told her firmly, and Annie nodded sullenly. "C'mon, let's get into your bed so Mamí can sing us a song."

Brittany carried Annie into her bedroom, the books long forgotten on our nightstand, and I followed close behind, my hand resting comfortingly on Britt's lower back. When we got her all tucked into bed, flat on her belly, Brittany lay down beside her, and I sat up, running my fingers through damp blonde hair, tangled even after it had been brushed out. My hand found Brittany's between our baby girl's shoulder blades, and I tangled my finger's with her's, singing softy as Annie's swimming blue eyes looked at me like I was the greatest thing she'd ever seen.  _Your little eyelids flutter cause you_ _'_ _re dreaming, so I tuck you in, turn on your favorite nightlight,_ I smiled down at her,  _to you, everything_ _'_ _s funny, you got nothing to regret. I_ _'_ _d give all I have, honey, if you could stay like that._ Brittany kissed her on her temple, and nodded at me, asking me to continue, even after Annie's eyes closed, and her breathing evened out.  _I won_ _'_ _t let nobody hurt you, won_ _'_ _t let no one break your heart._

* * *

"I swear to God, Brittany, if this is some kind of sick karmic retribution for high school, I'm going to lose my fucking mind." I seethed, once Britt and I were downstairs and she stood at the counter boiling water for tea. "Fuck! My chest feels like it's on fire, I'm so pissed."

"I know. I know." Brittany just shook her head, because what else was there even to say?

"I want to go back in time, and slap the mean out of young me, for throwing slushies at Kurt, writing stupid shit on Rachel's Myspace page, all of the stuff I did. I was the worst kind of bully, because I did it so  _no one would bully me._ I want to take that asshole teenager and show her how bad it  _hurts_ when it's her kid, her  _amazing_ daughter who has a hard enough time without anyone making it worse, getting bullied. I  _can't."_

"Honey." Brittany opened her arms for me, and I fell into them, clinging to her as tightly as she clung to me. "If you manage to make that happen, look for me in the past too. I'm either in the library defacing the yearbook, or in the cafeteria saying mean things about Marley Rose's mother, or maybe turning a blind eye to that girl's obvious eating disorder, even though I'd watched someone I loved go through  _the same thing."_

"I  _hate_ high school us, so much. And I  _hate_ those little bitches hurting my baby.  _Kindergarten._ She's in  _kindergarten._ How do you even know how to be _mean_ at five years old? What are we even supposed to  _do?"_

"I have absolutely no idea. I guess my previous method of wishing no one would ever make her cry didn't work so well." She shrugged against me, and I couldn't even help but laugh through my tears. "I was really banking on that too."

"Easier than figuring out an alternative for a little girl who is scared to even say  _hi_ to other kids. It sucks, because  _we_ can't fight all her battles for her, and we can't have her thinking that Thoreau can either."

"We're going to have to talk to Norah again, now that we know.  _We_ are going to have to be the tattletales."

"I just don't want those little mean girls to make it harder for her because of it."

"Yeah, I know. But I do trust that woman to deal with it a way that won't single her out, right?"

"I guess." I continued to worry my lip between my teeth, until Brittany leaned down and kissed it softly. "Being a mom is  _hard._ It's like, I get so emotional about the kids I work with, but I still have some sense if rationality. When it comes to our daughters, it feels like I'm some kind of feral beast who would  _kill_ to protect them. It's like the least in control I feel about anything."

"You're not alone there, honey. It's taking a lot for me not to pay a little visit right now to Hallie and Corrine so I can make  _them_ cry." She shook her head hard, and dropped her forehead against mine. "But we both know what fighting fire with fire does. The consequences are never good for  _anyone,_ and really, they're  _five._ I don't want to make a kindergartner cry, I just want them to  _understand,_ I just want them to have some damn compassion for Annie."

"We'll figure it out." I told her, trying to convince myself in the process, and just then, the tea kettle whistled, sort of startling both of us. Britt untangled herself from me, and pulled the Zen tea from the cabinet. "Breaking out the hard stuff tonight?"

"Oh, totally." She smiled a little, pouring the boiling water over the tea bags.

"Sometimes I wish..." I trailed off, shaking the thoughts out of my head.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Santana." She arched an eyebrow, and pressed the cup of tea into my hand. "What?"

"It's not even really a thing. It's just that sometimes I wish, when we have days like this, that I could have a glass of wine, to take the edge off, or whatever." I spoke quickly, trying to get it all out. "And it's not like the way I feel sometimes, you know, where I feel like I  _need_ a drink, and I have to call Rosa to talk to me. It's just like, the idea of being able to have a glass of wine with my wife, after we've had a rough day, instead of a cup of freaking tea, is alluring. I'm not  _going_ to, obviously, I don't know, it's just some normal things I can't do drive me kind of crazy."

"I can understand that." Britt said, and I breathed a huge sigh of relief. "I know you think about it, when we're somewhere that there's a toast, or when we're around people who don't know. I totally understand."

"I won't though, you know."

"I do. You know what it did to you, how much more it  _could_ have done to you. But I do get what you're saying. San, I know you always encourage me to have a drink when we're out with our friends, and stuff, but if you ever-"

"I know." I cut her off, kissing her forehead in gratitude. "And trust me, if we were ever out, and I was having a bad day, I would absolutely ask you to stay sober with me, no hesitation."

"Good. I don't even like drinking all that much, and you, love of my life, your well being, and the well being of our family, is about a trillion times more important than a glass of wine." She caught my lips and held them there, before I blindly set my mug down on the counter and wrapped my arms around her neck, surrounding myself in her.

"I'd really like to get my cuddle on with you right now." I nipped her bottom lip, and she rolled her eyes playfully at my old expression.

"There's a  _Friends_ marathon on tonight."

"There's a  _Friends_ marathon on  _every_ night." I laughed. "But mindless TV, laying with you on the couch sounds really,  _really_ good. I know we should probably be talking about what we're supposed to do-"

"No, I think it's better we sleep on it, Santana. It's a  _lot_ to take in, and I'm not sure I've really been able to process it all. Tonight, I just really need to clear my mind, and be with you. I don't think it's totally crazy."

"I love you, Britt, and I love the way you think." I paused for a beat, and searched deep within her eyes. "She's going to be okay, right?"

"As long as we just keep loving her harder, and teaching her how to be a good human being, I think so. Lopez-Pierces are tough, it's a known fact."


	49. Little Hurts

After Annie's confession, Brittany and I struggled immensely with figuring out what our plan of action would be. It was difficult for us to wrap our brains around  _kindergarten_ bullies, and since we hadn't even known that they existed, we had no idea what would happen as a result of Annalise's  _tattle-telling,_ as our daughter had been so concerned about. Rather than go out on Saturday night like we'd planned, once the kids were in bed, we spent hours discussing what our next step would be, until we'd decided that we'd talk to Norah, take a day as classroom volunteers, and try to determine exactly what we could to do keep our special little girl from absolutely  _hating_ school. Personally, I was very much in favor of dropping everything I'd been working on, of simply staying home and home-schooling her, home-schooling  _both_ of them, eventually, because I didn't want Marisa to ever find herself in the same situation. But, as Britt had pointed out, all that did was avoid the problem, all it would do was make our Annie retreat further into herself and be even more wary of people, so my rapidly formulating plan was quickly scrapped.

"Hi, Mamí." Annie pressed her little nose to the side of my face, as I sat on the couch reading the twenty-first in a series of a hundred articles that I'd found online about mean girls, bullying, and raising your child as a strong, self-assured individual. When I cast my eyes up, she was standing there in her Snoopy pajamas, wringing her hands, and I pat the seat beside me, inviting her to climb up and snuggle with me. "What are you doing?"

"Just reading a little bit,  _mi amor."_ I set the iPad aside and stroked her hair, letting her tuck herself into my side. "What are you doing?"

"I was playing with Mama and baby Reese, but I decided that I just wanted to sit with you instead. 'S that okay?"

"Of course it's okay. You know that my Annie time is one of my favorite things in the world. Tell me what you're thinking about, my sweet  _beb_ _é_ _."_

"Not too much, just 'bout school and stuff. I wish that I was much, much bigger and braver. But I'm so little, Mamí. I'm the littlest person in my  _whole school,_ I'm very sure, I've never seen anyone there littler than me."

"You know that big and brave don't mean the same thing, right?" I asked, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "Because you, my Annie, are becoming the bravest girl I know, very, very quickly. You know that telling Mama and me about what happened at school was something very brave on it's own, right? I know that was hard for you."

"But now you're gonna come to my school, and they're gonna know I tattled, and they're only going to be nice because you're grown ups."

"Annalise. They're not going to know you did anything, we just want to come there and see what's going on, to see how we can help you. I really,  _really_ don't want you to dislike school."

"I wish that school was only me and 'Ro and books and coloring and singing. I don't like so much that there's so many  _people_ there."

"I know you don't, and I understand that, but I think you were really getting better about being around other kids before this started, right?"

"I don't know. You know, just because I'm too scared to talk to them doesn't mean that I want them to not like me."

"Trust me,  _coraz_ _ó_ _ncita,_ I understand that more than you know."

"But do you think I'm ever going to grow very big?"

"I can't guess that one, Annie. I always thought that I would grow pretty tall, but that didn't happen." I tapped her nose, and she laughed a little.

"Mamí, did you ever get picked on too?"

" _That,_ my sweet baby girl, is a very complicated question." I told her, and closed my eyes for a second, thinking about the first time I wasn't on top, thinking of how all of my worst fears back then had begun to come true.

* * *

_It was right after Brittany and I had made up, a few weeks after I felt like my heart had been ripped out and stomped on. So desperately, I was trying to be_ breezy,  _or whatever, because_ not  _being her friend was impossible for me, it was like going without breathing, and I really,_ really  _didn't want it to be weird. I loved her (sometimes even my mind still found that thought hard to think at that point of my life, because it had grown so accustomed to denying it), I wanted to be with her, more than I wanted anything ever before, but I had to push it down, I had to be her best friend,_ just  _her best friend, or else I couldn't have anything at all._

_"So do you know what you're going to sing yet?" Britt asked me, standing in front of our lockers. It took me a minute to comprehend what she'd said, since I had been staring at her. Okay, so I sucked a lot at just being friends, and even though we'd stopped sleeping together, because_ she  _knew it was wrong, and I knew I might explode if we did and she looked at me with those heavy bedroom eyes of hers, the whole thing was_ really  _confusing and tough for me._

_"Um...I'm not really sure yet." I told her, biting my tongue a little, since I really wanted to tell her that my top two contenders for the ridiculous night of neglect were_ You Oughta Know  _and_ Love Is No Good.  _But I was doing really well_ not  _mentioning he-who-shall-not-be-named (and no, not Voldemort), and I didn't want to start making fun of her_ boyfriend  _again, since I did it basically all the time in my head. "Are you going to dance?"_

_"Yeah, Ar-" She stopped herself, but I couldn't help the pained wince at even the beginning of his name. I really was a mess. "I think so."_

_"Good, you know you'll be really great if you do."_

_"Thanks." With a blush and that special smile that I_ knew  _was only for me, I felt my heart rate quicken, and I couldn't stop the dorky grin on my face. "You will be too."_

_"Britt, I-"_

_"Lopez! Pierce!" Dave Karofsky's voice interrupted me, and for the briefest instant, before my eyes snapped up quickly, zeroing in on the bright red slushy in his hand, I turned over the sound of our combined last names in my head._

_"What do you want, douchebag?" I snapped at him, slamming my locker shut._

_"You know how at works around here, losers get facials. And look at you Lopez, as loser as losers come. Heard you broke up with Evans. Stupid move. Now you don't have the protection of a boyfriend on the football team like Pierce does. Right, Azimio?"_

_"I dunno Karofsky, she used to be like us. I don't think we really need to slushy her."_

_"Used to counts for_ shit.  _She quit the Cheerios for Homo Explosion." I shuddered internally at the word_ homo,  _and I_ knew  _that Britt was trying not to make eye contact with me. "There are rules around here for a reason. We gotta keep order, can't let Glee nerds like her think they're immune to us."_

_"Hey, let her be." Brittany moved to step in front of me, but my pride got the better of me, and I stepped back in front of her, standing on my tip toes, trying to look a little taller in front of the massive guys._

_"Why don't you go fuck yourself, Karofsky, since you call everyone else_ gay,  _but I never see_ you  _with a girl." I spit, never once guessing at that point that it was true, and still, mostly closeted, thinking it was okay to shout it about him._

_The instant the words left my mouth, I felt the sting of syrup in my eyes and the blast of ice radiate from my face down through my entire body. I was in shock, but I managed to shout something about Lima Heights, and cutting off his balls, before I heard Karofsky's sickening laugh, and felt the familiar comfort of Brittany's arm around my waist, leading me out of the hallway. She didn't speak right away, not as she lowered my head into the sink, pressing a damp towel to my face and trying to wash the sticky mess out of my hair. I tried to let myself sink into the touch of her fingers, tried to relax, despite the severe case of brain freeze, and the burn of humiliation, but I was too angry, too shocked, too_ everything  _to even let my guard down for an instant._

_"Are you alright?." Brittany whispered, her face close to mine, as she took the towel back from me and rinsed it out to continue wiping my face as the warm water ran over my scalp. I could feel her lips hovering just inches from mine, like she was going to kiss me, before she remembered that she_ couldn't,  _and brushed them over my forehead quickly instead._

_"Whatever. I'm fine." I sighed, pulling the cloth from her hands and lifting myself back up from the sink, feeling the water run down my back and soak me further. "I'm going home, fuck this place, I'm not walking around in my gym clothes looking like more of a loser than I already am."_

_"Santana-"_

_"No, Britt. Let's face it I'm a loser now, and it's only going to get_ worse.  _Santana Lopez, closeted lesbian Lima loser." It was supposed to come out sounding angry, but instead, I ended up choking on a sob, and before I knew it, tears were streaming down my face, leaving red tracks from the dye that was still in my eyes. "This isn't how it was supposed to be. This isn't how anything was supposed to be."_

_"I know." She barely whispered, and I couldn't meet her eyes. "Santana, I'm sorry."_

_"So am I." I sniffled, bitterness creeping up again. "I just...I just want to be where I used to be, on top,_ normal,  _not this."_

_"You_ are  _normal. No, you're better than normal."_

_"Right." I rolled my eyes, then pressed the towel back to my face again. "Sure feels like it. Let's face it, I'm at the bottom of the food chain, even Wheels is above me now. Maybe I'll have another surgery this summer, change my face, come back as someone else next year."_

_"Please don't do that." She took my hand, and I froze, wanting to pull it away, wanting to hold it forever. "Then you won't be Santana Lopez, and I lo-"_

_"Please,_ please  _don't say that. I_ can't.  _I can't hear that, not when you don't mean it the way I do. You're my best friend, Brittany, but I_ can't  _talk to you about_ this.  _Not after what happened."_

_"But I_ do,  _Santana. I do love you. Just because I didn't break up with Artie the minute you_ finally,  _after over a_ year  _of us doing what we've been doing, of me trying to make you understand the way I felt about you, of you pushing me away over and over again, doesn't mean I don't love you more than I think you'll ever know."_

_"Yet I still don't win. Whatever. It's for the best anyway. It's not like I could ever be with you here the way you're with him, the way every other lame ass couple in this school is. I'd be eaten alive, I'd fall further than I already have, and that's damn close to impossible."_

_"Yeah, and that's obviously the worst thing that could happen." Anger laced her tone, and I was so entirely over the conversation, so entirely over_ everything.  _"Sometimes I'm afraid that you're_ never _going to get it."_

_"Get what?"_

_"Get_ everything,  _everything I've been trying to tell you since your surgery, everything I try to tell you every time you come to my house drunk and crying."_

_"What more do you_ want  _from me, Brittany? I sang with you, I told you I loved you."_

_"I_ know  _that you do. But you don't love_ you.  _You're ashamed of yourself, and you may not be ashamed of_ me _, but you_ are  _ashamed on the way you feel_ about  _me, and_ that  _isn't fair to either one of us. You are the farthest thing from a loser, but the more you believe you are, the worse it's going to get."_

_"Okay_ Maribel."  _I snipped. "Did you borrow my mother's copy of_ The Secret  _with this_ think it, be it  _bullshit?"_

_"No, it's just common sense. You hate yourself, and loving someone who feels that way is the hardest thing in the world, because no matter what you do or say, it doesn't matter. Not until_ they  _figure out how to believe it."_

_"You_ really  _don't get it."_

_"Oh, I do. I get it_ so much.  _It terrifies you how much I do."_

_"Whatever." I said, for the third time, because even though deep down, I kind of knew she was right, the burning sting of corn syrup and humiliation had a far louder voice. I needed to get back on top, I needed to do_ something.  _Brittany had Artie, and I had_ nothing,  _popularity was the only thing that would save me, and I knew, right then and there, skin sticky and clothes wet with the elixir of rock bottom, that I would do_ anything  _to get it back._

* * *

"Why's it complicated, Mamí?" Annie asked, tucking her head into my neck and rubbing the fabric of my t-shirt between her fingers.

"I'm afraid you're going to be upset with me if I tell you this,  _mija."_ I sighed, wanting to be honest with my daughter, entirely.

"Were  _you_ a bully?" Her eyes were wide, and slowly, slowly, I nodded.

"I was a bully, and then, I sort of got the same treatment I gave everyone else. Annie,  _beb_ _é_ _,_ I'll probably spend my whole life feeling sorry for the way I treated people when I was young and scared of being bullied too. Your Uncle Kurt and Aunt Rachel, specifically."

"You bullied  _them?_ Mamí,  _why?_ They're your friends."

"I know they are,  _mi amor._ But when I was in school, I was very,  _very_ scared of being who I was. Remember how we talked about how sometimes people don't think girls who love girls and boys who love boys should be treated the same?" I asked her, and she nodded her affirmation. "Because of that, I was very afraid to be true to myself, because I didn't want anyone to treat me differently. I was really,  _really_ jealous of them, because they knew how good it was to be special, so I tried to make them feel bad about themselves."

"That's not very nice." She whispered, but she didn't pull away from me, something I was eternally grateful for.

"I know that. Trust me, Annalise, I know that, I've known that for a long time, and  _they_ know how sorry very sorry am, and we've been friends for a long time. And now that I see how much it hurts  _you,_ one of my most precious things, I feel even more than when it was  _my_ turn to be picked on how awful what I did was."

"Okay. Well it's okay, because you feel sorry, right?"

"It's not, remember,  _sorry_ doesn't erase things. But it's better that I'm not that way anymore."

"And your Mamí is the best kind of person." Brittany stood at the door, Marisa, looking like she was beyond ready for me to nurse her and put her to bed, on her hip. "She just had a tough time when we were kids."

"So not all bullies are bad?" Annie asked, confused.

"No, sweetheart, they're not." Britt sat down beside us, and we switched the girls in our arms so I could feed the baby. "It doesn't mean the things that they do are right, but most we've ever known actually had a lot that was going on in their brain."

"That's part of the reason why we want to always feel like you can come to us whenever you're sad or scared, we want you to know that you have a safe place to talk about your feelings." I told her, something I would have once upon a time thought was hippy-dippy bullshit. Leaning back on the couch and unhooking my bra for the baby who was clawing at my t-shirt to eat, I tucked a strand of Annie's hair behind her ear and smiled reassuringly. "On Friday, when we heard you were saying you didn't like any of the kids in your class, it reminded me a lot of me when I was little. I used to say I didn't like anyone, because then if they didn't like me, it wouldn't hurt so bad."

"Still hurts though." She shrugged sadly, and Britt held her close. "Did it hurt you too, Mamí? Even when you didn't like 'nybody?"

"It did,  _mija,_ it did a lot. But like you have Thoreau, I always had Mama, who understood me a lot."

"I'm not going to  _marry_ Thoreau though." She giggled. "I don't even know if I want to marry boys or girls yet!"

"That's okay." Brittany kissed the tip of her nose. "You know before we were girlfriends and wives, we were the very best of friends. And while it's very special to marry your best friend, just  _being_ best friends doesn't mean you have to marry him."

"Okay, good!" Annie collapsed back onto Britt and tickled Marisa's little toes, causing her to lift her head up and grin and her sister. "Hi, baby Reese! You're still my sister-best friend, okay?"

"Nee Nee! Eat! No!" She let out a piercing laugh at using all three of her words, then turned her head and went back to eating, whining a little as I stuck my finger in her mouth to readjust her position and keep her from biting me, something that was becoming a more frequent occurrence as she teethed. "No, no."

" _Si, si_." I shook my head and pressed a kiss to the crown of hers. "That hurts me,  _amorcita,_ be gentle.  _No muerdas._ "

"Why's she been hurting you?" Annie asked, face full of concern.

"She doesn't know better. She can't understand yet that biting hurts, and she's getting a really big new tooth that's hurting  _her,_ so she's just trying to feel better."

"Don't worry, baby girl, all babies do that. Even you, and you didn't have very many teeth by the time you stopped your nursing."

"So when's Reese gonna eat just people food and not do breastfeeding anymore?"

"Few more months." I murmured, watching Marisa lazily suckle, beginning to drift off to sleep in my arms. I pressed a kiss to the still fuzzy head of the gorgeous infant who was growing up far too fast for my liking, and inhaled her sweet smell. "Closer to her birthday, she's going to start doing it less and less."

"She is  _not_ going to like that." Annie said authoritatively.

"Not at first, but just like anything, she'll adjust."

"How come there's always so much adjusting though, Mama?"

"Bean, that's  _everything_ in life, things change a lot, and we've just got to keep getting used to them. We  _definitely_ get better at it the older we get."

"Hmm, I hope so, because it is  _not_ fun."

The next morning, Lizzie Pierce was at our door before it was time for us to bring Annie to school. Brittany's mom was coming in for a few days to start looking at wedding dresses with her up youngest (and us, since we were  _all_ in the wedding, even Marisa), and since Liz had already been staying with Max for her break, she had volunteered to come stay with Reese while we did what we needed to do at Annie's school. The baby was in a whiny mood from her teeth, her stomach upset from the pain, and it was hard for Britt to let her go to her sister, especially when she always wanted her Mama the most when she was like that.

"Hush, my baby love, we'll be back soon." Brittany rocked her back and forth, trying to soothe her big tears away. "You love staying with Aunt Liz."

"Maybe we need t'stay home from school today." Annie suggested, pretending very badly to be nonchalant about it. "My sister is very sad, and she doesn't want anyone to go."

"Nice try,  _mija._ She's going to have so much fun with Aunt Liz."

" _And."_ Liz smiled, bending down in front of Annie as Brittany held the baby to her chest, trying to get her to relax a little. "When you get home, we're going for ice cream."

"Mmkay, Auntia Liz, but I wish baby Reese could go to school for me, and I could just stay here and play with you. How come  _you_ don't have to go to school this week?"

"It's a break for me, lovey. I've got big, big tests coming up soon, and I'm not going to get a summer vacation anymore this year. "

"What? Why?" Annie's jaw dropped, aghast at the prospect.

"Because I'm moving to New York, and then I'm starting my big new job, and then, Max and I will have our wedding."

"That's very,  _very_ busy. When you live here, do I get to see you every single day?"

"Maybe not  _every_ day, but we'll get to see each other a  _lot_ more than we do now." Liz held out her pinky, and Annie squeezed it firmly. "Promise."

"Okay. Good. And then when you get married, you can have a baby for me and my sister to play with, right?"

"Your mother is rubbing off on her." I laughed into Britt's ear, Marisa finally calming a little. "Come on,  _mi amor,_ Grammy is coming this afternoon to bug Aunt Lizzie about babies, we've gotta go before Marisa gets upset again."

With Lizzie's reassurances that she would be fine, and hugs and kisses for the baby, the three of us headed out the door. Annie walked slowly between us, holding fast to our hands, and I knew it would never kill me any less, that fear and hesitation that was always present when it came to her and school, only varying in degree. When we made our way into the building, she reluctantly distanced herself from us, and Britt gave me a tight lipped smile, trying to keep from betraying how much it broke her heart that these kids made her feel like she was a baby, and that sticking close to her mothers wasn't what she should do.

"Morning, Thoreau." I ruffled his curly hair as Britt and I set our purses down, and he looked up at me, poking his tongue through the newly formed hole in his mouth, where he'd just lost his first tooth.

"Hi! Papa said you're coming to play with us in my classroom today!" I grinned, then waved me close to him with his little hand so he could whisper into my ear. "I promise, Santana, I try to protect Annie  _so_ much. I really don't like it when she cries."

"I know, buddy." I pulled him into a hug, never realizing I could feel so much gratitude for a child who wasn't my own. "Brittany and I really appreciate that."

"Hi, 'Ro." Annie clasped his hand in hers, and he beamed. "Mama, Mamí, I gotta go sit in my seat now, okay?"

"Of course, sweetheart." Brittany nodded, pressing her hand over her own heart, and watching Annie do it in return. "We'll be right over here, waiting until Mrs. Flynn gives us jobs to do."

I leaned against the cubbies where we stood as the kids gathered for their circle, and Brittany took her place beside me, letting our shoulders touch, the slightest physical contact that made me feel just a little bit calmer. Annie was quiet, mouthing along to the good morning song, and I knew the struggle she was going through to be tough in the presence of kids who made her nervous. I didn't want to, but slowly, my eyes cast over to Hallie, with her tumbling dark curls and big green eyes, that cherubic little face not doing much to calm the boiling anger in my chest. When she leaned over to Corrine, fidgeting beside her, I felt the lurch in my heart, and Brittany's fingers brushed mine behind my back, hearing faded words of years earlier,  _I'm so afraid of what everyone will say behind my back_ as we watched Annie wince a little, fearful that they were talking about her.

"She's tough. She's tough and we're going to help her." Brittany murmured, as much for her own benefit as mine.

"Look at her though, all dimples and chubby cheeks. And the other one, looking like Punky Brewster with those pigtails. How can all that cute hold enough mean to hurt our daughter? My  _job_ is to deal with stuff like this, and right now, I feel like Mrs. Trunchbull in Matilda, I want to swing that kid by her pigtails."

"San." Brittany snorted, and quickly tried to cover it up, hoping she hadn't caused a disruption, and her face turned red when Norah turned a quick eye over to us. "We're going to get in trouble."

"Okay, everyone." Norah smiled at the class when the song was over. "We have our special guests today, Annie's moms, Ms. Brittany and Ms. Santana. Let's all give them a  _gargantuan_ Room 405 welcome! One, two, three!"

"Hi Ms. Brittany! Hi Ms. Santana!" The class chorused, as Annie turned redder than her Mama with the attention directed on her, and she scrubbed her face with her hands, trying to get the burn off.

"Hi guys!" Brittany waved, and I followed suit. "We're glad to be here today!"

"Alright. Who is ready to get started on our big puzzle project? Everyone find your table seats, and we're going to hand out blank puzzle pieces and crayons."

The kids mulled around, searching for their places, and I hadn't known that Hallie and Corrine actually had their seats across from Annie and Thoreau, an important detail that my poor daughter had left out, probably to downplay how hard she was truly hit by their exclusion. Apparently, each of the kids in the classroom were supposed to do whatever they wanted on their oversized puzzle piece, and at the end, they would put them together, showing how each of them might be different, but they created a beautiful whole. It was sort of cheesy, but watching my Annie immediately set to work, poking her tongue out as she began her drawing, and watching, watching with a heart heavy, as she took it as a way to make herself fit in ( _just another piece of the puzzle_ ), I understood a little more how much like me that child was.

When Annie was finished with her drawing, a carefully crafted portrait of her family, of Thoreau and Brice, of squiggly flowers, and a tiny, barely distinguishable picture of Milky Way (like she couldn't exclude him, but she was shy about drawing her prized stuffed animal on her puzzle piece), she went over to where Brittany was helping Norah lie out the pieces on the floor so the kids could kind the pieces that matched with their own. She was really nervous about having to interact with the others to find her partners, and as much as I wanted to scoop her up in a protective hug, I knew that I couldn't, so I continued monitoring the other students and their activities.

"Ms. Santana, do you like my picture?" Hallie piped up, pointing at her drawing of a little black dog and a princess.

"It's very nice, Hallie." I gritted my teeth and forced a smile, knowing that I  _really_ couldn't be mean to a kid. "Did you see Annie's drawing?"

"No, but I bet it's a picture of you and Ms. Brittany, and her baby, because she  _always_ draws that." Hallie huffed a little.

"Well family is very important to us." I pushed down the contemptible tone in my voice.

"Why's she have two ladies who are moms? Where's her daddy? That's who's supposed to go to work and the one mommy is supposed to go to lunches and fundraisers? And why's her nanny never bring her to school?"

"All families are different." I told the girl, pulling out Annie's small seat and sitting down across from her, catching the hint of a pout that crossed the little girl's face. "Annie has two moms, because Brittany and I love each other very much, and we are married and have babies together. And both of us go to work at different times, so Annie and her sister don't have a nanny."

"I'm bringing my puzzle piece over there now." She abruptly stood up and walked away, leaving me perplexed, and honestly, feeling a little bad for the girl, because even if a three minute conversation, I could tell that she didn't like talking about family.

Herding the remaining three boys over to where the kids were mulling about, I got down on my knees like Britt and Norah were, and watched as they all began trying to find where their piece fit into the puzzle. Annie was still outside of the buzz of activity, and when she slowly moved so she was standing beside me, I caught her hand and squeezed it hard.

"I think I should wait more." She told me, her voice barely above a whisper, wanting only me to hear. "'S too many people right now."

"It is pretty busy. Take your time,  _mija._ Maybe you can help me break off some pieces of tape so I can give them out?"

"Okay, Mamí, I can do that." Annie nodded eagerly, and I held out the roll I'd been holding to her. "Mamí. I saw you talking to Hallie."

"It's okay,  _coraz_ _ó_ _ncita,_ any talking we do with her about what is happening will be with Mrs. Flynn and her parents, I promise you that you don't have to worry."

"Her puzzle piece matches 'Ro's. See? Mama's doing the tape now."

"I do see." I nodded, tensing a little as Corrine scowled in their general direction.

"Annie! Come here and see if your piece fits too!" Thoreau called out for her, and Annie looked at me.

"It's okay,  _mi amor._ Why don't you go try? This is a good time to be brave, because Mama and I are both right here."

"Okay." She nodded, audibly gulping as she straighter her back and tried to look bigger. "I'm tryin' really hard."

"I know, and I'm very, very proud of you for that."

As Annie tentatively approached Thoreau and Hallie, I locked eyes with Brittany, and nodded to her my confidence that our daughter would be alright. Her little face fell a little, when her piece didn't fit with Thoreau's, but he simply grasped her hand and told her he would help her find where hers went, and that it didn't matter so much, because they were all going to be in the same puzzle anyway (and I  _maybe_ sniffed back tears a little, because  _what_ were Chris and Jarrod doing to raise such a sweet, thoughtful little boy?). Slowly, Brittany gravitated back toward me, and I pushed myself to stand, bumping her shoulder and watching as Corrine said something to Hallie, and Hallie sort of just shook her head.

* * *

By the time the school day ended, I'd pretty much made a determination about what was going on. Corrine was absolutely the ring leader, and while I'd gotten the idea that Hallie was probably a little jealous of Annie and seeking attention from wherever she could get it (a theory that was basically confirmed when I saw her face fall when her nanny had told her at pickup that her parents had to go quickly to Washington for a few days), I just couldn't get a read on why the other girl was the way she was. I told Brittany as much when we were at the back sink washing her hands, and she understood the vibe I was getting, and we were in solid agreement that together, without the kids, we'd meet with Norah and their parents.

Annie was quiet on the walk home, deep in thought about her day, about Thoreau taking her to put her piece between Laura and Charlie's, about the fact that she was hesitant still, after we'd explained to her that her teacher was going to set up a meeting so we could make sure that even when we weren't around, no one bothered her. At that point, we knew that an ice cream break with Lizzie was probably the best thing for her, and I was glad my sister-in-law could be there to take her. When we walked into the house, Marisa was sound asleep in her crib, and Susan sat with Liz on the couch, making what I could only assume was some type of list in reference to the future wedding.

"Grammy!" Annie tore across the room, jumping up on top of Susan and squeezing her tightly. "I didn't even know you would be here yet!"

"I wasn't sure how traffic would be, my love, I didn't want to make you any promises I couldn't keep. Even your moms didn't know that I'd be here this soon."

"Now you can come for ice cream with me and Auntia Liz! Oh, wait." Annie quickly covered her mouth with her hands and looked over to Liz, feeling like she'd ruined their special thing. "'S it okay if Grammy comes with us?"

"Of course it is! Then Grammy can pay." Liz winked, and Annie giggled. "Come on, I'll help you pick out some play clothes and maybe we'll stop by the park afterwards too."

"Okay!"

The two of them scrambled up the stairs, Lizzie hushing Annie's excitement just a little, to keep the baby from waking up, while Susan wrapped Britt and me in a big hug. When Marisa cried out from her crib, I nursed her, kissed her little head, and gave Susan a banana to take with her, in case the baby wanted to eat  _actual_ food, something she  _still_ wasn't crazy for, and really need to get used to. Susan and Liz said they'd be back in an hour, and I caught Britt's not-so-subtle wink in my direction, indicating how she and I would  _absolutely_ spend said hour. I was actually really happy that they'd all gone, not only because I knew that Marisa tended to be happier outside of the house, but because I felt like over the weekend, Britt and I had scarcely had a minute alone together that didn't involve bully recon or research on teething, and with work and stuff, we'd been too busy to just be  _us_. When the door closed, and we watched through the window as they turned the corner, I immediately pressed myself against Brittany, even with a million other things going on in our lives, still dying for a real kiss that wouldn't be interrupted, still dying for physical intimacy.

"Hey you." Her eyes sparkled, and we stood there for awhile, our kisses getting more and more heated until she lifted me up so I could wrap my legs around her waist.

"Not wasting any time." I laughed into her mouth, feeling her snake her fingers up under my shirt to unhook my bra.

"Well you look delicious in those jeans."

"You think I look delicious in everything."

"I also think you look delicious in nothing. And you're also aware of how long it's been since we've had our house to ourselves in the middle of the day, right?"

"Fair point. Take me to bed, baby."

Because I'd started sucking the spot on Britt's neck that drove her absolutely insane, we never even ended up making it up the stairs. Instead, giddy and giggly, she carried me into the office and dropped me down on the couch there. Quickly, she discarded every last stitch of her clothing, and sucked her teeth teasingly when I hadn't even moved, so enraptured watching her not-even-trying-but-so-damn-sexy strip show. With a seductive smirk on her mouth, she straddled my lap and made quick work of unbuttoning my jeans and sliding them down my body, not ceasing the assault she'd begun on my mouth. She didn't even take off my shirt before she let her fingers dance down between my legs, and I groaned, canting my hips up to where she teased me.

"So sexy." She breathed in my ear, tracing her tongue over the shell, and as soon as my head lolled back, she thrust hard and fast into me.

"Fuck." I cried, dropping my head down to her shoulder after several minutes of her unrelenting pace, and biting hard, trying fruitlessly to stave off my rapidly approaching climax. "Britt, baby. So...ugh."

When she abruptly pulled her fingers from within me, I whimpered at the loss, aching, burning for her to push me over the edge. It was momentary though, and before I could even get my bearings, she had slipped down to the floor, kneeling before me, lifting my hips to meet her mouth. My body sparked as she licked through me, her moan at the taste enough, almost, to set me reeling, and I spread my legs wider, scratching at her bare back, desperately seeking to touch every part of her. My thighs tightened as I came, trapping her head between them, and her smug laugh at her ability to give me such a hard, fast orgasm rippled through me as she gently pried my legs apart and moved back up to kiss me where I'd flopped against the back of the couch.

"You are beautiful." Brittany's voice cracked almost, a far different intimacy than a quickie in our home office warranted, an intimacy that made me nudge her nose with mine and sigh against her. "So beautiful."

Panting from my release, I dragged my jellied limbs, trying to shift our positions, trying to get better access to everything that was my wife, and trailing my fingers up Brittany's thighs, eager to touch her, eager to give her the same intense relief she'd just given me. My efforts were short lived though, as was the hazy afterglow that pinned me down, when my daughter's laugh and the sound of my mother-in-law calling out our names broke us from the reverie.

"Shit!" I yelped, noting the cracked open door. "They've been gone like five minutes. I can't...ugh...fuck."

"Okay, okay." Brittany jumped up, trying to move quickly, her cheeks flushed, and beads of sweat remaining on her bare chest, blinking her eyes furiously, trying to get the aroused look out of them. "Clothes. Clothes. We need to get dressed."

When she tossed me my panties and jeans, I struggled to pull them up, my body still not wanting to cooperate, and Brittany managed to get herself dressed entirely while I was still only in a thong and the t-shirt that had never come off. I hadn't even been able to re-hook my bra, and I pouted, feeling entirely useless.

"Help me!" I whined, figuring I would drop dead if Susan walked in on me half naked.

"We'll be right out!" Brittany called out, shouldering the door to shut it fully, and wrapping her arms around me, helping me stand, she slid my pants back up over my calves and thighs, laughing as she did.

"It's not  _funny!"_ I grumbled. "You get me all loopy and I didn't even...and they were supposed to be...and ugh, can you button me?"

"Stop being so cute and I won't laugh. We lost track of time, they've been gone over an hour."

"Over an hour? How? Do I look okay? And please don't say I look delicious."

"Fine. I won't. Even though you do. You're good, we're good."

"Okay. Okay. I need you to hold my hand though, I'm still shaky, and your mom and sister are never going to let us live this down. They  _finally_ stopped talking about the time Liz caught me running to the bathroom topless after I gave you a bloody nose. Now this is going to be the new thing."

"Honey." Brittany stifled a giggle and I glared at her. "We're adults, we own this house, if we want to use our free hour to have sex, since we've pretty much perpetually had children in our bed with us for  _days,_ it's totally our right. My mother understands that. That's why no one burst into the office on us, she knows we'd die of embarrassment, and she'd never let that happen."

"Still." My cheeks burned, and she kissed both of them before turning the door handle and leading me reluctantly into the living room.

"There you are!" Annie brightened at the sight of us. "I thought you went to the big wedding dress store without us! Even though Auntia Liz said you couldn't, 'cuz you're not 'llowed there for her 'ppointment if she's not there."

"Never, baby girl." Brittany smiled, wrinkling her nose and stopping herself before she ruffled Annie's hair affectionately. "Run upstairs and pick out a new outfit, since it looks like you got ice cream all over this one. Mamí and I are just going to shower and get dressed, and then we'll be there on time for the appointment."

"Yeah, good idea." Liz snorted as Annie scampered up the stairs. "Nice hair, Santana."

"Shut up, Liz." I mumbled, tucking my chin and avoiding my mother-in-laws eyes.

" _Eliza."_ Susan, surprisingly, jumped to my defense instead of joining in on the teasing. "You're a grown women, leave them alone. We'll revisit this when I catch you and Max post-quickie when  _you_ have two kids running around."

"Mom!"

"Oh my God, Brittany." I hissed in her ear. "Your mother just said  _quickie._ I want to die."

"Okay. Can we  _please_ just drop  _all_ discussion of what my  _wife_ and I choose to do when our house is empty?

"Fine, but go take a shower, because  _gross."_ Lizzie rolled her eyes, looking, decidedly, like she was ten years old again, and tapping the hollow of her throat. "And Britt, maybe get yourself a little coverup while you're at it."

With my cheeks still flaming, we went upstairs and got ready quickly, me so mortified that I didn't so much as glance at Brittany's body while we shared the shower (okay, I'm lying, it's kind of impossible  _not_ to stare when my gorgeous wife is near me). Affectionately (and totally apologetically), I dabbed concealer on the purpling mark on Brittany's neck, and we hurried back downstairs to where everyone was waiting for us to leave. Marisa was fussy again when we were leaving the house, and after none of the twelve teethers we had up soothe her actually helped, not even the creepy vibrating one that freaked me out, I let her nurse, keeping her on me as we piled into a taxi van up to Kleinfeld's.

"Mamí, Mama! This is  _really_ where you bought your beautiful wedding dresses?" Annie spun around in a circle, awestruck, and taking it all in.

"It is, sweetheart. C'mere, I want to show you something." Brittany smiled, and took our daughter by the hand, and I knew exactly where she was taking her. "Right here, in this chair, with you wiggling around in my belly, is where Mamí gave me my engagement ring."

"You got proposed when you were already buying a wedding dress."

"Oh, no." Britt laughed, "I proposed to Mamí in your little bedroom in our old apartment, but she wanted me to have a special ring too, so she went with Uncle Finn and Aunt Rachel to buy it, and then she came here and surprised me with it."

"She didn't see you in your dress, right? Because that is  _very_ bad luck! That's why Max isn't 'llowed to be here!"

"Grammy is really rubbing off on you." I laughed, shifting Marisa in my arms, my back throbbing from carrying her the way I was while she remained attached to me. "Don't worry,  _mija._ I definitely didn't see Mama in her dress until right when we got married."

"Okay, good!" Annie threw her hand against her forehead in dramatic fashion, making Liz, Susan and the bridal consultant burst out laughing. "When's it my turn to try on dresses though?"

"Why don't you and I go look around, Annie love?" Lizzie suggested. "We'll see if there's anything we like for both of us, and then if we find something, we'll put them on and dance around like princesses."

"Wow! Okay!"

While Annie and Liz looked through the sample wedding gowns and flower girl dresses, Britt and I had our measurements done for our bridesmaid dresses, and Susan tried to keep an increasingly agitated Marisa occupied. I felt bad, she was usually fine being out for long periods of time, and when we'd originally made the plans with Liz, neither Britt nor I thought it would be a problem. But of course, our baby's body had other plans, and all the bouncing, singing and even the usually restricted  _Backyardigans_ episode on Grammy's iPhone did little to make her a happy camper. When she had a blowout diaper and her whines broke down into wails though, that's when we knew we couldn't subject her to that anymore, and making a decision, I grabbed her diaper bag off the floor.

"San, we can both go. Annie can stay with my mom, and we'll go home with her."

"Britt, it's your  _sister._ You should be here whole she tries on dress number four-thousand-six hundred-and-two-"

"I can hear you, Tana!" Liz called from the other side of the private room, where she was leaning over to be laced up. "Just because you two picked out dresses and had a wedding in five seconds doesn't mean all of us can!"

"I love you Liz." I called back, almost  _hearing_ her eyes roll in her head. "I'm just going to take her for a walk, B, hope the fresh air calms her down, or that we disturb the evenings of everyone on the Upper East Side, either one. I'll meet you back here, and then maybe she'll be okay to go to dinner."

"Okay." Britt sucked her lips into her mouth, conflicted, hating to be away from the baby when she was like that, hating when she felt like she was sticking her on me simply because I had the boobs with the milk. "But if you need me-"

"I know." I kissed her quickly on the lips. "Of course."

As it turned out, Marisa absolutely did  _not_ calm down, and I felt sick to my stomach, walking around with her secured to my body, her little teething necklace strung around her neck, and half of Skittles' body jammed in her mouth, and me  _seriously_ considering going to buy some whiskey to rub on her gums, before deciding vehemently against it, both because I still got weird feelings in liquor stores, and mostly, because the idea of giving my child alcohol, even topically, made me uneasy. I felt bad, but when I went back to tell Brittany that I was heading home with her, Liz  _insisted_ that we all just have takeout at the house, so I wouldn't miss out on celebrating her finding the  _perfect_ dress, and Annie showing off the pictures of her in several different flower girl dresses that were on the table for both my daughters.

* * *

Marisa  _did_ manage to relax a little after the long bath Brittany gave her, as I sat with the other three blondes in the living room, and once I went up and did my nightly routine with her, she seemed to be sleeping, even though she still whimpered a little in slumber. It was later than they would have normally stayed, when Susan and Liz went back over to Max's apartment, and we spent more time than normal tucking Annie into bed, singing  _just one more song, please,_ coming back to kiss her goodnight  _just one more time, please,_ her needing to decompress from a long busy day. By the time we were done, Britt and I were pretty exhausted ourselves. After sharing a pint of mint chocolate chip ice cream, further discussing Annie's school, which our daughter had decided again, she didn't want to talk about, and not-really-watching some  _Lifetime_ movie, I was basically asleep on top of her on the couch, and she placed soft kisses on my neck to wake me up.

"Come on, honey, let's go to bed." She murmured into my skin.

"Ugh. I really wanted us to stay up and hang out tonight, B. I'm sorry I fell asleep."

"I'm exhausted too. We'll get some us time, I know we're been crazy, and our alone time keeps getting interrupted by kids, and now, apparently, my mom, but trust me, I already told her that once the baby's tooth breaks, and we don't feel like horrible mother's leaving her, she's coming and giving us a night out."

"I love you so much, you know." I pressed a soft kiss to her mouth, and she ran her fingers through my tangled hair.

"I know you do. And I love you too."

The minute my head hit the bed, I was asleep again. Seriously, I felt like I could sleep for a thousand years, a feeling I hadn't had since right after I gave birth, the constant nursing and the worrying about Annie at school sapping all my energy. No sooner had I fallen asleep though, did I hear a pealing cry over the baby monitor, and I rolled over with a groan, just as Brittany was lowering the volume a little, hoping maybe she'd settle back down.

"She's not going to go back to sleep." I sighed, after five minutes of trying to let her cry it out. "And she's going to wake up Annie."

"I'll get her." Brittany agreed. "And I'll get the baby Tylenol."

"I'm going to get some ice. Britt, I love her, but I swear to God, I'm lucky I still have nipples. She is unforgiving."

"I'll get the ice for you. And maybe have a talk with her on the way back up about this. I'm pretty sure that I would be even more upset than  _you_ if you didn't have nipples anymore."

"That is true, you and my boobs have a very intimate relationship."

"Well, we're on a break right now, but I expect them to return to me sometime in July." She teased, and I rolled my eyes playfully. "Be right back."

_"Hi, my little love."_ Britt cooed over the monitor, trying to quiet our daughter's cries.  _"Your mouth is hurting you pretty bad, huh? Come here, let's get you a new diaper, then we'll go see Mamí. But you've gotta be nice to her tonight, alright? I know it helps you feel better, but when you're older, you'll understand the torture you're inflicting on her."_

"Brittany." I laughed to myself, shuffling into a sitting position and grabbing the crappy organic salve that literally did  _nothing_ to help the agony in my chest.

_"I can feel that mean tooth there, Ladybug, soon they'll push through and won't hurt you so bad, I promise you. Alright, now you're nice and dry, that'll help a little. Now to the kitchen!"_

I could vaguely make out Brittany's murmurings downstairs, and the still jarring cries that came from Marisa, and I squeezed my eyes shut, hating the helpless feeling. I know Britt was trying to handle it for a little bit without handing the baby over to me, but I knew from experience with Annie that there was very little that actually can soothe a teething baby. A few minutes later, Brittany, with an apologetic smile on her face, appeared in the room, a cooler with ice and a bottle ( _just in case_ Reese was suddenly okay with taking one, and she could help), and I held out my arms for our whimpering, feverish mess of a baby.

" _Hola, mija. Ven ami. Te amo, mi beb_ _é_ _dulce. Tienes dolor mucho?_ Let me feel." I slipped my thumb into her mouth, and hated the inflamed feeling I found. "Soon, Marisa, a few more days and it'll pop right out."

" _Eat! Eat! No!"_ She wailed, and I brushed a kiss on the top of her head before pulling down my top, shuddering a little.

_"Calmate, mija. Estás bien._ Look, I'm here, Mama's here, you're going to be alright." I stroked her back, and she curled herself into me, latching on and calming herself down. "Good girl."

It took awhile before I'd managed to convince Brittany to go back to sleep, knowing that  _one of us_ needed our wits about us the next day, and I stayed up with the baby. Every time I'd think she was asleep and try to pull her off of me, she'd let out a shriek, and the wailing would begin again, until finally I simply gave up, and nodded in and out of sleep with my miserable baby still latched onto me. It was after three when she became inconsolable again, and I held her hot, sweaty little body tight against me, singing to her, soothing her, until I finally burst into tears myself.

" _Mija, mi amorcita,_ I'm sorry, I don't know what I can do for you."

"San, honey." Brittany sat up quickly, holding her arms out for the baby, and letting her tuck her small face into her neck and wail there. "Okay, it's okay my little love, it's alright."

"I don't know what to do, Britt. I haven't felt this helpless with her since she was brand new. She's in pain, and I want to take it all away from her, and at the same time, I'm so frustrated, because I haven't been able to take her off of me for  _hours,_ and I don't even know if she's taking any milk, because I'm so raw that I'm actually numb. I had a  _boob job_ and I really think it hurt less than this right now."

"What can I get for you? Tell me how I can help you." She knit her brow, worried about me maybe as much as the baby.

"I don't...I don't even know." The tears kept coming, and I hiccuped. "Make her feel better. I don't remember teething being this bad with Annie. Look at her, she's suffering, and I can't do anything else for her."

"There's nothing else  _to_ do, obviously nothing is going to help. The best thing you can do for  _both_ of you it to sleep."

"I don't need-"

"You do." She pressed a soft kiss to my lips, the whimpering baby between us. "Please, look at me. You're wiped out, you've been nursing for hours. It's so normal that you're frustrated like this, you feel helpless and you just winced from the blanket brushing up against you because you're so sore. You can't keep trying to nurse her. I know it's what she wants, but you're killing yourself."

"I don't want to just leave her to cry."

"We're not. I'm going to give her a bath again to try and bring the fever down and relax her. Then I'm going to give her some more Tylenol, and just sit with her for a while downstairs. You know, catch up on reruns of  _The Love Boat_ and stuff. You know Marisa likes Julie, she reminds her of Aunt Rachel." Brittany teased a little, poking my cheek in an effort to make me smile. "And once I get her calm, I'm going to come back up and check on you. A few hours ago, you asked me to go to sleep, now I'm asking you."

"And what if she doesn't stop?"

"If she doesn't stop, I'm calling Dr. Kellen's emergency line. But let's hope we don't have to."

"Okay. Okay." I nodded, wiping my face with the heels of my hands and kissing Marisa's wrinkled forehead. " _Te amo. Te amo, mucho, mi beb_ _é_ _dulce. Te amo para siempre."_

_"_ I'll be back. Please rest."

I tossed and turned in bed for awhile, heartsick over the faint cries I could still hear from below me, but eventually, I fell into a deep, deep sleep, keeping faith that if I couldn't calm my baby down, maybe my  _wife_ could. It was morning when I woke up again, and groaning as I turned on my side to check the time Brittany's nightstand, I was met with a smiling little face, one I was happier to see than I could have imagined.

"Hi, smiley girl." I whispered, rubbing my nose with the baby's, and pressing my lips against her forehead to feel that her fever had simmered down. "You feeling a little better this morning?"

"No. Eat. Mamí." She giggled, fisting my hair and trying to pull herself up by it, it took me a minute to realize what she'd said, and I gasped, frantically tapping at Brittany's shoulder to wake her up.

"Britt! Britt! Marisa just said my name!" I cried out, laughing, even after that long night. "Say it again,  _mija._ Say Mamí."

"Mamí!" Marisa cried out, releasing my hair and clapping her hands in front of her. "Mamí. Mamí. Mamí. Mamí."

"That's right, sweetheart." Brittany blinked her eyes quickly to clear them from sleep. "That's Mamí! Good job!"

"She's such a little manipulator." I couldn't help but laugh, peppering Marisa all over with kisses. "You're a smart girl,  _amorcita,_ saying that today after the night we had last night. What did Mama do to make you feel better?"

"I  _wish_ I could take the credit." Britt shook her head, and pulled down Marisa's lip, showing me the very top of the offending tooth,  _finally_ broken through her gum. "This guy made his appearance around four thirty this morning."

"Evil little tooth. I'm so glad you're feeling better. Sweet baby." I had to kiss her again, then tilt my head up to catch Britt's lips. "Ugh, do we have to get out of bed? What time is it?"

"Quarter to ten." She shook her head, cutting me off before I panicked. "My mom was here this morning, I got Annie ready for school, and she took her. I figured the three of us could use some time to sleep."

"God, I love you." I hummed against her mouth. "I'm sorry, I was like comatose or something, I didn't even hear any of it."

"I know, and I'm glad. How are you feeling this morning?"

"Pretty sore. And someone needs their nails cut today." I tilted my neck so she could see where Marisa had scratched me in her frenzy. "Okay, look, I totally don't want to totally kill the last shred of mystery in our marriage...but I kind of want you to look at my nipples for me. I'm just…they're really blistered, and I'm worried they might be infected or something. I'm sorry, that's totally gross."

"Santana." Britt rolled her eyes a little at me. "You massage my deformed dancer feet, you throw tampons in my purse because you know I  _always_ forget them on the first day of my period, I changed the bandages on your implants, and I've see a  _baby_ come out of your _vagina_. I'm pretty sure we're about fifteen years past the  _mystery_ stage of our relationship. Let me see."

Crawling so she was straddling my thighs, Brittany kissed my forehead, knowing I was being weird about the whole thing, and slowly unbuttoned the half-done pajama top. I really didn't want to look again, so I just watched her face instead, seeing her eyes crinkle and her forehead scrunch. When she let just the very tip of her finger touch me, I hissed out in pain, and she quickly jerked her hand back and kissed my mouth, murmuring apologies against it.

"Okay, it's time to forget the palm leaf-honey-whatever-organic stuff that Rachel gave you. I know you, and I know you're not going to take a day off from nursing, but you need some serious A&D, and honestly, babe, maybe a call into Dr. Singh. They don't look infected, but they don't look great either. And I say that with the greatest love for you, San."

"I knew you were going to say that." I groaned. "You're lucky I love you so much, my little Marisita. You know how to do some serious damage."

"Mamí!"

"Yeah, yeah. You must be buying into your Mama's evolutionary advantage theories, little schmoozer. You know  _just_ when to be extra cute." I laughed, and she let out a pealing giggle. "Are you going into work today, Britt?""

"I was planning on it, I have a ton I need to get done, and I really don't want to have to go in over the weekend. But if you're going to go the the doctor..."

"No, B, that's ridiculous for you to take a day off because  _your_ daughter is, in fact, a baby shark."

" _My_  daughter?" She arched an eyebrow and clicked her tongue, directing my attention to the outline of my top teeth on her shoulder. "Let's not discuss in front of the baby  _who_ the biter in the room is."

"Psht." I grinned sheepishly, not exactly able to deny it. "Fine, but she totally gets the trying to butter people up from  _you._ _"_

"Fair enough, I'll take that. Good quality to have, I think. Right, my sweet girl? Brittany leaned over blew a raspberry on her belly, and she reached up her arms, wanting to be snuggled by her Mama. "Alright, you've got a few minutes with me, but then I'm going to work, and you are going to be very,  _very_ nice to Mamí today for me, right?"

"Mamí. Eat!"

"How about Mama gives you a bottle instead? I'm sure Mamí wants a shower, and you and I are going to work on not being so demanding, missy."

"No!"

"Oh yes, c'mon, lets give Mamí kisses, and then we're going downstairs."

"And don't you dare say no to my kisses, tiny monster." I took her into my arms and kissed all over her face, making her start up her giggling again, then handed her back to Britt and kissed my wife slow, sweet, just grateful, really, for our teamwork during the night, for the fact that our youngest said my name, for the fact that I had her, through everything. "Love you, B."

 


	50. Foundations

After the angry little tooth popped through for Marisa, and I'd gone to Dr. Singh, who'd assured me that as red and chafed as my nipples were, there was nothing medically wrong with them, we enjoyed a nice reprieve from the agonizing nights that had occurred mid-teething. Marisa was in the greatest spirits, and extra snuggly, when she wasn't rolling all over the house, and making me _extremely_ nervous, despite all of our child-proofing. I was glad that Susan was sticking around to work on wedding plans with Liz, appreciative of an extra set of hands after a massive pipe burst in Britt's studio meant that she had her hands full with the emergency, and I still had my meeting with Chuck Schilt to prep for.

On the Friday after we'd been in Annie's classroom, I dropped our oldest at home with Susan after school, and went to meet Brittany at her studio. Because of the busy schedules of the Hallie's parents (apparently rescheduling meetings and luncheons was impossible, though Britt had a wall town out of her studio, and still would have dropped it all in a second to deal with anything related to our girls), we couldn't all meet until five-thirty, and I figured with the girls content with their Grammy, I'd actually be able to spend an hour with my wife, even if it was surrounded by fallen Sheetrock and surly construction workers. After waving to Nicole, who was heavily involved in a phone call at the front desk, I carefully made my way over the plastic covered floor of the hallway, to where Brittany sat, tapping away on her iPad, basically in the middle of the construction site.

"Hey, baby." I snuck up behind her and pressed my lips behind her ear, murmuring into her skin.

"Hi!" She turned immediately and caught my lips by surprise, making me laugh into her mouth at her excitement. "You're super early."

"I am, I hope it's okay. I brought some work with me in case you were busy, but I figured I'd try to sneak in a little  _us_ time while the girls are with your mom."

"You know I'm  _always_ happy to have you here, glad you're keeping me company in all this chaos." She gestured to the mess, the tightness of her cheeks giving away how stressed about it she was, but how much she was trying to just  _deal with it_ so she could get the studio reopened by the following week. "But my office is so full of stuff right now, that this is the better option."

"Yeah, Nicole looks like she's in hell with all the boxes stacked up around her. But it looks like they're hauling ass to get this done."

"I hope so. Michelle sounded like she was going to have a stroke when I told her what happened, and it took me an hour to talk her out of getting on a plane."

"Please, Michelle knows you can handle it." I beamed at my wife, a little, because despite how shitty the circumstances were, she was really proving her worth every day, and sat down next to her, curling my arm around her waist. "I'm seriously impressed that you had classes cancelled, and a plumber here before nine o'clock the morning it happened."

"You always have the most faith in me." She smiled, and leaned her head on my shoulder. "I'm really glad you came. I finished my apparel orders a half hour ago, and have been sitting here just skimming through emails to kill time. How was your day?"

"Good, really good. Marisa is totally taking it easy on me right now, and I actually got her to eat some of the carrot-ginger soup I made yesterday, so  _that_ is progress."

"She's definitely to opposite of Annie when it comes to food. We were so young, I didn't even know that not all babies ate their body weight in food every day."

"I guess she needed it all to gain the weight. Marisa though, she would sooner nurse for the rest I her life. Do you think...I don't know..." I trailed off, pursing my lips. "I know it's not a  _thing,_ I know she's just a baby, and she's freaked out about eating solid foods because every time she gets a tooth her mouth is in pain, I just hate that."

"Sweetheart." Brittany used her softest voice, the one she only used when I talked about my deepest fears. "I understand why you worry about that, I do. But you just said it yourself, you know why she prefers milk to solid food. Plus, she's comfortable with nursing, she likes snuggles with you, and she's pretty routine based, just like her Mamí."

"Yeah, like me." I sighed, letting Britt take both of my hands in hers.

"Please don't. Don't ever think that who you are will hurt her. So much of it, the food stuff, the body image, the drinking, it was circumstantial, Santana. I  _love_ your mom, you know I love your mom, but she worked so much when you were a kid, and being with your grandmother so much wasn't the best for you. And then later...honey, I think your genetics have very little to do with the things you worry about passing down to Marisa. The way you love our girls, the way we  _both_ love them, the way we are raising them is so much more significant. Look at Annie, she's so much like you that sometimes I swear that you gave birth to her." I opened my mouth to speak, but Britt gave me her soft smile. "And that's my favorite thing."

"It doesn't ever scare you?"

"No, it doesn't. It's like...sometimes I used to worry about Annie with school stuff, I mean, I could hardly read until I was  _nine,_ but now, especially with what we have going on at school with Bean, I know you and I will deal with it, we'll help both of them with whatever it is that they a have a hard time with, and they'll be okay. You know who told me that, right?"

"Me." I mumbled, looking down, and she caught my lips in a gentle kiss.

"Yeah, you. You don't get off easy, my beautiful wife, you have to listen to your own advice. We're both still going to lose it sometimes, everyone's got triggers, but we're doing alright."

"I just hope we don't have a kid who's like six years old and still wants to breastfeed. Not even because of  _me,_ you know?"

"I do know. But I'll tell you this, that baby of ours wants to do everything her big sister does, like last night when she was making those shrieking noises when Annie sang, trying to copy her. If we keep sitting her next to her Nee Nee at the table, she's going to be eating  _arroz con pollo_ and  _chilaquiles_ before we know it."

"If Annie's willing to share." I laughed a little. "It's a good thing you can cook like my mother."

"And you married me before you even knew that."

"Pretty lucky for me you turned out to be even more of a catch than I originally thought."

"Oh, you know it, babe."

After Britt and I had sat for awhile, sharing the cucumbers and hummus that I'd tossed in my bag before leaving the house, the work crew began packing up their things for the night, and I sat back to watch Brittany talk to them, knowing she was shelling out a huge chunk of money for them to come on a weekend to put the mess back together, now that the problem had been solved. Once she'd seen them out the door, and convinced Nicole that she'd been working her ass off dealing with rescheduling and fielding phone calls, and needed to go home, I put my cost on and held out Britt's for her so she could slip her arms in. Taking my hand, Britt sidled close to me, and I could feel her anxiety reverberating through her. I think it may have been some kind of blessing in disguise, that burst pipe, so she didn't have to think all day about the hint that was eating us alive, actually sitting down to meet with these people.

* * *

"Did she ask you about  _tattle-taling_ again today?" Britt asked me, checking that we still had ten minutes to spare, once we'd crossed the street and stood in front of the big blue doors of the school.

"No, she didn't. But she told me that you made her a promise again that it wasn't. It kills me, Britt. I mean I was a  _bitch,_ but even I didn't pick on other kids when I was  _five._ I don't like the idea at all that _everything_ starts earlier. I'm really still in favor of going to make candles and grow crops in Plymouth, as much as I  _know_ we can't run and hide from problems, or teach her that running's okay."

"Yeah." Brittany shook her head, the sound of tears stuck in her throat absolutely  _destroying_ me. Rather than say anything else, I just put my arms around her and squeezed her as tight as I could. "Thank you."

"We're a tough team, B. Let's do this."

Her grip on my hand never loosened, not as I signed us into the school and we showed our IDs, not as we walked up the stairs, not as we made our way into the classroom and sat in tiny chairs side by side, waiting for two other sets of parents to join us. Norah made idle chatter, showing us the picture book Annie was working on, the tiny caterpillar eggs that the class was waiting to see hatch, whatever else she could find, until the door opened again revealing a balding man about my height, and his tall blonde wife, taller than Britt, both dressed to the nines. I wrinkled my nose a little to myself, looking down at my jeans, sweater and boots, which I'd thought was an appropriate outfit for the situation. Brittany lay her hand on my thigh, knowing exactly what I was thinking, and squeezed reassuringly before we stood up.

"Brittany, Santana, this is Lawrence and Janette Sebold. Lawrence, Janette, Brittany and Santana Lopez-Pierce." Norah introduced, and we shook hands and did that weird nod thing that people always do when they're meeting for the first time.

"Isn't there someone else we're waiting for?" Lawrence asked, looking at his watch, and somehow feeling imposing, even with his small stature.

"My apologies." A tiny woman with hair blacker than mine, and skin paler than Britt's, looking like she was drowning in her clothes, clothes that cost more, probably, than our car, came into the room, heels clicking hard against the floor. "Katrina Webster, my meeting ran late this afternoon, but since there's an issue with my Corinne, I'm here."

"Excellent." Norah smiled, and I wondered if it were forced, considering the woman seemed to be acting a martyr, as she allowed for another round of introductions. "Now let's get started, shall we?"

"Do you have any...person sized chairs?" Janette turned up her nose at the chairs Britt, Katrina and I had sat down in, and it took literally  _everything_ in me not to roll my eyes so hard they'd get stuck that way.

"I don't, unfortunately. I don't sit at my desk enough to warrant that, and when I  _do_ sit, I just grab one of these guys."

"Well then, I suppose we'll stand." Lawrence nearly sighed, and I bit the inside of my cheek in effort to keep my opinions to myself. It was already clear they'd never set foot in their daughter's classroom, but  _God,_ way to act like it was physical torture. "So what is this  _issue_ that's so urgent, and that you've asked us to come, instead of sending Letty? She's the one who usually deals with everything in regards to the children."

"I understand that Law- Mr. Sebold." Norah was quick to correct herself, like she feared calling the man by his first name wouldn't be well received. "But I think it's important that we have all of the parents here, instead of Hallie's nanny."

"Well it seems as if  _all_ the parents aren't here." Janette arched an eyebrow at Katrina, and I watched as Norah's eyes widened at the accusatory tone.

"Excuse me, who are  _you_ to even know how many parents my daughter has? If I were you, I'd consider your words a little more carefully,  _Mrs. Sebold_."

"Well this is already going well." I murmured into Brittany's ear, and she bit the back of her hand to keep from laughing at my sarcasm.

"Okay, please. Let's get started so we can all go ahead and start our weekends. I asked you all to come in today, to talk about what's going on in the classroom between Corinne, Hallie and Annalise. We're having a little bit of ganging up, and some hurtful words happening, and without pointing fingers, I'd really like to solve this problem."

"Hurtful words?" Lawrence almost scoffed, and my fingers twitched a little at the sound of it. "Who's saying the words?"

"According to a few students in my classroom-" Norah tread carefully, and I was grateful for that. "Hallie and Corrine have been telling Annie that she's not welcome to play with them, and have been saying that she's  _dumb._ "

"Corrine?" Katrina looked at Britt and I, both of us sitting there, not really sure what we were supposed to say. "My Corrine is the sweetest little thing, I can't even imagine her saying something like that to another child. Your daughter, she's the very small blonde, right?"

"Yes." Brittany spoke for us, and I rubbed my thumb over the inside of her wrist, sensing her ready to get defensive. "I'm sure she's a really sweet kid, so I'm not really sure what's going on. Annie, she-"

"She doesn't interact much with other kids." I stepped in when I heard the catch in my wife's voice, knowing that the last thing she wanted to do was cry in front of these other parents. "So seeing her upset about this is killing us a little, as I'm sure you can imagine."

"I can understand what it's like to see a child in emotional pain more than you can even fathom." Katerina told us, not unsympathetic, just matter of fact, as she toyed with the large diamond ring on her left hand. "I just didn't think  _my_ daughter would be the one making someone else feel that way."

"It's fairly common for kids to test their boundaries at this age." Norah stepped in. "That's why we're here, to work on establishing them in the classroom, that way all three girls are comfortable and have a pleasant school experience."

"Let me get this straight." Lawrence huffed, looking to his wife. "I cut my business trip short to sit here and talk about  _this._ You make it sound as if Hallie did something to actually  _hurt_ someone. This is a total and complete waste of my time. If she'd hit their kid, or something to that effect, my presence here would actually make sense."

"Hurting someone doesn't always involve physical violence." Brittany was quiet as she spoke, but I heard that scary calm anger behind her words, felt the slightest tremble of her hand in mine as she looked the man who stood above us straight in the eye.

"Brittany is right about that." Norah backed her up. "Mr. Sebold, there are countless studies on how emotional bullying is far more detrimental than physical, and this is not an isolated incident. It's only just now coming to my attention, because Annalise doesn't speak very frequently, and according to another student, and to what Annie's moms told me, she was afraid of coming to me for fear of being picked on further. There will be no tolerance for that in my classroom."

"That sounds like a bunch of hippy nonsense if you ask me. Kids will never get ahead in life if they don't learn to cope and stick up for themselves. How do you think I've become the CEO of a multi-billion dollar company? By crying over all the people who  _hurt my feelings?_ That's laughable."

"I admire your ambition, but a kindergarten classroom isn't a Darwinian experiment. All kids here get the opportunity to grow and thrive at their own pace. This is a community, not a competition. There's no CEO, there's no president. I'm not expecting all of the kids to be friends, but I won't have any of my students crying over the words of another." I'm not sure Norah noticed it, but she'd slipped into her teacher voice, almost patronizing to the man, and I was sure that I was slack jawed. "My job here is to teach all of them compassion, friendship, empathy, the most important foundation for everything else will build upon. Ambition, drive, that will all come later, when they're more emotionally equipped to handle it."

"We clearly have a different set of ideals than you do,  _Mrs. Flynn."_

"Are you serious right now?" I was surprised when Katrina was the next one to speak. "You're going to sit here and say it's okay that your kid made another one cry, because that's how the real works?"

"If I recall,  _our_ daughter isn't the only one who's made theirs cry." Janette challenged, eying Katrina up and down, before doing the same to both Britt and I. "I can see why  _they_ would subscribe to these touchy-feely ideals, but it shocks me, coming from  _you."_

"Again, don't pretend as if you know anything about me by looking at my clothes. I'm not saying my daughter wasn't part of this, but I'm not planning on brushing it off. I'm here, trying to have an adult conversation, not puffing out my chest and talking about how rich I am."

"I suppose you were right, Jan." Lawrence looked to his wife. "I wanted Hallie to work her way through  _public school,_ like I did, but it's apparent what  _type_ they cater to here."

"Excuse me." I stood up, slipping my hand from Brittany's and getting to my feet, really feeling the urge to get in his face, because was he  _serious?_ But instead, I kept my distance, just needed to feel like I wasn't beneath him. "I'm not sure if what you mean by  _type_  is classist, sexist, homophobic, possibly  _racist,_ or if you're just being rude, but whatever it is you're trying to say, I'm not really down with it."

"You're not  _down with it?"_ I heard the snicker in Lawrence Sebold's voice, feeling Britt stand beside me, pressing her hand against my lower back. "Then perhaps we know where your kid gets this expectation that the world owes her kindness."

"I'm going to reiterate Katrina's words right now." Britt glared at him. "And ask you not to pretend you know  _anything_ about us either. We came in here looking to work toward a solution together, and somehow, ten minutes in, we have to hear you talk down to us like this? I'm not here to argue with you about whatever your  _parenting_  philosophy is, I'm here for my  _daughter,_ and if it's about  _sticking up_ for things, you can be  _damn_ sure that you're looking at two women who would go to the ends if the earth to stick up for her."

"Okay, let's all settle down." Norah interjected, trying to keep the already out of hand situation from escalating further, and while my stomach churned, Brittany's cheeks flamed, our hands finding each other's again. "The last thing I want is to cause  _more_ conflict."

"This really isn't going well." Britt breathed into me, and I couldn't help but release a sigh.

"We'll take care of it, B. They're just…" I trailed off, feeling the Sebolds' eyes on us, and I snapped mine back up.

"This meeting is going to do very little to resolve whatever  _problem_ it is that you're having with your daughter." The man shook his head as he spoke, making me shiver involuntarily. "And is a very obvious waste of our time. You four go ahead and continue this kumbaya circle you've got going on. Janette, let's go, we need to go get ready for dinner."

"Excuse me for a second." Norah looked to me, Britt and Katrina, following the Sebolds quickly out the door.

I think we were all sort of shocked, sitting there, mouths agape when they basically stormed out of the room. The reaction from Lawrence seemed entirely exaggerated, almost as if he were used to doing that to get his way, but I wasn't sure exactly  _what_ he wanted to get out of this. We weren't asking for much, not at all, just for them to listen to us, to talk to their daughter (maybe that was the problem, judging by the interaction I'd seen between Hallie and her nanny the previous Monday), and explain to her how much her words could actually impact each other. For someone who did that very thing with kids all the time, it wasn't unsurprising to me that people, even adults, didn't see the harm in words, but not even to hear us out?  _That_ was the shocking part. I could just about hear Brittany swallow her tears, and I considered taking her in my arms, hushing her sadness, kissing her in that soft, intimate way that was far too private for a classroom, but I held back, instead, wrapping my arm around her waist and bringing her to sit back down beside me.

"Sorry." Brittany told Katrina, sniffling a little while she sidled closer to me. "I just…I'm fine."

"Hey, don't worry about it. We should all be crying over what an ultra fucking dick that guy is." Katrina rolled her eyes, and I may or may not have snorted a little, shocked that she was being so blunt about it. "Sorry, I just grew up around assholes like him. Hell, I  _was_ an asshole like him, for a while, thinking the world should bow down to me. But not about my kid,  _never_ about my kid. And now, I try not to be one at all."

"Sounds like me." I laughed a little, and Brittany brushed her lips against my cheek. "Although I've never had more money than God, so I guess a different kind of asshole."

"Yeah, well, money can't buy everything. Fantastic boots, absolutely." She wiggled her foot, showing off the shoes that absolutely  _were_ fantastic. "But not the things that really matter. I'm really sorry about Rinny, and what's going on."

"They're kids." Brittany shrugged a little, even though we both hated that excuse. "We get it, kids pick on each other, they don't know better. But as her moms, we can't just sit back and listen to Annie tell us she hates school and that she doesn't like anyone, and to watch her cry because she doesn't know how to express the way she feels with words."

"I know that all too well. I don't know if Norah told you about Corrine..." She began, Brittany looking at me to see if I knew what Katrina was talking about, and I shook my head for both of us. "Her father walked out on us last year, moved to Cannes with a twenty-three year old. I didn't see it coming, and I  _definitely_ didn't have time to prepare my four-year-old for the idea that Daddy wasn't coming home anymore, and that he'd  _maybe_ call if he thought about it.

" _Dios mio."_ Slipped out of my mouth, sounding more like my mother than I'd ever noticed before, because walking out on your wife was one thing (a thing that  _I_ couldn't fathom doing, but still), but walking out on your child? That just seemed brutal, and always made my stomach churn just thinking about it.

"Yeah, you said it. He's a bastard, and I hope he burns in hell, but he's still her father, and she still loves him, so needless to say, it's been an upside-down year for us."

"God, I'm sorry to hear that." Brittany shook her head.

"It is what it is. I guess being a parent doesn't mean the same thing to everyone." Her eyes flicked over to the door. "Look, I can already tell I like you both. You're obviously pretty fierce bitches when it comes to your kids, and I'm the same way. This isn't the girl I'm raising, picking on kids, and she knows better. She's just really, really angry and confused right now, and trust me, she's not getting away with taking it out on Annie. Kid'll be lucky if she sees her iPad before Christmas, and she  _will_ be apologizing, first thing Monday morning."

"We really, really appreciate that." Brittany sucked her lips into her mouth, inhaling deeply. "She doesn't make friends easily, she has her own set of things going on in that little head of hers...but she takes things really, really to heart."

"I can understand that, and if she wants to give Corrine a chance, I'm more than happy to get the two of them together. The parents of the kids she always finds herself around usually  _suck,_ when they actually bother to be there for play dates. Manhattan parents are the shittiest, I swear."

"Well, we're Manhattan parents, and I've been told that  _we_ don't suck." I chuckled, and Katrina smiled. "We're also really good friends with the O'Malleys, and they don't suck either. But yeah, us awesome people are few and far between in this school, apparently."

"I really wanted to punch that guy, seriously,  _Mr. Sebold._ Go the fuck away from me,  _Larry,_ why don't you act like a normal person and have an adult conversation instead of thinking you're better than everyone else in the room? I would have  _killed_ to take out my bank statement for him and make him feel as tiny his dick probably is." Katrina dropped, and my jaw was on the floor, while Britt was nearly dissolved in giggles. "Sorry. My therapist says I have rage, and maybe he reminds me a little of my ex."

"I like you." Brittany grinned, feeling a little more comfortable to nuzzle into me, and I couldn't help but press a quick kiss to her temple. "You just talked about someone's small penis at a parent-teacher conference, I think you're our kind of people."

"Well, it's just a  _parent_ conference right now, I probably wouldn't have said that in front of Norah." She shrugged.

"Sorry, ladies." The door opened, and the teacher came back in the room, as if on cue. She was alone, though I wasn't at all surprised by the fact that her words didn't impact those horrible people enough to make them come back. "For right now, I think we should go ahead and continue this meeting with just the four of us, and then we'll go from there."

"Actually, I think that we kind of…figured it out?" I looked to Britt, and then Katrina to confirm that, and they both nodded.

"That was fast."

"Well it wasn't exactly a storm out of the room-worthy situation." Katrina scoffed. "I'll talk to my daughter, she'll apologize, she'll drop this behavior immediately, and then we'll go from there."

"Considering she and Hallie seem to be close, that actually may be a way for us to subvert her parents' aversion to helping us put an end to this." Norah considered, while I found Brittany's hand and tangled my fingers with hers, glad when she squeezed mine again. "I'm sorry about…the rest."

"Norah, we know better than anyone that you can't change people." Brittany gave a tight lipped smile. "No offense to either of you, but I don't think there's much else we can do tonight, and I haven't seen my girls since six-thirty this morning, so I'd kind of like to go home…"

"That sounds like a good idea."

* * *

After exchanging numbers with Katrina, and Britt and I talking briefly in private with Norah about reconvening later next week (we liked Katrina, but still, neither Britt nor I would ever put our faith entirely in anyone when it came to our daughters) to discuss to situation, we headed toward home. There was still a chill in the March evening air, and I grabbed the extra gloves out of my coat pocket for Britt, lacing my fingers in hers once they were on her hands. We sort of idly chatted about the meeting as we walked, but she was anxious to get home, and with my short legs, most of the walk was me trying to keep up with her, and her sort of tugging me along, just needing to be back in our house. There'd be plenty of time for discussion later, we knew that, so I kept up in step with her as best as I possibly could, and felt her exponentially relax the instant we were on our stoop.

"Mama!" Annie cried out, tearing toward the door and immediately jumping into Brittany's arms. "Mama! Mama! Mama! You left so super early, and now you're home and I missed you so, so, so infinity much!"

"Infinity, huh?" Brittany held Annie tightly, kissing all over her face. "I think maybe I missed you even more than that."

"'S not a thing. Infinity is the most!"

"Well then, I missed  _you_  infinity too, Bean."

"Mama!" Another little voice cried out, Britt's eyes widening as I took the baby from Susan's arms.

"Yay! I taught her to say that! We practiced so, so  _so_ much, right Grammy?"

"You did, Annalise." Susan confirmed while I kissed Marisa and brought her over to Britt and Annie.

"Now she can say  _my_ name and Mamí and Mama, 's most important!" Annie wiggled in Brittany's arms, and Britt shifted so she could hold both of them.

"Hi, little love, I missed you infinity too."

"Mama! Mamí! Mama! Mama! Mama!" Marisa shouted, and Brittany looked like she was about to melt into the floor.

"And Mamí! We missed you infinity even though you weren't gone for a very, very long time."

"I missed you guys too. What did you do with Grammy?"

"Eat!" Marisa giggled. "Eat! Eat!"

"No, Baby Reese, we didn't eat! We read books and helped cook dinner. Me and Grammy made chicken on the barbecue! Even though 's not Spring yet, we got all bundled up and went outside. I had to stay super far though, because the fire!"

"Fire, Mom?"

"Just starting the grill, honey. I know you two haven't used it since you bought it last summer, but grills  _do_ flame up a little."

"In that case, we'll probably  _never_ use it." I whispered into Britt's ear, and Annie, hearing it, laughed.

"We gotta eat though, because we had to put all the dinner in the oven so it wouldn't get super cold."

"Annie, love, I'll get dinner on the table, okay? Give you girls a few minutes."

"Thanks, Susan." I nodded my gratitude, and I took Annie back from Britt, hugging her tightly to me.

"Mamí, you're squeezin' me so tight."

"Sorry,  _mi amor,_ I just love you a lot."

"I love you too." Her little voice softened, and she tucked her head into my neck, whispering me a secret. "Did you tell them 'bout the tattle-taling?"

"I promised you,  _coraz_ _ó_ _ncita,_ that you wouldn't have to worry about that, right? And I always keep my promises. Tonight, after we get your sister to bed, me, you, and Mama will talk all about it, but don't you worry, it's all good things, alright?"

"M'kay. 'S good that it's good stuff. Can we have special movie night in your big bed too? 'S Friday, you know."

"Is it?" I winked. "Totally forgot about that.  _Maybe_ we can stay up a little late, and maybe have some popcorn and hot chocolate too."

* * *

Dinner was mostly uneventful, minus Marisa refusing to sit in her chair, and wanting to alternate between my lap and Brittany's, clawing at my shirt and screaming her usual  _eat! eat!_ to nurse. When I had her wait until we'd finished eating, wanting her to give more solid food a shot, she  _did_ eat some mashed potatoes off of Brittany's plate, before banging her plastic spoon contentedly against the table and laughing at Susan's game of peek-a-boo. Annie stayed downstairs with her Grammy for awhile while Britt and I bathed the baby together, and once she was wrapped up in her fleece pajamas and had her fill of milk, Britt laid her in the crib, and kissed her a dozen times as she sleepily murmured her Mama's name.

"That's your girl." I whispered, the two of us standing, just for a minute, over our daughter's crib. "Annie's so proud."

"She never wants anyone to be left out." Brittany leaned over and caught my lips in a slow kiss, like she had a lot to say, but wasn't quite sure what. "I wish sometimes that the whole world could see what a special creature our Annie is. She's like no one else, San."

"I know, baby. She has the best heart I've ever seen in my life, and it destroys me when hers breaks, but maybe,  _maybe_ we've found her an ally, someone else who can watch her back, even if she's not ready to be friends."

"What he said though..."

"B, he's a jackass. I'm glad that the nanny seems to be the one who spends most of the time with his kids, because anyone who believes in  _survival of the fittest_ for  _children_ isn't fit to raise kids. This isn't  _The Hunger Games,_ and Annie doesn't have a  _problem._ She's amazing, so, so amazing, that a lot of the world can't see it. She  _is_ the unicorn, right?"

"She is. We're so lucky she is, I know that. I'm just tired tonight, it's been such a long day, and tomorrow I've gotta go back to my damn mess of a studio, when I was looking forward to a day with the three of you."

"I know, I'm sorry Britt. We'll skip Kurt's dinner if you want though, hang out at home and just relax?"

"As awesome as that sounds, we should go and be supportive. It's his first dinner party single, and Vin'll be there. I know you want to see how he's doing in his environment. We won't stay late, but I do want to go."

"Okay, but if you change your mind..." I trailed off, and squeezed her shoulders, flipping on the sound machine and the nightlight as we left Marisa's room. "How about a massage tonight? Your shoulders are tighter than mine usually are."

"Can it be a naked massage? I want to be close to you." Her voice cracked a little bit, the same way mine did when I felt needy and a little vulnerable, and I pulled her hand up, wanting to kiss the inside of her palm.

"It can be any kind of massage you want, and maybe even include a bath before it."

"And  _this_ is why you're the catch I always knew  _you_ were."

* * *

Because Susan was headed back to Max's, and then to Ohio in the morning, Brittany and I both went downstairs to say goodbye to her, and Annie gave her Grammy a dozen hugs, crying just a little about her leaving, before we got her upstairs for bath. Our conversation with our daughter about school wasn't a huge deal, we'd  _intentionally_ made sure that it wasn't a huge deal, because we weren't sure what would happen next, but we'd wanted her to know that we'd be right there with her in Monday morning if Corrine spoke to her. About a quarter of the way through  _Mary Poppins,_ Annie fell sound asleep, head tucked into the crook of my arm, little legs draped across Brittany. Cradling our daughter in her arms, Brittany brought her to bed, and I went to the bathroom to get the bath ready, rifling through the cabinets for the expensive lavender bath salts we only used on rare occasions, and lighting the dozen candles surrounding the tub before flicking out the lights.

"My romantic wife." Britt breathed in my ear, wrapping her arms around my waist, after I'd stripped out of my clothes and stood in just my silk robe. I could feel that she was naked behind me, the heat of her skin permeating through the thin fabric, and I melted into her embrace. "You are the best, best wife, best mother, best friend, best kind of person. I love you, Santana Lopez-Pierce."

"Britt." I whispered, turning in her arms so I was face to face with her. My hands came up to press against her cheeks, my eyes stared into hers, just, content to do that for a long, long time. Eventually, I kissed her, a soft kiss, but one filled with so much that I began to feel the stress of her day melt away. When I was a long, sighing yawn from her that finally broke the kiss, I couldn't help but laugh, and her head rested on my forehead, heavy with exhaustion. "I love you too, B. Even if you're falling asleep while I kiss you."

"Shut up." She murmured, trying not to laugh. "I'm really tired."

"Oh, good. I thought I was boring you, that I might have to learn some new tricks."

"Santana, if you start googling  _ways to kiss_ your wife, I will officially no longer have any idea what to do with you." Britt giggled, still not lifting her head from mine. "I love your kisses, goof. If you started picking up new tongue tricks on the internet, it'd be like kissing a stranger. And I prefer my wife, thank you very much."

"New tongue tricks, huh?" I waggled my eyebrows, causing her to roll her eyes.

"Bad choice of words. I'm  _tired,_ I can't think straight." She whined a little. "You, honey, are the  _last_ person who ever needs to learn new tongue tricks. In fact, you could  _write_ the website about tongue tricks, but maybe don't, doesn't seem fair for you to share the knowledge you've spent  _years_ gathering."

"Come on, crazy brain, let's take a bath before I have to make a dangerous attempt to carry you to bed." I shed my robe, taking her by the hand. "And don't you worry, Britt, I won't share my epic collection of tongue tricks with anyone but you."

Britt managed to make it through the bath still conscious, her head resting against my chest, and contented little hums escaping her lips as I dug into her stress knots. I knew she loved her new job, but I also was well aware that it was a lot on her, in a different way than she was used to. Whenever I saw her start to get stressed, I was quick to try and help ease it. We didn't get dressed before getting into bed, we just tangled ourselves up together, and before I'd even pulled the blanket all the way over us and set the alarm for her in the morning (though our sweet little shark baby always woke up up long before it went off anyway), Brittany was sound asleep.

* * *

The next day, while Britt was in the studio dealing with the tail end of the pipe disaster, I threw laundry in the wash, and the girls and I ran around doing errands, grocery shopping, dropping off dry cleaning, and finally ending up at the library, Marisa lying on the blanket I'd spread on the carpet for her (though why I bothered anymore, with the way she rolled around and semi-crawled, I wasn't sure) and Annie reading book after book aloud to the two of us. It was after four, and cold and drizzly by the time we made it home, Brittany having texted me that the place was put back together, and she was headed to the house to shower and get ready. Annie chattered away to Britt while she dried her hair, filling her in on every detail of our day, something I knew my wife appreciated. Once the baby's belly was full, I took my own opportunity to shower and get ready, knowing we'd be late if I didn't stop staring at Brittany putting clear lipgloss on Annie. Getting a cab on a rainy Saturday night was, of course, a huge pain in the ass, but we managed, and to Kurt's utter shock, the four of us were the first to arrive.

"What alternate plane of reality are we on that I haven't even put the first course in the oven, and you've already arrived? Usually I'm clearing dessert plates by the time you grace us with your presence."

"Ha. Ha. Funny Hummel. And considering always ask  _us_ to bring dessert, that's a total impossibility.  _Mija,_ go see your Uncle Kurt." I placed Marisa in his arms, and he snuggled her willingly. "Tell him we bring the two cutest guests, we get to come whenever we want."

"Hi Uncle Kurtsy!" Annie did her own little curtsy, almost on cue, showing off the latest dress he'd sent for her. "We brought chocolate cake! Because 's your birthday next week, and you maybe forgot!"

"Why thank you, Miss Annalise, but if it's birthday cake, does that mean you're going to help me blow out the candles?"

"Course I will! I gotta practice for when it's my birthday in three more months, and for when I have to help Baby Reese blow out the candles on  _her_ one year birthday, 'cuz she's maybe too little. 'S Uncle Blaine still away doing his work?"

"He...he is." Kurt nodded simply, blinking quickly. We'd yet to have the conversation with her about the still to be finalized divorce, and I knew it was coming soon, but with everything else going on, we were still hesitant. "Now, should we bring that cake inside, and have your Mamí introduce the rest of you to Vincent?"

"Mmkay! Mamí talks about him lots, 'cuz he's one of her super brave kids, you know." Them her little voice softened. "But 's okay for me to not do too much talking to him."

"I do know that, and I also happen to know that  _you_ are her  _most_ brave, so let's go check it out."

Kurt and Brittany exchanged hugs with Marisa still in his arms, and then pulled me in for one, one that I reciprocated fiercely, knowing he was doing well, but still, and gave me back the baby, before we went into the apartment and found Vin sitting on the couch, reading through a copy of  _Frankenstein._ Quickly, he set it to the side and got to his feet, smoothing out his shirt and approaching us. Annie remained glued to my side, and I smiled at Vin, proud to introduce my family to the boy.

"Hi, Santana." He grinned, running his hand through his cropped hair.

"Hi. Vin, this is my wife, Brittany, and my daughters, Annalise and Marisa."

"Hey, Brittany." He extended his hand to Britt, and she took it in both of his, that same warm, genuine way she'd taken to doing when she met anyone connected with Show Your Brave.

"It's so, so nice to meet you, and I'm so glad to hear that you're all settled here with Kurt. He makes the best eggs Benedict, doesn't he?"

"I'd actually never  _had_ eggs Benedict until Kurt said I hadn't truly lived yet, so i can't argue with that." Vin laughed, a deep belly laugh. "But hey, I'd be happy with store brand cereal and a mattress on the floor, so, this has just...it's been...it's been really great. I really appreciate everything Kurt's done for me, and Santana. You're married to a really awesome lady, Brittany."

"Don't I know it." She nodded, leaning to brush her lips over my cheek as they burned.

"Hi Annalise." Vin got down on his knees so he was at Annie's level, speaking softly and keeping his distance. I was pretty sure Kurt had told him in advance about her, and I deeply appreciated Vin's level of respect. "It's really nice of you to share your mom with me sometimes. I know she's really busy with you and your sister, but it's been really good to have a friend like her."

"'S cuz she's a superhero." Annie whispered, so quietly that I wasn't sure Vin had heard, until he gave her a solemn nod. "The very, very best superhero in the whole world, even though she doesn't have her very own cape, and she doesn't ever borrow mine."

"I have to agree with you on that." He stood up again, and Annie stared up at him with her big eyes, unsure of what to make of the stranger who was so big, and spoke so softly to her. My heart ached a little, seeing his face, knowing it couldn't be easy to be around families, knowing that with the exception of his cousin, who was a year younger than him, not one person in his family had given up their crusade, and I reached forward to squeeze his shoulder, trying to silently convey all I knew about different types of families to him.

"Alright, I need to get the baked Brie out of the oven. Annie, do you want to help me put the bread on the tray?"

"Course I do. But did you remember to get me any raspberry jam this time? Because remember, I don't even like chutney?"

"Of course I remembered raspberry jam for my favorite five year old. And I also remember that your Mamí likes it better too, so maybe you'll even share."

"Uncle Kurtsy!" Annie crossed her arms over her chest. "I always,  _always_ share. 'S what you're s'possed to do."

The chatter between the two of them continued into the kitchen, making the three adults who remained laugh at how sweet it was, while I set Marisa down with  _Fifteen Animals_ and a few of the toys Britt had stashed in get purse, and we found seats on Kurt's huge white sectional, a new addition you the apartment, since the massive redecoration post separation. As she always did, Brittany found my hand, and took it in hers, before settling it in her lap.

"She's very cute, both of your girls are." Vin commented, fixing the coasters so that they were stacked evenly. "It's weird that I'm like...invited to this dinner party, or whatever."

"This is family, Vin." I told him, very seriously. "None of us are blood related, someone of us didn't even  _like_ each other for awhile, but we all found our way together. You've not just some kind of boarder here, you've been embraced into this ridiculous fold now too. Love it or hate it, we're going to be a new kind of family to you."

"Santana." Vin's voice was a little rough, making him take a moment to speak. "I just...I can't thank you enough for saying that."

"I know that it sucks  _so_ big what happened, and every day, I hope that your parents come around, because I can't even  _imagine,_ but you have Kurt, and you have us." I promised him, Brittany nodding beside me, rubbing her thumb over the pulse in my wrist.

"Mamí! Eat!" Marisa cried out from the floor, where she was sitting up, holding tightly to Skittles with both of her hands.

" _Amorcita, no tienes hambre,_ my silly girl. You just love to say  _eat._ _"_ I teased her, getting down to pick her up, just as the doorbell rang. "C'mon, let's go see Uncle Finn and Aunt Rachel, wait until they hear how much you're talking now. Britt, are you-"

"Totally." She waved me away, and turned toward Vin, the Mama Bear instincts that I loved so much in her taking over, as she began asking him about school and sports.

With the baby on my hip, fisting my loose hair and giggling, I yelled out to Kurt that I'd get the door, and made my way through his ridiculously long hallway. When I swung open the door, Rachel was exasperated, Brice was sniffling and whining, and Finn had him locked in his arms, seemingly trying to keep him from escaping.

"Uh oh. What's going on?" I used my mom voice, frowning at my godson being upset.

"My mommy is  _mean!"_ Brice screamed, startling the baby in my arms and making her tighten her grip on my hair. "Mean! Mean! Mean!"

"Brice." Finn's voice was low and intense, like I'd never heard him before. Apparently he and Rachel had been trying some new parenting tactics, after Brice had begun throwing epic temper tantrums. "You say you're sorry right now. "

"But-"

"No buts."

"Yes buts! But! But! But! Aunt S'tana, right yes buts?"

" _Chiquito_ , I love you, but you've gotta listen to your dad. My ears and baby Reese's ears hurt from all of your screaming."

"Please remind me that this phase doesn't last forever." Rachel sighed heavily, pulling her hair up into a ponytail. "Please remind me that Annie wasn't always an angel."

"You know she wasn't. Remember the  _no dis one_ phase, when everything we gave her, she wanted someone else, and I started crying that time in the middle of Central Park Zoo after she screamed for forty-five minutes?  _Not_ looking forward to that one again with Baby No." I tapped Marisa's little nose, and she released a stream of syllables, followed by  _Mam_ _í_ _! No!_ "We got our terrible twos, you're getting horrific fours. And then when they're all in high school, we're going to be  _wishing_ for that."

"Great, thanks girl  _that_ vote of confidence. Just what I want, dramatic teenage Brice Hudson."

"We all survived you, dramatic teenage Rachel Berry, anything is possible."

"Why's My Annie and Aunt Brinny not here?"

"They are here, buddy." Finn ruffled his hair. "But you need to say sorry to Mommy, before you're playing with anyone."

"Mommy." Brice pouted a little, lowering his eyes and reaching out his arms for Rachel, who took all of her gigantic son and cradled him against her. "Sorry for screamin' and sorry 'bout sayin' you was mean."

"Thank you, Bricey baby. It makes me really sad when you say that, because I love you so much."

"I love you so much too, Mommy." He told her sweetly, a little goofy noise coming from me at how cute that was. "Now I can play right?"

"Yes, now you can play, after you go say hi to Uncle Kurt and our new friend Vin."

"What 'bout Unca Blaine?"

"He's still away for work, bud. C'mon, let's go check out what kind of food we're having for dinner. I heard Aunt Santana and Aunt Brittany brought chocolate cake for later."

"Wow! They the best!" Brice tore off down the hall, and Finn, chuckling, followed after.

"We're really going to have to tell our kids the truth sooner or later." I worried my bottom lip between my teeth and Rachel nodded. "Annie picks up on  _everything,_ I'm actually surprised she hasn't yet. And yesterday, I found out the kid who's been picking on her had her dad walk out on them. This subject is going to come up sooner or later. It's just a shitty one to have."

"You're always really good about his stuff though, we haven't had to have talks like this with Brice yet. And you've talked about surgery, about expecting a baby, about bullying, about  _Sam._ "

"This feels different to me, Rach. We just teach her about how love is permanent, and honestly, the idea of divorce still freaks  _me_ out a little."

"I don't think it's something you have to worry about in your house though, or I have to worry about in mine, for that matter."

"Oh I know that. Trust me, I pulled a total Santana Lopez and did that stupid thing I do sometimes to Britt, where I push her away because I'm afraid of losing her. Angry Kurt really freaked me out, but it's fine now. It's just, I'm a rational adult, you know, and I had trouble? Maybe it's really dumb, but Britt and I are both kind of in agreement that telling her about death is easier than telling her that sometimes people make a choice not to stay together forever. She knows how serious promises are."

"I am well aware of that." The corner of Rachel's mouth turned up, thinking about all the times Annie had made her pinky promise things. "Let's have lunch this week, or at least coffee, just us. Between my show, your school schedule, and the kids, it's been way too long since we've had a lunch date, and it's very obvious that we have a lot up talk about."

"That we do, Berry. But you know just me and you also includes my chatty little friend, right?  _Mija,_ do you want to say  _Rachel?"_

"No!" Marisa snorted, pressing her hands on the sides of my face. "No. No."

"Don't take it personal, Susan's been trying for Grammy all week, and we just finally got Mamí and Mama out of her."

"Eat!"

" _Est_ _á_ _s ridiculo, beb_ _é_ _._ We'll eat soon. Let's go get back to Mama!"

"Mama!" She clapped her hands together and tried to blow a raspberry, with no success, on my shirt sleeve.

"No offense taken from you, baby sweetness. But I  _do_ think it's high time I get to show off my littlest niece at Balthazar, what do you say about that?"

"No!"

"That's my girl, Marisa, you tell her." I kissed her nose, making her cross her little eyes. "How's Thursday at the Gramercy Tavern? You're dark on Thursdays, right?"

"I am, and fine, but I'm going to get this baby to Balthazar at some point, with or without you."

"Is that you offering to babysit? Because I'll take it, preferably when Britt can take a morning off, so I can take her for a couple's massage. Work's kind of nuts for her, and she could use it."

"You two are so good to each other. We'll pick a date at lunch next week."

"And this is why Aunt Rachel's my best friend,  _beb_ _é_ _._ Go give her a hug."

With Rachel snuggling the baby, we made our way back into the living room, where Annie and Brice had already spread out on their bellies on the floor, coloring, and Finn had joined Brittany in talking to Vin, talk that had turned to lacrosse. I resumed my position beside my wife, resting my head on her shoulder, while she curled her arm around my waist. It was a great feeling, being back with our second family, the family that we'd gone too long without having a night with. It was uneventful, the rest of our night, Kurt looking at ease, more content than I'd seen him since his separation began, more like he'd figured out what he wanted to do on his own, and like helping Vin had given him a new kind of purpose. I knew Brittany saw it too, the way she smiled at me when we all sat down for dinner, Annie between us, and Reese on her lap, her own little way of telling me that she knew as well as I did that sometimes, helping other people ended up being the best way to help yourself.


	51. Regular

Come Monday morning, when I finally had my meeting with Chuck Schilt about the potential expansion of Show Your Brave, I was an absolute wreck, probably even more so than I'd first gone to meet with he and the school board about Vin's home situation. My stomach twisted and turned, to the point where I'd actually felt it physically cramping, straight through to my back. By the time I'd managed to accomplish the mountainous feat of slipping into pantyhose and zipping up my dress, I had to force down a few sips of water, feeling like it was entirely possible I might throw up. I wasn't sure what was going on with me, it had been a really long time since my emotions manifested them so strongly in a physical way, and in the bathroom, I squeezed my eyes shut for a few minutes, taking deep, centering breaths, before going downstairs to find Brittany and the girls.

"Mamí! You look beautiful! Your hair looks super extra pretty when you make it have curls." Annie chirped from the table, working her way through a bowl of Rice Krispies and a banana. "Is that a brand new dress?"

"Thank you,  _beb_ _é_." I pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "It's actually a really old dress that I haven't worn in awhile."

"Well I like it lots, I like when you wear salmon color."

"Salmon color, huh?" I raised an eyebrow, laughing a little at Annie. "Where'd you learn that?"

"Uncle Kurtsy. 'S not pink, and 's not orange, so it's salmon. And he showed me I have a salmon crayon, so now when I draw a picture of you today, I know how to use the right color."

"Well that sounds perfect, _mija_. Uncle Kurt's going to turn you into quite the little fashion designer, isn't he?"

"No, 's okay, I don't want to make dresses. I want to work at the crayon and marker factory so I can 'vent my own colors. And I also want to be a superhero, just like you."

"You already are,  _mi amor_ , trust me."

"Ma-mí!" Marisa cried out, when Brittany emerged from the laundry room, baby in arms. "No! Mamí! Mamí! Eat! Esa!"

"Hello there,  _amorcita_." I took Reese from Brittany's arms, snuggling her close to me, and giving Britt a kiss. "I still haven't figured out that last word of yours is, I'm sorry, my Reese."

"Coffee, honey?" Britt asked, lifting up the empty pot as an offer to make me some, and I shook my head. "Really?"

"Yeah. I'm not feeling great, so I'm going to skip it."

"Are you okay?" She lowered her voice, glancing over at Annie, while Marisa tugged a little on my necklace.

"Just don't have the stomach for it, I'm fine B, I promise." I kissed her furrowed brow, and then her lips again. "Nervous about this meeting, and feeling kind of crappy that I won't be with you and Annie at drop-off today, but it's alright."

"I know, but San, this is huge for you, you're going to be so, so great. And I know you wanted to be there with Annie and Corrine this morning, but I've got this. She's going to be fine, and I'll text you immediately after, so you know as soon as you get out of the meeting, okay?"

"No, I know you will. I'm good." I couldn't help but scrunch up my nose a little, then look back down at Marisa, babbling away, and kiss her face. "Mamí's being silly,  _mija_. I'll see you before lunch, okay? _Te amo._ "

"I love you, San." Brittany pressed her palm against my cheek, kissing me again before I left. "Go make it big time."

"We'll see what Chuck thinks when he really sits down and hears everything." I shrugged it off, not wanting to get my hopes up. "But thank you, I love you too."

Nuzzling noses with the baby once more, I walked back over to Annie, intent on reading the riddles on the back of the cereal box, and I crouched down beside her chair. When I settled my hand on her leg, she stopped what she was doing, breaking her intense concentration on trying to figure out what has a thumb and four fingers, but isn't alive (a glove, but I only knew that because Britt had given me the answer after about three seconds the day before), and turned her whole body in the chair so she was facing me.

"You're going to do your meeting now, right, Mamí?" Annie's big blue eyes were wide, and she nodded along with her words.

"I am. But you remember what we talked about, right?"

"Yes I do. I don't have to be scared, because you and Mama talked to Corrine's mommy, and she's going to 'pologize to me, and maybe she wants to be my friend." She bit her little lip. "I wish you could come too, with me and Mama and baby Reese."

"I know,  _coraz_ _ó_ _ncita,_ I know you do, and I wish it too. But you're my bravest girl, and Mama's going to squeeze your hand extra tight for me, okay?" I swallowed hard, not wanting to get unnecessarily emotional. "Okay. I love you so, so much, Annalise. And I'll see you this afternoon."

"Make sure you get to to superhero stuff  _everywhere._  'S very important."

"I'll try,  _mija."_ I kissed the top of her head, smiling at her faith in me. "Have a great day at school."

* * *

I was the absolute worst at not lingering in the house after I said goodbye, and Brittany had to come over to me and nudge me out the door just a little, knowing the the last thing I wanted was to be late. Needing some time to talk to Holly on the phone, I opted to take a cab uptown, listening to her tell me about her mentoring session the day before, while I clicked my pen and fidgeted in discomfort, pressing a hand into my lower belly. When I arrived at the school board office, I hung up the phone, promising Holly I'd let her know how it went, and took a long, slow sip from the bottle of water that Brittany had so thoughtfully tucked into my purse.

"Santana." Chuck was quick to come out of his office when his secretary called for him, and he extended a warm hand to me, a hand I immediately shook, and hid my nerves in a smile. "Come on, come inside, can I get you anything? Coffee? Tea? Juice?"

"I'm fine, thanks Chuck." I held up my bottle of water to show him, and followed him into the conference room, setting my papers down on the same table where Kurt, Vin and I had met with he and the rest of the board.

"Before we begin, how are you? How are your wife and daughters?"

"They're good, they're really good." I felt myself relax a little at the mention of my family.

"And Vincent?"

"He's doing really well with Kurt, I actually saw him over the weekend. He's making do right now, I think, and Kurt's really trying to offer him something beyond just a place to stay, you know?"

"I do. You matched them well."

"Honestly, it was pure dumb luck. There's a real problem finding housing for homeless teenagers, and I was lucky that Kurt was willing to take him in."

"It was probably more than dumb luck. This is important to the people who are important to you, isn't it?"

"Definitely. Brittany is actually coming out to Fort Hamilton with me next week, it's something we've talked about doing for awhile, but between the kids and her job, it took some time to arrange."

"Things like that really show me how passionate you are about this." Chuck nodded, appearing impressed. "Now tell me about some of your other success stories,"

Taking a deep breath, I ignored the papers spread out on front of me. The truth was, I'd written notes down just up ease my own nerves, but really, each and every kid I'd worked with, whether it was Andrea, my very first, Vin, my most heartbreaking, or the ones in between, looking for a place where they fit in, were close to my heart. I told stories about the kids that Holly and Jarrod mentored, I even told my own story, that story of a scared little girl, who learned how to make music when she couldn't use words, and I told about kids who'd come in who sure as hell couldn't sing, but did it anyway, because they had a secret within them, and singing with strangers gave them a way to release it without revealing all their vulnerabilities. I talked, I'd realized, for over an hour, getting lost in how much I believed in the program, and when I was done, Chuck had pages upon pages of notes scrawled across his yellow legal pad.

"Sorry." I breathed out, realizing that the gnawing in my stomach, which had become less noticeable as I spoke, was creeping back. "I barely let you get a word in edgewise."

"I'm glad you didn't. I'm not the expert on this, but it seems you are."

"I've done a  _lot_ of research. I'm  _still_ doing a lot of research, I want this to be a dynamic program. I think the biggest problem with traditional methods of social work in schools-" I paused an instant, trying to say it in the most respectful was possible to an educator, and Chuck nodded for me to continue. "I think the biggest problem is that there isn't a lot of room to fit in the individuality of kids. When I was dealing with coming out in high school, my guidance counselor actually made me a pamphlet,  _So You Were Outed On a Statewide Commercial, What Now?_ Inside were seriously bullet points, like,  _Step One, tell your parents._  But there just  _isn't_ a specific process, you know? I was very rigid with those steps, and honestly, the whole thing was a huge mess, even  _without_ the commercial. I want kids to realize they  _don't_ have to fit a mold, so I can't give them one size fits all help."

"That makes a lot of sense."

"I hope so. I've spent the last four-and-a-half years of my life trying to make sense of it."

"You've done well. I'm interested in this, Santana, I really am."

"I hear a  _but_ coming on."

"Not a  _but,_ entirely.  _But,_ it's not really designed yet for such a wide range. It's you, Mr. O'Malley, and Ms. Holliday, if I understood that correctly?"

"Yes, for now it is-" I began.

"No, I'm not insulting that at all, I think it's great that your core people are close to your own heart, but when you're thinking more broad range, like the seventy-eight high schools in the New York City public school system, it's physically impossible for three of you to maintain that without the heart of it suffering. I'm not saying this to make you feel bad, Santana, but because I truly believe you're on to something hear. If you spread yourself too thin, you will fail."

"Organizations have to grow, Chuck. If they don't, I won't be able to help nearly as many kids as I want to."

"I'm not saying they shouldn't grow, I'm not saying  _this_ shouldn't grow. What I'm saying is that you need to be able to  _let_ it. There's a vast amount of potential here, but there's a lot you need to do before I can realistically make this happen in my schools. Can I make a suggestion?"

"Yes." I nodded, though I was always a little touchy about that. "Go ahead."

"I think that you need to train other people. If we work towards putting this in my schools, like a faculty advisor of sorts to have it function as an extracurricular activity."

"The thing is though, it's  _not_ reason this works is because it  _isn't._ " I felt my shoulders raise up, slightly defensively. "My biggest thing here is that it gives these kids a sense of anonymity. If the person running it is someone they pass in the hall every day, if it's treated like the debate team, or Spanish club, it loses is effectiveness. I'm saying this from experience, because as much as I loved my high school glee club, where everyone talked about being a family, and all of this, I  _still_ didn't come out to them. My cheerleading squad essentially knew that my wife and I were a couple back then, and I didn't come out to them. This isn't a club, Chuck, it's so much more than that."

"I understand that, I do. But the thing is, you're not prepared for this to function on a large scale. It's an undertaking, and I'm willing to help you figure it out." Chuck told me, and I sort of felt my heart plummet in my chest, as my cheeks colored, embarrassed, somehow, for being less prepared than I thought, or something, and my stomach twisted tighter and tighter, the cramping becoming almost unbearable. "Look, you don't have to give me an answer today, think on it, talk to your people, and let's set up another meeting."

"Okay, yeah, that sounds great." I tried to sound like I wasn't really emotional about it, but really, like Jarrod had said once before, this was like a third baby for me. "Thank you, Chuck, for meeting with me."

"The pleasure's all mine. Santana." He stood up and offered his hand, a hand I shook firmly, maintaining my confidence. "We'll talk."

Gathering up my spread of papers, I let Chuck lead me out of the conference room. I couldn't believe how shaky my legs were, and I felt like I just wanted to flee from the building in mortification. He wasn't condescending to me, really, but something about Show Your Brave not being exactly right, something about having to change the thing that was sort of  _most important_ about it made me want to absolutely burst into tears. When I managed to make it through the doors, I dug my phone out of my bag, just really wanting to see how my Annie was, since at least if  _she_ was fine, I could lift that weight from my shoulders. Of course, there were my texts from Britt, and sliding to pick it up, I found the most recent one a picture of Brittany lying on the couch with a sleeping Marisa on her chest, and the words  _we love you, Mam_ _í_ beneath it. Scrolling further, I held my breath a little, though I was sure the first I opened was sort of indicative, and was met with another picture of Annie in the circle at school, her little hand clasped with Thoreau's.  _Went well. We'll see what happens now, but Annie thanked her for saying sorry. No sign of Hallie today._

While I searched the long hallway for a bathroom, I shot back a text message to Brittany,  _so, so happy for that- be home in 30._ I  _was_ unbelievably happy, not for the disappearance of Hallie and her awful parents, but that Annie actually spoke  _words_ to another child in her class, that Annie, my sweet, amazing little girl thanked a person for apologizing to her, and that  _maybe_ this was a huge door opening up for her to feel more comfortable. When I finally got into a bathroom, pressing my palm into that annoying twinge in my lower back, I sat down to pee, and suddenly realized  _exactly_ why I'd been cramp-y and nauseous all day. It was sensation I hadn't felt in almost eighteen months, and I groaned really  _not_ expecting that as I dug through my purse for quarters, standing with my pantyhose halfway down my thighs, and shoving the change into the tampon machine.

* * *

The entire way home, I was annoyed, and considering the fact that I was already pretty damn grumpy, from a combination of the way I was feeling physically, and the not entirely favorable outcome (or maybe not favorable at all? I just wasn't sure) of my meeting with Chuck, I was in an absolutely raw mood. While I should have probably been calling Holly about what had happened, I was tapping furiously on the screen of my phone, checking to see if my body was being normal, how this was going to effect my nursing, and whether or not I should be in a complete panic. By the time I made it back to the house, I'd calmed down a little, though honestly, numbers about months and fertility rates, which clearly, as someone using the most effective form of both control in the world, that didn't matter, had me all confused, and all I really wanted to know was what me getting my goddamn period meant for my daughter. Handing money to the cab driver, who'd probably thought I was having a nervous breakdown in the back seat, I slid out of the car, and basically stomped up the stairs, my back prickling with twinges, and my uterus, which I'd mistaken for my stomach all morning, twisting sickeningly.

"Hey you." Brittany whispered when I walked in the door, sitting on the couch with a sleeping Marisa.

"Hi." I kissed her, and then Marisa's little head.

"I was just going to put her down in the crib. Do you want her, or…"

"No, it's okay, if I take her, she'll wake up, and she looks so peaceful like that." I kicked my shoes beneath the couch and basically sank into it when Brittany stood.

"I'll be right back." She promised, and I nodded, sticking my feet up on the coffee table and sticking a pillow behind my back, trying to alleviate those back cramps. When she reemerged at the bottom of the stairs, she smiled softly at me, and sat down on the edge of the table, tracing her fingers over my calves. "Okay, hi."

"Hi." I couldn't help but smile at my gorgeous wife, and though I really needed to talk to her about what was going on, I did have a far bigger concern. "The morning was okay? Annie's okay?"

"She is. She's great. I maybe lingered just a little while in the hall after drop off, and  _maybe_ looked in the window like a gigantic creep. But she was smiling, and doing her quiet little singing along in circle time, so I felt better."

"God, I love you." I breathed out, because really, there was no person in the world who could ever possibly be as in sync with me as Brittany Susan Lopez-Pierce.

"I love you too."

"Was she still upset that I wasn't-"

"She was okay, Santana. She understands that sometimes we have to go to work, but that one of us will always, always be there for her. Most of the time it's  _me_ who has to work, so I was glad up be able to be there today."

"I'm glad you were too. How was Corrine?"

"Really genuine. I like her mom a lot, San, she was definitely more than just words on Friday. It was pretty obvious that they did some serious talking this weekend. She could really be Annie's friend, I think."

"I hope, baby. I know she wants friends, even though she says she doesn't. This was a such a setback for her though..."

"You talking to her about Rachel and Kurt helped though, I know it did. Because of that, I think she really gets it, that Corrine isn't a bad person." Brittany sighed a little. "How was your meeting? How is your stomach?"

"Well, I feel absolutely gross, and guess what? I got my period, so  _that_ is just awesome. I don't think I've felt this shitty with it in ten years."

"I'm sorry, honey. What can I do?"

"Nothing, I guess. My back is just killing me, and I feel incredibly needy and way too tired for a normal person right now, and I basically just want to crawl into bed for the rest of the day. Ugh, I honestly don't even want to talk about my meeting right now, because I need to process it. I'm sorry, I'm sorry I'm being such a whiner right now, I'm just a little freaked out."

"Hey, sweetheart." Brittany slid her body onto the couch with me, and wrapped her arms around me. She really only called me  _sweetheart_ when she knew I needed it, and it was obvious by my little frenzy that I did. I instinctively curled as far into her as I could, and she kissed the top of my head, holding me close. "Tell me why you're freaked out. Is it about how the meeting went?"

"No." I shook my head. "The internet."

"Oh." She pulled me closer to her, so I was nearly in her lap, and immediately found my spot on my lower back with her fingers, the same spot where I used to cramp in high school, the same spot where I was perpetually cramped when I was pregnant. "Because of Marisa? Honey, my period came back while Annie was still in the hospital, because I couldn't have her on me all the time, and I was constantly drinking all that tea and taking a dozen supplements to try and make more milk. If you don't make enough milk in the next few days, we've got plenty in the freezer."

"No, I know, I do. Ugh, I just feel shitty, and it's making me worry more than I need to."

"Babe. I just put new sheets on our bed before you got home, why don't you go lay down for a little while? I'll go throw the rest of the laundry in the dryer, then come cuddle with you before Bug wakes up?"

"Are you bribing me into bed? Aren't you going into the studio this afternoon?"

"No, I changed my mind earlier, actually. Kelsea's doing auditions for parts this afternoon, it's going to be total chaos around there. Reese and I stopped in this morning to make sure there haven't been any more natural disasters wreaking havoc on my space, and it's fine. I'm not going to get any work done if I try to sit in my office there, so I'm going to do the few things I have here."

"You're not just changing your mind because I'm here and complaining?"

"Nope, promise. Annie knows I'll be home too. I promised her we'd make dinner together, since it's kind of been awhile since I've actually cooked."

"Well  _I_ won't complain about you making dinner, but not because I mind doing it."

"I know. I'm glad I'm home today though." She kissed me so softly.

"Me too. I'm going to take a quick shower, and then accept your bribes."

"Good, perfect, I'll be up in a little while then."

It seriously wasn't like me at all to go shower and get in bed in the middle of the day, it was something I mostly tried to avoid, even when I was incredibly pregnant, because it reminded me a lot of the days where I was  _constantly_ napping to make up for my late nights alone with a bottle, so the fact that I'd actually agreed to it was a testament to just how crabby and uncomfortable I actually was. After I let the hot water seep through my skin, deep into my muscles, I emerged from the shower and pulled on a pair of sweatpants and one of Brittany's old t-shirts, before lying on my side and pulling my knees to my chest, alleviating some of the pressure that continued to build in my lower abdomen. I was buried under the comforter, eyes closed and thinking about what I'd discussed with Chuck, thinking about what my response would be, when I heard Brittany slip inside the room.

"Honey, are you sleeping?" She asked quietly.

"No, not at all." I opened my eyes back up. "Think you're going to get away with not getting in this bed with me."

"Never." Brittany laughed, holding up a mug and a heating pad. "I was just going to bring this back downstairs if you were. I knew we had a box of fenugreek tea in the cabinet, and I figured you might want some."

"Thank you." I wiggled a little into a partially seated position and accepted the mug as she crawled under the covers beside me, pressing the heating pad to my lower abdomen. "That's perfect."

"So…" I knew she was opening the door for me to talk, and I sank into her as she wrapped her arm around my waist.

"My meeting sucked." I sighed heavily. "He's really interested in my thing, and it sucks, because that means I'm going to have to change everything. He wants  _faculty advisors,_ Britt. Like, imagine Mr. Schu and Miss Pillsbury. Remember the pamphlets?"

"I do. I'm the one who threw them in your parents' fireplace after you went to bed that night. You kept looking at them like they were strangling you, and I couldn't watch it anymore."

"They felt like they  _were._ That's everything I don't want. But he said I don't have enough people power to do what he wants to give me the chance to do. I know that he's right, about being small, and I really do need to find more mentors and grow. If I do it his way though, it's  _not_ Show Your Brave, it's some crappy watered down thing, not  _everything_ I put my life into."

"No, it's not." Brittany shook her head, still holding me close.

"He told me to think about it and get back to him. I don't...I don't even know what to  _say._ I don't even know what to think. It's my  _dream,_ but at the same time it's  _not_. Every public high school in this city. _Tens of thousands_ of kids I could help. But...ugh." I grimaced at the obnoxious pain that rippled through me. "What am I supposed to do? If I say no, I feel like I'm blowing a  _major_ opportunity, but if I say yes, I feel like I'm ruining everything I've been working towards."

"Are you though, blowing a major opportunity?"

"What? Yeah, of course I am. All those schools, all those kids, it'll be like turning my back on them."

"Okay, I get why you'd feel that way, but…forget it, it's not my thing, San."

"Brittany. You know damn well your opinions on this are important to me. You think I should say no?"

"I'm not saying you should say no, no. But you know that I never think you should compromise yourself."

"I do know that. I just…ugh. I can't. I just want this to be a thing. I  _know_ that I'm doing a lot, with the two schools I'm in, but now I'm starting to feel stuck. Like, how do I make this bigger without taking away from the heart of it? Honestly, I hadn't even thought of it until Chuck said it." I groaned, gritting my teeth. Brittany didn't say anything, she just continued the path her fingers were making up and down my arms. "But he's right, it's sort of impossible as it is right now to be huge."

"Okay."

"You're being really, really noncommittal right now."

"You're talking yourself through it, Santana. You know how much I care about this, but this is a huge decision, and this is your baby. I'm going to talk you through it, and be your support, but the choice needs to be yours. Not mine, or Holly's, or Jarrod's, or your mother's. But, can I remind you of something you told me a year and a half ago?"

"Please."

"After Andrea came to you, you told me it wasn't about how many kids you helped, but that you truly made a difference to the ones you did. Just, remember that. I know that no matter what you decide, you're going to keep changing lives, because you, my Santana, really are a superhero."

"Thank you, Britt, for your faith in me. I think…I think I can't decide about this today, because I'm so hormonal that I'll probably cry over a shampoo commercial by dinnertime."

"That's probably a really, really good idea." She grinned, leaning down to kiss the corner of my mouth.

"To entirely change the subject, how was your call with Michelle this morning? Is she done losing her mind over the pipe explosion?"

"She is. She actually didn't call to talk to me about that, which I was surprised about. I guess she really did have faith in me taking care of it."

"With good reason, jeeze, baby, you seriously handled it all so well. I was, I  _am_ really proud of you."

"Thanks." She blushed a little. "She wants me to come to Chicago for a weekend next month though, to sit for their big spring showcase, and to meet the director of the main studio there. How do you feel about that?"

"Britt, that's  _awesome._ The spring showcase is something you've been saying you want to start here in the next few years! And Michelle showing you off around the country? Wow. When are you going?"

"Actually…I was hoping that maybe you would come with me."

"Really? I'd  _love_ that, Britt, but what about the girls?"

"Well…I thought we could bring them with us, and see if my mom, or your mom, wanted to drive up for the weekend, so you could be my gorgeous date to the show and the party after, but we don't have to worry about them all the way back in New York. And I don't know, when I was a kid, my parents took Liz and I to Chicago, and I remember the aquarium being the most  _amazing_ thing, I bet Annie would  _love_ it. We could turn my work trip into a nice family vacation, see Mike and Tina, and  _maybe_ sneak in a romantic night for the two of us."

"That actually sounds kind of perfect."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, absolutely. We've never taken Annie on a trip like this, on an airplane, staying in a hotel. It'll be fun. Plus, I want to see my wife wow all of the Chicago dance scene." I sank further into her body, twisting a little against the cramping discomfort.

"I mean, I  _hope_ I wow them, but they're pretty impressive there. I'm  _so_ excited we're going to go though. Mike's made it to every one of my shows, and now I'll get to see him perform. I think both he and Tina will be psyched."

"Preggo Tina will be totally thrilled to get her hands on our awesome daughters." I laughed, and closed my eyes, the soothing motions Britt had started making with her fingers lulling me,

"She will. Take a nap, San, you were up half the night worrying about this morning."

"Hmm, maybe just a quick one. I am pretty comfortable on my big human pillow."

* * *

My quick nap actually turned into over an hour, and when Marisa was still sleeping after I finally came to, it turned into Brittany straddling me and massaging my tender breasts, kissing me softly while I groaned and whined about how they ached. When the baby woke up, Brittany insisted on going to get her to bring to me, and while Britt opened up her computer to do some work, Marisa sat up between my legs, giggling and clapping as I ran through every single nursery rhyme I knew. It was a nice relaxing afternoon, one Brittany and I seldom got with just Marisa, and by the time it was time to pick up Annie at school, I was (with the help of two Midol) feeling much better than I had been. Though I'd half considered keeping my sweatpants on, I  _did_ end up deciding to pull on a pair of loose fitting jeans, and pulled my hair up into a messy bun. Mostly finished with what she had to do for the day, Brittany went to change Marisa, and after slipping her into the baby carrier, the three of us made our way over to PS 41.

"Lopez-Pierces!" Jarrod cried out from where he leaned against the side of the school building before the doors opened.

"Hey Jarrod." Brittany grinned, nudging his shoulder. "It's been like...seven whole hours since I've seen you."

"Ooh, alright, snarky." He teasingly rolled his eyes at her. "How'd it go this morning, Shorty."

"I swear, every time you call me that, you sound like you're trying to your hand at early 2000's hip hop. The meeting was fine, it gave me a lot to think about." I told him, not ready to disclose much information yet, not until I worked through it all, both on my own, and with Brittany as a sounding board. "We'll do breakfast early next week with Holly, and we'll talk."

"Well, alright then." Jarrod sort of raised an eyebrow in concern, and I shook it off. "Did you get the invitation for 'Ro's birthday party? You're coming, right?"

"We told you about  _four_ times that we'll be there, you even checked the date with us before you booked it. You know Annie wouldn't miss it for the world. But yes, we got the invitation, it's on the fridge."

"Okay good. I'm in charge of RSVPs okay? I lost the list for Emmy's party last year, and Chris  _still_ hasn't let me live it down. I'm trying to be as efficient as possible without resorting to those terrible e-vites."

"I'm surprised Chris  _let you_ be in charge of it again." Brittany shook her head, imagining the frenzy that losing a guest list would put  _me_ in. "Maybe save it on your phone, your computer, tattoo it on your arm."

"Hey! You know, as a control freak, I'm a little offended." I crossed my arms over my chest, and a giggle rang from Marisa, as if she got the joke.

"San, honey, you  _know_ I think it's one of your most endearing traits. I'm just teasing." She leaned in to peck my lips. "Right, Ladybug? Mamí's the best?"

"Mamí. Esa."

"Your sister's going to have to figure out what that one means for us,  _beb_ _é_ _."_ I rubbed my nose against hers. "No ones speaks your language like Annie does."

"Nee Nee! Nee Nee!"

"Almost time, little love." Brittany promised her. "Can you say hi to Jarrod?"

"No." The baby looked right up at him, and I had to stifle my laugh.

"Well, at least she's honest." Jarrod chuckled. "It's okay, littlest LP, sometimes I don't want to say hi to people either."

"Marisa Lily, that's so fresh." Britt scolded gently. "Jarrod's our friend."

"Eat, Mamí." She turned away from Brittany, and right toward me, making me so entirely positive that our child knew  _completely_ what she was doing.

"Don't you change the subject,  _amorcita._ You've gotta listen to Mama, and you've gotta be nice."

"Mama. Mama."

"Hi, my baby." Brittany pressed a kiss to the top of Reese's head, and snuggled her close. "We know you're still so little, but we need to start reminding you now,  _especially_ because it seems to us, our second little observant one, that you know exactly what's going on. We might need you get you a new girl genius shirt."

When the doors to the school finally opened, we were quick to go inside, and I did the stairs quickly, itching to see my Annalise after I'd missed out on such an important morning for her. The classroom door was open when we made it to the second floor, and looking past Norah, who was greeting from just inside, I spotted Annie in her usual position, drawing inside of her notebook while she waited to be picked up. Almost as if she could sense me there. Upon spotting me peering into the room, her entire face lit up, and she jumped out of her seat, grabbing her backpack and nearly tripping as she raced toward the door.

"Mamí!" She shouted, sounding almost relieved as I crouched down and she fell into my arms. "Hi, Mamí, I didn't know if you were coming or not. I'm so, so super happy you're here! And Mama's here too! And my sister!"

"They are. You sound like you had a really good day,  _mija."_

"No, I just had a regular day, but I missed you a lot."

"I missed you too,  _coraz_ _ó_ _ncita._ But I hear you and Mama are going to cook dinner tonight."

"Yup!  _Arroz con pollo_ and  _platanos_ , 'cuz I told Mama that baby Reese might eat them since she sometimes likes bananas."

"You, my sweet baby girl, are going to turn into  _arroz con pollo_ if you're not careful." I smiled and tapped her nose. "But that is a genius idea about your sister, thank you for that, Annie."

"Course Mamí, I want her to grow super big so then she knows how to run 'round and ride bikes with me."

"Soon she will, sweetheart." Brittany crouched beside us with Marisa, who reached out her arms excitedly for Annie.

"Hi Mama! Hi baby Reese!"

"Nee Nee! Nee Nee! Nee Nee! Now!"

"That's a new word! Did you hear? Reese knows how to say  _now!"_

"Of course she does." I murmured into Brittany's ear. "Our demanding little baby girl."

"Assertive." Britt whispered back, laughing. "Good job, Ladybug. But how about you say please?"

"No!"

"Baby Reese, you have to be nice." Annie lowered her voice and spoke seriously to her sister. "'S the rules.  _Dice 'por favor.'"_

"Nee Nee! Nee Nee!"

"I know you like to say my name lots, 'cuz it makes me super happy, but 's okay, we gotta keep practicing 'bout  _please_ and  _por favor_ , but I'm gonna help you lots now that you say more words."

"C'mon, let's head home, then Bean, you can tell me and Mamí about your day, and Reese can finally play with you before dinner."

After saying goodbye to Jarrod and Thoreau (with Annie giving the boy a sweet little hug), and sending a quick wave in the direction of Corrine and her grandmother, Annie swung between Brittany and I as we walked back home. Upon arriving at the house, Annie almost immediately dropped her backpack by the door, and grabbed Milky Way to lay down on the floor with her and Marisa. Sitting down on the couch with Britt (and the heating pad back on my abdomen), I watched my absolute favorite sight in the world, the interaction between my two incredible daughters. Annie sang for her, she hugged her, she so carefully put her baby sister on her tiny lap, and let her tug at her hair and shriek and laugh in such a way that she would have been overwhelmed had it been anyone else. Like I'd predicted, we hadn't even made it to dinnertime and I was getting teary, so I snuggled closer to Brittany, kissing her face and playing with her fingers.

"Mama, Mamí, look!" Annie whisper-shouted. "Baby Reese's eyes keep closing sitting up. I think we forgot she's s'pposed to take a nap."

"We didn't forget, sweet girl, we were letting her have some more playtime with you." Brittany slowly untangled herself from me, and stood to lift Marisa from her Boppy pillow, kissing her drooping eyelids and cuddling her close. "Come on, sweet baby girl. Let's get you up to your crib."

"I'll take her, Britt." I stood and opened my arms for her, nuzzling Reese's nose as her lashes fluttered. "You tired yourself right out with all of that excitement, didn't you?"

"Okay then, Annie, why don't we go wash our hands and get started on dinner?"

"Okay, Mama! I'm gonna peel the  _platanos_ though!"

Leaving the two of them chattering about their cooking, I brought Marisa up to her bedroom, and couldn't help but rock her and sing to her a bit before lying her down. Like she'd begun doing fairly recently, she rolled over onto her side and gripped one of her crib slats, her lips sucked into her mouth as she found her state of restfulness. She was getting so big, the baby of ours, and I couldn't help but feel a little wistful as I turned on BaBa and closed her door behind me. After using the bathroom, I reemerged downstairs to find Annie sitting up on the counter beside Britt, the two of them singing  _Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic_  as they worked.

"Smells good." I smiled, announcing my presence.

"'S just onions, Mamí, we didn't do any real cooking yet."

"Well, they're some delicious smelling onions, I think. What can I do to help?"

"Nothing, babe." Britt shook her head, looking up from where she expertly deboned the chicken. "Sit, relax, Annie and I have got this tonight."

"I'm not going to miss with the experts who have Maribel Lopez's secrets."

"We're 'llowed to tell you,  _'Buela_ said."

" _Lo se, mi amor,_ but I like that you and Mama are the keepers of our family secrets." I winked, and settled down in a chair facing the counter. "So how was school today, Annalise?"

"I told you already, Mami, it was just regular."

"Just  _regular,_ huh?" I confirmed, sharing a look with Brittany, since Annie had definitely never used that word to describe school before.

"Yes. I had circle time, and I read my books, and I made new pictures, and I played Apples to Apples with 'Ro  _and_ Monday is art class day, so I got to do collages."

"Well that sounds like a lot of fun,  _mija._ _"_ I spoke cautiously, noting the odd tone in her voice. "What was your collage?"

"My collage is about happy stuff like singing and dancing ladies and babies and macaroni and cheese and painting and cake. I cut all the pictures from magazines and used glue paint brushes to stick them. I can't bring it home though, 'cuz it's not dry."

"I can't wait to see it, baby girl." Britt leaned over to kiss her forehead. "Sounds beautiful."

We were quiet for a little while, Annie swinging her legs under the counter, Brittany putting the chicken in the pot and scrubbing her hands, before starting on the vegetables, and me just sipping the seltzer from my bottle and appreciating the sight. Annie was thinking deeply about something, both Britt and I could tell, but we were letting her work though it in her mind, letting her decide what she wanted to say, and when she wanted to say it, before we butt in. It wasn't until Brittany had the oil on for the plantains that Annie decided she was ready to talk, and reached out her arms for me to help her down from the counter.

"Mamí. I have a question." Annie said seriously, when she was settled in a chair across from me, and I nodded for her to continue. "Today Hallie didn't come to school."

"No, she didn't,  _beb_ _é_ _._ _"_ I was careful with my words, since despite Lawrence Sebold's outburst in our Friday conference, we were unsure whether or not Hallie truly wouldn't return to school, and we didn't want to put ideas in Annie's head about it just yet.

"When she comes back, does that mean Corrine's not gonna be sorry anymore?" Her eyes were wide, like she was trying to keep herself from crying. Without skipping a beat, Brittany turned off the oil on the stove and came up beside me, leaning against the table.

"Annie, sweetheart." Brittany couldn't control her sad sigh, and I rested my hand on top of hers. "It doesn't mean that at all."

"How do you even know, Mama? They are  _best friends_."

"Annalise." I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth, considering. "If Thoreau was being mean to someone, does that mean you would be mean to them too?"

"'Ro's never mean to people."

"Okay, that's true, he's not. But what if he was? What would you do then?"

"I don't know, Mamí. I don't know, because I'm not nice or mean to people at school, I'm just regular and don't do talking."

" _Mi corazon,_ just because you don't talk doesn't mean that you're not mean or nice, you know how you feel in your heart, right?" I asked her, and she nodded a little. "And you, my good little girl, are very, very nice in your heart. I don't believe that Thoreau being mean to someone would make you less nice inside."

"No, I would still be nice inside, and it would make me sad that Thoreau was mean. But Corrine used to be mean  _too,_ even though she said sorry." Annie's little fists clenched, clearly frustrated at trying to understand this.

"You're right, she was." Brittany affirmed. "This is the thing, baby girl, I know it's a really hard thing to understand, because even or grownups, it's pretty hard, but now that Corrine apologized to you, we have to work on forgiveness."

"Remember what I told you last week, about how apologies don't erase everything?"

"Yes."

"Okay, good. So what happens now,  _corazoncita,_ is that you watch Corrine's actions prove that she's truly sorry, which after talking to her mom, I really do believe she is, and this isn't how she normally acts. Hallie or anyone else won't change that, just like your heart inside doesn't change because of how other people act."

"I don't really know about this." Big tears started rolling down her cheeks, and Brittany jumped up and took our daughter into her arms.

"Annie, my love, it's okay to be nervous about this, and it's okay that you're being careful about whether or not you want to be friends with Corrine." Brittany soothed, sitting beside me and holding Annie close.

"Right now I  _don_ _'_ _t_."

" _Mija,_ that's alright. Accepting someone's apology doesn't mean you're friends with them. Friendship takes time."

"But what about  _you,_ Mamí? What about if Auntia Rachel and Uncle Kurtsy didn't want to be your friends?"

"Come here,  _beb_ _é_." I held out my arms, and Brittany passed her over to me. "I didn't tell you the story about me, Kurt, and Rachel to influence you. I'm very, very glad that today we're really good friends, but that took a lot of time, and for a lot of people, that never happens at all. Mama and I never push you to do anything you're not comfortable with, right?"

"No." She shook her head against my chest.

"We're here to help you, always, Bean." Brittany tickled her hands up and down Annie's spine. "You were keeping a lot bottled up today, with saying your day was  _regular,_ huh?"

"No, Mama. My day  _was_ regular, I just didn't feel regular inside."

"Okay, sweet girl. I know things get more and more confusing and tangled as you get bigger, but Mamí and I are pretty good at untangling things, when you need a little help."

"I know." Annie nodded. "I'm very glad that you make me less tangly. I really hope Hallie doesn't come back and be mean to me again."

"I don't think you need to worry about that." I assured her, not giving anything away beyond that. "And if anything happens, you come to us, and we help you handle it, okay?"

"Okay."

"Promise." Brittany asked, sensing her hesitation.

"Yes, I promise. I don't want to feel sad."

"We don't want you to feel sad either." Brittany stood back up and wrapped her arms around both of us, nuzzling her nose against the side of my face. We were quiet for several minutes, until Annie squirmed on my lap and peeked her face up from my chest.

"Mama, you forgot about cooking the plantains, and we need them for baby Reese."

"My Annie." Brittany smiled, sniffling back the tears. "You are the very best little thing, and I hope you know how much Mamí and I love you."

"It's true, we love you so very much. What do you say you and I set the table while Mama finishing up dinner? Then we'll go get your sister up?"

"Okay, I think that's a very great idea!"

* * *

 


	52. Confident

For over a week, I stewed over my meeting with Chuck. No matter how many lists I made of the pros and cons of allowing Show Your Brave to morph into something different, I couldn't come to a decision. Even after meeting with Holly and Jarrod, and ranting for an hour, they said basically exactly what Brittany had said, that it was my decision, and they'd support me either way. It was frustrating, to say the least, my indecision on the matter, but I was desperately attempting to keep it from pervading every moment of my life. Instead, it stayed at the back of my mind, while I went about things as usual, ticking down the days until I had to give an answer (I was lucky, I guess, that the next clearing in Chuck's schedule wan't until the following Wednesday). By the time Tuesday came around, I'd kind of resigned myself not having a decision made, and just got dressed to head over to Fort Hamilton for my afternoon there.

Because Brittany was coming with me, the first time she'd been actively involved, and something I'd been looking forward to since we'd discussed it on our date night months earlier, I got dressed early, and bundled Marisa up in her little coat and hat to go get Annie from school. Once we picked her up, the two of them chattered to each other, Marisa mostly nonsense, and Annie full of giggles and affection- because Hallie still hadn't come back to school, and she'd come to worry less and less about Corinne taking back her apology- and they both shrieked with delight, when we found Brittany waiting for us outside with the car. After dropping the girls off with Rachel and Brice, glad we'd chosen a dark day for  _Bye Bye Birdie,_ I reached to grab Brittany's hand over the center console, and brought it to my lips to kiss the inside of her wrist.

"I'm really excited, finally getting to see what my superhero wife does firsthand." Brittany beamed, not taking her eyes off the chaotic traffic on mid-afternoon Fourth Avenue.

"I'm kind of nervous." I admitted, dropping our joined hands into my lap.

"About me being there today?"

"Kind of, yeah." I lowered my eyes a little, embarrassed at how nervous I was. "I mean, you've been such a part of the development of this with me for the past five years, so for you to actually see it in action…"

"Will be amazing. Honey, I  _know_ you're awesome, and I've met Andrea, and Vin, who love to rave about the same thing.  _Plus,_ seeing you sing with a group of teenagers? That's a major bonus."

"Hey, don't think you're coming into this classroom with me and getting away without singing." I teased.

"I  _guess_ I could join in, if your kids will let me."

"My repeaters are going to be thrilled that you're showing up today." I laughed. "They've been hearing about the queen of my heart since before they really knew me, so this is a big deal?"

"The queen of your heart, huh? Someone's got the cheese out today."

"Only for you, baby."

"Lies. You're totally a gigantic cheese ball, and I love it. Don't be stressed about me in the room, okay? I'll talk, if that's what you want, or I'll just sit there and watch you make magic."

"I'd love for them to hear what you have to say. It's funny, so much of our stuff was twisted together when we were kids, but there's also a lot that  _wasn_ _'_ _t._ People have said a lot of ignorant crap to you, and you've always kept your chin up. I think it's important for them to hear the other side, the side that didn't spend  _years_ drowning in self-loathing, you know?"

"Yeah, I get that." She squeezed my hand tightly. "Well I'm happy to, for sure."

When we arrived at Fort Hamilton, Britt parked the car in the back, and I slipped my hand into hers as we walked into the building. As always, it was a gigantic pain in the ass, signing in and waiting for badges to print, but once they made sure we weren't up to no good (though the secretary rolled her eyes a little, questioning  _why_ they hadn't just given me a permanent badge yet), I led Brittany down to the empty little classroom in the back of the building. While I shifted the chairs around, I urged her to sit on the piano bench, a request she complied with, because she knew I was particular, and she smiled at me, making my cheeks heat under that adoring gaze of hers.

"I'm really proud of you, you know." She told me softly. "I know I tell you it a lot, but this week, I know you've been really conflicted inside...and I think you need to hear it again."

"Thanks, Britt. And you still don't want to give me your opinion on what I should do?"

"My opinion is still that you should follow your heart. It's never steered you wrong before, and...I think...that deep down, you know what the decision you want to make is."

"Wait, so you  _know_ what the right answer is?" I jerked my head, and my eyes widened,

"Santana, there  _isn't_ a right answer. If there was, this would be a hell of a lot easier for you. There are merits to choosing either side, but it's the side that you're most comfortable with that you need to pick."

"I...I don't like the idea of someone telling me how to do this." I said, for the first time, out loud. "But-"

"Santana! Hi!" Marc Katzman, one of my few out and proud students flounced into the room, stopping me from continuing.

"Marc. It's good to see you again." I took his hand in both of mine, my standard greeting. "This us my wife, Brittany. Brittany, this is Marc, he's been coming to hang out here since last year."

"Yeah, I was kinda freaked that she was going to have her baby in here, or something."

"A point that he was  _sure_ to make on more than one occasion." I laughed, and Brittany's eyes sparkled as she extended her hand.

"It's  _very_ nice to meet you." Brittany shook her head, chuckling a little.

"You too. Where is everybody, anyway?"

"Not as early as you, obviously. Is Danny coming today?"

"Oh, I'm not sure..." He looked away from me, blush covering his cheeks.

"We'll talk later, if you want." I set my hand on his shoulder and squeezed it. It was funny how over time, I'd come to recognize when people needed physical affection of not, and Marc was usually one who responded well to a shoulder squeeze, or something similar.

"Nah, it's cool. I'll figure it out, or email you or something, if I don't. Not in the mood to talk about it right now."

"Alright, it's your call, but I'm here."

More kids began to trickle into the room, including Andrea, who wrapped her arms around Brittany the moment she saw her, and a few of the ones who would stop at the doorway and peer around, before quickly entering. That was one of my favorite things to see, honestly, how the moment some of them were safe behind a closed door, the tension would melt away, and they'd feel like they were coming home. It reminded me a little of my AA days, sometimes, the way they'd chatter amongst themselves before we started, because passing each other on the hallway, I was sure very few showed signs of recognition, but in there, they'd become like a small family. Unlike most months, there weren't any newcomers, and once the clock struck 3:05, I hopped up to sit on the piano, and Britt stood beside me, leaning against it.

"Alright, let's get started. Anyone have anything they want to share first?" I asked, looking around to each of them. "No? You're all just going to stare at Brittany, like she's in a fishbowl?"

"Well didn't you bring her to tell us a story?" Mickey, a wiry Freshman who'd kicked his feet up on the chair in front of him questioned. "We know about you, all we know about Brittany is that she's _married_ to you? Didn't you bring her here to talk to us?"

"She offered to come, because she's pretty awesome. But yes, Brittany  _did_ also agree to talk, if you're all interested in that today." I laughed a little, and when Mickey started clapping, and the others joined him, Brittany broke into a grin and hopped up beside me on the piano.

"Okay, well, I'm not good it this like Santana is." Brittany started, and my hand crept over to her's on the piano, stroking the side of her hand with my thumb, reassuring her. "But I do think that I've got some different things to say, things that help, I hope, at least one of you in here. So, okay, I'm going to start by telling you guys something that I don't really talk about much, because it doesn't come up regularly, but I'm bisexual."

Brittany took a deep breath, and I was really impressed with her that she was talking about this. She wasn't kidding when she'd said it wasn't something she talked much about, but it was definitely something we'd discussed in the early years of our marriage, back when we were still going to therapy together, and the fact that she was willing to share with the kids, two of whom, in the room, identified similarly, was a really important thing.

"So, okay." She brought her hands together and wrung them a little. "This is the thing, I never actually struggled with my sexuality. Or…I don't know, I guess I didn't struggle with in the way so many other people do. I can't even really remember when I knew that I was attracted to guys and to girls, it just seems like it's always been part of me, and I'm lucky enough to come from a family where it was pretty much a non-issue. This is the thing though, for as much as I accepted myself, and the people I cared about loved and accepted me, it's always been the world  _outside_ that's made an issue of it, and in…in kind of a weird way, I guess." Britt paused, biting her lip for a few seconds, and I nodded, urging her to continue. "When I was in high school, people thought I was really dumb, and I really played it up a lot, because sometimes it made it easier to deal with all the nasty crap around me. But I still heard what they said, that I was a dumb slut, that I was confused...I know Santana has told you all that Lima wasn't a kind place for queer people, and in my case, they didn't even give me the benefit of believing that I actually was. It's funny, I guess, how little people realize about what goes on in other people's minds, how they would try to tell me that I was just having fun, and I'd grow out of this, when really, they just didn't understand that until my wedding day, and later, the days my daughters were born, the single greatest moment of my life came from the simplest thing in the entirely world."

* * *

_"I told you I was paying, Britt." I laughed, quietly, so no one could hear us. "I'm the one that asked you o-...to come here tonight, and you ordered shrimp, and..."_

_"It still counts, Santana, if I pay. Please?" She looked at me with those eyes I couldn't say_ no  _too, and I conceded, putting my wallet back into my purse._

_"Thank you, for dinner."_

_"Thank you for asking me."_

_My fingers itched to hold her hand, my lips itched to kiss her, because_ God,  _I loved her so, so much, my_ girlfriend.  _There was no uncertainty about that for me anymore. Brittany Pierce was my girlfriend. I, Santana Lopez, had an actual_ girlfriend.  _It was terrifying, it was thrilling, and I felt really, really emotional, as she finished paying, and we walked out of the restaurant, side by side. I was really glad that my car was being detailed, and that Brittany had driven that night, because I was floaty, and I was pretty damn certain that I wouldn't have been able to focus on the road. When she opened my door for me and winked, I sort of swooned a little, before nervously checking that no one had noticed that very date-like thing she'd done (and I hated myself a little when her face fell, and I hated myself even more that I'd gotten her to the point that she knew exactly why I had done it) and climbed in the passenger seat of her car, buckling myself, and then nervously setting my hand palm up on the center console. It was an invitation, or really, a plea, I think,_ take my hand again, I feel braver when you hold it.  _Brittany, my Brittany, complied, her eyes crinkling with her smile, forgiving me, always forgiving me when I panicked, and I laced my fingers with hers, holding tighter than I had ever held to anything._

_"Where are we going?" I asked, as she drove away from town, in the opposite direction of my house._

_"Well you asked me to dinner, so I thought maybe I could take you somewhere else, if that's okay?"_

_"Yeah, Britt." I smiled, my breath catching. "That's more than okay."_

_"Hey, Santana?" She questioned, after about ten minutes of silence, the dark road splayed out before us, and I looked at her and nodded, urging her to continue speaking. "When you said we were dating, that means I can call you my girlfriend, right? I mean-" She quickly backtracked, feeling, I'm sure, the way my heart sped up at the word. "I mean not to other people, yet, I know, but, when I talk to you, and maybe, Lord Tubbington?"_

_"Yes." I exhaled, my whole body tingling. "Yes. Yes, you can. You're my girlfriend, Brittany."_

_"Okay, good." She smiled, so hopeful, so gorgeous, that it made my heart break._

_"It won't always be like this." I whispered, trying, trying. "I promise you, I'm...I'm getting there. I'm getting closer okay? I don't want you to be my secret, because I love you, I love you so much. I love you more than anything or anyone in the whole world. It's just, I'm so afraid."_

_"I know. I know you are. Your family has all the scary Jesus statues and stuff. But I'm here for you, alright,_ girlfriend?  _I'm gonna be with you, forever."_

_"I hope so, I'm kind of intolerable."_

_"You're not though, you're the greatest, and the sweetest. And hey, I love you too."_

_"That makes me feel really brave, you know._ You  _make me feel really brave. When I'm with you, I feel like I can do this. Like, I can tell them I'm gay, because that means I can tell them I'm in love with you."_

_"When you're ready, I can't wait to tell people that I'm in love with the prettiest, sweetest girl in the whole school, and probably the whole world."_

_"Britt." I laughed, I really, really laughed. "You're totally going to ruin my street cred if you start telling people stuff like that."_

_"Well. I won't if you don't want me to." Brittany frowned a little. "But I don't like people thinking you aren't a good person. Because you're the best person."_

_"Thank you, Brittany." I exhaled, because no one had ever told me that, and it made me feel shaky and warm all at once. "So,_ girlfriend,  _where are you taking me?"_

_"I want to dance with you." She stopped me before I could nervously protest. "Don't worry, I'm taking us somewhere that it's just going to be me and you, under the stars, okay?"_

_I found myself nodding. I wanted to dance with her, God, I wanted to dance with her so much. I thought about all those times that I watched Finn and Rachel dance, or Quinn and...whoever she was dating, or even Kurt and Blaine, at prom. I thought about prom again, all those months earlier. I thought about how I'd chosen my dress because it was the one she liked, I thought about how I'd done my hair and makeup, only for her, I thought about how I'd watched her dance with that other girl, I thought about how I'd wanted my arms around her neck and my whole self tucked into her. I thought about how maybe dancing with Brittany, Brittany the dancer, Brittany_ my  _dancer would feel like the most intimate thing in the whole world, more so even than sex, though now that I looked her in the eyes and let myself connect with her, that was pretty damn intimate too. I thought of all those things, and I was quiet for a long time, impatient, almost, to get where she was taking me, because we had gone too long not dancing, and suddenly, I needed it to be happening already._

_"Here we are." She pulled the car over at an old overlook, and it was just us, us and stars and emptiness. "Is this okay?"_

_"This is perfect." I nodded, butterflies, butterflied, butterflies, swarming around in my belly, under my skin, in my veins. "This is really, really perfect."_

_She opened my door again, and the butterflies got even more antsy when she offered me a hand out. It was raining, a little, but her hands were so warm, so comforting, and I looked up in her eyes and smiled, I smiled so wide, because she was kind of perfect, and every moment I spent with her, I fell more deeply in love with her. It was dark, so dark with the headlights off, and it was so quiet, that I heard every breath she took, and I swore, the sound of my beating heart found her ears when she smiled back, so soft, so full of love._

_"Santana Lopez, may I have this dance?" She asked, just the tiniest crack in it, like she'd practiced it over and over again, like maybe she was still just a little scared that I might say no._

_"You may." I nodded, and I stepped closer to her, her hand dropping mine, so her arms could circle my waist. I found the position I'd so longed for, and our bodies were pressed flush together as we swayed to the sound of silence, as we danced like we were always meant to be this way, like we'd been doing this forever._

_"I've dreamed about this for a long time." She confessed breathily, and I looked up into her brimming blue eyes._

_"So have I, Britt, trust me, I've wanted this, I've wanted you, for a really, really long time. I'm sorry-"_

_"No." She hushed, looking at my lips. "No apologies tonight, okay? This is just us, on our date, dancing under the stars."_

_"Remember how we were talking about wishes before?"_

_"Duh, I've been thinking a lot about them. I know that Rory's not a real leprechaun, just so you know."_

_"I know you know, I also know he's really easy to trick, and that you're really smart."_

_"No one calls me smart except for you."_

_"Because no one knows you like I do." I smiled at her, and sometimes, I was able to make her melt, the way she was able to do to me. "I still have another wish though."_

_"I don't need a leprechaun to grant your wishes, I don't think. Or maybe I could be your leprechaun, if you wanted, because I like making yours come true. What is it?"_

_"I wish I could kiss you right now."_

_"I guess we have the same wish then. Because I wish you would kiss me too."_

_My motions were jerky and nervous, because it was different, it was so different. It wasn't kissing Brittany in the darkness of a bedroom, it wasn't kissing that was leading up to anything else, it was kissing just to kiss, it was kissing because I loved her and she loved me. I took in all the breath I could, as I tilted my chin up and she lowered hers, and I pressed myself up on the balls of my feet, matching her height as best as I could. I moved a hand up to her cheek, caressing the soft skin there, letting my thumb run over the apple of it. It didn't matter how many times I had kissed Brittany, the moment my lips touched hers, in that kiss that meant infinitely more than any other kiss we had ever shared, my whole body ignited. We were slow, so slow, at first, our lips moving together, as Brittany gave full control of it to me. I managed to regulate my breathing enough so that it didn't have to stop, I never, ever wanted it to stop, and I parted my lips just slightly, feeling her mirror me, feeling her allow me to slide my tongue against hers, feeling the way she gasped at the contact. It wasn't our first kiss, obviously, but in so many ways it was, it was the first kiss where all of my fears melted away, if only for a few moments, it was the first kiss that I had control over, and that I_ wanted  _that control. It was our real first kiss, and it was the more glorious thing I had ever experienced._

_"Wow." Brittany sighed, when we finally parted. Her eyes were hazy, and her smile, that gorgeous little smile of hers, was so, so content._

_"Yeah." My voice was raspy and my breathing were labored, as if it had literally stolen my breath from my body. "Wow."_

_We just stared into each other's eyes for a long time, until I dropped my head back to her chest and listened to her heart thrum in my ears. She wrapped her arms tighter around me, and I let her, I let Brittany be the one and only person that I gave myself to, body and soul, I let her feel my vulnerability, and I let her be my strength. We were getting there, we were getting so close, and as long as she kept holding my tight, as long as she kept telling me she loved me, and letting me take these steps at my own pace, soon, I'd be able to let everyone know who I was, and just what Brittany Susan Pierce meant to me._

* * *

"All I wanted was to dance with my girlfriend, to kiss my girlfriend, and to be treated like everyone else, but that was nearly impossible for people to see. If I liked boys too, why couldn't I just be like that with them, and keep myself under the radar? I didn't ever come out at school, I came out to my parents, Santana and I came out together to them, actually, but at school, I was just me, and people just, had their things to say, and their assumptions to make. To get through it, I just kept playing dumb, because it protected me, to some extent. But the thing is, it didn't stop after high school, and that's when it was harder. I was-" Brittany looked at me, questioning in her eyes, and I knew what she was asking.

"Go ahead, Britt, it's your story, you can say whatever you want. No judgement rule in here" I tapped my fingers against the back of her hand, reassuring her. She and I were infinite, things that were over and done would never change who we were, and how we loved each other.

"So after high school, I was in a fairly long term relationship with a man, and I stayed for several years in my hometown. I saw the same people who knew me when I was in a relationship with a woman, and I heard the  _I told you so_ and the  _so she decided to be normal_ snickers. This is the thing, I didn't  _decide to be normal,_ and contrary to the belief of a lot of people, I wasn't with a man because it was easier, and I didn't marry a woman, the love of my life, to make some kind of statement, or to be difficult." Brittany took a sharp breath, and I was so, so proud of her for sharing this with my kids, sharing things that took her a long time to even confess to  _me._ "Look, I guess I just want to tell you guys to please just be  _you,_ no matter what anyone tells you. Because in the eyes of other people, no matter which  _side_ I  _chose,_ or however outsiders put this, I was somehow wrong. I've heard things about how I could...never be faithful, and other things that make my stomach turn, but what other people say doesn't define me, it'll never define me. I'm attracted to women, I'm attracted to men, but I love my wife, and that doesn't change, no matter what."

"I can absolutely attest to that." I let out a small laugh, trying to lighten it up a little bit for Brittany.

"She can." She smiled, a little teary eyed. "But yeah, when Santana and I talked about my coming here today, an important thing for us was to just make a point that every struggle is valid, whether or not it's at the forefront of your every waking thought. I'm a bisexual woman in a same-sex marriage, and although it doesn't happen often, my sexuality comes up occasionally. Sometimes I think it would be easier to just tell people what they want to hear, that I'm a lesbian, but then I think, this isn't for  _them_ to feel comfortable with, it's for me, and that erases part of my identity. You know, a few months ago, our daughter thought all people who like boys are gay, regardless of gender, and we laughed a little, because it was really, really cute. But then we sat her down and explained to her a little about sexuality. If our  _five year old_ can understand that some people like girls, some people like boys, some people like more than one gender, and some aren't attracted anyone, I'm not sure how actual adults can't."

"It's because they don't want to." Mickey called out, and under her breath, Brittany muttered a  _preach._

"That's true." I nodded. "Britt, Is it okay with you if I add something to this?"

"Go ahead."

"Okay. You know we do honesty here, and this is important for me to tell you guys, because I hope you don't make the same mistakes I did. Brittany knows all about this, because we talk, we talk a  _lot._ For a really long time, I had a hard time with her sexuality, especially when we weren't together. I kept a lot inside, but really, because society told me that opposite sex relationships were the norm, and because Brittany has been in relationships with men, I was constantly convinced she'd choose them over me. I talk to a lot of kids, and you know, it unfortunately doesn't surprise me, the biphobia and dismissal of sexualities other than gay and straight that I hear. Here's the thing guys, we all want to be treated like people, we all want to be respected, offer other people the same decency. No one else should have to feel like crap because of your own insecurities. Saying you won't date someone because they are attracted to more than one gender closes you off to a lot of great people, and it just makes you sound ignorant. Look, you guys know I'm the first person to admit my insecurities to you, so I get it, I've been there, but if somebody loves you, somebody loves you, and that's all that matters. That's the best advice I can give you."

"And trust me, we're just as capable of loving one person as anyone else." Brittany looked at me, giving me the smile that was mine, the one that made me look away, because we were in a classroom full of kids. "I really appreciate you guys letting me come here and talk today. Thanks a lot."

"Round of applause?" I suggested, and the kids clapped, Mickey even whooping a little, because that's how he was. "How about a song? Then if anyone else has anything to share, we'll try that again. Since you're our guest, any suggestions, Brittany?"

"Can we go old school?" She asked, and I knew exactly the song she wanted.

"I think everyone here will attest to the fact that your musical taste isn't as old school as mine." I laughed.

"That's true." Marc nodded in the front row. "Santana's like, thirty, or whatever, and she likes the same music as my grandma."

"Hey, your grandma has good taste, respect that." I shook my head teasingly, knowing that he had a great relationship with his grandparents who'd raised him, and they'd been extremely supportive in his coming out. "But we'll fast-forward from the seventies, because Brittany wants to sing some Gaga."

It was always one of my favorite things, how they all figured out their own way to sing along, even if they didn't know the words, or the music at all. I sat at the piano, playing the music, and watching as Brittany got up and danced with each and everyone one of them, even the typically more shy ones, and I loved seeing them come out of their shell a little bit at the magic that was Brittany. Afterwards, there was a lot of talk among themselves, something I was always quick to encourage, and Brittany came to sit beside me on the piano bench, just watching the interactions. As always, there were a lot of hugs, and pats on the back, while they packed up their things to go, and standing in the doorway, I saw them out, waiting until Andrea finished saying goodbye to Brittany to grab my own things, and lock up behind us. Walking out into the hallway, she grabbed my hand, and I squeezed it tightly, silently expressing my appreciation for her coming and being apart of something so important to me.

"That was really, really awesome, Santana. Like, the most awesome thing I've ever seen."

"It was a tame day." I shrugged a little, my cheeks heating up at Brittany's genuine compliment. "But I'm really glad you were there to see it."

"So am I. These kids really love and respect you, and you're changing their lives. It makes me really happy."

"I'm just mostly giving them a space to figure it out themselves, you know? But thank you, and thanks for sharing your story, Britt. It's so important for them to hear stuff like that, about how people are awful sometimes, but it didn't define you at all."

"Love is greater than hate, right? If I listened to them, I never would have had you. I just wanted to tell them that, I guess."

"Well it was really good, and really brave, and I really, really appreciate it." I nudged her a little bit with my shoulder, then rested my head there as we walked. "No texts from the Hudsons?"

"No texts from the Hudsons." She affirmed, grabbing her phone from her pocket. "But if we're going to stay there for dinner, we should stop at the bakery, get that chocolate cake Annie loves, since we're out this way."

"Sounds good to me, and we'll let her run off all the sugar in their yard before we head back home."

* * *

I offered to drive back to Park Slope, and once Brittany ran into the bakery to grab the cake, we were lucky to hit minimal traffic on our way. Letting ourselves into the house, since we sort of usually did that, if the kids were there, we heard Annie and Brice, doing their usual shrieking and running around the toy strewn first floor, and saw Marisa, sitting up and banging her hands against Brice's electronic piano.

"Hello!" Rachel chirped, standing from where she kept a watchful eye on the baby. "Marisa, sweetie, looks who's back."

"Ma!" She cried out, and Brittany and I exchanged a look at her calling for both of us in the same way Annie used to (and still, occasionally did).

"Hi, my little bug." Brittany scooped her up in her arms, kissing all over her face, and reveling in her baby giggles. "I missed you so much."

"'Iss. 'uck."

"Marisa Lily, did you just call my kisses yucky?" She kissed her over and over again, the baby's delighted shrieks drawing the attention of Annie, who ran full force into the room, and to my arms.

"Mamí!" She cried, all sweaty and out of breath, nuzzling her face into my neck. "I didn't even know you got here!"

"We just walked in,  _mi amor,_ don't worry, you didn't miss much!" I hugged her close to me. "You sound like you're having lots of fun."

"I am! Me and Brice are playing superheroes, like you, and now even Mama!"

"I'm not quite a superhero, sweetheart." Brittany brought Marisa to us, and kissed the top of Annie's head. "But I got to see your superhero Mamí in action, and that's pretty awesome."

"When do I get to come with you and see you?" Annie asked, furrowing her little brow.

"I promise you, my Annie, that one day, when you're a little bigger, I'll take you with me, and you can see just what it is that I do. It's just a little grown up for even you, my smart girl, right now."

"Aunt Santana! Aunt Brinny! Daddy's cooking mac'roni and cheese and chicken!" Brice announce, and I leaned down with Annie to hug him, rather than struggle to get him up into my arms. "Can you eat dinner here?"

"That's the plan,  _chiquito._ _"_ I nodded. "And maybe, maybe, if you eat all your dinner, Aunt Britt and I brought some cake."

"No way! Mommy! Cake!" He cheered, rolling out of my embrace.

"I heard." She smiled at him, and shot me a look as he ran off to tell Finn, Annie following close behind. "Are you taking him home with you tonight then?"

"He's still not sleeping, Rach?"

"No, he's still not sleeping. Finn's in his bed with him every night when I get home. He's just constantly wired, and we keep pushing his bedtime later and later. And the pediatrician's answer was that kids sleep when they're tired."

"I mean, it's basically what our's has told us when Annie did that, and about Marisa not wanting to eat regular food."

"Eat. Mamí. Eat." She reached over to me, tugging at my coat, and I couldn't help but laugh a little.

"You're hungry now,  _amorcita?_ Come on, let me take this off, and we'll go sit with Mama and Aunt Rachel."

Brittany was quick to stand and take my coat, pressing a kiss to Marisa's head and slipping her into my arms. She was so big and wiggly, pawing impatiently at me, and I pulled down my sweater and unhooked the strap of my bra quickly, letting her latch on.

"So I'm guessing she didn't eat anything?"

"About two bites of banana, while Annalise sat with her eating, but that's about it."

"Oh,  _mija,_ you can't keep letting yourself get this hungry." I shook my head as she wound her little fingers through my hair and turned my attention back to Rachel. "I should have checked with you about the cake, I'm sorry."

"It's fine, you always bring dessert when you come for dinner. I'll just have to hope that with all the running around he and Annie have been doing, he's tired himself out."

"I know  _she_  will be." Brittany smiled as they ran back through the room, and into the play room. "She only runs around this much when they're together."

"I gave birth to the Energizer Bunny, it's a true fact, Brittany."

"You  _have_ met yourself, right?" I quipped, and Rachel rolled her eyes at me.

"Other than that though, how's his behavior been?"

"Better than it was, I just think my going back to work was a major adjustment for him. I've always been here, and then suddenly, I wasn't, and he was in daycare, or only with Finn."

"Totally normal. Annie got like that last year when I went back to work, and I'd only been home for nine weeks. Maybe the sleep thing has to do with that too. You get home really late, it would make sense that he'd try to stay up and wait for you. He's high-strung, so he's got the energy to do it."

"I guess so. It'd be nice to get in bed with my husband at night though." She sighed, and Brittany and I exchanged a look, never ones to give unsolicited parenting advice. We knew what worked for us, we knew how to keep things peaceful in our house, but we also knew we weren't experts. "What?"

"Look, this is just our opinion okay? Brice isn't Annie." I prefaced, stroking the back of Marisa's head as she murmured  _Nee Nee_ against me. "But he's smart, and he could be totally playing you both. I know it sucks, but you might have to put a gate up, take anything he can get into that's not safe out of hugs room, and let him occupy himself."

"Santana, he'll be up all night."

"He'll tire himself out eventually. Annie was, what, two and a half when we had to do that?" I looked to Britt, and she nodded.

"We didn't sleep anyway, we sat in our room and listened to the baby monitor because we were terrified of her being awake and alone, but she talked to Milky Way, she played with her books, she cried a little, and it  _sucked,_ but eventually, she fell asleep on the floor. It took some time doing that, but eventually she went to bed normally. It was about setting boundaries. We  _love_ our kids more than life itself, but we we're not down for having them in our bed every night, and we're not down for sleeping apart."

"I just feel really bad, I go to work and leave him, I hate leaving him when I'm actually  _here."_

"I get that." Brittany told her. "But I don't know, even though it was harder, probably, for me, because I was gone all day, it worked for our family. And Annie's a little bedbug now, she loves her sleep."

"That she does." Rachel laughed.

"This one, not so much." I nodded down to the baby. "Right, Marisa? You don't want to miss anything."

"Mamí. No. Hi."

"Hi,  _beb_ _é_ _."_ I laughed, waiting to make sure she was finished eating, readjusting my top and sitting her up on my lap.

"Hey guys." Finn came into the room, big grin on his face. "Dinner's ready."

* * *

As always, dinner with the Hudsons was a boisterous affair. The kids chattered and yelped and giggled to each other, and Marisa firmly attached herself to Brittany, while the four of us talked about the afternoon, about Rachel's new understudy who followed her around like a puppy, about kindergarten applications for Brice (which was still a year and a half away, but I guess tars what happens when you want to send your kid to fancy private school, rather than public school like Annie). When I brought out the cake, I made sure up cut Annie and Brice's pieces smaller than normal, despite the pouts from both of them, and then looking at the time as we sat drinking coffee when Finn took the kids out back, Brittany nudged me a little, knowing we needed to get home and start our wind down routine. While we packed them back in the car, Marisa wailing because she hated being in the car seat in her coat, I soothed her about hating to be confined just the same way, and climbed into the driver's seat, mentioning again to Brittany that we really needed to start looking for a new car.

Annie was a little irritable during bathtime, mostly from the overstimulation of the afternoon, and also, a little bit from the cake. While Brittany had Marisa in her room, getting her all ready for bed, I combed the tangles out of her hair, helped her put lotion on her winter chapped skin, and listened to her tell me  _all_ about everything she and Brice did, and how Aunt Rachel let her practice her piano music too. She was just about ready to come with me into the baby's room to say goodnight, when I head a loud gasp from Brittany, and jumped to my feet.

"Santana!" She cried out. "Santana, come in here!"

Jumping to my feet, terrified, I nearly sprinted to the other room, Annie on my heels. I was just approaching the door, on the verge of panic, when I heard Marisa's baby giggles, and when I opened it up, Brittany was standing, one hand over her mouth, the other holding baby pajamas, and tears in her eyes as she looked down at our daughter. Our nine month old daughter, wearing only her diaper, who was holding onto the crib railings for dear life, and  _standing._

"Mama! You made baby Reese stand up!" Annie cheered, eyes wide.

"I didn't, sweetheart." Brittany shook her head. "She did it all by herself. She was...I turned to get her pajamas out, and I turned back...and I missed it!"

"We didn't miss it, Britt." I shook my head, tears spilling down my cheeks as I went to Brittany's side as wrapped an arm around her waist. "She's still doing it. She's standing, our baby is standing."

"Baby Reese, how'd you learn even to do that?" Annie sat down right beside her, clapping her hands. "Mama! She's just like you! She knows how to stand, 'cept she can't even crawl."

"Oh, God." Brittany sniffled, bringing up the pajamas up wipe her tear stained face. "Look at her, Santana. Look at her. She pulled herself up all on her own."

"I just...she's standing. Where did the time go? She looks so, so  _big."_

"Yay! Soon you're gonna be able to walk! And ride bikes! And do scooters! And run races!" Annie kept clapping and laughing, until Marisa mimicked her actions, letting go of the crib, and falling flat on her back, unable to support her weight on her legs, and releasing a heartbreaking wail when the back of her head hit the carpeted floor.

"No, no, don't cry!" Annie rushed to her side, and Britt and I both dropped to our knees over Marisa. We knew she wasn't hurt, the plush carpet we'd put in the kids' rooms could probably cushion an egg from breaking, but she was scared, and I scooped her up in my arms, soothing her.

" _Est_ _á_ _s bien, amorcita._ Don't cry,  _beb_ _é_ _."_

"Esa! Esa! No! No! Mama!" She reached for Brittany, and I quickly handed her over to Brittany. "Esa. Ow."

"Mamí, she's saying she hurt her head." Annie looked panicked, and I opened my arms for her.

"Her head is okay, baby girl." Brittany told Annie, and by extension, me, as she held Marisa to her chest and checked the back of her head for any bumps.

"But that's what she's saying!  _Esa, ow!_ That's what  _esa_ means,  _cabeza._ I figured it out!"Annie was frantic, trying to get a better look at her sister. "She's crying because she got her head hurt when she fell!"

"Okay, okay." I tried to calm Annie, while Brittany stood up to rock Marisa and whisper comforting words to her. "I promise you,  _mija,_ Mama's the best at checking if you're hurt, right? She did bump her head, but she's more scared than anything, don't worry."

"What if she's gotta get the stitches?" Her little blue eyes were wide, and she clung to me, as Marisa's cries quieted in Brittany's arms, and my wife looked at me, her eyes laughing, a little, once the baby was settled.

"She's  _so_ your daughter, Santana." She smiled at the dramatic reaction, and even I had to laugh at that. "Annie, sweetheart, look, she's not crying anymore, and there's no blood at all. She definitely doesn't need stitches. Remember, when you hurt your chin, you cried for a really long time, and we had to hold a towel on your face?"

"Mmhm." Annie nodded into my neck, still clinging nervously to me. "So she's not broken? Because she clapped 'cuz I was clapping, and…"

"Hey, hey,  _corazoncita,_ no, no. It's not your fault at all she fell. We all got really excited about her standing up like that, and she was really proud of herself, especially because you are clapping for her. But she's going to fall a lot more now, her legs aren't that strong yet, but she's going to learn, and then she's going to be _great_ at standing, and soon walking."

"Annie, look at her." Brittany kneeled down with the sniffly baby, and Annie leaned over to kiss the top of her head. "You're all good, right, Ladybug?"

"Nee Nee. 'Iss."

"That's right, baby Reese, I gave you a kiss. And you were doing standing up by yourself! I'm still really super happy about that, as long as you're not bleeding."

"No bleeding. How about you help me get Reese into her pajamas though, Annie? Then you and I will go pick out a new book, while Mamí feeds the baby and puts her to bed?"

"Okay, Mama, I'll help you."

After about two more minutes of whimpering on Marisa's part, Annie had her giggling again, while she helped Brittany get her arms and legs into snuggly whale pajamas. I'd settled into the glider, rocking myself a little, until they brought the baby to me, both Brittany and Annalise kissing her again goodnight. Her little eyelids were heavy, and she murmured unintelligible syllables as I fed and rocked her, singing softly, until she was just about asleep, and I pressed a few kisses on her head before settling her into the crib. Annie was still a little wired when I got into her room, but she and Brittany were snuggled together in bed, just waiting for me to start reading  _Robin Hood._ Brittany read a little longer than usual, and I sang a little longer than usual, but once Annie was finally out, she was absolutely out cold.

* * *

Because Brittany had been out of the studio for a good chunk of the day, she went into the office to do some work for awhile, and I took a shower, before lying on the couch in my pajamas. While I watched some crappy sitcom, I scrolled through my e-mails on the iPad, smiling at the ones from some of the kids from the afternoon (because so many of them were so sweet, and just sent little thank you notes, and updates on their lives) telling me that they'd enjoyed having Brittany there. I was so engrossed in what I was doing, that I jumped when I felt Brittany curl up beside me, her hair damp and her pajamas on.

"Oh my God, Britt, you just scared the hell out of me. I thought you were still in the office, how did you even go upstairs and get back down here without me hearing you?"

"Sorry, honey." She kissed my lips and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "You were really involved in what you were doing. Anything exciting?"

"You know, just some pretty awesome kids telling me how great my wife is and stuff." I shrugged, looking into her eyes, giving her all my gratitude.

"I'm really glad they liked having me." She blushed, resting her head on my shoulder and wrapping her arms around my waist. "It felt good to have a little part of something that's a huge part of you."

"It felt really good for me too. It's something I'm really proud of, and Britt?" She lifted her head back up and looked into my eyes, nodding for me to continue. "I just…I don't think I can do it. I know that it could  _reach_ more kids if I do what Chuck wants me to do to work with the district, but I'm just not really confident that it will  _help_ them. I'm not ready to give strangers scripts, and let them run amok with this. Is that crazy?"

"I don't think it's crazy at all, Santana." She shook her head.

"Really? I just, feel like that sounds like those moms that drive their kids to college and stuff. I mean, I know this isn't my actual baby, but…"

"But you love it, and you've nurtured it, and it's kind of the same. Listen, San, I watched you in there today, you're meant to do this, and you're meant to do this your way. I have all the respect in the world for you not to give this up."

"I hate to have to tell Chuck. It was an amazing opportunity, and I'm really grateful that he thought Show Your Brave was worth it, but…"

"Tell him that. It's the most respectable thing in the world that you know what's best. You won't burn any bridges, that way, if in the future,  _you_ have grown this big enough for what he wants, you can go back to him and talk again."

"Yeah, and I think I'll get there someday."

"I  _know_ you'll get there someday." She corrected, and I set the iPad on the coffee table so I could cuddle further into her, my unending appreciation for her support that never wavered welling up inside of me.

"Thank you." I whispered, kissing her neck and twining our legs. "Thank you, thank you. I know I waited until the very last minute to decide, but I did now, and thank you."

"I didn't do anything, Santana." She shrugged, kissing the top of my head.

"You did though, and you do. Having you with me today just, reconfirmed how personal this is, and having you believe in me, just gives me the confidence I need."

"Well I'm here for that, always."


	53. Balance

Surprisingly, my meeting with Chuck was relatively uneventful. He respected my choice, which I'd appreciated, and let me know that though he couldn't promise me anything in the future, he'd always be happy to keep lines of communication open with me, and he wished me the best of luck. I hadn't to expected him to suddenly change his mind, obviously, because he had a job to do, just as much as I did, and it would be entirely unrealistic to think otherwise, but still, there was a definite finality to my choice that I'd had to accept. It was difficult for me, of course, because even though I knew inside that I was making the right choice, I couldn't help those nagging thoughts of the kids who wouldn't, yet, get a chance to be exposed to this. But I had to let it go, I couldn't dwell or second guess (always a struggle for me), and luckily, our upcoming trip to Chicago gave me something entirely unrelated to focus on. Most of the actual planning had been done through Michelle and their travel agent (something Britt sort of forgot they had, since unlike Rick, she centered her focus on New York, rather than taking every opportunity to get on a plane) but there was plenty of packing to do, and plenty of the two of us psyching Annie up for her first airplane trip- not to mention  _maybe_ a  _little_ of Brittany psyching  _me_ up for it.

In the morning of the day we were set to leave, since we'd decided to fly out late Thursday night, in hopes Marisa would sleep through the flight, there was still entirely too much that we needed to get done. Luckily for us, Liz was down from Boston for her break, and since Max would be at work all day anyway, she volunteered to come hang out with Reese so we could take Annie with us to buy some new clothes and get Brittany a haircut. It had been awhile since we'd had a day that was just the three of us, and the excitement of that, coupled with pre-trip jitters had Annie on the verge of explosion.

"Auntia Liz!" She shrieked, running to the door when the bell rang, and hopping up and down until Brittany opened it. "Auntia Liz! Auntia Liz!"

"Hey, baby love!" Liz laughed, scooping Annalise up into her arms and hugging her close. "Did someone give you sugar for breakfast?"

"No way! We had oatmeal. Mama said there's gonna be 'nough treats with Grammy and ' _Buela_  this weekend. Did you  _know_ that they're  _both_ coming to Ch'cago to hang out with me and baby Reese when Mama takes Mamí as her date to the big fancy show and party? And did she tell you 's okay that I'm not going to the show 'cuz Mama's not dancing, just watching?"

"Grammy  _may_ have told me once or twice about it." She winked.

"Did she tell you that Tina's having a baby soon? And that Mike is dancing in the show? And that we're going to their house to have brunch?"

"That she didn't. Why don't you tell me all about that?"

Annie was basically vibrating, her entire body overtaken in Lizzie's arms, and she gave us a wave while she listened, not wanting to interrupt her niece's unending stream of words to properly say hello. I sat on the floor, holding Marisa's hands while she kept her tiny socked feet firmly planted on the floor, grinning, because as scary as her first time was, she was really, really proud of herself when she stood up. Brittany took pictures of us doing it, especially when Annie brought Liz over to watch, and the baby squealed in delight seeing Liz, one of the few people she didn't scowl at on sight. She didn't even resist us leaving, snuggling up in Lizzie's lap with  _Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus_ and gnawing away at the sleeve of her shirt (the latest round of teeth coming in, though that one was far less brutal than the last).

Both Brittany and I were shocked at how much Annie had grown, when we pulled clothes that would have fit her just a month earlier, and she tried them on looking like they'd go better on Marisa than her. But lucky for us, she  _loved_ trying things on, she  _loved_ matching colors and twirling around, so it was a great morning for us, and we ended up with far more than we'd expected to buy, including two pairs of bright green Converse ( _because Mam_ _í_ _, baby Reese will want them_ so  _much too!_ ). Brittany was a little fidgety through it, and more than once, I found her hand to squeeze reassuringly. I knew she was nervous for the weekend, I knew this was kind of  _huge_ for her, and as much as she smiled and laughed with our daughter, nerves were eating away at the back of her mind. She'd been fidgety all week, and the day before, she'd actually left work in the middle of the afternoon to go to the spa downstairs, getting a facial, getting her nails done, just really psyching herself up for the whole thing.

"Alright, Annie, sweetheart. How are you doing? Are you hungry, or do you think we can head over the the hair salon first?"

"I'm very good, Mama! And now I got lots and lots of new clothes for Ch'cago!"

"You do." Brittany smiled, scooping her up with her free arm for a hug. "The four of us are going to be the best dressed girls in the whole city, aren't we?"

"Well, you and Mamí have  _super_ fancy new dresses, and me and baby Reese have super fancy new shoes, so I think you're very right." She nodded enthusiastically as we walked in the door of the hair salon, and Brittany checked in at the desk.

" _Mija,_ you're starting to look like you need a haircut too. Maybe you and I will do that when we get home." I kissed her forehead, and she scrunched up her nose, considering that.

The thing was, Annie didn't get professional haircuts, not since the very first time we'd tried went  _extremely_ badly. I'd unsurprisingly done all of the research there was to do when she was just shy of two, knowing how my daughter was (though not really knowing the full extend of it yet), seeing where the best place was to go, and how to prepare. We'd talked it up for days, we'd gone to what the reviews called the best children's hair salon in the city, and within thirty seconds of walking in the door, the hairdresser terrified her with a blowdryer, and another woman practically accosted her, blowing bubbles far too close for Annie's liking. We'd gotten one snip done, a tiny lock of white blonde hair that we still have tucked away in her baby book, before Annie completely lost it, and both Brittany and I followed behind in short order. It was dramatic, maybe, our reactions, but seriously, she was two, a stranger, who she was already wary of was coming at her with a sharp object, neither of us thought it was necessary to subject her to that, and after I'd had an argument with the owner, who seemed to think we should continue no matter that both my wife and daughter was crying (and charged us, regardless, the  _least_ of the problems with the situation), we left and never went back. Needless to say, three and a half years later, I was still scowling when I walked past the salon, and was still cutting Annie's hair myself. And even with me, who she trusted so much, doing it, she still wasn't the biggest fan.

"What's the face for, baby girl?" Brittany came back over and sat down beside Annie.

"I gotta get a haircut later. I wish my hair didn't grow, just like Reese's."

"I don't think Marisa wishes that." I laughed, tapping her nose and making her cross her eyes. "Just a trim."

"Are  _you_ just getting a trim, Mama?"

"Actually, I think-" Brittany looked over at me, and I arched an eyebrow, curiously. "I think I want to get a pretty big haircut, but I wanted to see what you and Mamí thought first."

"Mama, are  _you_  going to be bald?" Annie's eyes went wide, and I had to press my fist to my mouth to keep from giggling out loud.

"No, sweetheart, I'm definitely not going to be bald." Brittany's eyes sparkled, and she squeezed Annie's hand. "We'll let Marisa keep her title as the baldy in our family for now. I was thinking about maybe getting some bangs."

"Bangs? Like in the old pictures of you?"

"Maybe a little different than those bangs, but I think I want a little change. What do you guys think?"

"I think you're  _always_ super beautiful." Annie gushed, squeezing Brittany.

"I have to agree with that." I laughed. "It's been a long time since you've had them, but you look amazing with bangs. If you want to do it, I think you should."

"Yeah?"

"Absolutely." Annie and I said and the same time, and Brittany smiled wide.

"Okay then, looks like I'm getting bangs today. Bean, you know, if you wanted to get your hair cut with me today, I'm sure Cindy could do yours too. I know she's not as good as Mamí, but she's not so bad."

"I could get my hair cut  _here?"_ She asked, her jaw dropping as she considered the idea of doing that in such a grown up place. "I thought it's just for growups."

"You're getting pretty grow up,  _mi amor._ You don't have to do it, but they'll definitely let you if you want."

"Will you be sad, Mamí, if you don't cut my hair?" She asked earnestly, and I pulled her into my arms for a hug.

"Never, ever. I'd get to watch you, and that pretty awesome too."

"I'm not so sure. Am I 'llowed to think about it?"

"Of course you are." Brittany promised. "You can come sit in the back and watch me go first., and then you can decide either way."

"Okay, but Mamí can come too, right?"

"We can't just leave her behind! Of course she can come."

When it came time for Brittany, they led her back to the sink to have her hair washed, and though we'd been given two chairs to watch from, Annie chose to sit on my lap, leaning back into me and making herself comfortable. Brittany came back, hair soaked, and a wink toward our daughter, and we watched as Cindy combed out her wet hair, so long, at that point, that if fell to her lower back. She wore it up so much for work, that I'd forgotten how long it really was, and I kind of understood her desire to get a big haircut. She wasn't just a dancer anymore, she was the head of her whole studio, and being around other people in the same position as she was, she wanted to look more sophisticated. She flicked her eyes up to meet mine in the reflection of the mirror, and I smiled encouragingly, letting her know, without words, that I was sure she was going to look absolutely beautiful when she was finished. My wife was amazing, really, she was gorgeous, and smart, and so incredibly talented, and  _I_ wiggled a little, so unbelievably excited for the weekend.

"Whoa, Mamí, look." Annie whispered to me, pointing at the six inch long shocks of Brittany's hair that fell on the black tile floor. "That's a lot of hair."

"It is." I kissed the top of her head. "Mama's hair is going to be a lot shorter, but that doesn't mean you have to get yours cut that short. You can still get just a trim."

"Well Mama's hair is  _way_ longer than mine and even  _yours._ She has the prettiest hair."

"She does." I nodded, running my fingers through Annie's. "Looks like you're going to have hair just like it when you grow up though."

"So does that mean baby Reese is going to have hair just like yours?"

"She could. It's definitely going to be very different from yours and Mama's, and it looks like it's going to be curly like mine is when I don't do anything to it, but we'll have to see. My hair is very different from  _abuela's_ , so Marisa might have her own kind of hair too."

"Lots of whispering over there." Brittany teased. "What's the big secret?"

"No secrets, Mama. Mamí's telling me how even though baby Reese is bald she's gonna have different hair that me and you. You're getting a lot of hair cut off though." She told Brittany, and Cindy laughed.

"Don't worry, kiddo, we're gonna make sure your mom's hair is  _really_ fancy before her big night tomorrow. And you know, if you decide to do your hair too, I might have some glitter to put in it, so you sparkle."

"Glitter?" Annie looked at me. "Glitter in my hair?"

"That's what Cindy says,  _mija._ Sounds pretty cool to me."

"Mama, are you getting glitter too?"

"If you want me to get glitter, baby girl, I'll get glitter too."

"I think maybe I want to get a haircut." Annie whispered to me again, and I beamed at her, so proud that she was deciding to do this on her own. "Because glitter hair is like  _Milky Way._ Mamí, did you bring him?"

"He's in Mama's purse,  _coraz_ _ó_ _ncita._ I'm glad he came, because he's definitely not going to want to miss this."

It took another forty-five minutes for Cindy to finish with Brittany's hair, blowing it out so the long layers in the back bounced, and she spun the chair around, revealing my incredibly stunning wife in all her glory, bangs framing her face, and her cheeks glowing, making it nearly impossible for me not to grab her and kiss her right in the middle of the hair salon.  _Do you like it?_ She'd mouthed to me, and I could just nod in response, because  _like,_ even  _love_ didn't begin to describe how I felt about it, until I finally managed a  _you're beautiful_. Annie clapped her little hands together, squealing at the new look (our little girl who  _so_ loved to look at fashion magazines with Kurt was completely entranced by Brittany's transformation) and jumping off my lap to wrap her arms around Brittany's waist.

"This is the  _most beautiful_ haircut in the whole wide world." Annie praised, not quite looking at Cindy, who was totally taken by her. "Can I touch it?"

"Go ahead." Brittany leaned down, knowing exactly where Annie wanted to touch, and letting her feel the fringe of her bangs.

"I just want regular hair for me, Mama, but I do like your bangs  _a lot."_

"I'm glad you do, Annalise. I like them a lot too." Britt warmed at our daughter's genuine compliments. "So what do you think? You're ready to do this?"

"Yes." She nodded somberly. "But I need you to get Milky Way, okay?"

With a nod, Brittany pulled the stuffed unicorn out of her purse, and I lifted Annie up onto the booster seat Cindy had put atop the chair Brittany had been sitting in. My brave little girl (and really, she _was_ so brave, because even something as simple to the rest of us as getting a haircut went  _way_ out of her comfort zone) held tightly to my hand, and I didn't let go as a way too big cape was wrapped around her body. Brittany made her giggle as she told Annie she looked like a superhero who got shrunk in the dryer, and she scrunched her eyes so tightly shut when Cindy sprayed her hair wet, rather than wash it in the too big sink. I looked at Brittany, trying to snap pictures and getting a little teary as the ends were snipped, and I pursed my lips, sort of sending her a silent, invisible kiss. Annie didn't open her eyes for all of the six minutes it took for it to be completed, but she was okay, even with someone so much in her personal space. It was funny, how she could look so big, yet so little all at once, but that's how I always felt, with every new experience she had, every new challenge she conquered.

"You're all done,  _mija."_ I leaned in and whispered, once Cindy had sprayed the glitter spray in both hers and Brittany's hair. "You can open your eyes now."

"What do you think, Bean?" Brittany asked as Annie took in her reflection in the mirror, grinning from ear to ear.

"Look how glittery we are! And my hair looks mostly the same, just like I wanted it."

"Looks like we were successful then." Cindy smiled softly at her, and produced a lollipop from inside of her drawer for Annie. "Since  _you_ were even more well behaved than your mom, this is for you."

"It's okay." Brittany laughed when Annie looked at her, knowing the rule we'd made about treats before the trip. "We'll make an exception for this."

"Thank you very much." She murmured to Cindy, trying her hardest to look in her eyes. "You did super great haircuts."

* * *

After leaving the salon, the rest of the day was a flurry of activity, with Liz hanging around to keep an eye on the girls, and Brittany and I feeling sort of frenzied as we did all of our last minute stuff, including packing the kids new clothes, and double checking the garment bags three times (each, maybe) for our formalwear. As a nervous flier, I was even more jittery because of that, but I couldn't let it show, I couldn't let the kids sense my anxiety. Sticking to the plan we'd made, we had an early dinner, and we changed both Annie and Marisa into pajamas, hoping that sticking to a routine might make things go a little more smoothly. It was after six when Brittany brought Annie outside with her to get a cab, and I'd wrapped Marisa to my side, humming to her as she babbled away and I grabbed the rest of the bags that were coming with us. In the cab, with Annie between us, Brittany set her hand on my back, her touch soothing me a little, though my skin still felt a little crawly.

Getting through security was relatively uneventful, though the baby was starting to get fussy, and Brittany had a mild whispered freak out to me, thinking she'd left the bag of inflight entertainment for the kids at the apartment (luckily, she hadn't, not that I was surprised, because she never forgot  _anything_ ). As much as I didn't like to fly, I was glad when we finally  _were_ seated on the plan, and even more glad that we'd paid to sit in the front, not wanting to shuffle with kids and bags toward the back. Annie was bubbling with excitement, after much deliberation, she'd chosen the window seat-  _but I can switch it, right? If I want to sit b'tween you and Mama later?_ \- and I settled into the middle, pretty glad I had Brittany's comforting hand on my thigh while a whimpering Marisa pawed at my shirt to eat.

"Are we leaving yet?" Annie frowned impatiently, hugging Milky Way to her chest and looking out the window to the tarmac.

"Very, very soon." Brittany assured her, leaning over me to quadruple check her seatbelt. "Are you ready to fly?"

"Course I am, Mama! I always wanted to learn how to fly!"

"Me too, my sweet girl." She pressed a kiss to her temple, and I relaxed into my seat at the interaction.

"Nee Nee. No." Marisa pouted, pounding her tiny fists against my chest. "No. Eat."

"But I'm  _not_ eating, baby Reese. 'S not time to have snacks yet, we gotta wait 'til we're flying."

"Mamí. Eat."

"Five minutes,  _amorcita."_ I promised, really, really trying to hold her off until takeoff, since everything I'd read online said nursing would hopefully keep her ears from popping. "Can you be patient for me?"

"No!"

"Nothing about that is surprising to me." Brittany shook her head with a chuckle. "Come here, little love, sit with me until it's time to eat."

"Mama. Iss."

"Kisses? Today you want my kisses?" She kissed all over her head and tickled her fleece clad belly, making her giggle. "I never know with you."

"Can I hold your hand?" Annie leaned in close to me, and I wrapped my arm around her little body, squeezing her hand tight in mine. "You're sure it's not scary, right Mamí?"

"It might feel funny in your belly and your ears, but we've got our seat belts on, and we're nice and safe,  _mi amor._ _"_ I nodded, swallowing my own anxiety so I wouldn't ramp hers up. " _And_ I'm pretty sure Mama packed us some gum, that way our ears won't pop."

" _Gum?_ I got a lollipop  _and_ gum today? That's  _crazy!_ _"_

"Lucky day." Brittany laughed, leaning over to grab the gum from her bag and passing pieces to both me and Annalise, just as the pilot came over the intercom, beginning to prepare us for takeoff. At that, I took the baby back into my arms, and covered us both up with a blanket, knowing she'd nurse long enough to get us through takeoff, and then hopefully pass out in my arms when she was finished.

Honestly, the takeoff went better than both Brittany and I had expected, Marisa winging a little (and biting my nipple, thank you, my beautiful baby girl), Annie tucking her face into my side, and me managing to keep myself under control, Britt twining our legs together and wrapping an arm around my waist. It was actually Annie who was first to fall asleep, her head against the window, and Milky Way tucked under her chin, as per usual. I covered her carefully in her travel blanket, and she barely stirred, lulled by the noise of the airplane. Turning my attention back toward Brittany, she had a very wired Marisa standing up between her legs and holding her hands.

"It's very late for you, my little love." Brittany mock-scolded her, but we both knew if we tried to force her to lie against us when she didn't want to, the entire plane would hear about it. "You're not sleepy?"

"No!"

"Our moms are going to have their hands full with her tomorrow, babe."

"Or they're going to get the world's longest nap out of her." She shrugged, and I brushed my lips over her cheek. "How are you doing?"

"Fine, actually. I guess having to put on my brave face for Annie, and actually having things way more worthy of fear happen to be since the last time I've been on a plane make it a lot more tolerable." I rested my head on her shoulder. "How are you feeling? I know you've been jumpy all week, and we've hardly had time to talk."

"I'm alright, I guess." She sighed, picking Marisa back up and putting her over her shoulder, thinking she might rest like that. "I don't know, San. I mean, I'm just me, I do my thing, I never in a million years thought I'd be in this position, I was a dance teacher, and the first opportunity fell in my lap, and now here I am, the head of one of their biggest studios. I'm not even sure how I'm supposed to act around these important people who'd planned to do this their entire lives. I'm the youngest by like, twenty years. I feel really unprepared, I've been sitting in my office half the week reading about their backgrounds, and I, like, taught kids in Lima, Ohio and then got really, really lucky."

"Britt, baby, luck has very little to do with you getting in your position. You've worked your  _ass_ off to get where you are. So what if they went to fancy schools, or, whatever, you got your hands dirty, you climbed up on a ladder with those plumbers and wrapped pipes, and you're an amazing, amazing dancer who  _still_ takes time in the studio every week, even though you don't have to."

"No, I know that, I do, I'm just really nervous about trying to find something in common with them. Michelle invited me out there, and I've got such an impression to make. I'm not the best at first impressions, you know?"

"You get nervous." I told her diplomatically, lifting her hand to kiss the back of her palm. "But once you get your rhythm, you charm the hell out of everyone you come across. Britt, your awesomeness was in the  _New York freaking Times._  You're making a great impression before you even get there."

"You're the best, you know." She smiled a little bit, stroking her thumb over my cheek.

"Thank you. And you look really beautiful, just so you know."

"San-"

"I'm serious, I didn't really get to tell you earlier, because Annie was getting her haircut, but I love it, your hair looks great, and you're just, you're really gorgeous."

We didn't really say much else, I knew I couldn't take away her anxiety away with a few words, but I also knew that making her feel good about herself always really helped. It wasn't long before landing that Marisa finally did fall asleep, and it was a miracle that I was able to wrap her back to my body, her head under my chin, without waking her up. We sort of shuffled the two sleeping kids and our carryon bags, until we found the driver Michelle had arranged for us, and he helped us grab the checked luggage, and get everything in the car and to the hotel. It was nearly midnight when we finally checked in, and after one by the time we got settled, unpacked and showered (since both of us were really unable to get into bed without bathing after traveling), but we passed out quickly, Annie in bed between us for the night, rather than in her own bed, in case she woke up scared about being in an unfamiliar place, and Marisa in the pack and play beside me, glad to just be settled in and not rushing the day of the big event.

* * *

All four of us slept in late that next morning, something so rare, but definitely very welcome. When I was awoken by Marisa standing up and banging her hands against the side of her bed, I rolled over and was met by her little expectant grin, wanting to eat, and even more, wanting attention. Figuring I could let Brittany and Annie sleep a little more, I lifted her into my arms and took her out into the adjoining sitting room, kissing her little face and snuggling her for just a minute longer before letting her nurse. I was actually surprised when I checked my phone and saw three messages from my mother, telling me that she and Susan, who'd arrived later then us the night before, were already awake.

" _Abuela_ and Grammy are up already,  _beb_ _é_ _."_ I murmured to the baby, and she stopped suckling to look up and me and scrunch her face up before resuming. "After you're done, we're going to have to wake up Mama and Annie, and start getting ready for the day."

"'S okay, 'm already up." A wild haired Annie dragged her feet over to us, rubbing her eyes and yawning. "I woke up in Ch'cago, right?"

"That's right,  _mija._ You slept through a whole bunch of states, and you didn't even move when Mama picked you up and held you all the way from the airport to here." I kissed her forehead and made room for her to crawl up in the chair with us. "Is Mama still sleeping?"

"Yup, she's super,  _super_ tired, I think."

"I bet she is, she's had a really busy week at work. Maybe we'll let her sleep while we get you two in the bath."

"But Mamí! All my sparkles are gonna come out then!" She pouted, touching her head. "And them I won't have unicorn hair 'nymore."

"Annie, we've gotta wash your hair, we didn't wash it yesterday, and you know, Mama washed out all her glitter last night."

"But-" She started, and I raised my eyebrow. I definitely wasn't the best at being firm with her, but I really did try, and she usually knew boundaries pretty well (which wasn't  _always_ a good thing, since she knew she could get away with more with me than with Britt).

"We've got a big weekend, and there are going you be a lot of special things happening. But we can't start any of that until we're fresh from the tub and in our new clothes, okay?"

"Okay, Mamí. But do we have sparkle  _clips?"_

"Would we go on vacation without your sparkle clips?" I asked, and she shook her head enthusiastically, making me chuckle a little. "Once your hair is brushed, we'll get them in and get you reach to show off your big haircut to Grammy and  _Abuela."_

"They're gonna be  _so_ excited!"

"They are." I nodded.

"Nee Nee. Hi!" Marisa looked up, big smile on her face, though she'd known she was there earlier, she was really occupied with filling her belly.

"Hi, baby Reese! We're gonna take a bath and wear our new shoes, if you're not hungry anymore."

"No. Mamí. No. Eat."

"Okay,  _amorcita,_ if you're done, we're done. Let's do it, girls."

Annie's eyes went wide when we got in the bathroom, seriously impressed by the big tub, and checking the ingredients on the fancy bubble bath on the counter to make sure it wouldn't irritate either of their skin, I poured some in the tub and we watched it bubble up. With me holding Marisa up, since we didn't have her little tub, and I was always really nervous about bathwater, both girls splashed and giggled, Annie made herself beards and fluffy white hair, and I was  _just_ pulling the baby out when Brittany wandered in, stretching and smiling and kissing all of us good morning. Marisa, of course, was anxious to get to her Mama, and with a kiss to her naked belly, I passed her off to Brittany, and proceeded to wash Annie's hair, watching her pout as the (mostly non-existent) glitter swirled into the bathwater. Once we are all dressed in casual clothes, me throwing one of Britt's sweatshirts over my jeans (to represent for her, because really, I was probably the most proud wife in the world), and Annie commented several times on how hungry her belly was, we managed to get down the the restaurant in the lobby. The minute our mothers came into view, Annie's shrieks of delight could be matched by very little else.

"Grammy!  _'Buela!_ Look!" She cried, racing toward them and climbing into my mother's lap, wrapping her arms around her neck.

" _Beb_ _é_ _linda,_ hi. I've missed you so much."

"Hi! I missed you too,  _'Buela,_ a  _lot!_ I haven't even seen you in real life in  _forever!_ Only on the computer. Did you see my haircut? Did you see  _Mama's_ haircut?" She chattered excitedly as Susan stood to kiss us hello and take Marisa from my arms. "We had'ta wash out all the sparkles though, 'cuz Mamí said."

"Well, your hair still looks really beautiful,  _mi coraz_ _ó_ _n._ And so does yours,  _habichuela."_ She nodded to Brittany, who blushed a little, leaning into me.

"Thanks, Mari. Just looking to do something a little different for now."

"I'm still so, so hungry." Annie informed everyone, and we just laughed as Mamí squeezed her tight.

"Let's get you some food,  _mija."_ I sat down at the table, pulling Britt into the seat beside me.

Throughout the entire meal, Marisa was content in Susan's lap, even eating some of the yogurt she'd ordered for her and being particularly snuggly (one of her extremes, if she was tired) while Annalise carried most of the conversation. Under the table, I'd rubbed circles on the top of Brittany's thigh, knowing her nervousness amplified exponentially as the time of the event drew closer, but she smiled, she chattered with our moms, and she was just simply the woman I love so deeply. I was glad we'd decided to save the aquarium for later in the weekend, because it was rainy, and also Britt's head just wouldn't be in it before the events of the night. Basically, we were all happy to climb into the back of my mom's SUV so she could drive us around and see the city, and Marisa could sleep in the carseat without needing a real plan. Of course, because Annie was so fascinated with our old Glee club days, and had probably seen the video of us and our Nationals performance a thousand times (to the point where I used to sing  _Edge Of Glory_ to calm her down when she was a toddler) we had to take her past the theater where we'd won, and she clapped and cheered like we'd just taken her to Disney World.

* * *

In the late afternoon, Mamí dropped Britt and I back at the hotel so we could start getting ready, and we kissed the girls goodbye before they went to get pizza (and probably a ton of junk food that I couldn't even let myself think about). We took our time getting ready, me pinning up Brittany's hair the way she liked, her zipping up my dress for me, and the two of us standing side by side at the big mirror in the bathroom, exchanging the occasional glance in our reflections as we put makeup on, and she checked herself over and over again. When she was finally satisfied with her appearance, we got a cab, and Brittany was quiet still, holding my hand in her lap while we went across town. When we finally arrived at the theater, I was taken aback by just how much bigger budget the Chicago studio really was than Brittany's, judging only by the promotion for one single night. The marquee beamed down upon us, and I slipped my arm around Brittany's waist and kissed her on the temple before we made our way inside, looking for Tina, mostly, since. Michelle would have her hands full until the party, and wouldn't be able to introduce Brittany to anyone else.

"Guys!" Tina called out from under the clock she'd told us to meet her by, waddling over in her gown, even more pregnant than I would have been a year earlier, had Rick been on board with having a spring showcase. "Goddamn heels killing my back."

"Take them off." I shook my head, accepting the hug she offered me, before turning to give one to Britt.

"Didn't have time to get my dress altered, I'll trip all over it if I put on flats. I'm so ready to just give birth already, this has been the longest pregnancy in the history of the world. I've been on maternity leave for two weeks already, and all I've done is send my sub borderline obnoxious emails, so now I'm about to hibernate in my bed for the next month, until this kid comes out."

"I mean, I basically did." I shrugged. "Don't get pregnancy advice from Rachel, she was pretty much at the gym until the day she gave birth. Normal humans don't do that."

"No, no they don't."

"Tina, we can go  _out_ for brunch if you don't feel like having us tomorrow." Brittany suggested. "We know how chaotic showcase week is, and when you don't have Santana's mom to come clean your house..."

"Oh no, please, Mike's mom is here. You can eat off my floors. I also ordered a bunch of food, mostly because it means a day without chicken feet." Tina feigned a gag, and then  _actually_ started to gag. "God, gross."

"We've both been there." Britt smiled. "C'mon, let's get you a seat, and maybe, get me in one, so I don't look like I was late."

"According to Mike, you're  _all_ the big shots have talked about all week. This studio might be bigger, but you're  _New York,_ and you're young, and you're a huge deal."

"Tina-"

"Don't be modest, you deserve all the praise, and you know I'm the last one to give it."

"You know I'm on Tina's side on this one, babe." I shrugged when she looked at me, and found my hand again so she could tangle her fingers with mine. With a small smirk, I leaned in to whisper so only she could hear me. "Now let's see if any of these dancers are as good as you are."

"You're the sweetest, San." She whispered back, and I scrunched up my face.

"Shh, Tina's right there."

"Seriously, you two? You know you're the worst at whispering in the world, right? You're probably the parents that will spell things in front of your kids when they're sixteen." Tina rolled her eyes, pressing her hand into her lower back.

"Parental expert, are we now, Chang?" I raised an eyebrow, making her laugh. "Remember that when you need to potty training  _wizard._ _"_

"Really? You gave yourself a title?"

"No. Everyone else did." Britt pulled me closer to her. "After she was successful so quickly with Annie, Puck, Rachel  _and_ Quinn all called her for advice. My wife is  _pretty_ fantastic at turning the things she reads on the internet into real life."

"Thank you, baby." I giggled a little, ignoring Tina's weird look. "We actually did it together though, I'm just the one who researched."

"You two are ridiculous. Now let's just go sit, before one of you has to carry me inside."

Following the orders of the pregnant lady (and glad that my wife seemed to be relaxing a little), we shuffled inside the big theater, and down toward the front where our seats were located. Tina, much like I did back in New York at Brittany's shows, introduced us to some of the people connected with the studio. She smiled and chatted a bit, while I kept a reassuring palm on Britt's lower back. When we finally took our seats for the performance to begin, Brittany pulled my hand to her lips and kissed my palm, before I wrapped my arm around her and settled in to watch. The dancing, of course, was absolutely amazing, but for me, the best part of seeing any dance exposition with Brittany was watching the way she became so emotionally involved in the performance. It amazed me, the way she connected with the movement, it amazed me, the way her eyes sparkled as she ran steps through her head, and most of all, it amazed me that I knew she was committing it all to memory, and after watching it once, she could most definitely repeat the steps on her own, hours later. Really, I've always known that I was my wife's biggest fan, but in moments like that, moments where she wasn't even dancing, or kicking ass from behind a desk, and my pride still surged, I knew it was truer than ever.

When the curtain fell and we rose to our feet, Brittany was positively giddy, the rush of the performance coursing through her, and I knew that it was the best possible thing for her to feel that, before we had the big dinner party. With something she loved so deeply in her veins, she was even more certain to make an incredible impression. Tina was bouncing on her toes, beaming at her husband in a very  _un_ -Tina way, the way I imagined people saw me when I got super sappy over Britt, and when she left to make her way backstage, we just waved her goodbye and promised to see her at the event.

"It was  _amazing._ " Brittany gushed to me, knowing I understood her excitement. "God, did you  _see_ those dancers? I'm pretty jealous they're not mine. I mean, I love mine, they're great, but  _wow."_

"Yeah, I was definitely  _wow."_ I laughed a little and gave her a soft kiss on the corner of her mouth before we climbed back into a cab to the banquet hall.

"I want a spring showcase so badly in my studio, San. I want us to be of the same caliber as Chicago. I think...I hate hating on Rick, but I think he was sort of complacent, and there's just so much we can do, there's better recruiting tactics, and..." She trailed off, her mind spinning as she took out her phone and started making notes, needing to get it all out before she forgot a single thing. "I haven't even been inside their studio yet, and wow, I'm a little overwhelmed."

"I understand that." I nodded, and I did. As different as our careers were, there was the sweeping similarity of building something worthy of acclaim, the creation of sheer greatness, and the extreme dedication to the task. "You've got the start of it though, Britt, and I really do believe that with the magic that is Brittany Lopez-Pierce, your little studio will be huge in the next few years."

"That's the hope." She grinned. "Having Michelle's support, and even more important,  _your_ emotional support is everything."

"Well, you know mine is never going anywhere, and I'm pretty sure Michelle's isn't either."

"I love you, you know."

"Oh, I do. And you know that I love you too."

The hall where the dinner was held was huge, bigger, probably, than where we'd held my Show Your Brave fundraiser a year earlier, and I could almost hear the numbers crunching in Brittany's head the moment we walked in the door. We were early, which was sort of to be assumed, since Britt had no obligations after the show, and stepping to the bar, she ordered a rare vodka tonic for herself to take the edge off and a seltzer for me. Brittany fiddled with the lime twist in her drink a little, waiting, and I set my hand over hers on the bar, hoping my words sunk in, hoping Tina's words sunk in, hoping that really, really, she realized the power of her charm, even in a different city full of people she'd never encountered before. She was just about finished with her drink when Michelle approached us at the bar, still looking a little overwhelmed from the show, but smiling and embracing each of us before she ordered a glass of wine.

"What did you think?" She asked. "Pretty great, right?"

"It was amazing. Wow, Shell, I knew New York paled in comparison to this studio, but seriously,  _wow._ This is huge, and the dancers were incredible."

"That's part of the reason why I wanted you here, LP. You've got a  _ton_ of talent in your studio, and you've got the chops to make it something even bigger. I chose you as Rick's replacement for many reasons, among which, that you're young, you're ambitious, and you give a damn about making something great. Five-to-seven year plan, this is what I want from you."

"Oh, wow, I-" Brittany's eyes were wide, like she had absolutely no idea to do with that information, hearing some kind of encouragement from her  _boss_ to make her dream a reality.

"Don't worry about it tonight. We'll talk more tomorrow." Michelle laughed a little, shaking her head. "Enjoy yourself, eat, drink, be merry, or whatever it is they say. I just wanted you to know, while it's fresh in your mind, that this is what I'm going for with you. I'll give you the budget, I'll give you the resources, but I want the Brittany Lopez-Pierce vision, because I know you've got one, and I want us to make that a reality."

"That sounds good." Brittany nodded, doing a really good job at concealing her inner freakout. "I mean, I do kind of have a document started that I add to when ideas come to me, so, I could definitely start getting a cohesive plan together."

"Perfect. We'll talk more about it when you're back in your office, but get those ideas rolling around in your head. Before  _I_ retire, I plan on seeing New York as successful as it should have been  _years_ ago."

With that, Michelle lifted her drink from the bar, and went off to fulfill more of her duties. Brittany was a little stunned, honestly, but when Michelle was gone, she pulled me close and pressed her face into my neck, letting out a tiny little scream that only I could hear. It was one of the very many things I loved about my wife, the way her excitement would get to much for her to handle, and she'd just have to release it physically so she could carry on like normal. When she lifted her head back up, I kissed her cheek and tucked a fallen piece of her hair back up, just, beaming at her, because I could, and because I was always, always so unbelievably proud of the woman I'd married.

"Thank you." She murmured, for fixing her hair, for being with her, just,  _for_.

"Always." I gave her a quick kiss on the lips. "Look at  _you,_ Brittany, she brought you here to tell you that  _this_ is what she wants from you, and believes you're capable of."

"I'm just…imagining this back at home, with my staff, with my dancers, and it's pretty weird."

"Good weird?"

"Really good weird." Britt let out a breathless little laugh. "We've both got our work cut out for us now, I guess. Do you think we're up for it?"

"When are we not?" I wrinkled my nose, knowing she was absolutely right, knowing that my rejection of Chuck's offer meant a  _lot_ of reevaluating and building for me, knowing that turning her small studio into something like this, even over the span of a few years, meant a lot of new responsibilities for Brittany. But this was us, we'd always managed to balance things, and this would be no different. "And if it comes down to it-"

"Don't finish that sentence." She shook her head furiously. "Your stuff is just as important as mine. And, I know we don't talk about it,  _but,_ in year and a half,  _someone_ might be starting the two's program at VPC."

" _Still_ have not come to an agreement on that." I raised an eyebrow at Brittany, shaking my head. " _Just_ because we have a spot, doesn't mean I'm down with it yet. She's still a  _baby,_ the idea of her going to school next September is  _terrifying._ _"_

"I'm not pushing, honey, I promise." Brittany kissed me again. "I'm just saying, it's a possibility that's there."

"I know." I wrinkled my nose. "Let me just adjust to the idea that she'll probably start walking in the next few weeks…even though I really do suspect she'll still be nursing when we want to send her to preschool."

"You  _do_ want her to stay a baby forever." She teasingly flicked my shoulder, and trailed her fingers down my arm until she took hold of my hand. "Alright, lets go do this mingling thing."

Though Brittany faltered a little, meeting the director from Chicago, and also the retiring director from San Francisco, who was sort of doing a farewell tour, she regained her footing pretty quickly. I stayed by her side, joking a bit, but mostly listening to her animated description of her own projects, and listening (and taking mental notes for her, in case Britt needed someone to check what she'd heard) while they talked about theirs. At dinner, we ended up seated with Mike and Tina, something I know that Britt appreciated even more than I did, being able to relax a little with them for a little while. While she and Mike talked about dance, I talked to Tina a little more about her pregnancy, and we both filled them in on those two little lights of our life. Mike took Brittany after dinner to introduce her to some of his dance troupe, and I took the opportunity to check in with Susan and my mother. Unsurprisingly, Marisa was still awake, babbling in the background as if it were the middle of the day, rather than after ten o'clock at night, and Annie had passed out early, overwhelmed and complaining of a stomachache (probably from all the ice cream she'd eaten earlier in the day).

* * *

Brittany was just a  _little_ tipsy when the party started to die down, she never let herself get any further than that, and not just because of me, but because she really has not desire to feel out of control. She leaned into me a little, keeping both of us warm as we said a few goodbyes out on the sidewalk and attempted to get a cab back to our hotel. It took a while, after  _insisting_ that Mike and Tina, who was nearly asleep on her feet, got in the first one, but once we found ours, we made it back across town quickly. Brittany slipped her heels off as soon as we hit the lobby- her dancer feel  _always_ aching when she wore shoes like that- and we hurried upstairs. When we opened the door to our room, we were, unsurprisingly, met with the sight of Marisa just on the verge of sleep against my mother's chest. As soon as she moved a fraction of an inch though, the baby's head popped up, and she turned to face us, a little scowl on her face.

"Hi, baby girl." Brittany whispered, though the door was closer to the room where Annie slept, and she took her from my mom's arms. "Two late nights in a row, huh?"

"No. No."

"Yes, yes, my little love." She cuddled her into her chest. "Why do you fight it? You're so very tired."

"Hi Ma, hi Susan." I kicked my own shoes off and shed my coat. "How was the night? How's Annie's stomach?"

"She hasn't woken up, so hopefully she's alright." Susan told me. "I guess we overdid it on the sugar."

"That doesn't surprise me on the slightest." I tried to look serious, but I laughed a little. "It's fine, you get to spoil her, we're okay with that. She'll sleep it off, I'm sure. How much of a hard time did our little monster give you?"

"She was actually  _very_ good, still no  _Abuela_ or  _Grammy_ though. My own granddaughter, and her first Spanish word is  _cabeza._ And I've been trying for months on FaceTime for  _Abuela._  That's the one they're supposed to say first."

"Annie's first Spanish word was  _arroz,_ Mamí."

"Yes, but it was in response to my chicken and rice, so I'll take that."

"It's also fitting for her, San." Brittany pointed out.

"That  _is_ true."

"Mamí. Hi." Marisa mumbled sleepily. "Hi."

"Hi,  _mi beb_ _é_ _preciosa._ Come here, let me see you." I held out my arms and Brittany passed her over to me. "You're the sleepiest little baby I've ever seen."

"Thanks for staying with them tonight." Brittany nodded to our moms. She was exhausted, we  _both_ were exhausted, but she still managed to chatter excitedly with them about the night, as I sank down into a chair and gave into Marisa's sudden demands to eat, figuring it would simultaneously put her to sleep and save me the hassle of pumping, since I was already feeling pretty sore.

It was another half hour before we said goodnight to our moms (who were heading down to the bar, since apparently they had more energy at night than we did) and Marisa had slumped into sleep against me, her little mouth open and her hand tangled up in my hair. I was nervous as I kissed her and settled her into the pack and play that she'd wake up again, but she only stirred for a few seconds before curling up on her side and letting out a heavy sigh. By the time Brittany emerged from the bathroom, wanting to pull out her hair and wash her makeup off, I'd pulled on my pajamas, and was glad to take my own turn in there, more than ready to just lie with my wife. It was definitely unlike the trips we took alone together, both of our girls within twenty feet of us, but when I came out, and found Brittany in bed, checking e-mail on her work BlackBerry and waiting for me, I was so, so glad for all that the trip was.

"Hi, baby." I got up in bed and rested my head on her chest. "Still working?"

"Just making sure there've been no pipe explosions or broken bones since I left. So far, so good."

"Good, I'm glad." I was quiet, letting her finish up, but tracing over the muscles of her stomach, where her tank top had risen up. There was it's own type of intimacy there, lying with her arm around me as she worked, never so involved that she didn't occasionally run her pointer finger up and down my arm, or press a soft kiss somewhere on the side of my face.

"Sorry. I'm done now." She sighed after another fifteen minutes, turning off the phone and placing it beside her regular phone on he nightstand, and kissing the top of my head.

"Don't be." I shook my head and titled my head up at her so I could catch her lips with mine. "This  _is_ a business trip, Britt. I'm just glad the girls and I could come with you."

"Trust me, so am I. I'd hate being away from all of you, and honestly, I'm not sure how I'd go to parties like that without you. Oh man, that sounded co-dependent, didn't it?"

"I don't think so at all. Britt, we both have our own things going on all the time, but I don't think it's unreasonable for you to want your wife by your side at big corporate functions. I was really proud of you tonight, you know."

"It was pretty great, wasn't it?" A confident smile spread across her face.

"The greatest."

"I feel a lot better about what we talked about on the plane last night. I mean, Gary from San Francisco was kind of a pompous ass, and said  _Juilliard_ about fifteen times, but I did enjoy his wife elbowing him in the ribs."

"Well imagine being  _married_ to him. Do you think he brags about going there thirty years ago in the bedroom too?  _Oh, you like that, baby? I went to Juilliard."_ I dropped my voice to mock him, and Brittany covered her mouth to keep from laughing loud enough to wake the girls.

" _So_ gross, Santana. I do  _not_ want to think about that.  _Although,_ I totally wouldn't put it past him."

"Well, I thank you for  _not_ being like that, although I'm one-hundred percent positive that your skills  _all around_ are far better. I could totally be your reference on that."

"You're such a dork." She rubbed her nose against mine. "And also please don't."

"A dork that you love."

"A dork that I love more than anything." She affirmed, then leaned over to turn the bedside lamp off, before wrapping both of her arms around me and snuggling closer. "And who I'll be  _happy_ to reaffirm my other skills to once we're back in a room by ourselves. Wouldn't want you to forget."

"Oh, I think you're pretty unforgettable, babe."

* * *

Annie was up very early the next morning, climbing up into bed with us and touching Brittany's hair (not that I could blame her) until she woke up. Assuring us that her belly was better, but that she definitely  _didn't_ want any more ice cream, we started the slow process of getting ready for the day, letting our littlest bedbug sleep while we did. I was actually surprised that I'd taken a shower and washed my hair, braiding it to avoid the long process of blow drying and straightening it, before Marisa was up and demanding. I fed her while Brittany got herself ready for her meeting with Michelle, and wearing a sweatshirt and jeans again, I helped Brittany choose between the outfits she'd packed for the occasion. After Annie complimented Brittany's skirt and sweater over and over again, she was confident in her appearance, and grabbing my mother's keys that she'd left for us the night before, Britt and I strapped the two girls in the back, and she held my hand on the center console and read the directions her phone gave me as we headed deep into the suburbs of Chicago.

I was taken aback by the size of Mike and Tina's house when we pulled into their driveway, not because I thought they were poor, by any means, but because our house was big by New York standards (the fact that we even owned a  _house_ really, was dumb luck), and what a difference the location makes. Annie clung to me when I helped her out of the backseat, and I knew she would most of the time. For all her bravado, telling everyone she knew about going to see Mike and Tina, she didn't know them well, we saw them once or twice a year, and most of what she had in her mind about them came from old pictures, videos and stories. But that was okay, I'd told her, and though her eyes had gone wide when Tina handed her a big cherry Danish, and quietly thanked both her and Mike for the game of Don't Break the Ice they'd given to her, Annalise remained mostly glued to my side. She'd smiled from a distance when a surprisingly friendly Marisa laughed and cooed in Tina's arms, hitting her little hands against her swollen belly, but she felt where she was, and she  _liked_ listening quietly to the stories we shared, and she really loved hearing us reminisce about our Glee club days, and how Mike rarely sang, but he and Britt carried the biggest weight of our choreography.

We probably would have stayed hours longer, thoroughly enjoying the time we had together, but Brittany had her meeting to get to, and Mike's mother was bringing Tina for some pregnancy reflexology treatment, so we said our goodbyes, and made them promise to send us pictures of the baby  _immediately_ after he was born _._ After dropping Brittany at the cafe she was meeting Michelle at, we went back to drop off the car and meet my mom and Susan. Once they were with us, we walked for awhile, Annie swinging between her grandmas and the baby snuggled to my chest in her carrier. She went down for her late morning nap like that, and when we came across a park, Annie jumped up and down with excitement to go, and I nodded my approval, glad to sit for a little while with Marisa. She ran immediately to the swings, and laughing, Susan followed her, while my mother took a seat beside me on the bench, brushing her hand over Reese's head and smiling at me.

"She's getting so big, huh  _mija?"_

"Yeah, she is. I'm glad you got to see her again, before she starts walking."

"Tough, being a long distance grandmother sometimes...or all of the time." She lamented a little. "I miss out on far too much."

"Yeah, I'm sorry it's so tough for us to get back to Lima that often."

"No, no. Don't you apologize, Santanita. You've got so much going on, and I'm lucky you come home as often as you manage. But soon, I'll finally retire, and your father is already anxious to get to New York far more frequently."

"Well you know we're always glad to have you. Annie, more than anyone."

"She's a good girl, the two of you have really done such an excellent job."

"We try." I shrugged. "But she's just so amazing, it's hard to mess it up."

"It's easier than you think,  _mi coraz_ _ó_ _n._ But you've let her be who she is, you let her deal with things at her own pace, and you fight like hell for her. I'm impressed every single day."

" _Gracias, Mam_ _í_ _._ That means a lot."

"How are  _you_ doing?" She asked, eyeing me carefully. "I know that had to be tough, making the choice you did."

"You know Ma, it was tough at first, but I know I made the right decision. I'm glad Brittany wouldn't tell me what to do, even when I begged her. I did need to do it on my own, and really, it's a step that would have changed everything, on top of multiplying the time I need to put in a hundredfold. I...I don't know if I'm even allowed to say this out loud, but...I'm not ready right now to put in a hundred times more work than I already am. The kids are still so little, and I know that the time I have with them is  _so_ important. Britt struggles with the same thing, but the difference is, she can have them in the office with her, I can't do that, and I'm not willing to compromise my role at home, no matter  _how much_ I love this organization I've built."

"You're absolutely allowed to say that out loud. The balance of work and family is one of the biggest choices women have to make in their lives. I made a very different choice than you are making, and you know I have regrets." She told me sadly.

"Mamí, you were always a great mom to me. And I was lucky to have  _abuelita_ there when I was growing up. I know that things with her and I ended really badly, but, I'll always be grateful for the years I  _did_ have with her."

"Sometimes it still takes me by surprise how grown up you are, my little girl. And I'm grateful to Alma as well, she made a lot of things possible for me. I wish I could tell you I'd come to New York and help you full time with the girls, but...I'm sorry, that's not the grandmother I envision myself as. I want to be able to spoil them, take them on outings, give them sweets, if I were with them every day, I couldn't do that, I'd have to discipline and set boundaries..."

"Oh, I know, Ma. Trust me, Britt and I wouldn't want that either. We love that you and Susan, and Papí and Stephen too, are their fun place. We're going to have some things to figure out again now that Michelle has these new expectations for Brittany, but it's not like we never saw the day coming. We knew her taking that job was the very best thing for her, and for her family as a whole, so we're going to shift and balance and do what it takes to make it work."

"And your organization?"

"Nothing will change. Brittany is adamant about that, she has been since the day she accepted this job, and she said it again last night. She doesn't want me sacrificing my dream, because they're just as important as hers. I seriously just…I don't know how I got so lucky to marry a woman like her."

"She treats you like you  _should_ be treated, Santana. Just because what you do doesn't make money doesn't mean you don't contribute in a thousand other ways to your family. Brittany knows that, and that's why she will  _always_ encourage your dreams. You're both very lucky that  _her_ dream pays well, and all those kids are lucky that your's changes their lives." Mamí nodded her head to punctuate her point, and Reese stirred against me, stretching her fists up over her head and pursing her lips.

"Mama. 'Iss."

" _Buenos dias, mi amorcita. No soy Mama, pero voy a dar besos, y ella vendr_ _á_ _pronto._ _"_ I kissed all over her face, making her giggle as I loosened the wrap and pulled her out. "And look who else is here? Your  _abuelita_  would be happy to give you more kisses too, I think."

"Ess."

"Was that yes,  _mija?_ _"_ I asked her, grinning. "Alright then, here you go, go see  _Abuela_."

After she was given an ample amount of kisses from my mother, I held onto Marisa's little hands and let her stand up and take a few assisted steps before bringing her over to join Annie on the swings. Brittany and I had been sure, on our first relatively nice day back home, to bring the girls to the park and get Marisa on a swing. I wasn't entirely sure why, but it was a first that was so important to both of us, and we'd wanted to experience it together, possibly because it was something that had brought Annie so much joy that summer after her first birthday, when she was still so small and timid, and when Brittany and I were still learning to navigate the small simplicities of our life  _after._ So with her first time already well documented, I slipped Marisa into the swing beside her sister, and my mother stood back and watched as I pushed Reese and Susan pushed Annie, both girls laughing and shrieking as they swung back and forth. When my phone buzzed in my back pocket with a message from Britt that she was all finished, we got ourselves together, and Annie was absolutely beside herself with exuberance about getting to the aquarium and seeing  _real, live sharks_.

* * *

Brittany was waiting with her arms open for Annie to run into by the time we'd got Mamí's car, drove across the city and parked, and Marisa was more than ready to be covered in the kisses she'd asked for. Britt held them both close to her for a few minutes, before releasing Annie to my mother and Marisa to Susan. Her fingers tangled with mine, and she gave me a quick kiss while we walked along with them, simply enjoying the girls and their grandmothers taking in all the magic of sea animals that the Coney Island Aquarium couldn't even dream of housing. Annie was absolutely beside herself seeing the penguins at the sea otters, but it was when we got to the enclosure containing a group of pure white beluga whales, she nearly burst right there on the spot.

"Mama! Mamí!" She held her scream in a whisper, so careful not to startle them. " _Look!_ It's so many baby belugas! Just like in the song! Baby Reese! Even  _you_ know the song!"

"Nee Nee!" She shrieked, feeding off Annie's excitement, and wriggling in her Grammy's arms, wanting to get free. "No! No!"

"Grammy! She wants to get down, but she doesn't know 'bout saying please! 'Cept you have to hold her hands when she stands up, remember? Or she'll fall and hurt her head."

"Okay, sweet baby girl." Susan looked affectionately at Annie, then turned her attention back to the baby in her arms. "That's what you want, little chicky? To stand up and see the whales too? Well okay then!"

" _'Buela!_ Aren't they amazing? Do you know about the song? Do you know how to sing it?"

"I think I do,  _mi amor,_ but you might have to help me."

"Okay." She nodded very seriously. "You have to start by singing  _baby beluga in the deep blue sea, you swim so wild and you swim so free,_ okay? Even though  _these_ whales are  _not_ in the sea."

"It's okay, Annalisita, these whales live here because they needed to be rescued, and now they have people taking care of them. They're much safer here than they would be in the sea."

"I hope you're very right,  _'Buela,_ because you're not s'pposed to take animals home from the beach, just like last summer I had to put my baby crab back in the ocean."

"I promise you,  _coraz_ _ó_ _ncita,_ they were rescued, not stolen." My mother looked to me, and I just smiled gratefully, approving of what she was saying. "Now what do you say we sing them that song?"

Six choruses of  _Baby Beluga_ later, my mother really belting out the  _heaven above and the sea below,_ and sharing the  _little white whale on the go_ part with Annie, we left their new friends and continued our explorations of the place, watching how entirely taken both the girls were. Marisa, in particular, was enamored, yelping and shrieking and insisting on being set on her feet at every tank, staring into the aquatic abyss before her, pressing her hands and face to the glass whenever she could, and listening intently, as if she understood, while Annie narrated the entire thing for her. After several hours, Brittany and I fell a little behind, at the encouragement of my mother-in-law, and though we could still see and hear our children, we took in a little of the place privately, her arm around my waist and my head resting on her shoulder

"They've both done really well on this trip." Brittany spoke quietly, seeing from afar how Marisa made faces at the octopus pressed against the glass where Susan held her.

"Yeah, minus Marisa's weird sleep schedule and our moms overfeeding Annie, I think this was a  _serious_ success. I was honestly pretty worried."

"I know. I was too. Even a year ago, I don't think she could have done this, San."

"Neither do I. Fire Island last summer was a big enough adjustment for her, but an airplane trip, another big city where she stayed without us for so long last night? It's pretty huge."

"We could definitely do this again, maybe a trip that  _doesn't_ involve me working."

"I'd definitely be glad to do that. And speaking of, how was this morning?"

"It was good, really good, I think. Michelle's encouraging me to hire an assistant, since Rick had one, and they could do all the ordering and scheduling stuff that I spend so much of my time on. So, I guess I have to really consider how much I can handle giving to someone else."

"And everyone thinks that  _I'm_ the only control freak in this marriage." I teased her a little. "But you know I get it, it never feels right if you're not doing it yourself."

"I swear, we're each other's exception to a lot of things, but that may be the biggest.  _You,_ babe, are the only person in the world that I trust blindly."

"The feeling is mutual, Britt, that's for sure. That's why we make an epic team."

"True power couple." She nodded seriously, but then burst out laughing. "I do think I'll do it though, even of the interview process will take me until Halloween."

"Oh, I remember when you hired an assistant choreographer. At least this time around won't involve you and Rick arguing for four months straight and considering ways to torture him."

"I'm  _pretty_ sure that was  _you_  considering ways to torture him.  _But,_ you're right. When I find someone I like, I won't have it vetoed  _eleven_ different times." Britt rolled her eyes, obviously still bitter over the nightmare of three years earlier. "Anyway, I'll work on starting to figure it out when we get back home, for now, let's enjoy the last eighteen hours of our trip, and  _not_ miss the opportunity to see _actual_ dolphins."

"The gayest of all the sea animals." I giggled uninhibitedly at her excitement, and kissed her lips one last time, before tugging her hand to reach where Annie stood with her little face up against the glass, staring at a giant sea turtle. When I turned to glance at Britt, she had this softness on her face, watching the way our daughter just looked so entirely enamored with the creature. "Sounds perfect."


	54. Everyday Superheroes

Returning home from Chicago, Brittany was pretty revved up to get started on her new projects, and I was beginning to get ready for the school year to wind down. For the next few weeks, we were sort of in a state of chaos, passing kids back and forth, exchanging far too many quick hello-goodbye kisses, and crawling into bed beyond exhausted every night. Even the weekends seemed to be filled with too much, Annie's spring soccer, Marisa's baby yoga class, two dinners with investors for Show Your Brave where we'd nearly had to drive the kids to Westchester because Lizzie got the flu, and Kurt and the Hudson's had gone to Lima for Carole's birthday, before Jarrod and Chris stepped in to save the day. When we'd finally found a night on the calendar where we could just stay home and relax, put the kids to bed early, and actually  _talk_ to one another, Brittany and I breathed a collective sigh of relief, before promptly passing out from exhaustion before we even got the opportunity.

It was alright though. We'd weathered chaotic periods in our marriage before. When Annie was little, and I was in school and still writing music professionally, while Brittany worked on building her prestige, the most time we spent together was in therapy sessions and doctor's appointments for the baby. There wasn't even time to plan date nights, had either of us even had the energy to go on them. But the truth was, it just made us savor the time we had together even more, and that hadn't changed in five years.

As April turned into May, and we were getting closer, closer, finally, to summer, Annie had her first appointment with Dr. Marguiles since her post-surgery follow up. Needless to say, she was beyond anxious about it, and in the waiting room, she sat in my lap, snuggling her little face into my neck. As best as I could, I soothed her, rubbing her back, whispering in her ear, all the while watching as Brittany walked around, holding a squawking Marisa's hands. It was amazing, really, how much she'd grown in the past few months, how at Annie's first appointment, back in the fall, she'd slept soundly, wrapped against me, and now, she was an actual person. I was getting better though, dealing with them growing up, and when she and Britt walked back toward me, I smiled at my baby girl, proud of her little assisted steps.

"Nee Nee! 'Iss!" Marisa cried out, when she got close, and Annie looked up at me, eyes still watering.

"Mamí, I gotta be very brave for baby Reese, so she's not 'fraid to go to the doctor's too."

"My Annalise." I smiled softly, and made eye contact with Brittany, who scooped the baby back up into her arms. "Sometimes being brave means accepting that you're scared of things, right?"

"No. Being brave means not being scared. You're s'pposed to know that, 'cuz you're super brave. You went to the doctors  _all_ the time when you had a baby in your belly."

" _Mija,_ ask your Mama, I was afraid of going to the doctor a lot of times, and I was very, very afraid when your sister was born."

"That is true, baby girl." Brittany sat beside us, and Marisa held her arms out of Annie, grinning wide at the little kiss she got on her nose. "Being afraid sometimes doesn't make you less brave.  _But,_ I promise you, no surgery today, nothing too scary at all. We're going to read some eye charts, and then, you're going to pick out some super awesome glasses."

"I'm still not very sure I want to wear the glasses, Mama." She looked at Brittany, her little face so earnest, and I hugged her tighter. "Can I only wear them when I'm tired, like you do, Mamí?"

"I need my glasses for something different,  _mi amor._ The one's you'll get are going to help you see things far away so much better than you can now."

"But why do I need to see things far away? I can just walk closer to them."

"Well-" I looked at Brittany, sort of unable to deny that logic, and she hid her chuckle behind her hand.

"You can't always though, Annie, and sometimes you're not going to want to either. This is going to make your whole world so much clearer. No more squinting, no more sitting too close to the TV on movie night, which means  _way_ more snuggling."

"And if it makes you feel better,  _mija,_ I'll wear my glasses during the day until you get used to yours."

"Really?"

"Really." I nodded, and kept one hand on my back while I reached to pull them out of my bag. Once I'd perched them on my nose, I crossed my eyes and stuck out my tongue, making her giggle. "What do you think?"

"I think you look a little bit silly."

"I don't know, honey,  _I_ think you look beautiful."

"Thank you, Britt. What about you,  _amorcita?"_

"Hi!" Marisa clapped her little hands "'Iss?"

"Of course." I leaned in and kissed her, grinning as she pulled my cheeks and blew raspberries. "And I think she's still waiting for your kiss too, Annie."

"Oh no, baby Reese, I forgot all about your kisses!"

"Nee Nee. Mine."

"I am." Annie kissed all over her face, and the baby shrieked with delight. "I'm only your sister, but you gotta share me too okay?"

"No!"

"Hey, fresh girl." Brittany rubbed the top of her head. "You need a new favorite word."

"Mama! No!"

"We'll work on it. But let's get your sister's eyes checked, okay? I bet you she's going to look just as pretty as your Mamí does with glasses on."

Dr. Marguiles came out to greet us, and Annie held fast to my hand as we went back into the exam room. She looked down at her sandals while Brittany and I spoke to her about how things had been since the surgery, and shy again, Annie mumbled the answers to the questions that were directed at her. She sat on my lap, Milky Way tight in her grasp, during the exam, cringing when the doctor looked in her eyes, despite my soothing touches up and down her arms. The most she came out of her shell was when Dr. Marguiles asked her if she knew all of her letters, and she told her proudly, if not softly, that she even knew how to read lots of books. Her reading of the eye chart made it  _extremely_ clear that she needed to be wearing glasses, and she slumped against me, frustrated, when the doctor told her what we'd all already known.

"Alright, Miss Annalise, are you ready to pick out your glasses?" The doctor asked as Annie found Brittany's side and hugged her tightly.

"I would like to have invisible glasses." She frowned, deep creases forming in her forehead. "Then nob'dy in my school can be able t'see them."

_If I didn't know who gave birth to her._ I mumbled under my breath, really unable to believe sometimes how much she was like me, and sometimes, in the absolute worst ways. "Britt."

"Baby girl, hey." Brittany passed the baby into my arms, and she kneeled down in front of our daughter. "Look at me. I know you have a hard time, my love, and you don't want to feel any more different than you already do. But I promise you, just like some kids have lost their teeth already in your class, and you haven't, some kids will have glasses. You might be the first, but you won't always be the only one."

"Are you sure though, Mama? Really, really sure?"

"I'm the most sure, sweetheart. Here, look, I know Mamí brought her glasses so the two of you could match, but I've brought something too." She dug into her purse and procured the tiniest pair of glasses, accompanied by the book we'd found together inline the week before,  _I Wish I Had Glasses Like Rosa._ "Well, the glasses might be more of a present for Milky Way, more than you. What do you think, Milky Way, do  _you_ want to wear glasses.

"He's not very sure."

"How about we try? What do you think?" Brittany asked, and Annie nodded, slowly, hesitantly. Watching, even with Marisa trying to grab my glasses from my face, I had to suck in a deep breath. One of my favorite things about parenting with my wife were those rare moments where I got to just stand back and watch the way she interacted with our girls, watched the way she managed to make things make a special kind of sense, especially with Annie. Carefully, she perched the the new glasses on the unicorn, securing them with a strap so he wouldn't lose them, and a smile crept across Annalise's face.

"You look a little beautiful, Milky Way." Annie hugged him close to her chest, burying her face in his mane. "I think you should keep your glasses on."

"I love you so much." I murmured to Brittany, when she stood and wrapped her arm around my waist. "Like, an absolutely absurd amount."

"The same goes for you, babe." She smiled and kissed my temple, while Annie fussed with Milky Way's glasses, and Marisa let out a squeal. "You too, my little love. Don't worry, you're not getting left out."

Even with Annie slightly reassured, it took us a long time to go through the two cases of glasses that would fit her and find a pair that she liked, and that didn't irritate behind her ears. After trying on about fifteen pairs, Annie finally settled on a pair of purple frames, and she wrinkled her nose, showing her final selection off to us. It was another one of those times I thought that I might burst into tears, seeing my baby girl, looking all grown up. I probably would have, when Brittany stood to straighten them, had Marisa not started clapping her hands excitedly, making me laugh instead. We waited in the office while they fit the lenses right there, and when Annie had the completed glasses on her face again, her eyes widened, almost comically.

"Whoa! You were right! I  _can_ see everything super clear!"

"Much better, huh  _mija?"_ I wrapped her up in my arms, and she nodded against me.

"That's very, very weird, Mamí."

* * *

The next day was Friday, and Annie was hesitant again when morning came. It took quite a bit of coaxing to get her to keep her glasses on while we walked to school, in spite of both Milky Way and me both wearing ours. Thoreau, of course, immediately told Annie how  _extra super pretty_ she looked, and I wasn't sure if Brittany was going to cry or hug him herself. Because of the serious deficit in time alone together, and the fact that I'd somehow agreed for us to host dinner for our friends, she'd taken the day off, and convinced Lizzie, who was permanently settled in New York while waiting to take her Bar, to take Marisa for the day. Truly, I think I'd blocked out how much I'd been missing spending time with my wife, until we sat down for breakfast, and she reached across the table to grab my hand.

"Holy crap, Santana, I don't think I've ever been so excited about breakfast in my life. I forget what you look like without a child or a phone attached to you."

"I miss you too, baby." I smiled at her, and brought her hand to my lips, kissing the inside of it. "It's almost summer break. At least we'll just be dealing with one crazy schedule."

"That is true. I'm just really glad neither of us have to travel for work. I really don't know how people manage that. The best decision I've ever made was deciding to never tour."

"I'm so glad for that too. I miss you when I fall asleep without you, even knowing you're just in the office. I give all the credit in the world to people who do long distance relationships."

"We'd be strong enough for it, I know that much, but I couldn't imagine waking up in a different city than you and the girls."

"Lucky we'll never have to worry about that. New York is it for us."

"It's funny you know." A softness painted her face, and she stroked the back of my hand with her thumb. "That there was ever a time that I wasn't sure I'd end up here."

"Yeah. Everything before six and a half years ago sort of feels like a dream to me. I can't believe we're coming up on six years of marriage."

"I can't believe that  _Annie_ is going to be six. I can't believe the baby will be a year old already. Is it just me, or does time feel like it's moving way too fast?"

"No, I feel it too." I shrugged and played with her wedding band. "Do you think we can spare a weekend for us? I'd really like to steal you away from the city, maybe go out to one of those vineyards we saw last year. I know you like things like that, and we haven't been able to do that."

"That really won't be enjoyable for you though, honey. Why don't we go to the beach?"

"We kind of always go to the beach, babe. And just because I don't drink doesn't mean I can't enjoy farm country out there. I think it could be a really nice weekend."

"If you're comfortable with that, San, I'd really love it."

"I am. I'd like it a lot. I mean, we didn't have an anniversary weekend, really, last year, since I was about ten thousand pounds. So I want to make this a big one."

"Well, you know I'm happy to just have a night in even a crappy hotel with you, but yeah, let's go out there."

"I'll get it together." I promised, then snuck a bite of her eggs Benedict as soon as they came, making her poke me teasingly with her fork. "And at some point, we're going to have to plan the big Lopez-Pierce  _fiesta_ for our  _two_ kids this year."

"Yeah we do. Annie hasn't talked about it at all." Brittany looked at me, turning serious. "I think, after Thoreau's party, she's a little wary."

"I love the O'Malley's, Britt, but that was really over the top. I can see why she'd worry about it. There were like sixty kids there. I think-" I had to swallow hard, because I really hated how her differences were becoming glaring, more than anything, because I knew that she knew it, and Brittany knew too. "I think we need to start calling the birthday parties  _family parties._ That way she doesn't feel like, I don't know, like she's weird because she only has Thoreau, really, to invite. Chris and Jarrod have become what I consider family, I just, I don't know."

"No, no, that makes a lot of sense. I mean, we might have to reevaluate things when Reese is old enough to want to invite anyone, but, especially because they're going to share a party, this could be a mindset to get her into." Britt chewed on her bottom lip a little. "I just wish we could really make her understand that different is okay."

"You know she needs to figure it out on her own though. We know better than anyone how much it sucks, but I do this  _professionally_ and I can't figure out a way. I mean. Britt, it took me  _years_ to be okay with who I was, and she's still just a baby."

"I know. I just, I worry a lot."

"So do I. Trust me, every day. She looked  _so_ cute in those glasses though, I seriously can't believe I haven't burst into tears every time I look at her."

"Well." The corner of her mouth raised up in a smile, and she tucked a lock of hair behind my ear, reminding me that I was still wearing mine too. "She might take after someone with that. You need to remind me to take a picture of the two of you. This morning when I was watching you brush your teeth together, I thought  _I_ was going to burst into tears. It's a little ridiculous how perfect it was."

"I do rock these glasses, don't I?" I winked at her, but squeezed her hand, acknowledging the rest.

"Oh, you most definitely do, my gorgeous wifey."

* * *

We had no real plans for the day, other than to just spend time together. We ended up getting pedicures, which we very rarely were able to do at the same time, then managed to catch an early movie and run to Whole Foods for the things we needed for dinner, all before it was time to pick Annie back up at school. It was unbelievable just how much the day meant to us, how we walked through Washington Square Park on the way back to school, each of us with a bag slung over a shoulder, holding hands and sharing an ice cream cone like newlyweds. That was one of the things I appreciated most about my marriage to Brittany, the way the simplest days could truly feel like the best, especially after a lot of time without them. The way we could spend weeks busy and full of stress, but the moment we had just a little bit of time to relax and enjoy each other, we talked, we laughed, we made out a little in back of the almost empty theater like teenagers, since the movie was actually awful. It was something I hoped our kids would recognize, growing up, how absolutely amazing it is to have a spouse that is their absolute best friend.

Annie was bubbly when we'd picked her up from school. She knew that Brice was coming for dinner, and really, no one talked to her at all about her glasses- something that she was glad for, so she didn't have to find her words, and something that broke my heart, just a little. Brittany brought her into the kitchen to help start dinner, and I spent some time with Reese. I rocked her and nursed her, really, a rarity, that quiet time, where she didn't just eat and then squirm around immediately after, since she was such a busy little bug. Her eyes closed while she ate, and even when she was full, she laid there for a bit, playing with the string of my sweatshirt, before they popped open, and she pounded her little fists against my chest so she could play with me. I sat on the floor of her bedroom with her, and took in her giggles as she tried to throw her ball to me, and her screams of delight when she caught my return toss in her tiny lap.

When we went back downstairs, I could already smell eggplant baking in the oven, and Annie and Brittany singing together in the kitchen. Our daughter was  _still_ deep in her Britney Spears obsession, and I think Britt delighted in it more than she admitted, belting  _Crazy_ at the top of her lungs. Annie was really developing her cooking skills (much to the delight of her grandmothers) and while Brittany stood at the stove, dealing with the sauce, Annalise sliced cheese as thin as she possibly could with the special knife we'd bought for her. Upon seeing her Mama and sister, the baby yelped and nearly wriggled out of my arms. I sat her down on her mat in the gated corner of the room, and she rolled around a bit, before pulling herself up on the gate and screaming Annie's name as loud as she could over and over again.

"Baby Reese!" Annie frowned and put her hands on her hips. "Remember? We are  _not_ s'pposed to yell. It hurts everyb'dy's ears."

"Nee Nee! No!"

"Yes, that's right,  _no._ No screaming."

"Annie,  _bebé._ " I went to her side and rubbed my hands over her arms. "You know she's just a baby and doesn't know any better."

"I know Mamí, but today she's yelling very loud, and I'm trying to conc'ntrate."

"How about we take a minute break from the cutting for a minute, okay? Your sister wants your attention, she probably missed you a lot today. You don't have to stop what you're doing whenever she calls you, but just acknowledge her, alright? Give her a little hello, so she knows you see her, even if you can't play."

"Okay, but when's she gonna learn you're not 'llowed to scream to get what you want?"

"She'll learn, sweetheart." Brittany stirred the sauce and turned toward us. "Mamí and I are working on that, now that she's starting to understand a little better, but it's going to take some time before she really understands it."

"I'm sorry I got mad. I love my sister  _so, so, so_ much. It's just hard to do helping stuff when she's screaming so loud, and I can't play with her  _always,"_

"We know that,  _mi amor._ And trust me, Mama and I don't expect you to. It's just like we can't always play with you, right? It doesn't mean we don't love you the same, or don't wish we could."

"Just like us,  _you_ have big responsibilities too, and you're a very big helper, sweetheart. And she'll learn that, just like she's learning that screaming  _eat_ doesn't always get her food."

"If baby Reese ate every time she yelled  _eat,_ I think she would be a very  _giant_ baby, because that would be a  _lot_ of food in her belly."

"You're right," Brittany laughed, and Annie did too. "That's why it's mine and Mama's job to know if she's hungry for real, or just saying that."

"Mama!"

"You, little love, are feisty tonight." Britt turned to the baby and ended up scooping her into her arms. "How about a please?"

"Eat!" She cried out, and all three if us started laughing, making the baby laugh as well.

" _Please_ and  _eat_ are not the same thing, and this little belly of yours is very full. Do you want to sit in your high chair and watch Annie help with dinner? And maybe have some Cheerios too?" Brittany buckled her in and ruffled her barely there hair, knowing that the Cheerios were more for her dexterity that as an actual source of food.

"Nee Nee!"

"Hi, baby Reese. I'm sorry I wasn't paying 'ttention to you. But I'm trying to help cook the dinner for everyb'dy. Even Brice is coming over!"

"Nee Nee! Rice!"

"That's right! Annie and Brice!" She clapped her hands at the new word, her strange frustration with her sister almost immediately forgotten. "Mama! Mamí! Did you hear?"

"We did,  _mi amor._ " I smiled at her, and Brittany wrapped her arms around my waist, resting her chin on my shoulder and just, looking at our daughters, Annie beaming with pride, and Marisa, her usual shit-eating grin plastered across her face, the proof, I swore, that she was Brittany's little girl.

Meticulously, Annie went back to her cheese cutting, and I made a salad while Brittany began layering the eggplant. We were just finishing up when the doorbell rang, and Annie wriggled out of her chair to help me get it. It was the Hudson's, early, as they always were, and Brice ran to wrap his arms around Annie, hugging her like he hadn't seen her in years, then pulling away and eyeing her glasses quizzically. It never took much to convince Brice, and the moment she told him they were so she could see things better, he accepted that, and nearly dragged her off into the playroom. Kurt came later than we'd expected, just before we were set to put dinner on the table, and he looked better than I'd seen him in months, an actual smile on, and dressed like he had come from a meeting at work. He was throwing himself into it, I knew, that and Vin, but it seemed to be working, and I was so glad for that, truly, to see the post-Blaine devastation wiped from his face.

As it always was, dinner was quite the affair. Rachel had finished her brief three month stint as Rose Alvarez, (which really, I  _still_ couldn't believe that she'd played, but, she was a commodity, and even I couldn't deny that she'd done an exceptional job) and she was thrilled to be back at home with Brice, at least for the time being. They were leaving for the summer at the end of June, they'd rented a place in Nantucket (where Brittany and I had already talked about visiting them for a few days, pretty excited to take Marisa to the beach for the first time she'd be able to actually experience it) and Finn was beyond ready for his summer vacation, the year feeling to him, as of it had dragged on for an eternity. All throughout dinner and dessert, it was pretty obvious that Kurt was keeping something to himself, but none of us pushed him to talk, we knew he would when he was ready, and, if it had anything to do with him dating again, we knew he might need time before he was ready to share it with the rest of us. It was sort of an unspoken agreement, but definitely, I thought, a testament to our adulthood, the true resistance to each of our natural urges (probably, more specifically, mine and Rachel's) to pry into his business.

* * *

It came long after dinner. After Brice threw the worst temper tantrum I'd ever witnessed, and Annie had thrown a few good ones in her day, Finn and Rachel called it an early night. This was Rachel's big task this summer, she'd told me on the phone the week before, to focus on reining in his bad habits, and taking him immediately out of the situation, no matter how much he kicked and screamed, was her first step in her plan. Once we'd said goodbye, I'd gone up to give Marisa a quick bath and put her to bed, and since we'd encouraged Kurt to stay and hang out with us, Annie showed off her growing piano skills for him, and he told her he  _just_ might have a new dress somewhere for her that perfectly matched her brand new glasses. When I came back down, she'd ended up falling asleep on the chaise, and Brittany, not ready to move her, had simply taken off her glasses and let her lie there, sprawled out and breathing heavily. She was fine around the conversation, it wouldn't wake her, it never had, so I curled into Brittany's side, playing with her fingers, while Kurt finished telling her about fashion week.

"Okay, so." He clapped his hands together, a smile creeping across his face. "I've been waiting  _all_ night for it just to be the three of us. I have some really big, really exciting news."

"You met someone?" Brittany blurted out in excitement, then sucked her lips back into her mouth, remembering that we weren't going to say that.

"Oh, no. My divorce has only been finalized for a few months, right now, Kurt Hummel's door is completely closed to men-." He side-eyed me, figuring I'd create a double entendre from it, and when I wrinkled my nose, he knew he wasn't wrong.

"I really don't want to know about  _that._ That not even wanky, it's just  _gross."_

"Trust me, you two are the  _last_ people I want to talk to about my sex life." He rolled his eyes.

"Liar." Brittany laughed. "You  _know_ we rank hire than Rachel on that list. As much as we'd  _love_ to be lower down."

"Look, I've already had to give Rachel sex advice more than once in my life. I  _really_ don't want to have to talk to  _you_ about it. Condoms are your friend, that's it." I feigned gagging, and Kurt flicked my shoulder.

"Oh my  _God._ I just said this isn't about sex, or men. It's actually about the two of  _you."_ He grinned again, and Brittany and I exchanged a confused look. "So, Santana, taking Vin into my home for the past few months has been absolutely life changing for me. I think, more than anything, it's convinced me that fatherhood is something I absolutely want. I know I'm not his father, but, being in a role where I can support him, it's something, I guess, that shows me that it's more than I ever could have imagined it is."

"Kurt Hummel, please don't tell me you're coming to us asking for an egg donation." I felt my heart rate quicken and my insides twist. I loved him, I really, truly did, but, there were some things I just wasn't willing to share, even with my friends, maybe  _especially_ my friends. I'm sure some people were fine with that, and I  _knew_ firsthand, that parenthood was not about biology, but, for me, the idea of my eggs, or my wife's eggs producing a child that we'd see regularly, it just didn't sit right with me, not at all. "Look, we support you one-hundred percent, but, that's just not-"

"Yeah, it's not something I think we'd be comfortable with." Brittany shook her head quickly, squeezing my hand tightly, confirms that she and I were on the same page.

"No. No. Not all all. I'd never ask you for something like that. And I'm not ready to have a baby now either, sorry, I'm just prefacing the story." He shook his head, and I leaned further into Brittany, breathing a sigh of relief, a sigh that she shared with me. "I've just been talking a lot about this at work, and as it turns out, the Times magazine is doing a huge human interest piece on New York families, successfully managing powerful careers, marriage and children."

"Okay..." Brittany looked at me, and I just shrugged my shoulders. I knew he did that obnoxiously vague talking in circles thing sometimes, when he was trying to do some big reveal, but even after nearly a decade and a half of friendship, I'd yet to figure it out.

"I'm talking about you guys. Brittany, the renowned choreographer, turned head of the top dance studio in the city. Santana, providing a safe space for confused teenagers. All while raising two beautiful and maintaining a healthy marriage. Not to mention that you're two  _women_. I'm not even a writer and I could write this one. Your story tells itself."

"Kurt...we're- We're not exactly exciting." I furrowed my brow, trying to make sense of this.

"Well, you  _did_ get your hand stuck in the dishwasher yesterday, babe.  _That_  was exciting. I thought I was going to have to douse you in butter or call the fire department."

"Also entirely your fault. I  _told_ you my hands weren't small enough to fit down the silverware basket to get that bottle ring."

"See, this is exactly what I was saying to the magazine editor. You two are your own sort of power couple, but you're just regular people, and kind of weird, in a good way." He held up his hand when Brittany went to object to that statement. "You don't have to do it, I just want to put it out there for you to think about. I think you'd be really great, and it would give Show Your Brave even more exposure."

"I don't-" I looked at Brittany, who'd already turned to look at me. "What does something like this entail?"

"They'd interview you together, you'd talk about your work life, your home life, then they'd take some pictures of the four of you. That's it."

"Okay, but we aren't  _famous._ Why would anyone care about that?" Brittany raised an eyebrow at him, and I swear, he had this tendency to look like he was going to roll his eyes all the time, when he couldn't get his point across.

" _Time Out New York_ does it every month. It's a human interest piece. You're interesting. Queer ladies from Nowheresville, Ohio, make it in the big city, have a beautiful family, stay obscenely in love. It's inspiring, and it's also really accessible to other people."

"I don't know. Kurt, Britt and I need to talk about this on our own, before we can give you an answer." She nodded along with my words. "I appreciate you thinking of us, but this is a lot to consider for us."

"And in all honesty, I need to talk to  _my_ boss too, if we decide it's something we're interested in. Press needs to be cleared with the national office, even personal press."

"That's fine. I don't need an answer right now, I just sort of suggested to the mag editor that I'd talk to you and see what you thought. Let me know this week, and then I'll tell her."

* * *

Kurt stayed awhile longer, filling us in on how he wanted to do a little something when Vin graduated, just so he felt cared about, which Britt and I were  _more_ than willing to help with, telling us about Blaine's new game of trying to make him jealous by accidentally on purpose sending him messages meant for other men (a tactic that was largely unsuccessful, since Kurt really  _was_  done), and listening to the latest news about our lives. When he left, I carried Annie up to her bed, setting Milky Way's glasses beside Annie's on the night table and tucking him under the covers with her and murmuring my love to her, before meeting Brittany in the kitchen, where she was loading the dishwasher.

"Hey, baby." I smiled when she turned to look at me, and she grabbed a towel to dry her hands. "You didn't have to do that, you made most of dinner, I would have cleaned up."

"It took me all of five minutes. I just wanted to get it done, so maybe you and I could take a bath."

"Seems appropriate, doesn't it?" I laughed a little, knowing what was coming. "Way to hit us from nowhere with  _that,_ Hummel."

"I know. But, you don't sound completely against it."

"I'm not, actually." I stepped into her open arms and brushed her nose with mine. "You want to go run the tub and I'll finish this and make some tea?"

"Sounds perfect." She kissed my lips, slow, soft, and I kind of melted into her, just enjoying the quiet house, enjoying the moment alone in our kitchen with her. "I'm totally bringing some of that leftover cake up though."

"Of course, it wouldn't be a Lopez-Pierce dinner party, if you and I didn't have more dessert alone later."

Once the dishes were all in the dishwasher, and I'd turned it on, I wiped down the counters once more and flicked on the oven light, before turning off the overhead lights, closing up the downstairs for the evening (something that always reminded me if my  _abuela_ when I was a kid, snapping  _la cocina es cerrada,_ whenever I'd ask for anything to eat after dinner). Tea in hand, I went upstairs, peering into each of the girls' rooms, before making my way into our bathroom. I had to swallow hard when I walked in, finding Brittany sitting on the edge of the tub, entirely naked, and waiting for it to finish filling up. I looked her up she down appreciating the absolute beauty that was my wife. Hearing me come in, she looked up and smiled, all of her teeth showing, and her eyes dancing in the light of the candles she'd lit. It was a pretty amazing thing, the way she could still make my knees weak with just a glance, and really, a huge part of me considered skipping the bath all together and getting her into bed. But the idea of relaxing in her arms won out, especially once she wordlessly entered the bubbly water and crooked her finger for me to join her. Quickly, I shucked my clothes off and set the tea on the ledge of the tub, before slipping between Brittany's legs and humming with contentment at the feel of her slippery bare skin against my back. She nuzzled her face in my hair, and her little sigh sent shivers through me.

"Hi." I turned my head so I could look at her face, and let the back of it fall to rest on her shoulder.

"Hey, you." She brushed her lips with mine, and tucked a lock of hair that had fallen from my ponytail behind my ear. "Feels good."

"So good." I murmured, tracing my hands up the outsides of her thighs. "Let's just, relax like this for a little while, before we have a big serious conversation."

"My wife is naked with me in the tub, I don't think you'll get any arguments on that." She teased, and I pinched behind her knee, making her flick me. "Obviously that's not relaxing, pinching me and stuff."

"Couldn't help it, my hand slipped."

"Sure it did." Britt sucked her teeth and dropped her head back against the edge of the tub. She was quiet for a long while, and so was I, and after we'd washed ourselves and shared the cake, I lie there, just playing with one of her hands, feeling the pulse in her wrist, while her other danced over my submerged stomach, tracing lines and stretch marks and dimples, cherishing each imperfection that marked my abdomen. It was perfect, really, just reveling, entirely, in the intimacy of bathing together, something that had become far too few and far between.

"I love you, baby." I breathed, the motions of her fingers turning me to mush.

"I love you too, San. It's been such a week, even lunch feels like days ago."

"It does. It really does. Tomorrow will be a nice, soccer, and then uninterrupted family day though. I just hope the baby doesn't pull one of her four-am stunts."

"You mean you don't love when she lays across your face and screams  _'iss?"_

"If it wasn't so cute..." I trailed off. "Dear  _New York Times_ , welcome to a day in our life. Changing the world, and changing diapers, all before the sun comes up. Just your every day superhero."

"That's a good tagline. We should totally copy write that." Brittany giggled. "You're really thinking about this, huh?"

"I don't know, I mean, I'm not as opposed to it as I would have thought. What are you thinking though?"

"I have questions. I mean, Connor Frost wrote that beautiful article, Santana, and it kind of lifted a lot of my reservations about dealing with the press. Also, because Kurt is involved, I feel, I don't know, safer, maybe? I just want to know a little more though, especially because it involves the girls." I looked up at her, and she chewed on her bottom lip. "But, I think we're both at really important points professionally, where this might be important? I mean, it's not every day someone asks us to be in the  _Times_."

"Twice in a year though, I'd say the a Lopez-Pierces, especially one, in particular, are kind of a big deal."

"Hey, it's  _you_ that landed this one. You and the way you managed to help one of your kids  _and_ our friend at once. I know-" She paused, resting her hands on the tops of my thighs, and turning very serious. "I know you've got a lot you're trying to figure out about the future of Show Your Brave, and I'm just, I'm so proud of you San."

"Britt-"

"No, honey, I really mean it. I know we're open with our kids, and we love them unconditionally, but I just hope, if there's ever a reason they can't come to us, that they have an adult like you. Vin's parents are awful, and they make me so sick thinking about, especially because we almost  _lost_ our daughter at one point, and we had to go through a bunch of crap to get our other. But, you've given him this whole world, and I just, I don't know, I'd like to do this interview, partially because I want  _you_ to have your moment to shine. You do so much for so many people, and I swear, if there were awards for what you do..."

"You know I'm not looking for them though. When I get e-mails from my kids that they were able to come out to their parents, when they introduce me to someone they're dating, when they make all these weird little friendships, and, when you sit with me and we watch Vin get his diploma and get ready to leave for UPenn,  _those_ are my professional awards. And my personal ones, well, I think I _might_ be collecting one right now, just being with you."

"Santana Lopez-Pierce, you're really something else." Brittany shook her head, and then kissed me again, cupping my cheek and giving me this adoring sort of look.

"I do try." I felt a little teary when I laughed, so she kissed me again. "I want to do it for awareness though. A lot more people read the paper than could afford Rachel's show, and, even that was over a year ago now. Plus, you're trying to put your studio on the map, so I think it's a win-win. As long as the family stuff isn't too weird and invasive."

"Yup, that will  _always_ be a deal breaker." She affirmed. "So, I guess we tell Kurt we might be interested."

"And then we probably have to attempt to find free hours in our schedules.  _That_ should be fun."

"Well, all this aside, I know we have  _several_ free hours right now." Brittany winked, and it felt electricity shoot through my body. "And I  _think_ I know a way or two to make the most of them."

"I think, baby, I like the way you're thinking." I stood up and reached for Brittany's hand, helping her to stand. "Let's go to bed, love of my life. It's  _my_ turn to tell you about all the awards  _you_ deserve."

"And again, you'll get no arguments from me."


	55. For Always, Always

All too quickly, May turned into June, and in preparation, maybe, for the summer, I had a near constant stream of e-mails from the kids I worked with, coupled with phone calls and breakfast meetings with Jarrod and Holly, setting up a schedule for the summer, when we'd all be doing our respective traveling, and wanted to make sure someone was always on hand for emergency situations. True to my word to my wife, I'd set up our weekend out on eastern Long Island, figuring that with the year we had, and the fact that we'd hardly celebrated out fifth anniversary, we could splurge a little on a a few really nice meals and fancier room at the bed and breakfast I'd found, complete with a private balcony and a jacuzzi tub.

The night before we were set to leave, Brittany was in the studio late, helping to prepare a few of her younger dancers for their first big auditions, ones she'd managed, of course, to score for them. We'd finally come to a final decision on the interview situation, and we'd agreed to do it, setting up something for the week before Marisa's birthday. At Annie's request, we'd had pizza night, and leaving the leftovers in the oven for Britt, and I'd gone upstairs to start getting the kids ready for bed. Though it was a rarity for them, I put both girls in the tub together, and I'm not entire sure  _who_ was more excited about thar, a giggly Annie, piling bubbles on top of Marisa's head, or Marisa, who shrieked and splashed at everything her big sister did. When they were finished in the tub, Annie wriggled into her nightgown, and for the first time, I dressed the baby in a striped short pajama set, rather than her too-small one piece sleepers.

It was earlier than I'd realized, and knowing that putting them to bed would mean a wake up call earlier than we needed to be up, Annie and I spread a tea party out on her bedroom floor, Milky Way, Skittles, and their band of stuffed and plastic friends all prepared to take their tea with Her Royal Highness Annalise, Her Majesty Marisa, and Queen Number One Mami- which Annie alternated one and two between Britt and I, to be fair. Of course, Marisa never lasted long (or at all, really) at imaginative play, she wanted to explore, so I sat with Annie on her quilt, keeping my eyes on Marisa, who pulled herself up on the side of Annie's bed, alternating between holding on and letting go, and I pretended to sip from my plastic cup.

"How many years are you and Mama married on your annivers'ry this time?" Annie asked, pot of tea in one hand, and her cup in the other.

"Six." I told her, smiling.

"Oh right, just like how many years I'm gonna be on my birthday. That's why Mama's super big with baby me inside in the wedding pictures!"

"Exactly. Maybe you were so excited about our wedding, that you just couldn't wait to come out and meet us."

"That would be  _very_ silly of me, Mami. I shoulda known to grow big and  _then_ we could have more parties." Annie frowned, and I stroked her hair.

"I was just teasing,  _mija,_ you came out because it was time for you, even if you  _were_  a little early." I promised her.

"Mami." She furrowed her brow, looking at me seriously. "I have an 'mportant question."

"Okay,  _beb_ _é_ _."_ I looked over again at Marisa, making sure she was alright where she stood, babbling up against Annie's bed, her occasional laughter at herself echoing through the room. "Go ahead and ask me."

"Are you ever gonna get a new wife?" Annie pursed her lips, and I sucked in a breath, trying to determine just what precipitated that question.

"What?  _Mi amor,_ why are you wondering that?"

"Does Uncle Kurtsy have a new husband?"

"Oh, Annie." I tried to determine how exactly to continue this conversation, wishing Brittany was home for it. "No, Uncle Kurt doesn't have a new husband. Are you talking about Vin?"

"Course I am, Mamí. How come he lives in the big 'partment now, and Uncle Blaine disappeared? Aren't you s'pposed to live with your husband or your wife and your babies when you're a grownup? Or your fiancé, like Auntia Lizzie and Max?"

" _Mija,_ remember how we always talk about how every family is different?" I asked her, and she nodded slowly. "Right now, Uncle Kurt is Vin's family, so he can finish high school in a safe place and go away to college."

"What about his other family though? And what about Uncle Blaine?"

"You know this is going to be a grownup conversation, right?" I asked, and she nodded slowly. "I think,  _corazoncita,_ that we should wait for Mama to get home, and for Marisa to be in her bed."

"No! No bed!" Marisa shrieked, banging on the side of the bed. "Nee nee!"

"'S getting very late, baby Reese." Annie slid over to her, but gave me a small, concerned nod.

"Mama! Mama! Mama!"

"She's trying to get home before your bedtime,  _amorcita._ What do you say you eat while you're waiting?"

"No! No!"

"Mamí." Annie leaned over to whisper to me. "Baby Reese  _never,_ ever says no to eating. I think she misses Mama a lot."

"I think so too. It's been a very busy week, and Mama is going to try and get lets of cuddles in with both of you before we leave tomorrow."

"Mama! Mama!"

"Soon, Marisa, soon!"

"Nope, she spotted me before you two did." Brittany grinned from the doorway, then slipped over to where Marisa stood, scooping her up into her arms. "Hello there, Miss Shorty PJs."

"Mama! Her footy p'jamas got so small that her feet were all squashed up inside of them and she screamed  _so_ loud and kicked her legs!" Annie scrambled up from where she sat, and Brittany dropped her jaw in not entirely feigned disbelief.

"Little love, you're getting so tall, aren't you? We're going to have to order you some more of these, I think?"

"She looks super cute, right? When you can see her squishy-squashy knees!" Annie jumped up and down, and Brittany squeezed Marisa's little "squishy-squashy knee" between her fingers.

"I definitely think she does. And how are  _you,_ baby girl? You're not growing out of your clothes on me, are you?"

"Nope! See, I still fit into my Snoopy nightgown." She spun around enthusiastically, and Brittany gave me her softest smile, when I pushed myself up from the floor, kissing her temple, and tickling the baby, who clung to her. "But baby Reese has been waiting for you to go to sleep! She didn't even want to  _eat!_ She wanted to cuddle you before sleeping. And then me and you and Mamí are gonna have a grownup conversation!"

"Well it seems like I've missed a lot today, haven't I?"

"Apparently. The big D word." I murmured into her ear, and as soon as it left my mouth, I expected the snort she made. " _Not_ that one."

"That one might be easier, I swear." She whispered back, lifting Annie into her arms. "So, Bean, how do you feel about helping me give your sister a bottle, if Mamí thinks that works tonight?"

"Go ahead, I think I could wait a little while before I pump, and maybe jump in the shower while you guys put her to bed?"

"Go for it, babe." Brittany kissed my lips, as Annie chattered away to the baby, and I squeezed my wife's shoulder, knowing that she was as nervous as I was, for the conversation that lied ahead.

Kissing the baby goodnight, I slipped out of the bedroom. It was rare, incredibly rare, that I didn't do her night feeding, but knowing Brittany had come in from work just after I'd put her down twice this week, and that we'd be leaving the girls for the whole weekend, I was happy to oblige her desire to do Marisa's whole bedtime ritual. Slipping out of my clothes, grass stained from crawling on the ground of the park before dinner with her, I got into the shower and sort of mentally prepared myself for a conversation about divorce and abandonment with our eleven days shy of six year old daughter. When I got out, I pulled out a pair of Britt's sweatpants and rolled them at the ankles, squeezing my left breast and deciding I was still okay a little longer, before pulling on a t-shirt and heading into Annie's room. She was just climbing into bed with Brittany, when I got there, and I watched them for a minute, before announcing my presence, and crawling up onto her open side.

"Hi, Mami!" Annie snuggled into me. "Baby Reese went  _right_ to sleep after I read her  _A Color Of His Own._ We both like the rainbow ch'meleon a  _lot."_

"Your Mama's a pretty big fan of him too." I smiled, feeling Brittany's arm snake around my back.

"Well he's a pretty cool guy." Britt shrugged, getting comfortable. "Alright, Annie, sweetheart, so we're going to talk about Uncle Kurt, huh?"

"Yes. Mamí said Vin's not even his husband. Even though he lives with him."

"He's not." Brittany affirmed. "Don't you remember when Mami went over to help him find a new place to stay? Because his parents didn't really understand what was going on with him?"

"Yes I do." She nodded, trying to look so very grown up. "But I got very confused because I haven't even seen Uncle Blaine since  _New Years!"_

"You're right,  _mi amor,_ you haven't." I took a deep breath. "Vin is not Uncle Kurt's husband, but neither is Uncle Blaine anymore."

"But they had a  _wedding."_ Annie insisted, clearly conflicted, though she'd been the one to originally question it. "Remember my flower girl dress? And Bricey 'lmost lost all the rings in the pond with the fish? And you and Mama and Auntia Rachel wore not-orange dresses? You're just 'llowed to erase you wedding?"

"It's not really erasing your wedding, baby girl. The wedding still happened, and they were still married, but it's called a divorce, which means two people choose not to be married anymore."

"So you and Mamí can decide you  _don't want to be married anymore?"_ Annie yelped, big tears forming in her eyes. "Why would anyb'dy  _do that?"_

"Annalise." I soothed, holding her close to my chest. "It doesn't exactly work like that. When people decide to get a divorce, it means they weren't happy, and they tried everything they could to fix that. Mama and I are very, very happy together, and we love each other, and you and your sister more than anything. This isn't something we want you to worry about for us."

"I don't think I like grownup conversations very much. They're always 'bout super sad stuff." She frowned, tucking her whole body into mine. "I like happy things."

"There are a lot of complicated things, my love, but there are also a lot of really great things too." Brittany reassured her. "And Uncle Kurt is much happier now than we was a few months ago. Someday, he might choose to marry another man who makes him happy, or he may choose not to. And Bl-  _Uncle_  Blaine is in Europe doing a lot for his career, because that makes  _him_  happy."

"But you're most happy when you're married?"

"We are the very most happy when we're married." I told her, and Brittany nodded in agreement. "And no matter  _what,_ we will always, always be happy being your moms. The love we feel for you and your sister will never change."

"Annie, there are a lot of things we can't tell you about the future, but tomorrow, Mamí and I will celebrate six years of being married. When you're grown up, I hope that you get to experience what it feels like to love someone more and more, every single day, because that special thing is what I feel all the time."

"So you're never going to move to Europe for your career, right?" She looked between both of us, and I had to bite back a laugh, thinking of the conversation I'd had with Brittany a few weeks earlier on the same subject.

"No,  _mija,_ we're both pretty set here in New York."

"Okay." She pursed her little lips, considering it further. I braced myself, and knew Brittany was doing the same, not entirely emotionally prepared, if she had more questions about Vin and his reasons for having to live with Kurt. I was grateful, really, that she seemed far more interested in Kurt and Blaine. "I still think it's very sad."

"It is sad, and Uncle Kurt was really sad too in the beginning. Uncle Blaine was a big part of his life for a really long time, but he has a lot of other kinds of love too. He has all of us, and Burt and Carole, and while romantic love, like husbands and wives and boyfriends and girlfriends have, is special, there are lots of other important kinds." I looked up at Britt, who bobbed her head along, punctuating what I was saying.

"I'm going to give him a super big hug when I see him next. I'm glad he stayed here in New York City though. Is Uncle Blaine going to live in Europe forever now? Is he going to visit us?"

"Well-" Brittany bit her bottom lip, trying to figure out exactly what to say. Though we were consistently honest with Annie, the idea of telling her that she'd probably never see Blaine again, that he hadn't said as much as a goodbye to  _any_ of us when he left, sort of put a sour taste in my mouth. The dynamics among married friendships were complex even for me, and I found myself hard pressed to believe that there weren't "custody" type situations when it came to friends. Kurt was my friend, he had been for a long time, and Blaine was part of the deal. Right or not, it was obvious, I'm sure to Blaine as well, who we'd end up with, when their marriage ended. "I think, Bean, we'll have to wait and see what happens with that."

"I hope no one else has a divorce. I don't have too many friends, and I don't want them all to move away."

" _Mi beb_ _é_ _dulce."_ I sucked in a breath, looking in Britt's eyes as I pulled them both closer to me, holding back the tears at the back of my throat, as my daughter struggled to understand why someone who'd been in her life since she'd been born wouldn't be anymore. As my sweet, sweet girl, who craved friendship struggled to have it. "Grownup stuff is tough to understand, but I promise, we'll try and keep as many of our friends close to us as we can, okay?"

"Okay." She didn't sound entirely convinced, but she tucked her little face into my neck and breathed me in. "But you're really never, ever leaving, right?"

"Never, Annie." Brittany rubbed her back and kissed the side of her face. "Not in a million years will either of us be very far from you and your sister."

* * *

Because we didn't want to impose  _too much_ on Lizzie and Max, who'd agreed to watch the girls for the weekend for us, Brittany and I had decided to wait until  _after_ Friday night rush hour to leave for our trip. After  _many_ kisses goodbye, including an extra promise to Annie that she could call us anytime she wanted, given our conversation the night before, and pleas to Marisa not to start walking while we were gone, we got in the car. Brittany, against her usual nature, wanted to drive, and I was more than content to push my seat back a little and sprawl out in the passenger seat and admire my incredibly sexy wife, as she navigated in and out of the residual pre-summer Expressway traffic,

It still took us two and a half hours to get out to where we were staying, but despite the fact that we'd had another night with Marisa in our bed at three in the morning, taking up, miraculously, at least double the space that a human baby actually should, I had no desire to actually go to bed (or at least sleep) anytime soon. Of course, given the wink Brittany gave me when she hopped out of the car and grabbed our bags from the trunk, I knew she'd accomplished  _exactly_ what she'd been trying to do. Something about her driving  _really_ got me all kinds of worked up, it always had, and coupled with her newfound need to rest her hand between my thighs and occasionally wiggle her fingers casually, I was already flushed. Stepping out into the still cool June evening, I hoped it might cool my neck a little, and I sidled up beside her in the driveway of the bed and breakfast, feigning innocence as I stuck my hand in the back pocket of her jeans and breathed against her ear.

"Should have known when you took the keys first."

"Why Mrs. Lopez-Pierce, whatever do you mean?" She teased, but I could hear the rasp in her voice. "I just figured you deserved a break from always driving."

"Mmhm, and your hand just kept conveniently slipping from my knee, huh?"

"Roads were pretty bumpy on the way out here, weren't they?"

"So that's your story?" I couldn't help but laugh, and Brittany shivered as the vibrations rippled against her skin.

"That, and the fact that it'll be our anniversary in about an hour and thirty eight minutes." She turned a little to catch my lower lip between her teeth, before quickly releasing it. "And I plan to put every second of it to good use."

"I think I like that story better." I kissed below her ear, humming just for a quick instant, before pulling away to grab my bag and sashay to the door, cocking my head over my shoulder to see her checking out my ass as I walked away.

The owner of the inn, who'd graciously agreed to let us check in late, showed us up to our room on the second floor, down at the end of a hall, away from the other three rooms- a perk, I'd supposed, of booking their most expensive room. Setting the bags down by the door, I briefly considered unpacking, until I turned to find Brittany, perched on the edge of the turned down bed, a chocolate covered cherry between her lips, her legs open so I could step in between them. All thoughts of getting things in order were entirely discarded when popped the cherry into her mouth and pulled the stem back out, already tied into a knot. She was ridiculous when she did that, and truthfully, she'd had to reassure me more than once when we were younger and I couldn't do it that it was absolutely _no_ indication of  _other_ oral skills. But that aside, it was undeniably sexy when she did, and I set my hands on her thighs, sinking my weight into her and pressing my lips to hers, tasting chocolate and cherries and the tingly mint lip mint gloss that she'd been really into using.

"Hope you saved some for me." I breathed against her mouth, bringing my hands up under her t-shirt and popping her bra clasp with little fanfare.

"Cherries will be the last thing you're thinking about. Trust me on  _that,_ babe."

"You know I trust you on everything." I broke the playfulness for just a moment, my sentimental self shining through. A smile tugged at the corner of Brittany's mouth, and she sucked her lips inside, giving me that look that I knew belonged to no one else in the world.

"I do know." She told me softly, putting her hands on my waist and lifting me up, so she could lie me back on the bed.

Brittany crawled up over me, deliberate in her motions, tucking another pillow beneath me, so I was propped up, and tugging her own shirt over her head, letting the unclasped bra fall from her arms, before she rid me of mine as well. When we were both topless, she pressed my thighs apart and kneeled between them on the bed, her hand on my lower back pulling me upwards for a kiss, the kind filled with so much heat that she had me trembling a little from just that. Pulling back her head, Brittany's eyes were dark, and her soft smile was replaced with a sort of hungry look. Her hands roamed my bare chest, and the groan I let out when she attached her lips to my neck, nipping and sucking at the most sensitive place, only spurring her further.

She took her time with me, shedding her own jeans, but leaving mine on, and pressing her wetness to my clothed thigh as she continued her ministrations on my top half. Gently dragging her teeth down my neck, she closed her lips on the sensitive skin around my nipple, still careful not to touch it directly, since my self-consciousness about leaking during foreplay was still  _very_ real. My hand came up to rest on the back on her neck, while my other opened and closed helplessly, before falling to her bare ass, scratching it with my nails. She hummed against my skin, her eyes, burning into mine, and when my thighs tensed as she kissed the crease of my arm (still, she had a thing for that, one I was more than happy to indulge) she shuddered, a moan escaping her lips and sending heat right to my lower belly.

"Baby." I managed, though I was nearly past the point of coherent dialogue, as her mouth marked its way down the side of my breast, and her fingers played with the button of my pants.

"Can I help you?" She tried to tease, eyelids fluttering and a thick rasp in her throat. Continuing to hold the button between her fingers, she found my mouth again, rocking, a little, against my thigh, as she kissed me.

"Love you." I told her, more a hum in her throat than actual words, and she smiled into the kiss, tracing my bottom lip with her tongue, before finally undoing my jeans and shimmying with them back down my body.

Settling on her stomach, Brittany pushed my knees up and kissed the stretch mark at the very bottom of my belly, where I'd yet to lose the last ten pounds of my baby weight- and might never, something I was getting increasingly more comfortable with. Her fingers traced up and down the insides of my thighs, and in an effort not to squirm, I pulled her hair loose of her ponytail and buried my hands in blonde tresses. Her lips curled up in a smile against my skin, and she conceded to my silent pleas, my body, burning from hours of her subtle foreplay.

With her mouth working tirelessly against me, I struggled to keep my eyes open, I struggled to hold off as long as I possibly could. Because watching her like that, watching her bring me to the levels of ecstasy that only she could, it was high up on my list of favorite sights in the world. My hands couldn't help but pull tighter in her hair, bringing her closer, closer to me as my hips arched up, and it only spurred her further, eyes swimming with her own arousal as I finally let myself go, feeling white hot stars prick behind my eyes. I reached, aimlessly, for her hand, but before I'd even stopped throbbing, Brittany snaked her arms around my neck, and positioned herself so her sex was pressed against mine.

"Y'okay?" Her breathing was heavy, and I could only nod, bringing my hands to her chest, and my face to her neck, sucking the skin with no care for the bruises I'd leave in my wake. "Can you come again?"

"Mhmph. Think so."

I felt the heat building back up as she set a furious pace, grinding against me, chasing her release. I fought my jellied limbs and put all the effort I had into my Brittany, eliciting shivers with my thumbs on her nipples, and sparks, sparks that I felt too, with every cant of my hips. I knew it, how close she was, and no matter that she'd just done wonders with her mouth, no matter how desperate she was, my wife was holding herself off, trying, trying to come with me. Tingles roiling through most of my body, I pulled myself, even with contorted legs, to find her lips, groaning, as she slipped her tongue into my mouth, and let me taste myself there, cherries and mint and everything else long gone. It was all I needed, really, and pushing myself into her again, her body shuddered and twitched as she came undone, and I followed, only as instant after.

After she collapsed on top of me, limbs at strange angles that only Brittany was capable of contorting herself into, I felt this overwhelming surge of need to just, touch her everywhere, caress her skin. Not even sexually, just, worshippy, maybe. Her body limp and pliable, I rolled her onto her back and lied on my side. Her legs spread open, still tender, the way I felt all over, she was just, so raw and so incredibly stunning. My hands wandered, feeling her, mapping her, and she hummed and purred, eyes closed, as I covered her with my most intimate affection. I couldn't tear my eyes from her, naked and beautiful, a sheen of sweat cooling on her milky white skin. In all of her natural glory, hair wild from where I'd rumpled it with my hands, lips swollen and parted, her neck, beginning to bloom purple, she was always her most beautiful, beautiful only for me.

"You're staring." She murmured, never opening her eyes, but a smile curling on her mouth.

"I am." A laugh bubbled out of my throat.

"As much as I love it when you do, I'd really like a kiss right now."

"I think I can manage that." I pressed my forehead to Brittany's, and I waited until she opened her eyes, smiling as much with them as she ever did with her mouth. My lips found hers, and I just laid draped half over her, kissing lazily, my hands still tracing the contours of her body. "It's after midnight."

"I figured." Her hands combed through my hair. "That's why I wanted you to kiss me. Well. Not really, but..."

"Like New Years."

"Better. Six years, Santana."

"One hell of a six years." I nodded. "And I wouldn't have done it with anyone else. Happy anniversary, baby. We've got a hundred more to go."

"We're going to live to be very old then." She continued our longstanding joke, then tapped her fingers against the bruise on her neck. "Better be careful you don't suck all the lifeblood out of me though."

"Only one of us has ever accidentally broken skin, and that someone ain't me, Britt."

" _One_ time, and  _barely."_ She rolled her eyes, reaching to stroke the inside of my thigh, the mark years healed, that  _spot_ of hers though, where I often found hickeys (mortifying me at the gynecologist more that once, when we'd forgotten about appointments). "I'm also still sorry for that."

"I know, and you 'made it up to me' for like a month."

"I'm pretty sure neither of us were complaining about  _that._ " Britt raised her eyebrows, and I giggled at her, the only person who could ever make me giggle- excluding our daughters but they didn't entirely count in that race.

"To be fifteen years younger." I shook my head. "Actually, I would never want to go back to that. Even with all the time in the world for sex, I'd take this over anything."

"No question." She stretched out her arm and wrapped it around me, letting me fit myself into my sleeping spot beneath her chin. "I love you, Santana."

"I love you too, Britt."

* * *

We slept in the next morning, skipping the  _breakfast_ part of our bed and breakfast experience, in favor of a lazy morning, and a breakfast of a  _different_  sort. When we finally moseyed out of bed around nine-thirty and showered together, Brittany took out her phone, and she FaceTimed the girls as I finished pumping my too-swollen breasts.

_Hello there, sissy!_ Liz announced, as Brittany held the phone where I could see. Marisa rested on her hip, fingers tangled in a handful of blonde hair, and she looked, as she always did, curiously at the screen.  _Look baby, it's your moms out there in the country. Happy anniversary, guys._

"Thanks, Lizzie. And hello, my little love." Brittany grinned, and I blew kisses at the screen. "Are you being nice to Aunt Lizzie and Max?"

_No. No! Mama! Mamí! No!_

_Don't you tell lies, Miss Thing! She's actually been very good. We've been up for about four hours, but we ate pancakes and yogurt and peaches._

"Good eating,  _mija."_ I clapped my hands, chest swelling at the sight of her curious little face. "Think you can keep that up for us when we come home?"

_Eat! Eat!_

"We know what you'd rather eat." I laughed, looking down at the filling glass bottle,  _so_ glad my milk production hadn't decreased in the slightest. "It's okay,  _amorcita,_ you'll have it until you're ready to give it up. I just want that belly of yours full."

_Hi!_ She clapped, laughing at herself.

"Hi, Marisa." I made silly faces for her, enjoying how she laughed.

"No walking yet, right?" Brittany checked, concerned, and Liz shook her head. "Where's Bean?"

_We're having a little bit of a grouch morning._ Liz forewarned.  _Little sunshine! Your moms are on the phone for you._

Annie stalked into the room, Milky Way under her arms, still in her pajamas, a scowl on her face, and her arms across her chest. Her hair was cow licked and wild, and if it wasn't so unlike her, I'd have laughed at how cute she was. But instead, Britt and I both gave our softest smiles, and waited for her to take Lizzie's phone from her and plop down on the couch.

"What's going on, baby girl?" Brittany asked, fingers twitching at her sides, like she wished she could hold her close.

_Nothing. I woke up very mad today, and then I broke_ three  _whole crayons, and I want you to come home right now so I can hug you and cuddle with you._

"Annie." I sucked in a breath. "Which crayons broke?"

_The purple one and the silver one and the Robin's Egg Blue one. I need those crayons because they are my favorite ones!_

"Okay, Bean, what did Aunt Lizzie say about it?"

_I got in trouble! She made me stay in my room and_ relax.  _But I don't want to relax! I want you to be home._

"Annalise. You got in trouble for breaking your crayons?" I asked softly, knowing that wasn't the full reason.

_No. For screaming about it. I was just very mad, and I'm still very mad and I needed to scream because I didn't want them to break._

"Sweetheart, I know that's really disappointing, but I think Aunt Liz might have been able to help, if you'd talked to her nicely."

_I want_ you  _to help me. I don't want you to be gone away anymore._

"I know it's tough,  _mi amor,_ and we miss you like crazy too, but we're going to be home tomorrow. You know we never leave you for more than a few days, and we talked about it again yesterday, right? How much fun you were going to have?"

_Yes, but I only want you to leave when I'm not in a mad mood so you can give me a hug._

"What about Aunt Liz? You know she gives some pretty great hugs too. I should know, I'm the one that taught her."

_I don't know. I only wanted to hug baby Reese._

"Well did she give you a good hug?" I sing-songed a little, trying to disarm her. "I know you love her squishy-squashy arms."

_It was a good baby hug._ She shrugged her shoulders.

"Maybe you should ask for a good grownup hug too." Brittany's voice was so gentle, hiding the tightness behind it at her nerves when Annie got upset and we were far from her. "I don't think you're the only one who'd like that. Maybe you guys need a do-over morning?"

_But I can't do-over my broken crayons and I want them not broken._

"I'd say,  _mija,_ that you could probably earn some new ones, if you turned that frown upside down and apologized for your screaming."

_Really? I can have new ones now?_ A small smile appeared in her face.

"We'll talk to Aunt Liz, baby, and it probably won't be right now, but I think we can fix it without coming home right away. Mamí and I need a special weekend for our anniversary, right?"

_Yes_. She looked down at her lap, then back up.  _I forgot to say happy annivers'ry. I was making you cards from me and Milky Way when I broke my crayons._

"Thank you for that." I blinked quickly. "We'll be really excited to see them."

_I still miss you though._

"We miss you too, so much. But we'll be home before dinner tomorrow, okay?"

_Okay, Mama. I love you so, so much. Even when I'm in a very mad mood._

" _Corazoncita,_ we love you in all our moods and your moods too. But try to have a fun rest if the weekend, okay? Aunt Lizzie and Max have so many fun things planned, and we don't want you to miss out."

It took another fifteen minutes of talking to Annie, then Liz, telling her where there were boxes of crayons stashed, for when she thought Annie should get new ones, and finally, playing a little Peek A Boo with Reese, before we hung up. As much as it hurt when Annie was upset, we knew she was in good hands, and only shared a single reassuring hug and kiss with each other, before we headed out to the car. Though Brittany offered to drive, I intercepted the keys, figuring we'd end up back in our room if she did, and headed into some quaint little East End town with a name I couldn't pronounce, stopping for donuts and iced coffee (even for Britt) and just sort of aimlessly wandering, much like we always did, in between plans on our weekends away. I loved days like that, especially with our hectic schedules. I loved doing nothing with her, making dumb jokes, filling each other in on things we maybe didn't think about before falling into bed at night. Swinging hands between our bodies, and sneaking kisses. She was, truly, my very best friend, and being able to just goof around together was vitally important to our relationship.

The vineyard we'd chosen was one of the smaller ones around, but it had a restaurant- Britt's request, since she didn't like the idea of me having to sit there and watch her drink wine, though I assured her  _again_ that there was nowhere better in the world for grape juice. I'd made us lunch reservations, and getting there early, there was time for us to walk the grounds, before we found our way up to the rustic tables with hanging jar lanterns that were sure to be gorgeous at night strung about. It was quiet, given how early in the day it was, and that it wasn't quite summer, but quiet was good, quiet was exactly what Brittany and I always sought out on our trips, and as soon as we were seated, I slid my chair closer to her and she snaked her arm behind me, pulling her close as she sipped slowly from the small glass of wine they'd given her to sample.

"You're so relaxed today." She commented, as I read down the single page menu, deciding what array of things we'd probably end up sharing. "You've  _been_ , actually, even with how busy we are. But, I sort of...worried a little."

"Because of the other night?" I asked, and she nodded in response. "Nope, no repeat of Plymouth. I'm good, I'm really good. It was ridiculous, the whole thing, to begin with. They were always different than us, comparing relationships doesn't even make sense, and it's true, what you told Annie, about loving each other more every day. That...constancy, I guess, has really settled in for her, now more than even for some reason. Maybe because I'm all fat and happy."

"You're hardly  _fat,_ Santana." She laughed at me, squeezing my side a little and I just shrugged my shoulders. "You look incredible like this. You look incredibly always, babe. I'm pretty in love with your leftover baby weight."

"So I've noticed." I leaned over and pecked her lips, making her smile against them, her never-ending goal of upping my fluctuating self confidence becoming increasingly successful.

"Proof you carried that little fireball I love so much."

"Fireball she definitely is. It's all worth it for her, she's pretty perfect. Isn't she?"

"Both of our girls. In all my wildest imaginations, this reality is even better. I can't believe they're going to be six and one this month...the time really flies."

"I can't, Britt. I just...don't even believe she's almost walking, and  _definitely_  talking. Last year on our anniversary I was scarfing down ice cream and falling asleep in the tub."

"You, Santana Lopez-Pierce, were the cutest pregnant lady in creation. If two wasn't our limit, I'd love to see you do it again."

"You don't...?" I trailed off, pursing my lips in concern.

"No, no, not at all. I'm definitely good with our two girls. I was just thinking, about you then, and how you're beautiful in any body type. Maybe it's kinda weird, but I think about our future and how you'll look then, and I'm just excited to grow old with you."

"I'm excited about that too, Brittany." I felt the flutter in my heart, the same one I'd been feeling since I'd met her seventeen years ago, before I'd even understood attaching it to the big, scary  _l_ word- or, both  _l_ words, really. "I know I'm probably going to cry my eyes out when our baby turns one, but, in an abstract, not at all attached to our daughters growing up and leaving home way, I'm excited for the rest of our journey together."

"It definitely hasn't been an easy one, but knowing it's you and I together, or, at least, ultimately together, made it all worth it."

"That's the thing, I guess." I nodded a thank you to the waitress who'd brought over Brittany's Chardonnay and my Pinot Noir grape juice, and took a sip before continuing. "I want my kids to get it. Even when things are worse than they ever imagined, their might be something great in their future. And it's not that it gets better  _crap,_ it's just like, you don't know, you know? Does that make sense? Britt,  _you_ believed in us so much more than I believed in us when we were kids.i mean, our end result was absolutely worth all the shit, but I'm glad that I didn't give up on us, or on  _me,_ even..."

"Hey." Britt wiped my eyes, when she saw the tears begin to form. "You were always my brave girl. You've had trouble as long as I've known you, believing in the things I've always seen, but  _still,_ you stuck it out. You did these things I worried you'd be too ashamed to do. And look at us now."

"Look at us now." I raised my glass to clink it with hers. "Worth ever second of crap, Mrs. Lopez-Pierce."

"Without a doubt in my mind, love of my life, mother of my children, my very best friend."

"For always, always."

* * *

 


	56. Big Steps

Coming back to the city from our anniversary weekend, we had so much we needed to do. Successfully, I'd managed to end the school year, with my kids knowing there was always someone they could call—a separate line for work, finally a reality—and feeling confident that Holly, Jarrod and I were prepared to take whatever came on a nearly three month hiatus from meeting with them regularly. Brittany's studio too was becoming a bit of a ghost town, as a large portion of classes there went on summer break, and her serious dancers were largely self-reliant. She'd work still, of course, we both would, but the summer would absolutely allow us both time to breathe. Once we got through June, of course.

Because the photo shoot for  _The Times Magazine_  would take place in our house, part of their presentation of us as just another New York family, readying that became another concern of ours, in addition to the flurry of birthday party planning that seemed to take far more time than either of us had expected. The everyday clutter in our house needed to sort of be dealt with, so we'd set aside a chunk of time each night, with Annie helping as best as she could. Within a week, we'd managed to sort of get it under control, filing away papers, storing toys that weren't being used for now in big Rubbermaid bins, and donating old clothing (mostly mine, since I'd bought some new things that actually fit my new shape properly) to the Ali Forney Center, and feeling at least  _mostly_ comfortable about having a photographer in our very private space.

Figuring the date worked best for everyone we knew, we'd opted to do the girls' birthday party the Sunday after Annie's birthday. Her actual day, we'd spent just the four of us, taking her for birthday pancakes before school, and then picking her up a little early to go to Victorian Gardens, and on a rowboat in Central Park (I'd put aside my terror of having them on the water, since she'd really wanted to do it), then her requisite birthday dinner at Max Brenner. She'd squealed with delight, when we'd given her a stuffed dragon to be friends with Milky Way, one created based off a drawing she'd made of  _Magenta the Firey,_ and Marisa gnawed at a wrapped box of glow in the dark paints and new brushes, before she reluctantly gave it over to her sister, and Annie squeezed her tight, telling her she was  _the most amazingest baby sister ever!_

Having finally purchased furniture for our backyard patio—though the space itself still needed more work beyond just our pulling out the weeds that grew in the flower beds and tossing in a few potted plants, something we'd talk about when we had more time to work on it—and with Annie deciding she wanted to have her party at home, we'd planned to have a cookout of sorts, something reminiscent of both Brittany's and my birthday parties growing up. With our parents in town, Annie was beside herself. Britt and I assured our mothers that we were  _fine_ handling the preparations, since love them as we did, they certainly proved overbearing at times, especially when we had a lot to do, and instead, suggested they take the girls to lunch with our fathers. Annie, of course, dressed quickly in shorts and a sparkly t-shirt, and let me pull her hair into a ponytail, since she'd take a bath and get dressed for the party later, before scampering out the door,  _so_ beyond excited for a fancy lunch with them at  _six-whole-years-old._ Marisa, on the other hand, was deep into her clingy  _Mam_ _í_ _/Mama_ phase, and though both my mother and Susan (and even Annie!) tried to cajole her to come with them, she was having nothing of it.

"Mamí! Mama! Mamí!" Marisa cried from where she had pulled herself up on one of the kitchen chairs. Brittany and I were hard at work, preparing to have twenty-something people over in a few hours. Hands buried in the two pounds of macaroni salad she was mixing, Brittany blew her bangs out of her face, and cocked her head toward the baby. She stood there, wispy curls of hair, barely creating pigtails, and a frilly overall dress, emblazoned with the number  _one_  (that number, making my heart ache, each time I looked at her), grinning widely at her Mama. "Hi!"

"Hello there, little love. Staying out of trouble?"

"Nee Nee! Now!"

"Oh now you want your sister?" Brittany laughed, watching me as I ran my hands under the sink, after I'd finished forming the hamburger meat into patties. "Marisa, baby, that's why happens when you yell  _no no_ to your Grammy and your  _Abuela_ , now you've gotta wait for Annie to come home."

"No! Me!"

"She'll be home soon,  _amorcita._ _"_ I carried the tray of hamburgers to the refrigerator, pausing as she banged her hands on the chair. "You're standing really well there without holding on, aren't you?"

"Yes! Yes! Mama! Up!"

"I'll pick you up in just a little bit, Marisa." Brittany tossed the pasta, still watching as Marisa pounded her little fists.

"No, no, now!"

"Come here, little bug." We both laughed, and expecting her to plop down and roll over to Brittany, we were both entirely stunned, when she let go of the chair, and took not one, but two steps forward, before startling herself, and plopping down on her diapered butt.

"Oh my—" My hands flew to my mouth as I stated down at the wide eyed baby on the floor. Brittany nearly dropped the bowl of macaroni all over the kitchen.

"Marisa, did you—" Tears sprung to Brittany's eyes, and I could hear her hold back a squeal. "Babe!"

"I know! I know!" My cheeks were wet, and I couldn't even think to wipe them. " _Mija,_ you just walked!"

"Up! Up!" She shrieked, clapping and laughing at herself, once the initial shock passed. Mayonnaise hands and all, Brittany scooped our daughter up in the bends of her elbows, and kissed her, crying into her hair. "'Iss! 'Iss!"

"Oh, you can have all the kisses you want, Miss Thing." Brittany peppered them all over her face, then let me slip our not-so-little-baby from the awkward handless hold she had her in, so I could take my turn with her, and Britt could wash her hands.

" _Dios mio, beb_ _é_ _."_ I sighed, sounding, I thought, remarkably like my mother. "Your party hasn't even started, and you've already got us crying today."

"Hi, Mamí!" She pressed her hands to my cheeks, and crossed her eyes as her face got closer to mine. "Hi."

"Hi, little walker. You took your first steps, huh?" I swallowed hard, my chest aching a little, as Britt wrapped her arms around my waist from behind, and rested her chin on my shoulder, so she too was looking at Marisa. "You're getting too big, I think."

"Our baby girl, San." Brittany sniffled a little. "Ladybug, we're so proud of you, but you're growing up so fast, baby."

"No, no. Eat!" She cried, and I rubbed my nose with her, laughing through tears, before settling her down in her high chair across from where we were working.

"How about some banana,  _beb_ _é_ _?_ Then when Mama and I are done, I'll sit and we'll have some milk?"

"Na! Me na!"

Chuckling, Brittany peeled a banana and broke it in half, setting it down on Marisa's tray. Squishing it between her fingers, she giggled to herself, then gnawed on it, getting more all over her face than she did in her mouth. Content that she was occupied, I turned to Brittany again, and I just had to kiss her, the knowledge that we'd just had a massive parenting moment with our little girl not far from my mind.

"Baby." I blinked rapidly, tears forming again as my voice caught.

"I know." She cupped my face, then pulled me in, letting her peck on my lips linger for a few seconds. "She's not even one yet."

My hands couldn't help but fall to rest on my lower belly, where she'd grown for her first nine months. Brittany, noticing, set her hands over mine, and even with Marisa babbling away as she ate her banana, we shared a quiet little moment. The newborn we'd held in our arms, she'd grown to almost twenty pounds, and though we'd done this before, though every milestone our Annie had reached was massive, there was something different about doing it with our youngest, knowing this was the last time we'd watch our own child take her first steps, the last first  _everything_. It hit us pretty hard, and she squeezed my hands, remembering, until the sound of the front door opening jarred us back to reality.

"Girls, you're home?" My mother's voice called out.

"In the kitchen, Ma."

"Mama! Mamí! Baby Reese! I'm home now!" Annie tore into the kitchen, the strawberry syrup all down the front of her t-shirt making me  _very_ glad that she'd waited to put on her dress for the party. " _'Buela_  let me in the house, but she has'ta go to the store with  _'Buelo_  and Grammy and Poppy."

"Nee Nee!"

"Hi, Baby Reese!" Annie skipped over and stood on her tiptoes to kiss her nose, before coming over to us. "I had strawberry waffles  _and_ a milkshake! For  _lunch!"_

"I see that, baby girl." Brittany wiped some sticky residue from Annie's face. "I think you're going to take a bath before your party, what do you think?"

"I think that is a  _super_ good idea Mama! I don't want to get my new dress and purple cowgirl boots all dirty! Hey, why are you sad?"

"Not sad, don't worry,  _mija._ _"_ I lifted her up and hugged her close to me, watching Brittany's little nod. "Do you know what the word  _nostalgic_ means?"

"Nope." She shook her head, pursing her little lips. "What's it mean?"

"It means, sort of, that we're thinking about the past. Today's a big day, a party for your sixth birthday, and Marisa's very first one. While you were gone, your sister was missing you a lot, and when she was trying to get our attention, she took two tiny little steps."

"My sister  _walked?_ _"_ Annie squealed, wriggling down to run over to Marisa. "Baby Reese! You know how to walk?"

"Nee Nee! Hi! 'Iss?"

"You can have lots of kisses!" She promised, sounding so much like Brittany. "Will you walk again?"

"Nee Nee! Eat me na!"

"That's doing super great eating your banana! But when you're done, will you walk again?"

"I've got an idea, sweetheart." Brittany set her hand on Annie's shoulder. "How about we go get your bath ready and you get ready for your party? Reese is going to nurse with Mamí, and then, when you come out, she might be done eating and ready to play."

"Okay." She nodded, but looked very solemnly at the baby, banana all over her face. "But don't do anymore walking 'til I come back, okay? I don't want to miss it again! Mamí, 's a very good thing I had special breakfast, because I'm not as super sad."

" _Beb_ _é_ _,_ she'll walk for you soon." I leaned down and kissed the top of her head, while Brittany covered the macaroni salad and put it in the refrigerator. "Soon we won't be able to stop her, and she'll be running!"

"I can't  _wait_ 'til she can run 'round with me! Then when we have races, you and Mama don't have to take turns being my racing partner, because there's  _two!"_

"My thoughtful girl." I hugged her close to me. "Your Mama and I will love that, running around and playing with our best girls."

"You got  _three_ best girls, Mamí, don't forget!"

"Oh, of course. I could never forget Mama as one of my best girls. I'd say she's got a pretty special place in my heart." I looked to Brittany, her eyes full of all this love, love I knew was mirrored in my own. "Go ahead,  _mi amor,_ I'll clean up the kitchen while Mama helps you get ready. All of our guests will be here soon."

Annie raced up the stairs, Brittany on her heels, and I did a few last minute things, before wiping down the counter and taking a breath. Finished with her whole banana, a  _huge_ feat for her, Marisa flapped her hands, and I took the washcloth we kept by the sink, cleaning her off and tossing her bib into the laundry basket. Lifting her into my arms, I snuggled her close, and settled down with her on the armchair in the living room, when she tugged at my shirt. The ache in my breasts, it was a different kind, I thought, than it usually was, it was heavy, and maybe mostly in my mind, but I felt it, nonetheless. She'd wean herself, Brittany and I had discussed it, and I was fine nursing her as long as she wanted (since in contrast to her sister, who sort of lost interest when solid food was introduced, Marisa loved that quiet time, and I wasn't quite ready to give up that special bond with her either) but as I felt her weight in my lap, and her dark eyes, looking up at me while she suckled, I took a breath, knowing she was growing so quickly before my eyes.

" _Te amo, mi beb_ _é_ _linda. Te amo mucho mucho."_

"'Mamo." She mumbled back, mouth full, and hearing her say that for the first time, it may have made my day even more than her steps.

* * *

I hadn't moved from my spot with Marisa, who still nursed lazily, no matter how big she got, when my parents and Brittany's came back through the door. My father carried the giant bundle of balloons we'd asked them to pick up for us, and Marisa turned her focus up toward them, even as she continued to eat. I'd just finished telling them about the big developments in the life of the littlest Lopez-Pierce, when Annie tramped down the stairs in the denim dress that coordinated with Marisa's (at Annie's request) and the brand new cowboy boots that Penny and John had sent her a few days earlier. Her hair was wild and wet, but she held her hairbrush in one hand, and a tiara in the other, waiting for me to do her braids and finish her party attire.

"Baby Reese!" She snuggled into my side. "You gotta wear your new crown just like me, okay? B'cause it's our party!"

"Nee Nee! Hi!" Marisa nipped me a little, and I winced, taking a deep breath.

"Sorry, Mamí." Annie looked down, knowing exactly what the look on my face was from, though it wasn't, in any way, her fault when the baby bit. "I'm gonna wait for you to do my hair, okay?"

"If you want, Lisita, I could do it for you." Mamí offered, but Annie sucked her lips into her mouth, trying to figure out how to answer.

"It's alright to say no,  _mija,_ as long as you say it politely." I whispered, knowing that she'd rather it was me. " _Abuelita_ understands that we have our special things."

"'S okay,  _'Buela, no gracias."_ Annie murmured, her little hand seeking out mine. "Mamí's gonna make my braids for me when my sister's done with the all the eating."

"Of course. Your  _Mam_ _í_ does do beautiful braids, doesn't she?"

"The  _most_ beautifulest." She nodded to emphasize that. "Did you know that  _sometimes,_ she even makes braids for  _Mama?"_

"I did, actually." My mother shared a knowing look with Susan.

"I never knew how to do French braids, sweetness." Susan told Annie. "So she'd love when Mamí did them for you. She'd always have this special little smile when she told me  _Santana did them."_

"Mom!" Brittany feigned shock, coming down the stairs. "Telling all my secrets about my crush on Santana?"

"I love it, babe. It was also totally an excuse to be close to you for me." I bit back a smile, the tips of my ears heating up a little. "It's not like I was the do each other's hair, paint each other's nails sleepover type of girl."

"Except with me." She kissed my lips, letting Reese tangle her fingers through blonde hair, when she leaned over her.

"Except with you."

"Mama!" Marisa squealed, and Annie furrowed her brow.

"Baby Reese, you gotta listen! 'S the best when we get to hear Mamí and Mama younger stories!"

"It's okay, Bean, we'll have plenty of time for that later. We'll tell you al the stories you want tonight after everyone's gone. But it looks like your sister is all done eating now."

"Let me do your hair, Annie, then you can get down on the floor with Marisa, and we'll see if she wants to try and walk to you."

My father took Marisa from my arms, excited to have a chance to spend time with her, though he had to be careful to speak quietly, because his deep voice tended to startle her and remind her that she wanted to be back with one of us. Annie, anxious to get back to the baby, was particularly wiggly in my lap, as I pulled the front of her hair back into braids, and allowed the rest to hang loose. Once her tiara was secured to her head, she wriggled right out of my hold, and down onto the floor, eying her  _Abuelo,_ until he chuckled, and raised Marisa up, so Brittany could take her. I watched, heart in my throat, as Brittany sat cross-legged on the floor across from Annie, and set our younger daughter on her feet in front of her.

"Alright, little love, what do you think? Do you want to try this walking thing again?"

"Me now!"

"C'mere! I'll give you lots of hugs and kisses when you get here." Annie tried to keep herself from squirming with all of her excitement, but it was definitely a struggle for her. Brittany, beaming at both of them (and making my stomach do somersaults) slowly released her hands from around Marisa's waist, and she stood there, all her little teeth showing as she grinned.

"She looks so much like you did at that age,  _mija."_ My father set his hand on my shoulder and squeezed. "Except you had a whole lot more hair than she does."

"That's not too hard." I laughed, keeping my eyes trained on my daughter. Stephen had his camera out, as was to be expected, and I pulled out my phone, hoping, hoping that I could get some of this on video to show everyone I'd ever met.

"Baby Reese, you can do it!" Annie cheered, clapping her hands together, then opening up her arms to catch her, if she decided to try again. "You gotta move your feet, just like b'fore!"

Marisa didn't move right away, she was more than content, standing there with her arms out to her side, sort of bending her knees. It was almost like she knew, all seven of us, we were expecting her to do something, and she was going to hang onto her little spotlight as long as possible. Poor Annie looked like she was about to turn blue, nearly holding her breath as she waited. The moment Marisa lifted one foot though, Annie squeaked, and Marisa, relishing the attention, took four steps toward her sister, before falling with her whole body weight (only ten pounds less than her big sister, at that point) onto Annie, and squealing with delight as she was covered with Annie's kisses and showered with the applause of her grandparents,

Tired of taking steps, Marisa lied back on the floor for awhile, kicking her legs in the air, Annie curling up right at her side, and when they both fell asleep, Britt and I were glad they had some time to rest before the rest of their party guests arrived. Leaving our parents to finish decorating the backyard—at their insistence—Brittany and I retreated up to our bedroom, both to get ready ourselves, and to just take a little time away from the buzzing downstairs. We didn't need words, really, as we dressed, we each just did our own thing, until I sat at the mirror, checking the crinkles around my eyes, and applying mascara, and she pressed her chin into my shoulder and kissed me where my ear met my neck.

"Hey Britt." I smiled, tilting my head so that I could look in her eyes. "You okay?"

"Mhmm." The hum in her throat tickled right through me, and I leaned into her further. "Just wanted to rest on you for a minute. I'm actually  _really_ exhausted, and you know it's bound to be a late night."

"I know. Annie wanting s'mores and sparklers definitely pushed this  _way_ later than I'd ever thought we'd have a kids party. Plus, we're getting old, we have a  _six-year-old,_ you know. Isn't it time our bedtime got earlier?"

"We're not  _sixty,_ babe. Although with your  _Dateline_ obsession, you'd think we were."

"Hey, rude!" I stuck my tongue out at her, and without skipping a beat, she flicked her own against it, making me giggle at how ridiculous that move was. "Besides, you were totally the first one saying you were tired."

"Fair enough. Just a long month." She sighed, yawning against me.

"Always is. Only a few more days though, we get through the photo shoot and interview, and then we'll go to Lima, the kids will have the whole yard to play in, and we'll have the pool."

"And an entire glorious week without work."

"Britt." My face scrunched up of its own accord, and I looked at her intently. "You love your job, right?"

"I...do?" Brittany looked back at me, almost confused by my question, I think. "Why?"

"I'm just checking. As your wife, I just want to make sure that you're happy with what you do, you know?"

"Yes, I do know that." She smiled, pressing a soft kiss to my lips. "I love what I do, really. I promise you that. You know how it is though, the first year of anything, job, school,  _baby,_ it's the hardest. It's...different, I guess, than I'd imagined it, but I think it's a good different. I feel like, I'm starting it from scratch, or something, so that's really a challenge, especially in a place with such a reputation. And I know I sound exasperated a lot, and I come home beat, or complaining, or desperate for a long break, but it's sort of like when one of our kids has a day when they're just  _hard,_ all day, and we're tearing our hair out. Then, when we kiss them goodnight, and their eyes are closed, we just feel again how much we love them. I know we just had a weekend away, but the idea of a week with my _real_ babies, instead of my work baby, has me all kinds of excited. And I know when I get back to work, I'll be refreshed. Does that make sense?"

"Yeah, it definitely does." I thought of all those days we'd had with both Annie and Marisa, I thought of Show Your Brave, and the days I'd wanted to throw my towel in, especially at the beginning, and I understood my wife completely.

"Thank you, for dealing with all my frustration, and for doubling up on stuff with the kids, even though you've got your own madness going on."

"Luckily, baby, my madness is done for awhile, so I have plenty of time to take care of, as Annie so thoughtfully reminded me today, my three best girls."

"You always do though." She nuzzled her face into my neck again. "I can't even tell you how much I'm looking forward to laying by your parents' pool, with Marisa sleeping on my chest. I'm so glad it was today, San. Honestly, I really thought that with the hours I've been putting in, that I'd miss it."

"I'm so glad neither of us did." I stroked her cheek, and then my face contorted into a wry smile. "But Britt, I think you're setting yourself up for  _major_ disappointment, if you think Marisa is just going to be content to sleep on your chest. I have a feeling we're going to have another waterbug on our hands."

"And I'm okay with that too, especially in that little bathing suit you ordered her."

"Cute, isn't it?"

"Definitely one of the cutest things I've ever seen."

"Are you ready for a house full of people?" I asked her, after she just leaned on me for awhile, eyes closed, and I watched her soft little smile in the mirror.

"Mmm, just one more minute like this. Your shoulder is the best pillow." She hummed, never opening her eyes.

"It's yours forever, Britt."

Once Brittany was ready to head downstairs, she laced her fingers with mine, and still leaned into me as we descended. Peeking at the kids, who were still sound asleep, Annie's arm curled protectively around the baby, we went out back, and found that Lizzie and Max had already arrived. While Liz stood up on a ladder, helping my father string the big banner that Annie had made the night before—using her new glitter paints, of course—and that I had helped her carefully letter  _Happy Birthday Annie and Reese,_ Max was charged with filling coolers with ice. It was strangely suburban, though in the late afternoon hours on a Saturday, I could sort of hear the beginnings of bar raucous on MacDougal Street, but it was good. Like we'd managed to finally take the things we'd actually  _liked_ about growing up in Lima, the big house, the backyard parties, and bring it to a place where we truly belonged (maybe,  _maybe_ I had been running things to say at our interview through my mind, whatever). It looked great, really, the patio furniture completely transformed the space, and Brittany's idea to string twinkling white lights? Absolutely  _brilliant._ Though we had a lot to do still, I stood back, taking our latest project in, and I took a deep breath, as Britt wrapped her arms around my waist, doing the same thing.

"I see how it is." Lizzie chided from her place a top the ladder. "You invite us early so that you get free labor, while you stand around and be schmoopy."

"If we wanted you for free labor, Liz, we'd have invited you at six-thirty this morning, when Britt was hosing down concrete, and I was cleaning bathrooms. That's why we chose you as Marisa's godmother, so we could put you to work, next year, I'll hand you a toilet brush."

"Ha. Ha. Ha." She rolled her eyes. "I'm  _sure_  that's why you chose me."

"That, and the free babysitting." Brittany snickered.

"Which I'm sure you'll be happy to reciprocate, once Max and I have kids—" She paused, looking at Susan, who's eyebrows shot up. "Not anytime soon, Mom. Let me get through the wedding first."

"And you made fun of us when we had a wedding with eleven people, and planned it in five days. Not so ridiculous anymore, is it, Sissy?"

"It's only not ridiculous because it's you two, and you, Britt, were the size of a house."

"Nice." Brittany sucked her teeth. "Max, your fiancée is  _so_ sweet."

"Hottest house I've ever seen then, if that was the case." I snickered back at Liz, who stuck her tongue out at me and waited for Max to defend her.

"Hey." He shrugged. "I didn't fall in love with her for her sweetness. Sorry, babe. I love you to death, but mostly because you're full of sass, and don't take anyone's crap."

"Hmm, wonder who I learned  _that_ from." She shifted her gaze between Britt and me.

Fastening the last part of the banner, Liz shimmied back down the ladder, playfully raising her middle finger at Max as she did. Like we'd done for Annie's first birthday, we'd asked Stephen if he could record everyone's messages to Marisa. We were definitely in a different place than we'd been in at our firstborn's first birthday party, as new moms, struggling to make everything perfect, for a party she wouldn't even remember, but that, those messages to a future teenage girl, would never not be important to us. A half hour before our friends were set to arrive, we went to wake the girls, Brittany carefully lifting Marisa into her arms, because she always woke easier in her Mama's embrace, and me, stroking the ride of Annie's face, until she rolled over and opened her bright blue eyes, smiling brightly as she felt the tug of the tiara on her head and remembered what day it was.

"'S it time for the party now?" She wriggled into a sitting position and frowned at the wisps of hair that had come loose from her braids.

"Just about,  _mija._ We've got plenty of time to fix your hair though, don't worry, and Mama and I were hoping that maybe you'd want to be the first one to record your message on Marisa's birthday video."

"Really?" Her little eyes lit up, and she nodded vigorously. "Okay! Let's hurry up! Everyone's gonna come!"

"No rush, sweetheart." Brittany rubbed Marisa's back, as she snuggled into her, unwilling to wake up fully yet. "And there are two people in the back that you might want to say hello to first."

"Auntia Lizzie and Max!" She cheered. "They always get here very first."

With all of Annie's excitement, it was tough to calm her down. Once I'd set her in my lap to fix her hair though, and Marisa, clutching her cup of water, actually allowed Brittany to crown her with her little number one tiara (though how long it would stay on, we weren't sure), Annie was ready to record her portion of our little film. Knowing how she worked best, Stephen handed over the camera to me, and our family gave us space, as Annie wriggled up into a patio chair, clutching a piece of paper with a drawing she'd made the night before. Marisa went to my mom, surprisingly, playing with her necklace, and Britt stood beside me, watching through the camera's screen.

"Okay,  _beb_ _é_ _,_ are you ready for me to start the camera?"

"Yes, I'm very ready! Are you going to say  _action?"_

"I can absolutely do that." I promised, nodding to her as she adjusted her glasses. "Alright, one, two, three and  _action."_

"Hi, Baby Reese!" Annie waved at the camera. "'Cept you're not even a baby anymore when you get to watch this! Mama and Mamí said it's for your eighteenth birthday, and that I will be twenty-three years old. That is  _very_ big, and almost so super grown up that I could have my very  _own_ baby! Just like Mama grew  _me_ when she was twenty-four years old. Isn't that  _crazy?"_  She giggled into her hands at that, then unfolded her piece of paper. "I made you this drawing, it's of our family, so you can remember what you looked like when you were one year old. That's Mamí holding your hand, and Mama's holding my hand, because everyb'dy says you look like Mamí and I look like Mama, even  _though,_ I think you look like you and I look like me, mostly.I wanted to tell you that I'm very super happy that Mamí grew you in her belly, and that you get to be my sister forever,  _and_ that we get to share a birthday party! Also I'm glad that you're my best friend ever, ever, even if I love my other friends a lot, you're still my sister  _and_ my most best friend. I love you so, so,  _so_ much, and I know that I'm still going to love you lots and lots, even when we're grownups, and you know how to talk all the words. I'll be very happy for that, because I love when you talk and now when you walk, because you're so super special and smart. Is that okay, Mamí? Am I supposed to say more stuff?"

"It's perfect,  _mi amor."_ I blinked quickly, clearing away my tears. "You can say  _happy birthday_  to her, if you want."

"Okay! Happy one year birthday, Baby Reese, and happy eighteen year birthday  _big_ Reese!"

When I turned off the camera, Annie ran into my arms so I could hug her, and then let Brittany do the same. Even  _more_ excited, she went to find Marisa and my mom, babbling away to her  _abuela_ about everything she'd said, and telling her how super fun it would be when it was her turn. Realizing we'd sort of saved a few things until the very last minute, Brittany and I quickly began filling bowls with chips, and pulling out the onion dip, salsa and guacamole that we'd made before, and letting Susan grab the cheese and crackers. We'd just finished, when Kurt, looking incredibly relaxed, in jeans and a t-shirt, appeared in the kitchen, a grinning Brice on his shoulder.

"Aunt Santana! Aunt Brittany!" He cried out. "I'm here! It's time for the party!"

"Bricey!" Annie skipped into the kitchen, pushing Marisa, strapped on the Kettler trike that my parents had just given the baby for her birthday. Though it was totally against our rules to use ride on toys in the house, like we'd given Annie a little leeway the Christmas she'd gotten her bike, we  _figured_ we'd do the same for Marisa, especially given how cute she looked, and how beside herself with excitement she was.

"Rice! Rice! Rice!"

"Looks like you're right, Brice." Brittany grinned as Kurt swung his nephew down from his shoulders. "The party don't start 'til you walk in."

"Don't even start with that song!" Rachel came in behind them, gagging a little. "I still have nightmares about the two if you and—ugh."

"Still nobody does Ke$ha like me." Brittany wiggled her hips. "Not even Ke$ha herself!"

"That is absolutely true." I nodded in affirmation. "Also, get over it, Rachel, it's been over a decade."

"Right." She lowered her voice, as Finn entered, carrying two big boxes, and immediately crouched down to see the girls. "You remember that, if I ever vomit on you."

"You  _did_ puke on our couch, Rachel." Brittany reminded her. "Which was totally gross, and I'm over that."

"That's not even remotely close to the same thing."

"Auntia Rachel!" Annie cried out, watching Finn lift Marisa up into the air, the baby giggling as he did—both of my kids, really, loving Finn Hudson oh so much. "Guess  _what?_ You didn't hear me tell Bricey and Uncle Finn and Uncle Kurt, but I have the best news ever to tell you!"

"What's your good news, chickadee? Should I guess?"

"You can guess if you  _want,_ but it's such a great big surprise, I don't think you're gonna even know!"

"Well then." Rachel chuckled a little. "Maybe you should just tell me right away then, I wouldn't want to spend your whole party trying to figure it out."

"It's not even Baby Reese's birthday yet, and she already learned  _how to walk!"_

While Rachel celebrated with the girls, looking over at Britt and I to make sure we hadn't dissolved into a puddle on the floor, the doorbell rang. Knowing we were getting things together still, Kurt took Annie (and her Brice) to answer the door, and the Finn and Rachel, with Marisa in Finn's arms, made themselves comfortable out back with the rest of our family. Once the Chapmans and the O'Malleys, with Holly not far behind, arrived, and Annie, more out of her shell than I'd ever seen her, was nearly spinning in circles, Brittany and I—much to the excitement of her parents, who'd bought us the rarely used grill to begin with—began to cook.

Even with all the busyness around us, and Marisa, deciding she wanted to be back in my arms, Brittany and I had a great time cooking outside together. Much to our surprise, when we sat down to eat, and the baby settled on Brittany's lap, she nearly inhaled the tiny bites of cheeseburger that her Mama fed her from a fork, pounding her fists and crying  _mo! mo! mo!_ After dinner, and prim and proper little Eden had been the one to break open Annie's homemade fish piñata, the kids sat on the ground, filling plastic bottles with colored sand, and Marisa nuzzled into Brittany's neck as the rest of us sat around the table. Britt, finally conceding to my insistence that we have wine at the party for whoever wanted to drink it, sipped from her glass, as my mother asked Kurt questions about our upcoming magazine piece.

"I'm still in awe of the fact that we've only known the Lopez-Pierces for less than two years, and somehow, Santana has already managed to take this thing and get it on the map." Chris gushed, making my cheeks warm, since it wasn't often I heard Jarrod's husband speak about what it was that we did.

"Hey, the credit doesn't belong just to me by any means." I shook my head, as Britt pulled my hand to her lips and kissed the inside of my wrist. "I mean, Jarrod and Holly have really contributed to being able to expand. And without Britt…and everyone here, really. You all, you've done so much for it. Even Quinn, if it wasn't for her stuffy party—"

"Gee, thanks, Santana." Quinn rolled her eyes, laughing as she did.

"Well, Quinn, let's be real." Brittany backed me. "I love you, but I'd take one of our backyard parties any day."

"Seconded!" Finn nodded. "Awesome hot dogs, guys."

"Pretty obvious that you enjoyed them, Finn." Rachel patted his stomach, and rested her head on his shoulder. "You  _only_  ate four of them, baby."

"Three, thank you very much." He chuckled. "Where'd you get them, anyway, great hotdogs."

"Costco. You're not about to tell us  _you_ _'_ _re_ eating for two, are you, Finn?" Brittany raised an eyebrow, making me giggle when I remembered Annie's first birthday.

"No way.  _Neither_ of us are." Finn clarified.

"Anyone?" I looked around, and my mother, against what I'd thought would be her better judgement, turned her eyes to Kurt.

"Oh, Maribel, I'm not there yet." He shook his head. "I'm not even sure how well I'd do at being a single father."

"I dunno, Kurt." Jarrod set down his wine glass. "Seems like you're doing a pretty great job with Vin, I'd say you'd do a great job if you decided to be a dad."

"Well, thank you, Jarrod." Kurt fought the smile that curled at the corners of his mouth. "Vin's more like a young friend than a son though, I'm not sure that translates."

"Little bro, it'll translate pretty well, I think. You know, when you're ready, you've got all the support in the world. From us, and from my mom and Burt too, I'm sure."

"This has become quite the little family, hasn't it? Who would have thought, I'd be hanging out, drinking wine with Holly Holliday? Or, actually, if we go back even further,  _any_ of you?"

"Until we became the ragtag gang of misfits." I looked fondly at our friends who surrounded us, then over to the kids, who were remarkably subdued, considering the amount of candy they'd consumed—though only time would tell what adding cake and s'mores to the mix would do later on.

"Gang of misfits that did pretty well for themselves, honey." Susan corrected, the soft fondness in her voice, one of my favorite things about my mother-in-law.

"Nice little found family you've got,  _mijas._ _"_ My father's eyes twinkled at Brittany, when he used the plural form, the same way it always did, even six years into our marriage. "It's always a pleasure to spend time with all of you."

"How about a toast, then?" I suggested, raising my glass of seltzer as Brittany whispered in my ear that she loved when I made toasts. "In honor of all of you, our family, and the birthdays of the two lights of mine and Britt's lives. I really, truly believe that we couldn't have done this without people who love us by our sides. It's not an exaggeration that it takes a village to raise a child, and though _our_ village might be  _Greenwich_ Village, we're really glad to have each and every one of you. I could go on and on, talking about what you all mean to us, but I think you all know. So thank you, really, you mean the world to us."

"Mamí!" Annie gasped, scrambling up from where she sat on the ground and over to my side. "You did a toast?"

"I did,  _mi amor."_ I pulled my growing girl up onto my lap and hugged her against me. " _Lo siento, beb_ _é_ _,_ I figured you were busy with your friends, and you wouldn't want to stop."

" _Esta bien."_ Her voice turned to a whisper, when she noticed all eyes on her. "I just like to raise my cup."

"Sweetheart, why don't you take Mamí's carefully, and then you can clink with me?"

"Okay." She nodded, looking at Brittany, and away from everyone else. With a hand over hers, just in case, we raised my glass together, and we tapped it with Britt's. "Happy birthday party day to me, and to you too, Baby Reese."

"Nee Nee! Hi!" Marisa clapped, one of her little pigtails coming loose, and a streak of orange from the Cheez Doodle Liz had given her on her chubby cheek. "Hi!"

"Hi, Baby Reese." Annalise leaned over the arm of the chair to kiss her sister's nose. Still whispering, a conspiratorial grin spread across her face. "I think we should tell Mama and Mamí we want cake now. You're gonna love cake a  _lot._ 'Specially because it's got bananas, since they're you're very favorite."

"Na. Na. Eat!"

"Alright, Ladybug, alright, Bean. I think you're absolutely right. Now is definitely the best time for cake."

With Marisa on her hip, and a wine glass in one hand, Brittany stood first, taking her final sip, and then setting her glass back down to offer me a hand up. I kissed the top of Annie's head, and suggested she sit with Liz, while we went inside to get the cake and the supplies for s'mores ready. My father, the man I trusted most in the world, lit the tiny fire pit we'd bought on a trip to Home Depot—all Kurt's lesbian jokes aside—and I knew that he'd guard it with his life until the kids were supervised near it. Always one for keeping order, Rachel, with Emerson's help as the oldest, had managed to seat all of the kids with their party hats on, by the time we came back outside, me holding the big cake, and Brittany holding the tiny one we'd made so Marisa could have her own, which she already had her eye on, from where she squirmed at Britt's side.

"Alright, Marisa, you ready to sit in your chair and eat some cake?" Brittany kissed her cheeks, setting the cake down on the tray of the high chair first.

"'Ake!"

"That's right, little love." Britt grinned at both the new word, and Marisa's penchant for yelling.

"Cake apparently beats the names of any of us." Susan mused, though Britt and I had already come to the conclusion that our little girl was full of all kinds of sass, and that the reason she was withholding their names, simply because they wanted so much for her too. While our Annie was a people pleaser, it seemed like our Marisa was quite the opposite, strong-willed, and unwilling to do anything, simply because it was expected. It's pretty amazing, really, how much of their personalities we could tell before they'd even turned a year old, but I was sure that this was definitely something we'd see continue throughout Marisa's life,

"'S okay, Grammy, I think she's just very excited because she's  _never_ had cake before. Now that she's learning lots of words in English  _and_ Spanish, she'll know your words soon."

"My sweet girl." My mother-in-law pulled Annie close to her. "I'm just teasing. Don't worry, I know she will. Cake  _is_ pretty exciting, isn't it? Especially for the first time."

"Cake is  _always_ exciting!"

"Yes it is!" Thoreau clapped his hands. "Can we sing now?"

"Come here, Annie." Brittany called to her. "Let's just let Poppy get a few pictures of the four of us together, and then, Thoreau, we will definitely sing!"

Marisa continued to chant  _'ake,_ while Stephen took pictures of all of us, and then once we lit a singular candle on her cake, and seven of them on the big on for Annie's six, plus one for good luck, she was absolutely mesmerized. Annie, probably, paid more attention to her sister than she did to her own candles, and really, it was the sweetest thing, when she helped her blow it out, and the slowly nudged the vanilla-banana cake so it was within the babies reach. Brittany put her arm around my waist, letting me rest my head on her shoulder, while we took in our girls as Annie swiped a finger through the frosting holding it to Marisa's lips, and then, face lighting up with her first taste, she dug her whole hand right in.

"Look at them." Brittany smiled into the side of my face. "Just...look at our babies, Santana."

"I know." I watches as Marisa grabbed Annie's cheek, covering her with frosting. My mother, of course, began cutting the big cake for everyone else, but we were just entranced at the way they were with each other. "This was it, Britt. Right here, you and me, in a house in a city that accepted us, with kids we love unconditionally. It's just...it's all I ever wanted, before I even knew what it was."

"Are you practicing for the interview?" She choked out a laugh, tears evident in her voice. I knew she wasn't serious, that she needed to tease to keep from getting too emotional in the midst of the party. "Because that's a good one."

"It is, isn't it?" I chortled in return. "I'll keep it in mind, baby."

* * *

It was late, so late, by the time cake was done, s'mores had been made, we'd done Annie's sparklers, and we'd bid our friends and family goodnight. Annie was nearly sleeping on our feet, and Marisa was so tired and full of sugar, that she'd become almost inconsolable. Knowing that they needed to bathe to get the frosting out of their hair, I took Marisa in the shower with me, washing her quickly, while Brittany had Annie in the bathtub, so I could nurse her and put her to sleep. Her bedtime ritual took longer than usual, unsurprisingly, Marisa wailing every time I pulled her away, though she wasn't eating, but once we had them both in bed, and promised Annie we'd open the pile of presents first thing in the morning, Brittany showered herself. When she was finished and both of us were in pajamas, she set the video camera up on the tripod in our bedroom, and we got ready to record the final messages on the video.

"Hi, little love." Brittany began first. "Judging by your long legs as a baby, you're probably not so little anymore. What's there to say to you, my sweet, sassy little girl? I'm sure there are things that you look at us and wrinkle your nose at when your Mamí and I say them to you, but now, when you're watching this, it means we've made it through your teenage years, and you're probably finishing up your senior year of high school. So, because of that, you get to hear me tell the story of the first time I ever spoke to you."

"Britt." I laughed, knowing what she was talking about, and she just shrugged, her face wry.

"Mamí laughed at me after this—"

"I did not, I thought it was cute." I defended myself. "You were really excited."

"I was. The first time I ever spoke to you, it was before you were even inside of your mother's stomach. I knew, realistically, that you were just a weird little cluster of cells, but we'd gone through a lot, before we were finally able to officially try for our second baby, and I really,  _really_ wanted the procedure to work out. So I loved you, really, when you were just an idea, but now, while I'm sitting here, I've known you for only a year, and I love you even more. I love the bits of your Mamí that I see in you, and I love everything that's just  _you._ You completed our family, and I'm sure now, you've shown yourself to be even more if an amazing little fireball. Live all your dreams, baby girl, because living mine, even if no one thought they were the right ones, has given me the most amazing life. I love you, my silly little Ladybug, I love you so much. Happy eighteenth birthday, Marisa Lily."

"Hey,  _mija_." I swallowed, as I took my turn. "I'm sure you know by now what a sentimental sap I am about things like this, and since you've got some of my genetic material, I'm  _also_ sure you've made fun of me for it. But, since it's your eighteenth birthday, and I've been one of your mothers your whole life, you can take a few minutes to  _maybe_ watch me cry. Marisa, my baby, your existence just…" I had to stop for a minute and wipe the tears from my face, clutching Brittany's hand. "It just represents everything I never believed I would be capable of. By now,  _amorcita,_ you know all about my past. And trust me, this isn't meant to make you sad on your birthday, this is just to thank you. Carrying you, giving birth to you, this beautiful, whole little baby girl, it really helped me to believe in myself in a way I never had before. And  _beb_ _é_ _,_ I hope  _you_ always believe in yourself, because you're beautiful, and you're so, so special, no matter what you might ever hear that tells you otherwise. I know you're at a stressful time in your life, where you're making big decisions about the future, and everything in front of you seems really scary and unknown, but please, no matter how stressful things might be around our house, know that all I want from you is to do what makes you happy, and know that we will support you, no matter what that is. I love you, my little girl. I love you, right now, as you sleep in your crib, tired out, after your big day, your first steps, and your first piece of cake, I'll love you in seventeen years, when you're watching this, and I'll love you for the rest of my life.  _Feliz cumplea_ _ñ_ _os, mi bebe dulce,_ and all of the wishes from me and your Mama, for the happiest life."

I got up, and I turned off the camera, feeling Brittany's eyes on me as I did it. It was done, our video for our baby girl. Our parents, Liz and Max, our friends, even all of the kids, they'd recorded messages that after Brittany edited them (and I watched her do it, every time she edited our home videos, because her skill still amazed me) and made four DVD copies, just in case, no one would see until 2042. Though we'd done it before, Annie's DVDs locked in the desk in the office, I felt this strange combination of giddy and wistful, and I crawled back to where Brittany had sunk against the pillows and tucked myself into my spot beside her, feeling her arm immediately snake around my waist. She released a huge yawn, and in response, I had to yawn as well.

"Long day." She sighed. "Good day, but wow, breakfast feels like it was three weeks ago."

"Mmm, really does. Annie was so happy though, she was just, really confident."

"I think, really, she's trusting our inner circle more. The older she gets, the more she realizes that she's safe with the people who love us."

"Sounds familiar." My chest sort of tickled with laughter that didn't fully release itself. "We've got good people in their lives though, don't we?"

"The best, really. We're lucky, like, so lucky that it's kind of crazy, because having people that surround us and love our kids in a big scary city like this is the most important thing."

"Was that a sound byte?" I raised my eyebrow at her, and she flicked my shoulder with a grin.

"I don't know, did it sound good? Because it's totally true…"

"It did sound good." I nodded emphatically, then adjusted myself so I had my hand propped up on the pillow and was looking into her eyes. "You know, we're going to forget every single thing we're thought of, when it actually comes time to do this interview on Wednesday."

"I know. It's fun to think about though, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it actually is." I kissed her lips when she lay on her side to remove some of the space between us. "Even when we agreed to it, I didn't think it was something I'd be really looking forward to, but, it's pretty cool. All the talk about Marisa's video today, and then actually recording our part made me think. This thing is going to be in the  _New York Times Magazine_ , you know? The girls are going to look back and be able to see it…and my organization kids too. I don't know, that's pretty cool."

"Feels like we're doing something to make a difference, right?"

"It does. I mean, okay, things are so much better than they were when we were young, and marriage is legal everywhere, but you know how it is still, obviously."

"Still a stigma attached to being not-straight. I always think about Andrea's mom."

"Exactly." I raised my voice a little in excitement, pressing my tongue between my teeth when Brittany stroked my cheek. "I mean, I don't know how many teenagers read the _Times Magazine_ , but us being normal—"

"And weird."

"Of course, totally weird and dorky." I brushed my thumb over her bottom lip, just because. "It's a good thing."

"The best kind of thing." She agreed, and she leaned into kiss me, slow, soft, just our goodnight kiss kind of simplicity. "I love you, and I could talk about this forever, but I don't want to fall asleep on all of your thoughts."

"Okay." I shook my head, laughing at how cute my wife was as she yawned again. "Sounds fair enough, you know this could be five more hours of talking about changing the world. I love you, Britt."

"I love you too, honey. Goodnight."


	57. Lucky

The morning of Annie's last day of school, she was out of bed and rapping her little fist against our door before six in the morning. Yawning and rolling from Brittany's embrace, I pushed myself out of bed and went to let her in. She was bouncing on her toes and wide-eyed, her glasses slightly askew on her face, ready, we knew, for her summer break. It was a lot on her little mind, navigating the world around her, especially in school, and though Britt and I both strove to make sure we adequately stimulated her in the summertime, in order to make the transition back to school in the fall in the fall as seamless as possible, a break was very much in order for our little fighter. When I leaned down to hug her good morning, she nuzzled into me, as she always did, and taking a deep breath of her, I lifted her up into our bed and let her cuddle her Mama, before I climbed back in beside them.

Almost as if she sensed the moment we were all awake, a shriek came through the monitor, followed by a low, lonely cry, like we'd left her alone for days. With a laugh, Brittany took her turn to get out of bed. When she returned with Marisa, clinging to her for dear life, as if Britt would put her back if she didn't hold her tightly enough, Annie was dancing Milky Way along the edge of the comforter, and I'd propped my head up on my hand, content just to watch her.

"Look who's here!" Brittany sing-songed, Marisa sitting in her hip, resting a head on her shoulder.

"Hi, Baby Reese!" Annie stopped what she was doing, beaming up at Britt and the baby. "Guess what?"

"Eat!" She giggled, really, I believed, knowing that her demanding of food was quite the joke among us.

" _Amorcita, ven ac_ _á_ _._ You can have your breakfast, but I'm pretty sure that's not what Annie was talking about." I opened my arms for Marisa, as Britt got back in, and pursed my lips to accept my first kiss of the day from my life.

"'Iss! 'Iss! 'Iss!" Marisa grabbed my cheeks, and I kissed her, grinning into her sleep-warm skin before she tugged at my pajama top.

"Patience,  _beb_ _é_ _._ " I dropped the strap, and stroked the back of her head as she latched on greedily. "Are you going to listen to your sister while she tells you about the big day we have ahead of us?"

"Nee Nee 'es." She mumbled with her mouth full, nipping just enough to make my whole body shudder.

"Today is my  _very_ last day of school! Then I don't have to even go there until  _Se'tember!_ Not even one time in July  _and_ August! We get to go to 'hio and see  _everyb'dy_ again, and go to 'Ro's house on Fire Island and Bricey's borrowed house at a  _new_ beach, and we get to have so, so much time playing, b'cause Mamí's got no outside work, and Mama's got way, way less! 'S gonna be the funniest summer ever because you're 'llowed to come in the ocean, and Mamí can play now at the beach too, b'cause you weren't just born! Right Mamí?"

"Of course,  _mija,_ you know how much I've been looking forward to that." I smiled as she climbed up over Brittany's legs and played with her fingers once she'd settled into her lap.

"Do you want to tell her about your school party today, sweetheart?" Brittany rested her chin on Annie's head, glancing at me, so we could share in her excitement. Though Marisa was suckling away, her hand all tangled up in my hair, her eyes were open, and it was clear she was listening to her sister speak.

"Oh yeah! I forgot because of my sleeping! After you went in your crib last night, me and Mama and Mamí made cupcakes, 'cuz we're having a goodbye party in my class! And Mama's not going to work today  _or_ tomorrow, 'cuz then we got the magazine lady coming to visit our house."

"'Ake!" She lifted her head from my chest, and her eyes sparkled. "'Ake! 'Ake!"

"You're 'llowed to come to my party! Mama, 's Reese gonna eat cupcakes too?"

"She can if she wants one, baby girl." Britt nodded, chuckling a little at Annie's clapping and Marisa's slow settling back into having her milk.

"I think she's  _definitely_  gonna want one! She loves cake a  _lot_ , if she could eat only cake, then maybe she would want to eat food and not do breastfeeding anymore. 'Cept that would  _not_ be very healthy."

"It definitely wouldn't." I shook my head, adjusting Marisa's position so I could lean back against the headboard. "It's okay though, Annie, she'll find other foods she likes, besides cake and bananas. Then, when she's ready she can stop. You just liked food a  _lot_ when you were very little, but everyone's different, right?"

"Right! Is it time to get ready yet though? So school's over."

"Not quite, love. How about you and I go downstairs, and we'll make some breakfast together?" Brittany suggested, and I nodded along with that idea, grateful, always, when she cooked in the morning, instead of us having cereal.

"Okay, that's a very great idea!" She leaned and kissed the top of the baby's head. "You can come try other breakfast when you're done with this one!"

Once Brittany took Annie downstairs, squeezing my shoulder and kissing the corner of my mouth before she did, I settled back into my early morning quiet with Marisa. Even when she finished nursing, she was content to just lay her head on my chest and look up at me, still twisting my hair. For as energetic as she typically was, she was incredibly subdued, just babbling a little to herself and kicking her feet. I was happy to stay with her like that, fingers brushing through her thickening hair, singing softly to her. I could hear Annie and Britt doing their usual dancing around the kitchen, and once the smell of pancakes wafted up the stairs, I finally broke from our little moment, and I changed the baby's wet diaper, before we went downstairs together.

As soon as Marisa was down on the kitchen floor, she was quick to her feet, wobbling a little and taking more of her shaky steps. It's funny the effect Brittany standing with Annie at the stove  _always_ had on me, from the time we first brought her home, and she'd hold her in the crook of one arm as she boiled water for fenugreek tea to help with her milk production. When Annie hopped down from her cooking step stool to play with Marisa, I wrapped my arms around my wife's waist and hummed as I rested my chin on her shoulder.

"Ready for summer, honey?" She murmured, leaning her weight back into me as she flipped the tiny pancakes she made the girls onto their plates.

"Two more days. And I was thinking last night after you fell asleep. Maybe Saturday, we should go right from Vin's party to Ohio. Then the girls can just wake up there, you can sleep in the car, and I don't know, we can just be on vacation Sunday, instead of driving all day."

"You want to do that? Babe, you're gonna be exhausted, no?"

"I guess. But honestly, waking up at five on Sunday to go is probably worse, and this is our first long drive where Reese is old enough to be...well,  _Reese._ I think it'll be better for her to be asleep." I shrugged, kissing the side of her neck. "She hates being trapped in that car seat, and I really don't mind driving at night."

"It's totally up to you, we can split the drive too you know."

"I do, and thank you for that, but I know you hate it, and I actually  _enjoy_ the long distance drives, so it's fine."

"You're so good." She finished cutting the pancakes for the kids and turned to me, just kissing my lips softly. "Like, really, the most good, and I can't even with you sometimes."

"Because I'm going to drive to Ohio?" I twisted a lock of her hair with my pointer, figuring that was exactly where both of our daughters got that habit.

"No, I mean, yes, but no, not just that. You're just so aware all the time of what's best for everyone. I've loved you always for your great big heart, but I swear, it grows even more every day."

"Britt, you're being super sentimental and sweet this morning."

"I didn't sleep much last night, I had weird heartburn from that pizza, so I was just kind of up thinking about things. Makes me feel sappy and whatever, plus we have this thing tomorrow that's such a big deal, I don't know."

"I get it." I nodded.

"Duh." She glanced over at where the girls sat together, Annie drawing on her low chalk wall for Marisa. "You  _are_ the sappiest of them all. But Saturday night sounds really good."

"Mama! Mami! Look!" Annie cried out, I jerked my head quickly, and there Marisa was, standing with a piece of chalk in her hand, poised to draw like her sister. "My sister wants to do drawing with me!"

"Oh she does, does she?" Brittany grinned, dropping the plates off at the table and then squatting down behind Marisa. "What do you think, little love? You're going to make us pictures too?"

"Me. Me." She trailed the purple piece of chalk down Brittany's arm, making Annie giggle as the faint line appeared.

"You're not s'possed to draw  _on_ Mama, Baby Reese! We can make pictures  _of_ her, see, look, this is Mama with yellow chalk hair and Mamí with black chalk hair, 'cept you can't see it too good on the chalkboard."

"Yes!" The baby shrieked, continuing to draw on Brittany, then bringing the chalk to her mouth, almost getting it in, before Brittany pried it away.

"Nope, Marisa, definitely not for eating."

"No! No! No! Mine!" She wailed, beating her fists on Brittany's thighs. "Mamí!"

" _Lo siento, amorcita. No comas. Ven ac_ _á_ _."_  I lifted her from the floor, big tears forming in her eyes. "Shh, shh,  _no llores."_

"Chalk does  _not_ taste very good." Annie wrinkled her nose and stuck out her tongue. "You can eat pancakes with me! C'mon Baby Reese!"

"'Ake! 'Ake!"

"You might be a little disappointed,  _mija._ They're not quite cake, but your Mama's pancakes  _are_ pretty delicious."

"Mama no!" Marisa buried her face in my chest, and I shook my head.

"Hey,  _p_ _í_ _cara,_ be nice. Let's get in your chair, I'm not protecting you from someone who loves you."

As was fairly typical of breakfast in our house, Annie devoured hers, and Marisa spread hers around with her hands. Once we were finished, I put the syrupy baby in the tub, while Brittany helped Annie wash up and pick out what she'd wear for her last day of school. By seven-fifteen, we were out the door, Marisa, apparently over having her chalk taken away, was wrapped to Brittany's hip, while I held the cupcakes and Annie skipped just ahead of us. It was pretty surreal that our little girl was finished with kindergarten already, and just a summer away from  _first grade._ Brittany and I hadn't talked about it, Marisa turning one so soon after was enough of a  _thing_ for us, but our first baby, she'd made strides we could scarcely believe in just a single school year, and the whole of it was incredibly overwhelming.

I looked down at her, and I saw that tiny blonde-haired, blue-eyed newborn of ours, opening her eyes for me in the moments after her birth. I saw her laying on my chest the day we'd brought her home, while Britt took the longest shower she had since she'd given birth, content to relax, once Annie was safely in our house, her little sleep monitor clipped to her diaper. I saw her learning to sit up, though she constantly tipped right over if we didn't hold her tight. I saw her face, the first time she cried  _Mama_  in the moments after Brittany's first show, and the way she'd called me  _Mam_ _í_ _,_ months later, when I needed a moment of joy from her more than ever. I saw her roll over, her arm catching her up a little, but once she learned how to maneuver it, she was a pro. I saw her crawl to me, walk to Brittany under the Christmas lights. I saw her first kisses, her first  _lub you's,_ her curling up in my lap to sleep, her safe place, even as a toddler. I took a breath, and I looked over at Brittany, knowing that she was remembering all that I was.

* * *

_It was just before Annalise's second birthday. I had reached the end of the first year of my social work program in Hunter College's distance education program. Even without physically attending class it had been quite the adjustment for our little family of three. I'd studied hard, harder than I ever had before, and I was so beyond grateful that in the daytime hours at home, my sweet, sweet Annie took long naps, and was perfectly content to play in front of me on her own with Milky Way while I read textbooks. But with summer beginning, I wanted to spend as much of my time doing things for_ her, _knowing that she was growing and developing so quickly._

_Brittany and I had talked about it, and though we hadn't signed her up for any outside classes since we'd realized she wasn't all that interested in Mommy and Me Yoga over a year earlier, we wanted to get her into a playgroup to be around other kids. Since we were the first of our friends to have a child of our own, and Finn and Rachel's Brice was only a few months old, we felt that we'd been really slacking on socializing her. So I'd done some research, e-mailing links to Brittany so she could vet the groups too, and we'd finally decided on a small group in the basement of a church in the Village—a non-religious group in a LGBTQ friendly church, I had made sure. Though Britt knew she wouldn't be able to go with us twice a week, even_ her  _schedule wasn't that flexible, she'd made sure to take the morning off on the first day of the session._

_After dressing her in bright pink terry shorts and her_ 'Buela 'neakas— _the sneakers my parents had sent her as a_ just because  _present, we decided to take the walk downtown, instead of sitting on the train on such a beautiful day. Always early, when it came to Annie, we were the first ones in the large, toy-filled room. The woman who ran it greeted us, and our shy daughter stayed close to Brittany, even when she'd put her down. Once we were left to our own devices, Annie took in the toys around her, and she smiled her toothy little grin, tugging Britt over to the big box of blocks. She was babbling away and laughing for a good amount of time, as the room around us filled up. Brittany sat back with me, tracing her pointer on the outside of my bare thigh while we watched her build with the blocks. Her fine motor skills had surpassed what was expected for her adjusted age, and we were beyond proud of the strides she'd made._

_When the "teacher" called for everyone to get into a circle for the structured portion of the two hour program, Annie only fussed a little as we had her help us clean up the blocks. Some of the other kids sat on their own, all of them quite a bit bigger than our girl, despite being close to her age, but she snuggled into Brittany, holding her Mama's hands tightly as we sang_ Open, Shut Them  _and_ The Green Grass Grows All Around.  _It was obvious that she was getting a little overwhelmed by everything, but she kept it mostly inside, just holding onto Brittany, until the kids got up and starting running in circles around the room, slapping the hands on all the adults they passed. Annie wouldn't stand, even as Brittany tried to coax her gently, she just held tighter._

_"No Mama! Annie no like this!" She cried a little, throwing her arms around her neck. "No like this!"_

_"Okay, baby girl, it's alright." Brittany soothed, rubbing her back. "You don't have to do it, just stay right here with me, I've got you, and Mamí's right there too."_

_"No!" She wailed again, as a group of boys approached in an effort to get a high five from me. "No touch! No me gusta."_

_"Mija, estas bien, no ones going to touch you, Mama's holding you." I promised, as Brittany wrapped her arms more tightly around our daughter, shielding her from anyone else's presence._

_"Go home! Go home! Go now!" Annalise begged, and Brittany didn't hesitate to stand right up and walk out of the room, not looking back._

_I didn't bother to explain, I simply followed them out, finding my wife crying as she clutched our hysterical daughter on the side on Eleventh Street, tiny arms and legs wound around her body like a four-legged squid, Milky Way in her grasp. Truth be told, in those days, before we knew about the issues Annie struggled with, the breakdowns she had would cause me some embarrassment. Not because of her, never because of her, but because I believed we were doing something wrong that caused the, to happen. When Brittany looked up at me, eyes red-rimmed though, all my embarrassment at having to leave was forgotten, and I wrapped my arms around them both, holding them close to me._

_"It's okay, baby." I whispered in my wife's ear, my fingers tickling up and down her spine. "She's not crying now, right?"_

_"No, I just—I can't handle seeing her panic like that. They're just, they're all bigger than her. That's probably what it was, right?" She asked, trying to reassure herself, and I nodded into her neck. Though it would be a few months before we knew it was much more than that, I felt the doubts and the worries creep and crawl between us._

_"Maybe. Annie,_ mi amor,  _did you get scared in there?"_

_"Noisy Mamí. Annie no like it! Go home cuddle now please!"_

_"Okay, okay_ bebé,  _that's what we'll do, don't worry, don't worry at all. We won't go back if you didn't like it." I pulled back a little so I could look in Brittany's eyes, seeing her nod in agreement, though neither of us knew if we were doing the right thing at all._

_"I just don't get it, San." Brittany murmured, shaking her head a little as Annie nuzzled her, eyes fluttering closed, her panic exhausting her, like it always did. "She's so calm at home, and it's just so different when we're out."_

_"She's so little, and the world's so big." I shrugged. "That's scary, I think."_

_"Yeah. I guess so." She nodded, trying to believe what I was saying as much as I was. "I hope so."_

* * *

"Baby Reese, look! 'S 'Ro and Emmy and their dads!" Annie bubbled, breaking me from my thoughts. "We're almost to my school now!"

"Amazing, huh?" Britt looked over at me, waving at the O'Malley's, when they heard Annie's excitement. "Feels like she just started school yesterday."

"And yet she's a whole different kid. I can't wait to see what next year brings."

"Don't rush our summer, babe." She teased, flicking me on the shoulder. "But I know. I totally know."

The big party at school was actually pretty subdued. The kids mostly buzzed about, talking to each other, making summer plans—even at five and six years old—and eating all kinds of junk food. Annie and Thoreau stuck together, mostly, and even when he was talking to other kids, she didn't shy completely away, she just stayed quiet at his side, watching, reading others, as she was so good at. While Marisa ate frosting from Britt's fingers, the two of us actually got a chance to speak to Katrina. After she'd had no further problems with Corrine, and after the gap had been bridged a little either her apology, Britt and I had really thought that Annie might feel a little more comfortable starting a friendship with her. But it hadn't happened, and we understood, as did Katrina, though a big part of me hoped they would be in the same class again for first grade, so a familiar face might be a go-to for her.

When the party was over, we had a quiet afternoon, Jarrod and Chris joining us in the park with their kids, before we had to go back to the apartment to do some last minute cleaning and organizing before the big interview the next day. By the time we'd put the kids to bed—hoping, especially, for a good night sleep for Marisa, to avoid one of those moods that I couldn't even begrudge her for, since I knew the exact feelings she had—and we'd ironed and hung up clothes for the four of us, choosing  _not_ to coordinate, since it felt weird for us, Brittany and I were exhausted. The house was clean, the kids were clean, and I'd spent probably an obscene amount of time shaving my legs and shaping my eyebrows, but it was still a nervous wreck. This was huge, so huge for all I'd worked towards, and curling up with my wife in bed, I knew there was absolutely no way I'd get any sleep.

* * *

We'd worked with Kurt, who'd really taken an extra assignment on, in order to help us feel more comfortable about the whole thing, to coordinate an early-ish start with the journalist and the photographers. Our kids were in their best moods in the morning, and though I wasn't worried about how  _they_ looked, they were kids, and Britt or I would never tell them how to feel, we didn't want them to feel even more uncomfortable than they (especially Annie) would feel with strangers in our home. So we set it up when it would be best for them, and after breakfast, Annie spread her old Duplos out in the playroom to play with her sister as we all nervously awaited the arrival of Kurt first, for moral support, followed by the rest.

"Are you ready for this?" Kurt asked, the moment Britt opened the door for him. From the couch, I couldn't help my nervous laugh, and he came in, dressed to the nines, his shoes actually showing my reflection in them.

"Are you getting  _married_ in those shoes?" I looked him up and down.

"Says the woman who used to go to the Shake Shack in nine-hundred dollar shoes."

" _These_ nine-hundred dollar shoes." I kicked my crossed leg up for him and he shook his head in disbelief. "Considering I've owned them since I was nineteen, I'd say they were well worth the price. That's like...eighty dollars a year?"

"I love you, babe, but I'm  _so_ glad you've kicked your expensive shoe habit. Now you just buy the  _kids_ six pairs of shoes every season."

"I mean, I don't think Annie's shoes have totaled nine-hundred dollars in her  _life,_ so we're still way ahead of the game."

"Fair enough." Brittany chuckled, tucking a strand of hair that fell from my loose bun (that maybe took me an hour to get how I wanted it) behind my ear and kissed the tip of it. "To answer your question Kurt, I think we're totally ready.

"Uncle Kurtsy!" Annie tore out of the playroom, Marisa wobbling in her tiny sparkly shoes behind her. "Did you bring the magazine?"

"Not yet, Miss Annalise." Kurt grinned at her, knowing immediately what she meant. "They promised me they'd be here very soon."

"Are you gonna be in the pictures in your fancy shirt?" She looked him over almost exactly as I had moments earlier.

"I'm not, that's just for you and your sister and your moms. I'm just here to check you all out, and to make sure all the magazine people are treating my favorite ladies right."

"Why?" Her little eyes widened. "Are they  _mean?"_

"Oh no." Kurt quickly corrected his mistake. "I was just teasing, we got the very nicest people in the whole place for you."

"Nee Nee!" Marisa shrieked, falling down on her diapered butt. "'Ook!"

"I see you, Baby Reese! In your very pretty yellow dress!"

"You!"

"No, my dress is purple! Uncle Kurtsy, do you like it?"

"I  _love_ it. You look absolutely fabulous in your Annalise Lopez-Pierce original."

"Oh! I forgot you made me this dress! That was a very good job you did."

"The highest compliment." He bowed a little, making her giggle. "But of course it has one of the very best models."

Having Kurt in the house was definitely good for calming my nerves—something I never thought I'd say—and by the time Candace, the journalist that Brittany and I had conference called with  _several_ times, arrived with her crew I'd helped Annie clean up the Legos, and Marisa, with her always impeccable timing, was cradled in my arms nursing. I assured the camera people that there was no need for them to be quiet for the baby, and while Brittany got up to offer them something to drink, I lifted an arm for my older daughter to curl into my other side. I could feel her face pressing into me, anxious already, and I just ran my fingers through her hair.

"Remember,  _mi amor,_ you don't have to say anything, okay? They're here to ask Mama and I lots of questions about work and our family, and if you  _want_ to, you're definitely allowed, but you never ever have to."

"I know, Mamí. You told me that, r'member?"

"I do." I grinned at her earnest little face. "I'm just reminding you."

"Can I stay sitting here with you?"

"Of course you can,  _mija._ My favorite place in the world with you and your sister with me."

"And Mama too!"

"And Mama too, always."

"Did I hear my name?" Brittany appeared with bottles of water from the kitchen in her arms and handed them out before passing the last one to me. "What did I miss?"

"Just us missing you." The corners of my mouth twisted up, and she kissed my top lip. It was funny to me, that I was so at ease with all of these other people around, just being my genuine self, but it was my growing up, my learning to love in the way I loved, my learning that the love I had was more important than the old twisting in my stomach, the old fears of everything that used to fill me up. Brittany, she got it, she always got it, and she found her place beside Annie, seeking out my hand.

"Mama! Hi!" Marisa lifted her head from my breast and a wide smile spread across her face seeing her Mama. I tucked myself back in and pulled my strap up, zipping my dress back up and smoothing down my front.

"Hello, little love. Come on, come sit with me, let's give your Mamí's back a break."

"Alright, ladies." Candace settled herself in the chair across from us with a yellow legal pad and pencil. "I think we're all set to start, what do you think?"

"I think we're good to go." I looked at Britt, who nodded her agreement. "Be gentle."

"I'm not out to get you, I promise. Connor Frost was my intern, if that's any indication of anything."

"It is." Brittany gave her a small smile. "He's the first journalist I'd ever trusted. I was all about the hard hitting stuff back in high school."

"You were? I didn't know that." Candace tapped her pen on the book.

"Oh yeah, I had a talk show with my cat."

"She's not kidding." I laughed, glad for Brittany breaking the ice. "If someone ever messed with me, it was pretty certain they'd end up on Fondue For Two with Brittany. They all thought I was the tough one, but Britt is the one you don't mess with."

"Wow, babe, are you admitting this in a national publication?"

"Yes, yes I am." I shrugged. "I'm okay with that now. I'm at the point of my life where I don't have to hide behind this false bravado. I've made a pretty good life by being true to who I am, finally."

"You both have incredibly impressive careers. Obviously, I know quite a bit about yours, Brittany, but Santana, obviously, as Kurt told you, this organization you created is what initially drew us to your family. Can you tell me a little about the origins of it?"

"Well." I swallowed hard and felt Brittany squeeze my hand. I hoped I could do this without crying, and I hoped that Annie wouldn't ask too many questions just yet—I'd really hoped to shield her from the brutal truth of my past for another few years at least. "It's no secret from you that I've been on the cover of the Times for the kind of thing no one  _ever_ wants to make headlines for, and the aftermath of that case was obviously the initial catalyst, but really, I think it was a long time coming for me. I was...an angry teenager, to say the least. I think Britt was the first person in our high school to be out, she never had a problem with being true to herself, which I'm still, to this day, in awe of, but for me, it was a long road. I could talk about being outed in a political ad, and all of that, because trust me, it  _sucked,_ but really, the hardest thing I ever did was come out to  _myself."_

"I can't imagine." Candace shook her head. "So did you have something like this in your high school."

"Oh God, not at all." Brittany bit back her smirk. "In Glee Club, they just sang  _at_ problems."

"I used to rage about that, Britt remembers. I  _loved_ Glee, I loved singing and dancing and being myself, at least in that respect, and I'm still very close friends with a lot of my teammates, but it never felt like a safe space for me. Holly Holliday, she works with me now, but when I was sixteen years old and going through inner turmoil and turmoil on the outside as my relationship with Brittany was going through some major changes, Holly showed up and suddenly it was someone who didn't know every person in my school, who didn't know my  _parents,_ who didn't go to church with my grandmother. She came and went, and she didn't have any ties to the community I had to live in, and that's  _exactly_ what I needed. Holly is a special kind of person, I mean, she officiated our wedding, and I consider myself lucky to have her among my friends as an adult, but I'm not sure it was the  _Holly_ of the situation that made me feel comfortable enough to talk about what I was feeling inside, so much as the sense of anonymity. That's what I wanted to create with Show Your Brave. Music has helped me through some of the darkest days of my life, it helped me really work through my feelings about Brittany, and come to terms with being a lesbian. Combining that, even if the kids who come to my sessions just  _listen,_ with me being more of a stranger, is pretty much the premise of the whole thing."

"You seem to really have made an impact in the short time you've been doing it. I've been lucky enough to meet Vincent, who has nothing but wonderful things to say about you."

"That's what's most important to me. Not the wonderful things said, just...knowing I've made some kind of difference."

"I'd say you absolutely have. How do you manage this, really? Two young kids and Brittany, you're the director of a world famous dance studio at only thirty. Do you have time just for each other  _ever?"_

"It depends on the week." Brittany laughed a little. "It definitely gets chaotic in our lives sometimes, this past spring, especially so. But our marriage is built, in part, on this mutual...admiration, I guess the word is, for each other. Santana's organization is as important to me as my studio is to her. So when we go weeks where we're lucky if we even get in bed at the same time, I think that's what keeps us going. We each know that the other is doing something they love, and  _that_ doesn't change how much we love each other or our kids. That being said, we just celebrated our sixth wedding anniversary, and I don't think  _anyone_ has ever been as glad for a weekend away than Santana and I were."

"That's absolutely true." I agreed. "We're also incredibly lucky to have the people in our lives we do. Our parents are in Ohio, but my parents are semi-retired, and Brittany's mom is a homemaker, so they're always willing to come out when things get harried. Plus, Britt's sister lives in the city now, and we have friends who are like family. Our girls are amazing too." I squeezed Annie close to my side, just, wanting her close to me. "We really are just—"

"Lucky." Brittany finished for me. "We've made a lot of luck for ourselves, but I definitely think there was something out in the universe helping us along. I think...that's maybe why we both do what we do? I was born with this talent, but it was the opportunities other people gave me that lets me live the life I have, where my family fits right into my career. Although now I do a lot of sitting at a desk on conference calls, I still feel like I'm shaping other people so they can live their dreams too. And Santana, is it okay..."

"Yeah, of course, go ahead." I nodded, knowing her observations were always incredibly profound.

"I think she comes from a place where she  _knows_ how much one person's kindness can change a life. I mean, in part, we have the life we have because someone took the  _time_ to talk to us and to help us through. So I don't know, I think we're both just...paying it forward? Is that trademarked, or can I say that?"

"You can say it." Candace chuckled a little. "It's a great way to look at things. You know, Connor's article about you, Brittany, was really a big deal, since he turned his A&E piece into something of a human interest piece, and he talks about how your story is a love story. I've heard bits and pieces of how it fits into who you are now, but tell me, how do two cheerleaders from small-town Ohio meet and fall in love?"

"Cheerleading camp." Annie leaned up to whisper in my ear, and I couldn't hold back my affectionate laugh. "I know that answer, Mami."

"Nee Nee. Mine." Marisa yanked Annie's hand that had slipped away back. "Mine, mine."

"'S okay, Baby Reese, you're 'llowed to have it back."

"I was a cheerleader by the time I turned six." I told her. "I begged my mom to let me on the flag football cheer squad, and Sue Sylvester picked me out for her junior high squad. Brittany moved to Lima that same summer, and creepy stalker Sue saw her in her dance class. We met at cheerleading camp when we were twelve."

"So love at first sight then?"

"Yes and no." Brittany shook her head. "I think looking back now, it's pretty obvious that it was."

"I fell off a pyramid and she carried me back to our cabin—but not before lashing Sue for telling me to get back up there,"

"That was  _after_ Santana went after a girl for calling me stupid." Brittany smiled fondly at me. "I think within twenty-four hours of meeting, the dynamics of our relationship were made. Santana gas always believed so much more in me than anyone else."

"And Brittany was always the one who got to see a soft side of me that I didn't show to anyone else. Plus, she's always physically and emotionally cared for me." I squeezed her hand. "But the idea of loving another girl was definitely not something twelve year old me could have considered, hence the Holly story. I didn't have a lot of friends growing up, I spent a lot of my childhood at my grandmother's while my parents were working, so I just figured that's how it felt when you actually liked somebody as a human being."

"She was really cute about it. I mean, she's still cute, but... Anyway, we were best friends first, the rest just sort of came along slowly, painfully, confusingly. It took time for us to get things right, and now...here we are, happily married, with two kids and a house."

"It's something I couldn't see for myself for a long time. If I'm being honest, I couldn't reconcile my queerness with living a so-called traditional life like this."

"She wanted to run away to a lesbian colony once." Britt quipped. "It's not a real thing."

"We  _really_ lacked education about ourselves in Lima."

"It's impressive that you managed to figure it out mostly on your own." Candace's face showed the sincerity of her words. "So why New York?"

"Why not?" I chuckled a little. "I guess it was always sort of in the plan. I went to college for a few months while Brittany was finishing up high school, but it wasn't for me. She ended up sending me here, actually."

"I did. I knew this is where she dreamed of being, and she was sticking around waiting for me. It took me six years to end up here with Santana for good, but, I think everything worked out how it was supposed to."

"Looks like it." She nodded to the girls, Marisa, having released Annie's hand, winding her hands in Brittany's hair, and babbling away, while Annie sat stick straight, wide eyes staring at Candace. "Is it tough, raising a young family in the city, when you weren't raised this way?"

"I think—I'm going to say this again, actually." Brittany looked around the room. "I think we're really lucky to have what we have. We've owned this house for about two-and-a-half years now, and we'll be living here two years in August. It's definitely a different lifestyle than when we used to live in a converted one-bedroom. We're not worried about the neighbors waking our kids, or our kids waking the neighbors. They have space to play,  _we_ have space to have people stay with us, and we have privacy, both as a whole, and just Santana and I."

"The Village is sort of weirdly suburban too, we see the same people day after day. Plus, Annie goes to a  _great_ school. People can say what they want about that, but we're big supporters of the public school system here."

"We both went to public school, and I've met some shady characters who went to private school." Brittany was frank about it, and Kurt choked on his coffee across the room, knowing  _exactly_ who she was talking about. "I'm kidding, making that a general statement, at least. I struggled a lot in school, actually. It took me into my adulthood to really figure out my own skills. I mean, really, I think you'd be hard pressed to find people when I was younger who'd believe I was allowed to even  _look at_ the financial documents I have my hands on now. But I think Santana and I both have our eyes on things over there, to make sure our kids get the best education they can, and get the support they need within their learning environment. But really, we love the school, we love the neighborhood, and we love raising our girls in a place where we can expose them to culture all the time. I think it's important, considering what we both do for a living."

"And both our girls have sat through hours-long dance shows, and Annie Broadway shows too, from a young age."

"Just don't talk to our mothers about our kids and  _making reservations._ That's  _their_ least favorite part of us living here. They don't need to know that we have them for tonight."

"After a day like this, we  _all_ need a little Mexican Radio in our lives.  _Especially_ don't tell my mother  _that."_ I laughed, truly surprised at the ease with which I was answering questions.

"Santana, our mothers probably have a contest going who can buy more issues of this magazine when it comes out." Brittany quipped, and Annie held her little giggle in with her hands, knowing they always had a contest going.

"Seems like your families really are very involved."

"They are, they're amazing, really." I nodded. "My mother goes to mass every Sunday and Holy Day, I grew up in a very religious home, and yet my parents have always,  _always_ supported who I am, and the life I live."

"Her mom actually gave me Santana's engagement ring." Brittany held up my hand so the diamond and rubies caught the light. "She told me that I make her daughter happy, and I should marry her, that everything else was secondary. The whole thing was a really big deal for me."

"Brittany's parents are a little less traditional than mine." I smiled fondly. "My mom prayed to  _Santa Anna_ when Annie was born very early, and when we were trying to get pregnant with Marisa, Susan gave us hideous orange baby booties."

"They did work though." Brittany leaned down and kissed the top of Marisa's head. "Maribel's prayers and the booties that we're supposed to hold onto until it's my sister's turn to try."

"Thats definitely...interesting." Candace mused. "It seems like you've got some really strong women in your life, seems important when you're raising daughters."

"I think it's important either way, really, but yeah, Santana and I are glad to have our daughters around that. There's women of all different types in their lives, we have our things, obviously, and then there's my mom, she stayed home to raise Liz and I, while Santana's mom had her own insurance business. My sister works for the District Attorney's office, we've got performer friends, a friend who does a  _lot_  of charity stuff...but really, everyone just  _supports_ each other. The girls get to see more than just Santana and I having each other's back. Rachel was instrumental in helping Santana fundraise last year for Show Your Brave, Lizzie comes here and helps out all the time. And that's not even the  _men_ we have in our lives. It really does take a village, and our family has a really,  _really_ good one."

"It's a thing, I think, that people like to talk about how cold and uncaring New York is. Like, it makes the city edgier, or something? I don't know. But I think of all people, I have authority to say that, but I really can't. Yeah, I experienced coldness in the worst kind of way, but the  _warmth_ I get here, from the people we surround ourselves with, that really outweighs all the rest."

"We both came here, six years apart, with a single suitcase." Brittany told Candace, and I bit back my laugh, since she'd talked about how she was going to work the  _single suitcase_ thing in there for a week. "I think now, looking back, it's pretty cool how far we've come, and yeah, we're totally land on our feet type of women, but having that warmth around, it's really helped us both to thrive, and it's helped us make a place where the love story that started when we were just kids in small-town Ohio could really play out."

"It's a great story." Candace clicked off her recorder, and I breathed a heavy sigh of relief. "You know I'm taking to some of the people you work with, ladies, to really get the full picture here, and Kurt, of course, is helping me with some pieces, but thank you for this, for inviting me into your home, and for talking to me."

"It's truly an honor." I gushed a little. "Being able to talk about something I believe so strongly in, and about our journey together. It's really something I couldn't have imagined."

"The pleasure is mine, Santana. To be able to write a story of overcoming, of success, and more importantly, of love and family, is the reason I do what I do. I've been looking forward to meeting you both since you agreed to do this, and the reality of it definitely didn't disappoint me."

"Mama, 's it time to take the pictures now?" Annie's words were louder than the whisper she'd intended, the excitement bubbling up the whole time she's sat still, and her cheeks flushed bright red.

"It is, sweetie." Candace spoke directly to her, and she burned all the brighter. "Let's do this."

The pictures, as it turned out, were far more difficult than the interview, and in retrospect, we  _probably_ should have found something else for Marisa to do while we were talking to Candace. Her tolerance for sitting still ran out an hour after we began with the photos, and poor Annie became increasingly frustrated at being unable to help her upset sister. I, of course, scooped the baby up in my arms, after Brittany's sing-songs rhymes and sloppy kisses did little to quell Marisa's whining, and she pawed at my shirt, screaming her usual  _eat,_ despite the fact that I knew she wasn't hungry. When the photographer asked if I minded if he took some pictures (tasteful, he swore) I hesitated for a moment, considering. It was funny, really, that when Marisa was first born. I covered myself up to nurse her in front of my own family, but a year later (or, three-hundred-sixty-three days, to be exact) I was actually considering being photographed with my daughter like this in a national publication. But when Brittany squeezed my shoulder, just her silent support of me, I nodded slowly, thinking how holding our youngest daughter like this, her eyes closed and her hands tangled in my hair was such a fundamental part of my life, and really, especially with my deep scars visible, tangible proof of how far I had come personally.

So they took more pictures, more candid, actually, than I expected. Marisa nursing while Annie looked on, Brittany re-tying the bow on the back of Annalise's dress, the girls playing on the floor, once Kurt went to get the Legos back out, and Brittany and I, in our natural element, her stealing a kiss when Marisa shrieked with delight over knocking down a tower, me tucking strand of hair behind her ear when she scooped up the baby to nuzzle her nose. When they finally packed up to leave, and Brittany kissed my lips behind the closed door, I truly found myself looking forward to the article, to the pictures, to seeing what this beautiful little life we'd built together looked like to people on the outside.

* * *

At dinner, Marisa fell asleep in her high chair, her little face covered in the guacamole she actually seemed to enjoy. Smiling so softly at her, Britt lifted her up into her arms, letting her splay across her chest like a starfish, and kissing her head as Annie chattered away about the our upcoming trip, and Marisa's  _real actual birthday._

"So what did you think of the interview today,  _mija?"_ I finally asked,  _knowing_ she'd have questions about it.

"I thought it was very good. That lady liked you and Mama a  _lot._ I like a very lot when people say  _love story._ It makes me feel like it's a book. Like  _once upon a time_ and  _happily ever after._ "

"I like that too, Bean." Brittany nodded, keeping her voice soft so she wouldn't wake the baby. "Your Mamí and I waited a long time to get our happily ever after, and it's definitely you and your sister."

"I have a question though." She furrowed her brow, and looked between us. "What's a lets-be-on?"

"A  _lesbian?"_ I corrected gently, holding in my giggle. "I forgot that we haven't used that word with you,  _beb_ _é_ _."_

"No, you definitely have not. And you told that lady you were one." She pursed her little lips and looked at me. "Is that a special kind of superhero?"

"Oh,  _mija,_ I wish. You actually knew that I am a lesbian, you just didn't know the word. A lesbian is another way of saying a girl who only loves girls."

"I thought that was called  _gay?_ Remember, like in the Kookaburra song?"

"You can say gay also, but lesbian is a word  _just_ for ladies."

"Mama you're not a lesbian though, right? 'Cuz Mamí said  _only_ girls, and I remember you love Mamí the most, but you used to like boys too."

"You're right, I'm not a lesbian. There are many different ways for people to identify themselves, but the one that works the best for the way  _I_ feel is  _bisexual."_

"This is very confusing. How do you even know about which name you are?"

"It takes time to figure out, sweetheart." Brittany stroked Annie's hair as she took a big bite of her taco. "You don't have to worry about it, until you feel ready. You're still very young, my love, I think you have a lot to think about besides girls and boys."

"How come you were angry 'bout it though, Mamí, like you told the lady?"

"Oh,  _corazoncita."_ I sighed, though Brittany and I had intended on her questions, and had no intent to lie to Annie about what we'd felt comfortable enough to talk about in a national publication. "Things are very different now than they were when Mama and I lived in Ohio. Nobody talked about what it meant to be gay, or bisexual, or a lesbian. Your Mama and Uncle Kurt were the only people like that who I ever knew."

"Mama, you already knew you were  _bisexual?"_

"I did, baby girl. Just like me and Mamí talk about this to you, Grammy and Poppy talked about to me and Aunt Lizzie, so I wasn't afraid of thinking I might like girls too, or of having great big feelings for Mamí."

" _'Buela_ and  _'Buelo_ didn't tell you it was 'llowed, Mamí?"

"My mamí and papí didn't talk about these things at all,  _mi amor._ It was scary to me, feeling things for another girl, because I didn't know it was okay. Because I didn't know how to deal with that, that's why I got angry. But  _beb_ _é_ _,_ once I learned that it was okay that I was born the way I was, and Mama became my girlfriend, I wasn't so angry anymore."

"I don't like that you felt angry though." She stuck her little lip out, and I kissed the top of her head. "I only saw you angry one time in my  _whole_ life."

"I know, Annalise, I don't have much reason to be angry anymore, I have everything it is that I've ever wanted. But because I know what it feels like to be angry, scared, and confused, I try to help  _other_ kids know it's okay to have feelings they don't understand, or that they might think are wrong."

"Like, Vin, 'cuz his mom and dad don't know it's 'llowed to be gay, right?"

"Just like that." I sucked in a breath, not knowing why I was ever surprised at the things my Annie knew. "But that not something  _you_ ever have to worry about."

"Never, ever, okay? We're always here to talk you through all the things that might ever make you feel angry and confused."

"Well I'm not angry or confused  _at all,_ because it's summer vacation and I am  _very_ happy we're gonna go to Ohio in four days  _and_ to maybe Fire Island and maybe  _even_ Nantucket."

"You do have a very lucky summer coming up." I laughed. "And we are really,  _really_ happy that you've excited about it."

"The  _most_ happy! And we are gonna even get to see the magazine with Grammy and Poppy and  _'Buela_ and  _'Buelo_ and everybody!" She clapped her hands, then let out a big yawn.

"Finish up your tacos, Bean." Brittany shifted still-sleeping Marisa on her chest. "I think tonight is going to be an early night for  _all of us."_

When dinner was over—and Annie got the churros she'd hoped for as dessert—we took a cab home. Much we'd expected, Annie fell asleep in my lap, and we carried both girls in. Once they were settled in their beds, we lingered a little between their rooms, making sure they stayed asleep, before we finally stood side by side at our bathroom sink, finally scrubbing our makeup from earlier from our faces. Pulling on pajamas, we went downstairs, and as soon as Brittany sank into the couch, I curled up beside her, pulling my legs up and letting her wrap her arms around me.

"We did it." She hummed, content.

"We really did it. I still can't believe that you and I, Brittany Lopez-Pierce, are going to be in the New York Times Magazine."

"Noteworthy New York Families. You know, Santana, we used to talk about our names in lights, when you were going to be a famous singer, and I was going to dance with Beyoncé, but  _God,_ I never realized that something like this would mean so much more."

"I know. A photo shoot with me nursing our baby, our girls playing Legos, and an article where we really get to talk about  _us,_ is so much better than a Hollywood charade."

"I'm pretty proud of us, baby."

"I'm  _really_ proud of us, Britt, and I love you a lot. I'm  _so_ glad I get to live  _this_ dream with you."

"Me too, San. Me too."


End file.
